DORNE! IN THE INTRO! Now it’s long enough to do that 8-minute workout I’ve seen people raving about on Facebook. Not that I’ll do it, but it’s nice to have the option.
Here we are, almost to the halfway point of the season and still there is no winter, no wars, and very little dragons. There is, however, an abundance of murder and boobs, so we know it’s still Game of Thrones. In “Sons of the Harpy” we follow the wrath of the women in Game of Thrones; from Cersei’s institution of the Faith Militant, to Margaery’s rage over her brother’s imprisonment, to Melisandre’s anger over being spurned by Jon Snow (and saying the line!), and Ellaria’s need for revenge against the Lannisters. I also have no doubt we are building to see the wrath of both Sansa and Daenerys, so hold on to your butts, people.
ESSOS – Somewhere in the water outside Volantis
Oh, hey, look! Jorah’s lost most of his morals and steals a boat so he can sail back to Meereen. Along the way, Tyrion annoys the scorned knight with a muffled rendition of Hot Cross Buns, so Jorah tells him they’re going to Daenerys and Tyrion has a good laugh over the irony of it all. Then Jorah then helps Tyrion sleep without wine. Their banter isn’t nearly as exciting as that between Tyrion and Varys, but it’s nice having Jorah back, kind of. I mean, he’s become a bit of a jerk since he started frequenting brothels with Dany look-a-likes. And he’s a lot more delusional.
Dorne
On a much larger boat, Jaime and Bronn travel to Dorne, but not before sailing by Tarth so that Jaime can wistfully gaze upon it and daydream of Brienne. I assume. Bronn asks why Jaime is there and he fumbles through some answer about rescuing his niece and not wanting to start a war. Bronn doesn’t buy any of Jaime’s story, but decides he likes gold more than the truth, so he lets it go.
Bronn decides to change the subject to the only thing the two have in common: Tyrion. This upsets Jaime because even though he disliked his father and loved Tyrion, revenge is more important so if he ever sees the Imp again, he’ll split him in two. Note: listen to the music when Jaime tells Bronn he’ll send Tyrion his regards.
Jaime and Bronn then “row” into Dorne and Jaime makes the rookie mistake of trusting someone he paid. Then he goofs up even more by opening his mouth in front of a few Dornish riders and Bronn is all, “Are you serious, man? I’m trying to lie us into safety and you are like one-tenth as smart as your brother. SHUT. UP.” It leads to a bloody confrontation that makes Bronn question for the hundredth time why Jaime had to come along.
Also in the land of sand and snakes (HEH), Ellaria meets with Oberyn’s daughters, the Sand Snakes and plots how to start a war. She isn’t very subtle about how she intends to do it, either. (Hint: Jaime’s “niece.”) They then find out that Jaime Lannister is in Dorne to rescue Myrcella, so they are forced to rush their plans. Two of the Sand Snakes are in, but Obara spends these crucial moments taking a forced trip down memory lane to tell us why she eventually says yes to Ellaria’s plan.
King’s Landing
At the Small Council, Mace Tyrell is an oaf and Cersei quickly gets rid of him by sending him as an envoy to the Iron Bank, courtesy of Lannister Travel Agency. Ser Meryn fucking Trant is his escort because the Lannisters spare no expense when it comes to getting what they want. Two guesses as to how that plays out for Papa Tyrell. Cersei then meets with the High Sparrow and institutes the Faith Militant, giving all of the Sparrows fancy new black robes to cover the darkness in their hearts as they destroy everything King’s Landing loves: sex and wine. Ser Loras Tyrell is arrested as a sinner and Margaery doesn’t even try to hide her anger. Tommen acts like a child, completely ignorant of Cersei and Margaery’s hatred of one another, because like a Hobbit, the only thing he cares about is breakfast.
Is it scary to think that Joffrey would have already rid King’s Landing of the Faith Militant? I almost wish he were still alive to see his confrontation with them outside the Sept of Baelor. Almost.
THE WALL
Stannis needs to march on Winterfell, and for that he also needs a larger army and the support of the Night’s Watch. Jon needs men for the Watch, which means asking for help from the likes of the Boltons, and a few other lords he’s never heard of. Melisandre needs….a few other things.
After that incredibly awkward boob stare and grab, Jon reminds Melisandre that there’s only room in his heart for one redhead.
But the best part at Castle Black was the scene between Stannis and Shireen. I’m sure that these scenes hold little weight for the story at large, but I love Shireen. She is one of the truly kind people on the show and for Stannis to defend her, show her he loves her, and prove that he wants her around, well that just adds another ten points to House Stannis. Look at that little girl smile. HOW CAN YOU NOT LOVE HER, SELYSE YOU MONSTER.
WINTERFELL
Sansa visits the crypts underneath Winterfell, because only good things happen down there. Naturally, Littlefinger follows her down there and then tells the story of the Tourney at Harrenhal, reminding us that Rhaegar and Lyanna caused Robert’s Rebellion. More importantly, Littlefinger continues to play the part of the creepy uncle you don’t sit next to at family dinners. Littlefinger thinks Stannis will take Winterfell and save Sansa, making her Wardeness of the North. Aaaaaand awkward kiss. That’s enough of that for tonight.
Meereen
Barristan Selmy and Dany share a sweet moment reminiscing about Rhaegar, and that’s the second time he’s been discussed this episode. However, what concerns me more is the genuine smile Dany gives the old knight because that’s how you know things are about to get ugly. Any time someone seems happy, they get stabbed. Daario interrupts their bonding moment, only to be reminded that Dany doesn’t pay him to think.
Hizdahr pleads his case for opening the fighting pits for tenth time this season and Dany reminds him that killing men for sport isn’t kosher. As Hizdahr makes his stirring speech about the slaves becoming infamous through death, the Sons of the Harpy lure Unsullied into a dark alley and start their our version of the fighting pits. The Unsullied surprisingly get man-handled pretty well considering they’ve been trained to fight since infancy. Barristan comes across the alley fight just in time to end it, but not before falling to the ground next to a very bloody and defeated Grey Worm.
Random Thoughts:
It would have been hilarious if the person Jorah beat up for the boat was Gendry. Huh? HUH?! AMIRITE? Just me? Okay, then.
Littlefinger is super creepy, right? I’m scared for Sansa, but I don’t know if I’m more scared for her with Littlefinger or with Ramsay. Just kidding. Ramsay is terrifying. But seriously, for a guy who claims to know how to play the game, Littlefinger doesn’t know as much about people as he thinks he does.
Is Barristan going to die? IS GREY WORM GOING TO DIE? I can’t handle this. Why would you do this to me, HBO? (I just watched next week’s trailer and I HATE YOU, HBO.)
There were a few references to a theory about Jon Snow’s parentage this week, including the flashback all the way back to the first season with King Robert at Lyanna’s grave. If you’re interested, you can highlight this bit of text (spoilers, kind of?):
The theory is that Rhaegar Targaryen and Lyanna Stark are actually Jon Snow’s parents, not Ned Stark and some woman he met on the road.
At Castle Black, there’s the conversation between Stannis and Selyse:
“You think highly of this boy…the bastard by some tavern slut.”
“Perhaps, but that wasn’t Ned Stark’s way.”
Then again, in the crypts of Winterfell, Littlefinger tells the story of the Tourney at Harrenhal, where the spark that led to Robert’s Rebellion began–Rhaegar’s kidnapping and raping of Lyanna Stark. And even later, Selmy, a man who seems to have known Rhaegar better than anyone tells of his true nature as a singer and an intellectual who gave to the poor and loathed fighting, so he’s probably not the kind of guy to kidnap and rape a woman he finds beautiful. Food for thought.
With only three episodes remaining in the season, it seems the world of Outlander is determined to deny Claire and Jamie marital bliss. Last week Outlander ended with Jamie at gunpoint and Claire unable to save him. “The Watch” follows immediately after that moment and thankfully, Jenny has the sound mind to diffuse the situation. The new men are members of the Watch, a group of mercenaries who are paid to protect Scottish lands from the Redcoats, so that horrors like what happened to the Frasers may never occur again. But don’t let that noble intention fool you, the Watch isn’t above raiding merchants, burning belongings, and turning in wanted fugitives to the Redcoats for a reward.
It is the latter of those traits that has Claire and Jamie most worried. Not many Lallybroch outsiders seem to recognize Jamie’s face, which works in his favor, but his sudden appearance has the Watch, especially its leader, Taran MacQuarrie, suspicious. The feeling is mutual for Jamie, and he disapproves of Jenny and Ian paying such a group for protection, but the pair remind him that they cannot fend off the Redcoats alone, and no matter how much Jamie wishes he could, neither can he.
Has anyone thought that Jamie might be the more recognizable part of my name and not Fraser? No? Just me? Alright then.
After a few war stories and a kerfuffle outside over the hay (in the hay, whatever), Taran and Jamie come to a bitter understanding of one another. And then the Redcoat deserter from Jamie’s past and a new member of the Watch, Horrocks, makes an appearance, putting a damper on their budding bromance . Horrocks knows who Jamie is, what he’s wanted for, and that Jamie is noble enough to hand over gold to keep the deserter’s mouth shut. It causes tension between everyone in Lallybroch, each trying to keep Jamie’s identity a secret without raising any suspension, or without angering the unpredictable Horrocks.
Eventually, Jamie confronts the ex-Redcoat, gives him the coin he wants, and asks him to leave. Sensing an opportunity for greed, Horrocks makes snide remarks about Jenny and Claire, and then demands more gold. Just when things between the two men are about to come to blows, Ian rams Horrocks through with a shaking sword. Taran, being a shrewd man, puts two and two together, realizing Jamie and Ian must be responsible for Horrocks “disappearance.” Jamie smirks and fesses up, earning him more of Taran’s respect, but also earning him and Ian a place in the Watch for their next raid.
“Sigh. I wish I could have morning sickness and a baby in my belly that kicks me at all hours of the night.”
All the while, a very pregnant Jenny goes into labor, and with the midwife out of the village, Claire is the only one who can help deliver. The baby is breech and it’s not hard to understand why the two women are fearful of that fact, you know, given the century and Jenny’s family history. An underlying emotion throughout is Claire’s curiosity about becoming a mother. She asks Jenny how she feels when pregnant, how she knows when she’s with child, and in Claire’s silence you can see her real reason for the questions–she fears she may not be able to have children. Only when Jamie discusses filling up Lallybroch with their little ones does Claire finally voice her fear. There’s a distance between the pair when the realization hits and it’s in these moments when the couple shines. Sure, who doesn’t love the smut–I certainly do–but these darker moments that plague any couple are what makes the pair stronger. Jamie closes the gap between them, making a joke about having her all to himself, but once Claire leaves the room, he slides down on to the wooden chest and sits there, staring. It’s something I really enjoy about these two; individually they’re strong-willed but together they so badly want to give the other what they think is expected. Jamie wants to give Claire a safe home, a comfortable life; Claire wants to give Jamie children. Neither seem able to do so.
At the end of the episode, Jenny has her baby girl, Maggie, and the boys ride off on the Watch’s raid, only to find out that Horrocks betrayed them all to the Redcoats, and only Ian and one other Watch member make it back to Lallybroch. Jamie and the other surviving members are taken by the Redcoats.
Back to Black Jack Randall.
Outlander airs Saturdays on Starz at 9pm EST.
Photos courtesy of Starz.
There’s this little movie releasing today that you may have heard a bit about, Avengers: Age of Ultron. Later on this year we’ve got Ant-Man, followed by Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice, Suicide Squad, and dozens more. As you can tell, Hollywood has been on a superhero kick lately and who can blame them? They’ve got everything we need: action, robots, gadgets, abs that can cut glass. But the actors that play these superheroes weren’t always mankind’s saviors.
Charlie Cox – Daredevil
Previously seen in: Casanova
At the end of Casanova when Heath Ledger passed the mantle on to a baby Charlie Cox, I remember thinking, “Him? HIM?! That shy little nobody?” Well, I’m eating my words now because that shy little nobody grew up, became a king in Stardust, had a stint on Boardwalk Empire, and chiseled his jaw to finally become Daredevil.
Henry Cavill – Superman
Previously seen in: The Count of Monte Cristo
Look at that baby face! Before becoming the man in the cape, Henry Cavill did a few period pieces, starting with The Count of Monte Cristo, then moving to Tristan & Isolde, and finally becoming the best part on The Tudors. Bonus: Cavill was also in Stardust with Charlie Cox, except he played the sleazy boyfriend no one liked.
Chris Evans – Captain America
Previously seen in: Not Another Teen Movie
I know I could have used that iconic whipped cream and cherry photo of Chris Evans from Not Another Teen Movie, but I think the smirk and letterman jacket encompasses the douchebaggery well. Evans was in another teen movie, The Perfect Score, alongside fellow Avenger, Scarlett Johansson. He tried his hand at being a superhero as Human Torch in Fantastic Four, but to purge that memory from our minds, he went on to become Captain America.
Hayley Atwell – Agent Carter
Previously seen in: Pillars of the Earth
Until Captain America: The First Avenger, Hayley Atwell only had smaller movie roles and parts in TV Mini-series, like Any Human Heart. Pillars of the Earth is by far my favorite of her earlier work, but she also worked alongside Ewan McGregor and Colin Farrell in Cassandra’s Dream. Now she’s kicking butt as Agent Carter and I couldn’t be happier.
Ben Affleck – Batman
Previously seen in: Daredevil (Sorry, not sorry)
Something something Good Will Hunting, something something Gigli, something something Daredevil. Okay, I didn’t hateDaredevil, not like most anyway, but it’s hard to compare a mediocre film to one of the most anticipated movies of 2016. It’s Batman, people.
Scarlett Johansson – Black Widow
Previously seen in: Girl with a Pearl Earring
Scarlett Johansson has been acting since she was a wee little thing in North and Home Alone 3. However, she went on to more adult roles in Lost in Translation, Girl with a Pearl Earring, and The Prestige. She also did a voice in a Spongebob movie, but that’s easily nullified after her work in Her. As Black Widow, Johansson has been the most prolific of the Avengers actors, starring in four movies, even without having one of her own. AHEM.
Chris Pratt – Star-Lord
Previously seen in: Everwood
Back in my teen years, I had a thing for angsty CW shows. Dawson’s Creek, One Tree Hill, you name it. Everwood was about as angsty as they came, with a brooding Gregory Smith as the lead, Pratt played his antagonist for much of the earlier years. Pratt then went on to become the lovable Andy Dwyer on Parks and Recreation. I can only assume he learned his world-saving techniques from Leslie Knope before becoming Star-Lord.
Gal Gadot – Wonder Woman
Previously seen in: Wonder Woman (Because I’m just really excited about her playing WW.)
Like, really excited. Besides, I needed more ladies on this list.
Chris Hemsworth – Thor
Previously seen in: Dancing with the Stars
There’s nothing more I can add to this besides a gif:
Lost Girl Season 5, Episode 3: “Big in Japan″ Air date: May 1, 2015 Grade: B-
This week’s episode of Lost Girl ushers in a new phase in Bo’s life as she attempts to navigate her world post-Kenzi. First we see her trying out what any normal human would do with a big change happens, redecorate of course! The chosen one tries out a new shade of green with Dyson lending a helping hand (or two) but while he apparently is all for a no strings attached physical relationship, Bo suddenly gets super thirsty and leaves him in search of a beverage. Did she really just turn him down?
Musashi, fae god of bad karaoke.
Meanwhile at The Dal, it’s karaoke night and a male Fae is performing a terrible rendition of “Ring My Bell” with his two female companions. When they finish their number, the man is nearly assassinated via poison but he is able to detect by freezing his drink.
After his rejection, Dyson goes to Lauren’s lab where they discuss the deaths of the people in an elevator crash (the same ones from the end of last week’s episode). There are some mighty strange things going on such as three of the bodies have no marks, bruises, or cuts whatsoever. Also while there is three identified human blood types, a fourth fae one is also found. Unfortunately Lauren is unable able to determine what kind it is. One of the bodies is revealed to be that of our mysterious candle-holding lady. Of course she’s got to be the fae but what exactly is she? On top of that Dyson discovers that Lauren’s been getting death threats because of her humanization of the Morrigan.
Bo and Tamsin are roomies now and the two ladies decide to go on a night out when they are propositioned by karaoke fae while buying some hotdogs. At first the succubus tells him to go away but in the spirit of yolo, she finally gives in and the threesome have a very alcohol fueled night. In the morning Bo wakes up with massive hangover and Tamsin next to her in bed. She attempts to heal herself by feeding on the valkyrie but is unable to yet again (but I’m sure morning breath did not help). Bo realizes that douchey karaoke fae is still there and he tells them that someone had attempted to kill him and that he them to be his bodyguards.
Valkyries love em warriors.
Over dinner he reveals that he is Musashi, to which Tamsin geeks out because a valkyrie meeting one of history’s most famous warriors is akin to normal people meeting a rock star. Miyamoto Musashi was a legendary swordsman in feudal Japan who fought in many great battles. Tamsin explains to Bo after reading the scroll Musashi hands her that he is ascending soon to become king of his ancestors, basically a god and this could be the reason why someone ordered a hit.
Lauren in the meantime manages to spook herself out one late night at her lab and decides to ask Dyson to train her in self-defense. It’s kind of adorable to see book smart Lauren get fighting tips from the werewolf detective. While the doctor is flustered at Dyson’s aggressiveness and wants to give up, he coaxes her into really giving it a chance, saying that they’ll find something that works for her. He eventually has her practicing throwing ninja stars, which is fitting given this episode’s Japanese themed storyline.
Back to Mushashi (the soon to be god of douches) where an assassin attempts to take his life again but stops as soon as he notices a mark on the fae’s neck and realizes who he is. The ninja then commits seppuku (ritual suicide via disembowelment) to atone for trying to take out the exalted one. It’s weird though that Mushashi is just standing there doing nothing when he should have stopped the man so that they could at least find out who hired him. In the process Bo is injured and she tells Tamsin that she can’t heal the wound. That is a serious problem.
She goes to Lauren who stitches her up and attempts some sexual healing herself but it doesn’t work and Bo in frustration explains that she has no sex drive and that hasn’t happened to her since she was a kid basically. Looks like she’s going to have to endure the pain like normal folks.
Tamsin soon discovers that it was probably one of Musashi’s brothers who hired the kill in order to be the next in line to ascend. Motive = jealousy. Bo goes undercover as masseuse but is quickly found out after asking too many nosey quesitons. However, Musashi’s sister Tomoe knocks out her brother with a stone and Bo realizes that she is the one behind the assassin. Turns out that Tomoe only did it to scare Musashi into not ascending because he had lied about his victorious battle and that if he went through with it, he would become a monster instead.
The twosome proceed to dawn some masks of their own and crash Mushashi’s ascension ceremony. They are stopped by another ninja who turns out to be Tomoe. As the two siblings stare at each other, Musashi caves in and finally admits to their elders that people assumed that he had been the one to win the great battle and he just never corrected them. Thus Tomoe is declared the true exalted one and her brother relegated to serving tea at their family restaurant. However, he gets his revenge when he stabs Bo in the gut after she returns home and gives herself a Stuart Smalley pep talk.
She is somehow brought to Lauren’s lab where Dyson, Lauren, Trick, and Tamsin are all there worried for her. While everyone is coddling the succubus, Tamsin gives a much-needed dose of tough love and tells Bo that if she wants to give up then she should go ahead and die already. This finally gets Bo to admit that she’s terrified of losing all of them after having lost so many people in her life already and that she’s scared she’s going to end up alone. Everyone tells her that they aren’t going anywhere and just like that, her eyes turn blue and orders everyone to leave except Dyson. Oh yes Bo’s libido is back with a vengeance and we get a win for Team Dyson. Tamsin and Lauren share awkward but touching moment outside as the sounds of Bo and Dyson’s amorous lovemaking reverberate in the background.
Bo’s about to serve some sass
Now fully healed, Bo goes to visit Musashi where is has been severely downgraded to waiter and janitor. How the mighty have fallen! He begs her to kill him but she isn’t letting him off the hook that easily. She gives him some advice that being a good leader means being honest and being what you need to be when you need to be it.
Back at the lab, a man puts a knife to Lauren’s assistant’s throat looking to get the special human inducing serum. The doctor puts her skills to use and calmly fills up a syringe with ketamine then lands a hit on the attacker’s neck, combining her science skills and her newly acquired self-defense ones. Nicely done Dr. Lewis. Lauren then meets up with the rest of the gang at Bo’s for movie night where she hints to Dyson that she used her gut to keep an incident under control. Before her arrival Dyson was also trying to convince Tamsin to quit the force and become Bo’s partner at a new detective agency she’s setting up. The valkyrie though is not quite convinced yet to take the plunge.
The group sits cozily on the couch where Bo manages to be physically connected with each of them, showing how they are all important to her despite their complicated lives. Come to think Bo’s kissed all of them, yep definitely complicated.
Much like last week’s ending, the episode closes with the woman from the elevator bursting out of the body drawer in Lauren’s lab. She encounters Lisa the assistant and shortly kills her afterwards. Dun dun dun…..
Now that Bo’s feeling more like herself again and has dealt with the grief of losing Kenzi, it’s going to be fun to see how her friendship with Tamsin grows and of course if anything more happens between her and Dyson (a girl can wish). Lastly, when are we going to meet her dad? He needs to be the main bad guy since this is the last season right? Here’s hoping that the show has something real good in store for his grand entrance because with all the build up from previous seasons, he’s got to be awesomely badass.
Although it seems hard to believe, it was three years ago this weekend that writer/director Joss Whedon collectively blew our minds by unleashing onto the world The Avengers. It was an audacious film that brought together characters we had grown to know and love through their own individual movies and I think that I can speak for all films nerds when I say that seeing Iron Man, Thor, Captain America, Hulk, Black Widow, and yes…even Hawkeye together on screen was enough to make a movie memory that will last a lifetime.
But now three years have past and in that time we’ve continued watching these characters do battle with the forces of evil on their own time knowing full well that they’d be gathered again for us in Joss Whedon’s sequel Avengers: Age of Ultron. And while the prospect of that seemed uncontrollably exciting leading up to the film’s release, I now have to wonder if we’ve already experienced too much of a good thing now that I’m on the other side of things.
The film picks up after the events of Captain America: The Winter Soldier with our favorite heroes working together to hunt down the last remaining agents of Hydra and recapture Loki’s scepter which is powered by a gem of unspeakable power. They succeed in this mission and then Tony Stark (who is for some unexplained reason back in the superhero business after destroying all of his armored suits at the end of Iron Man 3) takes possession of said scepter to work with Bruce Banner to create the ultimate piece of artificial intelligence in hopes of someday saving the world from extraterrestrial threats.
What Banner and Stark create though can best be described as a monster. Named Ultron (voiced deliciously by James Spader), this intense piece of software finds a way to manifest itself as a physical robot and sets out with a plan to kill the Avengers and ultimately destroy most of life on our planet.
The plot gets a little more complicated than that with a host of new characters including Scarlet Witch (Elizabeth Olsen), Quicksilver (Aaron Taylor-Johnson), and The Vision (Paul Bettany) getting involved, but since most of the film’s genuine surprises revolve around them the less I say here the better. In a nutshell though, this is a movie about a bad guy trying to destroy the world – not exactly original or captivating stuff on a strictly story level.
Joss Whedon does an impossibly good job at juggling the seemingly infinite different characters populating the story but we’ve now reached a point where simply having them together isn’t enough to make a completely satisfying movie. As an audience we demand something new beyond adding yet more characters. Instead of thematic or structural curve balls we essentially just get more of the same with teases for even more movies tossed in to tickle fanboys in all the right places. But even the much-anticipated end credits scene felt redundant this time around with almost no surprise element to get us squealing in our seats.
All of this is not to say that the movie is a total drag. There are actually plenty of things in it to make you giggle like a schoolboy or daydream about taking flight to personally battle an army of robots (Hulk vs Iron Man in his Hulkbuster armor comes to mind as the film’s geektastic highlight) but the heart never soars quite like it did three years ago when the gang got together to avenge the death of a friend in the streets of New York City.
The Marvel Cinematic Universe is a truly wonderful thing that I can’t wait to see continue unfolding with new characters and worlds introduced, but this particular entry just doesn’t quite hit the mark in the way I was hoping. Here’s hoping Ant-Man can end Phase Two on a really high note…
OH, AND LET’S NOT FORGET ONE LAST SPOILER-FILLED GRIPE BEFORE I WRAP THIS UP…
Seriously stop reading if you haven’t seen the movie yet…
Still here?
Okay…here goes… [Click to expand the spoilers]
[su_spoiler title=”Avengers: Age of Ultron SPOILERS” style=”fancy”]HOW IN THE HELL DO YOU KILL QUICKSILVER AND LEAVE HAWKEYE ALIVE AND WELL?!?! Sure, Jeremy Renner’s Hawkeye earns a little more love and respect this time around but the movie’s big emotional payoff is killing off a new character who has maybe five lines throughout the whole movie prior to a final act of bravery?! Nope. Shoulda been Hawkeye taking those bullets. I would have cried my face off.
Quicksilver taking the bullets = indifferent shrug.[/su_spoiler]
Louie Season 5, Episode 4 – “Bobby’s House” Air date: April 30 (10:30pm e/p)
Louie has always had a fondness for subverting expectations both large and small, often pointing out their absurdity in the process. “Bobby’s House” brings back two of the show’s strongest characters while examining the things we do and situations we put ourselves in for the sake of our expected roles.
This episode may have cemented Louie’s brother Bobby as one of my favorite recurring characters. His storyline in “Bobby’s House” is filled with little ridiculous twists and he plays them all perfectly straight. Bobby wakes up Louie with a phone call to ask for a ride to their Uncle Jack’s wake in two hours. Louie was never informed of his death, but Bobby later tells him that he saw the obituary in the papers. They arrive at the wake filled with Asians, but Bobby doesn’t question it: “Bro, he fought in Vietnam.” He’s finally proven wrong when they see a picture of the recently deceased, and they decide to pay their respects rather than immediately leaving.
After getting dropped off, Bobby invites him up to his apartment, where the two brothers attempt to bond. Louie’s uncomfortable reluctance and Bobby’s earnestness (even when he’s way off base) is a great and underrated dynamic on the show, and the conversation they have might be my favorite scene of the season. Bobby attempts to bond with Louie, expressing pride in Louie’s accomplishments and ultimately confessing his dissatisfaction with his own life. In the confusing, frustrated conversation that follows, we learn of Bobby’s infertility (despite not being in a relationship or planning for children) and that he apparently thinks he’s the older brother in the relationship. Annoyed but inconsolable, he can’t quite articulate his frustrations and the scene ends with him clinging to the most recent version of the truth: “You’re my older brother man, you should be looking out for me!”
Louie later finds himself beaten up by a woman on the street, and finds himself embarrassed to admit it to his daughters. They can’t help but laugh at him, even as he tries to be the responsible father and reason that women can be strong. Here, as it was with Bobby, expectations and our adherence to them are hard to shake even when we know better. Pamela, naturally, also gets a kick out of the situation even as she helps him put on makeup to cover up his bruises before a show.
The traditional gender roles and dynamics have always been inverted in Louie’s relationship with Pamela, and if it hasn’t been obvious before, it certainly is now. In contrast to most relationships depicted on television, Louie’s the sensitive and insecure one while Pamela is more aloof and noncommittal. There are similarities one could draw to the manic pixie dream girl–a term writer Nathan Rabin later regretted coining as a reductive oversimplification. Pamela represents much of the same qualities for Louie–he fixates on her as a manifestation of all the spontaneity, confidence, and love he so desperately desires in his own life. But of course Pamela’s more than that, and her breaking up with Louie follows every film and television cliché in the books while still making sense for her character.
Pamela is a regular, independent person whose life isn’t defined by her relationship to Louie, and there’s really no reason a person like that would want to hang around a clingy sad-sack like him. That isn’t to say she’s heartless or doesn’t care about him, but she knows that the relationship won’t work out due to their differing expectations of it. It’s nothing revelatory or groundbreaking, but the swapping of the traditional gender roles adds a nice twist to the tired old relationship tropes normally depicted on-screen.
“You got a beautiful wife, you got a divorce, you got part-time custody of two beautiful kids…”
“What’d you do that for?” “What? I didn’t kill them!”
This week Dancing With the Stars aired back-to-back night episodes, with the regular Monday episode, followed by the 10th Anniversary Special, which highlighted not only 10 YEARS but also 20 – yes TWENTY seasons!!! I told you – this show is on 47 times per year! It never goes away! There’s a lot to cover, so let us begin. The regular episode was “Era Night”, where each pair was assigned an era or decade time period, and choreographed a number to it. There was also a “Dance-Off” which paired couples against one another, each dancing to the same music and dance style, back to back. Can somebody please check to see if Len is still awake?
Riker / Allison: They had the 1920s, and did the Quickstep. It was a baseball themed dance, and he played the major league player going after the girl . He also desperately wanted the ten score from Len, and he got it. Len called the dance “a field of dreams”, and Horny Carrie Ann and Julianne both had oddly matching plunging necklines on their dresses. Scores were 9/10/9/9.
Farmer Dull / Witney: They did a Foxtrot to Frank Sinatra, and their era was the 1940s. Storyline was that he was a sailor going off to war, and they had one last dance. She said in rehearsals that her strategy was going to be using his personality – I almost laughed myself out of my chair. Personality? WHAT personality? The man has the excitement level and persona of styrofoam. So, good luck with that. Julianne thought the dance was awesome, and Bruno made the most hilarious comment with: “Well hello, sailor! I think you are turning ….. into a dancer!” He is so funny, and out of his mind. Scores were 8/7/8/8.
Rumer / Val: During rehearsals, dad Bruce Willis stopped by to cheer his daughter on and visit her. “I’m so proud of her. She makes me cry”, he said. As for Rumer, she was emotional this week, feeling like her body was breaking down and like she was totally exhausted. Carrie Ann thought their dance “felt too safe”, and Len called them “a great pair.” Scores were 8/9/9/9.
Noah / Sharna: When talking about last week’s footage that showed Sharna in a negative light, Noah told her “You’re amazing. You’re the only one who could work with me , and so I’m very protective of you.” Awwwww ….. Noah also met Amy Purdy this week, who stopped by rehearsals, and they shared with each other the challenges of performing on the show with missing limbs. She told him it is about putting your soul and personality into the dance. Their style was Jazz and their era was the 70s, so they did a pretty epic dance where he was the leader of a gang, and she sported the craziest afro-wig of all time. There were tons of cool and smooth and slow arm and hand movements, and it was really hip and modern. Carrie Ann stood up and literally started screaming like a maniac “What? What? What? What? Oh my …. What? What?” Lady, what the F are you on??? I guess she liked the dance. Julianne said it was some of the most fun she has had while sitting at the judges table. Bruno called it “bad-ass hot. I want to join that gang!” Scores were 10/8//9/9.
Robert / Kym: They had the 80s, and the Argentine Tango. During rehearsals Kym explained and showed Robert what a HOT and sexy dance this is, and he complied 100%, telling her “I think we need more rehearsal.” Then they got on the dance floor and showed us all how much they lust after each other, through this dance. Bergeron had the comment of the night with: “and that was our ‘Get a room!’ dance of the night!” Scores were 7//8//8/8.
Nastia / Sasha / Derek: A threesome. So Derek became injured during rehearsals for the Dance-off, and Sasha, who has spent much of the season in a crab suit, had to step in and do this dance with Nastia. But Derek hates sitting on his butt NOT dancing, so not only did he choreograph the number, he was also in it. The routine took place on the subway and was a Charleston. Derek made himself one of the subway riders and did some “sit down dancing” to be part of the fun. The dance was clever and the choreography was outstanding. Carrie Ann got out of her seat and gave Nastia a creepy hug that lasted longer than any of Cher’s past faces. Scores were 10/9/9/10.
Willow / Mark: They did a Ninja number to Jazz, and Mark referred to it as ‘nin-jazz”. Weird creepy masks on, and a very clever number as far as choreography goes. Bruno talked about his little crouching tiger now being a Master (is that what he calls it?), and Carrie Ann started talking loudly in some weird Japanese language. (Nobody knew what she was saying.) Scores were 9/9/10/10.
Then there was the Dance-off. 3 couple pairings, competing against one another, winners getting points added to their overall scores. In the three pairings, the winners were Willow and Mark, Noah and Sharna, and Rumer and Val.
But it barely mattered, because minutes later, WILLOW AND MARK were sent home from last weeks votes. Really? So Farmer Blah STILL gets to stay there and be cardboard? I don’t get it. Anyway, Willow cried because she really didn’t want to leave, and Mark told everyone how incredible she is and how proud he is.
Ten Years of Mirror-Ball Madness: Then it was time to celebrate 10 years and 20 seasons of the show, with an all-star cast lineup of past performers and winners. There was a “trip down Mirror Ball lane”, courtesy of Bergeron and his awesome puns. Lots of past champs danced, such as first season winner Kelly Monaco, Amber Riley, Kelli Pickler, and more. There were clips and memories, judges comments , and then Maks and Len on a bicycle built for two – with both of their faces inside of a heart. Last years champs, Witney and Alfonso, danced for us, and then a clip was shown of the time when Witney accidentally hit Alfonso in his nuts, forcing him down to the floor and wincing like a child. In the footage, he is hurting and grabbing his area in pain, and Witney says “Are you alright? What do you need? A snack?” Tom Bergeron with the line of the night:
“When you’re hit in the sac, just get a snack.” – Tom Bergeron
The return of supercouple Maks and Meryl was fun to watch, and the best part was when the show embarrassed Maks with the showing of his audition tape for the show over 10 years ago. The 7 NFL stars that have danced on the show all did a combined Paso, and Patti LaBelle sang Lady Marmalade with Amber and Lil Kim . In the end, it was a night of pure entertainment and cheese.
NEXT WEEK: Somebody else who ISNT Farmer Boy will probably go home. Actually, next week is double elimination, so more chance for Farmer Dull to be the last one standing.
The plot has certainly thickened on USA Network’s event series “Dig,” as the final two episodes prepare to shed long-awaited light upon the core mysteries surrounding Tad Billingham’s (David Costabile) religious agenda, Ambassador Ridell’s (Regina Taylor) nefarious involvement and how it all connects to the 2,000 year-old secrets being uncovered in Jerusalem.
In this exclusive preview clip from Thursday’s penultimate episode, “Jehoshaphat,” Peter (Jason Isaacs) and Golan (Ori Pfeffer) witness the arrival of a private jet carrying Billingham, acolyte Faye (Angela Bettis) and “chosen one” Josh (Zen McGrath), but it’s not the passengers who take the detectives by surprise. Rather, it’s the presence of Ambassador Ridell and her behavior toward young Josh that has them saying what viewers will likely echo themselves:
“Holy sh–!”
Get a sneak peek at “Jehoshaphat” below, and share your thoughts on all things “Dig” in our comment section!
Don’t miss the final two episodes of “Dig,” Thursdays at 10/9c on USA.
Emily Thorne’s quest to seek revenge is coming to an end.
Entertainment Weeklyhas learned that the series starring Emily Vancamp will conclude its run on Sunday, May 10 during the fourth season’s finale.
Executive Producer Sunil Nayar told EW:
“We’ve been talking to the network and we all just wanted to make sure that we felt very confident. Now that everybody has seen the finale—which is fabulous—everybody understands that as much as we all adore the show, it has hit exactly the mark it needed to to end. This is the series finale of Revenge that will be airing in a couple weeks.”
Nayar promises that the finale will bring closure to fans with only a “tiny little cliffhanger” that EW believes could tie into ABC pilot The Kingmakers – from Revenge writer and producer Sallie Patrick.
Revenge’s series finale will air Sunday, May 10 on ABC
Agents of SHIELD has crafted an intricate and tight arc over the course of its second season, and as we race towards the finish line of tying our stories together, it’s clear that things are only going to get more complicated – especially with Age of Ultron just around the corner.
But let’s start with troubled Raina finally telling Jiaying about her nightmares, after seeing a vision of what happened in the last episode. (Jiaying is hesitant to believe her.) Cal returns, and he’s upset. He’s losing it in front of the other Inhumans, because he’s Cal, when Gordon shows up and tells Jiaying it wasn’t S.H.I.E.L.D. that took Lincoln – it was Hydra. This prompts Raina, who overhears, to realize her dreams aren’t just dreams. Unfortunately, Jiaying tells Skye they can’t get Lincoln back. Knowing that Hydra wants to take powered people, it’s too risky to send anyone in. Skye wants to go, though, and Gordon is very much against this until Raina reveals herself and admits she saw a vision of Skye successfully saving Lincoln. And it’s a damn good thing she spoke up, because Lincoln and Deathlok are kind of in a crappy place right now. They’re presumably receiving the same treatment the Maximoff twins are (more on that later) and knowing that they’re going to get experimented on soon, decide they need to buddy cop together to get out, if they want to get out at all. At least they’re working together.
When we last saw Coulson, he was asking to be more or less taken to Gonzales. He finally confronts him in this episode, telling him about Strucker and List. The team has a chance to hit Hydra and get Deathlok and Lincoln out, but Gonzales is less than thrilled with this proposal…until Coulson bribes him with Fury’s toolbox.
At base, no one is really happy to see Ward there, but I will say that it is so, so good to see Ward back with the team. It feels like old times, which I love. And I admit, I really like Ward…and I like who he’s become with Kara. I like how they can talk about being happy, and how it feels genuine. Meanwhile, everyone is in a bit of a wary place right now: Simmons and Fitz are reconnecting over their sandwich love, but still unsure about Ward’s inclusion into the team (while Fitz kind of proudly talks about how he took on Ward on the quinjet, Simmons has apparently taken her feelings on powered people to a whole new level: she’s preparing splinter bombs, so she can kill Ward herself. When did Simmons get so damn hardcore?! Talk about a character change from season one.) May’s still not really over Coulson having lied to her, mostly because she’s still sore that he was talking to her ex-husband behind her back. Coulson at least opens up about the fact that he went to him largely because when he was trying to figure out the alien writing, there was no one else he could go to.
And Kara’s not entirely okay with Ward leaving, but Ward wants her to stay and attempt to reclaim her life as a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent – it’s the least he can do for her. (Can we say “best boyfriend ever?”) While Bobbi is pissed she’s not allowed to go join the mission, Simmons forces herself on board, which we know is largely so she can carry out her Ward revenge plan.
And then Skye shows up…and just like that, we have our original six back together.
Which, really, is the greatest thing ever. The whole conversation when they’re trying to act like the team they once were, with everyone still hating on Ward, is kind of the best moment of the show. Ward seems to really be trying here, though you never really know one way or the other with him. But for what it’s worth, I believe him. No one else really does, though, because they still hold their grudges…I guess that’s what happens when you try to kill people. (“I’m still happy I shot you,” says Skye.)
Predictably, List sees the plane coming in and blows it out of the sky. And…the plane actually does blow up. But we know there has to be a bigger plan at work here, and there is – the blown up part of the plane is actually real debris, but it’s a ruse to allow the team to land in a smaller quinjet without being seen, and while thinking they’ve been destroyed. While May leads them inside so they can split up, they meet up with Bakshi, who, it seems, hasn’t totally turned after all. And Skye uses her quake powers and totally kicks some ass. Ward is only slightly impressed. (Kidding. He’s very impressed. For good reason.)
They manage to find Deathlok and then Skye goes off to find Lincoln (being a BAMF and killing people and fighting her way through the base), who’s in pretty bad shape. As in, flat-lining bad shape. So Skye uses her controlled powers to zap him back to life via a strange version of CPR. Go, Skye!
Simmons, meanwhile, is attempting to be a BAMF, but in a different way. She sneaks up on Ward and almost gets him with the splinter-bomb, but Bakshi sacrifices himself to save the person he has pledged to comply to. Ward is taken aback by the fact that Simmons would turn on him so much that she would kill him without a second thought, and perhaps it’s a testament to much everyone has changed that Ward doesn’t even feel overly sad about it. Just disappointed, and maybe a little resigned to the fact that what he’s done in the past can never be erased.
Which is why he decides to leave at the end of the episode. I’m hoping this means Ward really won’t leave leave — and I don’t think he will – but he knows where he’s not wanted, because the team will never forgive him. He’ll give Kara his life back, because that’s the best thing he can do right now, and he can’t be a good enough person to give her what she needs to reclaim her identity. But S.H.I.E.L.D. can. I think even Coulson’s coming around to him at the end, and quite frankly, Brett Dalton knocks it out of the park.
Having completed the mission (List escaped), Coulson returns to base, and we find out that for all his annoyance with Coulson’s leadership, Gonzales might not be so pure in his intentions after all. He wants all the powered people on the base, which is something Bobbi seems to not know about given the look on her face. (Wonder if May and Bobbi are going to have more things in common soon.) Coulson does keep his word, handing the box over to Gonzales, with the casually added mention of Fury being alive. And Gonzales’ face is one that I think Coulson will keep in his memory for a long time.
With all the talk about powered people and the fact that we’re a few days out from the release of Avengers: Age of Ultron, it would be impossible for the show not to tie into the film in a prominent way. Indeed, our final few moments are a conversation between Hill and Coulson, where Coulson tells her about what they’ve found from their mission – where Strucker is holding his prisoners – and that he’s found the scepter, which Strucker knows can control minds. After sending the information on the base to Hill, she asks him if “theta” protocol is ready. What is “theta” protocol, exactly? What you expect: time to bring in the Avengers.
Meanwhile, ever our seer, Raina sees “men made of metal” tearing the city apart…and notes that “the world will be changed forever.”
I think we’re ready for Ultron, now.
Odds & Ends:
“User friendly Cal” is my new favorite thing. Also, Fitz thanking Simmons for the sandwich – my heart.
Hunter and Mack’s apology was a nice touch, and I’m glad we got a few moments of them reconnecting. I also liked Bobbi trying to connect with Kara.
I guess Cal is staying in Afterlife for now? Which should make things very interesting for Skye when she returns.
Extreme Rules was absolute flaming dogshit and highlighted much of what I’ve been going on about for the past few months.
Those who still disagree with me about the product WWE is putting forth, in all likelihood, will never be convinced of this fact. That’s ok. I mean, you guys have some real resolve. Maybe I’m wrong and Extreme Rules and RAW have been exercises in brilliance. Let me review to see if we watched the same show here (and, if you don’t wanna sit through this, just skip to the review portion):
Another shitty Divas match where, suddenly, we’re supposed to care about Nikki (even though she’s a heel) or Naomi (who’s suddenly a heel because…she wears glowing tennis shoes which are evil as fuck, I guess) in a match that’s a placeholder until Paige returns.
Lucha Dragons? Over with the crowd, everyone seems to love them. Nope. Oh, and those guys who used to be tag champs, who were far more talented and who everyone loved? Fuck them, too. NEEEEW DAY for some reason. At least they didn’t get the titles off a distraction roll-up. Oh, wait. Yes, they did.
A Chicago Street Fight that spilled out on the streets — except we never saw that bit because WWE thought it would please the fans more to have Ambrose and Harper drive off in a car and vanish for a half hour. And, by the way, anyone care to explain how the car returned without so much as a scratch on it? Weren’t they fighting in it the whole way? Shouldn’t the car be totaled and/or beat up? Goldust vs. Piper, this was not.
Cena and Rusev’s “chain match”. When I think “chain match” and “extreme rules”, I think of dudes beating the fuck out of each other with a fucking chain. Not running around, trying to tag turnbuckles while chained to one another like they’re contestants on MXC. What pretentious crap.
Sheamus vs. Ziggler. Dolph wins. Ziggler kisses Sheamus’s “arse”, anyhow. It’s bad enough that we even had this match in the first place (along with Lawler’s vomit-inducing pontification in which he wondered, aloud, if either guy had “washed their asses” prior to the match, which was so awful, he shut himself up), WWE couldn’t even follow through with the stipulation. This just confirms my suspicions that the match only existed for the purpose of seeing how many times WWE’s various announcers and on-mic staff could say the word “arse” in a given amount of time.
And speaking of stips that didn’t matter, a Steel Cage match that was designed to keep The Authority out…but didn’t. With the added stipulation that the RKO was banned…but we saw it twice. And what was supposed to happen if the RKO was used? Wasn’t it a “No-DQ” Steel Cage match? Then how do you DQ somebody for breaking a rule? We all know Rollins will either play the semantics card and say that Randy wasn’t allowed to use it. Either that, or he’ll claim to have hit a Diamond Cutter and not the RKO. Honestly, I’m not putting anything past Creative at this point. At least not since Kane asked us to imagine a dark, ominous world where El Torito was WWE World Champion a couple weeks back. What, you think that wasn’t a threat?
So, we did watch the same show. Just checking. The same one where Reigns and Show actually turned out to be the best match on the card? Yep. Sounds like the same show to me.
Is this what it’s come to? We look up at all that and say, “Eh…acceptable”?
Readers wonder why I watch the show. I watch it because it’s been better than this…and because I write for this and two other blogs and they expect some sort of output concerning the subject. I know most of you know that what we’re being given is aggravating as it is frustrating. I also know that most of you know it’s hard to admit that what you’re watching sucks “arse”, if I may.
We get a video montage of King of the Ring, a tournament that’s SO important, it took a five-year hiatus!
We are LIVE(!!!) from Green Bay, Wisconsin for Monday Night RAW!!!
JBL, Cole and Booker are the guys on the mics.
Cole gives us our KOTR ladder:
Dolph Ziggler vs. Bad News Barrett
R-Truth vs. Stardust
Dean Ambrose vs. Sheamus
Neville vs. Luke Harper
Seth Rollins leads us off, followed to the ring by J&J Security and Kane. Everyone is somehow friends again, despite Kane chokeslamming the shit out of all three of the guys he’s standing next to right now. Rollins says that Orton learned what everyone has known for a long time: you cannot outsmart Seth Rollins. He built and destroyed The Shield and he cashed in the MITB case at the right time to become champ. He’s a fighting champion, a valiant champion. The crowd tries a “WHAT” chant and, also, “YOU SUCK”. But, hey, they graduated from “YOU SOLD OUT”, so that’s good. Rollins takes all credit for his win. Kane looks incredulous. Rollins says he hit an “SKO OUT OF NOWHERE”, much to the amusement of his kiss-ass security guys. Most of all, he’d like to thank Kane for being the “Crypt Keeper”. He stutters and says he didn’t mean to say that. Kane isn’t a “relic”. Rollins says he did a good job guarding stuff.
Kane isn’t happy and says, without him, Orton would be champion — especially since Rollins cheated and used the banned RKO to win the match. And there’s WWE’s giant middle finger to the fans. They exchange un-pleasantries — until Orton shows up at the top of the ramp.
Orton points out that even Kane says that Rollins cheated to win last night — so that means that Orton should get another shot at the title. Orton appeals to Kane — who says that Orton has a point.
Reigns interrupts for more talking, walking down the first and only deck of this tiny little WCW Saturday Night-sized arena. Rollins wants to know why Reigns is out here. Reigns says that Rollins is missing his “giant” — and that’s because he put him through a table and dumped another table on top of him. He says it’s HIS turn to get a title shot. Crowd’s not happy about that. Rollins does a sarcastic cheer and says that both Reigns and Orton lost to him — so neither guy deserves a shot at the title.
Kane clears his throat to interrupt. He says that both Orton and Reigns make compelling arguments. So, hold on a second, playa! Tonight, it’s Rollins and Kane vs. Orton and Reigns — and the fans will decide who Rollins defends the title against at Payback.
Kane’s music hits and I’m half-hoping the REAL Kane comes out to trash everyone involved with this mess of an opening segment.
NEXT: Ziggler vs. Barrett in the first match of the KOTR tourney.
MATCH #1: Dolph Ziggler vs. Bad News Barrett (1st Round of the King of the Ring Tournament) Ziggler attacks but Barrett trips him up, kicking Ziggler in the legs. He beats Ziggler in the corner, then hits a running elbow off the ropes. He drops an elbow and stomps at Ziggler and whips him into the ropes. Ziggler kicks Barrett and dropkicks him. Barrett rolls out of the ring. After a break, Barrett has Ziggler in a headlock. Ziggler breaks and fights back with clotheslines and a Stinger Splash in the corner.Barrett catches Ziggler in mid-air on a follow up but Ziggler rolls him up for two. Barrett goes for the Fireman’s Carry of Doom but Ziggler counters into a DDT for two. Barrett comes back, slinging Ziggler into the corner, then hits the Wasteland. Two count. He misses a Bullhammer and Ziggler counters with a Superkick. Close two count. Sheamus shows up in, what I’m sure, is the first of many screwjob finishes. He yells at Ziggler to remember last night when Ziggler kissed some “arse”. Distraction. Bullhammer. Done at 8:17. WINNER: Barrett via Bullhammer
RATING: **. Nothing special, plus it’s really getting hard to rate matches positively when they’re interrupted with loads of commercials.
Sheamus grins as he realizes that his mission is accomplished.
TONIGHT: The tag team match with Kane and Rollins vs. Reigns and Orton
NEXT: The New Day.
The New Day are out, feeling great. Nobody cares until Woods declares them champs and thanks all his “clappers”. Woods tries to transform “NEW DAY SUCKS” into “NEW DAY ROCKS” but the crowd isn’t buying it.
MATCH #2: Big E (w/ Xavier Woods & Kofi Kingston) vs. Tyson Kidd (w/ Cesaro & Natalya) Initial back and forth sees Kidd kicking E in the head and hitting a Springboard Missile Dropkick. E bails from the ring. Kidd chases and kicks E in the face. He tosses E back in and runs at him. E hits a weak clothesline, Xavier Woods holds on to Kidd’s foot — and Big E WINS?! Are you fucking serious? Wow. Talk about your major falls from grace. Time was 1:21. WINNER: Big E
RATING: DUD. I’d say that this was a squash and shouldn’t count but seeing as though these guys were major competitors and opponents as of just last fucking night, that’s just complete bullshit.
LAST NIGHT: Cena and Rusev played Slap the Turnbuckles and Rusev lost. ‘Murica!
AT PAYBACK: John Cena vs. Rusev for the United States Championship because Russian Chain Matches don’t solve anything.
TONIGHT: Cena invites another mid-carder to job to him.
NEXT: Ryback in action.
When we come back, Bo Dallas is introduced as Ryback’s opponent. Dallas says that Ryback’s actions at Extreme Rules were “reprehensible”. He calls the Wisconsin fans “cheeseheads” and says that Ryback can walk away right now in order to clear his name.
MATCH #3: Ryback vs. Bo Dallas Ryback manhandles Dallas. Dallas trips him up and beats on him, laying the ring’s side matte over him. Headlock by Dallas. Ryback breaks. Dallas goes to a buckle and flies at Ryback, who catches him in a Spinebuster. Ryback hits a Meathook and Shell Shock to complete the squash at 2:17. WINNER: Ryback via Shell Shock
RATING: n/a – squash
Bray Wyatt’s video edit hits and the arena goes dark. Another edit and Bray’s standing behind Ryback. Ryback turns and runs at Bray, who catches him and hits Sister Abigail in one deft move. He does the Raven as we go to commercial.
NEXT: Cena wants somebody to beat him. Please?
John Cena’s out to yack a bit. Cena says he beat Rusev last night and the CHAMP IS HERE — just in case anyone missed Extreme Rules. He calls the chain match “brutal” when it was anything but. He says that Lana somehow got another match out of The Authority. Then he basically says that Rusev has a “pimp hand”. Nobody reacts. Cena says that he “kids” about spousal abuse. Anyhow, he’ll never surrender and all that. You’d think that would be it but, no. Cena hits the cheap pop with a Vince Lombardi reference. The challenge is open and the person taking the bait challenge is:
Heath Slater. I need more fuckin’ wine. This beer isn’t doing shit.
What’s more? SLATER WANTS TO FUCKING TALK. Slater says he’s going to take advantage of a “crushed John Cena”…yet, if Slater wins here, it would not surprise me. He says he’s better than Aaron Rodgers. Rusev comes in out of nowhere and knocks Slater down, then Superkicks him…soooo, we’re not having the match then?
Lana shows up and SHE has a mic. Rusev grabs the mic and tells her to back off and go backstage. She does. Crowd wants Lana as Rusev screams at everyone and tells them that they’re all quitters. At Payback, Cena will quit, too. After Payback, he’ll be saying “I Quit”. Oh, and there’s the Russian flag.
Backstage, Kane’s pacing. Rollins shows up and he wants “clarification” about the “fan decision”. Kane says it’s gonna be the WWE App that settles everything. Rollins asks if Kane’s out of his mind. Kane gets in Rollins’ face. Rollins says that Triple H and Steph will have something to say about this. Kane says that Rollins carries himself like he’s “the man”. Kane says that he thought Rollins could handle himself, no matter what. The choices are:
Randy Orton
Roman Reigns
Or both at the same time
Rollins yells some more.
MATCH #4: R-Truth vs. Stardust (1st Round of the King of the Ring Tournament) Truth hits a quick flipping cover for a one count. Star comes back with some stomps, then kicks Truth in the head. Two count. Star kicks Truth in the head after laying down. Star claws at Truth’s face and yanks at his arm. Truth breaks but Star tosses Truth to the ring and does a cartwheel. BOOKER: “What was that?” COLE: “Cartwheel.” BOOKER: “I know that, but, WHY?!” Star yells at the crowd. Truth hits a kick to the Star’s head. Two count. Star hits a Russian Legsweep. Two count. Counter pins for a couple two counts. Star goes for the Disaster Kick but Truth counters with the Lie Detector — and wins?! What alternate universe am I in here? WINNER: R-Truth via Lie Detector at 3:14
RATING: 1/4*, if that. Look, I get that the mid-card is supposed to be supporting the show but don’t give me raw cookie dough and tell me that this is fully cooked.
STILL TO COME: The big tag match
MATCH #5: Adam Rose (w/ Rosebuds) vs. Fandango Some running around and Fandango hits a dropkick. Rose bails from the ring, then trips Fandango when he chases. Rose gets back in and chokes Fandango on the middle rope. Rose taunts the crowd with the Fandango. Fandango hits chops and tosses Rose from the ring. He hits a NICE flipping splash, nailing Rose and landing on his feet. Impressive. Oh, but, Rosa’s there to distract Fandango so that Rose can hit the Party Foul and win the match at 1:49. Right when you thought Fandango had escaped this bullshit and started to climb the ladder back into contention. Here we go again. WINNER: Adam Rose via Party Foul
RATING: DUD. Are you surprised?
Post-match, Rosa taunts Fandango, drifting around some sort of pseduo-accent. She makes out with Adam Rose.
Renee Young is backstage with Brie Bella. Brie talks up Daniel Bryan and how he would compete at anytime. WWE cares about Daniel Bryan. Naomi shows up and pops Brie in the mouth, then declares that WWE doesn’t care about Brie or Bryan. Mm-k.
MATCH #6: Brie Bella (w/ Nikki Bella) vs. Naomi Brie hits a couple presses and the two women yank at each other’s hair. Naomi comes back with a forearm, then stomps at Brie. She bulldogs Brie into the buckle and hits a backbreaker. Two count. Naomi chews gum as her evil LED SHOES OF DOOM change color. What is this gimmick supposed to be anyhow? Naomi hits a Legdrop and covers for two. Chinlock of Doom is put on. Bie finally breaks and tosses Naomi into the corner. Brie and Naomi fly at each other and do…something. Both women are down. They get up. Brie hits a clothesline and dropkick, followed by a knee to the gut. Brie hits a knee to the face and missile dropkick. Two count. Naomi elbows Brie in the jaw and rolls her up for the win at 3:37. WINNER: Naomi
RATING: 1/2 a *. At least it was short.
STILL TO COME: The tag team match.
ALSO: Vote for the main event at Payback.
Dean Ambrose is out for a match as Cole reminds us that Harper and Ambrose stole a car last night.
MATCH #7: Dean Ambrose vs. Sheamus (1st Round of the King of the Ring Tournament) The Kiss Me Arse match is over and I’m still hearing the word “arse” about six times too many. Ambrose and Sheamus exchange lock-ups and headlocks and holds and, finally, Sheamus hits a shoulderblock. Ambrose tries to trip Sheamus and ends up putting Sheamus into a leglock. He locks Sheamus into an armlock but Sheamus fights out. Sheamus hits an uppercut. The two trade shots until Ambrose puts Sheamus into the corner, clotheslining him. Ambrose tries a Bulldog but Sheamus counters it. Ambrose knocks Sheamus out of the ring and tries for the Flying Psycho but Sheamus evades that. After a break, Ambrose breaks a headlock, but Sheamus hits a knee to the gut. Sheamus taunts Ambrose with kicks to his head. Finally, Ambrose manages to hit the Rebound Clothesline, but both men are down. After getting up, it’s a fistfight with Ambrose getting the best of it. Sheamus finally grabs Ambrose and slams him to the mat. Sheamus calls for the Brogue but misses. Ambrose rolls him up at two.
Sheamus rushes Ambrose, but Ambrose sidesteps and Sheamus leaves the ring. Ambrose hits the Flying Psycho, then tosses Sheamus back into the ring. Ambrose goes top rope but Sheamus evades, then grabs Ambrose for a shoulderbreaker for two. Sheamus goes for White Noise but Ambrose counters. Two count. Sheamus hits the Cloverleaf — but Ambrose forces a break. Ambrose is outside the ring ropes. Sheamus goes for the Ten Beats but Ambrose fights out and drops Sheamus’s neck on the top rope. Ambrose hits a nice elbow off the top rope, NEARLY getting the fall. Sheamus rolls out of the ring and Ambrose chases. The two men fight outside with Ambrose killing Sheamus with ringpost shots. Sheamus hits the Brogue. So Ziggler suddenly shows up to attack Sheamus, sending him to the next round at 12:34, which makes no fucking sense, but that’s par for the course as of late. WINNER: Sheamus via DQ
RATING: **3/4. Would have been *** if it wasn’t for the ill-timed DQ spot.
Post-match, Ambrose is furious.
TONIGHT: The big tag match.
ALSO: Vote for the Payback main event.
Damien Sandow is in the ring. He goes into old school Sandow mode and begs the crowd’s indulgence. He says he’s not gonna lie to anyone. He came out here in a blue bathrobe and that ended badly. He was told he wasn’t “entertaining”. That’s when he started to imitate people. He settled into Miz-dow. That caused him much disrespect and, ironically, respect with the WWE Universe. He thanks the fans for their support and says that, without them, he wouldn’t be there today. He asks what’s next…and Curtis Axel shows up.
Aaaaand, he has a mic. He insults Sandow for trying to be somebody else. Axel imitates Hogan. Miz-dow imitates Axel imitating Hogan, then imitates Axel. The crowd is amused by all of this. Axel tells Sandow to leave the “Axe-man’s ring”. Sandow imitates that, too. Boy, this went south quick. Axel attacks. Sandow fights back and then does the Hogan “ear” move. He goes for the Atomic Legdrop but does the Elbow of Disdain instead.
ON SMACKDOWN: Cesaro and Kidd take on The New Day for the WWE Tag Team Championship in a rematch.
Bray Wyatt does a needless promo, seeing as though we already know who he attacked.
THIS WEEK: WWE Network has stuff that nobody in their right mind would watch.
ALSO: Dweebs send in their videos, hoping to be Tough Enough hopefuls.
MATCH #8: Neville vs. Luke Harper (1st Round of the King of the Ring Tournament) Neville hits a nice Hurricarana to throw Harper from the ring. About 37 counters later, Neville hits a nice Frankensteiner. Neville goes for a dropkick but Harper blocks it and covers for a two count. After a four minute break, Harper is in control which is broken. Neville tosses Harper out of the ring but rushes back in. Neville evades his boot in the corner and hits a Springboard Moonsault, tosses Harper back in the ring and gets two following a Standing Shooting Star Press. Harper takes over again and goes for the Sitting Powerbomb but Neville counters into a German Suplex in stride. Neville tries a Frankensteiner but Harper counters with the Sitting Powerbomb for two. Harper picks Neville up but Neville fights back with a punch to the face. Harper beats Neville in the corner. He puts Neville on the top buckle but Neville fights out and kicks Harper in the face. Neville hits a nice Super Powerbomb and hits the Red Arrow for the win at 10:12. WINNER: Neville via Red Arrow
RATING: ***. Good match.
TOMORROW ON THE KING OF THE RING SPECIAL:
Bad News Barrett takes on R-Truth
Sheamus takes on Neville
PLEASE VOTE: The Main Event at Payback
MATCH #9: Roman Reigns & Randy Orton vs. Kane & WWE World Heavyweight Champion Seth Rollins (w/ J&J Security – Jamie Noble & Joey Mercury) Reigns and Rollins start. Several arm bars and counters later, Rollins is taken down and he rolls outside the ring. Rollins gets back in and Reigns hits a Tilt-a-Whirl Slam. Orton tags in and drops Rollins on the top rope.After some stomping, Reigns tags back in, putting Rollins on his shoulders. Rollins escapes and bails, tagging in Kane. Reigns drops Kane to the mat. Orton tags in and Kane beats on him, then drags him to the heel corner. Rollins tags in, stomping at Orton. Rollins dumps Orton to the outside of the ring. After a break, Rollins has Orton in a headlock. Orton fights out but Rollins clotheslines him to take him down for two. Rollins picks Orton up and clotheslines him a couple times. Kane applauds because their friends again. Orton comes back with a belly to belly suplex. Hot tags on both sides. Reigns takes Kane down with clotheslines and ten punches in the corner. Clothesline off the top rope. Samoan Drop to Rollins who tries to run interference.
The fight spills outside and Kane regains control, shoving Reigns into the ringpost. Both men get back into the ring. Kane whips Reigns into the buckle and tags Rollins. Rollins stomps at Reigns. Reigns fights back but Rollins hits a kick and Reigns goes down. Two count. Tag to Kane. Sidewalk Slam for two. Bear Hug but Reigns breaks. Kane kicks him down. Two count. Tag to Rollins. Mudhole stomps. Tag to Kane and him and Reigns trade shots. Hot tag to Rollins who nails Reigns and tries to splash him in the corner. Reigns evades, slams Rollins to the mat and it’s a hot tag to Orton. Orton misses the first powerslam but hits the second one. Kane comes in and tries to Chokeslam Reigns. Reigns breaks it and dispatches Kane. Reigns hits a Superman Punch on Joey Mercury. All hell breaks loose with Orton hitting the Elevated DDT on Rollins. Orton goes for the RKO but Rollins rolls him up for two. Orton gets up but Rollins hits a kick to Orton’s head. Everyone ends up outside except for Rollins. Rollins leaps at everyone and hits J&J and Kane. J&J involve themselves. Kane beats up J&J and then uppercuts Rollins, rolling him back into the ring. Reigns hits a Superman Punch and Orton finishes Rollins with an RKO to win this thing a 18:40. WINNERS: Randy Orton & Randy Orton
RATING: ***. The main flaw was that the match didn’t need to be anywhere near 20 minutes long. There is a nice satisfaction, however, of Rollins eating an RKO to end this thing.
Post-match, Kane reveals that Rollins will face:
Randy Orton & Roman Reigns in a Triple Threat Match. Surprise.
Rollins is not happy. Reigns hits a Spear on Rollins. Everyone goes home happy as we go off the air.
OVERALL: **1/4. Not a bad show. The first half of this thing was junk but it recovered which is ironic, since RAW never seems to do that. The thing that’s missing is that each episode doesn’t appear to be “about” something. It has no personality past being a bunch of matches with a couple marquee bouts.
Mighty No. 9, the spiritual successor to Mega Man by Keiji Inafune himself (Co-designer of Mega Man), is coming in September. In a blog post on their website, developer Comcept announced a publishing partnership with Deep Silver. Along with the partnership announcement came the reveal that Mighty No. 9 would be coming to the U.S. on September 15th, both as a digital and physical product. The delay from its original “Spring” release time frame was to accommodate the creation of physical copies along with extended testing and polish. Comcept was even nice enough to provide this infographic about the additions (which means I have less work to do)!
Community Season 6 Episode 8 – “Intro to Recycled Cinema” Grade: A-
Finally, character development! Also, an episode using Chang as a plot device, it’s almost as if Dan Harmon has been reading my reviews! But no really, this has probably been one of the best episodes of Community this season.
Of all the characters to make the jump to internet fame, Chang would be the most likely. Jeff is too narcissistic to allow the internet to judge him, Annie is too anal, Britta is annoying, and Abed is way too self-aware. Chang, catapulting off his star making turn as Mr. Miyagi, has committed himself fully to being an actor apparently. After becoming a viral internet meme, Chang, burns all of his former connections to paint himself as a suffering loner who finally made it big (as ‘blue’ in Spielberg’s Play-doh) movie.
The study group is obviously incensed at Chang not only divesting himself of the group, but him getting out of Greendale, which bothers Jeff. Abed reveals that he has a few minutes of footage from his yet to be finished cop film. Frankie, never missing an opportunity, pulls in a two-bit producer (played by Steve Gutenberg) and rallies the whole crew to pitch in whatever resources they have to make a film, which will ‘star’ Chang. Abed, sensing the catastrophe that is to come, tries to warn the group about the quality of the film, not sensing the true cash grab nature of the film.
As shooting begins, Abed is distraught at the quality of the film. I think we all believed this was going to be another ‘Abed goes crazy but is rescued by the group’ episode, but it was a nice change of pace when Jeff heads off the impending disaster by explaining that some things will never be finished, and that you need to get them out the door. In short, perfection is the enemy of the good. I was afraid this would cause Abed to breakdown, but instead, showing growth, he decides to lean into it and persevere.
After shooting the ridiculous movie (Annie’s boobs, LASERBOMBS), Abed actually shows some of his creative genius and edits genuine crap into something a bit less crappy. The episode really comes to a head though when they have to cut six minutes from the movie, and Abed decides that the six-minute shirtless monologue that Jeff did, the only part that he was excited about. Jeff, in a seeming fit of narcissistic rage, steals the laptop and desperately tries to edit anything but his scene.
In a fit of reversal, Abed goes to talk to Jeff, and that’s when we discover that it’s not his selfish need to be seen, but his fear of being left alone at Greendale. That’s where this episode really came together for me. It would have been really simple to make this an “Abed gets better episode” or a “Jeff becomes less selfish” episode, which all have been done before. This episode finally feels like we’re breaking new ground, Abed being able to talk to his friends and helping them move on, not just through his own weirdness, but in a way that uses their friendship to help each other grow.
Of course, Chang inevitably goes through a Hollywood style breakdown, and eventually gets replaced by Randall Park (of The Interview and Fresh Off The Boat fame) as Spielberg’s token Asian in the Play-doh movie. As he slinks his way back to study group, he finds himself easily reintegrated in the gang, showing again, that the group is like family, because only in family do you tolerate a borderline psychopath who bad mouths you back into your circle. If that’s not Community in a nutshell, I don’t know what is.
Stop me if you’ve heard this one before. Publisher has major video game months away from release and announces a season pass. This time it’s Warner Bros. Interactive Entertainment and DC Entertainment announcing the Season Pass and Premium Edition of Batman: Arkham Knight. The Season Pass is priced at $39.99, with the Premium Edition (Game and Pass) priced at $99.99. Both are currently available to pre-order at select retailers.
Per the press release, “the Batman™: Arkham Knight Season Pass will deliver regular new content for six months post-launch including new story missions, additional super-villains invading Gotham City, legendary Batmobile skins, advanced challenge maps, alternative character skins, and new drivable race tracks.” Past season passes have included extra character skins and challenge maps but here’s to hoping that the “new story missions” are of some actual substance or else the $40 price tag is a bit steep – unless you have that Bruce Wayne money, that guy can buy anything. Hey, you ever notice Mr. Wayne is never seen in the same room as Batman…or Two Face…or The Riddler… or poor people?
13 year old you is about to lose their shit because Dragon Ball is coming back with a brand new series later this year.
Dragon Ball Super will be the first new series of the franchise to air on televisions since the series bowed out with Dragon Ball GT in 1997. Super will premiere on Fuji TV in Japan starting this July.
The story will take place a few years after the defeat of Majin Buu during a peaceful period on Earth. According to Fuji TV producer Osamu Nozaki, the series may host a villain stronger than Buu or Freeza.
The Dragon Ball universe has not been quiet since GT bowed out over 18 years ago. Earlier this month a new film, Dragon Ball Z: Resurrection ‘F’ premiered in Japan and North America revolving around the return of Freeza.
So, seriously – I really, honestly forgot that Extreme Rules was this weekend.
The lead-up has been fairly weak with a bunch of guys that, with the exception of Seth Rollins, I just don’t care about at this point.
I keep waiting for Bray Wyatt to become relevant again because he was a lot of fun. I saw potential in Bo Dallas. He’s gone from getting beaten up and forgotten to being beaten up and forgotten with a goatee.
I keep waiting for Finn Balor or somebody else fully cooked from NXT and ready to debut in WWE — and I’ve been rewarded with Neville and Lucha Dragons. That’s all well and good — except The New Day, a DOA tag team, is getting a push. Adam Rose, Ascension and Paige? The first two are complete duds and the third, despite two quickee championship reigns — hasn’t really settled enough. Ugh. How can so much talent be supremely mishandled?
Anyhow, let’s watch the show…
We start with a really weird video montage with creepy mannequins and puppets interspersed with words like OBEY and FOLLOW THE RULES. This leads to a review of all the main feuds on the card.
We are LIVE(!!!) from Chicago, Illinois!!!
JBL, Cole and King are the guys on the mics.
Eden Stiles brings us our first match…
MATCH #1: Dean Ambrose vs. Luke Harper in a Chicago Street Fight Harper doesn’t make it to the ring. Ambrose attacks him. Ambrose tosses Harper into the steel steps, then tosses some chairs into the ring. He grabs a Kendo stick, tosses Harper into the ring, and beats Harper with it. Harper retaliates with a suplex into a chair, then grabs the Kendo Stick and beats Ambrose with it. Ambrose tries a Tornado DDT but Harper counters and tosses Ambrose to the mat, then sets up a chair in the corner. He tosses Ambrose into it, then tries to slam him into a chair on the mat but Ambrose reverses it and he eats the chair instead. Harper gets up and rushes Ambrose in the corner but Ambrose kicks Harper and hits the Tornado DDT. The two go at it and Ambrose hits a missile dropkick and a flying elbow fro two. Harper punches Ambrose, which is supposed to go into the Rebound Clothesline but Harper boots him. Ambrose hits the Rebound Clothesline after the fight spills outside and the two fight all the way to the backstage area with Ambrose picking up a large, steel pipe and tossing it at Harper. Harper finds his way to a conveniently-placed SUV and gets in, starting the engine. Ambrose dives into the passenger-side window and the car takes off, heading out of the arena at full speed. The crowd shits all over this. The match is either on hold or over at 8:04. WINNER: Nobody, it seems.
RATING: DUD. This was not a good start. I mean, this should have been two of the toughest dudes in the company tearing each other apart and we get a few shots with a Kendo stick, a bunch of wrestling and Grand Theft Auto to finish it off. How do you fuck up a “Chicago Street Fight” stip?!
We go back to Cole and JBL and King. They’re stunned and can’t tell if the thing is over either.
Triple H is backstage. Kane approaches. Triple H wants Kane to find out where Harper and Ambrose have gone. Rollins shows up. He wants to know why Kane sabotaged him on Smackdown. Kane and Rollins argue. Triple H finally splits them up. He wants Kane to make sure that nothing happens during the main event. Crowd repays them with a “BORING” chant.
JoJo gives us our next match as Cole, JBL and King introduce us to the Spanish announcers, Marcelo Rodriguez and Carlos Carbrera.
MATCH #2: Dolph Ziggler vs. Sheamus in a Kiss Me Arse Match The loser has to kiss the winner’s “arse”, which every commentator has said, numerous times, for the sheer thrill of saying the words “Kiss Me Arse”. Sheamus taunts Ziggler, so Ziggler beats on Sheamus and takes the fight into the corner. The fight spills outside and Ziggler hits a Tornado DDT off the steel steps. The match resumes in the ring as King recollects his “Kiss My Foot” match with Bret Hart, saying that he “didn’t wash his foot for three weeks”. He asks if either guys has…then, cuts off his train of thought and quietly says that going on isn’t a good idea. Cole: Yeah…that’s probably not a good idea. Ziggler tries a Fame-Asser but Sheamus counters with a Senton Powerbomb for two. He taunts Ziggler and puts on a Sleeper. Ziggler fights out and hits a running forearm and a couple corner splashes. He goes for a neckbreaker but Sheamus breaks and hits a lariat. Sheamus goes for a Cloverleaf but Ziggler counters into a Schoolboy. Two count. Ziggler gets up and runs at Sheamus but Sheamus drops Ziggler’s neck on the ropes and hits the Irish Curse Backbreaker. Sheamus calls for the Brogue but Sheamus misses and Ziggler rolls him up for two. Sheamus comes back with a Tilt-a-Whirl Slam for two. Sheamus goes for a supelx but Ziggler counters into another schoolboy and gets the pin at 9:16. WINNER: Dolph Ziggler
RATING: **1/2. Your usual RAW fare. Surprised that they allowed Ziggler to win here.
Post-match, Sheamus is shocked and pissed and argues with the ref and timekeepers. He gets back into the ring as the crowd chants, “PUCKER UP”. Dolph pulls down his tights but Sheamus won’t do it. This goes on…and on…and on…and on…and on. Finally, Sheamus hits a Low Blow and Brogue. He grabs the mic and says that he promised everyone that Ziggler would be kissing his ass. And then he makes Ziggler do it.
And, at this point, I’m like “Extreme Rules?”
MATCH #3: The New Day (Kofi Kingston & Big E) (challengers) (w/ Xavier Woods) vs. Cesaro & Tyson Kidd (champions) (w/ Natalya) for the WWE Tag Team Championship Tyson and Kofi start. Kofi wins the first go-round. Tyson wins the second one with an arm drag. Big E tags in and Tyson tags in Cesaro. Cesaro catches E in a rush and he slams E to the mat. Kofi and Tyson tag back in and Kofi dumps him out. Kofi and E gets ready to hit a double team splash on Tyson but Tyson flies back in and takes Kofi out of the ring. E rushes Tyson and Tyson pulls the top rope down. E flies into Kofi. Tyson hits a splash on Kofi. The fight gets back in the ring and New Days has control with a double team dropkick by New Day. E misses a splash and it’s a tag to Cesaro. Cesaro beats the holy shit out of Kofi in two different corners and seems to go for a Spin. Instead, he catapults Kofi into the corner. Kofi counters and grabs the buckle, flying at Cesaro. Cesaro catches him and hits the backbreaker. Cesaro hits a Power Superplex followed by a Flying Elbow by Tyson. Two count. E takes Tyson outside with a Spear. E tosses Tyson back into the ring. Cesaro flies at E but E flips him over to the outside mat. They hit the Big Easy but Cesaro saves the pin. Inside the ring, Tyson hits a Sharpshooter. E saves it. All hell breaks loose with everyone hitting a quick spot before Kofi hits a roll-up on Cesaro, using the tights and we have new champs at around the 10:00 mark. WINNERS AND NEW CHAMPIONS: The New Day
RATING: **3/4. Yes, the team NOBODY can stand and who are supremely unpopularsomehowgot a massive push OVER two much better wrestlers who were over with the fans upon arrival — and they just beat a team with great heat and who are far better wrestlers and over with the fans as well. At this point, I think Creative is trolling us.
We go to the WWE Newsdesk of Doom and get a report that Wade Barrett was beaten by Neville earlier tonight.
Backstage, Renee introduces The New Day as the new Tag Team champs. Crowd shits on it. Xavier Woods says that the sun has risen. There’s more but a certain SUV shows up. Harper spills out of the passenger seat. New Day helps him up. Ambrose leaps at him but misses and takes out the New Day instead.
Dean Ambrose vs. Luke Harper in a Chicago Street Fight (continued) They make their way out to the ring again as Cole reminds us that this match “continues because there are no countouts”, as if we couldn’t surmise that for ourselves. Both men toss a shit-ton of chairs into the ring. Ambrose goes for Dirty Deeds but Harper counters with the Sitting Powerbomb for two. Harper puts a bunch of chairs on top of Ambrose and goes to the top rope but Ambrose pulls him down for Dirty Deeds and wins it at around 11: 30 or so, all told. Or, hell, 46 minutes if you’re being accurate enough. Too bad we didn’t get to see that, huh? WINNER: Dean Ambrose via Dirty Deeds
RATING: Still a DUD. Give them props, at least, for not forgetting this fight was going on. Even still, this was garbage all the way around. What was the point of restarting the match? The end didn’t improve things.
WWE Payback is on May 17th.
MATCH #4: Rusev (challenger) (w/ Lana) vs. John Cena (champion) in a Russian Chain Match for the WWE United States Championship The only way to win this is if one of these guys can touch all four corners. The two men pull the chain. Rusev tosses Cena into one corner. Rusev touches that corner as well as the adjacent corner. Cena fights back and hits a couple corners. The light resets each time one of the other fighters gets the best of the fight. The fight spills outside and Rusev hits kicks to Cena’s chest. He suplexs Cena back into the ring and hits two corners. Cena fights back and we reset. Rusev tosses Cena back outside but Cena pulls Rusev into the ringpost. They get back into the ring. Rusev hits a spinning kick after Cena hits another couple of buckles. Rusev nails Cena with the chain and whips him in the back with it. Rusev hits three corners, but Cena rolls out of the ring. Rusev reaches for the last one. Cena won’t let it happen, pulls him over and attacks him. The lights are reset. Cena hits a clothesline with the chain and hits one corner. He crawls over and hits another corner. Rusev gets up and attacks. Lights waved up. Cena hits Move #1 but Rusev catches him and hits a Fallaway Slam and botched Superkick of sorts. The crowd chants for Lana. Rusev isn’t happy and tells her to leave. She does. Cena hits #3 after Rusev pays more attention. Cena hits the 5KS but Rusev counters into an Alabama Slam. Rusev tries the Accolade but Cena counters into the STF. Cena hits the first three buckles but Rusev rolls out of the ring. Cena goes after him and tosses him into the ring. AA but Cena is countered by Rusev. He hits the Accolade. Cena gets up and Rusev drops him, hitting three corners. Cena grabs him and hits the AA. Rusev hits a corner. Cena hits the opposite. Cen hits another. Rusev hits two and Cena hits another. Three corners are lit for each. Cena hits a quick AA on Rusev and tags the the last corner to retain at 13:34. WINNER AND STILL CHAMPION: John Cena
RATING: **1/2. Memorable? No. I have a soft spot for the gimmick matches that WCW/NWA used to put on. This was fun to watch but not a great match by any means.
Cena celebrates and we FINALLY get the American flag hanging down from the ceiling.
Renee is with Roman Reigns backstage. She asks what his thoughts are on Big Show tonight. He says that Show has beaten him repeatedly, but that he keeps getting back up.
MATCH #5: Nikki Bella (champion) (w/ Brie Bella) vs. Naomi (challenger) for the WWE Divas Championship Naomi’s wearing black leather and LED-lit shoes and glasses. Hopefully, her moveset matches the “new” Naomi. Nikki hits a forearm and snapmare, then hits a Cross Arm Breaker. Naomi breaks it and slams Nikki to the mat. Naomi gets two. Naomi hits another slam and elbow drop for two. Nikki rolls up Naomi for two. Naomi responds with a bulldog into the turnbuckle. Two count. Naomi goes for a Rear View but Nikki holds onto the ropes. She attacks Naomi but Nikki counters it and puts her to the mat, getting two. Nikki rolls out of the ring. Brie helps her sister up. Naomi kicks Brie and puts Nikki into the ring. Nikki comes back with clotheslines and dropkick. Nikki hits the Alabama Slam for two. Naomi hits a falling Reverse DDT and gets two. Naomi goes for a Split-Legged Moonsault but Nikki moves. She puts Naomi’s face across her knee and gets two. Nikki tries the Rack Attack but Naomi kicks out and drops Nikki on the mat for two. Nikki kicks at Naomi and hits a Springboard Enzuguri for two. Naomi beats up Nikki as Naomi gets to the bottom rope to break. The ref stops Nikki from continuing. Brie kicks Naomi in the head from outside the ring and Nikki hits the Rack Attack to retain at 7:17. WINNER AND STILL CHAMPION: Nikki Bella via Rack Attack
RATING: **. Just ok. This should have been The New Day jobbing to the champs, but Creative knows something I don’t.
Backstage, Rusev berates Lana. She looks dejected and walks into The Authority’s office.
We get the build-up for Roman Reigns vs. Big Show.
MATCH #6: Big Show vs. Roman Reigns in a Last Man Standing Match The winner has to knock their opponent out for a count of ten. Show tosses Reigns into the corner but Reigns fights out. He rushes Show and Show knocks him down with a shoulderblock. Reigns comes back and hits a HUGE shoulderblock, putting him out of the ring. Reigns goes under the ring and grabs a table. He puts it in the ring and Show attacks him. He grabs the table and puts it back under the ring. He picks Reigns up but Reigns counters and sends Show into the ringpost. Reigns goes for another table but Show attacks him, then breaks the table in half with his bare hands. Reigns goes for a Kendo but Show grabs him and tosses him into the ringpost. Show tosses Reigns into the ring, then busts Kendo in half, tossing it out of the ring. Show beats on him but Reigns fights back and leaps at him, only to have Show nail him in the throat. Reigns rolls outside. Show pulls him back in but Reigns drops his throat on the top rope, gets a chair and whacks Show with it repeatedly. Show gets up at seven. Reigns gets up and gets a couple of tables, then rushes Show. Show hits a KO Punch — but Reigns gets up at eight. Show plays balls and unfurls one of the tables Reigns got. He goes for a Chokeslam but Reigns counters and hits a Samoan Drop into the table. Reigns gets up at six. Show gets up at eight.
Show quickly hits a Spear and Reigs gets up at eight. Show goes to the top buckle but Reigns knocks him down. Reigns laughs, rolls out of the ring and gets two tables, setting them both up outside the ring. Reigns grabs Show and tries the Superplex but Show tosses him away. Show goes to the top turnbuckle but Reigns tosses him to the mat. Show gets up at eight. Reigns hits two Superman Punches and tries a third but Show catches him and Chokeslams Reigns into the two tables outside. Reigns somehow gets up right before the ten count. Show goes outside and gets the steel ring steps. setting them up near the timekeeper table. He tells the announce team to leave. They vacate the table. Both men get into the ring. Show mocks Reigns with Reigns’ howl and goes for the Spear but misses and hits a table in the corner. Both men get up at eight. Reigns hits a Spear. Reigns gets up at seven. Show gets up and rolls out of the ring at eight. Reigns chases and Spears Show through the timekeeper’s barricade. Both men get up around nine. Reigns goes for Show near the announce table. Show grabs him for the Chokeslam. Reigns fights out, drops off the announce table and Spears Show through the Spanish Announce Table. Show gets up at eight. Reigns picks up the regular announce table and dumps it on top of Show. Reigns stands on top of it for good measure, so Show can’t get up, and Reigns wins at 19:47. WINNER: Roman Reigns
RATING: ***1/4 for me. This was the booster shot the show needed.
Bo Dallas is out to inspire everyone. Ryback interrupts. He destroys Dallas with a Meat Hook and Shell Shock. Mm-Kay. Thankfully, there’s no Bray Wyatt to interrupt the proceedings because that would have meant there was a point to what we just saw.
We get a look at all the stuff coming up on WWE Network this week. Apparently, the King of the Ring isn’t even good enough to be a PPV or on RAW. It’s this Tuesday.
Byron Saxton has Rusev backstage. He says that Cena “has never beaten him”. You know, except for just now and at WrestleMania. Apparently, Cena and Rusev will face off at Payback FOR THE FOURTH GODDAMN TIME in an “I QUIT” Match”, thanks to Lana who Rusev screamed at.
The steel cage lowers as we get the video montage or Rollins and Orton.
MATCH #7: Randy Orton (challenger) vs. Seth Rollins (champion) in a Steel Cage Match for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship (Kane is the “Gatekeeper” and the RKO is banned from this match) Rollins tries to escape early. Orton pulls him off and beats the hell out of him. Orton hits a catapult but Rollins grabs the cage and starts climbing out. Orton pulls him down and beats on him, but Rollins hits the Buckle Bomb for two. Rollins goes for the door. Kane lets him go through but Orton stops him and pulls him back in. Rollins counters and tosses Orton into the cage. He stomps at Orton and tries to climb the cage. Orton wakes up and knocks him off, hitting uppercuts. Rollins gets the upper hand and keeps him down. Orton comes back with clotheslines. He misses the In-Stride Powerslam and Rollins begins to climb. Rollins knocks Orton to his feet and then leaps at Orton, hitting a knee, getting two. Rollins climbs again and makes it to the top of the cage. Orton chases and the two have a fist-fight up there. Finally, Orton knocks to the mat, then comes down and hits the Powerslam for two. Orton tries for the Elevated DDT but Rollins fights out and hits the Mini-Superkick. Rollins goes to the top of the cage. Orton chases and, somehow, J&J Security show up and get by Kane to help Rollins out. Orton kicks the cage, knocking them off. Orton drags Rollins in and hits a Superplex for two. J&J climb up on the cage. Orton tosses Rollins into both guys, then goes to the door. Kane just stares. Orton hits the Elevated DDT and then gloats. He signals for the RKO — but then goes for a Pedigree, hitting it — but Rollins kicks out. Orton sets up for The Punt. but misses. Rollins hits a quick Enzuguri. Rollins yells for Kane to open the door. Kane does it. Randy Orton drags him back in and hits the Inverted Backbreaker. Orton goes to get out — but Kane shuts the door. Rollins tries to dropkick Orton, but misses, and nails the gate (and Kane) instead. Rollins tries to escape through the door. Orton stops him. Kane slams the door on both of them, then goes into the ring. J&J stops him, so Kane hits a double chokeslam on both. Kane signals for a Chokeslam — but, oh, guess what? He grabs Orton instead and hits it. Rollins tries to escape — but Kane grabs him and hits a Chokeslam as well. Kane picks up Rollins’ arm and drapes it over Orton — but it’s only a two-count. Kane’s pissed. Man, there’s an amazing amount of INTERFERENCE FOR A STIPULATION THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO PREVENT IT. He goes back inside — but Orton hits an RKO on Kane — which is against the rules, but fuck it. We’re going the full nine here. Rollins wakes and hits an RKO on Orton, which makes absolutely no sense whatsofuckingever, and escapes the cage to retain at 21:00. WINNER AND STILL CHAMPION: Seth Rollins
RATING: **1/2. Overbooking hell, yet again.
Post-match, Rollins celebrates as we go off the air.
OVERALL: **. Nothing special. New Day winning the tag titles is a middle finger, most especially.
With the second season of Penny Dreadful about to premiere on Showtime this weekend, The Workprint is giving away prize packs celebrating this new television horror classic!
One Grand Prize Winner will receive the following:
The Art and Making of Penny Dreadful hardcover book
A collectible pack of Penny Dreadful Tarot Cards
A Penny Dreadful tote bag
A Penny Dreadful t-shirt
A code to download the entire first season of Penny Dreadful on Amazon.com
Two Runners Up will win a code to download the entire first season of Penny Dreadful on Amazon.com
The contest begins on April 27, 2015 and will run until May 1, 2015 at 12:00 AM. Entry is open to US and Canadian residents only.
Three episodes in and Game of Thrones’ fifth season seems to be setting up all the cards so that in a few more weeks someone can come in with dynamite and wreck up the joint. In every corner of the world the characters are plotting, doing what they can to outlast the other players. In some instances the idea of revenge makes me happy, but for the most part I’m just terrified of what may happen to the ones I love. *cough* Sansa *cough*
Braavos – “I didn’t come here to sweep floors”
After finally gaining entrance into the House of Black and White, Arya Stark soon learns that Faceless Man training isn’t all sword fights and murder. Jaqen handles her bravado with ease and responds with a bemused, “No? Why come then?” This is Arya’s struggle for much of the episode. Much like Daniel-san, she wants to attack, to kill, to get revenge, but Mr. Jaqen Miyagi wants none of her teenage attitude and tells her in order to become a Faceless Man, she must become No One.
Becoming No One requires Arya to strip herself of everything she knows and owns. Most things go willingly–the clothes, coins, the name–but when it comes to throwing away Needle, the last tie to her family, she cannot bear to do so and instead hides the sword away for safe-keeping. Unlike most others, I haven’t been as invested in the Arya arc. Her story is a common one in fantasy novels, so I don’t get as excited as I do about, say, Sansa. However, this was a particularly tough moment for me, watching this young girl who has learned from the likes of Tywin Lannister, the Hound, and everyone else around her; the young girl who has hardened herself to any emotional attachment cannot bear to part with a sword. There’s a passage from A Feast For Crows that can explain this much better than I:
“It’s just a sword,” she said, aloud this time . . .
…but it wasn’t
Needle was Robb and Bran and Rickon, her mother and her father, even Sansa. Needle was Winterfell’s grey walls, and the laughter of its people. Needle was the summer snows, Old Nan’s stories, the heart tree with its red leaves and scary face, the warm earthy smell of the glass gardens, the sound of the north wind rattling the shutters of her room. Needle was Jon Snow’s smile. He used to mess my hair and call me “little sister,” she remembered, and suddenly there were tears in her eyes.
King’s Landing
For the first time in, well, since the show began, we saw a wedding that didn’t end in tragedy. Tommen and Margaery wed, had lots of awkward, fast sex, and of course, managed to annoy the pants off Cersei. (You aged him up, HBO, but he still looks like a baby next to Natalie Dormer.) Margaery certainly knows how to mold Tommen’s emotions, and the scenes between the two women clamoring to be queen are electric, each exchanging jabs with a smile. Cersei asks if Margaery is intelligent, because she can’t quite tell. Margaery laments their lack of wine for Cersei, but alas, they do not have any as it’s so early in the day. Margaery even gets in the final blow with asking how to address Cersei, a reminder that Margaery is now queen and Cersei is an afterthought, or even worse, a soon-to-be-grandmother. As the Lannister woman leaves, she hears Margaery and her handmaidens laugh and you know Cersei won’t let such an insult rest.
Still fuming, Cersei sits on the small council with all of her friends when the High Septon approaches with grievances over his treatment by the Sparrows. When Qyburn makes mention that the High Septon was found in one of Littlefinger’s brothels, Maester Pycelle jumps in with, “A man’s private affairs ought to stay private” and Cersei’s face afterwards only confirms my affections.
Also, did anyone else get chills when Cersei told the High Sparrow, “The faith and the crown are the two pillars who hold up this world”? Cersei is very quickly losing the crown power to Margaery, so now she is advocating for power from the faith.
Winterfell
OH MY GOD. WINTERFELL. How long has it been? You don’t write, you don’t call…
Unfortunately, there isn’t a Stark sitting in the hall of Winterfell and instead it’s that Bolton bastard, Roose. Baby Bolton bastard, Ramsay, has just had a run-in with Lord Cerwyn for refusing to serve a Warden of the North whose name is not Stark. Ramsay, of course, finds his flayed corpse hilarious. Roose, on the other hand reminds Ramsay that if he kills everyone he comes across, the North will revolt and the Boltons will be outnumbered and probably flayed, so instead he must marry to secure their allegiance.
Which leads us to an image of Sansa Stark outside Moat Cailin, heading north to Winterfell. Shockingly, Littlefinger has abused her trust once again and for a moment we see the younger Sansa lash out in a childish manner. Littlefinger puts on the creepy charm, oozes manipulation from all pores and reminds her that as the wife of the Warden of the North, she will have power, and power brings revenge, and then the young Sansa fades, replaced by Darth Sansa, the girl with dark hair who is learning to play the game.
*Definitely not Photoshop
When the traveling pair arrives in Winterfell, Sansa wears the pleasant mask, showing little sign of the hatred she harbors in her heart. However, the servants in Winterfell show no such hesitation when talking to Sansa, reminding her that “The North Remembers.” Also putting on an act is Ramsay Bolton and it’s frightening how well he plays the innocent school boy.
King’s Road
Brienne’s chapters were some of my favorite in the books, quiet but powerful emotionally, and it’s beautiful to watch her slowly peel back that rough exterior with Pod. Brienne knows who she is; she knows people mockingly call her “Brienne the Beauty”; she knows she is neither Knight nor Lady, but none of that matters, because she has honor. Loyal is the best way to describe Brienne and once her loyalty is earned, it stays for life, as is the case with Renly Baratheon. She has not forgotten his death or who was responsible and sadly tells Pod, “Nothing is more hateful than failing to protect the one you love.”
The Wall
Which leads us to a not-so-subtle scene change to Stannis in the north. Stannis wants Jon Snuh to become Jon Stark so he can garner the support of the north and presumably go shopping together without it being a scandal. However, Jon is now Lord Commander and his loyalty is to the Night’s Watch and Stannis doesn’t admire the Stark honor in him that also got Ned and Robb killed so he leaves. Davos then continues his ongoing good cop to Stannis’ bad cop routine and explains to Jon that Stannis respects him and without Jon and the wildling support, the north is lost to the Boltons and there will be no realm left to protect if the latter should continue to happen.
Jon and Stannis also shared an exchange I enjoyed:
Jon: “I’ve heard it was best to keep your enemies close.“
Stannis: “Whoever said that didn’t have many enemies”
Later on, Jon continues his commandering, sending Crows off to latrine duty and even offering Aliser Thorne a strong leadership position as First Ranger, earning more respect from his brothers. Finally, he gives Ser Janos Slynt command of Greywatch, who of course throws a hissy fit, so naturally Jon has to chop off his head. As one does. I jest, but it’s actually one of Jon Snow’s finer moments and as much as I hated the whiny baby Snow, Lord Commander Snow is quite endearing. Stannis certainly agrees.
And since I’m quoting the books tonight, I’ll throw in another fantastic set of quotes:
“Sansa stared hard at his ugly face, remembering how he had thrown down her father for Ser Ilyn to behead, wishing she could hurt him, wishing that some hero would throw him down and cut off his head. But a voice inside her whispered, There are no heroes…” SANSA, A CLASH WITH KINGS
“The smile that Lord Janos Slynt smiled then had all the sweetness of rancid butter. Until Jon said, “Edd, fetch me a block,” and unsheathed Longclaw.” JON, A DANCE WITH DRAGONS
Volantis, Essos
There’s really no good to sum up the interaction between Varys and Tyrion. Each week, the actual plot is nothing too exciting, but the dialogue, the chemistry is the best on the show. I could watch the pair bicker for the entire hour. Though Tyrion’s jab about wanting to talk to someone with hair was a bit below the belt. Tyrion’s superiority complex gets him into trouble, exactly as Varys warned. I’m not sure what he was thinking, openly talking about once being a wealthy man who “always paid his debts.” Come on, man. You weren’t this stupid before crossing the Narrow Sea. Is there more in the water besides Greyscale? The King of the Friendzone (Jorah Mormont) shows up, binds and gags the drunken sod who only wanted to see faces other than Varys’, and proclaims he is taking the dwarf to the queen. And darkness.
Random thoughts:
There’s a Red Priestess in Essos who sings Daenerys Targaryen’s praises? There’s definitely more to this and I’m intrigued to see where it goes.
The girl who shot daggers at Sansa when she entered Winterfell? We’ve seen her before and she’s a “friend” of Ramsay’s, a sadistic one who enjoys hunting. I am frightened to think of what her jealousy will make her do to Sansa.
Every TV show has an episode that on its own isn’t inherently bad but it lacks the action or drama of its predecessor so it seems weaker by comparison. “Lallybroch” is that episode for Outlander. After last week’s witch trial and then Claire’s tumultuous decision between Jamie and Frank, “Lallybroch” is a walk in the park. However, it’s a necessary episode for furthering the story, especially since last week’s episode would have been considered a happy ending for some stories.
At the conclusion of “The Devil’s Mark” Jamie took Claire back to Craigh na Dun, back to Frank. However, Claire ultimately chose to stay with Jamie, and the pair set off for Lallybroch to start their new life together, knowing now that they both willingly decided to be in the marriage. It only took eleven episodes but Claire finally seemed resigned to accept her life in the 18th century. Though I imagine she is quickly trying to invent (reinvent?) indoor plumbing, because life with so many Scottish men can’t be pretty.
It’s a sweet scene, watching the Frasers enter Lallybroch, full of hope and optimism for their future. Yet, that bliss is soon squashed when Jamie encounters his older sister, Jenny. The two have a wee bit of spat and this is a moment I cannot understand. Jamie feels guilty for the things that occurred between Jenny and Black Jack Randall, saying he would have rather died than to have her bear Randall’s child. Being more stubborn than even Jamie, Jenny rightly calls him a fool for his behavior. For a man that days before listened intently to his wife tell him she was from the future, he does not give his sister any such respect or sympathy to tell him the truth. He even goes so far as to insinuate her current pregnancy is from ignoble actions. The Fraser siblings have a relationship built on bickering and butting heads but this greeting seemed a bit out of character for Jamie, a man who has defended the women in his life on several occasions. To spare the siblings from eating each other’s throats, Jenny’s husband and father of her children, Ian Murray, appears and Jamie pulls a 180, all too happy to see his family again.
“I will cut all of you.”
Once inside Lallybroch, the new Laird and Lady of Broch Tuarach still have troubles to sort out in terms of running the lands. Jenny has been managing it with the help of her husband for many, many years, and for Jamie to just waltz in, put his feet up on the table, and proclaim, “It’s mine” is shocking for her. Naturally, she fights against Jamie’s wishes. She and Claire have it out a few times as well, because Claire tries to defend her husband and Jenny cannot believe Jamie would have married an Englishwoman. The Fraser children then share their respective stories about moments with Black Jack Randall, and it seems to soften the tension between them for a time.
Along with the family relationships, “Lallybroch” was an episode that also explored Jamie and Claire as a couple, without the life or death situations, without threats from outside sources, without the need for passion or anger. Both soon realized what so many young couples do, marriage is hard and you’re no longer acting for just yourself. Jamie, again, follows what everyone else before him has done, what he believes his father would have done in such situations. He is guided by this notion of being who he thinks he should be, rather than simply being who he really is. It was almost cringe-worthy, watching Jamie put on the smarmy Laird act, boisterous and mostly drunk. Claire is somewhat understanding of his position as Laird, as well as the image she puts forth as Lady, but it’s hard for her to fight her headstrong nature. She is not one to go down quietly, which leads to her confronting Jamie about his personality change. More importantly, her obstinate attitude gets her into trouble when she defends Rabbie McNabb from his abusive father. Jenny rightly puts the Laird and Lady in their place by snapping, “Do you think life just started when the two of you walked through that door?”
“Look how adorable we are, Lallybroch. Vote Jamie and Claire as Laird and Lady of Broch Tuarach 1844.”
However, it takes a more than a witty response and flashbacks to life’s horrors with Jack Randall to bring the Frasers back together. When Jamie has a naked close call with the redcoats, and Jenny finally sees the marks Jack Randall left on his back, the trio forgo their stubbornness in exchange for something more akin to compromise. Claire and Jamie share a nice moment later that night when Jamie tells Claire how he loved her from the very beginning. It’s cheesy but I’m a sap and I won’t lie, I swooned a bit when Claire told Jamie, “I love you” for the first time. However, as things are wont to do, as soon as everyone seems to be getting along, Claire wakes up to find Jamie with guns pointed at his head, and the episode ends.
So much for a quiet homecoming.
Outlander airs Saturdays on Starz at 9pm EST.
Photos courtesy of Starz.
Lost Girl Season 5, Episode 2: “Like Hell, Pt. 2” Air date: April 24, 2015 Grade: B-
Bo is back in the fifth and final season of Lost Girl and if you’ve never watched the series before, I suggest getting on Netflix and binge-watching the last four seasons because you won’t regret it.
Episode two picks up with Kenzi (Ksenia Solo) trapped inside her coffin after Bo (Anna Silk) makes a deal with Freya (the leader of the Valkyries) in Valhalla. Lauren (Zoie Palmer) and Dyson (Kris Holden-Reid) free her while our succubus heroine is sent to the underworld to meet her father. We discover that it was daddy dearest who hired Tamzin to get Bo in the first place. With Kenzi back in the real world and off-limits, Freya sends Stacy, one of Tamzin’s Valkyrie sisters, to get another soul close to Bo’s heart.
So there are two storylines happening simultaneously. First, Kenzi and Lauren think they are communicating with Bo’s invisible spirit and spend much of the episode trying to bring her back. They use a special Ouija board as a gateway but they manage to bring over some unknown fae. In a comical moment the twosome scream their heads off and try to rectify the situation by throwing the board into the fireplace to burn it. That wasn’t exactly the smartest move, but more on that later.
Bo meanwhile is trying to find her way through a labyrinth where she gets unexpected help from a woman in a Greek chiton. They make their way into a hotel lobby that looks like a dark sinister version of Valhalla. Bo, suffering from an injury, starts healing herself by kissing the other woman to absorb her chi. Only to find out after that she’s just made out with her stepmother, Persephone. Ewwww. The last few seasons have teased who Bo’s father really is, but finally we find out that he’s a fae so strong that he’s revered as a god. So Bo’s dad is Hades, king of the underworld.
One of the best things about this show is its incorporation of legends and mythology from around the world. These fabled creatures are in fact just a type of fae in the Lost Girl narrative. While the fae (or fairies) are based in European folklore, on the show they are real creatures with supernatural abilities that range from werewolves, sirens, banshees, dwarves, djinns, mermaids, norns, nymphs, vampires, and so much more.
Bo’s rage towards her father increases after she sees the jail where he kept and tortured her. Persephone this whole time has been trying to get the succubus to just leave the underworld but Bo is unrelenting and wants to meet daddy dearest. Eventually the other woman manages to convince her to look the Artemis moon candle, which will enable her to get home. Bo manages to get said candle but right as she is waiting for the elevator doors to close (dad lived in the penthouse suite of course), his arm darts in and chokeholds her. Don’t worry, she used her succubus induced strength to push him back. While Bo thinks she tricked him, I highly doubt that because there must be a reason why he hasn’t shown himself to her this entire time. Something tells me he must have wanted her to take that candle and get back to the surface as part of his nefarious plans.
Back topside, Dyson has been working on diverting Stacy away from Lauren and Kenzi by taking her to the Dal and saying that Vex was one of Bo’s great loves in hope that she would claim his soul. Yeah that really wasn’t going to work. Stacy shows up at Bo’s place just after Lauren and Kenzi deal with their uninvited spirit board guest to take Lauren to Valhalla. Luckily, Tamzin (Rachel Skarsten) arrives and gets all up in Stacy’s face and by that I mean severely insulting her hair, which apparently is a big no no in the Valkyrie sisterhood. Stacy throws a hissy fit and storms out.
Bo gets to the gates of Valhalla where Dyson has been forcibly keeping it open. Whenever those two stare into each other’s eyes it just gives me hope that they’ll end up together in the end (sorry Lauren!). The team then enjoys a celebratory dinner at Trick’s (Richard Howland), where it is unceremoniously interrupted by the fae that Kenzi and Lauren accidentally released. The board burning was a colossal fail. Kenzi however, manages to shoot it before any harm is done. When Bo asks her how she knew something would happen, her best friend remarks that with the fae it never seems to end.
Which leads us to the really sad part of the episode. Bo is ready for some relaxing bff time with some Kevin Bacon DVDs when Kenzi walks in to tell her that she’s leaving. Now that she’s been given a second chance at life, she feels that she needs to enjoy it as a human and not as a human wanting to be fae. Since we first met Kenzi, she’s been the plucky sidekick and while she loved Bo, in her heart wanted to be just as special as the succubus. This is a huge character development for Kenzi who had tried to fit into the supernatural world through her own merits of determination, intelligence, and loyalty. Now it seems she’s actually coming to terms with her own humanness after losing Hale that she’s ready to let it all go and move on. Still, I can’t believe that this is actually goodbye because she has been such an integral part of the show as the character that we can all relate too. I’m really going to miss her.
After everything that they’ve been through Bo knows that the right thing to do is to let Kenzi leave and live out her life away from the craziness of the fae world. At the end of the episode she lights the Artemis moon candle that Persephone had made her promise to light to let her family know that she was alive. The final scene though shows a woman inside a crowded elevator with the same candle lit and a very sinister smile on her face. Now what could that be all about?
With Kenzi’s sudden departure, Bo’s dad still around, Stacy on the loose, and a new potential villain (Demeter?) to deal with, we’ve got a lot to look forward to in season 5.
What’s the best way to celebrate 75 years of the Joker in DC Comics? According to director David Ayers, it’s a first look at Jared Leto as the Joker in the upcoming film Suicide Squad.
The Marvel Cinematic Universe is about as incestuous as a Targaryen dinner party, so when a film as large as Avengers: Age of Ultron comes around it can be difficult to remember which face goes with which butt suit.
That’s where we come in. Every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday until the release of the film, we’ll be giving you primers on all the major players.
Also, this primer (and all the others) will contain spoilers from the last several Marvel films. You’ve been warned. So, don’t whine. At least not at us…
Well, yes. A spy…and so much more. We were first introduced to Scarlett Johansson’s Black Widow (aka Natasha Romanov) in Iron Man 2, when she went undercover at Stark Industries. Posing as Natalie Rushman and working for S.H.I.E.L.D., Nick Fury assigned her the not-so-simple task of keeping Stark in line – though after her cover was revealed, the two would later work together to help take down Whiplash, a shadowy figure from Tony’s past bent on destroying him.
SO WHAT DID SHE DO AFTER SHE WAS DONE BABYSITTING TONY STARK?
We’ll assume she kept going on different kinds of missions, given the nature of her job, because the next time we see Black Widow in The Avengers, she’s tied to a chair doing what she does best – extracting information. Her mission gets cut short when she gets a cryptic phone call from Agent Coulson, who informs her that her partner Hawkeye has been taken by Loki. And therein spirals all of the events that bring Hulk, Iron Man, Captain America and Thor together to save the world
Black Widow basically becomes the through-line of the movie in many ways – she helps round up the rogue superheroes, she tries to keep everyone rational, she’s the person who gets Hawkeye back without killing him (and she does it by knocking him out) and hell, she’s even the one who is quick-thinking enough to close the alien portal that saves Earth. Basically, Black Widow ruled…even her screentime said so.
SO WE’VE GOT THREE IRON MAN FILMS, TWO CAPTAIN AMERICA FILMS, I HEAR THERE’S GOING TO BE A THIRD THOR FILM. IF SHE’S SO GREAT AND SUCH AN IMPORTANT CHARACTER, WHERE’S HER MOVIE?
I don’t know, and I wish I did. Unfortunately, I’m not in charge of how movies get made, otherwise we would’ve seen this years ago. She did play a significant role in Captain America: The Winter Soldier, where she was partnered with Steve Rogers. After Steve’s best friend Bucky returns, Black Widow is forced to confront the realization that S.H.I.E.L.D. – the place she thought she was working for honestly – has really been corrupt, posing as Hydra. By the end of the film, she’s made the decision to dump all of Hydra’s files online, so that the truth can be exposed. In doing so, however, she also inadvertently lets loose all the secrets of her past. We last left her heading off into the sunset to essentially reclaim her identity.
DID SHE GO MEET UP WITH HAWKEYE? WHAT’S THE DEAL WITH THAT, ANYWAY? ARE THEY LIKE, TOGETHER??
Well, kind of. And kind of not. In the comics, the two have had an on-and-off relationship, although both have also been with other people. In the movies, however, we don’t really get any information about Black Widow’s past, save for a few hints about the fact sometime, long long ago, Hawkeye saved her when he was supposed to kill her. And of course, there’s the always-referenced-but-never-explained Budapest. It would certainly not be a lie to say that there’s something going on between them, even if it was never officially confirmed. But in Winter Soldier, she consistently wore an arrow necklace referencing her loyalty to Hawkeye, and it’s been suggested that based on their shared pasts, the two have a very close friendship that they’ve built over the years.
OKAY, THANKS FOR CLEARING THAT UP, BECAUSE I GUESS I’M CONFUSED. I’VE BEEN HEARING A LOT ABOUT A BLACK WIDOW/HULK THING IN AGE OF ULTRON.
Joss Whedon has made no secret that there’s certainly something romantic going on between the two characters in the film. But we’re still not sure what the specifics of that are, and how that figures into her past with Hawkeye, and what Black Widow’s relationships mean for her future. We’ll find out soon!
SO WILL WE LEARN MORE ABOUT BLACK WIDOW IN AGE OF ULTRON, THEN? AND WHAT ABOUT HAWKEYE? DO WE GET TO LEARN MORE ABOUT HIM, TOO? HE DESERVES LOVE!
Definitely. It’s been confirmed that we’ll see glimpses into Black Widow’s life in the Red Room, as well as possible other secrets. As for Hawkeye, there’s been…well, let’s just say there’s been some rumored rumblings about his past that will apparently come to light. We’ll also find out much more about his character as a whole, as he’s very involved in the film this time around – and he plays a large role in everything that happens.
GOOD. BECAUSE I MEAN, HE’S NOT THAT IMPORTANT, RIGHT?
HOLD YOUR TONGUE, CHILD. Jeremy Renner is a fantastic actor. Hawkeye is supremely important and one of the best characters in the movies.
UMMM….WHY? ARE YOU LIKE, THE DEFENDER OF THE HAWKEYE FAN CLUB? HE WAS BARELY IN AVENGERS TO BEGIN WITH. AND IT’S NOT LIKE HE’S HAD ANY SOLO FILM.
True, he did kind of get the crap end of the deal for a bit. He was introduced briefly in Thor with an uncredited cameo that was basically supposed to be used as an introduction to his character in Avengers. And then once we got to Avengers, he spent a majority of the movie as a bad guy, brainwashed by Loki. He only really got to participate in the last half of the film during the big Battle of New York.
SO THERE’S HOPE FOR MORE HAWKEY IN THE FUTURE?
He’s currently signed on for the next Marvel film, Captain America: Civil War. So, yes!
WANT MORE BACK STORY THAN MARVEL HAS GIVEN THESE TWO SO FAR? CHECK OUT THESE COMICS:
AND PLEASE NEVER FORGET THAT ONE TIME BLACK WIDOW AND CAPTAIN AMERICA INFILTRATED THEIR HIGH SCHOOL’S COMPUTER SYSTEM FOR THE SAKE OF THEIR SAT SCORES:
Louie Season 5, Episode 3, “Cop Story” Air date: April 23, 2015
Louie continues its long history of wringing laughs, if not necessarily answers, out of heavy subjects. “Cop Story” doesn’t feel like it strikes particularly new ground for the series, but nevertheless takes a long hard look at the fear of obsolescence and being left behind by an indifferent world.
Louie first confronts a confident young store owner (Clara Wong) about her dismissive attitude towards him, but she remains unfazed by his “the customer’s always right” indignation. Her attitude isn’t openly hostile, but mostly rude in its implications–she doesn’t need him and isn’t willing to expend her time and effort courting his business. It’s a fine line between indifference and impudence in this case, and the scene tries to emphasize the former. She never changes her stance, but instead shifts the conversation towards Louie’s discomfort around younger people:
“We’re the future, and you don’t belong in it. Because we’re beyond you, and naturally that makes you kind of feel bad. You have this deep down feeling that you don’t matter anymore.”
Louie doesn’t have much of a response to that, but the clerk does offer a silver lining for him. She appeals to his fatherhood, reminding him that the forward progress that makes him feel stupider is an indication that his daughters are growing up in a better world filled with smarter people. It’s enough of an answer to provide Louie with some degree of comfort, but the rest of the episode is devoted to someone who doesn’t have the same outlook.
Lenny (Michael Rapaport) is a loud, boorish police officer with an abrasive personality, and he’s eager to catch up with Louie when they run into each other on the street. Obnoxious and not terribly bright, he insults Louie at every turn and revels in his assertive physicality (triumphantly administering ball taps and mock basketball dunks). Louie has an amazing talent for humanizing even the worst caricatures of people, and Lenny’s thinly veiled depression is particularly poignant. Rapaport is great here, slowly drawing out Lenny’s vulnerability from a what starts as a bitter rant about men like him being selected out. As his defenses start coming down, Lenny can barely even articulate his own depression; Louie meanwhile can’t help but try to change the subject.
Tensions between the two come to a head before they ultimately realize that Lenny lost his gun at some point in the evening, causing him to break down in a whirlwind of panic, frustration, and despair. The gun is finally found after a frantic search, and a grateful Lenny sobs in Louie’s arms. The episode ends with a reference to Of Mice and Men, with Louie slowly raising the gun to Lenny’s head as he’s comforting him. It’s dark, tragic, bold, and hilarious, and the perfect punchline to an episode that’s otherwise a little thin on jokes.
“Cop Story” is one of Louie’s more meditative episodes, offering insights, points, and counterpoints for one of modern society’s greatest insecurities: becoming old and obsolete. The punchline at the end is hardly reassuring, but rather stands as a tragicomic concession that there might not be an easy solution for those lost or left behind.
**WARNING: The following interview contains major spoilers for the April 23 episode of “Dig.” Read at your own risk.**
ActressLauren Ambrosehas plenty of experience confronting death in her work. After five seasons portraying Claire Fisher, the rebellious daughter within a family of morticians on HBO’s acclaimed “Six Feet Under,” it seems hard to believe the Emmy nominee and SAG Award winner would be shocked about any character’s grisly outcome.
Yet Thursday’s episode of “Dig,” USA’s event series on which Ambrose co-stars as escaped cult member and truth-seeker Debbie Morgan, brought her arc to an abrupt and brutal end that would likely throw even the Fishers for a loop. Viewers have watched Debbie evolve from timid follower to fearless avenger in a matter of mere weeks, only to witness her journey be cut short at the hands of the very person for whom she’d risked everything to protect.
Ambrose talked with The Workprintabout her preparation for Debbie’s departure, why “Dig” provided the ideal creative environment for any storyteller looking to present a fully-realized and complex idea, and the “creepfest” involved in having a 13-year-old slash her throat on set — or at least pretend to.
USA Network
Debbie’s had arguably the most profound character transition of anyone on the show. It’s what makes her death all the more tragic: watching her go from this indoctrinated acolyte to this fierce, independent thinker searching for her freedom, and also learning a little bit about her painful past. How did you react when you found out how her story would ultimately end?
Well, it wasn’t entirely a surprise, because the reason I could do the job because I knew it was only eight episodes. So, I knew I was going to leave in some way and that I was going to die, and I guess I even knew that Josh was going to kill me, because I talked to Gideon [Raff, series creator] about it at the beginning of the whole arc. Actually, that was one of the reasons I loved this job was because I think almost all of the scripts were written before we even started filming. That, to me, is just how it should be done. There was no making thing up as they went. They really knew this story they were telling, and that was very satisfying to work that way. But when I did find out, they had kind of kept it hidden from me for a while and I think it was also to protect Zen [McGrath], who was playing Josh. So when we both found out, I was just immediately worried about Zen because, you know, I’m a mother, and he was really upset about it.
That must have been a difficult scene for him, for sure.
Yeah. He really didn’t know it was coming, he didn’t know he was going to kill me, and I think when he found out how, he was really, truly horrified.
It was definitely disturbing to watch a kid do something like that, especially when Josh served as such an important figure for Debbie. It was a very maternal relationship for her.
I know! I know it. I’d never filmed a death scene before, so this was a little bit of a creepfest for me as well, especially in such a manner. I’m a singer, and I always have things about my throat and my neck, and we were doing this prosthetic on the neck, and it was kind of freaking me out a little bit. So, Zen and I, we decided to just focus on the movie magic aspect of it — that we can do things like this, and they can tell the story and all of the technical stuff. That was our intent and our focus for the day [chuckles].
That sounds like a plan. Debbie was really only on the tip of the iceberg in terms of the larger conspiracy the show is exploring, but for her personal story she was so close to achieving the freedom she was seeking. Watching her meet her demise at this point in the show was really heartbreaking to see, but you’d mentioned talking to Tim, Gideon and the other writers about what was going to happen. How did you rationalize or justify the need to kill Debbie for the sake of the story progression? Was it for the greater good of the narrative?
USA Network
Well, again, it was one of those things where I wouldn’t have been able to do the job if I had to be on the show any longer [laughs]. I was beholden to another thing, so in that sense I was very grateful that it was an eight-episode arc. I knew that, and that’s why I was able to do it and I knew what I was getting into. But in terms of the story, it’s kind of great, because she fulfilled this transformation. She wakes up out of this dream state that she’s in, and starts to see what’s really going on and is the only person around her who does. She goes so far with it and decides not just to save herself, which is this very compassionate, wonderful thing, but she chooses, I guess mistakenly, to try to change this kid who, perhaps, she feels is a little less “formed” than he really is, because he’s actually quite sociopathic.
Yes. He’s actually manufactured that way, if you think about it.
Yes, exactly. He’s the second one. He’s the second Josh. The first one was raised by Debbie, and the second one was maybe raised by Faye in a much less compassionate, less loving way — just a different person. But I think when Debbie dies, it’s in a very peaceful moment, in that she’s not only destroyed this thing she feels is evil, or at least thinks she has, and she’s able to turn her thoughts to a higher place, to a more spiritual realm and actually consider what she really believes in. So, I think in terms of the writing that’s a really cool moment to say this person’s story is over, because she’s sort of gotten to a higher level and now it’s okay. We can say goodbye.
Absolutely. Ironically, leaving the cult is how Debbie finally achieved the enlightenment and new plane of existence she was looking for.
Right. I love all the metaphors in there, with needing to wake up out of the dream you’re in to be able to really see it and consider what you actually believe in. And I think that stuff was really fun to play and tell the story of.
It must have given you a lot to think about. You touched on this earlier, but television really is evolving more toward anthology or finite formats, and that structure does seem to appeal to actors looking for ways to diversify their work without the possibility of committing to multiple seasons. You mentioned how “Dig” appealed to you in that way because you knew it would only be eight episodes. Do you think that limited framework helps condense and expedite the storytelling process more efficiently? “Six Feet Under” pulled off one of the greatest series finales in history after five seasons, but that’s rare. A lot of shows, especially ones like “Dig” with layers of mystery and existential themes, tend to unravel a bit by the time they’re finally ready to start wrapping, despite showrunners’ claims they know what they’re doing all along. But in this case, there really was a game plan from beginning to end.
Yeah, I think that’s bullshit. I don’t think they ever know what they’re doing all along [laughs]. I mean, maybe they have the end in sight, but there’s always those middle years. It’s probably not as good for actors who potentially just go on and on with something, but in terms of the storytelling I think it’s really great, especially on television when you could go on and on, it’s great to have a really clear thesis and stick to it, and know where you’re going. In terms of the whole piece, and the palettes of color choices and filming, and of course the relationships of the characters and how they intersect, that’s what was really satisfying to work in that way, and to be there to help bring this very clear [idea]. Gideon Raff wrote so much of it and pitched the whole thing to me, and I think they had most of the episodes written before we even started.
That’s reassuring, isn’t it?
Yeah, it’s like this big, long movie. And Gideon directed so many of them, for various reasons – he ended up having to step in after we had some tragedies happen – and he just had such a clear vision and such a strong directing style and really made these bold choices. I was psyched to help bring it to life. That’s such a dream, to be working with somebody who really knows what they want to do and is so prepared. Usually, television moves so quickly that it’s hard to be in that place of preparedness, but this had a feeling of authorship and that we were all working on something that was really considered. That was rare, in my experience, and a really lovely way of working. So I’m all for that. My favorite things are sort of finite, like the British “The Office” or “True Detective.” So wonderful.
USA Network
Great. Something else I’ve noticed “Dig” adopts that I find rare in most shows is a host of compelling female characters with depth, direction and actual purpose in the narrative. Besides Debbie’s incredible journey, we have Emma’s resurfacing and contribution to the investigation, Lynn finally getting to the bottom of the corruption within the consulate, and even the ambassador, despite her ill intentions, it’s really cool to see a woman as a truly powerful and intimidating villain. It’s refreshing to watch a show avoid featuring just “the girl,” which happens so often – even these days. Was that something that attracted you to the project as well, or what was it about Debbie herself that spoke to you?
You know, I didn’t even know the storylines of all the other people, really. I just talked to Gideon about this character because he asked me to play her and I heard his ideas and where it was going to go. I said, “You’re going to give me something really cool to do, right?” [laughs] and he was like, “Oh, yeah. You’re going to be badass.” … It was really very cool to have a woman who has this big transformation.
Definitely. I loved the scene in the pawn shop, especially, when Debbie says, “I’m going to need a little more protection than that.”
Yeah. We’re gonna need a bigger boat. Totally.
Did you expect Debbie’s transformation to end so gruesomely? Or do you agree it was an oddly peaceful send-off? Sound off in our comment section, and stick with @TheWorkprint for all your pop culture needs!
Telltale Games, the developers of games set in such universes as The Walking Dead, Borderlands, Game of Thrones and the diary under my bed (*editor’s note: Not true and why do you still have a diary?), are developing a console game set in the Marvel universe to release in 2017. Marvel announced the partnership at an event held today in San Francisco. Unfortunately, there are no further concrete details at this point, only Marvel Games creative director Bill Roseman assuring us that the game will strive for authenticity.
Telltale Games are the premier development studio when it comes to licensed properties, and I am genuinely excited about what they could do in the Marvel universe. Here’s to hoping that by 2017 their game engine has been updated and isn’t being held together scotch tape like the current one!
The true story of Whitey Bulger, the brother of a state senator and the most infamous violent criminal in the history of South Boston, who became an FBI informant to take down a Mafia family invading his turf.
Black Mass also stars Benedict Cumberbatch, Kevin Bacon, Joel Edgerton, Adam Scott, Corey Stoll, Peter Sarsgaard, and Dakota Johnson. The film is directed by Scott Cooper and is based on the 2001 book Black Mass: The True Story of an Unholy Alliance Between the FBI and the Irish Mob written by Dick Lehr and Gerard O’Neill.
Krishnan Guru-Murthy has made a living out of being controversial.
The acclaimed journalist from the UK’s Channel 4 has actually had his interviews used as evidence in a court of law — and he’s been the recipient of some top honors.
He’s also on a streak for pissing off at least one American entertainer on an annual basis.
In an interview with Avengers star, Robert Downey Jr., Guru-Murthy starts with the usual film promotion softballs (“What’s it like being Iron Man?”; “Have you always liked comics?”; etc.) — but takes an abrupt left turn.
First, he starts off by asking Downey Jr. about a 2008 interview he gave to the New York Times following his prison stint and his subsequent victory over substance abuse. At the time, Downey Jr. had told reporter David Carr:
“I have a really interesting political point of view, and it’s not always something I say too loud at dinner tables here, but you can’t go from a $2,000-a-night suite at La Mirage to a penitentiary and really understand it and come out a liberal. You can’t. I wouldn’t wish that experience on anyone else, but it was very, very, very educational for me and has informed my proclivities and politics every since.”
When Guru-Murthy brought up the quote (cutting out a good chunk of it, erasing all context), Downey Jr.’s face said it all: “Ok. I’m confused. Where are we going? Better smile. REALLY: WHAT THE FUCK?” He looked visibly annoyed and slightly agitated, looking across the room at somebody (most likely his agent or publicist) and you could hear murmuring, off-camera, about the line of questioning.
At first, Downey Jr. played ball, thanking Guru-Murthy for his “point of view”, and attempted to answer the question, saying “Things you said five to seven years ago…made sense to you at the time. I could pick that apart for two hours and be no closer to the truth than giving you some half-assed answer right now. I couldn’t even tell you what a ‘Liberal’ is.”
At that point, Guru-Murthy should have taken the proverbial “exit ramp”.
Instead, he doubled down, asking, “Are you saying that you came out of prison, not a Liberal?”
Downey Jr. became flustered, asking if they were promoting a movie but, despite his exasperation, he did his level best to answer a question that was both seven years too late and had nothing to do with the film: “I’m not going to backpedal…I’m also not going to [state my political preference]…I had an opinion [at the time] and, that’s the nice thing about opinions: they change and flow.”
Once again, Guru-Murthy pressed his luck. Smugly (and I get that assessment from the picture below), he declared that they were doing a promotional interview — but that the interview was also “about [Robert Downey Jr.].”
This was where Downey Jr. began looking for an exit ramp of his own. Trying to be kind, and attempting to push the interview back on track, he assured Guru-Murthy that he had “as much time as anyone else” to ask his questions — yet, he was visibly unhappy, looking, off-camera, for some sort of wrangler.
At this point, somebody warns Guru-Murthy that there isn’t much time left. Guru-Murthy tells that person, “We have about 3 or 4 minutes.”
If looks could kill, Downey Jr. could have mowed down a whole field of trained soldiers. He glares at Guru-Murthy and, with an ice-cold tone, sternly tells him, “Your foot’s starting to jump a little; you better get to your next question.”
Any journalist worth their salt would have quit by now…but Guru-Murthy doesn’t take the hint. Inappropriately, he asks Downey Jr. about his father’s horrible influences and asks the star to reflect on how his father introduced him to drinking and drugs. At this point, Downey Jr. has had it. He asks Guru-Murthy what he’s doing — and, still, Guru-Murthydoesn’t get it. He tells Downey Jr. that he’s “just asking questions,” before Downey Jr. gets up to leave.
You can see him lightly shove the Channel 4 interviewer as he passes by, removing his mic and giving it to a nearby producer. Guru-Murthy finally attempts an apology, to which Downey Jr. replies, “You seem OK, but it’s getting a bit ‘Diane Sawyer’ in here.”
The interview is below.
This isn’t the first time Guru-Murthy has walked down the wrong path during a promotional interview.
In 2013, Guru-Murthy interviewed Quentin Tarantino (during the press junket for Django Unchained) and asked him why he “made violent movies”. It was a fair question, one would suppose — and one that Tarantino answered honestly, stating that “Judd Apatow doesn’t get asked why he makes comedies.” Guru-Murthy didn’t get it then, either, further insinuating that violent films had a bearing on “real life” and asked Tarantino if he agreed with that. Tarantino became irritated and told Guru-Murthy that he had been making movies for over 20 years and he had been asked this question several times over the course of his career. When Guru-Murthy pressed further, Tarantino told the interview that people could “Google him” to find the answer.
Not satisfied, and on some sort of weird moral kick, Guru-Murthy went after Django cast member, Samuel L. Jackson, a few months later, challenging him to find some sort of “correlation” between on-screen violence and real-life violence. To his credit, Jackson kept his cool, smiling through the question and telling Guru-Murthy that responsible parenting and supervision were what prevented impressionable kids from repeating what they watch on TV and in movies. Guru-Murthy struggled to regain some sort of ground and took a shot in the dark, saying that “somebody” would find a “correlation” if Jackson could not. Jackson shut him down immediately: “Of course they will! That’s what they’re PAID TO DO.”
And, just last year, Guru-Murthy outright accused Pharrell Williams of supporting misogyny and violence against women with “Blurred Lines”. Williams wasn’t pleased, but calmly took the time to explain that the song lyrics and the video weren’t meant to be construed as an attack on women. He stated that even “good women have bad thoughts” and that the hypothetical “woman in the song” was taking that attitude to the dance floor. The “controversy”, Pharrell reasoned, was quite overblown. Not satisfied, Guru-Murthy started to attack the video, saying that naked woman were there to “please him”. Pharrell looked hurt and asked Guru-Murthy if he touched any of the women in the video or made any sexual advances toward them. Murthy could only come back with “They were naked.” Williams explained that the video was created by a woman and that the design was supposed to be inspired by European fashion magazines.
All journalists make mistakes. I’m not here to slander Krishnan Guru-Murthy. He’s a good journalist and interviewer — when he applies himself to the right subjects. There’s a time and place to assume control of the bully pulpit and have at your subject.
For instance, his interview with A4E’s Emma Harrison is a thing of absolute beauty:
When it comes to promotional interviews, they’re a cakewalk. They’re the literal equivalent of “shooting fish in a barrel”. You ask silly, stupid questions and you get an answer for your target audience.
To be fair, a lot of celebrities are aloof. Many have lost touch with reality and even done dumb things that they’ve never been put on trial for or even answered for. I can excuse Guru-Murthy for trying to get the best of Quentin Tarantino. In the past, Tarantino has proven to be obnoxious and arrogant. Williams is also part of the patriarchy, whether he likes to admit it or not.
Downey Jr. isn’t one of those people.
He’s served his time and he’s gone through hell, finding personal salvation by confronting and conquering his demons. Using promotional time to ask personal questions about his or anybody’s ancient past, no matter how “over it” you think that might be (especially when it’s been addressed several times by the subject, years prior) is horribly shrewd, careless and tacky.
I’m used to seeing that sort of thing from Fox News and the UK’s tabloids.
Journalism is a lost art. Being a brave journalist isn’t about attacking people and re-opening wounds that have already been sewn up and mostly healed.
Guru-Murthy, however, doesn’t seem to realize this and attacks any subject he sees. As such, his tactics come across as Bush League. His deplorable need to apply some sort of moral agenda to simple entertainment, turning fun, informative pieces into needless, bludgeoning hit pieces shows us the worst of modern journalism and I fear what’s to come if this is the track it continues to ride.
So, a cup of tea, a cappuccino, and a frisky pony walk onto a dance floor…
Bergeron looks at all of them and says: “Oh! Just another typical Monday day at work for me!”
Okay, so it’s not the best joke I’ve ever written, but the phrases and weird things that are said on this show are beyond hilarious and random. It’s almost like Bergeron is hosting a circus, and he’s the man who has to keep all the crazy together. I think my favorite moment this week was when Bergeron called Bruno “creepy.” But more on that later.
This week on Dancing with the Stars, eight couples remained, and the first “Round 2” was put into place with the Team Dance. This is where the show starts creating ways to keep themselves on the air for 2 full hours, by cramming 900 dance routines into these poor people, and then leaving exactly 17 seconds for eliminations. I always hate that the person who JUST got sent home is rushed through their goodbyes, and this week’s elimination was particularly heartbreaking, I thought. Anyway, the show went with the theme of SPRING BREAK WEEK, and each couple was assigned a spring break-esque song to choreograph their dance to. Let’s get started.
Patti / Artem: They did the Quickstep, to “Heatwave”. During rehearsals, Artem tells cameras that this is Patti’s strongest week health-wise, that she is learning the steps wonderfully, and she is having a blast. So, of course, this means she is the one going home. Every single time they show someone saying how great they feel or how they are finally confident or something like that, they end up being the one leaving. Their dance was great, and I’m still surprised from week to week at how well she moves on her feet. Len made a joke with: “best dance so far tonight!” Get it? (Because they were first.) Julianne, who had on the oddest mustard-colored Amish-looking top and strange eyebrows and pink hair, complimented Artem for his choreography and working with Patti’s strengths. Carrie Ann is still talking I think, and it’s now Wednesday. That chick doesn’t stop talking, ever . Scores were 8/7/7/7.
Nastia / Derek: They did the Tango to the song, “Stubborn.” I loved it and thought it was a blast to watch, as they always are. It was so fast! Bruno said “That’s how you attack the tango!” Julianne wasn’t feeling their connection on the dance floor, and Len screamed something weird and then got booed, to which he replied to the audience: “Oh, shut up!” Scores were 9/8/8/9.
Willow / Mark: Because Willow was having pain in her ribs, they decided to get her checked out weeks ago. The results came back, and it turns out she didn’t break her ribs, but she has EXTRA RIBS! What?? Yes, that was the diagnosis. Weirdest thing ever. She thought so too, and was laughing about it, as was Mark, asking her on their break if she wanted to go out and eat some ribs. They danced the Salsa, and I absolutely loved it, and also loved her costume. She is one of my favorite people to watch. Bruno said they always give it 100%, and Julianne said something I couldn’t focus on because of those caterpillar eyebrows crawling down her face. Scores were 9/8/8/9.
Robert / Kym: In their rehearsal package, both pretty much admitted to something going on between them, saying they have a “special connection” and that “this won’t be the end” of their relationship. They danced The Jive to The Beach Boys, and it was a very cute 1950’s sort of dance. Len said he felt the “good vibrations on this one!” Oh, you’re on a roll tonight, Len! Make sure you catch him at Yuk Yuk’s Comedy Club in Pasadena, CA. Bruno called Robert a “frisky pony.” Yeah. I don’t know what that means either. Nobody does. Backstage, Erin Andrews asked them when are they finally going to make out, and tried to make it happen “live”, but it was a no-go. Scores were 7/7/7/7.
Noah / Sharna: Their rehearsal package showed them arguing and a bit of tension about how Noah is always interrupting Sharna when she talks, and how they were both feeling a tiny bit disrespected. It was no big deal, and they worked it out and hugged in the end of the package, but the fact that the show chose THAT five minutes of an entire week of rehearsals to show to America made Noah upset after their dance. He didn’t like that it made Sharna look bad. He is such a sweetheart. They danced the Rumba, which was tough for him due to the extreme slowness of the movements. Bruno found it intuitive and magnetic, and Erin Andrews pointed out backstage that their tension is nothing compared to other past pro dancers. “Have you ever met Max?” she joked. Scores were 7/7/7/8.
Rumer / Val: They did a Jazz routine to “Bootylicious”, which was very provocative. I thought it was great, and to me, Rumer has never resembled a young Demi Moore MORE than in this dance routine. She looked just like her mom, and she looked radiant. Julianne was “underwhelmed, lots of walking around.” Boo to that comment. Bruno disagreed and found it “HOT!! I like it hot and raunchy!” I’ll bet you do. Carrie Ann also “felt disappointed” – not in the dance, but in her horrible lack of sex life. Len said: “Listen – I’m a cup of tea in a world of cappuccinos. It’s the ballroom, not the bedroom.” Okay then. Backstage, Val explained that they were GIVEN the song “Bootylicious”, it wasn’t their choice, so of course their number is going to be more provocative than the others with that song. Scores were 8/8/7/9.
Farmer Dull / Witney: Ugh, why is this dullard still there? And of course, this week he improves dramatically, or at least, according to the judges. They did the Vietnamese Waltz to “Hopelessly Devoted to You”. In their rehearsal package, Witney said to camera in response to Julianne saying last week that Chris has no musicality, that “people forget he is a farmer and not a dancer.” Um, nope. Nobody forgot. They worked on timing and clapping during the week, and she literally had him clapping to the music like a 5-year-old and explaining basic counts to him . It was kind of funny. I will say his dancing was much better this week, but he still has that look of blankness on his face, like he is made of cardboard. Bruno said something about Chris “spinning like a wheel of joy!” Julianne told Chris to “get over here and shake my hand!”, to which Bruno hilariously said, “Would you shake my hand too?” and pulled Chris close to him in a forced embrace. Bruce has SUCH a crush on farmer boy. Scores were 8/7/8/8.
Riker / Allison: They were worried all week because he was away with gigs for whatever crappy band he is in that I’ve never heard of, and they didn’t like the song they were given and wanted a new one. It all worked out in the end, of course, and all the judges loved and adored their dance. I don’t know what it is, I just can’t get into this dude. Scores were high at 10/8/9/10. More tens for them, which put them at the highest on the leader-board at end of the night.
TEAM DANCE: The pairs chose captains and team names, and split into two competing groups for the team dance. The theme was spring break, and they were each given a more specific scenario, or they created it, I forget which. Of course, in the end, their scores were exactly the same by the judges, which means they mean absolutely nothing when it comes to who goes home. Team Yolo did “Wipeout” , which was a super fun dance including cartwheels, lifts, beach balls, bikinis, and boards. Each pair had their moment, and the dance was super fun. Scores were 10/9/10/10. Team Trouble had Patti as a strict high school teacher and the bell has just rung for summer time to begin. Each pair had a creative and clever moment, and their dance was super fun also. Same scores of 10/9/10/10.
Most awkward / funniest moment of the night: After the first team performed, Bruno and Tom had this hilarious exchange:
Bruno: That was great, and Willow – you are HOT! Very, very hot!
Tom: And you’re creepy.
(Because, ya know, Willow is FOURTEEN.) That made me laugh. Hard. Tom’s delivery was perfection.
And then it was all fun and games until Patti LaBelle was sent home. Not cool. I really love her and she did so great on the show and REALLY got into the spirit of what the show is about. Her attitude was awesome, and she is good! Her parting words , which were rushed because there was only .04 seconds left in the show, were thanking the audience, judges, and Artem, and saying “I’m just honored to be here, and I have learned so much about myself, and learned that I can take direction, and I have this friendship with Artem now, and I’m just happy.”
Patti rocks.
NEXT WEEK: Bruno gets even creepier. Len refers to himself as another beverage. Farmer Boy learns how to clap do his Do-Re-Mi’s.
Sequels in long-standing franchises rarely add anything new and are all too content with taking an “if it ain’t broke don’t fix it” attitude. This line of thinking is especially true in the fighting game genre, where developers will add a few new characters, slap an adjective to the title and call it a day. NetherRealm Studios breaks this trend by adding a host of new characters, reimaging existing ones, and introducing new mechanics in Mortal Kombat X. The result is an excellent fighting game that feels both familiar and refreshing.
Mortal Kombat X is one of the rare fighting games to include an actual, fleshed out single player campaign. Picking up several years after the events of Mortal Kombat 9, the forces of Earth Realm find themselves in a war against the fallen god Shinnok. With the safety of all the Realms in jeopardy, the thunder-god Raiden imprisons Shinnok in a magical amulet and the day is saved. Fast forward twenty years, and we find our aged heroes teamed up with new blood, fighting the forces that would seek to free Shinnok and bring chaos to the Realms.
Look, I know what I just wrote and I know how silly the whole thing is. And yes, the narrative itself is all over the place and can be confusing (at least in the beginning) but it does a fantastic job of fleshing out the characters and actually caring about what happens next. Bringing in new characters who are related to existing ones is a stroke of genius. I instantly felt a connection with Cassie Cage because I had spent years doing splits and punching people in the crotch as her father Johnny. Even the additions with no ties to the franchise are welcome, as they bring interesting character design and move sets. There are no re-skins and tweaked move sets here but instead new invigorating ideas.
The roster itself is Mortal Kombat X’s strongest asset. The vast count of 24 fighters alone is impressive but NetherRealm Studios cranks it up a notch with the inclusion of three “variations” for each characters. “Variations” are different distinct moves sets for each character. For example, premiering gunslinger, Erron Black, has a “marksman variation” that results in long-range abilities with a rifle and an “outlaw variant” where he uses blades to inflict pain. These “variations” promise that players will constantly be discovering new play styles and should have no trouble finding a favorite character to play as.
I’m also happy to report that once you find that character, playing as that character will look and sound great. Upgraded visuals is no surprise considering this is the first game in the franchise on new generation hardware, but the real beauty comes in the details. Each fighter is visually interesting and the background of each stage feels alive even as you’re raining down death. Complementing the art style is the superb audio production, which sells the impact of each blow and allows the breaking of each bone to feel real. Often times the intense gore the franchise is known for would make me cringe not from its photorealism (that helped) but by the *crank* someone’s skull would make on impact with a Scorpion spear.
A deep roster, beautiful visuals and superb sound design would mean nothing if the game didn’t also feel great to play. Thankfully, Mortal Kombat X is no slouch in this department either. The game runs smoothly and plays like an improved, polished Mortal Kombat 9, which coming from a huge fan of the previous game is a good thing. It is evident that NetherRealm Studios, has learned what made their last fighting games great and where work needed to be done. The X-Ray mechanic from Mortal Kombat 9 is back, joined by the environment interactions present in Injustice: Gods Among Us. The animations have also been overhauled, resulting in a game that feels more fluid than its predecessor. No longer does a knocked out Sub Zero fall to the ground like a log but instead breaks his teeth on the ground in a more natural motion.
Included in the package is a host of different game modes and plenty to keep any fan busy for a long time. Beyond the story mode, there is the return of challenge towers (in the form of “Living Towers”) and the introduction of Faction Wars. Where the previous challenge tower acted as a static series of challenges, “Living Towers” change the parameters of the challenges on an hourly, daily and weekly basis, encouraging players to constantly return to earn more rewards. Faction Wars sees the players picking between the different factions in the game, where completing in-game challenges across the different modes results in more points for their faction. At the end of each week the faction with the most points globally is the winner and must defend that status. If that wasn’t enough, the Krypt is back with all of its unlockable goodies for you to obsess over.
Playing solo not your style? Mortal Kombat X has you covered, with local and online versus modes both present. The real standout in the online component is King of the Hill, where players join a lobby and the winner of each fight takes on the next challenger. This replication of the real life arcade experience is present in other fighting games as well, but Mortal Kombat X takes it a step further, by letting you train while you are waiting, use emojis to show your enjoyment/displeasure of the match and pay respect to the players after each match (unless you’re a salty hater of course).
Mortal Kombat X does so many things right that it can be easy to overlook the few things it does wrong. The presence of micro-transactions is borderline overbearing. I should be clear about this, I never once felt like I needed to buy anything extra to play the game but I was constantly reminded that I could. It’s the same feeling I get checking out at a certain retail chain (we’ll call it SameGop), where I appreciate that they have a job to do but they don’t, and shouldn’t, be so aggressive about it.
More troubling than the micro-transactions, is the netcode of the online portion. Finding a match was quick enough but the presence of lag brought the experience down a bit. The connection holds up well enough and any lag that pops up is slight but it results in an experience that doesn’t feel crisp when compared with local versus.
In your face pushing of micro-transactions, an up and down story and the occasional appearance of lag online, hold Mortal Kombat X back from being a near perfect fighting game experience. With that being said, it is still a great game and one I can recommend whole heartedly to longtime fans and newcomers alike. If you’re on the fence I recommend you “get over here” (I’m sorry…that I’m not sorry) and pick this one up!
Final Score: 8.9/10
Mortal Kombat X is available on PS4, Xbox One and PC.
The Marvel Cinematic Universe is about as incestuous as a Targaryen dinner party, so when a film as large as Avengers: Age of Ultron comes around it can be difficult to remember which face goes with which butt suit.
That’s where we come in. Every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday until the release of the film, we’ll be giving you primers on all the major players.
Also, this primer (and all the others) will contain spoilers from the last several Marvel films. You’ve been warned. So, don’t whine. At least not at us…
No, what are you…? You can’t not…we’re gonna…look, we cannot “SKIP HIM”. You gotta read each primer!
It’s just…he’s kinda unimportant…
Unimportant?!
Of the first two phases of the Marvel Cinematic Universe, How many movies has he been in again?
Three.
And that’s INCLUDING two Avengers flicks. Thor and Cappy each had two and they each have a third on the way to match Iron Man’s total. I mean, they had room in the second marvel movie phase and Hulk was so boring, they actually risked making a film based on the obscure Guardians of the Galaxy so they could avoid Hulk 2.
Well, I’m not sure that’s accurate, but–.
Look, we all get it. Banner was injected with a modified version of the Super-soldier serum and became an unstoppable beast who, eventually, saved harlem — which he inexplicably got blamed for. The only thing that was remotely exciting about hulk’s metamorphosis was when he somehow became Mark Ruffalo.
Yes, that’s true, too, but I think–.
And you ready for Phase 2’s exciting hulk action? He listens to tony stark talk and falls asleep — just like the audience does during hulk’s movies. What else could you do with the character? I mean, even joss is all like, “welp, hulk is gonna rip stuff to shreds again…let’s make him fight iron man to keep him interesting!”
You want interesting? Bruce Banner is actually a brilliant scientist on the same line as Tony Stark. Even Phil Coulson compared him to Stephen Hawking at one point. Plus, without Tetrodotoxine B, an anti-stress serum that Banner developed to keep his heart rate down, Nick Fury probably wouldn’t be alive after HYDRA attacked and nearly killed him. Also, without the Gamma Power Reserve, S.H.I.E.L.D. probably would have succumbed to Blackout.
Well, yeah, but those are relatively minor achieve–.
He also built an indestructible log cabin to help members of S.H.I.E.L.D….
Cabin?! What he is, Bob vila?!
And he also helped the sick in third world countries–.
Oh, jeez, with the sentimental cra–.
…and he’s probably nailing Black Widow by the beginning of the next Avengers movie, so suck it.
Ok, he’s good.
Yeah, that’s what I thought. So, anything else?
Where does he stand in–?
“Age of Ultron?” Oh, NOW you’re interested. Well, you already pointed this out, but I’ve got a clip to illustrate the fight. Banner’s his usual, angry self — but, enter: THE SCARLET WITCH! At some point, during a huge battle, she takes over the mind of Banner, transforming him into the Hulk and forcing him to turn on his own team. Of course, Tony Stark was waiting for a moment like this and has a Super Duper Mega-Friggin’ Iron Man suit dubbed “The Hulkbuster” and, dammit, if the two don’t throw down in the middle of a crowded city.
What’s next for hulk?
Nobody honestly knows. There’s nothing in the cards for Phase 3 — but, rumor has it that The Avengers will jettison him into space at the end of this Avengers film — which might lead to Planet Hulk and World War Hulk with any luck — but, probably not in the near future. There’s nothing with Hulk’s name on it scheduled for the next three years.
WANT MORE THAN MOVIES TO SATE YOUR HULK NEEDS? CHECK OUT THESE COMICS:
Hulk: The End (One of the best Hulk books ever written, though bittersweet and somewhat depressing.)
After that incredibly awkward boob stare and grab, Jon reminds Melisandre that there’s only room in his heart for one redhead.
