What’s going on guys and gals! Welcome to round 2 of UN-Boxing Match, where I put subscription-based mystery boxes head to head, unbox them, and arbitrarily declare one a winner. This month we have a triple threat match! Entering the ring are the April editions of Loot Crate, Arcade Block and Marvel Collector Corps.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IN_E9CORXLE
Silicon Valley’s most recent episode, “Homicide,” picks up with Hooli and Pied Piper a month later as they gather in their respective offices to watch the highly touted UFC match via Nucleus. At first, the stream goes swimmingly as Gavin peppers the intro with fight analogies and shatters transition after needless transition; but then the fight starts. Almost immediately, the image begins to degrade until it finally freezes at the worst moment, as the announcers excitedly comment on the battle’s quick and stunning finish over the frozen frame. Gavin’s expletives reverberate off the walls, while those in Erlich’s house can breathe easy knowing that – at least for now – they’re head and shoulders above Nucleus.
As the gang debriefs from Hooli’s failure, Monica sees an opportunity for them to (and I apologize for this fighting metaphor) counter with a live streaming event of their own. Even though that isn’t their forte, they’re all ready to do what Nucleus couldn’t. Even Erlich (cognizant enough of his role) is “prepared to brag about it and release publicity.” Problem is they don’t have an event lined up. Jared suggests they stream the nesting egg of a California Condor. It’s a nice example of character continuity as Jared–who has mentioned his binoculars were stolen during an impromptu bird watching outing–would be aware of an imminent hatching. Erlich poses a better idea claiming to know Aaron Anderson – the owner of Homicide Energy Drinks, a parallel to Red Bull and its stunt fueled advertising. Having booby-trapped the house with “corporate resources”, Jared suggests they “SWOT” (Strength, Weakness, Opportunity, Threat) the idea – a way to best evaluate a difficult decision. Naturally, since it’s Jared’s idea, the group dismisses the notion.
Cut to the Homicide warehouse, where Aaron Anderson (or “Double A”) walks Richard and Erlich through the stunt as Dinesh and Gilfoyle split off with Gina, who gives them a tour of Homicide’s data center. While examining the space, Dinesh deftly flirts with her and the prospect of romance gets him overly excited. That is right up until Gilfoyle (as he is wont to do) spins Dinesh around so he can see her making out with the company’s stunt driver. She introduces them to the driver, Blaine, who is abruptly rude to them. Despite this treatment, Dinesh and Gilfoyle notice that his calculations for the stunt are off. They try to tell him about the mistake, but he cuts them off again with even poorer treatment. The two leave; conflicted about what they should do.
When Erlich is out of earshot, Aaron confides in Richard that he actually hates Erlich due to his penchant to interrupt people. This character flaw is further highlighted as the three of them resume talks regarding the nuts and bolts of the platform and what Pied Piper aims to achieve from this joint venture. Aaron tells him to come back the following day without Erlich or the deal is off. Erlich is a character that I have yet to embrace. TJ Miller does a fantastic job and delivers some of the best lines (“You look like a ferret that gave up on himself six months ago”) but the character is so grating that he’s difficult to enjoy. I had the same problem with Steve Carell’s portrayal of Michael Scott, and ultimately warmed up to him so this might be more of a “me problem” than it is a problem with the show.
As Gavin deals with the embarrassing fallout of the Nucleus disaster, he vents to his Svengali “Yes man” about his Hooli “Yes men”. John Oliver’s comment about Starbucks’ CEO Howard Schultz and his recent Race Together campaign sums it up best, “I think it’s pretty clear that no one has said ‘No’ to this guy in 25 years.” But after the spectacular failure, Gavin is looking at the product on his own without any middlemen to give him only the good news. As he watches a focus group about the new Nucleus-based operating system, Gavin is faced with the blunt truth: Nucleus is bad – very, very, bad.
Torn between whether or not to tell Blaine about his miscalculation, Dinesh and Gilfoyle begin to weigh the pros and cons regarding his demise. The show delightfully brings the joke full circle, as they use Jared’s SWOT analysis to weigh their decision. Richard reveals to Erlich that Aaron doesn’t like him. Erlich swallows his pride and advises Richard that Aaron isn’t as nice as he may seem and that they also had a nickname for him in college: Double Asshole. The following day, Aaron treats Richard in a detached second rate manner. As Richard goes off to do as he’s told, he sees that Homicide isn’t honoring their agreement of putting Pied Piper’s logo on the player.
Dinesh and Gilfoyle are deep in their SWOT analysis of deciding whether or not to “Let Blaine Die” when he comes in to apologize for his rudeness the other day. His apology is heartfelt and exposes his mental and emotional state, all while a massive cork board weighing the Pro and Cons of his passing looms behind him. The two nearly make out without him seeing their work but he sees at the last seconds as he reads the morbid bullet points.
When Richard confronts Double A about the player logo, he pathetically rationalizes the new banner and tells Richard to get back to work; that they’ll add a banner next time. As Aaron is walking away, Richard puts his foot down and calls him by his college nickname: Double Asshole. It’s a true record scratch moment as the warehouse skids to a halt as Double A lifts up his shirt to reveal the origins of the nickname: a colostomy bag – his second asshole. Dinesh and Gilfoyle fearing for their safety scurry past Richard telling him it’s time to leave as Blaine continues to read the possible Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities, or Threats created from his own demise. Erlich laughs heartily at the circumstances that led to their severely severed relationship with Homicide. It’s an example of how great TJ Miller is in the role, even though his laughter stems from a terrible exchange the emotion feels so genuine that you can’t help but laugh along.
Back at square one with no live event to stream, Jared proposes the nesting option once again. It’s something they have to resort to and it’s a wholly unremarkable demo, which is why Richard is confused when Russ (a decidedly not bird savvy person) congratulates them on the live stream – and the name change. Richard switches to the Homicide live stream to see a company named End Frame sponsoring the event. Russ is livid when he learns that this company didn’t illegally steal their idea, but that it’s the result of Richard and the team over sharing their methods during a preliminary meeting. Even if Hooli’s Nucleus is terrible, it isn’t the only threat to Pied Piper. The whole valley is working on middle out compression and others are gaining on them – even if Richard had to give them the push they needed.
“Homicide” was better than the last couple episodes, for the simple fact that this one had some of the best lines of the season. Most of them came from Gilfoyle dishing out insults to Jared, Erlich, and Dinesh with dry contempt that is his forte.
Last weekend, one of the most anticipated movies of the summer that doesn’t stem from some sort of comic book and/or superhero franchise hit theaters. I’m talking about the sequel to Pitch Perfect, a lightning-strike of a cute, girl comedy about a college a cappella group and their struggles to find a place for both themselves and their group.
Elizabeth Banks is a veritable genius and the cast of largely unknowns took all of us by surprise, making us fall in love as we laughed our butts off and, in the end, giving us a movie that’s as endlessly quotable as it is rewatchable.
I’m sorry to say that the sequel, Pitch Perfect 2, did not deliver on the promise and magic of the first one. Take a look as my good friend Leigh Ann Kopans and I (we’re both authors of young adult fiction, so stories like this are near and dear to our hearts) talk about why the film ultimately didn’t work for us – or, she talks sense and I mostly try to derail the conversation in between sips of wine.
Sorry not sorry.
Spoilers through the most recent episode of Game of Thrones – “Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken”
I love Game of Thrones. Sift through my post history and you’ll see that it is laden with A Song of Ice and Fire discussion. However, last night’s episode left me upset to my core and I’m tired of the recent character assassinations. In case you missed it, Sansa Stark was raped by her new husband, the barbarian from the Dreadfort, Ramsay Bolton. This isn’t the first time we’ve seen rape in Game of Thrones, nor is it the first time we’ve seen horrible things happen to a fan favorite character. Unlike some of the other deplorable acts throughout the series, this particular scene was unnecessary, doing nothing to further the story, and could have been completely avoided in favor of better storytelling.
Sometimes the hero doesn’t win, I know that. Ned Stark proved that. However, there hits a point where something good has to happen in order to make the story worth telling. In the real world, horrendous things occur all over the place; good people die for no reason and you don’t get handed a happy ending. However, in storytelling, you write with a purpose or you’re not doing your job well. If someone wrote a novel depicting their day-to-day routine, it would be boring, monotonous, and probably involve way too much fried food. No one wants to read that story. In the same vein, no one wants to read about the perfect hero, the guy who never fails, makes no mistakes, and flosses twice a day. We hate that guy. A good story is like a roller coaster, up and down with loops like whoa and twists like yea.
Game of Thrones prides itself on being a story told by characters who aren’t black and white, and that’s why so many people love it. Characters like Jaime Lannister can rise from being an incestuous prick who pushed a kid out a window to someone noble, akin to a hero (at least as close as one can get in ASoIaF). Fans of the series cheer for Jaime Lannister because his redemption has been one of the most fascinating arcs in literature. That being said, HBO’s Jaime Lannister has made no such journey. Instead, we have watched him rape his sister. I don’t care what the showrunners proclaim, telling someone she’s a “hateful woman” and then forcing himself on her while she pleas “no” is rape.
We’ve watched mutinous members of the Night’s Watch rape Craster’s daughters, as if to drive home the point that they are very bad men who drink wine from skulls and assault women. Ros, a whore in Littlefinger’s brothel who was growing into an intriguing character in her own right, was turned into a plaything for Joffrey’s sadism, shown naked and filled with crossbow bolts. In both of these situations, we already know the ex-Crows and Joffrey are degenerate examples of human beings. Do we need to see this abuse to drive the nail home, time after time after time? Hint: the answer is no.
The death of Ned Stark was shocking for everyone. He was the hero, the one who would save the realm from the Lannisters and winter, and bring about peace. His death gutted most people, but it was also the catalyst for all of the current events of the series. Similarly, Khal Drogo’s death and the loss of her child was the impetus for Danaerys to walk into the fire and birth three baby dragons. Robb, Talisa, and Catelyn’s deaths were difficult to watch, graphic and depressing, but again, there was a build-up to the moment and repercussions for the demise of the King in the North. From a plot standpoint, we can see why the Red Wedding occurred, and how it will allow for other characters to stand up and become heroes.
What then, did the story gain from the rape of Sansa Stark?
I’ll tell you: nothing.
Of course, I don’t know how the series will play out. I don’t know what will occur over the next four episodes or through the final two seasons. However, the way I see it, there are two possible outcomes for Sansa’s character from here:
In both examples, Sansa’s rape lifts right out of the story and becomes superfluous, a scene used to drive home points we were already aware of: Ramsay is a monster and Sansa has suffered. And from a storytelling standpoint, that’s just bad writing. It sends the message that Sansa could have only grown into a true player because she was raped; her rape becomes the impetus, the symbol for her change. And now, Sansa Stark, the character who deserves something good more than anyone else, is reduced to fantasy trope.
Related to what I mentioned above, when it comes to storytelling, no one wants to see solely the negative aspect of the world. There must be some sliver of hope to cling to, to cheer for our hero, to drive us to retain interest in the story. Who wants to read a story that constantly makes them feel like garbage? When it comes to Sansa Stark and Game of Thrones, there hasn’t been much to cheer about.
But Sansa and Ramsay were betrothed, what did you expect to happen? This is Westeros.
What did I expect to happen? I expected good character development that wouldn’t rely on worn out tropes, twists that wouldn’t involve the rape of an already battered woman. This may be Westeros, but this is still a story being told for the sake of entertainment. Instead of giving us the horrible wedding and rape we have sadly come to expect from Game of Thrones (and still stupidly hope won’t happen), why not build on the already established growth of the character?
Sansa has been built up as a growing player in the Game of Thrones, someone who is widely considered to one day become Queen in the North. Upon first greeting Roose Bolton in Winterfell, Sansa made nice with the Warden of the North, knowing full well that her anger wouldn’t avenge Robb and her mother, so she made nice, biding her time. When Fat Walda announced her pregnancy, Sansa quickly picked up on what this meant for Ramsay and used it to strike a nerve, knowing that Ramsay couldn’t retaliate. We’ve seen her wit with handling Joffrey, how she plays up the innocence in King’s Landing, how she manipulates Robin Arryn, and even in the case of Baelish, uses her sex to her advantage. She has learned from the likes of Cersei, Margaery, and Littlefinger. Not one of those three “players” would have allowed the events of her wedding night occur.
But Sansa isn’t a player yet, she’s still growing into one and this was a stepping stone to her final form.
Bullshit. This scene was meant solely to shock viewers. No other reason. Instead they could have shown Sansa growing into that player, that woman who has learned to manipulate those around her, including Ramsay Bolton. Slowly, she could have infiltrated Ramsay’s mind, first through Myranda (she’s already stood up to her), then through Theon, and then herself.
How much more interesting would it have been to watch Ramsay squirm, not wanting to admit he’s uncomfortable around Sansa? She could still falter, much the same way she did at last week’s dinner with the Boltons. Push back the marriage to give Sansa some measure of safety; the people in Winterfell are loyal to her, so as long as she always does her thing in the open, in view of others, Ramsay wouldn’t be stupid enough to retaliate. And if they aren’t married, Roose isn’t stupid enough to allow his son to rape the only GOOD tie he has left to control the north, to buy their loyalty. But now? Roose, along with most others, isn’t going to stop Ramsay from raping Sansa. They’re married. Besides, Roose is the monster who raped a woman underneath the hanging corpse of her husband. Any thing resembling kindness from him is solely for political reasons. And Sansa would know that and use it to her advantage.
But FINE. Leave the wedding as it is, and then have someone else intervene. Brienne makes an appearance, or after saying his name aloud, Theon Greyjoy decides to protect someone from becoming another plaything. Or maybe there’s news of Stannis at the gates and they lock Sansa away for safekeeping. Something. Anything. There were so many ways around this very horrible and very predictable outcome and D&D decided to use what would shock viewers the most.
Maybe I’m naive and hope too much for the good things, but I’m also a fan of good writing and creative characters who grow. Sansa’s “wedding” involved neither. And if I have to hear one more time, “But it’s worse in the books!” I’m going to start eating puppies. EVEN THE CORGIS.
With an ending like that, I don’t want to hear anything about the Martell’s house words.
The sixth episode of the season and I’m starting to have major issues with Game of Thrones. Not only because of what happened (though I will discuss that), but because it feels as though the writers are playing on simply what they think we, as viewers, want. Oberyn Martell was a huge hit last season, so let’s travel to Dorne to showcase his babies. Surprisingly deaths seem to attract a lot of attention, so let’s kill Ser Barristan to force Dany’s hand. Oh? Everyone makes jokes about wedding in Westeros, let’s keep that trend going. “Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken” did nothing to give me hope for Game of Thrones’ future.
Jorah the Explorer and Tyrion continue their Bro-trip through Essos, on their way to the Mother of Dragons, and Jorah is still insistent on keeping his greyscale a secret. However, the banter between him and the Imp is entertaining, though I yearn for Tyrion and Varys on the road once again. Tyrion lets slip the news of Jorah’s father, a death that occurred way back in season three, so you’d think the writers would have told him by now, but nooooooo people have to have their secrets. Iain Glen does a remarkable job of conveying Jorah’s emotions with only a few looks and like a true soldier, he bottles up his feelings (and diseases) and moves on.
The pair’s journey hits a snag when they run into a group of slavers, intent on selling Jorah and Tyrion’s baby Tyrion. Realizing that the slavers aren’t hitting on him, Tyrion talks his way into getting Jorah a spot in Dany’s newly opened fighting pits, and then talks his way out of dying, for the time being.
Faceless Man training grows a bit too stagnant (heh) for Arya’s liking and she becomes antsy to learn more about what they do with the corpses she painstakingly cleans. (Come on Arya, put two and two together. This is a BBB accredited establishment that prides itself on anonymity. You’ve literally watched a man change his face before your eyes. What do you think is going on with the dead bodies?) The Waif and Jaqen H’ghar teach Arya all about lying (and how she sucks at it). However, the Stark girl doesn’t stay honest for long as she convincingly spins a tale to a sick, young girl to spare her the agony of living. Impressed with Arya’s abilities, Jaqen finally takes her to the Room of Many Faces, telling her, “A girl is not ready to become no one. But she’s ready to become someone else.” FINALLY, AMIRITE?
What is going on down in Dorne? When HBO first announced that Jamie would be heading south for the winter, I thought, “Okay, maybe this is a nice change of pace, a good way to take an established character and introduce an entirely new culture through his eyes. Neat.” Now? It’s the most cringe-worthy plot of the season. And that’s including Tommen’s inability to rule Westeros. Still on the hunt for his daughter niece, Myrcella, Jaime conjures up a clever disguise of bloodied guard’s robes to super stealthily sneak into the unguarded capital of friggin’ Dorne. Seriously, were the grounds opened that day because of a scheduled tour group? Oh, hey look. The heir to Sunspear and his betrothed, sister to the king of Westeros, are just here, chilling, unguarded, where any moron with one arm could just, oh I don’t know, take them. Surprisingly, Jaime and Bronn’s awful improvisation skills aren’t the worst part of Dorne. That title goes to the Sand Snakes.
I was excited when the Sand Snakes were cast into larger roles for the series. Badass women who fight with spears? Hell-to-the-yes. Instead, Game of Thrones took those women and made them into a caricature of Inigo Montoya. To top it all off, their fight scene was laughable. Someone get the choreographer from Daredevil up in here to show them how it’s done. And here I thought the worst part about the Sand Snakes would be the nipples on their armor.
Littlefinger returns to the shithole that is King’s Landing because Cersei wants his assurance that he and the Vale are loyal to the crown. Why Cersei believes anything out of Littlefinger’s mouth is beyond me. We don’t need a Jaqen H’ghar slap to know that Littlefinger is lying. At least now we have a greater understanding of why he married Sansa to Ramsay Bolton–he wants to be Warden of the North. Though I doubt his ambition stops there.
Also returning to King’s Landing is our favorite Burninator from High Garden: Lady Olenna. Immediately upon entering the Red Keep, the Queen of Thorns brushes up on what she does best: insulting Cersei to her face.
However, Cersei was the one with the last laugh this episode as Ser Loras was put on trial for–sigh–being gay–something that isn’t considered a sin in the book canon; but hey, it seemed like a good idea since Ser Loras has been written as a gay stereotype, making both him and Renly out to be men who can barely control their sexual urges when around squires or stable boys. I recognize that imprisoning Ser Loras for his “perversions” was a way to get Margaery to perjure herself in front of the High Sparrow, but there are other ways to do so, ways that don’t involve character assassination. It’s appalling that they have taken such a strong character, one who mourned the death of his true love, one who was renowned as one of the best fighters in Westeros, and turned him into a joke.
Oh, and I can’t believe I’m going to say this but, Tommen? Sweetie, pumpkin, honey, dear…Joffrey would have slaughtered those Sparrows for touching his wife. Get it together.
And now we’ve come to worst part of the episode, the wedding between Sansa Stark and Ramsay Bolton. I’ll admit, I had hopes the wedding wouldn’t come this soon. I mean, Sansa was engaged to Joffrey for like, all of her middle school years, so it felt safe to assume she had at least a few more weeks. Sadly, that was not the case and now, Sansa, the girl who has suffered more than any other character on the show, is married to a psychopath. It’s a sad day when as a viewer you wish that Sansa had instead married Littlefinger. I still don’t understand the point of such a scene. We went into it knowing that Ramsay was a sadist and that Sansa has endured a massive amount of pain. We left that scene knowing that Ramsay was a sadist and that Sansa has endured a massive amount of pain. What was the point other than to shock viewers?
I will say this much for the scene: Alfie Allen needs to get a damn Emmy. Sansa’s screams were horrifying and even though we saw nothing beyond her face, we knew what was happening. Then the camera panned to Reek, a man so beaten down that he has no choice but to obey Ramsay, and yet, there’s also this girl, this connection to the Theon Greyjoy from before, and she’s being abused the same way he was, and he’s powerless to stop it. He’s not watching her become a woman, he’s watching her become one of Ramsay’s playthings.
To keep myself sane for the time being I’m just going to remember Sansa in this episode like this:
So Bronn was definitely cut by a poisoned spear during that anti-climactic fight, yes? He’s going to die on Dorne. Dammit.
SERIOUSLY, TOMMEN. THAT IS YOUR WIFE.
The Room of Many Faces was much larger than I imagined, though I wonder how they get the faces down from the very top?
Heh heh. Cock merchant.
I miss Stannis. Please get to Winterfell soon to help out my girl Sansa.
WHERE WERE YOU BRIENNE?! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PROTECT HER.
Game of Thrones airs Sundays at 9pm EST on HBO.
We’ve got seven matches on tonight’s card including an “I Quit” Match and a Fatal 4-Way…let’s see who come out on top…
We start with our usual sizzle reel as the announcer promises us PAYBACK!!!
We are LIVE(!!!) from Baltimore, Maryland for WWE Payback!!!
JBL, Cole and King are the guys in the booth as Booker is off manning the WWE News Desk of Doom tonight. Marcelo Rodriguez and Carlos Cabrera are the guys at the Spanish Desk.
MATCH #1: Sheamus vs. Dolph Ziggler
Sheamus slaps Ziggler pre-match. Bell rings and Ziggler is all over him. He sends Ziggler out of the ring, beats on him outside, then sends him back in, hitting a Cross Body for two. Sheamus tries White Noise but Ziggler hits a nice Sunset Flip, getting two. A couple of counters and Ziggler gets elbowed in the knee. Ziggler rolls out of the ring, favoring his right knee. When he gets back on the mat, Sheamus suplexes him back in. Sheamus applies a headlock as Cole and King debate whether or not they should say the word, “ass”. Ziggler fights out and Sheamus hits the Irish Curse Backbreaker. Sheamus stomps at Ziggler, then charges at him but misses and hits the ringpost. Ziggler starts hitting punches and forearms, then knocks him down with a Flying Press. Ziggler hits a dropkick followed by punches in the corner. Sheamus tries a side suplex but Ziggler counters with a DDT for two. Ziggler beats on Sheamus in the corner…then pulls an ass cheek out of his shorts and makes Sheamus kiss it. Sheamus leaves the ring, drinks some water, then gets back in. Now that we’ve gotten THAT out of the way, Ziggler jumps at him when he re-enters the ring but Sheamus drops his neck on the ropes. He misses a Brogue and Ziggler hits the Fame-Asser, NEARLY getting the fall. He punches Sheamus in the corner but Sheamus counters with a Sitting Powerbomb, nearly getting the fall. Sheamus hits a powerslam and he gets two again. White Noise by Sheamus followed by The Cloverleaf — but Ziggler gets to the ropes. Sheamus breaks the hold at four. Sheamus taunts Ziggler but Ziggler headbutts him and hits a Superkick for two. Ziggler is cut open BADLY. Sheamus hits the Brogue to finish it and we’re done at 12:23.
WINNER: Sheamus via Brogue Kick
RATING: ***1/4. Really good start. Both guys looked excellent here. Glad that we’re past the “Kiss Me Arse” stuff…we can only hope, at least.
Kane is backstage on his cellphone. Rollins and J&J show up. Rollins wants to put all the animosity behind them. The two compare all the back-and-forth they’ve been through in the past four weeks. Kane says that he doesn’t know what will happen in regards to Rollins’ match. But, if Kane gets involved, Rollins will know. Rollins threatens Kane and puts J&J in Kane’s way. Kane laughs at them and all guys walk off.
New Day shows up. Xavier tells people that they can do anything if they just BO-LIE, uh, THINK POSITIVE!!! (DANIELLE: So…they’re Bo Dallas…but they’re better heels, they’re black and there’s three of them. Got it.) There are Baltimore Oriole players at ringside and New Day berates them for never having won a World Series — which they could do if they THINK POSITIVE.
MATCH #2: The New Day (Kofi Kingston & Big E) (champs) (w/ Xavier Woods) vs. Cesaro & Tyson Kidd (challengers) (w/ Natalya) in a 2-out-3 Falls Match for the WWE Tag Team Championship
FIRST FALL
Kidd and Kofi start out. Kidd applies a headlock and Cesaro tags himself in, hitting an elbow on Kofi. E enters and gets powerslammed by Cesaro in an impressive start. Cesaro runs at E and E press slams him. He chokes Cesaro, then gets pulled off by the ref. Woods hits a cheap shot from outside. Kofi gets involved but Cesaro slams them both and stomps both their chests. Cesaro puts Kofi up for a Delayed Suplex. Kidd tags in, knocking Kofi to the mat. E is knocked outside. Cesaro hits the Spin. Kidd dropkicks him and Cesaro/Kidd take the first fall at 2:52.
WINNERS: Cesaro & Kidd
SECOND FALL
There’s a skirmish involving Woods and Natalya and Kidd kicks Woods outside. Kidd tries to dive at E who catches him and puts to the mat. Back in the ring, E and Kofi stomp at Kidd. Kofi hits a dropkick. E has Kidd in a bearhug, then drops him to the mat and hits a Warrior Splash. Cesaro stops the pin. E hits a Spear on Cesaro, then gets back in and tags Kofi. Two count. Kofi climbs the top rope but Kidd dropkicks him on the way down. Kidd counters nearly everything E and Kofi throw at him until Kidd ends up on E’s shoulders. They hit a horrible-looking 11th Hour as E drops Kidd before Kofi can actually get to him. They win the 2nd fall at 7:41.
WINNERS: The New Day
FINAL FALL
No let up as E rushes at Kidd. Kidd hits a Drop Toehold and E falls into the turnbuckle. Cesaro makes his way back in and he gets the hot tag. He hits five straight uppercuts, then tosses Kofi into E. Cesaro tries an Underarm Hook Powerbomb but E escapes it. Cesaro hits a quick uppercut on Kofi and NEARLY gets the fall. Cesaro and Kidd hit the Decaptitator and NEARLY get the fall as the crowd is WAY into this. Kidd goes for a Sharpshooter, locking it in. Cesaro runs over and sends E into the announce table, then gets back to his corner. Kofi escapes the Sharpshooter. Cesaro and Kidd do the Double Team Uppercut but E saves the pin. It’s chaos in the ring. Cesaro gets dinged — and Woods suddenly runs in and hides his face, getting the small package pin as the New Day retains at 12:44.
WINNERS AND STILL CHAMPIONS: The New Day
RATING: ****. Great match here. Great heel finish. I’ve always liked the old “twin magic” thing.
Ryback is with Byron Saxton. He’s ready for Wyatt — and that match is next.
MATCH #3: Bray Wyatt vs. Ryback
This match ends with Bo helping Bray or GTFO. Ryback is all over Wyatt in the corner, shoulder-ramming him, then hitting a quick spear. He knocks Wyatt down with a shoulderblock and gets a one count. Wyatt breaks out of an armbar only to end up in a Press by Ryback. Wyatt rolls out of the ring and Ryback follows. Short brawl outside. Back inside, Ryback puts Wyatt in the corner but Wyatt comes back with a flying lariat. Wyatt hits a slightly painful looking snapmare and puts on a headlock. Ryback comes back with a Powerslam and gets two. He rushes Wyatt but hits the ringpost. Wyatt hits a nice DDT on the edge of the ring mat and Ryback falls outside. Wyatt jumps and hits a Reverse Senton from the mat to the floor, knocking the wind out of Ryback. The ref counts and Ryback barely gets back into the ring on time. Wyatt attacks immediately, then hits a Running Clothesline in the corner. For some reason, Wyatt thinks it’s time to celebrate on the second turnbuckle and Ryback grabs him and powerbombs him. Wyatt ends up outside and Ryback runs at him for a Meat Hook only to eat a clothesline from Wyatt. Two count back in the ring. Wyatt hits a Suplex Throw, tossing Ryback across the ring. Ryback hits a clothesline, then a Spinebuster. Two count. Wyatt puts Ryback in the corner and holds him there, then sets Ryback up on the top rope. Wyatt goes for the Superplex but Ryback headbutts out of it and hits a NICE splash and nearly gets the pin. Ryback looks hurt. Wyatt goes for Sister Abigail but Ryback breaks it and goes for a Shellshock. Wyatt holds the ropes and tears the top turnbuckle off like a candy wrapper. He knocks Ryback into it, hits Sister Abigail and this match is done around 10:55.
WINNER: Bray Wyatt via Sister Abigail
RATING: **1/2. A bit stalled and clunky. Bray finally got a much-needed win…but this feud really doesn’t mean a lot beyond Wyatt just fucking with Ryback and Ryback trying to fend him off.
We get a teaser spot for Money in the Bank.
We get the Cena/Rusev match reel…
MATCH #4: Rusev (challenger) (w/ Lana) vs. John Cena (champion) in an “I Quit” Match for the WWE United States Championship
Crowd is rabid as hell. Rusev has a mic. He says that half the people in the arena already hate him. He tells Cena to tell him he quits and spare them the pain. Cena finally attacks him around the 2 minute mark but Rusev sends him across the ring, kicks him in the ribs and clotheslines him. The crowd chants for Lana, so Rusev gets her a chair and tells her to sit down? That’ll help. Back in the ring, Cena misses an elbow in the corner and Rusev kicks, punches and headbutts him. Cena won’t quit when the ref gets in his face with a mic, so Rusev continues to kick at him, then hits a dropkick. Kick. Do You Quit? No. Kick. Do you quit? No. Rusev hits a Spinning Heel Kick as the crowd chants for Lana. Rusev goes out to yell at her. Rusev knees him in the chest, then elbows him in the head. He tells Lana to hand him the Russian flag and Rusev waves it. He gives the flag back and it’s Moves 1 through 3. 5KS hits but an AA fails. Cena flies at Rusev who catches him and hits a Fallaway Slam. Cena rolls outside but won’t quit when the ref asks. Rusev tosses him into the stairs. Do You Want to Quit? No. Do You Want to Quit? No.
Rusev is pissed and tosses Cena into the ring, then grabs the steel steps, placing them in the corner. Ref asks about quitting again. Nope. Toss into the stairs. Quit? Nope. Another stairs shot. Quit? Nope. Rusev goes for a move but Cena counters it and backdrops Rusev. Another stair shot. Quit? No. Finally, Cena hits an AA. Rusev langs on the steps. Ref gets in his face. Rusev doesn’t quit and rolls out of the ring. Cena throws the ring steps at him but Rusev moves. They fight outside as Cena sends Rusev into the ringpost. Rusev won’t quit. Cena sends him through the timekeeper’s pit. Rusev won’t quit. Cena rolls some sort of storage container over to Rusev and Rusev just kicks him in the face. John won’t quit and the fight goes into the crowd. Cena goes for an AA but Rusev breaks it and hits a weak Alabama Slam that won’t even break the table he sends Cena into. Cena gets up and hits an AA, then sets up a table. Cena grabs a TV Monitor and slams Rusev in the back with it. Rusev won’t quit and Cena just continues to whack him with it. Rusev hides under the table. Cena retrieves him but Rusev counters and hits the Alabama Slam into the table. Cena won’t quit. Rusev fucks around with the pyro cables, then tries his high kick. Cena counters and tosses Rusev into the pyro beds and fireworks go off, much to Cena’s dismay.
Lana can’t believe it and rushes to Rusev. The ref asks if he wants to quit. He won’t. Cena goes off into the side and grabs a metal crowd gate from 1987. The ref asks Rusev if he wants to quit. Nope. So Cena whacks him with the crowd gate. He sets the crowd gate up against the ring. Cena tries an AA but Rusev counters with a suplex. Cena won’t quit. Rusev tosses Cena into the ring and sets up for the big kick, hitting it. Accolade by Rusev. Cena tries to break it but can’t. Cena falls unconscious. Rusev thinks he’s won but the ref tells Rusev that’s not how it works. Rusev’s pissed and he tears the top buckle pad off, then disconnects the top rope. He revives Cena with a bottle of water and misses the rope shot. Cena hits the STF, using the ring rope. Rusev says a bunch of shit in Bulgarian. Lana runs in and just ends this shit at an overlong 28:02 by saying Rusev quits.
WINNER: John Cena
RATING: * for some very slight entertainment value. This was like a Michael Bay movie: no expenses spared, tons of repetitive action, explosions…and still extremely shitty. And the match ends because Rusev can’t speak English all of the sudden.
Renee Young and the WWE News Desk of Doom tell us how great that match was.
The New Day celebrates with champagne glasses full of milk. Byron says that there’s breaking news about Elimination Chamber: The New Day will defend the titles inside the first ever Elimination Chamber tag team match. The New Day says that isn’t fair and that nothing like that has happened. Byron: “Well…I guess it’s…A NEW DAY.” Oh, man, and he DOESN’T put on the CSI sunglasses. Opportunity was missed there.
MATCH #5: The Bella Twins (Nikki& Brie Bella) vs. Naomi & Tamina
Nikki dropkicks Naomi after an initial assault by Naomi. Tag to Brie and the two hit a nice falling faceslam. Brie hits the Running Brie Mode and the fight spills outside. Brie puts her right back in. The ref pushes Naomi and Tamina kicks Brie’s head off. Naomi stretches Brie while standing on Brie’s hair. Tamina gets into the ring and attacks Nikki, then kicks Brie in the stomach. Tag to Naomi who hits a neckbreaker for a one-count. Brie finally hits a hot tag after countering a move from Naomi. Nikki hits an Alabama Slam but Tamina saves the pin. Nikki kicks her out of the ring. Naomi rolls up Nikki for two. Tamina distracts Nikki. Nikki swings at her and misses like a National League pitcher taking an at-bat. Naomi hits the Rear View but Nikki kicks out at two. Slight chaos in and out of the ring but Naomi knocks Nikki off the top buckle to end this at 6:13.
WINNERS: Naomi & Tamina
RATING: 1/2 a *. Your usual Monday Night RAW Divas Match. Tamina is god-awful. Naomi was the only one that looked like she gave a damn.
We get a look at WWE’s new pile of dogshit show, “Swerved”, which is, essentially, “Punk’d” with WWE stars.
Lana sits in a chair backstage as Rusev paces back and forth. He tells Lana to get out of the room, then picks up her chair and throws it into the wall.
Cole recaps the whole Daniel Bryan quitting saga.
AT ELIMINATION CHAMBER: a match to determine the new IC Champion.
MATCH #6: King Barrett vs. Neville
Neville rolls Barrett up after a corner attack. Barrett rolls out of the ring. Neville tries an air attack but Wade is too hip to this and kicks Neville in the stomach. Back in the ring, Barrett puts Neville on the top buckle and pounds on his back. Kick to the stomach and a two count. Headlock by Barrett. Neville escapes and botches a Springboard move off the rope. Barrett kicks him and stomps him. Barrett boots Neville outside. Once he gets back in, it’s a headlock by Barrett. Neville counters a suplex and finally starts up the offense. He kicks at Barrett and hits a lariat. Standing Shooting Star Press gets two. He goes for the Red Arrow but Barrett attacks him and kicks him in the stomach. He goes for a Bullhammer but misses. Neville runs at Barrett and gets caught in the Winds of Change. Neville hits a beautiful arm drag pin for two. Enzuguri by Neville and it’s Red Arrow time. Barrett rolls out of the ring. Neville hits a Flipping Suicide Dive. Barrett wants to get back in the ring…but just quits. He just walks off and it’s a pointless countout at 7:08.
WINNER: Neville via countout
RATING: **. This match just seemed like it never truly got started with a shit finish. There’s no velocity and nothing on the line here…so what’s with the countout?
Post-match, Barrett attacks Neville, then tries to whack him with the scepter. Neville ducks the shot, knocks him down and hits the Red Arrow.
Another look at a bunch of people trying out for Tough Enough.
Rollins and J&J walk backstage. Kane finds Rollins and tells Rollins “good luck”.
Kane makes his way down to the ring first. He’ll be at ringside because THIS MATCH NEEDS KANE.
MATCH #7: Randy Orton (challenger) vs. Dean Ambrose (challenger) vs. Roman Reigns (challenger) vs. Seth Rollins (champion) (w/ Jamie Noble & Joey Mercury) in a Fatal 4-Way for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship
Ambrose, Reigns and Orton go outside to take out J&J Security. Rollins tries to leapo at Orton but gets hit in the face. They fight outside. Reigns dives at everyone he sees, then hammers on Rollins in the ring. Reigns runs at Rollins bur Rollins trips him. Ambrose attacks and gets two. Orton saves the pin and goes after Ambrose. Ambrose punches back and hits a bulldog. Orton hits a backbreaker for two. Reigns gets in and hits an uppercut on Orton. He tosses Orton out of the ring. Rollins comes in and he’s all over Reigns with a punch to the back of the head and stomps away. Rollins tries a clothesline but runs into Ambrose. Ambrose tosses Rollins into Reigns and Reigns hits a clothesline. Ambrose and Reigns work together on Rollins with punches to Rollins’ head. Ambrose hits a short-arm clothesline. Reigns and Ambrose start planning. Reigns goes for the Superman Punch but Kane pulls him out of the ring. Ambrose attacks him but Kane beats him up and tosses him into the ring. Orton tries to get involved but J&J jump him and Kane joins the mudhole stomp.
Rollins hits a knee to Ambrose’s stomach and gets two. Rollins hits a Springboard Knee to Ambrose’s head. Two count. Kane removes his shirt as shit’s about to get real. Rollins hits the Buckle Bomb and Superkick but Ambrose kicks out at two. Rollins goes for another Buckle Bomb but Ambrose fights out. Ambrose kicks Rollins. Rollins kicks back. Rebound Clothesline by Ambrose. J&J jump Ambrose. Ambrose knocks them down but Kane comes in and hits a Chokeslam. Two count. Orton attacks Kane. Reigns hits Kane with a Missile Dropkick. Orton clothesline Reigns and it’s Orton and Rollins. Orton tries a powerslam but manages a suplex instead. Orton tries to follow up but Rollins nails him and climbs the top buckle. Orton attacks him and tries the Superplex, hitting it. NEAR fall. Orton clotheslines Rollins outside and tears apart the announce table. Ambrose gets in on the fist fight. So does Reigns. Ambrose, Reigns and Rollins all look at one another and…AND TRIPLE POWERBOMB Orton through the table! Rollins puts his arms around them! The Shield is BACK…Rollins puts his fist out for the Shield Salute…Reigns and Ambrose both stare at him…and attack him. They strip the Spanish table and drop Rollins on it. They powerbomb Kane on top of Rollins but the table won’t break. Crowd chants “ONE MORE TIME” and Reigns and Ambrose oblige, this time, with the table breaking.
Reigns looks at Ambrose and says, “There’s not much left to do…wanna dance?” Ambrose nods. They get into the ring, trading shots. Reigns misses a clothesline. Ambrose hits a press but Reigns grabs him and hits a Driver for two. Superman Punch by Reigns gets two. Reigns goes for the Spear but it’s a close fall as Rollins runs in to save the pin. Rollins rolls out of the ring. Security attacks. Reigns just tosses them around and goes after Rollins. It’s chaose with Ambrose hitting Rollins with Dirty Deeds after Reigns hits a Spear on Rollins. Ambrose pins but Kane saves it, pulling Ambrose outside. Reigns attacks but Kane hits him with the steel stairs. Orton nails Kane and gets in the ring. Orton goes for the Vintage Orton DDT but Security pulls Rollins out. Orton RKO’s both Security guys and hits a HUGE Powerslam in Stride on Rollins as he flies at Orton off the top rope. Orton hits Vintage Orton on Rollins and signals for an RKO but Kane gets in the ring to eat an RKO. Rollins gets up, wraps Orton in a weak, shitty Pedigree and hits it to retain at 21:00.
WINNER AND STILL CHAMPION: Seth Rollins via Pedigree
RATING: ****. Abrupt ending and rampant overbooking knock a star off the match, but good match overall that should satisfy everyone — including those of us who wanted a Shield moment.
Triple H comes out to congratulate Rollins as we go off the air.
OVERALL: ***1/2 show for me. Started out incredibly well, then hit a HUGE lull in the middle, only to be capped off by a great main event. I look forward to RAW and the build-up to Elimination Chamber.
Er, that’s it…
After last week’s somewhat dull affair, Outlander definitely did not hold back anything with “Wentworth Prison.” If you are the squeamish type or simply can’t handle scenes of torture, you might want to skip this episode. That being said, it is a good episode; it definitely accomplished what it set out to do, to remind us that Black Jack Randall is something worse than a monster. More importantly, it emphasized that sometimes, the hero doesn’t win.
From the beginning, we’re faced with the prospect of losing Jamie to the gallows. One by one convicts are led to the noose and nonchalantly thrown to their deaths. Jamie and Taran MacQuarrie watch in horror, discussing the finer points of dying, and what it means to die a man’s death, but Jamie doesn’t want to let the redcoats walk him calmly to his end, upset in the knowledge that he didn’t try hard enough to escape for Claire’s sake. MacQuarrie, on the other hand, is resigned to his fate and when his time comes, he goes willingly, and then takes an agonizingly long time to succumb to the noose. Jamie fights back, buying himself an extra moment of breath, and it’s a tense moment, wondering when or if Claire will show up to rescue him. Instead, it’s Black Jack Randall who appears and grants Jamie a reprieve, for at least one more day.
Meanwhile, Claire makes use of her proper English upbringing to learn of Jamie’s fate. She pretends to be a distant relative to the Frasers, simply collecting news of Jamie on his mother’s behalf. Sir Fletcher buys her act and expresses his melancholy at being unable to help such a kind, Christian woman. Sadly, at the end of the day, he is only able to give Claire Jamie’s belongings. It’s a fantastic scene, well done by Caitriona Balfe as she straddles the line between grief-stricken wife and half-hearted concerned kin. It’s the end of the scene that guts me the most. As Claire leaves Wentworth Prison, all the composure she managed in Sir Fletcher’s presence crumbles at her feet, leaving her sobbing, retching, and terrified.
In the dungeons, Black Jack shows his face to Jamie and the two share a typical hero/villain moment. Jamie refuses to surrender to Jack, so Jack tortures him emotionally as well as physically. I have to say, Tobias Menzies is horrifying as Randall; the way he clicks his tongue and stares without emotion are only small parts of the horrible creature masquerading as a human being. Frightening as those things may be, it is his words that truly inject dread. At one point he asks Jamie, “Tell me, when you lie upon your wife, and her hands trace the scars on your back, do you ever think of me?” and then he smiles, knowing he’s struck a nerve. But Black Jack’s words do ring true. Jamie may have escaped Fort William, but he will never escape Randall. Jamie strikes back, only to have Randall beat his hand to pieces with a hammer.
Claire and Murtaugh return to Wentworth, once again using her noblewoman guise to sneak into Sir Fletcher’s office to steal keys, documents, maps, anything that might help the pair save Jamie. Claire takes the keys and heads for the dungeons while Murtaugh gathers the other MacKenzie men to hide and wait in the forest. This part of the episode gave me pause. I know that Claire as a solitary Englishwoman could possibly talked her way out of being captured by guards, but I cannot help but feel that bringing along Murtaugh would have been the smarter choice. She opens a door to the outside, a door that appears rather close to Jamie’s quarters, a door through which the MacKenzie men could have entered to save Jamie. Instead, she goes it alone.
And this is when the horrific moments begin to occur. Up until this moment it was only simple torture, sadly, things we’re accustomed to seeing on television. Outlander made it all the more gruesome by adding in Jack Randall’s sexual perversions, and then forcing Claire to watch as her husband has a nail driven through his hand. Their combined cries and screams made me flinch and shy away from looking too closely at the screen, and I spent the final twenty minutes of the episode with my face in my hands, biting back a mixture of fear and sadness. To drive the point home that this is not easy to withstand, I usually watch the episodes I review twice, in order to make sure I haven’t missed anything of importance. “Wentworth Prison” was an episode I couldn’t bear to watch a second time the whole way through.
NOTE: That being said, it is an incredibly important (the most important) part of the episode that bears discussion. However, the weight of it is such that I cannot in good conscience dedicate only a few dozen words to a scene that made me cringe in horror so much (and I’m kind of heartless when it comes to these things). The power and emotion behind the brutality deserve a post of its own.; therefore, keep an eye out for that discussion soon.
By the end of the episode, Claire, after having watched her husband abused and then agree to rape, is thrown from Wentworth (a fall that I was almost certain broke both ankles), without Jamie. She makes her way back to the Mackenzies, a broken shell of her former self, but still she is resigned to saving the man she loves. The unlocked door comes back into play as the group plans to use it to attack the prison, despite so few numbers. In two weeks (haven’t we waited long enough, Starz?) the final episode “To Ransom A Man’s Soul” airs and we’ll finally learn Jamie and Claire’s fate.
Outlander airs on Saturdays at 9PM ET/PT on Starz.
Photos courtesy of Starz.
Lost Girl
Season 5, Episode 5: “It’s Your Lucky Fae″
Air date: May 15, 2015
Grade: B+
The plot thickens in this week’s Lost Girl as Bo tries to find a missing oracle; one of the not-so-dead elevator bodies resurfaces; Tamsin sets her cap on a certain succubus; and Dyson tries to connect with his son only to be rejected for Vex.
Yes, Mark is working at The Dal now, Trick probably thinking that it would help keep the kid out of trouble. Yeah, I don’t think so. He soon meets Vex and they get into a popularity contest, which leads Mark getting lucky with two mysterious female faes in Trick’s office. Oh, and one of them steals the Blood King’s ledger that’s filled with the name of every fae who’s ever gone to The Dal.
It also happens to be Bo’s birthday and Hades sends his daughter a creepy jack in the box looking contraption. She feels incredibly violated by the act because daddy is basically letting her know that he can get to her any time, even if he is stuck in Tartarus. In her panic, Bo calls Cassie to come over and get a reading off it, but the oracle is on a date and gets annoyed at Bo for only calling her whenever she needs something. At first the date doesn’t seem to be going well but then Horatio (her date) hams it up and convinces Cassie that he’s genuinely interested in her. Things go wrong after he escorts her home and kisses her good night. Cassie begins to scream in pain but no one comes to her aid.
The next day Bo is still worried because Cassie never showed up and isn’t returning her calls. She’s tried to even contact the oracle’s family but no one’s heard from her. Bo heads to The Dal where Trick gives her his birthday present, one of Alexander the Great’s fingers that happens to be a family heirloom. Cool? Both Tamsin and Lauren realize that they forgot the special occasion and go off to find a gift.
The two decide to throw Bo a surprise party at The Dal but also come across an antique store where Tamsin decides to buy Bo a stuffed good luck cat. When they return, the succubus is ready to head over to Cassie’s place but is surprised by the dead feline and then Lauren accidentally dropping her present (it looked like porcelain frog of sorts?). The valkyrie offers to tag along to Cassie’s and Lauren is about to offer as well but is reminded of that thing she needs to do. Ah yes, the doctor has stuff to do, AKA bake Bo’s cake.
When Bo and Tamsin arrive at Cassie’s, the door is unlocked and the apartment is completely ransacked with blood smeared on all the walls. I love how Tamsin goes from wise-cracking smart ass to serious police detective when she says that they have to contain the scene, contact Dyson, and get blood samples to Lauren.
Bo and Tamsin return to The Dal again where Bo finds an earring that went missing awhile back. Looks like her luck is turning after all! She also doesn’t hear back from the two other oracles that she’s contacted in hopes of getting more information on Cassie. However, Seymour (Cassie’s cousin) does show up after Tamsin confesses that she reached out to him. The smarmy soul-sucking fae says that they should find Cassie’s FaeDate since he was probably the last person to see her. What ensues next is hilarious as Tamsin has Bo pose provocatively for pictures that will go on her profile. Soon Horatio sends Bo a wink or a like, or whatever it is that they do on online fae dating sites.
This whole time, Bo has been becoming more feline as Trick explains that the stuffed cat is no ordinary one. It is feeding Bo luck by sucking it out from others but the cat is also slowly taking over Bo’s body. On her date with Horatio, she manages to interrogate him via succubus touch but he only confesses to kissing Cassie good night and leaving. Feeling out of options, Bo decides to completely rely on her cat given good luck to lead her to Cassie, which works. Yay! She finds the three oracles in an underground cave of sorts all bound together with their eyes missing. The three women are taken to Lauren’s lab to recover. When Cassie finally comes to, she manages to tell Lauren that they had gouged their own eyes out because they were experiencing too many visions at once. It was so powerful and overwhelming that it was the only way to make it stop. Yikes.
Both Lauren and Tamsin had joined Bo on the hunt for the oracles and along the way the valkyrie told the doctor that she was throwing herself in the game for Bo’s heart. Well, I guess if we can’t have Bo and Dyson, Bo and Tamsin is not such a bad alternative. Their chemistry is pretty explosive as Tamsin gives Bo a cupcake and herself wrapped in an actual ribbon as her gift to the birthday girl. Bo quite seductively unwraps her present and sparks fly! In the aftermath of their lovemaking, Bo admits to her roomie/new lover that Hades is her father and that she’s worried that she’ll never be rid of him and that he is still planning to use her for some terrible purpose.
I think Tamsin is really falling for Bo and assures her that no matter what happens she and the others won’t let Hades get to her.
Dyson in the meantime finds Mark and Vex at The Dal together and the werewolf shifter gets all parental and thinks Vex is corrupting his kid. Nah, Mark is plenty trouble already. Vex finds the whole heated exchange between father and son amusing as Mark continues to tell Dyson to get lost. But of course Dyson won’t give up on his on son. My, how the tables have turned!! With some police business to take care of though, he heads to Lauren’s lab where he shows her surveillance camera footage of Bo and Horatio on their date, asking the doctor if the guy looks familiar to her. Well, well, he turns out to be one of the missing corps from the elevator crash.
It’s likely that Horatio must be another Greek god fae and is probably the brother of the female fae who killed Laura’s assistant (he mentions that he has a sister who was thrilled to find out that Cassie was an oracle while they were on their date). If they are brother and sister, could they possibly be Apollo and Artemis? Since the last scene shows Horatio with Trick’s ledger and a jar with the oracles’ eyeballs in them it’s a good chance since Apollo was the god of prophecies. He would have the ability to flood them with so much second sight. Now the question is whether Horatio/Apollo knows that Bo is Hades’ daughter or not and are they eventually going to try and kill her to stop Hades from coming above ground somehow?
Oh but let’s not forget about Bo’s furry problem. Dyson and Tamsin trick Seymour into sucking the cat’s soul to get good luck. He’s in for a surprising treat!
Lost Girl airs Fridays 10/9 central on Syfy.
Images courtesy of Syfy.
Follow @niixc on Twitter.
This week, the Final Four went at it once again with two rounds of dancing in the Semi-Finals. Round One included either the Vietnamese Waltz, Contemporary, or Quickstep. Round Two was something the show has never done before, and something they should keep doing for sure: Judge’s Choice. Each judge chose which pair they wanted to work with for the whole week or rehearsals, and that judge took over creative control of the dance, coming up with the concept and theme, and then mentoring and coaching the pair all week-long. The judge working with the pair was not allowed to comment or judge on that pair’s dance, and so it became about the judges judging one another as well as each couple. It was an emotional week that was filled with some awesome moments, tugging at the heartstrings and making me cry like a loon. Let’s discuss what happened ……
Rumer / Val: In Round One, the pair danced the Vietnamese Waltz to a song from “50 Shades of Grey.” Rumer played the Anastasia role, and it was an awesome, beautiful dance. Julianne said “America is falling in love with you Rumer!” Bruno called it “steamy”, like the inside of his gym shorts after a sauna. Mom Demi Moore was backstage, being all proud of her daughter. Scores were 10/9/9/10.
In Round Two, Bruno was the judge that chose to work with this pair, and what he came up with was pretty freakin’ awesome. The theme was ballet, and Swan Lake. The dance had some unbelievable lifts and gorgeous choreography. The judges loved it, with Len calling it “brilliant dancing”, and Carrie Ann saying “that was genius. Grace, beauty, and lyricism.” Scores were perfect tens all the way across.
Sharna / Noah: Round One was the Vietnamese Waltz, and there was so much fog, I could barely see what was happening. Once the fog cleared, it became clear that Noah has turned into a really great dancer. Len thought it was his best all season long, and scores were 9 all the way across. Backstage, just as Erin Andrews began asking Noah about how he felt weeks ago when his girlfriend surprised him by showing up there when he thought she was still overseas, he started to say how much she means to him, and then he got down on one knee backstage, and asked her to marry him! By the look on the cast’s faces, who were all spread around the studio, it was obvious that this was NOT planned and that nobody on the show knew it was going to happen. Everyone was crying, including Tom Bergeron. It was such a beautiful moment and so genuine. By the way, she said yes.
Round Two was a Paso Doble , coached and conceptualized by Carrie Ann. It was powerful and told the amazing story of inspiration and overcoming obstacles. Julianne thought the story and passion were incredible, while Bruno said the execution and shaping was masterful. The pair received all ten scores.
Riker / Allison : Round One was contemporary, and although I hate to admit it because I’m not the biggest fan of Riker, this dance was fluid and quite gorgeous. Bruno called it hardcore, much like his Tuesday night sex romp parties. Horny Carrie Ann made weird animal noises and growled a lot – literally. She said “Rawrr!!!!” Down in the dirt! Rarr!!! Arrhhh!!!” Okay, then. Julianne said she was so blown away that she couldn’t tell who was the pro and who was the student. Scores were perfect 10’s all the way around.
Round Two was the Argentine Tango with Julianne was their mentor/coach. She decided to put herself in the dance as well, or they ask her to be part of it, and so the concept was the two women fighting over the man, and he chooses Allison so that it can evolve into a dance with just the pair. The moves were sharp and precise, and I don’t know what the piece of music was, but I absolutely loved it. Len called it fantastic, and all judges loved it too. They wrapped up their night with more perfect ten’s , giving them a perfect 10 night.
Nastia / Derek: Round One was the Quickstep, which Nastia danced with Sasha, as Derek was still injured. Horny Carrie Ann made more growling sounds and said “Grrrr!!!” Len called it terrific, and Julianne said “your guys’es connection was awesome!” Yes, and your grammar is horrid. Perfect tens for the dance – negative 3 for Julianne’s grasp of the english language.
Round Two was the Vietnamese Waltz, and their mentor and coach was Len. Derek was back and committed to doing this dance even with his injury, and Len’s concept was so touching. He told the pair how much it hurts sometimes to have grown older, and to have your body turn against you, and no longer be able to dance. His concept was for Derek to play sort of a younger version of him, and then at the end, Len himself danced the last few beats with Nastia. It was sort of about being young and being old, and the circle of life. So beautiful. Everyone was crying again, and Bruno loved the nostalgic warmth of the dance. They received perfect tens.
RESULTS SHOW: Tuesday night’s show was elimination night, and they killed lots of time first with many pro dance performances, cast interviews, clips, and even a chat with Noah and his new fiance about the surprise proposal the night before. When all was said and done, going home was NASTIA AND DEREK, which was quite surprising. However, it could have been anyone, because they really are all very good.
So next week’s final three will be Riker, Noah, and Rumer.
Not sure who will win, but I’m thinking Rumer has the best shot, and deservingly so.
Mad Max: Fury Road (2015)
Directed by: George Miller
Written by: George Miller, Brendan McCarthy, Nick Lathouris
Starring: Tom Hardy, Charlize Theron, Nicholas Hoult, Hugh Keays-Byrne
Mad Max: Fury Road is a finely-tuned engine of carefully choreographed chaos. Director George Miller returns to his seminal franchise after three decades with an incredible purity of vision. Savage and beautiful, the film roars out of the gate and pauses only briefly for the audience to catch its breath during its 120 thrilling minutes. Filmed with a heavy emphasis on using practical effects and real stunt work, it’s a genre-redefining action film that will leave you equally dumbfounded and electrified.
Tom Hardy stars as the titular Max, a lone wanderer in the post apocalyptic wasteland who is quickly taken prisoner by the minions of Immortan Joe (Hugh Keays-Byrne). Immortan Joe commands a zealous following of War Boys, and together they control the Citadel, a vital water-pumping station and one of the few remaining bastions of humanity. He is soon betrayed by Imperator Furiosa (Charlize Theron), one of his greatest commanders, who smuggles out his collection of “breeder-wives” in search of a better life. Outraged, Immortan Joe mobilizes his war band in pursuit, calling in support from neighboring Gastown and The Bullet Farm.
The plot is lean and streamlined but not deficient–the film is still able to find the humanity beneath the madness. While Max maintains his lone wanderer stoicism, he’s haunted by those he’s lost. It plays out in very quick, abrupt flashbacks, and doesn’t really detract from the frenetic action on screen. Imperator Furiosa is the closest thing to a more traditional hero; her story is one of redemption, while Max typifies the sort of solitary drifter more common in Westerns. Nicholas Hoult provides a strong and surprisingly nuanced performance as Nux, a war boy on a quest for a glorious death.
The film provides an incredibly rich depiction of the post apocalypse. Shot in the Namib Desert, the film utilizes a small but vibrant palette of colors to incredible effect. The rich oranges of the desert to the deep blue of the sky are punctuated only by flashes of steel and fire. The world George Miller has painted is filled with fascinating details both beautiful and grotesque, from the various maladies afflicting the irradiated and likely inbred remnants of humanity to the endlessly creative war machines battling across the desert. Miller’s original brand of post apocalypse crazy is on full display here in all its glory, and the beautiful monstrosities aren’t just ornamental. The war machines are armed to the teeth and completely functional: the polecats utilized large, counterbalanced masts to assault vehicles from above, and at one point the war boys employ large rear-mounted rakes and plows as anchors on their trucks to slow down Furiosa’s freshly harpooned rig. There’s an amazing amount of thoughtfulness, creativity, and savage pragmatism here; at one point, Furiosa lowers the plow on the rig to kick up desert sand and extinguish an engine fire–it’s an elegant solution to a problem I know I’ll never encounter.
Mad Max: Fury Road is a relentless two hour long car chase that will redefine your expectations for what action films can be. Amazing action, beautiful cinematography, and a richly detailed world all combine into an engrossing high-octane fever dream that will stick with you for days.
Fox may have washed its hands of The Mindy Project when it announced the series’ cancellation last week, but the show has been revived like the beautiful phoenix it is.
Hulu has announced a 26-episode pickup for The Mindy Project‘s fourth season.
“Mindy has been a beloved member of the Hulu family, so this deal is a natural extension of our relationship,” said Craig Erwich, senior vice president and head of Content, Hulu. “With so many of her fans already catching up and tuning in to the series on Hulu, we know her millions of fans will be eager to find out what Mindy has in store for the next chapter.”
“I am thrilled ‘The Mindy Project’ has found a new home on Hulu, where so many of our fans are already watching the show. It’s such an exciting place to be,” said Kaling.
Universal Television’s Bela Bajaria stated: “We are proud of the fresh, hilarious, smart storytelling on ‘The Mindy Project.’ Mindy, along with the writers and actors, surprise us every week. They have made us laugh (a lot), cry and think. We are excited about our partnership with Hulu and look forward to sharing our amazing comedy with the show’s many loyal fans for seasons to come.”
No official date has been given for The Mindy Project‘s season four premiere.
This Saturday’s episode of Outlander promises to be an exciting one as Claire, Murtaugh, and the other Highlanders attempt to free Jamie from Wentworth Prison. To make matters more difficult, Black Jack makes a return appearance.
Here’s a small preview from Starz:
And you can find the full trailer for the episode here.
Outlander episode 115 premieres Saturday, May 16th at 9PM ET/PT.
A Look Back: Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome (1985)
Even if you’ve never heard of Mad Max before, you’ve likely heard some reference to the Thunderdome, or perhaps the famous line, “two men enter, one man leaves.”
No? Still nothing? What about Tupac then?
Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome, released in 1985, is a bit of a departure for the series. Though it maintains much of the series’ signature style, the film carries a decidedly lighter tone and doesn’t contain nearly the same caliber of intense action its predecessors are known for. The scattered plot and uneven pacing make this a difficult film to recommend.
Even thirty years ago, people were complaining about Hollywood’s habit of ruining things, and it’s hard to refute after watching Beyond Thunderdome. Mel Gibson returns as Max Rockatansky, a lone wanderer in the post apocalyptic wasteland. The film starts with Max finding his way to Bartertown, a trading hub in the wasteland run by the glamorous Aunty Entity, played by a chainmail-clad Tina Turner. Yes, she has a servant regaling her with saxophone solos, and yes, this movie is very much a product of the eighties.
It’s difficult to explain this film in a coherent way without just giving a full synopsis, but the plot exists mostly just to loosely string together the various ridiculous characters and set pieces. There’s Master, a dwarf riding a developmentally challenged but hulking man named Blaster–together, of course, that are known as Master Blaster. Master Blaster runs the pig farm and methane production facility that powers the generators of Bartertown, and Aunty Entity recruits Max to challenge and kill Master Blaster in the Thunderdome to put an end to their power feud.
Max is exiled when he defeats, but refuses to kill, the child-like Blaster. Left for dead in the desert, he’s found and rescued by a young girl named Savannah Nix, who takes him back to a small community of children and teenagers in a sheltered oasis. The survivors of a plane crash, they were left behind by the adults who went to find help years ago. They now believe Max to be their savior, Captain Walker, who will take them back to the fabled “Tomorrow-morrow Land.” Max tries to tell the children that there’s nothing for them beyond the oasis, but the stubborn Savannah Nix and a small group of children sneak away in the middle of the night anyway. Max goes after them, and the group has no choice but to travel to Bartertown after running out of supplies.
A daring escape from the town on a methane-fueled train-truck pursued by Aunty Entity and her soldiers serves as the film’s big climactic finale, but it’s a neutered affair with none of the thrill or tension that made the previous films so iconic. The film leans too heavily on comic relief and broad appeal; the pursuing bad guys get frying pans to the face and flail comically as children saw through the bars they’re hanging from. It’s a farcical and ridiculous ending to a trilogy best known for its violence and action.
It’s been thirty years since Beyond Thunderdome was released, and the series is long overdue for a comeback. Mad Max: Fury Road looks like promising return to all the spectacle and brutality of its earlier forebears, and will hopefully learn a few important lessons about what to avoid from Beyond Thunderdome.
https://youtu.be/LwRPXmcggdY
Get your first look at The CW’s upcoming new fall shows: Legends of Tomorrow, Containment, and Crazy Ex-Girlfriend.
“DC’S LEGENDS OF TOMORROW”
When heroes alone are not enough… the world needs legends. Having seen the future, one he will desperately try to prevent from happening, time-traveling rogue Rip Hunter is tasked with assembling a disparate group of both heroes and villains to confront an unstoppable threat — one in which not only is the planet at stake, but all of time itself. Can this ragtag team defeat an immortal threat unlike anything they have ever known? DC’S LEGENDS OF TOMORROW stars Victor Garber (“The Flash,” “Alias”); Brandon Routh (“Arrow,” “Superman Returns”); Arthur Darvill (“Doctor Who”); Caity Lotz (“Arrow”); Ciarra Renee (“Pippin”); Franz Drameh (“Edge of Tomorrow”); with Dominic Purcell (“The Flash,” “Prison Break”); and Wentworth Miller (“The Flash,” “Prison Break”). Based on the characters from DC Comics, DC’S LEGENDS OF TOMORROW is from Bonanza Productions Inc. in association with Berlanti Productions and Warner Bros. Television, with executive producers Greg Berlanti (“Arrow,” “The Flash,” upcoming “Pan”), Marc Guggenheim (“Arrow,” “Eli Stone,” “Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters”), Andrew Kreisberg (“Arrow,” “The Flash,” “Eli Stone,” “Warehouse 13”) and Sarah Schechter (“Arrow,” “The Flash,” upcoming “Pan”).
“CONTAINMENT”
https://youtu.be/qE983cTD4Mg
When a mysterious and deadly epidemic breaks out in Atlanta, a vast urban quarantine is quickly enforced, forcing those stuck on the inside to fight for their lives while local and federal officials desperately search for a cure. Trying to keep the peace on the streets is police officer Lex Carnahan, who has quickly risen through the ranks of the Atlanta PD. But Lex’s job becomes even harder when he learns that his longtime girlfriend, Jana, and his best friend and fellow officer Jake, are trapped within the cordoned area. Also quarantined in viral ground zero is 17 year-old Teresa, who is eight months pregnant and now separated from her boyfriend on the other side; Katie Frank, an elementary school teacher now placed on lockdown with her entire class, including her young son; and CDC researcher Dr. Victor Cannerts, the doctor who initially made the controversial call to quarantine the area and is now racing to find a cure for the virus. On the outside, Dr. Sabine Lommers is leading the government efforts to contain the outbreak, and has asked for Lex’s help in enforcing the cordon – which grows increasingly difficult as the public trust deteriorates. And the public has reason to be wary, as journalist Leo begins unraveling a conspiracy, finding that something doesn’t add up in the official story being told. Torn apart from their loved ones, the survivors trapped within the cordon are fighting against not only fatal infection, but also isolation, fear, and the disintegration of society around them. But as they begin to gain each other’s trust, hope remains, and on either side of the cordon unlikely heroes will rise. CONTAINMENT stars David Gyasi (“Interstellar”); Christina Moses (“Starship: Apocalypse,” “Starship: Rising”); Chris Wood (“The Vampire Diaries”); Kristen Gutoskie (“Beaver Falls”); Claudia Black (“The Originals,” “Farscape”); George Young (“Casualty”); Hanna Mangan Lawrence (“Spartacus: War of the Damned”); and Trevor St. John (“One Life to Live”). Based on the original Belgian series created by Carl Joos for Eyeworks, CONTAINMENT is produced by My So-Called Company in association with Warner Bros. Television, with executive producers Julie Plec (“The Vampire Diaries,” “The Originals”) and David Nutter (“The Flash,” “Arrow”).
“CRAZY EX-GIRLFRIEND”
https://youtu.be/-ctFmXGm_yE
Rebecca Bunch (Rachel Bloom) is a successful, driven, and possibly crazy young woman who impulsively gives up everything – her partnership at a prestigious law firm and her upscale apartment in Manhattan – in a desperate attempt to find love and happiness in that exotic hotbed of romance and adventure: suburban West Covina, Calif. (it’s only two hours from the beach! Four in traffic). From CBS Television Studios, CRAZY EX-GIRLFRIEND stars Rachel Bloom (“Robot Chicken”), who also serves as executive producer along with Aline Brosh McKenna (“The Devil Wears Prada”); and Marc Webb (“500 Days of Summer,” “The Amazing Spider-Man” films).
Get your first look at FOX’s upcoming new series Scream Queens starring Emma Roberts, Lea Michelle, Jamie Lee Curtis, Oliver Hudson, and Keke Palmer.
Award-winning executive producers Ryan Murphy (GLEE, “American Horror Story”), Brad Falchuk (GLEE, “American Horror Story”) and Ian Brennan (GLEE) meld comedy, mystery and horror in SCREAM QUEENS. All hell is about to break loose for the Kappa House sisters of Wallace University when a murder takes place, exactly 20 years after a mysterious death originally rocked their college campus. The super-charged anthology series is a modern take on the classic whodunit with a killer cast, including Emma Roberts (“American Horror Story: Freak Show,” “Scream 4”), Jamie Lee Curtis (“Halloween,” “A Fish Called Wanda,” “True Lies”), Lea Michele (GLEE), Oliver Hudson (“Nashville,” “Rules of Engagement”), Keke Palmer (“Akeela and the Bee,” “Masters of Sex”) and guest stars Ariana Grande and Nick Jonas (“Kingdom”), among others. With at least one casualty each week until the mystery is solved, anyone could be the next victim – or the murderer.
Scream Queens premieres this fall Tuesdays 9-10 pm on FOX.
If you could only watch one film to prepare for the premiere of Mad Max: Fury Road, make it Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior. Released in 1981 just two short years after the original, Road Warrior remains the most iconic film of the franchise. Though the sillier elements from Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome have been more persistent in the world of pop culture references, The Road Warrior represents Mad Max in its purest form and set the standard for post apocalyptic movies for decades to come.
Scarcity of fuel has driven nations to war and ruin, and the remnants of humanity have banded together into small tribes to fight and scavenge in the desolate wastelands of Australia. Mel Gibson returns as Max Rockatansky, former Main Force Patrol officer who now roams the desert in search of food and fuel. He’s the Australian, post apocalyptic answer to the stoic heroes in Western films or the wandering ronin of Japanese cinema.
The opening montage sets the stage and also recaps the first film.
Indeed, the film very much follows the archetypal “wandering hero” story. Max eventually comes across a gyro captain, who leads him to a small, still operational oil refinery. The occupants are besieged by a band of marauders led by Lord Humungus (anyone unfamiliar with the films will still likely recognize the lasting influence of costume designer Norma Moriceau’s work–punk-ish mohawks and armor cobbled together from bondage leather and sporting equipment). Max manages to make his way into the settlement and offers to help them recover a truck to haul their tanker in exchange for fuel and supplies. When he fulfills his end of the bargain but his own attempt to outrun the bandits fails, he instead volunteers to help the settlers break the siege and escape by driving the tanker.
The film is filled with great action sequences, but the final chase between Max’s tanker and the marauders is the most iconic. The fifteen minute finale is much more than a car chase–it’s a brutal, thrilling spectacle more reminiscent of classic film chariot battles or stagecoach heists.
The sequel improves upon the original in almost every regard. The script is more concise and cohesive, the action is tense and spectacular, and the characters are unique and memorable. The bleakness of the apocalypse is balanced, but not undermined, by a healthy dose of insanity and dry humor. It’s a vibrant, violent depiction of the world’s descent into madness.
What’s there not to love about this?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lm46-envrHo
As much as I adore the S.H.I.E.L.D.s and Agent Carters and Arrows of the world, Supergirl looks like everything fans have wanted out of a superhero TV show for years. It’s cheesy and gives you all those warm fuzzy feelings, but that’s why it looks amazing. It’s a smart return to the bright and colorful days of Christopher Reeve’s Superman. For many, the complaint about Superman as a hero is that he’s boring, overpowered, and well, perfect. Supergirl may have all of the same powers, but judging from the extended preview, she certainly isn’t lacking for internal and external struggles and I am so excited to watch her become a hero.
SUPERGIRL is an action-adventure drama based on the DC Comics character Kara Zor-El (Melissa Benoist), Superman’s (Kal-El) cousin who, after 12 years of keeping her powers a secret on Earth, decides to finally embrace her superhuman abilities and be the hero she was always meant to be. Twelve-year-old Kara escaped the doomed planet Krypton with her parents’ help at the same time as the infant Kal-El. Protected and raised on Earth by her foster family, the Danvers, Kara grew up in the shadow of her foster sister, Alex (Chyler Leigh), and learned to conceal the phenomenal powers she shares with her famous cousin in order to keep her identity a secret. Years later at 24, Kara lives in National City assisting media mogul and fierce taskmaster Cat Grant (Golden Globe Award winner Calista Flockhart), who just hired the Daily Planet’s former photographer, James Olsen (Mehcad Brooks), as her new art director. However, Kara’s days of keeping her talents a secret are over when Hank Henshaw (David Harewood), head of a super-secret agency where her sister also works, enlists her to help them protect the citizens of National City from sinister threats. Though Kara will need to find a way to manage her newfound empowerment with her very human relationships, her heart soars as she takes to the skies as Supergirl to fight crime. Greg Berlanti (“The Flash,” “Arrow”), Ali Adler, Sarah Schecter and Andrew Kreisberg are executive producers for Berlanti Productions in association with Warner Bros. Television. The pilot was directed by Glen Winter (“Arrow”).
Game of Thrones has a habit of letting people disappear on us. Benjen hasn’t been seen since the first half of season 1, Gendry is likely still rowing somewhere on the Narrow Sea, and Baby Rickon Stark is off somewhere in the north with the slightly unhinged Osha.
Thankfully, Moonrat Media has scoured the bitter cold parts of Westeros to keep us up to date on Rickon’s activities with their web series, “Meanwhile, Rickon.”
Here are the first two episodes:
Are you ready for Supergirl?
Early Wednesday CBS revealed their Fall 2015 television lineup which will house the newest superhero on broadcast television – Supergirl.
CBS’ schedule can be seen below along with the first details on Supergirl:
MONDAY
8:00-8:30 PM THE BIG BANG THEORY
8:30-9:00 PM LIFE IN PIECES (N)
8:00-9:00 PM SUPERGIRL (N) (Starting in November)
9:00-10:00 PM SCORPION
10:00-11:00 PM NCIS: LOS ANGELES
TUESDAY
8:00-9:00 PM NCIS
9:00-10:00 PM NCIS: NEW ORLEANS
10:00-11:00 PM LIMITLESS
WEDNESDAY
8:00-9:00 PM SURVIVOR
9:00-10:00 PM CRIMINAL MINDS
10:00-11:00 PM CODE BLACK
THURSDAY
8:00-11:00 PM, ET/ NFL THURSDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL (Premieres Sept. 17)
8:00-8:30 PM THE BIG BANG THEORY (Starting in November)
8:30-9:00 PM LIFE IN PIECES (Starting in November)
9:00-9:30 PM MOM (Starting in November)
9:30-10:00 PM ANGEL FROM HELL (Starting in November)
10:00-11:00 PM ELEMENTARY (Starting in November)
FRIDAY
8:00-9:00 PM THE AMAZING RACE
9:00-10:00 PM HAWAII FIVE-0
10:00-11:00 PM BLUE BLOODS
SATURDAY
8:00-9:00 PM CRIMETIME SATURDAY
9:00-10:00 PM CRIMETIME SATURDAY
10:00-11:00 PM 48 HOURS
SUNDAY
7:00-8:00 PM 60 MINUTES
8:00-9:00 PM MADAM SECRETARY
9:00-10:00 PM THE GOOD WIFE
10:00-11:00 PM CSI: CYBER
SUPERGIRL is an action-adventure drama based on the DC Comics character Kara Zor-El (Melissa Benoist), Superman’s (Kal-El) cousin who, after 12 years of keeping her powers a secret on Earth, decides to finally embrace her superhuman abilities and be the hero she was always meant to be. Twelve-year-old Kara escaped the doomed planet Krypton with her parents’ help at the same time as the infant Kal-El. Protected and raised on Earth by her foster family, the Danvers, Kara grew up in the shadow of her foster sister, Alex (Chyler Leigh), and learned to conceal the phenomenal powers she shares with her famous cousin in order to keep her identity a secret. Years later at 24, Kara lives in National City assisting media mogul and fierce taskmaster Cat Grant (Golden Globe Award winner Calista Flockhart), who just hired the Daily Planet’s former photographer, James Olsen (Mehcad Brooks), as her new art director. However, Kara’s days of keeping her talents a secret are over when Hank Henshaw (David Harewood), head of a super-secret agency where her sister also works, enlists her to help them protect the citizens of National City from sinister threats. Though Kara will need to find a way to manage her newfound empowerment with her very human relationships, her heart soars as she takes to the skies as Supergirl to fight crime. Greg Berlanti (“The Flash,” “Arrow”), Ali Adler, Sarah Schecter and Andrew Kreisberg are executive producers for Berlanti Productions in association with Warner Bros. Television. The pilot was directed by Glen Winter (“Arrow”).
Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.’s second season has come to an end…and what a crazy ride it’s been.
The finale tied up loose ends while also opening up new doors for our characters, though it wasn’t without betrayal, tears, and surprising twists. And because so much happened in these two hours, it might be best to break down the night’s moments in pieces. Lots and lots of pieces. (As they say, “it’s all connected.”)
In the Inhuman world, Jiaying does a pretty good job of turning SHIELD (and Skye) on her people. She walks out from her meeting bleeding, making everyone believe that Gonzales tried to attack her people. A few Inhumans break into a quinjet and fly it suicide-style into one of the afterlife buildings, which only fuels everyone’s belief more than SHIELD is the bad guy in this situation. It even leads to a showdown between Skye and her own people, as she fights May with her powers. Lincoln is upset with Skye and thinks she’s responsible for bringing war on her people, so Skye goes to Raina for help. Raina tries to warn her about Jiaying, and then adds “it’s you who were destined to lead,” but it’s hard for Skye to believe anything she says. I can’t blame her.
Jiaying, it turns out, heals pretty quickly – thanks to the random SHIELD agent that Gordon brings her, that she sucks the life out of. Skye’s a little wary about how she’s healed so quickly, but Jiaying kind of waves it off. Powers, right? Powers! Jiaying tells Skye she wants to take the battle to SHIELD, and gives her the gift that Gonzales tried to offer as a token of her trust – “bring this back if you want to fight,” she tells her daughter. The thing is, Skye does bring it back – just in time to see Jiaying kill Raina during a secret meeting, just after threatening her. (Turns out Raina telling Skye “we’ll never speak to each other again” was more loaded than we thought.) Yeah, this doesn’t make for good mother-daughter bonding. Jiaying tries to assure Skye she’s just planning for the future of their people, but she knows better – and knows that Skye will turn around and go back to SHIELD. So she knocks her out, and once again assumes her position as All Knowing Leader.
Mack’s still talking about leaving, but changes his tune when he finds out Gonzales is dead. While Simmons tries to figure out who fired the missile from the quinjet, Coulson and Weaver don’t buy that Gonzales would attack Jiaying the way he supposedly did. (Then again, he also believes Skye would never turn against them.) While Coulson eventually figures out Skye’s mother staged the whole thing (at least that didn’t take long), Hunter and Fitz have deduced that the person who left with Bobbi on the quinjet wasn’t May but Agent 33 wearing May’s face…again. Turns out Ward and Kara have taken Bobbi to a facility where she’s being held hostage, and then tortured because of the way she treated Kara and how she handed her over to Bakshi when she was hiding out in Hydra. I’m a little torn on how to react here – on the one hand, it’s kind of rewarding to see Ward care so much about someone he would go to any lengths to fix them. On the other hand, it’s a cruel and unnecessary turn of events to make Bobbi suffer in this way. He stuffs needles under her skin, knowing her weakness for that kind of pain, and tries to force Bobbi into telling Kara why she sold her out. Bobbi’s a champion and a true SHIELD agent – she doesn’t budge, even when she knows it would save her life. (Also, Bobbi’s line “the lives of many outweigh the lives of one”…that feels Avenger talk, no?) She calls Ward out for being a hypocrite and betraying his team, and just when she seems the most vulnerable…we find out why Bobbi Morse is Bobbi FREAKING Morse. She breaks free and starts fighting, putting up a really good battle with Ward and Kara as she tries to escape. Ward eventually gets the best of her, and lets Kara have the honor of shooting her…but Kara realizes she can’t do it. That’s okay. Ward has a better plan: he’ll tie Bobbi to a chair with a gun to her head, rigged to the door…so that the first person who tries to open it will cause Bobbi to get shot. In case anyone cares, I’m basically sitting here with my hands over my eyes trying not to freak out.
While Coulson goes to talk to Cal to try to reason with him, Simmons gives him information on the vials that Cal had. She said he took three doses, most likely to infuse himself with some sort of power that would make him similar to the Inhumans, and by all accounts he should be dead. The fact that he’s not is kind of unnerving. He’s alive, but he’s unstable…anyone see Mr. Hyde coming? Because that’s exactly what happens. Coulson tries to continue to convince Cal that Jiaying is a monster, before going crazy and passing out from the drugs he’s taken. Coulson and Simmons help revive him, which basically accelerates his transformation into Mr. Hyde and Cal goes completely wild. FitzSimmons and Coulson manage to subdue him by pinning him with a car, but only after a massive, insane fight.
Gordon, meanwhile, shows up on the boat to get the alien artifact, while Mack finds Gordon and the multiplying woman – just one of the Inhumans he’s brought along in his fight. While he tries to keep Gordon away, Jiaying takes over the ship fully…with a box of terrigan crystals. And it’s clear that she knows exactly how she wants to use them.
That brings us to the end of the first half of the finale, so let’s get right to the second half – which basically picks up right where we left Cal, still trapped by a car, and Coulson, trying to talk to him about Skye. He uses the family peg to try to get through to him, and interestingly enough, it actually seems to work. Cal breaks down and opens up about Jiaying and her actions, how everything he was doing was just to save his wife and daughter, and the two finally agree on the fact that they’ll do whatever it takes to save Skye. As Fitz and Simmons work together on getting Cal back to being stable, Hunter and May find where Bobbi’s being held, and breaks into the facility. Ward and Kara try to head them off, and Kara decides to change her face into May again in order to get the upper hand. Her plan backfires this time, though – in a fit of rage, Ward fatally shoots Kara while thinking she’s the real Agent May. At the same time, Hunter’s getting closer and closer to finding Bobbi, who is getting more and more desperate about her situation because she knows what will happen if Hunter opens the door. She manages to move herself enough so that she takes the brunt of the bullet for him, but it leaves her in critical condition – and as Ward holds Kara and begs her not to die, Hunter does the same for Bobbi, who is looking worse by the minute. It’s a really powerful parallel. The group gets Bobbi back to SHIELD, and it’s really, really not looking good. (More wine, anyone?) May calls Andrew, clearly shaken about the whole thing.
Mack manages to free Skye and tries to get her to use her hacking skills, since Jiaying wants to expand the beacon and invite all the remaining SHIELD agents to the ship…after dumping all the terrigan crystals into the air conditioning vents. It’s kind of a parallel with Hydra taking everyone hostage – to build a better world means tearing the old one down, and that’s exactly what Jiaying is trying to do with the Inhumans. Lincoln is a bit freaked out by Jiaying and her war ideas, but he’s still not ready to believe she’s a bad person – until Skye corners him. He attacks her, before Skye manages to tell him what really happened to Gonzales. Mack knocks him out, but not before Lincoln gives up what Jiaying is planning to do with the crystals.
Thanks to Fitz’ science, he’s figured out a way to shut down Gordon’s teleportation…kind of. It will at least contain him to one place, which will be somewhat helpful. Simmons tells Fitz to be careful on his mission, and the two have a moment where, after being shaken by Hunter and Bobbi, Simmons finally brings up their conversation from last year’s finale. She wants to talk about it, but Fitz wants to keep ignoring it, likely because he’s still scared. Simmons breaking down when he leaves is quite possibly one of the saddest things this show has done.
Jiaying soon realizes Skye’s the one hacking into the signal to let them know that it’s a trap, and decides to release the crystals right away. One problem: Coulson’s not going to let her. Mack and Coulson and Fitz find the boxes of crystals in the room with the vents, while Cal opts to take on his wife by himself. He attempts to talk to her the way Coulson reasoned with him, but Jiaying’s not so easy to get along with. While Coulson, Mack and Fitz fight Gordon, Skye ends up in a battle with the multiplying redhead – and does a pretty decent job of holding her own, until the fight gets to be too much. Enter, Lincoln! And May, who both come to save her. Lincoln removes the cuffs that have been put on Skye to keep her powers at bay, and Skye goes to find her mother. And now it’s Skye’s turn to try to reason with Jiaying. She seems receptive, at first, and then her greed takes over and she uses her abilities to start sucking the life out of Skye. But Skye’s more powerful than Jiaying realizes – she uses her powers to crash the quinjet into the ocean. Cal shows up and kills Jiaying himself, in order to save Skye, making good on his promise.
And while all THAT’S happening, Fitz manages to kill Gordon after trapping him in the room (“that’s science, BIATCH”), which means Gordon drops the crystals he’s holding. Knowing that the crystals shattering means sudden death for everyone, Coulson uses his softball skills and catches it safely…but not before it starts to destroy his hand. Mack takes care of that pretty easily – exactly the way you’d imagine he would. It’s not pretty. (Can we get Coulson a Bucky arm, now?)
A few weeks later, everything seems to be on the mend: Bobbi’s recovering okay, but she’s not sure she can do this job anymore. (We’re not sure what this means for Bobbi, but I hope it she returns next season.) Mack’s decided to stay, May’s attempting to reclaim her life, and Coulson is talking to Andrew about a new team and a new program. Cal is shipped off again, but his goodbye to Skye is much more normal and genuine this time. Turns out that Coulson has promised him the Tahiti program, which seems to work well enough when Skye goes to visit (she sees him happy, operating a veterinary shop.) Unfortunately, he has no idea who Skye is. That’s okay, though. It’s nice to close that chapter on Skye’s life, in a way that ties up both her family loyalties.
Where do we leave Ward, then? At a bar, looking at a picture of Kara, still upset. He meets with a guy who gives him a list of names from Hydra, and Ward’s not impressed. He wants more names. Is Ward the new head of Hydra now? And what does that mean for his story?
If you thought that we were leaving for the summer on good terms, think again, because the two endings of the show are enough to make you crazy. First, we’re shown that the ship Skye crashed into the ocean had crystals in it – crystals that broke, that fish ate, and that got packaged and distributed around the world. This can’t be good. Second, we finally get Fitz asking Simmons out on a date. The two are in the middle of doing science (clearly), working to figure out the artifact, and it’s the most adorable moment.
So it would figure that the last shot, after Simmons accepts Fitzs’ dinner plans, is of her getting eaten by the artifact, Little Shop of Horrors style.
It’s going to be a long summer.
Odds & Ends:
It’s been nearly 30 years since the last Mad Max film was released, which means that most younger generations only have a fleeting awareness of who Mad Max is. It’s a series whose ridiculous characters and lasting impact on pop culture may have persisted longer than the films themselves. Released in 1979, the first film in particular has been eclipsed by its more iconic and fantastic sequels and faded somewhat from pop culture memory. Stark and violent, it’s a classic of Australian New Wave cinema that launched the careers of its creator and director George Miller as well as its star Mel Gibson.
Set “a few years from now” (relative to 1979, of course) after a major energy crisis cripples Australia, the sparsely populated outback slowly succumbs to roaming gangs of criminals and scavengers. Mel Gibson stars as Max Rockatansky, an officer of the beleaguered Main Force Patrol attempting to maintain the last vestiges of law and order. Max and the rest of the MFP are fighting a losing battle against the roving outlaws, and soon become the target of a gang known as the Acolytes, led by a biker named Toecutter. Things get personal when Max’s wife and child are run down by Toecutter and his gang, and Max finally gets mad. It’s a straightforward revenge film–Max doesn’t save anyone or adhere to any noble principles, but merely leaves a trail of dead bikers in his wake.
Things haven’t yet deteriorated to the apocalyptic wastelands of later films, but the film does a good job of depicting a crumbling society whose populace is slowly losing hope. There are still small communities of people mostly trying to go about their own business, but they are completely at the mercy of the outlaw gangs. The MFP can do little to stop them–its officers are outmatched and mostly broken. In the opening pursuit of the outlaw Nightrider, it’s clear that most of the MFP officers are discouraged, frustrated, and reckless. When they ultimately manage to arrest Toecutter’s protégé Johnny, the courts can’t prosecute because no one arrives to testify at the trial. This gradual breakdown of civilization can be traced directly through the sequels, and the original trilogy as a whole provides an interesting depiction of society going from bad to worse to crazy, a sort of “big picture” continuity that’s surprisingly uncommon in films.
It’s also worth noting that George Miller was a medical doctor and that this film was partially inspired by his own experiences in the emergency room and growing up in rural Australia. His experience has lent him a keen eye, and Mad Max contains depictions of violence and brutality that can still make you cringe some 35 desensitized years later. The action and stunt sequences still hold up well, and the marauding gangs evoke the sort of nihilistic sociopathy from films such as A Clockwork Orange.
The world is an ugly place filled with ugly people, and Max too was forged in the same crucible. When his quest for vengeance finally leads him to Johnny, the remaining member of the Acolytes, he handcuffs him to a wrecked truck with a fuel leak. He hands him a hacksaw and estimates that it’ll take about ten minutes to cut through the handcuffs, but if he’s lucky, he can hack through his ankle in five. It’s hard to overstate the films’ impact on modern pop culture, but just to give you an idea: you can thank the film’s final scene for inspiring the entire Saw franchise.
ABC’s official synopsis:
The Muppets return to primetime with a contemporary, documentary-style show. For the first time ever, a series will explore the Muppets’ personal lives and relationships, both at home and at work, as well as romances, breakups, achievements, disappointments, wants and desires. This is a more adult Muppet show, for “kids” of all ages.
Bill Prady (“The Big Bang Theory”) and Bob Kushell (“Anger Management”) are co-writers and executive producers. Randall Einhorn (“Wilfred”), Bill Barretta, Debbie McClellan and Kyle Laughlin are also executive producers. “The Muppets” is produced by ABC Studios and The Muppets Studio.
Nowadays, Assassin’s Creed has become more akin to Call of Duty; Ubisoft puts out a sequel almost yearly and it’s anyone’s guess if the game will be a success or not. The latest incarnation is Assassin’s Creed: Syndicate, announced earlier today, is to be set in Victorian England. You can watch the announcement below, starting at around the 14-minute mark.
If you don’t want to sit through the video, here are the big items discussed:
It seems you will be able to play as female character Evie, likely as an attempt to quell frustrations about the lack of female characters in Assassin’s Creed games. However, according to rumors, the time split between Evie and Jacob is thought to be around 25% and 75%, respectively. Why they can’t have the player choose one or the other is beyond me, but I can’t imagine this will calm upset gamers. That aside, Assassin’s Creed: Syndicate looks to be a fun addition to the Ubisoft franchise.
Assassin’s Creed: Syndicate is expected to be released Fall of 2015.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2MnDQxLaEHQ
A diverse group of recruits has arrived at the FBI Quantico Base for training. They are the best, the brightest and the most vetted, so it seems impossible that one of them is suspected of masterminding the biggest attack on New York City since 9/11.
“Quantico” stars Priyanka Chopra as Alex, Dougray Scott as Liam, Jake McLaughlin as Ryan, Aunjanue Ellis as Miranda, Yasmine Al Massri as Nimah, Johanna Braddy as Shelby, Tate Ellington as Simon and Graham Rogers as Caleb.
“Quantico” was written by Josh Safran. Executive producers are Josh Safran, Mark Gordon and Nick Pepper. “Quantico” is produced by ABC Studios.
Peggy Carter is shifting coasts when she returns to Marvel’s Agent Carter later this year.
Announced in ABC’s 2015-2016 Upfront press release, the series starring Hayley Atwell, will see the heroine headed off to the city of angels in the second season. What awaits her in the atomic age? New friends and possibly a new love!
From the press release:
“Marvel’s Agent Carter” returns for a second season of adventure and intrigue, starring Hayley Atwell in the titular role of the unstoppable secret agent for the SSR (Strategic Scientific Reserve). Dedicated to the fight against new atomic age threats in the wake of World War II, Peggy must now journey from New York City to Los Angeles for her most dangerous assignment yet. But even as she discovers new friends, a new home — and perhaps even a new love — she’s about to find out that the bright lights of the post-war Hollywood mask a more sinister threat to everyone she is sworn to protect.
Agent Carter will return in the Winter. ABC has confirmed that the second season will air during Agent’s of SHIELD‘s hiatus just like last year.
The effects of Gavin Belson’s lawsuit, Erlich’s shenanigans, Dinesh and Gilfoyle’s bickering, and the general presence of Russ Hanneman, combined with running a start-up are beginning to take a toll on Richard’s health. Each morning Richard awakes drenched in an obscene amount of sweat. After a visit to the doctor (whose medical opinion I’m believing less and less) Richard learns that his condition could be a precursor to a more juvenile malady: bed wetting. The very thought of this stresses Richard out more, thus becoming a catch-22 that can only end poorly the more he dwells on it.
But a bout of night sweats won’t stop Pied Piper as the company is beginning to gather momentum, finally moving on up, and out of Erlich’s house, to a swanky brick exposed office space replete with a modeling agency neighbor. Surprisingly Dinesh is eager for the parade of gorgeous females, a nice change of pace from last season where he fell into a predictable “scared of the opposite sex” nerd archetype. Additionally, this elegant and professional workplace could lower Richard’s mounting stress. But Pied Piper can’t have nice things; that’s their thing. Hooli has strong-armed all of Pied Piper’s server options from doing business with them, thereby trying to stop them even before they start. Gosh, doesn’t that sound familiar?
Gilfoyle poses the idea that they should build their own servers (on top of build their own wells and doomsday bunkers). This comes at the cost of the office – and models. Oh, and perhaps Richard’s sanity, health, and clean sheets. It shows the amount Richard is willing to sacrifice in order to make Pied Piper succeed. It’s my favorite moment in the episode, as this decision has the potential to be the factor that allows Pied Piper to compete not only with Nucleus but all of Hooli.
Speaking of the them, back at Hooli-land, Big Head (now firmly nicknamed Bag Head) is still clueless that he’s a pawn in Gavin Belson’s lawsuit game. He spends his days making potato-gun artillery, much to the dismay of his XYZ co-head, Professor Bannerchek. Because while Bag Head is using the brightest minds for the most useless and cheapest endeavors, Bannerchek falls on the other end of the spectrum – using the brightest minds and the most high-tech innovations for the noblest of endeavors – to give an armless monkey the gift to jack off and fling feces. Despite this scientific blunder, Professor Bannerchek threatens to resign if Belson doesn’t fire Big Head.
At Erlich’s ranch home, the group is prepping to convert the garage into the server room, when they learn that, for who knows how long, Jared has been squatting in the garage – another example of the sacrifices this group subjects themselves to. Additionally, the news of them moving out and then not doesn’t sit well with Noah, their neighbor, who was eager that a house full of renters would finally be moving out. As he sees them moving back in with more hardware, Erlich has to cut Richard short of divulging that they’re running a business out of the house as it violates zoning laws. This puts Richard on edge, especially when Gilfoyle is outside smoking and blasting music. Despite his previous estimate on how long it would take to build the server, Gilfoyle’s already a week behind schedule. It highlights the unique environment they’re all putting themselves through. While it doesn’t come close to the level of sacrifice Richard and Jared (now roommates) are experiencing, it is a burden in its own way. Imagine living with your boss, only to have him scrutinize any downtime if a deadline hasn’t been made yet.
While Richard and Gilfoyle are discussing the finer points of this confusing home-work work-home relationship the power goes out. Upon inspecting the server room they catch Dinesh red-handed. He wanted to work with the hardware so badly that he went behind Gilfoyle’s back. However, based on Gilfoyle’s set-up, his actions not only blew out the power of their house but of the entire block as well. Noah, fed up with their antics, informs them that he’s going to report them to the City Inspector. That night Jared’s particularly aggressive “night-Germaning” sends Richard searching for another place to sleep, but the entire place is packed to the rafters with people. Richard finds a spot outside, only to hear Noah talking on the other side of the fence. On further examination Richard see him handling a pet ferret – something we know to be illegal in the state of California thanks to Erlich’s earlier dismissal of a potential “incubee”. T march next door and blackmail Noah from calling the inspector, threatening to do the same on him and his beloved pets.
Back at Hooli, Gavin reveals that with Professor Bannerchek’s resignation “Bag Head” is now the sole visionary of Hooli XYZ. It’s only here that we see through a quizative squint that Big Head might finally realize something is amiss as Gavin routinely (albeit quickly) adds that he co-founded Pied Piper. Nevertheless, he receives the praise and sits down as Gavin makes his final announcement. Nucleus will be the exclusive provider of an upcoming UFC match next month. In the Nucleus test lab, head engineers inform an executive that they’re not ready and at least 6 weeks behind schedule. She skirts telling Gavin, giving them permission to offer him the news. This leads to a series of similar conversations down the companies hierarchy, illuminating they’re much further away from their goal than 6 weeks. And even though Pied Piper might be behind with having to build a new server room, it looks like Hooli might be even further back.
This episode was more plot focused than rife with jokes, it had the occasional gag but it lacked scenes that had either montages packed with jokes or sessions of seemingly improvised banter with the entire group. And that’s entirely okay with me; I’m a fan of the story Silicon Valley is telling on top of the humor they deliver. This episode wasn’t without its moments of brevity, but they personally didn’t resonate with me. Jared talking in his sleep in fluent German was funny. And the monkey gag at Hooli was a particularly nice jab at scientists as a whole. To quote Patton Oswalt, “we’re science, all about coulda not shoulda.” Unfortunately, I didn’t find the kimono gag between Richard and Erlich to be that great, and Erlich’s character is becoming more two-dimensional while everyone else seems to be breaking out of their tropes set in season one.
With us hitting the halfway point in the season, it will be interesting to see what happens between now and the finale, which will presumably take place at CES.
Louie
Season 5, Episode 5 – “Untitled”
Air date: May 7 (10:30pm e/p)
Who would’ve predicted that Louie would venture into horror? By now, audiences are probably familiar with Louie’s frequent use of absurdity and surrealism, but “Untitled” taps into that complacency to deliver a few scares rather than the usual bafflement. It makes perfect sense in retrospect–from the show’s predilection for playing with expectations to Louie’s countless modern fears and anxieties, the material is ripe for a horror take.
The episode starts off simply enough, with the sorts of mundane trials and tribulations Louie normally contends with. Louie takes Jane to the doctor, where she describes a “weird thing” in her head. She goes into an elaborate and somewhat fantastical description that includes phrases like “sweating on the inside of her head” and “seeing that everything is just electrons”. It’s pretty disconcerting for a parent to hear, and speaks to the episode’s exploration of the strange and often inexplicable things within our minds, but it just sounds like mild dehydration to the doctor.
I’ve really enjoyed the depiction of Jane and Lily’s growth and development.over the seasons. It’s nuanced and subtle, and doesn’t rely on the heavy-handed lessons and group hugs shown in more traditional family sitcoms. Rather, their growth has been gradual and almost imperceptible–the doctor speaks only to Jane and all but ignores Louie, while Louie finds himself confronted with his own ignorance of his daughter’s health. Later on, he’s surprised to learn that Jane doesn’t have many friends at school and is shocked when Lily reveals that they watched A Clockwork Orange at the sleepover. His general bafflement is that of a parent who’s being gradually outpaced by his daughters’ development into full-fledged individuals.
Louie ends up suffering from a series of bizarre nightmares that prevents him from sleeping. It’s not apparent at first, and the only warning we receive is Louie’s exasperated “oh no” after a knock on the door that opens up to only darkness. Dream sequences aren’t unusual for a show like Louie, but I don’t think anyone was ready for a greased up bogeyman with beady eyes to come leaping out of the darkness. Louie is haunted by these nightmares as he loses sleep and lines between reality and dreams start to blur. His attempts to seek help or find a cause prove futile, and the dreams only get more bizarre–that damned bogeyman also keeps showing up, and it’s horrible every time.
It’s hard to tell how much of the rest of the episode is real or part of Louie’s dream. The show’s signature surrealism is put to great effect here; there are fun little moments of ambiguity where the weirdness on display could still fit comfortably within the show’s wheelhouse without being a dream. Eventually, Louie remembers back to the day the dreams started, and to Barbara, the recently divorced mother of Lily’s friend. The dreams appear to be the result of his guilt over not helping her and awkwardly leaving after she breaks down in tears. He returns to help her with various household tasks, such as moving her fish tank and fixing the sink, and is ultimately able to sleep peacefully again.
We all have weird things in our head. It’s hard to know where they came from, what they mean, or how to fix them. As far as Louie goes, maybe it’s a manifestation of some personal anxiety, or perhaps all you need is a glass of water. Either way, I know where my next nightmare is coming from: that terrifying bogeyman leaping out of the darkness.
We are coming off of one of the better RAW shows in recent memory. The Payback main event is shaping up to be a nice one — featuring Dean Ambrose, a guy who should have been a part of this picture a long time ago if WWE hadn’t been booking him to job to Star Wars holograms and exploding TV sets. The tag team division has The New Day leading the way and is looking strong with Kidd and Cesaro and Lucha Dragons in the background. John Cena leads the mid-card (I can’t believe I’m saying that) while simultaneously dominating it. And Sami Zayn’s injured. And so is Hideo Itami. Despite this, the Giant Wrestling Company That Did chugs along on this, the “going home” show, despite the fact that we really, only, have two official Payback matches set up. So, I guess we’re gonna book the other 6 or 7 tonight and on Smackdown.
Let’s move…
We are LIVE(!!!) from Cincinnati, Ohio for Monday Night RAW!!!
JBL, Cole and Booker are the usual guys.
Triple H starts us off, declaring that “Daddy’s home”. He says that when he comes home to his kids and says “Daddy’s home”, (DANIELLE: They boo me!), they’re happy. But he’s not happy with Kane and his bullshit booking because he’s Triple H and there’s no way for him to stop his employees from doing stuff he doesn’t want done or reverse the main event booking. He tells Kane to come out here — but here comes Rollins instead.
Rollins rants about Kane and reviews all the bullshit Triple H just said and all the shit we’ve gone through in the past few weeks while the crowd chants Ambrose’s name in several different variations. Rollins tells Triple H that Kane isn’t the same person and it’s time to “take the old dog out back and put him out of his misery.”
That’s enough of that. Kane shows up — and actually gets a pop. Kane says that he’s older than Rollins and with age comes wisdom. He wants to strangle Rollins right the fuck now. They bicker back and forth and Triple H gets between them. Triple H says he respects Kane — but Kane needs to get on the same page as The Authority. He says that he knows Rollins is irritating and you just wanna punch him in the face…but you don’t. He says that Kane’s job is on the line. If Rollins doesn’t leave Payback as champion, his services won’t be needed.
Kane says that’s a shame…but it’s all worth it to eviscerate Rollins. Rollins argues again and Triple H tells him to shut up. Triple H says that Kane should speak up because this is the point where a break would be “amicable”. Kane is quiet. Triple H accepts the silence and says that the Fatal 4-Way will go on — and they’ll all see action tonight. So, tonight he wants to test Kane. Tonight, it’s Kane vs. Reigns. He orders Rollins to take on Randy Orton. Rollins is furious.
Then, Jamie Noble decides to get brave and criticizes Triple H, telling him that he’s just some rich guy who rides in limos and watches a big screen. Triple H mocks Noble and Mercury, saying that he “didn’t know they were still around”. He gets into Noble’s face, taking care to, mockingly, kneel down to match Noble’s height. He puts Noble and Mercury into a handicap match…against Dean Ambrose.
Triple H tells Kane and Rollins to come with him as Ambrose makes his way to the ring.
MATCH #1: Dean Ambrose vs. Jamie Noble & Joey Mercury in a 2-on-1 Handicap Match
Ambrose manhandles Mercury who tags in Ambrose. Ambrose goes for Dirty Deeds but Noble escapes and the fight continues outside. Mercury and Noble double team Ambrose until Ambrose puts both guys over the announce table. Back in the ring, Ambrose tries to go top rope on Mercury but Mercury pulls him down. It’s a couple quick tags as Noble puts Ambrose in an armbar. Mercury comes in and hits a dropkick and headlock. Ambrose breaks and the two men collide and butt heads. Tag to Noble. Ambrose gets up and works him over, hitting a couple mean tackles. He goes for a bulldog but Mercury pulls Noble outside the ring. Ambrose hits the Flying Psycho and puts Noble back in the ring, hitting a flying clothesline. Mercury makes the save. The boys beat on Ambrose, who hits a Double Rebound Clothesline and Dirty Deeds to finish it at 5:17 as Booker, frustratingly, says “We have a new champion!”
WINNER: Dean Ambrose via Dirty Deeds
RATING: *3/4. Better than expected, but big deal. Why are we wasting Dean Ambrose on these guys when Ambrose is main eventing Payback? Quick action and no commercial break for a change, so there’s that.
TONIGHT: Daniel Bryan is here.
When we come back from break, Ziggler is out here, dressed like what white 80’s TV Execs thought gang members looked like. Sheamus is at ringside with the guys, doing commentary. Cole welcomes Sheamus to commentary and, because he just can’t let it die, continues to berate him for not “kissing Ziggler’s arse” three weeks ago.
(WHYG Writer Jared: “Hey, folks, welcome to our third PPV, WEDGIEMANIA! John Cena will defend the United States Championship against Rusev again — but this time, in a No Holds Barred WEDGIE MATCH!” JBL: “A wedgie match?!” COLE: “That’s right, John! In order to win the match, you have to give your opponent a WEDGIE!”)
Barrett gets on the mic and gives a speech that just isn’t the same without the “bad news” gimmick. He tells the ref to ring the bell.
MATCH #2: Dolph Ziggler vs. King Barrett
Ziggler hits a Superkick and nearly gets a pin. He hits an elbow drop for another two count and dropkicks Barrett outside. When we come back from one RAW’s much-needed commercial breaks, Barrett’s in control with a pin and a headlock. He elbows Ziggler on the back of the head but Ziggler charges up and hits the Fame-Asser for two. Ziggler goes for another Superkick but Barrett grabs his leg and goes for Wasteland. Ziggler breaks it but Barrett knocks him down with a knee to the gut. Barrett sets up the Bullhammer but misses. Sheamus gets involved, distracting Ziggler. Barrett hits the Bullhammer to finish up at 5:52.
WINNER: Barrett via Bullhammer
RATING: **. Nothing going on here except to build up the Sheamus feud.
Post-match, Sheamus kicks at Ziggler. Ziggler fights back with a press but Sheamus hits a Brogue and leaves.
TONIGHT:
MATCH #3: Erick Rowan (w/ Luke Harper) vs. Fandango
It’s the Suddenly Evil Because Reasons Eric Rowan vs. The New and Improved Fandango You Know What Nevermind. JBL, Cole and Booker argue over how fast Rowan will win, guess 2 minutes or under because this is a thing now. Rowan destroys Fandango and hits a Full Nelson Slam for the win at around 36 seconds.
WINNER: Erick Rowan
RATING: n/a – squash. I didn’t care about Rowan before. I don’t care for him now. As a tag team, Rowan and Harper can kick a whole lot of ass. Let’s do that instead of 15 straight solo squashes week after week. Anyhow, this whole match has an Island of Misfit Toys feel, starring a bunch of WWE’s failed experiments.
Post-match, it’s a Rowan/Harper beatdown.
NEXT: Cena will beat a mid-carder.
LAST WEEK: Bret Hart introduced Sami Zayn who lost to John Cena, got injured and won’t return to WWE for weeks to come.
Cena graces us with his presence and is thrilled because the arena seems to cheer for him. He talks up the Franklin Mint United States Commemorative Championship and lists all the people he’s beaten to keep it. The Cena U.S. Open is…uh…open…and the challenger is…
Neville. To almost no pop.
MATCH #4: John Cena (champion) vs. Neville (challenger) for the WWE United States Championship
The two men exchange holds and wrist locks and armbars for the first couple of minutes. Cena hits a shoulderblock and side headlock as JBL says that Cena “could have anyone…like Harper and Rowan”. Neville breaks the hold and sends Cena outside. When we come back, NOBODY IS IN CONTROL! Cena hits Move #1 but Neville kicks out of #3 and sends Cena out of the ring, following with a nice Baseball Slide Kick. Neville follows that up with a beautiful Springboard 450 Splash. Back in the ring, Neville gets a two count. A few counters later and Cena hits #3 and goes for the 5KS, hitting it. He goes for the AA but Neville kicks free and kicks Cena in the face. Neville hits ANOTHER beautiful 450 Splash but only gets a near fall. The two men exchange punches and Neville hits some quick low kicks before Cena grabs Neville for a nice Michinoku Driver for two. Cena sets up the AA again but Neville counters into a pin for two. Cena puts Neville in the corner. Neville jumps over Cena and does some backflips. He hits a cross body but Cena counters into an AA which Neville counters. Neville hits an Enzuguri and NEARLY gets another fall. He goes for the Red Arrow but Cena counters into the STF. Neville counters that and nearly gets another fall. Cena gets to his feet and hits a quick clothesline and both men are weary. Cena rushes at Neville but Neville dodges and kicks Cena. Cena grabs Neville anyhow and hits an AA. 1…2…NO. Both men are on their backs and struggle to get up. Cena is on his feet first as Neville rolls outside the ropes. Cena grabs Neville and puts him on his shoulders, climbing to the second buckle…but Neville counters into a Falling Powerbomb! 1…2…NO. Neville gets up and goes for the Red Arrow and hits it…and Rusev fuck this entire thing up by interfering for the DQ finish at 14:42. Fuck this fucking show.
WINNER: Neville via DQ
RATING: I’ll go ***3/4. I hate run-in finishes but that fit. This would have been an easy ***** on any PPV.
Post-match, Rusev stomps a mudhole in Cena and puts him in the Accolade and Neville doesn’t do a thing about it because he’s dead some place. Meanwhile, the crowd chants “WE WANT LANA”.
STILL TO COME:
Kane and Reigns make their way to the ring. Kane immediately attacks Reigns as he gets over the crowd barrier and just beats him up, slamming his head into the steel steps. When Kane tosses Reigns into the ring, Reigns hits a Sagat-like Tiger Uppercut and goes back outside to deal with Kane. Kane regroups and tosses Reigns between the edge of the mat and the crowd barrier. Reigns is left laying on the floor and starts taking apart the announce table. Reigns gets up and fights back, trying the Superman Punch, finally hitting it after a few counters. He hits a Spear that was obviously meant to break the announce table but it didn’t and Cole’s forced to hold his orgasm. Reigns awkwardly climbs the announce table…and does nothing. His music hits and Kane is still down, having proved…something to Triple H, I guess.
NEXT: Daniel Bryan is here to talk about his neck.
LAST WEEK: Tamin Snuka made an arbitrary return due to overwhelming demand. Her and Naomi beat up the Bellas, who are heels, kinda.
MATCH #5: Brie Bella (w/ Nikki Bella) vs. Tamina Snuka (w/ Naomi)
Cole plugs the WWE App, telling us to tune in so we can see what the Bellas think about Naomi. Tamina gained some weight during her off-time and botches a punch to Brie’s gut. Tamina hits a clothesline and gets a one-count as Nikki says inspirational stuff like, “C’mon, Brie, fight”. Brie regains composure and hits a nice missile dropkick for two. Brie hits a running knee against the ropes but can’t hit a second one, which she always tries for. Tamina blocks her and hits a Superkick for the win at 3:34.
WINNER: Tamina Snuka
RATING: 1/4*.
TONIGHT: Randy Orton vs. Seth Rollins
Curtis Axel is waiting for Damien Sandow. They’re fighting because Axel imitated Hulk Hogan and Damien Sandow imitated Randy Savage. It’s like two drag queens jockeying for stage time.
MATCH #6: Curtis Axel vs. Macho Mandow
*Sigh*. Sandow is out with Savage’s theme music and costume — and Cole has a HASHTAG FOR IT. Sandow points like Savage. Axel rips off his shirt but Mandow hits shoulderblocks and goes top rope for the big elbow…but The Ascension shows up because why the fuck not? Viktor says that this isn’t entertaining. Konnor takes the ironic route and says that “dressing like a legend doesn’t make you a legend”. They rush the ring — but Sandow dumps Konnor and slams Viktor to the mat. Axel hits a Hogan Legdrop. And this is DOA. JBL, Cole and Booker sit there, stunned, saying, “Well…that was…something.”
WINNERS: No contest
RATING: DUD. The Ascension was just buried by Curtis Axel and Damien Sandow imitating Hulk Hogan and Randy Savage while they, themselves, imitate the Legion of Doom. My brain is gonna short circuit.
Post-match, it’s a Pseudo Mega Powers handshake. Yay?
Daniel Bryan is out to speak and looks none too happy. He says that he’s had a bunch of doctor visits in the last two weeks. He is sick of that and wants some energy. He says that he needed to come out here and get his usual reaction. He recalls when Steph stripped him of the World Title last year…and she was right to do it. He says that the fans deserve a fighting champion — and that’s why he’s out here tonight. He says that he had an MRI and that the doctors are telling him that he’s out indefinitely. Despite that, he says the fans deserve somebody fighting for the IC Championship — and has to invoke the name of Dean Ambrose in order to get fans cheering. Tonight, he is giving up the Intercontinental Championship. He thanks the fans and leaves the belt in the center of the ring. The crowd chants “THANK YOU, DANIEL” and Bryan rewards them by leading a YES chant to finish that segment.
Cole, JBL and Booker are depressed and discuss WHAT JUST HAPPENED.
The New Day’s music hits but the crowd is dead. Eventually, it’s a “NEW DAY SUCKS” chant that brings them back. The three men talk about the tag teams in contention for the titles and try another “NEW DAY ROCKS” chant. It doesn’t work and Cesaro and Kidd interrupt with Nattie’s Giant Bewbz already having been there for 20 minutes.
MATCH #7: Big E (w/ Xavier Woods & Kofi Kingston) vs. Cesaro (w/ Tyson Kidd & Natalya)
JBL continues calling Cesaro and Tyson “Tyson & Kidd” as Cesaro hits a HUGE slam to start things off. Cesaro hits an uppercut and huge crossbody off the top rope for two. Cesaro beats E in the corner with kicks, then clotheslines him from the ring. After a commercial break, Cesaro fights out of an Abdominal Stretch only to fall victim to another one. Cesaro counters with a Gut Wrench Suplex but E hits a Spinebuster. He misses a Warrior Splash but hits ANOTHER Warrior Splash and gets two. E hits a shoulder tackle for two. Cesaro comes back with a Springboard Uppercut and two German Suplexes, followed by a dangerous looking Belly to Belly that sees Big E landing on the back of his neck. Cesaro goes for a Spin. Woods jumps on the mat and him and Tyson Kidd fight each other. Finally, Woods trips Kidd and taunts Cesaro. E tries to clothesline Cesaro but Cesaro counters an hits a neat cradle pin for the three count at 8:54.
WINNER: Cesaro
RATING: **. Good power match here. Cesaro just continues to look impressive, even if you think you’ve seen everything he’s had to offer.
WWE Network is free for the month of May…so tune in to see Macho Mandow and Curtis Axel take on The Ascension.
If you think that’s fucked, OMG, another PPV has been added this month: Elimination Chamber, live from Texas on Sunday, May 31st. Shouldn’t that have been Fastlane? Yeah. This isn’t desperate at all.
THIS THURSDAY: Roman Reigns vs. Kane because the match nobody wanted to see in the first place MUST HAPPEN.
The Prime Time Players imitate D-X because we haven’t had enough of this tonight. Parts of the crowd sadly chant along with the old D-X shit.
Bray Wyatt time. Wyatt comes to the ring and goes Alex Jones nuts, talking about Climate Change and economic collapse and global war. When he’s done with the Coast 2 Coast nonsense, he trashes Ryback for reading The Secret and fighting against injury to “come back”. But Ryback has never seen anything like Bray Wyatt. He says that, sometimes, the bad guy wins. He does the Raven…until Ryback shows up and heads to the ring. Ryback hits a Spinebuster and clothesline and Wyatt is dispatched outside. We go to break with Ryback standing tall.
MATCH #8: Randy Orton vs. WWE World Heavyweight Champion Seth Rollins (non-title)
No J&J “flank” for this match. After some back and forth, Rollins hits some shots to Orton’s head and gut. Orton responds, tossing Rollins to the mat and into the corner. Orton knocks him down and drops a knee for two. He misses the next one but hits a backbreaker. He rushes Rollins but Rollins trips him and sends him outside. When we come back, Rollins is in control while Cole recaps what might happen in a Fatal 4-Way in case you haven’t watched wrestling since the late 90’s. Rollins tosses Orton into the corner and runs but Orton dumps Rollins over the ropes. Rollins recovers and goes top rope but Orton trips him up. Orton hits a Superplex but both men are hurt. When they get to their feet, it’s “boo/yay” shots. Orton tries a Powerslam in stride but Rollins holds the ropes. Rollins leaps at Orton from the top rope and Orton hits the Powerslam anyhow. Two count. Rollins dazes Orton and hits a flying knee from the top rope. Two count. Rollins tries the Buckle Bomb but Orton counters it. There’s a series of counters and Orton finally hits a Fisherman’s Suplex throw. Orton goes after Rollins but Rollins kicks Orton and hits a Suicide Dive to the outside. For some reason, eight guys in the crowd chant, “THIS IS AWESOME”. Back in the ring, Rollins tries to splash Orton in the corner but misses. Orton misses an RKO. Rollins rolls him up for two, then hits a low Superkick for two. Both men struggle to theri feet. Rollins gets to feet first. He rushes Orton but Orton sends Rollins outside the ropes for a Vintage DDT. He sets up for the RKO but J&J Security are here to fuck this up at 15:19.
WINNER: Randy Orton via DQ
RATING: **. Just have J&J at ringside if you’re gonna end it like that.
Post-match, Rollins and J&J put Orton to the mat. Kane’s music hits. He goes for a chair. Rollins & J&J stomp a mudhole in Orton. Ambrose and Reigns show up, tossing J&J from the ring. They surround Rollins. Ambrose hits Dirty Deeds. The three Fatal 4-Way competitors turn to face Kane. Kane does nothing. Ambrose picks up Rollins and holds him for Reigns. Reigns hits a Spear. Kane still stands there, watching. Ambrose and Reigns pick Rollins up for Orton who hits an RKO. Kane still doesn’t move…so Reigns hits a Spear on Orton. That means Ambrose gets to hit Dirty Deeds on Reigns and Ambrose stands tall as we go off the air.
OVERALL: **. Blah for a “going home” show. Nowhere near as good as last week with a bunch of shit matches and a brilliant Cena/Neville match. That one match does not, a good show, make.
And, of course, it’s the best of the Internet Water Cooler…
Er…that’s it.
Veep
Season 4, Episode 05 “Convention”
Air date: May 10, 2015 10:30 e/p
Veep continues its streak of major character shakeups this season with the surprise resignation of Amy. When Senator O’Brien announces a strong running mate in New Mexico senator Laura Montez, Selina and her team scrambles to find a suitable contender of their own in the midst of the National Convention. Meanwhile, Amy is fed up with her role as manager for Selina’s struggling campaign and Dan desperately tries to impress a client in his new role as a lobbyist.
Selina’s presidency has raised the stakes quite a bit, and has brought many relationships to a head. Gary and Selina had a major argument back in “East Wing”, while Dan was later fired as a scapegoat for the data breach. Amy’s epic meltdown this episode was a long time coming: tasked with managing Selina’s fumbling campaign, her job has only grown more frustrating since Selina ascended to the presidency and other priorities (and people) continue to crowd her out. Selina’s new advisor (read: sycophant) Karen pushes all of Amy’s buttons without contributing anything meaningful of her own, but Amy is finally pushed over the edge when Selina refuses to consider her recommendation of Tom James as a running mate.
Angry Amy is my favorite Amy; in a show full of venomous tongues and withering glares, few moments could ever compete with Amy’s all-consuming rage this episode. Her meltdown and resignation is suitably epic–she tears into Karen and Selina with the pent-up rage of everything she’s endured over the seasons. Although Karen’s tendency to speak only in vague, non-committal statements pushes Amy past the breaking point, Selina ultimately receives the brunt of Amy’s fury:
I wouldn’t let you run a bath without having the coast guard and fire department standing by, and here you are running the country. You are the worst thing to happen to this country since food in buckets, and maybe slavery… You have achieved nothing, apart from one thing: The fact that you are a woman means that we will have no more women presidents because we tried one and she fucking sucks.
It’s a shocking, cathartic, hilarious scene that leaves the team dumbfounded. What’s really great, however, is Selina’s reaction–she sees the truth in Amy’s statements and respects her opinion enough to go with Tom James. By the end of the episode, she even has Ben fire Karen. It’s the sort of wise, mature, and considered reaction we would expect from the president of the United States. Veep is a comedy that largely just documents the various fumbling and failures of Selina and her inept team, but we only ever catch glimpses of the skilled politician Selina needs to be in order to have gotten as far as she has. Her reaction to Amy’s outburst is an important reminder that she’s still good at what she does and she’s president for a reason. Ultimately, it’s also a rather touching victory for Amy; although it didn’t come soon enough to prevent her from leaving, she finally receives the trust and acknowledgement she deserved.
Everyone else has their own great little moments, from Catherine’s continued struggle under the intense scrutiny and micromanagement of Selina to Dan’s attempt to please his first client as a lobbyist. The pairing of Richard with Jonah continues to pay dividends–Sam Richardson’s unique blend of idiocy has been a great addition since he was promoted to series regular this season. This episode also has a few brief but funny appearances from both George Maddox and Danny Chung, who are briefly considered as running mates. The episode is a little overcrowded at times, but Amy’s meltdown really clears the air and the introduction of Hugh Laurie as Selina’s old flame and new running mate Tom James is an exciting set up for the second half of the season.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9mybEO-Hb0Y
THE GRINDER, starring Emmy Award nominee Rob Lowe (“Parks and Recreation,” “The West Wing”) and Emmy Award and Golden Globe Award nominee Fred Savage (“The Wonder Years”), follows a famous TV lawyer (Lowe) who, after his hit series, “The Grinder,” is canceled, moves back home and joins his brother (Savage) at their family’s real-life law firm – despite having no formal education, no bar certification, no license to practice and no experience in an actual courtroom.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_fLl-DMzxrk
Based on Steven Spielberg’s international blockbuster film and the first of his films to be adapted for television, MINORITY REPORT follows the partnership between a man (Stark Sands, “Inside Llewyn Davis”) haunted by the future and a cop (Meagan Good, “Think Like A Man” franchise, “Californication”) haunted by her past, as they race to stop the worst crimes before they happen.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FhhYJXV508A
From executive producer Todd Harthan (“Psych,” “Dominion”), ROSEWOOD stars Morris Chestnut (“Nurse Jackie,” “The Best Man” franchise) as DR. BEAUMONT ROSEWOOD, JR., a brilliant private pathologist who uses wildly sophisticated technology and his drive to live life to the fullest to help a tough-as-nails detective (Jaina Lee Ortiz, “The After”) and the Miami PD uncover clues no one else can see.
Based on characters from DC Entertainment’s Vertigo imprint, LUCIFER stars Tom Ellis (“Merlin”) as the charming, charismatic and handsome-as-hell original fallen angel, who, bored and unhappy in Hell, takes refuge in Los Angeles, where he uses his gift of persuasion to punish bad guys. But the longer he’s away from the underworld, the greater the threat that the worst of humanity could escape.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qNq25SEUTPQ
In THE FRANKENSTEIN CODE, from executive producer/writer Rand Ravich (“Life,” “Crisis”) and executive producer Howard Gordon (“Homeland,” “24”), a disgraced, 75-year-old ex-sheriff, whose life ends at the hands of corrupt cops, is brought back to life and given a second chance by a pair of young tech scientists, as a 35-year-old (Rob Kazinsky, “True Blood”) with unpredictable near-superhuman abilities.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1V7u8Jdo63A
GRANDFATHERED stars John Stamos (“Full House,” “ER”) as the ultimate bachelor whose life is turned upside down when he discovers he’s not only a father, but a grandfather.
