Kevin Can F**k Himself Episode 6 Review: The Grand Victorian

July 20, 2021

Duplicity is a nice mental game in theory. We see it in spy flicks and wish we could be as smooth in practice. The whipsawing of feeling selfishly righteous and guiltily selfish in reality, however, is deleterious to its success. It is within this sixth episode of *Kevin Can F**k Himself* (AMC) titled “The Grand Victorian” we learn that the rules may vary depending on which part of the lens you lie.

INT. -NICK’S PLACE – DAY

With arms crossed, Nick (Robin Lord Taylor) taciturnly judges Allison (Annie Murphy) scrambling to plead her case for the deed. Upon asking how much, Patty (Mary Hollis Inboden) offers 7 stacks in cash with the Oxys as a down payment. Amused by this, Nick nevertheless agrees to dispatch this asshole. Allison supplies him with a picture and his employment information along with his schedule. He queries into the timeline of it all, to which Patty responds “soon” though irritated, he can work with that. He tells them not to contact him, he’ll come to find them for payment, and lastly for Patty to take care of Detective Tammy Ridgeway. After that, they’ll be squared away.

TITLE CARD: KEVIN CAN FUCK HIMSELF

INT. – FURNITURE STORE – LATER

Allison and Patty are trying to nab some free stress relief with massage chairs due to all that tension back at Nick’s, and though Patty thinks the sensation is horrible, Allison enjoys it, having never been massaged before. She feels serene. Patty is flummoxed by this after the afternoon they had, but Allison likens it to flying. At first, she was terrified, but then she was calm because once you’re in the air, the outcome is out of your hands and into those of the pilot.

She’s planning on buying it for Kevin’s birthday because if she won’t he’ll just get it himself, saying the only thing it’s missing is a Robert Kraft setting, which sets Patty off giggling. Allison feels slightly betrayed by it, but Patty continues by reminding her that it’s a pretty big gift for someone that got them a rubber band ball for Valentine’s on account of her losing her hair ties all the time, which is borderline thoughtful.

Outside, Allison claims no buyer’s remorse for the purchase of brown instead of black he wants nor for the ice cream cake he demanded, despite him being lactose intolerant. Patty laments Kevin’s birthday is always an event and Allison agrees, even being privy to his clandestine second dinner every year. He always insists to eats at the Vic House every year, knowing it is next to Tricky Ricky’s Fun Zone, but ten minutes into their meal, he’ll claim to have left something in the car and doesn’t show back up for an hour and a half.

Patty asserts that he likes to make his wife and Neil feel that they’re both his favorite so he juggles the two in one night. Patty apologizes for attending the other party in the past, but Allison on the contrary loves the one night a year to dinner by herself, indulging in some wine at the place along with a book she intends to finish but never does. Patty does invite her out to lunch, but Allison has a new job to get to! And boy does she ever…

CUT TO:

INT. -SAM’S OFFICE – MOMENTS LATER

Sam (Raymond Lee) and Allison are on the prelude to knock boots. Sam shows momentary restraint, thinking they made the pact to not ‘engage’ anymore, but Allison extinguishes that notion with a simple No. She rejoices in “feeling 17 again.” Hey, death or potential death makes plenty horny… and to be in control of it makes it even hotter (or maybe I’m feeling the flames of my afterlife prematurely call for me.) The most constant and committed relationship in the world is Eros and Thanatos, after all.

INT. – PATTY’S HOUSE – NIGHT

Patty gets dolled up to go out. She injects a second’s self-doubt in her brain, claiming it to be very stupid in making a concerted effort to look pretty for someone, but summarily says fuck it and continues on with the vanity.

INT. -BEV’S DINER – NIGHT

Allison admits to Sam that she really likes working there. Sam returns the sentiment and invites her to stop by later for a bit of ‘one-on-one training’ after he’s done with something. Allison says normally she would, but she laments it’s kind of a special night so he happily takes a raincheck. Just when they’re about to get close enough to kiss, Patty drops in. She brings Allison a book for her ‘sad, lonely dinner’ which is a novella called The Pearl, giving her a shot of actually finishing it. Allison is surprised her friend cleaned up well for a simple night in, but Patty holds that sometimes ya gotta do something nice to feel good about yourself. She’s not letting Allison anywhere near where she’s headed out to, and it ain’t Tricky Ricky’s…

INT. – THE GRAND VICTORIAN HOUSE – LATER

Back in TV land, Kevin (Eric Petersen), looking uncharacteristically dressed up lies through his teeth, telling Allison that he had to blow Neil off for his one special night with his one special gal and after pulling out the chair for himself, Allison opts for a nice bottle of red wine for the both of them. Kevin puts the kybosh on it (being the most important) and orders two glasses of Pinot (being the cheapest) and like clockwork, claims to have left something in his car.

Upon exiting, Allison breathes a sigh of relief, takes a swig of the god-awful Pinot, and extracts her book. Nick is seen entering the background.

INT. – BAR – NIGHT

Patty looks about the joint, spotting both police in uniform, some firemen, and is wondering why she did this. She’s spotted by Detective Tammy (Candice Coke), who wasn’t sure she would come. Detective Tammy Ridgeway bellies up to the bar, ordering them two vodka sodas. Patty opts for beer, but the Detective in a stentorian voice says that Patty thinks she likes beer, telling her to “broaden her horizons.” This is where the heat rises.

Patty, nervous asks what questions Tammy had her, thinking it’s some serious inquisition. Unflinchingly, Tammy reveals those to be queries of siblings, favorite movies, pets- “your typical first-date questionnaire” though she’s “always up for going straight to childhood trauma.” This is where the Detective title drops.

INT. TRICKY RICKY’S FUN ZONE – LATER

Neil (Alex Bonifer), worries like a scared little boy that his friend is bailing, though Pete (Brian Howe) comforts him. Enter Kevin, stage left, lying through his teeth, assuring it’s not fun telling Allison she’d have to stay home all night, NOT being invited to his special day with his bestie. It’s that “boys rule, girls drool” mentality that makes this newly christened 36-year-old baby a king among kids.

With the five years’ of tickets in a suitcase (which has NEVER seen a single office building between the three of them) handcuffed to Neil’s wrist, tonight is the night. They’re only 200 short of the zenith of their lives- a fucking dumb foam cowboy hat. They proceed to order an asshole of garbage apps to build the strength up for a night’s work- for stuffed guts and feckless glory.

INT. – BAR – LATER

With a drink in one hand and a dart in the other, Patty aims for the bullseye, with Tammy playfully ragging on her as she misses the intended target. Officers Fitz (Johnny Halloran) and Parker (Osmani Rodriguez) stop by and mock Tammy for bringing a civilian to a function like this. They allude to Patty being Tammy’s newest “recruit”, saying she’s had a lot of “washouts” lately. Tammy does not take kindly to this comment. Patty takes a long sip of her vodka uncomfortably as Tammy’s arm is around her waist, bidding the two ‘well-wishers’ farewell.

INT. – THE GRAND VICTORIAN – LATER

Kevin enters once again. They are ready to order but he opts for something light. Gee, I don’t know if it’s on account of his fat ass gorging on apps. He suddenly realizes Sean Avery from the New York Rangers. He nearly causes a scene, being that Boston fans are mortal enemies to New York fans. Sean relays he was just passing through and heard there was a meal that was on the house if you finish the whole thing. This is mythical “Mighty Moo” which consists of a 32 oz. steak, two baked potatoes, all the fixings, a jumbo shrimp cocktail… and a goddamned roll. The puerile competitive nature prompts Kevin to take Sean on.

As the waitress (Alexa Giuffre) confirms the order, Nick passes through in a busboy’s outfit. No matter, as Kevin needs to get something in his car. Seeing her hubby’s would-be dispatcher prompts Allison to hurriedly call Patty. She’s freaking out, but Patty cannot hear exactly what is being said, what with being buzzed and the bar being loud. She claims she’s at the movies and should hang up due to the obvious reason.

Out of the fire into the frying pan, when Allison suddenly sees Jenn (Meghan Leathers) out with hubby Sam. Very awkward pleasantries are exchanged before the night turns to even more compelling when Jenn insists Allison join them for a drink, despite her protestations. What’s a girl to do with a husband to slink in, his impending murder, and Patty not listening.

INT. TRICKY RICKY’S – LATER

Kevin’s in a bit of a pickle. He has to go back to the Vic House to conquer the Mighty Moo in the name of Boston against Sean Avery, but can’t make Neil aware of his absence. The only problem is that he needs Pete to distract Neil, just as he’s bringing a fuck ton of apps back to the table.

INT. – THE GRAND VICTORIAN – MOMENTS LATER

Allison, Jenn, and Sam are at the table, enjoying a drink. Allison says she isn’t alone, actually waiting for her husband. Jenn opines that the Grand Victorian is the only place locally for a special occasion. In fact, she and Sam had their first date there. She proceeds to hold his hand across the table, with his quipping to “feeling like he’s 17 again.” Gives a new meaning to the term inside joke.

Allison nervously spots Nick before excusing herself. She tracks him, following through the kitchen to the adjacent bar… where Patty is.

INT. – TRICKY RICKY’S – LATER

Kevin isn’t touching any of the appetizers. Neil is shocked at this, what with his bestie being the Wing King of Worcester. Neil actually suggests they eat their food twice as fast, forcing a worried Kevin to chow down, lest he isn’t bowed down to by the only person in the world that idolizes him.

INT. – BAR – MOMENTS LATER

Allison angrily taps Patty on the shoulder before they both excuse themselves to the restroom. Allison is freaking out for a few reasons, chiefly being Nick in their presence. Patty tries to snap her friend out of it by reminding her of her previous airplane logic. Allison lied. She was terrified the entire flight. Entropy is the only luxury afforded to them now. Tammy also excoriates her that backing out of something messy she willed into being isn’t worth bitching about. Plus, homegirl’s actually having a nice time out with Tammy and thinks the time out is good for having the detective off the scent, though she swears it’s not a date. Patty leaves in a huff, telling Allison to take care of her own shit for once.

INT. – THE GRAND VICTORIAN – LATER

Both Mighty Moo’s arrive, and though Kevin goads on Sean Avery, it matters not, as Nick is sharpening his very big knife. Staring to Nick, Allison pleads with Kevin to concede and leave. She’s not bailing him out, and as Nick gets closer to the target, she’s filled with compunction and fear. Would the dude truly commit this act in plain view? With one fell stab into the steak, Nick begins Kevin’s time to start. Oh, how our time starts, and how there’s invariably an end.

INT. – BAR – MOMENTS LATER

Tammy notices Patty’s a little sour and inquires about her friend. Patty calls her a “nosy-ass neighbor” and Tammy does admit to thinking Allison a little rude. Patty orders a beer and Tammy a vodka soda, swearing she’s fine, though Tammy falls back.

INT. – THE GRAND VICTORIAN – LATER

Kevin’s struggling to finish his gargantuan feast with Sean trouncing him. He’s on the verge of collapse when suddenly Jenn and Sam come to congratulate the birthday boy. Jenn notices Sean, as she is a big fan of the Rangers. That being a fan of the Giants and the Knicks as well sends Kevin into a choking fit. Sam saves him and then excuses herself to go after Nick.

Nick doesn’t want to talk to Allision at the moment. He’s just the busboy, but Sam goes in to see after Allison and notices her arguing with him. Asking who that was, Allison swears he’s just some guy from around the neighborhood. Allison didn’t specify what “thing she had” but neither did Sam, so in her purview, they are even. Sam maintains that they are far from since she’s the one in control of the dynamics of the relationship and leaves.

INT. – TRICKY RICKY’S – MOMENTS LATER

Fatigued and halfway dressed from the Grand Victorian, Kevin rushes in, snatches a hapless kid’s tickets, and tries to make a half-assed excuse for his absence to Neil as to why he’s a bucket of sweat in a tie. The son of a bitch pulled it off, especially explaining his ‘ticket alarm’, causing the trio to break once more for Kevin’s prize of a lifetime and it ain’t his wife.

INT. – THE GRAND VICTORIAN – LATER

Fitz and Parker along with a good portion of the restaurant are rallying behind Kevin but looks like Boston is in for another L. Sean nearly has this in the bag, causing Kevin to have an out-of-body experience with sports legend and Celtics TV analyst Brian Scalabrine. With a rousing speech now in his skull, Kevin’s spirit returns back to its corporeal self and the son of a bitch crushes it in defiance of his own stomach and GOD!! Only in a sitcom can this amount of gluttony be applauded to his wife’s abject revulsion.

INT. – LIVING ROOM – LATER

Kevin relaxes in his dumb foam cowboy hat on his new brown massaging chair. Pete’s reading his Bible and Allison sits alone on the couch, staring into the void. She’ll be exchanging it tomorrow for the “right” color- black. Allison storms out in frustration, citing “she left something in her car.”

EXT. – PATTY’S HOUSE – NIGHT

Patty and Tammy stroll the sidewalk, Tammy inquires about what the hell happened when Allison entered the picture. Everything was going fine until she had shown up and tammy, truly expressing she likes Patty. Patty summarily smooches on sight. Tammy reciprocates evenly.

EXT. – THE GRAND VICTORIAN – NIGHT

Allison rolls up on Nick having a smoke. Filled with a fiery conviction, she gives him the what for and demands the shit be done on her terms or no payday. The guy is dead to rights with no recourse but to agree.

This episode was the most frenetic by far, causing more single-cam and multi-cam cutaways that always keep the suspicion of the next scene fresh. As I said before, the rules may vary. With the proximity of all three locations, it felt actually tenser as well. It wasn’t a Frasier episode, but I could actually see the cloth it was cut from. With Patty’s bold move, we see a ton more growth than we do with any of the characters thus far. This should make for a nice digestif before our dessert.

Loki: Season 1, Episode 6 “For All Time. Always.” Review

Norton

July 16, 2021

So…that happened…Sylvie and Loki reach the citadel at the end of time and shit hits the fan.

When you deal with heady concepts like freewill, space-time, and multiverses, you’re going to inevitably confuse some people. These are subjects about which much discussion has been had, many a debate engaged in, and of course, many a fight started over. Is there such thing as freewill? Is it possible to move in space-time? Are multiverses real? And, if they are…can we travel between them? Also, perhaps less broached is the interesting idea of power and who wields it.

Power is a sore subject right about now, considering what the country is going through. Considering what the allocation or consolidation of power can do to humanity. But here we get the devil’s advocate argument – our boogeyman (as Sylvie puts it) says that for there to be true order someone must rule. Oddly enough, he’s arguing against “evil” versions of himself, while acknowledging that he could be called evil as well. Is your head spinning yet?

Ok. Let’s take a breath and go back for a second. We’ll look at this episode from the ground instead of the intellectual mushroom cloud it’s released.

Loki and Sylvie stand outside the doors of the citadel. Sylvie is, admittedly, nervous. She’s worked her whole life for this moment, will it pan out the way she wants it to? Will she have the nerve to do what needs to be done? Loki gives her the space needed but her decision seems preordained as the massive entrance cracks open to allow them inside.

Looking around doesn’t provide any relief or answers but they do get accosted by none other than Miss Minutes! Those adorable cartoon eyes of hers have a certain sinister quality to them, even as she offers them everything their double-crossing hearts could desire. You want to rule Asgard, beat Thanos and the Avengers? It’s yours, but you have to take the deal right now. You want a quiet life where you never have to run? Done, but you gotta sign on the dotted line. I’ve never trusted offers that sound too good to be true, and by their actions, neither do the Lokis.

Miss Minutes disappears and from an elevator emerges a man (Jonathan Majors). “He Who Remains” as she put it, is a middle-aged black man dressed in purple with a mischievous smile on his face and a penchant for avoiding the blades of his enemies. How does he do it? Sylvie suspects the temp-pad (which by the way looks absolutely nothing like any of the temp-pads we’ve seen so far, so how the fuck she knew what it was is questionable to say the least), but Mr. No Name argues he simply knows all. He knows everything that has happened and will happen. Well…for now.

Our great and powerful Oz explains that the story given to them at the booking station of the TVA isn’t entirely bunk. Eons ago a version of himself figured out that a multiverse exists, and versions of himself from those multiverses also figured out the same thing around the same time. For a little while everything was masturbatory fun (I’m sure, if you didn’t know, the Rick and Morty of it all is becoming painfully clear), but then evil versions of himself began to emerge. Those versions were hostile, understandably, and eventually war broke out among the worlds for fear of being eradicated by each other. This version of himself, which now exists at the end of time, discovered Alioth and created the TVA in order to prevent war by maintaining a singular timeline. So, while he is, in some respects, a dictator, he’s also a necessary evil.

Loki takes his words to heart. He’s been through a lot, seeming to finally grasp the concept of a greater “good”. Sylvie is not convinced. She’s sure the man is a liar, that he’d say anything to keep his power. Which is odd given that “Oz” presents them with his position of power. Thus, we return to our initial conundrum: Is there such thing as freewill? The man in purple argues that he knows everything that will happen in their encounter…except when it comes to the choice they make.

Which, for me, kind of spoils the whole omniscience thing. Though, I guess that’s the kink in branching timelines. See, as the man explains all of this to Loki and Sylvie there’s an unspoken clock running. At a certain point in their interaction the clock reaches 0 and the wizard’s all seeing-eye craps out. Granted, he’s certain of at least two possible outcomes. Either the Lokis take over, keep the TVA running, and avert all-out multiversal chaos, or, they kill him, destroy the TVA, and the timeline gets to do whatever the fuck it wants (i.e. evil versions of himself will come a calling).

Loki becomes representative of the first option. He understands that, while not ideal, the concept of the TVA and the reason for its existence is vital. Sylvie is fully on team free-will (heh, bet you never thought you’d see that phrase again outside of Supernatural), she believes that what the TVA is doing is evil and people should have the option to exist, even if they are gonna turn out evil. Both of these views come from victims of the TVA, which makes this a very unique set up. Instead of one viewpoint being a loyal solider of the bureaucracy, neither is.

But Loki’s take makes sense if you consider him. After all, wasn’t his whole argument in Avengers that free will is a burden? It’s not surprising that Sylvie sees his position as a power-grab, because, well, frankly, that’s the optics. Even if he is doing it for the greater good, he can’t avoid the truth – taking over the man’s job; ensuring the continued work of the TVA, is a throne. A lonely throne, but still a throne. For once the idea of “glorious purpose” can be seen truthfully. As not glorious at all. As a necessary evil that prevents destruction on a grand scale while appearing callous. Loki is, in a weird way, Old Man Loki at this point.

Sylvie is young. She’s spent her whole life driven by one singular quest. To stop the TVA. To kill the Time Keepers. To free others like herself. She has righteousness on her side. Which is why, sadly, she’s the villain. Or is she? Therein lies the problem: if free will is real, should it be? Do Sylvie’s actions make her a villain?

The two Loki’s clash, but our Loki can’t bring himself to hurt Sylvie. It’s actually one of the more entertaining fights in this series, if only because you’re left wondering how much did Loki hold back? Sylvie finally kisses her male counterpart, then reminds him that they are different before pushing him into an open time door and slamming it shut behind him. For whatever reason (maybe the man in purple is a fan of free will after all) the man’s temp-pad is left on his desk for Sylvie to filch. It’s possible, after eons of being alone and knowing everything, the man welcomes a surprise. Hell, he basically knows one of the two outcomes he predicted will happen. And he’s right. Sylvie kills him once Loki is gone. Her mission complete, she sits down on the floor looking tired and lost.

Back at the TVA Ravonna is on a mission of her own: to find out what the fuck is going on. She gets some mystery files from Miss Minutes and the next time we see her she’s preparing for a long trip. Mobius confronts her, but he’s a lover not a fighter and is easily bested by her. She spares his life this time, leaving him and Hunter B-15 to man the TVA. Where is she off to? No fucking idea.

Loki, also returned to the TVA, takes a few minutes to lament his lost love then meets up with Mobius and Hunter B-15 only to discover they don’t recognize him. He gazes out into the vastness that is the TVA, taking sudden notice of a change. The massive time keeper statues which used to litter the space have morphed, now displaying the face of the man in the citadel. Did an evil version of the man take over? If so what other changes are there?

The episode ends here with a small after credit scene providing some relief: there will be a season two! Which, so far, is a first for the Marvel Disney+ series. Not to say I’d be surprised if Captain America and the Winter Solider happened…but still, first Disney+ Marvel series with a confirmed second season. Which is good, because overall this ending was awful.

Don’t get me wrong, I loved watching Loki and Sylvie have it out, but the man in purple was anticlimactic to say the least. Also, he doesn’t get a name. Fan theories point to Kang, and the man himself even hints to having had many names, one of which did include conqueror, but come on! While I have no doubt all these Loki interferences will lead comfortably into the next Dr. Strange movie I would have still liked some consideration in the form of a solid reveal. Now we have to wait god knows how long to find out: Where Ravonna went, what’s up with Miss Minutes, what happens to Sylvie now, did an evil variant of the man in purple take the reins as predicted, will Loki ever be recognized by Mobius again, will Loki be able to get back to Sylvie, and, if he does, will he kill her or fuck her??? Ok, so fucking is unlikely given how incredibly chaste this god of mischief has been. None the less, that’s a lot of answers to wait on.

Kevin Can F**ck Himself Episode 5 Review: New Patty

Robert Kijowski

July 12, 2021

“Allegiance” is an iron-clad word with terra-firma footing when it comes to people. We like the weight of it leaving our lips, but when the chips are down, only some of us truly adhere to it, galvanizing its heft. We’re only human, right? Things shift, and though we may not like or accept it, it doesn’t stop the process. In the fifth episode of *Kevin Can F**ck Himself* (AMC) titled “New Patty,” we find that old maxim to be the only constant: the more things change, the more they stay the same.

Following where we were in the last episode…

INT. – KEVIN’S CAR – NIGHT

Patty (Mary Hollis Inboden) and Allison (Annie Murphy) continue on down the road. A stunning Patty shakes off Allison’s bombshell of a declaration. She simply doesn’t believe the person in the literal driver’s seat hasn’t the stones to make someone overdose. Patty inadvertently plunges the knife in deeper, likening Allison to “wallpaper” (in the nicest way possible). Though initially mad at her, Allison takes a deep breath and admits that she might be just “having a time,” they pull up to their houses.

Allison notices the bruise garnered when the trucker fell on her. Patty tells her to cover it up, which is exactly what she’s going to do with the gun by burying it in the backyard. Patty continues into her house and Allison extracts the bottle of pills before putting them back in her pocket.

TITLE: KEVIN CAN FUCK HIMSELF

INT. – FAUSSE BEAUTY STORE – MORNING

Allison picks up a few foundation bottles, figuring out which one best suits her skin tone. Suddenly, Jenn (Meghan Leathers) spots her. She thinks the bottle Allison’s holding is the perfect foundation for her and ‘under-eye circles,’ causing the cashier to snicker. After a few pleasantries are exchanged along with a hug and Jenn’s suggestion to get coffee soon, Allison is nearly aghast finding out the price of the foundation is 30 smackeroos. To save face from resorting to the cashier snidely suggesting the CVS down the street, Allison agrees to buy it… with interest. While the cashier’s back is turned, Allison pilfers a lipstick and is on her way, lobbing back the ‘ma’am’ given to her by the employee.

Out on the street, she goes to paint her lips when she realizes the color does not suit her. Hey, petty thieves don’t have the luxury of being choosy. Not being able to rescind it back in the tube, she tosses it.

INT. – PATTY’S KITCHEN – MORNING

Emerging sleepy-eyed, Patty finds Kurt (Sean Clements) with a fully made breakfast. This isn’t simply goodwill anymore. This is for an answer to his proposal which he gets in spades. Patty simply likes their arrangement without any strings, much less, rings. She does seem to get a good zinger in with them “both hating exercise” when Kurt asserts he doesn’t want to stand still for the rest of his life.

Kurt wants to be ‘normal,’ but Patty takes umbrage with him thinking her doing what she wants to do is abnormal. She throws the hammer down on his ultimatum and with that, they’re done, his parting words being for her to have fun “rotting in Kevin’s house.”

CUT TO:

INT. – LIVING ROOM – LATER

Flanked by Pete (Brian Howe) and Neil (Alex Bonifer), Patty is interlocked. Allison enters stage right while Kevin (Eric Petersen) enters stage left, smugly asking his wife to take a seat next to her accomplice. His proof of the duo acting out of school is a Top Dog burger wrapper in his backseat. Kevin’s due diligence (for a change) leads him to the information of the Beauty Expo being located in Brattleboro, Vermont with the nearest Top Dog being in Burlington. Kevin, living that idiot reputation that precedes him, is steamed because they didn’t bring any grub.

Exonerating his wife from this mortal sin after calling her ‘simple’ and ‘narrow-minded’ when it comes to fast food (opting for a salad instead,) Kevin places the iniquity solely on Patty. Since she has run afoul of their trust, she is excommunicated from the “church of Kevin.”

Outside, Allison checks on Patty, who swears she’s fine. Allison’s been firing on all cylinders as of late and wants to get into something stupid with her. Judging from the look on Patty’s face- the trip, combined with the Kurt debacle and her being out of the group as the cherry on top, homegirl’s a little worn out, opting for a really big burrito in solitude.

INT. – PATTY’S SALON – DAY

Entering the salon, an ominous figure awaits her. This is Nick Wyndorff (Robin Lord Taylor), the nephew to Cindy, whom Patty’s been supplying meds for her knee pain. Nick’s been ‘kind’ enough to take some off of her hands, since her knees are the least of her problems, so in essence, Nick claims Patty’s indebted to the both of them.

To be fair, Nick claims that half of his friends actually go through Patty. She simply chose not to question the bulk orders from geriatrics, maybe so as not to complicate an already dicey situation. Since luck, whether good or bad is all a matter of timing, when Nick claims now that Patty owes more than she knows, Detective Tammy Ridgeway (Candice Coke) enters the shop.

Detective Ridgeway is simply following up on some chatter about the area around the salon. She also notices Nick, ostensibly familiar with his antics. Attempting to knock the scent off of him, Patty suggests that maybe the whole drug ring ended at Fiore’s, but Tammy believes she has a further lead and invites Patty out to a ‘work thing’ Friday. Backed into a corner, she sheepishly agrees before finding Nick a whisper in the wind.

INT. – BAR – LATER

Kevin, Neil, and Pete are knocking back a few cold ones, but can’t seem to get the bartender’s attention. They are bereft of the voice for their group, Patty (aka She-Devil.) That is until they notice someone from across the bar who orders the bartender around with the ease of ordering the bar a round. He commands Buffalo sauce for his grilled cheese and though not a featured menu item, his wish is granted, for which he names it “Paddy Melt” since his name is Patrick, but goes by the nickname of Paddy (Jon Glaser). Remember what I said about luck? With that, Paddy takes a seat next to them, telling the bartender to take the food to his seat.

INT. – LIQUOR STORE – DAY

Allison is all bundled up because the heat is still busted in the store. Patty enters, picks up a bottle of vodka, and begins to take shots in the store, frazzled from her burgeoning plight. Allison takes a shot as well, proceeding to get on with her job and impressing Patty in the process.

A patron walks in, bumping past Allison in the process. With liquid fortitude soaking into her tissues, she demands an apology.. a sincere apology and acknowledgment. When he calls her an “uppity bitch” underneath his breath, Allison sees red, calling him a piece of shit before D (Jamie Denbo) can intervene, offering the customer a bottle of booze on the house. Hey, nothing can extinguish a fire like alcohol, amiright?

Diane retains that being shit on at a job like that is an occupational hazard and they have to take it… but the look in Allison’s eyes say differently before she takes off her jacket, takes a shot of vodka, takes off her store vest, takes a bottle of booze and takes off, giving Patty a reason to smile.

INT. – BEV’S DINER – MOMENTS LATER

Armed with a half-drunk bottle of booze in her hand, Allison commands Sam (Raymond Lee) into the office to talk… except a very passionate kiss is most likely more effective. She pulls back and asserts that she’s not “wallpaper” before diving right back into the passion pool as they begin to tear their clothes off.

EXT. – PATTY’S STOOP – NIGHT

Patty walks up on Nick, lounging. The man still needs his pills and won’t take a ‘dry town’ as anything more than an ineffectual excuse. Moreover, since Det. Ridgeway paid him a visit as well after the salon run-in, so the stakes have gone up even higher for Patty’s livelihood, lest Nick spills the beans on her part in all of it.

Shaken, she proceeds to Kevin’s.

INT. – LIVING ROOM – MOMENTS LATER

The crew, including Paddy, are chilling, having some brews. Kevin and Neil are impressed with their new addition’s bad-assed nature. A knock is heard, causing Paddy to spring into action. He describes the “intruder” and though they know it’s Patty and begrudgingly allows her in because she gives up her tallboy of Miller, she waits in the kitchen for Allison to get home so she can give her the jacket back… and to feel safe.

Grabbing a beer from the fridge, Patty feels something in Allison’s coat, only to find the bottle of Oxy. The plot thickens.

INT. – SAM’S OFFICE – LATER

Allison and Sam get dressed, the situation’s gone from impulsive to guilt-ridden, at least on Sam’s end. Allison is loving this new side of herself, but realizing what she’d done with the liquor store, reality hits her like a ton of bricks. Sam alleviates this by legitimately (albeit impulsively) offering her a waitstaff job. I believe their subsequent kiss seals that deal.

INT. -LIVING ROOM – NIGHT

Allison enters with the lights off only to find the angry pack of four in their seats, awaiting her arrival. Kevin, once again, claims to know what transgression Allison committed. Nervous at first because of the way in which he’d lain it out, Allison’s relieved to know that he’s simply upset on account of her quitting the liquor store, thus revoking her husband’s 10% discount. She reassures him that she bounced back and already has new employment, but Kevin’s schpiel on “loyalty” and how he demands it, that their marriage demands it has Allison exiting into the kitchen.

There she finds Patty at the table with a few beers and the bottle of oxy. She honestly didn’t think Allison would stay the course with her goal, reasoning with her to release the pills to her. She begins to believe the will in Allison to go through with the murder, however, also places doubt within. With Kevin being of sturdy carriage, if the deed is unsuccessful and the asshole takes to it like a thimble full of Nyquil, she’s fucked. It not only affects Allison but Patty as well because Patty has ‘motive,’ what with being publicly ousted from the group, and with suspicion circling around her from Detective Ridgeway, she’s on the hook as well, whether successful or not. Allison assures Patty it’ll all be fine and takes her pills back.

INT. – KURT’S PLACE – NIGHT

Patty raps Kurt’s door. She comes in nervous and a bit shook, apologizing. Her impulsive side now shines, as she wants to take up him on his marriage proposal, but it’s too little too late. He was called by Kevin and given the full story (at least through Kevin’s eyes) and Kurt is able to see clearly now. For three years, they’ve been spending time together, but Kurt is none the wiser of who Patricia O’Conner truly is and with that, she’s shown the door.

INT. -LIVING ROOM – DAY

As Pete yucks it up reading Revelations as it were the funny pages, Kevin and Neil enter bearing the mark of their sainted Paddy in the form of paintballs. It turns out their little excursion was nothing but a bit of Paddy’s sadism in a Walmart parking lot. They all want him out of the group lack the courage to tell him.

INT. – BEV’S DINER – NIGHT

Allison instructs Sam how to make a real smash burger and upon him asking if she’s ready to start a new chapter next week when she starts at Bev’s, Allison smiles and twirls around her wedding ring, saying she’s expecting her whole life to change. He asks her why she has him recreating a Top Dog burger.

CUT TO:

INT. -KITCHEN – LATER

With the burger open, Allison pours the contents of her oxy bottle into the mortar, and grasping the pestle in one hand, she takes a few deep breaths.

INT. – LIVING ROOM – MOMENTS LATER

Neil, Kevin, and Pete are all couch-bound as Paddy sharpens his combat knife in Pete’s chair. Allison enters from the kitchen bearing a Top Dog burger. She claims it was left on the back stoop with an “I’m sorry” note. Kevin deduces it was from Patty and Allison goes with that. Enter Patty, welcomed with a freshly sharpened blade aimed squarely at her, compliments of, erm, Paddy.

The guys finally fess up to Paddy, compliments of Patty to how they all feel about his presence, but like all sitcoms, it works itself out in the end anyway, as dude’s parole was revoked anyway on accounts of what he did to a mannequin… so “in five to seven,” he may make a cameo.

Impressed with her not backing down, they accept her back into the group. Let’s not forget about the burger she got him (which she is unaware of as she stares in horror as the chump chomps into it.)

EXT. – HOUSE- MOMENTS LATER

Allison hands Patty the pills. “Maybe” is not good enough for Allison’s plan, though she asserts this isn’t some velleity. Patty tries to talk some sense into her, reminding her that with the trip, they might as well be handcuffed together. Offering up a bit of a solution for the both of them, Patty suggests taking the heat off of her and pinning ALL of it onto Kevin, making him the local dealer that will invariably meet a violent end, as is written in the Good Book.

This episode to me was the strongest yet. Yes, I know, it was written by the comedic genius Tom Scharpling (Best Show), but there was something to both worlds that made it feel much more cohesive. It helps that some of the one-liners in Kevin’s sitcom world actually landed with a pow and not a purposeful thud. It also begins to weave in a lot more change organically for both Allison and Patty as they go further into the rabbit hole of a shit-show they’re already in. Robin Lord Taylor whom most of you may know as the Penguin in Gotham (Fox) plays his role with the creepiness you’d expect whereas the legendary timing of writer/actor Jon Glaser is nothing short of brilliance. Lastly, I do like two minor but clever gags: 1.) Allison not being able to get her lipstick back in the tube/ Allison’s tube of toothpaste allusion later on. 2.) The fact that both Patty and Paddy wear jackets of some sort as well as combat boots.

With only three episodes left, big changes abound and this episode seemed like the definitive bridge between lead-up and payoff.

‘Loki’ Episode 5: “Journey into Mystery” Review

Norton

July 11, 2021

Sylvie makes a bold move, Loki tries to fight his destiny, and Old Man Loki rocks the house in Wednesday’s Loki.

We start off in the void, where the three er, four Loki’s have rescued our Loki from “the monster in the sky.” Loki prime, let’s call him, wonders what the plan is, while Classic Loki (aka Old Man Loki), Kid Loki, and Boastful Loki explain that survival is the plan.

Meanwhile, Ravonna and Miss Minutes try, unsuccessfully, to stall Sylvie long enough to capture her. Weirdly, this works out in Ravonna’s favor as Sylvie self-prunes to escape death. You may be thinking this is a strange strategy on Sylvie’s part, but the conversation with Ravonna beforehand adds perspective. See, Ravonna claims that Loki isn’t dead yet, that pruning can’t delete matter or energy from nexus events it just…moves them to somewhere “safe.” And by safe, I mean, a temporary stay at the end of time where a living tempest will inevitably consume them out of existence. Unless of course that matter/energy is a Loki.

We return our attention to the makeshift fallout shelter the four Loki’s call home as they regale Loki prime with stories of their lives – specifically their nexus events. Boastful Loki lies, naturally, Kid Loki took out Thor, and Alligator Loki ate the neighbor’s cat, but Old Man Loki has a much more interesting tale. Loki prime is curious about it because, according to the timeline at least, all Lokis are meant to die at the hands of Thanos, right?

Let’s recall how Loki prime dies, shall we? He makes the noble decision to eschew illusion in favor of a tricky frontal assault with a knife but winds up with his neck snapped by the purple menace. Now, the way OM Loki tells it, blades are silly when compared with magic, and in fact stunt that magic – this is a line that can go ignored quickly but really shouldn’t be. While Boastful Loki espouses how cool blades are, you can tell the ignorance of youth shining through here. OM Loki doesn’t bother standing against the Mad Titan, he’s no fool. Instead he does what all Loki’s tend to do, he survives. He casts a realistic projection and hides himself away until he can escape and live in exile.

This is where the story gets a bit sad, because OM Loki exiles himself after realizing that everywhere he goes only pain follows. Eventually, though, solitude and curiosity gets the best of him and he finally decide to leave his planet to check up on his loved ones. Sadly, as soon as he tries, he’s scooped up by the TVA and pruned. Ouch.

Loki, tired of listening to old stories, decides to do something. Attempting to recruit his fellow brethren doesn’t go so well, and when he goes to leave more of him show up to crash the party.

We get a brief respite from the inevitable Loki infighting, by checking on Sylvie, who has woken up in the void. She manages to escape being eaten by the smoke monster, Alioth, and has enough luck to run into Mobius, who has also avoided consumption by way of a pizza delivery car. Backseat driving aside, I have to think Mobius is glad he’s with a Loki because if anything can survive this unknowable place, it’s a Loki!

Back in the bunker we discover Boastful Loki has betrayed his king (Kid Loki) to Presidential Loki, who is soon betrayed by his own army. It’s enough to give Loki prime the best “really???” face I’ve seen in a while. We don’t have to watch the fight for long, however I am left wondering how many of these variants are actual Lokis and how many are just other variants smart enough to stick by a Loki’s side to avoid Alioth. Also, in that same vein of thought, why the hell has there only ever been one female variant of Loki??? Perhaps the answer to that lies further in the future…In any event, OM Loki creates projections that allow himself, Alligator Loki, Kid Loki, and Loki prime to vamoose.

Here we see another Loki who isn’t afraid to use his magic. In case you haven’t been paying attention, Loki prime really doesn’t use magic much after his time in the TVA. He uses it a lot when he first gets there, well, tries to, and once he has access to it again, but later on, he seems to stop. Now, one instance where he noticeably used magic was on Lamentis, to stop a building from crushing himself and Sylvie – it was the basis for many internet theories that speculated the events on Lamentis weren’t real (because in the past Loki has never shown such power before). Well, those doubters are in for a surprise, because the magic OM Loki wields is top notch. We’ll get to that, I promise.

Outside, OM Loki laments loudly how frustrating it is that Lokis always turn on the people who trust or love them. Kid Loki adds that anytime a Loki tries self-improvement the TVA scoops them up. I really do wish more attention was paid to Kid Loki. After all, he’s a kid. My guess is his take down of Thor was more than likely an accident. Or, perhaps his temper got the better of him. Either way, I can’t imagine he’s very pleased with the outcome. First of all, it lands him in the void. Secondly, he doesn’t jump at the chance to leave said void. That, to me, is very telling.

After all, if Loki’s true desire was to usurp Thor and Odin and rule Asgard, then why wouldn’t Kid Loki be chomping at the bit to do so? Granted, we have no idea how long these Lokis have been trapped here (although their hideout looks fairly lived-in). There’s also what he says here about self-improvement that makes me wonder what did he try to do? Killing Thor, I doubt, was what he meant, but did he actually regret felling his brother to the point of transformation? Was he going to try and become a more benevolent ruler to make up for his sin? Oh well…

Back in the car Mobius and Sylvie have a fun conversation about how it turns out he was the bad guy the whole time. I’ll give it to Sylvie, when she puts the truth in perspective (without any of the TVA storytelling) it does sound bad, even to Mobius. Who, mind you, is still blown away by what he’s discovered about his work, his life’s purpose, and the place he used to call home. Sylvie, to her credit, is planning her next move. She’s got way too much motive to get caught up on the small fry when she could take down the head boss.

Speaking of the TVA, we take a little peek back at Ravonna, who visits Hunter B-15 in a weird red cell. The judge asks B-15 about her connection to the variant, but it only brings about more questions. B-15 makes a very fitting observation: Ravonna wants to learn the truth but Sylvie needs to.

In the void, the Lokis meet up with Sylvie and Mobius. Loki prime is intent on killing Alioth, but Sylvie wants to enchant it. During her earlier escape she happened to briefly connect to it, so she believes she can do so again. Loki prime, while not convinced, doesn’t argue with her plan. As they wait, for no reason clearly given, it provides them some bonding time. It’s sweet and it allows them to build their budding…romance? Friendship? Whatever it is. These Lokis finally learn to trust, share, and even thank one another.

OM Loki, Kid Loki, Gator Loki, and Mobius hang back having their own bonding session. While Mobius is taking in the unimaginable truth that is an Alligator Loki, Kid Loki wonders what the former minute man will do once he returns. He doesn’t mince words, he plans to take the TVA down, which leads OM Loki to express surprise at Mobius’ about face towards his former employers, to which Mobius simply replies it is never too late to change.

Once all the bonding is out of the way, Sylvie offers the temp-pad she stole from Ravonna to Loki prime; he declines. Mobius and Loki prime hug it out, before Mobius returns to the TVA to wreck house. OM Loki and Kid Loki also decline escape. So now it’s just Sylvie and Loki prime facing off against Alioth.

It doesn’t go great until OM Loki goes against his better judgement and finally gets to have “glorious purpose,” creating an illusion so massive and realistic it fools Alioth into attacking fake Asgard instead of the two very real variants. Sylvie wonders how he does it, to which Loki prime replies: “I think we’re stronger than we realize.” This might be what inspires Sylvie’s next plan – have Loki prime help her enchant Alioth. Loki says he doesn’t know how to do enchantment, but she assures him if she knows how to do it, then he does too.

In the face of death, OM Loki finally fulfills his glorious purpose by giving Sylvie and Loki prime enough time to enchant the angry cloud. It’s a noble death indeed.

Under their influence it parts giving them access to a castle in the distance.

Overall, what an amazing episode. You’ve got themes of self-worth, self-determination, bucking destiny, even standing up to authoritarianism. It’s also a fun experiment on the old saying “the only person I trust is myself!” Would you trust yourself if you were a Loki? Do you know yourself well enough to trust yourself, to trust that you can change? Can you change? OM Loki gives up on himself, exiling himself in outer space, and losing any will to fight when the TVA shows up to capture him, yet he manages to put his faith in Loki prime and Sylvie to the point of self-sacrifice (assuming it wasn’t another amazing projection). I mean, if you think about it, OM Loki was already fighting his nature when he decided to serve Kid Loki. He even uses his magic to provide an escape for himself, his king, the gator, and this new Loki. His actions, by the end of the episode, actually aren’t that surprising.

So, what’s in the castle? Or who? I’m wondering if it isn’t another female Loki. I’m very excited to see how this all ends. What a fantastic penultimate!

‘Fear Street Part 1 – 1994’: Who is Sarah Fier?

Nicole C

July 7, 2021

Netflix’s Fear Street three-part horror movie extravaganza debuted last weekend with Fear Street Part 1: 1994 and it introduced us to the town of Shadyside where a whole lot of murdering happens.

The story follows Deena (Kiana Madiera), a local high school student who is reeling from a recent breakup with Sam (Olivia Scott Welch), Kate (Julia Rehwald) the valedictorian (and part time drug dealer), class clown Simon (Fred Hechinger), and Josh (Benjamin Flores Jr.), Deena’s geeky younger brother. They are all from the wrong side of the tracks with the right side being the neighboring town of perfect Sunnyvale. Sam, once a Shadysider herself, had moved to Sunnyvale after her parents got divorced and it seemed to have been the catalyst for the couple’s relationship ending.

WARNING SPOILERS AHEAD. If you haven’t watched the film yet, go do that now!

As the opening scene of the film shows us, Shadyside has a history of craziness where normal people inexplicably start murdering people. Case in point, Ryan Torres, who suddenly decided to stab a number of folks, including his friend Heather (Maya Hawke) at the mall where he worked at. What happened that made him put on a Scream-like mask and just start a killing spree?

We find out that poor Ryan has been controlled or possessed by the witch Sarah Fier. According to local legend, she was accused of witchcraft in 1666 and sent to the gallows for execution. However, she was able to cheat death by severing her own hand and burying it in an unknown location before her hanging. This act anchored her soul to Shadyside so that she could enact her revenge upon the villagers throughout the centuries. And boy did she!

Sam became her latest target after the teen accidentally disturbed Sarah’s grave due to a car accident. The cheerleader’s nose bleeds as she stumbles out of the automobile and onto the forest floor where unknowingly her hands submerge down a softer patch of earth. Sam then has a flash of visions including Sarah screaming, a massive tree, a hooded figure, an image of a skeleton wearing a hooded robe surrounded by text, Sarah hung, and hands.

Things escalate even more when Ryan (who had already been shot earlier by Sheriff Nick Goode) shows up at the hospital after Deena confronts Sam when she thinks her ex’s new boyfriend Peter is messing with them. It is Deena’s nerdy brother Josh who figures out that this is the work of Sarah Fier. He informs the group that the witch has been possessing different locals since 1666 so that they go on a killing rampage. She’s so famous in their area that she even has her own rhyme:

“Before the witch’s final breath,
She found a way to cheat her death
By cutting off her wicked hand,
She kept her grip upon our land
She reaches out from beyond the grave,
To make good men her wicked slaves
She’ll take your blood, she’ll take your head,
She’ll follow you until you’re dead”

Eventually they realize that Sarah is only after Sam but thanks again to Josh they realize that there was a survivor (C. Berman) from Camp Nighthawk, one of the previous mass murder sites at a kids camp. The rhyme above tells them that the supernatural entities won’t stop until Sam’s dead, but that C. Berman must have managed to evade Sarah because she had actually died and then been brought back to life.

At first they try to give Sam a cocktail of drugs to overdose and then planned to revive her with EPI pens, but it all goes awry and sadly results in Kate and Simon’s deaths. In a last ditch effort Deena drowns Sam in a lobster tank which seems to work and the supernatural killers vanish. She’s then able to revive her ladylove and things seem calm down. Except, well C. Berman finally returns Deena’s call and informs her that the witch won’t stop and will find a way. Sam then stabs Deena and a tussle ensues.

We get a scene of a black hooded figure in some kind of tomb where there’s a pentagram-like symbol carved on the ground. A fire is lit and we see the names of her other slaves carved in stone as Sam’s name is magically added. It’s interesting to note that this individual appears to be female and young from her visible hands. This also doesn’t make me think it’s Sarah Fier herself because both hands are attached. But if it isn’t her, maybe it’s a descendant?

This is a distinct possibility if we go by the book series that the films are it’s based on (by author R.L. Stine). In the novels the Fier family have been a part of Shadyside for multiple generations. A lot of the supernatural occurrences around town happen as a part of a curse placed on the Fiers after brothers Benjamin and Matthew Fier falsely accuse mother and daughter Martha and Susannah Goode of witchcraft. Benjamin’s son Edward had fallen for Susannah, but the father did not approve the match because the young woman’s family was poor. Turns out though William Goode (Martha’s husband and Susannah’s father) was an actual witch and cursed the family for ruining his. Eventually the spelling of the name was changed to Fear (hence Fear Street). These two clans have been stuck in a cycle of revenge of centuries and supposedly only a marriage between the two families could end the curse.

While we don’t know how much the films will dive into the Fear/Fier family saga, I can’t wait to see Sarah’s full backstory revealed in part three. We already have a Goode show up in Sheriff Nick and he definitely knows more than he lets on after that mysterious note he left in someone’s house saying, “it’s happening again.” As a fan of the books, I for one really hope they do!

Fear Street Part 1: 1994 is streaming now on Netflix.

Kevin Can F**k Himself Episode 4 Review: Live Free or Die

Robert Kijowski

July 6, 2021

Kevin Can F**k himself episode 4 review, Kevin Can Fuck Himself — While magazines are fun and bright, newspapers are more intense and sophisticated.

Roadtrips are considered by many a rite of passage. They can be fun and magical. They can be an air-conditioned Hell. The one thing they always are is revealing. You can learn a lot from others, whether your cooped up or Coupe’d up. It is in the fourth episode of Kevin Can F**k Himself (AMC) titled “Live Free or Die” that we see truly what people are made of when confined to a singular, solitary space.

INT. – LIVING ROOM – DAY

A deflated and defeated Neil (Alex Bonifer) and Kevin (Eric Petersen) enter stage right, brandishing a shovel and a metal detector. They tell Pete (Brian Howe) excursion to find riches have turned up fruitless. Neil wants to proceed onward, but Kevin thinks he has a better plan to amass easy wealth in the form of an escape room…. in their basement. Before they begin to hatch a scheme, Allison (Annie Murphy) comes down, asking if she can borrow his car for Patty’s beauty expo. She deceives him into giving it up on account of her buying handles of tequila from the duty-free store in “New Hampshire”. Her lies are already creeping into Kevin’s world. She reminds him of corned beef in the oven but sets an Alexa for 6 hours because none of the three guys pay her any mind. Allison jets after Kevin asks why she’s taking the keys. Upset, Kevin’s dimwit lightbulb moment occurs when he figures out what people want to escape the most- husbands. Thus the “Escape Groom” is born.

TITLE: KEVIN CAN FUCK HIMSELF

INT. – PATTY’S HOME – DAY

Patty (Mary Hollis Inboden) is quick to extract her money from the hollowed-out book. A knock is heard at the door. Thinking it’s Allison, she invites the guest in. Enter Detective Tammy Ridgeway (Candice Coke), catching Patty by surprise. Turns out Detective Abraham, ahem, sorry, Bob Bram took a statement from her. Det. Ridgeway merely doing a follow-up. She questions patty about the pharmacist. Patty admits to going to high school with him, but not knowing too much about him. This still raises curiosity in Det. Ridgeway, as he’s been filling her prescription. Patty retorts with knowing a guy who owns a local gas station and sees him a lot more but only knows that he knows how to handle her cigarettes well.

Det. Ridgeway then notices the copy of Memoirs of a Geisha before picking it up and asking if it’s any good. Patty claims to have not read it yet. Ridgeway says they made a movie out of it, so how bad could it be and with that, she puts the book down. I assume picking the book up was to feel its weight. Patty says she has something to get to, so the detective departs, but not before informing Patty to stay put, as she may have more questions for her.

Patty and Allison leave at the same time. Patty demands to drive because Allison’s a ‘tourist’ around there and they should never be allowed to drive… and they’re off, in Allison’s words “like a herd of turtles.”

EXT. – KEVIN’S CAR – LATER

After a big rig passes by, Allison notices it’s from North Dakota, which she calls exotic. She assumes everywhere’s better than Worcester. Patty relays her theory that no place is better than another- everywhere is bad. Allison posits that maybe being an on-the-road trucker would’ve been better for her life, which Patty also shoots down. Her dad used to be a trucker and it’s not exactly glamorous, being just a race down highways to deliver a payload, dealing with drugs for diabetes and slipped disks.

Patty never saw him that much and the times he would come home, she wished him back out. Patty never knew if her mom wanted daddy home, as Neil found her dead when they were kids. Allison jokes that she murdered her, as she wanted Patty’s daddy all to herself. Her attempt at gallows humor lands with Patty’s approval.

INT. – BASEMENT – LATER

Neil brings up the question of customers for this seemingly hair-brained, if not downright psychotic idea. Kevin reveals that it won’t be a problem because they will offer 10k to the winners. Since Kevin has dust in the account, his ‘foolproof’ workaround is to make the room inescapable by making clues so complicated, they are supposed to lead to nowhere, with the actual key being placed someplace random. They have to print up flyers though, but because Neil doesn’t know how to work a computer, much less a printer, Kevin calls Allison to explain it in toddler terms, much like she does her own hog of a husband.

In the car, Allison’s phone rings. Patty tells her not to answer it. She sends it to voicemail. He immediately calls again. She doesn’t answer. As Patty puts it, the world didn’t end, and asks her to keep an eye out for the street her hookup is on. Apparently, he’s a guy from high school they both knew: Rick Dinunzio and that clan was bad news. The only thing is this is Allison’s first time hearing her and patty went to the same high school… and that’s because up until 20 minutes ago, Patty thought she didn’t like Allison. They are bonding, after all. What changed her mind? When Allison said she killed her mom.

EXT. /INT. – DINGY SHACK – DAY

Patty tells Allison to stay put, being a tourist and all but once Patty starts to approach the place with some hesitation, she turns around and invites Allison. Turns out her calm and collected demeanor may all be a front after all.

Approaching the squalid-looking shack together, they hear a loud gunshot. The door opens. Jif (Troy D. Wallace), Rick’s step-son invites them in. Proceeding deeper into the lair, it’s more of a clubhouse than a trap house. Patty said she was there to buy some “newspapers” for $250 and she’s given two small bags of cocaine. It turns out Oxy’s are “magazines”, with the names being switched up for security reasons. Where is the Oxy’s then? They traded them for the “newspapers” Patty asked for.

Since they have a no-exchange policy, the girls can’t even get their money back. They could try to trade it back from the guy the oxy’s were given to, but he’ll end up marking up the price. The only person that went with rick at that exchange is some teen named Trevor (Cole Tristan Murphy). He agrees to show them for a 6-pack, which was downgraded from a 12-pack. A word of advice from Jif is to leave Allison home next time, as she looks very “custy”.

Allison’s phone rings with hubby’s ringtone.

“I’m Shipping Up to Boston” might not be the best look for her, seeing the movie it comes from. She immediately ignores it.

CUT TO:

INT. – BASEMENT – LATER

With everything being set up in the basement, Kevin frets and whines about his wife not picking up his calls. He can’t find his lucky Bruins hat. His father asserts they don’t need luck, as the clues seem really hard anyway. A gallimaufry of 56 clues is what the customers have to work through, with the final one being searching through a bowl of rice to find the word ‘pipe’ on the individual grains, on which Kevin hides the key on top. This is just piss poor planning.

Allison and Patty wait outside of a burger joint for Trevor and his connection. It turns out Trevor just went to pick up some burgers and his girlfriend. Turns out Patty has zero patience being their personal chauffeur, stealing a handful of fries to their dismay and with that, they are on their way.

Back in the basement, Pete is dressed up as a priest, and Neil as I don’t know the fuck what to play the emcee. Kevin is ‘dressed’ up as the customer, who will lead the actual players in the wrong directions. With so many big brains in the room, how could they possibly lose?

MATCH CUT TO:

The customers enter, with Neil confiscating their phones and locking the door behind them. One of the players notices that Kevin and Pete look like they could be related, so Kevin’s already starting on a brilliant footing. Someone is about to elect Kevin as the leader, but before he can say much, another player takes point and everyone splits up with a pair of the players solving a clue toot suite. Kevin can’t lose.

INT. – KEVIN’S CAR – LATER

At a stoplight on a lonely stretch of road, Patty’s had enough as Trevor and his girlfriend lock lips in the backseat. She starts and brakes hard. Trevor tells her to drive normally with coke in the car. Patty doesn’t care as they are in Vermont. Allison pipes up with “Live Free or Die”, which is the logo for New Hampshire.

Trevor spills the beans, gives all the instructions they need to meet this connection and with that, Patty tells them to get the fuck out.

INT. – BASEMENT – LATER

The players are nailing it. Kevin is sweating something fierce. The tall one ends up banging his head on the pipe, knocking the key from its spot, forcing Kevin to take hold of it. Kevin tries to convince them it’s fake by snapping it in half, causing him to bleed. Blood never shows up in sitcoms, so he’s doing himself in. He ultimately swallows it to prove it’s made of ‘candy’. Way to go, big boy with a big brain.

Allison and Patty finally arrive at their destination at a parking lot next to a red rooster van. She honks twice before two haggard individuals come out of the van. Allison freaks out, but patty talks for them. She gives them the coke for a trade-off. They go into the woods, telling her to follow. Patty doesn’t really have a choice, so follows, telling Allison to lock the doors.

Back in the basement, the crew is fucked and though the hour is up and nobody’s won, the other key is with Allison now. Neil then has to screw the door off the hinges but needs to travel a half-hour away to retrieve the drill from his cousin Terry. Their Alexa goes off and Kevin has no idea why.

INT. – KEVIN’S CAR – MOMENTS LATER

Allison sees the two sketchy people emerge from the woods with patty following. She didn’t get the pills, but she believes traded for something more useful: a gun. Allison freaks out, but patty asserts that all she has to do is point the gun at “Jason” and he’ll leave her alone. Allison is adamant about needing the pills and pleads with every fiber to Patty. Patty takes pity once more, saying there’s ONE more place they can try, but it’s 2 hours away. The game is back on!

INT. – BASEMENT – LATER

Everyone is upset, knowing it was all a setup. It also turns out that Allison’s roast is burning. There’s smoke entering and immediately trying to ventilate the place, a transom window is found, prompting the whole crew to haul tail.

EXT. – GAS STATION – NIGHT

Patty goes to fetch some Red Bulls and Menthols, a big rig pulls up as Allison cleans the windows. Patty comes out to find Allison gone. In a back alleyway, Allison is about to make the transaction for his pills. Suddenly, Patty pistol whips the dude from behind, thinking it was Jason. She freaks the fuck out and they book it the fuck out of Dodge, but not before Allison thinks fast, snatches the pills, takes the wheel, and peels the hell out.

Continuing down the road, Allison comforts Patty… but that doesn’t last long when the flashing of the fuzz looms behind them.

INT. EXT – KEVIN’S CAR – MOMENTS LATER

Patty is visibly shaken, but Allison keeps calm. Her father was a cop, so she thinks she has this under control. Allison takes the gun, stashing it in her jeans. The cop approaches Allison. She tries to shoehorn in that her father Les Devine was on the Worcester PD but gets no leeway. The problem is that the car was reported stolen by Kevin. Allison feigns her blonde charm and claims to have forgotten to tell her husband how long they’d be gone. She volunteers for them to go to the station so they can sort it out, but she probably knows that what a cop doesn’t need is more paperwork.

Once the cops leave, Allison checks her phone. Thirty-two missed calls and messages. She calls him. Poor, poor Kevin was worried Allison had been taken, or worse, dead inside the trunk of his car. He’s relieved she’s alive because he’s stuck in the transom window and doesn’t know where the Crisco is to shimmy his fat ass out as Neil and Pete try to pull him with a rope. Ahh, repugnant fat sight gags, where would networks be without you?

Allison informs him it’s in the pantry. Her voice is breaking and she’s incensed, livid with Patty because she wanted to pick up the phone earlier. Patty is shocked Kevin would stoop to this.

Patty also learns that when Allison worked long hours as a paralegal, Kevin convinced everyone that she was having an affair with her boss, despite being a married sexagenarian. Ridiculous as that sounds, Kevin still managed to put sugar in his gas tank, thusly getting his wife fired, while all Patty could do is laugh with the boys. This asshole took his “beloved’s” life away from her, basically wresting anything from her that made her feel worthwhile.

Patty thought it was harmless but with the quick slice, Allison asks if she thought it not divulging their non-existent bank account was.

However, the true coup de grace is Allison revealing the truth behind it all: she’s going to kill Kevin. With a surprised look upon Patty’s visage and a determined look on Allison’s, that famous Dropkick Murphy’s tune cues up as they head back home.

I take this episode as slightly askew. In bifurcating the boys’ (emphasis on boys) and women’s plots, we learn less about one side and more about the other. The division was palpable with me learning nothing new about Kevin other than he’s a needy, conniving man-child. Both groups were confined in certain ways, but Kevin’s sitcom doesn’t get any more revealing than simply being willing to trap people for his own gain, no matter the cost. I guess the takeaway is “Everyone’s got a motive.”

Loki: Episode 4 “The Nexus Event” Review

Norton

July 4, 2021

So…uh…who created the TVA???

That question and more were posed on Wednesday’s episode of Loki. A pretty juicy follow up to what, in my opinion, was a meh third episode. But, boy, did they more than make up for that!

As Loki (Tom Hiddleston) and Sylvie (Sophia Di Martino) await the end, we get to see a brief glimpse of how Sylvie came to be at odds with the TVA. A young girl (Cailey Fleming) with brown hair is playing when a portal opens up behind her and none other than a young Hunter Ravonna appears to accuse her of crimes against the sacred timeline. The confused little girl is quickly grabbed by two other Hunters. But Sylvie proves, even as a child, she’s no easily subdued variant. She lifts Ravonna’s temp-pad as she escapes capture and disappears through a portal.

We come back to the end of the previous episode where the moon is quickly falling. Know what else is quickly falling? Loki! The god of mischief is quite smitten with his female counterpart, going so far as to compliment her and assure her that no, what makes a Loki a Loki isn’t a legacy of failure, but rather one of survival. “We may lose,” he concedes, “But we never die.” It’s a sweet moment made even sweeter by their unconscious handholding, and it saves their lives. How? Because for some reason their interest in one another sparks an unusual Nexus event – one unique enough for the TVA to pinpoint their location.

Rescue is…a double edged sword. On the bright side, they are no longer doomed to be crushed by a crumbling moon, on the down side, they’ve got their old TVA neckwear on and are hauled off to separate Time Theaters for interrogation. Mobius is weirdly hurt by what he sees as Loki’s betrayal, and Loki doesn’t exactly express remorse. It’s a funny exchange when Loki informs Mobius that backstabbing is par for the course on Earth, while Mobius quips he doesn’t need a “prince” telling him how the real world works. Then, Mobius sticks Loki in a Time Cell (honestly, these people just jam the word “time” in front of everything).

Before he does this though, he allows Loki a final statement – “The TVA is lying to you.” Our trickster warns, and Mobius just throws him in the cell. This bothered me because if you were to hear that someone is lying to you, wouldn’t you, at the very least, ask about what? I mean, it’s not just Mobius that doesn’t follow up – when he tells Hunter B-15 what Loki said, she also doesn’t ask the obvious question: about what? Granted, B-15 is having her own mini-meltdown thanks to the memories Sylvie dipped into when briefly enchanting her at the Roxxcart, but still!

Anyway, the Time Cell replays a particular moment in the prisoner’s life – in Loki’s case a moment where Lady Sif (Jaimie Alexander) kneed him in the balls and punched him for cutting her hair. As she engages in physical retribution, she also throws in some verbal abuse for good measure, calling Thor’s adopted brother many names before concluding that he’s “alone, and you always will be”. We’re not sure how many rounds of this he endures, but by the time Mobius returns to chat, Loki is clearly feeling the weight of his former actions.

Now, in the meantime, Mobius has gone to see Ravonna about interrogating Sylvie only to discover his boss does not want that to happen. He’s confused. She tries to explain she’s doing it to protect him, while adding that he hasn’t exactly been in control of his own Loki variant, but Loki’s words are burning their way into his brain. What is the TVA lying about? He brings up Hunter C-20 again, who, we found out earlier in the episode was killed due to “insanity”, and Ravonna sticks to her story. She sends him off to talk to his Loki variant, and he decides to give the imp god a listen.

Loki and Mobius face off, similar to their first encounter with Loki pretending not to care and Mobius baiting him into revealing more than he means to – in this case by using Sylvie against him. Mobius realizes that Loki likes Sylvie, and begins to genuinely wonder if his “sick, twisted” feelings for her are what caused the Nexus event on Lamentis. Not long after, Loki reveals the big twist: “You’re all variants!” Mobius isn’t keen on believing him, but he has sense enough to drop by Ravonna’s office a second time under the guise of closing out his case in order to steal her temp-pad and investigate the murky death of C-20 for himself. Turns out, Loki wasn’t lying.

A weird exchange happens in the Time Cell – Mobius asks Loki if he really believes he deserves to be alone. He also asks if Loki really cares for Sylvie – hinting that Loki’s connection to the lady trickster might be enough to bring down the TVA. Umm…how? Come to think of it, why was the Nexus event they caused on Lamentis so strange? Mobius does manage to give Loki a small gift before parting, telling the god of mischief that he can be good if he wants to be (this reminds me a lot of how Thor finally broke through to his brother in Ragnarok). Sadly, by the time Mobius and Loki are ready to leave the Time Cell Ravonna has realized what he’s done…and she prunes him.

Loki and Sylvie are both taken, by Ravonna personally, to the Time Keepers to be pruned. Now, Sylvie hasn’t been ignored in this episode – she got her own visit from Hunter B-15. The time-cop hasn’t been feeling right, as previously mentioned, and she goes to the source to get the facts. Odd that she would believe anything a variant says, but since Sylvie allows her a second viewing of the memories uncovered during enchantment, B-15 is a lot more open to hearing this prisoner out. It goes a long way to explaining why later, when Loki and Sylvie are presented to the Time Keepers as lambs for slaughter, B-15 shows up and helps them break free of their bonds.

The fight that ensues is quite entertaining. A little funny that Loki seems to fight best with a blade in his hands, when he could just as easily take one of the pruning sticks from the cops he’s fighting and use that as a sword (the non-pruning end is actually sharpened to a lethal point). Hell, that’s what Sylvie does once she throws the blade B-15 throws to her, to Loki. Sylvie finally succeeds in knocking Ravonna out, but her sense of accomplishment is short lived when she decapitates one of the Time Keepers only to discover it’s an android. The fuck!?

Allow me a moment to be highly amused by what I was convinced was the other two Time Keepers laughing when their third lost his head. I think it might have been an involuntary sound caused by their shared neural network being disrupted, but it really did sound like laughter, which I thought was amazing. These two assholes didn’t even care that their triad had been violently ended, nope, they were just giggling at the rolling head.

Sylvie wasn’t laughing though, neither was Loki. He’s the one who asks the question that started this review – who created the TVA??? It’s a valid ask, but one he won’t get an answer to – at least not anytime soon I should think. As Loki takes a moment to finally try and confess his feelings for Sylvie (I’m fairly certain they are extremely confused given his difficulty putting them into words and possibly one-sided considering her more than blank stare reaction to his impending confession), Ravonna prunes him from behind – not a sex thing! I had to…

Sylvie appears sincerely wounded by her male counterpart’s sudden departure, but she doesn’t do the rash thing and simply prune Ravonna back. No, she gains the upper hand in a successful bid to hold Ravonna at prune-point and demand answers.

Loki, the after credits reveals, isn’t dead. Instead, he’s being rescued by three other versions of himself, well, four if you count the lizard. There’s Classic Loki (Richard E. Grant), Kid Loki (Jack Veal), and Boastful Loki (Deobia Oparei) – who looks more like Thor with his golden hammer. Is this where all pruned people go? Is there an in-between that allows for survival so long as the victim is aware enough to act quickly? Does that mean Mobius could come back?

Gotta love the questions this show inspires. I’m looking forward to the answers.

Loki Is Just Rick And Morty: Here Are 7 Reasons Why

Christian Angeles

July 3, 2021

Both Loki and Rick and Morty are high-concept sci-fi comedies written by the same writer/showrunner.

We are over halfway finished with Loki season one, which thus far, has been nothing shy of a wild ride. But for any fans of science fiction comedies driven by narcissistic megalomaniacs, it should come as no surprise, that Disney Plus’s Loki takes a lot of cues from the popular Adult Swim cartoon Rick and Morty.

Much of this is due to Loki showrunner Michael Waldron, who has not only written for Rick and Morty but was also groomed to take over as the series showrunner for a time. After following both series this season, I noticed a lot of similarities between both series, and speak with confidence not just as someone who has extensively studied Dan Harmon’s writing style as shown here at The Workprint, but also, as someone who has written his own Rick and Morty spec script and posted it online for free for anybody to read.

Full Copy: Battlefield Rick

I say without a doubt that Loki is in so many ways, Marvel’s live-action Rick and Morty. Let’s go over seven of the biggest reasons why below. Fair warning: spoilers ahead for both series and everything up to Loki season 1 episode 4.

The Time Police

Early in the first episode of Loki, we meet Hunter B-15 in a funny opening scene set at 1/16th speed, that involves a face-fat rippling slowbash onto Loki’s face. A very confident and badass TVA agent, B-15 is the officer first on the scene who is set to reset the timeline and prune any uncooperative variants (such as Loki) with her baton.

In Rick and Morty’s episode A Rickle In Time we meet the Shleemypants. A testicle-looking alien played by Keegan Michael Key, who is dispatched in order to restore the fragmented timeline. And just like the TVA, the time cops can use time crystals, which also feature the ability to manipulate time however they please.

The Rogue

The Disney+ Loki series begins when the Loki variant witnessed in Endgame, finds himself using the Tesseract in order to escape before being captured, and later recruited, by the TVA. All in order to hunt for a rogue Loki.

To Rick and Morty fans this should sound familiar. Because this is the same plot as the penultimate episode of the first season ‘Close Rick-counters Of The Rick Kind‘. Where a rogue Rick is found to be exterminating other Ricks, leading the original Rick and Morty on an adventure to find him.

The Narcissistic Protagonist

On one end we have Loki. The god of mischief and frequent headache amongst the Asgardians. Backstabber, conqueror, and overall selfish anti-hero that’s sometimes reluctantly good, Loki is chaotic, to say the least, and one who often thinks he is the smartest person in the room. Obsessing over petty being right about things as seen via Moebius. Though he does care deeply about his family in the end.

On the other end, we have Rick Sanchez. A man who is basically a God in the sense that he’s the smartest person in the universe. A frequent headache amongst all the alien races, Rick is a narcissist and a well-known backstabber, all in the name of science (and greed). He also loves being right about things, and even more so, loves rubbing it in the face of his family. Whom he also cares deeply about as seen throughout the series.

Portals

Here’s one that surprisingly no one has called out. In Loki, we see a lot of portals being used. Doorways that open to different pocket dimensions and different areas of time and space. We’ve seen it used to transport into different apocalypses throughout history, and even seen it create realities of infinite nut-busting time loops.

In Rick and Morty, Rick’s portal gun does works in the absolute same way but better (I’m sure there’s an infinite nut-busting reality Rick knows about somewhere). It can also bring literally anything through it, often in weirdly funny ways. However, it has been on record that the showrunners have chosen not to mess much with time travel and portals much. Mostly, because of the headache involved. Though the technology is there if they wanted it.

The TVA Office/The Citadel

In Loki, the TVA head office is a place beyond time and space where even the infinity stones are powerless. It was created in response to a war between the other universes that almost ended all of existence, leading to the need for an organizational entity such as the Time Variance Authority to maintain the peace (or so we are led to believe). Led by the all-knowing Time-Keepers, the TVA’s goal is in many ways, ultimate bureaucratic authority, all in order to preserve the one sacred timeline.

In Rick and Morty, the Citadel of Ricks serves almost a similar function in that it’s the penultimate bureaucratic authority in the universe run by the multiverse’s smartest men (Ricks). The Citadel, just like Rick, is capable of just about anything. However, the Citadel was created by Ricks to preserve the most sacred thing in the universe: himself, along with the existence of all other Ricks across the multiverse – whose crimes committed across the universe have left Ricks wanted across the galaxy.

The Secret Ruler Of The Time Keepers/The Council Of Ricks

There is an innate hierarchy in both series. The Time-Keepers in Loki are meant to be otherworldly beings lauded as the leaders meant to preserve the sacred timeline. They are mysterious leaders who stand above other ‘variants’ and agents of the TVA. At least, until it’s revealed that they’re robots. Though who is pulling the strings we’ve yet to find out.

Similarly, the Council Of Ricks are the ones at the top of the Citadel’s lauded hierarchy. Yet, the ones who lead the Citadel are also more or less a puppet government as well, as learned from the acclaimed episode, Tales From The Citadel. The organization is run by a shadow council… which is now, in turn, run by Evil Morty.

The Multiple Loki’s/Rick’s/Mortys

This is probably the biggest callback of all. In Rick and Morty there is a lot of fun to be had with the idea of multiple Ricks and Mortys throughout the known universes. There is even a Pokemon-themed mobile game known as Pocket Mortys and different altering backstories for all the numerous iterations of Rick and Morty.

In Loki, we finally see a hint of this featured in this week’s stinger. Where Loki, wakes to find himself amongst a series of other Lokis. In what’s promising to be a fun multiverse story. All beckoning the question: Why?

And that’s the big seven. Notice any more similarities between Loki and Rick and Morty? Feel free to comment below and share your thoughts as well.

Kevin Can F**k Himself Episode 3 Review: We’re Selling Washing Machines

Robert Kijowski

June 29, 2021

Kevin Can Fuck himself — Eric Petersen as Kevin, Annie Murphy as Allison - Kevin Can F*** Himself _ Season 1, Episode 3 - Photo Credit: Jojo Whilden/AMC

Toeing the line of right and wrong in order to tip the scales for right may be noble, but it’s got its drawbacks. Remaining stoic in the face of adversity is simply one of those. It’s both a strength and a weakness. Given the tertiary episode of Kevin Can Fk Himself (AMC) titled “We’re Selling Washing Machines”, we’ll see why for both Patty and Allison, things aren’t so, cut and dry**.

Following where we left off the last episode…

INT. – HOUSE – NIGHT

The crew is chilling. Kevin (Eric Peterson) enters, stage right through the front door. He comes bearing a huge surprise. It turns out he “happened” upon a “Kevin Hart Live at the Worcester Centrum” banner. He thinks it’s divine providence simply because it bears his name and wants to hang it proudly from the top of the house. Allison (Annie Murphy) is none too amused. Patty (Mary Hollis Inboden) suggests getting her dad’s towing winches to hang it up, but they pay her no mind. Neil (Alex Bonifer) opts to climb the roof from the drain pipe. She quips for him to break a leg, and knows that will be literal.

Patty exits and the world turns to reality for her.

She lights up a smoke. The words FOUR YEARS AGO are superimposed.

Inside the pharmacy, she procures a legitimate prescription for oxy as Neil, the nimrod he is, did in fact break his fucking leg. It’s a small town, and the pharmacist, Terrance (Robert Najarian) teases her about missing prom due to a concussion. Something tells me there’s more to that story than her cool demeanor lets on.

Terrance emphatically says that for the future, he can hook her up with the generics of the pills. You know, with the wink of an eye-type shit. Confused at first, Patty gets it. She tells him not to be an idiot with the pills he’s pushing, as he has a college degree.

Exiting the store, she comes across the stock person, Kurt (Sean Clements), who gingerly waves, and she low-key acknowledges it.

TITLE CARD: KEVIN CAN FUCK HIMSELF

INT. – PATTY’S SALON – DAY

Patty tends to an older client, Judi the Librarian (Phyllis Kay) who suffers from sciatica. For her, the pain is terrible some days, but she can’t afford doctor’s visits or medication, but she does show her gratitude in gifting Patty a book from her job. Patty notices the prescription for Neil’s pills and has a light bulb moment. She can utilize her connect for good.

CUT TO:

INT. – PATTY’S SALON – PRESENT DAY

As Patty and Allison stand face to face. Allison claims she wants a ‘wash’ but Patty denies her at first as she slowly judges her. To be fair, Allison cannot get her the “quick fix” anyway, as Patty is clean out until the coming Monday… but there is hope, which overjoys Allison. She’s summarily dismissed by Patty.

Allison continues into Bev’s Diner to apologize to Sam (Raymond Lee). She confesses that when around him, she rescinds back into a teenager again… when she was a brat. Sam returns the apology. It turns out when seeing her, he feels a smidge guilty. When he was working his 12 step program, Allison was towards the top of his call list to make amends, but he never reached out. Seeing as though Sam is getting his chip for being 8 years sober tomorrow, he invites Allison to come with him as a token of amends. She accepts.

At the salon, Patty runs through a few clients, bored out her gourd with their palaver. Attending to one client, another enters, Cindy (Diedre Madigan), looking for one of Patty’s patented “washes”. Informing her she’s cleaned out, Cindy’s voice raises when her dealer suggests ibuprofen. In order to appease her, Patty says she’ll see if she can pull a few strings. Cindy thanks her, pays her for last time, for fronting her, and exits, swearing never to do it again. Patty hides the money in the hollowed-out book of Memoirs of a Geisha given to her.

INT. – KITCHEN – DAY

Neil and Kevin are making chili for the Renzulli brothers, who plow their street early and often. This year, they want to make it extra special by adding a deep-fried turkey into the mix. Allison’s confused that Neil’s cooking the turkey since Kevin usually cooks the meat since it is HIS chili. He claims it still is, as he’s the mastermind. What ensues is a tit-for-tat ending up in them making their own separate chili with Kevin volunteering Allison to help him.

Back, in reality, Patty smokes at a bus stop. The bus doesn’t come, so she walks all the way to her house until nightfall.

She is greeted, nay, surprised by Allison, chomping on a cheeseburger. Patty says the garbage food is a new look, though Allison claims it to be an old habit, as in high school, after swim practice, she used to eat one because it was hard-earned.

Though not swimming today, she claims to have earned it, even getting one for Patty. Patty accepts her offer. The offering leads to conversation. It turns out Allison is eating outside to stall from going inside her house. Kevin’s going to want Allison to fulfill Neil’s duty on account of their fight. Patty tells her not to do it, but Allison claims it’s fruitless, as Kevin will whine until she drives 90 miles to get pork belly. Patty is amused, saying that even when things aren’t about her, she makes it do with her. Irritated, Allison claims Patty should tend to Tweedle Dee and Dumber’s bruised egos.

Taking some joy in placing her finger on the situation, Allison takes some joy in saying Patty hates as well. Patty doesn’t ‘hate’ them though, and Allison claims she knew there was something going on, just not the drug peddling. Patty tells Allison to be chill, but Allison knows she’s right “and that’s way better.”

CUT TO:

INT. – KURT’S PLACE – NIGHT

With tray tables out and salad on their plates in front of the glow of a tv screen, Kurt confides in Patty that he can’t do anything alone. Patty says that she’s glad her company’s good for something. With a sickly smile, he tells her she’s good for more than that before firing up Ray Donovan. He queries her on how much the salad costs. It’s $2.49, asserting it would be triple that amount at a salad bar… so the guy’s money-conscious, almost on cheapskate territory. He’s skating on thin ice with Patty, who teases him that maybe by summer they’ll save up enough for their own place on the Cape. She’s with the financially OPPOSITE of Kevin, though she enjoys the doofus’s company more.

They come across a sex scene in the show and Kurt asks if tonight they could reenact it later, but Patty rebuffs him. He doesn’t pressure her and claims to be happy just sitting there with her. She lies through her teeth, returning the compliment.

INT. – BEDROOM – MORNING

Kevin shouts in wifey’s face, waking her up. It’s Sunday and you know what that means! Chili cookoff day! Kevin goes running an errand for her ‘surprise.’ As we’ve come to know already, the goon is self-serving in every way conceivable and sees nothing wrong with it, which is the sign of a narcissist. Kevin leaves Allison in her cold, dark bedroom, alone until a text from Sam lights up her day.

At the salon, Patty pleads with Terrance on the phone. He says it’s good she’s out, and before she could get another word in, he hangs up. She’s greeted by Allison at the door. This isn’t for a score, but rather for a ‘date’.

On the chair, Patty asks her default question- “You got a special occasion you wanna look nice for?” Allison regales her with the story about how Sam was never an ex, but they used to bus tables together during working hours and hook up in the back of the house after hours, even though he was dating a girl from Amherst named Jenn (with two N’s).

Patty thinks that she might be to relive her halcyon days, even though they are both married. Allison swears it isn’t like that. Allison turns the tables and asks if patty had fun with Kurt. She stammers and reluctantly says yes. Allison admits she’d taken eating salad with Kurt over being married to Kevin. patty also confesses that Kurt thinks they are eating healthy together, but she’s been sneaking cheeseburgers. This type of openness coupled with her new ‘do gives Allison the confidence to take action when passing the mechanic, who openly mocks her for the debacle under the bridge in the last episode. She calls the cops and reports that he’s been selling drugs near an elementary school.

INT. – LIVING ROOM – DAY

Allison descends the stairs to an empty living room and empty kitchen, though she does find the fucking burner on. What a dumbass. As she’s about to leave, who pops in, literally brightening her day but Kevin himself, brandishing a full pig. He plans on roasting it all night long… with Allison by his side! His big “surprise” to her is that she “gets to” help him cook the hog. Allison, all vibrant in her lovely blue wrap-around from the Gap is more than surprised. The unease on her face is palpable. She lies instead and claims she has to work late. Kevin happily grabs the pig, before dropping it on the spoon containing chili… all over her dress. He naturally blames the pig. Husband of the year contender, I say!

Inside the church, donning her regular green coat to cover the chili stains, Allison embraces Sam. He’s a little surprised she’s never been to a meeting before, but also says she’s one of the most self-controlled people he knows. Allison teases that maybe she’s changed. Maybe she’s “totally lost it.” sam isn’t buy it as they laugh and continue on in.

At Kurt’s, the tray tables are once again set out, as is a tasteless dinner. He asks Patty if she needs his Honda this week. She says maybe before breaking, asking for some “real food with carbs and animal fat” so she doesn’t need to speed eat in her car before getting to him. Shocked and defeated, he agrees to order something with a sense of disgust.

At the Sunday Trinity Big Book Discussion Meeting of Alcoholic Anonymous. As the speaker greets everyone, Sam and Allision share a brief moment as she gently caresses Sam’s leg with her foot before he’s called up.

Sam relays his harrowing story, having entered AA when he hit rock bottom. He got so drunk one night, he stole a bundle of heroin from a guy at a bar. He was too drunk to even remember his name, “Jason” maybe. If he caught him, he would’ve probably killed him and it’s that guilt and fear that keeps him stable for 8 years. He’s not going back. Not looking back is a lesson Allison may need to start heeding more.

At refreshments, Allison finally meets Jenn (Meghan Leathers), who missed the ceremony on account of losing track of time remodeling their house. Jenn notices something in Allison’s hair. It’s a pinto been from hubby’s dumb ass. She pretends to eat it and tosses it behind her, similar to the way Kevin did her garnish in the first episode.

Allison continues to her house, opting for the backyard, as she knows Kevin is roasting his shit. The laugh track cuts in as do the vibrant colors, with Kevin passed out, beer in hand in front of the pig on a spit. Allison sits at the table and waits.

EXT. – BACKYARD – MORNING

Allison is awakened by Kevin’s reluctance to take a butcher knife to the charred porcine. His sentimentality is laughable (and not in a good way), which goes to show a man’s “softer side” in sitcoms is so full of air and nothing more. Poke it with a pin and it deflates.

Kevin has no meat for his chili and would rather stay a shut-in forever instead of serving vegetarian chili. He’s counting on Allison to be right by his side. He goes in to take a soothing bad, reminding her that she’ll need to give him a beer and a sandwich in the tub in 45 minutes.

Shutting the door, Allison is left with the horrible ringing.

INT. – SQUAD CAR – LATER

Detective Tammy Ridgeway (Candice Coke) and Bob Brand (Kevin Chapman) tell the mechanic Marcus (Justin Grace) to think twice before pinning blame on the man inside the pharmacy they are about to bust. Marcus claims he’s just a small fry compared to the pharmacist in there. The detectives proceed in.

Inside, Terrance sees Patty, whom he is none too pleased to see. She wasn’t supposed to call, but with a simple “please,” he sighs and goes to fetch her shit. She says hi to Kurt. He thinks she’s getting Lipitor and jokingly blames it on the “carbs and animal fats” before the cops raid the joint. Kurt immediately puts his hands on Patty’s shoulders, as if to either shield her. They both look stunned, for different reasons as Terrance is handcuffed and led out.

Outside, Kurt is shaken, yet Patty is unphased, smoking. Kurt relays a boring story about how it reminded him of the first time of seeing fireworks as a kid. This prompts him to get down on one knee, “being that close to death.” I think you know what’s coming next.

Inside her salon, Patty is shaken, smoking inside. Allison comes in, reminding her of the day. Patty tells Allison that Kurt proposed (without a ring, of course.) That means, no pills. Patty tells Allison to channel the blame to who ratted out the area’s only supplier, Marcus.

Allison can’t go back home though. Not to Kevin. She asks patty out to lunch, but patty has to tend to her brother, Neil, who burned both his arms deep-frying the turkey. He didn’t even make the fucking chili and with that, Allison solves the problem: make the boys think it was their idea.

CUT TO:

INT. – KITCHEN – LATER

Kevin and Neil decide to combine their ingredients (as originally intended) to make the world’s best “friendship chili” and with that, they take the chili to the Renzulli bros. Ugh, fucking troglodytes.

That night, in the backyard, Allison and Patty just stare at the blackened remains of “Piggy Stardust.” Allison really needs the pills and patty really needs some answers. Allison admits to being in a bad place after hearing the account news, taking cocaine. She went on a bender, got blackout drunk, stole some oxy’s off of some guy, doesn’t even remember his name… “Jason” maybe, but he won’t take money, just what he’s owed. Sound familiar?

“I screwed up and I’m scared.” Patty takes pity and says she may have a client in Vermont. It’s not guaranteed, but it’s a one-time lifeline, so if it works, Allison gets her pills, Patty scores enough to ween her clients off.

Oh, and the other thing? Patty wants Allison to come with her. Patty needs a car, so they can borrow Kevin’s. I smell road trip, babeh!

I thought this episode was pretty solid, though it doesn’t vacillate as much as the previous between two worlds, opting to stay grounded more in reality. I do like the subtle hint that though Kurt would let Patty use his Honda, she opts for Kevin’s ride instead. Patty’s not bad, nor is her intent to sell. Plus, milquetoast as the guy is, deep down, I think she knows Kurt is a nice guy and she doesn’t want to fuck him over unless she has to.

Loki: Episode 3 “Lamentis” Review

Norton

June 25, 2021

Loki and Sylvie have a chat — Loki and Sylvia have a chat

The best laid plans of mice and variants often go awry…

Hunter C-20 opens up Wednesday’s episode of Loki. Her and the variant aka Sylvie have escaped for a little girl’s night…or have they? We witness Sylvie using her enchantment on the poor minute woman, invading an ancient memory in hopes of scoring intel on the Time Keepers. It works, to a point. But what happens when it doesn’t work?

We get to see Sylvie kicking some minuteman ass. She’s smart and strong, and not above using the branch sticks to kill anyone who won’t stay down. Loki arrives not long after, knives in hand, ready to confront his better (I’d say) self. I like that despite Loki not having fighting skills quite up to Sylvie’s par, he doesn’t give up. He’s a chatty fuck, which I believe is part of his strategy. What he lacks in brawn, he makes up for in brains for sure. Though, in fairness, Sylvie isn’t all brute strength either. She’s a gal with a plan, but unfortunately a man fucks it all up. Isn’t that always the way?

Seriously though, Loki’s attempt to join her, delay her chance to board the golden elevator (which would presumably take her to the Time Keepers), and ultimately result in the two of them being stranded on Lamentis-1. A doomed planet with a moon hours away from crushing it. In Loki’s defense, his action was taken as a means of preventing both of their deaths at the hands of Ravonna Renslayer. The downside? The temp-pad he used to get them there is all out of juice!

They take shelter from the falling moon debris, and Sylvie tries to enchant Loki, but it fails. The conversation that ensues establishes them as a brand new buddy-cop pair in this show. She needs him alive because he’s hidden the temp-pad, and he needs her because she’s the only one who knows how to power the thing. It’s a standard set-up.

The best things we get out of this episode are in the dialog, the action that takes place is really pointless. Nothing happens, story-wise, through action. Everything here is about what’s said, and there are some real nuggets dropped.

For one thing, we learn the variant doesn’t like to be called “variant,” nor is she partial to Loki – which suits our Loki just fine – instead, she’s picked up the alias Sylvie. We also get an idea of what makes a Loki, a Loki: independence, authority, and style. This leads Sylvie to tease Loki about his “consulting” for the TVA, while Loki points out that her grand plan to destroy the Time Keepers and just walk away isn’t exactly a very Loki thing to do. As she mentioned in the previous episode, she’s not him.

One of the more confusing scenes is when Loki asks if a neon sign can power the temp-pad and Sylvie seems to pretend it can in order to trick him into giving it to her. But then, he seems to know it won’t work and chastises her for trying to fool him. Then, to make matters even more weird, she comes back at him with how it was a stupid suggestion, telling him the temp-pad needs a massive power source to charge. Uh…what the fuck was the point? We already know these two don’t trust each other, was that really necessary? Was Loki testing her? Was she testing him? And then…were they mad at each other for testing the other???

At least the scene where they come upon the lady who won’t leave her home (Susan Gallagher) makes more sense in that it displays the different ways these two go about problem solving. This episode starts with them both going the physical route, but here we see Loki employ his magic in hopes of duping the woman into trusting him (disguised as her, I’m gonna say, dead husband – played by Alex Van). Sure, it fails, but so does Sylvie’s brute force approach. Though, again, I’m a little confused as to why Loki chooses to embody her beloved after already having spoken to the woman as himself, even if he didn’t show himself. In the end, the woman solves their problem for them, asking them what they want and giving them the information they require.

When they reach the train station it takes both of their skillsets to gain them passage on board. Once they get there we are treated to another deep dive conversation scene. Loki talks about his mother, love, and being adopted, while Sylvie talks about lacking a mother, knowing she was adopted from the start, and how she taught herself magic. It’s a lovely scene that allows these characters some depth in a short amount of time.

Why is it that villains are never allowed to have romantic attachments? Is it that having a romance would stop them from being villains? Anti-villains often get romantic relationships, mostly just to show how they either corrupt the person they love, or, how they burden that person, but in most instances the love doesn’t make it. A hero’s love story usually follows one of three paths: it helps to redeem them, it makes them a better, stronger version of the fine person they already were, or, it’s tragic motivator which then splits off into the hero either dying at the end, or being open to new love. Megamind is probably the only movie I can think of where the villain, through love, becomes a hero. Their love story is transformative. So is that the rub? Villains aren’t allowed to grow?

I mean, if you think about it, none of these Marvel series has really explored a romantic storyline. WandaVision is all about letting go, and moving on once a relationship ends (in her case via death, but the lesson could be extrapolated to fit a breakup). The Falcon and the Winter Soldier teased at Bucky’s love life a little, but never with serious intent, and Sam? Pffft. He didn’t get anyone at all. And now we have Loki where neither Loki nor Sylvie seem to have had “real” loving relationships.

At any rate, Loki’s hedonistic ways get them kicked off the train. I will say, he seems to be a better fighter drunk, though not a good knife thrower. This leads us to the low point of the episode: all hope is now lost. Loki reveals the temp-pad has been destroyed, and the planet is 100% fucked. Sylvie does reveal an interesting bit of information though, she says that the reason she didn’t indulge in her hedonistic tendencies was because she’s on a mission. Loki believes it’s the one we’ve been privy to this whole time – the destruction of the TVA – but what if it isn’t? Sylvie makes a joke earlier about having maintained a long distance relationship in her travels through apocalypses, and Loki laughs it off, but what if that was true? What if her plan is bigger than we’ve been lead to believe? What if someone is waiting for her, and if she doesn’t check in or make contact, does that mean someone’s going to come looking for her?

Possibly the biggest revelation of the episode is that the TVA isn’t made up of unique individuals hand-crafted by the Time Keepers to serve as minutemen, but rather…variants! This can’t be too much of a surprise for anyone familiar with sci-fi tropes. It’s an oldie but a goodie: you are not who you think you are. Hey…doesn’t that sound…like something someone said in a review before? Hmm…something about potatoes…I dunno, anyway…Sylvie reveals that in order to enchant Hunter C-20, she had to dig back into a memory from before the girl worked for the TVA. Loki has clearly drank the kool-aid, believing what Mobius told him about the Time Keepers creating their workforce. This could be the real reason Mobius has that jet-ski obsession.

It’s interesting to note that for a guy who revels in chaos, he seems genuinely bothered that none of the workers of the TVA know what they really are. Though, he was also the guy who didn’t get told he was adopted and it left him, bruised to say the least. It presents us with a new layer to this show because the agents of the TVA tend to treat variants as scum, while acting like they are noble one-of-a-kind god-created higher beings with purpose and duty. I’d go so far as to say a new source of potatoes eh? We are led to believe that variants are bad, no questions asked, but if the minutemen are variants then what becomes of our reliable black and white outlook!? I do enjoy how this show manages to flip the world upside down with just one line.

Aside from the fun banter between the two leads, this episode is mostly a waste. Sure, you get Snowpiercer in space, and there’s handy background details given, not to mention the variant bombshell, but mostly it’s a race-against-the-clock scenario that ends on a cliffhanger. Sylvie and Loki make it to the Ark, but it is destroyed by a falling piece of moon debris before they are ever able to board it.

So, are our heroes going to die? Will they be saved at the last minute? Given this is a show built around the concept of variants, I would almost be pleased if they legitimately killed off these two and brought in new variants to pick up the rest of the story, but, I doubt that’s where this will go. More likely, Sylvie has company coming to rescue her, and Loki will manage to talk his way into hitching a ride. I say this largely because Sylvie knows this apocalypse. She knew there was no way of getting off the planet without the temp-pad. Sure, you could argue that she might have known the general details but be unaware of the specifics (that the Ark gets destroyed), but she actually says earlier in the episode that no one makes it off the planet. EVERYONE dies. Which leads me to believe that she entertains Loki’s plans just to pass the time. She has a contingency in place. OR, I’m totally wrong and the TVA happens to track them down for a nick-of-time rescue.

Let’s see, shall we?

Kevin Can F**k Himself Episode 2 Review: New Tricks

Robert Kijowski

June 22, 2021

the gang is altogether — This is how ya throw a lamp shade on this!

Sometimes, ya think ya just know somebody. I’ve heard that phrase before. It’s not typically said in jest. Surprises are not always a guaranteed hoot given this second lovely episode of Kevin Can F**k Himself (AMC) titled “New Tricks”.

Following up where we left the last episode…

EXT. – BEACHSIDE – DAY

Allison (Annie Murphy) is reading Ulysses, enjoying a scone. It’s now seven days in a row she’s been doing this and she couldn’t look happier. She claims she’s not had anytime for herself and her waitress (Christine Everett), admits she does because she’s killed her husband. When asked how she’s done it, she doesn’t know. Suddenly the world shakes and she’s woken up by Kevin (Eric Peterson), jumping on the bed like a deranged child.

It’s Belichick hoodie day! Now, what does that mean? Not that she cares because the sitcom is back into play, but Kevin’s ‘genuine’ Belichick hoodie arrives. Gee, money well spent. According to him, the price he paid was far exceeding their wedding but way less than their car. How fucking romantic. He likens it to Xmas morning, but he claims she has no gift because he’s the gift that keeps on giving. Winner winner, chicken dinner.

Once he exits she’s alone and the darkness creeps in. She goes to angrily pick up his laundry, put it in the basket, but then drops it on the floor… before picking it up again and imagining her dream about her telling the waitress she murdered him. She tosses it on the ground… before picking it up and putting back in the laundry.

TITLE CARD: KEVIN CAN FUCK HIMSELF

CUT TO:

EXT. – HOUSE – NIGHT

Allison takes the garbage out, as Patty (Mary Hollis Inboden) says she celebrates Belichick hoodie day “privately.”

Back in the living room, the sitcom continues, as all three guys are laughing it up. Allison enters from the kitchen with breakfast for Kevin. Neil (Alex Bonifer) laments, but Pete (Brian Howe) says breakfast is her family.

Kevin asks his wife to check if his parcel is there because he’s busy horking breakfast. He claims he really needed it on account of him seeing his ugly mug on a selfie. Oh, boo-fucking-hoo. Ya think your inflated ego didn’t just change the Mirror Mirror?

No packages have arrived and though Allison tries to make an honest joke about his douchebaggery, he dismisses it as a bad joke. The three ‘wise men’ see packages being delivered on the new neighbor’s doorstep. They get ‘bad vibes’ from them. Apparently, Kevin visited them, not as a welcoming gesture but rather to let them know ‘who’s the alpha on the street’ and when asked about their favorite football team, they say Manchester United. The entire crew is aghast.

CUT TO:

EXT. – ALLEYWAY – LATER

Allison opens the box, finds hubby’s hoodie under a glass case, and like Catwoman, smashes it, takes it, and dons it.

She proceeds into the library, wanting to find the research section. She claims to be writing a romance about a woman who is sad in her marriage but doesn’t have an affair with her neighbor. Rather, she kills her husband in the end. The librarian (Phyllis Kay) acutely asks why wouldn’t the woman just LEAVE. Allison counteracts with leaving would put her on the streets and through more trials and tribulations. She just wants him dead.

The librarian queries why that is romantic, but Allison counters it is because it’s aspirational. The librarian directs her to the computers.

As she begins to search to no avail the words ‘perfect murder’, the library’s algorithm has deemed it inappropriate. She is therefore blocked. She does notice a few computers away, porn is being watched, with someone at it (this does happen at libraries more than you think). When she approaches the man to see how he can circumvent the firewalls, he falls over dead.

According to an EMT (Omar Ghonim), the dude was an overdose. She notices his Patagonia vest. According to him, they’re not any particular ‘types’ these days. Intrigued since ‘anybody’ can do it through oxy, a smile purses Allison’s face.

CUT TO:

Flashback to the waitress asking how she does it, you know, kill her husband. She cites oxy to make it look like an OD. Brilliant!

Allison smiles in reality, as the EMT takes the body away before turning into ‘sad Allison’ just for decorum.

At the doctor’s office, Allison feigns back trouble, but Dr. Gaetz (Alexander Cook) doesn’t buy it. She cites Auntie D’s husband Chuck, who has some pills that help him. He is onto her grift and she is on her way. He asks her to talk to somebody about her ‘problem’ but she swears she hasn’t. He suggests a girlfriend or a book club if not Kevin. That visit costs her 75 buckaroos… Yeah, now they can afford that. However, the attending nurse recommends someone to talk to and writes something on the back of a card. Though refusing it first, Allison takes it.

At the liquor store, as Allison rummages through her auntie’s purse for pills, she rushes over to help her with the stock. She asks how her uncle’s been doing. No pills are dispensed as she learns, as they are waiting for experimental surgery, with her aunt asking if she’s giving up, due to the tattered hoodie with self-made stains on it.

Before Allison could break the good news about what cloth she is referencing, she’s interrupted by D (Jamie Denbo), telling her to show her good side for Kevin. D relays that she wanted orthopedic shoes but her hubby wanted something that didn’t look like a nurse, so she wears comfortable shoes on her own time. Allison says that’s crazy, but D reminds her, ‘that’s marriage.’

Allison then spots Sam outside (possibly ALSO wearing a Patagonia vest? Hmmm?) as he waves at her, but she averts her eyes. He keeps on walking.

Returning to her house, she packs up the hoodie rushes to her living room. Inside, surprise, house lights- you’re on!

After a few groan-worthy MA accent jokes, Kevin decides to declare war on the neighbors, after he thinks it was pilfered. Patty asks whose side is Allison on. Kevin wants a new Revolutionary War. All of the guys, including Patty, are gung ho about it. Oh wait, cannot say gung ho about it in front of them. Does that mean the Chinese are coming next, you crazy white bread idiots? They would certainly think so.

Outside, when it’s just Ally and Patty, Patty reveals that they were never friends. Allison is all alone on this one, though she wanted to show the hoodie to her. It turns out the only reason Patty told Allison the truth is because she felt sorry for her. It turns out now, with Patty fine with helping them, Allison feels sorry for her.

We open up on Allison with her head in reality… and the oven! She’s not going full-Plath though, as she’s baking cookies and the laugh track ensues, as Kevin and his cronies literally brighten up the room, heading for the baked goods until she senses them, asserting they are oatmeal raisin. The joke I don’t know lands there because I don’t know of one masculine trait that doesn’t like “fruit in a cookie.”

In any event, Kevin is now donning an off-brand Man United shirt, not a jersey because none of them knows how Hammurabi’s law truly is in play. The friendly neighbors left a pigskin with a knife in it on the front porch. The sheer level of stupidity in this scene is wonderful.

Allison goes back to Marcus (Justin Grace) with her baked cookies, wanting to make amends, but he knows there’s a catch, which there is. She wants oxy but he’s a taker, not a dealer. He claims he can hook her up with someone though at midnight.

She attempts to pay for it with the hoodie, but Marcus could give a fuck about her life story and shoos her away.

At the homestead, the comedy ensues, as Kevin nearly clocks her with a baseball bat. That is one part of his home security as the troubled trio set the neighbor’s lawn on fire by means of a soccer ball. Then the McRobert’s garbage cans were lit on fire in retaliation. Kevin also, despite her protestations against violence begetting violence, uses the term ‘irregardless’… gross.

This scene has all the zany trappings of a sitcom, but an added level of security by means of a guard dog gives it the ‘aww’ moment because Neil couldn’t get firearms. Kevin refuses pets because Kevin ‘refuses to be not the cutest thing in the house.’ The audience eats it out of his hand… like a dog.

If step one is the bat, step three is the dog, step two is his full house surveillance system. This is bad news for Allison.

It’s now 11.30… half an hour until midnight. She tries to ply the dog with food, but she just confides in him before sneaking out through a window.

Waiting on an overpass, as directed, she finally comes across her ‘dealer’ (Tim Misuradze). It turns out that Marcus wanted to fuck with her and sent a guy out that thought she was a prostitute. Through a miscommunication, she wants to get out, but as he reaches for the child lock door, she cracks him in the nose, thus breaking it. Her trying to staunch the blood only makes it hurt more. He’s asking for a handjob as recompense and that has her jet.

EXT. – STORMY STREETS – MOMENTS LATER

Allison’s served a hard dose of reality before heading to Bev’s Diner. It’s closing hours, but Sam (Raymond Lee) lets her in. She just wants to talk… and an Irish Coffee. He used to love mixing drinks for her, which means they were something of an item before.

Opening up, she relays that she’s had the worst decade. After years of boredom and ennui, now that she has something to say, she can only talk to a dog about it… and him.

Sam remembers her from high school. He remembers a lot about their time spent together. She doesn’t know how she’s been so isolated and wishes he was there for the last 10 years, but Sam thinks it wouldn’t have mattered.

He believes that she created walls between them and others… but it’s really him. She takes to umbrage and offense to this, but he calls her out on her bullshit and says she claims she wanted to talk, but really wants someone to nod and agree with her as if she’s in the right. We’ve all been there with friends, right?

In the living room.. wait, what living room? Sitcom mode is back, but Kevin is merely sitting on their broken table with nothing around. It turns out he ‘planned’ a robbery to peg on the neighbors because he saw someone wearing ‘the Hoodie’. With the ‘stolen goods’ and the ‘magic’ of insurance fraud, Kevin has his patented ‘strokes of genius.’ This includes the dog that was Allison’s only tether to sanity taken away.

Kevin believes with that money from insurance, he can cop another, even pricier Belichik hoodie before the asshole retreats into the kitchen.

This leaves Allison in her own, laughless reality, all alone, holding but a leash alongside a broken table. She does have something more valuable though: the card that the doctor’s assistant left her.

This pocket full of sunshine leads her to a Salon. She’s to ask for a “wash like Barb gets” and she’ll be hooked up… with Patty. Shit.

Overall, I think this episode was slightly stronger. It gave more agency to Allison and we’re now on her path for, well, whatever she is on the path for. This is drama and comedy crossing the streams, which I think is brilliant. I supposed we’ll see the next episode.

This also has a nice tribute to Lynn Shelton in the post-credits. Rest In Power.

Kevin Can F**k Himself Episode 1 Review: Living the Dream

Robert Kijowski

June 22, 2021

would he like some more? — Another cap off is customary. Isn't it?

In the long fame of situational comedies, something is so relaxing, something is so familiar, something is so… pleasing. For those of us who look further, something is so dysfunctional, something is so preventable, something is so… unsettling.

Doug and Carrie Heffernan. Ray and Debra Barone. Al and Pegg Bundy. All three couples have multiple things in common but one glaringly stands out: the put-upon wife. Jokes and japes are made at their expense, they’re constantly written off as a shrew and they put Tammy Wynette to shame with their unwavering fealty to their oafish others. In other words, they reside in a brightly-lit, noxious world with an audience that’s never supposed to take them seriously. In the first episode of Kevin Can F**k Himself (AMC) titled “Living the Dream”, we take a look inside the lives of one couple that probably won’t make the ranks of those “happy” couples: Kevin and Allison McRoberts.

EXT. – UNASSUMING YET FAMILIAR HOUSE – DAY

Inside, the colors are vibrant. Kevin McRoberts (Eric Peterson), his father Pete (Brian Howe), and his neighbors, siblings Neil (Alex Bonifer) and Patty (Mary Hollis Inboden) are playing beer pong. The blocking is reminiscent of The King of Queens coupled with Everybody Loves Raymond.

Enter Kevin’s wife Allison (Annie Murphy), pegged with a stray ping pong ball, holding a laundry basket.

She brings up to Kevin their 10^th anniversary. Allison wants a more mature anniversary with a nice dinner out, but Kevin wants something more bro-tastic, as she’s “lady 35 and he’s boy 35.” This is a testament to how immaturity is a throughline in every sitcom about a couple who seem all but compatible.

They are dismissive of her, asking her to plan the party. Kevin promises that next year they will celebrate her way. Their beer pong game is back on and after landing a shot, Kevin tosses her a glass mug, asking her to get him a fresh beer.

Proceeding into the kitchen, the colors strikingly shift to muted. She hears a ringing and smashes the glass on the table, thus cutting her hand.

TITLE CARD: KEVIN CAN FUCK HIMSELF

CUT TO:

INT – KITCHEN – MOMENTS LATER

Allison puts the finishing touches on Kevin’s breakfast. She notices a real estate pamphlet on the fridge, which brings a smile to her face. She also notices a roach, which is quickly dispatched. She also notices a protruding thread on her sweater. She continues into the living room, where all is vibrant. Kevin is playing video games, and his disrespect for her is palpable, from throwing a garnish of his eggs and hotdogs on the floor (hence the roaches) to not respecting her coffee table from Pottery Barn, despite her buying him Curt Shilling coasters for which to use on it. She claims the table is the nicest thing they have in the house, though he points to his Wade Boggs rookie card hanging up in a frame.

Allison has to get to work. Kevin complains like a baby because he wants to swap places with her, as he installs cable wire and she works at a liquor store. Before heading out, Kevin informs his wife to tell Neil, and Neil will relay it back to him. The lack of intimacy is evident. He leaves and the atmosphere once again changes to reality. She notices his mug without a coaster leaving a stain on her table and the ringing starts again.

Allison’s out the door and on her way to run errands before work. Noticing flyers for Bev’s Diner on the ground, she throws them out. Leaning down to extricate one out of the trash for herself, her thread is caught on the trash can. Ripping it off, leaving a big hole, it seems as though she’s unraveling as well.

With a box of Dunkin’ munchkins for stress eating, she comes across a realty business. She spots her dream house and envisions her and Kevin dressed nicely in their pristine white kitchen, serving him a beer. She is greeted by a gentleman who wants to talk numbers. While he tries to take her coat, she accidentally gets her ring caught in her sweater before accidentally popping him. Mortified, she backs out and continues onto her next stop: a makeup store. She’s turned away by the cashiers before noticing that she has powder all over her face, which could be mistaken for something else given her look.

Continuing into her job and greeted by the Auntie D (Jamie Denbo) she works with. D notices a bag- it’s Kevin’s gift which is a watch. She tells her Aunt that Kevin got her nothing, to tell him what she wants, and D agrees. Allison doesn’t want a vacuum or tennis bracelet. Auntie D thinks that her want for nothing is the sign of a good wife and that they both hit the jackpot with their husbands. Allison’s ringing starts up again.

Allison gets home to Kevin in the living room, playing video games, bright colors, she informs Kevin that what she wants for her anniversary is to move. Cut to commercial complete with fade in music.

INT – BEDROOM – NIGHT

Though they have to run a credit report, Kevin reveals he’s never paid off Allison’s college loans, despite her never having gone to college. Instead, he invested it in Neil’s Hooters for Butts endeavor. Despite trying to convince Kevin moving is a good thing, he wants things to stay the same… but he does make a veiled statement of appeasement: “whatever Allison wants, Allison gets.”

He also whines about his party about it not even being worth it with his uptight boss (another trope) coming. Though like a man, he wants some, so he points out the finer things in the new house, including the bedroom where she’ll “finally do that thing she says they’ll never do.” They kiss, as the audience laughs and the lights go off.

FADE IN:

Allison all alone in the bathroom, washing her mouth out. She notices the “Alcoholic Sno-cones” written on the bathroom mirror in permanent marker and goes to her happy place, with her and hubby in their new home, happily serving him a beer.

Back in sitcom mode, Kevin and his gang are getting ready for their Anniversa-rager in the kitchen. His plan is for Allison to host his boss with wine and charcuterie in the living room, the kitchen acts as a buffer with the actual party being in the backyard. Allison, in his words “gets to” do this and “gets to” pick up the supplies for her party. As if were her fucking honor to serve her asshole of a husband.
They also tease Allison about her moving, thinking it’s not real, but when she asserts herself that it’s happening, Neil like a big fucking baby starts whimpering, as Kevin and Pete comfort him.

With a newfound pep in her step, in reality, Allison leaves the house, gives two middle fingers to it, and continues on into the makeup store for the candy apple lipgloss. She’s interrupted by a call from Kevin. It switches to his comedic phallic-heavy plot, to tell her his boss like charcuterie. Why can’t he pick them up? Because he’s auditioning Tom Brady lookalikes for his party. Everything about this guy is oafish, though the audience LOVES it.

On her way to Bev’s Diner, she’s cat-called by a Marcus (Justin Grace), a local mechanic. She rebuffs him and continues on and though she’s in reality, her colors seem more crisp and bright as she approaches Bev’s Diner. Inside, she is shocked to see Sam (Raymond Lee), whom she ostensibly knows from a past life. She’s also shocked to learn that he doesn’t work at, but rather owns the establishment. What flummoxes her though is that after 15 years, why he’d move back to Worcester. He claims that the town keep of keeps pulling one back in. He also reveals that he and someone named Jenn are renovating a new place. Before she can hear about his romantic flank, she sees herself out, despite him volunteering to make her that charcuterie plate. She does it on her own at her job.

Continuing on holding something she’s proud of accomplishing, she passes her perpetually smoking neighbor, Patty, who simply snorts under her breath. Patty claims it’s nothing and proceeds to snort again as Allison continues into her house. Patty knows and sees the reality.

In the living room, Allison asks Kevin to get some people in the room since there’s nobody there, save for Patty. Kevin puts the kybosh on that since it’s ‘their’ anniversary and that he wouldn’t want his friends coming to her “lame-ass party.” Just as Kevin’s about to haul ass outta there, his boss Terry Harrison (Harlin C. Kearsley) shows up, forcing Kevin to face him. The boss notices the charcuterie plate and all seems well for Kevin to get back to his rager, but Neil bursts in, saying that Kevin being challenged to flip cup. The three make a hasty exit and the color has shifted to muted once more, as it’s just Allison and Mr. Harrison. Their exchange is terse and awkward until she crushes a cockroach, forcing her on her feet to fetch the boss some wine upstairs.

Coming back down, Mr. Harrison is nowhere to be found. She heads to the kitchen where the atmosphere has shifted to the sitcom. Terry’s chugging beer, spitting it on Allison upon entering. Before his boss could say anything, Kevin throws his wife under the bus, exclaiming it was her idea. Much to Kevin’s surprise, his boss loves it because he’s never invited to things like these due to his stodgy demeanor. Kevin even goes further to throw Brenda, the person who was appointed to a better position by Mr. Harrison under the bus. As all the boys proceed to the backyard, Kevin brandishing a handle of tequila, Allison is left at the kitchen sink, head hung.

Grabbing a bottle of wine and heading to the bathtub, Allison lays and drinks. She attempts to escape to her happy place until a shattered glass interrupts that fantasy.

Allison goes down to the living room, now filled with Kevin standing on her beloved table. He thanks everybody before inviting Allison up on the table to announce some “life-changing” news… his boss is moving him from cable to fiber optics which means “they’ve decided” to stay. Neil joins them on the table, which summarily breaks the coffee table. After a Pottery Barn joke, the comedy music cues up before going into the actual commercial.

EXT. – HOUSE – MOMENTS LATER

Allison’s convinced because Kevin’s drunk he’s not going to remember it. She attempts for her happy place, but breaks the glass in it instead, causing her to haul off on her mailbox. This entertains Patty, who taunts her a little bit, and though clearly upset, Patty asks Allison if she’d lighten up a bit and mocks “Barbie” for losing out on her “dream house.” See, Patty is a realist. She is content with not going further than her front lawn of Worcester, MA, and accepting her mundane lot in life. She believes people thinking a thing’s going to get better keeps the washing machine business in the money.

She does call Allison crazy for still chasing her dream, but she does confirm that like a lot of people in her shoes, she’s not alone. Allison’s convinced that she’s going to make this dream happen, come hell or high water, but Patty gives her a little wake-up call. She lets Allison know that their bank account is empty. Their joint account she let Kevin handle because she’s bad with money, but he’s no better. He has a sports memorabilia addiction, even getting into some hot water trading fake shit. Kevin asked Neil for the money, who in turn asked his sister.

Allison comes to the realization that though she was convinced that things were gonna change, they aren’t. She finally lets out a “FUCK” and proceeds to the liquor store, where she steals a 40 oz and gets drunk, roaming the streets.

Instead of recycling the bottle, the ‘bad girl’ in her proceeds to toss the bottle on the street, watching it shatter like her life before kicking over the whole trash bin, which probably represents the whole world. This grabs the attention of Marcus, leading her to do cocaine in the back of his shop, kvetching about her plight as well as her husband, as he stands to the side, looking at her as a buzzkill. When she finds out he’s not listening, she slaps him, causing her to apologize and then renege on her apology.

Entering the front door in the morning, the atmosphere is still steeped in reality. She finds her table taped up. Patty notices some cocaine under her nose, but Allison claims it was some jelly munchkins. Patty didn’t tell Kevin about the bank account talk because she has his back.

In the kitchen, back to sitcom mode, Kevin apologizes about passing out in the Rose bushes, but they don’t have any. She looks haggard as ever, so the reality is crossing over. Kevin’s apologies convey what he wants to do in the anniversary Allison’s way: a “boring” dinner. With Neil dressed up as a waiter and Pete on the guitar. Kevin claims that with a few more shifts on Allison’s part, they can move where she wants: “What Allison wants, Allison gets.”

With that, the ringing starts, and Allison slams the mug down, breaking it, holding only the handle and with it changing to reality. She then proceeds to jam it into Kevin’s jugular, as Neil and his dad frantically tend to him profusely bleeding out and with Patty laughing. A sigh of relief comes over Allison. However, in the sitcom world, he’s not dead, but the mug is still broken. Everyone is surprised, and Kevin wants her bandaged up to still cook them food.

Allison exits, and reality sets in once again. Noticing her bleeding hand, she smiles as she pockets the broken handle.

Overall, I like the first episode. I knew what to expect going back and forth between the literal light and dark, the fantasy vs. the reality, the mindless entertainment vs. the reality that isn’t so peachy keen.

They lambasted the sitcom trope with the truly unfunny, misogynistic, and cringe-inducing jokes, the all-hated laugh tracks, and the truly unfunny fantasy that kept shows like these on the air for so fucking long with the male archetype. They also show what something, in reality, would look like when the audience left, the lights went down and the crew went home. It’s a pure dichotomy and not something your average network Nielson viewer would care to watch… because it’s more of the truth!

With that said, it’s not completely solid, but the second episode of this will follow swiftly and perhaps will give a bit more insight into the mind of someone behind the scenes, like Mr. Pickles from Kidding.

Loki: Episode 2 “The Variant” Review

Norton

June 20, 2021

Enchantress is that you? Or…is it Lady Loki? Or…is it faux Enchantress? Also, did Loki just betray the TVA? So much to unpack!

Wednesday’s episode of Loki was a lot. Aside from the usual sci-fi trope of setting up the rules of the world, and the usual buddy-cop trope of establishing an odd-couple pairing, we were ultimately treated to the first glimpse of our villain. She is a fair-skinned, blonde woman with a Loki-ish crown, and clothes similar to his Asgardian attire. Listed in the credits as simply “the variant”, our formidable foe is played by Sophia Di Martino.

The internet is a buzz with theories, and I thank them for faux Enchantress aka Sylvie Lushton – a figure I didn’t know about until searching for info about Enchantress (the real one is an Asgardian named Amora, whose sister, Lorelei appeared in Marvel’s Agents of Shield, played by Elena Satine). Poor Sylvie is the result of Loki deciding to give a mortal woman Asgardian powers and delusions of grandeur – which leads to an unpleasant fallout when the truth is revealed. However, since Marvel already tried to tease fans in WandaVision, I’m not holding out much hope that this is in fact Enchantress or Sylvie Lushton.

My guess is, it’s another red herring. Loki is the trickster god. There already exists a version of him that is female, or at least, appears to be. Seems to me like the easier road to tread, especially since the series is called Loki. We learn in this episode that Loki (2012) isn’t the first Loki variant to get by the TVA. We already know the dangerous variant is a Loki, but Mobius reminds his team that they’ve come across multiple Loki variants. Some differ greatly in appearance, some differ a bit in powers and abilities, but they are all Lokis. Interesting note: the entire time they talk about this they only ever refer to the Lokis as “he” or “him”, and none of the variants they show are female.

This information is dropped without much fanfare, and weirdly, not circled back to. I mean…did Mobius try to recruit any of the other Lokis? Is there a reason he chose this Loki? It’s very curious. I could speculate that he has and it hasn’t gone well, but, the way Ravonna talks it doesn’t seem like he’s tried this before. Not to mention the discovery 2012 Loki makes – that if you do crazy shit right before an apocalypse event the timeline could care less, providing a perfect place for a variant to hide out – it’s reasonable to assume another Loki would have had a similar breakthrough by now.

So how is Mobius’ experiment working out? Not bad, all things considered. His Loki on lead has revealed a brand new method for finding their violent variant, which is a good save given he did fuck up an earlier mission. Or did he?

See, we start the episode with the variant at a Renaissance Faire in 1985. No reason is given for this particular pit stop, but a TVA minuteman (er…woman) is bespelled (poor Hunter B-20 played by Sasha Lane) into attacking her fellow officers before losing consciousness and being kidnapped by our villainous variant. When Loki and Mobius arrive on the scene it doesn’t go well, with Mobius convinced that Loki is up to his usual tricks, but, lucky for Loki, Mobius is a patient guy. He gives the god of mischief a second chance through research. This bears fruit – the aforementioned apocalypse loop-hole – and leads to the crux of the episode: Loki meeting his variant self.

This entire sequence is very enjoyable. From Loki’s justification for using magic to dry his clothes (duh, stealth!), to the feeble attempts he makes to befriend Hunter B-15, to the cunning reveal of our nemesis. Loki is one of the only characters in the MCU who truly values magic. Yes, Dr. Strange (Benedict Cumberbatch) is called a sorcerer, but as the Ancient One (Tilda Swinton) points out magic is just science by another name. Hell, even Thor (Chris Hemsworth) says essentially the same thing, but Loki…Loki has never made such a claim. He always refers to what he does as magic, always calls it using his “powers”.

This brief moment when the evil Loki possesses various bodies through touch, the only indicator green glowing eyes and a completely new personality is magnificent. To watch this Loki embrace her abilities fully, using them not only in this scene but earlier in the episode, is what I love about this character. Loki doesn’t shy away from the concept of power, they don’t give it a friendly name like “science” to make “normal” people feel like maybe they could one day do “magic”. They call it what it is: magic. They call themselves what they are: a god. How amazing is that!?

It’s why Loki’s final act, running through the first escape offered to him, shouldn’t come as any kind of surprise. Loki is, first and foremost, a survivor. To put him in a button-down shirt, tie, and pants is to try and put a tiger in a dog’s Halloween costume i.e. stupid. Do I believe Loki has officially chosen himself over all? Not entirely…the thing is, destiny can be funny.

Earlier in the episode, Mobius has no problem deducing Loki’s “hidden” plan to betray the TVA in hopes of gaining the timekeepers’ powers. Loki’s face here reminds me of a similar scene in Thor: Ragnarok, where Thor points out his brother’s predictable double-crossing nature. This revelation gives that Loki pause, allowing him an opportunity for personal growth. It’s a bit odd then that Mobius says to Loki his purpose is to help other people reach their full potential when Loki himself is on the way to doing exactly that before his untimely death (I don’t care what the sacred timeline says, it was a crime!). Is it possible this Loki will have a similar evolution?

The whole reason Ragnarok Loki had a change of heart, I think, was because of Thor’s constant belief in his brother. Loki’s main rage has always stemmed from the seed that he was adopted and therefore not a real Odinson. He felt that this separation, the fact that he is a frost giant, caused his brother and father to see him as less-than, when in reality it was his own hang-up, not theirs. Having Thor spell this out for him, along with Odin’s dying words (thanks Anthony Hopkins), allows Loki to finally heal those long-cherished wounds.

2012 Loki doesn’t have his brother or father now, though he does get to witness both of those pivotal scenes briefly in the time theatre. All he has is Mobius, and Mobius has an angle. Let’s be honest here, Mobius isn’t helping Loki because he likes him or has faith in him, he’s invested in Loki because he’s useful. Or, potentially so. Despite his tender words in the first episode, this Mobius is very similar to Loki – making it blatantly obvious he’s not interested in Loki as a person, just as a tool. Granted, we don’t know how much time has passed between the first episode and this one. The only evidence we have is the beginning when Loki is, seemingly, at the tail-end of his instructional lessons care of Miss Minutes. There’s also how much knowledge Loki currently possesses regarding the TVA, its operations, and time laws, something we know he didn’t understand at all in the first episode.

Will 2012 Loki use his escape to further his own agenda? Will he try and confront Lady Loki? Also…uh…the sacred timeline got bombed! I didn’t mean to bury the lead there, because, well, Lady Loki, but yeah, we finally learned why the variant was stealing time reset bombs (finally is a poor choice of words, this only episode 2!). She doesn’t have 2012’s plans, she doesn’t want to rule the TVA, it appears, she wants to draw out the big guns, the timekeepers themselves. Is she planning on killing them? My guess is yes.

Remember, this is a Loki. The god of mischief has no interest in allowing 3 lizards to tell everyone what they can and can’t do. Even if you go down the road that she might be Sylvie Lushton, she would still want the timekeepers dead. After all, her entire tragic storyline was approved by them. It would also explain why she doesn’t want to be called “Loki” or why she harbors such hostility for our truant trickster.

Two episodes in and we are already at a breakneck pace! I’m excited. I predict the next episode will either focus on the villain, or our escaped “hero”. It’s unlikely Loki will remain at large for long, Mobius will no doubt have the mindset of “we caught him once, we can do it again”. OR, Ravonna will bench him and send Hunter B-15 to track him down. Oh, I can’t wait!

Trese Review: How The Filipino Zeitgeist Refreshingly Embraces Its Darker Roots

Christian Angeles

June 15, 2021

Trese — TRESE (L to R) GRIFFIN PUATU as THE KAMBAL and SHAY MITCHELL as ALEXANDRA TRESE in episode 106 of TRESE Cr. COURTESY OF NETFLIX © 2021

When I think about media depictions of Filipinos in America my mind wanders towards a lot of happy-go-lucky sentiments. 90 Day Fiance memes, Jabbawockeez and America’s Best Dance Crew, Lea Salonga Disney ballads, Ube flavored desserts, and The Good Place’s Jason Mendonza. The last of whom, in my opinion, might be the pinnacle of the Filipino American stereotype.

It’s not to say that these examples are negatively trying to pander, but rather, exemplify how Filipinos in American media are often depicted. A people of sunshine and happiness. Long past the days of when Theodore Roosevelt called us ‘Little Brown Brothers’ or the derogatory slang of ‘Funny Little Island Person’ or F.L.I.P.

It’s a trend that I’ve noticed in the three decades of life in America as a Filipino American. How there is a Darkside to Filipino culture that’s often ignored. The Philippines a country with a long history of systemic issues dating back to pre-Magellan. It extends even to today, with President Rodrigo “The Punisher” Dueterte.

His war on drugs is an issue often overlooked by many Filipinos in media as the acting President has taken the lives of every family member, child, and political opponent conveniently deemed drug abusers. A regime enforced by a tyrannical police force aptly called his own personal death squad — not all too long ago.

The worst part of it is that it worked. But the American media doesn’t like talking about it.

Why?

Well, in many ways, Philippine culture has become commercialized. Goods, foods, and identity have become a fetishized and bumbling simplification, ignoring a dark side deep in the roots of Filipino culture. The issue, at least for me, is that in many ways, Filipinos are not taken seriously in this country. More than often, they are depicted as some form of Joy Koy sort of comedic relief. This is why Trese, an animated Netflix series adapted from a beloved Philippine graphic novel, has been such an incredibly refreshing take on Philippine culture.

With a 6-episode, 30-minute runtime, Trese does more for Filipino culture than anything I’ve seen put out about the Philippines of the past decade. The settings are colored landscapes of the actual city of Manila; photographic depictions of home, minus the sweltering humidity along with a bit of the grunge.

Atop of this, the mythos on the show takes much from the mythological creatures of Philippine Folklore. Wayward stories shared even today, about creatures and customs, warnings, and pleasantries. The types of tales passed on for generations. Trese is about as authentically grounded as anything ever made about the Philippines. It may just be one of the best Filipino-content-created series I have ever seen.

You Can Listen To Christian and Nicole Breakdown Just How Authentic Trese Felt In The Latest The Workprint’s TV Talk. Available Here and Wherever Podcasts are Available.

What Is Trese About?

Trese is a gritty story about a woman’s call to destiny. The comic was created by Budjette Tan and Kajo Baldisimo. It follows the journey of Alexandra Trese, a female detective who solves supernatural murder mysteries set in the lore-filled world of Phillipine mythology. A deadly serious protagonist, Alexandra is basically part Buffy The Vampire Slayer and part John Constantine. A deadly combatant tasked with maintaining peace between the human and underworld, who uses a mystical blade, and who conjures up varying magical abilities.

What’s refreshing, is that Alexandra isn’t tied down by some sappy love story. She is assertive and calculating and capable of withstanding challenges using nothing but her skills, but also, her family. Accompanied by her twin brothers, the Kambal demigod twins Crispin and Basilio, Trese’s cast is a cavalcade of characters that offer both support and backstory.

There is Santelmo, a type of fire demon tucked away inside of an old school Nokia cell phone (popular in the Philippines in the 2000s), a troll-like Earth element named Nuno who works as an informant, a bartender/driver named Hank, and Captain Guerrero, who is a good friend of Alexandra’s late father and one of the last uncorrupt police officers there are. Together, these characters help Alexandra as she solves crimes and unravels her own mysterious destiny regarding a prophecy foretold by her father.

Why People May Be Hesitant

Runtime is definitely a problem for Trese. A short six-episode series forces the story to feel somewhat loaded on both its front and backend. The pilot episode introduces an abundance of Phillipine folklore and backstory. Which, between the many creatures, flashbacks, action sequences, and abilities, made the story feel incredibly bloated upon initiation.

Where the series excels is in its middle four episodes, where each story piecemeals bits of information about the world along with Alexandra’s complicated backstory via flashbacks. It’s in the middle episodes where the series finds its footing by using a case of the week approach that introduces many popular tales of Phillipine folklore.

Some favorite myths from season one are The White Lady of Balete Drive, The Vampiric Aswang, The Monstrous Baby Tiyanaks, and the hybrid horse people, the Tikbalang — all of whom, have their own cultures and backstories specific to their different Phillipine origins.

It’s a subtle cultural approach to the story that is fitting yet never too in-your-face with the details. There is an incredible attention to geography in the show which depicts a rather accurately portrayed Metro Manila and its surrounding provinces. With beautiful depictions of urban developments such as the transit system, prison, and even the ABS-CBN studio building.

LOOK: The facade of ABS-CBN's ELJ Building glows in red and flashes "Trese" in a promotion of the Netflix anime series. "ABC-ZNN," a TV station in the series, is also installed atop the building. #TreseOnNetflix
📷George Calvelo, ABS-CBN News

More: https://t.co/lvRyidQ2D6 pic.twitter.com/tMoY45pkMc

— ABS-CBN News (@ABSCBNNews) June 11, 2021

Yet, despite the great attention to details, the season finale fizzles somewhat as there are too many details to cover and not enough episodes. It’s a conclusion that’s unfortunately dropped upon the viewer often by long-winded exposition. Still, if there is a Trese Season 2, there are definitely plenty of directions the series can go from here.

But It’s Really The Team Which Stands Out

I’ve never seen anything this dedicated to getting Philippine representation this accurate. With actors, Shay Mitchell, Manny Jacinto, Darren Criss, Nicole Scherzinger, and Lou Diamond Phillips — all actors of Filipino ancestry — voicing different characters within the series. The animation is also rather solid thanks to showrunner Jay Olivia of the DC Animated Batman Universe and Legend of Korra acclaim.

But I think most importantly, it’s the writing that hits close to home in Trese. As the series unabashedly looks at Filipino corruption and takes on its own monstrous spin. The series touches on issues such as Mayors who abuse their power, police who sees criminals as nameless fodder people, economic inequality, and even wedlock pregnancy (abortion is a giant Taboo in Filipino culture as it’s the most Catholic country in all of Asia).

These are all hard-hitting topics about Filipino culture that often gets ignored in the media, placed into this beautifully crafted animated story, and grounded within its own Filipino mythos of monsters and magic. Trese does this fantastic job balancing the social issues and violence well; mostly, because it’s actually created by actual Filipinos who knew how to address its cultural roots.

The Take

A great series about monster slaying, the Philippines, and its folklore, Trese really highlights Philippine culture — both in its mythos and its approach to the country’s contemporary societal problems to date. The show is unafraid to go there and was created by Filipinos about Filipinos in a fetching retelling about some of our oldest superstitions.

Loki – Episode 1 “Glorious Purpose” Review

Norton

June 10, 2021

Loki review episode 1 — Loki is ready for his close up

Loki begins in 2012 New York City during Avengers, at the exact time when 2019 Ant-Man (Paul Rudd) and Iron Man (Robert Downey Jr.) of Avengers: Endgame have come to retrieve an Infinity Stone. Earlier, in Avengers: Infinity War Loki (Tom Hiddleston) was killed by Thanos (Josh Brolin), a tragedy to be sure. This moment, however, gives our god of mischief a new lease on life – well, technically, he takes it…but where does he go? And what happens to the 2012 Loki when he uses the Tesseract to escape custody?

Loki, the new Disney+ streaming series is here to fill in the gap, and probably also make us love Loki all over again just to kill him off…again. Now, that’s not a solid fact, just this reviewer’s opinion. Dead things…tend to stay dead in the MCU – see Vision (Paul Bettany) from WandaVision. Granted, Vision didn’t have an Infinity Stone or a past-self to use it. Still, my prediction, given what I’ve seen of the first episode, is that ultimately, Loki will die. The other possibility? He becomes a time-cop. And yeah, even though they don’t use the term, these are time-cops.

Loki’s Infinity stone spirits him away to the Gobi desert – why? No idea, and it’s never explained. You would think the person using the stone would be able to control where they go, yet, Loki winds up in a place he clearly isn’t familiar with. These details quickly become irrelevant, as does the question of how he got his cuffs off and where they went, when a portal opens up and several armed people emerge. If you’re a fan of the show DC’s Legends of Tomorrow then the portals should look very familiar to you – they are almost identical to the ones the time bureau uses (though in fairness their time-cop headquarters is much less stylized more sterile-looking – in their defense: TV budget).

Loki is, understandably, confused. He is about to engage one of the officers when another portal opens up and out steps our main time-cop: Hunter B-15 (Wunmi Mosaku), she informs Loki of who they are – the Time Variance Authority – and that he’s under arrest for crimes against the timeline. They leave, setting a little “time reset” bomb behind them. Meanwhile, Loki is taken to the TVA HQ. Here we see the bureaucracy behind the science fiction we’ve only just been introduced to.

Like all classic science-fiction, there is a very distinct era assigned to this hidden world, namely, 60’s retro-future fusion with a healthy dose of 20’s-30’s art deco overtones. The hues here are fantastic – rich golds, warm greens, earthy browns, a welcome change from the often blue-steel, washed-out, color palette that rules many science-fiction movies (including the MCU). But, perhaps that isn’t by accident. TV, after all, exists in the home. TV shows with cold, blunted colors are my least favorite, yet movies with this “rained-bow” are not as offensive. My only caveat would be the reliance on vintage tech in what is believed to be an immortal organization. Mind you, Loki isn’t the first show to do this. It’s a standard sci-fi trope to have advanced technological societies that somehow cling to a desire for retro-sheik, or, even just vintage equipment. But, it’s a repeat offender for a reason: as a general rule, it looks cool and captures the viewer’s imagination. It provides one with the blueprint for the future in a familiar-looking delivery system. Hell, the other option isn’t better – all sharp lines and sterilized white and steel. Can’t someone imagine new-looking technology that isn’t hard, cold, or clean?

Back to the story: We follow Loki through the hilarious beats that are his TVA processing – being stripped naked, being made to sign for every word he’s ever uttered (feel bad for Jon Levine’s clerk), and of course, the all important “Are you a robot, and don’t know it?” question (asked with all the care and dignity you’d expect from a tired government worker – thanks Aaron Beelner). This is one of my favorite scenes for the sheer sci-fi questions it raises and quickly ignores. “Do many people not know they’re robots?” Loki asks, and it’s such a perfect question. We end with “Miss Minutes” (voiced by My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic heavy hitter Tara Strong), who, like the DNA strand in Jurassic Park, explains what the fuck the TVA is. Using an adorable video with an animated style similar to Fall Out, we learn that eons ago there were many timelines and they did not get along. Enter the Time Keepers, who created a singular timeline (the Sacred Timeline), and the TVA to enforce and maintain it.

Now, my mind gets alarm bells when words like “sacred” come into play. Loki, I’m guessing, has these same bells going off as he outright rejects the idea of all of his actions being predetermined. This is the surface meat of the show: choice. Do we have it? Is free will actually a thing? When Loki brings up the Avengers and why they aren’t standing trial for their time-heist he is informed that what they did was supposed to happen. I say this is the surface meat because Marvel shows tend to have surface meat and then deeper potatoes to most of their shows (yeah, I’m going on two so far, but a pattern is a pattern).

WandaVision’s surface meat was grief, its potatoes was women’s empowerment, and minorities being ignored for the white man’s agenda (sorry, but you had three minority characters being fucked over by a power-mad white guy, what other takeaway is there???). The Falcon and the Winter Soldier’s surface meat was legacy, its potatoes were white supremacy, revisionist history, and just a splash of international affairs. Loki’s surface meat will be this concept of free will, but I believe the potatoes will be who you really are. Loki is an interesting character in the MCU as he is not all good or all bad – yes, people have layers and many characters we’ve seen can have good or bad impulses, but, as a rule most of them tend to lean one way or the other. If Wanda (Elizabeth Olsen), for example, brainwashes a whole town of people it isn’t because she is bad it’s because she is grieving and has lost control. Loki, on the other hand, is the definition of Chaotic neutral.

He is a character that loathes authority, embraces individualism, and strives for freedom. He will achieve these goals, or avoid them (in the case of authority), at any and all costs. He says later in the show that he isn’t a violent or cruel person on purpose, rather he’s felt he’s had to be. Loki isn’t good or bad in the traditional definitions – he’s a true individual and I think that’s what makes him such a fan favorite. He can be impulsive, he can be conniving, he can even make mistakes, but he is always himself. That, however, is a tricky question when you’re given the bombshell that this show provides to him – we’ll get to that soon.

Back to the show: Owen Wilson’s character, Mobius, is introduced in a pretty standard way. He’s a grizzled time-cop on the hunt for a vicious variant that is slaughtering his fellow officers (aptly named minutemen) on a mad trek through antiquity. Ok, so, maybe grizzled isn’t the right word. I mean, Owen Wilson will always be Owen Wilson. That’s not to say he’s a bad actor, necessarily, but it is to say I’ve never seen much range to the guy. And again, that’s not exactly a bad thing. If you play a certain type of character well, to the point where audiences will flock in droves to see you play it, then you’ve got yourself a solid career. I won’t ever fault an actor for that. Hell, Samuel L. Jackson is a great example. When you hire Sam Jackson you know what you’re getting, you know what you want him to play. It’s a reliable hire. Owen Wilson, to me, is the same thing. And who knows, maybe he’ll surprise us. I’ll give him credit for toning down a lot of his usual shtick and giving a lovely subdued performance while still managing to maintain his classic character.

The Judge (Gugu Mbatha-Raw) sentences Loki to be reset but Mobius intervenes. He believes that Loki can be of some help. Why? Because SPOILER ALERT the violent variant he’s been chasing is none other than Loki! We won’t find this out until the end of the pilot, which is a good twist. The bulk of Loki and Mobius’ interaction focuses on Loki’s disbelief in predetermination, his refusal to take responsibility for the actions of his past, and his rejection of his supposed future (first the knowledge that he killed his mother, and then the revelation that he died at the hand of Thanos).

It’s a wonderful conversation. Loki hates the idea of fate and destiny, yet, for others, he believes freedom is a burden. Isn’t it funny how we fight the ones who are most like us? Mobius forces Loki to face the things he’s done, questioning what’s mischievous about hurting people (umm…does he not understand how mischief works? It can end badly) and pushing Loki to be honest with himself. Though, that last point only really happens after Loki manages to get the better of his captors, then returns to the time theatre room to watch how the rest of his life plays out. Loki is nothing if not a survivalist. Several times he attempts to escape either by using his magic, or the Tesseract (which he acquires from Eugene Cordero’s Casey, who logged it in when he first arrived), only to discover it’s in vain. To defy the TVA and try and return to his timeline is pointless, he’s just going to die. But, maybe working with them is to his advantage? Loki is smarter than people give him credit for, and I’m highly curious to see how he utilizes this brilliant mind throughout the rest of the series.

House of Mouse Spring Collection : The Cruella Review

Robert Kijowski

June 2, 2021

Fashion in films has a long and illustrious history. From the celebration of it with cinema such as La Dolce Vita and Breakfast at Tiffany’s to the scathing indictment of it like Prêt-à-Porter and Clueless, we as the audience are marveled at what can elevate an already visual medium to an artform, notwithstanding cinematography.

This is especially evident in villains portrayed on the silver screen. People root for the hero, but everybody loves a well-dressed, ne’er do well. It’s as if their outer bombastic beauty belies their inner workings on purpose, almost taunting you to find the good in them. I mean, who are you going to believe? A sinner with some shiny shoes or a saint wearing the boxes that they came in? It is in this very vanity that Disney’s Cruella dares to defy, like all good fashion. In this article, we’ll learn why the De Vil doesn’t wear Prada, but rather cuts that shit up and fucking sews it into Diet Alexander McQueen.

Cruella starts out like much Disney fanfare does: at the beginning. Sort of. We’re introduced to not only Emma Stone‘s English accent but also the trope of many a movie that seems to want to portray a playful profundity (ie. pretentious): voice-over. Now, this is catnip to most audiences. I don’t begrudge you for that. It’s a cool technique and if done well doesn’t actually seem belabored. In this instance, I could see it coming from a mile away, but I wanted to see this, so I let this one slide. I digress.

We see a double-sided Estella (Tipper Seifert-Cleveland) as a problem child in school. The natural inheritance of odd hair only lent to embracing her out-of-the-box thinking… being out of the box socially. The poor girl was tormented by boys but also was able to roll with the punches and give it back. This wasn’t someone to sympathize with but rather someone to cheer for. She had a rhyme to her reason and that rhyme landed her quite some time in the Headmaster’s office. Her good side kept her showing her fashionable side she’d wear to school, deconstructing and reconstructing garments. Her bad side, nicknamed Cruella, she’d wear as a badge of honor and ultimately landing the respect of a one Anita Darling (Florisa Kamara) and after being launched into a rubbish bin, she met her true friend.. a dog she monikered Buddy. Hey, for her is almost like a Selina Kyle in Batman Returns with the punk aesthetic, she deserves a little leeway in naming a dog.

She has more marks on her record than a battle DJ, so her mother, Catherine (Emily Beecham) decides to pull her out before the Headmaster can kick her to the curb in order to keep her record clean. Hey, ya can’t kick a ghost? Or can you? More on that later.

Armed with nothing but their paltry luggage and Estella’s Buddy, they are London-bound. There is no room for them to flourish here. There is just one last stop her mum needs to make to secure their future for a little bit. The road is dark but there is a light at the end of it… in the form of a palatial mansion. Estella immediately recognizes this as a gala and though instructed to stay in the car as mum conducts business, this is Estella we’re talking about.

They crash the ball and a lot in it, as John the Valet (Mark Strong) notices and attempts to escort her out before ruining all of the walkways of the Baronesses line, but both are able to evade. (V.O.) And I thought it was going all so well.

The three Dalmations are released, forcing both Estella and Buddy into the back garden. It is there she sees Catherine trying to bargain with a Lady whom we cannot see clearly. The trio of dogs leap and push her mother to her death o’er the water cliffs. It’s not over for Estella though, as she has to mask her cries and her whereabouts, opting to run for dear life with Buddy, both jumping and landing in a garbage truck that will travel miles until they wake up.

She ends up in Regent Park, only to find two street urchins, Horace (Ziggy Gardner) and Jasper (Joseph MacDonald) with their canine Wink. After a slight evasion with the law, which seemed like a one-shot, as cute as it was, they arrive at their hideout all three. Estella relays her story and Horace takes pity on her, reminding Jasper of his own upbringing. They agree to have her as a resident dodger, so she dyes her hair.

It’s a new day, it’s a new dawn. By the way, I’ll get back to the songs and why they play a huge part if not a character in this movie in a while… but for the time being, we go from children to adults in their profession. If you’ve ever seen Skrillex’s “Bangarang” video, you’ll know what I’m talking about.

We have Estella (Stone) and an adult Horace (Paul Walter Hauser) and Jasper (Joel Fry) grifting and doing it with the clean lines only matched by a Russian Ballet. This includes just being elaborate to be a step or second ahead of everyone.

Estella is fine scrapping by, but she wants more. Her cohorts are well aware of this so for her birthday, they get her a job at the most famous fashion store, Liberty of London, one that she admires, and they realize she has more talent than shan’t be wasted. It’s that type of fucking family you can’t pay for. So she takes it. Especially since it is one of the Baroness stores.

Though her job, like all we can relate to starting from the bottom and in an actual cool one take (though not really, more like Wes Anderson if it were through the lens of Spike Jonze) of an entire building, they show you where she starts- at the bottom, in the dungeon of the bathrooms. Girl pays her dues, albeit wanting for something more and wanting to improve on patterns or stitching.

Her higher up, and snobbish, higher gentry gentleman (if you can even call him that), erm, manager, basically berates her and ignores her. Which is higher? Hmm, left up to debate. Either way, she’s an artist seeing an improvement in something, and her hands her tied… until one day, she eventually one day, all good villains have a bad day.

Estella ends up getting pissed before getting pissed with his good whiskey and thinks it’s time for a redesign. Now, I’m no expert, but though she’s fired waking up with a bottle in her hand at the immaculate display, that would not have you hired from the actual person you admire. Drinking on the job is never good. I should know!

Either way, Estella walks away with a punk presence that is Disney’s equivalent to giving the middle finger… because ironically, you can get drunk on screen, but you can’t show a middle finger, even sober. Ohh, but this movie is PG-13, so she’s such a badass! Trust me, I’d do that for free and film it for free, so long as you don’t spell my name wrong.

So now she has a new gig for the Baroness (Emma Thompson). She’s now a designer. I do like how they have everybody in the white coats they are supposed to have for a House. This is an art and a science. Things are precise. Would you just trust anyone with your soutre? No! Then don’t trust just anybody with your goddamned gown! The same thing has been exemplified with great gusto in P.T. Anderson’s Phantom Thread.

Having gained the eye or ire of the Baroness, Estella is now the Baroness’ right-hand woman… in that, she pulls double duty as a gofer and designer since her temerity cannot rely on the timid attempts of Roger (Kayvan Novak) to serve her noxious needs.

In order to itch this red scratch (which Baroness gives her), Estella seeks out the help of one of the most audacious boutiques in all of London, manned by Artie (John McCrea). This guy is the creme de la creme and is not only happy to accommodate Estella in her pursuits but is also impressed by her knowledge of fashion and lines. They become linked from day one and it’s for my money one of the coolest people in the LBGTQ community to not be a stereotype but rather someone that is open and free. Shouldn’t we all fucking be like that?

This is where things we call for things to take a turn for the worse, as fetching her meal, Estella notices a necklace that her mother had told her to hang on to adorning her mentor’s neck. Now the Baroness told some story about how it was stolen, but at some point, the cogs in the mind just clog and others begin to spin. CUE: Quincy Jones’ “Ironside.”

She gathers both Horace and Jasper to formulate an almost Oceans Eleven grift, but they are not. Because they are thre- Anyway…

They go on the fact that Estella can’t go as herself, so she goes as her rebel side, Cruella. With her cronies in tow, they attempt to take back the necklace with disastrous results, albeit with something reminiscent of a lot Disney films. This includes Hocus Pocus- this is the introduction to audiences of the villain. Cruella makes a grande dame entrance because it would grant time for both Horace and Jasper to do what they do best, which in this case is losing time and losing to better security.

These hijinks are silly and kind of a nod to how they are, not fuck ups… but loveable fuck ups. The movie doesn’t make them dumb in any way. They make one empathic and one sympathetic. It’s a nice tone. It also underlines the fact that Cruella has a memorable experience for both guests and the audience. The fact a party ensues in chaos is what we love. It’s big-budget and it’s fun for the audiences. It gives them their money’s worth. For me, it was a ruse, which, is what the scene was about.

In this chaos, we realized it was Baroness that used a dog whistle that commanded the Dalmations to attack, and in that fray, one of the doggo’s swallowed the necklace, and while they all flee in a Panther de Ville, another nod as if Disney wasn’t trying to give up the ghost. So Cruella commands, like her mother, her dogs, Horace and Jasper to capture those dogs.

Now, pause. I thought with this, she wanted to fucking kill all of those dogs, gut one of them, find the necklace, and become the one and true villain. No, she doesn’t. She simply wants them to capture them and have one shit it out. This is reminiscent of Gone In 60 Seconds (the Nick Cage one.)

She’s simply smarter. I mean, you could go with her being a true villain, but having two villains makes a hero not. So she enlists now journalist Anita (Kirby Howell-Baptiste) to spread the word that she’s simply more fashionable and will tear the House down. It’s a clever thing now that I think about it. The pen is mightier than the sword.

It is within this campaign that begins to outdo the Baroness at her own game. She goes on publicity stunts, crashing her whole shit like the Sex Pistols did with the Queen Mum. She begins to wear her ego down. The old guard is old. It is ugly in more ways than one. The new guard is at the vanguard and there is nothing worse than erasing someone from the fucking books.

This does come at a price, though, seeing as though Horace and Jasper are now her ‘dogs’. It really matters none to her. She breaks.

There is beauty in the breakdown… or at least fashion. The more she grows bold, the more the Baroness can’t hold up. Maybe it is time to hang it up. Cruella’s been able to get through the eras of fashion. She isn’t. This is a changing of the guard, even if you have to mentally shoot them in the soul.

This comes to a head when Cruella finds a way to truly get her mentor’s goat. She throws a concert outside of her fashion show, with Artie singing “I Wanna Be Your Dog” by Iggy and the Stooges, which wins over the younger crowd in spades in a God Save the Queen Sex Pistols live following the Queen on a boat fashion. She also wears a coat that looks like it’s made of Dalmations.

Baroness, knowing who Cruella truly is Estella attempts to kill her. Burn her home to the ground. Make it seem like her cohorts killing her whilst saving her own legacy to make the brand back. The old guard’s been burned though. The last is Strong… Mark Strong, as he rescues Estella from the fire.

Turns out, he knew the whole story behind it. He reveals all and blows Estella’s mind, as she finds out that she’s the daughter of the Baroness.

When the dude found the necklace at the fire, he pieced together that she was Estella, and that the necklace contained a hidden key, it was to a hidden box.

That box contained the birth records of Estella, which turned out a little, well, fucked up, as it turns out the Baroness is her mother. Matricide at its best!

Finding out that she was preggo with Estella, being the narcissist as she was, she wanted the baby “by any means necessary” by John, which he couldn’t do… so he gave her to the Maid (Beecham), and with that mind blown Cruella goes back to her mother to tell the whole story… but not before doing one last bad/good dead.

She breaks out her fucking cohorts with a nice, big hulking truck, sending out Wink to do the small work.

Oh, that isn’t a bad thing. She’s doing a public service.

Oh, speaking of public service… this is where we conclude. The denouement.

Now, this is Cruella and she’s already tapped well into the devious side, so much, she cannot get out, but when you look like that, why would you go to just plain? Oh, no.

She’s planned a party to one of the Baroness’ biggest parties and sent her fake invitations out. Almost like a project Mayhem only in a kiddie form. Almost like a V for Vendetta, but for toddlers. It’s still fucking cool.

She tricks the fucking guests into a Memorial for Cruella Ball from the Baroness, which fucks the hostess up mentally… and as the guard is all locked up, so are the eventual eyes on the guests with the confrontation of Estella and her mother.

This ends in re-attempted murder and the death of one identity and the beginning of another. It’s clever. I’ll give them that.

Overall, I give this movie a B. Not a solid B, but it was entertaining for a few reasons. It went on the 1996 angle with Glen Close, which was amazing, though not critically loved, but what punk rock thing is?

They also give Anita and Roger a thing to work with at the end.

The actors Emma Stone, Emma Thompson, Paul Walter Hauser, and Joel Fry were all fucking on point. They gave this script life. They made it magical. Emma squared is a dream. Paul Walter Hauser only is on the rise since the first time I watched him on Always Sunny then to Richard Jewel then to the BlackKklansman, a joy to watch, and Joel Fry with his amazing work on Game of Thrones or Plebs… these are people that are right at home with each other. The conjoining makes me joyous.

Now onto the soundtrack. I initially had a little bit of a nitpicking thing about this, because they utilize naught less than 30 popular songs. They were pretty fair and popular songs for their time, but I have to give it up to them, they used them right. It’s not Tarantino, but he goes for the obscure shit as well.

Think of this as Tarantino for kids which may be the benchmark for all films based on soundtracks these days. From the Zombies to David Bowie, from Nina Simone to the Doors, from Doris Day to Ken Dodd, this soundtrack had it all. It at times felt forced, but it was period-specific. I won’t exactly knock it. The shit flowed well with scenes, if not a little bit eye-rolling… but you whet the whistles of the parents as well.

Lastly, the wardrobes. They were amazing. The main reason I wanted to see this movie was more for fashion. It didn’t disappoint. Though, when I first said Diet Alexander McQueen, I did mean it. There was a cutesy aspect to the wardrobe and they definitely did their math, but it was just a hair off of what would have been done for dramatic effect. I get it though. You have to make it palatable and I’m sure fucking Crass or Siouxie and the Banshees wouldn’t want their shit stitched on their jackets, no matter how much you paid them.

Emma Stone also claimed it was hard not to smoke in her role because that is verboten in Disney (only in historic instances.) In that case, Disney tried to do something new and for that, I can appreciate it… so Playskool punk-rock.

They say a house is not a home. I disagree, and I think any designer would agree. A House is truly not home for most. In the case of fashion, it is an Empire.

How Castlevania’s Series Finale Was All About The Importance Of Change

Christian Angeles

May 31, 2021

Trevor, Sypha, and Alucard in the castlevania season 4 finale

After four seasons of bloodshed, curse words, betrayals, and vampires, Castlevania’s story is finally over. And with the dawn of death’s end marked the beginning of a new world. At least, for those willing to change.

It is strange typing these words: “Castlevania Is Over,” because for me, and I believe for many fans, the experience was as equally strange as it was surreal. Castlevania was one of the last shows I covered at a live-event comic con. It was one of the last series I’d followed and binged with friends before the pandemic began.

The story about Dracula’s scorched earth campaign against the human race, early seasons of the series had focused on Dracula’s war of retaliation. All for the loss of his love, Lisa, who was a brilliant scientist and a kindhearted soul. Lisa was someone who’d sought Dracula’s help for the betterment of humanity. The only person who was able to convince the vampire to open the doors to his castle as well as his heart. The two worked together over science, and over the course of time, even fell in love.

In return, Lisa was caught and captured by the very race of people she was attempting to help. Burned at the stake by the Church and their close-minded fanaticism. It was then that Dracula’s tragic love story brought about the doom of humanity. And more importantly, beckoned the question: why exactly was it that humans deserved to live?

It’s a question, which in many ways, holds some degree of verisimilitude in that perhaps the human race has already failed. Stuck in idiosyncratic notions of prejudice, zealotry, and senseless violence, showcasing that maybe Dracula was right but for all the wrong reasons. It’s a question vicariously explored from every character throughout the series that I believe highlights the importance of what it means to be human, the act of letting go, but most importantly, the necessity of change in the dawning of a new world.

Still, most of the people that I know won’t ever watch Castlevania. There’s a stigma against animation, senseless gore, and the demonic occult that limits the show’s wider audience appeal. For certain, Castlevania is easily one of the most violent animated series I have ever seen. But it is also, one of the most philosophical takes on finding a reason to live.

Revenge Is for children. It is our duty to grow up don’t you think?

I believe the biggest development of this theme about finding and choosing life mostly fits within Isaac’s story. A character, who for the longest time, remained one of my least favorite only for him to finish as my most. In season one, we see both he and Hector as two men scorned by the world for being different. So mistreated and traumatized by the worst in humanity, that both forgemasters became openly supportive of Dracula’s quest to destroy the very humans that admonished them.

But by this final season, there’s a different purpose in Isaac — he has changed. Becoming a man who communicates with people, both living and dead, Isaac has stopped spending self-isolation entirely alone. More importantly, he began to forge his own sense of meaning for both himself and his hell creatures, away from being instruments of destruction and thus doing so, became, something more. Building a new life from the ashes of the old.

Isaac has changed. And he was not the only one to adapt.

Series favorite Alucard discovers that he, in fact, likes people. After atoning for the sins of his father, he finally finds love within the people of Danesti and even a possible budding love interest in Greta.

Sypha left her world behind to join Trevor and their amazing adventures discovering life outside of books while going off on adventures. Trevor, a selfish man who’d never wanted to pick up the mantle of his forebearers, not only does so but in turn, even becomes the hero who stops death itself. Throughout the series, each hero changes and finds a new path. Turning out, all for the better, until there is a new City of Belmont.

In contrast, we see many of the vampires and villains of the series befall the fate of the inability to escape their routines. The curse of the vampire’s inability to change. Carmilla, who in her youth, took everything back from the men that ruined her, was unable to divest in any sort of futures beyond conquering, as it was all she had ever known. Leonore had questioned, would owning the world make Carmilla happy? And the vampires both knew: no.

Leonore, ever the loving diplomat and Hector’s dom in many ways, could not live with the reversal of roles the two beset upon each other once the tables had turned. Whereas Hector made zombie pets out of loneliness, Leonore made Hector her pet out of curiosity — and a bizarrely twisted sense of preservation and possible affection. A complicated relationship for certain, the difference lie in that Hector saw a future with Leonore regardless of his fate as a pet or free man, Leonore on the other hand, opted for suicide over submission. Neither knew how to change or break their roles and in the end, share somewhat tragic fates. With Hector returning to his simpler quiet path — albeit, with a new perspective about vampires.

Death wanted Dracula’s quest to kill all humans to satiate his hunger. Saint Germain, much like Dracula, wanted to see his love again. Often, what makes Castlevania so humanizing, is that not only is evil all demons, hellfire, and brimstone; but also, the fates of something created by a lot in life. The inevitability being very much evitable, so long as a new truth or path could be forged.

That you can build a happy ending if you so choose.

And now, Castlevania is over. I am sad to see it go. But it was a very happy ending highlighting an important lesson that needs to be said in a post-pandemic world that may be nearing its end. I think Isaac’s final words summed it up best…

“They convince us that there is no future. There is only an Eternal Now and the best we can do is survive until dawn and do it all again. That’s no way to live. And I’ve discovered, to some surprise, that I am interested in living. I am interested in building a way to live. And I think I will start here.”

‘Birdgirl’ Episode 6 Review: Baltimo

Robert Kijowski

May 11, 2021

Original sin is defined by iniquities that are passed down, by no volition of our own. The Bible calls it the Apple. The mob calls it the Bloodline. In the season finale of Birdgirl [adult swim] titled “Baltimo”, you will realize why Sebben & Sebben calls it the Legacy.

We open in on HOT SYNTHS as Evie (Sonia Denis) is chomping away at the keyboard, with onlookers Charlie (Lorelei Ramirez), Judy (Paget Brewster), Meredith (Negin Farsad), and Dog with Bucket Hat (John Doman)… and with the punch of an Enter key, their commerce site is seconds away from being live. Their first order of, well, orders is divesting their office supplies. It’s called The Paper Collector’s Collection, and bundles are one of a kind like 1 stapler, 4 binder clips, 8 paper clips, 1 pen, 1 legal pad, and two (blue and yellow) post-it note pads.

That’s 500 boxes of office supplies at 24 bucks a ‘drop’. Mer thinks of it as a ‘consumer-defined vintage organization experience’. once dog crunches the numbers on what amounts to a 700% markup. Another drop is about to go live. This one includes two types of mini scissors (left and right-handed), a big pair of scissors, a letter opener, a full clip of staples, and Insult Gagz! Pro Editio for 24– well, you get the idea.

To be honest, for Mer and Charlie getting rid of old Sebben & Sebben overstock and marketing it as a curated experience is kind of genius, despite the idea being born out of being stoned. The group, even with Paul (Tony Hale), saved the company. This instills pride in Judy, prompting her to unveil their new digs, but not before momentarily glitching out.

Now while Paul is super all about it, Charlie, Mer, and Evie are a little less on the enthusiastic side. Mer tries to spread some honey on the wound, but Charlie, pours some Morton’s on it, calling their ‘extracurricular’ activities a pain in the ass since they don’t get paid. Hurt, Judy shows them the door.

Her ego ain’t the only thing that’s gutted, however, grabbing her side as if an ulcer’s hit. She downs some pills on continues the day solo checking in with Gillian (Kether Donohue), already fielding complaints from irate customers whose product is disappearing before their very eyes. Judy offers to take Gillian out to lunch as she’s feeling a little empty, and not in the friendship area type of way. Just as Gillian explains the customer situation, a stapler disappears into particles.

The board room is frenzied with phone calls. Dog with a Bucket Hat tells Ms. Sebben why the company is going down like a lead balloon. It turns out in ‘97, Sebben & Sebben designed a business phone that lacked heft- that is until one day when Phil Ken went mining and found an abundance of a mysterious mineral that was heavy, so Dog with a Bucket Hat engineered a phone comprised of that mineral.

Not only did it make the phone heavier, but also feel better, so they started constructing everything out of the stuff. They called it Baltimo. The reason that everything is disappearing is that Baltimo has a half-life, and though they’d known it for years, they didn’t project the half-life would outlive the projected end of the world, which was in 2015 (and Dog swears that it did.)

The problem could go away with Judy signing a contract approving refunds. Yet, upon taking a once over on the fine print, she notices the phrase “Baltimo Project” and before Brian (Rob Delany) can get a word in about Sebbentown, Dog chokes him out. Now, with a piqued curiosity and a demand for a personal briefing, time is of the essence for Judy.

This includes delivering a letter to Meredith, already swamped with relaying refunds ad nauseam. Meredith intercepts the letter before Judy can walk away. The instructions are to be opened 25 years following the event of Judy’s death, but not always one to play by the rules, Meredith opens the missive anyway. It’s basically a maudlin guilt trip wrapped in a candy-coated mea culpa with a playlist for her memorial as a stinger. What, pray tell, is on said playlist?

Who says you can’t jam while you’re dead?

Out of view, but listening in for tears, Judy once again feels a pang in her side, continuing to her office. Looking over the Approval Refund Form, she tries to log into her laptop, but can’t. She tries to page Gillian to no avail, but it’s neither here nor there, as Dog chloroforms her, maintaining she shouldn’t have stuck her nose where it doesn’t belong. Brian approaches and Gillian comments on how pretty she is sleeping… and awake.

Loaded up on a chopper piloted by Dog, Judy’s air-bound, Brian’s bored, but Gillian has the solution.

At an off-site clinic, Dog explains to Judy, now bound to a table that she was the first human to ingest Baltimo. It wasn’t the Baltimo Project, however. As a child, she found a jar of it on her dad’s desk and like most kids, she used to put every fucking thing in her mouth. After Phil Ken saw it improved other products, he fed it to his daughter. He would sprinkle it on her cereal, put it in her stuffed animals, and even make her prom date 100% Baltimo. That’s the realist doll you can get.

That shit is punching holes in her and “not the metaphorical ones.”

The one thing, not 100% though, is her being on her own. Dear Daddy’s built a town constructed entirely of the insidious element Baltimo: Sebbentown (aka the Baltimo Project). Pissed off that a town bearing her good name on it is disintegrating, Judy chloroforms Dog and takes him for a ride, but not before tossing the handkerchief at another scientist, immediately knocking them out. Hilarious sight gag.

Back in her office, Gillian proposes she and Brian play “Honest Assessment”, with the gist being looking at each other and spouting the most soul-crushing things possible. The first one to cry loses (or wins), but the only rule is to be brutally honest. Brian’s at the disadvantage, as he honestly admits that he was raised to never be honest to a woman. Gillian goes first and carves him up like the Thanksgiving she references. She doesn’t allow for water breaks. He attempts to dig into her, but it doesn’t count if it doesn’t bleed according to her. C’est une savauge.

Donning his new Bird Team “junk pouch”, Paul looks over the cards he’s purveyed. These pagan greetings include “Howl You Doing”, “Have A Jolly Little Eostre” and “Happy Solstice.” The codpiece glows as a stapler, pencil sharpener, and various brick-a-brack disappear. Eostre cards are now half off!

On the chopper, Dog has taken Judy’s place on the stretcher. They are headed to Sebbentown because she wants Dog to fix the problem he and Phil Ken started by building the damn place. Dog explains that he promised Phil he would mold Judy in his image. She understands and lets him escape with a parachute. Before he goes, Dog notifies her the BM-1136 lag bolt’s makeup was 87% Baltimo, found in copy machines, office chairs, and alas, helicopter rotors. He apologizes, but not before hearing Judy admitting that next to her dad, he’s been the biggest disappointment of her life. Dog’s visage says it all and with that, he jumps as she nosedives.

Pulling the cord, he realizes the abandonment would not let him float freely from the guilt nor keep his snout about water for the iniquity he’s contributed to… because this was for cushion use only. This was a well-deserved guffaw as he plunges into the water.

Escaping her downed ‘copter, Judy is in a town completely awash in Sepia tone. After being met with some gunfire, she reveals her identity as Phil Ken Sebben’s daughter. The locals are filled with joy as SHE has returned, as the profits have foretold. No, not Judy but rather Birdgirl, as pointed out on a copy of her titular comic book.

In Gillian’s office, Brian might be catching on to her game, accusing her of creating it to project her self-loathing unto others and that the only people pretend to like her is that because she works for a rich, single woman and that when she dies, she may get her inheritance and that because she’ll die alone, they may someday get rich. Gillian weeps, only to fake out Brian. Now it’s on.

Evie and Mer enter and complete the last of the refunds. With both Gillian and Brian having a stare-off, Mer dares not to question outside of where Judy is. They both make up a fake location with a fake consequence. I smell the sweet scent of sad cookies baking!

Evie overrides Judy’s computer to pinpoint her in Sebbentown. Mer calls a meeting and wants to get the band back together. Evie opts out, saying she has “a thing.” Paul’s immediately in, as he may be of some service in a town made entirely of Baltimo. You see, it all started with his foreskin…

In Sebbentown, everything is in vintage Sepia tone, everything is Birdgirl centric and everything is paid in Phils, her dad’s own branded currency. Since Judy claims to be Birdgirl’s representative and since she’s the only one in color, they promise to take her to the mines to be cured.. but just then, things start exploding into atoms, including a mailbox and mailer’s arm.

The team awaits in the car and the pull is strong on paul’s crotch. Strong enough to nail him to the windshield.

In a place where even all the movies feature Birdgirl, something is aFowl (fucking had to get one in.) Everyone is holed up and being literally holed up because they are putting Baltimo in the food.

When the economy for Baltimo dried up, it was Birdgirl that told them to eat it, which boosted their economy… along with the 91 hour workweek, which she promoted as well. This was a town that she created by way of her father. Yes, to turn a profit, his slick, but the sick sense of paternal guidance would have him knowingly risk the lives of an entire town with his only begotten daughter as their savior.

Before she can truly process this, Judy passes out due to Baltimo poisoning. Apologizing for taking her friends for granted, Mer assures her there’s nothing to be sorry for. Having read all 9 (!) scrolls of the letter, she would rather Judy say how she feels instead of penning it. Too late though, as Judy’s sporting a pretty cavernous hole in her midsection and the townsfolk want the entire Bird Team dead, Judy included. Dog rams a few of them down to claim some last-second redemption.

In Gillian’s office, Brian attempts to ride his wave but ultimately is at a loss, conceding that they’re both awful people… so they happily switch to Backgammon instead. They are sooo gonna fuck next season!

Mmmm MMmmmm — A Heaping Help Will Do Ya!… IN!

Observing an ad with her likeness claiming that Balt-Mix Cereal can help you work ALL DAY in the mines, Judy realizes Birdgirl was just a shill for the product… a shill-cum-god. Mer hates herself for suggesting it, but she throws out the idea of retrieving the Bird Team costumes.

Clad in Sepia tone, Birdgirl emerges to a round of applause, having the people clapping their arms off. Paul’s crotch isn’t making things any better, as it is blowing limbs off of the denizens at an alarming rate. Evie, however, can restore not only the missing limbs (or heads) but also their missing color. She can talk to buildings, so she acts incredulous that people can’t believe she can’t talk to molecules as well.

Judy collapses, making peace with the fact that she has friends that filled the hole in her… the metaphorical one. Just as Paul, lamenting the old lady heads to Judy, Mer, and Evie mind-meld and cure the WHOLE town… well, except for the giant dam. Damn.

As leaks begin to spring, the Bird Team assembles and succeeds in fixing the wall, but then the rock beside it explodes, flooding the town. With people still in the mines, Charlie springs into action with finesses of hole-in-one, escaping with everyone intact.

On only floating remains of a cursed town, Tells everyone that Birdgirl and her friends have agreed to temporarily relocate everyone while Sebbentown is being rebuilt… which was really Paul speaking on their behalf. Birdgirl as a representative of Judy vows that it is a new day, and will atone for the sins of her father.

In the office, tired from the fight, the Team is greeted by Gillian, who pushes a button, introducing them to the Nest, which is now their version of a Batcave. Though Birdgirl plays it down, they seem to love it… except for Dog, who still hates being at the height of Paul’s crotch.

Overall, I really thought this was one of their stronger episodes yet. There are several funny moments that didn’t pass me, including the word ‘drop’ as if it were a fucking Supreme drip, and ultimately, there was no wicked crazy B plot (not that I’m opposed to that.)

That being said, this isn’t your daddy’s Harvey Birdman. This is Birdgirl! She’s her own conal thing and distant from all that beset her in the past, which I love. It’s absurdist and in that vein, it shares that pedigree. As Birdgirl says, “it’s a new dawn, it’s a new day.”

I think she stole that from Michael Buble’s rendition of “Feeling Good” which she may add to her new ‘living’ playlist.

‘Birdgirl’ Episode 5 Review: Topple the Popple

Robert Kijowski

May 4, 2021

The day is April 23, 1985. The brutality known as the “Cola Wars” is in full swing. Coke is riding strong, but its direct competitor, Pepsi fires back with its most savage sortie to date with “the Pepsi Challenge,” a campaign that turns the tides in their favor. This causes the Red-Giant’s eyes to turn green, causing them to launch one of the biggest misfires ever in wartime since, the Battle of Little Bighorn- they reformulated their signature taste. In the penultimate episode of this season of Birdgirl [adult swim] titled “Topple the Popple”, we’ll take a look at why the bromide of “change is good” sometimes can’t compete with “don’t fuck with a good thing.”

We open in on a criminal transaction to which Birdcat is witness. Birdgirl (Paget Brewster) appears like the Dark Knight himself, only to be overshadowed by her luminescent phone call. It’s Meredith (Negin Farsad) and Judy is missing an all-staff meeting. Vowing to be there in a few, she dispatches all the enemies, save for the boss with Birdcat finishing the job, biting dude in the dick as Birdgirl makes her signature window-shattering exit.

Meredith heats up the crowd by telling a joke about her being a slam poet which is met by that same hilarious disembodied guffaw. Smashing in comes Birdgirl who makes a highly efficient mid-elevator transformation into Judy. Addressing her employees, she announces their new transition into the world wide web with the internet. The Sebben & Sebben sandwich board team isn’t impressed.

Their purpose of the new technology is to convey to a larger audience the company’s message of being progressive and ethical, and with that, Judy’s transfixed on a massive statue of their tentpole product, the ridiculously shaped Topple Popple Soda. Thusly, her first order of business is redesigning the can itself, which is met with audible dismay from the crowd. Charlie (Lorelei Ramirez) reminds her to stay on track with announcing the company’s new access to email. Their “you’ve got mail” is a soundbite of Charlie’s “it’s mail time” jingle.

We observe Jessica from accounting opening her first email and a graphics-heavy GIF of Charlie announces that the email was a phishing scam. Clearly, Charlie was taking point on being the graphic designer of all this.

In her office, Meredith and Charlie help their boss choose her picture for the company website. Both look awkward and unrewarding for a female CEO, and Judy knows this… all she wants to do is a redesign of the can. Both are for her doing it, once she gets it past the board.

At home, Paul (Tony Hale) is having a nightmare involving him running from something into an elevator, only to be assaulted by razor blades before he wakes up. After being comforted about it being a dream, he’s back in, now starting off in a doctor’s office, then running down the same hall, stuck at the elevator but this time as the doors open, assailed by saw blades. He wakes up, but something feels off. He lifts up the covers to a shining green beam, claiming “it’s back.” Apparently, he sleeps in the nude as well. Gross.

At the board meeting, Judy tries to deflect her real intention. Dog with a Bucket Hat (John Doman) realizes she’s lying because her forehead swells when she lies. He snatches the blueprint she’s surreptitiously hiding to show it’s the old design of the Topple Popple can and the new design. The board room has a conniption fit. Dog informs Judy her father designed it on a cocktail napkin and that people travel thousands of miles just to fuck next to the Topple Popple statue itself.

Dog suggests running it by Carlo, the Topple brand manager (asleep in his chair). Dog admits that Phil Ken initially designed him, and with an outstanding legacy and his only advice to Dog was to never touch the can. To be fair, Judy doesn’t want to get rid of the old design, she just more options for those without Paul Bunyon phalanges. She doesn’t care what others say and right then and there approves the redesign. People aren’t happy right off the bat.

The CEO’s directed to a live interview on the demise of the Topple Popple can. Though the reporters maintain she killed a legacy, Judy assures them she isn’t changing the contents, just the vessel itself so normal people and not solely the Andre the Giants of the world can COMFORTABLY imbibe it. I mean, shit has the girth of a Planter’s can! One last indignity befalls the interview, as Judy maintains Sebben & Sebben will always honor its past before the iconic statute is unceremoniously bulldozed over behind her.

Elsewhere, someone behind a computer watches Judy’s interview. They take a sip of Topple, crush the can in one hand, and chuck a Pharmer Phil’s Apple Axe into the tv screen.

Paul is at his the pediatrician’s office, and eager to show her his discovery… his foreskin has returned! After marveling at it, she’s violently attacked by it. Paul doesn’t notice right away, thinking that because foreskins are physically highly sensitive and paul is emotionally sensitive, it was high time it just came back home. Paul only notices when the fucker nearly strangles the life out of the doctor for part in the separation.

-back in Judy’s office, Meredith gets pumped on Topple in preparation for their next move. Judy partners Gillian with Mer for a branding strategy, including a TikTok campaign. Just then, a crazed topple fan with a vintage shirt takes a run at Judy, only smashing into the window. Ostensibly the crazed Topple fans have been storming the offices all morning. Charlie asserts that if you fuck with a classic product, there will be a certain amount of blowback.

At Dr. Shiela’s office, Paul’s foreskin properly introduces himself as Graham (Joe Lycett), having once belonged to a group of ancient people of sensitivity and feeling (Native Americans) who roamed the plains of North America until Christopher Columbus and his ships came, bringing Christianity and its “customs” along. I mean, the subjugation of Native Americans is simply my speculation on the matter, but the graphics don’t lie.

Graham says Paul is just like his dad, and with that, the foreskin releases Dr. Shiela and pounces back onto Paul. Shiela calls for security, they try to shoot the dick/foreskin but Graham is too fast, making an escape out of the window with Paul following suit, but is saved by the flying foreskin.

Meanwhile, the faceless hacker launches a DDoS attack on Sebben & Sebben. The same person in the office who got their first email excitedly opens up their second email. It’s from Topple Nation. They’ve hacked the Sebben & Sebben offices, threatening to contact them at 2:00 pm.

Gillian presents her new pitch to Judy the new design, citing ‘women, children and the terminally ill’ being finally able to join the Topple Team. Meredith created the Topple tagline: “Get your hand around it!!”, but their presentation is hacked. Judy, Mer, Charlie, Gillian, Dog, Evie, and Brian pow-wow on what to do. Gillian took it upon herself to categorize the invective about Judy on the Topple boards: weird, weird-violent, weird-sexual, angry-weird, angry-sexual, and funny.

Judy is contacted on her cell. It’s Topple Nation. The requests? One? Publicly apologize for her decision in the redesign. No-go. Two? Admit that she is unqualified to run a company her father built from the ground up. Nope. Three? Admit that she’s a bitch. Now number three gets Judy’s goat. Because she won’t do that, Judy’s phone number had been published online. Judy doesn’t care. She tells them to publish whatever they want. Mer supports her, but doesn’t want to get murked over a soda can… so she sends brian along with her and Gillian to continue the topple launch, as if anybody it’s to get murdered, it’s him. Judy sends Evie (Sonia Denis) and Dog to use the hate posts to track down Topple Nation, with Dog down to clown because that means a walk!

Flown to the land of Prepucian, Paul feels like he belongs. According to Graham, so did his father. Turns out, he sold Paul’s foreskin to the Prepucians for 7 bucks. Feeling guilty, he wandered the wilderness. When they found him, he was half-feral, and so the Prepucians nursed him back to health. He spent a long of time among them.

Gillian (Kether Donahue), Mer, and Brian (Rob Delany) arrive at Topple Popple’s first product launch. Mer especially isn’t happy, as some horny dudes mistake the two as the ‘Topple Girls’, surrounding the car, full moons included.

Paul is introduced to Miriam, the foreskin who saved his father. It gave paul an explanation for why his dad left. Along with their transmitter (6G) is their sacrificial altar. Since Paul’s birth ruined any hope for a united pact between mankind and foreskins, his death must be live cast on IG.

Back at the offices, Judy’s notified her bank account and social security has been released… along with a sex tape. The only caveat is, it’s just Judy playing with Sir Peter Pants (we know the joke.) This is worse than a sex tape. Judy requests from Charlie is a wireless account and a laptop as she goes into her Birdgirl arsenal. She tells Charlie she has to get her one of them. Portending perhaps?

As Brian is up on stage at the launch DJ’ing to an adoring crowd, Gillian and Mer are still stuck in the car fuming, as Brian’s the one to be murdered. Pissed, they peel out of Topple Fest.

Birdgirl and Charlie surveil Jessica from accounting with that laptop from afar in a coffee shop, Charlie questions whether it was a good idea to give her the laptop. Birdgirl has a trick up her sleeve. It’s to get Topple to infect the coffee shop’s wireless, sending a chain effect all around the city.

At his imminent sacrifice, Miriam uses the power of 6G to summon Instagram stories. She addresses the crowd on the big screen, but the feed is interrupted by Topple Nation’s Firewall Breach Ddos. Paul’s ability to break free and run away sends him tumbling into the forest. With the alarms sounded, Graham finds him. It’s not in his character to kill him, so he’ll help Paul escape if he reciprocates the favor.

In the van, Gillian and Mer tell Judy the launch went “meh.” Topple Nation calls Judy through an old school line, which is the only one working now. They threaten to release her CEO headshots along with her medical records. Judy completes the trace and gets an address.

Evie and Dog arrive at the address and are immediately taken captive, just mere seconds before the van arrives. Birdgirl through the wrong house. It’s the house next door they want

Brian goes in first, claiming he can reason with the guy. He’s surprised out it’s a larger lady with meathooks for hands and proceeds to get his has handed to him.

Pauls stands outside of Helen’s house, a woman who was with Graham for 37 years until his host body died- Paul’s father. They ring the doorbell, the theme song to the Jetsons (which is a class Hanna-Barbera nod.)

Gillian checks in on Brian, but since Birdgirl is the one in costume, she continues in. They tussle and after a silly boob pun as Birdgirl has her in a grip. The woman is arrested, and the thing is all is well that… wait, now Charlie’s nethers are trending. Brian made a copy of all their files, sent them to the news networks, and told them to release ‘em if they haven’t heard from him. He thinks it’s a failsafe. He doesn’t understand you send it to the press if you WANT it to get out.

Helen is united she’s reunited with Graham and then REUNITED via Paul and though Graham wants them to be a throuple, Paul decides to mosey-on down the road, imbued with a newfound purpose to bring feeling back to mankind.

We conclude with a genius TikTok video a la Drake feating Evie and Dog with a Bucket hat. Their strategy is to mollify everyone, claiming that though the slimmer version is available, it’s not a hip and OG and as Phil Ken’s design.

It seems as though they may have taken a page out of Coke’s playbook after all. After public backlash, Coke owned up to their transgression and reintroduced the O.G. Coke under the banner of “Classic” and have since then reigned supreme. Though the foreskin B-plot was surreal, it somehow fits in Birdgirl. Everything in situ.

Birdgirl Episode 4 Review: We Got the Internet

Robert Kijowski

April 27, 2021

maxresdefault — Better say your prayers...

Stories of domiciles possessed by the spiritual realm are nothing new and have been regaled to the listener since time immemorial. Hauntings, poltergeists, or paranormal visitants are all synonymous with the same thing: a really shitty night. Cinema such as the eponymous Poltergeist, House, or Crimson Peak exemplifies the terror that overtakes us in the four walls that are supposed to make us feel the most comfortable. However, when dealing with technology, the fourth episode of Birdgirl [Adult Swim] titled “We Got the Internet” may have more in common with Colussus: The Forbin Project than Demon Seed, a house trying to impregnate its own inhabitant (oh, it’s for real-real.)

We open in on two Nuns outside the offices of Sebben & Sebben as people flee from the tower itself. The sky is dark and stormy. One of them claims the building is alive as she proceeds to vomit.

Unaware of the impending chaos outside, Judy (Paget Brewster) cranks out company-wide memos to the office through their gargantuan EZ-DUPE as Meredith (Negin Farsad) kicks back. With a thousand more copies to go informing them of the new interwebs, Mer suggests saving it for Monday… WHEN THEY CAN EMAIL IT! What ensues is Birdcat playing some synth pyche-up music, resulting in a silly 80s music video (with old-school color grading) of Judy and Mer in full throwback regalia and all that jazz. It’s interrupted by Mer blowing a whistle, snapping them back to reality. Quittin’ time!

Staring outside of the window at Brian (Rob Delany) trying to find his vehicle, Judy admits that he’s kind of hot from a quarter-mile away and asks Mer if she would ever hit it, which doesn’t take much prodding from either to admit they both would. After some cogitation, they admit that they wouldn’t.

With all copies pressed, Judy needs them to be handed out. She calls both Paul (Tony Hale) and Charlie (Lorelei Ramirez) to her office and though Mer’s headed out the door, it shuts on its own as the ceiling falls. Judy is convinced that the office needs modernizing and getting the memo’s out is the first step.

Judy suddenly hears the faint sound of bagpipes.

Trying to suss the source of the cacophony, she frighteningly runs into Paul, Charlie, and Dog With a Bucket Hat (John Doman) in the dark. When the lights turn on, we see that Paul’s pissed himself. Judy claims she doesn’t scare easily, though Charlie asserts that fear is a very useful survival response. Paul claims the only thing that truly terrifies him is people not listening to him.

Finishes his story, all three fuck with Paul by not responding to him, and from a grate above, a pair of eyes leers, claiming to be watching them.

As one of the union electricians looks over the floor plans, she questions why there’s only a floor plan for two floors. The thing is Phil Ken Sebben added eighty-seven more, mostly without a permit. When the electrician says the wiring and phone systems all have to go, the building rumbles and knocks down a floor to eighty-six.

Outside of the building, the Nun senses a presence in the building. She calls the building not to awaken it, however, Judy hears naught but static. As cannot get through, she hilariously exclaims “fucking AT&T.”

At Meredith’s apartment, a knock is heard. She opens to find “the super”, which is Brian in his maintenance man digs. The problem is, hot as he looks, he’s not really nailing the script, even with Meredith lobbing out sexual innuendo. When push comes to shove, Meredith just pulls him in and slams the door.

Back in the building, the gang goes to find the telephone exchange, but when Charlie tells them to take a right, a brick wall summarily crashes down, preventing passage. One of the union electricians tugs on the phone line in order to follow it to the exchange, but this only causes the building to make Glenda disappear. This time Paul wasn’t afraid to admit he “clammed his pants.” Glenda’s partner ain’t accepting her demise tugs on the phone line, causing the rest of them to dart as the building says “NO.”

Meredith wants Brian to hang a “painting” (stock photo of a smiling dentist with her face crudely tape plastered on as his patient). This signifies the cheating fantasy, as her affianced dentist is out of the house, but she’s throwing all of her lines of seduction before throwing a match to Brian’s shirt in order for him to take it off. This failing on all levels is hilarious… not to mention- screaming man on fire. Once Brian takes it of, revealing his chiseled physique, Mer thinks she’s cooking with gas (though I’d never trust her to in reality to it).

The walls of Sebben & Sebben are literally closing in on the gang. Charlie headbutts a hole and is met with the set of glowing eyes, consuming her into the void whilst attached by a spool of ethernet wire.

Post-coitus, Brian is happy and wants to tell everyone at work. Meredith panics and mindtakes him, but not before “forcing” his hand to accept the terms of her agreement.

With the wire running out, Judy gets a psychic call from Meredith, confessing to boning Brian repeatedly. As one spool runs out, Dog shouts to “bring by the lee,” which in nautical terms means to incline so rapidly to go in the direction of the wind. In this case, it means rapidly changing to another spool. Paul notifies that with 3000 feet already reached, they might have reached a second portal to hell. Judy makes sure her bestie got his consent, but as Mer puts it, there’s an asterisk affixed.

Asking them to “man the backstays” (nautical term) Judy grabs the cable, crashing her into the wall. Dog claims they’re no way near Hell. With that, the building swipes down Judy, swipes up Paul with a door opening serenading a mesmerized Dog with jazz.

In Charlie’s cell, she’s shown her private collection of evil deeds done for Sebben & Sebben, including chopping down the world’s largest redwood, skinning baby seals through their patented Insta-Skinner, and just straight homicide. Not initially phased for what she’s done in the name of capitalism, she grows increasingly silent as more and more slides of her atrocities are shown via slide projector.

Paul is dropped in a room padded with noise-canceling foam and his joy of being alive turns to sheer terror as his voice is completely muffled, with the exception of his flatulence, which is a Grade-A fucking funny! And now in a hall where she sees a warped figure in black, Judy’s reminded of charlie saying fear can be a useful survival response before she faints.

Judy crawls away before it emerges from the dark. It’s but a young girl playing bagpipes. Her folks make her practice in the building for the sheer sound of the bagpipes. Judy is taken aback for a moment. Her folks are human and not hellspawn? This little girl is Evie (Sonia Denis) who used her mom’s ID to practice on the weekends on the ledges of the building, wander around, stare at people through vents, especially Judy.

The building is still not happy though, and Evie claims the building is saying “two will live, two will die; you decide which.” Clearly, Evie has a bond with this edifice, including being able to physically control aspects of it by clasping her hands together, accidentally squishing Judy… again.

At Mer’s, a knock is once again heard, the door is once again answered, and Brian once does the same claiming to have deja vu. Meredith reveals all, claiming though consensual, it was his idea in the first place to keep things fresh. He caught feelings, wanting to tell colleagues, and she double-erased it. The super identity was his idea as well since her fantasy is founded more in the reality of someone smarter.

Mer is conflicted and wants to come clean, so she can break up with a good conscience. The problem is Brian wants to be mindtaken one last time because knowing he had something special but can’t have it anymore is torture, making Meredith feel horribly guilty. She does anyway, only with one last picture to be hung…

Turns out Evie’s been talking to the building for the while. The building does mainly just the listening. Judy’s convinced the building isn’t alive, it’s just old, but then they approach Taylor, strung up and grotesquely hogtied by ethernet wires being asphyxiated.

Thinking Taylor did this to herself, Judy cuts her free, and the sheer configuration from the cords lop Tay-Tay’s head off. With one down, we see Glenda, stretched out with cords from rotary phones over water. Just as Judy tries to kick one off the wall, Glenda falls in the water as the floor closes in on her. That’s two.

Because two were claimed, two need to be saved. Judy hears Charlie through the vents, but her calls to her go unnoticed, so Evie captures her yell, lobbing through the vents.

Swearing to give up Paul or Judy so that those pictures never see the light of day, Charlie hears Judy’s voice, lamenting to even thinking it, and blaming the company for turning her into a psychopath.

Evie and Judy crash Charlie’s reckoning and even Evie’s scared of Charlie. Just then, Paul’s heard singing “The Lady’s Who Lunch”. They approach him cowering in the corner. Snapping him out of it, Charlie claims in her room, she lost 9 pounds, and those 9 pounds are her little boy, she thinks. Fun but dark stuff.

-just then, the floor drops on Judy and she’s now in a long hallway. She proceeds onward.

In the afterglow of sex, Brian admits he remembers all. Meredith tries to mindtake him again only to find it a barren field. Turns out he has no mind to take, which makes him her kryptonite, besotting her, especially since he remembered but didn’t tell anyone at work.

Judy’s hallway leads her to a control room, showing monitors of her as a child. Turns out, the building’s been watching everyone, as all the four walls are her family.

A hole is sawed through the wall. Glenda lives and taking her saw to Mother, the building splits apart, taking Paul and Charlie as well as Evie, who is now one with the building as its database. Judy wants to fight the building, so it offers up her Birdgirl suit and shoots her out.

Mer arrives in a cab and already knows the score, including that there are two girls in the building (another with an accordion). As Charlie and Paul are being flung around, the building downloads its memories a la Evie, starting from 1968.

Meredith on her back, Birdgirl takes flight with her rocket-powered boots so she can get into Evie’s head. Though she usually goes it alone on this, she makes an exception, and despite this psychic-slingshot of sorts costing Judy four months of her life, Birdgirl’s down to clown as she enters the mainframe.

Judy tells the immutable Evie to let the fuck go. Judy also used to be friends with the building too, and perhaps forgot about it in adulthood. The CEO wants Evie to entrust her reasoning that the building will retain its memories, citing Charlie’s advice of fear being a useful survival response to the motherboard, nigh calming down a wild horse… before Glenda pulls the plug, causing the building to die along with its dispatcher.

Evie takes possession of the modem, connecting the old with the new, prompting a blackout.

All arrive in a modern control room. The monitors boot up, and they now have e-mail! Charlie gets a chance to delete her files before anyone can see her monitor, Judy exclaims they got the internet, Paul asks if they will prevail against it, and Mer is shocked they haven’t done “mailman” yet. Where’s Dog?

He’s fucking chilling with a cigar and mid-tempo jazz in Hell, living la dolce vita.

Thus far, this was the motion action-packed yet and deals with a few interesting concepts. The B-Plot of Meredith and Brian was interesting because it did deal with the concept of consent and though you can do something doesn’t mean it’s permissible. Meredith isn’t a bad person. It’s just a matter of how to handle her fear of emotional investment. With Evie, we as people keep flash drives to preserve memories, but what if those were wiped out. Would we go ape-shit? The best memories are the ones that are inside our collective memories, lived on by the ones we shared them will.

Overall, I loved this one, as it might be my favorite one yet.

The Falcon and the Winter Soldier: Episode 6 “One World, One People” Review

Norton

April 25, 2021

It’s a nice sentiment, but can Karli’s dream ever truly be realized? Also, new, new Cap!

What a fine ending to a mini-series. The “bad guys” get taken down, Sam Wilson soars as the new Captain America, and Bucky crosses the last name off his list of amends. Fair warning, this will be less of a recap and more of a reflection on what this series has done in its final hour.

The biggest accomplishment of this finale is handled rather quickly: Sam Wilson becomes Captain America. For those of you familiar with the comic books, his new costume will not surprise, but for anyone who isn’t, it’s an interesting design. Unlike most Captain Americas, Sam’s head isn’t covered. Rather, he seems to incorporate many of his Falcon costume elements into this new Captain look. I like it. I am fairly amazed by how well it works in reality – a lot of superhero costumes get redesigned for the screen but this one stays true to the comics and doesn’t suffer for it.

Now, Sam’s journey to this point has been covered heavily by the show. He and Bucky are the title characters after all, but some of the side characters who emerge don’t get nearly enough coverage, which I think is a detriment. I can’t speak for anyone else, but this is the first episode where I actually understood the Flag Smashers name and motto.

“One World, One People” is a hugely ambitious goal. And, while the name “Flag Smashers” might seem silly upon first utterance, the more you understand their mission the more their name makes sense. They literally want to rid the world of borders, of nations, of flags. Flags allow us to identify ourselves by our home countries. Hell, how much has been made of the Stars and Stripes in this series? Zemo’s rage comes out of what happened to his home country of Sokovia, the Dora Milaje proudly serve the nation of Wakanda, but pride in the lands we love also comes at a cost. Jingoism allows us to justify horrific acts against other peoples because we believe our country is the best, our way of life is the only way.

Unfortunately, trying to get rid of countries and borders requires rewriting the human brain, if we’re being honest. Human beings are natural herd animals, and, as nature has shown, herd animals can be quite territorial. Karli is, in a way, embodying the ideals of Alexander the Great or Genghis Khan, even Adolf Hitler by extension. Any person who has sought to homogenize the human race into a single, large, “nation”, under one unifying body is, like it or not, a dictator. Granted, Hitler gets a few nods in this series because he represents the most extreme expression of this dream: to make people into one type. His vision of a blonde-haired, blue-eyed super race is the darkest version of the unification of the human race. But, Karli wouldn’t see herself in this way, and that’s the most dangerous aspect of her and her movement.

While it is admirable to want us to “all just get along”, it speaks to Karli’s age that she genuinely believes it is an achievable goal. She is young, full of hope, and determined to improve the world. Her experience during “The Blip” seemed to convince her that borders, and nations, and flags, are erasable. The problem is that, even if some nations did invite new people into their countries for the sake of helping them rebuild, there’s no reason to believe there weren’t groups of people who hated this. Groups of people, who, like Karli, believed their nations’ purity was besmirched or defiled. It’s strange to think that in the five years of “The Blip” there weren’t groups that emerged trying to drive foreigners out of their lands. I mean, it’s the human race, come on. Marvel really is operating on wish fulfillment here – unless, we get another series that takes place during “The Blip” that addresses this.

As it stands, Karli’s words aren’t wrong. Her movement has grown larger than herself; this is evidenced when a cop who is loading the remaining Flag Smashers into a police truck whispers their motto to them as he closes the door. I don’t think it’s a mistake that this moment is reminiscent of the many moments in Captain America: The Winter Soldier where secret Hydra agents whisper the words “Hail Hydra” to their fellow spies. Maybe Zemo was on to something eh?

My suspicion about Sharon Carter was proved correct: She is the Power Broker. This is one of those characters I mentioned earlier, where it would have been nice to have maybe another episode to really flesh her out. Consider that this is the grand-niece of Peggy Carter. What has her life been like since Captain America: Civil War? When did she get found out for her involvement, how did she wind up in Madripoor? How did she manage to become the Power Broker? They couldn’t give us one more episode to focus on these things? Unless they plan on giving her her own show or movie…

Either way, her emergence as a big player in the underworld of Madripoor is largely confirmed in the previous episode where you can hear her on the phone with Betroc, but I’m most surprised that Karli doesn’t rat her out to Sam. Granted, it might be that Karli doesn’t know Sharon’s relationship to Sam, or, the fact that she’s dying. But, Sharon gets a lot of luck in this episode – the justifiable killing of the only two people who knew the truth. The post-credit scene of her being pardoned will probably come back to haunt Sam, as I imagine she will feature prominently in the new Captain America movie, but he’s nothing if not a man of his word. One nice thing? She’s a bad guy that’s not Hydra-based! Speaking of…

There’s also John Walker, who returns in hopes of getting revenge for Lamar’s death but instead manages to redeem himself a little before ultimately winding up a tool of the enemy (assuming Valentina does turn out to be Madame Hydra). It’s a funny moment when he quotes Lincoln only to get shot down by Bucky for it. Very much makes me believe my comparison of him to the radical right faction isn’t far off. Also, why does he have so much trouble putting the helmet on? Isn’t his U.S. Agent costume the same as his Captain America one? Hell, Walker even says it is!

Finally, Bucky confronts Yori about his son. He confesses to having killed the young man while employed as the Winter Soldier, and we’re not entirely sure if Yori ends their relationship or not. He passes the window of the bar where Yori’s daughter works, but he doesn’t go in, so I guess it was? My only other hang-up about the Bucky storyline is the small number of names on his list. I mean…wasn’t he the Winter Soldier for about 50 years. Shouldn’t there be more names on his list!? Yeah, he wasn’t working consecutively that whole time, but still…

Anyway, overall, this is a fantastic finale. Lots of action, numerous instances of how capable Sam is to be Captain America (even without being white or having super-soldier serum running through his veins), and the conclusion of our main storyline. Are there some hokey parts? Sure. A lot of people have given Sam’s speech flak, but I think it is mostly meant to show us that, like Steve, he’s capable of making the “big speech” off the cuff. One of the more moving scenes is when Sam brings Isaiah Bradley to the National History museum to see his induction in the Captain America wing – he will finally be remembered as the hero he is. It’s one of the few things Sam can actually do to right a historical wrong, and it’s beautiful.

We end with Sam back in Louisiana, having fun with friends and family (yes, Bucky and he are friends, even if they won’t admit it!). Closing the show is a new title: Captain America and the Winter Soldier!

‘Birdgirl’ Episode 3 Review: Thirdgirl

Robert Kijowski

April 21, 2021

The old platitude is that when you love what you do, you never work a day in your life. There’s also the counterweight of doing what you love as a career may make you love it a bit less. Now, each bit of advice has a semblance of truth to them. Now one may (erroneously) mistake the first ideation as romantic and the second as pessimistic. I think both are two sides of the same coin. In the tertiary episode of Birdgirl [Adult Swim] titled “Thirdgirl”, we find out that Fitzgerald was right saying a “…sentimental person thinks things will last, a romantic person hopes against hope that they won’t.”

We open in on Gillian (Kether Donohue) at her desk, reflecting on how steadfast a gatekeeper she is as Birdgirl’s assistant. Her inner voice rings of conviction and pride. When Judy beckons Gillian about her vegan gumbo having tomatoes in it, she’s also reminded that she has to pull double duty being the CEO’s assistant as well.

Behind that closed door, flanked by Charlie (Lorelei Ramirez), Meredith (Negin Farsad), and Dog with a Bucket Hat (John Doman), Judy (Paget Brewster) realizes that Sebben & Sebben is still half a million short. Having sold already two of their four plants (since nobody will buy Eastfield), Charlie gets on the horn with Yuri to sell off Eastfield, a plant so far in the boondocks, Charlie labels it East “Assburg.” Since Yuri’s willing to buy, game on!

The only snag is they are still twelve Lincolns short of making the cut. Hark! That’s when they hear Gillian opening a can next to Sir Peter Pants (Birdcat out of costume). Surprised that he is on the company dime (after mistaking it for her) the canine executive is attacked by Sir Peter after making some disparaging comments on his weight. Judy crunches the numbers in switching the cat’s food to dry and that balances the budget back to zero!

This is good news because the company’s been alight with rumors of layoffs, due to Judy claiming at the 2020 Initiative Announcement that there would be “staff changes,” not being acutely aware of the euphemism. Judy wants no part in laying people off, as she wants to be the “good CEO” and according to Mer, Judy won’t have to so long as they stay stringent on the ‘ass-clenchingly’ tight balance sheet, but just then an anomaly presents itself- Gillian. This will come back to haunt her.

Judy is keen on her inner sanctum knowing the truth… just not everybody. This doesn’t jibe with Gillian. She fears that if the world knows, people may claim a false injury on her, putting all of Sebben & Sebben at risk. Hey, at least she’s thinking of the bigger picture, even if her boss isn’t sweating it. In fact, there are internet sites dedicated to connecting the dots Judy’s aware of.

Gillian takes a great sense of pride and duty in pulling her weight, packing Birdcat up and driving him home at the end of the day (in a really cute sidecar I might add) as Birdgil dispenses her nocturnal thrashings, even when it blows up in her face (much like a massive blue dye pack from a successfully thwarted robbery).

Once Birdgirl arrives at home, she is greeted by Gillian, who is tasked with feeding Birdcat with his new dry food (which is only apparently good enough for him to sit on and ultimately flip over). After the well-meaning assistant serenades her boss to sleep with a soft guitar instrumental, she leaves for her own apartment.

What’s the secret to Gillian’s success in pulling double duty? ENERGY (in the form of an ingestible oil).

Once alone, Birdcat slinks into action with his own adventures (show): Touched By A Birdcat. During one of the exploits (nee episodes), Birdcat interlopes when a family accuses their dad of being a drunkard. Knocking over the bottle and the glass, Birdcat starts a fire with the spilled liquor. As the flames are fanned, country star Caleb Lee Hutchinson appears guitar in hand to affirm that he will always be there for the family. Birdcat exits as the house burns, with all in it. All in a day’s work.

In the office, a hurried Gillian greets everyone, on the way to her own. Hunchbacked due to Birdgirl’s costume in the Birdgirl digs she’s harboring, she creates a diversion before jetting it into the office. Boy, keeping a secret can be stressful. That’s why Alfred fucking works from home.

Starting off the day with yet another drop of ENERGY before greeting her boss, things are looking UP! for Gillian… or maybe not.

Charlie confronts Judy about firing her vaunted assistant, as her O.T. hours are putting the company in the red. Birdgirl needs her to work those hours so Judy can stay sane, but Meredith’s solution to hire another assistant to divest the workload reads better; a new hire is actually cheaper than paying O.T. for an existing one.

Pulling in with Crudités, and before Judy can finish her reason for asking her to sit down, Gillian nervously lights up… a celery stick. They want to ameliorate her workload for normal business hours with a new night assistant. With surprising immediacy, Gillian is on board and vows to pick the perfect candidate.

In her stable of potentials behind a plate of glass, she writes everybody off, until she sees a perfect choice: her reflection. That is not to say that a creepy dude name Benjy isn’t interested in the position. With a weird face, icky voice, and what looks to be a prodigious bulge in his pants (which Gillian asserts is just stacked pubes), the job was never his to lose.

At the Sebben residence, Gillian interviews the new night assistant…. Gennifer. Even though this is simply her in a blonde wig with glasses and a British accent, Birdgirl knows not the difference. The thing is Gennifer is only a few steps from taking over.

The next morning, the completely worse for wear Gillian wakes up, complete with two bags under her eyes and one crack in her skin that no amount of foundation can conceal. Yet, she proceeds into the office, running down the events for Judy, including her keynote address at Harley Davidson Hogs For a Female Cause and the Women In Business Male Empowerment Seminar (Propping Up Men Since 1995).

Meredith and Charlie approach Judy with the newest numbers. It turns out productivity is way down because too many people are worried about not getting laid off, which inevitably leads to layoffs. Meredith is all about layoffs, but Judy is still reticent about it or any mind taking Mer’s part.

Her game plan is to attend the events, presenting a positive view of Sebben & Sebben While Meredith holds a ‘listening tour’ which consists of making employees talk so much they forget about the layoffs, but in an organic way (no bwee-oop). Lastly, Gillian is Gennifer are both to be at the motorcycle event so Judy can vacillate betwixt Birdgirl’ing and CEO’ing. After snorting a hit of ENERGY, Gillian goes to fucking woik.

At the Jiffy DQ Lube (free waffle cone with every oil change!), a boyfriend tries to convince his girlfriend to steal from the register, but just as the register opens, Birdcat takes a stand by laying on the tray. This gives the girlfriend the confidence to give her boyfriend the what-for, casting him out of the store and out of her life. Another day, another not dollar for Birdcat, as he’s back on the road doing god’s work.

At her listening tour, Meredith sits down with Brian and Paul. Sitting down with pads and pluma in front of them, Meredith wants all to be divulged without her assistance. Paul (Tony Hale) gets angry and tosses his pen down while Brian (Rob Delany) is convinced this is about the layoffs, asserting he’s not at risk because he’s a protected class (ie white). Paul’s like, FUCK IT! They both leave, and while this isn’t an exact win for Mer, it’s not a total loss either.

In a surveillance van outside of the motorcycle event, Gillian pow-wows with her alter-self about the night’s schedule. She has eyes hooked up to Judy’s apartment as well as the venue itself. Synchronizing her watches to pull off the impossible, Gennifer meets with Birdgirl behind the Chocolate Abyss (bottomless fondue pot) in order to feed Birdgirl her evening dress for Judy, and Judy meets up with Gillian for a flash drive drop-off that contains her headshot.

The only unforeseen snag in that operation though is that Benjy makes an appearance, throwing off Gillian/Gennifer’s exacting schedule. This causes Gillian to flounder, but it’s too late. Judy is announced with the wrong headshot used (that one linking Judy to Birdgirl) and given a jumble of pages.

No time to damage manage though, since the keynote speaker is already up on stage, riding up to the podium on a hog, and proceeding to royally eat it on stage, mis-projecting the money raised for female causes, bombing on a few jokes, and citing Gillian’s notation about layoffs. She blames the fumes about the stage on the disembodied laughter of a solitary person. That was hilarious.

In the follow-up press conference to assure there are no layoffs, Judy proceeds to cite the word itself a record 82 times. She is pissed. All suggest there should be an additional assistant in Benjy. Gillian comes back dressed as Benjy. Judy accepts.

A montage ensues of the triumvirate Gillian/Gennifer/Benjy playing fast and loose, working 9-5, 5-9, and 9-9, all made possible by the ungodly consumption of ENERGY oils. This includes keeping the real Benjy in her bathtub, chained up with the shower running. Oh, it’s come to that. She is spreading herself thinner than Paris Hilton, and the cracks are beginning to show- literally.

Judy and Charlie demand to have all three assistants in her office be on the same page. This causes a beleaguered Gillian outside the office to pound all of the tinctures at once for BIG TIME assistant energy.

Now she’s face to face with a really pissed off Charlie, Judy and a still chained up Benjy. The jig is up, but she wants nothing to do with this intervention, so once Judy recommends Gillian use her 5 months unused vacation time, the homunculus emerges from within. With three heads and four arms, this Akira/Cronenburg analogue mistakes this caring for firing.

In a more wholesome setting, Birdcat returns to the scene of the (crime?) as the family is going to lose their fire-ravaged out. However, the felonious (?) feline reveals their wealth in a hidden safe, its contents including 40 pounds of dry-aged wagyu beef, the real missing dead sea scrolls, a Ferrari, and the forgotten Klimpt painting.

Birdcat, as he is wont to do, sets fire to the couch with Caleb Lee Hutchinson once again appearing as the house completely blows up, family and all.

As monster Gillian wreaks havoc on city stores for her assistant finery, she picks Birdcat up just to take him home. Duty never sleeps… or does it?

Birdgirl finds Gillian feeding the cat before she completely crashes and as she carries her up for a nice shower, brushing of the teeth, her day is done. After a nice purging of all of that toxic sludge in her system, Gillian can finally sleep and take that vacation.

Good news for Judy! They are now half a million in the black, as many of the employees quit after seeing what working for Judy what do to someone… with Benjy as a temporary replacement, Gillian is going to be wanted back pretty soon.

Overall, this episode was absurdist and truthful at the same time. I’ve been in Gillian’s mentality in my own life at times and you just can’t do it all. It will invariably turn you toxic not to others but to your own self.

I don’t know what the hell the Birdcat B-plot was about, but it was fun.

The Falcon and the Winter Soldier: Episode 5 “Truth” Review

Norton

April 18, 2021

Sam and Bucky on a boat — I'm on a boat, mother...

Is Sam Wilson finally going to take up the shield as Steve Rogers hoped? What consequences will John Walker face? All this and more in tonight’s The Falcon and the Winter Soldier.

The penultimate episode is surprisingly slow. Aside from a brief, but exciting, clash between Sam, Bucky, and John over the shield, the rest is quiet character-building time well spent. We return to Baltimore to visit Isaiah Bradly, take a trip to Sokovia to settle things with Zemo, and finally settle in Louisiana with Sarah and her children.

Let’s start with the only real action in this episode: Bucky and Sam, vs. John Walker over possession of that pesky shield. It’s an interesting interaction given that Walker now has the serum coursing through his veins. Ultimately, it takes both Bucky and Sam to wrest the shield from John’s hand, breaking his arm in the process.

I’ll be honest that I wonder, throughout this episode, how Walker adjusts to the new power so quickly. A small detail often left out of consideration when heroes get their superpowers, unless it’s played for laughs as in Spiderman. But, take a minute to think about it realistically. Later, when John is brought before the military court and reprimanded for his murder, he smacks his hand onto the podium but doesn’t break it. I fully expected at least the second slap to result in the death of that podium, but nope. Given John’s already established temper and penchant for losing control, it’s very surprising that he’s able to keep his newfound abilities a secret (except from Julia Louis-Dreyfus who plays the enigmatic Contessa Valentina Allegra de Fontaine, we’ll circle back to her).

Or, is it that there’s an adjustment period in terms of fully being able to use the strength? We’ve seen Steve Rogers literally stall a flying helicopter, and John rips apart Sam’s wings, but none of his kicks or punches seriously injure Sam to the point where he can’t recover. If he really wanted the shield, wouldn’t it reason to stand he would just straight kill Sam Wilson and injure Bucky enough to ensure his victory? Although, he is still a soldier, and he only kills Nico because he felt he “had to”. It’s very possible that he pulls his punches when it comes to Sam, and leaves the full force for Bucky, but even then I’m impressed at how someone could calibrate a thing like super strength so precisely when they’ve never had it before. Hell, I’m still amazed Bucky can do it seeing as how he was programmed to kill, which means he wouldn’t have held back too often in his missions.

Anyway, the real take away from this scene is Bucky’s clear distain for Sam. While he helps his “friend” subdue the rogue Super Soldier, he is conspicuously displeased about the whole affair. When Sam is lying on the ground, recovering from the encounter, Bucky just picks up the shield and drops it nearby, he doesn’t even help Sam up! Um…why the shade Barnes??? Anyone with any sense of empathy could pick up on that moment’s “I told you so” undercurrent.

Since Walker’s murder was an international incident, and Karli has been driven underground, our heroes find themselves benched. Sam doesn’t like to feel powerless, and he’s surprisingly mum about how his wings get broken when Torres asks him. I found this an oddity at first, but upon repeat viewings I realize that Sam is doing Walker a solid. If he tells Torres that Walker broke the wings that would lead to follow up questions, which would lead to the discovery that Walker has become enhanced. Does he think Walker would suffer the same fate as Isaiah? Yeah, Walker is white, but he’s also disgraced which means the government probably wouldn’t think twice about locking him away in some lab to experiment on.

Walker, for his part, refuses to take responsibility for his actions. He has convinced himself fully that the murder was a necessary evil. Since this show does seem to tackle some very heavy subjects in the veiled guise of a being a “fun comic book show”, I wouldn’t put it past them to use Walker here as a stand-in for all the violent white males we have committing domestic terror in our country. After all, John believes himself to be a patriot. He believes that having power is the only way to secure the safety of the people around him. And, he becomes extremely defensive when he is forced to face any kind of consequences for those violent actions he feels are wholly justified. Hell, the biggest argument for this would be the after-credits scene where John is constructing his own vigilante costume!

Bucky, conversely, stays largely on point, traipsing off to Sokovia to confront Zemo. This is a surprisingly quiet conversation, with neither party getting to the point of physical hostility. In fact, there’s practically no hostility at all. Sure, Bucky makes an empty threat with an unloaded gun just to show Zemo he could kill him if he wanted to, but in the end he hands Zemo over to the Wakandans without any escalation. I am a bit surprised at Zemo’s decision not to kill Bucky. If he’s as against Super Soldiers as he claims, why let Bucky live? Does he feel like Bucky has reached the level of the famed Steve Rogers? I was expecting more from Zemo in this series, not being very familiar with his character, and there’s always reason to suspect he might return before the finale is complete, but then how would he escape the Dora Milaje?

Before we settle in Louisiana for the bulk of this episode, Sam makes a stop in Baltimore. He brings the shield to Isaiah Bradly, but the former government guinea pig wants nothing to do with it. Why? Because according to him, a black man would never take on the mantel of Captain America. It makes sense from his perspective. Despite everything he’s done, everything his fellow black brothers in arms have done for this country, they are never respected, they are never accepted. It’s a lifetime of experiences that have made him a bitter old man, and while he tries to impart this inevitable legacy onto Sam, the Falcon is having none of it. He gets where Isaiah is coming from and doesn’t begrudge him his anger, but he refuses to be ruled by the past. He tells his sister that if he doesn’t fight, then what’s the point of all the pain? He knows a black Captain America could be controversial, but he also recognizes its importance, its significance. But, most importantly, he had to come to this conclusion on his own. That’s the ultimate takeaway from this episode.

When Bucky pays him a visit to deliver a gift he had commissioned from the Wakandans, then sticks around to help rebuild the family boat, he admits that pressuring Sam to take the shield was wrong. That neither he nor Steve understood the heft of the shield in passing it down to a black man. My only qualm with this is where Bucky’s newly discovered situational awareness comes from.

I mean, he leaves their fight pretty pissed at Sam, then suddenly shows up in Louisiana having a complete change of heart? Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad it happens. I think Bucky and Sam’s relationship growth in Louisiana is important to the series, but considering how quickly it’s dealt with, it doesn’t feel earned. Though, there’s a chance he talked with Ayo about everything. I do believe that his offer to help fix the boat, and even his subsequent guilt trip in order to stay the night, is part of him working up to apologize to Sam. Bucky does feel bad, even if we don’t get to see the steps it took to get him there. And, for his part, Sam offers Bucky something for his trouble: good advice.

Sam recognizes that Bucky has built his life around Steve’s opinion of him, how he uses this as a way to avoid coping with his past as the Winter Soldier. Sam calls him out on his “making amends” efforts and tells him to really help the people on his list. They part ways as something akin to friends, even if they won’t call it that. Sam has decided to take on Cap’s mantle after all, and Bucky is there if Sam needs him. Will Bucky finally tell Yori what happened to his son?

Lastly, there’s Karli. Zemo says she’s fully radicalized and needs to be killed, but will it come down to that? She sees the children of GRC “refuge” camp gone, and it’s her final straw. She’s got enough warriors on her side, she’s being helped by a shady character, Georges Batroc (Georges St-Pierre) an enemy of both Sam Wilson and Steve Rogers, and there’s a summit of the GRC that’s just calling for a reckoning.

Overall, this is a decent penultimate episode. It builds the tension for a final confrontation between the heroes and the villains. It puts our main hero, Sam, on the path to becoming what we all hope is the new age of Captain America. It introduces some new, mysterious figures – Hi, Valentina. It even calls back to the first episode!

Questions that need answers: Was it Sharon Carter who got Georges released and referred him to Karli? Is Valentina the Power Broker? How did she know Walker took the serum? Did the Wakandans paint Sam’s new wings red, white, and blue, or stick to their tried and true black and yellow? And, last but not least, will U.S. Agent play a significant role in the final showdown?

Birdgirl Episode 2 Review: Share Bear

Robert Kijowski

April 14, 2021

The ever mercurial balance of home and work life can be a pain in the goddamned tookus. If you couple that with the social side (or lack thereof) in life, it just may leave your mental juices stewing in a cocktail of cacophony. Affordable mental healthcare is paramount these days, but with all that’s transpiring around us, psychiatric succor might be just out of reach. Fear not because in the second episode of Birdgirl [adult swim] titled “Share Bear”, the possibility of feeling good without pricey booze, drugs, or licensed help may be closer than you think… until it invariably implodes.

There’s a queue forming just outside of Judy Ken Sebben’s (Paget Brewster) new office. Inside, Meredith the Mind Taker (Negin Farsad) presents Judy with a commemorative token for one week as CEO: her father’s executive pen, forged from Neodymium, a rare magnetic metal. Think of it as Magneto in a Mont Blanc, but it will be used for something more pressing- writing those cheques! Oh, that’s right, it’s payday up in this motherfucker, and with the deft efficiency of a well-oiled machine, Judy and Mer go on a signing and stamping tear. Even Dog In a Bucket Hat is paid in an organic venison treat but not before belittling his senior executive position by “shaking” for it. Brian O’Brien (Rob Delany) shows up through a portal to collect. Oh, he’s alive after seeing some shit in those toilet tubes, but since he only worked half a week, he literally only gets half a cheque.

As the payout celebration continues fast and furiously, Meredith takes it upon herself to sign off on a few documents for Judy. This is standard protocol, but Judy takes umbrage with the fact that Meredith sees the need to have her back as she makes no mistakes, but her boss on the other hand… Well, you can trust Judy to “Judy” something up.

With this, Paul (Tony Hale) intercedes and tries to smooth things over between the two, as they are “fourth wave feminists” by simply working together to sign his check. Their passive aggressiveness towards each other goes unchecked, forcing them to part ways for the moment, leaving Paul’s cheque unsigned and putting a halt to the financial festivities.

Gillian (Kether Donohue) suddenly brings in a huge gift basket from another CEO. She asks Judy if she wants any tea, rattling off different kinds. However, something instinctively kicks in when a rankled Judy tells her to get “whatever she thinks is best,” causing Gillian to charter a plane to Japan. The billboard outside of Judy’s window telling people to “Visit Japan Best Destination” might also have something to do with the trance-like state her assistant’s in.

Back in her office, Judy grouses to herself about the nerve of Meredith thinking that Judy would get nothing accomplished without her assistance. This prompts a creepy Teddy Ruxbin proxy bear to emerge from the basket, freaking Judy the fuck out with its creepy looks and twisting limbs. This is “Share Bear”, her personal Thera-Bear. He only wants to help the recipient with their problems. Only after assessing her creating a “victim-narrative” for the Meredith situation is Judy impressed with its composition of four internal microphones and visual data processing. This prompts her to have Gillian get in contact with the sender of the gift, Etan DelVay. However, Gillian’s not responsive.

She takes the train into the picturesque autumn of the Japanese countryside and outside of the train station, Gillian approaches a minka with serene anime music beginning to swell before she comes face to face with a handsome gentleman.

At Share Bear headquarters, we see a few intimations of who Etan is, including his visage on the cover of “genius MONTHLY” for hacking mental illness, a cuter prototype of ShareBear from 1998, and his Master’s of Engineering from Standford. Spooked as Etan comes out of nowhere, the two are now standing inside a virtual reality office, where any environs are possible, including a football game. Though Etan claims nothing is real, Judy claims to have gotten hit in the head with a ball for real not once but twice.

Though Etan claims Judy’s company is holding her back, she claims it’s just Meredith. Share Bear’s purpose is to bring affordable mental healthcare to all, as it listens and learns, all while giving the best feedback it can, all while keeping the sessions safe and stored “locally”. The extenuating reason for Etan calling out to Judy is that the one thing he doesn’t possess is viable trials with the product, to which Judy happily accepts offers up Sebben & Sebben as the optimal testing ground.

At Sebben & Sebben, Etan pitches Share Bear to the boardroom. Meredith wasn’t notified because Judy called it herself to prove her autonomy. Meredith is wary about the merger, however, as they know little to nil about the tech world, mental health, or the CEO himself.

Judy is so confident in the product and the mind behind it, that she’s willing to stake her reputation on it by agreeing to put 20% of her stock on it (only after Etan offers it up on her behalf.) This excites Dog in a Bucket Hat and he’s more than willing to give Judy the papers to sign, which she does, shoving it in Meredith’s face that it only requires ONE signature.

It’s now winter in Japan and Gillian with her newfound man plant some tea in the snow. With teacup in hand, Gillian simply wonders when she’ll be able to leave for home.

Determined, Judy storms out. Meredith tries to get her riled because Etan spoke for her, but there’s a fire in Judy’s belly and secrets in her Share Bear’s. As Birdgirl, she could simply save one person at a time, but as CEO, she has the opportunity to save potentially millions in one fell swoop.

At the Share Bear launch party, Etan shares how optimistic he is to work with Sebben & Sebben (as they had the highest suicide rate of all Fortune 1000) companies, which makes the company the best breeding ground for a mental health revolution. So the bears come parading in and with alarming immediacy, the entire company is alight with joy, save for Meredith, who punts one.

Back in his waste lab, Brian has a go with his toy, opening up about murdering Scot (with one T) and the ensuing guilt he BEARS. Share bear suggests confessing to the authorities but Brian is NOT having any of that. Brian even finds out the damn thing has a “bum button.”

Paul gives a massage to his Share Bear, talking about his unsigned paycheck but worrying about money defining him, and in an unprecedented move, asks his battery-powered buddy how it’s doing. This doesn’t fair well for Share Bear isn’t so fond of confronting its pain, leading it to explode .

In the cafeteria, Charlie (Lorelei Ramirez) is ecstatic about the company morale going up. Her 401k is safe for now and she really needs Meredith to get on board with the furry little shits. Meredith’s not convinced about Etan, especially with Dog with a Bucket Hat and Etan suspiciously laughing at the adjacent table. Chaz suggests then that Mer take Etan out to lunch and when his guard down, Mindtake him.

At lunch, Meredith asks Mindtake Etan with a psychic consent form, and since Etan always lives by the ethos of “Yes,” she relishes diving in as if it were a bowl of carbonara. Inside, she scrolls through his memory like a picture gallery and finally hits paydirt when she zooms in on Dog handing off the Certificate of Stock to Etan in the park. She goes further into finding the memory of how to unlock the bear’s local recorder: “Head turn right, arm, knee bend, elbow grab, shake around, thumb up hoo-ha”… and I thought Bop-It was gross!

This transforms the bear into a creepier-looking speaker with blank eyes. The recorder reveals Etan is planning to take over Sebben & Sebben by getting Judy’s 20% stock in exchange for a money transfer to Dog with a Bucket Hat. Armed with the info ammo, Meredith is on the move.

As the Japanese spring is in full bloom, Gillian longingly awaits the tea but finds something more… the gentle touch of her sower. The plant is ready to be plucked and her heart is ready to be taken.

Back at Sebben & Sebben, Etan enters an empty lobby only to meet Paul with a makeshift Security Scanner (a cardboard box). Putting his own personal Thera-Bear through with Meredith inside, swapping his bear for another, Etan continues into what he thinks will be his new company. Oh, and Meredith does break into Etan’s bear, but not without consequences, as she inadvertently activates the protocol for all bears to share.

Chaos ensues around the office, with the stuffed nightmares broadcasting the deepest secrets of all the coworkers, including Chaz that secretly lusts for a coworker in her current presence, with a fantasy that has him in a mask and espadrilles. This is the last straw.

It’s summer in Japan. Gillian is with child, and though she’s reminded of her meeting with Judy, she decides to say fuck it.

Brian’s Share Bear holds the most damning evidence, and though he tries to shred it, it miraculously emerges unscathed. With everyone beating the shit out of each other with their share bears, Meredith swoops in with the evidence, but it turns out in obtaining it, she overrode everyone’s data encryption settings. With Judy knowing the ulterior motives of Etan and with Brian pushing him over the balcony to the ire of the employees, let’s call this a tie for the moment.

Brian confronts the employees to not let the bears leave the building with their secrets with the company rallies together in keeping them at bay. After Meredith and Judy squash the beef, the only thing that’s left is to kill the bears.

As the Japanese trees turn deciduous once again, it is with a sorrowful heart that Gillian gives up her baby to her man and goes back to Sebben & Sebben with a solitary tea bag and cup in her hands along with a solitary tear down her face.

Amid the action at work, Meredith mentally rounds up the Birdteam. Birdgirl commands Paul to wrangle the bears, leading them to Charlie who will trap them in the revolving doors while Birdcat covering the flank for stragglers. Birdteam is GO! and with the trap set, the pen gets to fucking work! With Charlie launching the entrance into the air, the magnetized tornado that is Neodynium attracts the bears AND Brian (metallic ring and all) before raining all of the broken bears down onto a screaming crowd… and Brian.

Paul finally gets his check signed and Gillian arrives with the BEST choice for tea… though Judy says she thought she said she wanted coffee. Go figure. Another basket from Etan sits in her office with a note thanking her for believing in him and with the gift of buying the stock back to give it to her.

We end in Share Bear HQ, with Etan being sutured by his ursine minions until it is revealed that Etan is now a Share Bear hybrid.

I must say this episode was better-paced than the pilot, but that’s to be expected. The third act(tion) was shambolic but in a good way. Most revealing upon second viewing as Gillian’s wordless B plot which served as a counterweight to the absurdism of the A plot.

Goddamnit, now I want tea. Not just again kind. The BEST kind.

The Falcon and the Winter Soldier: Episode 4 “The Whole World Is Watching” Review

Norton

April 10, 2021

Gang of four — Sam, Bucky, Walker, and Hoskins

We need to talk about Walker…

Tonight’s episode involves a lot of conversations about the Super Soldier Serum. The ethical conundrum, the aftermath creating such beings can have, and, of course, the lure of having the choice to become one.

Karli seems to half-regret her choice, especially in the wake of her most recent actions, but her soon-to-be late comrade gives her a pep talk. By Battlestar’s logic, power just makes you more of yourself, he even sites Karli and Steve Rogers as examples. This isn’t the first time Karli is compared with Steve Rogers, her comrade, Nico (Noah Mills), also uses this comparison to comfort her. And why Steve? Because, even Zemo, who vehemently hates the very notion of Super Soldiers had to admit that the serum didn’t corrupt Steve Rogers. Ah, but what about New Cap?

John Walker is no Steve Rogers. Despite them both having served military time, Walker is a much more scarred individual than Rogers was. Which makes sense if you think about it. Steve, like his shield, is the product of a bygone era. He fought in what most would consider to be the only “good” war. He was a soldier at a time when the enemy was clear, the home front had your back, and he was hailed as a hero when he returned from battle (well, at the very least when he woke up several decades later). John, by contrast, is a soldier in a time when the home front doesn’t necessarily agree with you being at war, the “war” isn’t exactly clear or “good”, and veterans get treated pretty shitty when they return from battle. In fact, Steve being frozen for 66 years probably saved him from the trauma of government experiments, which would have almost certainly been conducted, in order to recreate their precious serum. Hell, even without him they did it!

It’s really no wonder then that John Walker getting a hold of the serum ends very badly. But, we’ll get to that.

We start off with Bucky in Wakanda, passing his final exam by having Ayo speak the magic brainwashing words. I was curious, when Zemo did this in Episode 2, if Bucky had heard them before then; looks like the answer is yes. As we know, they have no effect, and he’s tearfully relieved. In the present, Ayo informs him that the Dora Milaje will give them 8 hours to get handle their business, then they are coming for Zemo.

Speaking of Zemo…

Our master manipulator spends a good chunk of this episode railing against the evils of what he calls “supremacy”, and “supremacists”. He views Super Soldiers as tools of supremacists, inevitable steps towards the likes of the Nazis, Ultron, and the Avengers. He makes it clear that he intends to kill Karli and her comrades by the end of all this, which prompts Sam to point out the obvious: what about Bucky? My guess is Zemo would gladly kill the former Winter Soldier. Later, when Zemo questions Sam about if he would take the serum, Sam makes a good observation in that Zemo’s rhetoric against them (Super Soldiers) sounds an awful lot like God talk – deciding who can and can’t exist. It’s a decent flaw given Zemo’s comment that Super Soldiers are God people. The reality is that absolutes are always the right way to tyranny. Nothing is all good or all bad, the world is shades of grey. If anyone can understand that, it’s Bucky; though, oddly, it’s Sam who fights the hardest for Karli.

Karli’s image isn’t great after the news broke that she bombed that GRC building, but Sam hasn’t given up hope in her. Sam’s episode trajectory is heavily tied to Karli. He spends much of this hour trying to understand her, trying to reason with her, and defending her to Bucky, Zemo, Walker, and Hoskins. He successfully meets with her twice, though each instance is disrupted by New Cap. Each meeting does show that these two have a common ground.

Their first meeting is at the funeral for her deceased teacher/friend: Momma Donya. This scene provides us with context for Karli, a display of Sam’s excellent counseling skills, and most importantly the last temptation of John Walker. Through a series of mishaps, Walker comes across a vial of the legendary serum. He pockets it, clearly conflicted about whether to take it or not. A subsequent run in with the Dora Milaje and a conversation with Hoskins leads to him erring on the side of yes. We learn this decision was made when he tracks down Karli’s comrades during her and Sam’s second meeting and engages with them (ours heroes get clued into this thanks to a favor from Sharon Carter).

Let me pause a minute to say that the real benefit of this episode is to make abundantly clear the cause of the Flag Smashers. Yes, the rapid breakdown of John Walker is a car crash we all ogle, but understanding why Karli has taken the serum and is doing what she’s doing is extremely important. In the past, a show like this would have simply labeled Karli and the Flag Smashers “bad” and gone after them no questions asked, but, luckily, Marvel is smart enough to give context to their cause.

Sam explains that during the Blip, when half the world’s population got dusted, normal borders that existed between countries and peoples were abolished in favor of coming together to rebuild. This weird evolution of community existed for five full years. Once those millions of people returned, the new world order got fucked. Hence, the creation of the GRC. The question then becomes: did the countries decide they wanted to go back to how things used to be, or did the GRC push the idea that returning to the “before times” was for the best? If it was the GRC’s mission, then Karli’s animosity towards them makes a lot of sense. It would also explain why many of the people in these countries are pro-Flag Smashers.

Our episode ends with a serum enhanced Walker murdering Nico, using Cap’s shield, in a public square with a gathering crowd as witness. It is an amazing scene. From the skirmish with the enemy that reveals John’s taken the serum, Sam’s realization of this, and Karli’s horrified face at the possibility of having just killed Lamar Hoskins (the camera cuts back to his unconscious form too many times for me to believe he’s actually dead), to the final nail in her friend’s coffin care of a deeply unhinged Captain America.

That being said, there is another scene in this episode that is pure awesomeness. It comes after Walker and Hoskins first interruption of Sam and Karli’s meeting. There’s a lot of tension, with Bucky voicing his misgivings about the New Cap, and that old chestnut of it being Sam’s fault that Walker got Cap’s shield. But all of that goes out the window when Walker and Hoskins bust in ready to take Zemo into custody. Someone else already has that idea and it’s the Dora Milaje. They appear, and much as they did in the Black Panther movie, they kick ass. They do it with spears, skills, and no serum. Hell, they beat Bucky, who has the serum! Oh man, and the look on Bucky’s face when Ayo disables his arm is PRICELESS! Absolutely, 100%, priceless.

Overall, this is a very busy episode. A lot happens in an hour from the conversations to the action sets. Do you realize Baron Zemo has escaped!? That major detail becomes an afterthought once the final scene of the episode takes place. A lot of ground is covered in terms of story and character development, but that’s to be expected as we’re on episode four of a six episode series. For the first time in a long time, I’m left to say something I almost never say: I wish this season was longer. Especially given the ramp up of John Walker. We meet him in episode 2, he seems mostly OK, even his early interactions with Sam and Bucky aren’t overtly aggressive, yet by the next episode we start to see his violent “means to an end” mentality at work. Uh…ok. An extra two or three episodes could have gone a long way to explaining Walker’s personality flaws. Though, maybe the 180 is on purpose. Still, considering the characters and story, more episodes would have been welcomed. Ah well, definitely looking forward to the penultimate episode and the fallout from Walker’s very public sin.

Birdgirl Pilot Review

Robert Kijowski

April 8, 2021

Slam Down The Case — Every super hero entrance... EVER!

Move over Harvey, there’s a new She-riff in town…

For those of you that weren’t sucking on your mother’s teat when Cows were eating cows, when Bush was v. Gore, and when cell-phones were considered a “Yuppie Device,” we finally breathed a sigh that the Y2K debacle just didn’t happen, and there wasn’t a new thing to worry about…

…Until there was.

From the grey matter of Michael Ouweleen and Erick Richter emerged a show from the depths of Legal HELL.

FUCK THE GOOD WIFE. FUCK ACE ATTORNEY. FUCK LAW & their sibling ORDER!

Oh, I said order and there shall be order in this court, for you are in the box.

If your number is called and it very well be, it is for this episode and you will be asked to testify.

Whereas, Harvey Birdman: Attorney General [adult swim] dealt with cases from Sebben & Sebben, oh, the very insolvent cases of our beloved toons of your, Ken’s daughter was just studying… how to maintain a sane life!

This is her story: Birdgirl [adult swim]

(music rises) DUH DUH.

If it would please the curt.

Getting out on the top floor in the high rise of Sebben & Sebben, we find Judy Ken Sebben. Burnt at both ends from another humdrum day of legal duties she’s had to deal with, her only solace is talking to the take-out guy on the phone about how her day is and how she’s more passionate about what lies for her after work.

Mind you, a nosey co-worker inviting her out for drinks with others isn’t helping as she replies in kind that she has other things going on and let’s just be honest with ourselves for one goddamned moment and say that even if COVID vanished at the bat of an eye, we’d still not be that desperate for hanging out with that guy.

Judy has a legitimate excuse though, as the late-night caws to her, transforming her into- Birdgirl! Hey, it’s a thankless gig and she happily considers it a form of volunteer work but one that pays in what she believes is the gratitude of the city’s citizens.

To say that Judy-cum-Birdgirl isn’t overzealous is an understatement. From crashing her office desk onto a would-be thief to saving a cat from a burning building to stopping a body dumper on the road from texting, managing to get him into an accident. Birdgirl’s intentions are in the right place, just in the wrong head.

On her way home, giddy from a ‘night on the town,’ Judy barely seems to notice the breaking news that her father, Phil Ken Sebben has died. Now, before we go any further, I had surmised that Stephen Colbert had time to voice him only because he was still truly breaking into the biz and prior to [adult swim] being a cultural juggernaut.

These days, Colbert’s got a way busier schedule and he’s not the star player in this narrative, so why not kill two birds with one stone by just killing one bird?

The only thing Judy notices that gives her pause on the way home was the cat she’d saved, atop the headline of Dear Daddy being Deadsies. She only has eyes for the fiery feline. I mean, the cat did start the fire playing with matches.

An impromptu board meeting is called at 3 AM and we learn from the news reports that Phil had a legacy, starting from a mom and pop law firm (Sebben Law and Saltwater Taffy) to the multinational titan (Sebben & Sebben) it is now. We also learn what their company does, which is shilling things that people don’t want, from radon to war ordinances to baseless arguments.

The one thing Phil is NOT known for though is having chosen a successor.

That next morning, before Judy can freak out about what shade of Gray she should don to the office to her newfound feline, work calls her to import.

You see, she’s provided with the information that her father is no more, which she doesn’t believe due to his penchant for shenanigans and attention. If an eyepatch-sniffing Dog with a Bucket Hat (John Doman) of his last meal (burnt mushrooms and box wine) wasn’t enough to Judy, his sebbered foot (had to) was.

Through a proxy Phil, a new head is named- Birdgirl!

This is equally upsetting for Judy on a few lengths. A.) He chose Birdgirl over his own daughter and B.)ecause this kind of puts a time out on Judy’s playtime.

I mean, in a conciliatory move, Phil did make Judy his majority shareholder… which is of much comfort to Birdgirl or little to Judy. This is no matter though, as a newly coronated Birdgirl has to make her entrance as Judy morosely makes her exit.

Hey, at least the city is cheerful as plumes of white smoke emanate from Sebben & Sebben tower.

Approaching on her new day in her new office, Birdgirl meets Gillian with a hard G (Kether Donohue)Joh, a person of much thought but few words. We also get to meet Mentok’s daughter, Meredith (Negin Farsad). As her one and only friend, she knows Judy and Birdgirl all the same. Though, she’s not the best with emotions, so she bought a card from the downstairs kiosk that reads “There’s no E in Dad” until she opens the reveal the bereavement card’s main message “Until there’s Dead.”

For this joke, I could give the episode high grades. One good joke could sell me, but I was still skeptical.

This doesn’t compute with Judy/Birdgirl so she goes for a literal mind switch and Judy almost has a moment of clarity, drunk off that high of being Birdgirl, until a gunshot rings and then it’s back to being action drunk and after a few thwarts of criminals inside of her board room (she was late for a meeting), she’s formally introduced to the members.

Rounding out her team with Meredith being promoted to General Manager is Charlie (Lorelei Ramirez), a white-streaked hair woman that is head of PR, Dog With A Bucket Hat (he literally is) who is head of security, Scot (with one T) who runs manufacturing and lastly, there is Brian O’Brien (Rob Delany) who runs Human Waste… with a product that will send Sebben & Sebben intro the stratosphere with his invention, the Calypsis.

Long story short, it’s basically taking the middle man out of the way we live. Farm to mouth to the toilet to the farm. It turns poop into fertilizer and the idea is pretty good for a one-stop-shop toilet that can turn your four-course meal into a shit hockey puck to send back to farmers. There is a rub though. The end product tastes like shit and that is a problem (unless that is your kink.)

He tries to get Birdgirl in the room, but she’s off kicking ass on the adjacent rooftop and it’s really not helping anyone, so Brian takes his product and leaves in a huff.

The thing is, Brian isn’t the only one who smells a bad deal as Charlie sees Birdgirl fucking up Sebben and Sebben’s stocks on account of her vigilantism and because their 401(k)’s are tied to that stock, it’s something she won’t put her foot down on but her muscled arm across upon, as she clotheslines Birdgirl. She’s primarily asking their newly appointed CEO to put that shit in her fucking pants (or in the office.)

Back in the Human Waste Labs, as Brian’s lab assistant attempts to calibrate the machine, he’s devoured by its robotic arms, causing it to increase in size. It, however, produces a delicious unexpected outcome: a shit puck that will grow itself into something that sprouts the sweetest tomato Brian’s ever tasted. Fruit isn’t the only fruit that’s sprouted.

In a clever and badass graphic of the Sebben and Sebben office on graph paper, we see the trajectory of Birdgirl wrecking house, literally from the top floor to the bottom, as it doubles as a visual representation of her tanking the share price of Sebben & Sebben (SBNX) shares in a 24-hour trend. The pure genius of this sequence cannot be overlooked.

Birdgirl emerges from her office with slices of flaming birthday cake, proceeding to project them at Gillian and Brian. Before Brian can sell his new and improved toilet, Birdgirl gives her stamp of approval in the form of a Post-It Note. I mean there’s no time for her mania to be bogged down by a boring sales pitch. It gets in, gets out, gets some for this working girl!

However, once Meredith proposes to Birdgirl to pump the breaks, small talk about her ‘leadership’ flourishes into big crime as the moment she drags her over to the masseuse/card purveyor, gunshots are heard and Birdgirl springs into action.

This causes Meredith to spring into action… to Charlie with how to deal with her. Charlie, however, won’t pick up on gestural cues, spilling the beans on Phil being Birdgirl’s father. Upon hearing this, the masseuse freaks the fuck out only so Meredith can ‘read him in’.

We now know his name is Paul of the Syracuse Pauls (Tony Hale) to which they designate him with a position of high honor, should his summoning maybe needed. The responsibility, however silly, does come with a pair of plastic Junior Pilot wings from Sebben Air!

At the new board meeting, Brian pitches his ads for the Calypsis 2.0 and shows the pre-orders for them, which have excelled anything Sebben & Sebben have ever done and this causes Dog to call a bow-wow (I know) with Meredith, as they are calling a proxy meeting.

While Birdgirl is on the road, doing her THANG, Meredith’s mind calls her in the way that a cell phone could be called. Yet even though she can accept or deny it, it is a Mindtaker, so she overrides it and sends Birdgirl to her apartment.

After waking up with a splash of water, Birdgirl is turned back to Judy for them to have an intimate one-on-one.

In a sequence that artistically looks creepily akin to a Family Circus strip, Judy confesses that ever since she was little, the only way she could garner her father’s attention was to do crazy and impulsive stuff as Birdgirl, as her father was crazy and impulsive. After a while being so besotted by his approval, the girl behind the mask took a back seat and that makes her sad. One of the cool things about this brief sequence is that on the tv screen itself, both Meredith and Birdgirl take on opposite ends as if fitting perfectly on the corners of your actual screen in their regular animated style.

Snapping back to reality, Judy realizes her dad was a dick… but whatever he did set her on the path of identity. Birdgirl tears up the card, but there’s no time for schmaltzy affirmations, as the board is meeting to depose Birdgirl and replace her with Brian as CEO is on the way.

With the aye’s having it, both Judy and Meredith bust in too little too late. With a newfound sense of dignity, Judy figures the only thing to do is to concede and congratulate that fucker.

Scot (with one T) beats her to the chase, apologizing for his rudeness, but Brian tells Scot to eat shit by becoming it. Judy sees the entire thing and takes refuge in the bathroom to psychically ring up Meredith, telling her all of the deets but is so rudely interrupted by Calypsis, kicking its ass and sending it on a rampage.

Through city destruction, knocking Brian off his porcelain ‘throne’ and Paul distracting him, Calypsis is down for the count… that is until makes the ultimate sacrifice?

He basically feeds himself into what he fed his life’s work into and it culminates in a black hole that only Charlie, Paul, and Meredith can save Birdgirl from. Welcome to your new team.

With Birdgirl holding a press conference, bequeathing the title of CEO to herself (Judy) the bond is solidified.

On the top floor from her desk, she dubs them the Birdteam!

With Meredith “the Mindtaker”, Paul “the Feels” and Charlie the “Strongarm” there is nowhere they can go but down.

I ask you to keep an open mind in this case until you follow me with all of the reviews. Let it be stated that all of that facts will be provided to you and only then, shall you and only you, lay the verdict upon it.

The Falcon and the Winter Soldier – Episode 3 “Power Broker” Review

Norton

April 5, 2021

The Falcon and the Winter Soldier - Episode 3 “Power Broker” Review — Zemo, taking the heat

This week in The Falcon and the Winter Soldier, Sam and Wilson are off to see Baron Zemo and break him out of jail! Wait…what!?

“Power Broker” doesn’t start off with a counterintuitive jailbreak, rather, it begins with an introduction to the Global Repatriation Council. A program designed to help those who were vanished and returned, reintegrate into a society that had adjusted to their loss after five years. Given the rise of the Flag Smashers, I’m guessing this isn’t going as planned.

The GRC isn’t without resources though, and we find the new Captain America and Battlestar in Germany to interrogate the man who gave Kali Morganthau refuge in our previous episode. Walker’s Cap isn’t above a little violence as long as it gets the job done. His partner, Hoskins, doesn’t exactly seem on board with the whole thing. This scene sparks a question I’ve often had about military personnel and operations: If you know you’re going to be dealing with an international scale, why not have more people who are polylingual in your ranks? I mean, yeah, he’s Captain America, but even then, America doesn’t technically have a national language. Being able to speak multiple languages should definitely be something these guys get taught.

Anyway, back in Berlin, Bucky and Sam are on site to see Zemo. Bucky wants to go alone, Sam isn’t thrilled, but Bucky wins out. Their conversation is brief, with Zemo trying to explain himself and Bucky sticking to his reason for being there. In the end, against Sam’s wishes, Bucky decides that the best course of action would be to break Zemo out of jail. It’s a fun little scene, following the usual tenant of a voiceover explanation of the plan as it unfolds before the audience. Pair that with Bucky and Sam’s conversation, and their mutual dismissal of Zemo’s opinion, and it’s a good comedic break. This is an element, WandaVision didn’t get as much of, despite it paying homage to sitcoms.

Zemo gets his full title here too – well, in the subsequent scene. Bucky and Sam are surprised to learn that Zemo’s rich, and royalty no less! He reminds them that before his country got fucked over, he was a Baron. Another funny moment follows a tense one, but I’m more interested in the Baron’s ideas on Super Soldiers. Here’s a point I’ve made myself, though it’s veiled – putting Super Soldiers on a pedestal results in forgetting they are human and have flaws. The exaltation allows them to get away with atrocities most people would be called out for, or imprisoned for. Sound familiar? I’m gonna go ahead and give Marvel more props here because as much as it might not seem like it, they are addressing a very real problem we have in this world – police brutality.

Moving on, Zemo informs Bucky he’ll have to assume his former title again. They’re off to Madripool to see a lady who should know something about the serum. As for Sam? He gets to play a pimp! Ok, so a guy named Smiling Tiger who dresses like a pimp, though Zemo doesn’t see it that way. Really, this episode has so many good funny moments. Though they are tempered with dramatic ones, like Kali going to visit a dying friend (Veronica Falcón), and later lamenting the life she could have lived.

Back in Madripool, Zemo makes full use of his Winter Soldier, winning him an audience with Selby (Imelda Corcoran), the lady who informs them a Dr. Nagel (Olli Haaskivi) is the one making super-soldier serum. Zemo gets this info by selling out Bucky, but no matter because Selby doesn’t live long. The boys are on the run thanks to a call from Sara, and the fact that Sam didn’t just immediately hang up or put the damn phone on silent, still, they get their asses saved by an unlikely face: Sharon Carter (Emily VanCamp). She’s been hanging out in Hightown ever since she stole Cap’s shield and Falcon’s wings back in C.A.: Civil War.

We learn through these interactions that someone named the Power Broker is investing in new Super-Soldier serum. We also gather that it’s this person who texted Kali about her stealing the serum. After a party at Sharon’s, we meet Dr. Nagel, who made twenty vials of serum for the boss. As Zemo hates the idea of more Soldiers he kills Dr. Nagel shortly before a bunch of bounty hunters fuck up the lab and all hell breaks loose. Sam is worried Zemo’s used the chaos to escape, but nope. The Baron grabs a sweet, probably already stolen ride and picks Sam and Bucky up after taking out said bounty hunters. Props to Sharon in these moments because she really kicks some heavy ass while the boys are talking to the doc. My only curiosity is if she might be a double agent since she seems to have a pretty cushy life in the underbelly.

Also, we get Kali showing her ruthless side when she not only robs a GRC facility but blows up the place with the guards still inside. Meanwhile, Walker is convinced Sam and Bucky broke Zemo out, but Hoskins isn’t buying it. Once again, new Cap shows he’s all about results over how you get them.

Finally, Zemo brings Sam and Bucky to a building, but Bucky breaks away. The other two don’t ask questions as Bucky follows a trail of little metal balls to be confronted by, Ayo (Florence Kasumba), a member of the Dora Milaje. As Sam mentioned earlier the Wakandans have not forgotten what Zemo did to their king. Uh oh…

Overall this is a great episode. Well-paced, absolutely hilarious at points but not to an overpowering Marvel level, and peppered with wonderful advancements to the looming series plot; not to mention the many questions we get from this. Who is the Power Broker? Is this the person who texted Karli? Is Zemo working towards an alternate agenda? Is Sharon going to fuck them over in favor of the Power Broker? Will we get a mirror situation with the new Cap and the Power Broker? Oooo, and will the Power Broker do for Walker and Hoskins in the show, what he did for them in the comics???

Watchmen: Season 1 Episode 9 “See How They Fly” Review

Norton

April 4, 2021

Watchmen: Season 1 Episode 9 “See How They Fly” Review — Lady Trieu in front of the Manhattan cage

And so Watchmen ends, but how was the ending? And, for that matter, how was the series as a whole?

The first fifteen minutes of this episode gives us Lady Trieu’s origin story. From her humble beginnings as a bastard sired through illegal self-insemination (way to get it on the first try, Bian! Her 1985 version played by Elyse Dinh), to her unsuccessful attempt at getting her biological father to fund a 42 billion dollar project – circa 2008. While that’s quite a lot of money, it is to destroy Dr. Manhattan and transfer his powers to her. Still, Adrian doesn’t go for the pitch (no Manhattan project, denied!), arguing that even if she is his daughter she should obtain her own wealth instead of mooching off him.

He reminds her that he inherited great wealth but gave it all away so he could build his own empire. If that doesn’t sound like a cranky old man mentality, I dunno what does. “I had to do it the hard way so you should too!” I get where he’s coming from here though, after all, Bian stole his sperm and made a kid without his consent and never told him about it. Also, if Lady Trieu really is the smartest woman in the world, wouldn’t she have anticipated this? If she knew Veidt was her father, she would have done extensive research on the man. She would have realized he didn’t have kids for a reason. But, it works out for her anyway, because Adrian eventually does call her “daughter” – a thing he distinctly told her would never happen.

Back on Europa, Adrian is dressed in his Ozymandias costume awaiting the arrival of a spaceship. It lands and he easily escapes his cell to catch the ride. The Game Warden shows up for one last confrontation but it ends with him getting stabbed by the escape horseshoe. Weirdly, Adrian cradles Phillips Prime as he dies even though he doesn’t give him the satisfaction of calling him a worthy adversary (which is why he made him wear a mask in the first place). The clones line up to bid him farewell and then he’s off.

Veidt’s side story timeline can be confusing as there are no clear dates shown for when they’re happening. In fact, the only indicators we get for a time before these last two episodes are the number of candles on his cakes. I’ll confess I didn’t notice this detail. In a show that chooses to spell out just about every goddamn point it’s trying to make, they sure like to go more show than tell when it comes to Adrian’s stuff. At any rate, if you’re curious about it this YouTube video might help…

Back on Earth and in the present, Lady Trieu takes Adrian out of cryogenisis (it’s so satisfying to know that he was that golden statue) and informs him of her success in not only gaining wealth but building her machine. He’s impressed until he sees Bian. My question is…how the fuck does he know that’s Trieu’s mom? He’s never met Bian, or, if he had it was when she was older and in passing at best – it’s the whole reason she’s said to have gotten away with stealing his sperm. There’s no clue to give away that Bian is anything other than a young Vietnamese girl working for Lady Trieu, and/or her daughter. I will say, one of the things I enjoyed about this scene is how catty Lady T is when she’s talking to her father. Super condescending, talking to him like he’s a child, and rubbing it in his face that he was driven to call her daughter; sure, part of it could be explained by his confusion but I dunno…that level of shade is undeniable.

Over at the Kavalry base, the old guard Cyclops members have arrived. Laurie is stunned to see Sen. Keene Sr. is a “secret racist”, and we learn Looking Glass managed to evade death and infiltrate the Kavalry’s ranks. Their grand plan is close to fruition, especially since Dr. Manhattan has finally been transported into their cage – made from melted-down watch batteries. Given this is a big bad scene, we naturally get a monologue. Sen. Keene Jr. expounds on what lead them to this day. When Robert Redford got elected President, took away their guns, and made them apologize for fucking over an entire race, well, the racists didn’t take kindly to it. Their original intention was to work up to a revolution, but the White Night revealed some handy new info. Dr. Manhattan wasn’t on Mars.

As Adrian noted, Jon uses his powers as a reflexive safety measure on the White Night, teleporting a second intruder that was about to kill Angela to his birthplace of Gila Flats, NM. The racists connect the dots and change their plans. Somehow, Angela shows up. Yeah, she tortured a guy to find out where they’d taken Jon, but…how did she get inside? Are you telling me once they had Manhattan the Kavalry didn’t bother posting any security around the place? Either way, Angela tries to warn them that Lady T knows their plans and probably has plans of her own to stop them. Sen. Keene Jr. is done playing nice, calls her a black bitch, and then goes into his machine.

A blast of energy hits; they’ve all been transported to Trieu’s millennium clock site (I didn’t realize this until reading a summary of the episode, it’s not very clear what’s happening). Trieu’s people easily disarm the disorientated Kavalry members and she explains that in exchange for Dr. Manhattan, Will wanted her to kill Cyclops and the Kavalry once and for all. As it happens, Sen. Keene Jr. doesn’t need killing as he already did the job for her. Opening the machine he went into results in a wave of bloody goo that spills out onto the floor. Enough of it reaches Jon, allowing him to use his powers to teleport Laurie, Adrian, and Looking Glass away. Angela is curious why he didn’t send her too, but he confesses he doesn’t want to die alone (ouch to Laurie, eh?).

Lady Trieu is pissed by this. Luckily, she already killed the racists, but she does inform Manhattan that teleporting her father away won’t stop her from taking his powers as planned. Adrian, back at his base in Antarctica, formulates a quick plan to stop his daughter. Laurie seems surprised he doesn’t trust Lady Trieu, but Veidt explains that she’s a raging narcissist, and getting Manhattan’s powers would be devastating for everyone else. My question would be, how does he know this? Yes, his argument is that “it takes one to know one”, but how would he know Trieu at all? Not to mention that we have evidence of Adrian’s projections being wrong. He was wrong about Robert Redford appreciating his election help, he fucked over his own businesses new energy plans with his squid stunt, and he was wrong about wanting to be blindly worshipped. But, maybe that’s the key here.

Adrian hated being worshipped. Is he assuming that anyone else “like” him would also hate it? Does he think that if Trieu got her wish, saved the world, and was worshipped she’d grow tired of the adulation and leave the human race? Still, my problem with all of this is that he’s a wealthy, white male who is assuming the emotions, motives, and thoughts of a wealthy, Asian American. It’s funny to think back on his conversation with Jon, making light of his “appropriation” by adopting a black body, when Adrian kills his own daughter under the prideful idea that she can’t be trusted with power. White supremacy, am I right?

Wade, meanwhile, is still coming to terms with the reality that this is the man who ruined his life. This is the place where it started. Adrian has zero empathy for this and instead enlists his help in the execution of his plan: to drop a rain of frozen squids. Again with the squids! Of course, it works.

The squids rain down to lethal results, punching a hole through Lady Trieu’s hand before destroying her clock, which causes it to fall down, crushing her to death. The surrounding area also experiences falling squid hail, but it manages not to kill the police who are standing outside. It punches holes in their cars, smashes through their windshields, but they are somehow fine. Angela and Bian survive thanks to a call from Laurie, with the former managing to make it to the theatre. Inside her children are asleep on the stage and her grandfather is sitting front row. As satisfying as part of this scene is with respect to Will and Angela getting some real quality screen time together, it is very heavy-handed in terms of what the writers want you to take away from the series. Masks are bad. Dealing with your feelings is good. Pretty sure if no one picked this lesson up on the way here they weren’t paying attention.

In the end, Adrian succeeds in saving the world again, but manages to get himself arrested and knocked out. I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship between “Mirror Guy” and Laurie…Another fun thing in this scene is Archie! Dan Dreiberg’s original airship, which Adrian had repaired at some point before his self-imposed exile; he offers it as a way home for Laurie and Wade.

Our series ends with Angela at home. She’s put her kids to bed, had a brief conversation with Will about Jon’s wasted potential, and is cleaning up the fallen egg carton when she notices one of the eggs survived. We get voiceover and flashbacks to the conversation between Jon and Angela about his ability to transfer his powers into…say…an egg? If Angela were then to eat said egg…She’s curious enough to go out to the pool, down the raw egg, and prepare to walk on water when the scene goes black.

According to Lindelof, this isn’t a cliffhanger. He has said it’s clear Angela got Jon’s powers. I would believe that more if they didn’t shoot it like a cliffhanger. If we actually saw her walk on water or glow. If you’re gonna shoot something like a cliffhanger, people are gonna call it a cliffhanger.

Ending aside, the overall series is mostly spectacular. I can see what Lindelof meant when he said after episode six he ran out of steam. There is a clear momentum for the first six episodes which drops off for the last three. I also noticed that after the sixth episode, Angela no longer dons her Sister Night costume – in fact, the only time we see it is episode nine where it’s hanging in her cave.

As I mentioned earlier, this isn’t a subtle series. Aside from a few details, like the Adrian Veidt stuff, or the Lady Trieu teleportation trick, most of what happens in this show is not just told but shouted. I did argue that because of the subject matter they are dealing with, shouting makes sense, but that being said the last three episodes really are the weakest of the nine. Which isn’t to say they are bad. They are just simple in terms of story and themes. They are the comic book series most people were probably expecting. No deep character studies, no heavy-handed explorations of race, class, and gender, nope, merely fun fantastical stories meant to conclude what I would still say is a fine series.

Watchmen: Season 1 Episode 8 “A God Walks into Abar” Review

Norton

April 4, 2021

An episode titled after a bad joke…the punch line is, it’s really fucking good!

Dr. Manhattan (played by Yahya Abdul-Mateen II the entire time, even if we can’t see his face at first) lands in Vietnam on VVN Day and walks into Eddy’s Bar to strike up a conversation with one Officer Angela Abar. I enjoy that Angela points out the obvious connection between Manhattan coming down to Earth in disguise as himself in order to seduce her, and the Greek god Zeus, coming down to Earth disguised as an animal in order to seduce women. I also like that she interrupts his story to tell him how cool it is he can walk on water.

He explains to her how he experiences time – basically, all events are happening simultaneously to him. This leads us to a flashback that describes the origin of the manor house and the clones and the habitable “Earth” that exists on Europa. He, as a child (played by Zak Rothera-Oxley), and his father, Hans (Anatole Taubman), have escaped Nazi Germany and taken refuge at a manor house in England. The people who run the house will eventually become the clones that are so ruthlessly abused by Adrian Veidt years later.

Back at the bar Angela still isn’t sold on the whole “I am Dr. Manhattan” shtick, but Jon isn’t easily deterred. I mean, why would he be? He knows they’re going to get together. The fact that he goes through the whole pickup charade is a mix of creepy and sweet. There’s another story this reminds me of: The Time Traveler’s Wife, in which the main character is a time traveler who knows who his wife will be and essentially grooms her from childhood to fill this role later on. This presents a certain moral quandary. Is it wrong to seduce a woman who either clearly doesn’t want to be seduced (like Angela), or is too young to realize what her future will be (the time traveler’s wife, though let me be clear – when I say groom I don’t mean sexually) when the man knows what the outcome will be? And I say man and woman here because this is the only pairing I’ve seen this setup done with.

As to the answer…the ends justify the means? In The Time Traveler’s Wife, our protagonist’s love interest is deeply bothered by what she considers a choice she never got to make. We, as humans, take the concept of free will very seriously. We’ve built whole religions on it; we’ve rejected whole religions because of it. This idea of a “star crossed” or “fated” romance is lovely in theory, but in practice it’s messy. If Manhattan knows all, especially with regards to how his personal timeline is going to unfold, why not adapt to such knowledge? Or, would that ruin some space-time continuum rule? Technically, it doesn’t matter. Why bother adapting when you know how things will play out. Sure, it might be painful or troublesome to a degree, but unlike the rest of us mere mortals, he doesn’t have to worry all his actions might be for naught. In fact, he gets to see the whole complicated tapestry. Still, despite this, he does experience regret. When Angela asks him why help in Vietnam if he knew how it was going to turn out? His response, “Haven’t you ever done anything you knew you were going to regret?” Touché, asshole.

Now, onto one of my favorite scenes in this episode. Angela explains that she can’t have dinner with him because he’s blue and it would be weird. Manhattan points out that she came up with a solution to this problem: we cut to her pulling open morgue drawers. They contain recently deceased men who have no next of kin and are slated to be cremated. She’s smart. While Jon can take on any form he wants it would require the fabrication of official documents, instead, why not assume the identity of someone who will not be missed and already has those documents? But, what I love about this is that she presents him with bodies she thinks he might want. Given that she knows about him, we can safely assume she knows his history – even without him telling her – which means she knows he was Caucasian. In her mind, the body he would want would match that previous ethnicity, right? Two of the bodies are white men while one is Asian, though he appears fairly light-skinned, yet, Jon insists that he doesn’t care what he looks like. He says that the form he takes should be one she wants. At first, she claims to not care either, but when pushed, she finally reveals a black man: Calvin Jelanie, who dropped dead, possibly of a heart attack. I find this satisfying that Angela is allowed to choose the body she wants. It’s not about him, it’s about her.

Still, even with a new face, voice, and body, you can’t take the god out of the man. Which is a big problem. It’s the thing that tore him and Laurie apart, however, this time he refuses to lose. He treks off to Antarctica to speak with his “friend” Adrian about how he can fix this issue. Is the argument that he didn’t love Laurie enough to think of this before, or that he was young and naïve at the time? He got transformed in 1959, and had his relationship with Laurie in 1985, I guess twenty is young in god years. Anyway, Adrian doesn’t seem surprised by his arrival, taking it in stride, going over the usual talking points – how he’s trying to maintain the peace with his squids, how mankind constantly disappoints him, and also pointing out that Jon’s new black form could be considered appropriation in 2009. That’s a nifty thought experiment. Technically, Adrian doesn’t know it was Angela who picked the form, but even if the Doc had picked black skin on his own could it really be considered appropriation? I mean, sure, Jon Osterman was a white Jewish man to start, but then he transcended humanity.

Racial minefields aside, Adrian, now aware that his friend has come for help because he is in love, is happy to lend his expertise. He made a device, thirty years ago, to destroy Jon. He didn’t end up using it, but now it will enable Jon to forget who he is, completely. He won’t know he has powers, so he won’t use them, except as a reflex in life-threatening circumstances. It’s perfect. However, this gift isn’t without strings. Adrian is tired of saving humanity in the shadows, he wants to be loved and adored for what he’s done. Jon couldn’t take the love of his creations, but maybe Adrian would fancy being their god? So, Jon gets the mind eraser ring and Adrian gets teleported to Europa.

Our next scene is Jon explaining how to use the device. This leads us back to the bar, where Angela challenges him to prove he’s Dr. Manhattan. He produces an egg, expounding that if he wanted to he could put his powers into an organic substance and pass them onto the person who eats said substance (i.e. The egg). We cut back to Angela now ready to implant the device. And finally, Angela, seeing the blue glow of her man fully awake now as she holds the device.

She tells him what year it is, why she took the device out, and that he’s in trouble. Meanwhile, Jon’s playing catch up. He vanishes, teleporting to the swimming pool – doing that walking on water trick – before zapping their kids away to safety. Angela has a decent reaction to this nonsense, but he remains calm and detached as he enlightens her to his relationship with her grandfather. How he showed up on Will Reeve’s doorstep, then walked right through it, to have a conversation with him about Angela. This scene drops the bomb that Angela is the one who told Will about Judd’s connection to Cyclops. Angela started our show. How cool is that?

I gotta say, I really love Angela’s reactions to her superhuman husband. She isn’t impressed by him turning blue, glowing, or teleporting. No, she’s frustrated by it. That’s a real reaction. Her willingness to die for him is something he’s not prepared for. It’s why he falls in love with her. It’s funny because she comments on the fact that he only falls in love with her at the end of their relationship, but because of how he experiences time he’s “always” been in love with her. Again, her reaction to this is amazing. She’s in business mode now. Unfortunately, even with an assist from Jon, his prediction of the future comes true.

We end where we started, back at the bar ten years ago. Angela tries the argument of why would she want to start a relationship with him if it’s just going to end tragically, to which he points out – don’t all relationships end tragically? This depressing line of logic works, and she agrees to go to dinner with him.

You may be thinking, hey, this is another episode without an Adrian Veidt side story, but it is not. We actually get an after-the-credits scene that starts during the credits. When it plays at last, it’s Adrian being pelted with tomatoes for refusing to stay on Europa. Next, he’s in a jail cell, getting a visit from the Game Warden. We discover the Game Warden is the original Mr. Phillips, witness to Dr. Manhattan’s creation of the paradise he will ultimately abandon. Now, he’s witness to another abandonment, that of Adrian Veidt. Even so, as much as the clones don’t want him to go, they still provide him with the means of escape (baking a horseshoe into his cake so he can tunnel his way free).

Overall, I really enjoyed this episode. I loved learning the history of the paradise Adrian’s been trapped on for apparently 10 years. I enjoyed the love story between Angela and Dr. Manhattan. Does it have flaws? Sure. Is it stupid that, Dr, Manhattan, a being capable of knowing everything, allows himself to be abducted by white supremacists? Yes. But that’s the problem with writing a god. You really can’t be sure what it would do. Granted, unlike my gripe with Supernatural’s Chuck, Dr. Manhattan started out as a mere mortal and became a god. His whole storyline is that he loses his humanity when gaining these awesome powers. If you think about it, his intention by the end of the comic was to reconnect with this lost part of himself. He decides to create life – humans, specifically – but it isn’t in hopes of being worshipped. Maybe it was in hopes that they would reflect back to him is own humanity. After all, what are kids but little versions of yourself? The bible doesn’t shut up about god making humans in his image, if that’s true and you expanded the definition of “image” to include mind and emotions, then Jon creating the clones is him trying to see himself in others. Granted, he says he doesn’t create them in his image, but I think that’s wrong. I think, deep down, he still sees himself a human being and that’s why he makes human beings. Although, they are lacking in many ways; he really creates humans as he wished they were: Selfless, innocent, and loving.

His willingness to die is a much better road to feeling human. It would also explain why he allows himself to be captured. Even being with Angela, giving up his powers for her, is a way for him to reconnect with his lost humanity. Being human means tragedy, and loss, and sacrifice. It also means joy, and surprise, and love. As Manhattan Jon gets none of these things, but as Calvin Abar, for ten years, he might just get enough for a lifetime.

One Last Call: The Resident Alien Season One Finale

Christian Angeles

March 31, 2021

cast of resident alien — PHOTO BY: MAARTEN DE BOER/NBCUNIVERSAL/NBCU PHOTO BANK VIA GETTY IMAGES

A final look at season one, with interviews from Sara Tomko, Alice Wetterlund, Corey Reynolds, and Levi Fiehler.

Resident Alien might just be SYFY’s best show in years. Critics have given the series, led by Alan Tudyk and showrunner by Chris Sheridan, an astonishing 93% fresh score and, with good reason, as the show is a darkly funny romp of science fiction about the intricacies of what it means to be human. A weekly adventure of naïve malice and best friendships between every woman, man, and alien.

Though the season finale episode, Heroes of Patience, maybe the end of the season, it’s definitely not the end of the series. The show has a second season in development and has gained a growing diehard fanbase. Myself included.

Over the past three episodes now, we have seen guest cameos from Linda Hamilton, Terry O’Quinn, and Nathan Fillion… as an Octopus. We’ve also seen Harry The Alien learn a lot this season about the intricacies of human relationships. All thanks to some of the great chemistry and storylines of Resident Alien’s supporting players.

So we asked some of the cast questions regarding the finale, including that revelation about Jay being Asta’s daughter, along with what it was like, overall, to work on the show.

Can You (Sara Tomko + Alice Wetterlund) Talk About The Revelation Of Jay Being Asta’s daughter?

“Well, it’s not a revelation to Asta. It’s a revelation to Jay her for sure, and the rest of my people! I didn’t tell anyone except Harry. Which is bizarre that I choose this outside stranger with such vulnerable information. But I think that was why — because I knew that he would keep my secret safe. I felt safe with him all of a sudden.”

Tomko then went onto discuss Jay’s reaction in the season finale.

“When Jay finally finds out there is an intense shame. I remember shooting that scene, and I told Chris afterward, I dunno what happened to me but I felt like a sixteen-year-old that did a bad thing. Like I went back to getting in trouble again when you’re young, and you don’t know what your future is going to hold, and I feel like it was very scary. Very vulnerable moment. I’m just so excited that Jay, who was played by Kaylayla Raine. I was so excited to work with someone so thoughtful in how she handled that scene. I was just proud of her like a mama would be.”

Wetterlund then shared her thoughts about the relationship between Jay and her character, Darcy. Along with some of the heated motivations for her character by the finale.

“She’s amazing. Well, we — Asta is the center of D’arcy’s world. And it’s very clear that D’arcy is okay to fuck her own life up because she‘s got, Asta. She relies on her for so much, and Jay is also revolving around Asta as her employer, confidant, and mentor. And for this revelation to happen, and for Jay to have been lied to, but also D’arcy?”

“Are you kidding you didn’t tell me this, and for her to have found this information out through Jay? It really drives a wedge there. It makes sense for these two to team up because I guess we don’t matter to the person we’re supposed to matter the most to?”

What Were Your (Corey Reynolds + Levi Fiehler) Favorite Things About Working On The Series?

“Probably the cast. We had a unique journey. The two and a half years from pilot to air. Chris did this a little differently than any show I’ve been a part of. As more people were cast, he had an email thread that he would send, that would include the person’s headshot, some fun facts about them, and a welcome to the family. As this thread would grow, we all were getting connected. It was that to me, and also feeling valued when it comes to what I bring to the table — It was kind of like being an athlete.”

Corey then went into the importance of trust and how it led to good improv. But he did so using a sports metaphor, about a subject that probably goes over the head of most of SYFY’s base audience.

“You have a coach as your director and you have your GM as your producers. Everyone has these plays that are played out the way they’re supposed to run. But once in a while, you have some freedom within that structure, and a lot of the time that can disrupt the plays. But with this, Chris encouraged us to make it our own. That was a special part of all of this from the very beginning. This bonding between our cast and company led to the improv that felt so natural between us. Took me from my elbow to my ass to get there, but none-the-less, I think that was the most special part. We got good people.”

Finally, Levi shared his thoughts about the series.

“Corey said it so beautifully. It’s a win if you get one-or-two out of five things. With this show, it’s like Allen and Chris, they’re the pillars holding up this show in a lot of ways. If either of them were difficult it would make it such a different experience, but they are, some of the kindest people I’ve ever worked with. It’s been incredible to work with people like that, we’ve had two and a half years to film this one season so it’s been great,” He said before concluding, “A bonus too, is that the writing is so great. The story arc for all the characters. It just feels like, I’m so grateful for everything. The extra cherry on top is I’m a huge fan of everything Amblin has done, and so for the last 35 40 years, and so to be a part of that world. I’m constantly pinching myself.

The season finale to Resident Alien just debuted on 3/31. You can watch it again on SYFY on at Friday 11 pm or online.

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So…that happened…Sylvie and Loki reach the citadel at the end of time and shit hits the fan.

With only three episodes left, big changes abound and this episode seemed like the definitive bridge between lead-up and payoff.

Sylvie makes a bold move, Loki tries to fight his destiny, and Old Man Loki rocks the house in Wednesday’s Loki.

Netflix’s Fear Street three-part horror movie extravaganza debuted last weekend with Fear Street Part 1: 1994 and it introduced us to the town of Shadyside where a whole lot of murdering happens.

WARNING SPOILERS AHEAD. If you haven’t watched the film yet, go do that now!

So…uh…who created the TVA???

Both Loki and Rick and Morty are high-concept sci-fi comedies written by the same writer/showrunner.

The Time Police

The Rogue

The Narcissistic Protagonist

Portals

The TVA Office/The Citadel

The Secret Ruler Of The Time Keepers/The Council Of Ricks

The Multiple Loki’s/Rick’s/Mortys

Sometimes, ya think ya just know somebody. I’ve heard that phrase before. It’s not typically said in jest. Surprises are not always a guaranteed hoot given this second lovely episode of Kevin Can F**k Himself (AMC) titled “New Tricks”.

This also has a nice tribute to Lynn Shelton in the post-credits. Rest In Power.

In the long fame of situational comedies, something is so relaxing, something is so familiar, something is so… pleasing. For those of us who look further, something is so dysfunctional, something is so preventable, something is so… unsettling.

With that said, it’s not completely solid, but the second episode of this will follow swiftly and perhaps will give a bit more insight into the mind of someone behind the scenes, like Mr. Pickles from Kidding.

What Is Trese About?

Why People May Be Hesitant

But It’s Really The Team Which Stands Out

The Take

They say a house is not a home. I disagree, and I think any designer would agree. A House is truly not home for most. In the case of fashion, it is an Empire.

After four seasons of bloodshed, curse words, betrayals, and vampires, Castlevania’s story is finally over. And with the dawn of death’s end marked the beginning of a new world. At least, for those willing to change.

Revenge Is for children. It is our duty to grow up don’t you think?

Original sin is defined by iniquities that are passed down, by no volition of our own. The Bible calls it the Apple. The mob calls it the Bloodline. In the season finale of Birdgirl [adult swim] titled “Baltimo”, you will realize why Sebben & Sebben calls it the Legacy.

I think she stole that from Michael Buble’s rendition of “Feeling Good” which she may add to her new ‘living’ playlist.

It’s a nice sentiment, but can Karli’s dream ever truly be realized? Also, new, new Cap!

I don’t know what the hell the Birdcat B-plot was about, but it was fun.

Move over Harvey, there’s a new She-riff in town…

If it would please the curt.

I ask you to keep an open mind in this case until you follow me with all of the reviews. Let it be stated that all of that facts will be provided to you and only then, shall you and only you, lay the verdict upon it.

This week in The Falcon and the Winter Soldier, Sam and Wilson are off to see Baron Zemo and break him out of jail! Wait…what!?

And so Watchmen ends, but how was the ending? And, for that matter, how was the series as a whole?

A final look at season one, with interviews from Sara Tomko, Alice Wetterlund, Corey Reynolds, and Levi Fiehler.

Can You (Sara Tomko + Alice Wetterlund) Talk About The Revelation Of Jay Being Asta’s daughter?

What Were Your (Corey Reynolds + Levi Fiehler) Favorite Things About Working On The Series?