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Yellowjackets – Pilot Review

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yellowjackets showtime pilot review

Everybody knows about soccer, but do you really know the positions in a unit they play? Most are aware of the Goalie, but there are the Backs that are always the last line of defense before a ball can even come close to the goal, the Midfielders that play double duty and to me have the hardest of jobs, and the Offense, which must have precise aim and speed to score. In the new series Yellowjackets (Showtime), we’ll learn that though no position is more important than the next, sometimes teamwork makes the dream… a nightmare.

We open up on a barefooted girl, darting through wintry woods. With eyes carved into trees, there are eyes watching. Bestial shrieks abound, so why wouldn’t she take a knee? This is not a coach commanding it. This is the team requesting it. She muscles on before finding her new bed- a set of spikes with her little heart necklace dangling in the wake. GOAL!

A fur cloaked figure observes the fresh kill from on high. This is called a victory.

An annoying reporter queries others… as if they were there for the goddamned event. Those that happen to answer don’t know a fucking thing about them, save for a woman in assisted claiming they forgot about Trigonometry. I was never good with math, but the only way a ball hooks around is to split the defenders and get that point. It was always an addiction of mine before I was told I was to be a Sweeper. To kick the ball away. To put the ball into the other fielder’s side. Basically, I was called to protect if others couldn’t in a moment of crisis. I was happy doing that. I was good at it.

Welcome to 1996, where a team orchestrates their damnedest game, not because they want to, but rather because it’s in their blood. The soccer ball is one with you being nearly magnetic. This one is sadly dropped due to teammate Allie (Pearl Amanda Dickson), whose lack of fight or flight on the green is a threat to the team’s survival. Through the speed and determination of a core group, the adrenaline sends the victors into a primal chant of “Buzz! Buzz! Buzz!” These are your Yellowjackets.

Backed by the ever so familiar Smashing Pumpkins which I’d played on the guitar so much as a teen, we’re greeted by scores of Jersey shore scenes until we check in with team Captain Jackie (Ella Purnell), in the midst of being intimate with her beau Jeff (Jack DePew). After brushing her teeth for ‘spotless’ reasons, she takes a good hard look in the mirror fidgeting with that fucking necklace. I always hated team captains.

Waiting is teammate Shauna (Sophie Nélisse) in the car. Spotting Jeff making a surreptitious escape from the palatial estate, Jackie emerges, donning a shit-eating grin. Did I say I hated team captains?

Shauna admits to having seen her boy to jet, she admonishes her friend about an unspoken rule of distractions before a huge game.

You don’t fuck, you don’t jack or jill off. That shit is verboten because you want to keep that energy pure and pristine.

Jackie decides that showing up to college virginal is a mistake, redirecting the conversation about their dorm at Rutgers next year. Still, they bask in the moment of glory as State Champions. This is a golden moment, not to be fucked up by anyone.

Welcome to 2021, where a grown-up Shauna (Melanie Lynskey) fucks herself with pictures of her daughter’s boyfriend before hazily going about her day. On her way out, she notices plants in the yard are being eaten by rabbits before a woman introduces herself as Jessica Roberts (Rekha Sharma) from The Star-Ledger.

She’s contacted her before, but now Shauna can tell her in the flesh to fuck off, even with idiots espousing her story. All she can offer are main deets: plane crash, two teams of girls to hunt and scavenge for nineteen months until ultimate rescue. Blah, fucking blah. Though Jessica promises advance as co-writer, this survivor isn’t on board. Trauma is a bitch and I wouldn’t for all the tea in China drink it.

Elsewhere, a woman is in meditation overlooking a beach. Ohh, how sometimes in movies this looks so good but I’ll be a few years out if my liquor well runs dry. This is Natalie (Juliette Lewis), clearly at a rehab. As she approaches, flashes of dragging the bloodied body along the lily-white snow enter her mind, stringing her up on a tree like a deer as another, face clad in a fur pelt observes. Blood lets. Life lives.

In the session, Natalie sits serenely as another grouses about the episode that landed her in jail. We all know that anger can be helpful and Nat cosigns to that, chiming in about “keeping the tiger in the cage.”

As it is her last day at the resort, her imparting words of wisdom ring eerily calm, as one is to find purpose. Her time spent out in the wilderness led to a life of continued vice when the true cause was being lost after being found. I can relate, save the bloodletting.

Younger (Sophie Thatcher) in 1996, she’s punked out, chugging cheap swill with friends a day before her leaving for Nationals. I’ve done that before because I hated school. My only outlet of aggression was sport. When a car pulls up calling for her to flash, her friend concedes, causing them to peel out with Natalie putting an exclamation point on it, chucking the bottle of hooch right at their back window, causing them to jet. Oh, she’s a fighter on the field.

As the girls amp themselves up in the locker room, Jackie calms Allie, the only freshman on Varsity down. This is an honor, but the only one she’s concerned about is being asked to a prom. The girls are worried about her on-field performance, but Taissa (Jasmin Savoy Brown) assures that will not happen.

Before the pep rally, in Coach Martinez’s (Carlos Sanz) office, Jackie is given a little pep talk of her own about being a leader bringing the team together, being her only true asset to the team as other players are clearly more skilled. Trust me, being called into any office, much less your coaches can’t spell anything good.

At the rally, the red carpet in yellow in blue is rolled out, including Equipment Manager Misty (Sammi Hanratty) leading the cheer as she gets to take care of them. Let’s give it up for the eqp man, as they do the dirty work. They are one above scorekeeper.

In 2021, Shauna nearly shits herself as Taissa’s (Tawny Cypress) ad for state senator flashes across the screen. She slide tackled her but good mentally.

In that Turner household, Taissa and wife with son pose for a profile in Jersey Monthly. The photographer reminds Taissa of her trauma, calling her an inspiration. In any sport, we call that a yellow card…

…1996. Taissa confers with Shauna, Natalie, and Lottie (Courtney Eaton) about freezing Allie out (i.e. she can’t lose what she can’t touch.) The other three don’t feel kosher about the plan, but an omerta is entered. Though not a cool play, it happens in games.

Misty sets the field up, grinning ear to ear before it’s off to the races with drills. Oh, they are grueling, but to be the best of the best, repetition leads to reputation. Before Coach Scott (Steven Krueger) brings it in to orchestrate a scrimmage between JV and Varsity, Laura Lee (Jane Widdop) insists on prayer. It’s not as if they are warriors on the battlefield, right?….

Once Allie starts fucking up, Taissa chooses to switch sides (to toughen Allie up). The tension builds to a single, solitary slide tackle to the virgin, compliments of Taissa. Let’s just say the sound effect was just as fucking gruesome as the aftermath.

In the locker room, the morale is as down as their fresh meat. Jackie seizes the moment to inject some soothing words falling on cloth ears.

Adrenaline is running, but you know who’s not? Allie.

In the present, we’re introduced to Shauna’s daughter, Callie (Sarah Desjardins), dripping with as much sarcasm as her mother when she was her age. She asks her daughter if Ms. Mendez will let her retake the Trig test (call back). Her daughter finds their commonality banal, citing what the reporter mentioned earlier about her mother “taking a good hard look at her life.”

On the eve of the team leaving, Shauna’s getting prepped for a party she would rather not attend. Jackie does mention that a troglodyte named Randy will be at the party, and against her initial protestations, Shauna shows up to the woods party (a staple of Jerseyans) in the red dress Jackie gave her to get laid in.

Outside of the rehab center, a weathered Natalie enjoys the last of a cigarette before being picked up by a cab. She requests LAX.

Back at the party, a lonely teenaged Shauna looks longingly as Jackie seduces a very in love Jeff. After Randy (Riley Baron) dedicates a beer bong hit to her, a liquid couraged Shauna approaches Taissa at the watering hole, wanting her to fess up to a hitjob. Before the girls can knuckle up, Jackie commands all to follow her.

In their powwow, Jackie has each of the girls say something “nice AND true” about each other, and though it starts out as disingenuous, it grows into something more sincere. They need their heads fucking right before heading into a potentially life-defining game.

While Jeff drives Jackie and Shauna home, Natalie stays and trips out on acid, with it taking effect to the backdrop of PJ Harvey. Through a roaring fire, she can see Misty observing and then disappearing. Intercut with is presumed the council carving and roasting their fresh win, we catch a glimpse of who is at the high seat, set with a headpiece of antlers.

On the ride home, Jackie asks Jeff to drop her off first. The teammates exchange seats and hugs, before Shauna’s on her way before demanding Jeff pulls off to the side. She’s not going to vomit, but rather get something else out of her system.

Jeff has a new look and it’s not what he wants. Her requests not to impregnate but rather to profess love, however false don’t seem to help any narrative…at least to him.

In the present day, Shauna’s daughter is now gone for the night. The matriarch decides to eradicate the precious bunny eating away her shot at normalcy the only way she knows how- violence. After washing the blood away, Shauna takes the card Jessica left, leading her to the safe, passing pictures of her family, including hubby Jeff. Oh, ya think she would be in position if she went to Brown?

With safe opened, she extracts a few old notebooks before taking out a burner, and with taking one glance at the card, she dials.

As the embers wane, the girls get ready. Jackie packs her bags, Natalie takes one last drag, Laura Lee prays, Lottie takes her morning antipsychotic, Van (Liv Hewson) slaps her drunken mother awake, Misty watches a drowning mouse, Taissa kisses her parents goodbye, Coach Martinez packs in his boys and Shauna packs away her early admittance to Brown before heading out. Families or lack thereof, am I right?

Both Varsity and JV pile into the private charter that Lottie’s dad funded. It’s overheard that they are traveling to Seattle from Jersey from a flight plan that will have to head a bit farther north to elude the storm system, thus flying over the Canadian Rockies, but Jackie soothes Shauna’s anxiety with valium in addition to arming her with her necklace so “nothing can touch her.” Aww. Friendship. Loyalty.

In the diner (a Jersey staple) sits Shauna. She flashes back to entering a haze as the trip commences until her approaching party snaps her out of it. It’s Tiassa. Shauna slides her the card, claiming that upon research, there are no legitimate credentials. This doesn’t mean much to the incumbent, but to Shauna, it means the world. Tiassa broke the pact to say as few things as possible whilst staying out of the public eye. If there’s digging to be had on her as a politician, everyone is fucked.

Natalie cracks open her storage unit housing a beautiful small Porche housing a big beautiful rifle. According to the manager of the facilities, she might as well have been a ghost coming to haunt it. She thinks being back in the good ole’ Garden State will be good for her, what with catching up with some good ole’ friends.

Cut to the council of seven in the ivory woods.

As the eighth brings a wooden tray of the prepared long-pig, the leader allows the rest to take a hunk of sustenance.

In this day and age, there’s an orderly. This is Misty (Christina Ricci). Delivering her patient a daily dose, she’s only met with silence and disdain. After her bedridden act of insolence, the former Equip Man revokes the morphine privileges for the night. Do not fuck with her. Misty knows pain. Or rather enjoys it.

Misty exiting is spied on by Natalie in her 911.

We spy with our wicked eye to past, others back out into the hunt whilst the fur-masked servant lifts up her disguise to reveal a face to put on those blooded-stained glasses. As maws tear into their earned meal, Misty flashes a glint of a grin before joining in on the hunt, panning over a vast and lush mountain range of possibilities of where to live and where to dine.

This episode spoke volumes to me. It was tart as the cranberries Jersey is known for (not our Tomatoes), snarky as any teenage-rage piece, and a work that anyone might’ve read in high school. The music fit the fictional setting of Wiskayok, NJ. As a former soccer player, I’m reminded of a similar event when I put someone in school out of it for a year with a simple slide tackle. I felt horrible as Taissa. The only difference is, I had to sit in front of my victim next year in math class.

Things can nosedive in a brutal way from here, but I guess this is why they call this a Pilot.

Day of the Dead Episode 4 Review & Recap

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DAY OF THE DEAD -- "Forest of the Damned" Episode 103 -- Pictured: (l-r) Daniel Doheny as Luke Bowman, Trezzo Mahoro as Trent -- (Photo by: Sergei Bachlakov/DOTD S1 Productions/SYFY)

 

The positives for episode four are that it seems like the zombie conflict is finally coming to a head. Everyone is admitting slowly but surely, that there’s a really bad situation going on. We’re finally moving into the reactive phase.

Still,  every week this show does frustrate me as both a viewer and reviewer. In this one, the acting during every kill shot and death shot felt outright atrocious. It’s very, exaggerated, I’m dying in slow motion, kind of bad. The absurdity of the plot and choreography of the events does feel kind of clumsy and haphazard as well. Like there wasn’t a lot of time to figure out how to showcase these action sequences or where to block characters, especially in the McDermott compound battling scenes. Though I think the part that I really disliked was the outbreak becoming overrun by zombie moments. As due to the framing, a lot of scenes made me question… why didn’t they just run around? As there’s a lot of open spacing to dodge or flee away. 

I think at this point, I’m just happy that we’re one step closer to seeing how we get to the end. I also, really like everything regarding Jai, Cam, and the Bowman family’s scenes. Because they feel somewhat motivated to go somewhere and are at the least, very funny. I absolutely don’t care at all for anything regarding the Fracking organization or why this is happening in the first place. Which is probably not a good sign if they keep going in this direction, especially, because these are the very same storylines that hold the closest similarity to the actual Day Of The Dead movie.

So overall, it’s an irritating episode, though still filled with the occasional laughs, for a series that really depends on Characters and the funny moments in between. 

Here’s our recap:

 

 

Day Of The Dead Episode 4: Forest Of The Damned

DAY OF THE DEAD — “Forest of the Damned” Episode 103 — Pictured: Zombies — (Photo by: Sergei Bachlakov/DOTD S1 Productions/SYFY)

Phone out of service, Luke flees from a series of several zombie attacks in the forest, believing it to be the urban legend of the Enfields family whose bodies were at the bottom of the lake. After abandoning Luke, Trent believes he’s found the party, only to find the remains of a zombie massacre he mistakenly believes was a bear attack. When both boys flee, they find each other again in the woods, only to get surrounded by zombies. They hide but almost get caught. Trent then shows Luke the bodies at the party. 

Elsewhere, Jai mourns the loss of Mrs. French. Cam realizes his phone is missing, likely destroyed in the explosion, and so borrows Jai’s. Cam sees all of Jai’s notifications and the Doctor remembers: his wedding is right now. Lauren drives him to the country club, but first, drops Cam off at the Police Station. Inside the station, the Mayor talks with police chief Gloria about the situation and still wants to keep the outbreak hidden for the sake of her own public opinion. When Cam arrives to tells them it’s zombies, Gloria doesn’t believe him, and so listens to the Mayor in not calling in the State for help.

Lauren drops Jai off at his wedding. Before he leaves, he gives her antibiotics to take but Lauren is hesitant to take them, given her past pills addiction. At the wedding, Jai tells Sean the town is overrun with zombies. Sean doesn’t believe him and locks Jai into a room, forcing him to get dressed for the wedding anyway. Finally, dressed, Jai eventually confesses to his wife that there are zombies, but she throws up in the bathroom thinking Jai just doesn’t want to be married. Despite his pleas, his new family ignores Jai and he asks his father-in-law, Herb, to reassure the guests all is alright. At the photo booth outside, zombies start eating some of the guests. 

At the drill site, Logan is still trying to figure out what is happening, while Detective McDermott is kept repeatedly sedated. We also notice his jumper: with the name Bub on it, the same name of the intelligent zombie protagonist from the original Day of The Dead. Elsewhere, Sarah Blackwood, rifle in hand, finds that the mysterious fracking organization is rounding up the zombie form below. She follows and investigates, just as the detective also happens to break loose, with both exploring the compound from different locations. Eventually, the Detective takes out the soldier who was keeping him sedated, killing him with the same needle right into the chest. 

Doctor Logan studies the cells of the zombie from the pit and sees its cellular reanimation. McDermott gets the jump on her, finally taking the chance to get some much-needed answers. At that same moment, Sarah goes about the compound rifle in hand but encounters an armed guard beside the emergency call button. After a scuffle, she ends up shooting him, which sends him falling back into the alarm. McDermott takes Doctor Logan hostage as Sarah arrives with the rifle aimed at a guard. After a standoff, a gun fires…

Back at the police station, Cam looks at his dad’s desk and finds a bottle of whiskey and a picture of him, himself, and their mom. The Police Captain is overwhelmed with calls and notices that none of the officers are at their posts. Everyone is missing and in a state of emergency. Admitting that she was wrong, Captain Pike calls the state troopers in. Mayor Bowman, now concerned, calls her son Luke to check that he’s safe.  At that very moment, Luke and Trent get overwhelmed by zombies. Trent flees and leaves Luke stuck on a bridge surrounded by zombies at all ends.  

What We Do In the Shadows Season 3 Finale Review: The Portrait

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The only thing you can’t beat is an unbeaten heart.

This is the finale of What We Do In the Shadows titled “The Portrait.”

We open in on the traditional standing for a painting, a Portrait. All are in attendance, including the Baron (Doug Jones) and the number one Vampire…. their Hellhound.

Guillermo knows how vampires grieve in that they don’t… especially with one of their own. Whilst standing, Guillermo (Harvey Guillen) bums out everyone by prompting a good word in Colin’s (Mark Proksch) death. Oh, Nandor (Kayvan Novak) stands up for him being included in the portrait that Donal Logue is painting.

Guillermo realizes since the balance is askew, with a new one taking his Boringness’ place. Hint hint.

We also learn that Donal took up the arts in season 2 for Grounded for Life. The fact that they took the time and painted the cast of Grounded for Life, and the Front Gate of CBS Radford, the ER gaffer (all courtesy of the Donal Logue Collection).

As he’s making magic with vegetals and regaling the crew with his stories of being on set that seems to bore the others to tears, we now are supposed to believe their Rembrandt can fill Colin’s absence.

Among the straight-faced bickering about how Colin is no longer with them, Nandor takes a stand. I mean, outside of the position he cannot move from. He’s out, with only the panache one of Half Baked’s best punchlines.

The insolence doesn’t sit well with Nadja (Natasia Demetriou), but the group needs to all let out some steam before the real words flood out. We’ve just lost cabin pressure.

There’s a reason for this outburst. Nandor’s having a shitty year. From all episodes, he’s been left with a shuddering shoulder romantically, and you have to be freezing to leave a vampire out in the cold!

You factor that in with the death of one of his own. It’s got someone cogitating about what life is really all about as an eternal. His ennui goes into worry when Guillermo gets a hold of this news.

He can finally confront his feelings with his Master, though Nandor can’t even follow his own non-beating heart. The fact that he isn’t Nandor’s ‘carry on’ for his walkabout doesn’t sit well… nor does Guillermo.

He is no longer in servitude to his master, though, even in departing, Nandor thinks him such. Ladies and gentlemen, fasten your seatbelts.

Nandor knows that Nadja and Laszlo (Matt Berry) want a fucking vacation and he’ll be damned if he’s the last one standing ‘like a fucking loser.’ Ouch. Stakes in Guillermo. A strike on the vampire slayer.

Nadja is having a row with Laszlo as he cannot clearly accept Colin Robinson’s ghoulish demise. Let’s be honest, we could make an Odd Couple spinoff.

Nadja wants to reignite a wet bundle of sticks hubby with a trip to the UK. His inconsolable dick is still limp in honor of what was through this season was an unexpected gift… him and Colin actually bonding.

And though Nadja storms off from her hubby’s BRO-ner, Guillermo has things to attend to with her. Chiefly, her co-leader. This leads to an amazing VCR video of a special vampire explaining what transpires when taking the helm of a Council means. It leads to one of the highest positions in England. This is fate calling. Nope. It is text bombing you. Instead of being a big fish in a little pond, she can be a goddamn shark across the pond.

The only problem is her flank. Laszlo swears off Jolly Ole’ and never wants to touch toe on the soil.

Guillermo’s freaking out because he believes the band is breaking up and he doesn’t want to be as his master says the sole fucking loser.

Though Guillermo tries to get Laszlo to already his homeland more, in the midst of crafting a sonata for his fallen brethren, we learn a few tidbits. Clubs in London are recursive with which you are born into. ALSO, he was expelled from a lineage of drinking and brotherhood and decided to make a new start in America. This new birth seems to be something recurring.

Though Guillermo is trying to play Laszlo against his beloved, the time on the Portrait is ticking. How do you get everybody back together when there is no everybody? This is not simply a family picture. These are combined years of pain, love, and triumph. Fuck your 90s K-Mart family photos. This is a once-in-a-lifetime thing (though they have a few to spare).

Guillermo isn’t winning over any fans with his Master, especially since the Guide (Kristen Schaal) is totally digging on his travel channel.

Nandor is super happy for once and wants to embark on something that is out of his reach.

This calls all to finish the Portrait.

At the final standing, Guillermo brings to light (hisss) something very important. Though Laszlo swears he’s immutable to Colin’s passing, though Nadja craves for England with Lazzie vehemently swatting that fly down, Nandor announces his resignation with bellicose fashion.

We also find out why the English lad was expelled. He chose love over stature. It’s one of the most beautiful scenes I’d seen in all three seasons.

This prompts her to reveal why she wants to go to England, for she’ll be on the high table, the upper crust. Even the Guide didn’t know about this knowledge.

With their jubilation riding high, Nandor thinks it’s his time for his journey. Guillermo thinks differently, and with the portrait finally finished, Logue out!

It’s a pity the same couldn’t be said for Guillermo and Nandor. They are no longer Master and Servant. It is a battle of wills as much as it’s one of the emotions with ensuing violence. It is in spite of Nandor thinking that his Familiar’s skills are something of a novelty that we see the kitten has claws.

Only back to the wall, hackles up, we truly see what our mettle is made. This includes proving this Master that he’s the sole protector of him, nearly threatening to kill him, just to show he’s capable.

The thing is this was a fight that was brewing, whether we wanted it or needed it. Fomenting or not, sometimes you just need to work out your feelings through an unflinching stance.

This ultimately works out, as Nandor’s convinced that his familiar is indeed a bodyguard and would like him to continue that throughout his journey.

Should this succeed, Nandor on Al Qolador will give Guillermo that what he wishes for most. He says his word is his bond, and I’m all for it. We can use a new Familiar in the house next season.

Though Guillermo’s happy saying that goodbye he wasn’t in the first act, he’s seriously not happy saying goodbye.

The Guide happened to get Nandor a bon voyage card with the Wraiths signatures, shitty as they are. Nadja gives her deuces, and gathering up her hubby, they are ready to fly… or sail.

Back at South Amboy Train Station, NJ, Nandor awaits a train. It is the Gold Standard of us mortals, though he’s incapable of knowing that.

At the NY/NJ Port, Guillermo helps Nadja in her coffin off to England. There’s only one problem. Laszlo’s shipping off Guillermo with his wife to the homeland.

the train station, a forlorn Nandor must choose to stay or go without his beloved Guillermo. He chooses the latter.

We learn that Lazslo’s subterfuge was at his own expense. He wants Guillermo now to be her bodyguard, though, by his own admission, she needs no one to keep her safe.

We also are keen to in the homestead, Laszlo is not exactly alone. We have a new addition or remix to the family in the name of baby Colin Robinson! That energy they siphoned had to go somewhere!

As we close out the season, Laszlo hangs the Portrait. And we are welcomed to a new type of horror… an already growing at an alarming rate baby Colin Robinson.

Overall, this season was a rollercoaster, but like a really good one. One of those unyielding old-school wooden ones where you don’t know if you’re going to fly out because it was constructed fantastically, but the bumps are wicked hard to stomach. You emerge from it not knowing what happened, but your agency will totally recommend it to your friends and will happily go on it again. Kudos to the writers this season. This was a true work of art.

GTA San Andreas Remaster, Forza Horizon 5 and More Coming to Xbox Game Pass in November

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Xbox Game PAss

November is bringing nine big titles to Xbox Game Pass in its first two weeks. November 2nd brings the much-anticipated debut of Minecraft Java and Bedrock Editions to PC. Included amongst the releases are four Day 1 debut titles that include: GTA San Andreas, Unpacking, Forza Horizon 5, and Football Manager 2022.

The full list can be found below:

Minecraft: Java and Bedrock Editions (PC) – November 2
Unpacking (Cloud, Console, and PC) ID@Xbox – November 2

It Takes Two (Cloud, Console, PC) EA Play – November 4

Football Manager 2022 (PC) – November 9
Football Manager 2022: Xbox Edition (Cloud, Console, and PC) – November 9
Forza Horizon 5 (Cloud, Console, and PC) – November 9

Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas – The Definitive Edition (Console) – November 11
One Step from Eden (Console and PC) ID@Xbox – November 11

On November 15, the following games will be leaving the service:

Final Fantasy VIII HD (Console and PC)
Planet Coaster (Cloud and Console)
Star Renegades (Cloud, Console, and PC)
Streets of Rogue (Cloud, Console, and PC)
The Gardens Between (Cloud, Console, and PC)
River City Girls (Cloud, Console, and PC)

Source: Xbox Wire

‘Ghost Rider: Kushala’ and The Importance of Representation with Taboo and B. Earl

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ghost rider kushala

Both a Sorcerer Supreme and a Ghost Rider, the Spirit Rider Kushala storyline is easily one of Marvel’s wildest stories. A redemption story about a Native woman who becomes the Spirit Rider after learning to tame her desire for vengeance, there’s a lot to enjoy about this line, which is why it’s exciting to see the legacy continue with protagonist, Olivia Obtera. 

Though let’s be clear about something: Marvel’s ‘Ghost Rider: Kushala’ is not your traditional heroes’ journey. Instead, it’s a tale about tradition, native representation, and most importantly: family legacy. We interview writers Taboo and Benny Earl to get a better understanding of this journey. Below, is an abridged version, though the podcast features the full interview and more! 

The Workprint podcast is available on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and Google Podcasts. 

 

So first, what went into the creation of Olivia Obtera, and is she based on anyone in real life?

Benny: “Well, we can dive into how we always pull from our real lives, and you can probably say Olivia is Taboo’s daughter in like 15 or 20 years?! But really, it’s that idea of connecting her back to her lineage. As children, oftentimes you’re told where you come from but you don’t always get that full grasp. Glimpses, photographs, maybe? Especially if you grew up in the 1980 or 90s and didn’t have the internet. So I think Olivia is someone doing deep dives to figure out Kushala and where she comes from.”

Taboo: “As far as the connection between personal life and inspiration. We always love celebrating the matriarchy and empowering our leads, especially women. I am a proud girl dad. I’m proud of being a father of a daughter, but I also was raised by my grandmother, and she was the Matriarch of my tribe. The person who inspired me to go after my dream and aspirations. Kushala was a direct reflection of the love and support that we have for highlighting women leads and heroes to be the matriarch of our story. 

Even Olivia, being grounded as a mother too, is really relatable to us because we also deal with parenting issues. In fact, that’s how we built our duo. Benny and I met at Comic-Con and bonded over our mutual love of toys and comics, but also, about being fathers. We’re called the dynamic duo because we are fathers and we make content for our kids.”

Kushala is not only the Spirit of Vengeance but also a Sorcerer Supreme! What was the biggest challenge about the lore regarding such an epic character?

Benny: “Well, we had done Werewolf By Night and created Jake Gomez, but Kushala already had a backstory that we had to respect from Doctor Strange and Sorcerers Supreme by Robbie Thompson. We thought, how do we make that our idea as well? A Ghost Rider and Sorcerer Supreme?! Because people can call her a mary sue but I don’t think that’s true. I think in many ways, having power that comes from vengeance is uncontrollable. The fact that she had to be a sorcerer supreme to learn just how to control it became this balance of understanding who she was through her own journey of identity. So what we leaned into was the setup of having Olivia Obtera as our hero. It’s Kushala’s story but it’s Olivia’s having to take her in. 

It’s this idea that Kushala is bigger than one being. She’s all these beings, a multifaceted character. The fact she has the vengeance of a god planet inside of her? It’s like if mother earth got pissed and destroyed the multiverse, and then that vengeance fell through a black hole, created a whole new multiverse, oh and by the way? Kushala picked it up and now this planet is getting all screwed up! That’s what we’ve been dealing with in handling the story.”

Is there anything about different elements of Apache tribes, customs, and cultures that are in the worldbuilding of this comic?

Taboo: “One of the beautiful things of being as involved with indigenous communities is being able to make relationships and build trust with different heroes. With this story, we brought in an Apache relative in Tony Duncan to give us their blessing and use authentic representation. It’s part of our company’s motto to make sure we always highlight heroes in the indigenous community. Because even though I’m native, I don’t always speak for all of us, so I need to be sure I’m bringing the right relatives to speak with regarding certain nations and tribes. 

It’s something we made a point to highlight and champion because we’re creating heroes from the indigenous communities to be part of this journey. Even Kenneth Shirley, another relative who’s part Navajo, just getting that blessing and sign-off so that we’re not speaking where we don’t necessarily know the right things to say in far as the representations. I never wanna speak out of line, which is why it’s important to always bring in those relatives.”

Benny: “For me, I’m not Native, so this has been an amazing journey of learning, and being blessed to have these resources and folks that have been generous in their time and sharing. In fact, in Spirits of Vengeance, there’s a scene where Kushala is attacking the Leviathan and we didn’t have her say anything, and our editor Sarah Brunstad, asked us if she could have a line. So we called up Tony and we asked him what she could say and he recommended having her scream “HEEEEECHAAAAAAA!” It’s the things you wouldn’t think about but we’re lucky to have the ability to make that call asking what she’d really say?”

Taboo: “Ya know the conversation we talked with Tony regarding Sedona and this San Marcos band? You know, I didn’t know there were different bands for different clans, and it says something to me as a student, learning about the different nations, tribes, bands, and clans, that was very informative too. So it’s been a learning experience for me too, and I never claim to know everything about being Native, I’m still a student, man.”

What is the most challenging thing about working in a comics medium versus other forms of art?

Benny: “Honestly, writing comics is the most fulfilling because you have so much opportunity to get immediate gratification. I worked in film my whole career, and sometimes, it takes years pitching or attaching the right talent. What we love about comics is that we can go and jam, like music I think in a lot of ways, but more visual where we work with our artists. Except that you’re using the page and the ability to play with a reader’s time and engagement in the storytelling, along with how the art moves through space.”

Taboo: “For me, I come from the music industry, but I’m also a storyteller that started in my backyard playing with G.I. Joes, creating stories, creating my own worlds in my head. It kind of bleed into writing lyrics and being a socially conscious storyteller. About what was happening in the communities, or happening around the world, or things like 9/11, which is why the Black Eyed Peas wrote ‘Where’s The Love.’ That storytelling. That energy is something I came in, and with Benny’s lead, really fined tune what I bring in as a freestyling MC to sort of have a ping pong session with Benny, where he crystallized and fine-tuned it. Whether it’s paneling or vertical comics, it’s always a learning experience for me and I’m proud and humble to learn every day.”

What is the one thing you hope audiences take away from what you’ve created?

Benny: “I fell in love with philosophy over the pandemic. I’ve always been a student of it but never really embraced it as much as I did during this time. It was really that deep-diving into all those different philosophers and that trajectory philosophy from the beginning to where we are now, with different types and schools. In this comic, that was a lot of the threading I wanted to put in. Giving people some groundwork to play with without hitting people over the head about questioning and ourselves and trying to understand where we as humans, who have not existed that long on this planet, what our role is and where we are and where we’re going, and how we need to stop being focused on this: we screw it all up we just blast off to mars! This is a story of choices and how choices lead to cause-and-effect causality iterations and where we’re going and how being connected to the earth and to the universe is really what will save us in the end.”

Taboo: “I’ll also add. One of the important things to take away is, even though we are the face of this writing team, we can’t do it without our team. It’s a winning dream, it’s a dream team, from our editor, illustrators, and letterers, we can’t do it without our team. So I have ot acknowledge our team from Werewolf by Night to Kushala.” 

Do you have any words of Inspiration for any persons of color looking to make a comic about their families or cultural experiences? 

Taboo: “So, as a kid that was always feeling like I wasn’t enough. Never Mexican enough. Never native enough. Because I was born in Los Angeles, my Spanish was broken, I always felt like I didn’t have a place. I didn’t fit in. I always felt not enough. As I started to evolve and got older and understand the blessing of being proud of who I am, and really embracing all the cultures, I felt like keeping that messaging going and inspiring kids to hold onto that same energy of being enough and being proud of who you are. Faith, background, spirituality, gender, all of that. It’s important for kids to hold onto those aspirations of being proud of who they are. Let alone, people from marginalized communities and underserved communities of different ethnic backgrounds. The reality is we’re blessed to be Marvel writers to create storytelling for those who don’t have that same opportunity. We want to honor and celebrate those as well, heroes without capes, from different communities, as we like to call it, a mosaic of culture.” 

Benny: “I think Tab said it best. I can speak on a personal level, when I was 11, I was in love with creativity, art, Marvel. I dreamed of making Marvel comics and cut to 30 years later, and we get to. At the end of the day, it’s that thing of sticking to your guns and following your dreams and heart. The hard work does pay off and it’s about surrounding yourself with amazing people. As Tab said about team, the team is everything. Tab and I talk every day. He’s my brother. He’s family. That’s what it comes down to. These people you want to spend hours and hours? Years of your life with? Yeah, man! That’s what it comes down to, that’s how we connect and how we create together so that the big thing is always finding the people you relate to that are going to grow with you. Surround yourself with a great community.

I think, for all of us, we should never limit ourselves to where we can put our creativity. It’s never too late to be creative. It’s never too late to play an instrument. I think, so often people say I can’t because I’m too old, there are always excuses, but at the end of the day, you don’t have to be a Marvel writer to enjoy writing comics. you don’t have to be a Black Eyed Pea to enjoy making music. I think we should always embrace our creativity and not put it behind us.”

And that’s it regarding Kushala but there’s a lot more conversational talk featured in the podcast where we chat about the Dynamic Duo’s favorite comics, their upcoming projects including a documentary on the Black Eyed Peas on the sunset strip, and their biggest reveal: is working with acclaimed toy designer, David Vonner. As Angry Foot — a persona created by Taboo from years ago — is being turned into a character set within his own universe. If you’d like to learn more, take a listen to the podcast.

New issues of Marvel’s ‘Ghostrider: Kushala’ debuts every Thursday on the Marvel Unlimited app from now until the end of November. A special thank you again to Marvel Entertainment, Taboo, and B.Earl for this awesome opportunity. 

 

Day of The Dead Episode 3 Review & Recap

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DAY OF THE DEAD -- "The Grey Mile" Episode 103 -- Pictured: (l-r) Caitlin Stryker as Nicole, Miranda Frigon as Paula Bowman, Christopher Russell as Trey Bowman -- (Photo by: Sergei Bachlakov/DOTD S1 Productions/SYFY)

Well, if there was an episode that could fully convince me that this was a series was going to be more of a comedy than an actual zombie story, it would most definitely be this one. I can’t stress enough that this episode was… not that great. It felt a lot more like the silliest of Z-Nation as compared to anything remotely resembling a zombie drama of any sort.

The plot is redundant and all over the place and downright silly. But more than anything that sort of drags this episode in hilarious fashion, is that we now confirm that it’s really just all about the people. It’s about the stupid decisions they make to keep secrets and maintain a facade of their normal living despite the fact we’re in a full-blown zombie outbreak. It’s also very ridiculous, how obsessed with guns the Mayor is yet seemed awfully terrible at using them. 

That said, completely abandoning the plot in this episode, I will say everything that goes down at the retirement home is easily the best so far of the series. Mrs. French, the old lady, absolutely kills it in this one, both metaphorically and quite literally, as her small two-episode arc is proving to be the best and most unique thing about the series. 

That said, there’s still a lot more season to go, so I do have my hopes up in terms of at least having a good chuckle with my occasional zombie splats and gore. I do think though, that now that this episode set-up a lot more of the kind of comedic tone the series seems to be pivoting towards, and even seeing some of the worst gunplay and combat moments on low-budget cable TV, we can now officially sort of embrace the silly for the remainder of the series. Plots points be damned.

Here’s our recap.

Day Of The Dead Episode 03: The Grey Mile

DAY OF THE DEAD — “The Grey Mile” Episode 103 — Pictured: (l-r) Keenan Tracey as Cam McDermott, Dejan Loyola as Jai Calvert, Natalie Malaika as Lauren Howell — (Photo by: Sergei Bachlakov/DOTD S1 Productions/SYFY)

At the Grey Mile Retirement home, Mayor Bowman discovers that Trey’s murder victim is now a flesh-eating zombie on the loose. Naturally, instead of calling the authorities or warning people out of public safety, Paula decides to go after and kill the zombie herself. Proving to Trey and Nicole: that she’s lost her mind. 

While driving the hearse, Lauren convinces Cam not to call the police as she is on parole. When Jai wakes, the three swap stories and acknowledge that zombies are spreading across town. Jai also sees Lauren’s bite and asks to treat it, lest she gets a blood infection. They go to the Grey Mill retirement center/election polling area, where inside, Mayor Bowman still looks for the loose zombie. She reveals to Nicole, that the blackmail Pops has on her is that Trey isn’t Luke’s real father. Soon, Trey goes missing and then is found, and during the confusion, Nicole removes the bullets from Mayor Paula Bowman’s gun, hoping that she dies so that she and Trey can be together. 

When Paula can’t find the zombie, Nicole tries to explain the truth of everything to Trey but the zombie they’re searching for appears and bites her in the neck. Paula tries to save Nicole but her bullets are missing. Nicole dies and Trey cries, yet somehow, the zombie escapes yet again in the scuffle. When Mayor Bowman finally tracks it down again, she reassures the crowd, and then shoots the zombie several times attempting to be the hero, yet misses the head. When she finally does kill it, it doesn’t matter, as she and Trey realize there are already zombies outside and that the outbreak is actually everywhere. Concerned for their son (who is not his actual son), Trey decides to go find Luke. Meanwhile, Paula goes to City Hall to maintain order. 

On her way home after thinking she’d done the right thing, Sarah Blackwood is attacked by Rhodes who opens fire on her with a rifle. But she gets away and goes to find Doctor Logan. At that same moment, Doctor Logan does experimentation on the severed finger of Detective McDermott, which then, re-animates. Curious, she explores the dig site’s lower levels finding the zombie from before, though it attacks and kills her soldier. They take it away for experimentation. Elsewhere, we see Detective McDermott being held in the same Cleargenix compound. 

At the retirement home, Jai treats Laura’s bite wound, then finds Mrs. French in the room eavesdropping and secretly smoking despite her recent cancer diagnosis. Zombies soon get into the building but instead of abandoning the elderly, they come up with a plan. Jai and Lauren warn everyone to stay in their rooms as the zombies enter the halls. Cam wheels Mrs. French to the foyer just inside of the rear exit, where they plan a trap. Together, the group lures the zombies into the hall to escape and then waits until the zombies enter the room, in order to trap them inside. However, the fire alarm doors jam. Dying anyway and wanting to go out in a blaze of glory, Mrs. French forces the others to exit as she stays behind with just her cigarette lighter and her oxygen tank. She blows up the zombies in the foyer killing herself in the process.

Elsewhere, Luke Bowman reveals to Trent that he and Cam used to be best friends. Instead of bonding, Trent abandons him thinking that he hears the party. Soon after, Luke is attacked by a zombie.

 

Screenwriter J. Holtham Talks About The Cost Of Redemption In ‘Marvel’s Wastelanders: Hawkeye’

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marvel wastelanders hawkeye

In this exclusive, we talk with Supergirl, Jessica Jones, and Cloak and Dagger screenwriter J. Holtham about his latest project in ‘Marvel Wastelanders: Hawkeye’. A Marvel Unlimited podcast featuring Clint and Ashley Barton set in the Old Man Logan universe. 

Talk about a year of Hawkeye! Between Clint’s video game debut chapter last spring in Marvel’s Avengers, his highly-anticipated Disney+ series on November 24th, and now a 10-episode audio drama that’s releasing weekly on Marvel Podcasts Unlimited, Hawkeye has definitely hit a bullseye in the hearts of Marvel fans in 2021. 

We got a chance to chat with Jason Holtham, writer of the Marvel’s Wastelanders: Hawkeye podcast. In this interview, we talk about the blind arrow master himself, Jason’s illustrious career writing about TV superheroes, and the importance of the theme of redemption; as we share all you need to know about Hawkeye, Ash, and the Wastelanders series. 

The full interview is featured in our podcast but below is an abridged transcription.

The Workprint podcast is available on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and Google Podcasts.

 

Hawkeye in marvel wastelanders shooting an arrow

Your career seems pretty awesome! Can you tell us a bit about your journey from writing plays, to scripts, and now podcasts?

“Absolutely! I lived in New York and was writing plays and working in theatres for a long time. In about 2012, I made the jump to Los Angeles to pursue TV and screenwriting and wound up getting staffed on a bunch of Marvel and Comic Book shows: Cloak and Dagger, Jessica Jones, and most recently, Supergirl — which I was a writer on for their final season. Then, yeah, this fell in my lap. Marvel had these podcasts and I obviously had some ins there. This project seemed like a great marriage of my ideas and my material and it all seemed to work. 

Though writing for podcasts is definitely a very different medium. There’s a very steep learning curve to it, learning how to communicate what was in my brain and into the audience’s brain without being able to visually see anything. The audio team helped me a lot in learning what sounds the brain could understand and what would be distinctive; because someone knocking an arrow down is a lot less distinctive sound than you might think. Getting used to telling people what they were seeing so they could imagine it was a different experience, coming from the stage and TV world of ‘show and don’t tell’, then learning: nope. You have to tell them a little bit. It was an interesting transition.” 

 

For audiences unfamiliar with who Old Man Hawkeye is, can you tell us a little bit about him and the Old Man Logan universe this story takes place in?

“Absolutely! We’re in the Old Man Logan universe, where the central idea is that 30 years before the series takes place, all the villains of the Marvel Universe banded together and slaughtered all of Earth’s superheroes in a day. The villains then divided the country amongst themselves into little fiefdoms. Hawkeye is one of the few remaining hero survivors of V-Day, or Victors-Day, which is when the villains rose up and re-wrote history. Hawkeye’s now living in King Zemo’s domain in the western US, where the story is mainly set.” 

 

Alright, so from ‘Supergirl’ to ‘Jessica Jones’ to ‘Cloak and Dagger’, what is it about the superhero comics medium you love, particularly writing strong women superheroes?

“Great question! I’ve been a comic book fan since I was a 10-year-old kid reading New Mutants, so it’s always been a world and a format and a kind of storytelling I found interesting. In fact, it’s one of the first places I learned about storytelling, so a lot of my natural writing inclination wanders back towards genre storytelling and getting to work with these worlds and characters. 

As for why strong women characters? Why wouldn’t you? I don’t understand why wouldn’t you be interested in telling a story about strong and interesting and powerful women, especially given we live in such a misogynist and sexist world. Those struggles are primal and fascinating. And, as a black writer, it’s definitely something I connect with. That struggle for personhood. That struggle to be heard and seen. When I was 10, as one of the few black kids growing up in a mostly white suburb, reading the X-men as an outsider, and reading the New Mutants as a teen, meant a lot to me. I just wanted to tell stories that would do that for someone else.” 

 

This takes place in a world where Earth’s mightiest heroes are gone except Hawkeye. In this grim future, can you talk a little bit about him as well as Clint and Ashley Barton’s relationship?

“ I mean, their relationship was the heart of it for me. I was writing this in the middle of the pandemic. In the shadow of the various uprisings of last year. So out of all that tumult, the big question that sort of kept raveling around in my brain was how do you, after something terrible happens, rebuild? How do you remake the world? There’s an argument between Ash, Clint, and Bobby in the story about what our responsibility is to future generations. What does justice really look like? What does it mean to let go of your personal vendettas to work for something greater?

You know, Hawkeye is a famously chill, optimistic, and bright sort of character. So putting him in this dark place, and then pulling him out of this place of hopelessness and cynicism, was important. Then you see Ash, who at the very beginning of the series was on the verge of vengeance until you see Clint as her father, and Bobbi as her mother, trying not to let Ash go down the path that they went down. There’s a lot in that, and in breaking the family cycle. I was personally unwinding and pouring a lot of that into those relationships.”

 

Here’s a funny question. How does blind archery work, and was there anything that you researched or that influenced you in writing a blind Hawkeye?

“I will tell you now: I did no research. Made it all up! But sure, there’s a glimmer of Daredevil in there with the echolocation. We went with the Hawkeye being partially deaf, and so having Stark-tech ear implants that could help him. Yeah, obviously it’s a little comic book-y, but there’s also just something I love about the image of a blind archer. And a blind archer that’s good at it! If there’s is anyone that could be that it’s Clint Barton.”

 

What is one big theme you hope audiences will take away from the series by its end?

“Redemption. That redemption comes at a cost. That it’s important, that it’s necessary, but it can be hard redemption… it will not always necessarily look the way you think it will. I wanted all these characters to find redemption at the end of the day.”

 

What was the most challenging thing about the creation of this series during the midst of the pandemic?

“For me, the most challenging part was making the shift to audio storytelling. Thinking about how to communicate what’s in my head into other people’s heads. Figuring out the structure was the biggest challenge. Production was complicated, but we were all pretty comfortable with zoom-like programs. It also made casting easy, as the reason we were able to get such an amazing cast was that many could do it from their homes. That definitely helped, but mostly, the biggest challenge was just thinking about how to communicate this story to my audience.”

 

Can you share any words of advice for anyone looking to become a screenplay or script writer?

“Write, is my always default response. Write a lot. And write about what really matters to you. Write about what you think is important and what you care about. The thing that is gonna ring true always: is the truth. And you gotta really make yourself comfortable with that and get really comfortable sharing as much of your real authentic truth as you can.”

 

That’s kinda all I got, unless you wanna talk about anything? The process? The weather even?

“LAUGHS. I mean, the thing I loved most about the process was honestly the research for me. Once I hit upon this setting, I really dug into Westerns. My big sort of touchstone was True Grit. I watched both versions. They’re both great, different, and terrific. I watched Clint Eastwood movies. I did not rewatch ‘The Assassination of Jessie James by the Cowboy Robert Ford’, but I love saying that title, and it was a big influence on building the ringmaster’s show. That was really the thrill. Getting to play in the sandbox with that kind of gritty character archetypes of these Marvel characters.”

 

So… I take it Westerns were your biggest genre influence?

“That was the biggest genre influence. Just cause of that feeling. That monument valley set in the desert feeling. If there’s any genre for storytelling regarding these grizzled old warriors who are pulled back in the fight: it’s the western.”

 

Totally, I can see that. I do like the father-daughter stories of surviving and finding redemption and vengeance and the difference between the two. Can you talk about Ash actually, and how her experiences mirror her dad’s?

“Ash to me is the fulcrum of the beating heart of the story. I really wanted to pull my own teenage angst into her and into that point of a person’s life of what kind of person am I gonna be? How do I really view the world and what do I want to pursue? Ash has all these forces arrayed around her: Clint, Bobby, and all the people at the circus, as she’s trying to figure it out. There’s so much that hinges on the choices Ash is going to make. At the end of the first episode, she wants to kill someone! It’s that question of whether she will go through it, and why, and what effect that has on her, and what effect that has on Clint? That’s the heart of the whole thing. And just coming back to that question as often as I could to try to answer it was my big goal.”

And that was everything! New episodes of Marvel’s Wastelanders: Hawkeye airs every Monday. It’s been pretty great thus far and features such great writing so definitely tune in. Special thanks to Marvel Entertainment and J. Holtham for this awesome opportunity. 

 

Dune is the Sci-Fi Epic We Need Right Now

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Dune is a sweeping sci-fi epic that’s influenced dozens of well known properties (hello Star Wars, Blade Runner, Stargate, etc.) and follows the story of Paul Atreides, heir to a dukedom as he and his family are thrust into a dangerous position as the new stewards of the desert planet Arrakis, also known as Dune.

The film covers the first part of the novel of the same name (originally published in 1965 by author Frank Herbert) where our main character Paul (Timothée Chalamet) travels from his homeworld of Caladan to Dune as his family was given command of the planet to continue export of the spice Melange, the most important substance in the whole Imperium. Their predecessors were the Harkonnens, with whom they’ve had a bitter feud with for multiple generations. Once in this new world, Paul faces multiple dangers that completely upend his life and he ends up embarking on a path that he doesn’t yet fully understand. 


This IP was considered unfilmable for a long time because of the book’s complexities in concepts, themes, plots, characters, and backstories. The first attempt was done by Chilean-French filmmaker Alejandro Jodorowsky in the mid-1970s but the project stalled due to financial reasons. 

Eventually in 1984, David Lynch’s Dune was released and starred some notable actors including Kyle Maclachlan, Patrick Stewart, Sean Young, Sting, and Max Von Sydow. Unfortunately, the film performed poorly in the box office and was not well received by critics. 

The next iteration came in 2000 when the Syfy channel (then Sci-Fi) released a 3 part mini-series covering the first novel and then a sequel in 2003 called Children of Dune (starring James McAvoy and Susan Sarandon) that tackled the second (Dune Messiah) and third (Children of Dune) books in the original series. 

For fans of the franchise, it’s been a long wait for an adaptation that would do the series justice. In Dune: Part One, director Denis Villeneuve attempts to address the most important aspects of the source material that’s essential to the narrative, but those unfamiliar with Herbert’s works could easily find themselves lost from all the terminology, characters, and storylines unfolding on screen. 

SPOILERS AHEAD

However, Villeneuve got many things right. First and foremost is that this film is a stunning visual masterpiece. Everything from the costumes to the sets, the desert landscape to the cities, the weaponry, ships, and everything else in between truly immerse you in this universe in a breathtaking way. 

Distinct Planets

Each planet shown was distinct and memorable from the cool, zen-like water world of Caladan and contrasted with the the unyielding industrial motif of Giedi Prime. This was of course intricately tied to the noble houses that controlled each territory to reflect the persona of the rulers. I especially loved the portrayal of the Harkonnens and their environment, it oozed with malevolence and disturbing excess that is characteristic of their house. 

But one cannot talk about visuals without mentioning the most important location in the Imperium, Arrakis. The desert scenes were filmed in Jordan and Abu Dhabi and my goodness what grandeur! The film shows the vastness and beauty of the dunes and the planet plays such an integral part in the story as the only place where spice Melange is harvested and where Paul begins to come into his own. 

We also see Caladan as a lush oceanic world where the Atreides governed through air and sea power. In stark contrast Salusa Secundus, the original homeworld of House Corrino (the house of the current Padishah Emperor Shaddam IV) and currently a prison planet where the feared Sardukar are trained under extremely hostile and harsh conditions. What we see most of this locale are the prisoners being drained of blood to then be used as an anointing liquid on the foreheads of the emperor’s military force. 

The Bene Gesserit

While there’s a lot to bring onto the screen, one of my favorite aspects has been the elusive Bene Gesserit sisterhood. This secretive matriarchal society are the true rulers of the Imperium working in shadows to advance their goal of creating their ultimate being, the Kwisatz Haderach. The two characters we meet from this order are Lady Jessica (Paul’s mother and concubine of Duke Leto) and the Revered Mother Helen Gaius Mohaim, the emperor’s soothsayer. 

The Bene Gesserit have been carefully manipulating the bloodlines of the noble houses of the Landsraad as a part of their breeding program in order to produce a male who could see into the ancestral memories of both their father and mother’s genetic lines. Currently the sisters are only able to access their matrilineal ones. This being would also be able to see into the future through prescience (an ability to recognize repeated patterns throughout history). 

We learn early in the film that Paul has the capacity to be the Kwisatz Haderach after the Reverend Mother lands in Caladan and tests him with the Gom Jabbar. It works as a poison-laced needle that is situated right by the subject’s neck while their hand is placed inside a box. The trial is to withstand as much pain as possible to determine if the individual is able to override their primal instinct to remove their hand from harm’s way. Paul is actually able to last longer than any female who has ever undergone the test, convincing the Reverend Mother that he is indeed human. 

Once the Atreides heir and his family land in Arrakis, we also come to understand that the Bene Gesserit have seeded this world (as they have many others) with the Missionaria Protectiva, a program within the sisterhood that planted superstition of a prophesied messiah that would one day lead their people to freedom. For the Fremen, the son of an offworlder Bene Gesserit would one day arrive to be the Lisan al Gayib. Before departing Caladan, the Reverend Mother tells Jessica that the way has been set for them and hopes Paul should reach his potential but if not, there are other candidates. Leave it to the sisterhood to have options. 

It was quite fascinating to see just how much most of the Fremen fervently believed in this prophecy and how the Bene Gesserit exploited religion to suit their needs. Even in the exchange between Jessica and the Shadout Mapes captured the veracity of this myth when the newly hired housekeeper presented the lady of the house a crysknife and asked if the other woman knew its significance. Jessica of course had this knowledge and answered that it was a maker, resulting in Mapes wailing in shock. The Fremen woman said it best that it was just overwhelming to have your beliefs become reality.

Later on in the film, Paul and Jessica are found by Stilgar and his group deep within the desert. At first he and the others seem dubious that young Atreides is indeed the Mahdi and that his mother is useless to them, but after the Bene Gesserit out maneuvers him, he admits that she is a weirding woman and calls her Sayyadina. This is a term used by the Fremen for their lower ranking priestesses. 

In the meantime, Paul is soon challenged by Jamis, a Fremen warrior who had gotten livid that a mere child was able to disarm him so quickly and he was not convinced that Jessica was worthy of the title that Stilgar now recognized her as. He then demanded that he test her through her champion in trial by combat (to the death). Paul’s advanced training in the ways of the Bene Gesserit as well as weaponry through Duncan Idaho and Gurney made him a very strong fighter. He defeated Jamis and then garnered the acceptance of the Fremen in their company. 

Throughout the film Paul has been apprehensive about the changes happening within himself as he first dreamt often of Chani and Dune on Caladan and then began to have waking visions of possible futures in Arrakis because of his exposure to Melange. His prescient abilities were truly beginning to awaken and by the end, Paul had accepted that his path led into the desert where he would join the Fremen. At first he was upset by what his mother and the sisterhood had done to him, but now seems to come to terms with what he is becoming. 

Showing the power of religion and how it could be a tool used for manipulation was fascinating to see unfold. 

Final Thoughts

The cast did a terrific job with standouts being Stellan Skarsgård as Baron Vladimir Harkonnen, Rebecca Ferguson as Lady Jessica, and Javier Bardem as Stillgar. These three embodied their characters perfectly and are my favorite incarnations when compared to the original David Lynch Dune and the mini-series from Syfy. Chalamet and Zendaya also had terrific chemistry despite having limited scenes together and I’m excited to see this play out even more in part two. 

As a longtime fan of the books it was a dream come true to finally see Dune depicted in a way that showed the grandeur and expansiveness of the universe. While part one is a lot of setup for the second film and beyond, there was tremendous beauty in the action sequences, character interactions, and stunning locations. We may not have gotten a resolution, but it certainly gave us the promise of one to come.  

Mark McKenna’s Combat Jacks Now An NFT

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combat jacks cover art

An immersive new experience, legendary comic book veteran Mark McKenna re-releases his Combat Jacks comics series as a Terra Virtua NFT collection. We talk about McKenna’s latest venture and break down what exactly is an NFT.

 

Terra Virtua’s Re-Release of Combat Jacks 

Last year, we covered the release of Mark McKenna’s Banana Tail and The Checkerboard Jungle last year. As somebody who knows Mark personally, I’ll also be the first to say he’s a standup guy, known for being one of the nicest names in the industry; with a 37-year history of comics production credits for all the big publishers such as Marvel, DC, and Darkhorse. Mark has been nothing but a friend and mentor to those he meets. Which is why, the re-release of Combat Jacks, a spooky pumpkin-themed horror comic created by Mark McKenna, Sam Eggleston, and Jason Baroody, is something to be excited about. 

Combat Jacks is the story about a marine squad with futuristic high-tech weaponry who are sent to investigate the disappearance of prisoner terraformers on the newly discovered planet, Maia. A planet oddly rich with pumpkin-like vegetation, this seemingly habitable planet isn’t all that it seems — because the pumpkins: are alive and deadly. This NFT comic collection is dropping tomorrow on Tuesday, October 26th at 5pm BST | 12pm EDT | 9am PDT. 

  • The standard edition, at 1000 minted, begins at 29.99 each and includes Combat Jacks 1-4,  a 5-page prologue, and an animated cover. It comes in three layers: full-color, unlettered, and Mark’s original inks. 
  • The limited-edition director’s cut of 100 minted, is listed at 99.99. It features all of the perks of the standard edition, but also, adds in a fourth layer of Mark’s original pencilings along with additional concept art and alternate covers. 

You can purchase the NFT comics on TerraVirtua’s virtual marketplace. You can even partake in tomorrow’s AMA with Mark McKenna himself.

 

But What Is An NFT?

combat jacks limited edition nft

Like many people during the pandemic, I’m someone who had gotten really into investing. It financially helped me when the world was shut down and restarting. Stocks, dividends, ETFs, mutual funds, and cryptocurrencies, I sort of dabbled and learned a bit about everything this past year, including — though I personally don’t partake in them myself — Non-Fungible Tokens or NFTs.

In layman’s terms, an NFT is a digitized certificate of authenticity using blockchain technologies. It’s a unique proof of digital ownership for that registered subject stored as data on a digital ledger. Owning an NFT does not grant copyrighted ownership. It does, however, grant a license to use the underlying digital asset for personal, non-personal, or commercial use, all depending on the registered license. 

Terra Virtua NFTs specializes in collectible commodities, and more importantly, immersive Virtual Reality. If the Metaverse highly anticipated by Facebook and seen in fictional works such as Ready Player One is going to be our future reality — then Terra Virtua NFTs have absolutely grabbed the attention of the Metaverse’s future investors, art enthusiasts, and digital collectors. 

A big reason we have NFTs and blockchain technology is the idea of an isolated wealth outside of government influence; something that is less susceptible to declining economies and political climates. In many ways, crypto can be a better form of payment than say, for instance, the Venezuelan Bolivar, where doctors of that country earn less income than the American fast-food worker. Fifty years ago people bought gold to combat inflation. For this new generation of investors, it’s crypto.

On the downside, Crypto and NFTs have also made a lot of billionaires even more money. The field is largely unregulated (though governments are trying to change this) and some of these alternate currencies’ can end up tying back to shady forms of money income or black market purchases. Atop of this, blockchain technology is bad for the environment, as the multiple computers needed to chain transactions together in order to generate a blockchain consumes a whole lot of power. To top off all this criticism, memes get turned into NFTs and you’d be surprised at the list of things that can be turned into NFTs (basically anything).

But one thing that the media never seems to talk about, and what is, in fact, the one thing that I care about the most regarding the NFT space is that NFTs also puts the power of currency back into the hands of their artists. A leveraging of the playing field for fellow creatives who just want to be paid fairly for their art. Because most NFT spaces are being sold by a first-come-first-served approach or auctions. But what they sell for at price comes down to the fans, the collectors, and really: the public social space appeal. 

It’s the artists and creatives taking back the power of their art.

 

Day of The Dead Episode 2 Review & Recap

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DAY OF THE DEAD -- "Chum" Episode 102 -- Pictured: Zombie -- (Photo by: Sergei Bachlakov/DOTD S1 Productions/SYFY)

 

So far, we’ve seen a lot going on in SYFY’s Day Of The Dead. Zombies are rising, body parts are going SPLAT, and apparently, the zombie chomp has been now retconned making for more of a worrisome bark than an actual deadly zombie bite. In episode one, we learned about our cast of characters: Cam McDermot’s wanting to leave town for college, his detective father’s investigation and his patient zero status, the dramatic politics galore of the Bowman family, and how we connect the series’ ending moments back to its beginnings. Which was a lot of plots to take in for a pilot episode.

Episode 2 is a lot of the same. The plotlines at this point are absolutely everywhere making it hard to follow with such a cavalcade of characters. However, I do think the motivations for each person do seem clearer in this episode. You feel sympathetic for these people. Even though it’s low-stakes and oftentimes: very comedic. 

DAY OF THE DEAD — “Chum” Episode 102 — Pictured: (l-r) Christopher Russell as Trey Bowman, Darryl Scheelar as Magnum — (Photo by: Sergei Bachlakov/DOTD S1 Productions/SYFY)

The production is also upped in quality regarding the make-up and practical effects of the zombies in episode 2. The zombie kills in this one do feel funnier rather than serious. As the series strides forward with fewer monologues, more moments of excess, and some genuine character arcs and struggles. It’s the balancing who they were then versus who we know they’re going to have to be in the zombie apocalypse world of tomorrow. 

Here’s this week’s recap:

 

Day of The Dead Episode 2: Chum

DAY OF THE DEAD — “Chum” Episode 102 — Pictured: Paula Shaw as Mrs. French — (Photo by: Sergei Bachlakov/DOTD S1 Productions/SYFY)

The episode picks up from last week’s pilot, where Cam and the group of survivors at the morgue notice Lauren’s bitten shoulder. One of them pulls out a gun. Suddenly, a zombie tries to get out of the morgue drawer but Dale stops it and slams the door shut, severing its arm. Later, that same arm sneaks off and opens the drawer latches when others aren’t looking, liberating the zombies. Now overrun, The group runs back upstairs, but Dale is left behind and killed. Things don’t fare any better upstairs, as the zombies try to break in. Lauren offers to leave these people behind, as they’re rednecks, but Cam refuses. He comes up with a plan.

At the retirement home where the elections are happening, Doctor Jai Fisher visits an elderly smoker patient named Mrs. French, whom he regretfully has to tell, is dying. Accepting her fate, the two bond, and Jai shares with Mrs. French about his wedding struggles. She convinces him to stop being afraid and talk with his wife. When Jai confronts Amy about the wedding issues and his parents’ flight delay, they get into a spat, as her father — whose medical practice is the whole reason Jai has a job — already paid for the wedding and so won’t delay nor postpone it. Conflicted, Jai eventually visits Herb at a golf course to confront him, who in turn, pressures Jai to sign a prenup. Helpless, while golfing alone, Jai throws his driver into the woods out of anger then goes out to look for it. When he gets lost, he asks a man for help, only to reveal that it’s no man. It’s a zombie. He then flees the woods.

At the fracking site, Sarah wakes up tied to a chair after having been subdued by McDermott. She breaks free then investigates the facility. Detective McDermott meanwhile, has had his finger bitten entirely off by the zombie. A woman from corporate approaches the site revealed to be Doctor Logan — who seems to be the executive in charge. Doctor Logan reassures Sarah they’ll fix everything, get detective McDermott out and the help he needs. Sarah reveals that she used to be in the service. Doctor Logan tells her to rest as the worst is over. When left alone with McDermott to reprimand him, she orders him to kill her, as she takes McDermott away.

DAY OF THE DEAD — “Chum” Episode 102 — Pictured: (l-r) Darryl Scheelar as Magnum, Jay Brazeau as Pops Parker — (Photo by: Sergei Bachlakov/DOTD S1 Productions/SYFY)

Just outside of the retirement center voting station, Mayor Bowman is approached by the town’s anti-frackers, who are upset by the quality of the drinking water. Pops, her political opponent, calms down the crowd after riling them up to vote. Upset, Mayor Bowman’s campaign aide Nicole de-escalates the situation and then takes Mayor Bowman around back to exit. But when the protestor from outside follows them into a corner in the retirement center, he pulls out a tainted jar of water from his faucet caused by the fracking. Thinking it’s a gun, Mayor Bowman’s husband Trey grabs his pistol then fires a warning shot into the air. The bullet ricochets and shoots the protestor in the head instantly killing him. Trey freaks out as the trio now contemplates how to get away with murder. Trey acknowledges, that as a white man, it’ll likely be an 18-month slap on the wrist and asks Nicole to wait for him while he’s in prison. She agrees, and Mayor Bowman is confused about what the hell is going on. Composed, she comes up with a plan to Weekend at Bernie’s the body away by wheeling it out. Before anything can happen, Pops arrives and blackmails her in private. Trey and Nicole try to ditch the body at a nearby TV room, where moments later, it wakes up: now a zombie.

Elsewhere, Luke Bowman gets Trent’s cousin to lend him a keg of beer. The boys try to carry it into the party area by the lake while sharing a story about the Enfields. The deceased family at the bottom of the lake that supposedly haunts it. Luke then shares with his friend that he worries he’s disappointing everyone he cares about. They drop the keg by accident and it rolls into the lake. The boys laugh, but coincidentally, a zombie pops out by the keg in the lake — possibly one of the Enfields. 

DAY OF THE DEAD — “Chum” Episode 102 — Pictured: (l-r) Kristy Dawn Dinsmore as Amy, Dejan Loyola as Jai Calvert — (Photo by: Sergei Bachlakov/DOTD S1 Productions/SYFY)

Finally, Lauren and Cam leave out the side exit and load a cadaver into the hearse. Cam guts it and then uses the entrails to lure the zombies away from the Funeral Home’s main doors. The people escape the building. A zombie almost gets to Cam but he and Lauren narrowly escape, at least, until they accidentally find a fleeing Doctor Jai Fisher and hit him with their car.

 

What We Do In The Shadows Recap: A Farewell

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Some Goodbyes Are Just Messy

It never feels good to say bye to someone. It’s a secret power to hide behind the tears, the type you keep hidden. When a beloved brother is felled, it can be a lot to take in. That’s why we have your Vampiric Council and in this penultimate episode of What We Do In The Shadows titled “A Farewell.”

We open in on the vampire residence. Though Guillermo (Harvey Guillen) is trying in vain to deprogram Nandor (Kayvan Novak), it’s been going kind of slogging along. Colin Robinson (Mark Proksch), however, is having a little too much fun with this captive. Nandor feels nothing, as his patience is growing thinner by the moment. Though Nadja (Natasia Demetriou) is convinced he’s still under the washing of the brains, he has seen the light and knows where he stands in the house. He continues to go all-in on the household, speaking truth to power inside of a cage. Guillermo isn’t spared either, as the guy is beautifully bellicose. Tired of all of the bullshit, Nandor’s decided to take a Super Slumber which may last from 50 years to 300.

As Nandor prepares for a long, deep sleep, Nadja prepares a statement as if he’s going to the long slumber from which he may not return. Colin Robinson seems distressed… but that’s for later. Laszlo (Matt Berry) has also writ something, but it couldn’t get beyond one word. Colin’s weeping because he thinks Nandor’s slumber is getting him out of attending his 100th birthday party and with that, everybody’s in a mood.

Guillermo guides his Master to an eternal slumber, blows out the candles, and continues onto the other living dead. In the main area, the Guide (Kristen Schaal) arrives, bearing news. The Supreme Worldwide Vampiric Council has invited them to a checking-in. Though a definite honor, this homestead is vastly underprepared as they are arriving tonight, at 8:30 on the dot. Having one of their own in a depressive state isn’t a good look. This prompts Guillermo to awaken his Master, who has already uncaringly said his piece.

Though Guillermo seals him up, the house has a visitor. Colin, in his white finery, looking all smooth answers the call. The Contessa Carmilla de Mornay (Khamli Alexander) is in attendance, with Dominkyas the Dreadful (David Cross) happening to make an appearance with his “human partner” Coco, and Quinn, aka Donal Logue. Hey, he’s still a vampire from Blade!

At the long table, Dominkyas resorts to requesting McDonald’s for his ‘consort’. Whilst Guillermo delivers Donal feasts on the help, with the Contessa wanting to meet Nadja’s insolent but cool as a cucumber co-leader. In keeping up with his feigned story to leave him be, Nadja admits to killing him for a shot at the throne, but Coco isn’t fine with just a few words talking about vanquishing. She wants to see the evidence. This leads Guillermo to wake up Master yet again, and though Nandor makes a decent point to just view him in simple death adjacent, this can never be simply passing.

As the Contessa, Donal, and Dominkyas toast to the passing of one of theirs, there is one last indignity to be had. Seeing as though the old boy is now pronounced ‘dead’, they take a peek under the hood to see if the ages’ old rumors are true. They find something of ‘average’ stature and though they go above and beyond to ‘feel things out’, Guillermo isn’t out of that dog house yet.

At the blood banquet, Nadja tries to comb things over with a toast but her lovely flank outdoes her with a toast to Colin, boring as he may be. There’s a reason for this. Laszlo knows Colin Robinson is perishing at an alarming rate. This is the reason in the entire season Lazzie has been so kind to the old chap. As it turns out, when Colin and Laszlo were in the library and he was searching up information on energy vampires, information was learned. Energy vampires have a life expectancy of exactly 100 years, and it’s irreversible.

Colin is unaware and Laszlo doesn’t have the non-beating heart to tell the poor bastard. He thinks it’s better he lives his entire life out being dull but happy and I guess it matters none, as Colin’s skipping out on the all-out orgy out for the sake of his tummy. Death has taken hold. Visiting him in his flatulence inflated sepulcher, Laszlo, Nadja, and Guillermo try to comfort the one who is not long for this world. All he wants is a diet ginger ale for what he thinks is about dyspepsia, but amid the awkward want for a proper goodbye, there is only stupidity.

This arrives in the form of Guillermo retrieving Master to pay his last respects and with one last nail in his coffin, accidentally punching a fucking hole in the dude’s face. Yeah, I think the guy is pretty in offal at this point, compliments of Nandor.

The fact that the series was about to merc the main character was pretty serious. There is no way of coming back from the scuttlebutt of getting ones’ face beaten in, and I want to see where this goes. Buttressed by his own, I want to see where Nandor will end up. Will we see a new addition to the group? Will one of the co-leaders be on the tribunal for a legitimate vampire-icide? The finale is next week…

Executive Producer Danishka Esterhazy on The Importance of Women In ‘Slumber Party Massacre’

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A fun rework of a slasher classic for the SYFY network, Slumber Party Massacre is a movie that really takes on preconceived notions of horror, embracing a women-centric approach. We talk with executive producer Danishka Esterhazy about fun moments in the making of the movie, but also, how brilliant of a job The Slumber Party Massacre creatively flips the script on Slash movie expectations.

A director who advocates for more women in filmmaking, Danishka Esterhazy has served as executive producer of SYFY’s Surreal Estate and previously directed another SYFY horror movie in The Banana Splits movie. The director shared with us different inspirations and even talked about THAT sequence in the movie.

You can follow more coverage over at TheWorkprint podcast. Available on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and Google Play. 

One of the best things about the Slumber Party Massacre was its focus on its women characters. Can you tell us how important this was in your filmmaking process?

“Telling women’s stories is important to me on every project. It’s why I became a filmmaker. To try and bring that voice to films. I’ve always been a fan of the genre — I love horror and science fiction and fantasy — but growing up as a young girl as a fan of those kinds of stories, I didn’t see a lot of women characters in those movies, or those books, and really wanted to see more women in those stories. Because you know, as a fan, I felt left out, and when I became a director, I felt that was something I can contribute. It’s something that’s always been first when I sign on for a project: who are the women characters, what are we saying about women, who are the women involved creatively? This project isn’t just a legacy project from the first horror franchise written and directed by women — But it also had a great woman screenwriter attached in Suzane Keilly, someone who’ve I’ve been a fan of and wanted to work with for a while. You put those things together and for me, it’s been a dream project.”

What were your challenges in doing this for television format and how much more of the film exists that you may have had to remove?

“It was probably easier than people think. This was my second horror movie for SYFY. I made The Banana Splits movie, which was also horror and rated-R and had a lot of gore and a lot of violence. For this film, I was aiming for primetime streaming, so we had to adjust it for the TV audience. There was even some pixelated nudity so we can reach a wider audience. But we didn’t cut any scenes and I didn’t have to change the vision. It’s a slightly safer film, but not very different from my original vision. It’s a bit of a challenge given that we had to remake a film known for its… excessive nudity. I couldn’t do the nudity of the original but was happy to do that on another project.”

Were there any particular influences from the original movies that inspired parts of the remake?

“So many, especially from the first film which I know really well. The characters that inspired our characters. My favorite character from the original movie is Courtney, the younger sister, who I just absolutely love. She has a very dry wit and she’s very much her own woman even though she’s the youngest character. I know when originally talking with Suzanne, our screenwriter, we thought that maybe this should be a story about the little sister’s point of view. Though we ultimately didn’t in the end, Alex definitely became a callback to my favorite character from the original film. And then there are the death sequences, directly inspired from kill sequences from the original, some are shot for shot, then there’s also some we created. Suzanne writes some amazing horror movies so she had creative ideas that we wanted to make original and put our stamp on. It was a total blend between lots of easter eggs and callbacks plus our own opportunity for creativity. Though nobody asks about the Goose lamp! Which is one of my favorite callbacks from the original. We couldn’t find one so had to make one from scratch! 

At any point, did you ever just look back and just laugh at the certain events that were happening?

All the time. We had so much fun. The script is hilarious. The laughter is hilarious. Sometimes we didn’t really expect it. There’s this one scene right in the movie, where Rob is chasing them in the fog, I can hear him ad-libbing in the woods: “I love you”. It was so ridiculous, hearing him screaming his love into the forest. We all laughed really hard. So yeah, it was a pleasure to have the opportunity to make such a film and we all had a lot of fun doing it.

The twist of the middle of the movie, in flipping the script almost entirely of what’s expected of the slasher genre. Can you tell us what inspired you to make this decision?

Early on we knew that we wanted to play with preconceptions of this story. As much as we wanted it to be an interesting story with new characters, we also wanted to be commenting on expectations of the horror genre. One of our first ideas was, why don’t we start up the movie a little brightly lit, cheezy, and make it seem like we’re going to do the original with no changes. Sort of getting people into that expectation, but as the movie progresses, we’ll learn more about the chatters and see audiences second guess themselves. Maybe I don’t understand the situation? Maybe they have more depths and meta layers of the horror genre. In a way, there’s a lot of red herrings in the film, you kind of want people to lower their expectations! Have fun but like not really think anything new is going to happen so hopefully, the midpoint is when we surprise and shake things up and really get into the more layered part of the story.

100% And the Pillow fight particularly made me bawling out laughing. It was brilliant.

Thank you, we had a lot of fun shooting that and there were feathers everywhere!

Can we talk about the significance of the mother-daughter relationship? Why did you personally feel so entwined about that message and where did you channel it in from your personal life?

The relationship between the mothers and daughters in this story is very key and they say so much.  I don’t know if it’s because if I have a difficult relationship with my mother, but I also wanted to talk about intergenerational trauma and also internalized misogyny. The way we force gender rules on ourselves and our own children. So yeah, I really wanted to talk about those themes and thread them in there. The actors and I talked about those things constantly — I think they brought so many layers into their performances.  

And that was it. Special thanks to the SYFY network, Danishka Esterhazy, and Big Gold Belt Media. Slumber Party Massacre aired last night but you can likely rewatch it through Halloween month.

Day of The Dead Episode 1 Review & Recap

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zombies in syfy's day of the dead
We’re Ready For Our Closeup Mr. Romero

We’re Ready For Our Closeup Mr. Romero

The story of six strangers trying to survive the first day of the zombie apocalypse, SYFY’s Day of The Dead brings together some classic zombie fun. Less of a remake and more an homage to the George A. Romero original in name only, this story is really more about a small middle American town, its inhabitants, and the events that happen on day one of the end of the world. 

Day of The Dead is really more about teenage angst and cable TV melodrama than actual catastrophic events regarding the end of the world. In fact, most of what unfolds this first season are events less to do with the world ending, in so much as it is about the townsfolk’s surprisingly silly and desperate attempts to deny the fact that we’re in a zombie pandemic. Which in many ways, I believe is art imitating life with our current pandemic. 

Season one sees a corrupt fracking facility, a pair of boys wanting desperately to bring alcohol to a party to get laid, a beleaguered mayoral campaign, and loads-upon-loads of: “I have parent issues,” all of which take precedent over say, zombies eating our neighbors. It’s interesting because by focusing on the first Day of The Dead as the name implies, we get to see how an entire town falls apart within 24 hours, filled story with numerous character arcs of people clinging desperately while denying the state of emergency.

The series stars Keenan Tracey (Cam McDermott), Daniel Doheny (Luke Bowman), Natalie Malaika (Lauren Howell), Kristy Dinsmore (Amy), and newcomer Morgan Holmstrom (Sarah Blackwood). It was created by Jed Elinoff and Scott Thomas

For those expecting anything resembling the original, be warned, that this really has nothing to do with it minus a few name recyclations. Most of the conflict in the pilot relies on character motivation, which feels very young adult and teen-friendly, with stakes that feel surprisingly low. Likewise, don’t expect hardcore melodrama as this isn’t The Walking Dead, and don’t expect anything like the worldbuilding of Daybreak, as the show isn’t based on any graphic novels. Do, however, expect a lot of people pointing out the same similarities to SYFY’s Z-Nation. All for a zombie series that’s a lot of fun but not at all that serious. 

Here’s our recap of the pilot.

 

Day Of The Dead Episode 01: The Thing In The Hole 

DAY OF THE DEAD — “The Thing in the Hole” Episode 101 — Pictured: (l-r) Matty Finochio as Bobby Hart, Keenan Tracey as Cam McDermott, Natalie Malaika as Lauren Howell — (Photo by: Sergei Bachlakov/DOTD S1 Productions/SYFY)

It’s the apocalypse in downtown Mawinhaken, where former best friends Cam McDermont and Luke Bowman are surrounded by zombies. Mayor Paula Bowman, Luke’s mom, arrives just in time to save the boys’ guns a-blazing, as Cam’s friend Lauren Howell, drives up in a getaway car. The group escaping what remains of the zombie overrun town. 

Earlier in the day, a fracking operation led by Cleargenix energy had dug deep into the earth before running into problems. So foreman Rhodes sends newcomer Sarah Blackwood, an ex-special forces agent turned blue-collar worker, down into the drill tunnels to purvey. There, Sarah uncovers a mummified body and calls it in to the police, upsetting Rhodes’ deadline. He gives her the rest of the day off then secretly continues to drill despite the body.

Meanwhile, Cam McDermott leaves for his part-time job that he’s taken up to pay for out-of-state college. It’s revealed, the night before, he and his father argued about him leaving. Ignoring their fight from last night, Mr. McDermott smokes in bed before being called to investigate the fracking site. When he arrives, both he and Sarah are told to ignore the issue by their superiors. The two decide to investigate anyway and Detective McDermott finds the random chained-up body. When the Cleargenix workers find Sarah still there, she disconnects the detective’s rope he used to repel down before being knocked out by Rhodes. Stuck in the pit with the body, the detective is suddenly attacked by it.

At that same moment, Cam heads to his job mowing lawns at a graveyard, where he finds Lauren just outside of the nearby funeral home smoking a cigarette. They chat and we learn that she’s the aide to the town funeral home advisor/coroner and that she has a former addiction problem. While at her job, Lauren gets offered her first solo funeral prep but is then propositioned by her creepy boss, Lazlo. She reluctantly agrees as Lazlo threatens to give a scathing review to her parole officer. Later that day, while Lauren preps the body then undresses in the bathroom to get changed, it’s revealed that Lazlo has a spy camera setup, and has been watching her change inside his office. In serendipitous fashion, he’s attacked by the recently deceased body, now a zombie. 

At her home, Mayor Bowman makes sure she grabs a gun for any photo opportunities today as she’s pro-gun and about to make a public appearance to vote. She catches her son Luke Bowman, trying to sneak alcohol out of the house and reprimands him. Luke, meanwhile, picks up his friend Trent and the two go on the pursuit for alcohol for an outdoor party. At the elections polling area, Mayor Bowman argues with her reassuring husband, Trey Bowman, and their weirdly helpful campaign aide Nicole. She then gives a press conference about how important the Cleargenix company is for creating jobs in town. While going in to vote, Nicole sneaks into Trey’s booth for a quickie, as it’s revealed Nicole and him are having an affair.

Elsewhere, a stressed-out Doctor Jai Fisher goes on a run. It’s his wedding day and his parent’s flight is delayed. At the venue, Jai complains about the wrong colored white roses being arranged. He learns that the tall and handsome Sean, his wife’s ex and current best friend, traveled all the way to Philadelphia last minute just to get the proper cream-colored ones. Leaving even more stressed and slightly emasculated. 

DAY OF THE DEAD — “The Thing in the Hole” Episode 101 — Pictured: Keenan Tracey as Cam McDermott — (Photo by: Sergei Bachlakov/DOTD S1 Productions/SYFY)

At the graveyard, Cam’s lawn mowing is disrupted by Luke and his friend Trent. They scare him with their car, and in retaliation, Cam throws an ornament that cracks Luke’s rear windshield. The bullies chase after Cam. When they can’t find him, Trent trips over a rock which is revealed to be a zombie’s hand. 

Nearby, Lauren talks with a family regarding her solo funeral arrangement. She does all the prep work perfectly but notices the body is missing from the coffin. Blaming Lazlo, she searches for him in the lower morgue only to find his face half-eaten. The zombie soon attacks her, as she struggles to get back upstairs. During the struggle, Lauren gets bit, then kills the zombie with a microphone stand in front of his son and family.

Back outside, Cam finds a bone caught in the lawnmower. When he checks the grounds, an arm grabs him from the grave and a series of zombies sprout from the ground. Cam mows some zombies down before narrowly escaping and locking the gates of the cemetery. He goes inside the funeral home to find Lauren. Soon, the front door of the home gets surrounded by zombies, and so Lauren takes the group downstairs thinking it’s safe, only to realize the bodies in the morgue are also reanimating. 

Day Of The Dead airs on Fridays at 10pm on SYFY starting October 15th

 

‘What We Do In The Shadows’ Recap: The Wellness Center

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What We Do In The Shadows The Wellness Center

If you haven’t experienced a mid-life crisis, you will. For each and every one of us, it will be different, to which we can either say “I’ve been there” or “I may be going there”. In that dreaded uncertainty, we wrangle with the things done versus those unexplored. In this eighth episode of What We Do In The Shadows (FX) titled “The Wellness Center” we find that even a simple gamble in finding life can end it just as well (if you don’t fasten that seatbelt in that silly looking Maserati.)

We open in on the Vampire Residence. It is Nandor’s Accession Day, commemorating the time in which he officially came to power as Supreme Viceroy of Al Qolnidar. This includes gussying up the house with all sorts of dressings, including crepe (creepy) paper, which is a nice throwback nod.

Last year’s celebration included Nadja (Natasia Demetriou) and Laszlo (Matt Berry) dancing in full Qolnidarian garb, Colin Robinson (Mark Proksch) belly dancing in naught but loincloth and fez, with Guillermo (Harvey Guillen) blowing away at what appears to be a middle eastern bagpipe, as Nandor (Kayvan Novak), in all his regal finery smiles and approves from his throne. It’s good to be the king… right?

The opening of Norma Tanega’s “You’re Dead” that proceeded in a Persian styling was, indeed, a very nice added touch.

As the gang once again prepares for the year’s annual tradition, with Laszlo donning his turban gifted by the last Maharaja of the Sikh Empire, something is amiss… it’s the Accession Boy!

Though the full house, with the Guide (Kristen Schaal) included, is ready to greet him with feigned joy, they open the coffin only to find a corpse. Though he rises, it’s merely the husk of a Ruler they find ambling past, and not even Guillermo’s adorable handmade gift of two dolls of themselves isn’t enough for Nandor to bat an eyelash, so you can simply forget about Colin’s prepared Monroe-Esque Belly Dance.

Nandor’s simply not feeling the rigamarole, the old chapeau of a celebration of something that happened hundreds of years ago, only to be celebrated for eternity has the Relentless down for the count. According to Nadja and Laszlo, vampire depression is no joke, with one trying to grapple with the perpetual state of simply being. The proven method of dealing with a depressed eternal is, according to unspoken etiquette is to leave them the fuck alone.

This holds true for Nandor, as the chap is seven centuries deep with no wife, no offspring, and is living with roommates. Since this is there is no midway for a vampire it’s bigger than a mid-life crisis. In Guillermo’s words, it’s a “crisis-crisis.”

With Nandor slouching listlessly at the house meeting, Nadja attends to the matter at hand: someone taking up the duty of collecting Vampiric Council union dues. Very deliberately going about the room, causing the rest to renounce the job they are “not qualified for”, she zeroes in on her co-leader. Wresting the ledger from her in anger, Nandor storms out on his own and into the night.

His first stop is the Post-Chiropteran Wellness Center. Inside, he finds rooms of vampires that eerily smile and point in unison to his desired target. This leads him to an aerobics class with Jan (Cree Summer) presiding. Commanding her spandex class with the alacrity of a Jane Fonda, she’s also able to flick the switch like a Vietnam sergeant.

Nandor’s not affected by this, but there’s only one snag. Though the numbers claim she hasn’t paid in 132 years, she claims she’s no longer a vampire, leaving no debt to be settled. In showing her collector she no longer bears fangs along with the rest of the class, she asserts she and the rest of the building are HUMANS. She guides a skeptical Nandor to her office.

Inside, though the wall adoring pictures of past lives lived is par for the course, a wall of monitors looks disconcertingly out of place. She pours Nandor a glass of water, but since the dude isn’t able to drink it, she takes the liberty of savoring every gulp of it herself. Ahhh. She continues on in inquiring Nandor about how long he’s been a prisoner to the vampiric lifestyle, but before he can open up, she excuses herself to vomit up the water behind Nandor’s back. Ahh!

Getting back into the soft and sensuous sell of becoming human again, Nandor’s growing curious. Jan’s crunch into an apple would serve as the exclamation to her point… if it didn’t serve as more of ellipses with her chewing but not swallowing.

Still, it’s enough to get old Nandor packing his stuff, ready and rarin’ to join the Formerly Fanged. Nadja thinks his renouncing vampirism is the dumbest shit ever, notwithstanding dressing in his “normal human” clothes which make him happy when he was in true power. Colin Robinson refers to it as looking like a Playmobil figure, but it matters none as his mind is made up. Moreover, Nadja refuses to be the laughing stock of the Vampiric Council for his silly walkabout… but Nandor doesn’t a flying fuck, not that he can, you know, as a human. Guillermo goes after him, leaving only Colin to call dibs on Nandor’s space.

Running after his Master, ahem, former Master, Guillermo pleads with Nandor to at the very least turn him, that the last 11 years of servitude may not be in vain but rather in vein. In the most caring of fashions, in his own special way, Nandor denies Guillermo, attempting to save him from a lifetime of pickled ennui. Yet, in the ever graceful style, Nandor goes out into the world not as a vampire, but as a mere human, nearly getting liquified by walking into oncoming traffic. Being human’s going to take some learning for this (700) yearling.

After a month in a Nandor-less house, things have been more or less status quo. Laszlo and Nadja do appreciate an atmosphere free of Relentless weeping and Colin’s claimed Nandor’s room in the most Colin way possible- through his lower G.I. tract, crop-dusting the entire joint! Guillermo, on the other hand, has been taking the absence a bit harder, thinking he’s now in the position that Nandor was in whenever he threatened to quit (yeah, ok.) He only has the comfort of his stuffed Nandor to cuddle with at night. That I will say, pobrecito.

Over at the wellness center, Nandor’s having the time of his life! Over the Barenaked Ladies’ “One Week”, we go into full montage mode. A more exuberant Nandor is clapping it up at 7 pm Aerobics, drumming it up at the 8 pm Jam Session, chopping it up (literally and colloquially) at the 9 pm Vegan Dinner Prep, studying it up at 10 pm Humanity 101 class, suffering it up at the 11 pm Ritual Teeth Pulling (they grew back every morning), hula-hooping it up in Free Time, and humbling it up at 3 am Cornhole, learning how to lose like a human.

In every way, Nandor is actually living it up. He’s been spellbound by Jan and seems forever changed by her seemingly holistic ways. She certainly and happily confirms his progression to date, mentioning to the cameras, “Oh yeah, we’re fucking.”

Guillermo suspects something’s amiss and decides to investigate Colin’s room for clues. A pamphlet out in the open spells it out.

A gorgeously coiffured, spry-looking Nandor is now being made Jan’s number two, and though he would have been teased in his own house for the title, his name holds some weight, despite the guy himself shedding some pounds in the form of a few housemates.

Little does he know, Guillermo’s come to join Nandor’s community for a little exercise himself… in infiltration.

Inside, Guillermo surprises the erstwhile Master in the middle of warm-ups, but before he can perform the extraction, Jan busts in with her Big Guru Energy, asking who’s ready to feel the burn.

Little does she know those words will soon bite her in the ass by the only one in the room naturally bereft of fangs.

Before the session can truly get underway, Guillermo’s made and his stakes are found. This prompts Jan to send out a call to all residing in the building of an interloper, but before Guillermo can become the community’s first non-veggie course, he snaps into bad-ass bodyguard mode, taking Nandor by the hand and everybody else down in his path. This leaves Nandor apologizing to everyone Guillermo leaves in his wake. Namaste, bitches.

Exiting out and securing Nandor in his vehicle, Guillermo and the rest of the camera crew peel away. Though the extraction was a success, this is only the beginning of a long and painful process. Oh, I’m not talking about Nandor’s deprogramming. This already started with Guillermo.

His best friend excoriates him for taking him away from the only happiness he’s felt in centuries, the only thing Guillermo’s wanted for his Master the entire tenure.  Oh, this road will be bumpy for Nandor with a safety belt, because it’s lined with silver to prevent escape. Good thinking, Gizmo!

At the abode, Guillermo unveils to the crew the most drastic thing he’s done yet (that doesn’t involve his pee-pee).

In the basement, the house is shocked to see that a very human-looking Nandor is captive. Initial shock turns to swift brainstorming, as long nights are ahead for the house, as they attempt to fix their housemate’s head full o’ pudding. Until then, it’s the longest night for Nandor as the lights go down on him in the basement.

Perhaps the Vampiric Residence has bigger fish to fry. Before all of Jan’s community can turn on her for lying to them, she promises their salvation day has just arrived, leading them all to blister in the sun.

To be fair, there are far worse ways to go out: at least they wouldn’t be able to drink Kool-Aid!

Stefani Robinson brings the HEAT. Yeah, I know, after what I ended on- purposeful. Though the Vampiric Council until now had been a throughline, I truly believe that the penultimate and final episodes will be a triumvirate, leading into Season 4. This is only the jump-off point. Plus, there are clear flavors of Jackie Daytona in here (vampire going on the lam) which she also wrote! Overall, a bang-up job and getting voice-actress par excellence Cree Summer as the resident charlatan was a blessing we didn’t deserve. First Mark Hamill, now her? Stefani, whatever you do, keep doing what ya doing!

Syfy’s Slumber Party Massacre Review, Exclusive Sneak Peek

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You’ve seen this scenario in every slasher film. It’s a late evening in a cabin by the lake, where a group of teenage girls — dancing freely, half-naked, without a care in the world — indulge in some provocative vices: alcohol and Mary Jane. They gossip about sex…and boys. They do the things which every teenage boy of the era imagines girls do at slumber parties.

But there’s something amiss. A perverse voyeurism in the distance. Just as we the audience watch this unfold from the male gaze, so too, does a man lurk from the shadows. An eeriness beyond the vale we’ve been too distracted to see. A merciless serial killer who arrives to murder everyone and everything, showing audiences immediately what’s at stake, and more importantly, reminding us not to gaze…for fear of what’s behind you.

This is the formula for almost every slasher movie ever created. It is also, the very beginnings of the new Slumber Party Massacre, a modern SYFY Network rework of the horror classic from the 1980s. Whereas the original was a feminist parody of the slasher genre directed by the great Amy Holden Jones (Mystic Pizza) and co-financed by the legendary Roger Corman (the reason the original series was male-gazey with its nudity), this remake takes a lot of what worked about the original and runs even further with it. Doubling down on its focus on its female leads while creatively taking a new approach to the final girl trope in unique ways.

A SYFY Sneak Peek of Slumber Party Massacre

Feminist filmmaker Danishka Esterhazy continues this legacy, by brilliantly poking fun of some of the well-known slasher-movie caricatures of women. The weirdly long and close-up takes of the female anatomy. The…why not have a dildo while attractive half-naked girls dance and eat unrealistically large slices of pizza, all while debating topics about superheroes (quite literally, the movie’s opening scenes). Almost everything about the early slasher genre in its early days was crafted to indulge in a teen boy’s fantasy. This is why, how Esterhazy remakes Slumber Party Massacre is in acknowledgment of its past, but more importantly, its subversion of expectations; knowing full-well the tropes portrayed in horror media for the past 30 years.

Without spoilers, I’ll say the movie hits all the right beats in terms of its horror. The kills are gruesome and more so creative than cringeworthy. The plot likewise, hits all the right creative turns, and the character motivations are honestly pretty on par with some of the best teen horrors out there such as Happy Death Day or even Esterhazy’s last movie for SYFY The Banana Splits. But what’s beautiful about this movie, something that absolutely made me laugh out loud at everything with an in-on-the-joke kind of way, is how great the pivot is regarding the slasher film meta, going in an entirely different direction.

 

Because Slumber Party Massacre Has Got Some Epic Equal-Opportunity Semi-nudity

girls at a slumber party hearing something in the distance

Yes, the script gets flipped. And it’s pretty damn hilarious. Without context or spoilers, you really are going to want to see the clever ways this story flips everything we’ve established, by using the men as the objectified sex objects this time. A “what if” situation where instead of gratuitous female skin moments, we sort of replaced it with ditzy dude-bros, who are just as incredibly fit as they are stupid. Doing things like engaging in pillow fights while showcasing their eight-packs or having slow-motion shower moments in the most ridiculously kinky censored-for-cable-TV close-ups. That’s one of the best things about this film: that the movie looks at toxic masculinity and the male gaze and completely flips the script by making it about sexy objectified boys.

For what it is, I also thought the cast did a fun job. Every actress was spot on and even the intentionally bad moments, were intentionally placed there for hilarity. When you finally accept the movie’s more parodic themes, just like the original, it’s an entertaining and silly enough ride. With enough relevance where it feels woke enough to know that it’s poking issues within the genre just like its predecessor. My only personal complaint: is the horror didn’t surprise me, but I do watch a lot of horror.

I think most importantly, the thing most audiences will take away from this movie, is that the metanarrative really sells this story well. Previous knowledge of slasher movies and how this sort of takes a different approach, is the best place to set the bar of expectations. Also, I really liked that the women do a great job of supporting each other in this movie; as this is not one of those: women-against-women films where they vie for a man’s attention. Screw the male gaze. Which honestly, is exactly what Slumber Party Massacre should be.

Slumber Party Massacre Airs on SYFY on October 16th at 9:00pm

Three Episodes in…Ordinary Joe

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Ordinary Joe
Ordinary Joe

I wanted to like Ordinary Joe, I really did. The concept was right up my alley – as a person in a perpetual state of buyer’s remorse it’s fascinating to wonder “what if…?” Unfortunately, unlike the limited run Disney+ series of the same name, this “what if…?” adventure is much less satisfying.

Joe Kimbreau (played by Watchmen alum James Wolk) is just your average American straight white male. On the day of his college graduation his life has the opportunity to split into three separate paths:

  1. He goes to the shore with his best friend/college sweetheart Jenny Banks (Elizabeth Lail) discovers she’s pregnant, winds up in a shotgun wedding which leads to a barely surviving marriage ten years down the line.
  2. He ghosts Jenny and hooks up with the girl he just met (while running late for his own graduation), Amy Kindelán (Natalie Martinez) resulting in what most would call the best timeline. Joe is a famous rock star with a hot wife, but sadly no kids.
  3. He ghosts Jenny, and the new girl, and goes to dinner with his Uncle Frank (David Warshofsky) who convinces him to follow in his father’s footsteps and become a cop. Cop Joe is the middle ground life – friends and family, no wife, no kids, but still plenty of options.

Joe’s three alternate lives are separated using a color scheme – green for Nurse Joe (this is the Joe that married Jenny), red for Rock star Joe, and blue for Cop Joe. It’s a decent try, but the color schemes can be hard to differentiate sometimes leading to inevitable confusion. Most of the time you can tell which Joe it is by the people around him.

Cop Joe’s Jenny is married, hiding the truth of her son Christopher (John Gluck) from his biological father, while her statistician hubby Ray (Joe Carroll) worries he’ll eventually find out and ruin their happy family. Although, it is fun to note that this Joe isn’t interested in having kids because he wouldn’t want them to have to suffer if he’s killed on the job. Joe’s best friend Eric Payne (Charlie Barnett) is married with a child on the way, his mother Gwen (Anne Ramsay) is constantly bothering him about dating, and he meets Amy because he winds up saving her boss, congressman running for reelection Bobby Diaz (Adam Rodriguez). Turns out Amy is having an affair with the married congressman, but has a thing for Joe. Best part of this timeline? Stat-daddy Ray! Seriously, the guy is barely there but when he is…

Nurse Joe’s Jenny is one foot out the door on their marriage. Unfortunately, their son has disabilities and they weigh heavily on both his parents (worth noting that in all timelines his and Jenny’s kid is disabled). It seems to have forced their relationship onto the back burner, which is a little weird given that this Joe is a nurse. A nurse. If any version of Joe should be capable of handling a disabled child shouldn’t it be nurse Joe? Why does he seem to be oblivious about how important it would be to invest extra time into your marriage when you have a child that sucks up so much of your energy? Sadly, Jenny is made out to be the villain in this timeline (well, let’s face it, all timelines have Jenny as the villain). Why can’t she see how wonderful her husband is!? Why can’t she put aside her dream job and dedicate herself more to her family!? Oh right…because she already did that. Twice – if you consider the third episode. Nurse Joe’s mother has somehow never helped him out with Christopher, which I find impossible to believe. Given how much this woman wants her son to have a kid in the cop reality, there’s no doubt in my mind that she would have pitched in, learned everything there is about how to deal with a disabled child, and let these two crazy kids have some fucking date nights. Which again, leads to Jenny being the bad guy – because it’s Jenny who can’t trust Joe’s mom to watch their kid for two days so they can finally have some alone time. By the way, in this timeline Joe’s best friend Eric is married to Amy after he asked her out when Joe didn’t. And, lastly, adding another notch in the Jenny the villain column, Joe is a nurse under Jenny’s father – Dr. Douglas Banks (Jack Coleman) – who is a controlling asshole.

Rock star Joe’s Jenny isn’t really in his life. In fact, she only re-enters his life because he goes to their 10 year anniversary. She works up the courage to reveal that she was pregnant with his child but chose to give it up for adoption. Famous Joe isn’t a fan, but Jenny is determined to screw him out of a chance to be a father to his estranged son (whaaaat??? Jenny is the villain again!? No way! In case you’re tone deaf, I’m being heavy on the sarcasm here). Her husband in this timeline is hapless Darren (Jason Burkey) who only sees Joe as a celebrity and gushes every time they interact. He has no idea Jenny gave a child up for adoption and why would it matter? This Jenny has two daughters with him, who are not disabled (as Stat-daddy Ray explained it was a recessive gene so the odds of her having another were slim). Famous Joe is married to Amy but their perfect life is marred by the lack of children – which is another plot point I can’t get behind. Look, I know miscarriage is a real thing, and it’s a struggle a lot of women go through, but why do people never consider adoption??? Seriously. If you can’t have a child of your own why put yourself through expensive rounds of IVF just so you can have a genetic legacy if all you really wanted was a child. Because then you don’t really want a child, you want a genetic legacy. I mean, Joe is fucking rich. He’s a celebrity. Hell, celebrities who can have children naturally go out and adopt, it’s pretty much like skiing or polo i.e. a rich person hobby. You’re telling me that in the entire ten years these two have been married they never once considered adoption??? That’s fucked up. And frankly, I’m tired of this storyline in every fucking media representation of infertility. Oh, I can’t have a baby…but I’m also not going to adopt one. Instead, if I can’t have a baby, I’ll just have to settle for no baby at all! Now, the argument could be made that perhaps Amy’s not bringing up adoption is evidence that she doesn’t actually want kids at all – she’s perfectly happy living together with Joe without them. Still, given how often this storyline comes up, that’s rarely shown to be the case.

Famous Joe is also probably the worst of the Joes. He’s hell bent on finding his son regardless of what consequences that might bring. He’s willing to blackmail Jenny! I guess this isn’t too surprising though, I mean, this is the Joe that’s gotten everything he’s ever dreamed of. He wouldn’t exactly have perspective, eh?

All in all, Ordinary Joe isn’t great to me. The two main women of the show seem to be cast in the same negative light, timeline notwithstanding. Amy is either a selfish wife who doesn’t want to give her famous husband the family he so desperately craves and would rather pursue a political career, or a two-timing harlot sleeping with a married man while dating the heroic Cop Joe. I guess on the bright side, Amy is portrayed as a loving wife to Eric. And Jenny…poor Jenny. She’s either the wife who tried to do right while sacrificing her marriage and her own personal dreams, the wife who lied to her husband about a child she had waaaaaay before they ever got married and is keeping that kid away from his biological father, or, the wife who is lying to her son’s biological father because her husband is afraid their family will be at risk.

Joe himself becomes hard to know. Famous Joe and Nurse Joe are big on the kid thing, while Cop Joe doesn’t seem too jazzed about the idea – granted he has understandable baggage about it but they all have the same baggage! Forcing the main character to exist as three versions of himself robs the audience of an in depth character study. Who is the real Joe? I mean, Famous Joe completely forgets about Jenny, while Cop Joe seems to have kept somewhat polite contact with her, and Nurse Joe clearly still loves her. Famous Joe loves Amy but not as much as he would love a wife who could give him a child, Cop Joe likes Amy – which might work out since infertility would save him from having a kid, and Nurse Joe only knows her as his best friend’s wife. Not to mention the other side characters like Congressman Diaz – who has early onset Parkinson’s in all three timelines but only knows about it in one.

It was a nice idea, but as Sliding Doors has shown, it is a better concept for a movie. I might give this show a few more episodes, might even finish out the season, but I wouldn’t give it another unless it manages to turn things around drastically.

What We Do In The Shadows Recap: The Siren

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what we do in the shadows the siren

When one falls in love, as one does, some things change and take shape. One could get all gooey brained and dewy-eyed. One could get all types of arrested in the throes of such feelings. One can also be besotted by the origin of the briny deep. That one thing can also be taken in and be neglected. It is within this lucky number seven episode of What We Do In the Shadows titled “The Siren”, we’ll dissect why sometimes matters of the heart can mire you down, punch you up, and ultimately end up in a silly sludge of dopamine.

We open in on, Mariner’s Harbor. Both Colin (Mark Proksch) and Laszlo (Matt Berry) are living it up on one of those nocturnal boat trips, scoping out what’s on the menu. As Laszlo goes into feed mode for all of the Millenials, Colin is sure to follow.

At the residence, as Nadja (Natasia Demetriou) chops it up with Scott Bakula (whom Nandor wishes were Count Dracula), the day-to-day conduction of business is getting a bit testy. They’ve attempted at arriving at a solution to run the Vampiric Council on alternating days, but unlike them, that shit won’t fly. Even the Guide (Kristen Schaal) can suss out how terrible any solution is, as both co-leaders consistently cancel each other out.

So far, this had been the most shit show since Paduk the Deranged, (a sitter for Stańczyk), and we know what this is. It’s an Israel/Palestine zero-sum game. Nandor (Kayvan Novak) believes it’s a win/win, but when’s the last time he claimed a legitimate victory?

As Nadja is skinning verbal fuck out of her co-leader, poor, poor Baby Doll is being left in the dust. Neglected. Since both vampires are at odds, the Doll is given no mind, though the porcelain flank is going to bat for her quite handily. With Nandor throwing his weight around, his supposed co-leader is taking the lion’s share of the unmitigated rage. This isn’t a good look for either of them.

Guillermo (Harvey Guillen) is the doll’s only confidant. He knows what being overlooked feels like, but he’s not a fan of being interviewed with the “B team” (i.e. the Doll). He only leaves her to be left alone. That’s pretty cold, even for a sentient being that has no blood. She still has feelings!

On the boat, Colin chooses to chart a course for Plum Island. It’s where he might find his origins. Years ago, Laszlo went for the same spot, as a young lad, swobbing the poop decks from bow to stern. Though he’s caught his fair catch of exciting shit on the high seas, nothing can prepare him for what is to come next for the both of them.

Back at the house, our Doll reminisces on memories with Nandor, Colin, and the rest of the crew. Good times were had all around, but she does realize that they look at her as more of a fixture than a member. This prompts a walkabout. Never discredit your better angels, or in this case, your better proxies.

As she makes known her goodbyes, the Guide, Nandor, and Nadja pay her zero minds. What’s that song? “Cups”? “You’re gonna miss me when I’m gone.”

Back on the boat, Laszlo is chumming it up with the cameras, talking about how much of a pimp he was fairing the sea while the boy is living it up with exotic salves. But LO! Upon the radio rings a familiar and entrancing tune. This can go but only one avenue…

Back IN the house, Nadja might have lost all her facilities, freaking out. Her Baby Dolly is on the lam and Nandor isn’t the person to help her find it… or is he?

Nadja wants her better half back but doesn’t give a fuck if she commits crimes unspeakable. She also wants her back. Employing the help of Guillermo, it’s now a new hunt. The Guide minds them not taking a sojourn, making comfortable stock in Guillermo’s bedroom.

Now hitting landfall, Colin and Laszlo come face to face with the Siren Sheila (Catherine Cohen): a homunculus of a chicken and a woman. A Siren nevertheless. A capture of Roman and Greek mythology is a catch, and something Hemingway would like. This creature can capture your wildest dreams and make you sing them in your sleep. Laszlo isn’t really feeling her, but Colin cannot help but be entranced, but so can’t Lazslo. The onomastic fever has him within the pocket.

As Nadja rips apart store from the store, searching for her felt-felt half, Guillermo and Nandor is at a loss. That is until Nandor is assailed by her half, tossing it to the ground. Nadja finally takes some love and coddles with her long-lost love: herself.

Because the Doll is not just ready for resolve, it will jump bodies, embodying two mannequins now. It matters none, as she doesn’t know how to control another vessel, so it leaves Nadja sorry, Nandor worried and Guillermo pissed.

Checking in with Lazslo and Colin, they are entwined. The siren is having a field day, and though Colin gives Laszlo an early start, the grand chap isn’t going to leave his boy behind. It matters none either, as they’re both being enchanted by her wails of Shots, Shots, Shots!

Laszlo goes bat though to leave Colin for his true love. You never leave ya boy, in a wreck! But hold on…

As the trio of Nandor, Nadja and Guillermo are hot on the trail of the Doll, we learn that she didn’t give her a name. They find her in the form now of an angel statue. It takes but a few moments for her to transfer her essence, but Nadja is getting tired of her Doll’s impetuous nature. It’s shambolic and in the most clever of ways.

With the Doll’s nature now embodied in a blow-up rat, though Laszlo may be providing some succor, the old boy is needing Guillermo’s assistance. I mean, he is their bodyguard! What Lazzie wants is some device to make him impervious to all sounds external.

Where should they go but to best buy! Though they are going for noise-canceling headphones, Laszlo is entranced by what you call drone planes. But regardless, he can chop it up with the best of the salespeople, figuring out the difference between 5.1 and 7.1 surround.

After basically stealing a shit ton of stuff through hypnosis (though having to still give his email for Geek Squad), Laszlo still has one job to fulfill. Look over his bro, Colin.

With Colin squawking out karaoke with his better half, love is in the air. It’s very special to see him so besotted by another, especially when they shit on his shoes.

The fact that Laszlo tries to swoop in and save his boy is sweet, but ya boy’s in love. They say madness is an infection in the brain, but if love is madness, I hope he stays crazy.

With Nadja, Nandor, and Guillermo trying to corner a freaked out and messed up Doll in the form of a blow-up rat (I think it’s a Banksy reference), Nandor takes the reigns and role of protector and stabs the rat. Though Nadja freaks out, in its dying breath, both make peace with each other, Nadja coming to a breakthrough. She also convinces her Doll to get back to its original vessel and all is right with the world, with them both taking the fucking day off tomorrow.

Checking in with Colin and Laz, as he really tries to protect his boy. Colin asserts he’s in love, but Lazslo does one better- he puts noise-canceling headphones on fam, preempting the crew to do the same, carrying him away before the Siren can sing one last ditty. The fact that it’s completely silent is chef’s kiss. Brilliant.

In the house, Nadja is reconnecting with her other half. She considers herself the leader of the Council and the Doll is all for it. She might be in simpatico and I for one could not be happier and more terrified.

Laszlo apologizes to Colin for cock blocking him and in fact, maybe he didn’t experience true love, but that isn’t precluding him from tuning into her Siren song on the radio… and doing untoward things with himself.

This show keeps better and better. The fact that there is no vampire left behind is giving me chills, just in time for Halloween. The fam is back and they have each other’s, which I am totally for. We’ll see you on the next nocturnal episode!

Three Episodes In: How Does Fox’s “The Big Leap” Hold Up

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The Big Leap Fox
The Cast of The Big Leap

Among the new crop of shows that’s been offered this fall TV season, The Big Leap has to be my favorite.

Headed by the lovable Scott Foley (in a decidedly unlovable role), playing Nick Blackburn, this is a show about a reality dance competition (more So You Think You Can Dance less Dancing with the Stars). Well, sort of. See, the premise of this show is that you audition, and if you’re chosen, you’re in. There are no eliminations, so less of a competition and more of an exhibition – which makes sense when you consider Nick’s running gag that it isn’t a show “about dancing”.

Nick, himself, is something of a lost soul. This show is, assumedly, his last shot to bank a win for the network after his disastrous “Big Brother under water” concept went belly-up some years ago. We understand, based on a conversation we get to witness in the back of a future contestant’s car, that Nick isn’t thrilled to be on this project. He would rather push the boundaries of the reality genre, instead he’s put in charge of this “fluff piece”. So, he’ll make the most of it by drumming up the drama and ignoring the actual conceit of the show (hence…it’s not a show about dancing).

Now, some years ago, Unreal tried to tackle the dark and gritty world of reality dating competitions (hello The Bachelor), and succeeded to a certain degree. But, where Unreal was…well, unreal, The Big Leap isn’t actually too farfetched.

The hardest part of this show to believe is that big girl Gabby Lewis (Simone Recasner) would be a major player. Granted, the exhibition setup helps, not to mention that Gabby isn’t the only big girl on the roster, and then of course there’s the fact that Nick likes her for a love triangle. He believes she’s set up for inevitable failure, pitting her against predictable mean girl beanpole Britteny Lovewell (Anna Grace Barlow) in a love triangle with disgraced NFL star Reggie Sadler (Ser’Darius Blain). It’s obvious that Reggie has a thing for Gabby, but her self-esteem er…the lack thereof, has convinced her it can’t be possible. How? How could he love me, when he could have her? I’m not gonna lie, I don’t always buy her belief in this negative self-image, but Simone sells it so well.

I am glad that Gabby is given a shot, if only for the fact that it is depressing to only ever see skinny bitches dancing. Hell, Gabby is technically a dancer, albeit a break-dancer, but in the world of high art dance she wouldn’t stand a chance. This point is made blatantly clear in the last episode where they perform their version of Swan Lake for a prestigious ballet company. I will say, as a longtime fan of So You Think You Can Dance, I’ve only ever seen one big person on there and it was a guy, and he got eliminated pretty much first live show. But, that show’s bread and butter is largely ballroom, and ballroom isn’t usually size friendly.

But, Nick isn’t just picking on Gabby. Among the other contestants Nick has his eye on for interesting storylines are frustrated older housewife Julia Perkins (Teri Polo), whose midlife crisis derailed husband Kevin (played by comedian Seth Morris) has been secretly paying for online spank time with fellow contestant Raven Price (Karen Rodriguez). This initially uncomfortable situation slowly builds until Julia finally confronts Raven, it goes well…until Raven lets it slip that Kevin gave her 10K for her “life coach” education – ouch!

Here is a good exploration of the different pressures women are made to feel that the show presents – where Gabby and Raven represent the two sides of the size coin (Raven embraces her plus-size, using it to her financial gain), Julia represents the threat of time. She even runs a social media enterprise (well, tries to) dedicated to helping women like her accept their aging selves. But when Julia dances, when you see her battered naked feet, watch her lie in a bed with frozen food for her sore muscles, you can really feel how much time hurts her. Hell, there’s a fantastic conversation between her and Wayne Sleep (Kevin Daniels – who I know best as Longinus from Modern Family) where she finally reveals her fears. Wayne, by the way, is one of the hosts/judges of the show and I’ll get back to him.

Lastly, there’s Mike Devries (Jon Rudnitsky) a soon-to-be divorced man who is desperately clinging to the ghost of his relationship while simultaneously being oblivious to the heavy flirting of Paula Clark (played by Piper Perabo, who will forever be Coyote Ugly to me). The fun twist here is that Mike’s relationship went down the tubes after he got fired from his job and couldn’t bounce back, meanwhile, Paula is the one who was ultimately responsible for said job loss! Mike’s contributions to the show largely consist of facing down toxic masculinity via his group of friends – I’m not shitting on this mind you, I actually really enjoy it even if it is a little heavy-handed at times.

Oh, and, because I almost forgot, there is one final pair that is running Nick’s rat race (though maybe Nick isn’t privy to it? He doesn’t seem to be pushing it really): Gabby’s former dance bestie, and beau who turned out to be gay, Justin Calgrove (Raymond Cham Jr.) and Britteny’s flaming brother Simon (Adam Kaplan). Theirs seems to be more of a mentor-mentee setup with the possibility of romance. See, Justin came out only to have his father reject him and eject him from the house, while Simon is out and proud with no shame.

Nick’s main focus on Justin does appear to be helping him become more comfortable with himself, while also forcing a reunion between father and son – who have very different ideas of how Justin’s coming out actually went down.

Now, if all that isn’t enough for you, there’s also the judges/ hosts of the show: Monica Sullivan (Mallory Jansen – who you may remember as ADA from Marvel’s Agents of Shield) and the aforementioned Wayne Sleep.

Monica is an amazing character: a broken prima ballerina who has clearly settled and is taking out her rage and frustration on Nick’s poor motley crew…to absolutely hilarious results. Monica is pissed that her ballet troupe includes big girls, though I find she seems more focused on Gabby than Raven which I don’t understand as Gabby is only an understudy while Raven has a legit part…The only time we see this peculiarity is when they go to perform for Monica’s former company and Gabby is supposed to take on the role of the prince – after the mysterious, and talented, Claud (Fabrice Calmels) is kicked out due to an expired visa scandal (thanks a lot Meter Maid, played by Rachel A. Kim, a fun character who is sincerely known, as of this writing, as simply: Meter Maid).

Wayne, meanwhile, represents the Paula Abdul to Monica’s Simon Cowell. Ever willing to sooth the battered egos of his berated company, Wayne is essentially the den-mother of the show. He isn’t without edges however, as we see when he quickly capitalizes after discovering Nick has slept with Monica. Still, for the most part, I’m curious to see where Wayne is headed and how he will grow.

Oh yes, and Alan (Tim Lyons) poor, poor Alan. He’s the best.

Three episodes in this show has introduced us to most of our main players. It has set up the larger plot points which will unfold throughout the season, and built a solid foundation. Basically, if you’re not sold on this show by episode three I don’t see it happening. This is one of those shows that gets you from the pilot or it doesn’t get you at all. But to me, that’s a good thing. Most shows can’t hook you from the pilot – they want to, they aspire to, but it just isn’t a common occurrence. So for my money, when a show comes along that makes me interested immediately in the next episode, that’s a winner.

I would be fairly shocked if The Big Leap isn’t a success. It has charisma, it has character, it has a decently diverse offering – Latinos, and Asians, and Blacks, oh my! Is it perfect? Hell no, but very few shows are. I think it’s a step in the right direction though, I mean…dare I say? A…Step Up! Sorry, not sorry…but seriously, don’t let my bad pun make you sleep on this awesome dramedy. I will say, if it does fail, I don’t think it will be a strike against the show – it’s on Fox after all and they have a bad habit of neglecting their shows (although, they have been better as of late, and really they liked to fuck over sci-fi stuff mostly).

What We Do In The Shadows Recap: The Escape

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The aphorism of loving something by setting it free is so overused it’s basically threadbare. I mean, we love our pets. There’s a reason we keep them on-lead or in yards, safe from harm. I know, the trite phrase is more geared towards romance, but in the sixth episode of What We Do In The Shadows (FX) titled “The Escape,” the optics for imprisonment don’t exactly have to be for love or loss but rather more for life or death.

At the Vampiric Council HQ, Nadja (Natasia Demetriou) reminds us that it’s her duty to be looking after the Sire. Nandor (Kayvan Novak) reminds Nadja that it is a joint effort. As a refresher, the Sire is the sole exsanguinator from which all others have descended aka the OG’s O.V.  Over the years, it’s grown more prickly and ornery, but regardless, his health and well-being are of utmost import for the sake of all vampire-kind. That’s neither here nor there because well, it turns out neither is he.

Earlier that night, surveying the rumpus room the crew had left the main hall of vampiric spoils and antiquities, Nandor isn’t happy. The rest are treating the place like a goddamn playground with the co-leaders as cleaning crew. Nadja’s down there to look for Laszlo’s magical flute, but there’s a bigger mess behind the only closed door: the jailbreak of the Sire out of sheer hunger. Seeing as though BOTH of their names are affixed to this boo-boo, Nadja is ever too quick to pin the blame on Nandor as the sole steward, even though it turns out she forgot to remind him to feed the poor captor. As one can expect, “the Relentless” being out of the game for so long folds like a cheap seat.

With a newly emancipated Sire, a very freaked out Nadja tries to rally the house getting more freaked out, as the unwritten (ahem, novel) rule states, if the vampire that turns you perish, you’re set to follow suit ergo a dead Sire means a dead race.

Laszlo (Matt Berry) finds this a bunch of malarky, along with “ghosts and large penises.” That doesn’t ease Nandor, already beating himself up over it as Nadja cringes at her big dick move.

As Guillermo (Harvey Guillen) tries to gain control over the house’s new hellhound along with Nandor and Nadja, Colin Robinson (Mark Proksch) is able to have a moment with Laszlo, shaking their head in disbelief. For, if the Baron turned Nadja and Nadja turned Laszlo in kind, they’d both be dead. If you do remember, Guillermo ‘accidentally’ killed a drug-blooded-up Baron in the first season finale… but the curiosity is too great, calling both and Guillermo to the backyard, the Baron’s final resting place.

We learn the toplofty Nandor was never used to taking culpability for his battlefield missteps. If soldiers had a beef with him, he’d simply lay blame on another nation and lay waste to them. No longer a military general but rather a co-leader (as Nadja reminds him) of much higher esteem, he’s willing to swallow his pride (dry) and aid in the cause. This includes going through the texts in order to find out what proper name to call him by (Goéjlrm) before calling a press conference.

Summoning from the lectern through the aether and with Nadja at his side on the steps, Nandor calls forth the vampire society’s most respected journalists, news anchors, bloggers, vloggers, and high school yearbook editors…and whattaya know, it actually worked! Now that he has them there, the second part ain’t going to be easier, with the divulging only eliciting hostile hisses and hotter questions. Lars Murderbone (Tim Beresford) from the Orlando Sentinel asking if there’s any plan in place to bring the Sire back home. In trying to allay their fears, Nandor only puts the media into a bigger frenzy, revealing that if unsuccessful, it would be the end of vampires as they knew it before casting the panicked lot away. Nadja is quick to alert him he may have dug their own graves.

Speaking of which, Guillermo, Laszlo, and Colin are scouring the backyard soil for their crispy cadaver. Upon calling down to a rock, Laszlo hears a response. They search out the source until finding Baron’s earthen bed and with a hearty pull from Guillermo, the Baron (Doug Jones) is presented, in all his splendor (or at least half of it). As it turns out, the night they buried him, he was a stone’s throw away from death, but after receiving one last sip of blood, he was able to regain strength subsisting on soil, fertile with the blood of the house’s prolific feeding streak. Think of it as like sucking a really thick milkshake through a straw. You’ll get it, it’ll just take a fuck ton of time.

He’d tried finding escape with his mouth and his arm, now fused to his body, but instead of digging up, he was digging sideways. Not even his cries for help, which Colin mistook as humans in danger he wanted no part in saving could get him top-side. It’s water under the bridge to him, though, and because of his drugged-up stupor that fateful day, Guillermo’s in the clear.

As Nandor, Nadja, and the Guide (Kristen Schaal) try to hash out a plan, Guillermo enters with a long-lost friend. As the Guide genuflects in reverence, the rest inform the Baron that though they’ve taken leadership of the local Vampiric Council, he’s picked a shitty night to come back from the grave.

Making his grand entrance Laszlo brings everybody back to the reality of the ‘age-old theory.’ This sends the group into histrionics until Guillermo puts his foot down. Cooley, and calmly he gets everybody to listen and rally behind him in leading the operation. Baron puts this into question, but before Nandor can completely give up the ghost (that Laszlo doesn’t believe in), everybody’s in. His stringent commands stoke the ire of all present, but after his threat of losing a leader, they’ve each gained a task. Kitten’s got balls!

With their operation in motion, Nadja accompanies the Guide to her one go-to source of intel: the Watchers. These two gossipy Gargoyles (Julie Klausner, Cole Escola) are true cut-ups. They can chop it up about Count Blake the Torturous’ selling of his haunted clock tower at twice the depreciated asking price because it only has half a staircase, but they can’t say they’ve seen any ancient vampire on the lam.

This prompts them to touch base with the other Gargoyles through what sounds like truck horns (which is a VERY clever way of explaining their line of communication) and through one of their “’Goyles” in Queens, something matching their description had been seen in Ozone Park. They expect some hot goss in return, but since time is of the essence, not even a stunning Silence of the Lambs joke could hold the two vamps. I hope we see more of the two Marbled Mamas in the future, as it’s fucking classic screwball.

Out in Queens, the gang, seven abreast (eight, if you count the Baron riding the hellhound) are getting closer to finding the Sire. This is evident after Guillermo determines the dude is headed south by way of sampling his piss. Now that it’s in your head, best not to linger on it.

En route, they find the freshly torn arm of a security guard, eaten in the fashion of a crab leg. Again, best not to dwell.

The Original Vampire is in the store, and though all want Guillermo to handle it, that isn’t flying with him. This is evident by him physically slapping Nandor out of his hopeless state, prompting everyone to charge inside, save for the hellhound, which found a better treat in the discarded limb. No meat? No problem!

Inside, Guillermo prompts Nadja and Laszlo to find the Sire, corner him to the back where he, Colin, and Nandor will be setting the trap. The Guide and the Baron are to just keep quiet.

Splintered off, Laszlo maintains his magic flute would’ve come in clutch at a time like this. In crossing paths with the ancient one (Vaios Skretas), he does find something that might suffice. In an attempt to lull the creature with a harmonica, Lazzie-boy ends up face down with the fucking instrument lodged in his windpipe. I guess music doesn’t always soothe the savage beast.

Over in sporting goods, Guillermo fashions a spider web of sorts. Even though the mastermind of this operation, he invariably ends up being the fly, with a tether to his waist and the superhuman strength of housemates on the other end.

As the Baron lives it up in his new set of wheels powered by the Guide, Laszlo and Nadja warn the rest of the Sire’s speed but before they know it they are all staring up at the progenitor. Before Guillermo can give him a taste of the goods through awkward twerk, he’s wrested in by Nandor. His guilt sends him into battle but before he can engage, Nadja stops him. Though the guilt is pursed upon her lips, she opts to save face instead, instructing him to lose the bike helmet Guillermo specifically told him to put on to save his life.

In some misguided attempt to wrangle him in like a steer, Nandor only tests the Sire’s patience. The Baron doesn’t understand all of this, as he understands that the Sire just wants to be free. Because he can speak the ancient vampiric tongue, Guillermo carries the Baron to broker some peace.

A dialogue is opened up between the two, some laughs are shared and ultimately an understanding is arrived at. Turns out, the poor guy thought they were out to kill him and that if they make him return to those accommodations, he’ll rip their fucking throats out. Seems cut and dry to me.

When all is said and done, he acts more like a cuddly dog, gaining the trust of the crew in addition to more amenable living conditions in a bucolic, sleepy Northern Jersey town along with the Baron and their hellhound. As for the food situation, takeout is more of their jam these days in the form of Airbnb. As I always say, if Nutley’s good enough for Martha Stewart, it’s good enough for anybody. “And that is a good thing.”

With both Nandor AND Nadja evenly at the lectern, the Guide and Guillermo flanking them, the heads of Vampire Council looking stately as ever simply address the press with three words- “We got him!” It’s a new dawn, (hisss) I mean evening for this house and they damned well deserve it.

This episode was fucking the bee’s knees through and through. Not only do we get to check in with two more vampires, but also we have more creatures fleshing out this world. Their house has a new pride and presence among its peers and we also got to spend time with two wickedly watchable chatty Cathy’s which you can now hear the wails of in your everyday life. Ohh, Julie and Cole, you’ve made traffic so much more enjoyable!

What We Do In The Shadows Recap: The Chamber of Judgement

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what we do in the shadows the chamber of

Sometimes, a natural-born leader can emerge from the least likely of places. These cooler minds aren’t afraid to call into question tradition, even when the opinion might not be the most popular in the room. In this fifth installment of What We Do In The Shadows (FX) titled, “The Chamber of Judgement”, we see that arbitration doesn’t always have to be fire and brimstone if you have just one person step up and view things from a different angle.

We open in on the Vampiric Council Headquarters. The air is electrified with the prospect of justice being served. Both Nadja (Natasia Demetriou) and Nandor (Kayvan Novak) can stretch their muscles being judge, jury, and executioners… but lo, The Guide (Kristen Schaal) is watching. I mean, that’s her job. She along with Guillermo (Harvey Guillen) heads into what is most likely to be a long night.

Shaun’s (Anthony Atamunuik) invited Laszlo (Matt Berry) to a boys-only night, and despite his hope of hopes, this isn’t a circle jerk. Unsure of what the night has in store, he’s invited Colin Robinson (Mark Proksch) as a plus one, and the evening starts out with as boring a time as ever with community college hockey on the telly.

When being invited into a domicile, it is customary for one to bring favors in good faith. Laszlo, ever the paragon of class, has decided to gift the group some fine Cubans. Colin, on the other hand, came loaded for bear a board game to bide the night: Mrs. Honeychurch & the Hanging at Vicarage Valley. What was to be Laszlo’s inaugural human male bonding experience just came a price and he’s none too pleased.

Over at Vampire HQ, Nadja and Nandor, clad in their finest vestments are chomping at the bit to begin handing down swift justice.  Before the judgment can commence, however, they must first endure the ever-dreaded conduct/harassment film. Hey, if you don’t eat your meat, ya can’t have any pudding!

What ensues is a singular statement: do as thou wilt. That’s it! It’s a formality, I get it, but for the time it took to lug out the projector, the message could have been simply been recited by The Guide herself… but she does have to protect her carnal needs as well, which is typically reserved for Thursday nights.

Though both vampires are newly consecrated as co-leaders, only one can secure the actual throne. Seeing as though both crave it, the only logical conclusion Guillermo arrives at is to pit both against each other, that he may take the rightful seat.

Things aren’t fairing any better back at Shaun’s. Frankie (Gavin Fox) and Mikey (Andy Hull) are struggling to make sense of the game, Colin’s only half paying attention, Laszlo’s in his own headspace with the game analogous to hockey he used to play in Eton that had employed a hardened cock as the puck and Shaunie’s got his own agenda in mind, trying to sell the group on the Guy Pillow. It’s gotten “sucker” stamped all over it, but for $49.99, who could resist earning the title of “mark”?

At the commencement of the Ceremony of Judgement, Nadja’s just not feeling it, despite all of the pomp and circumstance. She desires to feel physically above her co-leader, which isn’t exactly being a team player. Guillermo has the foresight to take away the throne, which would seem like a judicious move if it were not for the blood-curdling scraping noise. Additionally,  the Guide isn’t jibing with a barren throne.

Meanwhile, things only escalate at the hangout with Shaun really giving his friends the hard sell. What started out as a plea to purchasing one pillow has increased to buying his whole lot or at the very least 25 pillows per person. Both vampires ain’t biting and neither his friends. Exploding on all four of them, Shaun storms out, with well-intentioned Laszlo in tow.

It turns out that Shaun really screwed the pooch on this one. Before he leans into his story, Laszlo leans in for a kiss. Crossed signals, much, but after a quick mind swipe, sean reveals his truth: he bought the fucking farm. I mean an entire garage full. It might as well be called a storage unit for the unsold product, and he’s in deep. So much so, the guy who sold him the whole kit and kaboodle is looking to wipe the floor with him in small claims court.

Back at the ceremony that has yet to get off the ground, both Nadja and Nandor are at an impasse. The Guide asserts that the throne is symbolic and shouldn’t be neglected, prompting Guillermo to suggest he act as the ‘seat filler’ so that the ceremony may at long last proceed. This seems amenable to parties present and with the donning of the ceremonial cloak, night court’s in session!

Iorek the Knavish stands charged with selling vampires bunk herbs that would allegedly protect them from the fall out of sunshine. In order to justly sentence him, the crime needed to be watched, courtesy of the Crow-cam. Because this would be considered multiple-vampicide, Nadja has no hesitations or protestations against just killing the dude, but Nandor feels it would be kicking off their reign with a bit more clemency so away he goes to rot in a cell for 500 years. Or 150. Or 2.

Next on the docket is someone whom Guillermo knows all too well. Derek (Chris Sandiford) is charged with breaking nearly every rule known to vampires in keeping their identity hidden. You see, Derek is a member of the Mosquito Club that Guillermo ‘accidentally’ became a member of. When shit went down that fateful night, Guillermo left brougham high and dry. He didn’t die though. He simply became a nightwalker… and what, pray-tell is he being tried for? Turning into a bat in public just to scare teens, stealing IV bags from blood donor centers, feeding on park bench sleepers out in the open, owning an unlicensed Hellhound, and the most egregious of all bat-related transgressions: being woefully dressed.

Guillermo trying to find the guy some way out, but the dude is coming up short and doing himself zero favors. Nadja’s cool with sending him straight to Hell since they let the other off with a mere slap on the wrist, and so it is written. He is sentenced to the Well of Daylight, where he will meet his demise by the morning’s rays. Pobrecito. He didn’t think manning the throne would have to come down to this.

As daybreak approaches, Guillermo pays Derek a visit, desperately wanting to make amends. It turns out, the only way he can repay a debt is to keep his guy out of the sunlight, which seems like a daunting task for Derek. At this point, I can’t even say poor guy because he simply doesn’t know to stay away. Do you even vampire bro? So the second-best thing is to shield him from it, lending him his coat.

At the vampire residence, Guillermo once again plants the seed of doubt into Nandor’s head suggesting that Nadja steamrolled over him in sentencing Derek to death. He also scoots over to Nadja as well, intimating that she was as good as a rug, the way Nandor walked all over her.

At Small Claims Night Court, Shaun Rinaldi has come to play against Garry Degan. The guy clearly isn’t taking any prisoners, gaining representation in the form of Barrister Cravensworth. Complete with powdered wig, the judge thinks the gesture is in the vein of a kangaroo court, but Colin does defend Laszlo’s right to don whatever he so chooses in a court of law, compliments of NY State Statute 82.

Even though Colin Robinson is acting as Laszlo’s defacto paralegal, not even he can save the old chap from shooting himself in the foot. I mean, it has been 300 years since last he stepped foot into a court. From sitting on the Queen’s Bench to royally eating it in small claims, the case was never Laszlo’s to lose… which he did for his bestie to the tune of $12,700. Well, what’s left for a grossly out of practice lawyer to do but get rip-roaring drunk off of blood liquor at a nearby watering hole?

With the ceremony of judgment coming to a close, the last bit of business is dealt with the vampires granting Jennifer the Dreadfully Loathsome (Chelsea Preston) an official change of name to Gabby the Dreadfully Loathsome. Their first official night as arbiters is in the books, but the duo forgot to cross one T (hisss). Derek isn’t a hillock of ash, much to the chagrin of both leaders. Through some codifying of council statutes, Guillermo has granted Derek a defense attorney in the form of a very compromised Laszlo. Nadja’s loving it and with Colin in tow, the real sentencing can be handed down…

Through some quick 11th Hour thinking, Guillermo’s volunteered a barely present Laszlo to take Derek under his wing, that Derek may have a chance to burn off his crimes. Nadja thinks it’s a superb idea, especially since her beloved is in desperate need of a victory. Nandor accepts the terms and with that, Laz has ‘earned’ his first win.

Now there’s only one thing left for Guillermo to attend to the hellhound. What the vampires fear as their last moments on earth is ultimately a big furry ball of love in the guise of a golden retriever. It looks like the crew just gained a new housepet and with Derek working off his crimes by selling Guy Pillows door to door, the rightful order has been restored.

Overall, the episode was as per usual, solid. The show has yet to present me with a bum steer. With a new mascot for the homestead in addition to seeing Laszlo socializing more with Colin by his side, this season just keeps reinventing itself to exemplary results each and every week.

The Workprint’s Gamescast Episode 70 – Live, Die, Repeat: Deathloop

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The Workprint's Gamescast Deathloop

Rob spent the last week playing video games as he came prepared to discuss his thoughts on three games he finished – Psychonauts 2, Deathloop, and The Artful Escape.

I, on the other hand, continue to make my way through Tales of Arise and dipped my toes into Kena: Bridge of Spirits.

Listen, gaming with a newborn is almost impossible. Every time you think you have a few hours to sit down and play, the opportunity disappears in front of you in a form of a hungry cry or dirty diaper. Late-night gaming marathons are a thing of the past as any amount of sleep greatly outweighs spending a few hours with a game. Thankfully the baby is hitting some sort of rhythm, but who knows, he could change things up at the drop of a hat.

Till next week – Bilal

The Workprint’s Gamescast – Episode 70

Games Played:

Rob

        1. Psychonauts 2
        2. Deathloop
        3. The Artful Escape

Bilal

        1. Tales of Arise – Progress Update
        2. Kena: Bridge of Spirits

News

General

        1. Destroy All Humans! 2 remake probing PC, PS5, and Xbox Series X
        2. Deltarune’s next 3 chapters will drop together
        3. Sources: Quantic Dream Is Making A Star Wars Game

Microsoft

        1. Halo: The Master Chief Collection’s Season 8 will be its last
        2. The Latest Stuff Coming To Halo Infinite You Should Know About

Sony

        1. Gran Turismo 7 has an always-online campaign

Nintendo

        1. New Nintendo Direct coming Sept. 23

 

What We Do In the Shadows Recap: The Casino

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what we do in the shadows the casino

Nearly 130 miles south of New York City lies what once was the country’s preeminent getaway destination. This Eastern seaboard town had it all: economic boom through tourism, economic boom through corruption and racketeering, economic boom through unenforced prohibition- and that was even before the advent of legalized gambling! Though no longer labeled “The World’s Playground,” episode four of What We Do In The Shadows (FX) titled “The Casino” reminds us that though Las Vegas looms larger and prettier, Dirty Jersey’s Atlantic City still remains something more real: ‘The Devil’s Playground.’

It’s all aboard! at the Vampire Residence, as the crew is packing their trunks for a vacation. The Guide (Kristen Schaal) seems a bit taken aback by this with the backlog of Vampiric Council matters to be attended to, but it’s been several decades since last the crew cut loose and let their hair down. However, Shaun (Anthony Atamanuik) and Charmaine (Marissa Janet Winkour), whom you may remember from the Superb-Owl party last season have decided to renew their vows and planned a group getaway, with the whole gang invited! Viva Atlantic City (which, Laszlo tickles on the ivories), leading us into an unorthodox main title, complete with footage of their travel into the nocturnal mecca of sin.

It should be noted, before they leave, they must pack the soil of their coffins, as mere documentation for travel will not suffice. Without the ancestral terra firma, the vampires cannot eat, sleep, leave and their powers wane.

Settling into their hotel rooms, Colin Robinson (Mark Proksch) is already at it snapping Polaroids of banal things, Guillermo (Harvey Guillen) is setting out his cot, Nandor (Kayvan Novak) is attending to his soil while Laszlo (Matt Berry) is plowing his love Nadja (Natasia Demetriou).

At dinner, as the vampires struggle with how to convincingly eat, and the girls are gab about deals on fashion, Shaun proposes a toast to his wife and good friends. All eleven of them. Oh, we know why the nocturnal nabobs were invited… group rate! and the number is not lost on Shaunie. He’s a massive Ocean’s 12 fan, as you’ll remember from the Superb-Owl episode, but now tearfully respects 11 as a “prequel.”

He brings the room up by shouting out to Laszlo, Frankie (Gavin Fox) and Mikey, before Mikey passes stone-cold out, causing the rest of the party to think he’s plastered before the night’s begun. Judging by the craven smile on one’s face, we know who the culprit is.

Laszlo summarily commands the erstwhile familiar to fetch a broom from the hostess, as if he still thinks he’s a familiar. Even Gizmo himself thinks that the transition to bodyguard status has been non-existent. Nandor does remind them that Guillermo no longer holds such a subservient title, so his inclusion is of import. Colin co-signs, citing that office drones work harder when feeling part of a family, thus neglecting their own families and building a higher threshold for degradation. Upon returning to his seat, the vampires ham-fistedly grill him on his interests, including his love life in order to gain more insight or feign more interest in someone they’ve largely seen as a breathing piece of furniture in the house.

Guillermo is coy about divulging, but Laszlo breaks the seal, as is customary, citing the most beautiful thing in the world as fucking. Personally, who could blame the libertine lothario? Before Guillermo could spill the beans on his worldview on that due to his parents, which the vampires are waiting on with bated breath, Shaun interrupts.

It turns out that rascal Frankie put glass in the piccata, so the House comped the group a bunch of chips. With that, the group breaks off to hit the casino, leaving Guillermo all by his lonesome. Their respect is to be earned and it may take more than just saving their lives once to get there.

Charmaine and the girls decide to hit up a Rat Pack revue, which tickles Nadja to no end, thinking they are the OG lounge luminaries she partied with back in AC’s heyday. Though she cannot imbibe with the women, Nadja still has a swingin’ time as if she had, calling out to them and reminding, spread eagle what they might have forgotten over the years.

At the tables, Colin is getting his crunk on, boring his competitors and the dealer with palaver about the Monaco Grand Monday night’s fight of Jackson vs. Rodriguez.

Elsewhere, Nandor’s livin’ it up with his newfound love and no, it ain’t Guillermo. It’s the Big Bang Theory slots. He’s more animated than Guillermo’s ever seen him, especially when hitting it big, causing him to shout “Bazinga!” (which is the “war cry” of Sheldon.)

While an overzealous Nadja takes the girls backstage at the Rat Pack revue, freaking out the trio (that bear zero passing resemblance to the originals), Colin’s all but drained the last of his little island of gamblers. Nandor is riding high on this new addiction, but the sun is coming up and they all must retire.

There’s only one problem- nobody can slumber. At hand lies the even bigger cause- their ancestral soil is gone all because of Colin. His favorite show (the in-house Monaco Grand commercial) he was caught up in binge-watching had him neglect noticing housekeeping doing what they do best. The vampires can already feel their powers wax and wane, as Laszlo goes from bat form to sparrow form, which is not only adorable but also a clever answer to a question I never had.

This prompts Nandor to send Guillermo on a journey and Nadja sending her beloved to ask his bestie, Shaun into lending him his credit card for the mission with no questions asked, since his power of persuasion is kaput. Laszlo proceeds with trepidation, as he doesn’t want to jeopardize the only real human friendship he has on this blue spinning marble. Surprisingly, Shaun feels the love and lends him the credit card, on the sole proviso of being paid back ASAP, as the Commemorative Patrick Ewing Discover Card is an emergency only piece of plastic… and with that, Guillermo heads to Europe!

At the Vow Renewal Ceremony, Nadja, Laszlo, and Nandor are fading and fast. This is a limbo from which they may never return. Colin’s still fine, still snapping photos, such as when Nadja succumbs to her soupy brain and falls down. In fact, what seems like weeks to the vampires only is 14 hours to Colin.

From the bustling Heathrow International to the majestic Paralia Urika Beach in Antipaxos to the precarious South Iranian Border (formerly Al Qolnidar), Guillermo shows why he not only protec, he attac but most importantly, he bringin’ dat shit bac.

Back in the rooms, as Nandor enjoys Chuck Lorre’s splooge on TV, Laszlo’s having a moment, guilt-ridden over the $7500 he’s taken. By virtue of being a true gent, he goes down to explain himself. This only pours more salt on the wound when he learns that Shaun used to have a big-time gambling problem, with his second vow renewal this trip to not romance those demons.

Well, there are three absolutes in this “world of chance” you can set a watch to – odds are lucky for a reason, never bet on the Knickerbockers, and that there are no absolutes.

This comes as a huge blow to Laszlo, but his dear Nadja attempts to remedy the situation by using her feminine wiles with her old pals, the Rat Pack and when that fails, she uses her next best non-vampiric asset: threats. Though she does fall flat, quite literally, she does succeed in collecting, as sometimes pity is more useful than power.

This is basically all for naught, however, as the amassed wealth is a mere 300 clams. Hubby isn’t quite sure they were the hepcats she used to hang with, but Nadja wants none of that heresy.

Nandor listlessly bops away at his favorite slot, but not even Colin pointing out that he got a couple of Koothrapali’s, a Hofstader, four Wolowitzes, and a Penny could prepare Nandor for getting him noodle baked about what the Big Bang Theory actually means.

They map out on opposite walls of the room in marker their views on the creation of the world, Colin’s being heliocentric and Nandor’s being one he’s believed for seven and a half centuries: that the world rests on four elephants that reside on the back of a gigantic turtle. He’s been converted, due to science and logic trouncing fantasy and whim and even more depressed due to the fact that we’re but a spec of cosmic dust in the grand scheme of things.

A contemplative Nandor sits atop the Monaco Grand Hotel and Casino, feeling lonely as ever, even as Guillermo is soaring right above him with a little piece of home in hand.

Upon arrival, Guillermo’s greeted to a room of emotional and mental anguish across the board- Laszlo’s regret of possibly causing his best mortal friend financial and marital ruination, Nadja’s rumination of the Rat Pack’s fall from grace, Nandor’s existentialist crisis, and Colin’s castrated viewing of his favorite tv show with the volume off.

It’s time for Guillermo de la Cruz to put Frank Farmer to shame, first by getting everybody to night-nights and pumping up the volume on Colin’s show as he works on his plan on how to get them out of the jam.

Once they are bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, as evidenced by their inherent treatment of him, Guillermo lays out the scheme with some Danny Ocean panache. At 6.47 pm, he’ll head to the box office to get the tickets to the fight. At 6.52 pm in the elevator, Nandor is to meet one of the boxers, Eli Jackson to hypnotize him. At 6.55 pm, Laszlo is to hypnotize the other, Arturio Rodriguez. At 6.59 pm, Colin Robinson is to place a nice, simple bet. At 8.00 pm, they all take their seats at the fight and, well, “Ring-A-Ding-Ding…”

Ten seconds into round six, Nadja triggers the hypnosis of both pugilists by yelling out “Ain’t That A Kick In The Head” causing a knockout that can only be likened to when one successfully pops the cork off a bottle of champagne.

Colin collects the cash, they all experience a flying on earth known as the escalator, hand over the winnings to a thankful Shaun who swears off gambling (before betting it all on 12 as they walk away) and head back into the party bus for, but not before giving Guillermo a welcome to the family card of sorts.

This den of sin makes for a perfect bottle episode dealing with vampires. By design, the architecture vastly limits most traces of sunlight and eradicates most indications of time in order to keep the gamblers happy and the House happier. The call back to Shaun and Charmaine was a welcomed surprise and to tie it all in with some stellar teamwork make this truly a winning hand.

The Workprint’s Gamescast – Episode 69: Sony Showcase

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God of War Ragnarok

 

It’s been a busy week with the baby, but there have been a ton of new releases to checkout as solid videogame releases continue into September. I had the opportunity to check out Tales of Arise (Series X) and Deathloop (PS5) during the past week and both games have been occupying my mind as I try to navigate fatherhood and making times for games. If anyone has any advice on how to freeze time, I’d greatly appreciate it. – Bilal

The Workprint’s Gamescast – Episode 69

Games Played:

Rob

        1. Psychonauts 2
        2. Signs of the Sojourner
        3. Genshin Impact

Bilal

        1. Tales of Arise
        2. Deathloop

News

General

        1. Battlefield 2042 delayed to November
        2. Dying Light 2 Stay Human delayed to 2022, Techland confirms
        3. Analogue Pocket delayed again, to December 2021
        4. Ren and Stimpy are joining Nickeloden All Star Brawl’s roster
        5. Fortnite season 8 battle pass includes a Carnage skin
        6. App Store must allow third-party payments, judge tells Apple

Microsoft

        1. Windows 10 PCs can now stream console games on the Xbox App
        2. Xbox Game Pass September 2021 game list updates: Sable, SkateBird

Sony

        1. PlayStation 5 firmware update lets you install compatible SSD storage
        2. PlayStation Showcase 2021: All the PS5 news from Sony’s livestream
        3. Grand Theft Auto 5’s upgraded edition pushed to March 2022

Nintendo

        1. Nintendo Switch update enables Bluetooth audio pairing

 

The Workprint’s Gamescast streams and records Wednesday nights at 9:00 PM at twitch.tv/theworkprint. The podcast can be found on all major podcast platforms.

What We Do In The Shadows Recap: Gail

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Long Island, we're coming for ya!

If you’ve conquered nations, slew millions, and lived to see the 1992 Dream Team, you’ve lived. However, if you’ve never truly had somebody that would stick by your side, come hell or high water, maybe you haven’t. It is in this tertiary episode of the third season of What We Do In The Shadows (FX) titled “Gail” that we find you’re only as good as the company you keep.

At the Vampire Residence, Nadja (Natasia Demetriou) calls out to Nandor (Kayvan Novak), but he’s nowhere in sight. You see, Nadja needs help updating the Vampiric Council’s website, which looks like it could have been crafted on Geocities. Hey, at least it has a guestbook to sign!

Nandor’s been ‘flighty’ as of recent. Laszlo (Matt Berry) thinks he’s been cranking it at the Penny Pornos, Guillermo (Harvey Guillen) doesn’t know where he’s been, so Colin Robinson (Mark Proksch) takes it upon himself to do a bit of tailing, leading the gang to a hotel… only to find Nandor railing Gail (Aida Turturro).

Ya boy’s in love! With Gail coming over to HQ, Nandor’s pulling out all of the stops. I mean, shit, he’s had a dry spell for two centuries. Though they’ve been on and off for the past 40 years, he knows her to the tee… literally with the Bob Seger shirts she rocks.

Guillermo is none too jazzed his master will move mountains and steal his mini-fridge for someone that wouldn’t commit to a relationship. Nadja too has beef with the woman because she shatters Nandor’s heart time and again for not committing to being turned into a vampire. And so the cycle continues, as tonight Nandor’s going to propose to his gal and make her a vampire, that they may spend an eternity together.

Elsewhere in the HQ, Colin is raiding the library, trying to find any sort of history on energy vampires, but is coming up dry. He employs the help of Laszlo but that’s short-lived as the old boy spots an out-of-place book: Cornelius Dong’s Adventures in the Boner Brigade. What makes this titillating tome stand out is he realizes it was never published in hardback and with a curious tug of the spine, the two discover a hidden room, housing Laslzo’s jalopy, seized by the Vampiric Council when the chap was found transporting miner’s across state lines. No, that’s not a spelling error.

As Nandor sets up for the ultimate proposal, both Guillermo and Nadja are at a loss. They have resigned to the fact he only has his focus on one thing, and it’s neither of them. Oddly enough, they both want the same for the guy, which is him breaking the chain… but it’s too late! She’s arrived!

Now we meet Gail and get a feel for her feelings towards the Relentless. She compares her boy toy to a can of sardines- an acquired taste, something you can binge on, give up on and then go back to. If she isn’t a problem for the house, she’ll fare just fine until the problem arrives.

It’s only when Nadja busts in on Nandor bottomless dancing about to Bob Seger’s “Night Moves” that it all becomes evident. Gail is a leech but because Nandor is gaga about her, she’ll never fully become a proper bloodsucker.

As Colin appreciates Laszlo’s ride, the Stutz Laszlo, which runs on petrol AND coal, they both have the crazy idea to go on a road trip. Colin’s already prepared, as an energy vampire, with his road mix of 25 consecutive “Hey There Delilahs” and a trail mix just to shove in the nooks and crannies of the seats. Before they can go anywhere though, they need to get the auto out of HQ and after backing over and then running over Colin, the two agree that it’s best extracted piece by piece.

As Nandor gets the ring from Guillermo to solidify a relationship, other relationships are just forming in real-time. Colin dismantling the vehicle with Laszlo affords them some serious bonding time. They both view the situation as the same, figuring the other one was lonely and in need of saving. It’s actually quite cute and poignant as they both share information about their parents. Colin, we learn is still concerned about his origins, as his father was a flamboyant gadabout in the 20s while his mother was just boring. We also learn that Laszlo was raised by his nanny, who made him learn Latin in the nude, which he thoroughly enjoyed.

No time to dilly on parental war stories, however as hilarity ensues once the air is cleared when both vampires attempt to transfer the car parts through HQ, fucking up and knocking down a bunch of priceless antiquities, leaving a trail of destruction in their wake.

Back in their fuck/party room, Gail’s about to dip, as Thursday night is Grey’s Anatomy night. Nadja tries to buy time in keeping Gail there, especially since it’s Saturday, not Thursday. The thing is no amount of pleading with someone she’s notorious for not liking will prepare her for the anger she’s about to feel.

It’s a full moon and Gail it turns out to be is a were-woman. Her co-leader has been literally sleeping with the enemy.

Once reassembly has finished, Colin admits to never having taken on a task like that, so the piecing together might have been full of errors, even though it looks pretty cherry. It matters none though, as The Guide is pissed. They’ve shattered the blood chalice of Vlad the Impaler, they’ve massively dented the sarcophagus of Amen-Ra, and tore the Shroud of Urine which is more valuable than the Shroud of Turin. This could have easily been avoided if they noticed that it was a fucking garage, with two glaringly big red buttons on the outside and inside.

The Guide jets because dealing with the insurance agency will be more of a head splitter and yet another thing she didn’t need in her night of babysitting her bosses. With that, Colin calls it, but not before accepting a ride from Laszlo in their newly completed pet project. All Colin has to do is top off the tank, which he does to a fire result. It’s okay though, Colin’s all good.

Later, Nandor fesses up to dating a werewolf. She was originally human when he met her, and has only recently been turned. Nadja is livid, her non-pumping blood boiling because as a co-leader of the Vampiric Council, the move of being amorous with a mortal enemy isn’t a good look on them.

Guillermo refuses to intervene, as his plight is course-correcting before his very eyes. All his master wants for is the crew to meet Gail’s clan, mix it up and mend the age-old rift. Once Colin’s game, the rest follow until Nadja relents because she does not dislike Gail! The game is afoot. Oh, that will be taken literally in a spell.

At a public space (baseball field), the initial pleasantries are a little shaky. We also get a glimpse into the natural inclination of Lycans in their human form, running after a car as it honks. It’s the most adorable joke. Nandor apologizes about the abandoned Circuit City incident, prompting a werewolf to their death by playing the most spiteful game of fetch I’ve ever seen.

With the introductions still being a little tenuous, Nadja tries to say hi only to be met with growls and scowls. Upon restarting the introductions one last time, she notices the lack of Gail, until the crew doesn’t. She’s off in the back, smooching it up with Anton (Derrick Beckles), the werewolf that turned her. They aren’t exclusive according to Gail herself. There’s a shocker.

Guillermo will not stand for this and approaches the two, not only as Nandor’s bodyguard but also as his ‘heart guard.’ This prompts Anton to remind his crew to take their HeartGard, which is the second most amazing werewolf joke.

The thing is neither group can trust each other, arriving at an impasse. Only proves as inspiration for Guillermo to solve the situation. The only road to resolve is to Twilight that shit up with a good old-fashioned game of kickball.

The stage is set for a night game of kickball, with a full snow-logged baseball field, flakes descending large. This isn’t your average kickball, however, as both teams have superpowers and animal instincts that can both be to their advantage or their undoing, leading us to our third cute werewolf joke- one of the players catching the ball and burying it.

The supernatural strength of Team Edward gets them in good standing until it doesn’t, when Nadja rockets the ball (accidentally?) at Gail’s dome, killing her instantly. This sends Nandor into a state of desperation, immediately turning her into a vampire to give her life once more. The thing is that this procedure must be done in two ways since she died a werewolf. He must puncture her neck with his fangs, but also puncture his vein, feeding the blood into her open mouth. This is vampiric CPR and a midnight miracle at that.

With spirits running high, Nandor does the riskier thing- proposing.

The rub is Gail’s been married before, and the experience just isn’t her cup of blood. She tables the idea for another 40 years because now she’s eternal. Though our boy is sad, he does accept it. Plus, she needs to fly… to buffalo in the morning for her daughter. She does leave on good terms with the vampires. Now, leaving on good terms isn’t the same as leaving with grace and elegance… but it’s her first night as a bat, and thereby for the grace of a non-existent god go.

At the house, Nadja and Nandor pick apart The Guide’s bang-up job of updating the website, when suddenly a honk is heard. Who is it?

The house rushes outside, expecting to see Gail only are greeted by Colin and Laszlo with their new and improved Stutz wanting to take them out for a drive. They didn’t find Nandor’s sweetheart but were handed something much more indispensable: a night together.

This by far was one of my favorite episodes out of all the seasons. It had everything from answering fans’ questions of will Nandor find love to will two members of the clan hang out that never did before to the dynamic of the children of the night combatting… the children of only very specific nights. It had Janice from the Soprano’s, which is amazing and it held a pocket for Derrick Beckles, whose show Hot Package was fucking brilliant and inspiration of where comedy can go. Moving forward, it could only get crazier.

P.S. Though he could’ve, Colin didn’t drain Laszlo, even though he retains the power to do so. If that’s not friendship, I don’t know what the fuck is.

What We Do In the Shadows Recap: The Cloak of Duplication

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What We Do in the Shadows cloak of duplication

Magic exists everywhere. As is love. Now, some may think love is magic, but I’m happening on the stance that it’s misfiring synapses in the mind that make some connection with another life form. The thing is, it’s all in the mindscape, and though we think we know how oxytocin works, we know little about how something feels so right, it’s downright criminal. So is dominance and want for things and it is within this episode of What We Do In The Shadows (FX) titled “The Cloak of Duplication” that we find the true meaning of our dreams and necessity. It’s called illusion.

The leaders of the Vampiric World are at odds. Nadja (Natasia Demetriou) and wants true dominion while hubby, Laszlo (Matt Berry) wants no part of a leadership position. They have their work cut out for them, however, as Nandor (Kayvon Novak) goes against his honorific and “relents” to work in concordance with Nadja as duel rulers. So off to the Vampiric Council HQ they go. The Guide (Kristen Schaal) leads them to a menagerie of Vampiric Wonders, and though it houses Van Helsing’s cut-off cudgel, Guillermo (Harvey Guillen) still isn’t allowed in the sanctum.

There also exists a cloak that, not unlike a Harry Potter movie, can replicate yourself. The familiar-cum-protector can’t be in this room though, as it’s only for VAMPIRES. So he’s guided into a vault that is only reserved for familiars. Nandor pumps the breaks on it, but since nobody wants to turn the would-be nighttime assassin, he relents.

Now this place has the largest library of tomes ever concerning spells, vampiric knowledge, and well, what Laszlo is interested in, which is the oldest collection of pornography. He’s in his own basin, only sinking down more. What are his favorites? The Knobnomicon (706 AD), Gutenberg’s Vaginarium (1487), de Tocqueville’s Lusty Discharge Pamphlet (1842), Egypt’s Longest Penises (unknown), Roy Cohn Esquire’s 169 Sex Positions (1954), and Aristotle’s second volume of poetry.

While he’s mentally masturbating, Colin (Mark Proksch) is trying to blag a 23 and me and is coming up with nothing.

Guillermo breaks out of his prison (again) and finds himself in the library. This has Doctor Strange energy on it.

By the way, the other vampires are being measured for their vestiments. Nandor goes to bat for Guillermo crashing in. The funny thing is that Nandor wants to steal his own ‘suit’, that being the cloak. He has some other things going on, in the fashion of trying to get a date with a place called Massive Fitness.

Being the ruler and killer of years yore, his game isn’t exactly on point. He needs a cover and what better a way to try to gain the affections of this woman at the desk than the master of it, who actually has a wife- Laszlo.

The only problem with this plan is that Laszlo is (outside of Jackie Daytona) lazy. He tosses it off to Colin. Plus, Laszlo has a wife and I believe if Nadja, for all of his exploits were to find out he bedded another woman or even as blink an eye at her, she’d be dead, as well as he. Again.

So it all falls on Colin. Oh, my cats. Colin. I’m sure he watched Tom Cruise’s monologue from Magnolia beforehand because he takes negging to the next level. He’s also fucking over Nandor, but as an energy vampire, he doesn’t know the game. His prize? Being bounced out by Chris, the heavy.

He, handily having his ass out goes back to Laszlo and challenges him to try it.

What are the rest of the crew doing though? Well, funny you should ask! There’s another crew, a rogue vampire clique in Queens that isn’t not paying their dues. I guess it’s a mob move, as Nadja, Nandor, and Colin go there to collect.

What do they find? A Millenial vampire named Wes Blankenship. He of course welcomes them in (ya gotta).

Laszlo tries to hit on the girl, shows her porn after playing horribly a mandolin. Yes, Nandor’s thing is working well.

Back in Queens, Wes does not acknowledge the floor. His crew doesn’t believe in rules. They call themselves the Council of Vampires and are basically a rogue state. They are basically the idiots that calling themselves sovereign citizens, just with blood lust. Nandor wants to create a possible alliance, but Nadja isn’t having anything of it. She’s lived for too fucking long and she’s tired of this shit. But lo!

Colin spots another energy vampire. He didn’t think they existed outside of him. (Ego, much?) He happens to be a fan of his though.

In the library, once Guillermo breaks free, Laszlo tells him he can do his master a solid by donning the cloak and going on a date. He’ll do anything for his Master, so he obliges.

At the party, Colin is chopping it up with Dave Lewis but has an existential moment, wondering where they came from and how they came to be. The thing is in the other room, the millennial council is trying to figure out how to dismantle the official Council’s ruling.

It doesn’t help that Guillermo is talking now to Meg, but he does air his grievances. She realizes that he feels something for him and that he should tell him.

In Queens, Nadja’s non-current blood is boiling. She’s had enough of these idiots and why shouldn’t she? She just wants to get back to her husband and sleep. Though Nandor tries for a more diplomatic move, his flank has something else in mind, ripping out the host’s heart. She’s staked her claim and told them the dues are on the first full moon of the month. It’s a Boss move.

At the gym, the real Nandor appears and has learned that not only is Guillermo fond of him but also that the woman he’s been crushing on is a lesbian. The sad this is with this in tow, Chris, the bouncer gets the brunt of it.

The last part is Nadja waking up Nandor only to chastise him for how it all went down. She thinks he’s gone soft, but he’s just a big softie. He wants to be a paramour and doesn’t have it when it’s in front of his goddamned face. She also uses the cloak on him and with her husband.

This second episode swung for the fences and nailed it as a good one-two punch with the previous episode. We get a sense of where things lie and what is at stake. Yes, I said it. Season 3 certainly seems to be coming in hot right out of the gate and it certainly isn’t taking any guff… prisoners for that matter.

 

What We Do In The Shadows Recap: The Prisoner

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Entropy. That’s kind of a cool word, right? To some, it may read as once you start something, you can’t undo it. To others, it’s a lack of predictability. To me, it’s the Greek form of transforming from the inside. From where we last left, Guillermo went HAM on the children of the night, before realizing he was a Van Helsing. It’s not something you can forgive, but maybe with his crew, they can forget?
On this opener of the tertiary season with What We Do In The Shadows (FX) entitled, “The Prisoner”, we’ll dive into where allegiances lie, who is lying, and what lies ahead for the quartet of bumbling phlebotomists.

It’s a rainy night on the Vampiric Residence. The crew knows the score, but Nandor (Kayvon Novak) is the only one going to the mat for Guillermo (Harvey Guillen). The rest of them is pushing for him to die, but only his Master is wanting him to leave. Nadja (Natasia Demitriou) wants his blood to be shed, not shared. So what’s the next best solution?

Imprison him.

The thing is that he was simply trying to protect the Clan, and he in his heart of hearts knows it. Being the savvy familiar he is, he breaks out of the cage anytime he wants because why not?

In a heart-to-heart, when he decamps to his cell so nobody is the wiser, Nandor, is kind. He gives him food (albeit raw chicken) but it is Guillermo that gives his Master food for thought. He was his protector. He was his watcher and though, yes, dude killed that which he looked after, it’s the warrior’s code. You shall not kill another that looked after you, no matter how heinous the crime was. Talk about being down for the Count!

I guess it doesn’t matter now, because, though Guillermo installed cameras around the domicile, an unkindness has shown up. Breaking out of his paper prison, Guillermo shows up, stakes blazing, chucking them at the The Guide (Kristen Schaal), though she’s just too fast for him. She’s simply a messenger, and what is the message? The house is called to the Council.

I will say, off the bat, pun intended, Colin Robinson (Mark Proksch) is pretty diabolical in this episode and I love it. He’s basically 120 Days of Sodom incarnate with a dapper white suit.

In Guillermo’s captivity, he’s been video recording himself just to keep his sanity. This pays off because, with his newfound power, he can break out whenever he wants once the house is in slumber. What does he do with this self-imposed liberation? He fucking cleans the house and dispatches corpses!

The interesting thing is though Nadja is growing fond of him, the murder of vampires is an inescapable sin for a familiar, one which you shan’t recover. Laszlo (Matt Berry) couldn’t give two fucks of how it ends up because he’s got his house and his woman. The last thing he needs is another headache in the form of a sleeper cell. Nandor seems to have his six though because of the aforementioned warrior code. You protect your own and in-kind, so you will be taken care of.

Not that it matters, for when the unnamed herald of the Vampiric Council announces herself with an unkindness of 87 Ravens, they didn’t even notice. Only Guillermo did. There’s a blindspot in their house and only a mortal could sense it. That isn’t a good look and isn’t very becoming.

Regardless, they’ve been chosen. This house is chosen. To do what? What do you do when you have capable fuck ups? Make them the head of the Vampiric Council of the Eastern Seaboard of the New World, but of course!

With this power coursing through their non-functioning veins, they decide to make Guillermo, not a liability but rather an asset. He’s now their bodyguard, and though they try a quadrant of hypnosis, it’s just nonsense. He knows it’s bunk and just goes about life, doing their bidding, making them think they are above him.

The thing is, this ain’t over yet, not by any stretch. With great power comes great privileges. The only thing is when you have 4 egos running a household, there is only one voice. When you talk over each other, a voice is never truly heard.

In the chamber, they not only have the task of not only executing their own but also those who have transgressed and being the judge and jury. This isn’t a fun thing for any of them, but their bodyguard’s been handily doing a bang-up job. It’s as if it’s in his DNA!

There is only one Throne though and though they aren’t about putting a thumbs up, they are certainly about who takes the seat!

As an opener for the third season, I was very happy with this. Paul Simms came to play! This didn’t disappoint. The show only gets better and better with subtle jokes and japes even wittier than the last time. It’s coming just in time for Autumn too when Halloween is the King of Holidays. I truly do believe if vampires exist and they walked among us, they’d be our friends. Their “Hello” is just a little different.

 

 

Brand New Cherry Flavor Is All About The Power of Pussy

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brand new cherry flavor promo

A sensationalist body horror story set in 1990’s Los Angeles, this bizarre acid-like trip down indie lane takes a hard stance on creative revenge, with regurgitated trauma kittens, and one surprisingly sideways vagina. 

The first thing you’ll notice about Brand New Cherry Flavor is the kittens. There are few things more gag-inducing than watching a cat spitting up a hairball. So, visually seeing a human go through the same process, but in lieu of a hairball, spit up a newborn kitten fetus in a repulsive vomit birth? It’s honestly the high bar of disgusting horror this series executes on a regular basis.

For eight episodes, Brand New Cherry Flavor is shot like a grindhouse movie in that the budget — much like SYFY’s Channel Zero, showrunner Nick Antonsa’s first major horror project —  is low and so the utilization of practical effects is rather high. With clever puppeteering, lighting usage, and set design, this gross-out terror story is actually a creatively cost-effective approach that gives this series much of its indie appeal. 

Netflix itself was originally home to numerous indie darlings circa the early 2010s. Before the juggernauts of its original content of movies and shows such as Stranger Things made it the world’s biggest movie and television show powerhouse. The substance in Brand New Cherry Flavor is intentionally lowbrow. More something like Hemlock Grove, another Netflix original horror story, though minus the former’s slightly more convoluted plotlines. 

The byproduct of this indie horror approach is a psychedelic acid trip through the exploitative and abusive world that is Los Angeles circa the 1990s. Brand New Cherry Flavor is all about pushing that edge of sensationalism. Using loads of body horror imagery, metaphors about female vulnerability and sexuality, and at times: empowerment; along with a lot of strange turns and turns in this surrealist homage to the David’s Lynch and Cronenberg. 

There is a lot of murder in Brand New Cherry Flavor. A lot of revenge and substance abuse while riding fast and hard down the Hollywood streets of  L.A. The blood, sex, and mindless zombies magics featured in the series are but a metaphor, of an already desensitized and abusive system of the 1990’s city of dreams. 

Much of the series and the grit of this show follows the stylings of author Todd Grimson himself, an author, who often writes about a degenerate Los Angeles, and whose novel inspired the foundations of this show. Prior to writing Brand New Cherry Flavor, Grimson was a late-shift ER worker who’d seen some of the worst cases humanity had to offer. That was until Grimson himself was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, a neurodegenerative disease that had forced him to become both housebound and incapacitated. An outlet turned into a novelization, Brand New Cherry Flavor was the creative result of his suddenly homebound and surrealist dreams. 

 

Brand New Cherry Pussy

brand new cherry flavor

In Brand New Cherry Flavor, Brazilian indie director Lisa Nova (Roza Salazar) moves to Hollywood for fame and fortune, hoping to produce and direct her controversial short film into a feature debut. Struggling through rejection, a chance encounter with producer Lou Burke (Eric Lange) becomes Lisa’s saving grace. As the washed-up but formerly famous director promises to help her make it big by mentoring her… at least until it turns predatory. Frustrated by Lisa’s rejection of his advances, Lou backstabs his would-be protege, by stealing the one thing that matters most to Lisa Nova: her movie. 

A tale of twisted revenge, Lisa then encounters a witch named Boro (Catherine Keener) who is willing to curse Lou, in exchange, for some magical kitten babies born out of Lisa’s past;  in a quite literal symbol of birth, trauma, and motherhood and a none-the-less disgusting prize for Boro to collect. Though the plot is semi-transparent in its direction (it’s a revenge story after all), it’s also very shocking, and at times, grotesque. All for a dreamy depiction of the Hollywood nightmare. 

Now, there’s a lot of decent talent to be praised about this show. Manny Jacinto does a really great job fitting into the role of a stoner drug dealer named Code. An out of his depth though blindly in love role, befitting for The Good Place’s Jason Mendoza. Catherine Keener likewise, feels fit in the role of Boro in that she presents the character with a calm suave of a witch-woman who’s always in control, yet nevertheless, very subtly funny. Though easily the best performance was by Rosa Salazar, as the Alita Battle Angel lead really goes out there to sell the series. Both in her portrayal as the naive and innocent young Hollywood director being exploited, while also, showcasing a very dark past. Because like any good horror, this protagonist has some seriously eye-popping horrifying demons — and Salazar does a great job of opening the cellar door to them.

That said, Lisa and Boro represent a lot of the female empowerment angle of a woman seeking revenge and another willing to provide it. With hand-over-fist, the vagina scene being the most controversial moment featured within the series. It’s the women seeking to take back control — by flipping the narrative and utilizing witchcraft and voodoo zombism — that sell the plot of the story as a tale of revenge in a bizarrely grotesque way. 

Then again, there’s also the Jaguar loveseat… 

 

The Take

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wOzM3c33TVg\

Brand New Cherry Flavor is a show about offending sensibilities with an awful lot of metaphors about kittens and rebirth. The surrealism is most definitely meant to evoke Cronenberg and Lynch’s body horror vibes. Though the story can be slightly convoluted by its ending. Still, there’s enough here to entertain any grotesque horror fans — I just suggest not eating anything while watching.

 

The Suicide Squad Review – Fun In A Splooging All Over Us Kind Of Way…

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the suicide squad

The Suicide Squad is Entertaining for its Excess and Troma-Esque approach to filmmaking. But with low stakes, intentionally stupid characters, and a rehash of the usual superhero team tropes, it’s all still mostly the same.

Let me be straight with you: this movie is fun because it acknowledges what a lot of people didn’t like about the original Suicide Squad. All with a big David Ayer’s F-You. With excess vulgarity, brief nudity, and often, over-the-top violence, The Suicide Squad tries really hard to be different than its predecessor by embracing it’s R-rating. And though it works to some degree, in that it is a fun but offensive sort of fashion like Deadpool, it also never really goes as far into the grittiness as something like The Boys. Or Watchmen. Or even Doom Patrol. 

The shocks in this movie are, oddly enough, rather contained for today’s standards. With the exception of the many deaths of these mostly no-name anti-heroes (minus Harley Quinn) whose entire cameos serve mostly as butts of a joke. Yes, this is meant to be funny… though, I’m unfortunately a reviewer who honestly didn’t really care all that much for it. Mostly, because there have already been a plethora of uncensored and intentionally offensive comic book stories adapted as of late all across the digital medium, between all of the major streaming networks from Amazon to Netflix to even DC’s own HBO Max. 

Sure, comparing Film to TV may be an unjust comparison, though to be frank, it’s difficult not to, given how fantastic  DC has been at creating show adaptations (and video games for that matter). For instance, the CW network has had a plethora of successful DC TV series this past decade, each with its own cult following, that hits all the right target audience demographics (mostly teens) for what it is trying to do. 

But even on the grittier sides of DC’s entertainment camp, there have been a ton of fantastic DC Universe shows (now HBO Max) that have done a surprisingly great job balancing darker themes and uncensored violence — all while not sacrificing character arcs or losing its self-identity by deconstructing they very thing their series is meant to do. I’m talking about Doom Patrol, Swamp Thing, Young Justice, the entire DC Animated Universe catalog, and even its flagship DCU show, Titans. After having seen all of these works DC has put out there before it, it just isn’t the same. Though I can see how as compared to every other DCEU film, why this movie stands out. Here’s why (spoilers ahead).

 

The Story Is Just Like The Original But Better And More In-Line With Zack Snyder’s Palate For Filmmaking

So the story for The Suicide Squad is somewhat tongue-in-cheek, in that in many ways, it’s acknowledging that the first movie most definitely happened. This isn’t a reboot of the origins as much as it is a continuation in the styles of an entirely different director. This Suicide Squad immediately sees some familiar faces return. Popular characters from the first film such as Harley Quinn, Captain Boomerang, Amanda Waller, and Rick Flag. 

However, there is no Will Smith making his return as Deadshot, as it is very apparent how Bloodsport (Idris Elba), was very much written as a de facto replacement to Deadshot’s return. Both are strong Black men with a penchant for killing things with guns. Both also are dysfunctional parents with daughters, whose life of crime and the threat of jail, threaten their respective parental relationships. They’re basically the same character but with different actors.

Likewise, nothing’s changed about how the Squad works. It’s the same story beats fit into the same type of scenario: go on an incredibly dangerous mission no one in their right mind would attempt to reduce their jail sentences, or die. As a result, the story kind of lacks any actual conflict. What’s at stake is absolutely nothing. Because characters we didn’t really care about or establish can die, often in non-consequential ways, in the face of repeatedly stupid yet hilarious failure. All for the sake of the jokes. 

It’s funny but there is a problem when people die though nobody really cares (unless it was Harley), because this is the C-List team of forgettable villains. Not your Lex Luthors, Jokers, or even Captain Colds of the world. Unlike Guardians Of The Galaxy, where this is an overarching anticipatory infinity stone plotline that we know will hook the audience for later, this is a standalone movie of no consequence meant for laughs, and the sooner that pill is swallowed, the more enjoyable it can be. With the exception of one character who oddly wasn’t Harley Quinn: Rat Catcher 2. We’ll delve into her story later.

As for what this movie gets right: it’s easily the dynamic visuals. Watching The Suicide Squad is like a Zack Snyder movie in that there’s a lot of interesting music, unique use of lettering, and action sequences crafted to make the eyes pop. Visually this movie is one of the best films ever made by DC. With memorable moments including an intriguing rain sequence and a lot of just visceral cavalcade of guts and gore. Murder is often used as a joke in this film, which sees James Gunn play to his strengths without the censorship of Disney over his shoulder.

This can be hit-or-miss depending on if you enjoy this type of comedy, though, in my weird situation, I actually think James Gunn didn’t really break any barriers in this film as much as critics made it out to be… 

 

Sure, The Suicide Squad Is Over-The-Top Compared To DC Films But It’s Still Pretty Tame Compared To James Gunn On The Whole

the suicide squadNow for those used to the friendly Guardians of the Galaxy approach to comedy (which is still very in line with Disney values), this one might be hard to stomach. There is a lot of reprehensible actions, offensive sensibilities, gore, torture, and a lot of killing. Most of it is for the sake of the joke, and if you like it within that context, that’s great. It’s definitely a different approach compared to other DC movies. Though as strange as it may sound to some people who might not be ready to hear this: this movie isn’t as deranged as James Gunn’s earlier works. 

Because before Guardians of the Galaxy, James Gunn was a B-movie bad boy. Tromeo and Juliet, Hamster PSA, Slither, PG Porn, and Super — which even features one of the superhero genre’s most controversial rape scenes. Personally, I don’t find this movie as shocking as everybody else had, because it is oddly sort of played down compared to some of the things Gunn has done in his past. Though many found this aspect of the movie entertaining for its uncensored approach — I personally didn’t really find the shock value hit me as hard as most other fans. 

The thing is, James Gunn is an understudy of Lloyd Kaufman. The founder of the infamously low-budget and offensively indie Troma brand. These were movies created to offend almost all censorship laws known to humankind. It’s also the same type of comedic filmmaking approach which inspired Matt Stone and Trey Parker — who is better known as the creators of South Park and Broadway’s The Book of Mormon. 

So while this style may be shocking for some audiences, for me, personally, I just saw that as just another James Gunn movie. And honestly, shock value isn’t as hard-hitting as it used to be in this new decade, especially, in an age of political correctness and digital streaming where the internet can do anything offensive. And most likely, has already has. Take the shock comedy away, and I actually think The Suicide Squad is a rather weak movie. With a contrived third act featuring a starfish-laden villain, and an overly convenient deus ex machina, that really only works when taking away that all of this is meant as a joke.

That said… I have to give it to the actors in this one. Because they’re the ones who really carry this story forward.

 

It’s The Cast That Carries The Suicide Squad

I don’t think I’ve ever seen a DC movie where everyone unanimously held it together. And to give this movie due credit, every single actor in this film was perfect in what they were trying to accomplish. Not a single bad performance — with extraneous Kudos to Pete Davidson, Michael Rooker, Sylvester Stalone, Nathon Fillion, and Peter Capaldi. 

Idris Elba can do no wrong and is perfect as BloodSport, tackling the character with gravitas and hilarity in a leading role we’ve all desperately wanted for Elba for years in the comic movie cinema world. David Dastmalchian as Polka-Dot Man steals the show in a weirdly subtle fashion, minus the murderous mothering intentions. Rick Flag does a heck of a lot more in this movie, providing a weirdly heroic voice as a compelling leader, where Joel Kinneman really shines with his integrity for the greater good. 

Though overwhelmingly, the best thing about this movie was Daniela Melchior. Because Rat Catcher Two, an anti-hero none-of-us knew of or cared about, is a happy Gen-Zer (Not Millennial. Can we catch up with the times with these jokes?) with a tremendously big heart. A lovable character whose arc stole the show in that it focused on the power of the little people (with some help from a beautiful scene between her and Taika Waititi). Reception to Daniela Melchior across the board has been overwhelmingly positive. This role is most likely her career-maker in Hollywood. So much so, that there is actually a lot of surprise that she is not getting her own tv series instead of John Cena. 

This brings us to a problem: Peacemaker. Because though John Cena actually did a fantastic job in this role, he is also (big spoiler), the bad guy, and not a redeemable one. Cena works tremendously well in this movie by forcibly bouncing off the other characters as a rival and often foil. He is also rather unsympathetic and is perhaps the last person I can think of that really deserves an HBO spinoff. Though kudos to Cena, succeeding where fellow ex-wrestler Dave Bautista could not in getting his own mini-series franchise for his comic book character.

 

DC Has Become The Harley Quinn Show

Harley Quinn The Suicide Squad

Finally, and most importantly, this movie is the third installment of Margot Robbie as Harley Quinn. Though I think Birds Of Prey was her masterpiece, Harley yet again steals the show here and has now become sort of the oddly leading face of the DCEU. Promotional-wise, Margot Robbie is also the big thing everyone has been selling about this movie outside of its well-loved director.

Yet again, Margot does no wrong. Harley Quinn’s story of her very fast love and kidnapping felt out of place from the rest of this movie — but works in good fun, in that it hits all the familiar character beats as a gifted athletic yet brilliantly deranged psychopath who is often defined by her toxic relationships to men. And sure, there’s some growth in this movie in that Quinn acknowledges this pattern, though it’s all still the same character beats most fans have come to love and accept about the character. With crazy action sequences, funny skewed lines of dialogue, and a lot of impressive physicality by Robbie herself (that’s her in the air actually unhandcuffing herself with her feet in that movie’s later scenes).

Though after three movies, there’s some growth left to be desired and I do wonder if the character goes the animated series/new 52 route (and I hope it does).

 

The Take

For anyone that’s been following all of the over-the-top comics adaptations on all the major platforms this past decade, we’re in a weird graphic novel adaptation phase where everything that has been done to shock audiences has already been. This is why none of the stakes, or let alone the deaths in The Suicide Squad, felt all that shocking — nor compelling — at least in my opinion. But as a superhero film, I think it’s entertaining enough in that it’s full of visually well-shot action and features characters who bounce off each other in fun ways. Just don’t go in it invested for anything beyond sensationalism and laughs.

 

Kevin Can F**k Himself Episode 8 Review: Fixed

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Kevin Can F Himself Episode 8 Season Finale
Oh, it will be a treat.

Euripedes was once quoted as saying that friends show their love “in times of trouble, not happiness.” On the season finale of Kevin Can F**k Himself (AMC) titled “Fixed”, I do believe that the optics of Sturm und Drang are murky but more solid than the fucking Atlantic on the harbor.

INT. – POLICE STATION – NIGHT

Patty (Mary Hollis Inboden) nervously taps her foot and chews her nails. Allison (Annie Murphy) emerges from the interrogation room. Patty is relieved. Tammy (Candice Coke) notices Patty, though she is compelled to address Tammy as “Detective Ridgeway.” She suggests Allison not leave town for a bit because they don’t take shootings lightly.

Enter Kevin (Eric Petersen), stage right. The one scene immediately transitions to a bright multicamera at the moment he steps into frame. He’s clearly dazed and doesn’t understand why this could happen to their house, as they don’t live in a great one. Bram (Kevin Chapman) informs him that usually, it’s drug-related, so people will break into anywhere for anything to hock for stock.

The detectives can’t be sure just yet it’s completely drug-related until they check Nick’s place tomorrow afternoon, not that Nick will be able to let him in: they are informed that just minutes ago the plug was pulled on him. Kevin’s clearly distraught, but Bram considers Kevin and Allison one of the lucky few. Something tells me Kevin doesn’t seem to think so or isn’t feeling so lucky at the moment.

TITLE: KEVIN CAN FUCK HIMSELF

INT. – LIVING ROOM – LATER

Allison, Kevin, and Patty enter. Neil (Alex Bonifer) accosts Kevin, giving him a big ole bear hug. Kevin’s still in a haze. Pete (Brian Howe) tells him to tamp down emotions with baked goods. No amount of cheering up from Kevin’s male flanks can staunch the flow of sorrow, including a hackneyed joke about marriage.

Pete suggests his son sleep it off with Neil offering to make him a fort to sleep in. Their King of Kings just wants to be alone, which upsets Neil, so Pete takes him outside and presumably to the local watering hole.

With the girls alone, we snap back into single-camera mode. They gather on the couch with Allison revealing Nick caught the other end of a trigger. He wasn’t supposed to deliver for a week, but it was their fault Kevin had a gun in the first place on account of them not burying it further than their own literal backyard. Patty goes into the kitchen, emerging with a bottle of booze, instructing Allison to take a swig each time she feels like yelling.

Ever the realist, Patty isn’t surprised the incident didn’t bore fruit because Tammy’s still sniffing out a dealer. In her words, this is why you don’t make plans because when you do “God laughs in your face and kicks you in the balls.” Patty seems fine with calling Allison’s wish a wash, but is incredulous when Allison still has a plan. Her endomorphic conviction shows, and not even god could stop her intent to carry out any Mission. Hey, Kevin reached for their revolver. She can pull the trigger in other ways.

Her plan? Take the pill bottle and cash they were going to plant them around Kevin, place them at Nick’s, then connect him around Furies Pharmacy. A corpse becomes the perfect candidate as the local dealer fall guy. Patty, reticently agrees it could work, but Allison is nearly out the door before her friend could exhale the sentence since the long hand is ticking before Tammy gets a warrant. Patty wants to know how this helps Allison’s plight with Kevin, to which Allison confesses that she gets to know her bestie is in the clear. That true conviction and dedication to friendship is what the selfish need to take notes on…

INT. – FURIES PHARMACY – DAY

Patty buys a box of Nicotine gum, requesting a bag. She stops by Kurt (Sean Clements) momentarily, not saying anything before moving on.

INT. – NICK’S PLACE – LATER

Patty and Allison sneak through the transom window. Allison puts the money and the pill bottle in the Furies bag, about to stash it in Nick’s sock drawer when Patty contests the feasibility of him actually doing that. In searching for a spot, Patty inquires into how Allison’s doing herself. She knows Kevin’s affected but is worried that Allison sees a guy get shot and immediately wants to frame him. Allison insists it’s better than being drunk, crying in the bathtub.

Allison sees that Nick has a bag packed, and immediately gets to work on unpacking his shit and putting it back. Her mind does work fast, seeing as though, if it was a random drug break-in, questions would surely abound about why he’d be leaving town. Just then, a door from upstairs is heard closing.

Allison is freaking. It’s Nick’s Aunt Cindy (Deidre Madigan). Allison audibly tracks her footsteps, noticing Patty slipping out. The door to the basement opens up and just as the footsteps are about to reach halfway down the stairs, the doorbell rings. Patty for the win!

Cindy answers the door to find Patty out of breath. She comes under the artifice of wanting to know how her client is holding up, buying Allison more time. Cindy explains that she has no idea what he was up to, and with the cops sniffing around, she’s even less interested.

Allison finishes up and takes a bottle of booze, but overhearing Cindy tell Patty that ole Nicky is still alive, causes Allison to send the bottle shattering to the ground. Buys her a few more seconds, Patty grabs her in, disingenuously saying she’ll pray for Nick. Allison cleans up the mess, stuffs the evidence under his mattress, and hightails it out of there.

INT. – BAR – DAY

Bert (Mike Mitchell) the bartender thinks Kevin’s arrival is about the cable being out. Kevin’s off duty, on hooky as going to work felt pointless, figuring a beer may help. His self-righteous trauma renders the beer tasteless, questioning what he’s done to deserve this. Bert asserts that the world isn’t fair.

Kevin counters by asserting that the world isn’t unfair but rather broken. It hits the ears of a few patrons. He expounds a bit further on his woes. A few more patrons perk up. Bert gives him a second beer on the house because the world is going to shit, but Kevin did something about it. (I mean, come on, Kevin ain’t fucking Bernie Goetz. He wasn’t seeking justice.) Another patron declares that they need more people like Kevin telling it like it is and he’s his third free beer. Finally, Kevin can taste again, and only in Kevin-Kvetching-World is the universal balance restored.

EXT. – STREETS OF WORCESTER – NIGHT

Elated that not only did they get out of the house in time, but also that the plan actually will work, Patty tosses a cigarette before lighting it. Allison looks worried. She senses that something is off, about Tammy latching on and telling her not to leave town. Also, Nick’s still alive, albeit in a critical coma, but Allison isn’t satisfied. She wants to be a step ahead, so she asks something of Patty and it’s a doozie.

She asks Patty to snoop through Tammy’s little notebook. A huge ask for Patty, as she’s no longer a friend of Tammy’s but something much more. Allison maintains it not being a big deal, that girlfriends do it all of the time, that if she catches her, just make up an excuse. Patty reminds Allison that she hasn’t had girlfriends, but she rebounds that she has Patty. Patty does agree.

INT. – LIVING ROOM – MOMENTS LATER

Neil and Pete are hanging up a banner. Kevin explodes in, explaining how he’s not back to his old self, but rather better. He relays how the people at the bar love his no-holds-barred take on things, which leads him to believe that the break-in was a lead-in to a higher calling: Kevvy’s running for office!

INT. – KITCHEN – DAY

Converting his kitchen into a campaign headquarters, Kevin’s cold calling. With Pete on the button making and Neil on the sign work, Allison enters, stage right. He informs her that Tammy called and confirmed that Nick was a drug dealer. Kevin also reveals that his higher purpose is not to become an actual father, but a metaphorical one of the community. In fact, he was planning to hold his first campaign event at the Moose Lodge before they pulled out. Neil tells Kevin to throw in the towel and play “ultimate hide and seek” instead, but Kevin refuses to cave in to ‘adversity.’ The doorbell rings.

EXT. / INT. – HOUSE – MOMENTS LATER

Allison finds Sam (Raymond Lee), closing the door behind. He wants to go in, but she hesitates with husband inside. He doesn’t mind so she invites him in. His compliments on the coffee table only prolong the inevitable. He apologizes, not wanting to end things on a bad note, not being able to fathom what if he’d do if something were to happen to her with the break-in. Before he could wear his heart on his sleeve more than a wet, red, stain, Allison goes in for the kill… I mean kiss. She knows they can’t do that there, but she wanted to and he admits he wanted her to as well. He then drops the bombshell-

He left Jenn because he couldn’t stand to live with her anymore. His hope is if Allison feels the same way, this might be their one chance to change everything.. before Kevin comes barging in. He takes hold of the conversation immediately, trying to get his vote. It’s already awkward, so Sam goes to leave, making an excuse for stopping by, which is that since business is slow, Allison is allowed to take a few days off.

Kevin has his patented stroke “of genius”. He wants to hold his campaign rally at Bev’s Diner, but before Allison can diffuse the situation, Sam with some reticence agrees.

INT. – PATTY’S SALON – DAY

Tammy is chilling as Patty cleans the place. She does notice that Patty’s clientele has been light, not getting why she didn’t close up shop early possibly to go bowling. Patty’s been hoping for some walk-ins but does suggest they both go to Kevin’s campaign party. She declines, citing they aren’t her kind of people, specifically Allison. She simply doesn’t get a good feeling out of her. Patty does agree to go out closing up shop to do something, such as bowling.

Tammy asks for the bathroom, and with the door closed, Patty eyes in on her girlfriend’s notebook staring right at her, in spite of Tammy informing her that Nick was the local dealer. Did Allison take precedence?

INT. – BEV’S DINER – LATER

Kevin’s hobnobbing and pressing the flesh with his supporters, including his boss Mr. Harrison (Harlin C. Kearsley), and the two cops from the Grand Victorian. Neil runs in, spotting an ice cream truck four blocks away. He wants Kevin to join him, however, Kevin is done doing that in favor of his political aspirations. He outsmarts Neil by telling him to go play ultimate hide and seek, as he’ll catch up, to which Neil happily obliges.

Allison arrives with Kevin simply wanting her to stand by his side to look good. They take a publicity picture and the whole bar cheers Kevin’s dream on. Allison storms off.

EXT. – BEV’S DINER – MOMENTS LATER

Allison frantically calls Patty. She doesn’t answer. Sam chases after her. She’s madder than a wet hornet at him for letting Kevin get his way. He thought it was easier than saying no. She lets her frustration fly because Kevin always gets his way. The fucking dude shot a guy and the cops inside are toasting him. She believes the world was built for guys like Kevin or Neil or Pete.

She simply wants to give up and run away with Sam, possibly to someplace off the grid where they can be different people. He takes her ‘giving up’ as being with him the wrong thing to say, as he’s attempting to offer something real, not a palliative solution to a bigger problem, not a band-aid to a gash. Romantic as Tracy Chapman’s “Fast Car” sounds, it’s not realistic… but Sam is.

Sam doesn’t want to be another Kevin, a cartoon character saving her. He sees the potential in her, knowing she can be more than what she currently is, but she doesn’t take that as a compliment. She accepts her cracks and flaws. She accepts this lot in life, storming off back into the party.

INT. – BEV’S DINER – MOMENTS LATER

Kevin and Pete are downing shots. Allison walks in and starts downing them herself with reckless abandon. Kevin tells her to cool it, that she has a public image to upkeep, but when she tells him he does as well. He asserts that he’s living it to the cheers of the entire crowd toasting him. Allison tells him that he think’s he’s some “everyday hero” but he’s “just a DICK.” Following a deafening silence, the cops say they like the term everyday hero, and thus, ‘Kevin McRoberts – Everyday Hero” is born to the cheers of the joint.

INT. – PATTY’S SALON – LATER

Tammy is keeping what over the store when Bram calls. She maintains that she’s off for the night and denies him. Kurt walks in and Tammy tells him that the owner went out for some cigarettes. Kurt says that sounds familiar (lies) and that he stopped by to see how she’s been holding up. Tammy says she’s been fine, possibly the happiest she’s been. Kurt tells her that he’s not surprised and that since they’ve broken up, he’s thought about the questions he should have been asking but she’d never answer. He thinks Tammy would have more luck, being a cop and all. Tammy finds this odd and takes another stroll around the salon.

INT. – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT

Allison enters, surprised to see Patty sitting with the lights off. She’s been trying to call, and Patty did see but wanted to yell at her in person. Laying into her that it sucked what she made her do with Tammy, Allison apologizes to cloth ears. Patty goes further into accusing Allison knowing Tammy wasn’t just “some friend” and that she took advantage of her romantic stance with her. She plunges the knife even further, with that her framing Nick wasn’t out the kindness of Allison’s heart but rather as a ploy into getting Patty to owe her a favor by snooping through her girlfriend’s stuff, thus betraying Tammy.

Patty did look at Tammy’s notebook and she hates herself for it. All Allison could muster is to ask what it said, and guess what? It said nothing. She did the deed for nothing, sending her into histrionics. Tammy, Patty claims is the only person she had and she ruined it.

Allison takes great offense to this, reminding her friend that they’ve both terrible things for each other. Patty remains that she wasn’t the one to try to murder her husband. Allison reminds Patty that she helped. Patty fires back because it was a bust, Allison ought to find a different partner in crime.

She doesn’t want Patty because she’s a good enabler. She says that Patty raised her from the dead and without her, she’s, well, leaving her bereft of words. Before she can admit to anything more, Allison says fuck it and go back to how it was, with Patty being a dick to her. Allison storms off and Patty tearfully storms off.

INT. – KITCHEN – MOMENTS LATER

Allison finds the kitchen empty, but bright. Before she could fix herself water, she hears Neil. The guy stumbles out of the closet. Towering over her, he claims to have heard everything and is about to call Kevin divulging all, but Allison tries to wrestle it from him. This causes Neil to choke out Allison for the phone.

POW! Patty for the win again as she smashes a bottle on her brother’s head, causing the scene to go single-camera one last time. Patty asserts that her little (mentally) brother isn’t going to tell a fucking soul. She asks Allison if she’s okay, causing Allison to notice her bloodied right hand that the cell phone cut into, harkening back to the pilot.

Allison proceeds to lock her cut palm with Patty’s.
It’s the bomb that brought them together.
N
ope. Louder than bombs.

The season as a whole is fragmented. I think it’s supposed to be this way, but it’s also raw, like an undercooked steak. You can send it back to be cooked properly, but you can also find a new taste in what you didn’t think you’d like. It’s set up for another season, possibly more refined, but the concept is innovative and shows great potential. For those of you that are like me, I happen to love this TV tar-tar, much how Allison finds herself right now… and Patty does.
Also, I do like as a screenwriter, the dichotomy of 30 jokes a page of a multi-cam outside of the realism of a single camera, which may have a few, if any. The back and forth is right up my alley.
There are real rules to both, but it pays respect to both juggling them and for that, I am a fan.

Here’s to looking to next season!

Kevin Can F**k Himself Episode 7 Review: Broken

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kevin can f himself episode 7
Some things are just unexpected.

Betrothed, bemused, begotten. This is the triumvirate of many a failed marriage. Welcome to the penultimate episode of Kevin Can F**k Himself (AMC) titled “Broken.” In this, you will find some things can’t be just glued the fuck together, but rather repurposed into something new.

INT. – NICK’S HOUSE – DAY

A nervous Allison (Annie Murphy) stands before the menacing Nick (Robin Lord Taylor) and vomits out the words “next Saturday.” Nick maintains he could do it at any time, but Allison has a plan. By visiting her mother in South Carolina, she’s out of the picture, and with her absence, Kevin will party it up, leaving him blacked out by 11 pm. She instructs him to make his death look like a robbery, telling him where the bedroom is. He agrees.

She queries him what he’ll do after in the grand scheme of things. He says he’s getting the hell out of dodge the second his parole is up.

INT. – THE GRAND VICTORIAN KITCHEN – LATER

In busboy mode, Nick brings his manager a plate a customer sent back, citing it not to be dairy-free. After being called a dumbass, another busboy knocks on him, causing Nick to go off, shoving the busboy and knocking him onto the hot griddle.

Nick doesn’t want to be fired, as they’ll send his ass back to Walpole Prison. He at least wants a day before his parole officer hears about the incident. After a small exhibition of intimidation from Nick, the manager relents and agrees to give him only the day, as tomorrow morning, he’ll be updating his employment status with the county.

INT. – NICK’S HOUSE – NIGHT

Nick packs some things, answers his cell, and tells the person on the other hand that they are leaving tonight. He also extracts a gun and informs them there’s just something he has to take care of first.

TITLE CARD: KEVIN CAN FUCK HIMSELF

INT. – INTERROGATION ROOM – DAY

Allison sits worried. Detective Ridgeway (Candice Coke) and Bram (Kevin Chapman) enter with a cup of coffee and creamer and proceed to hit record on the tape player. Tammy asks Allison about her relationship with Kevin. She proceeds to say she’s his wife.

CUT TO:

INT. – PATTY’S HOUSE – MOMENTS LATER

Allison continues to say she’s his miserable pathetic wife and she’s glad he’s dead.

WELCOME TO FOUR DAYS AGO

Patty (Mary Hollis Inboden) chides Allison. Allison’s using hyperbole, of course, finding the preparation useless. They’re in this Stygian situation together, so it’s boiled down to this. Allison swears to have a plan, seeing Nick in a few days, laying out the details, and then from there, everything should be smooth sailing.

Patty knows the reality of it though, and Kevin’s being six feet under only starts the process. She grills her more on what the cops may ask and Allison swears, though she didn’t work out the minutiae of it all doesn’t mean she’s not taking it seriously. She says she’s not some kind of idiot with Patty firing back that Allison screwing her boss is pretty idiotic, and she found out with little to no effort.

This means the cops can as well, and from Kevin’s death on, every interaction with Sam will be scrutinized under the most powerful of microscopes. Patty drags her into the reality she’ll have to look forward to in the coming days, weeks, months. Patty imperiously tells her to chin up and nut up, starting the interrogation again.

INT. – SAM’S OFFICE – NIGHT

Sam (Raymond Lee) and Allison are once again ‘engaged,’ but Allison now puts the serious kibosh on it, saying she needs to focus on her husband. Sam finds this a shock, knowing her intentions with him are clear romance and that she hates her husband, but she obdurately lies with a straight face that Sam and she were naught more than dolls of desperation. This pains me to watch because Allison has to cut true romantic ties in order to SNUFF an unloving one out. She exits, heartbroken.

INT. – FERTILITY CLINIC – DAY

In order to throw the scent off her trail more, Allison is being checked out, making sure the visit itself is on the record. Dr. Melanie Wick (Jennifer Lafleur) is asked how long she’s been with her partner. Allison corrects her by saying her husband. Her ‘wonderful’ husband. She relays the story of their wedding day, ultimately ending with Kevin pantsing a priest to make his wife-to-be feel better. She thought that he’d metaphorically be pantsing priests for the rest of their marriage, making her laugh and assuring her everything was going to be ok. She hadn’t thought about that in years.

Dr. Wick says it’s a good thing she didn’t wait until “15 years to start trying.” That nobody is getting any younger. With that, Allison breaks into a sob, but quickly clears out of it. She assures herself that she’ll be fine. Fifteen years. Why does that sound familiar?

In the lobby, Allison procures the necessary documents of her visit and confirms her visit is on the record. She tries to alert the receptionist to her presence by taking a pamphlet. She doesn’t, so Allison purposefully knocks them down to make her presence known. “Classic Allison!”

Outside of her house, she chucks the documents and pamphlet into the trash before sobbing and storming off.

INT. – INTERROGATION ROOM – DAY

Opening the creamer and putting it in her coffee, Allison explains what happened after she heard the gunshot. She said there was some screaming and her neighbor called, Patty. Allison comments that Tammy knows Patty, but is asked by Tammy to give the full name: Patricia Deirdre O’Connor.

CUT TO:

INT. – ART STUDIO  – NIGHT

At one of those wine and paint nights, Tammy notices Patty not having a good time. It turns that Tammy isn’t either, so they just decide to get drunk of an attending wedding couple’s wine.

EXT. – PATTY’S HOUSE – LATER

Tammy claims to like Patty’s brush strokes on the painting. She says she can feel patty’s anger at the sunset. Patty quips it being a “commentary on the passage of time” and proceeds to put it someplace special: the trash.

Tammy’s phone rings. It’s work. Patty wants Tammy to indulge her in what it’s about. Tammy says it’s about an old woman who got her drugs illegally telling her and Bram to fuck off. She’s all Patty’s again, proceeding to kiss her on the lips, only Patty doesn’t fully reciprocate. Her situation is getting hairier as well, mirroring Allison, and when Tammy proceeds to the door, Patty stalls, saying that this is a little fast and new for her.

Tammy questions if Patty’s never had feelings for another girl before to which a subtle pause and squeak alludes there to being someone else… but denies it. Tammy then asks if it’s about her “nosy ass neighbor” to which Patty summarily gets defensive. You can tell that Patty is very conflicted and wants it to be hard for both of them for a while. Tammy maintains that if it’s the right person, it shouldn’t be, and with that, walks away, leaving Patty alone in the cold. She looks over to Kevin’s house.

INT. – LIVING ROOM – LATER

Kevin (Eric Petersen), dressed like a dimestore Psycho-Billy rock star holding an acoustic guitar, Neil (Alex Bonifer), dressed like a bargain-basement reject from any 80s New Romantic band ever on the keyboards are barely churning out notes with dad Pete (Brian Howe) cheering them on. Enter Patty, unamused that Kevin and Neil are starting a band and even more unimpressed knowing that this all stems from singing karaoke at a bar.

They choose “Jenny McCarthy Tank Top” as the band name, which, by some idiot savant move, was chosen due to its google-ability. Hey, it was either that or “Fassbender’s Hog.” The three also agree a “chick” or even a “half-chick” like Patty shouldn’t be allowed in the band unless it’s Jenny herself.

Fed up, Patty goes to see Allison.

INT. – BATHROOM – MOMENTS LATER

Patty finds Allison sobbing in the bathtub with a bottle of wine. She says it’s has been happening all week, akin to a sneeze. She’s lamenting the person she’s become. She considers herself a monster breaking Sam’s heart, lying to the police, and as the cherry on top, being basically barren, so she can’t even have kids to guilt into loving her. Maybe she wants kids…just not Kevin’s.

Allison goes to take another swig but her girl grabs it from her, taking one herself. Allison claims that she’s broken, but Patty asserts there’s a reason she came upstairs to talk. It wasn’t because things were going bad in her own life, but rather because she wanted to talk, so if Allison is truly broken, Patty would have it no other way.

Smiling through the run makeup, Allison invites her friend to join her in the empty tub. She does and Patty salutes to them being their lonely subsistence until death. Allison looks at her with plaintive eyes and Patty’s very subtle surprised expression says it all. She has a thing for Allison! Allison puts her head on Patty’s shoulder and with a reluctant chagrin, Patty slowly eases in and closes her eyes. If that isn’t love- it’s the bomb that will bring them together.

EXT. – TAMMY’S HOUSE – LATER

The door opens and Patty plants one on Tammy. She asserts that Tammy is the right person. Possible displaced feelings are only drawn more pointed and poignant by The Fleetwoods’ cover of “Unchained Melody“ resounding in the background that started in the bathtub before.

INT. – INTERROGATION ROOM – DAY

Bram asks Allison if there was anybody who’d have beef with Kevin. Allison admits that ‘everybody loves Kevin’ (a nod, no doubt.) Neil’s name comes up, with Tammy revealing that he and the intruder were on the same hockey team at Burncoat High. Allison maintains that Neil’s not capable of something like that, not out of sheer emotional intelligence, but rather a lack of general intelligence.

EXT. / INT. – PATTY’S HOUSE – MORNING

Neil takes out the trash when he suddenly finds Patty’s trashed art. He’s nearly offended at the gall of someone who would throw something like that out that can serve as Jenny McCarthy Tank Top’s cover art. He also finds Allison’s discarded fertility pamphlet and forms.

Patty and Tammy are enjoying some morning joe when Neil enters. He wants to ask Tammy some advice on the evidence he’s dug up and Tammy, being a good sport indulges him by offering a few interrogation tips. She basically teaches him to cold read, making the person think they have more evidence than they actually do. Patty’s protestations don’t help him from stoking the situation.

INT. – LIVING ROOM – MOMENTS LATER

Neil daftly attempts to interrogate Kevin, but Kevin spills his beans first, however, revealing that he’s booked the band their first gig. However, Neil’s evidence usurps the ‘good news’, figuring Kevin wants a family to break the band up. Neil thinks Kevin knows, but on the contrary, Kevin’s taken aback as he doesn’t want kids (as it’ll take away the attention from him.)

Neil apologizes for the mistake, but Kevin thanks him. I guess the case is afoot for the two Tweedle Dumb and Dumber.

INT. – INTERROGATION ROOM – DAY

Looking haggard, Allison just wants to go home, but Tammy needs her to walk through her day before the shooting occurred. She cites working at Bev’s that morning with nothing being out of the ordinary. Yeah, ok.

INT. – BEV’S DINER – MORNING

Allison isn’t on her game. She goes to retrieve two coffees from Sam and he notices, reassuring her, despite the week they’ve been having, he’s there to talk. He doesn’t want her drinking alone. She assures that she wasn’t, but merely was having wine with a friend and swears she’s great, happy even. The hurt painted on Sam’s face is fucking painful to watch as she walks away with her two coffees.

INT. – SAM & JENN’S HOUSE – NIGHT

Sam enters the house mid-renovation and to a coldly lit table with Jenn (Meghan Leathers) and her parents Greg (Bates Wilder) and Margaret (Elizabeth Bishop). Her mother says that they understand, mocking that he was busy with his “little cafe.”

Cleaning up, Jenn sees that Sam’s forlorn. He’s sorry for his tardiness, but Jenn assures him that her parents just wanted something to needle at that wasn’t at their own crumbling marriage. She opines, why get divorced when you can throw money at projects, like the renovation…or his cafe.

Feeling a sense of relief from Jenn’s admitting to it, Sam has a bit of diarrhea of the mouth by letting fly his thoughts, likening Margaret to a loan shark on the cafe not making enough money to recoup the investment, with her father trying to deescalate things. He thinks that at least a true loan shark would be less stressful.

This hits Jenn the wrong way, asserting that they’ve both been very generous with them, as opposed to Sam’s parents (who assumedly aren’t in the helping business.)

He asserts to have never asked for some of what they have done, including his “little cafe” to which Jenn fires back that maybe he’s their “latest project,” catapulting Sam out the door and into his car, saying that maybe he doesn’t want “to waste the next 15 years trying to distract himself.”

INT. – INTERROGATION ROOM – NIGHT

Tired and frazzled, Allison wants to go home. Tammy asks her what Kevin was doing up to the shooting.

INT. – FERTILITY CLINIC LOBBY – DAY

Grossed out by the pamphlet, Kevin explains to Neil why they are there, taking the birds and the bees to a stupid level. In essence, he believes that because Allison’s eggs are bunk, she might pin it on his sperm, so he’s there to essentially provide his DNA, proving that he’s not the problem.

INT. – LIVING ROOM – LATER

Kevin and Neil enter, calling everyone to the living room for a big announcement: Kevin’s going to be a father! Allison sees this as a joke at first, but hubby explains that though he initially never wanted kids, he’s 99% motility in his boys. This causes Allison to weep. Kevin wants to start trying tonight so that Allison can inform her mother when she leaves for South Carolina, which is cause for weeping, period.

INT. – BEDROOM – NIGHT

Hyped from the concert, Kevin wakes Allison up from her slumber. She just wants to get back to sleep so as not to fuck, but Kevvie’s ready to get busy, and what daddy wants daddy-

What’s that?

Just then a sound a heard from downstairs. Kevin pulls out Patty’s snub nose which we can Chekov the list. Allison doesn’t want this happening now, she had a plan. She had a date and a very good one… but so did Patty.

Kevin exits the room, leaving Allison to frantically shake her head until a singular gunshot stops it cold.

This episode was the tensest by far and naturally, served as the setup for the season finale. The throughline of Allison’s interrogation was a nice touch, as well as the maturation of Patty. We get to feel a bit more for Nick, as we realize fears of recidivism but that’s wiped away when pay comes to play. See you on the other side.