Syfy is making a concerted effort to get back to its scripted science fiction roots and their newest series, 12 Monkeys, is a great step in the right direction. Adapted from the 1995 Terry Gilliam film (has it really been that long?), Aaron Stanford plays time traveler James Cole (portrayed by Bruce Willis in the motion picture) who ventures from the year 2043 back to the 2000s to stop a viral epidemic from killing most of the global population in 2017.
Cole lives in a dystopian future where governments have collapsed and human society is virtually non-existent, albeit small groups of people living underground. Many resort to violence to survive while others scavenge for scraps of food on the surface. Cole is one of the few lucky individuals immune to the virus, but still is barely managing to survive.
Recruited by scientist Jones (Barbara Sukowa), Cole is sent back to find Leland Frost, the man supposedly responsible for the outbreak. Upon arriving in the past, Cole’s plans take a turn for the worse causing him to rely on the help of Dr. Cassandra “Cassie” Railly (Amanda Schull).
Railly, a top virologist, finds herself drawn to the time traveler despite the negative impact he’s had on her life since their meeting. She joins him in the race to stop the deadly virus and somehow survives without a job (trust fund baby maybe?).
Audiences also meet Jennifer Goines, intensely performed by Emily Hampshire, whom in the movie version was Jeffrey Goines played by Brad Pitt. Much like the original character, Jennifer is very mentally unstable and meets Cole in a psych ward where her father, a figure with ties to the virus, has institutionalized her.
Stanford gives a strong performance as the reluctant and surly would-be savior of humanity. He was most recently on the CW show Nikita as tech genius Seymour Birkoff. Schull, whom some may remember as Jody from Center Stage, holds her own as the extroverted doctor willing to jump from one dangerous situation to another.
The series truly shines as a sci-fi mystery as Cole and Railly try to solve the complicated web surrounding the virus and the Army of the 12 Monkeys, a group they discover to be responsible for the plague. Viewers are introduced to the enigmatic group in the first two hours as well as its apparent leader, the man in black (creepily portrayed by Tom Noonan).
What makes 12 Monkeys so enjoyable is that as an audience member you are also trying to unravel the plot along with Cole and Railly as they meet new cryptic characters. Each episode teases viewers with little bits of time travel information that makes you question how all the puzzle pieces will fit together.
Granted there are some over the top moments such as scientist guy proclaiming Cole, “A flesh and blood molecular computer!” I find it best to just ignore the science part.
While there has been a host of other dystopian series that have come and gone (Jericho, Revolution, Fringe, etc.), 12 Monkeys has the right amount of grit, compelling plotline, and strong characters that is reminiscent of what could be considered Syfy’s crowning jewel, Battlestar Galactica. Some people may be turned off by the dual timeline narrative, but in this case it works because viewers want to see how the past and the future are affected by each time jump. By the end of the second hour you’ll know that you’ve only seen the tip of the iceberg, leaving you wanting more.
Whether it will spark the same kind of fervent weekly water cooler discussions over the mysteries in LOST still remains to be seen. If the writers can maintain the same momentum throughout the season, Syfy has a solid series on their hands.
Archer
Season 6, Episode 2 “Three to Tango”
Grade: A-
The “unreboot” of Archer, which I promise to stop repeatedly mentioning, isn’t so much about returning to the spy setting as it is about refocusing on the emotional core of the series: the utterly dysfunctional relationships of its characters. For all his recklessness, Archer is a supremely capable (and lucky) spy who is never actually in any real danger. Without any legitimate external threats (with the exception of a vengeful cyborg or two), it’s no surprise that the best and most compelling moments in the series are also deeply personal. “Three to Tango” represents a renewed confidence in the heart of what makes Archer so great: a strong character-focused thread running through the show that both grounds and contrasts the absurd comedy and over the top action.
CIA handler Slater (played by Christian Slater) offers Malory’s office a mission to provide support and extract a freelance operative on a mission in Argentina. To their surprise, the operative is none other than Conway Stern (voiced by Coby Bell), a double agent who infiltrated ISIS way back in season one’s “Diversity Hire”. Archer has a bit of trouble getting over the fact that Conway Stern literally and figuratively stabbed him in the back last time, and has a little revenge rampage to work it out of his system when they first meet. We once again see some great animating in the fight scene here, but it’s amusingly intercut with shots of Lana unflappably preparing tea (I also enjoyed the quick, slap-sticky use of cymbals that helps the scene strike that balance between something out of the Bourne trilogy and a petty scuffle between two man-children). Lana ultimately puts a stop to the fighting, and they agree to help Conway retrieve the information from the Argentinian intelligence headquarters before extracting.
Despite the return of Conway Stern, Archer’s mostly preoccupied with the question of who will take care of baby AJ if anything should happen to Lana and Archer. He assumes that Malory and Woodhouse would become her caretakers, which is a delusion Malory also shares before immediately losing track of AJ in the office, but Lana mostly just attempts to avoid the question. For one thing, they’re currently on a mission, but she also doesn’t want his feelings to be hurt by the fact that Lana’s parents or sister would become AJ’s legal guardians if anything should happen to her.
Meanwhile, after a frantic search, Malory ultimately realizes that AJ is with Krieger and whatever insane experiments he’s conducting, and threatens him at gunpoint while retrieving the baby (touching, in that terrifying way that only Malory could pull off). None of it is revelatory or overly dramatic, but lends just the right amount of heart to an episode that could otherwise just coast on its comic bickering and secret agent shenanigans.
Ultimately, Conway betrays Archer and Lana again, confirming Archer’s suspicions (and causing him to take a few bullets in the back), but doesn’t manage to escape without losing his other hand. They secure the disk and get picked up by Slater, who had been tailing them to ensure the operation went smoothly.
Overall, it was a very good, well-rounded episode that has “classic Archer” written all over it. Three to Tango manages to capture the right blend of comedy, action, and sentiment that it requires to keep the show grounded despite the often ridiculous circumstance. Case in point, the episode just ends with the assumption that Archer will be fine (of course he will), despite taking five bullets to the back. Not many shows can pull that off.
The other major comedy/action scene in the episode was also pretty great, where Archer fights all the Argentinian guards while Lana and Conway are locked in the limo
“Is it too much to ask, during the goddamn workday, for two sessions of eighty uninterrupted minutes each of quality dump time?”
“And Lana, try to look… Actually, yeah. Matronly. You nailed it.”
Malory’s the best: “And the implied threat here is that I will shoot you in the genitals and then sit here sipping Amontillado sherry while you bleed to death.”
I’m still a little confused by whatever Krieger had planned for baby AJ, but I’m sure it’s not the last we’ve seen of the TB-800
Like a phoenix, I rise as a slightly less sick phoenix from the ashes of phlegm to bring you today’s top gaming news!
LACTOSE INTOLERANT CROTA SEEKS REVENGE
Bungie announced that after putting Crota on a strictly no dairy diet, he has actually put on some serious muscle and as a result, Crota’s End hard mode will release on Wednesday January 21. The post doesn’t reveal the ways they are making Crota’s End harder but it does mention you can expect similar changes as the one from The Vault of Glass’s normal to hard mode. Bungie also reveals the weapons you’ll be fighting for, once again proving that despite Destiny’s problems (See rant from Monday), Bungie nails art design. Of course none of that matters because I’ll be “randomly” receiving the new shader as my reward every time!
TWITCH HELPING TO END AWKWARD SILENCE THAT IT CREATED
Last year Twitch implemented audio recognition software that would flag certain copyrighted music in archived streams, resulting in muted sections of video. Today Twitch revealed the Twitch Music Library, a selection of pre-approved songs that broadcasters can use to their hearts’ content. I understood where Twitch was coming from when they implemented the audio recognition and I’m genuinely impressed that they have gone out of their way with the Music Library.
MICROSOFT MAKES RIGHT CALL, PUTS PRICE OF XBOX ONE TO $350
By all accounts Microsoft and the Xbox One had a fantastic holiday, outselling its competitors for the first time since its release during the Black Friday to Christmas time frame. While some of the success was due to a great line-up of games, credit for the change in fortune must go to the promotional discounted price of $350. Most believed that the price would stay after the promotion ended but Microsoft said “Hey this works… let’s end it!” Well it appears that the eggnog hangover has cleared up and they are finally clear headed, as a new promotion starting tomorrow puts the price back down to $350. This “promotion” currently has no end date, so we’ll have to wait and see if this is the new standard.
There’s nothing Game of Thrones fan love more than to remake the iconic opening credits. Jamie Colliver, also a Little Big Planet fan, is no exception.
In other Game of Thrones news, HBO is already making history with showing episodes in IMAX and now it seems that fans want MORE, MORE, MORE. (Shocking, since we only have to wait ten months to buy the DVDs.) After selling out 150 theaters nationwide, HBO has pushed back the IMAX air date and added over 50 more theaters to the list. As it stands now, IMAX will air the final two episodes from season four on January 29th. (LA Times)
Game of Thrones‘ fifth season, however, has not been delayed and is still set to air April, 12th.
Finally, there’s another Game of Thrones teaser trailer making the internet rounds today. It’s only ten seconds long, is terrible quality, and doesn’t tell us much, but if you’re interested, give it a watch.
Do you feel like your life isn’t dangerous enough? Do you crave exotic emergencies, possibly of the shark variety? Well, Sy-Fy has you covered. Sharknado 3 is in the works and it’ll continue to star Tara Reid and Ian Ziering. (EW)
Did you know James Cameron was making an Avatar sequel? I didn’t, but apparently it’s been delayed. (UT San Diego)
8-Bit Cinema made an 8-Bit trailer for a Guardians of the Galaxy video game and my god, I haven’t wanted something this badly in at least a month. At least someone get me that 8-Bit dancing Groot. (Unreality Mag)
People are clamoring over Oscar snubs today, especially the omission of The Lego Movie in Best Animated Film. However, the director of The Lego Movie, Phil Lord, doesn’t seem bothered by the obvious oversight on the part of the Academy:
“When you become a doctor you imagine being a hero. But when you save lives, sometimes there are complications.”
The tagline for USA’s upcoming drama “Complications” alludes appropriately to a combination of genres that showrunner Matt Nix (“Burn Notice”) acknowledged at the network’s TCA presentation in Pasadena, Calif. on Thursday. In lieu of being pigeonholed as yet another medical procedural, Nix urged reporters to instead regard “Complications” as a “crime thriller with a doctor in the lead.”
The series features Jason O’Mara (“Life on Mars”) as a grieving ER physician who faces consequences both ethical and emotional when he rescues a young drive-by shooting victim, but kills one of the perpetrators. Jessica Szohr (“Gossip Girl”) co-stars as a no-nonsense nurse with a troubled past who joins O’Mara’s quest for closure and justice.
Nix revealed he was inspired to formulate the concept for “Complications” 10 years ago after he confronted, and strangely befriended, a gang member who broke into his Los Angeles home. Will O’Mara’s conflicted character find similarly unexpected enlightenment? Find out when “Complications” premieres this summer on USA.
Watch the debut trailer for “Complications” below:
The 2015 Oscar nominations have been released making me realize that I have a ton of movies I need to catch up on before the award show airs on February 22.
Birdman and The Grand Budapest Hotel both lead the pack with nine nominations each. Over in the Best Animated Film category everything appears to be not awesome as The Lego Movie failed to make the list. I hope those who didn’t vote for it end up stepping on a Lego brick.
The list of the nominations are below:
Best Picture
Boyhood
The Imitation Game
Birdman
The Theory of Everything
The Grand Budapest Hotel
Whiplash
Selma
American Sniper
Best Actress
Julianne Moore, Still Alice
Reese Witherspoon, Wild
Rosamund Pike, Gone Girl
Felicity Jones, The Theory of Everything
Marion Cotillard, Two Days, One Night
Best Actor Michael Keaton, Birdman
Eddie Redmayne, The Theory of Everything
Benedict Cumberbatch, The Imitation Game
Steve Carell, Foxcatcher
Bradley Cooper, American Sniper
Best Supporting Actor
J.K. Simmons, Whiplash
Edward Norton, Birdman
Ethan Hawke, Boyhood
Mark Ruffalo, Foxcatcher
Robert Duvall, The Judge
Best Supporting Actress
Patricia Arquette, Boyhood
Emma Stone, Birdman
Keira Knightley, The Imitation Game
Meryl Streep, Into the Woods
Laura Dern, Wild
Best Director Richard Linklater, Boyhood
Alejandro González Iñárritu, Birdman
Wes Anderson, The Grand Budapest Hotel
Morten Tyldum, The Imitation Game
Bennett Miller, Foxcatcher
Best Adapted Screenplay Graham Moore, The Imitation Game
Anthony McCarten, The Theory of Everything
Damien Chazelle, Whiplash
Jason Hall, American Sniper
Paul Thomas Anderson, Inherent Vice
Best Original Screenplay
Alejandro González Iñárritu, Nicolás Giacobone, Alexander Dinelaris, Armando Bo,Birdman
Richard Linklater, Boyhood
Wes Anderson and Hugo Guinness, The Grand Budapest Hotel
Dan Gilroy, Nightcrawler
Dan Futterman and E. Max Frye, Foxcatcher
Best Foreign Film
Ida (Poland)
Leviathan (Russia)
Tangerines (Estonia)
Timbuktu (Mauritania)
Wild Tales (Argentina)
Best Documentary Feature
Citizenfour
Last Days in Vietnam
Virunga
Finding Vivian Maier
The Salt of the Earth
Best Animated Feature
Big Hero 6
How to Train Your Dragon 2
The Boxtrolls
Song of the Sea
The Tale of Princess Kaguya
Film Editing American Sniper Boyhood The Grand Budapest Hotel The Imitation Game Whiplash
Best Song
Gregg Alexander, Danielle Brisebois, Nick Lashley, and Nick Southwood, “Lost Stars” (Begin Again)
John Legend and Common, “Glory” (Selma)
Shawn Patterson, Joshua Bartholomew, Lisa Harriton, and The Lonely Island, “Everything Is Awesome” (The Lego Movie)
Diane Warren, “Grateful” (Beyond the Lights)
Glen Campbell, “I’m Not Gonna Miss You” (Glen Campbell … I’ll Be Me)
Best Original Score Johann Johannsson, The Theory of Everything
Alexandre Desplat, The Imitation Game
Alexandre Desplat, The Grand Budapest Hotel
Hans Zimmer, Interstellar
Gary Yershon, Mr. Turner
Best Cinematography
Emmanuel Lubezki, Birdman
Dick Pope, Mr. Turner
Robert D. Yeoman, The Grand Budapest Hotel
Ryszard Lenczewski and Łukasz Żal, Ida
Roger Deakins, Unbroken
Costume Design Colleen Atwood, Into the Woods
Anna B. Sheppard and Jane Clive, Maleficent
Milena Canonero, The Grand Budapest Hotel
Jacqueline Durran, Mr. Turner
Mark Bridges, Inherent Vice
Makeup and Hairstyling
Bill Corso and Dennis Liddiard, Foxcatcher
Frances Hannon and Mark Coulier, The Grand Budapest Hotel
Elizabeth Yianni-Georgiou and David White, Guardians of the Galaxy
Production Design
Adam Stockhausen and Anna Pinnock, The Grand Budapest Hotel
Suzie Davies and Charlotte Watts, Mr. Turner
Dennis Gassner and Anna Pinnock, Into the Woods
Nathan Crowley, Gary Fettis, and Paul Healy, Interstellar
Maria Djurkovic and Tatiana Macdonald, The Imitation Game
Sound Editing Alan Robert Murray and Bub Asman, American Sniper
Martín Hernández and Aaron Glascock, Birdman
Brent Burge and Jason Canovas, The Hobbit: Battle of the Five Armies
Richard King, Interstellar
Becky Sullivan and Andrew DeCristofaro, Unbroken
Sound Mixing
American Sniper
Birdman
Unbroken
Interstellar
Whiplash
Visual Effects
Interstellar
Dawn of the Planet of the Apes
Guardians of the Galaxy
X Men: Days of Future Past
Captain America: The Winter Soldier
Short Film, Live Action
Oded Binnun and Mihal Brezis, Aya (Chasis Films)
Michael Lennox, director, and Ronan Blaney, Boogaloo and Graham (Out of Orbit)
Hu Wei and Julien Féret, Butter Lamp (La Lampe au Beurre de Yak) (AMA Productions)
Talkhon Hamzavi and Stefan Eichenberger, Parvaneh (Zurich University of Arts)
Mat Kirkby, director and James Lucas, The Phone Call (RSA Films)
Short Film, Animated
Daisy Jacobs and Christopher Hees, The Bigger Picture (National Film and Television School)
Robert Kondo and Dice Tsutsumi, The Dam Keeper (Tonko House)
Patrick Osborne and Kristina Reed, Feast (Walt Disney Animation Studios)
Torill Kove, Me and My Moulton (Mikrofilm in co-production with the National Film Board of Canada)
Joris Oprins, A Single Life (Job, Joris & Marieke)
Documentary Short Subject
Perry Films, Crisis Hotline: Veterans Press 1
Wajda Studio, Joanna
Warsaw Film School, Our Curse
Centro de Capacitación Cinematográfica, The Reaper (La Parka)
Weary Traveler, White Earth
Sorry the Wrap-Up is late today guys. My one and a half year old daughter is sick, which means I’m now sick because children who go to daycare are walking bags of virus. I swear patient zero of the zombie apocalypse will be a child!
NINTENDO ANNOUNCES… EVERYTHING!
Nintendo announced a ton of news during its Nintendo Direct early this morning. From confirming the date of the New 3DS in North America to the reveal of the wave 3 Amiibos, there was something for all fans of Nintendo to get happy about. I would list everything announced here but that seems like a lot of work and I don’t get paid well to do this. Hit up the link to watch the entire direct.
FEBRUARY XBOX ONE SYSTEM UPDATE BRINGS TRANSPARENCY… TILE TRANSPARENCY
Members of the Xbox One system preview program can now download the February system update which brings tile transparency, game hubs and a number of TV improvements. The game hubs act as a center of relevant content for individual games, such as available DLC, and game broadcasts. The TV portion of the update adds live TV trending on the One Guide, improved control of TVs, set top boxes and receivers, as well as streaming to Windows and Android phones for users with the digital tuner. The tile transparency allows certain tiles on the home scene to be slightly transparent, allowing you to view more of your custom backgrounds. Your’s truly is a member of the preview program (and thus better than most people) and have messed around with the updates today. The trending in the One Guide is cool but I doubt most people will use it and the tile transparency only works with certain tiles, which results in most of your background still being obscured.
SPINNING HATS AND DEADLY FANS MAKE DEBUT IN MORTAL KOMBAT X TRAILER
Kitana and Kung Lao were officially unveiled in a new trailer for upcoming fighter Mortal Kombat X. The trailer highlights just how versatile everyday clothing accessories can be!
Grab your waffles and gather ’round children because it is time to discuss the first two episodes of Parks and Recreation season 7: “2017” and “Ron and Jammy.”
In case you don’t remember how the sixth season ended (because you aren’t insane/awesome like me and watched the series the entire way through about a dozen times in one month), I’ll help you catch up. It began with Leslie Knope’s Unity concert where Mouse Rat and Duke Silver performed on stage together as a tribute to the beloved Lil’ Sebastian. If you missed that, ho boy, you are missing out. I’m sure YouTube could help you out should you need it, you slacker. Anyway, after that, the show unexpectedly jumped ahead three years to 2017, probably to skip all that baby triplets nonsense. All my parents in the audience will agree it would be nice to have such a button at their disposal. It was a brief flash forward in time before the elevator doors closed and we were forced to wait an agonizing year for our friends in Pawnee to return.
And last night they returned and all was right with the world. But some things have changed. The core group from the Parks Department have gone separate ways, getting new jobs and being responsible adults. Here’s what we’ve learned so far:
Leslie, as you may remember from the sixth season, has become director of the Midwest Parks Service.
Ben is Pawnee’s City Manager, which means he’s not making Cones of Dunshire II: The Trapezoids Attack and I am disappointed.
April has a Leslie-like job at the Parks Dept. where she doesn’t know what she does but she knows it’s boring and she hates it.
Andy has his own kids’ TV show starring Johnny Karate.
Jerry is Terry and no one cares.
Tom is a business mogul who wears flashy jackets.
Donna now owns Regal Meagle Realty and inexplicably wants a Shia LaBeouf dress for her wedding.
And finally, our beloved Ron Swanson has left the Parks Dept. for his own business, Very Good Building and Developing Company.
Things all seem to be heading in the right direction for the Pawnee-ans, except they aren’t. Tom is looking for fame and a girl to love, which means he hasn’t changed at all in seven seasons. Tom continues to be adept at stealing Ben’s spotlight and no one expects him to act differently. After being taunted by a slow cooker, April begins struggling with being an adult, so she searches to find something she loves, like dead people. However, the most important conflict in Pawnee is the rift between Ron Swanson and Leslie Knope. It seems that the two had a falling out in the jump forward and the only explanation as to why is references to a mysterious “Morningside.” No matter how much it pains me to see the two fighting, it does make for some hilarious arguments.
All in all, I’m incredibly happy with what the show has given us so far. Even in its seventh year (forty-ninth in dog years), Parks and Rec continues to be one of the best shows on television.
A few quick thoughts on the first two episodes:
Andy was, by far, the funniest character in last night. (And he and April continue to be the best couple on the show. Sorry Leslien. Benslie? Whatever.)
April remains my favorite character on the show and a woman after my own heart:
Councilman Jamm as Ron Swanson was the most horrifying thing I’ve seen on TV in a long time.
Agent Carter‘s third outing was exactly the type of hour you would want from an espionage show. And sure, maybe there was a little less mythology — whereas last week, we had to set the stage for the bigger picture, this week was about the quieter moments — but it was those quieter moments that helped drive the show forward, cementing our investment. We saw more of Peggy and Jarvis’ relationship, we saw the beginnings of a real camaraderie between Peggy and Angie, we saw more of what Peggy does and deals with outside her life when she’s not on double agent duty, we got an in-depth look at the SSR team (RIP, Krzeminski). In a show that only has 8 episodes, this kind of character building is intensely important.
Much of the mythology we already know was nudged forward in this hour. Chief Dooley and Agent Krzeminski search Brannis’ hotel room, finding not only passports, but also his typewriter. They also find out that Brannis apparently died two years ago. Souza alerts them that the license plate that they found in the wreckage last week belonged to Howard Stark’s car, which leads them to pay a visit to Stark’s house — where Peggy is already grilling her new best friend and super spy ally about how Stark’s vault was compromised.
Jarvis manages to smooth talk the boys into believing his story about Stark’s car being stolen and keeps Peggy hidden inside the house (go, Jarvis!) But he’s forced to go down to the offices anyway for an “interrogation,” which Peggy uncomfortably observes, learning about Jarvis’ apparent treason. This scene led to one of the most emotionally charged moments of the episode, when Peggy sacrifices her already shaky presence in the workplace to save Jarvis, who walks free when she conveniently “loses” the evidence of the stolen car report. It was almost physically painful to watch Peggy as she was berated, shot down, and demeaned in front of her male superiors, and most of that was due to the incredible Hayley Atwell, who managed to show us proof that even the toughest are fragile. As I said on Twitter, this is the reason that I adore the show so much. We get to explore Peggy’s strengths and weaknesses and good moments and bad moments, as much as we also explore her ass kicking and achievements and accomplishments.
Back at Jarvis’ house, Peggy is still searching for clues about Stark’s vault, and they end up making their way down the hole in the vault into the sewer. Jarvis is still being tight-lipped about the treason charges, but eventually opens up and tells Peggy that while in the war, he fell in love with a Jewish woman named Anna, who would become his wife. He tried to save her by forging the general’s signature, but was caught, which led to his treason charge, and Howard ended up saving them. I really liked that we got this personal glimpse into Jarvis’ life, and that we’ve established he’s just more than someone with a “fishy” past. We had already learned about his wife and this gives his backstory weight, while also providing a greater tie to Peggy, as they’ve both sacrificed things for the sake of people that they loved.
Peggy theorizes that Brannis was able to use storm water to float the technology out of the sewer, and finds a ship with the symbol that Brannis had drawn in the dirt. It leads them to the dock, where they come across a ship that has boxes marked with Stark Industries — presumably, a bunch of weapons. Peggy wants to call the weapons in, in hopes that it’ll help her look better after her demoralizing meeting, but Jarvis convinces her that it will only make things worse and calls instead while disguising his voice. They’re both attacked out of the blue by a man on the boat, who says Brannis warned him that “one of you” would be coming, and an intense fight ensues that ends with Peggy getting the upper hand after she stabs the man with a weapon from Stark’s stash called “the constrictor.” Sousa and Krzeminski show up to detain the man and take charge of the situation, and Krzeminski ends up being the one to drive the man back after taking him into custody. He starts opening his mouth about an Englishwoman, but before Krzeminski can start putting things together, a car bumps him from behind. When he gets out to investigate, a mystery man shoots both him and the man from the boat, leaving him for dead. Seems like someone is really going to a lot of trouble to keep people away from discovering secrets.
I feel like we got a lot of insight into Peggy’s character last week, but on a very broad level (we know she has feelings, we know she can kick ass, we know she’s capable and maybe even a little closed off when it comes to relationships). But this whole episode was really a study of Peggy as she exists beyond those constructs. Every situation she encountered — starting with her run-in with Jimmy, the man who would ultimately get one of the girls kicked out of housing — served to chip away at her armor a little more and a little more, until by the time we got to the end of the hour, Peggy was so broken and lost that she couldn’t keep up her facade anymore. And maybe all she needed was a cup of coffee and a hell of a lot of booze with her soon-to-be-BFF, but sometimes, no matter how strong you are, you have to break in order to be put back together. Peggy Carter showed us that tonight.
Odds & Ends:
Welcome, Bridget Regan! Bridget has long been one of my favorite actresses since her time on Legend of the Seeker, and when I found out she was coming to Agent Carter I was more excited than I could express. We only got a brief intro to Dot tonight, but I have a feeling there’s a lot more to come (and there’s a trio I never knew I needed to see on my TV screen: Hayley Atwell, Lyndsy Fonseca, and Bridget Regan. Three of my favorite actresses in one show, all playing awesome ladies!)
Did you catch the Budapest reference in Jarvis’ speech about Anna and the war? If you’re a Marvel fan, you’ll recognize it from one of the most widely quoted scenes from The Avengers, between Black Widow and Hawkeye — “this is just like Budapest all over again!” Of course, no one knows what happened in Budapest, but Marvel sure is making it fun to torture us about it by throwing the reference in, and it can’t be a coincidence. (Fun fact: “Budapest” was actually a cut line from Captain America: The Winter Soldier when Pierce was telling Natasha nothing would remain hidden if she exposed Hydra’s secrets. Chew on that!)
What an end statement — Peggy marching into work while the men mourn their fallen friend, and the men are all in their drab blazers and suits. Peggy, on the other hand, is a bright burst of color. The costume department has been outstanding in putting together visuals like this (remember the opening?) and I really loved that juxtaposition especially since the whole scene was basically Peggy standing in the middle of a somber funeral.
So, I finally figured out who bachelor Chris Soule reminds me of. He reminds me of, if Matthew McConaughey and Matthew McConaughey somehow mated and had their own baby – which is insane, so it would certainly result in that baby losing a few thousand brain cells upon birth, which explains why Farmer Boy Chris always has a confused expression on his face, and why he has the intelligence of corn-husk.
When we last left last weeks episode of “The Bachelor”, which was also the Season Premiere, a woman named Kimberly, who did not receive a rose to stay at Crazytown Mansion, pulled Farmer Chris aside and asked to speak with him privately. Here is what transpired during that moment, and in the rest of this weeks episode …
Kimberly and Farmer Dull stand outside and Kim pleads her case, which is basically “I feel like I want another chance. I feel like I’m meant to be here and I need to get to know you more.” Farmer Dull stands there saying nothing, and then runs off to Douchebag-Host Chris Harrison for the second time in two episodes, asking him again “What should I do? I don’t know what to do?” Host Chris tells Farmer Chris the same useless crap advice he told him last week, which is “It’s up to you, man.” Wow. That’s deep. It’s a good thing he has you on his side when things get rough, and apparently, he will be asking for that steadfast advice often since he can’t seem to handle making even the simplest of decisions on his own. In the end, he tells Host Chris “I’m gonna keep her”, like she is a rescue puppy he saved from harm’s way. So meanwhile, the chosen women are all sitting ON THE FLOOR inside Crazytown Mansion, holding their roses and a glass of alcohol, pouting and bitching about the possible return of Kimberly. Then, in true phony-female-psycho form, the second Chris walks in with her and announces that she will be staying, they practically line up to say “Congrats! That’s so great! Wow!” Gag.
It is suddenly the next morning, and the women find out that Farmer Boy will be residing in his own Man-Pad, just across the path from their own Adult Sorority Mansion. We then get treated to several shots of Chris soaping himself up in his outdoor shower, followed by another soul-searching meetup with Host Harrison. “So do you even remember anything that happened last night?”, Host Chris asks Dull Chris. Dullard responds: “It’s like, I dunno. Like, so bizarre. I mean , like, wow!” Host Chris then goes inside to speak to the women-folk, leaving Dimwit Chris looking confused by a flower.
GROUP ORGY (I mean – date) NUMBER ONE:
The first date-card is for a group date, involving 6 women and Chris. The 6 women are Tandra (Really? That’s a name?) MackKenzie, Ashley I. (another last name abbreviation), Jade, Kimberly, and Tara; which is different than Tandra, allegedly. Their super weird date begins with Chris promptly removing his own shirt in true McConaughey style, and yelling “Pool party!” The girls follow suit (Get it? Suit? Bathing suit?) and get into their skimpy bikinis and such. Everyone giggles for no reason while playing volleyball in the pool. Meanwhile, back at Hormone Mansion, Megan and Jillian decide to sneak on over to Chris’s Man-Cave house next door, to see what man-things he has going on in there. They find his motorcycle, and Megan tries on his helmet. In order to make sure his helmet is really safe, she test-drives it, ramming her head into the refrigerator, the wall, and other things. Why even bother with the rest of the show? I think this woman is clearly the mental match for our Bachelor.
Back at the group orgy, a tractor-race is about to start, because why not. Farmer Boy tells the camera: “These girls are lookin hot on these tractors. Luckiest dude with two thumbs? Right here.” He then points to himself with his two thumbs, which is exactly two more than the number of brain cells he has. Ashley with an I. abbreviation wins the pointless race, and the two get some one-on-one time together to talk. Later on, Farmer tells the girls that he would really like to end this date with just one woman instead of six, and decides to keep MacKenzie and send the others away. He takes off with M. and leaves them all sitting there like losers, and eventually they get into their sad-loser limo and return to Horny Mansion. A few of them are crying way too hard over this, and Tara exclaims “It hurts. It just hurts.”
Speaking of REAL hurt, we then meet the second featured widow on this year’s show. Her name is Juelia, and she has a very young daughter. The other women in the house are asking her about her daughter’s father, and she starts telling them the story about her husband, who died by suicide. The women all listened and called her “brave” and said all those things that people say to you when you have a dead husband ( I know – because mine died too), and I give them exactly 3 episodes to start their catty behavior and show their REAL feelings on the situation. So far, the two widowed women seem to be two of the more “normal” or “less insane” people on the show, but that’s really not saying much, and time will tell.
Meanwhile, MacKenzie and Rocks for Brains go sit at a bar and talk. Bad idea. She starts out by asking him if he ever had his ear pierced, to which he replies yes. She then tells him that “I’m like, super, like, observant, to, like, weird stuff.” He stares into the ceiling. She then talks some more and tells him that she likes a big nose on a guy, and that HE has a nice big nose, but not in a bad way or anything. Again, he looks off into the distance. She then asks him “Do you believe in aliens?”, to which he mumbles “Um, I don’t really know.” Would you like to phone a friend? Perhaps Chris Harrison? Really? You DON’T KNOW if you believe in aliens? Do you know anything at all? What is your name? I’ll go get Chris to answer that for you. Later in the conversation, she reveals to Dimwit that she has a son, something that she was absolutely terrified to tell him. She tells the camera “I hope he doesn’t think I’m a psychopath.” Well, you ARE a psychopath, and probably also an Alien. But not because you have a son. You’re just a whack-job nutcase, like 90% of the other women in that house. The other 10% are just drunks. Somehow, even after talk of aliens and big noses, Chris gives the rose to MacKenzie at the end of the night. She then goes back to Jealousy Mansion and proceeds to tell all the other girls about how many times he kissed her. “He just kept kissing me. Like, 5 or 6 times or so. Tee hee!” The other girls force plastic smiles and start sharpening their knives.
DUMB AND DUMBER GO ON ONE-ON-ONE DATE:
The second date-card is dropped off at the House of Alcohol-Poisoning, and Megan is listed as receiving the first one-on-one date. She is given the card and begins to scream with pleasure, then asks: “So, is this like, a love note? What is it? What does it mean?” It means you are an idiot. It also means you are going on the first date with the other idiot, Chris. He picks her up and they take off in one airplane, and fly to a helicopter. The helicopter takes them over Hoover Dam, and then over and into the Grand Canyon. They land inside the canyons, and sit down for a dumb-people picnic. Chris tells Megan: “You have the most beautiful blue eyes in the North America.” What??? She then tells him how her father died right before she decided to come on the show. He literally says nothing in return, except “I’m glad you’re here”, and then they kiss a lot and she says “this is amazing.” He gives her the rose, and more kissing happens.
Meanwhile, back at Drunk Mansion, the girls are all laughing at Jordan, who is apparently drunk all the time around the house. This is used as comedy on this show, a program which loves to exploit over-drinking, and crazy people. Jordan does some sort of weird head-stand thing against the wall and then shakes her ass in the air upside down. She then informs the camera for no apparent reason, that “Jillian has the hairiest ass I’ve ever seen on a woman.” Ummm, first of all, GROSS! Second of all, why on earth do you know this? Do you study hairy female asses often? How many have you seen? Yuck. I don’t think I can type about this anymore. It is too disturbing.
GROUP ORGY (I mean – date) NUMBER TWO:
This second group date is much larger than the first one. The women on this date include Kelsey, Trina, Allison, Tracy, Hairy Ass Jillian, Amber, Becca, Julia, Kaitlyn, Britt, and Crazy Onion Girl Ashley S. But let’s be honest – this entire date is about the producers showing us how truly insane Onion Girl really is. That seems to be the goal here, and believe me , it is achieved. The date-card says “til death do us part”, which is creepy, and the women are driven in a big limo to a building in the middle of nowhere in the middle of the night. When it stops, monsters and zombies begin attacking and peering their faces into the windows of the limo, and all the girls scream bloody murder. Then one last face appears, opening the door and climbing into the limo. It is Farmer Boy, and everyone has a good giggle-fest as they follow Chris out of the car. He then tells them they will break into teams of 3 and play paintball, and together, they must kill all of the zombies to end the game. Everyone grabs a paintball gun and begins the silly game. Nut-bag Ashley is way too into it, and starts talking about “killing” other people on her own team. They all explain to her like she is a child, that it’s a game and you only kill zombies, not each other. At one point, Onion Ashley takes her gun and runs into the pack of zombies, standing there like a lunatic. At another point, she kills a zombie dead and then pumps 4 or 5 more paintballs into him just to be sure. Chris observes to the camera that Ashley is “in a different world.” Meanwhile, the other girls egg her on and ask her a bunch of questions to provoke her insanity even more. “Where’d you wander off to, Ashley?” “The truth. Went to get the truth”, she responds. “That’s just how I feel. Like, BOOM! ” “What is boom?”, says one of the girls. “Boom!” Go. Like, go. Go find your own way to the truth.” Perhaps you should find your way to the looney bin.
Chris and Crazytown go for a walk in the pitch dark, because why not. He asks her: “How you holdin’ up? How are you doing?” She says “I don’t even know what you are asking me.” He asks again, and tells her it seems like she has a lot on her mind. She then asks him the poignant and important question of: “Where are we right now? Are we in a dome?” Eggshell for brains Chris then tells the camera: “Ashley is unique. I definitely need more time to figure out what’s going on with Ashley.” Really? More time? Figure out??? What’s there to figure out, you genius? SHE’S NUTS!!! That is what’s “going on” with Ashley. But, of course, as this show loves to do, they will keep her on awhile longer to further exploit her obviously medicated state, and they will “suggest” to Chris that perhaps he needs more time to feel the connection between him and Onion Girl.
During his short one-one-one time with Kaitlyn and then Britt, Chris kisses both of them, but gives Kaitlyn the rose at the end of the evening. Britt sheds tears because she doesn’t like sharing her “boyfriend” with all these other women. Not for nothing, but what the hell did you think you were coming on this show for, dummy? That is the entire premise of the show – that you compete for the heart of this dimwit, alongside about 25 other dimwits. Sharing. That’s what it’s all about.
COCKTAIL PARTY:
Annoying-voice Whitney takes Chris aside first, and has a toast with his favorite whiskey to the two of them and their future. Meanwhile, Ashley with an I. initial, tells a couple of the girls that she is a virgin and has never had a boyfriend before. MacKenzie responds by weirdly saying: “I am sooo jealous! I can’t even use that on him because I have a kid! Guys love to take a woman’s virginity! You are so lucky!” Oddest response ever, weirdo. Ashley then pulls Chris aside and tells him to make 3 wishes on her belly-button. Yup. You heard me. His first wish is that he wants to kiss her. She tells him that in order for the wish to come true, he has to rub her belly. He does, and then they make out in the most DISGUSTING display of open-mouthed, wet, nasty, horrifying icky-ness you could ever imagine. The girls all stare from behind the bushes at their puke-inducing kisses, and Britt cries again. Then Amber has some private time with Farmer Dull, and guess what? She wants to kiss him too. She says “I wanna kiss you so hard!”, and they kiss. Meanwhile, Jordan is drinking again, and Trina is expressing fake-“concern” for her by saying to camera: “Bless her heart! She is hilarious, but I think she’s had one too many drinks.” Yes, bless her heart (which everyone knows is Southern-speak for “F**k that bitch!” ) Jordan interrupts another girl so she can get some quality drunk time with Chris. He has no reaction to her obvious drunken state, other than to mumble a slight laugh. She tells him that her plan was to come over and “go in for the kill” (i.e. kissing him), and he looks at her , confused. She says “Anyway”, and he says “Anyhoo”, and there is silence. She then says “Well now it’s kind of awkward, so …….” and gets up and leaves. That went well.
ROSE CEREMONY:
Farmer Boy makes a moving speech about how there will be ups and downs in this process, but he is willing to put up with them to find his wife, and , zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz ……… oh wait, WHAT? What happened? I’m sorry. He is so dull, I fell asleep for a second there. During the rose ceremony, Jillian or Julia or somebody with a name that starts with J, took a dive on the carpet when coming up to receive her rose THAT WASN’T EVEN HERS!!! She mis-heard the name as her own, then almost fell face-first when her heel caught on the carpet. Probably my favorite moment of this nonsense 2-hours. She did a nervous laugh to show that she was not at all humiliated, and then seconds later, he DID call her name anyway to receive a rose. He also chose Batshit Crazy Ashley, which proves that the producers just want to keep her on the show for entertainment purposes. Either that, or he is TRULY stupid enough to not be fully aware of the degree to her insanity, which is certainly possible, given the fact that he has the depth of a can of spaghettio’s.
Kimberly was sent packing for a second time, and she seemed pretty upset by the whole thing. “This will haunt me for the rest of my life”, she said, sobbing and snorting. Really? Come on now. You knew the guy for a few damn days. Let’s chill the hell out, shall we? Also going home were Tara (not to be confused with Tandra), Alison, and Drunk Jordan. Drunk Jordan should also not be confused with Drunk Tara, who was drunk throughout episode one, whereas Jordan was drunk throughout episode two. So, to sum up – Chris likes drunk women named Tara, but not named Jordan, and he loves people named Ashley who create metaphors with onions and go BOOM!
NEXT WEEK:
Someone sobs uncontrollably. Someone drinks too much. People receive roses. Someone gets jealous. People fight. Chris appears shirtless. Host Chris offers stellar advice to our bachelor. Someone is an escapee from a mental ward. Boom.
What’s this? Back-to-back days with posts in the gaming section of The Workprint? Can it be? Yes true believers, I’m back with another helping of highlights in today’s gaming news.
GTA V DRIVES BY ORIGINAL PC RELEASE DATE
Rockstar announced today that GTA V would need a few more weeks of polish and testing before players would be able to cruise around the streets of Los Santos and Blaine County. Most PC players, who are used to delays in ports of console games, will tell you that if it results in a better product it is worth the wait. (Stockholm Syndrome is real people!)
There’s a new rumor today that pins the North American release of Nintendo’s New 3ds (actual title) at February 13th, a day before Valentine’s Day. The above image is a leaked retail flier appearing on NeoGAF, lending weight to the rumor. Honestly, if there are two things you can rely on in the video game industry these days it’s 1) yes, that is Troy Baker’s voice you hear and 2) rumors and leaks are usually true. But until Nintendo confirms the date, don’t cancel your romantic dinner plans yet. Better yet, if you have romantic dinner plans, don’t cancel them for video games!
Look, it took a lot for me not to write a snarky headline for this one. I loved The Last of Us on the PS3 when it released… in 2013. The idea of packing in a remastered game, even an amazing one, just doesn’t get me excited to run out and spend $400. With that being said, it is still great to get any game with a console at no added cost and that is exactly what Sony is doing. The Playstation Blog announced that new bundles of the PS4 will include a download voucher for The Last of Us: Remastered. There’s no word on if this is a limited run or the new standard.
Brooklyn Nine-Nine Season 2, Episode 13 “Payback” Grade: B-
Brooklyn Nine-Nine has a strong ensemble cast that feels quite natural in spite of all its eccentricities. The show is often at its best when mixing and matching these various personalities to explore the individual friendships that hold the group together. “Payback” focuses on two of the more well-defined relationships in the show: Jake discovers that Terry’s wife is pregnant and attempts to keep the secret from the rest of the precinct (with predictable results), while Captain Holt and Amy revisit the Brooklyn Broiler case. The storylines are fairly standard as far as sitcoms go, and unfortunately don’t provide a very satisfying payoff. Still, there are plenty of great lines from everyone, which helps to elevate an otherwise straightforward episode.
A string of clues leads Jake to the conclusion that Terry’s wife is pregnant, starting with the fact that Terry is suddenly asking that Jake repay the thousands of dollars he has borrowed from him over the years. Jake hopes to be godfather to the child, but Terry will only consider it if he can keep the secret from the rest of the precinct for a few weeks. Of course, he fails, but his guilt leads him to sell his car and repay the last of his debts to Terry. Touched, Terry ultimately asks Jake to be godfather to his child. It’s a straightforward storyline that provides the opportunity for some shenanigans, but the payoff doesn’t feel fully deserved. The relationship between Sgt. Jeffords and Peralta is largely paternal, and only earlier this season, was shown to be mostly professional (“Chocolate Milk” centered around Terry’s reluctance to consider Jake a “friend friend”). While their friendship has certainly grown, Terry’s usual impatience with Jake’s irresponsibility seems at odds with his decision to let Jake be godfather to his new child. It’s a nice clean resolution to the story, but doesn’t quite jive with how their friendship has been depicted thus far.
Meanwhile, Captain Holt and Santiago partner up to reopen the Brooklyn Broiler case, that Amy found a problem with in a previous episode. Amy is as eager as ever to bond with the captain on the investigation, but is disappointed to find that Holt has already solved the case. We do see a more lax side of the captain, however–while staking out the suspect (now an 86 year old man), they enjoy bad coffee and some street meat that Santiago convinces him to try. This also backfires, and the two are soon speeding back to the precinct as the captain is stricken with diarrhea. Amy feels terrible, but Holt comforts her with the assurance that they may one day be able to look back and laugh (uproariously). It doesn’t shed any new light on their particular relationship–Santiago still idolizes her superior, who I suppose has loosened up a bit–but it’s a fun little storyline that might have benefited from more time.
The rest of the cast don’t really have a storyline of their own, but each still manages to land some great moments throughout the episode. Gina makes Jake call people and pretend that she died so she could see how they react (her grandmother did not take it well) as his form of repayment, Scully gets to demonstrate his heart attack faking skills, and Rosa receives date night advice during the cold open. They also enjoy a bit of meta humor while attempting to help Jake crack the password to Terry’s email account–after a series of unsuccessful guesses, Boyle receives an epiphany. The password is “yogurt.” Beaming, he explains his stroke of genius: “Terry loves yogurt.”
Rushed and predictable storylines prevent this episode from truly standing out, but the episode nevertheless manages to deliver plenty of laughs. Thankfully, even when the plot struggles, Brooklyn Nine-Nine has a strong cast and great comedic writing to pick up the slack.
“‘Partner’? What is going on? Is this a Make-a-Wish thing? Are you dying? Is it from loneliness?”
“Do I even weigh anything to you?” “No. It’s like holding a couple of grapes.”
“You don’t outgrow punk, sir.”
Captain Holt’s Nutrition Bricks come in Original No-Flavor, and Whole Wheat No-Flavor
Boyle has an idea to open a bowling alley, and he seems pretty set on the name Fingerholes
“Try his wife’s name, Sharon. Sharon1. Sharon2. Sharon3. This is stupid.”
The destruction is being turned up as Marvel has delivered a brand new action-packed Avengers: Age of Ultron trailer. Coming off the heels of an Ant-Man trailer that was viewed more than 29 million times, Marvel is setting themselves for their biggest blockbuster yet.
What’s going on guys and gals? Rob here with the first ever Workprint Gaming Wrap Up, where I’ll be rounding up the day’s top gaming news! (and by “top” I mean the news I care about.)
Bungie Hates Me
Since I’m new here, allow me to let you in on a little secret of mine: I hate Destiny… and it’s all I play! My love/hate relationship with Destiny has resulted in 170 hours of my life disappearing. Destiny is my addiction and it has a hold over me. The only time I ever feel in power, like I’m getting back at Destiny, is when I’m cheesing the game. From the loot cave (the original CHEESE) to the kneeling Crota, I was in control. Welp, that’s over because Bungie hates me and they want the game to be played “properly,” whatever that means. Hit the link for all of the changes in today’s hot fix.
Harmonix announces that after a 21 month hiatus they will be releasing new DLC tomorrow, January 13th. Three tracks from Arctic Monkeys, Avenged Sevenfold and Foo Fighters will find their way to the Rock Band store. Now if only I could find those plastic instruments.
Razer won big at CES 2015, taking home the Best of CES awards for Gaming and People’s Choice. To celebrate the victory, they are offering Razer Insiders (members of their forums) a coupon for 50% off any gaming gear or 30% off a Razer system for 24 hours starting at 6pm PST. The coupon is limited to one item, so choose wisely!
Microsoft and Turn 10 Studios announced that Forza Motorsport 6 is in development and will release exclusively on the Xbox One. As part of the debut of the new Ford GT at the North American International Auto Show in Detroit, Microsoft announced the game and that the GT would adorn the cover. They also announced that tomorrow is Tuesday, in case you weren’t sure that would be happening either.
See what I did there? Because it’s a game about monsters and monster hunters. Get it? Anyway, Turtle Rock Studios released the minimum and recommended requirements for their forthcoming shooter. A quick glance reveals pretty standard requirements for most modern shooters. If your PC is not up to the challenge you still have time before Evolve’s February 10th release date, or you could play on consoles like lesser, lazy beings… which is how I’ll be playing!
In case, for some inexplicable reason, my song didn’t get you to watch and you need more motivation to watch Galavant, I am here to save the day with a list.
The Underwoods will soon be back on the small screen as “House of Cards” returns to Netflix on February 27. Watch the official season three trailer below to get a glimpse of the new intrigues and machinations facing Frank (Kevin Spacey) and Claire (Robin Wright) as they fight to stay in power.
The best thing about the trailer though has to be Lars Mikkelsen, who will be guest starring in a few episodes (smooching the first lady nonetheless). After his portrayal of villain Charles Augustus Magnussen on “Sherlock” who isn’t excited to see what kind of character he’ll be playing?
The Hollywood Foreign Press is ready to kick-off the 72nd Annual Golden Globe Awards tonight from the Beverly Hilton Hotel in Beverly Hills, California.
Stay tuned as we’ll be updating this post live with the winners from tonight’s Golden Globes.
BEST MOTION PICTURE DRAMA
Boyhood (IFC Films) — WINNER Foxcatcher (Sony Pictures Classics) The Imitation Game (The Weinstein Company) Selma (Paramount Pictures) The Theory of Everything (Focus Features)
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A MOTION PICTURE DRAMA
Jennifer Aniston (Cake) Felicity Jones (The Theory of Everything) Julianne Moore (Still Alice) — WINNER Rosamund Pike (Gone Girl) Reese Witherspoon (Wild)
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A MOTION PICTURE DRAMA
Steve Carell (Foxcatcher) Benedict Cumberbatch (The Imitation Game) Jake Gyllenhaal (Nightcrawler) David Oyelowo (Selma) Eddie Redmayne (The Theory of Everything) — WINNER
BEST MOTION PICTURE COMEDY OR MUSICAL
Birdman (Fox Searchlight) The Grand Budapest Hotel (Fox Searchlight) — WINNER Into the Woods (Walt Disney Pictures) Pride (CBS Films) St. Vincent (The Weinstein Company)
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A MOTION PICTURE COMEDY OR MUSICAL
Amy Adams (Big Eyes) — WINNER Emily Blunt (Into the Woods) Helen Mirren (The Hundred-Foot Journey) Julianna Moore (Maps to the Stars) Qhvenzhane Wallis (Annie)
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A MOTION PICTURE COMEDY OR MUSICAL
Ralph Fiennes (The Grand Budapest Hotel) Michael Keaton – Birdman — WINNER
Bill Murray (St. Vincent) Joaquin Phoenix (Inherent Vice) Christoph Waltz (Big Eyes)
BEST ANIMATED FEATURE FILM
Big Hero Six (Walt Disney Pictures) The Book of Life (20th Century Fox) The Boxtrolls (Focus Features) How to Train a Dragon 2 (DreamWorks Animation) — WINNER The LEGO Movie (Warner Bros. Pictures)
BEST FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM
Force Majeure – Sweden (Magnolia Pictures) Gett: The Trial of Vivianne – Israel (Music Box Films) Ida — Poland (Music Box Films) Leviathan – Russia (Sony Pictures Classics) — WINNER Tangerines Mandariinid – Estonia
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A MOTION PICTURE
Patricia Arquette (Boyhood) — WINNER Jessica Chastain (A Most Violent Year)
Keira Knightley (The Imitation Game)
Emma Stone (Birdman)
Meryl Streep (Into the Woods)
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A MOTION PICTURE
Robert Duvall (The Judge) Ethan Hawke (Boyhood) Edward Norton (Birdman) Mark Ruffalo (Foxcatcher) J.K. Simmons (Whiplash) — WINNER
BEST DIRECTOR MOTION PICTURE
Wes Anderson (The Grand Budapest Hotel)
Ava Duvernay (Selma) David Fincher (Gone Girl) Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu (Birdman) Richard Linklater (Boyhood) — WINNER
BEST SCREENPLAY MOTION PICTURE
Wes Anderson (The Grand Budapest Hotel)
Gillian Flynn (Gone Girl) Alejandro Inarritu, Nicolas Gabon, Armando Bo, Alexander Dinelaris (Birdman) — WINNER Richard Linklater (Boyhood)
Graham Moore (The Imitation Game)
BEST ORIGINAL SCORE MOTION PICTURE
Alexander Desplat (The Imitation Game) Johann Johannsoon (The Theory of Everything) — WINNER Trent Reznor, Atticus Ross (Gone Girl) Antonio Sanchez (Birdman)
Hans Zimmer (Interstellar)
BEST ORIGINAL SONG MOTION PICTURE
“Big Eyes” – Big Eyes (Music and Lyrics by Lana Del Rey) “Glory” – Selma (Music and Lyrics by John Legend, Common) — WINNER
“Mercy Is” – Noah (Music and Lyrics by Patti Smith, Lenny Kaye)
“Opportunity – Annie (Music and Lyrics by Greg Kurstin, Sia Furler, Will Gluck)
“Yellow Flicker Beat” – The Hunger Games: Mockingjay – Part 1 (Music and Lyrics by Lorde)
BEST TELEVISION SERIES DRAMA
“The Affair” (Showtime) — WINNER
“Downton Abbey” (PBS)
“Game of Thrones” (HBO)
“The Good Wife” (CBS)
“House of Cards” (Netflix)
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A TELEVISION SERIES DRAMA
Claire Danes – “Homeland” Viola Davis – “How to Get Away with Murder” Juliana Margulies – “The Good Wife” Ruth Wilson – “The Affair” — WINNER Robin Wright – “House of Cards”
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A TELEVISION SERIES DRAMA
Clive Owen – “The Knick” Liev Schreiber – “Ray Donovan” Kevin Spacey – “House of Cards” — WINNER James Spader – “The Blacklist” Dominic West – “The Affair”
BEST TELEVISION SERIES COMEDY OR MUSICAL
“Girls” (HBO)
“Jane the Virgin” (The CW)
“Orange is the New Black” (Netflix)
“Silicon Valley” (HBO) “Transparent” (Amazon) — WINNER
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A TELEVISION SERIES COMEDY OR MUSICAL
Lena Dunham – “Girls” Edie Falco – “Nurse Jackie” Julia Louis-Dreyfus – “Veep” Gina Rodriguez – “Jane the Virgin” — WINNER Taylor Schilling – “Orange is the New Black”
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A TELEVISION SERIES COMEDY OR MUSICAL
Louis C.K. – “Louie” Don Cheadle – “House of Lies” Ricky Gervais – “Derek” William H. Macy – “Shameless” Jeffrey Tambor – “Transparent” — WINNER
BEST MINI-SERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION
“Fargo” (FX) — WINNER
“The Missing” (Starz)
“The Normal Heart” (HBO)
“Olive Kitteridge” (HBO)
“True Detective” (HBO)
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A MINI-SERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION
Maggie Gyllenhaal – “The Honorable Woman” — WINNER Jessica Lange – “American Horror Story: Freak Show” Frances McDormand – “Olive Kitteridge” Frances O’Connor – “The Missing” Allison Tolman – “Fargo”
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A MINI-SERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION
Martin Freeman – “Fargo” Woody Harrelson – “True Detective” Matthew McConaughey – “True Detective” Mark Ruffalo – “The Normal Heart” Billy Bob Thornton – “Fargo” — WINNER
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A SERIES, MINI-SERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A SERIES, MINI-SERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION
Matt Bomer – “The Normal Heart” — WINNER Alan Cumming – “The Good Wife” Colin Hanks – “Fargo” Bill Murray – “Olive Kitteridge” Jon Voight – “Ray Donovan”
There is renewal frenzy going on at The CW as the network has moved forward with the renewal of eight shows during the network’s session at the Television Critics Association Press Tour in Pasadena.
The renewed shows are the following: Arrow (Season 4) , Jane the Virgin (Season 2), Reign (Season 3), Supernatural (Season 11), The 100 (Season 3), The Flash (Season 2), The Originals (Season 3) and The Vampire Diaries (Season 7).
“Each of these series have helped define what The CW is today, a network that is home to smart, provocative, quality programming, targeting a savvy adult audience,” said Mark Pedowitz, CW President. “By picking up these shows now, our executive producers can start planning next season’s storylines, and rolling these shows out throughout next season guarantees The CW will have more proven original series for our fall, midseason and summer 2016 line-ups.”
See, Starz, this is exactly what I meant when I complained about the significant gap between the first and second half of the Outlander season. Too much time has gone by and I’m too excited about the return of Game of Thrones to get invested in Outlander again. But hey, the trailer looks good?
I mean, I’m not entirely sure about the plot, but Claire loves Jamie now so I suppose that means she doesn’t want to get back to Craigh na Dun or die trying, which also means, I hope, less Caire-ation. And no matter how pretty Sam Hueghan is (and oh boy, is he), I can’t get over the fact that the episode on April 4th will have to feature that scene. You know which one I’m talking about. Everyone who’s ever read the book or come in contact with fans of the series knows about thescene. It causes more division than the rape scenes in Game of Thrones, than Jacob/Edward/Bella/Mike/MarySue, or even which “Star” is better–Wars or Trek. Fans of the series argue historical accuracy and dissenters shout about romanticizing domestic abuse. After spending eight episodes building the trust between two main characters, then taking an extended break, I find it absolutely ridiculous that Starz would bring the series back with that scene.
But hey, maybe it’ll be tastefully done.
Outlander returns April 4th. Jen will be watching, but she can’t promise she’ll be happy about it.
Let me say, first off, that I don’t have a ton (if any) major complaints about this film. It’s timely, the performances are spot-on and do nothing to distract from the message, the camera and director (a relative unknown, African-American woman named Ava DuVernay who worked for years for the right to bring you this project) don’t shy away from the more horrific moments, and overall, the story is told in a way that both educates and entertains. The triumphs and struggles and horrors won’t be leaving me any time soon.
Selma opens with two scenes. The first is Martin Luther King (played by fabulous British actor David Oyelowo) and his wife, Coretta (Carmen Ejogo) getting dressed up to receive his Nobel Peace Prize in Oslo. King is clearly uncomfortable in the fancy clothes and situation, fearing what it will look like to his myriad followers, while Coretta seems relieved to be away from that pressure, at least for the night. King diffuses the tension between them with an easy flirtation, but it’s in this scene that we get our first look at DuVernay and Oyelowo’s MLK – a man who is determined and passionate, but who is also reflective, discouraged, and exhausted by the fight.
King and his wife get ready for his acceptance of the Nobel Peace Prize, 1965
This scene is juxtaposed with one of four young girls skipping down the stairs at their church chatting about baptism – they are the picture of innocence, delightful in their youth, and are giggling the moment a bomb rips through the building, killing them all.
They’re there and in the next breath they’re not, a startling moment that jarred my heart and set the tone of the film. This is not, you would realize even if you did not know the story, going to be a happy movie.
And it’s not. MLK struggles – always, always struggles. President Lyndon Johnson* (Tom Wilkinson) has passed the Civil Rights Act, which desegregated the South by law, but not in practice. He wants to move on to his war on poverty but King insists they can’t leave things undone in the southern states, not when people were still victims of segregation and, more to the point, being denied the right to vote.
How would things ever change if the African-American people could not put into office politicians who understood and supported their cause? LBJ isn’t unsympathetic, he’s just more inclined to back burner the race issue for a while and move on to what he believes will be his legacy, and advises MLK to wait.
But four children are dead. They’re not the first, they won’t be the last, and the leaders of the Civil Rights Movement knew there was no time to waste. They, with MLK in the lead, need a staging ground. They need a town in turmoil, a hotheaded governor (and local sheriff), and they find it in Selma, Alabama.
*In regards to the kerfuffle regarding the “misrepresentation” of LBJ in this film, I have to say I don’t think it’s a big issue. LBJ is not painted as a monster in this movie. He’s not painted as a saint. I think history remembers him as a President who did much for the civil rights of American citizens, and Selma does nothing to discredit that legacy. Not every president would have signed the Civil Rights Act. Not every president would have signed the Voter Rights Act, debacle in Alabama or not. Whether he and King disagreed on the timing of things is a moot point and, if you’re focused on that aspect of the film, let me gently suggest that you’re missing the larger point. Which has nothing to do with the only major white character in the movie.
President Johnson and Martin Luther King have a heated debate.
It’s not easy, getting things started in Selma. There’s a local chapter working for voting rights who feel as though King and his people are stepping on their toes. The first couple protests result in elderly people being brutalized and a young, unarmed African-American man – a war veteran – being carelessly shot by the police in front of witnesses…and not brought to justice (sound familiar?).
King tries repeatedly to get LBJ on his side, and the President continues to tell him to wait. There are multiple confrontations as they attempt to march from Selma to Montgomery against Governor Wallace’s orders, but as we know, King and his followers never give up.
They don’t give up. Through smear campaigns, being beaten in the streets, being chased down on horseback and whipped, teargassed, the death of a priest, and a hundred other atrocities, they keep marching. They go to court and win the right to march over the Edmund Pettus Bridge. Martin Luther King gives a speech on the courthouse steps while Wallace hides inside, while LBJ signs and announces the Voting Rights Act of 1965.
Selma is a powerful film. The cameras immerse the audience in the passion as well as the brutality, in the anger and the fear, and don’t let us look away. The King delivered on screen is not a hero. He’s not a god, he’s not infallible, and he’s not perfect.
He’s a man. He’s a tactician. He’s a performer and a strategist. He makes mistakes, he doubts himself and his path, he wishes things could be different, that he could be home more, that he could sleep more, that he wouldn’t have to die for what he believed in (he knew he would). He gets angry, he shoulders the guilt of the murdered, but in his soul he knows this is the only way to equality. The performance is both understated and masterful, much like the film. There’s no grandstanding, no unnecessary blood or violence, but sadly, there is also very little hope to be found as the credits roll.
I suspect that, in making this film, it was meant to be an homage to a man, to a movement, to a slice of American history that should not be forgotten. In the light of recent events in Ferguson, Florida, New York, Cleveland, and with the invalidation of many of the Voting Rights Act’s key successes in 2013, hopes that that the world has improved seem to dim. It’s hard to believe that we’ve overcome, that we’ve marched into the future, when it feels very much like we’re standing on those streets in Selma in 1965.
What is clear is that one man can make a difference, but he cannot win the fight alone. Maybe the hope in the film is that it might inspire a new generation of nonviolent protest, and that this time, the past shall be overcome indeed.
Early in Taken 3, former covert operative and current awkward dad Bryan Mills (played by Liam Neeson, perhaps best known for his role as Jojen Reed’s stepfather in Love Actually) tries to shake things up a little by surprising his daughter Kim (Maggie Grace) three days early for her birthday. Unfortunately, he catches her at a bad time, and his attempt at spontaneity falls a little flat. Dejected, he half-heartedly jokes that he’ll go back to doing something a little more predictable.
And does he ever.
Things take a turn during an ill-fated bagel run when Mills returns to find that he’s been framed for the cold-blooded murder of his ex-wife Lenore (Famke Janssen). She was brutally taken from him in the only way that can’t be taken back, and now he must evade capture and find the real killers to protect what’s left of his family. Hot on his trail is FBI inspector Frank Dotzler (Forest Whitaker), who spends most of the film vacillating between his pursuit of Mills and a begrudging admiration for Mills’s particular set of skills, which mainly consists of sounding threatening over the phone, climbing out windows, and having all his pursuers give up too soon after assuming he’s dead.
It takes more than a clumsy bit of self-awareness to excuse the tedium that follows, however. The film sits at a bloated 109 minutes (making it the longest in the trilogy) and takes its time getting to the action. There’s a lot of set up for a story that thinks it’s more clever than it really is, and the mystery of Lenore’s murder unravels with all the subtlety of Liam Neeson’s fists. The meager plot feels as forced and awkward as Mills’s parenting, and the audiences are mostly just being taken through the motions. Unfortunately, even the action scenes fail to generate any real excitement. Director Olivier Megaton’s staging is frenetic, with too many quick cuts and close angles that make each sequence more confusing than compelling.
Still, there’s some fun to be had here, thanks mostly to the steely gravitas of Liam Neeson. During a brief reunion with his daughter while on the run, Mills takes the opportunity to bring up his low blood sugar and eat a piece of chocolate. His transcendent deadpan also extends to the written word: moments earlier, a post-it note stuck to a bottle of peach yogurt for his daughter merely states: “DRINK THIS NOW.” Perhaps the best line of the film comes after the recovery of video footage depicting Lenore’s abduction before her murder (a double take, if you will): “She was snatched!”
Attempting to offer a slightly different take on its tired premise, the final film in the Taken trilogy manages to take on only the weakest semblance of its leaner, grittier progenitor. There are hints of humor to be found when the film manages not to take itself too seriously, but even die hard fans of the original would likely take issue with the slow plotting and generic action.
Archer
Season 6, Episode 1
“The Holdout”
Grade: B+
In a funny and self-aware episode, the newly “unrebooted” Archer dives right back into the world of global espionage. The employees of what was formerly known as ISIS have returned to the secret intelligence business as freelancers under the CIA, in what Malory describes as something of a merger. Our titular hero is called back into action to salvage a computer from a crashed spy plane deep in the jungles of Borneo, while the rest of the group are introduced to their newly renovated office.
In many ways, last season’s foray into drug smuggling, gun running, and country singing was a significant departure for a show so heavily rooted in its super spy premise. Archer Vice opened a lot of narrative opportunities for characters such as Cheryl and Pam who, not being spies, usually necessitated contrived reasons to tag along on missions. It also represented an attempt to break the creative fatigue of Archer’s “mission of the week” formula. It’s therefore somewhat curious to see the show return to its old paces without skipping a beat, but the writing reflects this self-awareness and a strong confidence in its foundation.
Everything picks up more or less as it was before, and the episode is littered with the show’s numerous running gags right from the start. The employees visit the newly renovated offices, only to find out that Cheryl and Pam had it restored to match the old office exactly (complete with squeaky drawers and stains). They did, however, set up an elaborate hologram to fool Malory. She thinks she’s having a stroke as her dream office disappears before her eyes, but the toast she smells is just Milton, a mobile robot who makes toast. Aside from Milton, the only other new thing in the office is a secret Japanese sauna that the employees keep hidden from Malory. They continue the tour but Lana doesn’t see the point because “it’s all just the same as it was.” Cheryl replies, “Exactly! That’s the whole point!”
Meanwhile, as Archer travels through the jungle towards the crashed plane, he is ambushed by Ken Sato, a stranded Japanese soldier who still believes that World War II is ongoing. When Archer later uses his sat phone to cycle through proof that the war has ended, he mentions a link to an episode of The Six Million Dollar Man “about this exact thing we’re doing right now” (Season 2 episode 14, “The Last Kamikaze,” for those curious). They bond, in so much as Archer can bond with another human being, and Ken begrudgingly helps Archer complete his mission in return for passage home. At the extraction point, Ken finally gets to talk to his wife on the sat phone, a touching moment made more poignant by Archer’s investment in the reunion. As ever, Archer’s childlike enthusiasm for the personal connections he craves but doesn’t know how to properly foster is an endearing counterweight to how much of a jackass he normally is.
All the narrative shifts from the previous seasons are intact: Lana is the proud mother of Abbiejean, who is the product of artificial insemination using Archer’s sperm. We’ll see plenty of Archer’s struggles with fatherhood, but I’m actually more interested to see what twisted form Malory’s notorious parenting strategies will take with her new grandchild. Also, lest we forget, Krieger might have been replaced by his clone last season. Notably, he forgets Pam’s name, though I wouldn’t necessarily put that past non-clone Krieger. Those aside, it seems like we’re jumping straight back into the old spy missions we know and love. It remains to be seen whether this “back to basics” approach to season six will pay off or quickly grow stale, but mostly it’s just great to have Archer back.
“Is this Brett’s blood?!” “Ugh no, just the same type.”
The hand-to-hand combat when Ken first ambushes Archer is more complex and dynamic. The animation on this show just gets better and better.
“Why the hell do you need urinal cakes?” “For my shower at home.”
Archer enjoys painkillers mixed with candy, which he calls Mike and Vic’s
Archer to Ken, on being Archer: “Things just usually work out for me. Which I kind of take for granted.”
Archer to Malory, on the office renovations: “I was on the planning committee. … I’m not a huge fan of change. “
Archer to Lana, on establishing ground rules for parenting: “Lana, they’re just going to get broken.”
Today at the Television Critics Association, HBO kicked off their session by announcing the return date for Game of Thrones.
The season five premiere for Game of Thrones will debut on April 12 at 9:00 PM ET/PT. It will be followed by new seasons of Silicon Valley at 10:00 PM and Veep at 10:30 PM. All three shows will offer ten brand new episodes.
Fans of Game of Thrones who purchase tickets to see the final two episodes of Game of Thrones in IMAX theaters will be treated to an exclusive trailer of the fifth season. The final two episode of Season 4 will run in IMAX theaters between January 23-29.
Today Marvel and Netflix announced that “Daredevil” will be released on April 10, 2015.
The series is the first of four new live-action shows Marvel is developing exclusively for Netflix, including “Jessica Jones,” “Iron Fist,” and “Luke Cage.”
“Daredevil” tells the story of blind lawyer Matt Murdoch, whom by night battles villains using his heightened senses as the crime fighter Daredevil. The show stars Charlie Cox as Matt Murdoch/Daredevil, Deborah Ann Woll as Karen Page, Vincent D’Onofrio as Wilson Fisk/Kingpin, and Rosario Dawson as Claire Temple.
Peggy Carter has made her way to the small screen — and it’s glorious.
The popular female protagonist, who made her debut in 2011’s Captain America: The First Avenger and then went on to carve out a pretty definitive space in the hearts and minds of everyone from Marvel executives to rabid fans, finally made her TV debut in ABC’s newest series, Agent Carter. It’s a show that has been anticipated ever since the network officially green-lit it in May during Upfront season, largely because of the love for Peggy Carter, and largely because it marks the first time Marvel has used a female protagonist as a headline for any kind of program. To say Agent Carter does the character justice would be an understatement.
It’s always a slippery slope, bringing any part of a franchise to the small screen, hoping it attracts an audience. Agents of SHIELD had the wide-ranging spread of the Marvel Cinematic Universe to draw from, but, as was shown during a rocky first season, that help can only take you so far. To be fair, Agents of SHIELD also dealt with two setbacks Agent Carter does not face: it relied heavily on events of the MCU to build its story (having to pull back until Captain America: The Winter Soldier debuted in April arguably hurt its front run of episodes) and it dealt with a primary cast of unknown characters and actors, save for Clark Gregg and a few cameos from people such as Samuel J. Jackson, Jaime Alexander and Cobie Smulders.
Peggy Carter, on the other hand, is — between both Captain America movies, the Marvel one-shot video and a few SHIELD cameos — a well established character that we’re already familiar with. We’re familiar with people in her life (like Howard Stark) and even if we’re not, we’re familiar enough with the characters to understand her relationships with them (like butler Edwin Jarvis). Peggy Carter’s story has come and gone; whether or not we’ll continue into the still unknown decades of her life is at this point uncertain, but even in the MCU, most of the consequences associated with her journey have already been extracted. In short: there is nothing specifically holding Agent Carter back, there are only ways to build going forward, and allowing it to fly is exactly what makes for a workable show.
It doesn’t hurt that Hayley Atwell plays Peggy with the same affable, strong-willed confidence that made her so admirable in the first place. The pilot largely serves as set-up for the eight-episode run, with a sort of re-introduction to Peggy, a refresher of where she stands and what her life is like in 1940’s New York. She’s stuck doing secretarial work at the telephone company as opposed to the ass-kicking she’s proven herself worthy of in the first Cap movie, but thanks to Howard Stark needing her help, she’s able to maneuver her way back into the game via some double agent work at the Strategic Science Reserve. It’s a set-up similar to the one used in Marvel’s one-shot, but more loosely executed, as the episode digs deep to show us a glimpse of Peggy’s life, from male co-workers to girly roommates (R.I.P. Colleen) to budding friends (hi, Angie!) While we dealt with Peggy diving into the espionage world by going undercover in order to investigate a highly weaponized formula, we also spent time cultivating relationships that will no doubt be instrumental to the episodes going forward (and let’s talk about that chemistry between Atwell and James D’Arcy, please.) More importantly, we didn’t have to wait to see Peggy prove her place, and we didn’t have to wait to see storylines become unraveled.
While the premiere served as an introduction firing on all cylinders, the second episode followed up with a more settled pace more in tune with what we’ll probably be seeing during the short run. We were introduced to what will most likely be a through-line of mythology: the mysterious typewriter [Fringe, anyone?] and the “Leviathan,” as well as the implication that Jarvis, for all his snark and good will, may not be as innocent as he seems. (I don’t believe he’s necessarily a bad guy, but there’s definitely some ulterior motive going on.) Placing both episodes back to back was a smart decision: it allowed us to both understand and invest in Peggy’s world, and it kicked off our story enough so that next week, we’ll be able to jump right back into the action.
At the end of the two hours, I mentioned on Twitter about how happy I was that this show — a show where a strong female is seen being held back, being emotional, breaking barriers and stepping up to change history — exists on television. So much that Agent Carter represents is what it means to not just be a woman (in a world that is not much different from today) but how to survive on your own and blaze your own trail. Peggy represents that dynamic, and Agent Carter allows her to explore it fully.
So sit down and buckle up: if these two episodes were any indication, it’s going to be a hell of a ride.
Odds & Ends:
I’m fully on board with Peggy and Angie (Lyndsy Fonseca) becoming best friends. In fact, I would champion an entire spin-off of that, if Marvel was into it.
If you were a Marvel fan, the entire night was filled with fun references and throwbacks to the Marvel Cinematic Universe — many from the Iron Man films (Vanko, Roxxon, Howard Stark), but the episode also featured a healthy amount of Captain America clips, especially in the beginning. It’s interesting to note that the show chose to use these flashbacks so liberally, given that they haven’t used much of any MCU footage in Agents of SHIELD — then again, Peggy’s story is so directly tied to that of the first Cap movie, it made sense that they would try to bridge that gap with footage people were already familiar with.
Speaking of Howard Stark…how great was it to see Dominic Cooper suit up with the old goatee again? I know Howard won’t be a permanent fixture on the show, but we’ll see him a healthy amount, which makes me happy.
The Captain America radio show was one of my favorite moments, along with the montage that showed Peggy taking care of business while society detailed that Captain America had to be the one that saved her. Wonderful, startling direction choice right there, and one of the many moments I pronounced my love at the screen.
Guesses/theories on what Brannis was drawing when he died? My first thought was the Hydra logo, but anything’s fair game at this point.
Look for a more detailed recap next week, but for now, share your thoughts!
The very first trailer of Marvel’s Ant-Man has premiered!
Marvel premiered the trailer during the two hour Agent Carter premiere on ABC earlier tonight.
The movie stars Paul Rudd as Scott Lang, Michael Douglas as Henry Pym, Evangeline Lilly as Hope Van Dyne, Corey Stoll as Darren Cross aka Yellowjacket, and John Slattery as Howard Stark. Peyton Reed is directing.
Not even five minutes into episode one of season 4,578 of The Bachelor, and we are already given this gem of a quote from our simpleton, all-American, not the sharpest stack of hay in the haystack, farmer-boy bachelor-meat of the year: “Love is kind of like farming. You plant a seed. Then you hope it grows. Sometimes things get in the way, sometimes the weather isn’t on your side, but in the end, you hope to grow something good.” Yeah. Love is exactly like that. But these are the kinds of brilliant metaphors we have come to expect on this fine program, as well as the repeated use of the words and phrases “amazing,” “awesome”, “right reasons”, (as in, “so and so isn’t here for the right reasons”), and “Guatemala is the perfect place to fall in love!” With that last one, the rule is to substitute the first word with whatever location you happen to be in at that very moment, which then becomes the “perfect” place to fall in love. So, as luck would have it, episode one takes place in Los Angeles, which is, of course, the perfect place to fall in love.
We begin our Bachelor “journey” (another word these people love, EVERYTHING is a journey on this show) with douchebag host Chris Harrison acting douchier than ever, because this time he is on a red carpet for a live “premiere” of the first episode. Instead of just showing the first episode, the producers have set it up as a live event, in which fans of the show and past “stars” from the show are in attendance, and all dressed up Hollywood-style. It’s like the Oscars, except not at all. Harrison starts the exploiting right away with his announcement to America that THIS season will be the most emotional and dramatic ever, with “a virgin who goes into the fantasy suite, someone who gets a bit too drunk too early, TWO widows, and a partridge in a pear tree.” Okay, he didn’t say that last one, but he was sooooo proud that they could not only exploit the emotions of not ONE but TWO widows this time around. Being a widow myself, this should be extra fun viewing for me. Yippee!!!
During the red carpet interviews, Harrison talks to one past-Bachelor couple, asking them when their wedding date will be. The woman (I have no idea what her name is, because I do not know who half these people are and don’t really care, other than that it’s fun to mock them) says: “Well, right now we are trying to decide on a wedding date. We are about 80/40 on the date right now, Chris.” Wow. nice math skills there, lady. Chris also spent way too much time grilling Nikki about her relationship and break-up with former-Bachelor Juan Pablo, and she revealed absolutely nothing, except to say that, at the time, she wanted to “stand by my man.” I kept expecting to hear the song start playing behind her, because she said it so many times. You could tell that Harrison was getting annoyed that Nikki didn’t call Juan Pablo an asshole or something on live television, because clearly this was what he was looking for with his CSI-style interview tactics on this poor woman. Finally, the fans and the “stars”all went inside to watch the first episode, along with people of America. Here are the highlights of what happened:
We meet Chris Soules, a wealthy businessman/farmer from Iowa, who we actually met on last season’s The Bachelorette, when he was rejected by Deanna. And thus, a new bachelor was born. Chris tells the cameras that he simply can’t believe he was chosen, and how this just doesn’t happen to “normal guys like me.” Right. Normal guys who live on a farm in Iowa but seek a wife on national television on a “reality show” of sorts. Anyway, farmer Chris comes off like he has been severely drugged, or like he is surviving on corn husks and cold medication. This dude mumbles like crazy, and the way he talks , it sounds like each word is a huge chore for him. Like his tongue is too lazy to move. This should be fun. Farmer Chris and host Chris stand outside the Bachelor mansion, awaiting the women that will be walking out of limousines to introduce themselves to Chris, and then head inside for the first cocktail party of the season.
Chris is nervous and keeps sighing and saying out loud “this is crazy”, as the different girls come at him, one by one. WHITNEY is a fertility nurse, and has the most annoying voice on planet earth. Seriously, there is no way in hell i can listen to this chick speak for thee whole season, so hopefully he sends her packing soon. MACKENZIE wants someone who is “like a man”, so she seems very happy with Chris, who is not only “like a man”, but IS, in fact, a man. KELSEY is 28 and a guidance counselor. She became a widow when her husband died suddenly of what sounds like a heart-attack. “He was walking to work one morning, and his heart just stopped”, she said to camera through tears. She came on the show because she believes that soulmates do exist, and that we each get more than one. I will admit , her story made me a bit emotional, because my husband also died from a heart-attack, and like Kelsey, we also didn’t get to start our family before he died. So far, she seems like one of the more “down to earth” women in this season, but time will tell.
More women come out of the limousines to greet Farmerboy. BRITT is a waitress who hugs Chris way too long and starts crying while doing so. I found it slightly creepy, but he seemed to really enjoy it. AMANDA lives with her mommy, and is like a Disney character on crack, with huge bug-eyes that are scary as hell, and stare into you like they are eating your very soul. She seems legit 100% bat-shit crazy. REEGAN sells human tissue for a living (Seriously?? Where do they come up with these ridiculous job titles??), and thought it would be a hoot to show up with a cooler filled with “fake human heart.” Okay, whackjob. Odd sense of humor you’ve got there. TARA is a “Sports Fishing Enthusiast”, which is code for “unemployed.” She came out of the limo in Daisy Duke type shorts, boots, and country-girl button down shirt, to show Chris who she “really” is. All the girls inside pointed and laughed and judged her like she was Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer – the only one not in a cocktail dress – so she snuck on her real dress and went back into another limo and gave him a second meeting, the acceptable way. ASHLEY S., who is the first “last name initial” of the season (there are always many of these), also seems like she just escaped the nuthouse and nobody is aware yet. She kept looking all around everywhere, seemed to have no idea where she was, and upon meeting Chris, put a penny in his shoe, and held a sign about them being “Soule-mates.” Get it? Sole of shoe? Soule, his last name? This is the type of humor that these girls possess. KAITLYN made a series of uncomfortable, sexual “jokes” throughout the night, the first one informing Chris “you can plow the f**k out of my field any day.” Silence. Crickets. Chris claimed to the camera that he “doesn’t know what that means”, which I believe because he seems not to be too bright, but I’ll bet the cob inside his farmer-pants knew exactly what it meant.
After the first 15 girls come out of the limo, Harrison sends Chris inside to mingle with the girls and party. Everyone starts to wonder if this is everyone — Are there more girls??? Are more people coming??? There are normally 25 girls at the start of the season, so why only 15? People start panicking. TARA starts drinking. A lot. Chris has a moment with Britt outside, where they hug some more, but they both really want to kiss each other. He talks to some of the other women as well. Tara drinks some more. As the second batch of 15 more women start pulling up in limos, hours later, the girls start peering and watching from the windows inside the mansion, like some crazed, overly-possesive ex-girlfriend parade. It’s frightening, actually, how they all have their claws in this guy already. The second batch of girls is even nuttier than the first. ALISSA is a flight attendant, and she starts in right away with the stupid puns. “Its going to be a bumpy ride”, she tells Chris, as she buckles him into a seatbelt she brought with her. UGH. JORDAN gives Chris and herself a shot of whiskey, and they drink it together. NICOLE shows up with a pig-nose on, to show him how she can really “ham it up.” Really? BRITTANY is a WWE Diva in Training, and shows up in a tacky white very short dress, that looks more like a costume than real clothing. CARLY brings a small karaoke machine and microphone , and starts singing karaoke to Chris as she approaches. She looks and sounds like she is ten years old when she is doing this, in her little girl-ish pink dress. BO is a plus-sized model, which in Hollywood just means she is really tall and has some curves. KARA is 25 but looks like she’s 50.
The second batch of girls join the first batch inside, and everyone starts fighting for Chris’s attention. Kaitlyn teaches him to dance. Everyone keeps interrupting everyone else, and everyone is whining and bitching and drinking. Tara is drinking more than others. One of the girls tells Chris she doesn’t want to become a crazy cat lady, to which dimwit replies “whats a cat lady?” “You know. Someone with tons of cats.” Minutes later, he tells the camera he wishes he were a polygamist , with all these women to choose from. He doesn’t know what a cat lady is, but he’s familiar with the term polygamist? Ashley S. interrupts one of the girls talking to Chris, by offering HER a flower to go away. She then keeps talking about onions and layers and how people are onions and onions have layers, and what the F&*k are you talking about, crazy-town??? Tara keeps drinking, and burps loudly into the camera. Alrighty-then. Britt gets the “first impression”rose, and the two really do kiss. They make out, actually.
ROSE CEREMONY:
This is the fun part. This is where Chris sends people home and they all cry dramatically. During the ceremony, the girls are lined up like some sort of pageant, and there are many close-ups on Ole Bug Eyes Amanda, which frightens me. Sweaty drunk Tara gets more drunk, and continues to shake and sweat and make comments under her breath to the rest of the girls. At one point, she leans on another girl, then says “Sorry. Almost fell.” Chris notices this and gets up and leaves the room. He talks to host Chris, telling him “I was going to choose Tara, but she is so wasted, I just don’t know.” Host Chris tells him “It’s up to you, buddy.” Gee, thanks for the stellar advice there, Harrison. Farmerboy comes back to the room, and guess what he does? He chooses the drunk anyway. Yup. What a moron. But then again, he also chooses annoying Whitney, and crazy Ashley S. and her damn onions. This dude has weird taste. He sends ole bug eyes home, so I’m happy to report that I wont be having nightmares looking at her big doll eyes. He also sends home Kara, who looked 50 at the beginning of the episode and aged 5 more years by the end. He also sent someone named Kimberly home. But wait!!! Kimberly is not having any of that nonsense. Nope. She marches right back into that mansion just as the chosen ones are toasting with farmerboy – and she says “Can I please see you outside?” And that, my friends, is the dramatic conclusion to episode one.
NEXT WEEK: What will Kimberly say to Chris? Will Chris plow the f%&k out of Kaitlyn’s field? Will Reegan show up with a human head next week? Does Carly take requests on her silly karaoke machine? Find out next week, on The Bachelor.
I’m sure that you’ve been told,
’bout this TV show,
about a hero known as Galavant!
But in case you’re innocent,
and have not seen one bit,
I’m here to tell you to watch Galavant!
Fluff! Songs so full of cheese like showtunes,
Sing along and you’ll find love too!
Yay! A gem in ev’ry way! So campy and cliche!
And still I can’t help but love Galavant!
Confused about this post?
Then let me play good host,
And share this clip of Galavant:
Once you’ve had a watch,
Two or three or quite a lot,
You’ll hear the melody of Galavant!
Which brings me to this post! And my most plucky hope!
That you’ll join me and watch Galavant!
We’ll be the best of friends, sharing laughs and grins,
and ogling the shit out of Galavant!
Hooray! Then you can’t deny,
Omundson’s charming guise,
And ABC’s hit with Galavant!
A cast and crew full of heart and humor,
Songs more persistent than a tumor,
It’s only eight ‘sodes long, short enough to avoid Glee Syndrome,
So there’s no excuse to miss Galavant!
Note: Jen could not be reached for an actual opinion on the first two episodes of Galavant, as she’s too busy hiding for fear that the show might go south the way of Smash. Until the coast is clear, she’ll be singing the theme song over and over under her bed.
The Peanuts gang is back for a brand new trailer for their upcoming movie.
The official synopsis can be found below:
Charlie Brown, Snoopy, Lucy, Linus and the rest of the beloved “Peanuts” gang make their big-screen debut, like they’ve never been seen before, in state of the art 3D animation. Snoopy, the world’s most lovable beagle – and flying ace – embarks upon his greatest mission as he takes to the skies to pursue his arch-nemesis The Red Baron, while his best pal, Charlie Brown, begins his own epic quest. From the imagination of Charles M. Schulz and the creators of the ICE AGE films, THE PEANUTS MOVIE will prove that every underdog has his day.
Audiences also meet Jennifer Goines, intensely performed by Emily Hampshire, whom in the movie version was Jeffrey Goines played by Brad Pitt. Much like the original character, Jennifer is very mentally unstable and meets Cole in a psych ward where her father, a figure with ties to the virus, has institutionalized her.
Rockstar announced today that GTA V would need a few more weeks of polish and testing before players would be able to cruise around the streets of Los Santos and Blaine County. Most PC players, who are used to delays in ports of console games, will tell you that if it results in a better product it is worth the wait. (Stockholm Syndrome is real people!)
