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Prodigal Son: “Death’s Door” Review

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PRODIGAL SON: L-R: Aurora Perrineau, Tom Payne and guest star Ana Gasteyer in the "Death's Door" episode of PRODIGAL SON airing Monday, Feb. 17 (9:01-10:00 PM ET/PT) on FOX. © 2020 FOX MEDIA LLC. Cr: David Giesbrecht/FOX.

Will Martin Whitly die? Will Jessica take the fall for Malcolm and go to jail for the murder of her serial killer ex-husband? Will Malcolm confess to prevent his mother from serving out his sentence!? Let’s find out on tonight’s Prodigal Son.

We start off dealing with the direct fallout from the cliffhanger of last episode: Malcolm stabbed Martin Whitly in the heart to stop a deranged serial killer. Gil is informing Jessica that if Martin dies, she’s fucked – why? Because Jessica is insisting, she’s the one who stabbed the Surgeon. Malcolm wants to do the right thing and take responsibility for his actions, but a case comes up and for once mommy dearest is all too eager to push her son into the darkness.

Our case is interesting: a necrophiliac who doesn’t want to fuck dead bodies so much as pose them and hang out! We learn that necrophilia isn’t as simple as the media would like us to believe: 10 varieties! The more important take-away? This is Edrisa’s time to shine! Between finding the first body, attending a funeral directors’ convention, and saving a lying man, our favorite M.E. is definitely getting some love this week. Not to mention she gets to be our team-member in trouble!

Edrisa’s threat presents itself in the form of our killer. Ever thought to yourself: Wouldn’t a job in the funeral business be perfect for a necrophiliac? Turns out, not so much. Meet Ashlie Atkinson a character actor that’s been making the rounds. I most recently saw her in New Amsterdam, and before that, Mr. Robot, where the end to her guest run was one of the best I’ve ever seen! But, here and now, she’s your killer of the week: a necrophiliac who just need a little more time to do her bodies justice.

On a side note – we may have some answers about the Girl in the Box! Though, how much can we believe about a dream sequence? And yes, I know Malcolm said coma patients don’t dream per say, but you get the idea. From the fantasy sequences Martin experiences we discover the Girl was a jogger with a sprained ankle who had the misfortune of asking for Martin’s help. He brings her home and when she turns down the easy root of “tea or hot cider” Martin chloroform’s her. However, later in the “dream”, she is not in the Box. Instead, their interaction plays out completely different and Martin is assailed by his would-be victim. It’s at this point that, outside of the hallucination, Martin’s body starts to code.

It’s fun to note that while many medical procedurals have explored the conflict of treating a criminal who is dying, this would be one of the first shows (that I know of at least) to present this conundrum from the other point of view. What I mean is that usually when a medical show deals with this moral question, it’s from the doctor’s point of view. Does he or she do what is right by their patient, or, do they do what is right by society? In this case, the audience is abundantly aware of what will happen if the doctors treating Martin decide to play “hero” and let a killer die.

We get a bit of insight into Martin Whitly – how did he become who, er, what he is? Did Mommy not love him enough, or too much, did Daddy do horrible things to him (my guess would be yes, since this reason gives him pause)? Does it matter? While the ghost of his past may reflect his deepest fears – apparently, losing his family (especially Malcolm, duh), he knows what he is: a predatory psychopath. In his mind, Malcolm is proud of his father for this. Naturally, the moment that brings Martin around is when Malcolm finally goes to see his father at the hospital.

Oh hey, and last but not least: Ainsley gets a little more love tonight. Her weird plan to convince her mother to get a defense attorney by calling their father’s makes no fucking sense to me, but whatever. It’s easily the least batshit insane thing to happen on this show.

Overall, not a bad episode. The relationship between Malcolm and Edrisa is playful and his understanding of her leads to his saving her life. The relationship between Malcolm and Dani hits a bit of a bump, and we discover Dani’s dad died when she was a kid. Oh yeah…and Eve is back – yay (with every ounce of sarcasm I can muster in text).

The next episode isn’t for a while, but there’s a solid test coming up. Whereas Jessica was willing to kill Martin for the sake of saving others, will Martin save his ex-wife’s life by sticking to Malcolm’s story? Or…will he screw her over and stick her ass in jail? Tricky…

Kidding Season 2 Recap: Episode 2.04 “…But Now I’m Found”

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You Get a Friend! And You Get a Friend! And You Get... something that may throw Mr. Pickles In Jail.
At least it ain't a talking Mr. Pickles Rick!

“War is what happens when language fails.” – Margaret Atwood

Two kids, Josip (Roman Coto) and Grugr (Milos Jovanovic) happily frolic, firing finger pistols at one another among the rubble in a destroyed Vukovar, Croatia in 1991. Josip winds up for a pitch. STEEERIKE ONE. The two whippersnappers barely escape with their lives to their haven, surrounded by like-minded children enjoying Puppet Time amid the outside fray. That is until an explosion freezes the television reception. Now it’s Josip’s time to shine as he winds up for the pitch. STEEERIKE THREE. What people fail to realize is when a grenade goes off, the first strike could be as lethal as the third. Welcome to Kidding (Showtime) episode 4, “I Wonder What Grass Tastes Like.”

Back in present-day Croatia. Josip (Johnny Kostrey) collects the profits from listen-to-me Pickles. Josip’s grown up and takes zero shit if he’s slighted. He’s about to show the cashier some Pickles hospitality served up Croatian style until one of the toys starts talking. Josip goes creepily spot-on into Mr. Pickles mode and sings along with the toy. Josip takes the doll in lieu of his slight and the cashier gets to live another day. Now Jeff has an ally on one of the most deadly borders of the world- Serbia and Croatia.

Meanwhile, halfway across the globe, Mr. Pickles (Jim Carrey) sits on a panel with the women of The Talk. Eve jokes about it being Alexa with a middle-aged man on the other end. Marie Osmond is worried more parents aren’t worried about the toy. Sharon Osbourne brings him up not having a show anymore. Jeff knocks all questions out of the park with class and poise. The audience seems behind him, which is good because Sheryl Underwood announces that the entire audience is getting a listen-to-me Pickles.

In the follow-up, we see that Jeff is in pain from the operation, but refuses to take opiates due to the epidemic the nation is currently in. Now, there’s smart and there’s self-righteous (aka stupid). There’s also sanctimonious and honest. Jeff wants something natural to relieve the pain. Something non-addictive. Paging Dr. Greenthumb… and Big P!

“We can know only that we know nothing. And that is the highest degree of human wisdom.” – Leo Tolstoy

That night, a very dressed to the nines and looking like a ten Diedre (Catherine Keener) meets up with an Amazon streaming executive. He’s agreed to buy the archives (sans the recent content) and refuses to put Puppet Time back on the air. Diedre reminds the executive that Jeff’s dolls are selling like crazy through none other than Amazon’s website. She lays out the terms of shooting in Columbus, Ohio, not informing Jeff of there being things he cannot say, complete creative control and that every child in America being able to watch the show for free. This makes complete sense. Despite their shilling for donations, PBS was never behind a paywall of any sort. The executive is curious before she goes to a competitor.

Peter (Justin Kirk) hobbles next door to Jeff’s for lunch (cereal). Peter admits that having Jeff “inside” of him is basically the same- with one exception.. trying things he hasn’t done before… like fucking trying to walk again. For a moment, I’m sure Jeff probably chubbed up a little bit. Peter didn’t realize offering Mr. Pickles a doob on Christmas Eve (a time for GIFTING by the by!) would hit Jeff the wrong way but Peter… well, the right way? Apologizing to Jeff, Jeff asks for help in finding some of the sticky-icky.

Peter surreptitiously tries to procure the sweet stuff at a dispensary, using his status as a doctor to score some for a patient who’s “a well known public figure.” Alas, the law is the wall precluding Jeff’s anonymity.. until Peter tells the person behind the bulletproof glass who it is. Yeah, apparently Jeff has six strands named after his show. Jeff seems worried, but the employee assures Jeff that she’s watched Puppet Time many a time while medicated. Jeff’s become his own sub-culture!

As the woman behind the counter dissects truth behind Puppet Time and the metaphors Jeff didn’t even realize, he’s becoming more curious about this new journey. On asking Peter how his recovery is going, well, outside of quitting smoking and drinking on the fact he’s lost have his liver, onset of acute E.D. and losing his job, he’s doing pretty alright. He’s also fucking high. Peter and Jill have gotten stronger, but Jeff’s bit has a bit more to do with loneliness than anything else.

Because Jeff doesn’t want to smoke anything, they supply him with a tea inside. Jeff invites Peter to sip drugs with him. As they imbibe a joint through a classy tea set, Jeff and Peter exchange stories about losing their V-Cards. From personal experience, if it’s your first time, there’s no Valentine’s Day platitude written on it. There never is. Jeff’s experience was as magical as it sounded though. Jill (Judy Greer) arrives and doesn’t even care that they are drinking weed, but may like Jeff’s new ‘do… oh and Jeff is high.

As Diedre attempts to play the piano she claimed as her own wearing a tuxedo, Scott (Justin Kirk) comes down and reminds her that an Amazon deal or any deal would make her in better standing with being more excited. Poor Diedre, he didn’t even notice you were dying in triple time.

As Seb (Frank Langella) in his bed carves out the middles of soft bread (I’m sure they did that on purpose), he puts on a tux for going out Diedre’s award ceremony. YUP, she paid it all back to a legit charity she started. I initially thought Seb was putting on a tux to off himself since he’s out of the only thing he knows and in this case, he probably wishes he had.

At the post-ceremony dinner, Seb ignores his daughter completely at their table. Her daughter Maddy (Juliet Morris) knows the score, saying that it was just all for tax evasion. Nobody can look up, all eyes are down… because she has a glue problem. You’ll figure it out.

As Jeff and Peter decide to take on an idea put forth while high go up on an elevator, Peter calls Jeff a genius. His blood in the nethers came back. Big P! decides to return the favor of Jeff’s first sexual experience. As Jeff goes South on the elevator, he’s due North somewhere else. Thankful, they both depart, as now his enemy wants to go fuck his love. Awkwaard!

“War is a game that is played with a smile. If you can’t smile, grin. If you can’t grin, keep out of the way till you can.” – Winston Churchill

As Jeff is talking to Josip while shaving, they have a heart to heart. It’s nearly Charlie Kaufmanesque. It’s Jeff talking to Jeff… but not as Jeff. Jeff likes Josip and wants him to phone in a voice proxy of him to sign the papers (because the real Jeff can’t simply bring himself to do it.) The only condition, he’s there to do it with her.

As the call ends, Diedre breaks in to take Jeff to his new set. Jeff is ecstatic to meet his old friends but his new set on a bigger budget. Diedre falls back into comfort in her new seat as chairwoman.

At the deposition, Diedre and Scott through their attorney’s go through the financials and meet at a stalemate.. until Diedre’s creations, which are valued at millions come into play. Because they agreed to split everything 50/50, Scott, albeit the cheating one, consumes with delight the banana SPLIT.

This means Scott takes hold of Ennui Le Triste (valued at 26.1 mil), Snagglehorse (valued at 18.2 mil), Thump Thump (valued at 9.4 mil), the Oops (valued at 12.4 mil), Astrontter (valued at 21.4 mil) and most importantly Uke-Larry (valued at unknown.)

This episode was for all intents and purposes the least imaginative when it came to the Puppet Time world. However, it made Jeff more human to us. He was reaching out for help and asking for forgiveness. He was trying new things and for once made him accepting to new experiences, which in his little bubble, was a step in the right direction.

I mean, would you like Mr. Rogers more if you knew he toked up now and again? I bet you would and the new Pickles embraces that for the time being and, full disclosure, I’d be more comfortable if knowing saints weren’t perfect… which they aren’t. They are just dicks making up for their mistakes and canonized for doing something we all do. Making boo-boo’s and fucking putting a band-aid on it until it is healed (though we sometimes like to pick the at wound so the skin grows stronger.)

Spoiler alert: It just leaves a bigger scar.

Kidding Season 2 Recap: Episode 2.03 “NecrinomiCAN”

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There's no accounting for taste... or boundaries.

“The light of the body is the eye: if. Therefore, thine eye be single, thy. whole body should be full of light.” – Matthew 6:22

We open in on on a legally blind kid- James (Luca Bleau Darnell), but faintly seeing Puppet Time. After a surgery (most likely prompted by love to see Mr. Pickles proper), his vision comes into focus, allowing him to see Mr. Pickles (Jim Carrey) in all his glory, as God intended.. that is until perusing the channel to find out Puppet Time won’t be shown that week. Welcome to Kidding (Showtime) episode 3, “I’m Listening.”

Back in the hospital, Jeff’s room is flooded with fan-mail. He wonders the halls of the hospital reading a bunch of them too himself, including one from Peter (Justin Kirk), his recipient who wants to talk with him, even though Jill most likely won’t make that a reality. The fans seem to miss Mr. Pickles and going through an MRI, a flash of happiness flashes across Jeff’s mouth.

In the hospital room, Jeff meets his roommate through the back-lit scrim of a hospital curtain. This person clearly is using an Electrolarnyx, and Jeff opens up to her, bemoaning he has too many ‘friends’ (read: fans). This stranger, friendless, claim to see the world for what it is- “An airport hotel room, where people wait in line to fuck you in the throat.” What a fitting roommate to keep him company. Jeff claims he knows how to fix it, but it will entertain controversy and gain him, enemies. His bedridden therapist claims that having enemies is a good thing because it means you’re true- that being beloved makes people question your intentions. When asked if the mystery person behind curtain number one has enemies, the reveal comes. Good ole’ Tara Lipinsky (as herself) from the first season, who fucked Jeff over for his Pickles on ice idea and subsequently was met with karma when a skate blade wanted to make friends with her fucking throat. Com-e-dy!

Back in the house of Diedre (Catherine Keener) and Scott (Bernard White), the passive-aggressive practice of Post-It Noting items is underway. If Diedre wants the piano and learns to play it to spite Scott, Scott wants complete custody of Maddy (Juliet Morris). He believes Diedre is an unfit mother and he wants to prove it through her finances. Every year, she pays hundreds of thousands to a charity monikered the “Indica School for Girls”, however according to the forensic accountant hired by Scott himself. Despite Diedre trying to wiggle her way out of it the best she can, but she’s dead to rights… and possibly soon dead to Maddy’s world. This causes her to flip the felt out and destroy her workshop.

At the hospital, Seb (Frank Langella), wheels Jeff out and agrees to step away from the brand without any animosity. This is perfect because Jeff relays his new idea to Seb in the car home. This would be a Mr. Pickles doll outfitted with the technology akin to an Alexa or Google Home. In Jeff’s words, “I want eight inches of me, in every child’s bed.” (Come on, that’s a SOLID joke!)

Before getting into his apartment, Seb asks of Jeff to stay with Diedre for a bit and help her through the divorce until she gets back on her feet.

As a frantic Diedre is on the floor, cleaning up the mess she made being the mess she is, she turns to huffing the spilled industrial-strength adhesive until a knock is heard. Super giddy and euphoric, Diedre greets Seb, with him relaying to her the same thing about Jeff and seeing him through his divorce as well. He also wants Diedre to take over the business under the condition she put the kibosh on his worst impulses. As Jeff enters, he immediately relays his mad idea of putting an unsupervised wi-fi connected doll into the hands of every child. Compromised, Diedre immediately falls head over heels with the concept. Oh Seb, what have you done?

Back at home, as Will (Cole Allen) tidies up, a gift falls from the shelf. Picking it up, it’s a present addressed to Will himself but the from field is left blank. Peeling the paper back, he’s confronted with a tome titled Deus Mathematica: Math, Magic & Mysticism. Opening the cover, he discovers the check-out card dating back to the latter ‘40s and ending at the latter ‘90s. Will opens to a random section of the book, which so happens to be the chapter “The World’s Greatest Magic Trick: How To Turn Back Time.

Right next door, Jeff is going through the house he bought to stay close to his family. Now wrecked and ravaged, his real estate agent pleads with him not to sell. After Jeff relays his erstwhile hope for the house to be a mirror to his family, he realizes the truth that it is but a metaphorical tomb, the agent vows to draw up the paperwork and have it on Zillow by the end of the week. Jeff notices Peter with his big lollipop Jeff gifted him in the hospital.

“Neither can the wave that has passed by be recalled, nor the hour which has passed return again.” – Ovid

Jeff goes next door to talk to Peter but he’s met with Jill (Judy Greer) at the door and divorce papers. Jill takes Jeff aside and just wants him to sign the damn forms. In perfect Pickles form, Jeff seems to want to make a meal out of the signing as Will observes from his window. His friend B.D. reads from the Spell Book, instructing Will to close his eyes and seeing a moment he’d like to return to. Will looks at a picture of his ‘complete’ family and does just that. He proceeds to place Phil’s old ephemera on his old bunk and proceeds to sit on it, awaiting further instruction. Will reads the next step depends on one thing: Will.

Just as the word is seen, one of Phil’s alarms goes off, scaring the three. It’s turned off, but suddenly a car alarm goes off. It’s Jeff’s. Jeff scrambles to shut it off, forgetting the divorce papers on the hood of his car and speeding off. Fearing that Jeff might have found B.D.’s stash, they go over to the house.

Thankfully, the stash is safe through a small safe door. Will realizes that the house is a mirror image of his house and searches out another small safe door, which he does find. In it, he does find a Phil of sorts. He finds a stash of the letters from donor recipients of Phil’s. Heart, kidney, liver, corneas.

At TOYCO, Jeff sits in silence with the crude prototype for his new idea: a regular talking Mr. Pickles doll in a barrel with a Walkie-talkie affixed. As he awaits the executives, he hears voices. He pulls back the curtain to reveal it’s a double-sided mirror, with the executives on the playroom side. Seb enters and tells them to pass on Jeff’s idea, as it would be dangerous to give him unfettered freedom like that. Jeff chimes in from the other room telling his dad that it would be dishonest to say he can’t hear and see him. Seb pleads with him to reconsider. What if a child calls Jeff on that thing and threatens to kill himself? What if a parent calls and threatens to kill Jeff on account of his Christmas speech. Seb makes it very clear that Diedre isn’t in charge and never was. As long as Seb is breathing, he will assert domain. Angry Jeff suggests Seb just hang it up and retire, though it’s the only thing that made his dominant life mean anything.

In Diedre’s kitchen, Jeff shows Maddy his newest talking creation. She shows him hers, Mr. Chompers. This is the most god awful looking thing to date on the show. It’s a puppet with human teeth. Enter Diedre, who’s freaking the fuck out, coming down from a glue high.

Diedre admits writing checks to herself every year and that if she cannot run a household, how could she possibly run a company to actually cover the expenses of an actual orphanage or charity so the big-dicked IRS doesn’t have her over a barrel (sans lube). After Jeff tells her that she has faith she could put Puppet Time back on the air, Diedre melts down and admits she never liked Puppet Time nor does she like Jeff’s hair. Grabbing a pair of scissors, Jeff knows what Diedre needs to do for both of them to move on.

With hands shaking, Jeff offers up the first hearty strand of his signature locks. After a few audible snips, Diedre freaks out and Jeff is euphoric. Breathing more sighs of relief, Diedre continues on. Once completed, Jeff takes the first look at himself and simply admits, “I thought I’d miss him, but I don’t.” Diedre vows to him she is going to get the show back on the air.

Armed with the letter of Phil’s corneas recipient and his Spell Book, Will approaches the address of the parents who sent the letter. Opening the book, he notices on the check out card the date of 10/9/46. Looking up at the address, he notices it’s 10946.

Knocking on the door, a girl calls out to her brother, James. This is the same child seen at the very beginning of the episode with the surgery. James claims he has to go to wrap a Christmas present, though the holiday was a few weeks back. One might notice the kid is also holding the same style wrapping paper Will’s present was.

With this weighing on him, Will ventures into the street, nearly being hit by a student driver. Havana (Jenna Z. Alvarez) gets out and Will asks if she remembers his brother. She does recall. Will asks if she believes in turning back time is possible. She explains that it’s impossible for the past to sit on the past but it is possible in the same logic to travel forwards in time when nothing is recycled.

CUT to: Four Months Later. Havana drives Will home. They make out in the car. Will is living his brother’s past while bringing it into the future.

Later, a little girl Judy (Aria Renee Kenney) approaches her doorstep. She finds a parcel on her step, compliments of Jeff Pickles. Meanwhile, a freshly shorn Jeff checks his “listen-to-me Pickles” application to see which toys have gone live through the country. Smiling, Jeff extends his podcast microphone arm and gets ready.

Back in Judy’s room, she extracts listen-to-me Pickles from his packaging, closes the door from her fighting brother and baby sitter. In real-time, Mr. Pickles lends a few comforting thoughts about he’ll always be there for her. Setting him aside on her nightstand, Jeff sings into the mic a lullaby. We see Peter or “Big P” opening up his gift as well as Jeff’s creation. We see Seb miserable at his retirement party and sadly eating an Astronotter pop outside of the frivolities. We end on the toy singing to Peter and to James.

As Jeff goes over the good nights recorded by kids all around, we come around to one parent excoriating Mr. Pickles for talking to his child about him and cursing him out. A furrowed brow adorns Jeff’s face until a smile turns it around.

This third episode really upended what I thought of how the series could go, in a good way. It brought everything full circle and we’re delving more into Will’s brilliant character and how he’s handling a fairly acrimonious divorce behind the scenes. He’s lashed out, rebelled and came into himself with finding a little bit of zen in the chaos that is his family. Apple doesn’t fall far, I guess.

Prodigal Son: “Eye of the Needle” Review

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A dark Whitly family reunion

Tonight’s featured killer has an axe to grind with Jessica Whitly and her clan…well, some kind of sharp object.

This episode revolves around a crazy game of killer phone-tag. We start with a flashback – Malcolm is talking to his father, asking Martin how he would kill his son. The Surgeon has a lot of potentials, but is ultimately dismissive of the idea of murdering his own son. When asked the question in kind, Malcolm artfully dodges it – ok, not artfully since his father gives him a pretty easy out. But, the scene reflects our new undercurrent for the show: Did Martin Whitly really take his son out on that camping trip to kill him? We’re gonna have to live with not knowing because other things are happening that distract from it, but don’t worry we’ll get back to it.

Our story diverges to a seemingly innocent Whitly family dinner – naturally none of the innocent elements remain untouched. Jessica’s news about a tip regarding the girl in the box goes south quick, and Ainsley’s promotion to anchor plays into the killer’s hands perfectly. Only Malcolm appears to escape unscathed, the two weeks away from the job having no clear consequence. In fact, if it wasn’t for his insistence to accompany his mother to meet the tipster, he might not have gotten involved at all (obviously not true, since he probably would have been called into the case afterwards).

Behind the pageantry of high stakes and super-coincidences this episode presents a very interesting question: Do two wrongs make a right? It’s not a particularly original question, but it is an interesting one especially with the setup.

Our killer is motivated by his hatred of The Surgeon, believing that Martin Whitly purposefully murdered his wife – only, his wife was a patient, and Martin quote “followed the Hippocratic oath to the letter, with one small asterisk”. Martin is a killer, but he’s also a professional heart surgeon a responsibility he takes quite seriously (as he mentions he consults on operations while in prison, saving lives). The killer sees the situation as black and white – Martin needs to die, and Jessica, as his ex-wife, should be the one to kill him. Why? Logically speaking, she has the best access to him, but then why not ask Malcolm? Why take Jessica’s efforts to redeem the Whitly family name and use them as justification for drawing her into a bloody test?

From a storytelling perspective, it’s a means of incorporating Jessica more deeply in an episode where she would normally only play a small part. It also allows Jessica a kind of cathartic confrontation of her darkest desires – she’s often talked of wanting to make her ex pay for her family’s strife. Being given an innocent person’s life on the line unless her villainous husband dies is an opportune setup to say the least. But, would she have done it? Unfortunately, we’ll never know. This show is first and foremost about Malcolm and Martin’s twisted relationship, and while the limelight may fall on Jessica and Ainsley’s experiences with their demented patriarch here and there, the spotlight is always on Malcolm’s.

Malcolm is important here because he stops his mother from killing Martin, but not necessarily for The Surgeon’s sake. Murder, as many media representations express, changes a person. You go from being “good” to being “bad”. Having a serial killer also double as a world-renowned surgeon presents this conflict very well. Yes, Martin kills people, but he also saves them. Does it balance the scales? He seems to think, to a degree, that it does (given how often he mentions this when his less glamorous claim to fame is brought to light). Malcolm worries that killing Martin will change Jessica, however, he also doesn’t want to kill Martin. He understands that killing Martin is the easiest solution to their problem – the killer will spare the next would-be victim, if The Surgeon dies – but, to kill someone at another killer’s behest would be just as bad, right? I’m not sure if these philosophical quandaries are presented on-purpose, or if their creation is merely a happy accident (and most likely the result of people like me who read way too deeply into what is meant to be thoughtless popcorn entertainment).

Either way, Malcolm finds an extremely particular solution to this ancient mystery, a workaround of sorts. What if you don’t really kill the person the killer wants you to kill? My problem with this is that he could have simply stabbed Martin in any non-lethal part of his body and all the killer would have really known is Martin was stabbed and needed surgery, but if I give into the ridiculous premise that the show forces, then fine – the stabbing had to be more convincing. In this case, Malcolm knows a way to stab his father that will potentially not result in his death, but the method has to be precise. Martin knows this – Malcolm does the classic “secret-phrase-between-two-people” exchange just before the moment of impact.

But does it work? That’s the bigger question, and the advertised cliffhanger. Because if Malcolm failed…and Martin dies…is he now a “bad” guy?

We shall see…

Kidding Season 2 Recap: Episode 2.02 “At The Deep End of a Black Pool”

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Hugs? Anybody? Hello?

A ton could be said for the one art both painters and writers agree upon… music. It provides a muse to many a session and it’s something that even stage and screen could compete not with- unmitigated delight that is both ineffable and impossible to truly describe. Plenty of non-musical television shows had incorporated music as the backdrop and some have also developed an episode into a musical. Typically, that is done because the writer’s room is at a dearth of ideas and I personally see as a last-ditch effort if it’s not naturally a musical show. Blackpool did it correctly, but then American television shows started to fall head over heels for it. It was always quiet and quirky, pushing the plot but not really saying much unless there were true stakes at hand, which there never were. It is in this vein that this episode breaks the mold. Though already having musical numbers just on account of Mr. Pickles Puppet Time, they’ve not had a musical or semi-musical episode. In the follow-up episode, “Up, Down and Everything Between”, Kidding (Showtime) brings a sense of catharsis, closure and well, everything in between.

“We are the music makers/ And we are the dreamers of the dreams.” – Arthur O’Shauhnessy

In Theme 1, we open in on a test group of children toying uncomfortably with a Mr. Pickle proxy Mr. Potato head… a pickle. Far behind but still close of the double-sided glass, Seb (Frank Langella) is putting the kibosh on placing a phallic-shaped friend in the hand of kids around the country, despite Mr. Pickle’s (Jim Carrey) stirring tree lighting address that ended last season, whereby he called bullshit on the saccharine food and culture we shovel into the mouths and minds of today’s youth, much to the consternation of parents worldwide and to the stellar sales of his last toy after that, a talking Mr. Pickles doll.

(In case you’re wondering, Jeff Piccirrilo basically broke down in front of the most important and filmed time of his life, pulling a Howard Beale live on-air to an adoring audience. Get yours, Jeff.)

The executives try to convince Seb to strike while the iron is hot, but the bigger issue the executives insisting on is getting Mr. Pickles back on the air as soon as possible so the toys can be pushed. In their words, they “can’t sell albums if the band’s not on tour” which is an apt analogy. Technically, merchandise would be better analogous, since that’s how a band really makes money, but I digress. Seb assures them “Puppet Time” will be back on the air within six months… and then he gets the call. Ohh, boy is Jeff’s good deed going to make big daddy unhappy… but some girl will if they don’t pull that toy and quick. Oh, maybe I shouldn’t have said…

Back in the waiting room, an uncomfortable Diedre (Catherine Keener) sits across from a very livid Jill (Judy Greer). Worried Will (Cole Allen) and his aloof friend, B.D. (Coda Boesel) asks when his brother died, had they donated his organs. Jill informs him they didn’t because had they, the lucky so and so would be inducted as a part of the Piccirrillo family and Mr. Pickles would set up scholarship which Jill wants nothing to do with. Added stress from a great guy. Isn’t ironic. Dontcha think?

Jeff essentially would see the act as the recipient being a literal part of the family.

As the procedure is set to begin, Jill goes to see Peter (Justin Kirk) and Deidre goes to see Jeff giving her daughter Maddy (Juliet Morris) a twenty spot to buy a soda pop. The insightful B.D. asks Will if he’s ever thought this was all his fault for calling his own father a pussy so many times. Pause and keeping it 100.

In the prep room, Jeff is worried that Jill won’t talk to him again if Peter actually makes it through. Deidre vows to make smooth things over. His surgeon, Dr. Labanc (Carrie Kawa) and anesthesiologist, Dr. Gimple (Pete Carboni) on loan from County (which is the funniest and most abrasive joke I’ve heard in a while.. search it up) arrive and Mr. Pickles is wheeled into the O.R., but not before mouthing to his sister, “talk to her.” Gee, that will end well in roses and lemonade.

Now, I’ve never trusted hospitals. I know they are supposed to do you well, whole Hippocratic Oath and all.. But I just don’t like them.

In the O.R., after a few surgery puns are lobbed, Jeff is at the start of his journey. Just before he goes out, Dr. Labanc informs him that though her daughter loved his unhinged speech, SHE didn’t care much for it, so she changes his listening experience from a peaceful Brahams, his preferred to some aggressive bland industrial song. This sends Jeff in his last waking breaths into a panicked fugue state in a very Michel Gondry fashion as the set transforms from the operating theatre into one of Pickle Falls, Jeff’s own creation.

“A painter paints in pictures on canvas. But musicians paint their pictures on silence.” – Leopold Stokowski

In Pickle Falls, Jeff sees his old friends, like Snagglehorse (Rich Fulcher) and Astron-Otter (Gwen Hollander) to Secret Chef (Mike Quinn), Ennui Le Triste (Dan Garza), and Sy The Wide-Eyed Fly (Christian Anderson). These old friends, however, are mortified of Mr. Pickles. They fear he will murder them. When Mr. Pickles insists he just needs passage up Pickle Falls to see his family, they fear he will murder them as well. Their mistrust in him looms large and they do NOT like their friend who’s changed with a simple push on a gas pedal. His only friends have abandoned him and Jeff is all alone to fend for himself… or is he?

We cut to a very young Jeff reading Deidre a postcard his mother had sent them from Niagra Falls. She’s abandoned the family and though Deidre can accept the fact their mother is happier without them, Jeff cannot. With a rucksack of chocolate Rodeobars and a BB rifle, a young Jeff, clad in a Boyscout uniform looking like an unused extra from Moonrise Kingdom sets off to see what could possibly make his mother so happy, she’d rather be there than with her family.

Once Seb hears of this, he goes after Jeff. Emotional, Jeff shoots poppa in the face fucking face and hand, even when handed the fact that his mother was a manic depressive. After Jeff lets off on a barrage of punches to his daddy’s gut, he’s knocked down before being offered a hand by the same person he shot. It’s very effective they use the bottom down view on O.C. (Off Camera) voice to represent the father figure. Jeff gets up on his own and kicks father in the nuts before continuing on his journey.

We CUT to a Mr. Pickles running through the woods of Pickle Falls in desperation. He happens upon Astronotter’s twig built Rocket in the middle of a lake. Jeff’s found a way out. It only looks like a one-man vessel, but this is Kidding. Even with Jeff’s own show, it’s never a one-man ship. Jeff’s side begins to really hurt in this drug-induced slumber.
(Remember, it’s a COUNTY anaesthesiologist).

Back in the O.R., Labanc extracts Jeff’s liver, holding it up like a holy artifact. She admits that Peter’s chances of taking to this unicorn of an organ comes down simply to the flip of a coin. Putting it bluntly, we’re putting the Ferrari engine into a fucking Corolla.

Back in Pickle Falls, Jeff attempts to man the Rocket, until a new friend drops in a parachuted barrel. Well, whattaya know, it’s Peter! Let’s say hello to our new asshole friend! Sorry, Mr. Pickles. Never use a bad word when you can use a better word. I meant fuckface.

Jeff is roughed up by the guy he was responsible for exploding the fucking liver of (I mean, it was a dick move on Jeff’s part, but after years of pent up anger to be perfect. It made sort of sense why he would run over someone that would not only fuck his wife but encroach on his family.. somebody more- normal.) Peter was also in the right because dude fucking dragged him to death’s door like a cat with a mouse and unless there was a universal donor, he was royally screwed.

After a little donnybrook, and Jeff’s erstwhile imaginary pals cheering on that beating, Peter’s arms turn musical, not violent. Each strike is more like the press of piano notes. Now Peter now has accepted Jeff’s liver and is a part of Mr. Pickles. Jeff hasn’t medically accepted yet, hence his pain. He is incomplete. So here we are. Peter is compelled to sing when he just wants to get out his aggression.

Through the muck and mire, something deep inside, something real that’s always been there doesn’t want to accept Jeff. His sing, song-y yet vulgar display of emotions shows him denying truth while accepting the truth of who he truly his… a real person. Peter needs to physically accept Jeff or he will die. Jeff needs to emotionally let go of his liver, or he will kill. Understandable.

The two in this dream world engage in one of the most lyrically complex, musically sound (yeah, I did it), and most Sondheim sounding musical episodes I’ve ever heard. All of them basically telling the truths to each other of how to just be better people and guardians for their same family fuel the rocket… as the gauge goes up, their truths get more real.

As they connect, Peter continues to rise from the table and begins singing. Ahh, fucking County. (He is put back into sedation through the gas.)

Back into the dream, where Peter nears towards the Rocket at the end of the pier, in the middle of the lake. This is Jeff, not Mr. Pickles big finish. He expresses doubt in giving a part of his ‘perfect’ body and ultimately blaming his wife, who drove the car that fateful day to losing their other son. Yup, deep-seeded issues, especially as though Jeff covers his mouth as if he was about to vomit. Word vomit already deployed. He’s angry at himself, that he blames her for something that wasn’t her fault and not being able to forgive her. Deep seeded issues. But Pete claims to escape to fuck Jeff’s wife with his liver, leaving the donor stranded and alone in his own version of Niagra Falls, Pickle Falls.

In the waiting room, two cops question Jill on what happened the night of the ‘accident’. With both Seb and Diedre staring her down, Jill simply ‘can’t recall’ why her beau was in the middle of the street. Thus ensures a safe brand still and living for Jeff.

Jill, feeling sorry for Jeff because it was only a matter until something broke in him, causing harm to him or someone else who es his family. Jill wants nothing to do with Jeff or his family and wants to keep him away from them as much as possible.

Shit gets real when Diedre mentions Phil’s death and Peter’s smoking weed, being a bad influence. Seb doubles down and though Seb smoked weed with Will before, Jill gets super real. I mean it’s two against one and though the family might be pretty tight, Jill is in the right. She and her two sons have been more of a family than Jeff had ever known, he just wasn’t taught that way with his own.

As secrets are revealed between Deidre and daddy, Jill can’t help but laugh. It wasn’t the best of families that created the perceived (best) of humanity. Seb leaves and visits Jeff and Jill informs Deidre when Jeff wakes up, she doesn’t fucking care. He’s made that bed, now he has to sleep (at least for a little while) in it.

Back in their youth, we see Jeff constructing his kingdom, including a fall made of spaghetti and a canyon made of nothing but confetti alongside his sister. Deidre is the constructor of all of this through Jeff’s puppet. The only thing that plagues a young Jeffy is how to get down the fall. KA-CHEEN. KA-CHEEN! His father (Gregory Sims) takes Polaroids of his children’s’ creative brilliance before his eyes. KA-CHING!

We go back to Jeff in his own mind space at the foot of the waterfall. Abandoned by his pals and his potential new pal, he is in a bad space. Staring back into the lake, his puppet proxy thinks maybe that’s where they belong- at the bottom. Then all of a sudden-

An enormous pair of hirsute legs and feet emerge. This is Hopsquatch. Hopsquatch simply puts Jeff in his giant palm and brings him up to the top. Hopsquatch was the overseer, always there to ascend Jeff to the heights had a problem getting to. Thus ensues a very adult Jeff who spake as a child lost. It is in this we see, as Mr. Pickles surveys the land that his father is more a sven-ghoulie than a dad. We see that the inner child in Jeff rears itself because that’s his happy place. His father was there to pick him up. Especially when his bi-polar mother went off to ‘a better place.’ In times of extreme stress, we usually gravitate to what makes us feel better.

Some call this a coping mechanism. In this case, I call it conditioning.

I’ll not spoil the ending of this because it’s just too wonderful and cathartic, ending in a simple phrase.

In this episode, I see the series growing stronger. We dive more into what make’s not only Jeff himself, but also how the Mr. Pickles alter ego takes over. What we feel and mean are in conflict all of the time, even we don’t like to admit it, like Herman Hesse’s Steppenwolf. I feel, and we’re going into more hurtful, but funnier and more insightful stories that may peel a layer of the onion away of what makes us cry as humans.

Spoiler alert: it isn’t the onion’s fault.

 

Kidding Season 2 Recap: Episode 2.01 “Killin’ It”

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Jeff gets a little too extra.

The year is 2018. Everybody’s avuncular television icon reigned posthumously supreme in the documentary “Won’t You Be My Neighbor?” Not only did it win cynics over but also under-girded the belief that saints walk can walk among us in our lifetimes. However, the movie was suffused with a nearly sycophantic air of him having the superhuman patience of that Saint and getting mad, but glossing over that. Wouldn’t he be more human to us in knowing that he punched a wall or screamed into a pillow? What if that not sick, but humanistic fantasy of a Savior existed? Enter, stage left, the 2018 series “Kidding” (Showtime), now in its second season for 2020.

“Of all the things I’ve lost- I miss my mind the most.” – Mark Twain

In the last season, Jeff Picirillo (Jim Carrey) through the gossamer scrim of his alias Mr. Pickles has shown us what a compounded year of perceived perfection (Shaved Head), remarried wife Jill (Judy Greer), dead son Phil (Cole Allen), defiant son Will (Cole Allen), overbearing showbiz father Sebastian (Frank Langella), show puppet crafting sister Deidre Perrera (Catherine Keener), her daughter Maddy (Juliet Perrera) and the myriad players that entwine with them can bring… attempted murder during Christmas. Welcome to “The Cleanest Liver In Columbus, Ohio.”

“What you think, you become.” – Gautama Buddha

We open up on the wedding of Jeff and Jill with his Holiness the Dalai Llama presiding. It’s been established that the only way one could score this is if they are a big worthy enough star, of which Jeff is. After proclaiming love can tackle any challenge, the presiding offers them a glass of champagne to celebrate. They both imbibe and smash the glass, as to bring those metaphorical pieces of glass together again.

CUT TO: The smashing of the glass of Mr. Pickles window as he runs over Peter (Justin Kirk), the husband of his wife with his PT Cruiser. Dude goes flying. Hey, dude is smashing his wife? Now he can smash him! Not believing what he’s done, he’s received a call from his Pickles Platoon fan club caroling to him. Now Jeff has a choice to stay Jeff or be Mr. Pickles. He chooses to be both at the moment, knocking on his ex-wife’s door and choosing to lie, saying Peter was on drugs and walked into the way of his 1.4 ton fist.

With a toboggan from the garage, they gourney him for a journey to the ER, all under the watchful eye of Will and his newfound girlfriend from the house next door they use for a weed joint. With music in the background, she believes his family is psychotic, prompting her to say they should see other people. This is the worst thing that Will could use now.

In a hilarious but short seen, the party outside drinking at the house witness what happens, Mr. Pickles rebukes them not to do drugs and thus starts the mad dash to the hospital, in which Jill has to shout out curt and DIRECT instructions to the hospital. This goes to a callback to three things. First, the one particular red light, which plays a part in well, you can watch the last season. Secondly, in which every second Jill is in labor, Jeff, not Pickles is trying to calm down his wife while racing to the same hospital in giving her an exercise to take her mind off of everything. Barking the commands he’s doing after he says them.

As Peter is entered into a Code Blue and he calls his sister.

As Deidre (Didi) and her now confirmed gay husband Scott (Bernard White) are giving Maddy her Christmas gifts, both of them try to explain what is going on through their divorce. Maddy is on to their game and she knows she will get double the gifts, but Didi only has one concern- her immediate family.

At the hospital, Didi tries to convince Jeff to stay mum, but it’s exactly his Will’s mum he’s trying to keep honest with.. especially about buying the house next to them that Will doesn’t know he’s using it for partying. This would be at the risk of losing both of them.

Back in the car as he’s driven to the hospital, Will is on the take. He knows that his own dad bought the house. He doesn’t like dishonesty and disrespect, but who could blame him? Parents think about their own needs and are about as fucking selfish as the kids they are raising they wanted to think they were the opposite.

Meanwhile, in the hospital, Jill is freaking the fuck out that he might die and all the stress it’s giving her having to call his family. She then apologizes to her erstwhile husband but current celebrity paragon for humanity in ruining his Christmas. A pissed off Will walks in on his parents embracing and suddenly wants this to stay. Being informed that Peter dude is in critical but stable condition, the trio decides to retire to their once unified domicile for the night.

After taking them home, Jeff tries to divulge the news he bought the house next to theirs, but he’s intercepted by Jill asking if he could stay there for the night. Though sleeping on the couch and not a kiss, but a wave good night, each small win isn’t even a small victory with his family. It’s a big win

Before he gets settled down to bed though, Jeff has got to rake up a bit of muck, attempting to pretend with being Santa Cross, though it seems Santa’s already left a gift, which another baby. This is all in his mind, however, as he’s remembering better times for this ritual they USED TO have until he’s interrupted by a text by his sister asking if Peter is dead yet. He goes into Will’s room only to see a toy of his father his strung by his neck. This prompts Will and his dad to bake cookies in the kitchen.

Jeff is onto his son and asks him if he told his now distraught beloved if he told her that he purchased a place right next to them. After his son swears, Jeff Pickles stops himself in castigating him with one of his patented lines. Instead, he allows it under the proviso that he only deploys a curse when a better one cannot be found. Will won’t tell his mother and confesses he likes seeing them more together than apart.

On Christmas morning, where a shocked Jill is finding Will and Jeff, sorry, his dad working in tandem. Will is on his side, but the worried visage is all weird about it and decides to go decamp to the next room to call about the only person that was stable in her life- Peter.

During the unwrapping and gift-giving, Jeff possibly unfairly gifts them the biggest gift of his all- something that could never be.. himself. He gives something everybody loves and wants to be around but nobody ever could live up to be and isn’t that coal?

CUT TO: The hospital wherein Peter needs a liver or at least part of one. The donor list is too long a wait (ohh, and damaging mine these days, I take that into account!), and though Peter’s sanctimonious Mormon family will try to give up theirs, they know who is truly sacrificing….

After Jeff walks out and has a flashback to Will being born and coming back home, and his cool is dropped from zero fucks to a hundred in a matter of moments, storming back in there and wants to donate. Jeff gives them the entire story, both his son and his wife. Yes, she still keeps the Picirillo name.

As he hands the holiday sweater to his mother, they said they were all huge fans of Mr. Pickles.

Interviewed by the doctor, he needs to know if he smokes (doesn’t), take recreational drugs (never) and the last time he imbibed… Which he could remember the exact date. When their marriage took flight. Astonished by the doctor, he’s put into surgery.

Bagging up his belongings on the table, he receives one last call from the Pickles Platoon singing the same song- “Hark the Herald, Angels Sing.” Mr. Pickles talks to a kid and asks him if he’s been a good boy this year… Mr. Pickles had. Had Jeff though?

Overall, I think this season will ramp it up a ton more. The thing with writing a good character is you have to put him through shit, at least when it arrives and dramedy. This is a Fred Rogers we are putting through the crap. They put him through a ton last season. To me, this isn’t his breaking point. I don’t think it would ever him to go full American Psycho but 2019 I think has been a hard year on many of us and it’s hard to keep a stiff upper lip or a positive face in the realm of things possibly going shithouse.

If Mr. Rogers were alive now, I don’t even know how he’d handle such a shit show of life. However, we do have Mr. Pickles to see us through and like Mr. Rogers, he will assure us… that we are not alone.

‘Locke and Key’ Recap Scene-by-scene: Episode 2 and 3

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Locke and Key
PC: Christos Kalohoridis, Netflix

The following are extensive scene-by-scene recaps on ‘Locke and Key’. A Netflix adapted horror series created and based on the acclaimed graphic novel by Joe Hill and developed by Carlton Cuse of Lost fame. With a podcast below reviewing the first three episodes of the Season.

 

We take a look at Locke and Key’s second (16 mins in) and third episode (30 mins in) in.

Kinsey after her shoot at 'The Splattering'
Kinsey (Emilia Jones) now covered in fake blood after reliving a bit of trauma while shooting ‘The Splattering’

Episode 2: Trapper/Keeper

We open on a visual of Bode Locke (Jackson Robert Scott) scribbling pictures of the woman in the well, unsure if she’s an echo, witch, or a ghost. He’s trying to come up with a plan to stop her at the breakfast table, where shortly after, Nina Locke (Darby Stanchfield) tells her kids Duncan is on his way home from Boston to help them move in.

Kinsey asks Nina again about what happened, but her mother doesn’t recall. Bode thinks, just like Narnia, adults can’t seem to remember things related to magic. Kinsey reasons maybe they were hallucinating but Bode takes her to a mirror and unlocks it with the mirror key, where they see Kinsey’s reflection call — Bode thus proving magic is real. Tyler interrupts and asks Bode if this was the only one he’d found. He admits to having lost Kinsey’s anywhere key.

Javi (Kevin Alves) arrives to take the teens to school, as Kinsey (Emilia Jones) asks Tyler what it was like in the mirror world, describing it as a funhouse from hell. Javi (Kevin Alves) tells the Locke siblings that there are many stories about key house, including a woman who once visited and went insane.

Back inside the halls of key house, Bode wanders with his G.I. Joe action figure and rainbow lightsaber. He stumbles upon a noise in the bathroom and readies himself for combat, though it’s revealed only to be Duncan (Aaron Ashmore). Bode thinks think they might need more powerful weapons, and later tries grabbing some mounted swords in the house but fails. Suddenly, he hears whispers and follows it to a closet vacuum cleaner, where inside, he finds yet another key. This one shaped like a head.

At high school, Javi parks in a handicapped spot as the three depart. Soon after, Javi and Brinker ask Tyler if he hooked up with Eden. Tyler lies to them yes, though he never went through with it, but Jackie (Genevieve Kang) overhears him in his lie.

At key house, Nina meets Ellie Whedon (Sherri Saum), whose son Rufus takes care of the grounds there. She brings Nina local artisanal gin as a housewarming present then shares that she used to be friends with Rendell Locke, having dated his best friend: Lucas. As they look over Rendell’s high school photos, a phone call interrupts Nina as the academy asks for its missing tuition payment. Nina claims there must’ve been a mix-up and offers to head in.

Bode tries opening the big mysterious door, noticing a giant skull on the knob. When it fails, he goes back outside to explore the woods. Stumbling upon Rufus (Coby Bird) and commenting about the day they met outside the ice cream parlor with their near-identical G.I. Joes. Seemingly a weapons expert, Bode asks Rufus what to use against an enemy which they’re not sure what it is. Rufus takes him inside and gives him a bear trap, then tells him he has to be careful or he’ll lose a hand. He reminds Bode he needs good bait, the idea: “What does my enemy most want”?

We cut back to the woman in the well (Laysla De Oliveira), who is scarfing down food at a diner. She sticks her fingers into the hot coffee. Then asks for where the restroom is, using the anywhere key to enter a new location where she picks out a fancy new wardrobe. She then uses the key to steal some jewelry, escapes to a French night club to find a man to hook up with and then asks him to choke her. Bored, she gets atop him and chokes him to death.

At the school cafeteria alone, Kinsey’s brother ignores her, but Scot finds and sits with her, apologizing about the horror movies. Suddenly, the most popular girl a school, Eden, interrupts them, saying she’s going to get her hair blown (under Scot’s dollar no less) for ‘Amanda’ — Scot’s character. When Kinsey asks what that was about, Scot reveals the short film the Savini’s are shooting called ‘The Splattering’. He invites Kinsey to join if she’d like.

At the school’s offices, Nina is greeted by Joe Ridgeway, the dean of 11th grade. Joe says Tyler is quiet, but he’ll look out him, as he reminds him of his father Rendell — having been his teacher too. He reveals that Rendell’s friends were a tight-knit group, which comes as a surprise to Nina, who’d thought her husband a loner, then states it was a tragedy what happened…

Tyler approaches Jackie, emphasizing nothing happened between him and Eden. She reveals Eden is her friend and that she knows everything, giving Tyler an ultimatum: You can either be an asshole or a good guy, but you can’t be both. In a flashback, Tyler goes into his dad’s office, who is revealed to be a high school guidance counselor back in Seattle. Rendell (Bill Heck) asks Tyler about Sam Lester, whom he tells to try and befriend. Back in the present, Nina sees her son and is happy he’s seemingly fitting in. After she leaves, Tyler observes a student key Javi’s car.

 

A cameo by practical effects legend Tom Savini, whom Scot’s friends ‘The Savini’s’ are named after.

Bode asks a hardware store employee (Tom Savini) if he’s seen a particular key and while the hardware employee searches, a hole opens up in the back of his neck. Bode curiously wonders if he should use the key on him but the employee turns around before he can and gives him a jar of keys, likely sets lost throughout the years that nobody would miss.

Nina looks around at the hardware store and finds a hammer, which she sees is spattered in blood. A flashback triggers to the day of their traumatic incident with Sam Lesser (Thomas Mitchell Barnet), where we learn that while threatening Kinsey, Nina grabbed the hammer on the floor and bashed Sam’s head while he wasn’t looking.

When she returns to key house, she is greeted by Ellie, who is there to pick up Rufus. When asked about the tragedy that Joe was referring to, Ellie shares that when they were all seniors, three of their friends died in a drowning accident — as the group partied at a sea cave half a mile north but forgot to remember the tides. Nina asks why Rendell never told her and Ellie reasons maybe they didn’t want to revisit it — as it was the most painful thing that ever happened to them. Ellie herself, admits to still being haunted by Lucas, whom she thought was something very special.

Upstairs, Bode readies the bear trap he’d gotten from Rufus, carefully setting it using one of the keys as bait. When the woman in the well arrives, she triggers the trap which slices a stuffed bear she’d gotten for Bode in half. Questioning why he’d do this as she thought they were ‘friends’. Bode renounces her for lying and trying to kill his mom. She demands he bring her more keys. When he resists, she chokes him and leaves him gasping as she departs again.

At a convenience store, Javi and Brinker (Kolton Stewart) run into Logan (Eric Graise), whom Tyler recognizes as the kid who keyed Javi’s car. Trying to steal some 40-ounce beer bottles, they have Tyler tuck one under his coat, but the store owner catches them at the door — the two pushing down the old man. Tyler helps him up, apologizes, and gives the 40 back. The man still calls the police. It’s then Logan tells the owner Tyler was holding his beer, shows him a passible fake I.D., and then comments on how the store’s bathroom wasn’t accessible. It’s made obvious now, Logan has artificial legs being a double leg amputee (Likely why he keyed Javi’s car given the handicap spot he’d parked in). Tyler gets away scot-free with Logan’s help.

At Scot’s house, fellow new-to-Matheson student Gabe agrees to dress as an Amphropeta, a half-man half-lobster (it’s a local legend in town) for their movie: “The splattering”. Eden reveals she doesn’t want to be drenched in blood and quits; At the last second, despite her own trauma, Kensie agrees to replace her. She does a good job until the blood spatters rig triggers her own trauma, causing her to freeze when she’s supposed to scream.

Back at Key house, Duncan and Nina eat Mushu pork soon realizing none of the are home. She asks Duncan why Rendell never said anything about that drowning. He admits not knowing why but finds it strange that he can’t remember the whole period of his life. Shortly after, Kinsey arrives covered in blood. She tells them she’s okay, though a flashback minutes later proves otherwise: seeing Rendell giving Kinsey her bracelet. She asks dad why he never talked about his family, and he says they’re all the family he needed. Kinsey holds the bracelet in her hand and cries.

Back in his room, Bode uses the head key on himself. And finds himself leaving his body, behind him, a chest where a series of lights shines and emanates.

Kinsey finds Tyler shortly after in the hallway. She finally confronts him: how they used to talk about everything but now doesn’t recognize him anymore. They see Bode standing still, and when they approach him, see him come out of the trunk —enthusiastically telling them to follow.

 

Tyler, Kinsey, and Bode fiddle with the Head Key
Tyler and Kinsey look on as bode emerges from his own head PC: Netflix

Episode 3: Head Games

Bode descends his mind with his siblings through a treasure chest that appeared after using the head key.  His mind is in the shape of an arcade, in a vibrant place where feelings can become people. Finding a jack in the box, Bode opens up a memory of his dad, though the Locke children can’t interact with him. In the memory, Rendell tells Bode a bedtime story of a bunch of shipmates stranded on a remote island, who’d found a treasure chest that they wanted to take home but were stopped, when encountering a sea monster. Bode fell asleep again shortly after having never finished the story.

Back in the real world, the head key drops from the back of Bode’s neck as life returns back to normal. Kinsey and Tyler ask how Bode found the head key and he tells them that each key calls out in a whisper, all they have to do is look. Bode wants to try opening their heads but the siblings refuse. Tyler says he’ll hold onto the keys, though Kinsey is skeptical of trusting him, and Bode reveals that the lady in the well is trying to get them. Tyler holds mirror key Kinsey takes the head key.

At the moment, at a cafe, the Lady from the well uses a stranger’s laptop to find Mark Cho. She sees a picture of his Cho’s house via a googlemaps type of device, and now having seen his Mark’s door, uses the anywhere key to transport herself there – soon realizing that the place burnt down in a fire (the opening scene of Locke and Key’s pilot episode). She finds a group of kids hanging out by the house, one of whom, reveals having found one of the keys: one that causes fire. She calls him over and offers to show how hers works by opening a door to the subway, then quickly, grabs the child’s and throws him into an oncoming train. The kids run away scared.

Back at school, Scot gets Kinsey Band of Horses (the cover band) tickets, asking her out on a date as she says ‘maybe’.

Moments later, on the ice, the Locke family watch Tyler play Hockey as Nina tells Kinsey to go make friends then tells Bode to find them seats. Ellie meets up with her, offers her a night out if she wants. On the opposite side of the rink, Kinsey overhears Eden talk to Jackie and Logan, about how Tyler obviously has a crush on her. Jackie invites Kinsey to sit with them

On the ice, Tyler grows impatient that he’s not starting. Chad Garland crashes next to them. The team loses by six and Tyler is upset he was benched to his mom. He says he’s going to Javi’s but soon sees Jackie and asks if she’s going. Chad tries picking up some girls, including Kinsey, and Tyler ends up fighting him — punching him in the face and beating him down. Envisioning it was Sam.

He’s given a suspension. And in waiting, remember’s the day Sam and he bonded over their dads. He offhandedly says, he wishes to kill his dad and not taking it seriously, Tyler says do him a favor and if he ever did kill his while he was at it. Soon after, Logan greets him they bond and he tells him not to let anger get to him if he can.

Kinsey and Tyler talk the day after, and she tells him she wants to go inside her own head using the head key. Tyler tells her he’s coming with her. He agrees not to take anything in her head. They go inside and find Kinsey’s head organized and outlined like a stylistically colorful shopping mall. They explore a memory of her dad in a multicolored room where each glass tile was a memory. She sees a memory of dad recounting the same story he had to Bode as a kid, and in this version, the sea monster saw what good he’d done in the world and coughed back all of his friends — for a happy ending. Childhood Tyler returns a stuffed animal to her, showing he cared about her when they were little.

Distracted, Kinsey accidentally takes them to another memory, of Tyler beating up Chad. They are soon approached by a monster, the embodiment of Kinsey’s fear. Escaping, they teleport to the memory of them in Seattle of Kinsey hiding with Bode beneath a table as Sam hunts her down to murder them. She feels guilt over being paralyzed doing nothing that day. Suddenly, her fear attacks Tyler and Kinsey grabs a poker and stabs her fear.

Returning to the real world, they see that Tyler’s scratch carried over from her mind world to the real world. Tyler follows Jackie’s Instagram, liking a photo by accident. He remembers his version of his father’s story: where the fisherman survived alone, never forgetting what he’d done on the island, but all his friends remained dead. He shares the past is always with them. That you can try to run but it’s always there…

Nina goes out with Ellie at a restaurant, where it’s revealed Nina is near six years sober. She regretted all the time she missed with her kids, then notes all the kids are coping in their own ways. She shares with Ellie, that there’s an imaginary friend Bode has been spending time with at the Well House, which piques Ellie’s interest greatly.

Back at key house, Bode eats a cookie and then suddenly hears whispers. He follows them to a portrait in the living room and finds a key with a skull on it attached to the painting. He takes it and tries using it on the creepy door in the Winter Study and the second he steps out, his soul leaves his body. Bode then goes around as a ghost flying high into the air like Peter Pan in what’s basically an expensive cut scene. Eventually, he stumbles upon a graveyard where he lands and then meets in person, the ghost of Chamberlain Locke (who looks an awful lot like a spectral force ghost from Star Wars). He tells Bode he’s sorry about his father, then reveals that Rendell and Duncan used to fly around these parts back when they were kids using the keys. Bode hears his mom return and has to go, then offers to visit Chamberlain again. He flies back to Key House and sees Ellie is there, who mysteriously unlocks the well house with her own key, then asks for Lucas down the well… though nobody replies.

Tyler, now home, looks for Bode and finds his dead body lying in the study. He freaks out, though the kid returns shortly after. He scares his brother for fun and tells him he meets their great-grandpa. When Tyler asks why he did this knowingly disobeying him, he says he wanted to find dad. Later, Tyler lucks Bode in and wonders why their dad never talked to them out the keys. Wondering if he didn’t want them to use them. Bode wonders if their dad was scared of the well lady too. Tyler reassures his brother that he and Kinsey are there for Bode.

Upstairs, Kinsey is approached by Nina as they look over her different pictures of Bicycles for her college application. Nina asks what her friends are up to and tells her to go out, Kinsey mentioning that Scot invited her tonight, but she won’t go because she’s afraid of screwing it up. She shares she disappoints people, or they get hurt, believing herself to be a disappointment. When Kinsey tries and finds Scot eagerly waiting outside the concert, she rushes back home and uses the head key. There, she finds her fear, takes it to the woods to murder, and then bury it.

Nina goes through her husband’s old belongings and is disturbed as towards the back end of the page, she sees repeated drawings of the Omega signs, which triggers a memory: that Sam Lesser had the sign tattooed to his wrist.

 

The Take

The plot thickens a bit in this episode with Ellie by episode 3, though, for the most part, these episodes are still mostly just backstory. Overall, the season has remained consistent through leaves much to be desired. Mostly, we don’t have any motivations yet and we’re sort of dropped in this world. With little shown at stake, and much more censored horror with less of the trauma, all for a much friendlier version of the source material.

Which isn’t bad… but also isn’t great. Average, at best being my assessment for a phenomenal comic series.

7.3/10

 

 

 

 

 

 

‘Locke and Key’ Recap Scene-by-scene: Episode 1  

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The Mirror World
Nina Locke (Darby Stanchfield) Enters Mirror World in 'Locke and Key'. PC: Netflix

The following are extensive scene-by-scene recaps on ‘Locke and Key’. A Netflix adapted horror series created and based on the acclaimed graphic novel by Joe Hill and developed by Carlton Cuse of Lost fame. With a podcast below reviewing the first three episodes of the season.

 

 

We take a look at Locke and Key’s pilot episode in the TV Talk 27. 

 

Episode 1: Welcome to Matheson

A man walks down the street on a chilling foggy night in the middle of suburbia. Bag of groceries in his right hand. Set of jingling keys in his left. He unlocks the door to his home then picks up a phone call, where the woman on the receiver delivers an ominous message:

“Rendell Locke is dead.”

We learn here as the camera pans up, that the man is Asian — later revealed to be Mark Cho (Ken Pak), though we’ll learn more about him later. He enters the house and says he knows what to do and hangs up. Scavenging around the place for stacks up papers. Pulling out diagrams, pictures, and a map of keys which he lays on the table. Finally, Mark opens a safe and pulls out a particular key, plunging it into his heart — setting ablaze himself and his house.

Three Months Later, on a cold Massachusetts highway, Nina Locke (Darby Stanchfield) drives across country from Seattle to Massachusetts with her three kids — each within their own little world. Her eldest boy, Tyler (Connor Jessup) who is intentionally tuning out his family while listening to his headphones, the middle child, Kinsey (Emilia Jones), who sketches in a sketchbook while eating Mike & Ikes, and finally: Bode (Jackson Robert Scott), the youngest boy, who is taking polaroid pictures documenting their journey thus far. He is also bored out of his mind and so pesters his family with questions.

When they finally arrive to the quaint little town of Matheson, Massachusetts they immediately go to an ice cream parlor. Bode notices Rufus (Coby Bird) — who he says hi to just outside the ice cream shop. Inside an employee with an English accent, revealed later to be Scott (Petrice Jones), compliments Kinsey’s bracelet. He notices the name on Mrs. Locke’s card and lets them have ice cream for free, showcasing that the family is renowned for some reason.

When the family finally arrives at Key House, they’re greeted by uncle Duncan (Aaron Ashmore) who has arrived from Boston. He gifts the family party hats and welcomes them inside, a playful Bode hanging onto his leg as they enter, in an adorable childlike fashion.

The Locke family enters Key House for the first time.
The Locke family enters Key House for the first time. PC: Christos Kalohoridis, Netflix

 

Inside, Duncan gives them the tour. Shows them the drawing-room and the winter study. We notice the house has peeling wallpaper and old historical artifacts, things left behind by their ancestors from the revolutionary war: weaponry, books, and information on the town of Matheson. There’s also an ominous door set between two tall wood-paneled cabinets.

They continue across the large house, and Nina comments on the never-ceasing chill in the air. Duncan takes them to the great room, a multi-functional living room and portrait gallery of their family, most notably: Devon Locke. Though Duncan playfully tosses some incorrect names as he points at the varying portraits to Bode, noting that the most infamous member of the Locke family is missing: The Loch Ness Monster (obviously not). They conclude the tour in the kitchen where Nina tells them to unpack and pick rooms.

Moments later, Duncan visits Kinsey in her new room. He notices her different sketches of bicycles. She reveals that she’s applying to Parsons for their Summer program though finds her art a bit warped.

Outside, Tyler smokes by the edge of a cliff where he observes waves hitting the rocks. Kinsey finds him and tells him he wouldn’t smoke if dad were still here, then comments that she finds that he’s become distant — revealing that she knew Tyler and Rendell were fighting a lot before he died. She reveals that the first thing she wanted to do when they arrived was text a picture of them to their dad as he’d have liked this. She takes a selfie with her brother and sends it anyway, where at that moment, Nina hangs up her husband’s ashes on the mantle. She sees the message on Rendell’s phone, apparently keeping it on her, which triggers a memory.

In a flashback, Nina listens to ‘time of the season’ while being longingly held by her husband, while Kinsey is ‘twerp-hunting’ playing ‘wack-a-body’. Rendell suggests she check the basement. The doorbell rings, and Rendell exclaims Tyler must’ve forgotten his key again. When Nina opens the door, she is surprised to see Sam Lesser (Thomas Mitchell Barnet), a student who knows Tyler, who’s there to see Mr. Locke. He tells him they can talk Monday but Sam wants to talk now, pointing a gun at him. Mr. Locke tells him he won’t talk to him at gunpoint and so Sam shoots Nina in the leg, who drops to the floor. He threatens that he wants to know about Key House!

Mr. Locke tells him he doesn’t understand that place, and when Tyler starts knocking on the door calling for him, he tries to take the gun from Sam and fails — being shot in the process.

Outside the house, Bode finds a gated and enclosed well house. Squeezing between the bars, he looks down and takes a polaroid of the bottom, which falls down the well. As he turns away then looks back, he finds the dropped picture in front of him again somehow and asks if the thing in the well is his echo. A woman’s voice replies:

“Yes. I am. Bode”

Back in the house, Duncan reveals to Nina that his brother never let him sell the place. Nina tells him she wants to make it their new home. Tyler enters tells them Bode saw a girl in the well. Together, the family approaches the well house and find nothing but Bode swears it’s true.

The next morning, Nina tells Tyler to take his headphones off at the breakfast table. Though he doesn’t eat his eggs as there are shells in it. When she offers an omelet to Kinsey, she passes, and so Nina puts it down the garbage disposal — which immediately clogs. As Nina reaches in she mysteriously pulls out from it: a tuft of black hair.

The older siblings’ bellyache about their new boarding school, as Bode claims he’s going to spend this week off mapping out the house. It’s obvious Nina wants to help her kids, but Kinsey already has taken care of everything. Minutes later, Duncan arrives for his visit, saying he’s going to leave town soon Boston. The kids soon leave and Duncan hands the keys to the house to Nina. She promises they’ll all have dinner in the city soon. Before he leaves, Duncan takes one look at the house and flips it the bird outside — much to the chagrin of an observing Bode. When asked about if he was flipping the finger, Duncan jokingly tells Bode that the middle finger has a different meaning in some languages and was just saying goodbye. Bode questions if it’s like ‘Aloha’, and Duncan agrees, and so Bode flips Duncan the finger. The two laugh as they say bye.

At their new school, Kinsey asks to see Tyler at lunch, but he tells her he has Hockey tryouts. Adjacent, a bunch of girls talk about holding a party. One of them says they won’t invite Kinsey because she’ll likely be a ‘killjoy’, undermining Rendell Locke’s death as her own aunt had died last year and it wasn’t ‘so big of a deal’. At lunch, alone, Kinsey eats her fake bologna sandwich (she’s vegan) beneath a sign that says: “Your invitation to Hogwarts isn’t coming”.

Suddenly, she is joined by the obviously enamored boy from the ice cream shop, who gives her a nickname ‘Rocky Road’ though Kinsey says she ordered ‘Mint Chip’. He introduces himself as Scott Cavendish. Then invites her to hang with his friends, ‘The Savini squad’, named after special effects artist: Tom Savini. Kinsey rejects the invitation though Scott giving her the choice to come if she wants.

At hockey tryouts, Tyler has a flashback to the night his father was shot, just as he scores a goal. The team compliments his skills. With Javi, saying he’s been through some serious shit, so he doesn’t have to do Hockey to score with girls. They invite him to a party tonight.

At Key house, Bode skates on his Heely shoes across the floors and Nina tells him she’s going to the hardware store, asking if he wants to join. The boy politely refuses then says bye to his mom by saying ‘Aloha’ and flipping her the middle finger (thanks, Duncan). Later, he proceeds to eat sugary cereal while drinking soda and watching cartoons on his i-pad. Where suddenly, faint distinct whispers calls to Bode from a distance. He asks his gigantic G.I. Joes if they heard it, then travels back to the well house asking if anybody is there. The same woman from before replies, claiming to be his echo. She tells him that he woke her as we see a dark and mysterious silhouette of a woman standing at the bottom of the well. When Body asks why she’s down there, she says echoes can come to life in this place…

 

“Your house is filled with amazing keys. There’s a key that can let you step outside your body and be a ghost. And another that can change the way you look. The best is the key that can take you anywhere in the world you wanna go if you know how to use it.”

 

She tells him he can find them by listening for the whispers, they only call people who are special, like him. She tells him not to tell anyone about visiting the echo in the well house.

Kinsey, now at home and freezing from the cold air, wants to take a hot shower. Bode greets her but then notices the bracelet she leaves on the table while she showers. He disassembles it and pulls out a key which he uses to teleport him to the ice cream parlor. Scot notices him as Kinsey’s brother. When Bode tastes the ice cream, he realizes he is actually there and so he takes the key and opens the door to key house to grab money, arriving back in Kinsey’s room.

Now out of the shower, she gets mad at Bode for breaking the bracelet their father gave her and when he tries to prove the key works, by taking them to the Eifel Tower, it fails. She calls him delusional and kicks him out of her room.

Going through Rendell’s old high school belongings, Nina holds a piece of clothing belonging to her late husband. She finds a picture of him and his high school friends. Kinsey approaches and tells her mother that Bode broke her bracelet. Scott texts Kinsey to join them at the party. Kinsey asks why they’re there as their dad never wanted them to come here. Nina says they needed a fresh start. That it’s going to get better, but Kinsey calls her out saying: “Dad never did bullshit platitudes”.

Downstairs, Bode hears whispers of a voice down the drain and when he reaches for it, he finds another key. He approaches the woman in the well, asking why the key didn’t work for her sister to head to the Eiffel tower. She tells him it didn’t work because to travel through a door, you’d have to have seen it. When he asks how she lives down there, she says magic. He said he found a key with two faces and a mirror on it, wondering what it does. She tells him the key lets him see people who died. That death is not as final as he thinks and the whole family can see his dad again. He thanks her, the two becoming friends.

At the high school party, Jackie (Genevieve Kang), a girl Tyler is obviously crushing over, uses an 8-Ball app where Tyler greets hi to this new friend. A girl says everyone is here for him, and the two start to hook up. But as Tyler turns his head, he sees Lesser who guiltily tells him it’s his fault he’s dead. He stops her prematurely then says sorry and leaves.

With Scott and Zadie (Asha Bromfield), Kinsey joins the two for a nerdy night watching ‘Day of the Dead’. While they talk about final girls and horror, Kinsey freaks out to the movie. Remembering the guy who hunted her and was going to murder her in a flashback. She immediately rushes out of the room and Scott stops her and asks what’s wrong. She tells him some ‘final girls’ survive not by fighting the monster but hiding. That the truth is: some final girls are cowards. She rushes outside and Scott feels horrible for triggering her past trauma. Outside, Tyler finds Kinsey walking home and tells her to get in the car.

Back in key house, Bode puts the Mirror key in a door and says he wants to see his dad, but nothing happens. Suddenly, another keyhole appears in the mirror and then images invite them inside. He shows him mom and though he refuses, Nina takes the invitation.

Inside mirror world, Nina sees images of herself as the world cracks. She screams for help and so Bode goes to echo in the well to help. The woman gets out of the well and agrees to help if he gives her the anywhere key. He does, then she tells him the mirror world is actually a place to trap your enemies. He says he thought it’s a place to see people who’ve died, and she says it is, many have died in there because it’s very hard to get out.

Key in hand, the woman in the well leaves through a door. When Bode opens it, it’s now a closet, though it does have a rope. He takes it and then soon after, his siblings arrive, and he begs for their help, showing them the mirror.

The siblings see the mirror world and can’t believe it. They’re invited inside and Tyler rushes to go in, the siblings tie him with the rope, and he jumps in. Down a mirrored corridor, the two find each other but can’t tell which is real versus mirror. They close their eyes and Tyler says to follow his voice. Once he grabs his mom, he yells at his siblings to pull them out.

Bode tells them again this house is full of magical keys. A second later, Nina completely denies any of this just happened as the kids freak out, wondering what this place is.

In jail, Lesser has a visitor, Mr. Locke’s murderer has a visitor: the woman in the well.

 

The Take

A well-produced show with a beautiful title sequence, Locke and Key has a lot of expectations to meet that have thus far, just been barely passible. Compared to the comic, it’s a lot campier in accordance with some early reviews, though to fair, it’s also been waited on for a decade so there’ll be plenty giving it second chances and so far, overall, it’s been a promising start to a long-awaited adaptation. Just not superb.

Score: 7.5/10

 

You can watch Locke and Key on Netflix

 

‘The Magicians’ Review: A New Chatwin is Revealed

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THE MAGICIANS -- "Magicians Anonymous" Episode 504 -- Pictured: Stella Maeve as Julia Wicker -- (Photo by: Eric Milner/SYFY)

In this week’s episode of The Magicians we see the return of Zelda, Julia makes a difficult choice, Kady gets high, a new Chatwin is revealed, and we spend more time with the Dark King.

Kady Meets Archie

Kady is at a magical AA meeting where she explains that she’s been clean for a year but now finds herself in a complicated situation. She tells the group that she’s a hedge and about the Reed’s Mark that’s on a bunch of their people that the Library can’t fix right now. Everyone’s looking to her to solve their issue and she found a spell that could do that in a book depository. Problem is that the building’s vanished and the only way to do that is to move it through the aetheric realm. Now comes the complicated part because one can only access it through a specific kind of acid called RCH, nicknamed Archie. As she contemplates what to do after the meeting, she is approached by a fellow attendee who turns out to be Dean Fogg in disguise. The principal is there for his own alcoholism and apologizes for how he’s been negative towards hedges all these years. He asks to see the pills, which Kady reveals she has two pieces in case it doesn’t work the first time. Fogg suddenly magically transports one of them into his mouth and swallows it aiming to make amends. In a rash decision, the hedge witch takes the other pill and says that he’s not going to do this alone.

The duo go through the streets of Manhattan high as kites and eventually spot a brown rabbit that they feel inexplicably drawn too. As they walk around there are balloons, animals, clowns and all sorts of super whimsical things. They are given some cotton candy by a random woman who says they should go find the emperor because he’s the only one who would know where anything is in the realm. As luck would have it, they follow the brown bunny who leads them to a beach where the emperor is. He greets them and we find out that he’s taken a peek into their thoughts as soon as they got to the realm. If he liked what he saw he would then let them see the bunny. The emperor has taken to both of them and explains that as long as they were here the high would never go away. He even prompts Kady about the book depository which he can provide the location for but there’s a price. One of them will have to stay and he’ll delve further into their minds to decide that. The emperor though is unable to pick as both are pretty messed up and so he lets them make the choice. Fogg and Kady argue with the principal saying that it’s enough for him to have gone through 40 crappy timelines, he’s sick of his students and he’s earned the right to step off. She says that she wants this as much as him and as soon as Fogg is given the location for the book depository, but she’s interrupted by the emperor. He says that Kady’s revealed she’s hanging on to a thread of responsibility which just isn’t going to fly in this realm so the dean stays. She apologizes to the principal that she had no right to do this to him but he says that the seemingly senseless pain he’s been through wasn’t for nothing because it guided him here and now he’s home. They hug and promises that she’ll be back and then she’s sent back to Earth with a crumpled piece of paper. Written on it is Hell’s Kitchen.

Julia Makes a Difficult Choice

Back at the apartment Julia, Alice, and Penny 23 try to figure out what more they can find out about the harmonic convergence. The traveler though starts to feel the effects of the mysterious signal again and heads to Brakebills to get it under control. Alice then tells Julia that the Library has tried to summon her dozens of times for help and so she’ll head there to find every book they have on the convergence. They even gave her a special key that will allow her to get in any time she wants. Well now another magical key! This is good for Alice to be part of another quest to help her do something useful as she still mourns Quentin’s death.

Meanwhile at the Physical Kids cottage, Penny 23 is with his student Merritt as he works on another patch to block the signal. Interestingly the two are starting to hear some sort of words as the signal is stronger. He thinks it should work but then he suddenly disappears only to reappear again moments later having seemingly gone through some kind of war zone. Unfortunately, he doesn’t remember where he went and explains that the pain suddenly came on really strong and when he thought he was going to pass out he teleported.

Julia in the meantime decides she’s going to try to summon a god on her own. I don’t know if this is the most advisable course of action given her past experiences but it works and the goddess of melody, Clarion, appears. She has a proposition for Jules, she’ll stop the harmonic convergence but in exchange she wants to become human. Clarion confesses that she worships Julia, the woman who became a goddess who became human again. Apparently there is a cloak on the humanization process that even a powerful being cannot see. When prompted the goddess explains that she can’t actually feel music and this is why she wants to be one of them, plus she thinks she can be a rock star because she knows everything there is to know about tunes. She ends up bringing the binder out from his book and he’s understandably pissed that she didn’t burn tome as requested. But she offers him her own deal where if he’ll help her with her goddess situation she’ll give him a lighter to do with as he please.

She ends up being called to Brakebills to help Penny 23 who is in bad shape as the signal keeps making him spontaneously travel and he’s trying really hard to control it. Clarion joins and says that the signal is coming from a place that she can’t reach but she can save the traveler. Problem is Julia will need to choose whether to save her boyfriend or save the world because their deal is for one miracle. Apparently there are strict rules for their agreements with humans that the goddess didn’t make up. Pissed, Julia ends up choosing to save Penny 23.

Alice Reunites With Zelda

In the Library at the Neitherlands, Alice is skulking around looking for books when she notices that there are other nefarious looking people inside. She ends up making a ruckus and is quickly pulled by Zelda into another room and told to help ward the door. The former librarian explains that the folks outside are Visigoths who have come to ransack the place. So where has Z been this entire time and why is she suddenly back in her old stomping ground? Alice doesn’t have time to find out though as the looters break through their defenses and the elder woman takes her to yet another section of the Library. It turns out to be a room full of everyone’s books and the marauders want it to get their hands on them to profit and create destructive mischief. Alice tries to convince Zelda to leave with her because her life is worth more than books, but the librarian doesn’t feel that she has the courage to let go because she’s dedicated her entire life to this at the expense of being a mom and a friend. Just as their second wards are shattered, Zelda does the unexpected and all the books erupt in flames. Seems that she would rather they were destroyed than to let them fall into the wrong hands. The phosphormancer then uses the key to transport both of them to safety.

Eliot and Margo Get Closer To the Dark King

Eliot has returned to Whitespire to talk to the Dark King who ends up offering him a job as court magician. The former high king doesn’t reveal that he studied at Brakebills when the current sovereign asked who trained him and only says that he picked up bits here and there. The Dark King (who is also currently looking at a jacket by his seamstress) then tells Eliot that when they are alone he can call him Seb. The monarch also adds that he didn’t mean to deceive the other man but a king needs to be careful who to trust. Eliot himself also says that it must be a relief to not have to wear the burden of wearing a crown every single second. The chemistry between these two is pretty electric. The newly hired court magician bows, gives the Dark King a smoldering look, and leaves to settle in.

At another part of the castle, Eliot and Margo reunite in their new gear (El as a court magician and Margo as a centurion guard). She knows her bff has a crush on the current ruler of Fillory but reminds him that the guy is called the Dark King and they need to find out what he is really all about. El can use his new position and the fact that the king likes him to his advantage while Margo will try learn something from her fellow gossipy centurions. Is the Dark King a benevolent dictator by necessity or psychopathic despot by choice? If he turns out to be the later, she’ll bury her axes in his back.

Margo goes off with her new unit whom are tasked with retrieving some royal mapmakers. The new centurions along with the Dark King go off to save them all the while the public watch via scrying bowls. Eliot back at the castle gazes via bowl-vision with other castle subjects as his bff and new crush work on vanquishing the Takers. Thanks to her fairy eye, the only female centurion is able to see that they are surrounded and they all split off. Margo ends up facing two of the creatures and is also overpowered when the Dark King ends up taking it and more out. She goes to him impressed by how legit his abilities seem when he collapses into her arms from exhaustion it seems like. The head of the centurion unit then tells the Dark King that they’ve secured the site and that he should return with the mapmakers. Margo and two others stay behind with him and enter a nearby house.

At Whitespire, Eliot goes to Seb to make sure the other man was alright. When El comments how incredible the Dark King was out there and his highness responds maybe once but now it was all just a holding action. When the court magician asks about the other centurions, his majesty is already fast asleep. Speaking of the elite guards, Margo is still back at the small cottage where the mapmakers were. Her captain is looking for something and her fairy eye sees that there is a fairy hidden in the floorboards. Unfortunately, that fairy ends up making a noise and is discovered. Curiouser and curiouser! Her superior asks Margo if she knows it and the magician’s street acumen kicks in answering no and she wouldn’t mind putting on the shackles. It seems like she’s trying to impart to the fairy to be cool just for the moment as she’s trying to figure out what the heck is happening.

Enter Another Chatwin

As Penny 23 wakes up, he finds out about Julia’s deal with Clarion. His life was saved by the goddess taking away his psychic abilities. He can still travel but he would be doing so blindly. The goddess in the meantime takes the Binder as her prize with a big screw you from the hedge witch. Penny 23 though realizes the irony of this situation as last season he had to make his own very difficult choice in restoring his girlfriend’s humanity. Suddenly Merritt exclaims that this is all her fault and she didn’t realize that it would get this bad. With great anxiety the young magician reveals that her real name is Plum Merritt Chatwin and she knows why she’s being targeted. Impulsively Plum rips off her patch and tells Penny 23 that he was right before suddenly disappearing.

Later on at the apartment, Zelda and Alice are with Penny 23 and Julia as they discuss the harmonic convergence. The librarian informs them that she’s read most of the books on the subject and knows how they can stop it though it won’t be easy. Alice asks her to spill and the elder woman explains that all they have to do is to move the moon.

Final Thoughts

  • Taker theories – could the Takers be fairies that somehow became altered through some kind of magical disease?
  • Is Seb the Dark King using fairy bones for magic the way the MacAllisters did?
  • Could Seb also be a Chatwin? Or as a commenter suggested last week, could he be one of Quentin’s descendants from the other timeline?
  • Will Plum be a descendent of Rupert Chatwin as it is in the books?
  • I’m glad Dean Fogg gets a break and enjoys himself in the other realm!
  • Does the mysterious signal have to do with other timelines since they previewed timeline 23 at the beginning? And why is this signal after Plum?

The Magicians airs on Syfy Wednesday at 10/9c.

‘BoJack Horseman’ Series Finale: You Turn Yourself Around

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Diane and BoJack in the series finale of BoJack Horseman
Diane and BoJack in the series finale of BoJack Horseman. PC: Netflix

This season sees Bojack’s sins of the past catch up with him, for a tumultuous yet sentimental conclusion that uproots everything that has grounded him so far.

BoJack Horseman has been the face of self-loathing for years. Deconstructive yet self-sabotaging. Racing towards an end of inevitable tragic loneliness — brought on by a lifetime of bad mistakes and a guttural feeling of misplaced unworthiness. It’s a brilliant character analysis; particularly, on why is it just so damn hard to be happy?

He has a lot of friends who love and care for him. Though he also, has a lot of traumatic parental baggage and success tied heavily together with that weight he carries. One that’s driven most of his life choices into a successful career as a sitcom actor — though also feels tainted. As it came with the support of and inevitable betrayal of, his best friend: Herb. Another casualty on BoJack’s personal war on happiness.

Despite his fame, BoJack’s incredibly insecure about himself and his fragile ego. His character portrait is less a cautionary tale and more of a chaotic mess of painting your life into a Jackson Pollack painting then convincing yourself for years this was art, as you put the cigarette out on the canvass, and panic that one day people will smell the steaming pile of bullshit.

All character traits that I think a lot of people, including myself and many artists, can relate to…

 

My Experience With BoJack: A Review

The first time BoJack horseman was brought up to me by a classmate at a workshop I was attending. I was binging everything Netflix had to offer those days but I had passed on BoJack because the animation style was a bit too bizarre for my palate. Anthropomorphic animals living their lives as everyday L.A. folk? A minor documentary on the life of Bob Sagat?

I was never going to watch the series… until I was told that the show was more than it seemed. That it’s not about the alliteration, animal puns, or even the comedy. What the story is actually about is being the face of ‘Pagliacci‘ stuck between the only thing you know and the need to be loved via the funny. So, I watched it, and like many times in my life, I had to admit I was wrong. And there was more to it than just that. The show has taken this theme and run with it, experimenting in both the art and the ways it plays with this theme:

The season one finale villainized L.A. and being surrounded with/indulging in toxicity. Though it also taught us we can’t escape our demons. That the best foot forward, is sometimes facing it head-on and not running away from your problems. Season two covered how accomplishing your dream project, doesn’t necessarily grant you happiness. That chasing the past isn’t always a good idea, and that sometimes, you really have to be the responsible adult: knowing when to say no (the Penny season). Season three, a masterpiece in storytelling, captures beautiful depictions of depression, asexuality, indulgence, and harsh binge induced partying self-destruction — all in the name of an award and chasing that high… though still not acknowledging your problems. Season four, probably the only lighthearted season, lets us step back and see BoJack happy as he meets Hollyhock, delves into childhood trauma, and lets us see that our supporting cast aren’t altogether as people too,  perhaps needing BoJack to make themselves feel better about not being the best people. BoJack Season five took us to new heights of how awful this character could go, toxic masculinity, and bravely faced the controversial subject of #MeToo from the perspective of someone that very much borderlines as being an offender. And of course, we get this season: the rehab and rebuild and try to fix yourself finale.

Immediately, I identified with this journey. Felt incredibly sad but also sort of happy that a series out there made me feel less lonely in how guiltily and shamefully I treated myself from time to time. BoJack at its best is a look into a deep depression, self-loathing, and the futility at the pursuit of happiness. That it’s more important to just be happy, making everyday decisions and finding contentment in the now. As meaningful notions are made and lost and found in every fleeting moment, so why not make them rather good ones as much as possible?

This is sort of the theme of Season Six. It’s BoJack’s attempts at sobriety. His desires to influence the next generation as he’s grown older (and accepted it, stylized by his realistic hair color), connect to his only remaining family, and more important: do something that’s meaningful to someone else. All-in-all for an attempt at feeling less shitty. Does it work? We don’t really know. The show does an excellent job at flipping the world’s problems in often unpredictable yet slightly believable ways, where these moments of decision, often have fatal consequences for BoJack, and by proxy his coping mechanism: indulgence.

What’s beautiful though is how the season acknowledges the faults in the pattern. Doesn’t forgive our eponymous Horseman but lets him have a poetic ending that in some ways… might be crueler than one would expect. Still, it’s life, and a living, and the hope of a better tomorrow. And sure that’s very self-help sounding. And no, I’m not a very zen person. Most of the days I wake up just not wanting to feel shitty, much similar to BoJack.

And that’s okay. It’s okay to be sad. Not everything is perfect.

And it’s not necessarily a bad thing.

 

Season 6 Part Two Recap

Warning These Sections Will Contain Spoilers

In episode one, we see BoJack at his new job as an acting teacher at Wesleyan college. Doing a surprisingly excellent job as the acting teacher. Post-rehab, BoJack sees this as his second chance. An opportunity to function and be normal away from his destructive L.A. lifestyle. Especially with his sister, Hollyhock, BoJack’s last tie to family and the closest thing to a daughter, attending school there.

It’s a new lease for him and a hopeful reminder of the future. The students reminding him what it was like to have all that potential before the L.A. life destroyed him — alluding it to his fondest memories: of him and Herb doing standup and trying to make it back in the day.

Though all is not perfect. Though she’s there, Hollyhock is avoiding him, knowing what happened about his past. A past which in no time, shortly catches up with him. As Charlotte gives him a disturbing phone call. As investigative reporters Paige Sinclair and Max Banks are harassing her daughter: Penny. An underaged girl whom BoJack almost slept with, after living with Charlotte, and having spent prom night with her and her best friend Maddy — who got alcohol poisoning and was dropped off at the hospital to protect BoJack from scandal.

Though the reporters are unaware of this and are looking more into the death of Sarah Lynn. Interviewing Charlotte’s family but also, an oblivious Mr. Peanutbutter who inevitably spills the details by accident. Trying to get on top of the story with Princess Carolyn, Diane, and Todd, BoJack shares his darkest secrets to his friends, including having supplied the heroin that killed Sarah Lynn and staging the setting like he found her.

That evening, he says farewell to his class and life that made him happy.

Diane and Princess Carolyn as BoJack says goodbye to his students a final time in ‘Sunk Costs and All That’ Season 6 Episode 11

 

While this is happening this season, everyone else has significant final story arcs too. Todd continues a healthy relationship with his girlfriend, Maude and later, tries to reconnect with his mother of whom he donated a kidney to;  coming up with one last crazy Todd scheme to get them to finally meet in person and resolve their issues: particularly, her kicking him out at the age of 18 when he was a lazy stoner — the two of them never speaking again after that incident.

Diane is struggling to come up with her personal essays and memoirs about her childhood. She knows the writer she wants to become. She wants to find meaning in trauma but finds herself writing a young adult series about a food court detective based on some random ideas she had while writing at the mall. Unable to accept this, Diane inevitably struggles with her antidepressants and winds up hating herself and her incapability to dignify her sadness. Coming to grips with her book and her new life in Chicago with her boyfriend, Guy. A beautiful story that leads to the conclusion that sometimes things (trauma) just happened but life moves on.

Life gets shittier. We get better.

Diane and Guy in Good Damage Episode 10
Diane and Guy talk about her memoir in ‘Good Damage’ Season 6 Episode 10

 

Mr. PeanutButter continues his unceasing positive energy. He buys BoJack’s restaurant, Elefante and turns it into Elfinos, as BoJack’s hemorrhaging money this season between his rehab and lawsuits and needs to liquidate all his assets. Completely oblivious and wanting to get his relationship back on track, he asks Pickles sleep with the Justin Bieber knockoff Joey Pogo so that they’re even for his sleeping with Diane — Though Pickles and Joey painstakingly realize, they are better off together as a couple. With Mr. Peanutbutter ending up all alone.

Princess Carolyn continues excelling at every stage in her career. She balances baby life by using Todd and Judah and even still finds room to help resolve a lot of BoJack’s issues, though the horse inevitably steers the public narrative into the inevitable divebomb. She gets her well deserved happy ending, marrying Judah, her incredibly hard-working yet stoic assistant, whom as we learn towards the final episodes, has a sentimental musical side: finally confessing he loves her (Which also, makes so much sense now because he did quite literally any and everything for her, oftentimes to perfection. Though who knew it was love?) in a beautiful conclusion to her story that ends the series on their wedding.

In traditional fashion this season, BoJack spirals into an endless cycle of addiction and recovery. Beckoning the question for one last time: how many chances is this celebrity allowed before the end?

BoJack owns up to his past before the reporters release the story, and he unsurprisingly gets away with his sins. Seen as dysfunctional, sympathetic, and relatable, BoJack is once again an overnight sensation. Beloved all for the same character traits that we the audience, enjoy watching BoJack.

Then, out of pure hubris and self-destruction (And under the wise advice of Princess Carolyn: NOT TO DO), a second interview happens spurned on by Pinky Penguin at MBN for even more ratings. Though this time, the interview is fed some of the investigation information, and with this, they do a smear campaign: emphasizing BoJack’s power over women. Particularly, his troublesome relationships with underage women, and his troublesome history with Sarah Lynn.

 

BoJack comes clean about his misdeeds in ‘Xerox of a Xerox’ Season 6 Episode 12

 

Afterward, everyone hates him. And a low point, he talks to his old producer, Angela Diaz (who fired Herb for being gay in the 90s) who convinces BoJack to sign away rights to his show for a small fee. Money that he needs desperately due to his lawsuit (though not the Sarah Lynn one the fact he negatively used the word Xerox in his interview) having sold his house and using up all that remains of his money.

This leads him to break his sobriety and takes us to the penultimate episode and finale. Arguably some of the best episodes in the series.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=odEKMt4XOfw

Sarah Lynn does one final performance in a purgatory created within the mind of a drowning BoJack.

Bojack’s penultimate episode ‘The View From Halfway Down’, sees Bojack in a type of purgatory in his own mind as he attempts for a type of closure with dead characters who all meant something in his life. BoJack having passed out in the pool face first in his home, much like the opening credits.

We get a lot of engaging numbers featuring brilliant alliteration by Zach Braff and another rendition of “Don’t Stop Dancing till the Curtain Call” By Sarah Lynn. With each important person rationalizing about the decisions made within their own lives. With a beautiful speech by BoJack’s father/Secretariat who does a beautiful reading of the view from halfway down,

The weak breeze whispers nothing

The water screams sublime

His feet shift, teeter-totter

Deep breath, stand back, it’s time

Toes untouch the overpass

Soon he’s water bound

Eyes locked shut but peek to see

The view from halfway down

A little wind, a summer sun

A river rich and regal

A flood of fond endorphins

Brings a calm that knows no equal

You’re flying now

You see things much more clear than from the ground

It’s all okay, it would be

Were you not now halfway down

Thrash to break from gravity

What now could slow the drop

All I’d give for toes to touch

The safety back at top

But this is it, the deed is done

Silence drowns the sound

Before I leaped I should’ve seen

The view from halfway down

I really should’ve thought about

The view from halfway down

I wish I could’ve known about

The view from halfway down

BoJack’s final moments, once everyone is absorbed into nothingness, is a call to Diane asking her to save him. But it’s a conversation that never happened… The real Diane, having never picked up the phone as she’d moved on with her life in Chicago. No one came to save the lonesome BoJack. So, he envisions a final talk with his best friend and often savior. The one person whom in BoJack’s eyes, understood him.

 

BoJack tries escaping the darkness of his own purgatory
BoJack trying to Escape the darkness in the penultimate episode ‘The View from Halfway Down’. Season 6 Episode 15

 

BoJack of course survives. Having been found by the family who’d moved into his newly sold home. Waking up cuffed to a hospital bed.

In the final episode, wisdom comes from an unexpecting Todd, who tells his friend that people all got it wrong. Using a somewhat beautiful metaphor about BoJack, tied together with of all things: The Hokey Pokey

“It’s not about the Hokey Pokey. It’s about Doing the Hokey Pokey and then Turning Yourself Around

Despite this, and after the inevitable jail time where BoJack underwent forced sobriety, his movie he’d shot with Vance Waggoner (Bobby Cannavale) called ‘Horny Unicorn’ is abuzz and people (according to Princess Carolyn) are already talking about BoJack’s inevitable comeback.

We’re left to question if BoJack has in fact finally changed. Wonder if the cycle will continue. We don’t know.

We do know that his friends have all moved on. With Princess Carolyn, Mr. Peanutbutter, Todd, and Diane all expressing their care for BoJack in their own way. All supportive to the bitter end, albeit in different ways now — as everyone has their own arcs and their own respective stories. Keeping a bit of distance from the toxicity BoJack brings into their lives.

This leads to the show’s final moments. Diane and BoJack on a roof talking. Diane tells him she got BoJack’s final voicemail. Felt guilty over being the person he called, his lifeline, the one responsible for saving him. BoJack tells her otherwise, though deep down, we know he’s made her out to be his saving grace and has for the entirety of the series. It’s very bittersweet and whatever relationship Diane and BoJack had, has now reached its inevitable conclusion. Along with all the potentiality of becoming lovers or even remaining friends.

“I think there are people that help you become the person you end up being and you can be grateful for them even if they were never meant to be in your life forever. “

Diane, in her final conversation with Bojack.

It’s sad but there’s also a lot of hope. As everyone is doing something and though it’s scary, sometimes all you can do is move on.

Because sometimes life’s a bitch and you just keep living.

The Take

As I write this I am quite literally speechless by how profound I found the finale and series. If you’ve ever experienced depression (who hasn’t) you should give this series a go. And for fellow fans of the series who stumble onto this let me say: BoJack helped get me through a hard time and got me to humanize my own flaws. Which are manageable. Even made me realize I’m not that bad compared to him as a character.

I hope the series helped you humbly find a bit of yourself in all that darkness too.

10/10

 

You watch BoJack end on Netflix. Right now

 

 

 

Prodigal Son: “Wait & Hope” Review

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Tom Payne as Malcolm Bright
PRODIGAL SON: Tom Payne in the "Wait & Hope" episode of PRODIGAL SON airing Monday, Feb. 3 (9:01-10:00 PM ET/PT) on FOX. © 2020 FOX MEDIA LLC. Cr: David Giesbrecht/FOX.

Tonight’s episode is based on “The Count of Monte Cristo” but it’s not all by the book.

Are you still with me? Even after that terrible pun? Nice! Thanks! OK, on with the review!

Hands down, this is my favorite Prodigal Son episode by far. It’s so light and fluffy, tongue-in-cheek, without being empty calories. It’s as Bender from Futurama once lamented “…a hideous triumph of form and function.”

“Wait and Hope” has a lot going for it in my opinion. There’s the naturally improbable set up of a workaholic detective taking a break, the rarely seen exploration of a serial killer’s human side, and of course the shoehorned-in writer’s Liberal Arts degree put to good use for a change.

Our episode’s killer storyline revolves around Dumas’ famous prison escape turned revenge fantasy. Only in a modern twist it’s the lady scorned who reigns down hell. Now, as I’ve said many times in the past, the killer plots are largely just dressing on the Whitley drama, and even though this episode isn’t entirely different, I feel like the dressing is really used well for once. It manages to draw all the players in perfectly, having all roads lead to the showdown. No, it’s not the first time we’ve seen this done, but I personally feel this is the best execution of it.

As for the Whitley drama side of things the show decides to take the usual opening trope of Malcolm’s nightmares and turn it on its head. Tonight, we witness what makes Martin wake up shivering and uneasy on those cold prison nights: spoiler, it’s the fear of losing his boy forever! As I’ve mentioned before, and will no doubt mention again, it’s nice to see a serial killer humanized for once. Yes, it’s a lot easier to think of them as baseless monsters (godless killing machines for you Colbert nationalists out there), but the truth is, serial killers are people. Sure, they aren’t the best people, but they have emotions all the same (again, maybe not the best emotions). Martin is often portrayed as this brilliant Hannibal Lecter type with nothing to lose and everything to offer to the hapless police who come asking his advice, but as we’ve seen, he’s not just that. He misses his family, despite his inability to express this in a “normal” manner. Seeing him in that group therapy session, forcing a fellow inmate to give him the resolution he so desperately desires from his son, is both troubling and sad.

Among the other great moments in this episode, we have the opener – well, post Martin nightmare, of course. Malcolm, as you may recall from the previous adventure, was finally going to go on vacation. His mother’s present of a white suite is pretty hilarious, especially when Gil comes to drive him to the airport only to lead to the inevitable detour to a crime scene where everyone gets their own jabs in about his style. Edrisa enjoys herself so much, she makes multiple jokes at the suit’s expense until the discovery of a landmine shifts the air in the room to a more serious note (though, in true Prodigal Son fashion, not too serious). Normally, after the first three or four cuckoo-bananas openers I got bored but given Malcolm’s building explanation of the nature of the crime (ie. a novel-based murder), the escalation actually feels fitting. It also provides a good excuse for Malcolm to miss his plane – diving out of a window and onto a car while a bomb explodes would understandably require some recovery time.

The whodunit is an easy conclusion. You watch enough of these shows, you get a sense of what the twist is gonna be. In this case, since no one was mentioning a body found, it seemed fairly obvious our killer would be the lady assumed dead. Also, even though the father made a good suspect, the fact that Malcolm “had a feeling” meant we had met our red herring for the night. Regardless of whether you figured it out or not, I think Isabella was totally in the right, and who doesn’t love a killer you can root for?

Malcolm and Dani’s relationship seems to be deepening – might it lead to more? The tried and true method of opening Cupid’s Pandora’s box tends to be having the characters see each in states outside of the norm. You recall Dani has seen Malcolm topless, and vulnerable, while Malcolm has confided in Dani, and she in him. Seeing him in that white suit, and her in that stunning dress may have cracked that box open at last. But, only time will tell…

Lastly, the dialogue in this episode is a HUGE part of what made it such an amazing episode. Everybody gets good quips, the comedic timing is on-point, and so is the dramatic. This outing did a splendid job of conveying both an outlandish action movie tone while grounding it in a southern gothic style family drama (Lucky number 13, eh?). Bravo, Prodigal Son, I’m waiting and hoping for more episodes like this!

‘The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina’ Season 3: Review

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Kiernan Shipka is Sabrina
Kiernan Shipka is Sabrina. In The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina Season Three. PC: Netflix

This Season sets up a crazy ‘Endgame’ level finale setting up exciting antics in Season 4. Spoilers abound.

Early on this season, Sabrina (Kiernan Shipka) must pass the trials of hell to become its new reigning queen. As Ambrose (Chance Perdomo) and Prudence (Tati Gabrielle) hunt for father Blackwell (Richard Coyle) and aunts Zelda (Miranda Otto) and Hilda (Lucy Davis) try reforming the Church of Night.

We Cover the First Three Episodes of ‘The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina: Season 3’. Spoilers abound for the first 3 episodes.

 

The Early Episodes

The story begins by resolving issues from last season. Mostly, the Sabrina and Nick love story as she does her best to save her boyfriend from being trapped in Hell as Lucifer’s bodily host.

Sabrina takes the whole ‘How to have your cake and eat it too’ approach to a new level this season. Breaking the rules out of self-interest, which inevitably leads her to the conclusion that the only way to stop and stabilize Hell is to become its ruler; albeit, by proxy, as Lilith is appointed her steward.

Though early on, we’re still reminded that this is a high school drama. As Sabrina continues to attend high school somewhat avoiding her responsibilities, and Roz and her join the cheerleading squad — including an ‘It’s tricky’ cover that covers the type of camp expected from the series.

Though her reign is still contested, and she’s forced on a quest to pass a series of trials to prove her worth. Sabrina, beating newfound and rather sexy character, Caliban (Sam Corlett), for the title of hell’s leader.

Meanwhile, Nick and Sabrina go through familiar beats on their infinite playlist — their love on the rocks while still arguing about familiar themes. As Nick, undergoes some post lucifer PTSD — effectively leading to a drama that ends their relationship once he sees too much of her father in her (and he’s not entirely wrong given her headstrong gumption and ‘do what I want’ approach this season).

Meanwhile, Ambrose and Prudence try and find Father Blackwell together — the friends with many benefits couple, slowly getting to know one another as Ambrose is appointed the school’s librarian.

It’s all familiar stories that have been explored in some way or another. But once you hit the new characters, by about episodes 4 and 5, we learn about a new original plot involving different types of pagan witches whose interests lie in bringing back the old Gods — implied to be more Lovecraftian in mythos, though also delves into a lot of Greek mythology this season.

 

The Latter Episodes

We see a common theme of the family calling Sabrina out on her irresponsibility, neglecting both friends and family to pursue the tasks to become queen of Hell. As the Pagan coven, who doesn’t rely on Satan for magic, goes about with a traveling carnival — seemingly entertaining for its guests, save that they’re secretly infiltrating and betraying Greendale and it’s witches. We’re also introduced to Robin Goodfellow, a Hobgoblin who’s got speedy powers that enters a relationship with Theo.

The pagan cult worships a deity called the Green Man (My guess is its C’thulu). Its members consist of Pan, Circe, and a Gorgon from mythology as some of its followers. All for a refreshing and interesting take on some of the established witchcraft, especially post-lucifer. Who seemingly gets away but doesn’t hold malicious intent, as he’s enthused about his daughter’s efforts to finally take her own throne.

This lets the story go into intriguing places. Hilda has a ‘Spider transformation’ thanks to a pagan curse featuring great images of body horror in homage to the 1980s movie ‘The Fly’. Zelda likewise, struggles to keep the Church of Night going as its ruler this season. Needing to find magic and leading the Church to worship Lilith at first, until the inevitable Satanic betrayal. Surprisingly, Zelda is shot by a vengeful Mrs. Wardwell at the worst moment, as she tries to revive her sister.

 

The Finale

The finale goes places to unexpected places, full-blown opening where the story can go by delving into, dare I say it: time travel. It’s a lot of it is high tension, where a lot of beloved character die. Albeit, temporarily. As a decade passes and the world’s destroyed and hell is surreptitiously emptied under Caliban’s reign. The world having fallen to the ‘Green Man’.

Sabrina must obtain several objects of holy regale to gain time travel abilities, not unlike the infinity stones in ‘Endgame’, needing to undo many of the deaths we’ve seen both onscreen and off. To do so, she must best some of the object’s guardians, including Vlad the Impaler, King Herod, and Pontius Pilot — All three joining team Sabrina to gain the items, as their duties are sworn to never let the objects get abused and let this atrocities come to pass (Which to me is ironic, because Sabrina isn’t exactly responsible with magic either, as we’ve learned many times in the series).

In the apocalyptic timeline, we also see the words ‘Please Lord Deliver Us from Carcosa’ in Greendale, a reference to the setting in the short story ‘The King in Yellow’, which as many Lovecraft fans will recognize, was the short story that inspired Lovecraft’s writings about the C’thulu Mythos.

Sabrina has to time travel to save the day. Conveniently, undoing every single event that unfolded and defeating the Pagan witches before the Greenman is summoned. With Zelda utilizing the power of the witch god ‘Hecate’, the Greek Goddess of magic, as the witches do what they do best and save the world… again.  We also see Harvey, Roz, Hilda, and Prudence get some sweet revenge against those that wronged them and the Church of Night this season.

By series end, we find not one but two Sabrina’s, one high schooler that goes on adventures, and the other, the ruler of hell. Lilith is also pregnant with Lucifer’s child, in an attempt of staying in his good side. As Faustus was given the mark of Cain, keeping him invulnerable.

 

Theories

Prudence, upset at the loss of her sister, leaves Ambrose. With her and nick becoming a team figuring themselves out together, my guess is that they’ll become a couple next season.

I also see a Sabrina vs. Sabrina storyline next season. As Ambrose warns her not to do stuff like this as time loops have consequences. We also see this symbolized by the falling of the cuckoo clock in the season’s final moments.

Most importantly, we finally see Father Blackwell in this new timeline as he’s able to steal back the time egg introduced in the beginning. He releases an unknown terror from the Eldritch Horror (likely C’thulu, as the Elder God extradimensional beings, for those familiar, exist beyond space-time).

 

The Take

The story goes into untold levels of plotting to raise all the stakes to the umpteenth degree yet again. There’s a little sacrificed with the story regarding Sabrina’s friends, and there were moments the series felt a bit saturated — though in the end, it was entertaining. Especially by the finale.

8.8/10

You can watch ‘The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina’ on Netflix

Supernatural: “The Gamblers” Review

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Dean raises the stakes for Lady Luck

So, what do two good boys do when their luck’s run out? Head up to Alaska of course!

Legend tells of a magic pool hall, you win there and you’re lucky for life. Sound too good to be true? Well, judging from the opening scene, definitely too good to be true. On the other side of things, I was right! Jack’s finally back in play…and boy does he play rough.

This episode, like most (if not all in this season so far) splits into two main stories. One is Cass and Jack in Oklahoma, the other is Sam and Dean in Alaska. Let’s break down what happens, cause there’s a lot.

Cass returns to the bunker only to learn the Winchesters have gone to Alaska, but before he can wing his way in their direction one of the infamous hotline phones gets a call – there’s an officer in Oklahoma looking for Agent Watts. Why? Because an old case just reopened. After continuing the great tradition of Cass always choosing the wrong pop culture name as his alias (hello, Agent Lizzo), he is intrigued when the officer reveals the suspect’s name is Jack Kline.

There’s video of Jack killing a doctor and then eating his heart. Why? Cass goes to the scene and discovers the doctor had a hidden Grigori sword. Remember the Grigori? Neither do I, but thanks to the recap, I have at least some idea of what’s going on (they are angels that feed on human souls to survive). We then cut to Jack stalking a mystery man who is also carrying a Grigori sword case. It doesn’t end well, and Jack winds up at the Grigori’s mercy.

Cass and the officer arrive to late on the scene, though Cass sees some silver blood and has an idea of what’s happening. As the Grigori is tormenting and monologuing to Jack, Jack explains why he murdered the other angel (a doctor sucking the souls of his own patients!), he also isn’t too pleased about his captor’s habit of sucking the souls of children. Cass comes along and rescues his surrogate son before any more harm can come to him.

Sam and Dean’s story takes them to Alaska in search of better luck – they find it in an odd pool hall where players, literally, bet their luck. Once the rules are established: a player puts their hand on a magic coin that is weighted with his/her base luck, they can then bet that coin against other players in hopes of getting better luck. If you win, the loser’s luck is transferred to the your coin. Once the coin is blank, the player is out of luck and gets kicked out.

This isn’t the first time the show has handled luck as a commodity of sorts. Or any intangible element for that matter – remember the time Dean put his years on the line to try and fix Bobby in a poker game? He lost and wound up growing old as payment (the card shark in that case was a witch), and Sammy had to bail him out with a winning hand.

Dean winds up beating the resident pool hustler, but all’s not well in the dirty world of seedy deals. What a surprise…As with most Supernatural situations the root cause is a god. In this case: The Roman Goddess of Luck. Lady Fortuna, we discover, is a woman Dean’s already bested. She isn’t interested in playing him again (Lady Luck’s assessment of Dean is amazing! A beach read! I can’t deny it), but she will take Sammy for a ride. During the play we learn a little more about the mythology of this world; getting an explanation for why it is that the Judeo-Christian God (a monotheistic deity by all rights) exists alongside so many other kinds of gods. It’s actually a pretty good set-up – God created the universe, but humans created all the other gods. I’ve heard this theory before (without the intial God part, generally this kind of belief system operates on the concet that all gods were created from our belief), and in fact, in the season 5 episode “Hammer of the Gods”, the way the other gods talk about Chuck and his angels it makes it sound like they exist on the same level of requiring belief to exist. Either way, it’s their last season, if they want to do some mythology tightening up, I can’t blame ‘em. Lady Luck goes on to say that Chuck abided the other gods because it took the heat off his shoulders, but when they got more love then him…well…Chuck is Chuck.

Sammy beats Lady Luck, but of course she ups the ante for double or nothing. Sam insists that if he wins she has to shut down her pool hall and give back all the luck she’s been stealing. She doesn’t get why he gives a shit about the sad regulars in her bar (and I totally agree with her), but seems to agree. They play and she wins because…duh: She’s the GODDESS OF LUCK. You really think a pair of humans are gonna beat her? I appreciate this season’s honest treatment of the powerful beings that exist around Sam and Dean. No one’s pulling any punches, and I wish they hadn’t been all along. Oh well. Sam and Dean manage to leave the pool hall, not dead, and Sam gets his wish. All the unlucky, desperate gamblers are freed, and Lady Fortuna closes up shop. She leaves a message, and a coin, for the boys.

I can’t lie and say that the reverence with which the bartender refers to the boys as “heroes” is anything but a bit much. It’s probably my least favorite part of this episode – well, that, and the old guilt-trip trope that seems to come with someone beating something else despite that person being pretty much a dick to anyone they beat before. Oh, the old hustler has cancer! We should save him! Oh, this idiot is willing to give up his life so that the Vikings can win! We should save him! Le sigh. I’m tired of shows doing this. Maybe the lesson is that “real” heroes don’t care about your flaws, or the fact that you dug your own grave, they’ll save you anyway. If that’s true, I wouldn’t pass the test.

Now, lastly, but not leastly: Jack is brought back to the bunker and expresses that he hasn’t been able to use his powers because then God would know he’s alive and try and kill him again. He says God is afraid of him. Eating angel hearts is helping him get powered up, but Billie’s the real fuel to his fire. She’s got an endgame: Jack can kill God. My guess would be to take his place…which I want to say was one of my guesses about how this series might end.

Oooo…curiouser, and curiouser!

‘The Magicians’ Review: We Meet The Dark King

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THE MAGICIANS -- "The Mountain of Ghosts" Episode 503 -- Pictured: (l-r) Olivia Taylor Dudley as Alice Quinn, Hale Appleman as Eliot Waugh -- (Photo by: Eric Milner/SYFY)

In this week’s episode of The Magicians, Alice and Eliot climb a mountain, Julia seeks help to predict the surges, while Margo and Fen compete in Ultimate Fillorian Warrior.

Alice and Eliot Head Up a Mountain

Alice is still being bugged by her mom to do stuff around the house. She heads outside to water the plants and instead sees a shallow smoky pool where she had buried Little Q’s body. Unfortunately, it doesn’t look like Q’s essence returned to the Underworld. To remedy that she heads to the apartment to use the grandfather clock portal into Fillory. She is then promptly interrogated by Eliot who’s just returned with Margo, Fen, and Josh. He knows she’s up to something and finds out she’s headed to the Mountain of Ghosts, where at the very top is a hole that leads straight down into the land of the dead. She plans on throwing the tiny piece of Q’s soul in there so that he can fully rest. Eliot insists on going with her and this could be just what he needs to find closure himself.

The duo make it to the border where there is a warning of Takers beyond this point, however there is also a smaller sign advertising a beyond the wall adventure tour. Before they head out, they are instructed to fill bags with black rocks because they supposedly burn the Takers and they’d use it as a circle of protection while camping on their way up the mountain. Their guide warns them to keep what they are planning to throw at the top close because the Takers don’t just take people but things they value as well. As they make their way up the difficult path, Alice and Eliot bicker as she claims he’s only here due to a combination of guilt and believing she’s incompetent. He fires back that they’re only here because she betrayed them all which led to him getting possessed by a monster and Q dying to clean up her mess. Harsh but true. The two clearly are having a hard time dealing with very complicated emotions. In a stroke of bad luck their guide gets taken by one of the Takers and the magicians continue on by themselves. They set up camp for the night and as Eliot is working on the protective barrier he hears Q calling out his name. He takes off his jacket and the bag containing Q’s bottle when a Taker shows up and snatches it away. El takes off after the creature telling Alice to stay in the circle. Just as he is overpowered by one of them (though he manages to remove its mask revealing a very Nosferatu looking entity), he is rescued by a very dashingly handsome man who somehow manages to destroy the Taker with magic. El tried earlier but his didn’t even slow it down.

The mysterious stranger offers Alice and Eliot a drink and tells them a tale. He had been making ends meet selling rare objects in Loria (though when he got there he mostly drank) and he had been at the border when he saw his first Taker. Eliot interjects and asks how he destroyed the creature because his spell did nothing. The other man says that some things work on the Takers because when it touched him it felt like some sort of plague. He had thrown an antiviral spell on instinct and that seemed to work. El asks if he’s a magician from Earth and the guy answers that his family is. Alice asks if he can teach them his methods and he agrees to while giving them Lorian wine that helps with altitude sickness, opens up their lungs, but gets one incredibly messed up. Eliot wonders if their new companion is a danger tourist but the stranger says he’s a mourner too. It turns out that the love of his life (who was also a magician) passed away very young. Alice volunteers information that she’s there because of her boyfriend who passed away and the stranger says that it’s nice that the two of them came here to do this together. She then goes off to bed leaving the two men alone. Their conversation continues and the stranger asks Eliot if he’s ever loved anyone. Eventually El admits the friend that they were here to honor and that Alice didn’t know because he didn’t want to hurt her. The other man points out though that in his opinion the best way to honor someone is with the truth. He then tenderly strokes the former high king’s face and adds that death is simple but life is so complicated. The two then agree to go to sleep before things get even more complex.

Finally making it to the top of the mountain, the stranger heads off saying that he’ll search for them later in case they want to hike back down as a group. El attempts to give Alice some space but she asks him to stay because he cared about Q too. She throws the bottle into the hole and says they can leave when he gives her the letter with the enchanted stamp. Eliot explains that he’s wanted to send it but hasn’t because he was scared it could make things so much worse if he did. He wishes that he could crack the code and save Q, but this conversation finally allows him to admit that the other man was more than just a friend. Alice confirms that she knew it wasn’t simply platonic between them and that Q was also in love with Eliot. The look on El’s face when she tells him just pulled on the old heart strings. He is able to reveal that they remembered this other timeline where the they loved one another but then he pushed Q away. Then the mender of small objects died for him. Alice offers comfort in the form of her own personal struggles because she’s done a lot of terrible things, but deep down she was just trying to do her best and asks if he was too. Eliot answers at the time yes and because he was never able to talk to Quentin again after that he’s been unable to let go of the letter. She offers him her help and together they hold the envelope over the chasm and drop it in. Alice says he was brave and he responds that Q was brave. She thanks him for telling her about the other timeline and they hug in grief.

The 12 Champions of Fillory

As a means to get back inside Whitespire, Josh remembers that he created a contest to find the best twelve fighters in the land to be a part of the elite Centurian guards as protection against the Takers. Part of the reward was that whomever got chosen would have their criminal slates wiped clean including banishment marks. Both Margo and Fen end up entering as Janet Pluchinsky and Fensicle Wahlburger. As Josh finds an axe for the former high king of Fillory, she reveals that she’s cast a shield on herself but is getting attacked by a lot of mosquitos. He then excuses himself to go check on something and returns to explain that when either of Fillory’s two moons are full it’s wolf time for them, which is why her wolf PMS is acting so bad. It turns out both moons will be full the following night, but not to worry because there are still cages in the castle.

As the tournament starts, Margo and Fen both easily defeat their opponents. They both make it to the end but discover that there is only one female Centurion allowed which seems highly messed up. They are then supposed to fight under the light of the two full moons the next night but Margo points out that’s not going to work because both she and Josh will turn wolf tomorrow night. But she notices that Fen is also scratching her neck a lot and the magician realizes that the other woman must have also contracted the std curse. Ergo she probably slept with Josh. Their match is rescheduled for an hour before sundown because of their situation. Fen tries to explain to Margo that she and Josh did it less than a dozen times. That does not help.

Their fight commences and Margo ends up using Fen’s own knife to stab her in the gut. The magician then looks visibly shaken, only realizing what she’s done in anger as she is declared the winner. Suddenly though Fen wakes up and takes the blade out of her body, laughing that was well played of the other woman to use her child’s knife. It’s apparently harmless and given to children to practice with. The change though starts to come upon all three and they are ushered to the werewolf cages.  When they return to their human states, Fen tries to apologize to Margo again for sleeping with Josh but is interrupted by the other woman saying she doesn’t own Josh and wants to have complicated feelings about the situation without Fen trying to make herself feel better. The former high king also states that she thought the knife was actually real and although she was glad it wasn’t for this moment, she isn’t a good person. Fen still tries to counter by saying that Margo found a way to save them when the magician reveals it had been Eliot who sent the letter and she was going to let them die for Fillory. With that knowledge, Fen and Josh then turn a cold shoulder.

Circumstantial Patterns 

Meanwhile Julia and Penny 23 travel to London in search of help to find a pattern for the surges. They arrive at a company called P.K. Endeavors and upon entering discover it to be set up just like the Physical Kids cottage at Brakebills. They soon meet Zoe Markus whom Julia has been emailing with. As the hedge witch begins to explain that they are seeking help from Zoe’s sister to predict when the apocalyptic level surge could happen, the elder magician declines abruptly. As Julia and Penny leave, we see Daniella appear close by and it seems that she overheard the entire conversation.

Back at Brakebills, Penny 23 is getting some magical medical attention from Professor Lipson whom they discover was a classmate of Zoe Markus. The elder magician also reveals that there were three Markus sisters Zoe, Beth, and Danny and it was rumored that they saved the world during their senior year. Undeterred, Julia goes back to London and finds Danny who makes herself quickly invisible. Zoe comes out and tells them that they already did save the world once at great cost so they get to be done. Her sister will get obsessed over the problem if she knows what’s at stake and so wants nothing to do with it.

At the apartment over some takeout, Penny 23 tells Julia that Zoe has a good point and asks when is it enough? He’s with her all the way, but when this is over he wants a life ideally with her and he’s not sure that’s what she really wants. Before she can respond they hear a knock at the door and it turns out to be Danny. The magician has solved their problem by working out a statistical model to predict a window of time wherein the next surge could occur. She explains that a harmonic convergence (a rare astrological occurrence which acts as a magical amplifier) will be happening in two weeks. There have only been four in the past: extinction of the dinosaurs, Pompeii, sinking of Atlantis, and the invention of autotune. Danny believes that this next event will have death tolls in the millions but that they can count on both hers and her sister’s help should they need it when the time comes. Julia thanks her and the other woman says that Zoe will bill them for her time.

The Dark King Revealed

As Eliot, Alice, and the stranger get back down from the Mountain of Ghosts, El bids the other man farewell as they are headed towards Whitespire to a tree that can take them home. The stranger then asks if they’d like some company since he’s heading towards that way as well when a large carriage arrives stopping right in front of them. Alice recognizes it as the Dark King’s and El wonders out loud of they’re in trouble again. The mysterious man then hands over his bag and jacket to one of the soldiers and a cloak is placed upon his shoulders. The phosphomancer blurts out that they’ll just walk and the Dark King (played by the very talented Sean Maguire) hopes that the journey gave her everything she needed and for Eliot to call should he ever need anything. As the carriage begins to move, he tells Alice that he thinks he almost screwed the Dark King.

Final Thoughts

  • Who knew the Dark King would be such a kind stranger? Curious to learn more about his backstory and who his family is. What if he’s somehow related to the MacAllisters? What if they managed to get to Fillory after the fairies were set free?
  • It’s also interesting that no matter how Margo and Eliot tried to change the past the Dark King would always end up on Filory’s throne. Will his character serve a bigger purpose?
  • The heartfelt scene between Alice and Eliot just made the tears flow, it was such a powerful and emotional interaction as they both mourned Quentin.
  • It doesn’t seem fair that Margo vented out a majority of her frustration just on Fen when Josh was also a willing participant in their affair. But also that the other two didn’t know how much Margo was the one really trying to save them and Eliot had been the reluctant one.

The Magicians airs on Syfy Wednesday at 10/9c.

Prodigal Son: “Internal Affairs” Review

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Frank Harts,Tom Payne, and Lou Diamond Phillips

The question of whether Malcolm Bright is fit for duty is being officially investigated in tonight’s episode.

One of the more fun tropes of serial killer, true crime, and the like shows is watching psychological masterminds go…for lack of a better term, head to head. Meeting the Moriarty to the audience’s Sherlock. Now, technically, Prodigal Son has set up their premise so that Moriarty is Sherlock’s father, but tonight’s offering is ignoring that in favor of an outside party.

Meet Simon Coppenrath. Simon is a brilliant forensic psychologist who is brought in to evaluate our hero to make sure he can do his job. Gil makes it sound like Simon is a formidable opponent to Malcolm. So, is he?

We start off with a flashback – as always – though, it’s just to the night before. Malcolm and Gil get into a spat, Malcolm takes off and locks himself in a room, and Det. Powel watches everything from afar. We see Malcolm charging up an electroshock machine, while Powel tries unsuccessfully to enter the room, then the power goes out.

Malcolm, we learn, is being evaluated because of this “incident”. And in a series of flashbacks to the events leading to said incident, we discover the case that seems to have cracked Malcolm Bright. Well, technically, we know Malcolm isn’t in a good way since he’s back to work so quickly following his traumatic run-in with The Junkyard Killer. Gil doesn’t want him back so soon, Jessica hopes the investigation gets him fired, but at the very least Dr. Tanaka is happy (how do we know? How about the running gag where she flat out admits it). Malcolm, meanwhile, just wants a new case to distract him, to help him cope.

He finds one in a dead cult member. The title of this episode is pretty nifty given it’s about a cult. “Internal Affairs” is a great layered acknowledgment of so many things going on in tonight’s story. For one there’s Malcolm’s PTSD, for another there’s the secrecy of cults, for a third there’s the complex motivations one has for joining a cult, for a fourth there’s the potentially damaged team dynamic of Malcolm and Gil, and finally, there’s our visiting psychologist, who has his own motives and traumas hiding away, oh yes, and the fact that Malcolm is part of an Internal Affairs investigation! I really love it when titles can be more than just good puns or send-ups to pop culture. As you may recall, the first three or so episodes had titles with layered meanings – I haven’t noticed anything too intense about the more recent though, hence my bringing it up now.

Anyway, Malcolm’s IA bust turns out to be nothing more than the team’s sting to get Coppenrath to reveal himself as a deprogrammer (someone who helps get people out of cults, physically and mentally), and our murderer. Naturally, Sherlock bests Moriarty, and all is right with the world.

In general, this is an alright episode. I was hoping for a better duel of the minds (guess the M’s will remain as Martin makes the best Moriarty to Malcolm’s Sherlock). Perhaps Simon will return in a different capacity – escape jail and prove himself to be an actual formidable opponent, but for the time being, he’s pretty blah. That’s not entirely his fault though, Malcolm isn’t exactly at his best. His wounds are practically bleeding out on the interview table – he has hallucinations frequently throughout the investigation. And yet, he is able to manipulate his interrogator enough to reveal himself as the villain.

I will say, in favor of this episode, that Gil and Malcolm are for once honest with each other. The night of the “incident” Gil voices his concern about Malcolm only to have his surrogate son accuse him of being one of the monsters that made him. Malcolm later takes this back, but Gil recognizes his part in escalating Bright’s less than stellar mental health. We also finally see Malcolm admit that he’s not doing well, and that he is suffering from trauma. Gil is happy to hear this because as any addiction program will teach you: “admitting you have a problem is the first step”. Gil sees Malcolm’s ability to rationally, and honestly, evaluate himself as a promising step, and even goes so far as to insist Malcolm take a vacation. Even more surprising? Malcolm agrees!

We do know this vacation isn’t for long – previews for next week’s episode show Malcolm in a bright white suit taking on a new case. Ah well…on to the next trauma!

Why ‘Parasite’ Deserves to Win Best Picture

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Woo-sik Choi, So-dam Park in Parasite
Woo-sik Choi, So-dam Park star in 'Parasite'. PC: IMDB

A satire on classism and leeching off the wealth of others by director Bong Joon Ho, ‘Parasite’ is everything that the Academy is afraid of in nominating: an original concept made by an international film by a director who hasn’t paid his dues.

Because of this, I doubt ‘Parasite’ will win the grand prize and if it does, it’ll likely have been snubbed of other categories such as screenplay or director (though it’ll likely win Foreign Film). Though having seen all the films nominated in the best picture category, I believe it should win best picture. Not to check off a box of representation in a year where many female directors were snubbed, but because it’s also the most critically acclaimed movie contending in the Oscars.

But winning titles such as best director, foreign film, and cinematography (all the categories that should, in theory, qualify as best picture) — is still not enough in the represent whom they want so-called ‘Academy’ as we’d seen in last year’s snub for best picture: ‘Roma’.

The movie is an original concept that bridges genres though falls between the comedic and dramatic, beginning as a fun heist film where the Kim family slowly infiltrates the Park family. Inevitably replacing all their valets, maids, and tutors using guile and wit. The family slowly mooching off the spending habits of the wealthy Kim’s. Though all is not what it seems. The fired workers whose lives are now ruined in what seems like a difficult economy, throws a twist into the narrative, as dark secrets are later revealed. With a harrowing backstory that both highlights and demonizes impoverished Korean society.

It’s a fun tale that slowly degrades into a tragedy about having your cake and eating it too — the wealthy house, the symbol of wealth and stability, providing the perfect form of representation — being everything that the Kim’s family doesn’t have. What’s interesting, is that the story is a well-contextualized account of social classism — showcasing a three-dimensional representation of the wealthy versus the poor that doesn’t deride the wealthy — as the rich family represented by the Parks, are surprisingly human people of whose kindness gets taken advantage.

Given that this was the director of such gems such as ‘The Host’, ‘Snowpiercer’, and ‘Okja’ — a middle twist was expected as Bong Joon Ho has established a career of blending excellent visuals with surprising genre turns that often flip a story on its head.

Likewise, the contextualization about what it’s like to be poor and rich is so playfully beautiful in this movie. Showing a three-dimensional representation that isn’t all that bad — as the Kim family is pretty close-knit despite not having much and even, they get their moment in the sunshine. With every character getting their own rewarding and/or tragic arc that fits well into the story.

There are also beautiful wide shots of both the house and the ghetto, with intelligent use of lighting, highlighting hope in the darkness of poor being. The movie even plays with the idea of stenches, with the symbolism of the wealthy ‘smelling’ the stench of those poorer than they are. All for a rare film that utilizes almost every sense in getting acclimated to its tale: the tastes of wealth, the stench of the poor, the touch of embrace, the sounds of eavesdropping, and all the beautiful cinematography all shot with the intent of capturing a particular moment or sensation.

Hands down, however, what the film does best is in its utilization of the montage. The pacing of this film was perfect in its time flying by and there was never a dull moment and every scene is beautifully captured. I think this video showcases it best:

It is for these reasons I firmly believe: Parasite should win best picture.

Now, the film has already won Cannes but to be frank, Palme d’Or at Cannes has lost a tremendous amount of respect in reasons years. Especially, because the ‘festival’ refuses to acknowledge movies by Netflix or Amazon, unless there’s an early theatre release because of outdated rules stipulating submissions. It’s very much a backhanded slap against the new establishment of filmmaking and in my opinion, if you’re going to arbitrarily rank the best in film, you have to accommodate all mediums outside of just the theatre.

Atop of this, Cannes, much like the Oscars, is not a festival. It’s a place of establishment and membership that doesn’t include a lot of submissions as they’re not a part of their little ‘club’. With snobbery disavowing films by those not within their inner Hollywood circle. This includes many female directors — of which, Cannes has snubbed in the past 72 years with an abysmal 4.3% selection rate —still lagging tremendously in comparison to Sundance.

I have a lot of criticisms against the Oscars. Mostly, that it’s an elitist club out of touch with its audiences.  The fact that Christopher Nolan still doesn’t have an Oscar in a similar fashion that the Academy pulled along Leonardo DiCaprio and Martin Scorsese for years, or that posthumous Oscars have been awarded to directors more out of pity than actual merit. Because honestly, Scorsese should’ve never won for ‘The Departed’ when ‘Pan’s Labyrinth’ wasn’t even nominated; the same way that Del Toro won for ‘The Shape of Water’ to make up for not being nominated for ‘Pan’s Labyrinth’ years later — the latter of which is purely my opinion though not too farfetched.

I mention this because if you’re going for the merit of best efforts: ‘The Irishman’ should win the best picture this year but doubtfully will because it’s too generic and ‘been done’ before. On top of this, Adam Sandler tried his best but was snubbed of a nomination this year for ‘Uncut Gems’ because of a joke he made on the Howard Stern show which unsurprisingly, offended the Oscars.

These are the types of politics I loathe about the Oscars. Because it’s not about what a film does, it’s about what it’s bequeathing of this award does for its own brand. It’s a reactionary organization fading in the eyes of pop culture, that doubles down to make up for its mistakes then double hinges backward years later after the ‘buzz’ of a movement or cause has faded. Because it’s less about movies and all about causes these days.

Which is why minus the political dramas and judging a film simply by a subjective perspective about which movie I’ve seen does well all-around:

It’s Parasite hands down.

 

 

‘Medical Police’ Podcast Review – TV Talk Episode 25

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Medical police
From the creators of 'Children's Hospital' is 'Medical Police'. PC: Netflix

In TV Talk Episode 25, Christian talks with Rob about what’s fun about ‘Medical Police’ the Netflix spinoff of Adult Swim’s Children’s Hospital. We also talk a bit about BBC’s Dracula, Harley Quinn, and Uncut Gems.

In this episode, we jump around a bit for an overall fun podcast featuring myself and Rob as we talk television from the perspective of two budding screenwriters of part one of a two-part recording, the second of which you can fin here. We begin by discussing the scathing review I’d given Dracula, then shortly after, we get into discussing Medical Police (begins at 6:00 minutes) with some of the funny bits and premises about the series. Though we don’t go too far into the series (We only slightly spoil the first 2 episodes) mostly because it’s less about plot or character and more just pure absurdist comedy. We also talk a bit about the Harley Quinn series on the DC streaming app and Uncut Gems, which Rob covered. All for just a fun podcast.

Supernatural: “The Heroes’ Journey” Review

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Supernatural -- "The Heroes' Journey" -- Image Number: SN1510a_0079bc.jpg -- Pictured (L-R): Jensen Ackles as Dean and Jared Padalecki as Sam -- Photo: Bettina Strauss/The CW -- © 2020 The CW Network, LLC. All Rights Reserved.

What if your favorite heroes had to deal with real-world problems? Tonight’s Supernatural is answering that question in a very amusing episode.

Tonight’s episode “The Heroes’ Journey” is actually pretty cool, though I will state here and now that I absolutely hated the score. Sorry guys, just not my thing. Otherwise, this was one of the most unique episodes they’ve had in a long while, and considering the heavy subject – the current, world-ending fight with God – it’s nice to have a lighthearted aside.

We start off by observing that Sam and Dean are having an unusually bad day. There’s a werewolf in a fight-club setting also having a bad day, but we’ll get back to that. Dean’s all-purpose credit card isn’t working, his teeth hurt, and his Baby is having mechanical issues. Sam’s dinner for two is not going well, plus, he’s getting sick – and not your standard Sam sick, where we call in the witch doctor or force Death to reverse course, no, he’s got a good old fashioned cold. Is it another “Bad Day at Black Rock” situation? Another cursed rabbit’s foot? Dean seems to think so, but Sam’s got the more reasonable explanation: Chuck.

Yes, God is no longer on their side. It’s definitely concerning, but when they get a call to help out an old friend – Hi, Garth (DJ Qualls)! – they don’t hesitate to answer. We haven’t seen Garth in a bit, he got turned into a werewolf but took it like a champ and wound up in a happy committed furry relationship (not the fetish, his wife is a pure-blood werewolf). I haven’t always liked Garth – in the beginning he reminded me of the little dog in those Looney Tune cartoons that worships the big dog and is constantly running around him in aww (despite the fact that we learn the big dog isn’t as worthy of reverence as the little dog thinks). And, in his final appearance Garth really does embody that little dog. Not a pun on him being a werewolf, I promise.

You see, it’s Garth who points out that heroes, as a rule, never have to sweat the small stuff. Little things like taking care of your teeth, paying your credit card bills, vehicular maintenance, and of course, getting a flu shot. Once he helps Dean out with some free dental care – which leads to one of the weirdest one-off sequences I think I’ve ever seen on the show (also reminded me a lot of The Shape of Water) – and his wife helps Sam out with a cure for the cold, he explains the situation his wife’s friend (or relative, I’ll be honest I don’t remember) is in. As mentioned earlier, despite the cold-shoulder from God, the boys still want to help, though they do tell Garth to stay at home. He doesn’t, of course, and that’s good because being “normal” as they are labeled, does not go well for the boys.

I’m not going to go into details on what happens to them because it’s really something you should check out for yourself. It’s a hilarious collection of human moments that we’ve all thought about or seen a show like “Cinema Sins” point out, but that Supernatural and other hero-centric shows rarely address outright. Having the Winchesters fight with God provides a perfect opportunity for this. I’ve probably mentioned this before, but instead of simply having a single episode, or a few strewn throughout the series, that deal with fourth-wall breaking, Supernatural is dedicating a whole season to the idea!

How fucking cool is that? I know this season I’ve been a little harsh on a few of the episodes, and while I’m not entirely thrilled with some of the things in this episode (Hi, score! Hi, weird black-and-white dance sequence), other aspects of it are simply brilliant. Oddly enough, it once again seems to follow in the footsteps of The Magicians (that show had an episode dedicated to supporting characters and how important they are, while at the same time questioning the idea of the straight-white-male lead), with Garth acknowledging that if Sam and Dean are the heroes of God’s tale that must make him a supporting character, or a special-guest-star (which he is!). But, Garth praises his place in the story world, claiming he would never want to be a hero, because realistically the hero’s life sucks. Which, as we’ve seen, is true. Garth has a wife and children, he’s built a successful business, and is connected to his community. Sure, he may revel in the momentary spotlight that comes with saving the Winchesters’ collective bacon by episode’s end, but he also gets to go home to his family.

Loved the “Werewolves of London” song playing to Garth’s Captain America moment when he dances with his wife.

Overall, I was pleasantly surprised by this episode. Though, if I were to binge watch this season, no doubt frustration would crop up from the tease about Jack last episode gave us. Fingers crossed next episode gives us some much needed follow-up!

‘Awkwafina is Nora From Queens’ Pilot Review: The Title Says It All

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Awkwafina is Nora From Queens
Awkwafina is Nora From Queens. PC: Comedy Central

An awkward title summarizes what this show is about: Awkwafina (whose real name is Nora Lum) and her hypothetical life as a deadbeat twentysomething, stoned and living with her family out in Queens with the support of her father and grandmother.

Partially inspired by Awkwafina’s real life, the show is a bit of a take on the potential life the star comedian could be living had she never gotten famous. All told with the comedic stylings of Broad City type of comedy; as a star comedic character who is self-obsessed and loves smoking weed, fails her way through life and gets by through the support of others.

It’s a relatable premise to the aging millennial and still figuring themselves out type of crowd that I know of (myself, somewhat included in this demographic) though is also surrounded by other shows on the network which has similar themes. It’s also awkward and roughly edited with long pauses and moments of elongated expressions for the sake of the joke. Though this is only the pilot episode.

What makes this one unique is how it tries to address the Asian family. With gems such as:

“Where does commutes live, I wanna eat her ass.”

“Grandma… it’s beat her ass.”

Replace best friendship with an Asian family, and it’s pretty noticeable that there’s a lot of similarities between ‘Broad City’ and ‘Awkwafina is Nora From Queens’. Both take place in a New York outer borough. Both have unabashed female star-driven comedy.

What’s different is that this show also takes on Awkwafina’s brand — stylized with her signature zany take on Asian American stereotypes. With references to being a disappointment in having a low 2.0 GPA and a certificate form ITT tech, to having an overly successful app-developing cousin (Bowen Yang from Saturday Night Live) earning millions in Palo Alto. Though most significant is Awkwafina’s living situation at home with her father (BD Wong from Mr. Robot and Jurrasic Park) and rambunctious Grandmother, played by (Lori Tan Chinn from Orange Is the New Black) —who is about as unabashed in talking about her vagina, as much as Awkwafina is about showing hers off in this pilot episode (Mostly for censored toilet humor and liberating public indecency).

With dirty jokes and cringe-worthy idiocy, I’ll admit that the show is funny. About as on par with other Comedy Central budding adult shows produced in the past dating back to the Sarah Silverman Program. But it is also a bit stale as Comedy Central has been bloated with this same type of slacker twenty-something stoner premise dating back to workaholics. And likely even before that time.

Likely the biggest takeaway to me was Awkwafina’s dedication. As there are some very funny physical comedy moments, especially in the pilot where she proves to be the most antsy Uber driver I think I’ve ever seen (though absolutely believed was possible), and later, live streams with her best friend for 420CamChicks.com. As an awkwardly broke Awkwafina dances in a dragon costume — her tail quite literally on fire.

It’s obvious why Comedy Central has already renewed the series for a second season — partially, because of the void left by Broad City, but also because the comedian has been incredibly successful as of late. With a hilarious supporting role in ‘Crazy Rich Asians’ and ‘Ocean’s 8’, to her Golden Globe-winning performance in ‘The Farewell’.

And, if you read my reviews,  she also did a surprisingly spot-on Danny DeVito impersonation and was a comedic highlight all throughout Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle.

Overall, I recommend the show if you like Awkwafina or Stoner Comedies. All with an Asian twist.

8/10.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iftQNDmcetY

You can watch ‘Awkwafina is Nora From Queens’ Wednesdays at 10:30 on Comedy Central

 

And until this link expires, you can also watch the Pilot Episode right here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rrC3meq7gt0

 

‘The Magicians’ Review: A Golem, An Assassin, and Some Time Bees

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THE MAGICIANS -- "The Wrath of the Time Bees" Episode 502 -- Pictured: (l-r) Jade Tailor as Kady Orloff-Diaz, Jake Choi as Shinjiro -- (Photo by: Eric Milner/SYFY)

In this week’s episode of Syfy’s The Magicians, we meet a golem, an assassin, and some time bees as Julia, Alice, Kady, Margo, and Eliot deal with their respective problems.

Julia Looks For Circumstantial Evidence

With a new purpose, Julia seeks advice from Dean Fogg as she explains that she’s trying to find a pattern for the surges. The dean quips that if she had a proper Brakebills education she would know that it’s all related to circumstances. Some circumstances make it easier to cast while others would make it a lot more difficult. This could be the phase of the moon or the nearest body of water. Dean Fogg believes that certain surges must be lining up with very favorable circumstances which makes the effects a lot more catastrophic than others. Julia asks if there’s a way to predict them so that they can warn people in advance. The principal has someone in mind who might be able to help her, Professor Ex (because she’s his ex-lover and he likes to annoy her with that moniker) who is a genius a meta math. But just then another surge hits and Professor Ex’s lab explodes just as they are about to enter the building.

Alice Creates a Golem with Unexpected Results

Alice is in her mother’s basement with a big batch of living clay making the final touches before casting a spell to bring a Quentin golem to life. Once the ritual is completed, the phosphoromancer calls out for Q but the body underneath the sheet is revealed to be a young boy who asks where he is. Uh oh. Well surely this wasn’t what she was expecting. Little Q adorably wonders out loud if this is a dream or maybe a lucid dream like in one episode of Star Trek: Voyager and tells Alice that he feels he should be helping her with something. She takes a deep breath and says that he is supposed to aid her because a friend of hers left something she can’t read but he can. Once he let’s her know what it says he’ll wake up. Little Q asks what language this is in and Alice answers that she was hoping he would know. Except unfortunately he doesn’t because this Quentin golem is too young and hadn’t acquired that knowledge yet.

She goes and gets him tacos as he requested when Julia shows up at her house asking for help on a meta math problem when she sees Little Q. While eating tacos, he comments that the hedge witch looks a lot like his friend Julia, maybe her grandma? In the basement, Julia finds out from Alice that she molded the living clay to make a golem of Q, used his book to fill his memories, and then animated the whole thing with his essence (which was a tiny grain of his soul she pulled from the Underworld). How the heck did she manage to do that?

Julia is understandably livid and Alice explains herself by showing the other woman the paper she found amongst Q’s stuff at Brakebills. The hedge has no idea what it is either but the phosphoromancer thinks maybe Quentin left it for her to find. Alice created a version of him that’s supposed to be able to help with deciphering the text, except he’s 12 and can’t. Julia wants her to undo the spell except she isn’t able to because the magic is keeping the golem alive until he can complete the task he was brought here to accomplish. Julia says this was insanely selfish because the spell can never be completed since Little Q can’t do it. Alice goes on the defense and bursts out that she can’t sleep and she can barely breathe. She needed to fix something for him but Jules still thinks she messed up royally and they need to figure out a way to let Q’s soul go back to rest.

Julia talks to Little Q who is reading through the Fillory novel. She tells him how she had a friend who would do the exact same thing, go back to the beginning of a book once he’s finished it. He tells her that the therapist he goes to said that he has transition anxiety as if wanting for things to stay the same is too much to ask for. She comments that his real friends will never abandon him but he argues that his best friend will soon start dating skeevy guys and that she’ll forget he ever existed. Jules asks him to trust her that it’s just a phase and his bff needs him as much as he needs her.

She goes and talks to Alice saying that she can’t find anything wrong with the casting so it has to be the circumstances. Not all circumstances are astrological in nature and some are within the spellcaster. Alice’s internal ones asked for this version of Q and maybe she needs to ask him a different question. Little Q comes up to Alice and knows that he’s not dreaming because it’s been a whole day already and if you’re asleep that long it’s because your dead. She begins to tell him that she had a friend whom she loved very much but he died and she didn’t get to say goodbye. Alice admits that she brought him here since she wanted closure, to fix or finish something for Q. Little Q understands that she’s skipping to the beginning of the book. He can’t help her because she doesn’t want him too because then her friend’s story is over. Wisely gives her some advice that when he’s sad about something ending, his dad told him just to imagine that this is the first page of a new book and that the gift her friend gave him wasn’t his life but hers, that story has just started. As he states that he’s feeling really tired, Little Q asks Alice if she wants to see a trick and he pulls out a familiar coin. She then does a minor spell that transfer the coin from his hand to her and he looks at it in wonder saying that’s really cool. He leans his head on her shoulder and Alice whispers goodbye to Quentin.

She then tells Julia that perhaps she can help with her problem and gives her a book. Apparently her dad a friend with a really rare discipline of predicting circumstances and although they lost touch years ago, they had a copy of her work, “Circumstantial Prognostication.” The author’s name is Daniella Markus.

Someone Wants To Stop Kady

At a hedge bar, Kady and Pete are trying to figure out how a building with level 5 wards can suddenly disappear without anyone seeing it. He jokes and asks if she’s questioned David Copperfield and she seriously answers with a yes. Pete calls it quits and goes off to see if he can go home with a woman who walks by them. Soon after, a man chats Kady up with some witty banter and she next finds herself in bed with him the next morning. They both have a massive headache and Shinjiro leaves a card with his info in case she wants to hang sometime. She next goes off to the kitchen where Professor Penny 23 is trying to find more information about his unexplainable traveling. He comments how hungover she seems and isn’t judging but thought she was going straight. Kady confirms that she’s been sober almost a year now but can’t even remember when she took that first drink. Penny 23 suggests she just keep focusing on trying to find the missing library book depository but she has no idea what he’s talking about. Confused, he says she was working on it all of yesterday and wonders if she’s maybe not just hungover.

She calls Shinjiro and they meet back up at the bar. Kady confronts him that she’s been sober but has memory gaps not just from the night before but spanning days. He needs to explain himself and he begins to blurt out that he showed up for a second date. Maybe he’s taking a chance on her because she reminds him of his cousin whom he’s been obsessed with since he was thirteen but their moms are twins so that would technically make her his half-sister which is weird. But what’s weirder is why is he telling her all this when Kady reveals that she truthied his drink. Just she’s about to leave, he stops her and says that when he got to his apartment building that morning he couldn’t remember which unit was his and thinks if her memory was changed so was his. He needs to know why.

Penny 23 helps them out by creating a psychic amplifier inside the apartment. Kady and Shinjiro will enter it and hopefully with their combined memories they can fill the gaps and figure out what actually happened. They enter a shared memory space (much like memory VR!) and observe events as they unfolded. As they move towards the Kady’s room, Shinjiro says that it didn’t look like anyone spiked their drinks or gotten any head injuries. Just then memory Shinjiro gets up from bed, puts his pants on, then his eyes light up as he begins to cast a spell. Memory Kady also wakes up and defends herself but they are both knocked out from the defensive counter. He protests that he knows this looks bad but he really doesn’t remember doing that and she asks him why was he even at the bar in the first place. Shinjiro then realizes he was there to meet a friend from the first safe house he knew. They return to an earlier memory and his pal happens to be the woman that Pete was trying to go sleep with. They see that when he flips the back of a card she hands to him his eyes light up the same way as when he attacked. Unfortunately, the symbol is blurred out when they try to get a closer look when Kady realizes she knows what’s on it because he wrote his number down on the card. She takes it out of the pocket and flips it over to reveal a top hat. Instantly Shinjiro’s eyes change again and he breaks a bottle on the counter as he begins to attack her. The two fight but Kady’s a bad ass and so she is able to get the upper hand. As she asks to find out who sent him to erase her memories, he admits that he does’t know because he gets a job, does it, then makes sure he doesn’t have any recollection so he can’t rat anyone out. She tells him that her friend’s a psychic so maybe she can have him poke around his brain to see what he does remember. Shinjiro then utters the word morte (which in Italian and Portuguese means death) which triggers a suicide mechanism causing him to foam at the mouth. Back in the real world, the assassin is also dead.

In the aftermath, Pete, Kady, and Penny 23 are chatting over Chinese food. Pete’s memories as well were tampered with and he soon leaves to go get a drink. Penny 23 asks Kady how she’s doing and she admits that she’s only felt relieved when she thought she relapsed because it gave her permission to relapse some more. She’s scared that things are going to get harder and that she won’t be able to do it without a crutch which maybe means she shouldn’t do it at all. When the traveler tries to comfort her she rejects it and walks away.

Margo and Eliot Attempt to Fix the Past

Meanwhile, in Fillory Eliot is looking for the portal tree but instead comes across Fen’s ghost right before she is hung in the forest. This ghost sees him though and starts chatting. He apologizes for not being there to save her but Fen says that she understands since he was still possessed by the monster and would probably be off drinking if he himself after being rescued. She was honestly counting on Margo or Quentin, Alice, Julia, Penny, or Dean Fogg to save her. Ouch. She adds on that she knew the man she married, unless he can do some crazy time magic to help her in that case he needs to do that asap because the birds are coming for her eyes.

Back in the dungeon, Margo is trying to use magic to break herself out but the cage has been made magician proof. After trying brute force, a stone gets dislodged from the wall and she goes to investigate. She finds a note from Josh who explains that they knew something right happened when magic came back but they never heard from anyone again despite multiple bunnies being sent out. The rabbits believed that the connection between their worlds have been disturbed somehow, which of course is exactly what happened. As time went by, the Fillorian advisors recommended they send out scouts to the northern marsh to investigate disturbances but both Fen and Josh ignored it. They spent so much time trying to reach their friends that they missed the real trouble as the people rose up against them and it did not go well. Josh ends the letter saying that he hopes Margo is the one to find this and that he did it all for her.

In the meantime, Eliot wanders in the forest and comes upon Jane Chatwin’s cottage outside of time. They have a chat inside and he asks for her help to save his friends. She refuses explaining that a lifetime of trying to change time has taught her that she will inevitably always make it worse and is scared that doing anything else in the past will affect the sacrifices they’ve all had to make to defeat The Beast. Jane then asks how Q is doing and El has to tell her that he died saving him and the rest of the world. She then shares that in the very first timeline when Quentin came to Fillory he had been running from grief due to the death of his best friend. Eliot thinks its Julia but she says no it was him. The first change she made was to save Eliot to see if Q would still answer the call to save Fillory, which he did but he still died 39 times. She hoped it would be different. El aggressively states it could still be because why not 40 times and Jane argues because this time he won and if they took away Q’s sacrifice it would take away everything it bought them – his life and the lives of everyone around him. She urges him to let go of the past. As Jane goes off to get tea, El takes a whole load of time related magical items from her shelf and runs off.

He goes to the dungeon to find Margo and reveals all the stuff he took from Jane’s cottage. They spray themselves with “Permanance” a mixture that will prevent their current selves from being erased from messing with time. First up is a smoker that beekeepers use to calm down their hives. Margo gets an idea remembering that Josh wouldn’t shut up about the royal bees of Whitespire who make all the honey for the castle. All El has to do is to get the bees to deliver a message to Josh in the past and then smoke them out. He manages to activate the time bees and then Margo checks the dislodged stone to find a mobile phone. It’s Fens and she magically recharges it where they find a video of the knifemaker’s daughter posting an Instagram story that shows Josh getting stung by bees, which he’s allergic to. Well that was an utter failure. Eliot returns with a book of Fillory’s history where they read that Josh did indeed die from the stings while Fen listened to the message and sent an army to the northern marshes. Unfortunately, the people viewed it as tyrannical overreach and overthrew her anyways while the Dark King and the Takers still attacked. El and Margo have another disagreement where he thinks that they’ve tried and still nothing changed. She refuses to stop trying and discovers three special stamps that will find its intended reader where ever and whenever. She writes a letter to Josh (before he was stung by bees) and tells him what to do. El puts the note in the mailbox and it quickly vanishes, but as Margo reads the history book she learns that Josh cast a banishment spell yet the Takers came back and killed everyone at Castle Whitespire.

Margo states that they need a new plan since going after the Takers and the Dark King didn’t work and they only have two stamps left. Eliot interjects that he had an idea and tried it but it didn’t work so they really only have the one left. She’s pissed that he didn’t tell he about it and he argues that he’s not a subject, he’s her friend. She asks what he would tell Josh, go to a bar and just have a drink? El agrees that he would because Fillory is always screwed and why keep trying to fix something that’s broken. We know he’s not just talking about Fillory here but himself. Margo says that she doesn’t care because it’s her home though her bff says it hasn’t been in three hundred years. She does admit that he’s right about her going soft so she rips a page from the history book and writes a final note, that Josh can use this to find out where the Dark King attacks and keep himself safe for the rest of his life. She writes her goodbye to him and handles it over to Eliot.

Spending some time by herself again, Margo goes back to the stone to remove it hoping for another letter when the real Josh speaks from outside the jail. He says that he did exactly what she said and went to the clock dwarf with a ham sandwich and asked to get sent forward three hundred years. It wasn’t just him but Fen, Tick and a bunch of other advisors from her council. Margo can’t believe it when Josh tells her to look behind the stone and within is a key to open the cell. Outside, she shares a significant look with Eliot and tells the group that they should get out of there before they all get killed. El stays back and takes out a letter and we see it is addressed to Quentin before he enters the seam. He contemplates whether he should send it or not. So that’s where the other stamp actually got used for!

Final Thoughts

  • Will he or won’t he? I’m super torn if I want Eliot to send the letter or not. Like Jane Chatwin said, would the impact of Q’s death last season be diminished if came back?
  • Little Q was so danged adorable and just as nerdy. We’ve seen younger Alice and Julia (as their shades) and hopefully we’ll see Kady, Josh, Penny, Eliot and Margo’s in the future.
  • Loved the Doctor Who reference “timey wimey.”
  • How did Alice manage to get a grain of Q’s soul from the Underworld?
  • Will the time skip for Fen, Josh, and the other Fillorians have some impact yet to be seen? It did make it easier for the Dark King to take the throne with Fen and Josh out of the picture.

 

The Magicians airs on Syfy Wednesday at 10/9c.

Prodigal Son: “Alone Time” Review

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John Watkins is considering what to do with Malcolm Bright

We’re back from the winter break – ready to find out if Malcolm has survived his kidnapping?

With shows like these premieres and finales tend to play out like movies. The blunted colors, the high stakes, the dark themes both obvious and implied, yes…Prodigal Son gives a nice little filmic conclusion to the winter season finale cliffhanger. Does Malcolm survive? Of course, he does, he’s the main character of the show, and unlike some shows (hi, The Magicians) which might take the risk of killing off their protagonist (albeit after 4 years), Prodigal Son is still in its first year so breathe easy, kids. Malcolm’s gonna make it out of this. But, is the rest of the family?

Turns out dad did the family dirty in more ways than one. Not only did he carry on a killing spree literally and figuratively under their noses, he brought his protégé to the house – apparently showing him all the nooks and crannies. This leads to the big reveal of our mini-movie: After a frantic search for Malcolm and Watkins ends in failure, we learn that the killer is coming from inside the house! And how do we find this out? One give away is Malcolm figuring it out, the other is Mom and Ainsley sharing a bonding moment over Ainsley’s childhood imaginary friend (hi, Mr. Boots), who, as it happens, isn’t actually imaginary! Mr. Boots is the Junkyard Killer, and he’s kidnapped Malcolm only to stash him away in the hidden cellar of the Surgeon’s home. Exciting, right? Remind you of any number of serial-killer movies? Good. Mission accomplished!

Now that that’s out of the way, let’s explore what else this episode is offering:

Firstly, we have Malcolm’s side of things. While, he is indeed still alive, he’s not doing well – dad’s stabby camping friend, Watkins, is not happy with how things ended between him and Malcolm on that camping trip (hint: it involves stabbing!). Initially Watkins is all for killing Malcolm, but then he decides maybe it’s best to transform the boy…

This brings up an interesting question – one that criminologists, philosophers, movies, tv shows, and comic books have been trying to answer for ages: What makes someone a serial killer? What breaks a person so severely, assuming he or she isn’t born with a propensity for it (hi, psychopaths), that they would decide to kill others?

Prodigal Son posits heavily that nurture is the rulers over nature – and that’s a nice thing to see in the main-stream media, because most of the time shows and movies like to just throw “he/she is a psychopath” at the problem and justify treating the individual as a monster to be vanquished. Malcolm’s very first question when confronting a serial killer in the pilot is “Who hurt you?” followed by his personal motto “None of us are born broken, someone breaks us.”. Now, this could be attributed to good old-fashioned projecting – Malcolm feels like his father broke him, and he sees others as having been broken too, but this is also a novel approach to thinking about criminals. When I first heard the line, it stuck with me. And this episode shows exactly how invested this show is in the idea of it: Watkins’ means to transform Malcolm is to murder his family.

And, oddly, this does work in a way. Malcolm’s coping mechanism so far has been to imagine his shrink is talking him through things – helping him calm down, helping him not die from his stab wound, but when Watkins threatens his family, Malcolm’s inner-guide changes. We see Martin – who in the real-world is speaking with Gil and losing hope that his son is still alive once he’s informed his protégé has him. But, to Malcolm, Martin is the cold, logical solution to his current problems. If he doesn’t do what needs to be done, his mother and sister will be killed. This sends Malcolm into a determined rage – he breaks his hand in order to escape his cuffs and goes hunting for Watkins looking every bit ready to kill the man once he finds him. This leads the audience to question: Was Watkins right? Did he succeed in bringing out the Martin in Malcolm?

Obviously, no. Though Malcolm’s solution is to trap Watkins in a box – effectively psychologically torturing the man who would have killed his family. Is that worse than killing him? Could be argued it is…

So, all in all, I gotta say this was a pretty good return. Maybe a little formulaic, sure, but entertaining none the less and that’s what matters to me.

A few additional notes:

Gil and Jessica still have that sexual tension, but it was fun to see Gil talk with Martin and have the Surgeon take notice of it – is that jealousy? You betcha!

The fine habit of local cops hating the FBI remains a media staple – though that always tends to go whichever way the audience has been trained to trust first (ie: this is a show about the NYPD so the FBI is bad, but with a show about the FBI, local cops tend to be shown less favorably – Criminal Minds should get some credit for being fair on both sides).

And, fun fact: almost all of our series regulars show up before the halfway mark – guess who shows up with just 5 mins to spare? That’s right Ainsley! Good to know we’re still keeping some traditions alive. On the bright side, she does turn out to be the key to saving herself and Jessica when the plot picks up.

Supernatural: “The Trap” Review

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Supernatural -- "The Trap" -- Image Number: SN1509A_0072bc.jpg -- Pictured (L-R): Rob Benedict as Chuck and Jared Padalecki as Sam -- Photo: Colin Bentley/The CW -- © 2020 The CW Network, LLC. All Rights Reserved.

Our return from the holiday break brings us to the conclusion of the winter finale cliffhanger. Guess what? Admiral Ackbar was right! It’s a trap! More so than you think…

To quickly recap the winter finale, you can either read my actual recap, or these next few sentences:

Sam and Dean have concluded that while they may not be able to kill Chuck almighty, they can trap him (similar to what God did to Amara all those eons ago). After a brief reappearance of Michael (Oh, I hope he comes back again!!!) team Free Will gets the spell they need complete with a list of ingredients – most of which they have in the bunker except of course for one: a Leviathan blossom. Michael opens a riff to Purgatory (where said blossom grows) easy-peasy lemon-squeezy, and since Sam and Eileen are off helping another hunter, Dean and Cass prepare to enter the rift. Meanwhile, turns out there is no hunter in need of aid, it was…you guessed it: A Trap! God set it, and that’s where we start…

God couldn’t see into the bunker, but he wasn’t fine with sitting on the sidelines either. Eileen, we discover, has been his unwitting sleeper agent – keeping tabs on the boys. It’s pretty cool, I gotta say. Plus, it keeps in line with Sam’s terrible luck with women on the show. Dean and Cass are paired off, Cass insisting on sticking to the Purgatory plan when news of Sam’s predicament comes up. Also a fan of this. One of the great weaknesses the Winchesters consistently show is for each other – hell, half the seasons of the series wouldn’t exist without it! Seeing Cass be the logical one and force Dean to go along feels good.

The God and Sam storyline is very interesting. Eileen plays a very short role as a torturer to Sam, with God using her as his proxy since Sam knows Chuck “likes to watch”. But, once she’s gone, things take a decidedly dark turn – it’s a shame Supernatural doesn’t seem to know what to do with women. Yes, I know there have been a good deal of strong ladies on the show, and I’m not discounting that, but shuffling off Eileen just so Sam and God can have a showdown feels wrong. Especially since she’s used, quite literally, the ENTIRE TIME. The poor girl only has one independent action (when she calls Dean to alert him to their plight while Chuck is distracted trying to hurt Sam). You’ll also notice that in all of the dark scenarios Chuck shows Sam the ladies are not doing well (though, no one is really).

Actually, if you really think about it, this is a series that has lasted 15 seasons with 3 male leads and NO lady leads (sure, Mary Winchester fought the good fight for what? 2-3 seasons? And, while she was a prominent player, only one of the seasons was really focused on her – which also involved one of the worst plot points in the show’s history: The British Men of Letters). Maybe it is best, in this #MeToo and #TimesUp era that Supernatural wraps it up.

Now, back to the episode!

Dean and Cass’ time in Purgatory allows them to patch up their old wounds. Dean gets to finally deal with his anger towards Cass with respect to Mary’s death, while Cass maybe has a chance to comes to terms with his own failings regarding Jack’s death. All in all, some healing leads to accomplished goals. Isn’t that a good message to send? Being emotionally healthy is good for you!

More important though, is Sam’s time with God. Besides my aside regarding the lack of ladies in the show, there’s the other matter of importance: God is playing hardball. I love how the writers have really stepped up to the plate on this storyline. I was worried it was going to be like the Amara season: pointless. I mean, you’re fighting a god. Where do you really go with that? But, I gotta hand it to them – this season is much much more satisfying. Is it worth mentioning that when they had a lady god they dropped the ball on making the season as philosophically and psychologically interesting as when they deal with a male god? Yes. Yes, it is. Fuck, I hate to admit it, but this show is sexist! Not directly, don’t misunderstand, like I said, kick ass ladies abound, but the evidence is hard to ignore (devil’s advocate though: Chuck has a lot more history with the boys than Amara had with them, or anyone for that matter). Save for Rowena, Mary, Abaddon, and Lilith/Ruby, how often do we get lady drive storylines in Supernatural? Also, also, most of the times, those lady driven stories have the fem fatale angle applied to them. Jeeze, any romantic women are almost instantly killed or driven away!

Ok, ok, I said I would stop, and I will. For real this time: Back to the episode…Sam drops the ball – literally – on killing Chuck. Why? Because you can’t have a world without God. Apparently, he’s the light, and without him, the darkness takes over – and, no, not his sister Amara, we mean the Monsters. Promised I wasn’t gonna get back on that feminist soapbox, so I’m gonna ignore the fact that the only female equivalent to God in our series is also sent away – mostly because I’m fairly confident she’ll be back before the series’ end.

So yes, God shows Sam what the future will be: Sam and Dean eventually follow the great words of Harvey Dent – becoming the villains they spent so long fighting against. It’s a tragic end and one Chuck really doesn’t want to happen. And to be honest, I believe him. One of the wonderful things this show has done time and again is to give their big bads some really good character. While many of their foes were cookie-cutter (hi Raphael, Abaddon, The British Men of Letters, Yellow-eyes to name just a few), others have had quite rich personalities (hi Lucifer, Crowley, Rowena, Ruby – I know what I said!, and of course one of my favorites: Loki/Gabriel!). God can’t be an easy write – most shows/movies that deal with him/her/it treat the deity as either a needy, nasty, narcissist with too much power, or an unknowable benevolent (new testament) or violent (old testament) being.

Chuck, on the other hand, is probably the most human god I’ve ever seen in the media. Preacher’s God is a little more what I was expecting (not a bad depiction, but generally predictable), but Supernatural’s God truly embodies the idea of beings created in his image. Chuck even lives the part – existing amongst his creations. But what’s great about him is how well he oscillates between anger and compassion. He’s the absentee father that understands why the kids are mad he wasn’t around, but won’t be disrespected either.

Now, the last bit of gold in this episode comes from the toe head of Jack – who we saw wake up in the Empty waaaaaay back at the end of season 14. His appearance comes shortly after Dean says they need a new plan to defeat God (you remember, Sammy fucked things up because…hope…er…the lack thereof). Cue Billie telling Jack “It’s time”. Time for what? I’m certainly eager to find out!

 

 

 

 

‘The Magicians’ Review: Magic’s Back With a Vengeance

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THE MAGICIANS -- "Do Something Crazy" Episode 501 -- Pictured: Olivia Taylor Dudley as Alice Quinn -- (Photo by: Eric Milner/SYFY)

It’s the season five premiere of Syfy’s The Magicians and everyone’s still raw from the death of Quentin Coldwater. One thing’s for sure is that he’s changed the course of many lives and has made a lasting impact on his friends.

Here are the most notable moments from this week’s all-new episode.

Magical Surges

While in season four the world was coping with the Library controlling the amount of magic available, Quentin’s sacrifice of throwing the monster into the seam and subsequently killing himself and wannabe god Everett in the process corrects the flow of magic. However, we soon discover that are irregular large bursts of power happening that make spells go haywire. Penny 23 takes Julia out on a special date at a remote location where they have a clear view of meteors being manipulated by a magician. While beautiful one of the flaming rocks goes off course and nearly hits them (due to the surges), but not to worry because Penny 23 travels them away. Julia’s been trying to figure out what to do with her magic feeling guilty that she’s gotten it back because of Q’s death. She wants to do something meaningful with it, but Penny 23 argues that nothing will ever be worth as much her best friend’s life.

At some point in time, Julia at the apartment comes across a man-pig raiding their fridge. He introduces himself as Sir Effingham and she deduces that he’s from Fillory. The Fillorian has traveled all the way to Earth with a quest of apocalyptic proportions and he’s come in search of a hero. Unfortunately, the person he is searching for is Quentin Coldwater and Julia has to explain that Q’s dead. She instead offers to help but the Fillorian dismisses her simply because she is a woman. Clearly, the guy thinks that women are prone to hysteria and incapable of being heroic. She has a conversation with Penny 23 though and decides that she isn’t going to wait for porky to tell her to become the hero because in real life you don’t get chosen, you choose your quest. She’s choosing to use the magic she got back to figure out what’s causing the apocalypse and stopping it.

Professor Penny

Speaking of the traveler, Dean Fogg arrives at the apartment and while Julia at first thinks he wants to ask her to return to Brakebills, the principal is actually there for Penny 23. Another by-product of the surges is that with so much magic available again, more people are discovering their abilities and so enrollment at the graduate school has grown abundantly. The dean explains to Penny that even the rare disciplines have appeared in new students and he’s currently the only Brakebills trained traveler on Earth and therefore is the best person to teach them. He understandably freaks out as he’s never been one to care about school and what if one of the students accidentally dies? Dean Fogg though as a form that will indemnify him from that scenario and Penny reluctantly signs it. During his first-class he explains that books don’t really help, they should get some psychic wards to block out hearing other people’s thoughts, and that being a traveler is a curse. The best-case scenario is that one ends up being a taxi service for friends and the worst case is you dream about volcanos and then you wake up in one. One of his students then asks if he’s going to teach them anything useful or just scare them. Penny 23 is annoyed and answers that they should all be scared. He recommends that they get anti-traveling tattoos and to live out their lives because it would a hell of a lot longer than if they stuck around doing this crap. The professor then peaces out by vanishing from the classroom. Classy.

At some point, Dean Fogg appears back at the apartment to explain to his newest professor that the paper he signed wasn’t an indemnification form but an employment contract. What is it about Penny and contracts? The principal tricked him into signing and explains that he is forbidden from quitting. If the younger man decides to resign anyways then he’ll be sued to oblivion and that he’ll likely be unable to run away from the lawyers. After a conversation with Julia (who explains the appearance of Sir Effingham), he is inspired to return to class and show his students the good side of being a traveler. He takes them to a special location where one of them approaches him explaining that she’s been hearing a signal and doesn’t know what it is. Penny 23 attempts to help her by lower his mental wards so that she can project. The signal, however, causes the professor to be unable to control his abilities or reactivate his wards. He vanishes only to appear moments later utterly baffled at what just happened. Mysterious!

The Great Unshackling

Back in Fillory, Margo and Eliot find themselves three hundred years in the future with both Josh and Fen long since dead. They’re trying to get into Whitespire with no luck and so they’re taking a much-needed libation break. Soon however they come across some costumed locals who think they are a part of the celebrations. One of them is cosplaying as High King Fen the toeless and thinks the duo are pretending to be High King Margo and High King Eliot. It turns out that today is the Great Unshackling and there’s a party at Whitespire. The two magicians go along as this is their way into the castle. Inside they are treated to a playmaking a mockery of the children of Earth whom Ember declared as rulers of Fillory. But they also discover that a mysterious group called the Takers rose up and attacked the land with Josh and Fen doing nothing. The Fillorians were saved by a humble wizard who came from the darkness and eventually the people made him their king and he was thus known as the Dark King. The play ends with a depiction of Fen being hung and Josh’s head being decapitated, upsetting Margo.

She runs off with Eliot chasing after her. Alone in the hallway, El tells her that she’s got to know that things didn’t end well for their friends. Margo, though, isn’t ready to give up and tells him that they’re going to endgame this crap (he hilariously wonders out loud when she had time to see Avengers: Endgame). She then tells him that at the center of Fillory is a clockwork heart built by dwarves (they taught Jane Chatwin how to do time magic) and during her reign, she started a project to find it. Her plan is to dial back to the clock three hundred years before all this happened. Margo leads the way to a different corridor and blasts one of the walls. As the duo walks inside they see a deep chasm that appears to lead to the center of the world. The best friends slide their way down and meet the dwarf who seems to just want a ham sandwich. The clockwork tinker sadly explains though that he can’t wind the chronometer back because it would destroy Fillory. We also learn that the magic surge is the reason why time is out of sync between there and Earth. Annoyed, Margo explains that they need to go back because their friends are dead and the world is screwed. But unfortunately, the dwarf is unable to help them and offers some cave mushrooms instead.

Back upstairs, Eliot tries to get her to look at the bright side that they can now hole up in a villa by the Grand Canal and sip Bellinis until they pass out. Margo isn’t having any of that though and tells him that they can’t leave Fillory. More so she can’t understand why he’s isn’t as upset as she is and thinks he’s in a classic case of denial. After all, a monster body-snatched him for months and then one of his closest friends died. El clearly doesn’t want to talk about it though and Margo thought that at least with her he would be real about his feelings. She then tells him that if he’s going to be this stupid she needs some time alone to calm down. Going off to a different part of the castle, she tries to manage her emotions when a Fillorian guard appears, notices her marks of banishment and promptly knocks her out. She wakes up inside the dungeons. Unexpectedly though, Josh’s ghost appears inside the jail going through the loop before his execution. Ghost Josh says he hopes where ever Margo was that she was safe but also wishes that she was there with him so that he didn’t have to die alone.

Kady Fixes an Arm

As the leader of the Hedge Witches, Kady has become the go-to person for problem-solving in their community. A man shows up at the apartment one day explaining that his friend tried to remove his Reed’s Mark with magic and resulted in his arm being blown off instead. She is easily able to reattach the limb with the minor side effect of vomit, but hey at least she fixed it. Kady tells Pete that she thought things would get better with magic back but the Library hasn’t lived up to their end of the bargain of removing all the marks. He counters that with the organization’s current meltdown, helping the hedges isn’t high on their priority list. She is done waiting however and proposes that they figure out a way to fix this themselves. Pete says that if she’s serious he’s heard of a guy that might be able to help. And that guy is Gavin the douchebag traveler who is now an ex-librarian! The man explains to the duo that now that his former place of employment is falling apart, his contract is void. He tells them that a specific book called, “The Order of the Library of Neitherlands Medical Manual” would probably have what they need but it’s in a former book depository that no one’s hit yet. The catch is that he can’t get it for them because it’s got some formidable defenses that even he can’t maneuver.

When the two hedge witches arrive at the location provided by Gavin, a building appears to be missing. Pete asks a local food cart vendor if there had ever been anything there before and gets a big no. Kady though thinks that the entire structure had been removed somehow because she still sees residue of magical wards.

Alice Takes a Freelance Job

Meanwhile, Alice has been inconsolable from Q’s death and is currently holed up in a room at her mom’s house. The Library is still sending her letters trying to get her to help them but she’s refused numerous times. Mrs. Quinn tries to get her daughter to help her choose which orchid she should use for a flower competition but the younger magician is more annoyed that this constitutes as an emergency. Julia appears though and asks her about performing a séance to contact Q. Alice cautions against it though because talking to the dead is wild magic and way too dangerous. The former goddess is at a loss though because she doesn’t know what to do the person who would know is her best friend. The ex-niffin adds that she misses him every day too and honestly, doesn’t know how to move on. Although they have to right? Julia then takes a book from her bag and hands it over to the other woman. We see that it’s Q’s copy of “The World In The Walls” and she says that it has his notes in the margin. It is a tender moment for the two as they might not be able to talk to Quentin, but they can read it and picture what he was thinking. Alice is incredibly grateful as she hugs the book to herself trying not to cry.

As she reads Q’s book, an idea begins to form and she decides to take up one of the Library’s requests. We later see Phyllis at Alice’s house and the librarian asks why the other woman changed her mind. The phosphoromancer answers that she needed to get out of the house and this inquiry seemed the least annoying of the bunch. The two head back to the Neitherlands where Phyllis tells her they’ve lost most of their branches and can’t even get in touch with their people in the Underworld. They make their way to Zelda’s office and whom we find out is currently MIA. Alice’s job though is to unlock a library branch index book (it shows the location of every book and how to access it) cast by another phosphoromancer who is currently dead. She then informs Phyllis that she’s going to need a drink and so the other woman prepares some for them both. As the librarian babbles on about the great tradition of masturbation in their organization, she decides it’s time for a bathroom break. Alice seizes the opportunity to quickly remove the magical wards on the book easily (instead of taking her time as she did earlier) and goes off to locate a specific tome that was currently hidden in the stacks.

Back at her mom’s house, she smokes a cigarette and Mrs. Quinn partakes. The elder magician tells her daughter that after her father died she was a mess and didn’t know how to be alone. She actually provides some wise advice that no one can tell her how to grieve and if she needs to do something crazy to get through this, she should just do it. Later on, Alice heads down to the basement where we discover a few things. Earlier Dean Fogg had commented that someone had stolen living clay from the school and now we know who had done it. She had fashioned the clay into a makeshift body and the book she had taken from the Library was Quentin’s book.

Final Thoughts

  • Does the apocalyptic quest have anything to do with what Margo and Eliot try to accomplish in the future? Do they somehow manage to turn back time?
  • How does the Dark King gain immortality?
  • Heck yea Julia’s going to take this quest because she doesn’t need anyone’s permission.

 ‘Dracula’ Review: It Sucks

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Claes Bang in Dracula (2020)
Claes Bang is Count Dracula in the BBC Adaptation. PC: BBC and Netflix.

The BBC and Netflix adaptation is an abysmal adaptation with lazy writing overusing ‘The Doctor’ character archetype for the umpteenth time this past decade. A disservice to the mystery and allure of the titular vampire, as wit is not the same thing as charm, as Moffat and Gatiss fail to comprehend.

Let me begin by saying I have followed the works of both Steven Moffat and Mark Gatiss as a fan for over a decade. So, this hatred for this particular work is not entirely unwarranted, as I have given both many chances and for the most part, enjoyed their works up until as of late.

When they’re on point, I think the duo know how to utilize funny wit, playful bickering, and traditional heteronormative romances (and think when they try and be ‘edgy’ they completely fail in cringeworthy fashion). I also think they understand modernization and fast-paced twists in fun short form (I’m not a fan of their longer story arcs. The two should stop at 2 seasons of anything).

Steven Moffat’s years as showrunner on Doctor Who were my introduction to the infamous timelord. I enjoyed the run so much that I had spent a weekend watching all of ‘Coupling’; a hip British sitcom from the early 2000s —available on Netflix years ago — which was, for more or less in its official run at the time, Steven Moffat’s attempt at making his version of ‘Friends’.

And while I haven’t seen as much of Mark Gatiss’, I had thought his performance as Mycroft Holmes was nothing shy of excellent; Their modernization in adapting BBC’s Sherlock; Particularly, seasons one and two, proving some of the best TV of the decade spanning the 2010s.

This is why when the duo paired again to adapt Dracula, the Bram Stroker classic which I personally absolutely adore — I thought the series would be a fun retelling of an old classic. Especially, given BBC’s longstanding and faithful history in adapting the old tale in decades past, and the fact that it was marketed as an old school Dracula: with no hints of modernization or the story being set in the present.

This assumption was entirely wrong.

Which was an infuriating marketing mistake because the show’s constant bending and inevitable breaking of the source material in both lore and characterization was atrocious and downright insulting.

Down to the point where liberties of adaptation were so loose that this Dracula should have been marketed more as a Blackula or even Doctor Dracula, which while being a very loose adaptation, would have made a lot more marketing sense and not disappointed the purists out there like myself.

Mostly, it also would have forgiven the poor world development and ability choices which made no sense except it a nonsensical, suspension of reality way that only works in the magic of a Doctor Who universe or the mystery in a Sherlock Holmes case — Dracula being neither of these things.

I want it to be known by everyone reading this:

This is a bloody butchering of Dracula.

With ideas that run out so quickly that it moves into the modern era out of nowhere despite copious amounts of source material (There were many, many more short stories like on the ship the Demeter, that could’ve been adapted) and falls into pure Doctor Who territory. Going full science fiction in a blatant and unoriginal ‘Torchwood’ rip off for any Doctor Who fans can recognize by episode three.

Which again, has nothing to do with Dracula. Atop of being layered in atrocious homophobia and some of the most poorly written women in TV.

So, without further ado here’s why Dracula Sucks.

 

Dracula BBC
This sums up exactly what’s wrong. Needing to emphasize, it’s the creators of Sherlock immediately.

It Immediately Abandons What Dracula is About.

When I think of faithful adaptations of Dracula, I think the film Nosferatu, Bela Lugosi and Christopher Lee’s performances as the Count, Coppola’s 1992 Film, and the BBC’s 1977 adaptation — which to date, is the most faithful adaptation.

I also really give credit to the Coppola and BBC versions for using the crazy gung-ho (Yep, Dracula’s actual killer is an American from the south) suitor of Lucy from Texas: Quincy. Who not only delivers a killing blow to the count along with Jonathan but also gets mortally wounded by an angry mob of Gypsies — which is omitted save in the most faithful adaptations.

Now, over the past hundred years, there have been many adaptations of Dracula. Each of which has taken several liberties with the story. Character relationships are often switched between Lucy, Mina, Jonathan, and Renfield.

Themes are often changed and made relevant to the era the story is being told, though it inevitably gets back to the plot of the story which is: Dracula and Vampirism is a mystery, bad things happen to those around it, reluctant heroes come together and against all odds put together the facts, and in the end they stop the Vampire and its acolytes — or at least, try to.

This version doesn’t do any of that. Instead, it’s self-indulgent masturbatory fantasy focusing solely on Dracula and a bit of Van Helsing, though more in the light of her obsession with — in an uninspired life obsessed with the vampire. A man whom she has no reason to be this obsessed over as they’ve completely omitted the years of medicine school and replaced it with a convent, nunnery, and dedication to the cause — Dracula.

And while there are some hints that there’s more to Agatha Van Helsing (Dolly Wells), we never learn about it because the audience only learns anything about her character through her works obsessions with Dracula. His motivations. His histories.

Effectively, shitting on everything that Made Van Helsing a separate person. One who is reputable and smart and a mentor to some of the side characters.

This gets me to my biggest flaw I see in this series:

 

It Only Focuses on Dracula.

This irritates me to no end. Not because Claes Bang does a poor job, he’s actually excellent through and through. But because the original is written with multiple narrator points of view and journal entries. The events that conspired, being a mystery that the reader is supposed to put together via the various notes.

Dracula’s not meant to be a linear film following the monster – which I think only Coppola gets correct. The monster is learned about and handled from a distance. Granting the characters and perspectives to take on standalone lives of their own while unraveling the great mystery.

Jonathan and Mina are getting married and developing their business and lives, Van Helsing, serves as a wonderful yet mysterious mentor to one of Lucy’s suitors; the three of which, becoming oddly good friends despite the grim situation. Renfield is a psychiatric character who spoke a lot about mental illness of the time and the themes of nature and ‘life imbibing in life’. Humanity in its animalistic drive and cruelty, which is a big theme about what Dracula represents, particularly sexually.

And Lucy, well, she’s subverting the Victorian woman. The ideal wife seeking a suitor to be churned out in the culture and become yet another idealist mother; all of which is tainted and twisted when turned into a child-eating monster.

None of this is explored in this adaption as we indulge in just Dracula and only Dracula. Which irritates me. And while I’ll admit, journals and notes are not the most compelling narration for film, it does make what actually happened very mysterious and dark. Which I think every adaptation of Dracula to date severely lacks.

Because Dracula was never supposed to be the only focal point of the story. He was just the unraveling mystery that needed to be solved.

 

On a lighter note. If you’d like to see which version of Dracula was the most faithful. Checkout this video by Cinemassacre who do a great job analyzing Dracula and who’s in fact, the most faithful in adaption.

 

Why Dracula’s Story is Lazy Going for Sensation and Fake-Woke Themes

What the series does is take the barest of the original’s premises and subverts it about halfway through the first episode. Though I can’t tell you if it’s a more progressive or conservative type of story, because honestly, all this version of Dracula accomplished in doing was offending both of my sensibilities.

It begins when Dracula takes in Jonathan Harker (John Heffernan) in as his essential ‘life coach’ wanting to learn English culture. Jonathan sells him property. Dracula uses his cheesy:

“I don’t drink… Wine”

Line in his heavy Transylvanian accent.

All homages to the original. Jonathan gets trapped in the maze of the castle. He encounters a bride of Dracula who is later fed a tiny baby, as he’s slowly used as Dracula’s food and the Vampire de-ages over time.

Then, for some idiotic reason, Dracula drops the Transylvanian accent and becomes young and oddly British in a short amount of time. Though not just English mind you… but fast-talking English. With a wit and charm and a personality very akin to both The Doctor and Sherlock Holmes, despite not being this character just a few scenes ago.

This is the first blatant red flag and I should’ve stopped watching the series there. There’s also no explanation for it. At least, other than the fact that Moffat apparently can’t write a character that isn’t this trope.

Then it gets a lot worse.

Jonathan explores the castle and finds other boxed undead: zombies in fact, hidden away as creatures locked within coffin boxes. And sure, some will argue they’re vampires and undead victims that haven’t yet fully died, but for the sake of aesthetics, I’m going to call it for what it is:

Zombies only added in for sensation and dramatic effect.

Mind you, this is all being revealed as the real Jonathan, an escaped and almost Renfield look-alike undead victim, confesses what happened to himself in Dracula’s castle to a series of nuns taking care of him in a convent/hospital.

We think Jonathan’s backstory had already been unraveled through his journals but its hasn’t (as they’re revealed to be a blatant ripoff of ‘The Shining’s ‘All Work and No Play Makes Jack a Dull Boy’) and so the real-time tension builds as we learn not only about his time with Dracula, but also what’s happening in the moment as the real Dracula has come to infiltrate the convent.

This is somewhat okay. Especially, when we learn that the nuns overseeing his personal recovery are Van Helsing (made a woman) and Mina herself (Morfydd Clark) and when we get our first taste of hope for this story.

Which is immediately snuffed and made irrelevant. Its purposes being that Van Helsing is introduced as Dracula’s rival (Though really just a convenient way to explore his motivations), and Mina is meant to create a foundation after her husband — later serving as this story’s ‘Torchwood’.

Though the story’s greatest sins happen almost immediately in the pilot.

First, by having Dracula take ‘Jonathan Harker’, the original novel’s protagonist, as his wife… which seems progressive move but then emphasizes that Dracula is not gay… then spends literally the next three episodes sexually voracious with female victims and in orgasmic sexual embrace. Though never touching the queer thing ever again or addressing it personally. Unless you consider episode two’s queer couple a subject, though even then it’s a closeted affair that’s also proven irrelevant once Dracula murders all the parties involved. A convenient ploy the narrative uses a lot in the three-episode series.

Why is it avoidant? Because this Dracula is fake-woke. And I’m definitely not a ‘woke’ person myself but I can definitely call bullshit when it wreaks in the air.

 

Other Plot Holes and Sins

There’s a lot of these. Some more forgivable than others but in total: overall make a pretty piece of shit total story.

If you thought that “I don’t drink… wine.” was bad then be ready for other cringe-worthy one-liners such as: “You’re Killing Me.” or “It’s Fast Food.” when talking about Dracula murder victims. And no, in context it’s not any better than out of context, so I’ll just leave them here.

There’s also a really bad message about Lucy, not only slut-shaming the girl but also making her only desirable and obsessive attribute: her beauty. Which is upsetting compared to the original storyline I mentioned above. Also, surely enough, there’s a big error where Lucy is accidentally cremated and forced to live as an undead charred to a crisp monstrosity of which Dracula takes no responsibility for — a common aggravating characteristic he plays with throughout the series.

There is also a lot of scientism behind Dracula in this one, but with little actual science. British Atheism being a popular talking these days, the series denounces religion, then does a shite job looking into Dracula’s avoidant behaviors through fear-based psychology.

It inevitably proves his vulnerabilities to be less causal or chemically related and more psychological. Which makes a little sense and would be compelling… except for the fact that turning into dust via stakes are still quite real, sunlight is still avoided, and the rules for Dracula, for some reason, are the exception in a lore filled world that establishes undead and other vampires? All also real. All also seen in the Lucy’s episode 3 storyline.

So why or how the rules are different for Dracula compared to other undead vampires and zombies? Yeah, I have no idea.

That’s what we call a BIG GAPING PLOT HOLE.

Which is very annoying because 75% of the series is dedicated to answering, or should I say, half-assed answering, these very questions. And while it may seem interesting FOR DRACULA, it again makes no sense given how we use the other creatures such as the little vampire boy, Staking Lucy, The Zombies, and Dracula’s Bride (who doesn’t disintegrate like Lucy does by the way?), all for convenient sensational storytelling.

With science about as accurate and akin to logic, as much as say a person jumping out of a drifting moving car is in the fast and the furious franchise.

BBC’S AND NETFLIX’S DRACULA MAKES AS MUCH SENSE AS A FAST AND THE FURIOUS MOVIE

Let me also say that in the novels, Blood is symbolic for classism and power. It’s very religious and tied together with the Jesus Christ symbolisms: Dracula’s obsession with blood and the whole Sacred Wafer/Body of Christ element being the object which purifies Dracula’s Coffins throughout England.

Inevitably making his 50 coffin beds null and void. All of which is useful in the plot and probably serves better in The Fury of Dracula board game than it has in any relevant recent Dracula story.

 

For a fun video on that. Check out one of my favorite episodes of Tabletop. Yes, I’m plugging this. Mostly to get me through writing this review

I mention these because it is important in the good/evil battle, King versus King, Royalty and Bloodlines, all in Dracula, but not this version as it’s all thrown out the window for the sake of convenience. Especially, as it doesn’t interest this adaption. Which I can forgive, as many others have also omitted it in their Dracula adaptions.

There’s just one very stupid world-destroying element that the show relies on which I think is what ruins the series for me personally.

I want to bring back a problem I mentioned earlier. That Red Flag I talked about in that first scene. Probably the most offensive and conveniently stupid device that I should’ve realized was ruining the story.

We see Dracula as a Transylvanian with a heavy accent. Who, after feasting on Jonathan for a prolonged time… slowly becomes… British for the sake Steven Moffat doesn’t know how to write NOT THE DOCTOR.

Why is this bad?

Because when we introduce this, we now introduce the rule that when Dracula feasts, he is gaining the skills and knowledge when sucking on someone’s blood. Something which they lavishly use in this series.

For any iZombie fans, you’ll sort of see why this is sort of a big problem. Dracula REALLY SHOULDN’T be able to pick up on thoughts, ideas, memories, and cultures this easily. Especially just to fit in Steven Moffat’s traditional Whimsical fast-talking character he likes writing. Why?

Because it’s a MAJOR FOIL in the overall theme of Dracula.

The vampire must learn to adapt to the times. It’s a problem of immortality. This has always been the case in his story: to break loneliness it seeks companionship, friendship, and those who can teach him to be relevant in the current age.

It’s a major trope not only in Dracula but has become one established in Vampire Fiction. Anne Rice’s Vampire Chronicles. And even dare I say it: Twilight. Dracula needs a companion and the themes of toxic masculinity and a man forcing himself upon others becomes prominent all throughout.

All because of a lack of education and a desire to adapt culture. You don’t need companionship, or knowledge for that matter, if your victims are also your knowledge pool. Your internet on crack.

YOU CAN’T MAKE IT SO CONVENIENT THAT A VAMPIRE JUST NEEDS TO EAT TO UNDERSTAND.

This is fucking stupid. Because then, we now have an unhinged Dracula who doesn’t need companionship to grow as a person: he just needs to eat.

All the time. The End. No Story.

But for some reason this story, still heavily reliant on the loneliness themes of the vampire and his ‘feeding’ in which inherently preys on victims… still utilizes it without realizing making Dracula This Degree British killed his own story. Completely destroying character with convenient Blood Knowledge.

Thus, making vampirism, on the whole, make absolutely no fucking sense. Just eat, live, and be happy. Which we sort of see by episode three, especially after Dracula gains a lawyer (Renfield) to defend his… civil rights?

I’m not even going to start why this is incredibly fucking stupid.

Worst of all, is that when you remove that level of needed intimacy from Dracula… it’s just solely focused on him. Which is indulgent and boring and often, severely over sexualized. Especially between Dracula and Agatha (Really? Even their names rhyme?! Jesus, this is lazy writing).

This is in fact, revealed to be the point and pinnacle of the story in a very Sherlock and Moriarty or The Doctor and The Master type of way.

Which is nice… Except it’s been done before. By Moffat. In everything he’s ever done the past ten years.

And if you’ve seen his other two shows… Sherlock or Doctor Who, you’ll soon see this is the EXACT. SAME. THING. Same dynamic. Same characters. Lazy writing.

 

Final Take

It’s maddening because the first show of the new year I’m reviewing is starting on an awful note and I strictly blame BBC for setting this up as an easy post-holiday binge.

Let me save you time by saying it’s better to watch The Witcher or Mandalorian for the 5th time than ever watch this drivel again. This show needs to be burned at the stake.

Atop of this, I’m in agreement now that Moffat has shown to be an utter failure in learning how to adapt his writing as he is a one-trick pony. Writing the same exact character for the past ten years.

He also has no idea how to write women — their greatest accomplishments in every series he’s ever produced — are almost always overshadowed in support of a male leading character. Serving as the both object of his sexual affections and often inevitable conquest — with no room for independent growth or development on their own.

This has been the case in both Doctor Who (With Amy Pond, who grows an immediate infatuation with the doctor only to become another love object for Rory) and Sherlock (With Mrs. Watson whose great narrative arc serves as a poorly developed plotline of loss for John Watson by series finale).

This show being a perfect and most toxic example of why Moffat needs to go back to writing school. As I can barely name a single woman in Dracula who isn’t his food or sexual object. Agatha Van Helsing’s being the worst example: yet another strong woman becoming an object for sexual gratification in yet another Moffat project, using a final utterly unnecessary sexual tryst with Dracula in her final dying breaths as he metaphorically and quite literally… eats her to death… for both of them.

But hey, it’s The Doctor as Dracula.

Final Score: 1/10

One point for being a ‘Dracula’. That’s it.

 

You Can Watch How Awful Dracula is on Netflix. But seriously, don’t.

 

 

Outstanding Balance: ‘Uncut Gems’ Review

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You Cannot Screw With KG and His Favorite Gem
This is what happens when a precious stone is taken from a very volatile person.

Opals are some of the prettiest stones on the planet. Derived from the Sanskrit upala, meaning “precious stone,” they later took on the Greek derivative “Opallios”, meaning “to see a change of color.” Once believed to be a harbinger of bad luck due to jewelers not knowing how to render them properly, thus resulting in the breakage of them, the ancients oppositely saw the precious stone to be a talisman of fidelity and assurance. It was also said that the opal had amplified traits, both good and bad. It is in this journey, from the mines of Africa, 2010 to the minds of the Brothers Safdie, 2019 that I give you all the painful emotion, passionate dialogue and promissory notes that is Uncut Gems (A24).

This isn’t a tv review, so I won’t hit on the play by play in this game, but we’ll cover the spread so that you all will feel the sting (oh and it is poisonous, but GOOD.)

Spoilers Below

FAVORITE:

The Sandman (Adam Sandler) is back! After lending his talents to Hotel Transylvania 3 (2018) and before that, corporally in The Meyerowitz Stories (2017), the last I’d seen of his was on SNL earlier in 2019. Personally, I think Punch-Drunk Love (2018) and Spanglish (2004) and The Wedding Singer (1998) are my top three just acting-wise. I can name others, but this is Op-Ed for the moment. I believe he’s created some stinkers, as all have but he’s the person I honestly still root for, knowing what he can do.

FUTURE’S BET:

Josh and Benny Safdie had this script running for about 10 years. They’ve sent it to Sandler years ago, to which his agent said a flat out ‘NO.’ They’ve always had Sandler in mind for this part. They’ve pitched it elsewhere, where it got declined as well. At some point, the Safdie’s decided to take a bet on Sandler down the line and it paid off. This, of course, is coming off of the success of their movies prior to, including Daddy Longlegs (2009) and their prior breakout hit, Good Time (2017). Their creative upbringing and a passion for filmmaking led them to will ultimately let me to.. let’s not get ahead of myself now. Now, we introduce you to the-

PARLAY:

This is where you make a bet and the more you bet on, the better you do… If you cover them all. The more that lose, well, you know. Studio A24, which has massive plaudits, critically, is still not mainstream. NOR SHOULD THEY BE! This is me coming out, but if they keep doing what they are doing and keep the goddamned art alive, then they will have achieved pure bliss. Good reviews, solid shit, thought-provoking, honest shit and fuck the rest.

So now we get to the game, proper. Howard Ratner (Adam Sandler) in 2012 has just secured a rare Black Opal from the Ethiopian Jewish mines from which a worker was injured.  He already has collectors breathing down his neck and we have Kevin Garnett (as himself) in his shop. He is elated to have such a high profile uncut gem (within the rock,) in his possession after 17 months of trying to procure it. His shop is a mess, he owes debts, but the only thing he wants to do is keep KG in the game just to show him this rare piece of the earth. Kevin is enamored through a look of his loupe and he’s immediately smitten. His mainstay, Demany (LaKeith Stanfield) brought KG in and though Howie wants to sell the piece at auction, KG has to have it.

That’s kind of mean though, just keeping a high profile client in the building when he’s a game to play with taunting him. Kevin puts up his Celtics ring so that he may hold onto the rock, as it speaks to him. Something about it resonates and the dude wants to borrow it for a night for his game. I mean, in basketball, pass the rock to KG, amiright?

Against his better judgment, Howie lets him borrow it under the provision that he keep something as collateral, KG’s Celtic’s Ring. This is a safe bet, we’re all banking on, but then Howie goes and pawns it on the Celtics game. So the guy is doubly out. Oh, by the way, he owes some other debts that haven’t been fully squared. This is the look of a serious gambler and now I get where it comes from. It comes from addiction, not that I’d known before but in a different way. He’s pawned off some serious rocks for one rock. One that’s actually covered in terra firma. This isn’t the first time he’s done this-

WELCH:

Back at home, Howard is welcomed by his wife Dinah (Idina Menzel), but coldly. It’s his big bet. He is all invested in the game on tv, not her, not their one son, more into the other one that takes a liking to him. Favoring the one son over the other and glossing over his daughter, he sees the play he’s made on them, the huge play had made me a millionaire. He is over the moon and can’t help to tell his mistress, Julia (Julia Fox)

However, at his daughter’s play, he is kidnapped by collectors, namely Phil (Keith Williams Richards) and learning about them canceling the big win, he’s stripped naked and left in a car… His family’s car.

Upon returning and missing most of his daughter’s play, only taking away the money aspect, he continues on, now wanting to find where his Black Opal Golden Goose had gone.

His daughter knows, his wife knows. Trying to commiserate with them doesn’t help and he tries to track down this thing that might give him leverage in an auction. So he attends an after-party for the Weeknd. This is where Demany, his boy, has to have the thing back in hand, which Howard placed a long-shot bet on… I mean, pass the rock, am I fucking right?

Nope.

His co-worker fucks him over because Howie’s a shitbag and has both him and his mistress in a fight after she flirts with the Weeknd, which, by the way, get yours, girl.

He’s pissed, wants her out of his apartment, that his son had soon found out about them. This guy is not someone to emulate in any shape, fashion or form.

Back at the Sedar, among a panoply of family, from Bubbie to Arno (Eric Bogosian), that threatened to slit his throat, Howard is tasked with translating the Torah. This is one of the most telling and poetic scenes. He reads of impending doom and one can’t help but think that the guy had it coming to him. It’s not a pretty nor honest life he leads. Matter of fact, everything he does oozes of insincerity. He is, however, a serial killer… with words. He knows just how to get the right mark and murder that ish. He could sell ice to an Eskimo. He could sell ice to the North Pole… However, because of his “ice” being in storage, aka, in the hands of KG, he’s now in a bit of a pickle. He has KG’s Celtic’s bling ring as collateral, which he’s pawned off, along with the windfall of his other score. He bet it all on something that won in dividends… if Arno, already knowing this fucker’s propensity for betting loose and high didn’t stop the bet. The win of a lifetime could have been. The gold even Dragons would make their amorous other for life. But Howard’s a fuck up and he’s reminded of that.

LOOK “SHARP”, FIX UP:

I can bloviate about this. I’m nearly compelled to. The rub is that this a cinematic experience best served without much going in. It’s a fucking journey from the first scene to the very last moment. My heart palpitations could not be contained, as if from a Tex Avery cartoon when I left those theatre doors. I gave you guys the taste of what it is. Sometimes… you just gotta dig deeper.

OFF THE BOARD:

A few mentionable things:

‘Dog: The Safdie Brothers have been bringing it hardcore since Good Time (A24). I think it’s only a matter of time the center of Hollywoodland takes true notice. I see them as the neo-Coen Brothers, no sarcasm affixed.

Edge: This is what bettors love. It’s something they know they don’t want to admit because it’s the snake in the grass! The edge for the Safie Brothers outside of their amazing writing and directing was always their composer. Oneohtrix Point Never. His shit is the apex of dreamy and intense. Yup. He can do both in two bars. Along with his insane score is Darius Khondji, a one of a kind cinematographer that makes this beautiful fever dream come true.

Lock: The Weeknd. ‘Nuff said.

PAYOUT:

In all earnest, Uncut Gems had it from the start. I think Josh and Benny have way better things coming to them in the future. To employ the likes of Mike Francesa in an actual likable part, I doff my hat to. For the crazy and dreamy visuals amid the verbal violence transpiring, I also doff my hat. For my heart palpitations when I was leaving the theatre, going to my car and trying to drive home… I don’t doff my headwear to simply put it back on. I put my coat over the puddle so they can gain better passage.

This is probably the best movie I’ve seen thus far. That being said, it was a trip. That’s all I’m going to say. Addiction, Comeupannce, anything that could rile your four pumping chambers…. it’s on the line.

PROP:

Exotic bets are an interesting thing. They are particular, you may lose a shit ton of money, but they are far more interesting than any bet ever. They could pay in dividends. Uncut Gems put it all on a singular line and it seriously paid off. It’s possibly the role of a lifetime for Sandler, it’s mesmerizing, dreamy and possibly one of the trippiest movies I’d seen in like 20 years… This is something that needs to be experienced, won, lost and won again. That is all.

Schitt’s Creek Review: Smoke Signals

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Schitt's Creek Season 6

Schitt’s Creek is back for its sixth and final season with a premiere that packs some of my favorite one-liners, facial expressions, and hijinks while setting the stage for David and Patrick’s wedding.

“I fit my highschool best friend into a suitcase way smaller than this when we were crossing the border between Laos and Vietnam, so I’m pretty sure I can figure this out.” – Alexis Rose

Picking up about a week after the end of Season Five, “Smoke Signals” finds Alexis poorly packing for her six-month trip to the Galapagos to accompany Ted. To her shock, Alexis learns that David and Patrick planned to see wedding venues without her. To add insult to injury, both Johnny and closet-dwelling Moira were extended invites.

David: “Touring a wedding venue is an incredibly intimate thing and we wanted to keep it small.”

Alexis: “You invited Dad.”

Patrick offers Alexis an invitation to the wedding venue (with Alexis getting a free ride to the airport after), but the tension between the two siblings continues past the walls of the motel.

“It’s the only venue for miles that doesn’t look like a crime scene from a missing person docu-series.” – David Rose

At the wedding venue, everyone quickly falls in love with the place but there are a few caveats. The venue’s price is extremely high, prompting David to ask “Is there a package lower than the bronze package, perhaps a copper package?”

Luckily for David, there is an opening available in a month’s time. Sadly, this would exclude Alexis and Ted from attending. Herein lies the rift between the two siblings.

Alexis, in her attempts to keep herself from backing out of her trip to the Galapagos, has repeatedly thrown her upcoming trip in the face of her family.  It’s not surprising when Stevie alerts Alexis that this is the reason David is upset.

This particular spat between the siblings only highlights the growth of the characters throughout the series. Alexis, who did everything in her early days to escape the town and avoid her family, now finds it hard to leave those she loves and head into the unknown. David, who like Alexis tried to find a way out of Schitt’s Creek, has spent the last few seasons setting roots in the small town with his business and finding his husband.

The two end up apologizing, after a hilarious mix-up with Alexis misreading the date of her airline ticket. Instead of booking her ticket for July 8th, Alexis managed to book it for August 7th instead – a mistake she’s apparently made in the past for Kate Winslet’s wedding.

This opens up the venue for the taking, but the sound of pigs being slaughtered at a nearby farm quickly changes everyone’s plans.

Later when the family meets up for lunch, Patrick suggests to David that they get married in the backyard of the motel. If anyone could pull it off, it would be David.

The idea of a wedding at the motel feels perfect for the series. What once was a place of hell for the Roses, has slowly brought the family together and helped them grow as people.

“David, I’ve asked you not to overindulge in that smoky cologne. It’s enough to give someone a seizure! *coughs* Is someone vaping?” – Moira Rose

It’s safe to say Moira has started to lose touch with reality after learning her movie, The Crows Have Eyes 3: The Crowening, was shelved in Season Five finale (during David’s much-spoiled engagement announcement). Her self-banishment to the closet still holds true a week after learning the news. Her shame has led to David’s embarrassment leading him to warn Patrick to avoid coming into his parent’s room to find a disheveled wig-wearing Moira.

After everyone leaves, Moira is left alone in her closet as smoke slowly starts to seep in through the vents. The latch on the closet refuses to open, causing Moira to panic. Roland bursts into the room and releases Moira from her self-inflicted imprisonment leading to an onslaught of amazing one-liners that include:

  • “This is not how I go!”
  •  Roland – “Moira!”
    Moira – “Stevie! Thank God!”
  • “My legs are in slumber. Carry me!”
  • “My baebaes! My girls!”
  • “If she [a wig] takes on smoke, she’ll never recover!”

Reeling in her near-death experience, Moira tells Johnny that perhaps it’s time to end her acting career. “This may come to a shock to you my dear. I don’t believe my career has been that kind to me.”

It’s a sad moment, but there seems to be an underlying bright future for the older couple. It almost seems as if Johnny and Moira have relinquished any thoughts of becoming rich again and have accepted their life in the small town of Schitt’s Creek.

Unfortunately for Johnny, Moira receives news that The Crows Have Eyes 3 has been picked up by a streaming service called Interflix. Any dreams of hanging up her career go right out the window. Old Moira is back with her nearly impossible vocabulary.

Quick Notes

  • “I’m not wearing them [high heels] on the plane. They hand out slippers with the mimosas.” – As much as Alexis has grown as a character, I still love her detachment from reality when it comes to living a normal life
  • Apparently Ted isn’t upset with Alexis’ month delay as he hasn’t lizard proofed their place. How many lizards are there?!?!
  • I wish Stevie had more to do this episode. There is a scene of her questioning what is next for her after Cabaret and seeking more meaning for her life outside of Schitt’s Creek. It’ll be exciting to see where the final season takes her.
  • “I’m moving to a place that doesn’t have a Sephora for literally 2,700 miles, so I’m sorry if I’m trying to convince myself that I’m doing the right thing!” – I relate to this line so much more after being married to wife.
  • There are many amazing quips this episode. This may be my favorite:

Patrick: “What if we got married here?”

David: “What if we got married under a highway overpass?”

 

Final Grade: A-

‘The Mandalorian’ Review: Season One Succeeds Where the New Trilogy Fails

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The Mandalorian
Pedro Pascal is Mandalorian. PC: Disney

While the new trilogy was akin to Anakin in mostly being a disappointment, The Mandalorian is more like Luke in providing a New Hope to the series.

If you still haven’t seen The Mandalorian yet you really should watch it. It’s hands down the best thing Star Wars has put out in a very long time — perfectly blending loveable characters, budgeted adventure, and childlike nostalgia. Atop of this, it has Jon Favreau calling the shots (Iron Man, The Jungle Book) and is Disney+ flagship series, meaning it’s likely going to be here for a little while.

In the final episode of 2019’s TV Talk, we talk about The Mandalorian Season One, why you should watch, our favorite parts (minute 6), and some of the heavy lore within (minute 24). The first six minutes of this podcast are spoiler-free.

Set a few years after Return of The Jedi (The Original Trilogy), the story follows a lone Mandalorian Bounty Hunter in the outer rim territories just trying to get by, whose handling of his latest mark, is a lot more than his usually grey moral compass can handle.

Soon finding himself on the run, Mando, as his friends call him, spends the entire season encountering new (to us at least) imperial menaces of the old empire, while also having his fair share of scrapes against new aliens and bestial types of space monsters. All while befriending new allies, rekindling old friendships, and attending to small-scale epic adventures — striving to keep ‘it’ safe while preserving his Mandalorian ways.

The Mandalorian also features a cast of the most talented actors in television and movies, with Pedro Pascal (Game of Thrones, Narcos), Giancarlo Esposito (Breaking Bad), Gina Carano (Deadpool), Carl Weathers (Rocky), and Taika Waititi (Thor: Ragnarok).

Moff Gideon in The Mandalorian
Giancarlo Esposito Plays Moff Gideon in The Mandalorian. PC: Disney

 

And if that’s still not enough reason consider this:

The Mandalorian, along with The Witcher (whose first season I half-recapped earlier) are the most popular watched and talked about Television series of 2019.

Not Game of Thrones. And Not Mr. Robot’s Final Season. Which were the two most game-changing TV series in the past five years, both of which, have just ended.

Let that sink in.

Pedro Pascal as Mando and Gina Carano as Cara Dune in The Mandalorian. PC: Disney
Pedro Pascal as Mando and Gina Carano as Cara Dune in The Mandalorian. PC: Disney

 

The Mandalorian’s Story (Spoilers Ahead)

One of the best things about the Mandalorian series is that it scales down its story. Stripping Star Wars down from its pizzazz and more bombastic elements the past few movies, such as death star-like empowered bases and evil Empire forces conscripting the galaxy. The show brings the universe back to its roots, providing a simpler and more intimate story. One focused on characters and for once, not the fate of the galaxy. Thus, providing a nice breather to fans of the franchise.

As such, characters featured in The Mandalorian tell a tale, not of good versus evil but rather three-dimensional people. Survivors with violent and less-than-stellar histories, who’ve been a part of the longstanding wars throughout the galaxy. Victims of the powers that be never given a voice until now.

What’s powerful about the choices in the story is that the heroes are not necessarily good, but are people who none-the-less, choose to do the right thing. Mando, being the prime example.

 

 

The Mandalorian Baby Yoda
While there are no Skywalkers in The Mandalorian. There is this little baby in The Mandalorian. PC: Disney

 

One of the last warriors in a dying culture, Mando chooses to preserve life again-and-again. Showing that he cares not only about being a type of surrogate father to the child — one willing to protect him at all costs — but also, that he cares about the lives of innocents. Particularly, his friends.

In episode 6, Mando spares his old friends that betrayed him in the prison escapade. This despite being backstabbed and being left to die in lieu of them by the former Rebel Alliance. In episode 4, Mando and Cara Dune not only saved an entire village from being destroyed but also passed on a potential life of happiness and settling down with Omera (Julia Jones) to keep his child safe. We’ve also seen signs of empathy, forgiving Greef Karga (Carl Weathers) for betraying him earlier in episode 3 of the season and even providing second chances and hesitation to kill with those who betrayed him such as Toro Talican (Jake Cannavale) and Fennec Shand (Ming-Na Wen) in episode 5.

Despite hardships and loss, we’ve seen Mando time and time again protect the child first and always.

Disney The Mandalorian Scout Trooprs
Scout Troopers in Episode 8 of The Mandalorian. PC: Disney

 

The Battles Matter in Smaller Scaled Stories

One of the nicer elements about the battles within the show is that most are small skirmishes often shot in epic proportions. Doing something Star Wars hasn’t done well since Empire Strikes Back: utilizing cinematography economically.

We see Mando in shootouts behind cover. Fire flamethrowers and grappling hooks against creatures. Ride jetpacks and fire Gatling lasers not in epic battles determining the fate of the galaxy but in shootouts gone awry. In blown out of proportion battles for survival.

Because for something as gritty as Star Wars, you really don’t need to go as crazy as the new trilogy has in terms of the widescale battles. Where every battle is littered with Blaster Bolts and random CGI details that often feel neglected and forgetful. Let alone illogical, like featuring a calvary of alien mounts charging into a space battle against a battlecruiser like in the last movie…

There are no battles in the Mandalorian where the entire rebel alliance gets decimated (The Last Jedi). Nor are there moments where large standing armies are conjured/called-in from out of nowhere, only to be decimated with waves upon waves of force lightning (Rise of Skywalker).

Instead, the casualties are more heartfelt in The Mandalorian because each episode takes its time to develop the characters and establish the cultures. Creating a longstanding narrative where the people aren’t just faceless victims lost in a cause, but villagers, ex-soldiers, prisoners, and even redemptive androids. Smaller in scale and thus more critical with the character’s decisions.

There are no political allegiances in The Mandalorian. Just people getting by to survive.

 

Where The New Trilogy Fails Mandalorian succeeds

Where the new trilogy seems to fail the Mandalorian is for the better. Unlike the Jedi/Sith and Empire/Rebels who resemble good and evil, the world of the Mandalorian is simple. A man on a mission to keep a child safe.

Yes, he’s a Mandalorian warrior with impervious Baskar armor. Yes, it would be nice to have more money to survive. Until then, Mando takes on missions, avoids the bad guys hunting baby Yoda, and occasionally, connects with friends to resolve longstanding plot issues.

No evil empire of good versus bad. No Jedi philosophy. Just a story about a Mandalorian getting by, which I think, is a down to earth and more in-tune with today’s culture. And may be formulaic for sure but very unpredictable in that we can’t always tell people’s motivations.

What’s surprising, is that the show is so good that unlike the new Star Wars trilogy, not many fans are complaining about the series in a negative way. In fact, its rather uniting Star Wars fans in a time where it’s most divided that The Mandalorian has united fans.

This is because the series is simple and thus sweet.

 

Final Take

The Mandalorian is Star Wars scaled back to its roots and made excitable again. The story is simple yet compelling and the characters are catchy. It’s a wonderful nod to former Star Wars kids who grew up with the series thanks to the 90s re-release and prequel trilogies; not only providing backstories to the gritter bounty hunting mythos featured in Star Wars for so long but not talked about, but also, serves as an homage to the very Westerns and Samurai movies that influenced George Lucas in the first place.

It’s the Star Wars Monomythic story structure at its best and a perfect example of telling a good adventure story.

Final Score: 10/10 Mandalorian. You made me believe in the magic of the force again… mostly, by having a baby not explain it to me.

 

You can watch all episodes of the Mandalorian on Disney+ right now.

 

The Workprint’s Movie Talk Episode 3: ‘The Rise of Skywalker’

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The Workprint’s Movie Talk Episode 3: ‘The Rise of Skywalker'
Image Credit: Disney

In this episode of Movie Talk, Christian talks with friends John and Ethan about their thoughts on the latest Star Wars movie. What we liked about it and what fell short, all for a spoiler-filled podcast.

We’ve already covered our early review of The Rise of Skywalker here but overall I thought there was a lot to like and dislike about this movie. Mostly, I thought that Rise of Skywalker was a fitting end to say goodbye to the series…. for a second time. For more on that and more, click the link above and be sure to subscribe to the podcast on iTunes, Googleplay and spotify.

We’ll also be doing a podcast soon on the conclusion of ‘The Mandalorian’ as well as talking everything about everything Star Wars, in particular, a comparative take on The Mandalorian and Rise of Skywalker. All within posts in the near future. All for a fun way to end 2019.

‘The Witcher’ Recap Scene-by-scene: Episodes 3 and 4

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Henry Cavill's Witcher climbs up the stairs
Henry Cavill is Geralt of Rivia in the episode 'Betrayer Moon'. Netflix's 'The Witcher'. PC: Netflix.

The following are extensive scene-by-scene recaps on ‘The Witcher’ episodes 3 and 4. A Netflix adapted fantasy series created by Lauren Schmidt Hissrich.

We’ve already covered episodes 1 and 2 of ‘The Witcher’.  It wasn’t until episode four that this became evident to me: The Witcher takes place across three different character timelines, at different points within the world’s timeline. Ciri’s story takes place in the present. Geralt in the recent past. And Yennefer’s is a long time ago.  With all three converging as they skip forward at different rates in the series.

So for the purpose of these recaps, I’ll write how things play out in the episodes rather than chronology, which gets messy the more you think about it.

 

Actress Anya Chalotra as Yennefer in episode 'Betrayer Moon' of the Netflix series 'The Witcher'
Anya Chalotra as a newly transformed Yennefer in ‘Betrayer Moon’ PC: Katalin Vermes

Episode 3: Betrayer Moon

A sick boy in bed talks about the myth behind the Vudodlak, this world’s version of the werewolf. He believes he is turning into one as he thinks that it is what scratched him. A Witcher (not Geralt) asks for three thousand orens to slay the beast from the boy’s father. They pay him, and shortly after, the boy dies. A scream echoes in the night. The Witcher on assignment follows the sounds into a butchery, where some meat hangs on hooks. He ambushed and killed.

Geralt, our Witcher (Henry Cavill), awakens next to a prostitute though he is still left feeling unsatisfied. She fingers his different scars including the one given to him by Renfri, then tells him another Witcher has gone to Temeria, where Miners paid 3,000 orens to have it kill a monster. He pays the prostitute for her services but goes into debt for the room, leaving his horse, Roach as collateral as he pursues the job in Temeria for money to pay the innkeeper.

Geralt finds the angry miners and the father who is upset over the death of his son Mikal (the sick boy). Geralt apologizes for the other Witcher’s alleged running off with the money and offers to do the job at a third of the price. With payment only after killing the Vudodlak. Soldiers arrive from King Foltest’s army and tell the miners to go home. The upset father spits at the army’s leader, who offers pity condolences. The soldiers escort Geralt back to the border where, in the cold night of winter, each guard soon falls to the ground. A voice calls out to Geralt, revealed to be Triss Merigold (Anna Shaffer), the sorceress servant of King Foltest. She reveals that she was the one who’d sent the message (to the prostitute) to entice him here as she needs help not to kill but save the beast.

Back in her home, Triss reveals that six years ago, people went missing around the old crypts where the king’s sister Adda was buried. It’s rumored she was having an affair when she died, her child in her belly being the heir as King Foltest never married. Triss deduces this creature is not a Vudodlak and offers 2000 orens if Geralt can figure out what killed the creature’s victims. She shows him the stored bodies of all the secret murder victims and Geralt inspects each one, including the Witcher that was killed.

Hearts and Livers missing in each of them, Geralt concludes that the beast is a Striga and that Adda must’ve had a daughter as all Strigas are female.

The Striga featured in episode 'Betrayer Moon' of Netflix's 'The Witcher'
The Striga. PC: Netflix

 

At the crypts of the tower of the gull, Yennefer rides Istredd (Royce Pierreson) as the two have passionate sex. They are being watched by an approving audience, who applause when Istredd climaxes inside of Yennefer then disappear. An illusion.

Shortly after they dress, we learn that it’s years into their future and both students have excelled in their studies. Istredd is going to Temeria for Stregebor and Yennefer is going to be assigned to be a mage at Aedirn. Later on, a sorcerer dresses Yennefer in an elegant grey dress in preparation for her duties at Aedirn. Tissaia joins in and reveals to Yennefer that she can remake herself through magic. Effectively curing her hunched back and self-perceived ugliness. She instructs her pupil to look in the mirror and imagine the most powerful woman in the world and then enchants Yennefer’s eyes.

Meanwhile, Triss Merigold and Geralt visit King Foltest (Shaun Dooley) of Temeria and tell him they can save the creature. They argue with the king’s council and everyone is told to leave but Geralt bars the doors and forces a private council with the King. Geralt implies that he believes the King bedded his murdered sister. The guards break back in, but the king calls them off. Geralt is banished from Temeria.

In a secret Chapter of twelve wizards, it’s revealed that Cintra continues animosity towards the alliance (This is old Cintra, but it is intentionally left ambiguous to confuse it with Princess Cirilla’s Cintra, which is mostly a smoldering ruin in the present). King Dagorad has banned mages in the country and the princess Calanthe (The Queen and Grandmother in Ciri’s timeline) is proving even more stubborn.

A sorcerer reveals Nilfgaard’s king Fergus is excitable (horny), wasting the kingdom’s money on women as his people starve. They need a good mage assigned there but nobody wants the job (as it’s implied, they’d be little than eye candy, or at worst, a concubine). Stregobor suggests sending Yennefer revealing to the council that she is part elf. A trait most in the kingdom despise. The council votes and agrees.

Outside the gates of Temeria, Geralt plans to continue pursuing the beast despite getting nothing out of it (he’s more honorable than he claims). Triss Merigold finds him outside and joins him and they sneak inside the abandoned halls of the castle. They visit Adda’s bedroom and find hidden letters in a music box from Queen Sancia, Adda and Foltest’s mother. Finding evidence that Sancia may have cursed her own children because they had an incestuous affair and so Sancia wanted Adda’s child killed.

Geralt and Triss then talk to Lord Ostrit, a close council to the throne who doesn’t believe Foltest and Adda’s relationship was consensual. He believes Foltest raped his sister and then cursed the child to cover it. Geralt calls him out on this lie as he smelled the man’s stench on Adda’s bedsheets both old and new. Obvious evidence that Ostrit had strong feelings for Adda. Ostrit admits to cursing not Adda but Foltest. Refusing to reveal the affair out of a love for Adda and the ruin it would do to their family’s legacy. Ostrit wants Foltest to watch as the kingdom deteriorates and grows to hate him.

Back at the tower, Sabrina offers herself to the brotherhood of sorcerers. Istredd realizes Yennefer is missing. He visits her but she rebukes him for his betrayal of revealing her Elven heritage to Stregobor. He apologizes though defends himself as the two were knowingly spying on each other in service to their respective masters.

Istredd offers to fix it by joining the research chapter so that neither of them must go to court. The two able to be together as servants. Yennefer hates the idea. She refuses to be patronized by a man who pimps the world as some romantic adventure. Istredd condemns that Yennefer is just mad she lost her chance to be beautiful. She retorts she just wants to be powerful. It’s what she’s owed given the cruelty in her life thus far.

Moments after, Yennefer asks the enchanter from earlier to prove his true ability. Seeking to transform herself immediately, she requests he leave her enchanted eyes and slashed wrists. The enchanter agrees though warns that it will cost her childbearing womb and that the process will be quite painful.

Geralt meets with Foltest at the gates of his kingdom. The King greets him enthused, having learned from Triss that Geralt has a way of making his daughter human. The king reveals he truly loved Adda though he tried for years not to pursue his feelings until they inevitably came out.

Soon after, we learn Geralt has kept Ostrit bound at Adda’s old bed. He forces him to reveal how to lift the curse and Ostrit reveals how he had cast the Elven curse, to begin with. Reciting the elder words, Geralt figures out how to turn her back: fight her until the dawn keeping her away from her crypt. Geralt leaves Ostrit to die. The Striga finds and eviscerates him.

They battle. Geralt uses a silver chain whip but the Striga breaks the bonds. Despite his skill, the Striga proves relentless and ragdolls him along the corridor hallway until Geralt breaks the floor with his magic, causing both to fall. He shatters one of his potions and the creature finds him and beats him down then tries to escape. Geralt holds it back with magic then arms himself with silver knuckles and punches the creature keeping the fight going. As the sun rises, he locks himself away into her tomb and magically seals it from inside, keeping her out and forcing her to return to human form. Now human, Geralt thinks the battle over but the girl still behaves like the Striga and bites at Geralt’s jugular causing him to bleed out.

Yennefer undergoes a painful transformation that fixes her spine. She immediately attends the dance and is revealed to be stunningly beautiful; easily wooing every person in the crowd, particularly the King of Aedirn who is still seeking a mage. Yennefer proves to be much more suitable to his wants and she dances with the King and gains his favor. This upsets the council along with foils everyone’s political plans.

Geralt awakens to find Triss mending his wounds, though she tells him he’d spent the night calling out to Renfri in his dreams. Triss tells him the king told his people Ostrit lost his life to save the princess.  Geralt asks Triss for his coins of payment which she grants him.

Finally, we find Princess Cirilla awakens and is entranced to enter a nearby forest as Dara tries to save her but is non-fatally shot with an arrow.

 

The Witcher
Henry Cavill, Bart Edwards. PC: Netflix

Episode 4: Of Banquets, Bastards, and Burials

We pick up where we left off as Princess Ciri is called deeper into Brokilon forest. Revealed to be filled with mysterious lights and very green fauna inside. She is ambushed by women with spears and says that her name is Fiona. A woman tells her to follow her.

At a meeting, a man shares a story about how the White Wolf helped him but was swallowed whole by a Sekimore. We meet the bard Jaskier again, who jots down the details of Geralt’s latest adventure, still seeking to create good stories based on the Witcher’s adventures.

Suddenly, Geralt breaks into the room covered in blood and guts having slain the Sekimore. The man pays Geralt as Jaskier leads the crowd in song, really popularizing the Witcher’s reputation as humanity’s hero. In return, Jaskier asks a favor for making Geralt such a local hero as he tries to entice Geralt’s services with food, women, and wine.

Jaskier cleans and bathes Geralt though the Witcher still claims they’re not friends. He asks for his protection at a wedding, as the bard has upset a lot of lords having bedded a lot of the women in attendance including wives, servants, and mothers. Geralt reluctantly agrees but states he won’t kill anyone for him as Jaskier dresses him up in a noble’s attire.

At the wedding, despite Jaskier’s attempts to hide Geralt’s identity, the disguise immediately fails as everyone knows who he is. Surprisingly, Mousesack is there alive and well. He greets Geralt and says he hasn’t seen him since the plague.

It’s here that if you haven’t picked up on it yet, that we reveal the series takes place in multiple moments in the same timeline. With princess Cirilla’s story taking place in Geralt’s future. This is the wedding of princess Pavetta (Gaia Mondadori), who is princess Cirilla’s mother and the daughter of Queen Calanthe.

It’s also here where we see a younger Eist Tuirseach (Ciri’s grandfather/the king in episode one) and learn from Mousesack, that the Queen (Ciri’s grandmother/The Lioness) has refused Eist’s marriage proposal three times since her first husband, King Roegner had died and she refuses to be in the shadow of another man ever again.

Soon after, Jaskier is accosted by a dwarfish nobleman who believes he had an affair with his wife. He demands Jaskier drop his trousers to look at his pimply ass, as he never got to catch the man’s face. Geralt convinces the nobleman Jaskier is a eunuch who was kicked in the balls by an ox as a child.

At that moment, the lioness Queen Calanthe arrives victorious from battles in the south and demands beer. The bard plays a jig as Calanthe talks to her daughter. She doesn’t want to be married off for political alliances nor likes the prejudiced politics of their kingdom. To this Calanthe says she can ‘have’ whom she wants after she’s married, after all, she has her blood in her. Infidelities implied.

Back at the forest, Princess Ciri (disguised as Fiona) is asked how she got into Brokilon as the leader of the women talks about the conjunction of spheres and how they’re some of the last surviving dryads. Suddenly, a man yells in pain in the distance, revealed to be none other than Dara. An arrow is removed from his shoulder and the Dryad leader offers the waters of the forest, which have magical healing but also forgetting properties.

Back at the wedding, two Lords (including Pavetta’s expected betrothed) debate whether they actually battled a manticore and queen Calanthe asks Geralt if he could answer for them (given his monster hunting expertise). The Witcher replies neither is telling the truth but corrects himself before inciting a feud. The queen then asks Geralt to share some stories about how he slew Elves at the end of the world (they detest Elves) but he replies contrary to the songs written by Jaskier, it was he who was beaten and not the other way around. Eist uses the moment to try flirting with Calanthe again but the queen likes Geralt’s honesty and commands he keep her company while she changes.

In the forest, Dara asks why she’s being called Fiona. Ciri reveals her true identity to the elf. Dara says her grandmother slaughtered his family but Ciri denies it, not knowing the truth. Dara tells Ciri he’s the last of his family because he hid like a coward while they were slaughtered. The two reflect on their traumas and seriously consider forgetting their legacies with the forest’s waters and possibly making their own destinies.

At the wedding, the queen is now dressed for the occasion and out of her armor at the banquet hall. The Witcher at her right side and her daughter to her left. She asks why the Witcher is there and he tells her the truth: he’s protecting the bard from vengeful royal cuckolds. Still, the queen is grateful as she believes blood will be spilled tonight. She asks Geralt if possible, to ‘strategically remove certain irritants’ if fighting starts but he tells her that he can’t.

The suitors all line up and offer their services. Lord Peregrine of Nilfgaard arrives to talk but is heavily disrespected. Especially, by the queen herself showcasing things are not as black and white as we had thought. Though at this point, Nilfgaard is unruly with an ever-changing monarchy, unlike the kingdom that attacked in the first episode.

In a wintery forest, we shift focus to Yennefer’s storyline. The appointed mage now thirty years into her service in Aedrin. She watches over Queen Kalis and her babe in a carriage. The queen complains that she’s little more than a womb for heirs to her husband. When asked to speak freely, Yennefer admits she loved trading everything to get a seat at court atop of the chase for power. Though didn’t realize she’d spent all of it cleaning up stupid political messes in a position of glorified royalty ass wiping.

The carriage is suddenly attacked. The contingent of guards protecting the two are slaughtered. Yennefer takes the Queen outside and meets their assassin: a cloaked magician who is controlling some type of killer bug with scythes for hands. They run as the mage opens a portal to a desert to escape with her, the queen, and the last surviving guard. In the desert, Yennefer tells the queen the king is likely trying to kill her as she’s failed to birth him a male heir. Shortly after, the assassin teleports onto the scene. Yennefer creates a portal to escape but the last guard is killed by the insect. Yennefer believes they’re being tracked as the assassin follows them into the alleys of the next location. She holds off the insect and opens another portal, the two leave and end up high atop a mountainside. Looking like she’s going to battle, Yennefer instead teleports away into a hill far away leaving the queen to die.

Actress Anya Chalotra unleashing powerful magics as Yennefer in Netflix's 'The Witcher'
Yennefer, now much more proficient in magic, holds off powerful assassins PC: Netflix

 

Back at the wedding, Jaskier entertains the guests as Geralt and the Queen talk about the fallacies of ‘male traditions’ in the kingdoms. The witcher reveals it’s impossible to create more witchers since the sacking of Kaer Morhen. He asks the queen why she goes into battle and she tells him that she prefers the simplicity of fighting.

A warrior barges into the banquet having incapacitated several guards revealed to be Lord Urcheon of Erlenwald. He requests his attempts of offering a hand in marriage though refuses to unhelmet. When it’s forced upon him, it’s revealed he has a hedgehog’s face. The queen demands Geralt kill him but declines acknowledging that the knight has been cursed. The knight says he claims what’s rightfully his: Pavetta, by the law of surprise.

The guards attack as the hedgehog knight admirably holds though ultimately falls. Before he is killed, Geralt comes to his aide and the two fight off countless warriors and lords. Eist honors the law of surprise and starts defending Geralt and the hedgehog knight too. His loyalists join to his aide and chaos ensues in a giant brawl. The queen looks on in horror then grabs a sword and joins in. She confronts Geralt directly, sword in hand, and commands everyone to stop. They do so.

Back atop the mountainside, Queen Kalis begs the magical assassin not to kill her. She offers her the king a most-definite boy and is willing to sacrifice her baby to guarantee a male heir. The assassin kills the queen anyway but before it’s insect can kill the baby, Yennefer returns to save the child and portals out but not before being cut by the assassin’s dagger. At the shores where she teleported, Yennefer realizes her efforts were in vain as the baby is dead. She mourns the loss and buries the child by the shore but tells her this may be for the better, as most women are but vessels for someone else in this world.

Back at the wedding, princess Pavetta runs into the arms of her hedgehog knight, Duny (Bart Edwards) revealed to be Pavetta’s true love. He reveals that he saved her former husband’s life seeking the ‘Laws of surprises’ as payment: that whatever the indebted came home to find would be his. Unknowingly, he claimed the king’s newborn daughter: Pavetta. The Queen gets upset at her daughter for falling for this cursed being but Eist tells her it all falls under ancient law. Duny apologizes, as though he tried not to claim Pavetta as he found it wrong, he observed her from a distance in admiration.

The two ending up falling in love naturally anyway.

Though everyone tells her not to defy destiny, the queen asks for Geralt’s opinion. The Witcher believes destiny is horseshit, but that a promise made must be honored. Pavetta chooses Duny as her suitor. Calanthe, with tears in her eyes, gives her sword to Eist. She walks over and whispers to Duny and then pulls out a dagger to murder him. In a furious rage, Pavetta stops the dagger inches from Duny’s throat and then summons a magical tempest that pushes everyone away and encircles the couple in howling winds, revealing that she, much like her daughter, control powerful magics.

in 'Of Banquets, Bastards and Burials' of Netflix's 'The Witcher'
Gaia Mondadori as Princess Pavetta unleashing her hidden magical fury PC: Netflix

 

Casting a powerful spell, Pavetta and Duny rise into the air as the storm grows larger and more destructive. The witcher ingests a potion as Mousesack casts a spell, the two barely able to break the enchantment. Pavetta and Duny drop to the ground. Eist asks if the queen believes in destiny now and Calanthe approaches her daughter to apologize and honor the betrothal. She also tells Pavetta she thought grandmother’s gift had skipped as it did for her, revealing that the magic is somehow genetic.

Seizing the opportunity, Eist declares his support for the untraditional couple (it’s very racist times especially given the elven wars) and declares Skellige in full support, sharing loudly that the queen has accepted his hand in marriage… finally. A double marriage is had that evening.

In her dreams, Ciri sees the genocide of the Elven people and feels the blood tainting her hands. When she awakens, she sees that Dara has just drank the waters of Brokilon forest. The head Dryad offers the water to Ciri. She takes it but nothing happens and so the Dryad tells Ciri Shan-Kayan calls.

Queen Calanthe gives the knight and her daughter her blessing and the couple kiss; Suddenly, Duny begins barking and transforms back into a human, effectively lifting the curse. Jaskier claims this will be his greatest story yet. Geralt tries to leave but before he goes, Duny tells him he must repay him for saving his life. Geralt doesn’t want anything in return so randomly asks for the ‘law of surprise’ too as a joke.

Calanthe exclaims, “NO!” but Geralt tells them it’s fine as the only time he’d ever return to this place is to kill a real monster. Seconds later, Pavetta vomits in the middle of the court. Queen Calanthe asks if Pavetta is pregnant. Immediately, Geralt says: “Fuck!” and runs.

Seconds later, Mousesack follows Geralt and tells him he chooses to stay to help guide Pavetta’s power. He tells Geralt to stay too, as he’s bound to this now whether he’d care to admit it or not. It’s destiny. Geralt calls bullshit and that it was all just a girl using magic to stop her mother from gutting her lover. Mousesack reminds Geralt that he is bound to the baby and must claim it at some point, or they will all face destiny’s wrath (possibly implied to be the loss of the kingdom in the first episode). Geralt departs though says fond words of farewell to Mouseack, calling him an ‘old friend’.

We transition and reveal the modern city of Cintra which is now being burnt to ash. A soldier finds the body of Queen Calanthe. A man eats part of her flesh and then is gutted, as a sorceress reads his entrails, revealing Calanthe’s progeny (Ciri) is in Brokilon forest, where it would take 10-12 thousand Nilfgaard soldiers to take it, though an officer exclaims armies are not the way. Dragging close behind them in chains, its revealed Mousesack is alive. He trips and takes something from the corpse of the Queen.

Back in Brokilon forest, Ciri is led to drink from a bleeding tree. She does so and then sees visions of a desert at night where a great tree etching into the heavens asks: “What are you, child?”

 

Final Thoughts on Episodes 3 and 4

These two episodes were heavy in both the drama and the comedy. What surprised me the most is when Mousesack was revealed to be alive given how grim his fate looked in the pilot. It’s then I realized (as I’m sure others have figured out) the story operates on multiple character timelines simultaneously.

As someone who has never read the books or played the games, all of this tremendously surprised me. Inspired by the movie ‘Dunkirk’, it’s reported that showrunner Lauren Schmidt Hissrich wanted to run three multiple-POV storylines (Geralt, Princess Cirilla, and Yennefer) simultaneously in order to represent stronger female characterizations. As Ciri and Yennefer’s voices would be stronger if their stories were told as protagonists rather than observed from Geralt’s perspective.

For the most part, I think it worked but I also was confused by the world’s timeline as a result. Though, as many have pointed out to me, that there are hints throughout the season that everything takes place non-linearly. Still, I didn’t even realize it and I’ve been recapping scene-by-scene.

In episode 1, it’s implied to be different time periods given the fall of Cintra and how their monarchy is still around somehow during Geralt’s story. There is also the brief mention of Queen Calanthe’s first battlefield victory in ages past, which is then again mentioned in passing during Geralt’s timeline by princess Renfri. Though by that time, that battle victory had just taken place.

In episode 3, we learn the adult Foltest reminisces over his deceased sister Adda as the two had an incestuous relationship during Geralt’s timeline. This is hinted at again in Yennefer’s story, as it’s revealed the flirtatious little brother and sister at the magical ball, are in fact Foltest and Adda. Implying that this love has been there since they were very little.

As such, the show is a lot deeper than I’d expected it to be on top of it operating on three layers of storytelling marked upon a single historical timeline. Each with its own political changes, events, prejudices, and histories.

As a result, this will be my last scene-by-scene recap as the work is a bit too much to follow given the timeline complexities. I do hope you enjoyed these recaps and found them helpful, however.

 

Overall, I give episodes 3 and 4 a 9.4/10 for both episodes in what’s proving to be a promising fantasy series most critics got wrong in panning.

 

You can watch Netflix’s ‘The Witcher’ right now

 

 

‘The Witcher’ Recap Scene-by-scene: Episodes 1 and 2

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Henry Cavill is Geralt in Netflix's The Witcher
Henry Cavill is Geralt in Netflix's 'The Witcher'. PC: Netflix.

The following are extensive scene-by-scene recaps on ‘The Witcher’. A Netflix adapted fantasy series created by Lauren Schmidt Hissrich. Starring Superman himself, Henry Cavill, and based on the popular book and videogame series. With a podcast below reviewing the pilot episode.

 

In this episode on ‘TV TALK’ we talk about the pilot of The Witcher.  Available here, iTunes, GooglePlay, and Spotify.

Episode 1: The End’s Beginning

We open on a fawn eating beside a foggy swamp, as a giant spider-legged creature with a grotesque human-like face emerges from the depths. It is locked in battle the Witcher, a warrior with cotton white hair and deathly black eyes. He staves off the creature with his sword until he is dragged back under. The two struggling until ‘The Witcher’ meets the monster’s mouth with his steel.

Victorious, he finds the deer — now gravely wounded — and asks, “Today isn’t your day is it?” as the opening credits roll over the sound of the fawn being slain.

Now in a town tavern, The Witcher asks to know where the alderman’s house is but the cold and threatening reception tells us that he’s unliked. The townsfolk call him a mutant son of a bitch. Just before a scuffle begins, a beautiful woman in red apologizes and breaks up the fight. She buys a couple of rounds of beer as she and The Witcher strike up a conversation; though it’s cut short by a young girl who asks for the Witcher’s ‘Kikimora’. Disclosing that she’s looking to hire him.

He follows the young girl, revealed to be the alderman’s daughter, Marilka (Mia McKenna-Bruce). Apparently, Witcher had been following the alderman’s ‘for hire’ flyers posted outside. She offers to take him to the town’s wizard, Irion, then pesters him about the creatures he’s slain out of genuine curiosity, knowing that he is a Witcher. Marilka shares that she’s never left Blaviken — the town they’re currently in — and though women can’t be Witchers, she’d like to be. He declines her request but reveals his name: Geralt of Rivia. They arrive at the wizard’s tower and Geralt asks Marilka to hold onto his horse, Roach.

He magically phases through the door where inside, he finds a garden filled with beautiful naked women all harvesting fruit, with a tree at the center that has distinctly pink leaves. Geralt is then greeted by Master Sorcerer Stregobor (Lars Mikkelsen), whom he offers the kikimora to for Master Irion. The sorcerer reveals that though Irion built the tower, he has been dead for 200 years. Stregobor has taken Irion’s name as his sobriquet (nickname). He then offers Geralt a job: to kill a human named Renfri.

The Witcher on Netflix
Henry Cavill in ‘The Witcher’, The End’s Beginning. PC: Netflix

 

“A reclusive sorcerer who uses an alias and hires a young girl to procure him a Witcher. You don’t want my monster. You want me to kill yours.”

In the town square, a girl plays a game of knucklebones with some boys betting over a loaf of stolen bread. They are caught by a soldier and the girl is summoned to come with him. We follow her into the court of the crown of Cintra, where the Queen (Jodhi May) commends a boundless line of fealty, appointing newly minted soldiers. Behind the Queen, stands the very same girl, and a man who playfully reprimands her for not winning the round of knucklebones. She is revealed to be the princess (Freya Allan), and he, the king (Björn Hlynur Haraldsson).

Back in the wizard’s tower, Stregobor talks to Geralt about the curse of the black sun. How it marked the return of Lilit, demon goddess of the night destined to end humanity. He tells Geralt that girls born on this day had unusual ‘internal mutations’ and how Princess Renfri, is the last of these alleged cursed, according to both his research, as well as reports that came from her stepmother.

Stregobor had previously sent for a tracker to follow Renfri, but he was killed in action. The wizard has since, sent parties to find and kill the girl; who’d now gone into hiding. Meanwhile, the princess had grown in her own respective skills and had likewise, tried to track and kill the sorcerer. As such, Stregobor asks Geralt to kill the princess but the Witcher declines. Preferring not to partake in any sorts of evil deeds at this point in his life.

A royal dance in Cintra. Netflix's The Witcher.
A dance at the royal court in Cintra. PC: Netflix

 

Back at court, a royal dance commences, but at the Royal family table, the king bluntly discusses the odds of war with the Nilfgaard. The kingdom to the South. The queen disagrees about speaking such matters in front of their granddaughter, but the King mentions the princess needs to understand as she will rule if the two were to perish. The princess is then asked by a boy named Martin to dance, as the king and queen exchange ravishing words of love and duty to one another. Though the flirting is cut short when a scout reports to the queen that the Nilfgaard are on the way to the kingdom.

War has already come.

In the forest, Geralt is met by the woman in red from the tavern (Emma Appleton), who reveals herself to be none other than Renfri, herself. She tells Geralt that Stregobor’s tracker had indeed found her. Then raped her, robbed her, and let her go. Her claim to being a princess despoiled. She has since, been living an independent life on the run, seeking revenge against the sorcerer that took everything from her. She asks Geralt to kill Stregobor, but The Witcher offers a third choice: to prove not to be the monster Stregobor claims by moving on and ending this quest for vengeance.

At sunrise, the King and Queen of Cintra ride out their mounted army to meet the forces of Nilfgaard, an army of mostly ground soldiers, though who vastly outnumber them. An epic skirmish ensues, and we soon learn in the heat of battle, that the reinforcements from Skellige meant to aid Cintra, were grounded by a passing storm. Though losing the battle, the Queen refuses to surrender, as an arrow meets the king in the left eye, killing him; the archer, standing atop a hill on horse mount in the distance. Furious, the Queen chases after her husband’s killer.

Back in the castle, the princess eagerly awaits the return of her family. She eavesdrops on some servants finding the people are indeed quite loyal and hopeful. Soon after, she hears another noise and finds that the Queen returned from battle severely wounded. It’s confirmed that Eist, the King is dead and Cintra is already under siege by the Nilfgaard.  Mousesack, the family’s servant, places a magical barrier on the inner gate into the city as the outer walls crumble to Nilfgaard’s forces.

Still in the forest, Geralt talks to Roach about his first ‘monster’ kill, a large stinking man who pulled a girl down from a cart, tore off her dress right in front of her father, and threatened: “It’s time you met a real man”. Geralt stopped the monster and told him it was time he met one too, before killing him with two unclean strikes, soaking the girl in blood — who then passed out immediately. Renfri, still present and eavesdropping, tells Geralt she’s decided on option three and will leave vengeance behind. The two share a sweet moment. A longing look. And a kiss.

Back at the castle, it’s now late into the evening as the enemy launches a ceaseless torrent of fire arrows finally breaking Mousesack’s barrier. The queen orders Danek and Mousesack leave her chambers as she calls the princess closer. Dying, she tells the princess harsh truths: that Nilfgaard takes no prisoners and that every single person in the city is being brutally and viscerally murdered. She orders Cirilla, revealed to be the princess’s name, to retreat as the world depends on it, but the princess screams ‘NO!’ with a piercing shriek that shakes the room — revealing that she has magic abilities. Cirilla then cedes and tells her grandmother she loves her before she departs. The Queen reveals to her:

“Find Geralt of Rivia. He is your destiny.”

Now returned to prepare for Cirilla’s journey, Mousesack asks about the magical incident with the princess and the Queen reveals this is why the Nilfgaard came. She tells Mousesack that his service has been an honor before he departs. Under orders, Danek offers the remaining castle survivors potions of poison. Soon after, everyone in the castle commits suicide. The queen herself, jumping off the balcony. On retreat, Lazlo, the knight assigned to escort Cirilla, is killed by an arrow. The girl left helpless to the archer that killed him.

After spending the night having sex with Renfri, Geralt has a vivid dream, where Renfri tells Geralt that his reward would be a stoning. That he will try to outrun the girl in the woods but cannot. She is his destiny. When he awakens, Geralt heads to the market where the men from the inn meet him and share that Renfri went to find Marilka, still seeking vengeance. The men pass on a message from Renfri: that Geralt he must choose the lesser evil. Geralt battles the men with swordplay and magic, showing incredible prowess as he easily dispatches them.

Emma Appleton's Renfri duels Henry Cavill's Geralt
Emma Appleton and Henry Cavill in ‘The Witcher’, The End’s Beginning PC: Netflix

 

After the battle, Marilka screams, as we see Renfri hold a sword to the girl’s throat. She threatens to kill every villager until the sorcerer appears. Geralt offers her one last chance to run but the two end up battling, with Renfri dropping Marilka to kill Geralt. Though Renfri is a talented fighter and gets a few stabs in with her dagger, she ultimately loses to Geralt who still gives her one last chance. When she tries killing him again, he finishes her. With her parting words, she says again that the girl in the woods will always be with him, as she is his destiny.

Back outside of Cintra, Cirilla is being carried away by the archer that killed Lazlo. She utilizes her screaming powers to collapse a large pillaring tower, and then fissures the earth itself to get away.

Moments later, Stregobor finds the bodies left behind by Geralt. He wants to examine Renfri’s body but Geralt threatens him. The sorcerer reveals her mutation influences people (it’s how she got the men to follower her) and he wants to study it. He then acknowledges, Renfri got to Geralt, too. Stregobor loudly condemns The Witcher for butchering men on the streets of Blaviken, as the people arrive and see what he’s done; throwing stones at him for being a monster — fulfilling Renfri’s prophecy. Finally, Marilka arrives and even she goes along with the crowd, despite the fact he’d saved her life.  Saddened, Geralt leaves town with the moniker, “The Butcher of Blaviken”.

 

The Witcher
Joey Batey and Henry Cavill in ‘The Witcher’, Four Marks. PC: Netflix

 

Episode 2: Four Marks

We open in a village where a boy takes a girl into a barn. He’s gotten her a daisy, though she’s upset it wasn’t a rose. They kiss but she drops the flower deep in the barn, where a hunchbacked girl picks it up to return it.  The girl and boy harshly pick on the hunched back girl, who accidentally teleports into the tower of the gull in Aretuza, where she meets a welcoming young magician. He warns the girl ‘she’ will be coming after her and then opens a portal back home before revealing his name to be Istredd (Royce Pierreson).

Back at her family’s farm, the hunched back girl is sold by her father to a witch for less than the cost of a pig.  Locked away in a tower, the girl looks in a mirror and shatters it then takes the glass into her hand.

The opening credits roll.

Afterward, we find the princess Cirilla hiding away in the forest as she has been for the past three days. A boy, a mute Cintra refugee, stops her from eating some poison berries. She briefly joins him, and they share a meal of rat together. The two still fleeing Nilfgaard forces. She finds a Cintran flag at a camp and follows after, but the boy mysteriously disappears.

At Posada, a lute player (Joey Batey) asks for critiques from the audience and notices a silent Geralt. He asks him his thoughts but then recognizes who he is. Another man overhears this and offers a job to Geralt: to stop a devil stealing their grain. Geralt takes the job and the now curious lute player wants to follow along.

Back at the tower, the hunchbacked girl is awakened by the witch that bought her, revealed to be Tissaia de Vries, the Rectoress of Aretuza. She commands her to meet in the greenhouse, where it’s revealed that a class of students, all girls with an aptitude in chaos, are studying lessons in magic. Specifically, a lesson on balance and control. The first trial is to lift a stone without touching it using a flower. Fringilla lifts the stone but soon finds her left-hand wither away, learning that conjuring magic comes at a cost of give and take. As the other girls proceed with the lesson, the hunchbacked girl fails to raise the rock. She retreats away but thankfully finds Istredd, then reveals her name to be Yennefer (Anya Chalotra).

Freya Allan in ‘The Witcher’, Four Marks. PC: Netflix

 

Princess Cirilla meets fellow survivors at what’s revealed to be a refugee camp. She meets a boy who’s made a necklace out of elven ears. Revenge for his brother’s life taken during Filavandrel’s uprising. Cirilla sits with the boy’s family and his mother blames queen for all that’s happened. She is then offered a fresh pair of shoes and accepts, not realizing the mother was offering the pair being worn by her dwarfen slave. That evening, at the refugee camp, Cirilla has difficulty sleeping. Feeling lonely, she reveals to the same mother that her parents died when she was a baby.

Geralt travels with the lute player to Dol Blathanna. The bard reveals the land used to be Elven back in the day. Geralt sneaks up on the grain thief and is pelted in the forehead by a goat-like fawn, revealed to be Torque the Sylvan. Geralt tells Torque to leave but ends up getting knocked out from behind.

Back in class, Tissaia instructs the girls to learn their partner’s greatest fears via thought transference. Yennefer fails yet again. Istredd tries to comfort her and offers access to his mind. She sees his thoughts and senses: moon jellyfish, cicadas in summer, and warm bread. They are all things Istredd thought Yennefer would love. Later in the evening, Yennefer and the girls are called by Tissaia to try and catch lightning in a bottle. Sabrina is the first to succeed but Yennefer, despite failing, was able to command lightning out of her hand. By evening’s end, the girls all catch their lightning in a bottle except Yennefer. Tissaia warns Yennefer that emotional mages, like the two of them, are very powerful but dangerous. She finds the hidden track marks Yennefer has been slashing on her wrists. That to be in control of magic is to be honest with oneself and prove to have what it takes.

Geralt and the bard wake up tethered together. Geralt is beaten by Toruviel, a female elf, while the bard’s lute is then broken. Torque returns with Filavandrel, King of the Elves, though he reveals he is not a king by choice. Torque shares that he was stealing for the elven refugees, revealed to be pushed out of their lands by the humans. Filavandrel tells Geralt that despite his ancestors trying to work with humans, the elven people were butchered and pushed out of their lands. To this, Geralt tells them to learn from humans and move on and rebuild in a different land. Filvandrel is given a choice: to spare or kill them, though is reminded by Torque that Geralt is much like their own kind: an outcast.

Back at the tower of the gull, Yennefer tells Istredd that Tissaia knows about them and asks for a portal. An older magic Istredd doesn’t want to share. Istredd reveals that the skulls in the cave in Aretuza are the bones of Elves. When humans and monsters arrived after ‘the conjunction of the spheres’, elven mages taught humans how to turn chaos into magic. In return, humans slaughtered them so they could rewrite history saying the power was always theirs. Istredd desires to honor the elves. He gives Yennefer Feainnewedd, a rare magical flower that only grows where elder blood has spilled. When she tries to cast a portal, she does so on her first try, then reveals that her real father was a half-elf killed in the great cleansing. His blood is why she has a twisted spine. Why no one could ever love her. To this, Istredd replies with a kiss. Later, Yennefer bequeaths the Feainnewedd to Tissaia, then tells her to await for the knock that evening. We then learn that Istredd works for Stregobor, who reveals the secret that Yennefer is part elf.

At the refugee camp, the family Cirilla is staying with is being raided, as the mother bullies her dwarfen slave. In return, the slave repeatedly stabs her in defiance, as she calls out to Cirilla for help – the princess retreating in terror. She is rescued again by the mute boy from before but soon finds the Nilfgaard soldier (the bowman that killed Lazlo) still looking for her. Cirilla learns that the mute boy is an elf named Dara and that he can speak.

Back at the tower of the gull, footsteps approach the doors of several of the girls as Tissaia requests them away. Yennefer sneakily observes this, as Tissaia turns the girls into eels and then tells Yennefer to push them into the nearby pool. She realizes the girls are being groomed as conduits for Aretuza (a source of magic. Think battery). Once Yennefer tosses her classmates into the waters, she sees the former girls sparkling in the waters.

The Witcher and bard are released as Geralt leaves a good deal of coin to the elves. The bard is given Filavandrel’s lute. He makes a song dedicated to Geralt’s heroic deeds to win his new friend’s favor.

 

Final Thoughts on Episodes One and Two:

An incredible start to the series blending great fantasy storytelling and action, all with a stellar performance by Henry Cavill. This show is Netflix’s most expensive attempt at generating a fantasy hit. Especially, with Amazon’s ‘Lord of The Rings’ and HBO’s ‘Game of Thrones’ prequels on the horizon.

Though reviews have been mostly panning the series, I, for the most part, enjoyed the action and writing.

9/10 

 

You can watch ‘The Witcher’ on Netflix right now