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Nimona Review: A Beautiful Combination of Funny and Feels

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After six years of surviving two delays and one cancellation, Nimona has finally been let loose upon the world thanks to Netflix, and it does its excellent source material justice. I say this having not read ND Stevenson’s graphic novel since it came out in 2015 and gleaning from a quick glance at the Wikipedia synopsis that the film adaptation has a completely different plot, but this is a case where an adaptation can shine in its new form when it still retains the spirit of its old one.

One thing that remains defiantly unchanged, however, is an explicit, canonical relationship between two male characters in this animated movie for children, one that includes hands romantically touching within the first five minutes, an “I love you,” and a kiss. Disney was purportedly antsy about this queer content, so the fact that after they shut down Blue Sky Studios, Annapurna Pictures came in and rescued the film was a big win.

So is the positive reception to this film at all bolstered by its being released on the last day of Pride Month following a pretty terrible Supreme Court decision that opens up the floodgates for increased discrimination against LGBTQ+ people? Yes. Is it one of the most purely entertaining and viscerally emotional films of the year? Also yes.

Nimona takes place in your typical medieval fantasy world with knights and queens and dragons except for the fact that it also takes place in a futuristic world with cell phones and laser sights and news reporters. Just go with it! One of the film’s many charms is its complete comfort in its sense of place without feeling the need to explain how or why this world could possibly exist like this. It resists the binary, if you will.

Appropriate for a story about a shapeshifter who initially presents as a teenage girl but takes on many forms over the course of the film. Nimona seeks out Ballister Boldheart, the most hated man in the kingdom, and declares her intention to be this villain’s sidekick.

Ballister, however, declares himself not to be a villain at all, his murder wall notwithstanding. And so kicks off a mystery plot that pits them against Ballister’s nemesis/lover, Ambrosius Goldenloin, and the Director of the Institute that rules this kingdom that has walled itself away to keep the monsters out.

Monsters like…Nimona herself. Nimona practically leaps off the screen, a hyperactive chaos goblin who could be insufferable were it not for Chloë Grace Moretz’s pitch-perfect performance. She has all the energy of Robin Williams’s frenetic improvisations as the Genie but finely tuned for scripted lines. Nimona is such a vibrant character with her fiery red hair and vampiric teeth, and although she likes to throw up the horns and intone, “Metal,” her personality leans more punk, with the soundtrack to match.

But lest you think she’s just a motormouth burst of comedy in film that appears to revel in gleefully subverting fantasy storytelling tropes, she soon reveals an incredibly vulnerable side that pierced my heart repeatedly simply from facial expressions. Because like Ballister, she’s not a villain at all, deemed a monster by people who don’t understand and accept her truth, unwilling to challenge their own preconceptions. While her character hits a few very relatable traits for me like feeling like you don’t belong and a desire to do good even if people think you’re bad, I know she must resonate even more for queer and especially trans people. When we finally get her backstory in a gorgeous, largely wordless sequence set to a haunting choral piece by composer Christophe Beck, it utterly destroyed me with the power of its visual storytelling.

Um, I should also mention that this film is a goddamn delight with the best scene of a shapeshifter escaping a castle by changing into multiple different animals since Dungeons and Dragons: Honor Among Thieves.

I’ll admit I wasn’t completely sold on the animation style initially, as it looked like the CG characters were in front of an environment rather than in an environment, but as the film progressed, I appreciated the animation much more, especially in the fluidity of Nimona’s shapeshifting into various pink animals.

I should also note that while she’s not quite as curvy as her comic counterpart, Nimona’s not your usual ultrathin female character (that design goes to the Director). She’s got thighs!

Spies in Disguise directors Nick Bruno and Troy Quane match their titular character’s vibrancy with a visual panache that takes the animated camera zooming throughout this fantasy world, and their action scenes really have a sense of fun. Even though this is hardly Spider-Verse, it’s refreshing to see a mainstream animated film with more of a distinctive personality compared to the looks popularized by Pixar and Illumination.

Moretz could certainly carry the film on her own, but she has a great partner in Riz Ahmed as Ballister. While Ahmed has done a couple English-language dubs, this is his first time voice acting a main character in an animated film, and I’ve never heard this side of him! I would like to hear this side of him more! He rarely gets a chance to be this light, and even though he’s the straight man—so to speak—his growing rapport with Nimona allows him to be more and more amusing, especially as he begins to reference her lines. And to be clear, it is only a rapport! Not a romance! I fucking love that the film allows their relationship to be completely platonic and makes its emotional core the strong FRIENDSHIP between a male character and a female character.

Of course, even newer to voice acting is Try Guy Eugene Lee Yang, whom I wasn’t familiar with, but who I never would have guessed was a YouTuber with little acting experience based on his performance as Ambrosius, who has to sort out his loyalties when he believes the man he loves is a murderer.

He kind of has the opposite problem Nimona has, as he’s trying to live up to expectations set by his being a direct descendant of the hero of the kingdom. As in the book, he’s a much more interesting character than he initially appears to be, and he plays a crucial role in the climax.

And oh, what a climax! Screenwriters Robert L. Baird and Lloyd Taylor craft a remarkably efficient script that blazes through what amounts to a fairly simple plot that’s largely in service of illuminating Nimona’s struggles and her relationship with Ballister. And thus the various twists and turns, predictable though they may be, get us to the point where that relationship can be tested.

It’s a testament to how invested the script makes us in Nimona and Ballister that the villain plot itself doesn’t stand out as underdeveloped, partly because it speaks to the themes of prejudice and control that plague both those characters. Baird and Taylor go to a darker, rawer place than I’d expect for a children’s movie, but it’s always darkest before the dawn. Nimona isn’t necessarily saying anything that hasn’t been said before in many other children’s movies, but my God, the execution makes it something beautiful and special.

Ballister, Ambrosius, and Nimona in their original graphic novel incarnation.

Overall, Nimona won my heart much in the same way the original graphic novel did. It’s wacky and playful and fun, but also heart-wrenching and devastating and affecting. And even though it tells a lovely stand-alone story, I still yearn to spend more time with these characters.

Venom #25 pits Eddie Brock against Doctor Doom!

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If you’ve been a fan of Al Ewing’s take on Eddie and Dylan Brock in the pages of Venom, prepare yourself for even more spectacular symbiote insanity when Doom gets thrown into the mix!

With artists like Sergio Dávila, Cafu, Ken Lashley, Julius Ohta, the super-sized issue sees Venom making a drastic effort to win the war against Meridius by targeting Doctor Doom! But the gamble could prove too much for Venom even with the new symbiote and its new abilities.

Eddie Brock’s in the market for a time platform and wouldn’t you know it, Doctor Doom’s got one, but the bad doctor isn’t keen on sharing so Eddie’s in for a battle through time! On the bright side, this kind of thing is an old hat for Eddie (see his latest adventures). And if he can get through Doom then it’s full steam ahead on an epic showdown with Meridius. Also, along the way, Eddie’s going to go back to school? That’s right, Midtown High School. Which that raises the question of who or what drew him over there?

“When Editor Devin Lewis pitched me the 50-page oversized issue, my first thought was packing as much bang per buck into those fifty pages as possible – and who provides more bang than the Lord of Latveria?” Ewing explained. “Victor makes a great counterpoint for Eddie Brock – the King and the commoner, the polymath of a thousand schemes and the brutal bar-room brawler. And, of course, the big difference between them – Eddie’s forgiven a lot of his old enemies, but nobody carries a grudge like Doctor Doom…”

Here’s the cover featuring Venom’s brand-new look (coming in Venom #21), and stay turned for the clash between Venom and Doom in Venom #25 come September!

VENOM #25

Written by AL EWING

Art by SERGIO DÁVILA, CAFU, KEN LASHLEY & JULIUS OHTA

Cover by BRYAN HITCH

On Sale 9/6

‘Dear Mini’ Comic Review: How Natalie Norris’ Memoir Bravely Chronicles a Journey of Resilient Adolescence after Sexual Assault

My first reaction to reading Dear Mini was one of disbelief. That somebody, in this case author, Natalie Norris, had the tenacity to speak out about sexual assault. Telling her side of the story not as some cathartic moment of cautionary self-actualization, but rather, telling this tale as it was. A genuine uncomfortable truth. Delving into the hows of what happened to her, and most paramount, the precursory situation at home as to why. 

From my experience in the field of psychology, it is hard to process post-traumatic moments without some degree of redirection toward internalization. Self-blame coming from a feeling of a loss of safety, and most importantly, the inability to be honest with one’s self. It is something that can take years to process. It is why this is such a rare read. This insight into something this raw, this accurate, and most of all, this painful uncomfortable truth. It’s the type of conversation I find lacking in entertainment today, which has been wary of anything beyond sequels and franchise opportunities and just sheer, outright, escapism as of late. 

That said, Natalie Norris’ 2020 thesis, Dear Mini, has been picked up for publication by one of the oldest-running comic publishers, Fantagraphics. A coming-of-age tale that finds itself meandering into territories of teenage year authenticity of that era, Dear Mini is an evocative graphic memoir that serves as a poignant exploration of the author’s formative years. A teenage journey of a young woman coming into her own, marred by experiences of sexual assault, PTSD, and the indomitable spirit of resilience. This debut work is the first installment of a two-book series, slated to be completed in 2025. 

In the story, Norris adeptly crafts a bittersweet coming-of-age tale that transcends mere cautionary tropes. It emerges as a vivid and multifaceted portrayal of adolescent agency in the face of traumatic circumstances, tracing the protagonist’s transformative journey from an unruly and untamed youth to an individual who reclaims her voice after a protracted period of muted existence regarding the trauma of what happened. 

Epistolary in nature, Dear Mini takes the form of an illustrated missive addressed to a cherished old friend. It recounts the author’s journey to France following her sophomore year of high school, where she enrolled in a language immersion program. There, she serendipitously encounters Mini, an Austrian student who shares her proclivity for illicit exploits, forging an immediate and profound connection.  At least, until the pair had to end their summer sojourn and part ways.

Returning home ten months later to Europe, it is after Natalie’s first sexual experiences–one’s where she left felt utterly taken advantage of–when an enigmatic shift in perception of her world has transpired. Catalyzing into a cataclysmic turn in her and Mini’s nocturnal escapades. Which became filled with sexual energy and mindless indulgent intent.

Living now, in a post-traumatic state of ennui, a sort of numb feeling where the only solace she could find was in the desire of other men, Natalie’s experiences in Austria shift from wanton traveler, to instead, a journey of a girl seeking longing connections and the physical need to be held. Her finding comfort only in the arms of an external other that then escalates into a situation of sensory excess.

It’s a solace that feels exploitive in personal vulnerabilities and an all too-real losing one’s self for feelings of being secure. With the story, inevitably leading to a harrowing tale of isolation and getting taken advantage of in a land and language that was foreign to her. 

As a technique, Norris employs an exuberant and free-flowing artistic style, rich with vibrant page designs and resplendent full-color cartooning, animating her unfiltered voice and persona with remarkable authenticity. This artistic approach lends Dear Mini an exceptional allure, distinguishing it as a most remarkable graphic novel debuts of the year 2023.

As someone who’s worked in the mental health space, this graphic novel was definitely in-line to a lot of stories of what I hear happens. Especially, with regards to how many tales like these get unspoken about. What you read here, is an often hard to speak about recount, filled with embodiment of what it’s like to be the person this happens to and the context about how these situations occur.

If we’re lucky, perhaps a reader with a similar story, can relate to this tale and feel a little bit better that they’re not alone. Maybe even get the help that’s needed before it’s too late… though it all comes down to being able to speak with someone about it.

Which is why I believe this is a brave book to publish.

Personally, this was also very hard for me to review. This story reminded me very much of a girl I once knew. Someone I was once in love with, set in the same year, of all the characters in this story, about circa 2011. She was someone also of that generation, about a decade ago, who had very similar experiences as Natalie. She also spent time traveling across the world, coming back to America, and figuring her life out in while in college, which is where we met and shared her story – which as I’m seeing here in Natalie’s debut, is one that happens more often than not, but stays silent for far too long. I won’t say her name out of respect. I thought one day, I would end up writing the tale of our friendship, but as I got older, realized her story wasn’t mine to tell. I am glad that someone like Natalie Norris has taken the task upon her. As it reminded me of my one-time dear friend. 

There is something to that developmental period in life and that age of exploring your own sexuality. Expectations and expressions lost in translation, in a communicative unfettered reality of too much pornography, not enough honesty, and a whole lot of #MeToo discussions to come out circa 2016. A different era than the lives us older Millennials lived from 2008-2015.

I think the discourse now is better regarding hooking up and even dating. It’s very different in how the next generation talks about sexual experiences compared to those years. There is, at least from what I’ve seen, a rift within our generation with a lot to unpackage and a thematic trauma that needs to be talked about regarding consent. Which is why we need graphic novels like Dear Mini to lead the way.

4.5/5 STARS

You can follow Natalie Norris on Instagram.

Dear Mini is available to order on July 4th, 2023.

An Academy Award-Winning Director Makes a Zombie Movie in ‘Final Cut’

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Decades later, I still consider myself one of the biggest zombie fans in the business. From everything George Romero had ever directed to almost everything in both the comics and TV series of The Walking Dead, you put a zombie in something and I’ll likely watch your movie, write about it, and take the opportunity to talk about it. Hell, I’ll even do a Joel and Ellie marketing pamphlet on the benefits of survivor apocalypse training for take your daughter to work day.

Which is why Final Cut seems like the most intriguing film seen in the genre in quite a while. Considered a zombie comedy, this trailer for the American release of Final Cut is actually a remake of One Cut of the Dead and follows the harrowingly silly adventure when avant-garde filmmaking goes wrong.

The story is actually a tale about a director (Romain Duris, L’Auberge Espagnole) who gets charged with making a live, single-take, low-budget zombie flick in which the cast and crew, one by one, actually turn into zombies. All in an homage to low-budget DIY filmmaking and a love for genre filmmaking.

“In Final Cut, there are several types of comedy, both completely absurd and more sophisticated stuff,” said director Michel Hazanavicius about how he came up with the concept during the first pandemic lockdown. “I tried to make a rich, generous film, in which the viewer is involved. I always try to make films that can be watched over again.”

To add meta-layers of complexity, Hazanavicius has actually included both his own wife and daughter in the movie, who are, ironically playing… the ‘in-movie’ director’s wife and daughter. To make matters even more complicated, the film is by all means the story of a film-within-a-film and how the zombies within become all too real of a situational mess.

You can checkout the film’s trailer below. Available July 14th, 2023.

Hellboy Gets an Audiobook Series written by Christopher Golden

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Originally announced by RBMedia, GraphicAudio announced a new Hellboy Universe audiobook series created by horror and fantasy author Christopher Golden (Baltimore). The first of this three-part series will be released this July and is promised to involve some degree of high production value. As the standards of quality for comics to audio projects have exploded these recent years (just look at Audible’s Sandman).

Each episode promises not only a wide cast of actors but also, the inclusion of special sound effects along with cinematic music. To give the audience a feeling of full immersion. Likewise, the first episode of the series, titled ‘Hellboy: A Plague of Wasps’ is a direct adaptation of Mike Mignola’s legendary run and promises to pickup from the Helboy in Love comics. If that weren’t enough, special cover art by both Mignola and colorist Dave Stewart for every episode of the series.

“Having written Hellboy comics and novels and co-written the screenplay for the upcoming Hellboy: The Crooked Man film, I couldn’t resist the opportunity to experiment with original audiobooks,” Golden said in a most recent press release. “The audiobooks form a trilogy that picks up key story threads from the comics that Hellboy fans won’t want to miss, while providing an exciting jumping-on point for casual fans and introducing a brand new character who will eventually appear in the comics.”

The first three original Hellboy audiobooks include:

  • Hellboy: A Plague of Wasps. Things turn strange and dangerous when Hellboy accompanies his girlfriend, Anastasia Bransfield, on a trip to Brazil. They venture into the rainforest to stop an evil force from spreading.  This first audiobook in the series will be available on July 31, 2023 wherever audiobooks are sold.

  • Lobster Johnson: The Proteus Club. Set in 1933, reporter Cynthia Tynan finds herself drawn into the mystery surrounding the disappearance of several prominent New Yorkers and seeks the aid of Hellboy’s childhood hero the Lobster.  They must confront German spies, religious lunatics, and monstrously transformed people who have been subjected to hideous experimentation. The Lobster Johnson audiobook will debut in October.

  • Hellboy and the BPRD: The Goddess of Manhattan. Hellboy, Liz Sherman, and Abe Sapien are drawn into a bizarre case linked both to Hellboy’s adventure with Anastasia in Brazil and to Lobster Johnson.   Co-authored by Young Hellboy writer Thomas E. Sniegoski, the third audiobook in the series will be released in November.

GraphicAudio’s Creative Director and voice talent, Scott McCormick said, “When I started working at GraphicAudio, I wanted us to get the rights to one property: Hellboy. Now, not only do I get to direct a Hellboy adventure, but I also get to direct three all-new, original stories. Bonus: I get to play Hellboy—and not just any Hellboy, but Hellboy in love. Dreams do come true.”

Paramount+ Cancels and Disappears ‘Star Trek: Prodigy’

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Joining an increasingly long list of streaming services who are nuking their shows for tax breaks, Paramount+ quietly announced on Friday that they had canceled several of their shows, including their highly touted Grease prequel show Rise of the Pink Ladies and their Star Trek animated show for young audiences, Prodigy. That’s bad enough, but not only would those shows stop production, they’d be removed from the service entirely and in just a few days.

Prodigy is about a band of youngsters who escape a penal colony in a Starfleet vessel. They are aided by holo version of Captain Janeway, voiced by Kate Mulgrew, who helps the young crew navigate the galaxy. It was exciting and well made, and we here at The Workprint were big fans of it.

Adding even more insult to injury, Prodigy had been greenlit for a second season and was in postproduction on those episodes when the cancelation came down. The hope of fans is that the second season will be sold to another network and shown there, but who knows?

This is just the latest chapter in streamers axing their content in order to get tax breaks. MAX (formerly HBO Max, formerly HBO Go, formerly HBO Now) kicked it off last summer when their CEO, cartoon villain David Zaslav, deleted a $90 million Batgirl movie that was in the final stages of post-production. The film would have featured Michael Keaton as Batman and now-Oscar winner Brendan Fraser as the villain Firefly. Gone, and never to be seen, so they could get a write-off. It was joined by more movies, like Scoob Holiday Haunt, Seth Rogen’s movie American Pickle, and hundreds of episodes of Sesame Street.

Disney+ saw that and said “Hold my Dole Whip.” They canceled and deleted a wad of their original content to get a $1.5 billion tax write off, including the expensive and much hyped Willow series, The World According to Jeff Goldblum (which was a show they hyped as being a big part of the streamer’s first day), and the criminally underseen Muppet project, Earth to Ned.

And because most of those shows were only on streaming, not many got a physical release. So, if you didn’t watch Grease: Rise of the Pink Ladies or the charming Bryan Cranston movie based on an award-winning kid’s novel, The One and Only Ivan, tough. They’re gone. Fortunately for Star Trek fans, Prodigy Season One was on Blu-Ray and it quickly sold out.

Now, I grew up in a pre-historic era where if you weren’t in front of your cathode-ray TV at the right time, you didn’t see your show. This was before VCRs, before cable on demand, and way before streaming. So I am aware that shows get canceled. I am aware that nothing is forever.

But, back in the day, things were canceled for a reason. This show had bad ratings, sorry. Here’s the Nielsen report. How can you even measure streaming ratings? Netflix is quick to tout their total hours viewed stats, but even then shows getting a second season is dicey. (Sandman was an incredibly popular show, but it was on the edge to get renewed for a while.)

The promise of streaming was that we’d have a library of shows at our fingertips. Old favorites, creative new shows that the old networks wouldn’t take a chance on, everything. Now that promise is getting ground down under the realities of the market. Netflix and MAX are happy to pump out garbage reality shows that are cheap to make. (Netflix churns out Love is Blind and The Floor is Lava. MAX considers 90 Day Fiancé as valuable as DC) Paramount touted itself as the home of all things Star Trek, and that’s the main reason I subscribed. (Well, that and Evil. That show is cool.) But if you’re just going to disappear programming like Stalin did his senior staff from old pictures, what are you even doing?

How is a show supposed to build an audience? The Grease show was barely on Paramount+ for two months. If shows don’t do Wednesday type numbers instantly, they’ll get erased? I hope that SAG and the WGA are paying attention and work in some clauses about shows that get terminated for tax purposes.

And as of today, Prodigy has been deleted from Paramount+. Hope you were able to snag a Blu-Ray.

Idle Worship: The Idol Podcast Episode 3: “Daybreak”

Two peas in a Podcast.

The stakes are alas becoming higher, but Norton and I couldn’t care any less. Sven-ghoulish Tedros Tedros (Abel Tesfaye), takes Joss (Lily-Rose Depp) and heads over to Beverly Hills for some shopping. The ‘head’ will be a running theme in this episode. From Joss receiving it to Tedros annoyingly digging around in her dark headspace for artistic gold, you’d think the episode had more going for it, slowing down for a more cerebral angle, but this series knows not of the meaning ‘subtle’.

How can you be effectively subcutaneous when the entire show beats you over la cabeza? We’ll see Tedros on a tear, firing the crew of Joss, establishing dominance. I’d be in the slightest bit of fear for ‘Chez Joss’ if I felt there was any element of danger to their lives and livelihood. Nope. Zero. Nada. Tedros isn’t menacing, seeming more like a bleeding hemorrhoid than a bloody threat. The only one seeming even remotely freaked is Joss’ bestie Leia (Rachel Sennott) who calls her managers to get some firepower in this piece.

Tedros masculinity is challenged by Joss and the most aggressive act he perpetrates is wiping his expended nut on Valentino product. Tedros is a fucking baby. The only thing he has thus far is a forked tongue and a brainwashed crew that doesn’t know the meaning of “no.” To be fair, that’s 10x more lethal than any bullet in Chaim’s gun and any resistance in Joss’ mind. Izaak (Moses Sumney), the hedonic, sensual automaton with the vox of an angel is a proponent of Tedros’s philosophy, except when Joss is up for discussion.

With Chloe (Suzanna Son) getting Joss to open up and come into the circle, this does bring up big Mansion Spahn Ranch energy (Norton’s prediction) with only an afterthought of music, which in Willy Wonka’s words should be stricken and reversed. Chaim (Hank Azaria) and Destiny (Da’Vine Joy Randolph) interview this mythical manchild and realize that he’s poisoning the well. It’s not that he’s toxic. It’s just that his acting is dead on arrival and its bloated corpse is disintegrating in the water supply.

The fact we get any Dyanne (Jennie Kim) is a heaven-send, and although Xander (Troye Sivan) gets a bit more screen time with his grand idea to spin sales from scandal, the fresh artistic choice ‘comes’ too late. We as the audience don’t care anymore.

Collaboration is vital to creating great entertainment, and memorable moments in television. This whole show is the perfect example of why “NO” in Hollywood holds so much fucking power, though. The power of “YES” can be weaponized into making pablum. I very much hold true blue to pushing the limits of art… but this show isn’t art.

Join Norton and me as we plumb the grossly embarrassing depths of the tertiary episode of The Idol (HBO) titled “Daybreak”.

2/5 Stars.

Exit Strategies, Entrance Exams On A Very Special Clone High Season Finale

I feel seen.

Review

In the penultimate episode, “For Your Consideration”, Principal Scudworth (Phil Lord) takes advantage of the Annual Crab Fest for the Board of Shadow Figures to propose “Cloney Island”, a pet project introduced in episode 2 of MTV’s original series, but it’s of little consequence. The event was a formality to open the floor for ideas, but since Cinnamon shanked it, Candide Sampson (Christa Miller) is doing things her way.

Unsurprisingly, Mr. Butlertron gets the verbal boots to him, medium style. Mr. Butlertron holds his own, though. He reminds his boss/friend of an enormous promise that was made, but Scudworth ain’t honoring shit. One can’t help but feel for Mr. B. He’s the truth to power, he’s l’esprit d’escalier, and he’s the fly on the wall. This makes him the final proton torpedo in the X-Wing. Now? He feels less than others. Flotsam. He does find a kindred soul in Joan (Nicole Sullivan), going through a breakup of her own. Lonely hearts club and all, right? Mr. B does have a tale to tell and a set of ears to receive, so we set out on our hero’s journey…

Back when Mr. B was still on training wheels, he and human “identical twin” Wesley happened upon a ham farm. What’s more salad days than enjoying a ham, fresh from the garden under the midday sun? Their story is classically picturesque but ends in abject loss as Junior B cannot be cleaned in Baptismal waters because a soulless “robit” would just rust. Rust doesn’t sleep and neither does bearing the burden of being just a box of bolts.

Mr. B’s late realization hit me hard as an adopted son. I’ve not had to live through something so devastating, but there are adopted kids that do. To be fair, his parents were douche-nozzles to their human son, too, tricking him into thinking Butlertron was his real brother.

Catching a bus, and leaving it all behind, it’s so fucking sad my heart wants to burst, but my own animation-loving brain does instead. With an alarmingly spot-on homage to Ralph Bakshi, we next find Mr. B’s “whore” period more fruitful. The daring to dream does not go unpunished, as his blinders are once again ripped off, so it’s back on the road, this time to where it all started: Wesley.

With their parents deceased, Mr. B is given the salvation his parents could never provide through Wesley performing his baptism. Rowing out, red vest on (I’d hate to call it now, but I say one last tragedy is before us), Wesley is determined to get Besley a soul. The Heaven that Mr. Butlertron is so desperate to get, however, has other plans. The one thing that won’t leave ever leave Besley’s side? That bus. Sometimes, you just have to keep it moving. Next stop? Hollywoodland. He lands an acting gig playing a stereotype, but it pays for the drugs. He’s a mess on set and at home until Scudworth shows up with an even bigger family, the clones. His advice to Joan is simple but profound: To thine own self be true. With his energy reserve dangerously low, he charters a bus to his final act: to see the sunset one last time.

Like a Hollywood ending, Scudworth redefines “Jumpers Cliff” by powering up his former partner-in-vision with some car battery and the revelation that we’re all soulless. That shit never mattered. What does matter is Scudsy kept his promise, bringing Wesley back, going all The Prestige in the process. He ultimately makes a choice between desire and necessity when Scudworth and test-tube Wesley find themselves in death’s snare, favoring Wesley by revoking his chance to be anything less. Why mess with success?

Breaking up Mr. B and Scudworth would have really jumped the shark, so I’m glad they stuck on the now instead of longing for the past.

We invented the cliff hanger.

It’s Yearbook Signing Day in the season finale titled “Clone Alone”. Yes, that time-honored day when a person’s worth is measured in ink. With the couples too preoccupied to go for Joan’s yearbook, Abe (Will Forte) jumps at the opportunity before Topher (Neil Casey) comes in with the block via blackmail/white leverage. For someone that’s a clone of a world leader and avid basketball nut (look it up), Abe doesn’t go hard in the paint at all. The only person showing Joan love is fellow “lone wolf” Glen the Janitor.

Cinnamon and Candide use the congregation as an opportunity to put on the Ritz for the students for their next endeavor: Clone High College. After extolling the majesty of partying in poverty, the students are summarily directed to the entrance exam, like bovine to the abattoir. They may as well be now that Scudworth and Mr. B are handed their walking papers.

Confucius (Kelvin Yu) ain’t sweating flunking but his better half Harriet (Ayo Edebiri) isn’t giving his lackadaisical attitude oxygen. Frida (Vicci Martinez) assures Joan nothing will divide the “Four Amigas,” and she’s basically right. The students are launched to a facility where none other than the guy that keeps all moms well-lubricated, Michael Bolton welcome them to the aptly named Death Maze. Harriet breaks up with Confucius, and JFK (Christopher Miller) loses the Brontë sisters all before the games begin.

The Board of Shadowy Figures grows bored with JFK and Abe hashing it out as the only action on screen, so Candide turns up the heat with the Manchurian clones, but Bottomless Pits and white leverage have nothing on a lone she-wolf in disguise. A little bit of Rambo with a dash of McCallister, Joan leads the clones to their presumed deaths.

Bodies of Shadowy Figures line the sports bar as Scudworth’s intended target, Candide is nowhere to be seen. She’s too busy congratulating her foster daughter Joan on being the sole survivor. Her friends are alive, but they’re about to get their collective memories wiped.

With the Board inadvertently done in by his lack of marksmanship, Scudworth rushes to save the clones with Joan, but not before Candide can seal the deal. Luckily, the yearbook files still exist on CD and with Abandoned Pools providing the soundtrack to a very Life Aquatic finale moment, the minds of some of the best and brightest are saved.

But this is Candide we’re talking about, an implemented override is just Villainy 101, and evidence of the beast inside Joan without the need for a flute turns her fellow friends ‘former’ with a deliciously cruel cliffhanger. Come on, it’s the triumvirate of Lord/Miller/Lawrence; their attempt to match perhaps one of the most poignant season finales in television history in my purview, their own, never out of the question.

Takeaway

For their final day of high school, these two episodes were anything but a cheat day for the clones. I did love the contrast between Mr. B’s depleting energy in the previous episode and the rising energy in the brain-wiper in this one. Both episodes are inextricably linked through certain threads, but I also began to notice an interesting through-line this season: pairing. At first, I thought releasing episodes as a couple was odd, but as the clones explored new relationships throughout the season, I stopped looking at the connective tissue so closely and began to zoom out and the theme emerged like a Magic Eye picture.

With that enlightenment in mind, I feel that this very clever device may have not been initially intended, possibly implemented during the breaking-the-back of the midseason writer’s room slump, because I feel like it undercuts the emotional pay dirt that should have been their one-two combo of literal and figurative cliffhangers.

That being said, attempting to capture lightning in a bottle isn’t a fool’s errand. David Lynch did it with Twin Peaks: The Return (Showtime), and that was a twenty-five-year gap, a mere five more than Clone High. What a difference five years make. Much like Lynch, Lord/Miller aren’t unafraid to take risks, and to be quite honest, I was never the biggest Lawrence fan, but that’s only because I never really sought out his oeuvre. The world of Twin Peaks, however, uniquely exists in a vacuum, a chaotic stasis where time holds both irrelevant and prevalent. It is art made by the artist, with the artist in mind, not the audience. Its plaudits were fucking rare for the stakes against it, but it wasn’t merely a revival. It was an 18-hour movie.

This I liken more to the revival of Community (Yahoo). Both worlds existed in their own vacuumed microcosm and dealt with close-knit relationships among classmates. Both didn’t shy away from reminding the audience of their ever-changing world through the words and actions of their very memorable characters under one roof. Raising stakes and moving goalposts is essential to art, but staying true to thine own self is the most significant tenant in art.

Seek to tweak and make artistic choices because you want to, not because you’re told to. But Twin Peaks was also five years ago. What a difference five years make. It was pre-pandemic, post-Game of Thrones. Showtime opened up the purse strings because the risk assessment said Lynch’s vision could be worth it and the time was right. Lord, Miller, and Lawrence aren’t playing in that ballpark anymore. They don’t have the luxury of experimenting to their heart’s content, they debuted on a messy rebranding, and with the WGA striking for streaming residuals, they’re far from sitting pretty. But pressure moves water through pipes. Pressure creates diamonds.

Whether Herculean or the pieces just falling into place, the effort to get this made after two decades was completely worth it. I’m sure a limited budget clipped their wings, but they injected a campus life that was effortless to fall for. It’s unfair to hold this Clone High to the one of twenty years ago, so I’m not. I will rate it on what was stacked up against the creators versus the final output.

This new season had potholes, not plot holes. They focused on the main cast instead of showing the immensity of Clone High (MTV) proper and introduced a boss in Candide, a simp in Scudworth, a villain in Joan, allies in Frida and Cleo, representation in Harriet and Confucius, satire in Topher, redemption in JFK and the human condition in Abe. The end result feels like a product of resolution. We get a mixture of the old and new that feels fresh and ever-relevant, but we lose the scathing cynicality freshly post-9/11 world. This revival feels more Boutique than Big Box, and that’s far from a bad thing.

Lord, Miller, and Lawrence resurrected Clones successfully the first time. A second time was always in their DNA.

5/5 Stars. (“For Your Consideration”)

4/5 Stars. (“Clone Alone”)

Spider-Boy Gets His own Series with Spider-Boy #1

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Seemingly unstoppable, Spider-Boy has leaped into the hearts of Marvel fans with Dan Slott and Mark Bagley’s hit new Spider-Man series. So far, no one knows the origins story of Bailey Briggs, but the comics are selling out like crazy. With Spider-Man #7 going for obscene prices online, along with the kid’s Edge of Spider-Verse #3.

Yet, everything is about to drastically change as Spider-Boy will get its own #1 series. Written by Dan Slott and drawn by artist Paco Medina with covers by Humberto Ramos, this ongoing new series will dive into the origins story as to why no one seems to remember Bailey, along with reveal a new arch-nemesis in Madame Monstrosity, whom he can only stop in a fun team-up with Squirrel Girl.

The Spider-Verse Expands With Spectacular Spider-Boy

 

“Spider-Man isn’t supposed to have a sidekick. That’s just wrong on so many levels. And that is exactly why we are going to have so much fun with this,” Slott explained in Marvel’s recent press release. “Both this character– and this new title– are going to break all the rules. Bailey Briggs is going to have over-the-top adventures in the Spider-Man corner of the Marvel Universe. He’ll be facing off against a mix of both all-new villains and fan-favorite Spidey bad guys. The one thing we can promise you, whenever you pick up a copy of SPIDER-BOY, we are going to take the weirdest and wildest swings with every single story! Our goal is to get every reader to ask two questions: ‘What in the hell did I just read?!’ and ‘When is the NEXT one coming out?!’”

“When I found out that I was taking charge of Spider-Boy, I was GREATLY excited because of the possibilities of the character,” Medina revealed. “Aesthetically, there’s so much to do with him. Every character gets their action poses to be their personal signature. This time I’m working on something cool and specific for Spider-Boy, something that gives him a light of his own. On the other hand, I’ll be working with Dan which is fantastic. His limitless imagery is what such a fresh character needs, it just makes me think of all the things we can do together and what I can bring to the table.”

Spider-Boy

SPIDER-BOY #1

Written by DAN SLOTT

Art by PACO MEDINA

Cover by HUMBERTO RAMOS

On Sale 11/1

“Ad Astera Per Aspera” Captures the Spirit of Classic Trek

Image: Paramount+

When I go on Twitter these days, I am always immediately reminded that there are about a million better things I could do with my time. Things like, for example, slamming my hand in a car door repeatedly.

One reason I feel this way is because I always run into some jabroni whining about “WhEn DiD sTaR tReK gO WOKE?!?!?” because of the black woman captain on Discovery or the Strange New Worlds editing images of the Jan. 6 insurrection into a montage of Pike describing civil unrest on earth.

And the answer, of course is 1966.

Gene Roddenberry always envisioned the show as a way to discuss the issues of the day through the lens of science fiction. And Trek has ALWAYS used that as a springboard to discuss social issues.

Some lunkhead on Twitter pushed back that Star Trek USED to put those messages subtly into a story, rather than ram it down your throat. I replied by asking what exactly was subtle about the half-black, half-white aliens being used as an allegory for racism in “Let That Be Your Last Battlefield”?

And the Next Generation episode “The Outcast” — where Riker falls in love with a hermaphroditic alien who decides to present as female — was that a subtle allegory about LBGTQ+ issues?

Of course not. These were as a subtle as a sledgehammer. But sometimes that’s what you need to get through to people.

Which brings us to this week’s episode of Strange New Worlds, “Ad Astra per Aspera.” The Latin phrase translates as “To the Stars, with Difficulty,” and it’s a metaphor for Una Chin-Riley’s struggles. She is on trial for the crime of hiding her genetic augmentations from the Federation. After the mass slaughters of the Eugenics Wars, Starfleet has banned all people with modified DNA, including Illyrians who get augmentations in utero.

The episode starts off with a flashback to Una as a child. She has a broken leg and is listening to her parents argue about taking her to the hospital. “They’ll do tests! She’ll be found out!” And it is impossible to hear that dialogue and watch that scene and not think about the cruel anti-trans laws being gleefully passed by Republican-controlled states, laws that classify parents of trans kids as child abusers and empower the state to take their kids away. I can’t imagine letting your child suffer an injury because getting them treatment would make things worse.

Back in the present, Una is being given a plea offer by Captain Batel (Melanie Scrofano). Plead guilty to falsifying documents, you’ll get no jail time, your record will be sealed, and you’ll be dishonorably discharged. Her defense council, who is from Starfleet, urges her to take it. But Una refuses. A discharge and a sealed record will make it seem like her time in Starfleet never happened, and she is not going to help them sweep her under the rug.

Pike has taken it upon himself to recruit Neera (Yetide Bataki), a childhood friend of Una’s and fellow Illyrian who grew up to be a civil rights lawyer. They had a falling out, though,  and Neera hasn’t spoken to Una in years. She is on a planet in the Vaultera Nebula that is unfit for human life, but Illyrians can live there due to there genetic modifications. He is refused entrance to Neera’s office, but is quite willing to sit there and wait, even if his oxygen tank runs out. Neera finally relents and creates an oxygen atmosphere in her office for Pike, but just so she can tell him no. (Has she met Pike? That’s not going to work!) She is extremely reluctant to help in what looks like a no-win case, but Pike appeals to her legal efforts. She’s brought ten anti-discrimination cases against the Federation in two years, all dismissed for lack of evidence. If she can win a highly publicized case like this, then it could help establish precedent for other cases she brings for Illyrians. Reluctantly, Neera agrees.

She gets to the Starfleet JAG office just in time for Una’s arraignment, but there’s a new wrinkle. Instead of just facing the sympathetic Captain Batel (who is also Pike’s friend), her supervisor, the Vulcan Vice-Admiral Pasalk has joined the case. And since Una rejected the plea deal, he’s going to make an example of her by adding two counts of sedition and asking for 20 years on a penal colony.

Pasalk is a friend of Sarek, Spock’s dad, which leads to the funniest moment of the season so far. Spock and Pasalk are having dinner on the Enterprise and are being closely watched by M’Benga and Ortegas. Ortegas is imagining their conversation. “‘Sorry to have to send your friend and co-worker to jail for 20 years.’ ‘Do not worry, it is only logical.'” M’Benga scoffs, saying it’s obvious from their body language that the two of them hate each other. Ortegas is befuddled, since the two Vulcans are sitting perfectly still and not saying a word. Then Spock gets up, adjusts his shirt and strides over to M’Benga and Ortegas. “I am sorry you had to witness that outburst.” Of all his father’s colleagues, Pasalk brings out the worst in him. It’s a perfect deadpan, and a reminder that one reason this show is so good is that it remembers that Star Trek can be funny. And between this and last week’s “I would like the ship to go,” Ethan Peck is fast establishing Spock as a stealthy comic relief character.

Meanwhile, Una is desperate to testify in her own defense, but Neera shoots that idea down. I may not know fancy space law, but I’ve watched enough Law & Order to know that testifying in your own defense can only lead to trouble. (I’ve also watched enough legal dramas to know that once that idea is planted, events will conspire to force Una to take the stand in the most dramatic fashion possible.) Neera outlines their strategy. They can’t argue the law, since the law is clear: augmented individuals cannot join Starfleet. Instead, Neera will argue that the law is unjust and discriminatory, and therefore should be disregarded.

After all, Starfleet certainly doesn’t have a problem with disregarding laws when they find them inconvenient! Neera gets Admiral April to admit as much. After giving a glowing report on Una’s ability and character, he admits that he would not have recruited her for Starfleet had he known she was Illyrian. After all the law is clear on that point. Oh, says Neera, as clear as your beloved Prime Directive? Neera then proceeds to describe the many, many times the Admiral disregarded the Prime Directive in order to save lives and even entire planets from disaster by blatantly interfering in pre-warp societies.

And good for Neera! Trek loves to trot out the idea of how they would never interfere with primitive civilizations, yet somehow Captain Kirk is always being worshiped as a god before the end of an episode.

Did the admiral get punished for this, asks Neera, or did he get rewarded? The admiral hems and haws while Neera states that this shows that Starfleet doesn’t really care about their precious laws, they just want an excuse to discriminate against Illyrians. And her comments certainly bring to mind Wilhoit’s Law. “Conservatism consists of exactly one proposition, to wit: There must be in-groups whom the law protects but does not bind, alongside out-groups whom the law binds but does not protect.” Una, Neera, and the Illyrians are the out-group, being bound by unjust laws.

While the trial is going on, Lieutenant La’an Noonien-Singh is desperately trying to find out who turned in her friend and mentor Una. She is worried that it might have accidentally been her. When Una “came out” to her as Illyrian, she felt betrayed and angry that her friend had lied to her and made an entry about it in her personal log. Now, she’s worried that somehow someone got into her log and found that. She had tried to get Uhura to tell her all of the transmissions of personal logs from the ship, but Uhura refused. That would be highly illegal, and she reminds La’an that Una would not want her to get into even more trouble trying to help. Neera comments that it takes a ton of paperwork from a ton of admirals to access a personal log, and it usually takes about six months. There’s no way La’an is the source.

While La’an is happy to hear that, she still can’t figure out who turned Una in if it wasn’t via her log. Who would gain from getting Una arrested? This comment makes something click for Neera, who thanks La’an and then runs off to tell Una that she will be taking the stand after all. Hmmm… wonder if she’s got a plan….

Image: Paramount+

Una’s testimony is about as heart wrenching as you’d expect. She tells of growing up in a Federation-aligned colony, which was only allowed to join if they upheld the No Modifications rule. This led to open persecution of Illyrians, people calling them slurs, barring them from stores, and then attacks. Una broke her leg trying to break up a fight where an Illyrian boy was being attacked, and might have died had her parents not found an Illyrian doctor. Eventually, the colony had to partition the city into two halves — Illyrian and non-Illyrian. Because Una’s family could “pass” as human, they went to the non-Illyrian side so their daughter could have better opportunities and not be stuck in a ghetto — even if that meant never seeing their friends and families again. (This is the source of the falling out between Neera and Una. Una got out, Neera didn’t.)

Neera asks her, in spite of all that, you still wanted to join Starfleet? Yes. When a Starfleet ship visited her colony, she was struck by how the crew was made up of all different races and species, all working together. (To very subtly hammer the message home, the camera here pans across the multi-racial crew of the Enterprise watching the trial on their version of Court TV.) Una drew inspiration the old Federation motto, “Ad Astra Per Aspera” — to the stars, with difficulties. It would be hard for her, but it would be worth it. And it was, until she got found out.

So who did turn Una in, asks Neera. Una admits that she did. She turned herself in because she was tired of living a lie and hiding because of prejudice. Neera’s hunch was correct.

This scene knows exactly what it’s doing. It is the classic Trek trope of explaining to you that prejudice is bad, and doing that with all the grace and gentleness of a suplex off the top rope. And it worked like gangbusters on me. Una spent 25 years in Starfleet and all of her good works — like saving La’an from the Gorn — are being pushed aside because of her biology.

Pasalk handles the cross, and he’s not impressed with these base appeals to emotion. Facts are facts, and the fact is she knowingly broke Starfleet’s rules to join. And did she ever tell her captain? Yes, she admits. Several months ago. This makes Pasalk positively gleeful. Well, then we may need to bring charges against him and whole crew since this sounds like a conspiracy!

Undeterred, Neera pushes on. Wow, Pasalk sure knows a lot about Starfleet rules, how about Starfleet Code 8514? This deals with Starfleet handling refugees. Neera helpfully reads how Starfleet defines a refugee as any person fleeing persecution or fearing for their life due to political or religious beliefs, cultural engagements, or biological truths (check) who seeks safety in Starfleet (check) and upon revealing themselves to authorities and making a request may be granted asylum. Starfleet captains must exercise discretion and judgment when offering asylum. (check). Una’s testimony established that she fulfilled all parts. She was persecuted for her biology, sought refuge in Starfleet, and then told her captain, who exercised his best judgement with regards to her position. So, since you all loooove laws so much you want to marry them, all Neera asks is that you accept the validity of Starfleet’s asylum rules and rule in her favor.

The tribunal seems positively delighted to have been offered a face-saving out and quickly dismisses the charges against Una. It’s not the rousing victory for equality and civil rights that Una and Neera were hoping for, but Una is back on the bridge and out of jail. And Pasalk got hoisted on his own logic petard, so hooray! Pike welcomes her back on board and they are off to new adventures!

Now, while I loved this episode, I have to say that Una’s plan to get arrested was half-cocked at best. It would’ve worked better if she had made contact with Neera beforehand and worked out a strategy rather than emailing Starfleet security and saying, “Oh forgot to mention, I’m an Illyrian!” I know, Neera was avoiding her calls, but Pike could’ve gone out sooner. And if claiming asylum was going to be the endgame all along, why not just start there? It’s not like Pike was unfamiliar with the concept. They were considering asylum for people from the planet where their energy supply comes from child torture. (S1 Ep6 “Lift Us Where Suffering Cannot Reach”)  Still, even a Vulcan understands that logic must take a backseat to story structure at times.

And speaking of Vulcans, I would’ve liked to have seen a little more back story behind why Pasalk and Spock dislike each other so much. Sure, I bet that Pasalk views Spock as an emotional half-breed and Spock views him as a inflexible ass, but a scene with them having actual dialogue would be nice.

Still, those are minor things. This is Trek doing what Trek does best: using a sci-fi filter to highlight social issues. And it is also a solid critique of the Trek ethos as well as the liberal humanism it strives for. Trek has always presented itself as a world without prejudice that we should strive for, but there have always been blind spots. (Like female crew in miniskirts from Day 1). And it’s important to point those out and acknowledge that we haven’t been perfect. It’s how we grow as a people, and how Trek grows as a franchise.

Classic Call Backs:  Of course, any trial on a Star Trek show is going to bring back memories of “The Measure of a Man,” where Picard passionately argues in favor of Data’s autonomy, and the parallels here are striking.

Random Notes: Letterkenny fans should note that the actress who portrays Captain Batel is also the randy Mrs. McMurray. Pitter-patter, let’s get at ‘er!

Rating: 4.5/5

The ‘Fall of X’ Preview Trailer Sees The Fall of Krakoa

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Marvel is at it again. This time, by ending the togetherness of a one-time utopian Mutant Saga, effectively scattering Mutants and The X-Men across the wind. The ‘Fall of X’ trailer was revealed this past weekend, unveiling some artwork and animated covers spotlighting the Orchis’, a group of collaborating supervillains, in an unprecedented attack against the nation of Mutants.

The series kicks off with X-Men: Hellfire Gala 2023 #1 kicking off this July with an attack by Orchis, consisting of Nimrod, Omega Sentinel, and even Moria MacTaggert, the once-beloved ally turned cybernetic supervillain in the X-Men. Taking down Krakoa, the House of X Superhaven created during Jonathan Hickman’s House of X run where we effectively made Mutants Immortal.

Fall of X promises to affect every X-Title this year and promises to unveil new limited series. It will also mark the end of a run that’s been established for the past four years. Check out the trailer below.

X-MEN: HELLFIRE GALA 2023 #1 – 75960620574500111

Written by GERRY DUGGAN

Art by KRIS ANKA, JOSHUA CASSARA, RUSSELL DAUTERMAN, ADAM KUBERT, PEPE LARRAZ, R.B. SILVA, LUCIANO VECCHIO, MATTEO LOLLI, JAVIER PINA & VALERIO SCHITI

Cover by PHIL NOTO

On Sale 7/26

X-MEN #25 – 75960609999302511

Written by GERRY DUGGAN

Art by STEFANO CASELLI

Cover by JOSHUA CASSARA

On Sale 8/2

ASTONISHING ICEMAN #1 (OF 5) – 75960620615500111

Written by STEVE ORLANDO

Art by VINCENZO CARRATÙ

Cover by JESÚS SAIZ

On Sale 8/2

CHILDREN OF THE VAULT #1 (OF 4) – 75960620617900111

Written by DENIZ CAMP

Art by LUCA MARESCA

Cover by YANICK PAQUETTE

On Sale 8/9

IMMORTAL X-MEN #14 – 75960620004701411

Written by KIERON GILLEN

Art by LUCAS WERNECK

Cover by MARK BROOKS

On Sale 8/9

GHOST RIDER/WOLVERINE: WEAPONS OF VENGEANCE ALPHA #1 – 75960620556100111

Written by BENJAMIN PERCY

Art by GEOFF SHAW

Cover by RYAN STEGMAN

On Sale 8/9

X-MEN RED #14 – 75960620212601411

Written by AL EWING

Art by YILDIRAY ÇINAR

Cover by STEFANO CASELLI

On Sale 8/16

ALPHA FLIGHT #1 (OF 5) – 75960620613100111

Written by ED BRISSON

Art by SCOTT GODLEWSKI

Cover by LEONARD KIRK

On Sale 8/16

DARK X-MEN #1 (OF 5) – 75960620616200111

Written by STEVE FOXE

Art by JONAS SCHARF

Cover by STEPHEN SEGOVIA

On Sale 8/16

X-FORCE #43 – 75960609467704311
Written by BENJAMIN PERCY

Art by ROBERT GILL

Cover by DANIEL ACUÑA

On Sale 8/23

JEAN GREY #1 (OF 4) – 75960620618600111

Written by LOUISE SIMONSON

Art by BERNARD CHANG

Cover by AMY REEDER

On Sale 8/23

REALM OF X #1 (OF 4) – 75960620614800111

Written by TORUNN GRØNBEKK

Art by DIÓGENES NEVES

Cover by STEPHANIE HANS

On Sale 8/23

INVINCIBLE IRON MAN #9 – 75960620424300911

Written by GERRY DUGGAN
Art by JUAN FRIGERI

Cover by KAEL NGU

On Sale 8/23

WOLVERINE #36 – 75960609661903611

Written by BENJAMIN PERCY

Art by GEOFF SHAW

Cover by RYAN STEGMAN

On Sale 8/30

UNCANNY SPIDER-MAN #1 (OF 5)

Written by SI SPURRIER

Art by LEE GARBETT

Cover by TONY DANIEL

On Sale 9/6

Genopanic Drops On Steam Next Fest

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Welcome to space station SIMBIRSK. It’s a bit of a mess following some illegal genetic experimentation. Luckily you’re on hand to clean house, and possibly, maybe, definitely kill some monsters. You’re not alone in your quest to find out what horrible things went down – this intergalactic space station also comes with an adorable AI pup…and some leftover monsters…

Genopanic | Map

As you traverse the abandoned hulls of the ship in Genopanic, you’ll be collecting some of the scary genetically engineered beasts and fending off others. Lucky for you there’s an arsenal of unique defense options such as gravity guns, flamethrowers, and upgrades to your space suit designed to help you clear a path. It’s a Metroidvania inspired adventure!

Genopanic | BURN

On your journey piece together a terrifying non-linear story with varying endings, take in the spectacular pixel art, and enjoy a haunting score. Genopanic drops on PC through Steam later this year with a full console launch to follow early next year. But those interested can try the demo during Steam Next Fest right now!

“Rightfully, Beary Arms” hits Steam Next Fest today!

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Want a game that’s both cute and deadly? Come explore galaxies as Beary, an adorable teddy with an itchy trigger finger. Dust your enemies using a cavalcade of weapons on your intergalactic journey.

Bear some of the craziest arms in the universe including a rainbow-laser shooting Catling Gun and the Foamball shooter just to name a few! Each completed dungeon will earn you awesome loot from money, weapons, and skills, to other sweets straight from the honey jar.

As Beary levels up so will his enemies. It’s up to you how they get tougher. Is it an increase in their skills? Or maybe new kinds of enemies. The choice is yours but be sure it’s in Beary’s best interest!

Don’t fear the reaper cause every replay comes with its own perks. Multiple run throughs give you new randomized upgrade trees. Have fun dispatching your many foes, enjoying an original chiptune soundtrack along the way.

Rightfully, Beary Arms drops on PC through Steam Early Access Thursday July, 27th. And Steam’s Next Fest is running now until June 26th!

Check Out Jeehyung Lee’s Goblin Queen In Dark X-Men

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In the dark Fall of X era, it calls for a new team of mutants. And who better to lead them than Madelyne Prior, the Goblin Queen herself?

Here’s what you need to know about the event starting in a few short months:

Madelyne’s resurgence has been a highlight of the Krakoan age and this five-issue limited series will be the moment fans have been waiting for as she steps up to take charge during this tumultuous new era. Fans can see the iconic X-Men character in a glorious new variant cover by superstar cover artist Jeehyung Lee that will grace issue two in September. The breathtaking piece depicts Madelyne in her classic Goblin Queen look as she contemplates her uncertain future. Tough choices lay ahead for Madelyne as she gathers desperate mutants at her new Limbo embassy in New York. Can she lead mutantkind to brighter days or will her dark tendencies make matters far worse…

Be sure and take a look at the full, glorious variant cover by Jeehyung Lee below. And stay tuned to The Workprint for more Marvel stories.


Dark X Men | Goblin Queen Full

DARK X-MEN #2 (OF 5)
Written by STEVE FOXE
Art by JONAS SCHARF
Cover by STEPHEN SEGOVIA
Variant Cover by JEEHYUNG LEE
On Sale 9/20

Frank Miller Returns to Marvel With Daredevil Variant Cover

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Frank Miller is a name well-known to comic fans. Over the years, he’s helped create some legendary and genre-defying comics known for being bloody, bold, and brash. Now, this year he’s returning to the house of Marvel and helping each month by crafting edgy, hard-hitting variant covers. And what better to start with than Daredevil, a comic he helped redefine in the 80s?

Here’s what you need to know about Frank Miller’s return to Marvel:

Legendary creator Frank Miller is back at Marvel Comics, gracing the covers of each month’s hottest titles with bold depictions of iconic heroes! This September marks the beginning of a new run of DAREDEVIL from writer Saladin Ahmed and artist Aaron Kuder, and Miller, the writer and artist behind one of the character’s greatest eras, will grace the debut issue with an exciting variant cover!

Be sure and check out the full Daredevil cover below. And check your comic stands starting this September for more exciting covers by the one and only Frank Miller!


Frank Miller | Daredevil Variant Full

DAREDEVIL #1
Written by SALADIN AHMED
Art by AARON KUDER
Variant Cover by FRANK MILLER
On Sale 9/13

School’s Back in Session With the Release of Let’s School!

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From PM Studios and Pathea Games comes this friendly low-poly sim-management indie game set to release, officially, on July 27th on Steam. Let’s School makes you the principal of what could potentially be the best school ever!

Steam’s Next Fest will allow players to start their educational empires now. With the free trial save able to carry over to the full game.

Ever wonder what it would be like to go back to your old school, now run down and in need of repairs, and build it back up better than ever? So did the makers of My Time at Portia and My Time at Sandrock, and the result is Let’s School! A game that let’s you return to your alma mater in order to restore it to former glory in the hopes of filling it with new minds to educate.

But what’s really great is that as principal you have the power to build the school into what you want it to be. Design the campus, start clubs, and make it a safe haven from any of the less than fantastic school experiences of yesteryear. Worried that your choices might be limited? Never fear – customization is key! Want unusual extracurriculars? Want students dressed like your favorite anime characters? Anything is possible in Let’s School.

Do you want to create the next Harvard or would you prefer a more laid back school spirit? It’s all up to you! From the kinds of courses to the rubrics applied, you can be the master of students’ behaviors. If academics matter there’s even a function that allows teachers to track down any wayward students.

As your school grows the campus can expand with it to include cafeterias, sports complexes, shops, not to mention “wonders”. Let’s School allows your imagination to run wild as you create the most original campus in this wacky and engaging indie game.

Check out Let’s School: Homeroom’s Steam page for more info.

Idle Worship: The Idol Podcast Episode 2: “Double Fantasy”

There are some things too deep for makeup.

In the pilot of The Idol (Max), we became acquainted with Joss (Lily-Rose Depp), her twisted self-help guru Tedros (Abel Tesfaye), and her constantly put-upon damage control team. Joss’ situation has gone from threat level zero to midnight toot suite, but there’s no use in crying over spilled jizz. This superstar’s got an Ace in the Hole, so the only snuffing out of the light will be that on-set when her music video featuring her ‘visionary’ remix is shot and in the can… but she can’t.

Already more brazenly cringe than any Max melodrama on its best day, the second episode of The Idol (Max) titled “Double Fantasy” is somehow dumber than the pilot. It seeks to magnify the wounded animal but only succeeds in amplifying the grisly wound.

With her team throwing a wet blanket over the scorching remix in the name of her career, Joss endures a grueling music video shoot, Chaim (Hank Azaria) puts on her best fatherly pants, Destiny (Da’Vine Joy Randolph) digs for dirt on Joss’ new friend, Leia (Rachel Sennott) and Izaak (Moses Sumney) become friendlier, Talia (Hari Nef) gets an “off the record” scoop from Xander (Troye Sivan), Nikki (Jane Adams) sees an opportunity in Dyanne (Jennie Kim), and Chloe (Suzanna Son) makes herself at home. Hey, when you’re here, you’re “Family”, right Tedros?

I actually was remiss in giving my final score. The remixed song, even the rough-as-shit version to me was hard. Norton’s take on Tedros Tedros may be one of the more enlightened takeaways, but even then, doesn’t warrant any more than one star for the remix and an additional half because I got to mention Björk and Tricky in a podcast.

2/5 Stars.

Idle Worship: The Idol Podcast Episode 1: “Pop Tarts & Rat Tales”

Pop will eat itself.

Lily-Rose Depp (The King) plays Jocelyn, an up-and-coming pop star looking for her second wind after a catastrophic meltdown. With her mother deceased, she needs a win, but when a salacious bombshell threatens to implode her career, the counsel of her co-managers Chaim (Hank Azaria) and Destiny (Da’Vine Joy Randolph) isn’t enough to keep her from dipping a toe into trouble to find out her mettle. Being pulled in all directions, she’s at the mercy of record label exec Nikki Katz (Jane Adams), publicist Benjamin (Dan Levy), and Live Nation representative Andrew Finklestein (Eli Roth), to name a few, leaving this girl to play in the gnarled web of ‘Wish.com Frank Booth’ svengali Tedros (Abel Tesfaye).

Her best friend/assistant Leia (Rachel Sennot) and creative director Xander (Troye Sivan) are the two closest in her inner circle, yet couldn’t feel farther away. The stakes couldn’t be higher but with her comeback single as the albatross around her neck, the pieces of this puzzle couldn’t be more out of focus.

With background dancer wunderkind Dyanne (Jennie Kim) one choreographed step closer to the forefront, Vanity Fair journalist Talia (Hari Nef) arrives on the eve of what could possibly be the biggest comeback of the decade to profile Joss.

The poor girl is pulled every which way. Do we even care?

Join me and fellow staff writer Norton in our journey to patently dissect the pilot episode of the new series The Idol (Max) titled “Pop Tarts & Rat Tales” that dares to ask the question– Is one episode too much in a five-fucking-episode series?

1.5/5 Stars.

ADDENDUM: Hindsight is the mother of all clarity. I’m giving the episode a one-star, adding to Norton’s half-star. My bristling has not subsided and you’ll hear why I don’t understand the function or benefit of The Idol‘s existence at all. Pettiness for entertainment’s sake is fun, but bad trash TV is detrimental to all.

 

Tony Stark and Emma Frost get Married

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In an exclusive reveal via IGN, details along with new covers/interior art pages were revealed regarding the wedding between Emma Frost and Tony Stark. Happening soon in X-Men #26 and Invincible Iron Man #10, this Marvel event that sees the best leaders of The Avengers and The X-Men come together will be set to release in September. With issues written by Gerry Duggan and art by Stefano Caselli (X-MEN #26), Juan Frigeri (INVINCIBLE IRON MAN #10), and Lucas Werneck with elegant cover art.

The premise is that X-Men #26 will see how Emma’s mutant family takes the news. Then, the family will join together for the ceremony in Iron Man. Where it takes place and what the future will hold is not certain, especially given Marvel’s track record for undoing Marriages (We’re Sorry Spider-Man and MJ).

“Neither seems like the marrying type,” Duggan said to IGN as to their thoughts regarding their marriage. “Why this works, and how this works, and how much fun this is whether their marriage works or not will need to be seen to be believed and you’ll have to buy it to find out! They certainly don’t seem like they’re ready to be married to anyone, let alone to each other, but life can change quickly.”

Life can indeed change quickly. As it was quite literally just last year when Tony was almost about to get married to Hellcat. As to why we’re going through this Tony-marriage arc again (albeit, Emma Frost is a much better partner in my opinion), Duggan then followed, “While both are image-conscious public figures, I have to say I don’t know that either would care what the public thinks. Love is love. That said, while they have little in common, they are both capitalists with a capital ‘C,’ so perhaps that’s a commonality that will allow their marriage to thrive.”

X-MEN #26

Written by GERRY DUGGAN

Art by STEFANO CASELLI

Cover by LUCAS WERNECK

On Sale 9/6

 

INVINCIBLE IRON MAN #10

Written by GERRY DUGGAN

Art by JUAN FRIGERI

Cover by LUCAS WERNECK

On Sale 9/27

Floods, Pheromones Plague Clone High in “Spring Broke” + “Sexy-Ed”

Bo, Selecta!

Spring break, ah, that id-based holiday. That time of the calendar year when those with hormones raging participate in all things debauched and bacchanal. Is morally dubious at play? Oh, I don’t know, does cocaine smell good? In the seventh and eighth episodes of Clone High (Max) titled “Spring Broke” and “Sexy-Ed”, the clones go on a gambol in the desert and love doctors C.J. Scudworth and Candide Simpson gamble with budding teenage romance.

Review

In the seventh episode, “Spring Broke”, Confucius (Kelvin Yu) and the gang are en route to Arroyo Fest. While Abe (Will Forte) sulks, Joan swaps spit with JFK, Topher (Neil Casey) enjoys some seafood, and Frida (Vicci Martinez) gets hyped for teen pop phenom Mila Brûlée, shockingly finding common ground with Cleo (Mitra Jouhari). What are the odds? Harriet (Ayo Edebiri) is stoked because a secret admirer of hers is attending, so Arroyo or bust!

Joan (Nicole Sullivan) asks JFK (Christopher Miller) out on a date to get a better understanding of him, as the couple knows only one meaning of the word deeper. Mere miles away from the Fest, the bus literally overcomes one trope only to be done in by a more ludicrous one. It’s a quick buildup-punchline sight-gag to cap the cold open and I’m here for it. Putting on her best Captain Miller, Joan’s in a daze, observing the mayhem. Peanut butter anyone? Scudworth (Phil Lord) and Mr. B make haste with all the supplies. With a “JFK, R U OK?” expelled from Joan’s lips, I’m thinking this could get funky.

JFK’s brain increased in size as a result of the crash and if they’re taking this into Flowers for Algernon territory, I’m here for it.

Cleo and Frida refuse to lose with Miss Brûlée as the only thing that matters, so they conscript Abe. Topher warns of the hills having eyes, but nobody’s worrying at the moment. Further away, a very pronounced JFK proves more useful and understanding than he’s ever been. The explanation is silly, but it’s giving Joan the vapors. Like life itself, there’s always a catch. The lack of sun drains JFK’s newfound mental acuity and consequently Joan’s interest. It’s not time for her to jump back into the deep end of the denial pool.

Cleo and Frida are baking in the sun with janky, maudlin third wheel Abe. Ditching him was the plan, but the local cannibals had other ideas. JFK triangulates, but it’s of no use. Even more useless is Harriet’s contact, most likely a catfish. Even Joan and her temporary King of Camelot know time’s running out. The scorching, arid gully isn’t enough to keep JFK smart. They need more radiant heat, and though Confucius’s roundabout admission warms Harriet’s heart, JFK’s minutes are numbered.

He provides Confucius with emotional counsel before once again going for the ping to Frida. Her, Cleo, and Abe staving off the hoard is tough work, so that’s a no-go. JFK once again experiences a lapse in intellect and grows acutely aware of his predicament. He’s down for the count, but though Joan’s holding his head like in the back seat during that ‘infamous incident’, this is his story she doesn’t want to repeat.

After a bit of the ole ‘toot-toot’, Scudworth and Mr. B are riding high in every conceivable fashion. Like every good blowout, the party must invariably come to a crashing end, right? Fuck that. With nostrils like Hoovers, Scudworth, and Mr. B wreck house. They’re on a Fear and Loathing trip, treating Vegas as if it were their own personal Miami, giving way to one of the weirder, more psychedelic sequences.

The heavens open up vengeful clouds because you can’t stop what’s coming, only ride the wave. The desert missed the rain like JFK missed cracking juvenile and the final act Force Majeure unites all, literally as the flash flood leads to Arroyo Fest. There, waiting looking like the May Queen is Mila Brûlée to kick off the festivities. While Cleo and Frida snag a better view, at the charging station, Harriet shows up to Confucius’s party of none. Abe sacks up, apologizing to his bestie Joan. Friends once again, a crisis averted, inevitability doesn’t always have to end on a sour note, but if the cold open joke was a portent, shit’s about to get funkier.

Wherefore art thou Cleo?

In episode eight titled, “Sexy-Ed“, all mourn the death of JoanFK. They will jointly take care of the class tortoise, poor, adorable Shell Silverstein. The only thing sadder than JFK humping his tears away (you can’t spell jackanape without Jack) is Abe thinking he has a shot with newly single Joan.

At the Board of Shadowy Figures, it’s revealed that Confucius isn’t revealing any hidden traits of note shining through for future world leader, though Harriet’s gaining on front runners Joan and JFK. The Board might have a power couple in their midst so Scudworth and Candide (Christa Miller) must goad the collective student body to ‘hit the books’. The library seems like the perfect place to start. JFK’s a wreck, barely fit to dispense any advice on first love to Confucius, but neither is Joan to Harriet. Frida clowns both Abe and Topher on how to chat up girls but is tongue-tied around Cleo. With oysters for lunch, what could possibly go more right?

The school’s teeming with nervous teen energy, a virtual breeding ground for hookups, though Joan and JFK seem more on the straight out-and-outs than in-and-outs. Their legal counsel Sacajawea (Jane Schmieding) and G.W. Carver (Donald Faison), respectively are of little help with the sole custody of Shell Silverstein hanging in the balance. It isn’t long before the tongue-wagging between the two debate team captains turns wordless.

In grand style, Confucius beefs the declaration of love to Harriet. This is not Ten Things I Hate About You but the truth is stranger than fiction. His fumbled feelings are actually reciprocated, calling for a max rager. On the opposite side of the pond, Joan, like a tortoise to water, must take to her suffering before she can control it.

In the classroom, sex ed teacher Miss Grumbles explains the only chemistry that matters in a classroom, pairing students up. Joan sidles up to Carver while JFK goes to Sacajawea. Abe hasn’t anyone, though Miss Diane’s found a partner in him with Topher convincing him to drop trou with her before pursuing Joan. The situation doesn’t have to remain, though. Joan gives back the tortoise in order to straighten things with Abe, currently dealing with the now husk of former Miss Grumbles. Frida isn’t fairing any better, as shucking oysters has her floundering around heavy-hint-dropping Cleo. What’s a girl gotta do?

At the party, Topher wants Joan and has the leverage against Abe to buy him a shot, making her heart-to-heart all the more uncomfortable in a house of hookups. Thankfully, Cleo opens up to Frida leading to the tie-ing of tongues in a more productive manner. Something’s off and JFK knows it, eventually releasing custody of the tortoise to Joan at the bottom of an actual pool. He’s showing signs of growth, but his inevitable lay with the sisters Brontë only proves that history, does, in fact, repeat. Whew, I need a cigarette.

Takeaway

As a side note, I love the little comments in Confucious’ FlipFlop. They go from Confucius’ family flaming him to some guise flaming Abe to Mila lovers. The FlipFlop scenes are always worth the pause. Comedy lies in the details, we all know that.

I dug the parallel of a bristling C3P-O and beeps of reason R2D2 emphatically shown in Scudworth and Mr. B, respectively. The John Williams-esque track was a nice connective tissue in a cultural nod those in the know would enjoy. I was also digging a little Scooby Doo nod several moments later. The Flowers for Algernon throughline was cookin’, the In-N-Out burn was crispy (like their fries should be) and the music from Mila Brûlée was catchy. Ensconced in flowers, was she a Kali Uchis or Ariana Grande proxy? Who cares? I’m here for it.

Speaking of, the proceeding episode featured a very sax-y opening that would have Kenny G sprung.

“Sexy-Ed” is a long-deserved shot in the arm to every TV teen drama that infuriatingly skirted around the naked truth; teenagers fuck. Burying one’s head in the sand only results in looking foolish and the perpetrators of that illusion looking just as (looking at you Dawson’s Creek). Teens today go through the same barrage of sexual and emotional bullets their ancestors did. It was just, back in the day, teenage romantic representation in the media had all the sizzle of a cold fish. Calling attention to the fact isn’t being crass if it can open up the floor for further dialogue, or sea shanty in this case.

The youth want to feel represented. Clone High’s never kowtowed to the lowest common denominator because it trusts its audience and treats them like adults. Thankfully, it’s also treating Cleopatra like one. I’m seeing a side of Cleo I haven’t before called a 3rd dimension. I’m finally seeing a person, not just a painted image. I really fucking ship both Cleo and Frida hard as well as Confucius and Harriet. Why should certain things like focusing on white couples in teen dramas still be a thing? Kudos, writers, for studying TV history, lest ye repeat it.

The Max Original continues to sail on with surprising aplomb and with only two episodes left, this serpentine loom of fate could weave our favorite Clone High characters into a cliffhanger worthy of rivaling the MTV Original… and I’m here for it.

4/5 Stars (Both episodes)

ADDENDUM: Maybe it’s just me, but did anyone else tie these two episodes together by the use of seafood as well (shrimp and oysters)?

The Garden State Comic Fest 2023 May be The Best One Ever

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Garden State Comic Fest logo

The Garden State Comic Fest returns this summer to the Mennen Arena down in Morristown, NJ. Scheduled for the final weekend of this month, about a week and a half away, the event promises to bedazzle fans of Comics, TV, and Entertainment, as there are even more guests featured this Summer than ever before.

With appearances from a plethora of names from the voice acting and comics community, this year, the Garden State Comic Fest is pulling out all the stops. Even inviting ex-baseball legends and former wrestlers too! And while last year’s GSCF featured appearances from the cast of Peacemaker, this year will feature autograph meets and talks from the cast of HBO Max/DC’s Doom Patrol. Plus, will feature an unprecedented amount of artists in the alley and special food trucks and events as well.

For more details, check out GSCF’s official press release below.

The Garden State Comic Fest, the ultimate gathering for fans of comics, cosplay, and all things pop culture, is back and ready to bring another unforgettable experience to enthusiasts of all ages. Scheduled for June 24-25th, 2023, this highly anticipated event promises a day filled with excitement, entertainment and a vibrant celebration of the geek community.

Hosted at Mennen Arena, located in Morristown, Garden State Comic Fest is renowned for
its commitment to providing an environment where fans can indulge in their shared passion
for comics, movies, TV shows, gaming, and more. This year’s edition promises to be better
than ever before, featuring an impressive lineup of special guests and a diverse range of
vendors offering a treasure trove of collectibles.

Attendees will have the opportunity to meet and greet some of the biggest names in the
industry, including comic book artists, renowned authors, celebrities, and influential
cosplayers. Guests include Dan Fogler from Mystical Beasts and Where to find them, April
Bowlby and Joivan Wade from the hit HBO series Doom Patrol, George Newbern, Susan
Eisenberg, and Maria Canal-Barrera from the Justice League animated series, Keone
Young from Deadwood, WWE Hall of Famer Jimmy Hart, Baseball Legend Dwight Gooden
Graham Nolan, Greg Hildebrandt, the creator of Spider-Man 2099 Rick Leonardi and many
more

Cosplay enthusiasts are encouraged to embrace their creative side where they can
showcase their remarkable craftsmanship and unique interpretations of beloved characters.
The 2 exhibitor halls will be a haven for collectors, fans, and enthusiasts alike. Attendees
can explore a vast array of merchandise, including comics, graphic novels, toys, apparel,
and one-of-a-kind memorabilia. From vintage treasures to the latest releases, the
marketplace is sure to cater to every pop culture craving.

Tickets for Garden State Comic Fest are available for purchase now through the official
website, GSComicFest.com, with options for single-day or weekend passes. VIP ticket
holders will also receive exclusive perks and benefits, so fans are encouraged to secure
their tickets as soon as possible.

Garden State Comic Fest on June 24-25th, 2023, promises an incredible day of entertainment, camaraderie, and memorable experiences. Whether you’re an avid collector, a cosplayer, or simply a fan of pop culture, this event is not to be missed. Join us as we unite the geek community and celebrate the world of comics and beyond.

Star Trek: Strange New Worlds Recap, “The Broken Circle”

Jess Bush as Chapel, Celia Rose Gooding as Shura, Ethan Peck as Spock, Anson Mount as Pike, Rebecca Romijn as Una, Babs Olusanmokun as M’Benga, Christina Chong as La’an and Melissa Navia as Ortegas of Star Trek: Strange New Worlds, streaming on Paramount+, 2023. Photo Cr: Pari Dukovic/Paramount+

When Strange New Worlds debuted last year, it immediately became my favorite of all the new Star Trek shows that Paramount+ debuted on their streaming service. It was a thrilling throwback to the original Star Trek that I grew up watching in syndicated reruns, full of adventure, compelling characters, and just plain fun.

Well, I am happy to report that the new season hasn’t missed a beat. Captain Pike (Anson Mount) still has his glorious hair, and the show still has its verve and sense of adventure.

When last we saw our intrepid crew, First Officer Una Chin-Riley (Rebecca Romijn) was being arrested by the Federation for lying about her heritage. She’s an Illyrian — a race that were avid genetic engineers, often using those to boost their strength — and after the whole Eugenics Wars thing, the Federation has banned anyone with augments from their ranks. (By the way, in Trek canon the Eugenics Wars took place from 1992-1996. How’s everyone doing? You all healed up yet? Did you get any cool augments?) Security Officer La’an Noonien-Singh (Christina Chong) (yes, she is related to that Noonien-Singh, KHAAAAAN!!) had taken a leave of absence to help a young girl who had survived a Gorn attack to find her parents. La’an herself escaped the Gorn as a child, so of course she felt a special responsibility to this little moppet. And Spock (Ethan Peck) is dealing with his resurgent human emotions and his feelings for the attractive Nurse Chapel (Jess Bush)

The Enterprise is currently at Starbase One getting repairs while much of the crew takes some well-earned leave. Captain Goodhair is checking on on Una in her jail cell. Apparently there is only one lawyer in the quadrant who could even have a chance of winning this case, and she isn’t answering their calls. Pike will not let Una take a plea deal, and instead is going off to see her in person. He tells Spock that he’ll be in charge while he’s away, and he’ll be back before the Enterprise is finished with repairs, so what could go wrong? To quote Spock, what is that saying humans have? “Famous last words?”

The refitting crew is tsk-tsking over all the modifications the Enterprise crew has made to the ship. One tech noted that the pitch and yaw controls were reversed, causing Lt. Ortegas (Melissa Navia) to reply that of course they are, because the way Starfleet had them was too slow and she doesn’t like getting shot at. Similarly, Ensign Uhura (Celia Rose Gooding) is reluctant to let the techs reboot her comms until she performs some final sweeps. Good thing, since she comes across a coded message from La’an.

La’an was able to trace the survivor girl’s parents back to the mining colony of Cajitar IV, and she has discovered something that requires the Enterprise’s immediate attention. Spock is eager to go, but the Admiral denies his request. Cajitar IV is on the edge of Klingon space, and an important source of dilithium crystals. As a part of the peace treaty that ended the Klingon War, the Federation and the Klingon each get access to the mines in 30 day shifts, and right now it’s the Klingon’s turn. If the Federation just suddenly jumps in, it could cause an diplomatic incident which could spark another war. They’ll just have to wait till the Federation has control again next month.

Spock breaks the news to the command staff that the Admiral has denied them the request, but he believes the message is real and they need to investigate it. However, if anyone does not want to take part in the plan or wishes to report it, he will not stand in their way. What plan is that, asks Nurse Chapel?  I thought that was obvious, says Spock.

“We must steal the Enterprise.”

This is a real time look at my reactions during this prologue section:

YOU’RE GODDAMN RIGHT, WE’RE GONNA STEAL THE ENTERPRISE! FUCK STARFLEET “PROTOCOLS” AND “TREATIES!” Man, this takes me back to the days of TOS where Kirk would treat the Prime Directive as a mild suggestion. Of course, Spock is 1000% following the lead of what Pike would do. And since this is the Enterprise, of course there are no dissenters, they’re all in.

It’s a simple matter to get the inspectors off the ship by having engineering fake a coolant leak. (Ensign Mitchell could not look any more suspicious while programming the computer.) However, one inspector isn’t fooled so easily. Commander Pelia (played delightfully by Carol Kane as if she just fluttered in from the set of Scrooged) recognizes the textbook signs of a coolant leak, mainly because she teaches that textbook at the Academy. Now, she says, if you really wanted to fake a convincing coolant leak you’d have to vent some ionized plasma from the warp nacells. That’s the best way to steal the Enterprise. Spock is of course confused. If she figured out that they’re trying to steal the ship, why help them. Pelia tells him that she’s never known a Vulcan to do anything without a good reason, especially not the son of Amanda Greyson, and she hasn’t been on a star ship in about a hundred years. It’s about then that Uhura pegs her accent and identifies her as a Lanthanite, a species of long-lived aliens that have a human like appearance who can blend in among us.

Spock is momentarily perplexed by all this, but then directs Ortegas to do what she says, and a few plasma vents later, the ship is ordered away from the starbase. Spock takes the opportunity to go to warp. But first, Ortegas asks if he has a thing. A thing? You know, Pike says “Hit it,” and Ortegas would go with “Vamanos.” Spock thinks for a minute and picks, “I would like the ship to go. Now!” Very cool, very natural.

La’an is on Cajitar IV, stealthily blending in by having blood wine drinking contests with the Klingons. She’s posing as a smuggler who has Federation weapons to sell. She has just finished off a competitor when Chief Medical Officer M’Benge makes contact with her.

The crew rendezvous in the woods, where La’an fills them in on what’s happening. The planet was a key source of dilithium in the war, and the cartel that controlled the mines got very rich selling to both sides. However, peace has killed their profit margin, and there are Klingons and Federation members who would like hostilities to resume so they can get their profits back. (A callback to the plot of one of my favorite Trek movies, The Undiscovered Country) Something is happening soon, and she thinks it has to do with all the Federation weapons her contacts want. Also, there was a recent explosion at the dilithium mines, which caused a lot of radiation poisoning. This confuses M’Benge, since dilithium won’t cause radiation poisoning, but photon torpedoes can.

The crew realizes that if there’s some attack on the mines that can get blamed on the Federation, it could reignite a war. M’Benge and Chapel go off to help the villagers who got sick in the explosion. Spock and Uhura will follow La’an to her client to if they can find out why he wants Federation weapons so badly.

Chapel and M’Benge are tending to the sick, including the parents of La’an’s ward, when the Klingon watch spots them and drags them off to take care of some Klingon wounded. She takes them to a bunker where they are stunned to see the rebuilt remains of a Federation ship. That can’t be good.

Meanwhile, Uhura and Spock eavesdrop on La’an as she sells some phasers to her Klingon contact. Uhura hears them talking about how they need the phasers for tomorrow, so whatever is going to happen, it’s happening soon. The Klingons are angry that La’an only has the phasers promised, and for twice the price. However, La’an has taken a page from Princess Leia’s negotiating tactics in Jabba’s palace. She has an anti-matter detonator, so pay up or get out with the lower half of your body missing.

(Note to editor: Are we allowed to reference that other Star franchise in a Star Trek review? Ooh, this is like breaking the Prime Directive! I feel so alive!)

(Editor’s note: I’ll allow it, but tread carefully…)

Spock orders the Enterprise to beam the party out, but there’s a problem. They can’t lock onto the medical team. Their signal has vanished, probably due to some sort of cloaking field the Klingons have around the bunker.

Chapel and M’Benge start treating Klingon wounded. Because of their familiarity with Klingon anatomy, their hosts suspect they aren’t the traveling traders they claim to be. M’Benge is doing all he can to tamp down his Klingon war PTSD, and he’s really white knuckling it.

They soon realize that the severity of the ion burns means that the photon torpedoes must’ve come from the salvaged Federation ship. They need to get to the bridge and get a message to the Enterprise. But how to get from sick bay to there, with dozens of Klingons in the way?

Well luckily Dr. M’Benge has two vials of green fluid in his bag for just such a purpose. The stimulant turns them into super strong fighting machines.

Now, I don’t recall them using this last season, so I don’t know what this magic science potion is called. I’m just going with Hulk Juice.

This is honestly the weakest part of the episode for me, but because the show is so strong even the weak spots are cool. Would I rather have seen Chapel and M’Benge use stealth and guile to get by the Klingons? Sure! Did I mind seeing them get ripped on Hulk Juice and go ham on some fools? Not at all! Especially not the part where M’Benge suplex-slams a Klingon. Let’s just not make a habit of using Hulk Juice to solve every corner you write yourself into.

They get to the transponder and rig it to send out a coded message to the Enterprise. That’s all they have time for as more Klingons burst in, forcing them to hide in the Jeffries Tubes. They flee into an emergency bay and block the door, and that’s when the ship starts to take off.

This leads to a humorous moment where Spock is checking in with La’an who tells him she can’t find any clue as to what the conspiracy could be just as the ship breaks through the surface and takes off over her head.

The ship is on a course to intercept a Klingon Bird of Prey. Uhura quickly deciphers the code from the transponder. It’s Morse Code 2, and it says simply “Enterprise, blow up this ship!” Spock quickly logics out that the ship is designed to be a false flag, and that Chapel and M’Benge put that code in the transponder. He has Ortegas keep the ship in firing range but, concerned that his crew didn’t make it off the ship yet, orders her to hold fire. He doesn’t have much time. If the Klingon ship sees the rogue Federation vessel and destroys it, it could mean the start of war.

This is some classic Trek tension here. Spock has been raised to believe the good of the many outweigh the needs of the few, and even speaks that aloud — Chapel and M’Benge believed that it was worth risking their lives to send that code, and they will honor that. However, we know his Vulcan blood has feelings for Chapel. How long can he wait?

On the other ship, the emergency lockers don’t have any evac suits, just a helmet with a locator beacon and a rocket. They don’t have any good options. They can let the murderous Klingons break through and kill them, or they can take their chances in the vacuum of space. The beacon will activate once they leave the ship. Hey, says M’Benge, it will take them a full minute to freeze to death and they’ll pass out in 15 seconds. They’ve been in worse spots!

No, not really, says Chapel.

(Hoo boy! Can’t wait to see Neil Degrasse Tyson tweet about that scenario. Oh wait, yes I can.)

Nevertheless, they blow the hatch and fly into space, clutching each other as they face the end. Fortunately, their plot armor activates — as does the helmet beacon — which allows Spock to beam them aboard. Good thing too, as the false flag ship has just gotten into sensor range of the Klingons and Spock had to take the shot. (Regrettably, Spock does not say, “I would like the torpedoes to go now.”)

After some emotional CPR from Spock revives the lightly frosted Chapel, he gets hailed by the Klingon captain. He is growling about Federation trickery. Spock replies logically, if we meant you harm and if you did not see us until we destroyed the rogue ship, then why wouldn’t we just have shot you? Now why don’t we all have a nice barrel of blood wine?

Back on Cajitar IV, Spock and the Klingons are downing tankards of wine and shouting toasts. Spock says the toast from the Klingons translates to “may your blood scream,” and after a glass of their wine he thinks he understands that.

Pelia is there as well, enjoying the party. Spock asks why she helped them. She chuckles. Do you know what the worst part of living an extremely long time is? The deaths of your loved ones, says Spock. Oh no, that’s the curse of any living being with a heart. (Awww…) No, the worst thing is boredom, and boredom is in short supply on the Enterprise so maybe she’ll stick around. (Yay! More Carol Kane acting weird please!)

So, a rousing adventure averts another galactic war. The admiral says that Spock’s Klingon-sized hangover is punishment enough for *checks notes* light mutiny, just please pinky swear you won’t do it again.

The admiral’s colleague thinks he let him off easy, but the admiral says he’s one of our best and we’re going to need him if there is a new war. Were they part of the conspiracy? The admiral then points to a Star map, showing the suspected location of a Gorn vessel. It looks like our scary aliens will soon be returning…

This was a strong start to season 2, but it did leave a few hanging questions. Namely, what happened to the conspiracy on Cajitar IV? Was it just the mining cabal? The Klingon captain seemed genuinely surprised by the attack so I don’t think he was in on it. Will they be back? And if it was just one ship, surely La’an could’ve scuttled it on her own. She’s very capable!

So next week, I assume we get to see the flip side of this episode, namely Pike’s attempt to get Una out of jail and back in his bridge. Looking forward to it!

Classic Call Back: In order to relieve the very human stress Spock gets when he takes over the captain’s chair, M’Benge gives him a Vulcan lute to play. Bring on the space hippies!

Rating 4/5

Miss Minutes is back in new variant covers!

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Set your alarms, Miss Minutes is coming!

August is ushering in 8 all-new variant covers for the perky, enigmatic mascot of the Time Variance Authority herself, Miss Minutes. When Marvel Studios’ Loki premiered on Disney+ in 2021, fans fell in love with the curious clock, and the coming parade of impressive covers is guaranteed to drum up anticipation for when she returns in season 2 of Loki later this year. Each cover sets the character in a different location, in various scenarios, being her plucky self as seen through the eyes and art of industry heavy hitters like Humberto Ramos, Betsy Cola, Ron Lim, Peach Momoko, and more.

Here’s a preview of five to wet your whistle!

On Sale 8/9

CHILDREN OF THE VAULT #1 MISS MINUTES VARIANT COVER BY BETSY COLA – 75960620617900121

GHOST RIDER/WOLVERINE: WEAPONS OF VENGEANCE ALPHA #1 MISS MINUTES VARIANT COVER BY AARON KUDER – 75960620556100121

On Sale 8/16

ALPHA FLIGHT #1 MISS MINUTES VARIANT COVER BY RON LIM – 75960620613100121

UNCANNY AVENGERS #1 MISS MINUTES VARIANT COVER BY ROMY JONES – 75960620597400161

On Sale 8/23

IMMORTAL THOR #1 MISS MINUTES VARIANT COVER BY PEACH MOMOKO – 75960620664300131

JEAN GREY #1 MISS MINUTES VARIANT COVER BY JUANN CABAL – 75960620618600121

MARVEL UNLEASHED #1 MISS MINUTES VARIANT COVER BY CHRISSIE ZULLO – 75960620134100121

 

 

 

Take a Bite Out of Crazy in AHOY Comics’ Cereal

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If you haven’t been hiding under a rock for the past 100 years, you’ve probably seen a cereal box. Generally with a smiling captain or psychotic leprechaun emblazoned on the front. But sometimes there are darker, more sinister forces on display. Vampires and other monstrous creatures. Normally they can’t hurt us, being entombed in cardboard and all. What if those monsters were living, breathing entities? That’s essentially what Cereal, by Mark Russell and Peter Snejbjerg and published by AHOY Comics, is all about.

Here’s what you can expect from this hilarious satire when it launches on October 12th:

The Marquis de Cocoa, recently transformed into a vampire, braves the agony of sunrise to throw his famous breakfast parties, where he plays his deadly games with such oddly familiar characters as the Quaker, Beau Berrie, and The Brute. This is their secret backstory, a chilling tale of a war of monsters who kill without remorse and stay crunchy in milk. Three climatic chapters—42 never-before-published pages of comics—complete this volume which ComicMix called “a satirical farce of everything that’s near and dear to every kid who grew up watching Hammer monster movies and eating cereal for breakfast.”

“Monsters play such an expansive role in our collective conscience, being used for everything from giving face to our deepest fears to selling us breakfast cereal,” said Russelll. “This book looks at monsters from every angle at once. It sees them as we are — as cartoonish but scary, as comical, and yet, still sad.”

Cereal | Full

It certainly sounds hilarious and delicious to me. If you agree, you can check out Cereal on comic stands this October!

The Undead Return with Marvel Zombies: Black, White & Blood

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Get ready for a terrifying treat this Halloween season as Marvel unleashes the undead horrors of Marvel Zombies in a brand new four-issue series entitled “Marvel Zombies: Black, White & Blood.” Based on the successful “Black, White & Blood” series that’s covered such beloved characters as Wolverine and Darth Vader, this installment grants the gruesome wish of every fan in returning to the Marvel zombie characters originally created by The Walking Dead’s founder himself, Robert Kirkman.

In this action-packed anthology, renowned writers and artists join forces to deliver shocking tales, set in a universe where beloved Marvel heroes and villains, including the Avengers, X-Men, and Spider-Man, face an ever-growing horde of zombies. All for a blood-soaked journey of a brutal and gory reality. Much like it’s What If Zombies? counterpart, These once-mighty heroes find themselves transformed into flesh-eating monstrosities, leaving readers to wonder if hope can prevail in the face of such creeping, gnawing, and shambling horror.

The first issue of “Marvel Zombies: Black, White & Blood” offers a glimpse into the terrifying world that awaits readers. The legendary writer of an unprecedented 9-year run of Punisher, Garth Ennis returns to the Marvel Universe, after having spent years having his comic hits adapted for TV, such as The Boys and Preacher. Teaming up with artist Rachael Stott, the duo examines a unique one-off regarding the tragic fate of Matt Murdock, who as Zombie Daredevil, has committed unspeakable acts. Daredevil must now rely on the help of someone from his past to end his suffering once and for all.

In another storyline, we examine Spider-Man’s darkest days in a story crafted by writer Alex Segura and artist Javi Fernández. Peter Parker, the friendly neighborhood Spider-Man, has saved the world countless times with his quick wit and agile web-slinging, but when faced with fiendish versions of his loved ones, he may be forced to finally give up. Sacrificing every ideal the web-slinger has ever beheld.

In a thrilling debut in the Marvel Comics universe, writer Ashley Allen joins forces with artist Justin Mason to present a jaw-dropping tale featuring Moon Knight. Discover how Khonshu, the god of the moon and vengeance, intervenes during these apocalyptic times to protect his loyal avatar, Marc Spector. Brace yourself for a dark and intense adventure that showcases Moon Knight’s unwavering loyalty to his divine benefactor.

“Marvel Zombies: Black, White & Blood” promises to deliver shock and horror expected from the Marvel Zombies franchise. Will anyone survive this relentless onslaught? Only time will tell, this upcoming October.

marvel zombies

MARVEL ZOMBIES: BLACK, WHITE & BLOOD #1 (OF 4)

Written by GARTH ENNIS, ALEX SEGURA & ASHLEY ALLEN

Art by RACHAEL STOTT, JAVI FERNÁNDEZ & JUSTIN MASON

Cover by GABRIELE DELL’OTTO

On Sale 10/25

The Lord of the Rings: Return to Moria brings the Dwarves back to their homeland

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Missing Middle-earth? Jonesing for something else to fill the void while we wait for another two years (or more) for the second season of the Rings of Power? Fret not! The Lord of the Rings: Return to Moria can help scratch that itch as you dive into the world of the Dwarves in this survival crafting game set during the Fourth Age.

Lord Gimli Lockbearer summons you to the Misty Mountains to take control of a band of Dwarves tasked in regaining the treasures from the greatest city of Dwarven-kind, Moria. A labyrinthine network of tunnels, chambers, mines, and halls is also known as Khazad-dûm or Dwarrowdelf. This quest requires resilience as you venture deep into the mines, crafting, building, and exploring your way through this underground world of wonder. Those brave enough to enter will have to keep their wits about them though as danger lurks in just around the corner.

The Lord of the Rings: Return to Moria is set in the mythical world created by J.R.R. Tolkien from his iconic book series The Lord of The Rings and The Hobbit. Developed by Free Range Games and published by North Beach Games, it is set to release fall 2023 for Windows PC via the Epic Game Store, PlayStation 5, and Xbox Series X|S.

Key Game Features:

  • Feel the Fellowship: Experience the Fellowship of the Dwarves like never before, with the rich lore of the iconic fantasy world from J.R.R. Tolkien interwoven into the very fabric of The Lord of the Rings: Return to Moria.
  • Survive the Dark: To survive the treacherous Mines of Moria players must conserve resources, hunt, and gather for food and manage their sleep, temperature, and noise levels. Utilize dynamic light systems for safety and to blaze a path further into the darkness. Battle unspeakable evils and survive hordes of monstrous Orcs in visceral combat, while uncovering the secret of the Shadow that looms within the mountain.
  • Base Building: Find solace from the darkness. Reveal and clear new locations to create architecture on a grand scale. Get creative and construct bases from scratch or build upon the existing environment. Beware the evils which seek to destroy Dwarven progress.
  • Rebuild and Reshape Moria: Restore the long-lost ancient kingdom of Khazad-dûm to its former glory, recovering Dwarven landmarks as the story progresses. Resurrect old mines and refire their forges to yield their untouched resources.#
  • Explore: Delve into the depths of the Mines of Moria. Procedurally generated environments are abundant with resources and fraught with mystery and danger, providing a unique experience each and every time.
  • Co-op Multiplayer: Adventure alone or band together with friends in online cooperative multiplayer with up to eight players.
  • Craft Dwarven Tools, Weapons and More: Craft and loot legendary Dwarven armour, tools, weapons and structures. Rebuild ancient forges to strengthen, repair and enchant gear. Upgrade and unlock new technologies and fantastical machines.
  • Uncover Magic Artifacts: Discover ancient magic items including swords that glow when Orcs are near, maps of long-dormant Mithril veins, books with forgotten crafting plans and amulets that give strength or wisdom.
  • Mine Ore and Jewels: Establish mines to unearth deposits of precious resources such as iron, gold, and quartz; and fantastical materials such as Mithril. Access crafting stations and forges to convert ore to ingots and upgrade gear. But be prepared, mining is loud and can awaken what lurks in the darkness.
  • Comprehensive Dwarf Builder: Players become part of Dwarven Legend as they create their own Dwarf in the custom character creator. Dwarves can be customized in a variety of ways to create a unique Dwarven identity. Then, during gameplay, players can find and craft armour and weapons to further enhance their unique style

WATCH the gameplay trailer narrated by John Rhys-Davies (who also played Gimli in the Peter Jackson film adaptations of LOTR)

Romantic Drama Sin La Habana Releases Later in June

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Do you need something sweet and sexy this summer? Looking to do so from the comfort of your own home? Then you’re in luck! Breaking Glass Pictures and Kaveh Nabatian are releasing Sin La Habana via VOD this June 27th. It’s a modern answer to Dirty Dancing you didn’t realize you needed.

Here’s what you can expect from Sin La Habana:

Says Rich Wolff, CEO, “Sin La Habana is a captivating cinematic exploration of dreams, ambition, and the human search for fulfillment. With stunning visuals that transport you from the vibrant heat of Cuba to the chill of a Montreal winter, this film beautifully captures the complexities of our desires and the sacrifices we make to achieve them. It is a testament to the power of storytelling and the profound impact of chance encounters in shaping our lives. Sin La Habana is a thought-provoking and visually striking experience that will leave audiences reflecting on their own aspirations and the lengths they would go to make them a reality.”

Sin La Habana | Full

Honestly, don’t just take our word for it. Check out a trailer for the movie below. And if you like what you see, be sure and check it out later this month!

New Fallen Friend: The Death of Ms. Marvel variant covers let many artists show their love

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Next month sees Marvel’s heroes and creators pay proper respect to the tragic passing of Ms. Marvel with Fallen Friend: The Death of Ms. Marvel #1.

Amazing Spider-Man #26 really packed an emotional punch with that tragic ending where Ms. Marvel made the hero’s sacrifice in a bid to save her friends and the universe, putting her squarely in the same league as Captain America, Wolverine, Doctor Strange, Captain Marvel, and countless others. The painful twist and its fallout continues in the special one-shot.

In honor of the trailblazing heroine, Fallen Friend: The Death of Ms. Marvel #1 will employ the character’s co-creator, G. Willow Wilson; the writer of her last stand-alone series: Saladin Ahmed; and the man who made her an Avenger and a star in The Champions: Mark Waid. In their capable hands is the inspirational legacy of Kamala Khan as well as how her death will forever mark the Marvel universe going forward.

It’s not all sad news though, since Fallen Friend: The Death of Ms. Marvel #1 will feature four beautiful covers for fans to choose from (or collect!). There’s the somber main cover care of Kaare Andrews, a tribute cover that harkens back to Captain Marvel’s death by Carmen Carnero (also available as a virgin cover), a more lighthearted retrospective that focuses on Ms. Marvel’s devoted fanbase who loved her fiercely from day one, thanks to Pablo Villalobos, and finally a touching portrait of the fallen hero from one of her co-creators: Adrian Alphona.

FALLEN FRIEND: THE DEATH OF MS. MARVEL #1 – 75960620702200111

Written by G. WILLOW WILSON, SALADIN AHMED & MARK WAID

Art by HUMBERTO RAMOS, TAKESHI MIYAZAWA & ANDREA DI VITO

Cover by KAARE ANDREWS

Homage Variant Cover by CARMEN CARNERO – 75960620702200121

Homage Virgin Variant Cover by CARMEN CARNERO – 75960620702200117

Variant Cover by PABLO VILLALOBOS – 75960620702200116

Variant Cover by ADRIAN ALPHONA – 75960620702200131

On Sale 7/12

 

Call Her King Comes to BET+ July 6

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Call Her King

A judge finds herself in the middle of mayhem when the courthouse is hijacked by the brother of a man she has just sentenced to death. Starring Naturi Naughton (Power Book II: Ghost) and Lance Gross (House of Payne) Call Her King premieres on BET+ this coming July 6.

Naughton plays titular character Jaeda King, a judge who has ruled that Sean Samuels face the death penalty. However things take an unexpected turn when Samuels’ brother Gabriel (Gross) arrives and takes over, demanding that as long as he gets what he wants nobody gets hurt. With the clock ticking, King must rely on her strength, skill, and wit to outmaneuver the hijackers and protect the hostages at all costs.

Source: BET+

Packed with plenty of action and suspense, the thriller also stars Jason Mitchell (Mudbound), Johnny Messner (A Day to Die), Nicholas Turturro (NYPD Blue), Tobias Truvillion (First Wives Club), Garrett Hendricks (FBI) and Shiobann Amisial (Bel-Air).

Written and directed by Wes Miller, Call Her King is the first production under BLacklight Entertainment.

WATCH THE TRAILER NOW:

Hearts Flutter, Legs Flail in Clone High Episodes 5 + 6: “Some Talking but Mostly Songs” b/w “Saved by the Kroll”

"Hail, hail, the gang's all here."

Review

The fifth episode, titled “Some Talking but Mostly Songs”, hits the refrain of another musical outing. Opening on a preview for the steamy serial Tropical Hospital, Harriet (Ayo Edebiri) is left foaming at the mouth. Joan (Nicole Sullivan) isn’t buying into the machine, but when the net for hiring staff is cast, Harriet is quick to pounce for that non-Union contract. She wants to seize the opportunity and prove she can become someone that her original can be proud of in the afterlife with her script for Twister: The Game: The Musical.

With Joan and JFK (Christopher Miller) as co-leads Blue and Red, respectively, the opening number is unapologetically meta. I’m a sucker for mellifluous exposition. Harriet is the director, JFK is an exhibitionist, Joan is a supportive friend, and Abe is a utility player. Topher (Neil Casey) simply isn’t invited “to the table” and for this, I’m sure Sacajawea gives thanks.

After the riotous hot open, we drop in Candide (Christa Miller) chewing out Principal Scudworth (Phil Lord) for not keeping his thumb over the student body. She predicts an obscene mob scene a la Footloose, so Cinnamon needs a pawn. Enter Topher, stage left, for a fight the Principal could break up. Candide’s not impressed by the production. Being derelict on his duty isn’t a good look, but neither is stewing.

During rehearsals, Joan’s acting is flatter than the metaphorical diving board JFK is using to jump into his role. Jackie Boy can move Harriet, but what really brings tears to her eyes is their kiss, and not in a good way. Harriet tries to give Joan some motivation by “letting” her cast Abe (Will Forte) as Mayor Spinner. Not one to let it get to his head, he imparts some wisdom to Confucius (Kelvin Yu), Cleo (Mitra Jouhari), and Carver. Sacajawea (Jana Schmieding) doesn’t get the source of Abe’s swagger until production designer Frida (Vicci Marinez) bitingly breaks down “white guy confidence” in a solo number. They need Abe’s distilled sweat. Imbibing it may seem like a plot from a certain teen drama, but in the 11th hour, it’s worth the literal shot.

The working relationship between Joan and Harriet grows strained when Joan’s notes have found their way into the script because Harriet just couldn’t say “No!” What she ultimately gets is if Buñuel & Bergman ejaculated a tableau out on stage. Aghast, Harriet’s had enough. Her desire to please the masses through mindless exploitation isn’t so far removed from the real Harriet Tubman’s mission statement to provide sanctuary. She’ll be damned if she loses JFK though, spurring the second mass free for all.

Scudworth finally puts his foot down, trenchant and stern, shutting it all down. Go off, King. Candide’s acknowledgment of this lasts for but half a second before he’s dismissed, and no doubt he is chubbin’ down there. Big deal at this point. The “will they/won’t they” of vituperative Candide and her mewling chew toy isn’t as grating as it is static. It comes in dribs and drabs, like an IV, but as the kids say, it’s just not “giving me life”.

At the Grassy Knoll diner, Joan’s not willing to accept her biggest role yet: dream killer. Upon drawing a parallel between her plight and the god-awful fish oil quiche she ordered, Joan springs into action. In U2 fashion, the group stages their vision on the restaurant’s rooftop. Joan tricks Harriet into making good on her script. This is Harriet 2.0 through and through, and somewhere lodged deeply in that Type A personality, there’s an F for “frivolity”.

Joan lets the creative juices (and saliva) fly by abdicating her position as second lead to Harriet. Yeah, with the tag-in, the optics of the situation don’t look weird at all, right?

The welcoming song sees no shortage of instructional dry-humping to get us acquainted with the very straightforward rules. With two practices under their belt, Confucius and crew go out and nail 100% of the only few steps they practiced. Hey, despite what Mr. Gretzky says, there’s no official statistic on the shots you don’t take, so on paper, they’re flawless.

With Red JFK and Blue Harriet in an entanglement with Green, Abe chews the scenery harder than if he had teeth of titanium. Harriet’s number is up. Sung with nascent torment, the song is remixed, incorporating Joan’s concept in a clever reveal.

It wouldn’t be Clone High without the juicy bits. The kiss was as I expected: first love. Oh, Joan, the colors don’t lie… and neither does the audience as A Standing O is in place. Tropical Hospital talent agent, NBA Coach Steve Kerr was also present to witness the magic firsthand. Though Harriet loses out to Tom Hiddleston for the shot, Steve offers Harriet something much more valuable… a start (and championship ring). Call it an investment.

It also wouldn’t be Clone High without destruction and Mr. Kerr’s ‘copter was simply the match that set the Grassy Knoll ablaze. Most importantly, however, it wouldn’t be Clone High without heartache. Fin.

If primary colors aren’t primary concerns, why so Blue, Abe? Why so blue?

The sixth episode, “Saved by the Knoll,” opens on the scorched remains of the Grassy Knoll, and though a hole is bored out in Joan’s soul, Harriet and Frida refuse to bust out the Kleenex for a scuzzy relic from a troubled era. Lamenting, Joan’s leg starts twitching, revealing a bigger plot point. We’re not here to bury a lede, however, but rather the wife of owner Mopps, who, by some act of God, became battered and deep fried before being unceremoniously finished off with parsley by him.  (It’s the little things.)

To Mopps (Stephen Root), there’s nothing left to do but sign on the dotted line so they may pave Joan’s paradise to put up a condo mall. There’s only one problem: The contract contains a “Goonies Clause,” granting the gang a few days to raise the scratch and resurrect a dream an old man didn’t want. Oh, god. Are my ’90s senses tingling? Could this be a student-run eatery a la “The Max” in Saved By the Bell?

Joan strolling down memory lane with her Grassy Knoll scrapbook only reveals a history of cutting corners sharper than Jack’s pink coffin. Something about retreading this ground sets her legs in motion. Candide hasn’t time to worry, as she has her own agenda at a business retreat.

At school, Joan’s barely keeping her legs under control, but JFK’s got his own problems to worry about. He and Harriet have an unspoken heart-to-heart before handling the situation as mature teens: through utter avoidance. In the midst of her handing out fliers, Joan’s legs finally gin in, causing her to pass out.

Joan’s in urgent care and Candide’s denying her cell. It’s Scudworth’s first time in an official capacity with the Board of Shadowy Figures, but who gives a shit? It’s ‘crunk o’clock’ or whatever the shit the kids today say. Joan chooses to come clean to Abe about her ‘Psylly Legs’ and their sillier cause. You know what? Hat on a hat. Let’s go. We revisit Joan’s past, the night John Mellencamp put the Cougar to bed. Her legs had none of it, kicking into overdrive. The only thing Joan can do is take the prescription tap shoes and wait out the storm, lest the toxicity reaches her heart. What are they going to do, rebuild the friggin’ place themselves?

Abe rallies the troops and… a simple cheque is cut for $100k, negating any fundraising montage (for the sake of keeping our nostalgia down, I assume). Le cinéaste Joan retreads the first film festival to produce a brand new fundraising commercial featuring the inimitable David Tennant, putting them in the red. Joan’s only saving grace is Abe who even explains the diminishing returns of nostalgia through some (leg) lampshading. Clone High, I like where your head’s at.

With Joan now having reached critical levels of nostalgia, the store owner comes in leading to one of the funniest sight gags I’ve ever seen… but the draw is too damn powerful now we run into former guest star Mandy Moore, still the homeless champion of the trash.

At school, Harriet and JFK steal a moment to see if what they want is real. The survey says that it’s just ambivalence. Abe’s already seen enough. And two secrets are one too many for a day. Dr. Neelankavil (Danny Pudi) knows Abe’s decision isn’t one to be taken lightly. He trusts Abe will make the right one.

While the clones pitch in and do their part in rebuilding the new restaurant from the trash it always was, Joan nearly lets her secret slip. JFK and Harriet comfort her, desperately trying to pacify their own inflammatory secret. Abe’s not the one you should be turning to, Miss Darc. Abe’s southern accent (which is latently a stereotype from the past) sends Joan back to urgent care. The only thing that could save Joan from a heart explosion now is to see the construction of the Grassy Knoll all the way through, ignoring Dr. Neelankavil’s very sound commentary on the palliative nature of such an act. How about an A for Effort?

The Grassy Knoll 2.0 might be greener, but sustainability was never a part of the equation. The contract carefully stipulated “OPEN” signage must be present on the door. Hey, “fine print” is the fine print, even when it’s BOLD on the back of the contract, so the reconstructed trash heap is unmercifully razed. The “old” Joan is back, making the news broken to her an uncomfortable, but relatable montage. (Yes.) In order for her to fully heal from Abe’s betrayal, however, a side must be taken. Like his forebear, Abe is no stranger to being pulled like taffy by two sides. Unlike his dad, he’s not had to deal with the fallout until now.

On the bus back, a very hungover Board of Shadowy figures things are back to normal as well between Scudworth and Candide. Hey, it’s the call of the wild with corporate retreats, am I right? Things admitted are tamped down or forgotten. Secrets go back inside their crypts and are sealed shut. Life. Moves. On.

At the new (açaí serving) Grassy Knoll, the gang is underway making new memories. Despite her ex-foster parent buying it, Cleo wanted it back as grounds for chucking food at nerds. Umm… is she supposed to be the remnant toxic or am I missing something? I could picture a disembodied voice taking the line/action but don’t just feed it to one of the main cast for us to remember their existence. Trust me, they’re teens. They flagellate themselves enough on the regular. Come on, the real Cleo’s somewhere in that writer’s room. Don’t just throw her one episode and be done with it.

Takeaway

Starting and ending with curtains, with an intermission, Clone High‘s second musical could have been handled with hands so nostalgic, Wes Anderson could’ve used them to jerk off with, but they didn’t, using clever callbacks to segue into what I’ll call the “partner-piece.” Frida’s song ripped. It spake truth to pain through humor and is honestly to me one of the more shining star moments in this season so far. MTV’s Clone High saw a rock opera in three acts with Jack Black. Because this is a stage musical, the only voices heard should be the students’.

During the doctor’s explanation, I thought I heard a few Andy Dick outtakes. Maybe it was to save a few pesos or maybe it was to amp up the audience’s Psylly Legs before “the toxicity” reaches our hearts. I have a feeling this was by design. Andy’s vox possesses an unmistakable elan, so I’m buying this as a slight to him. Remember, it’s peanut to the elephant in the room, not parade.

Though the Tennant cameo was a surprising treat, the Kerr one really threw me for a loop. It just seems so fuckin’ random, ‘seems’ being the operative word. Mandy Moore’s presence surely brought back some old-school feelings, if but momentary.

The lampooning of ‘misplaced nostalgia’ is one that Lord/Miller hit hard on with their Jump Street series and to be fair, I’m here for it. It’s the anti-Woody Allen and though I do love some of his films, the evergreen nostalgia in them hit so fucking hard, they reek of cheap air freshener. So keep up the good fight, guys. Nostalgia isn’t harmful if it’s ephemeral. That’s what makes it special.

Both episodes will be graded as a pair because of the connective, albeit charred tissue of nostalgia. In the episode proceeding the first musical, “Litter Kills: Literally“, JFK must deal with the death of a best friend. Not only is litter recycled to build the new restaurant, but now more than one character has to deal with the loss of a best friend. They bring in the help of (four!) episodes to shine the spotlight on something that has no expiration date and is easily recyclable: teenage drama.

It’s not recycling, it’s Up-Cycling.

4/5 Stars. (As A Duet)

ADDENDUM: I’m not mad that I wrongly intuited a Saved by the Bell reveal for the reconstruction of the restaurant. It might have lent a brighter, more organic flow to the landscape continuing with the ‘time moving forward’ aspect rather than giving the Grassy Knoll a cold, cynical, corporate facelift, but I get it. “The more things change” and that all jazz. Speaking of jazzy, way to go on Steve Kerr’s suit, Curly (R.I.P.), way to go.