Spoilers through Killjoys season 3, episode 6: “Necropolis Now”
Just when we thought we knew what was happening in Killjoys, a new plot twist takes place that makes us question who is the real enemy? In this week’s episode, audiences discovered that Aneela (Hannah John-Kamen), Dutch’s doppelganger and Khlyen’s daughter, is not the all-powerful Hullen leader we all thought she was.
On the Hullen armada, the Commander and Delle Seyah (Mayko Nguyen) have been getting super close and we first see them in bed together after sex. Looks like Seyah Kendry has really made the moves on Aneela though the later isn’t up for cuddling or another round, she’s eager to get to her lab. All this human physical activity has gotten her science mojo flowing and she has a new idea on what to do with blood sample collected from D’Avin that’s making her re-think her Red 17 experiments.
We learned last season from Khlyen (Rob Stewart) that many years ago, their people came to Arkyn on a scientific mission to grow more food for their starving population. The plants they were cultivating seemed to thrive off the plasma and some folks on his team (including his daughter) ate the fruits. Once bonded with a human host, the plasma became sentient and their meat sacks became the Hullen. In the early days though the pairing was imperfect and so some like Khlyen retained his own mind but others like Aneela were completely taken over and driven insane. From what we’ve seen of her so far in season 3, she seems to have an almost childlike way of approaching situations, which must have been her way of coping through the Hullen transformation.
We next see Aneela in her lab, busily working on an experiment that seems to yield positive results. Gander (Ted Atherton) and her attendant view her remotely through a monitor. The male Hullen says that this is good progress and it seems that they might not need the Commander anymore. He brings guards to Aneela’s chambers where Delle Seyah is still in bed and has them escort her to an unknown location. When the Commander emerges from the lab, she discovers that the ship seems to be completely empty. This freaks her out big time and she commands everyone to return. Without any response she rushes back to her room thinking Delle Seyah is still there, but alas she too is missing. Aneela starts to have a panic attack saying, “No no no no not again,” as she collapses to the floor in near tears. She then begins to hear someone whisper her name and she goes into the plasma tub.
Meanwhile, the former member of the Nine is thoroughly confused and aggravated, saying that Aneela’s going to be pissed at this but then Gander asks her to think about the situation. Delle Seyah finally gets it that they aren’t on Aneela’s ship, this is the other woman’s prison. She asks the Hullen man why they control her and pretend to obey her if she’s actually being held captive. He explains that they don’t actually control her they simply watch and learn from her. Gander then gives her a brief Hullen history lesson: they’ve existed for thousands of years across species and confirms that the power structure goes way beyond Aneela. Khlyen’s daughter’s ability with the green is unlike anything they’ve ever seen before and that’s why they have been so patient with her. However when the RACs exploded it was a last straw and now with her recent scientific breakthrough they may not require her at this juncture. Gander then orders his men to take Seyah Kendry to treatment. He says that this will be either the future or her death, but he’s fine either way.
Inside the plasma bath, Aneela’s mind is transported to a memory where she is on a beach and her hair is completely blonde. She approaches a man who’s back is turned to her and when they meet it’s a much younger Khlyen (yay Rob Stewart!!). She greets him as papa saying, “You’re still here.” Aneela begins to say that she found a way to save everyone and that there’s something about Jaqobis’s blood that fights the green and pushes through. This has been what’s missing from her experiments, but before she can finish she hears someone calling for her. This seems to snap the Commander into realizing that the person standing before her is not her father. He comments that he’s been going through her memories and some of it is missing. Aneela then turns to him and says that he knows exactly why and that she knows who he is.
Back on the ship, we find out that it’s her attendant who’s come to wake her up, disagreeing with what Gander was doing. Moments later Aneela does regain consciousness as the other woman is being taken away by Hullen goons. The Commander whispers die and the two men collapse with a surprised Gander turning around. She is looking fierce and super duper pissed. Aneela has similar plasma whispering skills as D’Av as she levitates Gander from the ground asking him where Delle Seyah is. As she Force chokes him he gets out, “You don’t know what you’re doing.” Her attendant then explains that whatever she found in the lab is why they took Kendry but that she doesn’t know where. Aneela then goes on a rampage killing every other Hullen she comes across while screaming, “Where is she?!?”
In the last scene of the episode Delle Seyah is shown in another chamber, her head hooked to green tubes and very much pregnant. She opens her eyes blankly in the final frame.
So the Hullen have been using Aneela for her scientific mind in what I’m assuming has to do with their species evolution in some form. She truly is Khlyen’s daughter. I sympathize with her character though because she is just being used and will be tossed away once she’s served her purpose. I’m guessing that possibly the Hullen have not been able to procreate as a species which is why they need to inhabit other life forms and then assimilate them into the collective Hullen mind. Is Delle Seyah’s pregnancy this first step into future Hullen babies? Seems like it. The mystery behind Aneela and D’Av’s similar abilities with the green continues to be intriguing. Perhaps the Commander’s human blood had similar properties as the elder Jaqobis brother that made her reject part of the Hullen transformation resulting in her insanity.
This was a crazy episode and I was not expecting Aneela to be a prisoner. Kudos to the Killjoys team for this juicy plot twist! I can’t wait to find out more about her character and her connection to Dutch.
Wonder Woman created a considerable buzz, becoming the highest grossing female-directed movie of all time. Because of this, I started thinking about women’s role in film, and how I’m partial to movies that feature ass-kicking women. I enjoy movies like Kill Bill and Atomic Blonde because they are a novelty: it’s somewhat atypical for a woman to carry an action film, and perhaps that should change. In Atomic Blonde, Charlize Theron (The Huntsman: Winter’s War) brawls her way through the streets of Berlin, leaving bloodied foes in her wake and proving every bit as capable as her male counterparts. Although Theron was impressive in the role (she did her own stunts), Atomic Blonde had more style than substance, and it was not as original as some critics would have you believe.
Charlize Theron stars as Lorraine Broughton, an MI6 officer tasked with traveling to Berlin to investigate the death of another spy. The comrade in question was in possession of a covert list of spies and double agents. Set in 1989, the movie takes place in the waning days of The Cold War. Upon arriving in Berlin, Lorraine is met by David Percival (James McAvoy, Split), her handler and point person. He’s a wild card, his unconventional appearance fitting perfectly with the rebellious, revolutionary spirit of the city. Lorraine is stoic, dispassionate and efficient, traits that serve her well in her profession. She brings those considerable skills to bear in pursuit of an asset called Spyglass (Eddie Marsan, Ray Donovan), an informant privy to the list’s contents.
As the movie progresses, Lorraine dispatches adversaries with an impressive ferocity. She takes her fair share of lumps too, one stairwell scene is particularly brutal. I tip my hat to Theron, who immersed herself in the role by training relentlessly in preparation and performing her own stunts. The film’s strengths were its action, cinematography, and score. Visually, it was washed out and monochromatic, with intermittent pops of neon color that gave it a sleek, oddly modern look. When Lorraine seduces French agent Delphine Lasalle (Sofia Boutella, Kingsman: The Secret Service), the screen is awash in hot pink. When she soaks in an ice bath after a day of beatings, the screen is nearly devoid of color, save for cool blue undertones. I appreciated these visual elements, along with the pulsating New Age soundtrack.
I’ve praised Theron for her commitment to the role, but even so, her performance felt muted. Perhaps that was intentional; maybe she was just supposed to be a detached spy, but I thought her character felt walled off emotionally. Theron is talented and I know she’s got the chops, so I attribute this to some failing of the script, which was unoriginal and confusing. Moreover, the whole ‘missing list of covert operatives’ storyline was hackneyed and silly. The cast is esteemed, including John Goodman (Kong: Skull Island), the aforementioned McAvoy, and Toby Jones (Captain America: The Winter Soldier), but they can’t save the source material.
In sum, if you’re big on plot and details, you may not care for Atomic Blonde. However, if you’re game for some entertaining summer fare, I think you’ll be pleased. Theron has enough star power to reel you in, and the film was sexy and arresting, visually. It just wasn’t smart. Some critics are treating Atomic Blonde as the first movie to portray a “female James Bond,” and that’s simply inaccurate. Films like the relatively recent Salt, Point of No Return, and its iconic predecessor La Femme Nikita all come to mind as other examples, with two of these three being vastly superior to Theron’s latest offering.
This week on The Challenge XXX: Dirty Thirty: Tori and Derrick H.’s Challenge Baby is in jeopardy and CT’s dad bod still runs like a diesel engine at full speed.
Briana is still pissed that she was unanimously voted into the elimination round. She is not buying into the “you come into a Challenge late, you go into the elimination” BS. It’s not HER fault that Ashley quit and that she was forced to arrive in late. It’s not like she asked Ashley to leave. Briana doesn’t seem to realize how flawed this logic is because if Ashley hadn’t left Briana wouldn’t even be on the show.
Meanwhile, Camila is dealing with the consequences of going rogue and not voting for Cory at the last second. Her defense is that due to everyone else voting for Cory, her vote didn’t matter. Tori to chimes in:
Tori: “My opinion is, if I’m gonna tell somebody I’m gonna some way. I’m gonna vote that way.” Camila: “I think you’re overthinking this right now. You’re overthinking this.”
Huh? Tori’s comment is very straightforward which is kind of the opposite of being over thought. Since Camila has seniority over Tori she bitches to the camera that Tori should shut the hell up because her newbie ass knows nothing.
Camila also argues that the boys know that she would have voted for Cory if they really needed her to. Um, actually Camila, the guys don’t know that at all because Johnny is the next person to put in his two cents. He argues that Camila has more reason than anyone else in the house to vote in Cory because he essentially lost her the final in Invasion of the Champions. Camila has no good response to this either, and just flails her hands around telling Johnny to just sent he to elimination because “she doesn’t give a fuck.” Camila, sweetie, please be careful what you wish for.
My favorite part of this conversation though is when Johnny tells the camera
Johnny: “[Camila] lost all trust and all integrity in this game.”
That is rich coming from Bananas.
The Presidio
The eliminations this season will take place in The Presidio where the game will get…. wait for it… even dirtier.
TJ explains how The Presidio work: To start the remaining players in the losers squad will have to draw a box from the Double Cross. The player to pick the box with two crosses on it is not only safe from elimination but also has to pick one of the remaining players in the loser’s circle to compete in The Presidio. This may be one of my favorite elimination twists ever.
When Dario draws the double cross, Derrick H perks up because “AYTO kids stick together.” Derrick H. wasn’t even on the same season as Dario! Dario actually has a relationship with Leroy, of course he is going to save his boy Leroy over this fool. Also, Derrick, there is no such thing as AYTO pride dude.
On the girls’ side, Veronica uses her female intuition to pick the double cross on the first go, and she sends Britni into The Presidio.
The final match-ups are:
-Cory v. Derrick H.
-Briana vs Britni
The name of the game is “Balls to the Wall.” Each player is placed inside an open room with long sticks jutting towards them and fire balls on the other side of the wall. The goal is to pull those sticks really hard so they rip through the wall (the picture probably explains this better).
The boys are up first, and as Leroy points out:
Leroy: “The only people rooting for Cory are all 25 of the girls he slept with.”
What makes this line even better is that a few seconds later Camila confirms this when she reveals that she wants Derrick H. eliminated so they can break up the “power couple”. In what world are Derrick H. and Tori a power couple? Yes, so far Tori has been a beast, but Derrick H., not so much.
Nevertheless, Cory easily whoops Derrick H.’s ass, and we were subjected to what felt like an hour long tearful goodbye between the two love birds. I guess these two won’t be having that Challenge baby. I truly believe that Tori will be a better competitor without Derrick around.
The girls’ elimination was a lot closer than the guys, which seemed to be a theme this episode. In the end, Brit Brit pulls the fireballs from the walls quicker than Briana, and she swears to bring sweet vengeance against Veronica for the doublecross.
Battle Royale
TJ brings the 22 remaining players to Plaza de Toros for their next challenge: The Battle Royale.
The game is played like this: There are two giant poles on either side of an X. Each team has to file through a small tunnel in to grab a ring on the opposite side and run it back to their original side. Each person is responsible for a ring and MUST bring one back (aka one person can’t bring back 2). Each team will consist of 10 people (5 girls and 5 guys) and there will be a girl heat and guys heat.
To determine the teams, Dario and Kailah were randomly picked to be team captain, and then tasked with selecting their teams. Since there are 22 players and only 10 spots per team, this also means that Dario and Kailah will decide which player of the opposite sex will NOT be competing in the challenge, thus automatically sending them to the losing squad.
Dario and Kailah have polar opposite strategies for picking their respective teams. Dario decides to go with the big tough guys, in order to block the other team from getting through the tunnel and Kailah picks the smaller more agile players. In the end, Ammo and Nicole are the two players not to be selected and forced to sit out of this challenge.
Kailah’s plan completely backfires in the guy’s heat. I mean, no one ever had hope defeating CT and his diesel engine dad bod! Dario’s team basically wipes the floor with Kailah’s team, and CT literally wipes the floor with Tony.
Like in the elimination, the girls’ match is much closer than the guys’. Jemmye is very confident in her abilities for this challenge:
Jemmye “I have alot of experience of bopping bitches on the head.”
The girls were neck and neck for most of the heat, and with 4 rings a piece they each were waiting for just one more. Those two rings were currently in a wrestling match in the middle of the course courtesy of Ms. Veronica and Brit Brit.
Once the girls untangle themselves, Veronica and Britni sprint to their respective pole with their final ring where Veronica beats Britni by just .06 seconds, bringing the win home for Dario’s team. I guess Jemmye’s bitch bopping was no match for Aneesa and Cara Maria who lead the charge against Kailah’s team in blue.
With this loss, Kaliah, Camila, Jemmye, Britni, Jenna, Derrick K., Johnny, Jordan, Tony, and Nelson will join Ammo and Nicole in the losing squad.
Other things:
I did not like that two players were automatically sent to the losing squad automatically without competing. I guess it is in line with this season being “dirty” but I also felt that it was unfair to have two players penalized because of other people’s perception without having the ability to prove themselves. The argument can be made that this is in a similar vein to choosing the order for challenges, but at least those people screwed over by going first still got to compete. Ammo and Nicole weren’t able to do anything.
There is this amazing aside where Ammo is teaching Leroy how to swim. I loved this mini-scene so much for so many reasons. First, I think it is hilarious that after competing in 8 seasons of this show, Ammo is the first person to teach Leroy how to use his legs while swimming. Then, while observing Leroy’s swim lesson, Johnny and Cara Maria have this little conversation:
Cara Maria: “How did you learn how to swim, just growing up?” Johnny: “Yeah, I spent a lot of time in the water.”
I find it fascinating that production put this random and mundane conversation into the show. Don’t get me wrong, I love these little tidbits in reality TV, hearing the boring conversations. But over the years the show has moved away from keeping moments like this in the final cut, opting for more dramatic footage
This week on #GameofThrones: Dany, Jon, and Tyrion have a brood-off, Bran is totally still human, and Cersei gets a new garden.
Spoilers. Naturally. You’ve been warned.
Shenanigans are afoot on Game of Thrones and I, for one, welcome our black hearted Lion Overlord. Cersei has been my favorite character for a long time now, and while I concede she’s a teeeeeeeensy bit too high on the bath salts for my liking, I kind of love watching her succeed. As long as it doesn’t hurt my boo, Sansa. “A Queen’s Justice” saw Cersei succeed in several ways. In fact, the queen of Westeros is probably in the best position she’s been in since the death of Robert Baratheon.
Who Brooded It Best?
Ah, the moment we’ve all been waiting for, the coming together of ice and fire. I can’t say I’ve been terribly excited for our two intrepid heroes to meet, but that’s because I’m not Jon Snuh’s biggest fan. He’s white bread compared to most of the other characters and he’s so noble that his goodness makes him kind of boring. And I also have this itching sensation that there’s going to be romance between the two and that really puts a damper on my plans for Sansa and Dany to rule side by side.
On the long road up to Dragonstone, Davos let’s fans know that even though he’s been slumming it with Stannis and Jon, the two mopiest dudes in Westeros, the old Onion Knight still has game. And Missandei responds with a smirk because you just know girlfriend walks that long ass driveway at least twice a week and at the very least it makes her butt look good.
In the Throne room, Missandei shows up Ser Davos with her emcee game and I know Davos is all about loyalty but damn if he wouldn’t fit right in on Dany’s Council. Even the Mother of Dragons seems impressed by his genuine nature.
Of course, the forgotten children of ice and fire don’t get along so swimmingly at first because Jon dives right into his zombie problem without even considering he might have to make concessions in order to get Dany’s help. Honestly, what did Jon Snuh think would happen when he traveled south? “Hey I have absolutely nothing to offer you and I totally don’t plan on bending the knee, but we need to borrow your dragons and obsidian for oh, a few years, to fend off the ice zombies that no one believes are real. K thx bai.” Sansa tried to warn him that his single-minded nature would get him into trouble but he was like, “Nah. I got the cute hair ladies love. I’m fine.”
Thankfully, Tyrion sets both adorable puppies straight and tells each of them that parts of their lives have been hell and fantastical and not at all what was intended, but hey, maybe you should just be KIND to one another. Honestly, Tyrion’s ability to get people to trust one another is his greatest quality. I want to see a Tyrion Lannister Love Connection and see what he can do to repair some of the broken relationships in Westeros. “This week I have a man known for his ability to be noble while smelling like a vegetable and a woman who uses fire and sex demons to get what she wants. Let’s welcome Ser Davos and Melisandre! Ahhhhh!”
In the end, Dany agrees to let Jon mine for obsidian, even if she doesn’t truly believe him about the ice zombies. Unfortunately for her, she suffers two heavy losses at the hands of Cersei Lannister, losing the Greyjoy fleet, as well a tentative hold on the useless Casterly Rock. Now, she’ll need Jon more than ever, and UGH that probably means they’ll be making kissy faces soon.
Third Eye Blind
In Winterfell, Sansa continues to make me proud as she prepares for the upcoming war. She knows the dire situation they’re in, especially if both the White Walkers and Cersei decide to strike. She does her best to prepare for a food shortage by asking for vassals to send food stocks to Winterfell since it’s the best place for everyone to take shelter at should the unthinkable occur. Sansa’s ability to try to predict the upcoming tragedies impresses even Littlefinger, but in order to get her really become his apprentice, he tells her she must scheme and plan harder than even before. She must imagine futures and prepare for them, no matter how unlikely.
And then Bran rolls in like: “Did someone say they needed to see the future?”
I don’t know if it’s his constant connection to the weirwood.net or if he’s seen so many horrible he’s no longer human, but Bran isn’t even close to the same person he was even a year ago. He’s lost all sense of morality and frankly, I think his disconnection from the world’s humanity is going to lead him to becoming a much darker hero. We’ve already seen how his interference ruined Hodor’s life, how he single-handedly wiped out the Children of the Forest AND the Three-Eyed Raven. Bran’s thirst to know more might be his undoing.
It shows greatly in his interaction with Sansa outside Winterfell. When Sansa reunites with her brothers, she’s a happier, lighter person. She may have not been well-liked before, but she’s loves her family and after all she’s suffered, she’s grateful for their reunion, for a chance to make up for lost time.
And then Bran goes all creeper robot on her:
Bran’s comments toward Sansa seem so out of place, but I have to wonder if it’s not further proof of his descent. He tries to compliment her but he chooses the absolute worst moment in her life to remind her of her beauty. Maybe because of the dark things he’s seen, not much phases him, so he doesn’t understand Sansa’s sadness with regards to the moment. Or maybe he’s just a prick. It’s hard to tell. I have hated both Book Bran and Show Bran since day one. I’m not exactly cheering his success over here. He needs to tell everyone the truth and then he needs to disappear.
I Want that Samuel Healing
Hooray! The carving of Jorah Mormont was a success and he doesn’t even look like he lost any skin in the process. Actually, Jorah’s skin looks healthier than mine after more than an hour in sunlight and I’m starting to wonder if there’s more to J-Bear than first realized:
Jorah and Sam have a bonding moment and Jorah is all, “Back to pining for Dany! I have months of unrequited love to catch up on!” Sam gets lectured by Maester Slughorn about disobeying orders but he’s secretly pleased at his pupil’s success. Sam says he just read the instructions and Maester Slughorn is like, “OH THE INSTRUCTIONS. Yea, we can’t even build furniture here.” Then Slughorn tasks Sam with transcribing scrolls because “Life isn’t fair, sugar cupcake.” I’ll bet there’s something worthwhile in those scrolls, however. Or at least, that’s what Game of Thrones has taught me to believe since I have to pick apart every tiny detail to sate the obsession.
A Kiss May Be Grand But It Won’t Pay The Rental
Last week’s ending was “meh” at best because while it allowed Cersei to pull even in the war, it wasn’t the best way to have Cersei succeed in a believable manner. It’s irksome to have villains win solely because the plot demands it. The reason why the Red Wedding was so shocking was because there was a build up to the loss and Robb’s demise was because of mistakes he had made as well as the betrayal by trusted allies. Euron’s victories at sea are simply because the heroes of the Game were too far ahead in points. And unfortunately, that need for a villain victory appears again at the end of the episode.
However, Cersei is celebrating because Euron made good on his promise to bring her a gift. Two gifts, in fact. Euron wastes no time in reminding us that we’re supposed to find his frat boy demeanor hilarious or endearing, but mostly I just think he’s gross and exactly like every dude who’s ever hit on me at a bus station. Cersei seems equally disgusted by Euron’s antics, but she knows that politically she can’t just spurn his advances.
In the dungeons, Cersei torments Ellaria Sand and her daughter, slowly teasing out what she may or may not do to them. Ellaria is proud and tough, as is the Dornish way. She knows that she can dish out whatever torture Cersei has in mind. As long as it’s against her. But Cersei has no plans to harm Ellaria. She wants Ellaria to suffer as she has. She wants to her watch as her daughter’s body rots and changes because it’s an image she’s been left with much of her life:
“All I could think about when she died was what would happen to her now. Every day. Every night. What does Mama look like now? Has she started to bloat? Has her skin turned black? Have her lips peeled back from her teeth? I think about locking Myrcella in a crypt. I think about her beautiful little face starting to collapse.” — Cersei, 6×01
Much has been said about the monstrous nature of Cersei Lannister, and I don’t deny that she isn’t one of the most self-serving leaders in all of Westeros. But everything she has done was to protect her children and she failed. And now, she wants justice in the form of making someone else feel that exact same way. It’s not pretty and it’s not the best way to handle things, but in her mind, it’s justice.
Of course, the thought of torture gets Cersei all hot and bothered so she goes to Jaime and has sex with him. I’m not sure how I feel about her pushing past him telling her “no” in the moment and the blatant disregard for sexual consent on this show. We already know they’re in a messed up relationship. We don’t need to see the two raping each other as well.
It is interesting to me how the tables have turned in their relationship. In earlier seasons, Jaime didn’t care who saw them together. He knew he loved her and he would have killed anyone who dared stand between them. And now, with his redemption arc and the influence of friends like Brienne, Jaime is on a different path. He’s more cautious about who seems them together, who makes jokes at her expense, and Cersei? Cersei doesn’t care what kind of Romulan handmaiden sees that’s in bed with her brother.
The Iron Bank of Braavos makes an appearance at King’s Landing to collect on the crown’s debt. This was a weird scene for me as a book reader because in A Dance with Dragons, the Iron Bank is very much against Cersei’s rule. They are based in a free city that deplores the use of slavery, so backing Dany’s reign would be their best course of action. And yet, in the show, they support slavery and Cersei. I have no doubt that Cersei will be able to form a more lasting bond, what with taking Highgarden at the end of the episode, but I’m curious as to WHY the Iron Bank is okay with supporting her.
Also, the emissary from the Iron Bank resembles Roose Bolton so I immediately don’t trust his non-alcoholic smirk.
Goodbye, Sweet Flower
Ah, the action sequence we were promised: the storming of Casterly Rock. I don’t expect every battle to be like Blackwater or Hardhome, but something felt hollow about the taking of Casterly Rock. It lacked the gravitas needed for such a moment of sheer loss for Dany. I think because the plot of Game of Thrones is now moving at a breakneck pace, many moments are lost in the shuffle. It’s hard to feel sadness when the scene passes by in blur. And it’s frustrating to acknowledge defeat when it seems like that loss is so implausible. It absolutely baffles me that somehow Euron’s fleet managed to sneak up on Yara, devastate her fleet, sail to King’s Landing, deliver the prisoners, and then head all the way around to Casterly Rock to decimate the other half of the Ironborn ships. When we’ve seen characters take entire seasons to travel north, it’s jarring to think that this kind of time travel is possible. Also, like the Euron attack on Yara, the loss of the Ironborn ships, trapping the Unsullied feels more like a Cersei win just for the sake of plot. It’s a militarily sound tactic, but frustrating given unbelievable timelines.
However, the assault on Highgarden was sheer brilliance. Jaime has learned from his losses and uses Robb Stark’s tactics against his enemies. It pains his inner child to lose the familial home, but in order for Cersei to retain power, he has to make sacrifices and not cling to nostalgia. Also, Highgarden is known for its farmlands and wealth, not for its armies, and with Randyll Tarly, the most sound military commander in The Reach at the Lannisters’ side, they had no hope of victory. I’m not sad that we didn’t see a grand battle. I much prefer the battle between the Queen of Thorns and the Kingslayer to any military skirmish.
Olenna Tyrell has never been a character who minces her words. Her disdain for the Lannisters has been readily apparent since Day One and she doesn’t care for how they rule. There was a begrudging respect for Tywin Lannister, but mostly, she hates those cats. In her final moments, Olenna stays true to herself and tells Jaime exactly how she feels about Cersei, telling him that she will be his downfall. Jaime brushes off the insult, but you have to wonder when he will finally see his sister for who she really is and stand up to her. Currently, it’s clear that Jaime is still desperately in love with Cersei, a fact even Olenna recognizes. At some point, though, that love will have to fade. He has a prophecy to fulfill.
But Jaime, despite his love for Cersei, is still noble. He gives Olenna a painless death and even after she sends him reeling with the news that she poisoned Joffrey, he lets her die in peace. Cersei would have carved up Olenna’s face and worn it to wine dinner later that evening. It is interesting to think about the domino effect of that one move by Olenna: Joffrey’s death trickled down to effect the losses of so many others it makes you wonder about the amount of blood on every character’s hands.
Random Thoughts
There are a ton of memes out there about the difference between Jon and Dany’s titles and how hilarious the scene was (mostly because of Ser Davos). However, I found the meta comment by Tyrion about Jon’s brooding to be even more hilarious:
Theon washed up on the deck of a Greyjoy boat that magically managed to stay in tact throughout the fighting. Since that’s the case, I’m not sure why the boat’s captain would chastise Theon for fleeing when it’s clear those men ALSO didn’t fight their hardest to save Yara. Hypocrites.
The season is moving remarkably fast and I can’t decide yet if it’s a good or a bad thing. Sure, I don’t need a ton of major battles or skirmishes to keep me entertained, but the flying around all the characters are doing is messing with my sense of time.
PREVIOUSLY ON TEEN WOLF: Ghost Riders! Wild hunt! ‘What the hell is a Stiles?’ Stydia kissing! Everything’s changed!
Ok, so for as much as I didn’t love season 6a (sorry Ghost Riders), I’m still hyped as anything to be back in Beacon Hills for one last ride. Teen Wolf doesn’t let me down in “Said The Spider to the Fly” because we start off with a night-time lacrosse practice! What is Teen Wolf without lacrosse (except for that time they were all on the track team for a second), and here we are with ASSISTANT COACH SCOTT MCCALL who is giving the troops hope against Finstock’s crazy wishes. I was smiling like a huge dope the entire exchange Scott and Finstock had about “Have I ever given you hope?”
As Scott talks up how great he is on the lacrosse field, Liam is literally being dressed by Mason and Corey in the locker room. I guess Hayden moved away and now he’s too depressed to put on his own lacrosse gear. Corey manages to make him even more depressed by mentioning that he and Mason already know they’re both applying to the same college. Heart eyes emoji.
After finally getting him in his clothes and dragging him out of the locker room, Liam is only motivated by the idea that someone else is going to be named captain over him. I say someone else, because I couldn’t name a single other person on the lacrosse team. Liam seems to be having some control issues, but luckily Scott is there to help. Since it’s season 6b, can I just say, how does anyone not know these kids are werewolves? I mean, Liam literally appears out of thin air and does about four backflips to catch that lacrosse ball. I feel like they used to try to pretend to be somewhat normal. Or am I imagining things? Honestly, I DON’T CARE BECAUSE I LOVE THIS. Let this whole season be lacrosse. Who cares!
Then of course, because this is nothing if not a show about teens and wolves, a bloody wolf wanders out of the woods and onto the lacrosse field. This is probably one of the reasons you shouldn’t have night lacrosse practice in a town where people are constantly dying from “animal attacks.” Just a thought though. This wolf is just standing on the field staring down the entire lacrosse field, and Nolan (who is Nolan? I sure as hell don’t know) is staring at it like he thinks it’s going to turn into a dude and start talking to him. Is it? Because at this point I feel like why not just let everyone know werewolves are a thing. But nope, the wolf turns around and walks back into the woods and Scott and Liam, the ASSISTANT COACH AND CAPTAIN, just abandon practice and follow this thing. No one seems to be weirded out by this at all. The pair go deep into the woods and of course find a wolf corpse with 900 spiders crawling out of it, because that’s not my worst nightmare or anything. And oh hey it’s surrounded by like 50 other dead wolves. I don’t want to point out a flaw in your logic Teen Wolf, but didn’t season 1 Stiles teach us that California doesn’t have wolves?
Speaking of Stiles, ROLL THE CREDITS. I love that the parents are still season regulars, but you know who isn’t a season regular? Special guest star Dylan O’Brien. Ouch.
Wondering what the rest of the pack is up to? Malia is lying around reading a book on France and dreaming about mysterious French men. Lydia argues that Liam needs her help because Malia is the only one who can actually relate to being an animal, but Malia’s ready to be done with all of Beacon Hills’ bullshit.
Then it’s time for father and son wolf bonding. Watching Liam try to help Scott pack for college, and Scott encouraging Liam to practice his mantra was adorable. We still don’t know why Liam is having control issues, but Scott is a great wolf dad and dammit I’m not ready for this show to be over.
Back to Eichen House, the gift that keeps on giving (aka one of my least favorite set pieces this show continues to use). Blah blah blah, patient has been here since 1912. He’s encased in hardened volcanic ash. The idiot doctor taps on it so it breaks and BOOM, it appears we have another Hellhound. I’m a little confused because I thought Parrish was THE Hellhound, but alright, I’ll take it.
The rising seniors are all sitting down with a guidance counselor to discuss their upcoming schedules. I laughed out loud when Liam said he wants to take Latin because it’s an easy A. When has Latin ever been an easy A? I took 4 years of it, had a wonderful teacher, and STILL didn’t consider it easy. So, this guidance counselor…she’s…I mean we know she’s either going to save them all or kill them all, right? Is she a supernatural therapist? She sort of seems like Nolan’s therapist. And oh hey, it’s Nolan again. Still have no idea who this kid is but apparently he may have some knowledge of the supernatural. Also I have to get it out-of-the-way and say, boy do I wish Liam would get a haircut.
I’m not sure if school has actually started yet, but the Hellhound from Eichen House is lurking around as rats come streaming out of the vents in the school’s walls causing one random girl to scream “Why does this keep happening to our school?” Girl, how are you the first person who has asked this question??? Let’s not forget when 1 million birds committed suicide by flying into a classroom in season 3. Mason and Liam take to the sewers under the school to find out why rats are terrorizing their classmates, and Mason gives us all a lecture on how an innate fear of spiders, snakes and rats is an evolutionary advantage. This means season 6b is going to be super gross, doesn’t it? Just as I’ve asked myself that question, of COURSE they encounter a rat king. Google it if you must, I’m not describing it here. Somehow Malia hasn’t left for France yet, so Liam and Mason drag her down to the sewers to sniff some bloody rats.
Meanwhile above ground we see PRINCIPAL MARTIN! I’m glad to see that the only person at Beacon Hills High who has ever cared about these kids getting an education seems to have been actually rewarded for doing her job well. Principal Martin wants none of Lydia’s lecture about how “if you see something, say something.” She wants her daughter to make it out of Beacon Hills alive and she doesn’t care about the rest of it.
One of my favorite things about this episode (ok, this entire series) is Melissa McCall. Melissa isn’t even fazed when Mason and Liam show up with a dead rat for her to autopsy, but instead manages to shame them for not bringing her dinner. Melissa doesn’t have time for a rat autopsy because as usual in Beacon Hills, the hospital is totally full and she has to deal with two men trying to kill each other at the front desk. Liam jumps in the middle to help, and immediately wolfs out. People see him, including the Hellhound who seemingly has been following him this entire time.
Mason and Liam go back to the high school, possibly for LATE NIGHT STUDY HALL IN THE LIBRARY as indicated by a very informative sign. Why, if there is late night study hall in the library, that the entire school is dark? The Hellhound has followed Liam to the high school, and Parrish has followed the Hellhound. You know what that means! It’s time for some hot Hellhound on Hellhound action. The Hellhound is here to stop something the pack let out, and looks at Liam as though it might be him. While Liam steps in to fight the Hellhound the new guidance counselor is out in the parking lot with a trunk full of guns. I knew something was up with her. Liam manages to win the fight, and the Hellhound realizes Liam isn’t the one he’s looking for. I’m bummed that Mason was thrown across the hallway and knocked unconscious because I feel like he would have asked some great clarifying questions about what exactly the Hellhound is looking for. Eventually, Mason and Liam limp back to the locker room and Mason gives Liam (and us) a pep-talk about how “Wounds heal, people move, things change.” Things don’t have to change Teen Wolf! Let’s stay like this forever!
Lydia goes to Scott’s with all her suitcases because I guess they’re driving to college together, but instead has a Banshee situation. She enters a creepy spiderweb version of the high school, which let’s be honest, is basically the Upside Down. I really don’t want spiders to be a thing this season, so when the creepy voice tells Lydia “You let it out,” I’m hoping the it is not a giant spider. When she comes back from the Upside Down we see that Scott has Stiles’ Jeep!!!???!?! Stiles left a note saying ‘Be Gentle!’ I’m trying to get my emotions in check when Lydia appears in front of the car and says “We can’t leave.” They then go to ask Malia to stay in Beacon HIlls and help them instead of leaving for France. They attempt to track down the Hellhound in order to find out what he’s looking for, because apparently when they opened a portal to save Stiles, something came out with them. Scott says “There’s always a price to pay. We learned that from the Nemeton.”
They’re too late to save the Hellhound who was also being tracked by the new murderous(?) guidance counselor. Scott picks up a bullet off the ground and I just about lost my damn mind because WE KNOW THAT SYMBOL. IS SHE AN ARGENT?
Scott, Lydia and Malia try to decide whether they should call Stiles and tell him what’s going on. Malia is in favor of calling, but both Scott and Lydia are against it. Scott plays them the adorable voicemail Stiles left for him, detailing how he’s in “THE FRICKIN’ FBI!” and then we cut to Stiles himself.
If Dylan O’Brien is just going to be a guest star for the back-end of this season, I’m not mad at the way it’s going so far. He’s in so little of this episode but manages to bring so much of the Stiles that we know and love. And then of course, of COURSE, the FBI has footage of Derek Hale running through the woods because he’s wanted for mass murder. Can’t the poor guy catch a break? I also laughed at how that footage of him running is so clearly recycled from season 1. Never change Teen Wolf.
Final Thoughts:
I love that the high school library has a Cryptozoology/Myths section. Of course it does! When did Beacon Hills High become the go to place for supernatural information?
The scene of Scott and Melissa in the morgue is great! Real talk, Melissa runs the whole hospital, right? I’m excited to see the parents get more involved in protecting the town from the supernatural. Also, when Melissa tazes her son? Amazing. Melissa McCall for president.
Remember when Gerard Argent was principal of the high school? Lol.
Another dead sheriff’s deputy! At this point, the poor sheriff’s department needs their own police force to protect them.
Where do Hellhounds buy their fire resistant shorts? Or do their butts/thighs just never get that hot? Help me out here people.
On this week’s Shadowhunters Sebastian’s cover is blown, Max undergoes magical surgery, Magnus has a difficult decision to make, and Luke gains a new pack member.
Sebastian’s Cover is Blown
Things hit a fever pitch this week after Clary (Katherine McNamara) and Jace (Dominic Sherwood) retrieved the Mortal Mirror. It’s being kept under tight security at the Institute and Sebastian/Jonathan (Will Tudor) is trying to figure out how to grab it for daddy. His first complication is Max (Jack Fulton) who tracked him using a single strand of hair to Alec’s office. The littlest Lightwood brave fights the demon-blooded Shadowhunter but being only twelve quickly gets injured when his head is bashed to the desk. Sebastian hides his unconscious body underneath the desk as Clary comes in looking for Alec (Matthew Daddario). She opens the door to find him sitting on the couch and he explains that he’s waiting for the Institute head himself. They both then get alerted that there’s an important meeting being held as the ops center. When they get there, Alec tells Jace, Clary, Izzy (Emeraude Toubia) and Sebastian that now that the mirror is with them Jonathan and Valentine are bound to come and so they need to come up with scenarios in order to beef up security.
Sebastian returns to Alec’s office to get Max but the boy has disappeared. Turns out he somehow made it back to his room where Izzy finds his unconscious body. She has medics come and her younger brother is taken to the infirmary. Unfortunately iratzes (healing rune) aren’t working and they must summon the Silent Brothers for help. Alec contacts their parents Maryse (Nicola Correia Damude) and Robert (Paulino Nunes) to come while Jace and Clary try to figure out who did this. Sebastian volunteers to stay with Max in case he regains consciousness and was able to identify his attacker. Really though it’s so he can finish the job in case the kid remembers what happened.
At Max’s room, Jace determines that the younger Lightwood wasn’t attacked there. He then finds Jonathan’s baby box underneath the bed and take it back to the ops center. There they tell Alec and Sebastian that Max must have found a way to use the box to track Jonathan and that he must have seen Clary’s brother’s real face. Jace thinks that he is likely still in the Institute if he’s come for the Mortal Mirror because he wouldn’t leave without it. Alec then decides to lockdown the place and sends Sebastian to arrange more guards to make sure that Jonathan doesn’t get out of there alive. As Maryse and Robert arrive to their unconscious son’s side, they tell Izzy and Sebastian (who just happened to be in the room) that the Silent Brothers are going to attempt a dangerous procedure that they do in extreme cases like this, but there’s a chance that Max won’t survive it (Brother Enoch also confirmed that warlock magic won’t be able to help). The devious demon-blooded Shadowhunter leaves the family to have their privacy though says that he will keep their son his in prayers before walking away with a smirk on his face. I know I’ve said it before but I’ll say it again, Will Tudor does such an amazing job playing psychopath Jonathan/Sebastian (PLEASE COME BACK IN SEASON 3!!!).
Sebastian in the meantime goes in search of the Mortal Mirror. He accosts one of the sentry guards who tells him that it’s in the lower levels. On his way he runs into Jace who tells him that he’s going to protect the mirror himself, knowing that he’s the only one who can possibly defeat Jonathan. Cleverly though, he sends the other Shadowhunter a text from Alec’s phone saying that they lost Max in order to make him leave. Once Jace is gone, Sebastian heads downstairs and kills all the other guards posted there and takes the mirror. Afterwards as he is preparing to leave the Institute he sees some kind of detector set up.
He asks Clary what’s going on and she explains that after looking through Valentine’s (Alan Van Sprang) notes she read that her brother had an intolerance for a specific mineral so she then got some from Izzy’s whip and set up test. The mineral wasn’t harmful to normal Nephilim and so this way they could find out who Jonathan was impersonating. She hands him a small stone and says that if he wants to leave he could just hold it. He takes the stone and holds it for a good while without reacting then hands it back to her, saying that he’s passed then. He bids her adieu and begins to walk out when she looks at the stone and notices something strange. Clary runs after him saying that he forgot something and grabs his hand. His exposed palm shows that he’s bled and she stabs him with one of her knives. Sebastian then hits a button which cuts of the entrance from the ops center and grabs his sister’s throat while pulling the blade from his stomach. It’s an incredibly tense scene between the two siblings as Jonathan finally tells her that he just wanted her and mirror. Speaking of which, she sees the mirror in his pocket and uses another knife to slice it (causing the mirror to fall) and then stab him on his shoulder causing him to drop her. She then writes a rune using her stele that blasts the glass door so that she can get back inside the ops center while her brother leaves the Institute quickly disappearing. The cat is truly out of the bag now. Alec and Jace come to her side and she disables the mirror with the same rune that she used on the sword except it disintegrates, leaving the trio baffled.
Magnus Must Make a Difficult Choice
Meanwhile Magnus (Harry Shum Jr.) and Luke (Isaiah Mustafa) go to the Seelie Queen’s (Lola Flannery) court to inform her that Valentine is loose and that the Soul Sword is missing. She then asks if they have agreed to join her side and for Downworlders to search for the Circle leader themselves. Luke though is adamant that he doesn’t want a war with the Clave. Magnus says that he needs to time to think about her offer and she agrees to give him so time to decide but that he shouldn’t let his crush get in the way of deciding what’s best for his people. She gives him a small rose and explains that as soon as the petals all turn black he will need to give her an answer. He then spends time remembering important moments between Alec and himself since their relationship began and it’s the moment that Malec fans have been waiting for because we finally see intimate candid moments between the two and my heart is about to explode. Alec calls him while he’s at his loft, but Magnus ignores it (the Shadowhunter is calling because of an unconscious Max).
We are treated to a scene from season one the morning after Magnus healed Luke from severe injuries. Alec ended up falling asleep at the loft and even then the warlock knew that this Shadowhunter was different by lending him strength to help a werewolf (even though Alec claimed that Luke was Clary’s friend not his). Next we see Magnus remembering the first night that he and Alec spent together intimately where he got overwhelmed with his emotions and was not able to keep his glamor on, revealing his cat eyes. Alec tells him that he’s beautiful and the next morning the two are in bed together and the Shadowhunter asks him what he’s afraid off. The warlock says that the key to not having any fears is not having anything to lose.
Back in the present, Alec comes to the loft saying that he knows he has no right to be here but he’s desperate and needs Magnus’s help to save Max. He goes to the Institute to help but confirms that there is nothing he can do and it will be up to Brother Enoch. Magnus is in an awkward position because he obviously still loves Alec but also keenly feels the divide that he is a Downworlder inside an Institute. Alec ends up staying next to his family’s side as they all wait for the procedure to finish. Luckily Max survives and wakes up from his coma asking if they caught Sebastian. Magnus then excuses himself sensing that this should be a private family moment. Izzy then gives her older brother a look and Alec goes after him. He apologizes and tells the warlock that he loves him and knows that he made a mistake. Magnus though feels the weight of his responsibilities and the Seelie Queen’s words on his shoulders. He tells Alexander that he was afraid of this because he loves him too. He then says that the only thing keeping him from doing what’s best for his people is Alec and he can’t be selfish. Are we witnessing their break up? Noooooooooooooooooooooo!!!
Luke’s Newest Pack Member – Meet Bat Velasquez
After their paddle boat date, Simon (Alberto Rosende) and Maia (Alisha Wainright) head back to the Hunter’s Moon when they both suddenly hear a man screaming. They rush to the alley to see a large wolf having just attacked a mundane. Maia recognizes the werewolf as Russell, a former pack member who left for Philadelphia because he was unhappy with Luke’s leadership. Russell runs off and the poor mundane is freaking out having just been mauled. He says that his name is Bartholemew Velasquez (Kevin Alves), but people call him Bat. I’m so excited because Bat is an important character in Maia’s life in the Mortal Instrument series. They take him back to the Jade Wolf boathouse where Maia explains to Luke what happened. The alpha of the New York pack then goes off to deal with Russel while Maia and Simon watch over Bat. She tells Simon that because it’s a full moon he either survives the bite and transforms or he’ll die from the injury. Sure enough though he begins to change and they lock him in so that he can’t harm anyone.
Maia though opens up to Simon and tells him how she herself became a werewolf. It had been her ex-boyfriend Jordan Kyle who had attacked her. She had fallen for him because he was the first one to ever make her feel beautiful but then he became too possessive and she broke it off. Then one night she was walking home from a date when an animal came at her. She had tried so hard to free herself but it was too strong. Then he transformed and she saw that it was Jordan. He then ran off and left her there to die. Except she survived and ever since then it’s always been on her mind that it was because of love that she became a werewolf. Geez talk about traumatic, no wonder she was so freaked out by her feelings for Simon. Simon is so understanding and obviously wants to be there to support her in any way that he can.
Luke in the meantime goes to find Russell and bring him to heel. The two fight it out old school to the death but he doesn’t want to kill the other wolf, they’ve lost too many already. The rest of Russell’s pups submit to their new alpha as they rejoin the New York pack. They all congregate at the Jade Wolf where Luke welcomes them while being watched through video by his police partner Ollie. Looks like the Raphael’s encanto powers didn’t quite work as she still remembered the shadow world enough to come to the Jade Wolf and bug it. You don’t know what you’re asking for though because now Luke is gonna have to take care of you.
SPOILER from The Mortal Instruments Series: if you’ve read the books you know that Bat and Maia dated, broke up, and eventually got back together again so I’m so excited to have him on the show. Also, how adorable is he?
The Real Mortal Mirror
At the end of the episode Alec, Jace, Izzy, and Clary are inside Alec’s office contemplating everything that just happened. Izzy is angry and upset that she had been the one to bring Sebastian into the Institute. They begin to discuss the Mortal Mirror disintegrating when Clary finds herself looking at a scenic painting of Lake Lyn. She then gets flashes of visions and realizes that what they thought was the mirror wasn’t the actual Mortal Instrument. She realizes that it must have been a decoy and that the real mirror is Lake Lyn.
So now that his cover is blown, Jonathan joins Valentine in his plans to call forth the angel Raziel without being able to keep tabs on his sister and the others. Max luckily survived and sadly it looks like Malec is on a break. Also with Bat in the picture and Maia looking out for the young wolf, how will this affect her relationship with Simon? Only two more episodes left until season 2 is over and the hiatus begins.
Things just got a whole lot crazier in the Quad as Team Awesome Force prepared to take back their RAC on this week’s Killjoys.
In theory it was a great plan, with Turin’s help they kidnapped three high ranking officers from nearby RACs in order to prove to them that the Hullen have invaded their territory. The trio then get a front row seat to all the action to prove that Dutch and the gang aren’t crazy.
Having recruited a few more soldiers to the cause, Dutch, D’Av, and John lead their troops into killing all the Hullen in their own RAC via releasing a paralytic agent through the ventilation system. It is supposed to neutralize both human and Hullen so that they can scratch each person one by one to determine who should be eliminated. However, things don’t go according to plan when surprise the Hullen aren’t paralyzed after all because they had been wearing patches counteracting the toxin. That means someone ratted them out.
One of the nerds die before Dutch is able to save him. Knowing they are heavily out manned and out gunned, she decides that they need to head to the armory to stock up on stronger artillery because they can’t back out now, they would be leaving the humans on board for slaughter. However before they can get there, the group is surrounded by uniformed Hullen who had been sent by Aneela to retrieve a package. It seems that the commander was indulging Delle Seyah and sent a team to get her something from the Quad because she is homesick. Dutch is able to get away slipping through a garbage chute while Johnny and D’Av are taken for interrogation.
The Hullen unit leader (played by the glorious Noam Jenkins) is possibly the wittiest Hullen of them all and I love him. He has such a glorious banter with the brothers that really could go on for hours but alas, time is short. He implants chips into their necks and then has John strapped to a chair with a little device that scrambles his brains thus slowly making him loose his memories while D’Av watches. Seems that the alien hive creatures want to know how they poisoned the Arkyn plasma. They know someone on Team Awesome Force did it but they don’t know how. When that tactic doesn’t work, they bring in one of the other nerds (whom we find out sold them out in exchange for assimilation) except he is soon killed. A super pissed off D’Av uses his weird power over the plasma to make another Hullen brain explode. Much like this:
Unit leader then says that he’s only ever seen Aneela do that and understands why she wants him. Initially we thought that the commander was grabbing Johnny for Delle Seyah after her black warrant against him as a little gift but it turns out Aneela wanted the elder Jaqobis all along after seeing him when he was connected to the plasma. D’Av is then knocked out and taken back to the Hullen ship with John about to be killed. Of course Dutch gets back in time to prevent that.
Speaking of which, Dutch manages to get to the armory where she finds the highly dangerous weapon that wiped out a whole bloodline during a meeting of the Nine. However she is blocked by Banyon who thinks she is the enemy. They scuffle and Dutch stabs the other woman believing she is Hullen, except she isn’t. The Killjoy apologizes and explains what’s going on and eventually Banyon gives her the code so that she can get out of this sector. She relunctantly leaves the officer bleeding to go find Johnny.
Once they are reunited, she shows him the weapon and he drops some plasma and hopes that it’s calibrated to be able to tell the difference between Hullen and human. Thankfully it does and the aliens creatures are all wiped out of their RAC in one sweep.
Meanwhile back at the viewing bunker, things got all tense as one of the RAC officers thinks that Fancy is still one of the Hullen. They lost visual once Dutch and the others got ambushed and Khlyen’s former right hand volunteers to go talk to the Hullen they have captive. The prisoner taunts him, saying that he’s not cleansed, he’s just in remission and that he’ll want to come back to them. She plays on their fears, planting a seed in Fancy’s head that the others don’t fully trust him and unfortunately, Turin temporarily falls for it. He doesn’t open the cage door immediately until the former level 6 kills the female Hullen.
When they are all celebrating at the Royale, Turin brings Fancy a shot in an attempt to apologize but he is quickly rebuffed. There’s only room for one asshole at the table. Ouch. But he has a point because it sure didn’t feel like he was a valued team member. Fancy has been a lone wolf in the past but has shown himself to be humanity’s side. Now though, I think the Hullen have gotten to him because he’s being taken for granted. Oh Fancy, you deserve better!
In the meantime on Aneela’s ship, Delle Seyah and Gander have been at war as as each tries to remain in their commander’s good graces. Gander has been the Hullen leader’s right hand for a long time it seems but now that Seyah Kendry is here, she’s looking to replace him. In previous episodes he has warned her that their leader often breaks her toys after she tires of them. For the moment though, the former member of the Nine appears to be a favorite and Aneela reveals her plans. Just as Dutch and the squad are bringing home one of the RAC officers from a different sector, the entire station explodes. This was all thanks to the commander’s plan because she wants her doppelgänger to be completely alone like she was before killing her. So she played Gander and Delle Seyah against each other so that she could get her real plans underway. Turns out she also destroyed the other RACs near the Quad who were going to turn on them. Delle Seyah is so totally turned on by the Aneela’s duplicity that she kisses the Hullen leader. At first the other woman is rattled but then she warms up to it and smooches back.
Final Thoughts
Well now, I feel like Delle Seyah’s fantasies are playing out having been attracted to Dutch since season 1
Who would have guessed that it was a nerd who ratted them out? Now though what is their next move as Aneela has outmaneuvered them
I really want to know what is going on D’Av’s plasma whispering skills
When Gander questioned Aneela’s decision to send a squad to the Quad, he said there could be repercussions and it made me wonder if the Hullen commander answered to someone else above her. It sure sounded like it.
Once I realized that Antihero was created by Tim Conkling and published by Versus Evil, the same people who brought the world Guild of Dungeoneering, I knew I was in for a treat. With the same art style and devious sense of humor, Antihero follows you as the leader of a thieves guild in a turn of the century London setting. Essentially, you act as the gang leader Jacob Frye WISHED to be in Assassin’s Creed: Syndicate.
Like Guild of Dungeoneering, Antihero is turn-based, giving your guild leader a few moves each turn to spy on buildings around town, dispatching urchins and thugs to gain gold and influence. However, there’s a rival guild leader who wants you to move off his turf and you have to use your child labor and Daniel Day-Lewis-looking characters to gain intel and blackmail against this leader and claim victory.
With Antihero, the premise is simple but prowess is difficult. Choose a Master Thief, level up his or her abilities, recruit thugs, urchins, and gangs to control your own corner of town through bribes, assassinations, and blackmail. The Master Thief, under the cover of darkness (and cuteness), burgles local establishments to acquire the necessary coins to purchase loyalty from each of these ruffians whereby they will either infiltrate buildings or attack enemies for the Master Thief. Neutral guards throughout each map offer players another route through which they can earn coin and level up their gangs.
Each of the Master Thief’s abilities require lanterns to purchase, which are obtained through trading houses and sometimes through burgling estates. The different skill trees allow players to decide how best to control the town: through sheer brute force, deception, looting, or a mix of all of the above. Max out thugs to control the city streets, using them like roadblocks and forcing your opponent to kill off every one of your baddies to move forward. Or max out urchins to gain loot more quickly while also accessing the perks of orphanages and breweries. Or you can use your gangs and assassins to slaughter everything in your path. There are also saboteurs and truant officers that can be used to booby trap your owned buildings or evict enemy urchins respectively. The playstyle is your choice.
There is a campaign available for players to learn the ropes of the game, slowly mastering each of the thieves’ abilities and getting to know the different game modes, of which there are currently five. These game modes all require different ways to “win” the game, ranging from acquiring the most blackmail or infiltrating a masked ball and stealing prized jewels. There are sixteen different avatars for you to choose from for your guild leader, each unlocking after completing certain missions within the main story’s campaign.
Besides the campaign, Antihero offers two options for standalone versus play: against the AI and against an online player. Sometimes with the latter mode it means that players will be waiting to finish a game over the course of several days, which makes that game mode much more suited to the mobile platform. The AI versus mode is set based on difficulty levels: easy, normal, hard. You know, the basics. Sometimes, the AI acts up and will make near impossible moves on a normal match or just plain idiotic moves on a hard match. For the most part it seems relatively stable, but because of the board game nature of Antihero, you will find yourself in moments of “OH YOU SON OF A–“. You know the rest. Matches are always between two players, which is beneficial because with the small map size, games with more than a pair of Master Thieves could run on for hours. And thankfully, quick matches are one of the strong suits of Antihero. Rarely in a win or loss did I find myself in a match for longer than thirty minutes. Civilization, Antihero is not.
Like most of Versus Evil’s game, Antihero succeeds because of it’s simple game mechanics that are rife with character. None of the Master Thieves offer anything in terms of gameplay but their unique design grants players a chance to try to establish personality throughout their game experience. The building names and caricatures of turn of the century London are hysterical but are never over the top or distracting from the game itself. If there is one major complaint about the game, it’s that there isn’t much diversity in each of the game modes. But like any good strategy game, the playstyle isn’t so much about variety, but about how you attempt to win each match.
Antihero is a game that allows you to play for twenty minutes or two hours and have fun throughout, making it more than worth the $15 price tag.
This week on The Challenge XXX: Dirty Thirty– CT, the man, the beast, the legend, arrives and The Redemption house is full of DRAMA.
The Challenge House
The competitors return back to the house after six players were eliminated (sent to the Redemption House) in The Purge. Everything is calm and peaceful with a side of liquor when the ground around them starts shaking. CT has arrived causing every male contestant to shit his pants! As Johnny says so eloquently, CT is “a legit game changer.” Alongside CT is Briana, who is to serve as Ashley’s replacement. If you remember Briana was forced to leave Rivals III when her partner Brandon wimped out and quit. So, Briana has a lot to prove this season.
While CT and Briana’s arrival creates quite the stir, it isn’t the main attraction of the night. That billing goes to Mr. Playa Play: Cory. As I have stated before, I am fully aware of the dubious nature of reality TV editing. That said, the show tries to imply that Cory had a talk with Kailah, a kitchen make-out session with Aneesa, and a beach bang with Camila all in one night. Everyone denies everything, so who knows what really happened but after reading Aneesa’s tweet, I rewatched the scenes and the footage aired shows her and Cory talking, not kissing. What happened on the beach between Cory and Camila, no one can be sure of.
Regardless of what actually happened, it is shit like this that makes me hate Cory:
Cory: “I give any guy credit to be in this situation. To have 3 girls you’ve had relations with– Kailah, Aneesa, and Camila– all living in one house and play this game and try to survive.”
Dude, you are in a mess of your own making! Am I supposed to give you credit for having to deal with your actions from previous seasons? I would also like to note that you are not the only person this season to be living in a house with three former hookups. In case you forgot, Camila has hooked up with Bananas, Tony, and, well, you, and you don’t see her complaining (which is surprising because usually, Camila complains about everything… more on that later).
Dirty Rotten Tomatoes
The name of the game this week is “Cool Under Fire.” The game will be played in two heats with players sitting against a wall, on a small ledge, that is elevated 30 feet above the water. Every so often the wall will be tilted making it harder to stay put. The first two men and women to fall from each heat are in the loser’s circle (8 total), and the two men and women to stay seated the longest are in the winner’s circle (8 total). I forgot to mention the best part of this challenge though! When it’s not your turn to compete YOU GET TO SLING SHOT DIRTY ROTTEN TOMATOES AT THE PEOPLE ON THE WALL!
The four losers from the first round are Veronica, Jemmye, Derrick H. (who falls the second the horn blows), and Cory. The remaining players still seated are forced to endure dirty rotten tomatoes being flung at them left and right and no one is less happy about this than Cara Maria. See, Cara is stuck between two prime tomato slinging targets, Jordan and Nelson and whenever someone’s aim in off while targeting these two guys the dirty rotten tomato ends up hitting her. It’s all good though because she ends up winning the round alongside Derrick K., Nelson, and Nicole.
The second heat is where things get a little more heated. Before the challenge began, TJ told the players that there were safety ropes that they could use to position themselves, but once the horn is blown, they cannot use them. So, when Aneesa grabbed onto those safety ropes when she heard someone scream “we have our winners” only to find out that was only about the guys, Camila starts freaking out. Even though Aneesa stayed up longer on the wall than Camila, she knows that she might be in trouble. Unfortunately, Aneesa guessed right, and TJ gives Aneesa’s win to Camila, along with the other winners of the heat CT, Johnny, and Tori.
Aneesa is upset but realizes that she fucked up and accepts the consequences. Camila on the other hand gloats and says that when she messed up in past Challenges she had to face the consequences. Wait, she can’t be serious right now. Does she not remember her utter and epic meltdown in Rivals III when she “accidentally” threw Nate and Christina’s token aside causing them to come in last place. When Camila found out she was DQ’d she started sobbing, screaming that it was an accident, it isn’t fair for her to be DQ’d, and she even started yelling at TJ. Meanwhile, Aneesa acted like a fucking adult, realizes that she made a mistake and doesn’t cause a crazy insane scene.
The 8 winners are then tasked with voting in a guy and a girl into the elimination. Anyone who is not in the winner’s circle is vulnerable to be sent in. Even though this is not a group challenge, the winner circle gathers together to discuss who they want to send in. For the girls, it is an easy pick: Briana. She is new, she got to sit out of the purge, and also she is new. The guys pick gets a little messier though. Almost everyone agrees that after sending Darrell home last week, Cory should go into elimination. This is partly because the Vets are worried that Cory is out to get them, and partly because EVERYONE LOVES DARRELL!
Everyone besides Camila and Nelson were on the “Send Cory In” train. It makes sense that Nelson wouldn’t want to send in his boy, but Camila’s reasons are not really clear at. Camila makes things even worse for herself during the actual voting process. When it is her turn to cast her vote, she starts lamenting about how she guesses she “has” to vote for Cory, to which TJ responds “Um no dumbass, you can vote for whoever you want,” and Camila quickly changes her vote to Hunter. Camila’s justifies her decision to NOT vote for Cory by saying “this is not a team competition” and calls the other girls who voted with the boys “stupid” for doing the guys bidding. What world is Camila living in right now? Everybody knows that they key to surviving an individual competition like this is to have a strong alliance. So yeah Camila, you can do whatever the hell you want, but you also have to deal with the consequences aka losing the trust of basically everyone in the house.
So going into the elimination is Cory and Briana, but we will have to wait until next week to see who they will be competing against.
The Redemption House
TJ pays a visit to the Redemption House to explain to last week’s six eliminated that they are now in the Redemption House. Essentially at some point these guys will be given the chance to get back into the competition, but when and how this will happen is going to be a surprise.
Darrell says it best:
Darrell: “This game has changed. I’m not used to all these damn twists. It’s like I’m in goddamn Willy Wonka Land.”
Seriously, this must be Darrell’s hell. He is forced to live with five fools at least a decade his junior with no contact to the outside world. I can’t imagine anything worse. I’m convinced that Darrell only spends time with his housemates when production forces him too. There is no other reason he would subject himself to sitting in on this ridiculous tarot card reading Simone has concocted, where Simone predicts Shane would get punched in the face… which kind of comes true.
One night Simone gets upset when both Shane and LaToya decline to grease her scalp. Simone reasons that since she does so much for everyone in the house ( cooking and cleaning dishes) they should help her out in return. While Simone cleaning the house for everyone is a nice gesture, it is not a quid pro quo. You CHOSE to do those things, your housemates didn’t force you to do them, so you shouldn’t force them to feel guilty that you did.
Later that night after production decided that these kids were too boring to keep the cameras rolling, a fight erupts between Simone and Shane. According to Devin, Shane wanted to put in a last word with Simone re: Greasing the Scalp and Simone wouldn’t let him. This resulted in Shane slapping Simone twice in the face and Simone scratching Shane’s face. Additionally, Shane bit Devin’s arm as he tried to pull Shane away and Simone broke a champagne bottle and waved it around like a shiv. And that is the story of how Shane and Simone got kicked out of the Redemption House and sent home.
Other Things:
I don’t understand why Briana is feels blindsided that she is being sent into the elimination. If I came into one of these shows a challenge late I would EXPECT that to be the outcome.
Britni REALLY needs to win this money so she and her boo can go backpacking through Europe.
Derrick H. and Tori decide that if they both win this season of The Challenge they are going to have a baby together. I mean, why not I guess?
This week on Game of Thrones: Theon needs a hug, Jon gets saucy with Littlefinger, Arya eats pie, naked butts remind us this is HBO.
SPOILERS through Game of Thrones 7×02: “Stormborn.”
Game of Thrones, historically, uses its first few episodes as building blocks for the later “Holy shit” episodes at the end of a season. “Stormborn” isn’t much of an exception beyond that rule outside of its final “Holy shit” ten minutes. With Euron’s savage attack on the other half of the Greyjoy fleet, it’s clear that the shortened season has forced Thrones to up the ante a whole lot sooner than usual.
Even though I’m a fan of immense detail and subtlety, I’m not complaining about the increase in pace. Thrones has hit a point where it needs to start wrapping up plot lines in a satisfying manner before the series ends. That being said, it doesn’t mean I want to see the villains succeed just for the sake of plot. Thrones should be better than that.
Girl Power in Dragonstone
I made the joke last week but it seems like in “Stormborn” Daenerys is a bit irritated that she didn’t get a grand homecoming upon her arrival to Dragonstone. Who could blame her? After basking in the glow in the slaves who idolized her for years, she’s grown accustomed to the adoration. Which is why having Tyrion as her Hand was the best move she’s ever made. Tyrion understands the need to be wanted, so I have no doubt he’s somewhere behind the scenes setting up a fabulous party full of douchey dudes to celebrate her every decision. She’ll hate it, outwardly, but then slyly whisper “thanks” to Tyrion.
Dany intimidates the hell out of Varys, but in the end, his pleas to protect the common people are enough to save his magical bald head. Varys, like Littlefinger, usually rides about 20 steps ahead of every other character. But, also like Littlefinger, he seems to have found a female ruler who instills both fear and respect. Of course, I highly doubt that Varys wants to have sex with Dany, so there’s that to set the two spymasters apart.
Around the “Stannis had sex here” table, Dany lays out her plans to Olenna and Ellaria. Everyone except Tyrion believes that Dany should go all scorched earth on King’s Landing and take the throne by force. I guess no one’s told her that most of the capital is already in ruins due to Cersei’s cleansing ritual, so no matter what, she’ll be ruling over ashes. Instead of attacking with one unified force, Dany pulls a Robb Stark and splits her singularly powerful force into to two, easier to kill off forces. One will take Casterly Rock and the other is set to siege King’s Landing to try to starve out the Lannisters. Unfortunately for the girl power group, they don’t know that Cersei only feeds on the hatred everyone throws at her. She won’t be starving for a long time.
Later, in Grey Worm’s room, he tells Missandei that he’ll be leaving with the forces to attack Casterly Rock. Is there a more successful way to get a girl to strip off her clothes than “I’m leaving for war tomorrow and I might die?” Because I can’t think of one other than “I ordered take out so you don’t have to wash the dishes.” And even then the latter is a gamble depending on if you two argued beforehand about where to get takeout. With Grey Worm’s bedroom door completely open, Missandei and Grey Worm both show off their beautiful butts and Grey Worm wastes no time in making Missandei and every female Thrones fan sigh with happiness.
Old Town Old Style
Astute viewers noticed last week that Ser Jorah, Dany’s creepy but oh-so-handsome stalker suitor somehow made his way to the Citadel in record time. Maester Marwyn inspects Jorah’s wounds and tells him that nothing can be done to save his life. He’s evolving into a Geodude and without an Everstone, he’ll be forced to mindlessly fight battles in Old Valyria until he dies. Which makes me wonder: did no one do a proper intake for Jorah upon admittance into the Citadel’s stone leper colony? They just set him up in a room for weeks (months?) and then finally addressed their backlog of patients far too late? Talk about a shitty healthcare system.
Sam, however, is not content to let another devilishly handsome Mormont die on his watch so off he goes to find a cure in the restricted section. Honestly, I don’t know why we’re trying to cure the never-ending Stoneskin, especially since it would be OP as hell, but I guess Thrones has its own set of DnD rules I don’t know about.
Casting aside Slughorn’s orders to let Jorah die, Sam shows up to the old-ish bear’s chambers with a set of tools and some kind of ointment that I imagine smells like a mix of his soup poop shuffle from last week.
I’m not saying I’m not grateful for Sam’s work. If by some miracle Jorah lives, I will definitelyprobably maybe stop making fun of him and his horrible situation at the Citadel. However, slicing off the disease and covering it in a paste does seem like an easy way out, no? I know the Maesters are a good ol’ boy’s club intent on always doing things the way they a;ways have done, but it seems ridiculous that no one–wait, no. I answered my own question with the “good ol’ boy’s club” comment.
Imagine Killing Dragons
Things aren’t looking so great for Cersei in King’s Landing. The Tyrells and Martells have cast aside a generational feud to ally against her, Jon has rallied the lords in the North, including the Vale, and Dany is at the back door with three hungry dragons. Anyone else would throw in the towel and call their rule a lost cause, but not Cersei. She’s too stubborn to admit defeat. Especially not to some Becky with prettier hair. Instead, she calls about twenty of her most apathetic lords to the throne room to give them a pep talk about supporting the crown’s rule.
After Cersei’s rousing speech, Jaime talks with Randyll Tarly, Sam’s loving papa, and tries to bring him to the dark side. For those who don’t know, Randyll Tarly is a brilliant military commander, likely one of the best in the realm. Because of his forces, the Tyrells helped defeat the Targaryens during Robert’s Rebellion and later, when the Tyrells joined forces with the Lannisters, his troops were responsible for much of the north’s major military losses. Jaime knows how important Tarly’s leadership is for their cause, which is why he tries so hard to win his favor. However, Tarly is a man bound by oaths and rules, not personal glory, so winning him over will take a huge misstep by the Tyrells. However, if the Lannisters manage to acquire Tarly and his support, that’s a huge win for the crown.
In the catacombs beneath the Red Keep, Qyburn shows Cersei a few his favorite things: small skulls, medium-sized skulls, and extra-large skulls. Cersei isn’t impressed by all the dead dragons and instead she focuses on the fact that Robert probably had affairs in front of the skulls and that makes them guilty by association. Instead of using his creepy magic and necromancy skills to grant King’s Landing its own undead flying beast, Qyburn flaunts his “plan” for defeating Dany’s three fully grown dragons.
No, but seriously, they don’t already have ballistae in Westeros?
Meeting Old Friends
Arya goes back to her Travel Channel hosting gig, reminding viewers how dark and boring the King’s Road is in Westeros. Fortunately for us, she reunites with the Pie That Was Promised, Hot Pie. He’s shocked that she hasn’t heard the latest gossip in the north and Arya was all, “The wi-fi is shit around here. I can’t even check Twitter updates.” Hot Pie informs Arya that Jon killed all the Boltons and is now King in the North and her reaction absolutely breaks my heart:
Hot Pie then refuses Arya’s coins and tells her she’s pretty. Hot Pie is proof that you can suffer through hell and still be a kind person. If anything bad happens to Hot Pie, we fucking riot.
Continuing her meandering through Westeros, Arya is set upon by a group of wolves that give zero fucks about her fire or swords. A direwolf appears as the pack’s leader and Arya is all:
I know that won’t be the last time that we see Nymeria. As one of two remaining direwolves, she has to play some role for the Starks in the future. Or maybe those little jerks don’t deserve awesome direwolves since Jon abandoned Ghost somewhere in the north, Arya sent Nymeria away, and Bran didn’t even mourn the death of sweet baby Summer.
Two Bastards Walk Into a Crypt
Thank goodness no ruler has ever had the thought to just kill off the entire raven population in Westeros. You’d think if Cersei really wanted to strangle the rest of the seven kingdoms, she’d have Qyburn find a way to make the birds extinct, but hey, big bows and arrows are good, too. Jon receives two ravens at Winterfell, one from Tyrion informing him of Dany’s arrival to Westeros and another from Sam, covered in some kind of gross pus detailing a cache of dragonglass underneath Dragonstone.
Jon is all, “Nothing bad ever happens when a Stark goes south of the Neck, so that’s exactly what I’m going to do.” Sansa rolls her eyes because he doesn’t listen to a word she says and Davos is just so tickled he read a raven all by his lonesome. But then he remembered Shireen and that stirred up the anger inside his onion-y bones. Jon doesn’t discuss his trip south with his council before he announces it to all of the northern lords and his inability to actually heed his council or at least discuss his plans with them is going to be his downfall. I’m not saying that going south isn’t the right call, and leaving Sansa in charge is the smartest option, but he consistently springs his decisions on his council without warning and at some point, some enterprising young lord is going to take note of Jon’s Lone Wolf politics and use that to his advantage.
Speaking of enterprising young lords with armies at their backs, Littlefinger follows Jon down to the crypts where they have a heart to heart discussion about their love of redheads.
Sansa says goodbye to Jon, yet another family member who has abandoned her alone with Littlefinger and his evil clutches. Littlefinger has made his intentions clear in regards to Sansa, on several occasions, and STILL everyone is all, “Yea, he’s creepy, but he probably won’t do anything awful.” And Sansa is all:
Same, girl. Same.
I Hate Uncle Euron
On the boat back to Dorne, Yara and Ellaria play a flirtatious game of cat and mouse that sets my heart on fire. These moments don’t stop Yara from sticking up for Theon, though, and I have to say that I’ve really grown to love how protective she is of her baby brother. Ellaria is ruthless with her “assault” on Yara and part of me is like, “Nooooo. I wanted to see Yara flirt with Dany!” But then I realized I’m mostly just:
I love when women unabashedly flirt with anyone they can. I’m a fan of the female sleazeball and I want Yara to continue being that kind of character.
Of course, before we even get any good lady kissing, Euron shows up like an iceberg in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. As exciting as this sequence was, it was tainted by an overarching feeling of improbability. Yara is one of the best sea commanders in Westeros. She commands a lot of respect from her sailors and when she left the Iron Islands with the best ships in the fleet, one would imagine she’d have competent sailors at each helm. With her sailing the entirety of that fleet down to Dorne, PAST King’s Landing, I find it hard to believe that not a single sailor was sitting in a crow’s nest, keeping a look out for any attacker. They know they are at war. They know that Euron will come after them. How in the world were they so surprised and then completely decimated?
Having villains succeed simply because the plot demands the good guys lose is poor storytelling. Thrones could have come up with any number of reasons for why Yara’s ship was attacked. Instead they went with, “Well, Euron and Cersei have to get a victory so let’s completely destroy Yara’s naval prowess for the sake of their plot.”
The one highlight from the sequence was Theon’s reaction to being confronted by Euron. Theon watched as their men were mutilated, losing ears, tongues, and all manner of limbs, and it reminded him of his time with Ramsay. Many will call Theon a coward for jumping ship, for abandoning the sister that has tried to protect him, to bring him back to his old self, but Theon will never be that self-assured, pompous young man again. After being tortured by Ramsay for years and years, it will be a long time before Theon can think of anything but survival. He’s had his moments of selflessness, like saving Sansa from Ramsay, but when faced with another cruel man like Euron, Theon’s first instinct is to run. And I don’t blame him.
Yara is disgusted and betrayed by Theon’s cowardice, but that act may also be the one that saves her life. If Theon had charged Euron, he would have lost the fight, Yara would have died in the process, and Theon would be another pet for a sadistic lord. By fleeing, Theon assures Yara’s safety for at least long enough for them to rally forces to save her. A man like Euron wants to see the hurt he causes and he definitely wants to see Theon’s face as he kills Yara. Is it the most heroic path for Theon to take? No. But not everyone is a hero. Not everyone can be Jon Snuh charging blindly into a losing battle. We all think that when presented with these tough decisions we’ll make the heroic call, but the reality is, at the end of the day, we’d probably all jump off that ship, too.
Random Thoughts
They mentioned it in the “Inside the Episode” feature at the end of “Stormborn,” but it bears repeating that Dany’s council is the thing of dreams. It’s a band of empowering women who don’t take no shit and dudes who, historically, are seen as weak and not traditional “men.” I love it.
Thrones needs to chill with the quick cuts from gross bodily functions to people eating food scenes. Two weeks in a row is more than enough. (I know I made it worse with my imagery, but Thrones made me do it.)
Christopher Nolan (Interstellar) is approaching rarefied air, that upper echelon of filmmaking where greatness is expected. With no obvious missteps in his impressive repertoire, his subject matter has been varied yet consistent. When extolling the virtues of film, I often cite its ability to educate and inform rather than merely entertain. In Dunkirk, Nolan masterfully brings to screen a significant but relatively unknown (at least to me) World War II battle. The quintessential auteur, Nolan has given us a beautiful film, both in spirit and aesthetic.
It’s the dawn of World War II and German forces have driven the British (and a few French allies) to the outskirts of Dunkirk, France, pressing them towards the beach along the northern coastline. Approximately 300,000 soldiers are stranded, making easy prey for passing bomber planes or foes approaching by sea. Just as 300 introduced me to the Battle of Thermopylae, Dunkirk educated me on the similarly harrowing Battle of France. That battle would eventually become a rescue and evacuation mission code-named Operation Dynamo. It may seem antithetical to describe a war film as beautiful, but the visual elements of the film were stunning. Nolan’s austere backdrop was captured perfectly on 70 mm film, the wider format adding an extra layer of realism while immersing the viewer.
The film is told from three distinct perspectives, beginning with Tommy (Fionn Whitehead), a young British soldier who finds himself stranded at Dunkirk after narrowly escaping from behind enemy lines. The second perspective belongs to civilian Mr. Dawson (Mark Rylance, Bridge of Spies) and his sons George and Peter, private citizens courageously responding to their country’s call to action. The third viewpoint is shown from the perspective of two fighter pilots, Farrier (Tom Hardy, The Revenant) and Collins (Jack Lowden, England is Mine), who don’t hesitate to enter the fray despite being low on fuel, changing course to head into what seems like sure disaster.
War films represent a diverse genre that I’ve come to appreciate over the years. From Saving Private Ryan to Platoon, the genre has consistently raised questions of morality and explored the psychological consequences of warfare, from the grief at losing a comrade to the ethical questions faced when atrocities are committed in the name of patriotism. Some war films focus on battle where others delve into the impact of war on the human psyche. Dunkirk was unique in its brilliant bifurcation of the narrative, fleshing out each character’s emotional motivation as they converged on the beach in successive heart-stopping intervals. War films often show strength in the form of violence or brute force, but there is tremendous quiet strength in just surviving. The ability to simply endure is as human a quality as there is, and Nolan captured this beautifully through Tommy and his dogged will live to live.
Nolan is sort of the anti-Tarantino here, utilizing sparse dialogue and relying more on atmosphere and the attendant action of an epic narrative. He showed two sides of the human spirit: one characterized by hope, resilience and valor, the other fraught with a sense of futility and resignation to an inevitable fate. Each act of survival was a minor miracle, and the emotional resonance of the film cannot be denied. Dunkirk was amazing in its portrayal of the human spirit and in its understated visual simplicity. Buoyed by strong performances (including newcomer Harry Styles), deft direction, and incredibly inspiring source material, Dunkirk lives up to the hype and further solidifies Christopher Nolan as one of best filmmakers to emerge in recent memory.
SHADOWHUNTERS - "A Dark Reflection" - Clary struggles with the idea that her brother Jonathan is pure evil when it appears he is hunting down the mortal mirror for ValentineÕs use in ÒA Dark Reflection,Ó an all new episode of ÒShadowhuntersÓ airing on Monday, July 24th at 8:00 - 9:00 PM ET/PT. (Freeform/John Medland)
KATHERINE MCNAMARA, WILL TUDOR, DOMINIC SHERWOOD
On Shadowhunters this week, Clary and Jace race to find the Mortal Mirror before Valentine and Jonathan do, Maia struggles with her feelings for Simon, Alec lies to Magnus, and Izzy can’t help but feel overprotective of Max.
As season 2 continues to develop in interesting ways, here are the most important things to know in episode 17 – A Dark Reflection.
Clary wants to save her brother
Throughout the entire episode, Clary is adamant about not judging her brother Jonathan even if he has demon blood because he’s only had Valentine to teach him about life. Jace though is not as easily convinced. He thinks the other man is dangerous because of the demonic blood. She then shows the other Shadowhunter the box her mother used to cry over that contained her brother’s baby boots and a lock of hair so that they can track him. However it’s empty when they open it because Sebastian has already taken the contents so that he wouldn’t be discovered.
When he talks to Clary privately about her brother (unbeknownst to her on his true identity), she tearfully tells him that she’s had so much family taken away from her already and if there is any trace of humanity left in him, she wants to save him. Feelings for his sister overtake him and he kisses her, but she pushes him away in surprise soon after. He apologizes and tells her that he will always be there for her. Despite what Valentine tries to tell him, Sebastian genuinely believes that Clary loves him and that he loves her. It is true that in his own way, he loves his sister because throughout his whole life he’d been told that he was a monster who couldn’t be loved and now she’s given him hope that another person truly cares about him. Clary is kind-hearted wants to try and help Jonathan whom she believes is being manipulated by their father.
The search for the Mortal Mirror
As Cleophas is unable to currently fix the Soul Sword that is in Jonathan/Sebastian’s possession, Valentine decides that they need to find the other Mortal instrument, the Mortal Mirror.
With all three relics, he intends to raise the angel Raziel in order to be granted a wish (to destroy Downworld). He sends his son to a warlock named Elliot Norris who owns a bookshop for it’s location. At the store, Sebastian grabs the other man’s wrist to show a sigil of sorts and he demands to know where the Mirror is. The warlock though then casts a ball of flame that sends the younger Morgenstern through the window. Sebastian’s temper flares and he returns inside showing his true form but is stopped from killing Elliot by Valentine who says that they need the other man alive. Despite torture, the warlock is unwilling to reveal the mirror’s location, saying that he promised Jocelyn. Looks like Clary’s mom had also been the one to hide it from her husband’s grasp. Before the Morgensterns can take Elliot back to their hideout, he chants a suicide spell and the sigil vanishes from his wrist as he dies. Angry, Val tells Jonathan to head back to the Institute to scour the archives to find out what happens to that mark.
Sometime later, Clary and Jace arrive at the scene after Dot came to the Institute and showed the duo and Alec the sigil that appeared on her wrist. Dot explains that Jocelyn entrusted Elliot with the mirror and then he in turn entrusted it to her in case anything ever happened to him. She can figure out the location through the mark but it’ll take some time. Clary and Jace then go out to the Ouroboros book shop to see what happened and they find the warlock’s dead body. She also notices dead flowers inside and realizes that her brother Jonathan had been there. Cue Sebastian’s arrival as he says that he saw an alert from the Institute and came as backup.
Back at the Institute, Dot is able to pinpoint a few possible locations for the mirror and Clary recognizes one of them as a park that she used to visit with Jocelyn frequently when she was a kid. Clary believes it’s there because her mom would know that she would remember this location. Soon after Sebastian comes to her room and he says that he’s really sorry about her friend’s passing. She opens up about how people she cares about keep dying and so if there’s any goodness left in her brother she wouldn’t want to lose him too. As mentioned earlier he kisses her, overwhelmed with his own emotions that here’s a person who really cares for him but is rebuked because Clary is still reeling from her break up with Simon and her feelings for Jace. Will Tudor and Katherine McNamara have some real chemistry though and their scenes are such a pleasure to watch. After she leaves, Sebastian takes one of her hair ties in order to track her and get the mirror himself.
He follows his sister, Jace, and Dot to the park where the warlock is able to retrieve the mirror from some kind of hidden dimensional pocket of space. Sebastian then makes his appearance as Jonathan (in demonic flesh form) and tries to take the mirror. He sends Dot flying and then has a blade to Jace’s throat. Clary though is willing to give him the mirror as long as he doesn’t hurt the other Shadowhunter. She tells him that he can take the mirror or he can come with them so that she can try and help him. During this exchange Clary is being honest of course and Jonathan doesn’t immediate kill Jace, possibly because her words are having an effect on him. However the warlock regains consciousness and magically pushes Jonathan away. She then creates a portal for Clary to get out of there (though she doesn’t want to leave) but is pulled by Jace. Dot is left behind with Jonathan holding a seraph blade menacingly.
Alec lies to Magnus about the Soul Sword
As the head of the New York Institute, Alec has been crazy busy trying to find Valentine. In the last episode, his father Robert revealed that the Clave had lied about having the Soul Sword when it was in fact still missing (Sebastian has it). But to prevent a Downworld uprising, the Nephilim are lying because revealing the truth obviously makes them look bad (doesn’t lying about it make it even worse?). When Alec misses a dinner he was supposed to have with Magnus, the warlock heads to his office and brings in dinner instead and chats about how the Downworlder meeting went with the Seelie queen. She went on and on about how the Clave were a bunch of liars but that he and Luke assured her that now with Alec as an Institute head he was going to be 100% transparent with them and that things were going to change. Except of course Alec doesn’t tell him about the sword. He has to find out from Luke who discovers the missing weapon via a fire message from his sister Cleophas. She temporarily was able to break out of her prison inside Val’s current headquarters and uses another Shadowhunter’s stele to get a message out to her brother. Magnus is sure though that there is no way Alec could have known because he would have told him. He goes back to the Institute and confronts his boyfriend, only to leave betrayed and angry. Alec did know and chose not to tell him because the Shadowhunter was afraid of the chaos it could ensue. The Nephilim also tried to explain that he didn’t want to burden Magnus with having to lie to his own people. But by lying he broke the trust between them which is crucial in any relationship. Hurt and upset, Magnus returns to his loft where Luke attempts to calm him down to no avail. The warlock decides that the Seelie queen is right and that they need to tell her that the sword is missing. He goes off to arrange a meeting back at the court.
Simon and Maia, more than friends
After Maia invited herself to Simon’s family dinner in last week’s episode, we all totally thought that her feelings for him were rekindled. She was amazingly supportive and helped the daylighter get through the challenges of having a broken heart and hiding his new status as one of the undead from his family. Simon heads to the Hunter’s Moon and asks the bartender out on a paddle boat date only to be rejected. She tells him that she’s busy with a lot of double shifts and studying. Good on him for asking her head on if she’s too busy to go on a date with him and she answers that she had a lot of fun at his family’s dinner but that she only liked him as a friend. Ouch.
Later on, Simon is helping Izzy out by acting as a target for Max to track and hunt at the boathouse when Maia walks in while they are finishing a meal at the Jade Wolf. She’s obviously a little jealous that he’s hanging out with another girl albeit he was just trying to help a friend out. Izzy senses that these two need to just date already but Simon tells her that Maia doesn’t like him in that way and he’s done chasing girls who don’t want to be with him. Awww Simon!!!! Thankfully, Isabelle goes back to the Chinese restaurant and has a chat with the werewolf. Izzy bluntly tells the other woman that she knows that someone’s hurt her in the past but that doesn’t mean that she should give up on taking a chance. Maia in the meantime is cagey but does say that she lost control at one point and that can’t happen again.
This little chat seems to get through to the bartender as she finally opens up and tells Simon later on that she’s made her fair share of mistakes with guys but now maybe she’s ready to take a chance, provided they go slow. Simon is totally cool with this because he is a vampire after all and has all the time in the world. Maia wonders if the paddle boats are still open and he’s all yes date is back ON. These two are so adorable.
Things are not looking good for Max Lightwood
Oh Max, Max, Max, Max. The littlelest Lightwood has chewed more than he can handle despite having ridiculously great scores in the simulators back in Idris. He’s been training with big sis Izzy and tells her that’s been approved by the Clave for missions now. After the events where he nearly got killed by Kaelie, her overprotective instincts are on high alert. She talks to Alec saying that he can’t possibly let Max go on missions yet but he counters that their younger brother is a soldier like them and they need to treat him like one. Eventually she agrees that she’s can’t protect him forever because they are Nephilim. Max though has a nose for trouble and he eavesdrops in on a conversation between Alec, Jace and Clary regarding tracking Jonathan Morgenstern. Ever resourceful, he proves his talent as he is able to find a single strand of hair in Jonathan’s box and is able to locate him – right to his older brother’s office where Sebastian Verlac is rummaging through the drawers looking for the Mortal Mirror. Not realizing the danger he is in, Max confronts him, saying that he’s Jonathan.
Clary’s been getting visions
At the beginning of the episode Clary dreams that she is drowning in Lake Lyn again and sees another her also in the water. She begins to scream and is woken up by a shirtless Jace who hears her crying out. Clary why are you sleeping with your door wide open for anyone just to walk in? When Clace are back at the Institute after recovering the Mortal Mirror, she opens it and looks within to see a similar scene again. She’s inside the lake once more only this time the Soul Sword is with her trying to skewer her into a Nephilim kebab. Now what could that be about? Clary though realizes that she’s been getting visions and thinks this is a message, maybe from Ithuriel again trying to help out?
Final Thoughts
I will take the shirtless Jace scene for no reason other than why not
Valentine’s relationship with his son continues to be very tricky, he has to be careful to not upset Jonathan into going full on demon when his emotions become too much
Jonathan/Sebastian is kind of like a little lost demon puppy, he obviously doesn’t trust his father but at the same time still craves his love/approval. He is though 100% convinced that Clary is different and that she cares about him and he must be struggling with how to process those feelings because he’s only known how to hate his whole life.
Oh Max!! Book readers know what’s coming but it doesn’t make it any easier to see it unfold on screen. My heart already has major anxiety for Izzy.
Maia’s hints at losing control before over intense romantic feelings makes me wonder if she had turned into a werewolf and bitten a former significant other. This would be role-reversal as in the books she had been the one bitten by ex-bf Jordan Kyle. If so, that would be all kinds of interesting to see.
This week on #WynonnaEarp: “Everybody Knows” hints heavily about whether or not Waverly could be an Earp. Let’s break it down.
Spoilers through Wynonna Earp 2×07: “Everybody Knows.”
Ever since the start of Wynonna Earp, fans have been left with lingering questions: What is Dolls, exactly? Who will Wynonna kiss next? Can I have Bobo’s fabulous coat since he’s no longer of the living? But, midway through the second season, the biggest question on fan’s (and Waverly’s) minds might be: Is Waverly an Earp?
Before Bobo sowed seeds of doubt about Waverly’s family history at the end of last season, Waverly was an undisputed Earp. She was the Earpiest Earp to ever Earp. And, of course, a name doesn’t change who Waverly is at her core, sweet pumpkin with a shotgun that she is, but it might have implications for the future in Purgatory.
During the final episode, with everyone looking for Bobo and Willa, Waverly found him at the old tree houses where Willa was held captive. Cornered, he let slip that Waverly isn’t an Earp:
Bobo: “I used to watch you girls and I would wonder how a man like Ward Earp ended up with so much goodness. And then there was the baby, and I used to think about saving her, too.” Waverly: “Only I wasn’t the Heir.” Bobo: “Oh, Waverly. You’re not even an Earp.”
However, at the time, Bobo was the villain, on the run with Willa to escape the Ghost River Triangle. Throwing a lie like that at sweet, innocent Waverly would have, of course, shaken her the same way that throwing the entire town at Wynonna did. And yet, the delivery, the rapport between Bobo and Waverly, and the sincerity in his voice as he talked about protecting the Earp girls all felt real. Why would Bobo, a man who was planning to leave and never come back, lie in that moment?
It’s the same argument that Waverly makes later to Nicole when she says that she might not be an Earp. Waverly has a long history with Bobo. For most of her life, he was the imaginary friend she played with at the Homestead. We later learned that he did so, at least in part, so that he and other Revenants could set foot on the land, but Bobo is a man of many layers. More onion than parfait, but he’s not all mustache-twirling and villain monologuing. He could have killed the Earp girls several times over and instead he chose to protect them. Waverly knows this about Bobo and chooses to believe his words. When Nicole shows up with the paperwork, Waverly jumps at the chance to learn the truth and maybe understand why no one marked her down on the family growth chart or why her relationship with Willa and her father was so strained.
Whatever the truth is about Waverly’s history, Wynonna Earp has made clear that it is important.
And after “Everybody Knows”, I’m convinced that Waverly IS an Earp, but that she’s also half-Revenant.
Much of “Everybody Knows” is spent dealing with who may or may not be the father of Wynonna’s child. Wynonna and Nicole stalk the “Option B” at a strip club in the hopes of gathering some of his DNA and finding out the truth. Unfortunately for Wynonna, her one-night-stand-maybe-baby-daddy Jonas is also a Revenant. Because I have a habit of over-analyzing everything I watch, I noticed this drunk line by Nicole, and it’s too good to not be intentional:
Nicole: “You’re the Earp heir and he’s a Revenant, so that means the baby…it’s…it’s Waverly.”
It’s a Wynonna Earp classic: hiding the truth in humor and drunken platitudes when the reality of it is staring the characters in the face.
The remainder of the episode finds Wynonna grappling with the fact that she might be the parent of a half-human, half-Revenant. Jonas thinks it’s great news, that they’re the Adam and Eve of a new race, but Wynonna is disgusted by the idea.
Jonas: “A Revenant breeding with a human, unlikely, yea. But rumor is, it’s happened before.“
And then the camera pans to Waverly looking on at the conversation, concerned. Waverly is smart, probably the smartest person on the show because if she doesn’t understand something, she takes the time to learn it. She’s already been shown to be a master of research, even if that research requires her to delve into unknown languages. At this point, with all Waverly has learned about her past, she might already have suspicions that she’s half-Revenant and Jonas’ words would have confirmed her suspicions.
Looking back on the scene with Bobo, before even dropping the bomb on her, he says:
Bobo: “Maybe it’s time for the rest of us to step into the light. Including you.”
Why would Bobo include Waverly in the list of people who need to step into the light? Is it because she’s the third child in a family that only adores the eldest? Or is it because he knows that she is half-Revenant and he wants to see her shine as well?
At the end of the episode, with all that Waverly has learned and experienced, Wynonna’s pregnancy and the potential for a half-Revenant child brings her emotions to the front of her mind. Wynonna comes to terms with having a child that might be half-Revenant because it’s still also half-Earp, but Waverly can’t bear to think that she might be that rumor Jonas mentioned.
Wynonna: “Baby. It’s still weird. It’s an Earp. As Earp as you and me. Hey. You’re Auntie Waverly. Yay! You get to teach this thing it’s history.” Waverly: “What about my history? I don’t think I’m your sister. Or even an Earp at all.”
Her father left and came home with a baby, baby Waverly, so at the very least she thinks she’s only a half-Earp. Is it so far-fetched that Ward Earp, the man who made shady deals with Revenants, was also romantically involved with one? Wynonna was initially disgusted that her child might be a Revenant, so it stands to reason that Ward and Wendy were equally disgusted, but also knew that having the Revenants know about Waverly would be even more dangerous, so they kept her at the Homestead and raised her as an Earp. This would explain why they treated her so poorly compared to Willa and Wynonna and why Willa is openly hostile toward Waverly. Willa would have been old enough to overhear arguments about Waverly or maybe Bobo told her the truth at some point. Wynonna, oblivious cupcake that she is, never would have even considered that Waverly wasn’t her sister.
But Waverly thinks that might be the case.
Have I gone too far with my theories this time? Let me know in the comments.
KILLJOYS -- "The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe" Episode 304 -- Pictured: Thom Allison as Pree -- (Photo by: Ian Watson/Killjoys III Productions Limited/Syfy)
On this week’s Killjoys we learn about the exciting former life of Old Town’s favorite bartender Prima “Pree” Dezz and boy is it memorable!
As a black warrant is issued for John (Aaron Ashmore) while Team Awesome Force is celebrating the younger Jaqobis’s promotion to level 5, a team of Killjoys from outside the Quad arrives and tries to serve our resident nerd. Of course a fight breaks out and Dutch (Hannah John-Kamen), Johnny, and Pree (Thom Allison) escape through the hidden hatch behind the Royale’s counter. The trio then blast off planet through Lucy and hideout in a cluster of asteroids from pursuers.
Pree then suggests that since John needs a place to lay low and Dutch requires recruits for their war, that they should head to Ohron. This planet happens to be the home world of the Ferran, the most badass outlaw mercenaries in the J and only someone from the inside would know the location. Surprise! Pree was a Ferran. We’ve gotten glimpses of his warlord alter ego in previous seasons but only now do we find out what really happened to the barkeep in his past.
They land on a wintry domain and Pree has grown his blonde locks again (I’d really like to know how he does that) and is looking fabulous as always. He fires a shot into the air as a signal and the Ferran appear all around them, having been invisible only moments before. The Royale’s owner announces that he is seeking sanctuary and that he is Prima Dezz though they knew him as Verick. A moment later, a man rushes to kiss him intensely then they break apart and shoot each other. Say whaaaaaat? A little love and war going on I see.
Lachlan, the bearded Ferran who clearly has a history with Pree says that he promised to lead them till death. The bartender shoots back that Verick died in the Jasper Raids and Prima Dezz hopped on a freighter to Westerley. But it seems that was an act of betrayal and the price was death. Pree then says that he can’t deny Johnny sanctuary because he’s being hunted as they all once were. Team Awesome Force is also prepared to pay for their stay through a large cache of weapons. Holding a grudge, Lachlan deems it insufficient and he wants their former leader’s life in exchange for John’s safety.
The trio are taken back to the mercenaries’ basecamp where Dutch then tries to convince Lachlan to join them in the fight against the Hullen. The Ferran believe that they should fight for a just cause and for each other. The Killjoy then gets to the point that this is about Pree abandoning him and that’s why he’s so angry. She knows that he’s killing a good man because of a broken heart and asks where’s the honor in that.
Lachlan decides that his ex-lover will be tried by proxy and there will be two champions, one competing for his life and the other for an alliance against the Hullen. Pree chooses Dutch for be his champion while Johnny must act as the other. She definitely poked the bear and he is hangry. Each champion must go through three trials: strength of mind, body, and spirit. The first test is the is to get a sigil of your opponent without drawing blood. Dutch wins. The second challenge is to build a weapon and then shoot a target while blindfolded. This time John beats her! In the final round, crap gets real as the duo drinks truth jack. We find out that he thinks her hair is too big for her face, he’s pissed about her blocking his level 5 promotion, and he understands how revenge feels good. She reveals that she didn’t think he was ready to be level 5, that she was protecting him from turning into a murderer, and that she didn’t want him to come back because she couldn’t watch him become like her. The younger Jaqobis brother outright says that the war against the Hullen is all to prove to a dead Khlyen that she’s better than Aneela. Dutch doesn’t deny it and only says that she IS better. Before anything else can happen though they are all drugged by the out of town Killjoy from the Royale who’s come to grab Johnny for the black warrant.
When Pree wakes up, his two friends are gone and he gets pissed off when Lachlan says that it isn’t their problem anymore. He displays some fine badass moves which shows us a little of what Verick the Ferran was like. The barkeep briefly has his ex-lover in a headlock. Lachlan though is able to push him off and angrily says that he would have died for him, with Pree saying he knew and that’s why he left. He felt that the other man was born to lead the Ferran and the only way that could happen is if he was gone.
“I left because you started risking your life to protect mine. I wasn’t going to let you die, not for me. For what it’s worth, leaving you burned a hole in my heart.”
Thankfully he convinces Lachlan to help rescue Dutch and Johnny though when they get there she’s already knocked out the other Killjoy with nerve gas and Jaqobis is asleep in cryo. In addition, the Ferran have also agreed to join their side in the war against the Hullen. It seems that Pree is free to go because Verick paid the price, aka he had to put out A LOT. The two men then share a deep passionate kiss with Dutch just sitting there. Awkwaaaaaard.
This was a rich backstory for Pree as the bartender with a deadly past. It does make me wonder who he had been running away from to join the Ferran in the first place. I also love that an LGBTQ character led a group of badass mercenaries in the Killjoys universe because why not? A leader comes in all ages, genders, and races. The show does an admirable job in showing diverse individuals who don’t conform to stereotypes. In an earlier episode this season we saw hackmods who were missing limbs and they were depicted as strong and courageous. So many of them didn’t chose to have enhancements done to their bodies but they weren’t ashamed.
Here’s hoping we get more background stories on other amazing characters as well. I for one would like to know how Turin became a RAC agent!
San Diego Comic-Con 2017 is upon us and yesterday YA authors Leigh Bardugo (Wonder Woman: Warbringer), Marie Lu (Batman: Nightwalker), andMatt de la Peña (the forthcoming Superman novel) were in attendance to discuss their adaptations of some monumental DC superheroes for the DC Icons series.
From publisher Penguin Random House, the DC Icons series features coming-of-age novels on Wonder Woman, Batman, Superman and Catwoman during their teen years.
Bardugo explains that she grew on Wonder Woman through Lynda Carter and that she fell in love with the character, then out of love, and then back in love again with her as an adult. “She means a lot to me, she means a lot to a lot of people. And I think it’s because she’s not just strong, she’s kind and we live in a world that could use a little more compassion with all that strength so it was a real pleasure to write her,” she said.
For more watch the full panel below:
Leigh Bardugo is the #1 New York Times bestselling and USA Today bestselling author of Six of Crows, Crooked Kingdom,and the Shadow and Bone Trilogy.
Marie Lu is the author of the #1 New York Times bestselling series The Young Elites, as well as the Legend series.
Matt de la Peña is the author of Last Stop on Market Street, which won the Newbery Medal. He has also written numerous YA books including The Hunter, The Living, and I Will Save You.
Owners of the Crash Bandicoot N. Sane Trilogy have some excited news to look forward to as developers Vicarious Visions have announced a brand new, never before played level for the original Crash Bandicoot game.
Originally designed, but never released by the Naughty Dog team, Stormy Ascent, has been remastered and updated by Vicarious Visions.
Stormy Ascent will be available for free to download for 30 days. Those who miss the 30 day period will be able to purchase the level afterwards for $2.99.
This week on the return of Game of Thrones: Arya has zero chill, Jon and Sansa argue; Sam does the poop soup shuffle; Dany goes on a long walk.
Spoilers through Game of Thrones 7×01: “Dragonstone.” Duh.
After suffering through the long winter, and spring, and most of summer, Game of Thrones has finally returned. Yea, I know. I’m the 284746th schmuck on the internet to make that joke, but honestly, how do you even begin a recap of the most popular show on television without referencing its delay?
Thanks to HBO, Game of Thrones has always been quality television, but there’s an improved cinematic quality to the series’ seventh season. I’ve often praised shows like Outlander that take the time to let the camerawork tell part of the story, and while Thrones hasn’t been a slouch by any means, the premiere definitely takes its time in showing viewers the beauty in Dragonstone, the detail in the white walkers beyond the Wall, and the disgusting daily routine in the Citadel. Maybe it’s the absence that has made my heart fonder toward the series or maybe there is actual improvement. Either way, I’m happy Thrones is back.
Enough with the sentimental review nonsense. On with the shenanigans.
The seventh season premiere of Thrones wasn’t anything to write home about. Like most of the premieres in the series’ past, it spends a significant amount of time setting up the dominoes to payoff at a later date. Outside of the cold open with Arya and the Hound’s scenes, nothing sticks out as above and beyond, but the lull is necessary for good storytelling. Not every episode can be “Battle of the Bastards” or “Hardhome.”
Arya Stark’s List Just Got Shorter
Thrones ended last season with Arya finally calling quits on her Faceless Man training and using her powers for revenge instead of for the Many-Faced God. While she doesn’t have a degree from the House of Black and White, Arya has more than enough hours in the study of murder to get the job done. If I were a better person, I might think it was almost cruel to kill the Freys while wearing Walder’s face. I mean, he’s fathered at least 90% of the people living at the Twins so having the father kill the sons seems almost too dark for even Thrones, but…nah. I hate that family for killing my girl Catelyn, so I cheered along with everyone else when the Freys died from poisoning.
Of all the characters considered “good” on Thrones, Arya is darkest shade of grey. Sure, she’s bound by her need for revenge against those who have wronged her and the rest of the Starks, but honestly, how different is that from Cersei? Baby girl Stark’s dark descent is most apparent in her dealings with the singing Lannister soldiers she meets on her journey south. Her instinct is to kill them solely because of the colors they wear, but thankfully, she listens to them, shares their food, and comes to appreciate that not all those don the red and gold are the enemy.
It’s the first real time that Thrones has taken a moment to humanize the enemy in the Lannisters. Sure, Tyrion and Jaime are fan favorites, and there was a moment last season with the play in Braavos, but despite the humanization of the Lannister leaders, the army is still seen as a group of monsters. It’s an important moment that reminds us of Varys’ words:
“Why is it always the innocents who suffer most, when you high lords play your game of thrones?”
Winterfell and Beyond the Wall
In the far north, Bran continues his spying routine on the Night King and his army as it marches south for the Wall. Somehow, Bran’s powers have multiplied since the end of last season and now we’re led to believe he’s more Three-Eyed Raven than Brandon Stark? He frightens Dolorous Edd and if the new Lord Commander had any sense, he’d have left Bran outside the Wall. I know it’s been talked about to death, but after Bran inadvertently killed the Three-Eyed Raven, Hodor, AND SUMMER because of the Night King breaking the cave’s protective magic, I kind of just want to see Bran fail. It seems callous to root against the paralyzed kid who kicked off this whole shebang, but there it is. Meera, get the heck out of dodge, immediately.
In Winterfell, the exposition continues, as it does for much of the other areas in the episode. Jon tells his lords that they must begin drilling for dragonglass because it’s the only weapon they can use against the undead army moving perilously close to civilization. He also informs them that they’ll begin training the young ones to fight, including the girls. Lyanna Mormont, patron saint of every Thrones female viewer, gives a loud “fuck yea” and I’m beginning to wonder how long it will be until Thrones kills her universally beloved character.
Jon and Sansa have a spat over how to deal with the Karstark and Umber families since they betrayed Robb and helped the Boltons rise to power. I know that the political climate is different in Westeros but one of the reasons Dany is seen as so successful is because she LISTENS to her advisors. She asks their opinion on any given situation and takes their words into consideration. Jon never asks Sansa OR Davos for an opinion regarding the traitorous houses and because of that, it leads to him getting into a shouting match with Sansa. His humiliation could have been avoided entirely if he had taken the time to brief with his advisors prior to their meeting and also if he had a sassy gay friend.
But seriously, imagine how many problems Jon would have avoided if he’d had a sassy gay friend by his side?
Jon and Sansa discuss their two-front war and Sansa gently reminds him that Cersei won’t take his new rule lightly. Sansa has watched Cersei claw her way out of every bad situation she’s been in and for that, of course, Sansa admires her. Jon kind of heeds his sister’s (cousin’s?) advice but mostly he’s all, “Yea yea that’s great. My problem is more important because I’ve seen it and I’ve never seen Cersei sooooo…” Jon has been shown to be a great leader but his biggest problem is not listening to the issues of those around him. He has an “I’m right, you’re wrong, I’m the leader” mentality that’s already gotten him killed once before. Sansa has learned how to play the political game, so he’d do well to at least listen to what she has to say. Also: Cersei is alive, Ned and Robb Stark are dead. I’m just sayin’.
Also, I’ll fight anyone who talks badly about my girl, Sansa.
But judging by her interaction with Littlefinger, homegirl don’t need my help.
“No need to seize the last word, Lord Baelish. I’ll assume it was something clever.”
All Out Of Children: The Cersei Lannister Story
Cersei Lannister has one goal: Survival. With Tommen committing suicide, Cersei has been reborn as a new ruler, a more callous leader. Before, she played the game to keep her children alive. She dealt with Robert and his rage, she waged war across the seven kingdoms, she made alliances with families she hates, all under the assumption that these actions would keep her children, her reason for being, alive. And every single sacrifice she made on their behalf failed. If her political dealings couldn’t protect her children, why should she continue to do so as the Queen of Westeros?
Anyone who looks at Cersei and her motives would judge her to be insane. Even Jaime can see how unhinged she’s become, so focused on the enemies that surround them at every turn that she can’t see a way out. But I’d argue that now is when she is at her most dangerous. Cersei Lannister has nothing else to lose. Maggy the Frog’s prophecy has come to light and deep down she knows she won’t be long for this world. Which is why she cares only for her legacy. The Lannisters are a proud family that won’t go down without the greatest of fights and it’ll be Cersei who leads the charge. In her mind, she’ll be the one they remember. It’s HER dynasty now. Much like Aerys, Cersei has become the Mad Queen and she’ll stop at nothing to rule.
And it’s that mentality that has led her to entertain a partnership with the equally unhinged Euron Greyjoy.
Rebirth of the Hound
Arya and the Hound were one of the best pairings in Thrones history. Arya brought a bit of morality to the disgraced warrior and he taught her how to survive. The funny thing about them now is that, Arya is the murderer, keen on revenge, and the Hound is the one eying his morality. During his travels with the youngest Stark girl, the Hound robbed a farmer and his young daughter so that he and Arya could survive. Years later, now traveling with Beric Dondarrion, Thoros of Myr, and the rest of the Brotherhood without Banners, the Hound meets that family again, only to witness what his actions have wrought.
Since his interactions last season with Brother Ray and his pacifist followers, Sandor is a changed man. He’s still rough around the edges, but he travels with the Brotherhood because he seems to give a shit. He wants to make Brother Ray’s sacrifice worth it. Because of this, he does the only thing he can to say he’s sorry to the farmer and his little girl: he buries them and says a few nice words over their bodies.
In the abandoned cabin, Sandor questions the Red God and why he would choose someone like Beric over better men who have died and not been brought back. It’s a valid question and one that no one can really answer for the time being. Thoros asks Sandor what he sees in the flames and I think, much like Melisandre, Thoros is a conduit through which the Lord of Light does his bidding. Melisandre clearly had a gift, but she survived because of her tricks and folly to make everyone believe she was more. Thoros has no such pomp and circumstance about his demeanor. He knows the Lord of Light is fickle and that one day he might not grant him the gift to revive his friend. But somehow in this moment he knows that Sandor, a man so terrified of fire he left his post in King’s Landing, will see something important in the flames.
Okay, the reality of the moment is a bit different. Sandor puts his fears aside and sees a genuine vision:
“Ice, a wall of ice. The Wall… It’s where the Wall meets the sea. There’s a castle there. There’s a mountain, looks like an arrowhead. The dead are marching past, thousands of them.”
The best inference from this is that they’ll head to Eastwatch-by-the-sea. Conveniently enough, it’s also the castle that Jon sent Tormund to with the rest of the wildlings. Which, judging by the trailers, is where Jon also goes.
As for the mountain that looks like an arrowhead:
(In all honesty, I am not sure that fight will ever take place. I’m not sure it needs to. With Sandor overcoming his fear of fire, shedding his past, it would be a big step back for his character if he agreed to duel his undead brother.)
Sam Tarly Does The Poop Soup Shuffle
Sam has one of the most significant character arcs in all of Thrones. With his experience beyond the Wall, in the Night’s Watch, and now at the Citadel, he has the potential to offer the heroes of this narrative a wealth of information that could potentially save all of their lives and keep Westeros from becoming the set of the next Walking Dead spinoff. Instead of focusing on the potential of for these developments and being engaged as Sam conversed with Maester Marwyn, the only person to believe him about the impending Winter, I could only see the slop that Sam poured into troughs of feces. I could only hear his gagging as it matched my own during those scenes. Thrones is a series that lacks levity and I know the montage of the poop soup routine was meant to show Sam’s grueling schedule and also infer the passage of time, but…why? Why taint every one of Sam’s scenes, some of which should be so important, with memories that are so disgusting?
Related: I find it incredibly hard to believe that Sam simply wrote off Stannis’ mention of dragonglass, or obsidian, at Dragonstone as unimportant. Jon would brush off a comment like that as nonsense because that dude can’t do anything but be noble and have a gorgeous head of hair, but not Sam. He’s meticulous.
Stannis Had Demon Sex On That Table
Dany arrives at Dragonstone and it’s a beautiful moment for her character. She’s lost two husbands, a child, several friends, her sanity at times, and Jorah Mormont to get to Westeros and now she’s finally arrived.
And she arrives to an empty castle.
I’m not saying that Thrones doesn’t have issues with consistency. A story of this scale is bound to lose track of things or Gendrys here and there. However, Dragonstone being empty seems like a major oversight. With its proximity to King’s Landing, no ruler in their right mind would leave such a castle unattended. In the books, Loras Tyrell lays siege to the keep and even though he’s thwarted a bit by an obstinate castellan, he succeeds in his attack. Cersei would know the importance of the ancestral home of the Targaryens and given recent history, and that it was home to the “pretend king” Stannis, she would have been interested in what he hid there as well. The fact that Dany strides through the castle without even a hint that at least squatters or a 400 year old Melisandre had taken up residency is concerning. Sure, it makes for a less beautiful ending if Dany has to step over the same mess Sam spent the entire episode cleaning up, but Thrones has prided itself on its realism and that moment just didn’t fit into the narrative.
That being said, I still get chills when I hear Dany’s theme and I want so badly for her and Sansa to team up and crush everyone else in the realm.
Random Thoughts
Ed Sheeran was fine. You people with your pitchforks need to get some more chill.
Do we still think Bran has a mark on him and will be the reason the white walkers bring down the Wall? My vote is yes and he’ll reason away that it’s already happened or it needed to happen for the war to finally end.
Related to Sam thinking Stannis’ words about Dragonstone were unimportant: WHY DIDN’T DAVOS SAY ANYTHING TO JON ABOUT DRAGONSTONE? Surely as the hand to Stannis’ King, Davos would have known that Stannis ordered the mines to be opened. He would know that the house sat on top of a cache of weaponry that could defeat the invaders. Why are all these characters acting stupid for the sake of the story tension?
Jorah managed to get to Westeros and get admitted into the Citadel’s leper colony pretty quickly. I’d imagine the waitlist for something so…specialized would be long.
Welcome everyone to the 30th season of The Challenge XXX: Dirty Thirty where thirty of the ‘dirtiest’ players in Challenge history have gathered in Colombia to kick some ass, drink some booze, and stab some backs.
The opening scene for the season is as dramatic as ever and features the most serial killery/ awesome visual ever created.
The contestants are not the only ones who get to have fun. This season on The Challenge, TJ gets to get in on the action too (kind of). For the first time in my recollection, TJ talks directly to the viewers to inform us that he too is going to play this game dirty by lying to the competitors about the prize money. See, the players think they are just playing to win a piece of $350,000, but they are actually playing for A MILLION DOLLARS!! He explains that this “Twist” of lying to the competitors will reveal who “really wants to win” and who is there for the “right reasons.” Are TJ and I watching the same show here? When has The Challenge ever cared about competitors being there for “the right reasons.” This season’s theme is pitting the “dirtiest” players against each other which seems like the literal polar opposite of being there for the “right reasons.” One more note, what exactly ARE the “right reasons?” Has this been defined anywhere?
Anywho, it is time introduce the competitors. First things first, TJ points out that CT is nowhere to be seen. Apparently, he was not allowed into the country because his passport looked “suspicious.” Everyone is fine with this because CT is a fucking beast, and Bananas does not want to be worn as a backpack again. Next, he reveals that standing in front of him are 30 (29) of the dirtiest players to ever play the game, hence this season will be dubbed Dirty Thirty.
Back at the house, the competitors get acquainted with their new house as the viewers get acquainted with the competitors. This season is filled with some old school vets and some new school Are you the One kids (have there really already been 5 seasons of that show?). This includes a pair of Are You The One kids who are currently in a relationship (let’s see how long that lasts) and others. Honestly, I am not going to even try to remember their names until the show gives me a reason to. The vets have their own sordid sexual history to deal with, and by that I mostly mean Cory. Even though the Dirty Thirty hosts three of his ex-showmance lovers (two JUST FROM LAST SEASON), Cory’s libido will never let him down and he now has his sights set on the voluptuous and sexy vet Veronica who is back after a long hiatus. (I had the BIGGEST crush on Rachel and Veronica when I was watching Battle of the Sexes I in HS, and that flame has never fully gone away).
Everyone is extremely disappointed when their night of debauchery is cut short by a text from TJ informing them that their first challenge will commence the following morning at the crack ass of dawn. No one is more upset about this than Ashley, whose luggage was lost in the airport leaving her with nothing to wear. HOW CAN SHE COMPETE WITHOUT HER SPORTS BRA?!?! After having a complete meltdown, and a quick heart-to-heart with Cara Maria, Ashley decides to bow out of the competition.
Ashley’s meltdown is not unexpected, she has thrown a tantrum and threatened to quit each and every season she has participated in. It is a bit surprising that she actually left the show, especially before the first challenge even began. I suspect that there were underlying circumstances that impacted her decision. That aside, Ashley’s concern that she would have no clothes to compete in seemed a bit ridiculous. I am not an expert on reality show production, but I am assuming that they would not force her to compete naked. The show provides the competitors with those UnderArmor personalized jerseys fashioned with the “THE CHALLENGE” logo on it, right? Even if they didn’t, would no one lend her a sports bra and/or sneakers? I’m just really confused with what the real problem here was, hence why I assume there was an underlying issue.
The next morning no one knows where Ashley is, and when they arrive at the challenge, TJ announces that Ashley has officially left the game. As Tony aptly points out, the Dirty 30 has quickly become 28. (Cory could have used those math skills in last seasons finale, am I right?).
The Purge
In the first challenge of the season, not one not two but SIX players will be sent home after The Purge. The Purge consists of three rounds. Round 1: is rolling a heavy ass barrel of gun power up to the top of Tierra Bomba. The first four girls and first four guys to make it to the top are safe. Round 2: the remaining players are randomly split into two teams and have to carry two heavy ass cannons to the top of the fort and the winning team is safe. Round 3: everyone from the losing team needs to carry a heavy ass cannon ball to the top of the fort.
This final round is where “we get to see how dirty the game really is,” according to TJ at least. The winning male (Cory) and winning female (Jenna) from that round gets to pick three out of the four losers to go home. Jenna doesn’t like any of the girls in the bottom and decides to sends home Simone, LaToya, and Amanda (thank fucking god) allowing Jemmye to fight another day. Cory has an easy time sending Devin and Shane home but is more conflicted with the final two players in the bottom, Darrell and Tony. In the end, he chooses to send Darrell home because he knows he couldn’t beat him in a final. I appreciate Cory’s honesty here, and truthfully that must have been a hard choice to make. I am sad that Darrell is going home because he is Darrell and he is awesome, but I am even more upset about Shane because he is so entertaining. Well, maybe I don’t have to be sad for much longer because as it turns out, the eliminated individuals are sent to the “Redemption House” where I assume they have a chance of getting back into the game.
So there you have it guys, The Dirty Thirty has begun and I think we can expect a lot more drama as the season continues.
Other Thoughts:
The emphasis and contrived way that the show keeps insisting how “dirty” the players are is already getting annoying, and it is only the first episode. Some of these players really aren’t that dirty. Jenna even admits that she is not dirty, although she does acknowledge she might be dirty by association with this amazing line “I definitely won’t be robbing the bank, but I will be driving the getaway car.” Derrick hasn’t really done a sketchy move since The Island, I don’t think Leroy has ever really done anything too shady, and Darrell plays the game pretty clean as well. If you looked at the “sending three players” home scenario through another lens, what Cory and Jenna are essentially doing is saving one player, which can be considered a nice thing. That aside, not EVERYTHING has to be called dirty. I lost track of how many times the word “dirty” was uttered this episode which leads me to my next thought….
New drinking game… Everytime anyone says “Dirty” you have to drink
Devin’s line “I am a social genius. I can manipulate anybody, sell ice to an Eskimo” was my favorite line of the episode. The fact that he got sent home after the first challenge made it THAT MUCH BETTER.
If I had to listen to one of those girls scream out “bitch” one more time when entering the Redemption House, I would have gone insane.
Spoilers through Shadowhunters season 2 episode 16: Day of Atonement
In this week’s episode of Shadowhunters, we get a lot of backstory on what happened to the real Jonathan Morgenstern aka the person who has been impersonating Sebastian Verlac.
It was fake Sebastian/real Jonathan (Will Tudor) who blackmailed Duncan into taking the Circle leader to him instead of to the Council (poor Duncan did not survive). In a very musty and abandoned-looking basement, he then revealed his true form to Valentine (Alan Van Sprang), a creature with skin peeled from head to toe and dark dead black eyes.
It’s an interesting storyline where audiences discover that Valentine had experimented on both his biological son and his adopted son Jace (Dominic Sherwood), then sent Jonathan to Edom. One was given demon blood while the other more angel blood. He somehow raised both boys in a remote cabin in Idris while he was in hiding without young Herondale knowing about his adoptive brother. Sebastian/Jonathan goes on to reminisce about how his father exiled him to a demon dimension and it was there where he became the creature he is now.
Apparently, the demons in residence felt that he was too pretty for their world and burned off his skin one layer at a time. Ouch. But hey, they also taught him how to draw power from his demonic blood so they tried to be helpful? He had summoned Azazel in Edom and struck a deal. The former angel would help free him from this dimension and back to Earth and then he would return the favor.
During their father-son bonding time, Valentine admits that what he did was horrific, but to make it up to his child, he would hand over the Mortal Cup. But Sebastian doesn’t care about the cup, he never had. He also reveals that he used Azazel’s attack on Isabelle (Emeraude Toubia) to gain access to the Institute. Sneaky!
The elder Shadowhunter tries to justify his actions by saying that Jonathan was out of control for murdering a young Albert Timberworth. Sebastian counters that it was an experiment because he wanted to see if a 32-foot fall would kill a boy and his conclusion was yes, yes it does. But he also defends himself by saying that it was Val who cultivated his interest in science to begin with. Let’s not forget too that good ol’ dad chained and locked him in the very basement they were in for a year. Valentine then argued that he didn’t know if he was next and Sebastian says that he wouldn’t have killed his own father (well not then anyways). He angrily adds that the other man had a choice and that he chose to protect the other boy (Jace).
Eventually we find out that Clary’s brother plans to send his father to Edom, just like he was sent all those years ago. But before that happens, Valentine grabs the Soul Sword (which activates) and tells his son that he is proud of him and that Jonathan is his greatest achievement. While still holding the weapon, the Circle leader reveals that not a day goes by where he doesn’t regret his actions. Sebastian is stunned of course because it is the truth as his dad has no choice but to speak honestly under the power of the Soul Sword.
This whole time Clary (Katherine McNamara) and Jace have been making their way to the cabin with Izzy joining them only to arrive too late. The Morgenstern men have disappeared without a trace. We next see them inside Sebastian’s apartment in New York where Valentine has just made spaghetti for dinner. The two sit across from one other each with their own devious smiles. Awkward much?
While having Sebastian be sent to Edom is different form The Mortal Instruments novels that the show is based on, it’s not a bad one because in the books he does have deep ties to that realm. Having been given the greater demon Lilith’s blood, he was allowed sanctuary there because it is one of her domains after the creation of the Infernal Cup in City of Lost Souls. In the novels, Valentine didn’t send Jonathan away and kept his son informed most of his plans, it appears that on show the duo end up working together regardless.
This is the most human we’ve seen of Val so far, wherein throughout season 1 and most of season 2 he played an almost one-dimensional villain. How could we believe that he really loved Clary and Jace when he constantly lied and only cared about his agenda. But it was unexpected for his character to grasp the Soul Sword and admit his regret over Jonathan. Even when Jocelyn died he didn’t show any kind of grief. In addition, nothing has scared him until now and we get a sense that here are two predators sizing each other up. But it is clear that he views the young man as a weapon that he intends to use against his enemies. It is possible that he did this out of the need to survive, that if he could convince Sebastian that he cared about him then he would be spared a trip to Edom.
In the novels, Valentine’s cruel parenting turned his kid into a psychopath, though his demonic blood also plays a role. On the show, Sebastian has shown tendencies to be cold and heartless at a young age, which frightened his father enough to send him another dimension. He may have physically become monstrous as a result of his time there, but it is also the act of his father’s betrayal that emotionally and mentally scarred him possibly to the point of no return. The nature vs. nurture theme still translates from the original source to the adaptation. Would he have turned out this way had he been raised by Jocelyn (Maxim Roy) instead? Alas, we will never know.
Their evolving relationship is going to be interesting to watch as we find out whether Valentine is really going to atone for his mistake towards his son, or is he going to continue to be selfish? Sebastian is clearly dangerous and may be holding on to a thin shred of sanity that could snap if his father abandons him again. Towards the end of this week’s episode, Jace shows Clary numerous journals filled with his adoptive father’s notes comparing himself and Sebastian. This shows us how clinical the Circle leader approached his experiments and whether or not he still views them this way remains to be seen.
Alan Van Sprang and Will Tudor both did an amazing job portraying the intensity of their characters and their complicated familial ties. It was such a pleasure to watch and certainly the Morgenstern men are up to no good.
We are 24 hours removed from WWE’s Great Balls of Fire PPV and…pretty much everything’s the same, depending on whether or not the writers are satisfied with what they’ve done and moved on to the next thing.
But probably not.
Let’s see what Monday holds…
We start with highlights from last night’s GBOF PPV where Roman Reigns ran right into the ambulance like Wile E. Coyote rocket skates into a painted tunnel on a canyon to his death before coming back to murder the Roadrunner who limps off like Frankenstein’s Monster, wishing to be left alone.
We are LIVE(!) from Houston, Texas for Monday Night RAW!
Big Cass comes to the ring who JoJo says is “7 Feet Tall and You Can’t Teach That” (trademark pending). Cass sucks up heat which, while loud, is not yet at Roman Reigns levels — but at least the crowd isn’t cheering. Cass asks, “How you doin’?” He says he’s great because what he did to Cass made him feel great. He asks for still shots from GBOF where he handed Enzo his ass. He says that Enzo is now in his shadow. But that’s not the best part. The best part is when WWE refs were helping Enzo backstage because he couldn’t even walk under his own power. Cas stands in the ring and stares up with no remorse. He says he’s now going to the “very top of the totem pole”. He shames fans for not supporting him when he was with Enzo and tells them to not even bother supporting him now. He says that, one day, he’ll be the WWE Universal Champion and when he does become the champ, he’ll shove it down all the doubters’ throats. He says that he’s going to go on to be the greatest in the WWE, appearing on posters, headlining WrestleMania, headlining The Tonight Show and being the top face of the company. He says that NOBODY is bigger than Cass and continues to rant about that until The Big Show shows up to remind us that he’s still with the company.
Cass stands his ground as show glares at him. Cass steps up and gets right in his face. Show headbutts him. Cass runs at him and drags him down to his feet. The two wrestle around until Show gets free and kicks at him in the corner. Show picks him up and goes for the Knockout Punch but Cass manages to squirm away. The two stare at one another.
A really good promo by Cass who isn’t known for his mic skills and a move that makes sense: every WWE “big man” sees a road to the top that goes through Big Show.
Your announcers are Michael Cole, Corey Graves and Booker T and they discuss Strowman’s fate last night as well as Lesnar’s victory.
UP NEXT: Finn Balor vs. Elias Samson
We come back from break and JoJo introduces Elias Samson AND YOU CAN’T TEACH THA–. Nevermind. He strums his guitar and asks who wants to walk with Elias. Nobody really cares much. Elias tells fans to turn off their phones and hold their applause. They clap and turn on their phones. Elias sings about Finn Balor which basically brags about kicking Finn’s ass and interrupting his road to glory. Finn interrupts and walks down the aisle with Michael Cole remarking that he was “The first ever WWE Universal Champion”, reminding us once again that he wasn’t even near worthy enough to be in the B-show yesterday.
Elias Samson vs. Finn Balor Samson lifts Falor up and body slams him all the way across the ring to start. Balor comes back with a headlock and won’t let go. Finally, he does and Balor drop kicks him in the face. Balor gets flung into the corner but counters with a quick Enzuguri. After a commercial break, Balor is in a Full Nelson by Samson but squirms out into a roll-up for two. Balor eblows Samson but Samson tosses him away into a corner, rushing him. Balor kicks him and hits punches and a running dropkick. Balor hits a Pele Kick on Balor in the corner and Samson falls out of the ring. Balor measures and tries for a kick but Samson catches the leg and twists it, sending Balor to the mat. Samson puts on an Armbar but Balor manages to get to the ropes to break it. Samson sets up another but Balor escapes and quickly stomps Samson in the chest to get away. Balor misses an elbow in the corner so Samson just punches and stomps Balor. Balor fights back. Samson quickly rolls him up and nearly gets a fall. Both men have a wristlock and exchange quick shots but Balor gets the upper hand with his Soccer Kick. Sling Blade and a dropkick by Balor and he goes for the Coup De Gras which he hits for the win at 10:06. THOUGHTS: B+. Good, intense work by both men and a gritty, brawling wrestling style which converts nicely into grappling at the end.
Following the match, The Hardy Boyz walks out to greet Balor on the entrance ramp and congratulate him on tonight’s win. Their music hits and they’re up next.
Cole and company talk about their heartbreaking loss last night. Jeff and Matt get on the mics. Jeff says they were one second short in the Iron Man Match. He says everyone in the back probably thinks they’re “OBSOLETE”, which drives the crowd nuts. Matt says they’re here to make a proclamation: they’re not going anywhere. This brings out Gallow and Anderson who says that THEY are the only guys who said the Hardyz were done. They tell “the nerds” to get out of the ring and practice their magic elsewhere. Matt tells them that they’re not 100 percent — and they’re “BROKEN” (OMG WINK WINK GET IT???) and if they want to fight, they can get in the ring now. Gallows and Anderson oblige.
The Hardy Boyz (Matt & Jeff) vs. Gallows & Anderson Matt starts with Anderson. Matt slaps at him and Jeff gets in the ring. The two hit a double side suplex, then a dropkick on Gallows. After break, Gallows has clotheslined Jeff to the mat. All this because Jeff got kicked in the face. Anderson and Gallows hit a double RKO outta somewhere but Matt saves the pin. Jeff his a jawbreaker and makes the hot tag to Matt who comes in punching. He rams Anderson’s head into the top buckle, the middle, then the lower. Clothesline and Side Effect but Gallows makes the save. Matt goes second rope and hits a quick elbow. Matt sets up the Twist of Fate but Anderson counters. Gallows kicks Matt in the back of the neck, Anderson hits the running knee and the Magic Killer ends it at 6:54. THOUGHTS: C+. Not much here.They lost last night and they should have won tonight…right? Jeff failed to make the save…so we’re heading for “broken” territory, right?
Post-match, The Revival shows up and rushes to the ring to beat on the Hardyz further. They knee Matt in the face then put Jeff in the Shatter Machine. Which would mean they’re “shattered”…which is KINDA broken. Right? RIGHT???
UP NEXT: The Mizzies are on, starring The Miz, Maryse and The Miztourage.
Miz presents The Mizzies on MizTV. He says that this is the only award show with credibility since the Oscars snubbed The Marine 5. He names Bo Dallas and Curtis Axel both “Supporting Actors” for their role in the Miztourage. Dallas thanks Miz and thanks everyone else. The crowd, if I’m not mistaken, is seriously or sarcastically yelling “YOU DESERVE IT”. Miz goes to name “The Most Gorgeous, Sexy Lady in Wrestling” and takes FOREVER to name Maryse the winner. She begins to cry and thanks Miz. Miz goes for the final award: Greatest Man in WWE. Miz opens the envelope…and reads Dean Ambrose’s name — just kidding. Miz names himself the winner and goes on his “I’m the truth” rant. He says everyone talks a good game — except Seth Rollins and The Hardyz were all talk. They lost. He won. He says that Dean Ambrose may be the toughest man in WWE. If that’s so, and he beat Ambrose, what does that make the Miz.
Ambrose’s music hits and he rushes the ring, tackling Miz. What, you thought the feud was over? Anyhow, he gets triple-teamed until Seth Rollins shows up to help out. Rollins nearly takes Dallas’s head off with the award podium which looked legit painful. The two stand tall and invite Miz back in the ring.
TONIGHT: Seth Rollins vs. Bray Wyatt. Hooray for giving up PPV matches for free the very next night!
ALSO: Braun Strowman hasn’t been seen since GBOF so Corey Graves says they’ll take a look at the footage to see what they can break down because Strowman is Bigfoot now.
ALSO ALSO: Lesnar/Joe from last night.
NEXT: Sasha and Bailey in action.
Ambrose meets Rollins in the backstage area. Ambrose asks why Rollins helped him out. Rollins says that Miz talked shit about him as well as Ambrose so he came out to help. Ambrose tells Seth to stay out of it and that there won’t be a “SHIELD reunion”. He walks away and Seth looks perplexed.
Sasha Banks & Bailey vs. Nia Jax & WWE RAW Women’s Champion Alexa Bliss Bliss and Banks start. Bliss runs away after Graves gets done telling us what a great champ she is. She throws a weak-looking punch to Banks, then tags Jax. Banks tags Bailey and it’s a four-woman brawl. Banks slaps Jax. Bailey hits a nice top-rope Fame-Asser. After break, Banks chokes Bliss against the corner buckle. She hits a running knee and gets two. Tag to Bailey and a bulldog for two. Tag to Jax and Bailey just runs into her twice. Bailey dropkicks the knee and hits running elblows. Jax sends Bailey out of the ring. Bailey drops Jax’s head on the top rope. Bliss gets back on the apron but Bailey knocks her off somehow. The move looked botched. Jax takes over and splashes Bailey in the corner. Nia puts Bailey in the Cobra Clutch but Bailey breaks free. Jax tosses her into the corner and tags Bliss. Jax tosses Bliss at Bailey who just runs up and slaps Bailey in the face. She chokes Bailey on the bottom rope, then gets two. Jax is back in. Bailey punches at her but Jax headbutts her. Another Cobra Clutch. Bailey breaks free again the same way she did the first time. She runs at Banks to tag but Nia pushes her into the heel corner. Bliss distracts Banks which causes Banks to go apeshit at the referee. Jax beats up on Bailey. Bliss hits Twisted Bliss but Banks makes the save. Jax knocks her out of the ring. Back inside, Bailey rolls up Bliss for the win at 9:24. THOUGHTS: D+. The match got better as it went along but there was little rhythm and what was there was sloppy. This is mainly due to the fact that Nia Jax has terrible in-ring skills and she was stiff as a board. She put Bailey in the Cobra Clutch twice here. It was virtually the same sequence back-to-back. I get WWE’s insistence on putting titles on people whose size outweighs their skills but this is getting ridiculous. The only good thing here was that Bailey got the credit for the pinfall — and even that’s darkly ironic since she and Banks were getting their heads knocked off the entire match and just won because WWE Creative wrote it, so shall it be done. Added to this, Bailey is so far gone as a legit competitor in the Women’s Division, so this really means zilch.
Another Goldust promo. Here, he quotes Reservoir Dogs (“Are you gonna bark all day, doggy, or are you gonna bite?”) and says that R-Truth has barked a lot. When they meet up again, the sequel will be a smash…even though the sequel doesn’t live up to the original.
Cole talks up the Great Balls of Fire PPV from last night and shows us clips from the Ambulance Match that we saw at the beginning of RAW.
When we come back…an update on Braun Strowman.
R-Truth raps. Goldust and his killer cameraman couldn’t get here faster.
R-Truth vs. Goldust Cole proclaims that “Goldust has gone off the deep end”. Really? As opposed to the decades of Goldust where he was perfectly normal? The battle starts in the corner. Truth hits a Stinger Splash and follows up with punches. Dust punches Truth and taunts him so Truth punches him and puts him a corner. Dust gets the upper hand and then cuddles Truth against his body. Dust hits chops in the corner, then snapmares Truth and drops a fist in his face. Headlock by Goldust but Truth gets to his feet and flies at Goldust who hits a big Spinebuster for two. He puts Truth in the corner and punches at Truth’s head. Truth, however, counters with a big Jackknife Powerbomb using the corner as leverage. Crowd is absolute crickets but comes to life as Truth gets to his feet. Truth hits lariats and a Spinning Elbow, He misses the Scissor Kick and Dust clips Truth’s knee. Dust continues to work the knee and taunts him. Truth kicks Goldust out of the ring. Dust jumps back in and gets hit with a Heel Kick and a Scissor Kick for a close fall. The two grapple and Dust tosses Truth into the ringpost. He hits The Final Cut for the win at 5:40. THOUGHTS: C+. Solid, no-bullshit match between two mid-card vets. It ultimately means nothing (the intensity and rage from Truth was lacking and Goldust seemed to be having more fun here) but I enjoyed this for what it was.
Kurt Angle comes out to the ring for a briefing on last night. He calls Great Balls of Fire awesome and says he can’t wait for next year’s event. He’s the only one, I think. Angle says that Braun refused medical treatment but the show must go on. Angle brings out Brock Lesnar and Paul Heyman. Kurt says he has memories of Lesnar beating him so many years ago. He probably took years off of Angle’s life. Angle congratulates Lesnar. The two shakes hands. Heyman asks if there’s anything else. Angle wants to know who should challenge Lesnar for the Universal Title at SummerSlam. Because that’s how it works here now. Heyman mocks him for this, calling it a “creative meeting”. Heyman says they should probably just leave him to his personal problems. They go to leave the ring.
Cue Roman “The Ripper” Reigns who has got to be wanted in 15 states for what he did last night. Heyman is incredulous. Angle says that they’re not done yet — but turns to Roman and goes full Lando Calrissian on him, saying he has a lot of guts to come out here after what he pulled. Roman says that he’s done nothing and that Angle has blown everything up. Roman says Angle should thank him because Roman’s the only person who can handle Strowman — especially since Angle’s never around to do so. Lesnar tries to get in Roman’s face but Angle separates them. Reigns wants his favor repaid. He wants Lesnar at SummerSlam. Heyman likes it. Lesnar doesn’t. Lesnar asks if Roman deserves a title shot. Lesnar says that this promo is as close as Reigns is gonna get to the title.
Cue Samoa Joe. Joe says everyone in the ring is living in fantasy land. He’s here to bring everyone into reality. Lesnar: “Reality is that I KICKED YOUR ASS LAST NIGHT.” Joe says Lesnar escaped. Lesnar says he did. Heyman interrupts and says Joe will never see another title match with Lesnar again. Lesnar gets right in Joe’s face. Angle steps between them. Joe tells Heyman to look him in the eye. He claims to have Lesnar’s number. Reigns: “You have his number? You really showed that last night.” Joe says Roman’s awfully mouthy for a guy who got his ass kicked by Strowman last night. Roman: “Look at me…then look at Strowman — IF YOU CAN FIND HIM.”
The two nearly come to blows but Angle breaks them up and tells both of them to quit fighting. He makes a match next week: Roman vs. Joe for the right to face Lesnar at SummerSlam. They continue to lunge at one another and Angle yells at both of them not to fight because he’ll cancel their match next week if they do. The two men don’t listen so Angle tells both of them that this is their shot at the title and their ticket to SummerSlam and asks them if it’s worth dumping their chance down the drain just so that they can fight tonight. The two men back off and the segment ends.
AMAZING promo work here by all parties involved. Every single wrestler here was on top of their game and their personal credit went up a thousand points. Lesnar was surprisingly great on the mic, showing off a rare human side of his character, upping the cockiness and both Joe and Reigns had the unenviable task of still being relevant after clean losses last night. The interaction between the latter two was great and the perspective laid down by both of them (Roman mocking Joe for his denial of the facts only for Joe to explain that Lesnar barely walked away from the fight; Joe coming back with the cold truth that he wasn’t the only guy who lost, pushing Roman to rhetorically ask Joe who walked away from the Ambulance Match) showed why each guy has a claim to Lesnar’s title. Incredible work here.
The announcers talk about what they just saw — and Corey walks away from the table, concerned, staring at his phone. When we come back from break, Angle is backstage, staring at his phone. Graves approaches him and Angle is distraught. He has no idea “how to deal with this” and says he “might have to go public.” Angle says all will be revealed next week but he’ll probably be saying “good-bye” at the same time. Graves is confident that “everything will be fine”.
Akira Tozawa (w/ Titus O’Neil) & Cedric Alexander vs. Noam Dar (w/ Alicia Fox) & WWE Cruiserweight Champion Neville Alexander and Dar start. Fox yells at Dar from the side of the ring. Titus yells. Everyone yells. Suddenly, we’re watching Total Divas. Dar gets hit in the face. He escapes from the ring and hugs Fox outside the ring. Alexander follows him but Dar gets back in the ring. Tag to Akira and it’s a nice trip-to-dropkick double team combo by Alexander and Akira. Akira stomps Dar in the corner. He twists Dar’s arm but Dar breaks it and tags in Neville. Akira immediately hits a Frankensteiner and Standing Senton. He rushes at Neville who hits a Drop Toehold, sending Akira into the middle buckle. After a long commercial break that sucks up half the match, Akira is locked in an armbar by Neville. Akira fights out. Akira runs and boots Dar, then takes out Neville. He makes a hot tag and in comes Cedric. Cedric flips around like he’s on ABC’s Wide World of Sports, then goes top rope. Both Dar and Neville end that noise real quick. Neville goes for a Superplex and both men fall off the top buckle. Cole says “this happened last night!” Cedric dives at Dar outside which Cole says is “ALSO like last night!” Akira knocks Neville down ALSO LIKE LAST NIGHT! Senton Bomb from Akira wins it at 9:33 which TOTALLY HAPPENED LAST NIGHT!!! THOUGHTS: D+. Like a late-card match on Saturday Night’s Main Event, this is filler. Not bad but this was booked so Akira would get a little Hair of the Dog. Cole reminding us four fucking times that “all of this happened last night” doesn’t exactly make me excited.
We take a look back at tonight’s MizTV segment.
Rollins is backstage and says he didn’t go to the ring to save Ambrose. He went out to shut The Miz the hell up. He says that Bray is a fraud and a coward and that cheap shots to his eye don’t change anything.
So here’s Bray with a retort. Bray says that sin and regret are all that’s left of Rollins. He says that Rollins’ fate is his to toy with. He will not be forgiven for his sins. Also, he’s here.
Bray Wyatt vs. Seth Rollins This is a “very important battle”, according to Cole, despite the fact that there’s no real point to this feud and this is the second match between the two in two nights. Bray backs Seth into a corner, then lets go. Rollins comes back with punches in the opposite corner. Bray fights back with blows of his own — but runs into a Superkick of sorts for two. Bray gets back into the ring and manages to hit a nice dive at Rollins, Bray goes into Spider Mode even though Rollins can’t see Bray doing it, diminishing any impact it should have. Sister Abigail turns up nothing and the fight spills outside. Rollins goes after the “hand that did damage to his eye”, which is the most substance this feud has had thus far. More hand torture and the fight goes back outside again. Rollins works on the hand some more, slamming Bray’s hand into the steel steps. Back in the ring, Rollins goes for a Springboard move only for Bray to catch him and hit the Uranage, the move that finally has a name. Bray “rests to heal his hand” according to Cole as we go to commercial.
After the break, Rollins is in a chinlock and the crowd is doing The Wave. Then it’s a Sleeper by Bray that Rollins escapes from and hits a dropkick. Bray gets to his feet and he whips Rollins into the corner, splashing him for two. Cole notices that that Bray’s hand still isn’t fully usable, apparently unaware that human beings aren’t Wolverine. ANOTHER long Sleeper spot but Rollins gets to his feet. Bray headbutts him and Rollins gets to the corner buckle. Bray goes for the SHADES OF COWBOY BOB ORTONPLEX but Rollins fights out and starts hitting kicks back on the mat. Rollins and Bray get to their feet and Rollins beats Bray with punches and kicks, capped with a Sling Blade. Bray goes outside so that Rollins can hit the requisite Sucide Dive. Back in the ring, it’s a Springboard Flying Jalapeno and a two count by Rollins. Rollins hits a clotheslines in the corner and a Blockbuster. Two count. Rollins goes top rope but Bray leaps up and punches Rollins. Bray pulls him to the mat and Rollins counters with the Falcon Arrow for two. Bray goes for Sister Abigail again but Rollins counters it. Suddenly, Bray jabs Rollins in the eye and it’s Sister Abigail for the win at 16:57. THOUGHTS: B-. The duel between the two guys here was far better than last night’s Great Balls of Fire. That’s because there was more focus and determination from both guys with regard to the scripted hatred. Was that so hard to do last night?
Post-match, Bray vanishes after his video cut…and Miz and his Miztourage are here to get at what’s left of Rollins. They jump him and get their licks in until Ambrose shows up with a chair to chase them off, getting a nice four or five heavy chair shots to The Miz which means the letter grade of this show is going up based on that alone.
Backstage, Angle talks to someone on the phone about what’s going down next week. He tells whomever he’s talking to to “be there” and “whatever happens, happens”.
OVERALL: B-. A decent follow-up show to Great Balls of Fire that kept the crap to an absolute minimum. The promos were long — but they were GREAT and paid off. Cass grew up tonight, the big guys all showed their mettle and The Miz segment ended with a satisfying beatdown and a familiar alliance. The promos, however, overshadowed the wrestling which was pretty good but not great. But when you’re building toward one of the Big Four, that matters little. This show was entertaining tonight.
SHADOWHUNTERS - "A Problem of Memory" - Simon goes down a dark path while Alec and team prepares to transport Valentine in ÒA Problem of Memory,Ó an all-new episode of "Shadowhunters" airing Monday, July 10th at 8:00 - 9:00 PM ET/PT. (Freeform/Ian Watson)
EMERAUDE TOUBIA, EILEEN LI
In this week’s Shadowhunters, we meet Aline Penhallow, discover the real identity of the Sebastian imposter, Simon gets into some hot water after his breakup with Clary, Valentine almost gets sent to Idris, and Alec and Magnus get honest.
Sebastian’s (Will Tudor) mother was Aline’s father’s younger sister. However, both his parents died and he was raised by his paternal aunt, Elodie Verlac. Aline (Eileen Li) in the meantime was the only child of Jia and Patrick Penhallow, who had been heads of the Beijing Institute for a time before moving to Alicante.
In tonight’s episode, she appears at the New York Institute and is warmly greeted by Alec (Matthew Daddario) and Isabelle (Emeraude Toubia). The siblings seem to have known her for many years, which goes along with the books where Aline was childhood friends with both Lightwood siblings. She explains that she would have told them in advanced that she was coming but didn’t want to spook her cousin Sebastian. He apparently disappeared for half a year without a word. Obviously he’s taken by surprise because well, he’s not the real Sebastian! Aline’s sternness is just for a moment though as she quickly gives him a big hug. The other Shadowhunter tells him that his Aunt Elodie has been sick with worry and that they had thought he was dead. When they heard that he was in New York but still hadn’t called, his aunt sent her over to check on him.
His cousin asks if he is really a yin fen addict and he uses this to his advantage by looking uncomfortable. Izzy comes to his rescue by saying that he’s clean now. Sebastian then adds that he felt terrible and knew he should have called but was too ashamed. Sensing something else, Aline comments that there is something different about him. Izzy though jumps in again and tells her about how he saved her life and helped them defeat a greater demon. Will Tudor does bashful adorably fyi. Sebastian then says that he’ll fill her in on all the gory details over dinner. He then runs back to his apartment to make the real Mr. Verlac tell him everything about Aline Penhallow.
Awhile later when the two “cousins” are on their way to dinner, she tells him that she’s still really worried because he’s the most rule-abiding person she knows and his sudden disappearance just doesn’t add up. He explains though that he’s happier than he’s ever been and that he’s not proud of what he’s done but thinks that she of all people should understand. Aline asks why and he recalls when he went to Alicante and she was secretly seeing a girl named Carolyn. Everyone apparently just believe that she hadn’t found the right boy, revealing that Aline is attracted to women. Sebastian goes on to say that she should know how it feels to seen as one way and being the exact opposite on the inside. He admits that he likes to take risks and that the yin fen was a mistake but it led him to his destiny here. The guy then cleverly maneuvers a way to get rid of his cousin by explaining that he had spoken to Elodie Verlac who sounded heartbroken and if she could spend a few days with her to make sure his aunt would be ok. Aline, taken in by the moment agrees without hesitation and says that she can leave tonight. He does tell her that she shouldn’t leave until they have dinner at an Indian place nearby, which is her favorite cuisine.
Meanwhile, the real Sebastian manages to free himself from his bindings, now worried for his cousin’s life. Sadly though, the pretend version of him catches up and stabs him in the back just as he makes it onto the grounds of the Institute where Aline is bidding Izzy farewell as she leaves for London.
WARNING: The Mortal Instruments and The Dark Artifices Series SPOILERS AHEAD.
We first met Aline in City of Glass when the Penhallows were housing the Lightwoods and Sebastian in Alicante. They were visiting Idris for the signing of the Tenth Accords. During this time she had kissed Jace in an attempt to see if she could be attracted to men and had been interrupted by Clary. When demons attacked the city she was knocked unconscious and almost raped, but thankfully Isabelle was able to prevent that from happening. In the same night, Sebastian killed Max Lightwood and in disbelief she contacted his Aunt Elodie who then sent over some of his belongings and pictures of him. Aline then realizes that the Shadowhunter she knew as her cousin was an imposter and tells Clary. She also explains that she didn’t have feelings for Jace.
After the Mortal War, her mother Jia was appointed the new Consul and she was able to come out to her parents as being lesbian. She begins to date Helen Blackthorn, a Shadowhunter who was half Nephilim and half fairy. During the Dark War, Aline was in Alicante with Helen and helped take care of the younger Blackthorn children: Julian, Tiberius, Livia, Drusilla, and Octavian as well as Emma Carstairs who were all orphaned after Sebastian’s attack on the Los Angeles Institute. However, after Valentine’s son was defeated the Clave voted to send Helen to Wrangel Island to study the wards. She followed a year later and eventually Helen proposed to her. They were married in Idris after the eldest Blackthorn sibling agreed to go to the Shadowhunter Academy and tell the story of her parents and serve as an example of the Clave’s distrust of fairies as a temporary pardon.
Some years later during the events in Lord of Shadows, Aline and Helen were called to Alicante to give testimony on the wards after Diana Wrayburn tells Jia about the blight in Brocelind Forest that was likely done by the Unseelie King. They were present during the interrogation of Annabel Blackthorn through the Mortal Sword and her subsequent breakdown from the mental stress. Diana had hoped that Aline could take over running the Los Angeles Institute so that Helen could be with her family again but that is very much up in the air. Shadowhunter Zara Dearborn and her father wanted the position for themselves in order to be able to introduce a law to the Council that would require Downworlders to be listed in a registry. This was their attempt to control vampires, werewolves, warlocks, and fairies under their authoritarian rule.
Currently Aline and Helen’s fates are unknown given the growing problems in the shadow world. We’ll certainly find out more in the third book in The Dark Artifices series, Queen of Air and Darkness.
Her appearance on the Shadowhunters though is a welcomed one, not only because we found out truly who Sebastian was (he revealed himself as the burned demon-blooded son of Valentine Morgenstern after he had Duncan portal the Circle leader to an unknown location) but also because it’s great to have more diverse representation on the show. To have a Shadowhunter who is Asian (she is half-Asian in the books), female, and lesbian is important to present a wide array of characters inhabiting the world going through situations that many people face in real life. Here’s hoping this isn’t the last we see of her!
Welcome to the first wrestling review on Matt’s Entertainment. It’s only fitting that it coincides with the first “Great Balls of Fire” PPV event WWE is giving us. Ironically, the lame name of the PPV runs in juxtaposition with a really good card. Let’s see if the event lives up to billing.
We start with a clever montage giving us “movie trailer previews” of tonight’s match-ups. This is all set in a drive-in movie theater because if Vince is anything, he’s topical.
LIVE from The American Airlines Center in Dallas, Texas. Wonder if the slogan is “At least we’re not Delta.”
Michael Cole, Corey Graves and Booker T are your announcers.
We’re introduced to the foreign announcers (referred to as “international flair” by Cole as if this is a brand-new thing):
GERMAN: Carsten Schaeffer, Calvin Knie, Tim Haber
SPANISH: Carols Cabrera, Marcelo Rodriguez
Bray Wyatt vs. Seth Rollins Rollins tosses Bray around to start which just makes Bray laugh. They continue on and Bray hangs upside down and Rollins acts frightened instead of, I dunno, kicking Bray’s head off because he’s seen done for four straight years. The fight drops outside the ring ropes and Rollins gets knocked, face-first, into the ring steps. Bray follows up the attack and puts him back into the ring for a headlock. Rollins breaks it but Bray chops at him and sends him into a corner. The two climb the buckle but Rollins fights back. Bray finally wins the battle and hits a SHADES OF COWBOY BOB ORTON WHO INVENTED THAT MOVE SUPERPLEX for two. Rollins fights to his feet but Bray just knocks him outside the ring ropes, then DDT’s him for a two count. Bray misses the Reverse Running Senton and Rollins gets to his feet. He rushes Rollins who sends Bray outside. Back in the ring, Rollins and Bray each try for a suplex but that’s not happening so Rollins hits a running dropkick, sending Bray outside and, of course, that means Rollins needs to hit the Suicide Dive and he does. Back in the ring, Rollins gets a two count after a flying fist to Bray’s face. Rollins hits the Blockbuster and gets two as Graves speculates that Rollins, much like Bray “is starting to feel frustrated for not getting a fall”. We’re at 8 goddamn minutes, Corey. This isn’t The Undertaker vs. Michaels. Bray goes for Sister Abigail but can’t lock in the initial move where he takes two minutes to make out with his opponent so Rollins hits the Falcon Arrow. He goes top rope but Bray knocks him off and then hits a Gutbuster for a near fall. Bray hits the Spinebuster and gets two, then goes into Human Spider Mode and starts slapping at Rollins, yelling at him to “fight”. Rollins finally does but Bray knocks him away, thumbs him in the eye and hits Sister Abigail for the win at 12:07. Thoughts: C+. Solid match but there was really no point to this match. For weeks, Bray’s been yacking about Rollins “losing faith” and “committing blasphemy” but that doesn’t even begin to translate to any type of in-ring “story” here. This felt like a RAW match and a glorified squash in a way. Even more unfortunate is just how far Seth is beginning to fall.
We get an ad for the next PPV: Battleground.
WWE cares.
We get an interview with the Hardyz backstage where they say they “make history and break bars”. I’m pretty sure that’s “set bars” but what do I know?
We get the build-up for Enzo vs. Big Cass.
Enzo comes out first and does his usual shtick which seems so sad now for some reason. He says that SAWFT debuted in this very arena a year ago.Tonight ain’t love, though. This is war and all’s fair in love and war. Enzo tells “all the kids” that “life ain’t fair”. His favorite song is “That’s Life” by Frank Sinatra because it mirrors real life. One of the lyrics is “Riding high in April/Shot down in May” and that’s like his life. He ended up injured with a concussion. Then he came back. Enzo says his real life has become better than his dreams which is why he sleeps with his eyes open. Enzo says he’s not gonna “roll over” like Sinatra says in the song. He’s gonna spread his wings and fly. Enzo nearly has a massive coronary proclaiming that Cass is “only 7 feet tall” and that’s all he will be. And despite his size, Cass will always be in Enzo’s shadow.
Enzo Amore vs. Big Cass The two guys stare each other down. Enzo runs at Cass who just clubs Enzo across the back. Enzo tries jabbing Cass in the corner but gets shoved away and tackled. Cass puts Enzo in the corner and stomps a mudhole in him. Cass puts Enzo in a chinlock then drops him into another corner. Cass hits a Fallaway Slam, then runs and splashes Enzo in the corner. He tries again but Enzo slumps down to the ring mat. Cass just stops himself and starts slapping at Enzo then beats the crap out of him as Enzo is draped across the turnbuckle. Cass continues to push Enzo around then stands him up, hitting a huge Gorilla Press Slam, tossing Enzo out of the ring. The referee takes forever to count to nine and Enzo barely beats the count. But that’s all for naught. Cass just kicks Enzo’s head off his shoulders and gets the win at 5:21. THOUGHTS: D+. Nothing but a squash match for Cass and that’s what it should have been. The match sucked but works beautifully on a storytelling level. Enzo’s newfound optimism is challenged by the reality that Cass is simply better than he is and I look forward to see how this progresses.
We get a teaser for the Kurt Angle documentary.
The Hardy Boyz (Matt & Jeff) (challengers) vs. Sheamus & Cesaro (champions) in an Iron Man Match for the WWE RAW Tag Team Championship The rule is that the most falls in 30 minutes wins the titles. Sheamus and Matt start out but Cesaro distracts Matt giving Sheamus a Brogue Kick and a fall at just 19 seconds. (1-0 Sheamus/Cesaro) Jeff comes in and initially gets beat up but Jeff fights out of the double-team. Cesaro plants Jeff in the heel corner and it’s a tag to Sheamus. Jeff beats him into the Hardyz corner where it’s a tag to Matt who comes in with an elbow to Sheamus’s arm. Matt sends Sheamus out. Matt goes outside and slams Sheamus’s head against the mat with the crowd yelling “DELETE” with every slam. Back in the ring, Matt goes for a Twist of Fate but Sheamus reverses it and Matt has to hit a DDT instead for two. Tag to Jeff and it’s a Rocker-like double-team for two. Jeff tries an armbar but Sheamus just slings Jeff out of the ring. Cesaro attacks him so Matt attacks Cesaro. It’s a brawl outside with Cesaro hitting an uppercut. Back in the ring, Sheamus and Cesaro take turns wearing down Jeff and Cesaro hits a Gut Wrench Slam for two. Tag to Sheamus and he hits a Flying Kneedrop for two. Cesaro gets back in and he stomps at Jeff, then boots him out of the ring. The match grinds to a halt so WWE shows us how Sheamus and Cesaro went up 1-0 with 19 seconds off the clock. Sheamus and Cesaro hit a double clothesline for two and Cesaro hits Submission Move #7 with 21 minutes left on the clock. Cesaro boots Matt in the face, knocking him off the mat. Jeff manages to get away from Cesaro after a Back Bodydrop but Jeff has nobody to tag. The two heels hit Super White Noise on Jeff for a second fall at 9:30. (2-0 Sheamus/Cesaro) Sheamus tries to shouldertackle Jeff but misses and hits the turnbuckle instead. Jeff goes for the tag and both sides do so. Matt hits several headbutts and rams Cesaro’s head into each turnbuckle one after the other. Cloethesline in the corner and a two count. Double Axehandle off the ropes. Two count. Tag to Jeff and it’s the Side Effect and Twist of Fate after knocking Sheamus off the mat. That’s good for a fall at 12:31. (2-1 Sheamus/Cesaro) Jeff beats on Sheamus in the corner and hits a nice springboard dropkick for a close fall. The Hardyz hit a double suplex for another close fall due to Cesaro saving it. They knock Cesaro off the mat. Matt and Jeff combine for a Suicide Senton to the outside. Outside the ring, Matt slaps Sheamus around and hits an uppercut. He tosses Matt back in but Cesaro grabs Matt and throws him into the VideoBuckle. The ref counts to ten faster than any ref in history and it’s a fall by countout at 16:51. (3-1 Sheamus/Cesaro) Back in the ring, Cesaro suplexes Matt and gets two. Sheamus and Cesaro each stomp Matt who tries to drive for a tag to Jeff but Sheamus stops him and applies a headlock. Sheamus hits two of the Ten Beats needed for a Baurin and then just shoves Matt outside. Cesaro beats up on Matt outside with a running uppercut as we have 10 minutes left. ANOTHER headlock and Matt breaks out and hits the Side Effect — but only gets two. Cesaro boots Jeff in the face across the ring after a tag, then hits the Sharpshooter on Matt — but Jeff makes the save. Matt tries to tag Jeff but Sheamus pulls Jeff off the mat which isn’t a DQ even though the referee saw it happen. Cesaro goes for a running uppercut but Matt catches him, locks his arms and tags in Jeff for a double team Backslide/Pin Combo and a fall at 23:06. (3-2 Sheamus/Cesaro) Jeff and Matt begin to play the two at their own game, interfering with Cesaro outside and nearly hitting two falls. Matt tags himself in after Jeff gets decked by Sheamus and Matt hits a Tornado DDT with 5 minutes left. It gets two. Cesaro gets in the ring but Matt dumps him out. Sheamus throws Matt into the turnbuckle and climbs up but Matt knocks him down and hits a Reverse Moonsault but Cesaro makes the save. Matt is barely on his feet and pulls Sheamus to the turnbuckle with 3:30 left in the match. Matt slaps at him and the two climb the buckle and Matt hits a HUGE Twist of Fate for the tying fall at 24:09! (3-3 Tie) Two and a half minutes to spare here. Sheamus is on the mat with Jeff going top rope. Cesaro pulls Sheamus out — so Jeff just dives at both of them outside. Sheamus is rolled back in. Jeff goes top rope again. Matt goes top rope on the other side and it’s a Double Frogsplash! Jeff goes for the pin but Cesaro makes the save. Cesaro uppercuts Matt but Matt kicks out. Jeff hits a Flying Swanton on Sheamus but Cesaro is the legal man and he rolls up Jeff WHO IS PERFECTLY FRESH for a three-count for a bullshit fall at 29:21. (4-3 Sheamus/Cesaro) Cesaro runs out of the ring and Jeff who is fresh as plucked fucking Butter Lettuce runs after him. He chases Cesaro into the ring, hits Twist of Fate but it’s about three seconds too late and Cesaro and Sheamus retain at 30:00. THOUGHTS: B+. A great match which started incredibly slow and weak and got better at the end — with a really terrible finish which would have made more sense had Cesaro hit a devastating move on Jeff BEFORE HE PINNED HIM. But “That’s Life”!
We get the build up for Bliss vs. The Boss. The producers aren’t even bothering with playing Great Balls of Fire anymore so either they’re tired of it or WWE lost their rights to play it.
MOAR ANNOUNCE TEAMS!
PORTUGUESE: Marco Alfaro and Roberto Figueroa FRENCH: Ray Rougeau and Jean Brassard JAPANESE: Shun Yamaguchi and Funaki HINDI: Obaid Kadwani and Shez Sardar RUSSIAN: Moti Margolin and Zhan Pomerantsev CHINESE: Meng Ai and Sean Deng
Sasha Banks (challenger) vs. Alexa Bliss (champion) for the WWE RAW Women’s Championship Lots of grappling and a shoulder tackle by Bliss. Banks comes back with a dropkick and Bliss is already outside, taking a breather. Back in the ring, Banks hits a weak armdrag and gets two. Banks drops Bliss on her face. Bliss fakes a completely broken arm (and, SHIT that looks real) and then clocks Banks in the head when Banks gets too close. Ouch. Bliss tries the Backstabber but Banks counters into the Banks Statement. Bliss rolls out of the ring and then tries to walk away from the match. Banks chases and tries to toss her into the ring but Bliss trips her and Banks’ head hits the edge of the mat. Back in the ring, the two trade punches but Bliss drops knees in the middle of Banks’ back for two. Banks gets to her feet and rolls Bliss up for two. The two grapple and counter one another and Bliss whiplashes Banks backwards and gets two. Bliss goes for a suplex but Banks reverses it. The two get up and brawl back and forth with Banks hitting double knees on Bliss followed by dropkicks. Banks hits a Side Suplex and running knee for two. Bliss comes back and hits a beautiful Falling Sunset Flip pin for a VERY close fall. Bliss goes top rope but ends up running into the knees of Banks who immediately locks in the Banks Statement. Bliss gets to the ropes about 30 seconds later and the fight moves outside. Bliss taunts Banks who tosses her into the crowd barrier. Banks rolls her back in but Bliss escapes and goes back outside. Banks walks over to her but Bliss slaps her away and then just sits there and sucks up a countout at 11:49. THOUGHTS: C+. A match that had intensity and was ruined by another shit finish. And would it be too much to ask for a babyface to “win” tonight?
Post-match, Banks is pissed and attacks Bliss. The two fight to the announce table. Bliss tries to put Banks through the announce table but that doesn’t work and Banks knocks her to the ground and hits double knees to her on the floor. Jesus, Sasha…please stop trying to kill yourself.
We recap the Kickoff Show Cruiserweight Championship Match where, yes, Neville the Heel won.
The Miz (champion) w/ Maryse & The Miztourage (Bo Dallas & Curtis Axel) vs. Dean Ambrose (challenger) for the WWE Intercontinental Championship This isn’t a good night for babyfaces. Not one bit. Ambrose immediately goes outside and attacks Axel. THen he goes inside to take out Miz before going outside to take out Dallas. Then he beats up Miz inside the ring and goes top rope. Axel distracts Ambrose so Mix knocks Ambrose down. Headlock by Miz but Ambrose breaks out and rolls up Miz for two. Miz hits a quick DDT for two as the crowd just dies. Ambrose tries to get to his feet but Miz just kicks him. Miz misses a running kick and Ambrose rolls him up for two. Miz comes back with the Corner Clothesline, then tries a Double Axehandle off the ropes, ending up in Dirty Deeds. Miz breaks it and Dean clotheslines him. Ambrose puts Miz on the top buckle and hits a Super Double-Hook Suplex for two. The two counter one another and Miz dropkicks Ambrose in the knee. He puts Dean in the Tree of Woe and hits dropkicks to Ambrose’s bad knee. Ambrose comes back with a clothesline. Miz counters Ambrose and hits a Figure Four which Dean breaks with the ropes. Ambrose can barely stand up. Miz hits YES Kicks to Ambrose and then misses the Roundhouse. Miz runs at Ambrose and misses a clothesline. Ambrose hits a splash off the ropes and NEARLY gets two. Maryse immediately distracts the ref and the Miztourage pulls Ambrose out of the ring on the Bounce-Back Clothesline. Ambrose takes them out, then clotheslines Miz outside the ring. Back in the ring, Ambrose goes top rope. Miz catches him and Ambrose hits Dirty Deeds — but Maryse puts Miz’s foot on the ropes. Ambrose hits a Suicide Dive on both, then rolls Miz back into the ring. It’s predictably 4-on-1 as Axel gets beaten up. Dallas, however, clocks Ambrose in the back of the head and Miz wins with the SCF at 11:18 to retain. THOUGHTS: C+. I get that it’s 4-on-1. I can deal with that concept…but don’t telegraph it before the match starts. On top of that, having Dallas and Axel at ringside is redundant with the presence of Maryse. Other than that, can we let this feud die?
Braun Strowman vs. Roman Reigns in an Ambulance Match Heat for Roman is white-hot here. Braun attacks but misses and Reigns kicks at him then runs at him but falls over because Braun is made of fucking bricks. Braun clotheslines him in the corner and Reigns is down. Big club to the chest and Reigns is in pain outside. Braun tries to toss Reigns into the VideoPost but Reigns reverses it and Braun eats it instead. Reigns eats it as well when he misses an attack and Braun tosses him into the ring steps. Braun picks up the steel steps and whacks Reigns with them twice. He tries a third time but Reigns ducks. Back in the ring, Reigns hits clotheslines and uppercuts. On the last attempt, however, Braun grabs him and throws him to the mat. Reigns gets up and goes to the corner. Braun gets booted in the face on a run but Reigns gets kicked in the head when Reigns runs at him. Braun picks Roman up and Fireman Carries him down the walkway. Roman, however, kicks free and gets back in the ring. Braun misses a corner attack and Reigns hits a Samoan Drop. Braun dives at Roman and misses. Roman goes outside and hits the Drive-By to Braun’s bad elbow. He continues to attack the elbow, then goes for a chair under the ring. Roman hits Braun’s elbow with the chair twice, then hits Braun again when he rolls out of the ring — but Braun no-sells that. Another chair shot but Braun’s not having it. He rips the chair from Roman and tosses him into the opposing crowd barriers. He walks Reigns up the ramp and rams him into the video screen. Braun walks to the main announce table and starts disassembling it. He goes back to Roman and tries a powerbomb but Roman hops out of it and punches Braun in the face several times. He goes for another punch but Strowman grabs Roman and throws him into the side of the ambulance. Braun goes and opens the ambulance doors. Braun picks Roman up and drags him to the doors but Roman fights back. Roman tries to put Braun in but Braun counters and tries to put Roman in. Roman escapes and hits a Superman Punch. Reigns hits another and Braun is halfway in. Roman picks up Braun’s leg and tries to dump him in but Braun kicks him away and picks up the stretcher backboard, using it as a weapon against Roman. The two fight on the entrance ramp. Braun runs at Roman and misses, hitting part of the video board. He recovers and picks up Roman who escapes and sends Braun into ANOTHER LED board, putting a huge hole in the thing. Roman is dead and Braun is getting to his feet. Roman looks scared as hell that Braun can even be alive right now. He tries to drag Braun to the ambulance but Braun shoves Roman to the ground behind the ambulance. Braun goes after Reigns who clocks Reigns with a lighting rig. He dives at Braun — who sidesteps the dive. Reigns ends up in the ambulance and Braun closes the doors to win the match at 16:40. THOUGHTS: B+. Great fight between the two big guys. This was everything I thought it would be: an unsophisticated brawl.
Post-match, Roman flies out of the ambulance, spearing Braun. He tosses Braun into the ambulance, then drives backstage, where he puts the ambulance into reverse, flooring it. He pancakes the back-half of the ambulance and WWE officials go nuts, trying to get Strowman out. We go split-screen for the next match.
Curt Hawkins vs. Heath Slater Really?! Slater with some armdrags and an armbar as Cole is distraught over the fact that Reigns may have murdered Strowman. Around 1:33, emergency vehicle noises are piped in and we see Angle backstage with a fire engine from Dallas…and that’s what we’ve cut to. They won’t even show the ending of the match which Slater apparently won at 2:30 and is loudly piped in for our own personal gratification.
The Jaws of Life are utilized to pull open an ambulance door which isn’t even that damaged. Finally, the door is popped open and if the paramedic who went in doesn’t fly out through the ceiling, courtesy of Braun, I’ll be very disappointed. Braun is cut up badly and tries to get to his feet of his own accord. He’s limping on one leg and his face is dinged up, too. He limps off like a monster, telling everyone to leave him alone. Glad the trained paramedics did just what he said.
We’re at 8 PM and Cole has suddenly contracted Laryngitis as he explains how Reigns nearly killed Braun Strowman — then casually moves us into our big main event because the show must go on!
Heyman introduces Lesnar but Joe attacks Lesnar in the middle of it and tosses him through the Spanish Announce Table. Lesnar takes forever to get up and, when he does, he can’t even stay on his feet.
Samoa Joe (challenger) vs. Brock Lesnar (champion) for the WWE Universal Championship When he finally gets in, the match begins. Joe attacks and it’s a series of headbutts. Lesnar comes back with knees to the head. Joe rams Lesnar in the corner. The two are all over one another, dragging each other to the mat. Joe headbutts Lesnar and puts in the Coquina Clutch which, because Lesnar is so freakin’ big, just looks like a Sleeper. Lesnar breaks the hold by using the turnbuckle and hits Germans #1, #2 and #3. He goes for #4 but Joe grabs the ropes. Joe hits a low blow to Lesnar but the ref didn’t see it. Joe hits a Uranage (which has far too much of the word “Urine” in it for me to take it so seriously) for two. Joe hits the Sleep — er, Coquina Clutch again. but Lesnar counters with a Sidewalk Slam to break it. Brock hits German s #4, #5, and #6. He goes for the F5 — but ANOTHER Coquina Clutch by Joe. Lesnar falls to a knee — then gets up and hits the F5 to win it at 6:28. THOUGHTS: B-. Yeah. That was a match — but considering the amount of build-up we got, this wasn’t nearly as good as it could have been. Probably hindered by the lack of length it needed to go to be truly “epic”. And before you go off in the comments, consider that The Undertaker and Lesnar went through two long matches at SummerSlam and Hell in a Cell during The Undertaker’s later years. This deserved FAR better.
OVERALL: C+. Match of the night was obviously the big tag match but you could have subtracted Enzo and Big Cass and settled that on RAW to give the main event more time to cook. The event had big-time promise and mostly delivered. I wouldn’t watch it again but I really like where WWE is going with the Universal title and, for a change, the Intercontinental Title actually means something rather than it trading hands every month. The question is whether WWE can continue to capitalize on the ideas they’ve presented.
This week on Wynonna Earp: Wynonna plays host to the crazy goo demon, Lucado loses her mind, Waverly is a badass.
Oh, did you think last week’s episode of Wynonna Earp was bananas? You thought Waverly losing a hand (and regrowing it) and Dolls breathing fire was as crazy as the show would get? Emily Andras laughs at your idea of “crazy.” With Wynonna playing taxi to the good demon, crazy is just another Tuesday.
“Let’s Pretend We’re Strangers” starts off with Wynonna making a tied up Waverly a dead rat smoothie. You know, when I started watching Wynonna Earp, I thought the grossest things we’d see would be insane makeup for the Revenants. Boy, was I a sweet summer child. How in the world Melanie Scrofano managed to act through that scene is beyond me but someone go steal her an Emmy. Stat.
Doc interrupts all the torture, thank god, because I don’t think my heart could handle Wynonna actually hurting Waverly. There are some lines you just don’t cross and hurting beloved sister relationships is one of them. Wynonna actors have chemistry out the wazoo, but there’s something special between Melanie and Dom and I can’t bear to see them hurt one another. Which means that Emily Andras is going to tease the shit out of having one Earp sister kill the other for the next 8 seasons because she’s a showrunners who gets her jollies off by making viewers squirm.
I digress.
Wynonna x Food = OTP
Wynonna has a love affair with a box of donuts and that’s like 10% demon and 90% Wynonna. Honestly, if you’re looking for a ship that will never sink, try Wynonna and donuts. Or Wynonna and alcohol. Wynonna and anything she consumes, really. The Purgatory Black Badge Division examines the creepy collector’s plate, some more close than others, JEREMY, and they decide to check out the fire house because it has the same emblem as grandma’s cookie platter.
If you need proof that Waverly is the Earpiest Earp to ever Earp, watch how “well” Wynonna fights off the demon controlling her. In that I mean, she doesn’t. Waverly had bouts of eating lipstick (still the grossest thing to happen on the show), chopping off demon heads, and hoarding silver like a Depression-era factory worker, but for the most part, she was still able to maintain Waverly long enough for no one to be suspicious. Seven weeks Wavycakes was possessed and no one knew because she’s THAT strong. Wynonna was possessed for 30 seconds before Doc’s bullshit meter started ringing alarms. I’m just saying, maybe if the demon goo wanted to preserve itself, it should have tried a little harder at keeping a low profile.
Marry me, Scrofano.
Interlude: imagine a demon possessing Wynonna who tries too hard to overcorrect Wynonna’s impulses and instead she sits for 4 hours cross-legged in a flower shop staring at the lilies. Or maybe she helps someone carry their groceries to their car. Or maybe she’s nice to Jeremy.
The firefighters, who also happen to be demon hunters working with Juan Carlo, spot Wynonna’s possession in about two seconds and Doc, able to read a room more clearly than anyone else, hurries her steak-knife-wielding ass outta there. And then he promptly locks her in the trunk of his car because Mama Doc ain’t raise no fool.
As the Purgatory BBD argues over how best to save Wynonna, Lucado is all, “Well, what’s done is done. Shame for the loss. She never liked me anyway. Guess I’ll have to Old Yeller that Earp once and for real. Real shame. Gonna miss her eating all my donuts.” Dolls, of course, has other plans which involve getting demon body parts to expel the goo beast from Wynonna’s body. He takes her finger, Lucado talks shit about said finger, and then suddenly her head explodes because she couldn’t control the demon inside her.
A moment of silence for the shoulder pads
The loss of Lucado actually came as a huge shock to me. I know that no one is safe on a show like Wynonna Earp, but I kind of enjoyed her rigid shoulder pads and the frosted look every time she entered a room. Lucado brought a nice anti-hero touch to the show, much like Bobo last season. She wasn’t all bad, just bitchy and flawed. I liked that about her.
After Lucado loses her head, Waverly comes in and points out the flaw in Dolls’ plan to drug up the demon: who is going to kill it once it leaves Wynonna? Dolls and Doc shrug and say, “I’m sure we could get a few revolver rounds into it” and Wavycakes just isn’t buying their ability to improv like Wynonna. Waverly gives herself back to the demon and then giggles her way back to the Homestead where she meets a distraught Nicole. Honestly, Waverly, she left three messages and you didn’t call back? You’re going to ruin our chances of watching girls kiss every week with that horrible gaytiquette.
The team meets up outside of the barn, but not before the Cult of the Plague Doctors stops them. Wynonna crushes on the leader’s broken and broody nature for a moment but Doc handles the situation by giving them Grandma’s Illuminati plate. They step aside and let Wynonna do her Peacemaker thing.
I am SO here for this.
Nicole and Wynonna have a standoff and it’s one that’s been a long time coming for these two. Even without the demon possessing Wy, she’s been kind of a jerk to Nicole. On top of that, Nicole has been left out of every major event since the Ghost River Triangle vomited everywhere and she’s feeling a wee bit upset at the lack of her inclusion. In Nicole’s mind, if she can do this one thing, if she can protect Waverly, she still has a purpose. Of course, then Waverly tells Nicole to shoot Wynonna and Nicole is all, “now hold the fuck up. I was gonna shoot her, but my angel cupcake would never say such a thing.” Wynonna tackles Waverly, forces her to drink the grape juice, and then snaps her bra because they’re still sisters who just want to irritate the other. We bid adieu to the demon with the weird silver fetish and then Wayhaught kisses and makes up and all is right with the world.
Two big bombs in the final moments of the episode: the first one is that the Black Badge Division is completely empty. Does this have to do with the Finger Pointer Sisters destroying their cells and escaping into Purgatory or is there something more evil at play?
The second one, and the bigger of the two: Wynonna is pregnant. PREEEEEEEEEEGNANT. Honestly, it has to be Doc’s kid, right? How’s he going to take that news? Is this actually a child or another demon? (HEY YOU NEVER KNOW.) It’s a shocking turn of events and I’m eager to see how it plays out for Wynonna, especially since she’s about as motherly as a wood chipper.
Random Thoughts
Doc really is the unsung hero of Wynonna Earp. Without him, they wouldn’t have Dolls back and they wouldn’t have cornered the demon as well as they did. He gets written off as stupid because he was trapped in a well for most of history, but he’s not dumb. He gets people. He sees beyond the facades they put up and I LOVE that about him.
Looks like Wynonna’s pregnancy is going to bring that Doc/Dolls/Wy love triangle back into the mix. With Dolls safe and home, Wynonna had the chance to be with him fully, but now, if she’s pregnant with Doc’s kid, that throws a wrench into the gestation period.
This episode needed more gay kissing. Honestly, Wynonna Earp, get it together. (BTW AUNTIE WAVERLY AND NICOLE. OH GOD I’M DEAD.)
This week’s episode of Killjoys was a crazy one as we discovered Ollie’s true identity as Clara, Dutch and D’Avin tried some awesome new nerds, and most importantly we witnessed the rebirth of Delle Seyah Kendry (Mayko Nguyen).
For those who need a refresher, Seyah Kendry is the head of Land Kendry, one of The Nine families of Qresh who control the Company and The Quad. The Nine were the aristocrats, landowners, and politicians. The known families aside from Land Kendry are Land Simms, Land Lahani, Land Derrish, and Land Hyponia.
Delle Seyah grew up in Qresh with children of the other Nine including Pawter Simms (also known as Eleanor Seyah Simms). She was deeply entrenched in the politics of The Company and The Quad. In fact, she had been working with Khlyen for a long time though she didn’t know his true motives. We found out last season that the ancestors of the Nine were approached by Hullen and given a choice to eventually assimilate or to be annihilated now. They chose assimilation naturally and had seven generations to bleed all of the wealth of The Quad until then.
We first met her in season 1 episode 4 when she issued a warrant to find the heir of Land Lahani. The last member of this house had been implanted into a surrogate who had gone into hiding. Dutch, D’Av and Johnny locate her with mercenaries in the Badlands of Westerly. Eventually the surrogate Constance, aids them and she is taken to the Land Kendry estate where she can give birth in order for the heir to be legitimate. Delle Seyah becomes the baby’s legal guardian.
She appears in a few more episodes in season 1 but we find out more of the extent of her involvement in Quad machinations in season 2. She had been a part of orchestrating the events in Old Town, from having The Company bomb the place to setting up the electrified walls around various settlements in Westerly. She had also been working with the Hullen through Khlyen, understanding that she would join them at some point.
As an antagonist throughout of the series thus far, her most dastardly act was murdering Pawter Simms (Sarah Power) in cold blood after putting on a fake performance in freeing the citizens of Westerly from Qreshi control. Her character had always been shown as selfish and ruthless. Her primary concern was for her own welfare and didn’t care about killing others to further her own agenda. What was always interesting though was her obvious attraction towards Dutch (Hannah John-Kamen). She must have been intrigued as to why Khlyen paid special attention to the Killjoy.
Unfortunately for her, Pawter’s husband Johnny Jaqobis (Aaron Ashmore) took revenge. He had faked a message from Dutch’s former tutor to get her alone and then he shot her in a dingy alley. Except though we discovered at the end of this week’s episode that she is in fact still alive. Delle Seyah had mentioned to Khlyen about her own transformation to join the Hullen and it actually happened. At some point she was either saved or managed to get herself out of there. We see her inside a massive Hullen ship having just woken up from the plasma transfusion. The aristocrat’s cruel nature appears to have helped her survive the process. Guards then escort her to where Aneela is bathing in green plasma. Delle Seyah stares in confusion because the other woman looks exactly like Dutch. The Hullen leader greets her happily, saying that it’s good that she’s awake and that she must relay the events that happened in The Quad.
Since becoming a Hullen, will Delle Seyah adjust to life where she isn’t the queen bee anymore? Can she take orders from Aneela or will she realize how crazy the Dutch doppelganger is and try to get out? We’ll find out soon enough!
KILLJOYS -- "Boondoggie" Episode 301 -- Pictured: Hannah John-Kamen as Aneela -- (Photo by: Killjoys III Productions Limited/Syfy)
In the season premiere of Killjoys, the stakes are raised as Team Awesome Force prepares to do battle with the Hullen, the beings who have merged with plasma and turned into crazy universe conquering beings.
When we last left the team, they had succeeded in poisoning the Arkyn plasma but at a terrible cost. Johnny (Aaron Ashmore) lost Pawter and Dutch (Hannah John-Kamen) lost Khlyen (Rob Stewart). While Khlyen had been touted as a villain throughout season 1 and 2, we finally found out that he had been preparing Yala to battle his own daughter Aneela, as his people were about to take over the Quad and assimilate many into their ranks. We also got the backstory to the plasma and how it became sentient when merged with a human host. Likely its prime directive was to spread itself as much as possible. Khlyen had once though that the green goop would save them from starving but instead turned them into monsters that are incredibly hard to kill.
Here are the most important things to know from tonight’s episode:
Fancy, Alvis, and Pree Join Team Awesome Force
Dutch and D’Avin recruit Fancy (Sean Baek), Alvis (Morgan Kelly), and Pree (Thom Allison) on their mission to kill the Hullen one hive at a time. They manage to find one but it’s mostly abandoned, except for one messenger left behind who tells the group that they know they poisoned the plasma at Arkyn. But turns out not all of them are Arkyn born so the others have gone into hiding and are preparing to come after them. The messenger then self-destructs into green goo.
Mass Defection In The RAC
Meanwhile at the RAC, Dutch and D’Av are called into an emergency meeting because an oversight team has arrived to figure out why 400+ RAC agents have suddenly gone missing (including Johnny). Could they mostly have been Hullen undercover? That would make sense since Khlyen’s people have been pulling recruits from the RAC (like Fancy). Maybe some of them died when the Arkyn plasma got poisoned or they were recalled and have gone into hiding. However, according to Turin, he thinks that they all woke up from being controlled by the plasma and got the hells out of the Quad.
Johnny is Still Separated From the Team
The level 3 Killjoy is now trying to find the hackmod Clara somewhere in the Quad. He meets another modified human with Alice (Clara’s modified arm) on her, but the other woman has no idea how it got attached. Alice had been sending both Johnny and his current owner signals to their current location.
Dutch’s Plan
At the Royale, Dutch and D’Av meet with Turin and she explains that Johnny had been sending back chem probes every time he passed a RAC facility in the J and it turns out that they are all near plasma pools just like theirs. They need to enlist the help of other RACs to fight the Hallans. However their superior office brings up a good point that they don’t have anymore of Khlyen’s concoction to poison other pools. So Dutch wants more Hullen and toxins to be able to do this.
Kidnapping Time!
Turin comes up with his own plan and has Dutch and D’Av travel to the Veluvian Steam Baths on Leith to kidnap a Qreshi rich kid who is also a black market dealer nicknamed The Mouth. Back on Lucy (Tamsen McDonough), the Killjoys inform their guest that they need him to find a beacon that will help draw out an organized crime syndicate moving into the Quad. He tries to negotiate to get off the ship but Dutch counters with staying on board, a monitored line, and his teeth. The Mouth accepts the terms and has five hours to find the beacon.
He is able to locate it quickly and it happens to be in the possession of a black marketer named Sweet Janet. Good news is that the other woman is willing to sell to them but only in cash and it must be tonight.
Rat City
Johnny and his new companion Ollie head to Rat City since it was the last place he knew that Clara was heading to. She was there to recruit a friend against the mega hackmod factory. Ollie tells him that if they do find Clara and they are serious about storming The Factory, she’s in if they’ll have her. Once at Rat City, Johnny wears his fake mod into a bar that doesn’t allow basics to find Clara’s friend (unmodified people). It’s got a very steampunk space feel, which is awesome.
Ollie proceeds to tell him about the hackmod class system. Mods like Alice are special order and so she’s called a spec and tends to be treated better in The Factory because buyers pay more money. Others though are more off the shelf and essentially are cheap super human indentured labor. They finally meet Clara’s friend Yoki who says that she never met the other woman and that whatever she was trying to find she didn’t. She also ominously says that this place is not as safe for their kind as it used to be and that they should leave. Yoki walks away with John goes after her except that the lens of his faux mod falls off and he is then forced to undergo a real modification or lose his life. He gets an addition to this finger where he is able to generate a laser beam using his mind. Cool and handy!
Johnny and Ollie ask for help from the bar’s owner to see if anyone’s seen Clara. Eventually they get a lead and the Killjoy is supposed to meet a contact whom runs away from him. At the lookout point Ollie gets attacked by a mysterious man, but luckily the younger Jaqobis brother is able to kill the assailant before she got hurt further. However, it turns out that the man is wearing two faces with a layer of plasma in between. Now what is that about?
A Deal Gone Sour
Dutch, D’Av and The Mouth head to meet Sweet Jane to buy the beacon off her when another group attacks. Fancy, Alvis, and Pree are able to help subdue the other men and the group makes their way out of the tunnel only to be apprehended by Border Control. They get taken in and questioned about the beacon and what their plans are. Dutch is the last one to get interrogated and she tells the story of monsters who have infiltrated their lives and the woman sitting opposite from her thinks she is talking about the Hullen, but actually she’s talking about herself. Turns out that Team Awesome Force planned to get captured on purpose to draw the Hullen out of hiding and use them to make more toxin. Brilliant!
Turin Finds A Bunch of Ships
After a successful toxin gathering mission, Dutch and D’Av meet Turin at an undisclosed snowy location. He explains that they initially missed this during the chaos of the plasma poisoning on Arkyn but because he’s paranoid as balls, he eventually found one of their secrets. The senior RAC officer uncloaks a whole fleet of Hullen ships before their eyes. They’re all empty for the moment but no one seems to be able to get in either. Well, except D’Avin. Why he’s alone with the ships after their meeting is a mystery, but he runs his ungloved hand upon the bottom of one of the crafts and a ladder appears that he boards. It then goes invisible again and then seems to teleport to some unknown destination. This must have something to do with D’Av’s plasma whisperer abilities.
Johnny and Dutch Really Miss Each Other
Having been each other’s only family for a long time, Dutch and Johnny are BFF’s and they are both having a hard time during this separation. They have sent the other a hologram message recording their current exploits but not revealing the full truth of their circumstances. D’Av reminds her if that she asked Johnny too, his baby brother would come home, but that’s exactly why she won’t do it. Meanwhile Johnny thinks that they are managing just fine without him while he’s struggling with Clara missing and being outside of his element as a rogue Killjoy. Still, it’s really nice to see how much they really care about each other as best friends and platonic life partners.
Final Thoughts
It’s wonderful to be back in the Quad and be scheming with Dutch and Team Awesome Force one again. After last season’s intense finale, she’s still mad as hell and wants justice for all the screwed up things happening in her turf. I wonder though if Dutch could take Aneela one on one given that the Hullen heal quickly and have enhanced strength, agility, and other abilities. Still looking forward to their eventual confrontation and Hannah John-Kamen’s dual performance as both characters. It’s also been interesting to see Johnny’s growth as a character as he ventures out on his own. We saw a bit of that last season already with Pawter and saving Westerly, but this time around he’s helping Clara. He does seem to have a soft spot for strong women with a cause. The mystery surrounding D’Avin though continues to grow as he can now gain access to the ships. What was really done to him in the military that makes him immune to the plasma and even control them to some respects. The Killjoys world has definitely expanded as we are beginning to learn more about other entities like The Factory and how widespread the Hullen truly are. However, the best part of the show continues to be the characters and their relationships. As bonds and loyalties are challenged, will Dutch, D’Av and Johnny survive this season? Time will tell and I can’t wait to see what’s happens next!
Season 3 of Netflix’s Fuller House is premiering on a very special date.
Releasing on September 22, the third season of Fuller House will coincide with the 30th anniversary of the debut of the first episode of Full House. The first episode of Full House debuted back in 1987 (I wasn’t even born yet).
Season 3 of Fuller House on Netflix will be broken into two parts. The first 9 episodes will launch on Friday, September 22. The second set of 9 episodes will air sometime in December.
On Shadowhunters this week, the squad is split into two groups as Jace, Clary, and Simon head to the Seelie court to meet with their queen, while Alec and Izzy stay behind to host the Downworlders for a meeting.
The Seelie Queen has informed the Clave that she will only speak with Valentine’s children regarding Kaelie’s crimes and two the two former siblings are forced to go to her realm. Naturally, Simon decides to come as well because where Clary goes he goes too. The entrance into the fairy lands is through a brook inside Central Park. So the three take turns jumping off a bridge and to themselves inside a beautiful but deadly forest. One thing to know about the land under the hill is that time moves differently, sometimes faster, other times slower. Since the fey are creatures with both angel and demon blood, they have the beauty of heavenly creatures yet are vicious due to their demonic heritage. While Seelies cannot lie, they are expert manipulators of the truth and are known to be cunning and cruel.
Simon sees a bleeding tree and he touches one of its branches to come away with blood and dead flies (that he crushed). Jace pulls him back, explaining that this is a kill tree and that if he got any closer, its vines would wrap itself around his body then tear him apart. He gives the lovebirds some advice, don’t touch, smell, or taste anything in here because everything is dangerous.
When they finally get to the court, the queen looks to be a child in her preteens instead of an ancient creature. Jace tells Clary that she’s using magic to appear this way. With the recent announcement that Modern Family’s Sarah Hyland is guesting on the show this season, the Internet was abuzz that she could be playing the beautiful one, but alas, not in this episode at least. The three New Yorkers are received though the Queen (played by Lola Flannery) appears surprised that Simon is there because she hadn’t invited him. Jace however tells her majesty that the vampire has been a valued ally to them. He is allowed to stay and they have a meal together. The Seelie Queen proceeds to asks about what Valentine’s children could do and Clary informs her that she’s an only child. Jace confirms this and the faerie then requests for them to demonstrate their abilities, to which they hedge that they are still learning their capabilities. The ancient creature switches tactics and says that she wants to speak to Simon privately instead.
Understandably Simon is hesitant but goes as to not be rude. Once they are alone, the Queen tells the daylighter that she wants an alliance with him because Shadowhunters will always chose their kind over Downworlders. Simon declines though because he believes that Clary would never do that to him. In a brilliant ploy, she then uses vines to squeeze Simon and Jace to death, telling Clary that she must get the kiss of her deepest desires. When she kisses the vampire nothing happens and she is forced to confront her the truth that she still has feelings for Jace. So she then has to kiss him, but says that this doesn’t mean anything. The vines soon release the two men but the damage has been done. The Queen has accomplished her own mission it seems. Simon leaves the court without his other two companions.
Back in New York, Clary tries to apologize to Simon but he refuses to see her. He drowns his sorrows in music instead. When she returns to the Institute, Jace tries to talk to her in turn about what happened but she just can’t handle it herself right now. Earlier in the episode, Sebastian finds Jace playing the piano and the two have a little chat where Mr. Verlac tells Mr. Herondale that he thought he was interested in Ms. Fairchild. Finally after that kiss it appears that Jace has finally admitted to himself that he does still have feelings for her, even though it was obvious to everyone else.
Speaking of Sebastian, he was shut down by Clary last week and one might wonder if he is showing interest in Isabelle instead. He is a part of the security team at the Institute while Alec holds his cabinet meeting and meets Meliorn and Raphael, who have attended as representatives. Alec had called for this gathering as a means to show more transparency and improve relations between Shadowhunters and Downworlders, at least in New York. Izzy is also on deck as part of the welcoming committee and is caught in a testosterone tangle of competing egos.
First Meliorn and Raphael have their own little thing going on since the Seelie was a former lover of Izzy’s and the vampire had gotten close with her during her addiction to Yin Fen. Sebastian of course helped her to overcome her withdrawal of the drug, having experienced it himself (or so he says). Rapahel confronts the Shadowhunter and asks what his intentions are with Isabelle, to which Sebastian responds that he just wants to be her friend. But he then tells the older creature that he is the one who should stay away from her because he is a constant reminder of a very dark time in her life and will always be a negative temptation.
Sebastian’s words rattle Raphael into rejecting Izzy after she confesses her feelings. She tells him that she wants to see where their relationship could go because of their strong connection. The vampire uses the other Shadowhunter’s words and says that he isn’t good for her and that spending more time together could lead to a slip up. One mistake and they would be back to him biting her and she addicted to his blood. Drama! Raphael obviously cares about her, which is why Sebastian had such an effect on him.
Poor Izzy though because things are finally looking up after admitting that she has a Yin Fen problem, getting help, and even opening up to her mother about it. Maryse returned to New York from Idris to support Alec as the new head of the Institute and was convinced by her son to tell Isabelle about Robert’s cheating. When she does reveal it to her daughter, turns out Izzy already knew after overhearing her father on the phone some time ago. The younger Shadowhunter then admits her own issue of becoming addicted to Yin Fen, but that she was better now and in recovery. The two women share a tender moment as Maryse breaks down in tears for not being there and they make up. Mother tells her child that she should continue fighting for love despite this because she deserves to be happy. Unfortunately, she is then rejected by the object of her affection because he is dealing with his own problems.
Meanwhile, Alec and Magnus seem to be hanging in there in tonight’s episode. The warlock of course is invited to the cabinet meeting as a representative, though they both are to keep it strictly professional so that it doesn’t seem like Alec is playing favorites just because they are dating. Magnus is being overly courteous and it’s adorable because obviously both Raphael and Meliorn know that the two are dating. Things get a little crazy though when Luke accepts help from a mysterious individual who wants to aid him in eliminating Valentine.
Luke had been asking for the Soul Sword to get destroyed, but of course there’s no way that the Clave would get rid of a Mortal Instrument. So instead Downworld demands for Valentine’s death, yet since the Mortal Cup is still missing, the Shadowhunters aren’t quite ready to kill him yet. Alec tells Luke that he’s going to campaign hard for the Circle leader’s execution to go through as quickly as possible, but the werewolf loses patience. As a former Shadowhunter himself he knows that the Clave is full of empty promises and Downworld needs real change. On the night of the meeting, someone leaves a cell phone for Luke to find outside the Jade Wolf. Once he picks up the call, a distorted voice tells him that he can arrange for him to be inside Val’s cell. At first Luke passes, but as he gets increasingly frustrated inside the Institute, he has a change of heart and agrees to work with the mysterious voice over the phone. The security cameras are temporarily disabled, allowing him five minutes to get down to the detention center and kill his former parabatai.
However, Luke was unsuccessful as Sebastian informs Alec that the security cameras were being looped and the two Shadowhunters are able to stop blood from being shed. Alec asks the New York pack leader what he was thinking and the other man admits that he did it because he didn’t want the Circle leader escaping again. He also adds that someone was helping him. They figure it had to be someone from the inside. Luke ends up getting a pass despite the attempted murder because Alec wants to show that he isn’t here to persecute Downworld.
While earlier in the episode there were other Shadowhunters who were unhappy with Mr. Lightwood taking leadership, I suspect that the mysterious caller is likely Sebastian since he was managing security at the meeting and would be in a prime place to access the cameras. We also see a shot of a burner phone inside his apartment. He also could have done this to earn Alec’s trust by reporting in Luke. When Seb meets Valentine in the flesh, the older man asks if they know each other. The London Institute transfer venomously hisses that he doesn’t get to die yet.
After the meeting, Sebastian is back at his place playing the same song on the piano that Jace playing was in the morning. We’ve already gotten clues that not all is as it seems with Mr. Verlac (with the hand above the open flame) and now we’re shown that he has a man trapped in his closet. Now who could that be?
This week’s episode was full of drama as our heroes struggled with their love lives but also face an ever-increasingly angry Downworld. The Seelie Queen herself said that she allies herself with the winning side and it is theirs. Will Simon be able to get over the Clace kiss? Will Izzy move one from Raphael? I sure hope these two crazy kids find solace in each other because I needs me some Sizzy!
Nintendo has announced the SNES Classic, the follow-up to last year’s insanely popular NES Classic.
The Super Nintendo mini will come with 21 pre-installed classic games and retail for $79.99 when it releases on September 29. Like its predecessor, the SNES Classic can be plugged into any high-definition TV using the included HDMI cable.
The SNES Classic will come with one HDMI cable, one USB charging cable with AC adapter and two wired Super NES Classic Controllers for out-of-the-box multiplayer.
The SNES Classic game collection will also contain the never before released Star Fox 2. SNES Classic owners will be able to unlock Star Fox2 by completing the first level in the original Star Fox.
This week on #DarkMatter: Three reenacts Groundhog’s Day and causes Android to time skip through the future. Let’s over-analyze everything! Wee!
Spoilers through Dark Matter 3×04: “All the Time in the World”
I went into “All the Time in the World” with low expectations. I was certain that a Groundhog’s Day theme, wherein Three tried and failed to convince the Raza crew of his temporal issue, would be an absolute filler episode with a handful of laughs and minimal story progression. And for the first half of the episode, it was entertaining enough with a lot of great character moments for my boo Three (he calls Five “Fiver”! He learned French!), but let’s discuss the most important part of the episode: Android’s time skips through the future.
Dark Matter is a show that rarely shows plot moments without reason. Things might not make sense early on in the season or they may frustrate us (Nyx’s death), but they have purpose, and I think the quick glimpses into Android’s future can tell us a lot about what’s in store for Dark Matter and the crew of the Raza.
As always, this is over-analyzing at its highest form. But hey, I was right about Ryo last season, so let’s see if I can keep it going.
On the Raza Bridge, Three Shoots Android
The first of Android’s skips is the most confusing. Android stands at the bridge watching security footage of Two in a cargo hold. She seems like she’s looking for something, possibly the Android, which seems all the more plausible when Three walks onto the bridge and shoots Android. But why?
There could be several reasons: maybe the Android’s time skips caused her to leave completely and Three used that paralysis gun to hook her to that current time without another jump. Maybe Android’s programming went haywire or she was given a virus and they had to subdue her somehow. Maybe Android inadvertently betrayed the crew because of her connection to the Android Liberation Front.
All I know is, there’s a bond between Three and the Android, there’s a sweetness to them when no one is looking. He’s fiercely protective of her, so if he shoots her, I don’t think he shoots to kill, only to protect the rest of the crew.
One more thing of note: it seems that when the Android “jumps” she has no knowledge of the world around her. Her body continues to go through the motions in the future, but past Android only sees these glimpses.
Android Cries
We’ve seen little emotion from the Android over the last 24 episodes. We know that she feels more than the average android but she still keeps things robotic for the most part (and it’s thus robotic naiveté that makes her so endearing). However, in the time skip forward, she’s outwardly weeping; she’s grieving over someone’s death as Two comforts her. It can’t be Five since we see her in a later jump and I don’t think Two would be so stoic if Three were to die, so I actually think the death she’s mourning is Victor from the Free Android Movement.
Two: “You’re crying. It’s an expression of sadness. In this case, grief.”
Last season, Android spent a significant amount of time with Victor, even going so far as to living in a fantasy world with him for a time. She has feelings for him and since I’m sure she meets up with the FAM later on, it only makes sense that their bond would grow as time passes.
It’s possible it might not even be his death that elicits such emotions from Android, but I think it’s safe to say that outside of Five, Victor is really the only option. And I believe that his death would be the catalyst for the next time skip in Android’s future.
Cut Up and Tied Down
This time skip might be the most important because it tells us so much about the state of the corporations at that time. Android is being held in an Electus Corp research facility. Electus Corp, if you recall, was the corporation that held Nyx, her brother, and the rest of the Seers captive in an attempt to see if their collective consciousness could predict the future. In short, they aren’t great people. Also of note is that the Galactic Authority manages to capture the Android (and I assume the rest of the crew?) and turns her over to Electus because of their “mutually beneficial relationship.” Is this a long-standing arrangement between the two groups or is it a more recent one because of the looming corporate war caused by the destruction of Eos-7? It’s hard to guess at the moment, but at least we know that the corporations aren’t above forming alliances.
The scientist then asks Android about the Android Liberation Front, presumably the same group spear-headed by Victor and she plays dumb about her involvement with them. At some point she helps the group “engage in terrorist acts”, which might be a reason why the GA is after her in particular. The scientist then holds up her illegal tech that allows her to pass as human and she knows she’s caught. The screen pans out and it shows that she’s been cut apart at the joints. They’re studying her for “science.”
Five Grows Old, Android Grows Emo
The best part of this time skip is that we now know that Five lives to be grey and old, so let’s rejoice because if anything happens to my baby girl, I riot. Five, now the only surviving member of the Raza, tells Android that the others are “gone”, which seems about right for how things have gone so far on Dark Matter. At the end of time, as Five calls it, Android notices that there are fewer stars, which leads me to believe that either Five is trapped there or she’s in hiding.
Things Five lists in the Raza’s future:
Dwarf Star’s conspiracy
The Double Deception
Krydon (spelling may be off)
Corina, the Accelerated
The Fall of the House of Ishida
Meeting with Android’s Creator, the Black Ships
Their deaths, however, weren’t in vain, as it seems that the Raza crew succeeded in saving the galaxy from corporate warfare and the Ishida empire. It’s a bittersweet moment to know our heroes have “won” but I also imagine it’s a moment that Android will keep tucked away close to her heart. The crew of the Raza means everything to her and she’s already proven that she doesn’t care about outsiders as long as the crew is safe. Knowing they die (but not when) may put a strain on her and even though Five cautions against changing the future to save them, Android may remember those names and keep a closer eye on her friends. Also, the scene was a reminder that no one on the Raza is safe. One, Nyx, and Devon aren’t anomalies in their deaths. And that breaks my heart.
What are your thoughts? Am I just blowing smoke with these theories or could we see some of these scenes play out in the future? Let me know in the comments.
PLAYING HOUSE Season 3, Episodes 1 & 2
“Cookie Jar” / “None of Your Business”
AIR DATE: June 23, 2017
GRADES: B+ / B+
How does the third season of the story of the ins and outs of the bond between two of the greatest female friends since Lucy and Ethel begin?
With Maggie beating the holy crap out of her best friend, Emma, of course.
After nearly a two-year wait, USA’s “Playing House” returns to the airwaves with “Cookie Jar” which finds the main characters of Pinebrook…well, mostly happy. Emma (Jessica St. Clair) is now dating Mark (Keegan Michael-Key) who hands out parking tickets to Emma for “being too sexy. Maggie’s ex-husband, Bruce (Brad Morris), has seemingly moved on past the one-nighter he had with his ex-wife and is dating “Cookie” (guest star Lauren Weedman), Pinebrook’s self-defense authority, “former MMA fighter” (as Emma duly points out to Mark who has snuck into Maggie’s house) and trainer to Emma and Maggie.
But what about Maggie?
What about Maggie, indeed.
When she isn’t tending to Baby Charlotte or cooking Pigs in a Blanket for a “dinner-and-apps” party for Bruce and Cookie or giving sex (and penis) tips to Emma with regard to Mark, Maggie’s stuck being a mother, stewing over Emma’s luck in having a second chance with Mark and watching Cookie violently mount Bruce on her sofa, not unlike Ric Flair wrapping an opponent in a Figure Four, something Emma calls, “Two hippos wrasslin’ in the wild.”
The entire situation comes to a head when Maggie introduces games into the party, only to unwittingly fall into a trap of her own design: playing a filmic variation of the game “Heads Up” — only the players are paired off as couples. Whereas Bruce and Cookie are predictably competitive and Emma and Mark are cute and playful (Mark screaming “IT WAS JURASSIC PARK” at a Mariah Carey-esque decibel-level, when Emma won’t say the answer of a film on purpose, is beyond hilarious), Maggie’s just Maggie.
While she may be part of Cookie’s inner circle (dubbed “The Cookie Jar” by Cookie, hersefl), ironically, it’s a superficial title and doesn’t have any meaning beyond being the member of a club that won’t impact her in any special way. Despite Emma’s sisterly friendship and the love she has for Charlotte, Maggie is truly “alone” — a point accidentally driven home in a darkly humorous scene where Mark, Bruce, Cookie and Emma shout “YOU’RE ALL ALONE!”, “NOBODY IS WITH YOU!” and “YOU’RE BY YOURSELF!”, causing Maggie to snap and break down crying…if only Maggie realized the movie title she had to guess was “Home Alone”. Har-har.
If “Cookie Jar” is the rain on Maggie’s umbrella, then “None of Your Business” is the ray of sunshine that follows it.
Enter the good Dr. Ericson (guest star Ben Willbond), your prototypically droll Brit who comfortably rules the wing of the hospital Maggie now works in. While the episode is bright, cherry and sun-lit, Dr. Ericson is stiff, grey and is attached only to his clipboard. He’s all business, glaring at Maggie and her colleague, Nurse Jeff (guest star Jeff Hiller), as they goof around with patient pudding and saying “That’s what she said” after unintended double entendres uttered by Ericson.
On the flip side, Emma is panicked, having yet to deal with “Bird Bones” AKA Tina, Mark’s ex-wife (Lindsay Sloane) and the revelation that she and Mark are an item — only to discover that Tina not only knows, she’s also cool with it. Sorta. She’s nervous — though Tina’s always nervous. This prompts Emma to investigate the situation, only to find out that the only reason Tina is quaking in her boots is because she’s unwittingly entered a pyramid scheme: she needs to sell hundreds of units of make-up to the women of Pinewood by next week or else, she’s toast.
Whatever is Tina to do?
Leave it to Emma.
As we already know, Emma was businesswoman before settling in with Maggie in Pinewood and she can sell anything. Plus, she feels she owes Tina being that she’s dating her husband and all. She opts to not only help Tina sell every unit she purchased but buys another round to help Tina recoup her losses. Of course, it will involve moving past Tina’s initial plan of going “door to door” and might even involve the help of Maggie…who turns out to be allergic to the make-up Tina and Emma possess.
The beauty of this episode is that Maggie’s gain is a bi-product of Emma’s ill-conceived schemes for once: her plight gains sympathy from the aforementioned Dr. Ericson who not only reveals that he doesn’t exactly have a stick up his ass but that he’s also got a sense of humor. It’s satisfying to see Maggie beam after being put into a hole by her own friends.
But the overall brilliance of all this is the running theme of sisterhood: Tina and Emma should be on opposite sides, hurling mental grenades at one another. Instead, they’ve patched up their differences and come together as one. Emma not only helps Tina overcome her insecurities of being dumped by Mark but gains confidence in herself by trusting in Emma’s skills as a saleswoman, a job which requires a modicum of confidence and more than a little charm.
It’s a joy to see “Playing House” back on the airwaves. I’ve missed the show immensely. The third season is off to a nice start — though a bit on the safe side, if you will. The clever dialogue is still there but some of this is rooted in Hallmark Channel territory where everything is perfect and nothing can possibly go wrong. Maybe that’s just what this show is or, maybe, that’s a result of the small-town setting where the show is set. Either way, “Playing House” remains extremely entertaining and funny due to hair-trigger comedic timing and the undeniable chemistry between the two actresses and the supporting cast.
