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‘The Bachelorette’ Review: Creepy Fantasy Suite and the Return of Chad

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the bachelorette

Okay, you crazy kids. Last time on the madness that is The Bachelorette, we left off with JoJo crying and crying and crying in her electric blue evening gown, kneeling outside at an airport hanger, in the midst of the Rose Ceremony. Why? Because she was all set to send cowboy/no expression Luke home, when Luke stopped her and finally told her that, yes, he has fallen in love with her.

Now she doesn’t know what to do, because she may be in love with 4 men. FOUR!!! She says she is “terrified”, because she is almost always terrified, then finally returns to the rose ceremony and the four men.

First, she picks Floppy (Jordan.) Next, she chooses Cartoon-Face (Robby.) Finally, she chooses Chase, whose name is Chase, so he has already been abused enough in life. So, after all that malarkey, Luke is sent packing anyway. He looks absolutely stunned, and this marks the very first time that he has ever had a facial expression of any kind. She cries more as she tells him she was struggling with what his feelings are for her. “I don’t know how to say goodbye to you!”, she bellows. “I don’t either! This is not supposed to be happening,” he responds back, as he enters the sad limo of rejection. He tells cameras from inside: “I don’t even know how to process this right now. I was in love with her, but I didn’t even get the chance TO love her.” She cries more and wonders again if she made a mistake, saying out loud: “I miss him.”

This week’s episode is usually referred to by fans as “Fantasy Suite Week.” What that really means is that this is the episode in which the bachelorette has the opportunity to potentially sleep with 3 different men, on 3 back to back nights. Because you know, that is totally normal and doesn’t screw with your head or emotions at ALL.

Our JoJo gets a private date with each of the remaining 3 men, and during the dinner portion of the date, they are given a “fantasy suite card” that invites them to forego their individual rooms, and spend the night together in the fantasy suite. The cards are always written/signed by host Chris Harrison, because he’s a big giant creep who is probably masturbating in the adjacent room as she and her man of the evening “do it.”

This week, the 3 men and JoJo are in Thailand for this part of the adventure, and JoJo remarks: “So this is the week of exotic overnight dates.” Well, THAT’S an understatement! More like: “So this is the week where we finally get to screw each other off-camera in a private room, and where I get to decide who sucks in bed and who I could never in a million years marry!” So, let us discuss each of the three dates ……..

DATE ONE / JOJO AND CARTOON FACE:

So JoJo and Cartoon Face start off their day by walking the streets of Thailand, hanging out at street vendors and food markets and such. Then they get pedicures together as they sit and talk. They kiss and talk more in the streets as it starts to rain. Later, they have their dinner portion of the date. The food looks delicious. Nobody eats the food.

He assures her that he loves her and that she can trust him always. The creepy Fantasy Suite card arrives on a platter, and JoJo asks Cartoon-Boy to read it out loud. He does. “This is the key to the Fantasy Suite, should you wish to forego your separate rooms tonight. From, Chris Harrison.” Robby is excited to get it on with JoJo, so he says yes to the sharing of the room. JoJo is a horny little thing, so she agrees. She tells cameras that she is in love with him. They enter the room, and the Do Not Disturb sign is put on the doorknob, signaling that massive sex will soon be happening.

The next morning, they share breakfast in bed, and she says to him: “This is our first breakfast together.” She says goodbye to him, they part, and she tells cameras that although she loves him, she is not going to say those words to anyone until the end, when she knows for sure who it is she will spend her life with. (or break up with 5 months from now.)

DATE TWO / JOJO AND FLOPPY-HAIR:

So on date two, which I believe happens the next day after date one, so she JUST got done having sex with another man, and now will possibly have sex with a second man, the next day.

Just sayin’. It’s a little weird.

Anyway, they go hiking together, through all these beautiful mountains and rocks and woods and caves. It is quite a hike, and Floppy is impressed with her active nature. “Wow, look at you! Where’d all that energy come from?” Too bad she couldn’t reply with: “Well, Floppy – it’s the energy a woman gets after just being fucked really good by that other guy on the show. You know – it’s that whole ‘morning after’ glow thing. Cool, huh?”

They go inside a cave where there is a sacred Temple, and no kissing is allowed. This results in boring conversation about how they can’t kiss but they really want to kiss but they can’t kiss. She tells cameras that she is afraid he isn’t ready to commit to her forever.

Later, they have their dinner date. The food looks delicious again. Nobody eats the food. They have a serious conversation, where Floppy tries to be deep, but he’s pretty shallow, so it’s kind of lame. He tells her that he wants to spend his life with her. She says: “That’s what Ben said too. How do you know?”

He says he is a better person with her, and that he sees her face in his future. The creepy date card comes, and he reads it. It has the exact same wording as the one the night before, except it says “Dear JoJo and Jordan”, instead of “Dear JoJo and Robby.” They should at least change the wording a little bit – make a guy feel special. So tacky.

Anyway, he reads it, and says yes to having massive sex. JoJo says: “I can’t wait.” Ewww. They go inside and she comments on how beautiful the room is, just as she did with the other guy. It IS a different room at least, isn’t it? Because that’s REALLY tacky if they are all screwing in the same room, same bed. God, I hope they at LEAST change the sheets before Guy #2 and #3 go in there. Wouldn’t you hate being Guy #3? Knowing you are the 3rd person she might be screwing in one week? Wow.

There are just so many things wrong with this entire set-up. How does she not get confused and yell out the wrong name? Maybe she just sticks with the generic: “Oh God yes!”, or something. Or maybe she yells Chris Harrison’s name instead. So they shut the lights, symbolizing that they are also about to “do it.” In the morning, the same standard breakfast in bed arrives, and I SWEAR TO YOU, she says the EXACT same thing to Floppy that she said to Cartoon Boy the night before. “This is our very first breakfast together!” Yuck. After he leaves, she tells cameras that she is in love with two men at the same time.

DATE THREE / JOJO AND CHASE, WHOSE NAME IS CHASE:

By this time, she must be all kinds of sore down there, so her and Chase take a light walk around town and explore stores and markets and things. The two go to a fish market, where Chase puts a fish above his mouth and pretends to eat it, then gives it a voice and makes it talk. JoJo finds this hilarious, and they giggle like 5 year olds.

Next, they go on a boat ride and talk and laugh. She tells cameras what a great time she is having with him. Says that he brings so much joy to her life. They swim and make out in the ocean. In between the day and night portion of their date, JoJo goes back to her room to change and get ready for the evening, when Cartoon Face knocks on her door to see her. He says he missed her and just wanted to say hello. They just had massive sex, after all, so why not drop by in the middle of another date?

She tells him she is on another date, and he says: “I’m trying not to think about that.” They kiss and talk a bit, then she sends him on his way. The dinner date happens with Chase. The food looks divine. Nobody eats the food.

Chase reads the Fantasy Suite card out loud, she accepts and he accepts. They go into the room which may or may not be the same room she was just in with the other two, and the bed which may or may not be the same bed that probably smells like tacky, reality-show sex by now.

While sitting drinking wine together, Chase decides its time to tell her he loves her, which he has never told any other woman before in his life. He says: “I am 100% in love with you. I know what a burden that phrase carries, and I’m ready to carry that burden.” She looks like she has been hit by lightning and all the color goes out of her face. She says: “Thank you for telling me that. Can you wait here for a minute?” She leaves him on the couch with his sad wine and his sad name, and she sits outside on a bench and starts crying because she doesn’t love him back. She has an overwhelming feeling of doubt.

“I don’t want to hurt him. I wanted to fall in love with him”, she wails to cameras outside. Finally she collects herself and goes in to break his heart. It doesn’t go well. She tells him that she doesn’t think she is in the same place with her feelings, and that spending the night together would be unfair and make things worse.

She should have added: “Plus, I’m kind of beat. I just screwed two other dudes the past two nights, and you’re last, so …. sorry!”

He gets mad and quiet and she says “talk to me.” He says: “What do you want me to say? I just jumped over a huge hurdle to say I love you, and you 100% made me regret saying that. So now love = get the fuck out? That was so terrifying for me to say, and now look at where I end up.” She cries and says she is so sorry. Chase leaves. JoJo chases after Chase.

Get it? Chases after Chase? Cuz that’s his dumb name, but it’s also a verb.

She tells him again that she wanted to fall in love with him and see a future, but she just didn’t. He says dramatically: “I saw it.” Then he gets into a sad van, which isn’t even a sad limo, because I guess they weren’t expecting him to go home so he doesn’t even get the proper limousine all the other rejects got. He tells cameras: “That sucked. That’s like pulling my pants down, just to kick me in the nuts. I should have never said I love you.”

ROSE CEREMONY:

Since Chase was sent home, there is no reason to have the ceremony, but she holds it anyway just to be dramatic. So, now it’s between Floppy, the Former Football Player – and Cartoon Face, the Former Swimmer.

Both are currently some version of unemployed, and both seem like some version of a man-child to me, but hey – whatever floats your boat. Anyway, she tells the two guys that she sent Chase home, and as she says this, Chase appears out of nowhere and asks her to talk. He takes her aside and she leaves the two men standing there staring at each other like dorks. The camera pans to them both wiping sweat from their foreheads at the exact same time – like THAT wasn’t planned or choreographed.

Chase tells JoJo that he came back to tell her he is “proud” of her, and that he isn’t mad at her. Really? Then he says: “I still think you’re wrong. I still want to be yours, and if that can happen down the road, my heart is open to you.”

Another words, when your engagement from this show ends in a horrid break-up 5 months later, call me. They hug and say goodbye, and she cries more, saying it was hard seeing him again. She gives both of the remaining men their roses, and Chris Harrison sits in the Fantasy Suite sniffing the bed sheets.

THE MEN TELL ALL EPISODE:

So this week, there were two episodes of this madness, technically. The “Men Tell All” is this really dumb episode that airs the week before the Finale, where they bring all the men back from the season, and they have a live audience of fans, and they all sit around re-hashing what happened and all the pointless drama of the season. It is totally silly and pointless, and of course, the producers were pushing the whole CHAD IS BACK angle all week-long with this.

The men are introduced and they all take a seat together, except for Chad, who is shown walking out of his private trailer and whistling as he walks in to be introduced separately. The whole damn show is about Chad once again, and the producers just feed the monster. They show all the Chad clips of what happened, then he comes out and sits in the hot seat next to Chris Harrison. They talk about why they all hate him. He says he doesn’t care.

Everyone says Alex put more energy into Chad than into JoJo. Eyebrows Ali says something and his brows grow larger. Everyone argues like pre-teen girls on their periods, and Chad eats from a meat-tray off to the side.

Then Chad reveals that since the show’s taping, he has been “hanging out with” both Grant and Robby’s ex-girlfriends. Chris asks him if he has been intimate with him, because Chris is a perv, and he replies: “They’re both beautiful women, okay. That’s all.”

Someone who I don’t remember existing named Nick B. stands up randomly, takes off his jacket, and starts asking Chad if he wants to “take it outside.” Chad says: “We both have dress shoes on.” That is his response. Nick calls him a coward, and then Canadian Dan pleads with his plastic-looking face that looks like it’s melting: “Must we resort to violence?”

The non-fight fizzles out, and Chris Harrison asks Chad what his problem is with Jordan, because apparently he has a problem with Jordan that we should care about. Chad says that Jordan just wants to be famous and wants media attention. Harrison says: “What about Robby?” because we are now supposed to care what Chad thinks of the final two men on the show.

He says: “I know that he has threatened his ex, Hope. He told her not to talk to press, don’t do interviews, or I’ll come and get you.” The audience gasps, and Grant says “pretty sure that’s a total lie.” Harrison then shows clips of the Chad madness, and the night where ED-Erectile Dysfunction Guy Evan made jokes about Chad’s steroid use onstage, and then Chad pushed him in the theatre.

They played it in slo-mo like it was some important bill being passed through Congress or something – and then they dissected it, discussing whether or not the push was actually a push. Really? Chad says: “It doesn’t show how hard he pushed me. I almost fell.” Again – really? Evan is a twig with beetle-eyes. Chad is a monster filled with protein-shake for blood. What is the issue here? So, nothing at all is solved, just more petty drama and time-wasting bullshit. In the end of the segment, Chad says “Sometimes you pick pickles when you should have had apples.” What? Okay, then.

Up next is Luke, who talks about having his heart-broken by JoJo. He says he was in love with her, and still is. He then says he just wants her to be happy. Chris asks him if he is ready to love again, and he says yes. I think he will end up being the next bachelor.

Chase is next. He says he felt blindsided, and doesn’t get why she asked him to go to the Fantasy Suite only to send him home. JoJo sits in the hot seat and answers questions. She talk with Chase, Luke, and James Taylor, who thanks her and tells her she looks beautiful tonight. That man is so damn classy. They all fawn all over her and tell her she is amazing. Chad watches as he chomps on some unidentified food group. Chad says: “Can I talk? Can I say words?” JoJo gives him permission to speak.

He says: “I wish you luck, but I do know that Robby broke up with his ex days before filming to be on the show, and we know that Jordan is a liar / cheater whose own brother won’t even talk to him.” Everyone boos him, and JoJo says she could go off right now, but “No. He loves this. This is what he wants. He loves the attention, and we’re giving it to him. He’s not even worth my breath.” The men give her a standing ovation, like she just cured cancer.

The rest of this show was just lame crap to kill time. Vinny’s tacky mom standing up from the audience to tell JoJo she made a mistake and should go out with him, then telling all the girls in the audience that he is still single. Then they showed bloopers, which were basically lots of shots of JoJo getting bugs near her mouth or face and then screaming. Clips of next week’s finale were shown. Who will she pick? Who cares?

ON NEXT WEEKS FINALE:

JoJo can’t decide who to marry, so she becomes a lesbian and goes on the next season of The Bachelorette as a contestant instead of as the bachelorette. Chris Harrison invites Floppy and Cartoon Face to the Fantasy Suite for a threesome. Luke stares into the sky, expressionless, until he finally dies of confusion.

‘Mr. Robot’ review: A nice game of chess

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mr. robot

MR. ROBOT
Season 2, Episode 4
“eps2.2_init_1.asec”
AIR DATE: July 27, 2016
GRADE: B

Last week, I remarked that USA’s Mr. Robot never wasted a scene and that every single sequence was beautifully executed with sound and fury. The very first sequence of “eps2.2_init_1.asec” is a prime example of what I’m talking about –albeit a little more over-the-top and grandiose than what we’ve seen on this show, but the execution is still flawless. As the first season of Mr. Robot began with a knock at Elliot’s door, so begins “init_1.asec” — though not in the same timeframe. This is Halloween night, a few years prior to the 5/9 Hack — and FSociety’s existence — and the person knocking is Elliot’s sister, Darlene, donning a familiar article: the item which we recognize as the FSociety mask. At this point in time, however, it’s of more simple significance: it’s movie memorabilia from “The Careful Massacre of the Bourgeoisie”, a satirical horror film seemingly known only to them. The movie (called “Init 1” on Elliot’s hard drive, hence the title of the episode) is a “debunking of the notion that society is classless.” This, according to Darlene under a marijuana-induced haze. The murderer in the film dons the aforementioned mask while Darlene, mirroring her brother’s present attitude, complains about society and how it’s become too complacent. This prompts Elliot to confess that he lost his job because he destroyed a bunch of secure servers in his company’s server room — he just doesn’t remember doing it…something about anger toward the people who couldn’t go on their expensive vacations on time unless he fixed the servers.

Darlene’s reaction seems coldly ironic considering her earlier societal objections and because of what we know about her in the future: meh, it’s just a dumb corporate job. It’s this very moment where the revolution is born: Elliot shows his sister their dad’s “Mr. Robot” workman’s jacket which Darlene practically begs her brother to wear. But even that is not enough for her: for reasons that aren’t quite clear, she wants him to put on the soon-to-be-FSociety mask as well — and he does. At first, this amuses Darlene — but as Elliot stands there, motionless and staring, the mood becomes creepy and ominous and only grows more intense once Elliot arbitrarily begins to elaborate upon a complex plot to bring down Evil Corp, an idea that appears to leave Darlene slightly disturbed — but not all the way against it. Elliot and Mr. Robot are, of course, two different people but, under the mask, they’re one. And when Elliot removes the mask and looks down at it, he appears transformed. Accordinly, this historical moment in Mr. Robot mythology is set to the soft, mysterious, John Williams-esque strains of Holst’s “Op. 32: VII, Neptune”. Neptune, in more spiritual philosophies, symbolizes illusion and the nature of change — which is much in keeping with the moment — and, during the close-up of the mask, it’s cleverly spliced with “Op. 32: I, Mars”. Mars, as most everyone knows, is the symbol of angst and the god of war in Greek mythology. This is also fitting as the mask is FSociety’s “war paint” and this is the moment where was quietly declared.

robotmask

The issue is that Elliot’s exit strategy in terms of his original battle plan, are something he, himself, either won’t follow or has forgotten, something his sister points out to him when the story jumps back forward to the present. “That wasn’t me,” he tells her, “That was him.” But what can Elliot do? It isn’t like he can simply take a knife and chop off an infected portion of his body…or can he? The answer might lie with Ray who, last week, challenged Elliot to a game of chess as an attempt to meet him halfway in an emotional sense. While Ray’s game does draw Elliot out of the shadows, Elliot is plain terrible and loses every game he plays — though he’s stubborn and won’t quit. This is when Ray tells Elliot to play himself because he thinks that Elliot is “hiding something.” This sets up the big plot of the episode: Elliot vs. Mr. Robot for all of the marbles — or, at least Elliot’s marbles. The idea, however, feels heavy-handed and lazy for a show that prides itself on hiding its metaphors a lot better than this and, for that, this week’s episode stumbles and breaks the A-class streak the show has been on.

Not only does it contradict Elliot’s pseudo-acceptance of his mental state from last week, it also turns out to be a futile endeavor since Mr. Robot and Elliot share the same brain. Neither of them can win because they both know what the other is thinking. This is where Leon comes in: he sees the chess board and tells Elliot that chess was mental stimulus to those who lived in the age of Enlightenment. How Leon would know this since all we’ve seen him interested in is Seinfeld is beyond me, but it prompts him to ask Elliot what he gets from the game. “Existence,” Elliot says. Leon asks if Elliot dreams and tells him that people often do so because they want to see the best of themselves and their lives. This gives us a glimpse into Elliot’s fantasies: a slow-motion montage featuring a future with Angela, a healthy relationship with his happy sister, an unthinkable friendship with the Wellicks — and even an incredibly moment where Elliot stops by the house of Bill Harper, the man Elliot emasculated during FSociety’s breach of the Iron Mountain facility. All of this culminates with a big “family dinner” with all of the aforementioned — and all while Evil Corp’s main building plummets to the ground in the background.

robot_s2ep4_elliotbed

But none of it is real or even realistically attainable for the time being. This is something Joanna Wellick reminds her boyfriend of after they’ve engaged in coitus and before she decides to give him oral sex as a way to make up for her boldness. It may sound like I’m giving a pass to Mr. Robot after I criticized Scream for the same thing — and one could argue that Joanna is simply a sexual object — except that Joanna is a complex and strong female character who is, at times, also incredibly frightening. She drips with raw sexuality (and is about as kinky and free as one can be in that regard) but there never seems to be a moment where Joanna isn’t in control. Even when her boyfriend manhandled her in the first episode this season, her boyfriend was the weak one, insecure in his sexual prowess instead of attempting to assert his dominance over a goddess he’s not even close to capable of handling.

Never is this more apparent than when they lay in bed together and her boyfriend fantasizes of taking her to Madrid — only to have Joanna step on his dreams by splashing him in the face with the cold reality that he’s poor and can’t give her what she wants — except in bed. Sex is something Joanna needs and her new boyfriend is nothing to her except a beautiful body. The scene is darkly amusing and ironic in that, as she goes down on him, his face is that of a man reduced to emotional impotence. Even colder is Joanna’s attempt to get a hold of her husband’s severance package from Evil Corp. The money isn’t so much for her as it is for their child, something Joanna inexplicably has a soft spot for. She’s even willing to sell out her deadbeat husband to Scott Knowles who knows Tyrell murdered his wife (last season) in order to get it. Except Scott, as we saw in the season opener, is disenchanted with Evil Corp and may be incorruptible.

wellick

The two other females on the show, Darlene and Angela, have their own problems. To say Darlene is annoyed with her brother for ditching FSociety in their time of need and betraying his own plan of attack cannot be overstated. It’s also driving her nuts. Strange men in trench coats seem to follow her no matter where she goes and she isn’t as solid a rock as she pretended to be last week. She knows something’s up and her suspicions are confirmed when she finds out that the FBI has found the beginning of the FSociety’s proverbial trail. An aside, if I may: last week, I had criticized the notion that FSociety’s secret lair would be front and center for the public to see. This leads to a fairly humorous scene involving FBI agent Dom DiPierro and her squad that, I will admit, shut me the hell up while explaining everything to me:

AGENT: You really like this place for our guys? An arcade? With the goddamn sign outside?
DOM: They’re hackers. Brazen. They believe in hiding in plain sight.
AGENT: This is just…too stupid…
DOM: Well, what does that say about us, then, that we’re just now finding it?

Cute. A bullet casing was found at the scene, one that might possibly explain the fate of Tyrell Wellick and push FSociety into the open. The operation is dubbed “Berenstain”, a nudge-nudge-wink-wink nod to those who are well-versed in “The Mandella Effect”, a phenomenon wherein a person swears they remembered something in a certain way and shares this memory with several other people who also remember the same thing. The operation’s name is taken from the children’s book series, “The Berenstain Bears” — something many people apparently remember as “The Berenstein Bears”, not “Berenstain.” This is a thing, believe me. It’s fitting for several reasons being that it’s in keeping with the overall plot arc this season in relation with Elliot’s struggle to recall things he should remember.

dar

As strong as she is, Darlene needs help. The irony isn’t lost on Elliot but he knows that it took all of Darlene’s strength to come to him. But what happens when your leader goes awol and your sister wishes Mr. Robot was running things again? Apparently, it involves sex in the bathroom of a seedy dive bar with Cisco. It’s here we see Darlene’s resolve begin to crack and Cisco is the first to see her bleed. The sex in the bathroom is as expected as it is unexpected: it’s an outlet for Darlene and a way for her to regain control over her mental battleship as it struggles through rough waters. Cisco enlightening her about the FBI being on their six might just be the key Darlene needs to get her brother back into the fold.

Angela, meanwhile, is still dealing with the fact that she had it in her to sell out Evil Corp execs Jim Chutney and Saul Weinberg — but it’s also given her an inflated sense of self-importance. She believes that Phillip needs her to help him through the fallout from the 5/9 Hack. It’s the reason they’ve helped put a roof over her head and paid her what she’s worth. But Angela believes that she’s in a position to get more. Namely, a cushy office on the high floor of Evil Corp’s skyscraper and the job of her nemesis, Melissa. She wants all this because she and her former lawyer, Antara Nayar, have found a chink in Phillip’s armor in the settlement papers: a line about factory inspection that would finish off Price and seal his fate — except that Phillip is a veteran at this game and Angela’s still a rookie and he has no problem brushing her demands away like stray cobwebs. It’s not entirely clear why Nayar is still in the picture or why Angela continues to deal with her if she effectively dumped Nayar in the season opener, but here we are.

wr

While he put a brave face on for Angela, he certainly doesn’t know how to explain things to Whiterose (B.D. Wong, returning to reprise his role), who expresses frustration with Phillip’s methods and his insistence on using Angela for all his dirty work. The duality here is delicious: Whiterose is transgender female who pretends to be a man when working with Phillip but is a woman when she’s heading up The Dark Army. On one side of the phone, Phillip is scheming, plotting, attempting to go ahead with an ambiguous ECoin currency program. On the other side of the phone, Whiterose is donning a wig, applying make-up, and attempting to choose just the right pair of earrings to go with her dress. Neither knows what the other is up to, though both people have their agenda and this runs parallel to the chess game played between Elliot and Mr. Robot.

And the chess game brings us back to the very beginning: nobody won, which was the obvious solution to the plot. Perhaps, Ray surmises, Elliot should start listening to the voices in his head, not shutting them out. This logic prompts Elliot to open up to Ray in a way Ray wasn’t suspecting: he’d like to help Ray with his “computer issues”. Alas, nothing is simple on this show and, as we’ve seen, Ray isn’t exactly the most innocent of people and his “issues” are, in reality, an “online business” involving Deep Web browsers. If you remember way back to the very first moment of the pilot, Rohit Mehta, the owner of the fictional “Ron’s Coffee Shop” used fiber Internet connections for his customer Wi-Fi, something so awesome to Elliot that it “scratched a certain part of his brain which didn’t allow good to exist.” Ron, if you’ll remember, was using TOR networking to cover his deepest, darkest secret: a child pornography ring. Here, Elliot has the same feeling about Ray — except, with hired muscle in the room with Elliot and Ray’s darkness coming to the surface, Elliot resolves to “ignore that feeling” from here on out. But with his own livelihood and the livelihood of his sister at stake, can he afford to be so apathetic?

Despite a few faults, “eps2.2_init_1.asec” is still a very good episode of Mr. Robot. For a show to stagger a little and still come up roses is nice change of pace. Viewers of this show have been spoiled week after week and that’s a beautiful thing.

‘Sharknado: The 4th Awakens’ Review: The Kitchen Sinknado

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SHARKNADO: THE 4TH AWAKENS

“Sharknado: The 4th Awakens”
Directed by
Anthony C. Ferrante
Written by Thunder Levin
Starring Ian Ziering, David Hasselhoff, Ryan Newman, Masiela Lusha, Cody Linley, Imani Hakim, Gary Busey, Tommy Davidson
Rated TV-14
Grade: D+

Fin Shepard (Ian Ziering) fires a gun at a storm — and it changes course. The storms are more dangerous than ever, assuming the natural life force of what ever it runs across. Oh, hey! Welcome back to another sequel in the Sharknado franchise. It says something that even though SyFy’s Asylum features aren’t really meant to be judged by the same merits as, say, “The Force Awakens” (for some reason, that film was on my mind; don’t ask me why), the film still manages to be ridiculously stupid.

Fin Shepard and his family have been living in the country, virtually off-grid and away from anything that could be construed as a Sharknado. “Astro X”, a space-tech company has found a way to rid the world of them anyhow (they fire upon stray sharks, which are still alive and well, in space) so nothing bad could possibly go wrong again. Ruh-roh, a dust storm in Vegas whips up and heads toward a new high-tech hotel with a shark theme with a 20-story shark tank built in the very front.

You can see where this is heading.

Look, there isn’t much plot here and no good can come from me repeating the phrase “they run near, shoot at, then run away from the Sharknado” every single paragraph. The truth of the matter is that this is a movie franchise which insults its audience by just repeating the same scene over and over while inserting arbitrary natural elements into each Sharknado just so a member of the cast or Al Roker (only here because SyFy and NBC share the same bed) can yell “It’s now a COWnado!!!” It, literally, gives you every type of “nado” until you’ve rolled your eyes so far back in your head, you might actually travel back in time to when this movie was fun.

It’s also a movie where one of the actual members of the Chippendales fights off a shark with a pelvic thrust.

SHARKNADO: THE 4TH AWAKENS

The movie’s title is a play on “The Force Awakens” and only seems to exist for the sake of amusing the Internet geeks it’s playing to. For a movie to include such a title is ballsy, and perhaps I expected too much from this series, but I thought there’d be more in common with the Star Wars franchise aside from the cheap laughs the movie goes for instead. Everything having to do with that series totals in less than a minute of fan service.

For example, a character has had some modifications done to their body. On top of having super-duper strength, they also have machinery and stabbing weapons grafted inside their arms. One of the weapons? It’s called “The Force”. To be honest, it’s a Lightsaber. Except it’s a terrible looking Lightsaber. I know the flick didn’t have a huge budget, but I’ve seen fan films made with no money which include better Lightsaber effects.

This doesn’t stop this character from looking smug while saying, “May the Force be with you…”

Some favorites return such as David Hasselhoff as Fin’s father, Gil, and Gary Busey joins the cast as a crazy scientist who’s in league with him but, ultimately, even Busey is wasted. Can you believe that? Nobody can out-crazy-stupid Gary Busey, yet Sharknado 4 manages to out-crazy-stupid Gary Busey. The mere possibility of this may cause an unnatural chain reaction which could create a Buseynado…wait. Don’t. Just don’t. Don’t get any ideas.

All of this comes together into a climatic battle near Niagra Falls that attempts to top the first couple of movies in the most insanely awful manner and which cheaply sets up for a sequel deriving from a completely unnecessary and out-of-left-field “plot twist” which makes no sense to anyone except maybe to the screenwriters who seemed to toss it in at the last second so SyFy would throw more money at them to make another tired sequel.

The big problem with “Sharknado 4” is that the initial novelty has long since worn off. The idea behind this franchise was ludicrous enough, but had that mysterious street credit once assumed by films like “Snakes on a Plane”. The first film was a true original that was actually fun to watch because it felt like the filmmakers were being as genuine and honest as they could. As the series has twisted on, however, the product placement, gratuitous cameos, cringe-inducing dialogue, and repetitive, monotonous action have taken precedence over any “quality” the franchise might have had and we’ve been given us a movie that’s not only incredibly dumb even by its own standards, but also too stupid for the audience it’s geared toward.

Sharknado: The 4th Awakens premieres Sunday, July 31, at 8/7c on SyFy

‘Scream’ review: A party at ‘The Orphanage’

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SCREAM
Season 2, Episode 9
“The Orphanage”
Airdate: July 26, 2016
GRADE: C-

Emma knows the truth about Audrey’s link to Piper and both girls are a big, bad mess on “The Orphanage”, the ninth episode of the second season of MTV’s Scream. Most of the episode surrounds this reveal and deals with the fallout.

The episode gives us a cute little fake-out involving Emma stabbing her friends after the swarm her in the kitchen, concerned about her well-being. Noah dies, Audrey dies, Keiran dies — only to have Emma’s mom (who, I swear, lives in the fucking kitchen cabinets when she’s not hanging out with the Sheriff) wake her from a murderous sleep-walking binge. It’s even weirder when Ms. Lang awakens from sleep only to scream bloody murder when she sees Emma hovering over her bedside. What does it all mean? If I’m reading the intentions of the showrunners correctly, we’re to think that Emma’s behind everything and her “murderous” side is under several deep layers of psychosis, hence the weird sleepwalking murder thing and the dreams she’s had. Is anyone else tired of the constant use of “it was all a dream” on this show? I know I am.

Little by little, small little truths come to light on all sides.

Emma and Keiran are lead on a merry chase when The Killer leaves a mini audio cassette (I didn’t know people still used those things but only Noah’s allowed to be tech-savvy on this show, so we’re going with it) hanging in Emma’s locker by a lock of what’s presumably her hair. They even leave a message written in lipstick which reads, “PLAY ME” just in case Emma had no idea if she was supposed to eat the cassette or wear it around her neck. It’s times like these when the show just fails to be creepy. Anyhow, the contents of the tape reveal that Ms. Lang doesn’t exactly trust Emma and thinks that she’s partially insane.

She may not be far off because she shoves Audrey against the school lockers in a fit of anger after Audrey attempts to extend an olive branch. The scene, for what it is, is well-executed despite the fact that Willa Fitzgerald is so stiff, that she can barely convey the emotions necessary for the audience to believe she’s actually pissed off — but Bex Taylor-Klaus saves the day once again by selling Emma’s rage with a reaction which is equal parts hurt and fear. Her portrayal of Audrey has long been the best thing on this show and this episode is no exception.

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Cornered and pacing, she tries to think of each and every way the dreaded audio file got into Emma’s hands which, of course, leads to the telegraphed feud between her and Zoe which, inexplicably, leads to the moment everyone’s been waiting for (or dreading, depending on who you are): Noah getting laid. The sex scene is, ironically, the steamiest the show has ever gotten (and amusing, to boot; Noah credits “Phantasm II” for his sexual prowess and accidentally tears down his “The Virgin Stabbing” poster while Zoe goes “down south”), and it’s nice to see Noah happy outside his usual bubble, even if it’s with a character who probably isn’t long for the show. That’s also frustrating: the only reason Noah turned his back on Audrey was because he wants to get into Zoe’s pants.

Stavo and Brooke are also a thing, now. Last episode, they were sleeping together, fully-clothed. But, now, they had sex because their clothes are off. — but ‘Stavo is still acting creepy, stealing Brooke’s lipstick (the same applied to Emma’s locker note) and basically keeping a good distance from his father, the Sheriff. Stavo also manages to get his hands on the Lakewood investigative file on Jake and the murders. How does he do this? He walks right in. This is the second time, this series, Jake has managed to sneak right into the Lakewood PD, undetected, and been able to nab secure information. The supply closet at my former place of employment had better security than this place.

Stavo finds a couple of interesting things here: first, his Dad has been keeping a file on him and second, he finds evidence that Brooke’s shady Dad is corrupt and had monetary dealings with Jake leading up to his death, something Brook absolutely skewers him for after Stavo reveals it to her. We also find out that Stavo’s some demons he can’t get rid of: he once killed one of his friends by pure accident when they were younger. It’s scarred him for life and also made him embrace the darker things in life. It may be nine episodes into a twelve-episode run, but it’s nice to see Stavo finally get colored in.

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Two reveals this episode: the first is that Ms. Lang knew Piper. We discover this when Emma and Keiran boost her house keys and then not-quite-break-in to her place. Numerous photos of Piper are strewn all over the walls. What this means is…nobody really knows. Since Lang’s in the hospital and was attacked by The Killer, that means she can’t be The Killer, so giving us this reveal after she was attacked doesn’t make any sense at all. The other reveal is that The Killer has been bugging Noah’s room with audio equipment — which, basically, means that Zoe didn’t send the audio file of Audrey’s confession to Emma. The Killer sent it because he/she recorded it. Of course the question of how that device ended up in Noah’s room remains.

And that leads us to the climax of the whole thing: the rave bit. It turns out Piper spent some time in an orphanage. And the Killer wants us the characters to totally get that, so they set up a rave in the abandoned orphanage/asylum/school/whatever and invite the entire teenage population of Lakewood to it. Of course, Audrey, Emma, Keiran, Noah and Zoe all show up despite, yet, another moment where Noah’s like, “OMG This is like that one obscure flick where a bunch of people show up at a place because the Killer tells them to show up and somebody loses their intestines or gets their head cut off and blah blah blah” and nobody cares and the characters all march off to their deaths. It turns out the rave was thrown by Haley’s newest boyfriend.

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Who is this person? No idea. Who’s Haley? She’s that one girl I’ve mentioned a couple times. Remember? No? Yeah. That’s how awesome she is. She bites it, so the showrunners didn’t give a shit about her, either. Her own “boyfriend” kills her after we get a tease, from the killer, that Noah’s gonna die because he’s “no longer a virgin”, GET IT??? It’s worth (duly) noting that Haley offers The Killer a blowjob before he knifes her. To be fair, she has no idea her boyfriend is The Killer. Even still, it’s bad enough we have throwaway female characters, it’s worse when they’re basically treated like meat on the way out. So, yay. Haley’s dead.

It’s another disappointing end to another episode of Scream. “The Orphanage” sets everything up so well for an epic finish — then blows it again by teasing us mercilessly with important character deaths and promising big reveals only to reveal literally nothing and killing off absolutely nobody except a girl who used to taunt Emma and who offers blowjobs to strange men because that’s all the writers decided she was.

Scream was granted twelve episodes instead of last year’s ten, meaning we have three more episodes to endure. With writing and production quality this low, there was no reason for the extra set of episodes outside of greed. With an overall story arc as thin as the one we’re seeing, the show feels like a visitor that’s overstayed its welcome.

The ‘Gilmore Girls’ Trailer Sends Me Into A Coffee-Induced Frenzy Of Excitement

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Oh, Stars Hollow, how I’ve missed you!

Gilmore Girls was the show that taught me that being a fast-talking know-it-all who is addicted to coffee could actually be adorable. (In real life, I’m sure my friends would disagree.) And luckily enough for me, Netflix is bringing back the show for a four-episode event on November 25th.

The trailer doesn’t offer up much but it doesn’t have to because unlike so many shows that rely on action and cliffhangers, the allure of Gilmore Girls is in the characters and their mundane day-to-day shenanigans. Some of the best moments are watching Lorelai trying finagle one more cup of coffee from Luke at his diner. It’s a show that is comfortable for so many people.

Gilmore Girls ran for seven seasons the CW/WB starting in 2000. It chronicled the life of single mother Lorelai Gilmore (Lauren Graham) and her, shall we say, unconventional relationship with 16-year-old daughter, Rory (Alexis Bledel). And if you’ve never watched it before, you have until November 25th to get caught up on seven years worth of coffee jokes. Hop to it.

The Workprint Gamescast Episode 34: Too Much Hype

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What’s up, guys and gals! Welcome to the Workprint Gamescast!

Listen to Rob, Jen, Bilal, and the gang talk about the latest in video games news, what they’re playing, and all other manner of nerdy habits.


THIS WEEK ON THE GAMESCAST: On this week’s episode, Rob and Jen are joined by a very special guest to discuss whether the “hype machine” is actually hurting the video game industry. Also… go watch Stranger Things on Netflix! It is fantastic.

What’s up: 01:53

What we’ve been playing: 14:21

Video Game News: 30:22

Hyped Video Games Discussion: 41:53

I Need to Move: A ‘Pokémon Go’ Sob Story

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Dust off those Gameboy Colors, boys and girls, because it’s 1999 again and Pokemania has landed!

Thanks to Pokémon Go, it’s cool to be into Pokémon again and I no longer to have to hide in shame with my obsessive knowledge. I was fortunate enough to be around when the first wave of Pokémania hit and whoa boy were those some good times. Back in the day, I would trek my way to the local comic book store and spend hard-earned birthday money on Pokémon cards, arguing with the local cootie-infested boys about the glory that is Sandshrew. Having a collection of the first 151 Pokémon cards was quite the achievement (especially that foil Blastoise), a prize I kept close to my heart for many years. As I grew into those very awkward teenage years, Pokémon became significantly less cool, so I tucked away my fandom as I did with most nerdy memorabilia and did my best to fit in. (Spoiler alert: I failed.)

As an adult, I’ve grown to give fewer fucks about what others think of my nerdy loves and lives of the past and thusly embraced that inner dork who still enjoys playing Pokémon on her GBC. And now, with the release of Pokémon Go, my prayers have been answered! I can finally step outside and be the Pokémon trainer I always imagined myself to be all those years ago.

Except.

Well.

I have the worst luck. And it turns out, I’m still a gigantic dork.

While everyone else is out there battling gyms, catching awesome Pokémon, and hatching rare eggs, I’m here, pleading with my app just to work. I’ve spent more time force-closing Pokémon Go than I have actually catching Pidgey, and that’s saying something because there are so many Pidgey outside my house it’s like a Hitchcock film waiting to be filmed in Augmented Reality. I’ve lost not one, but two 10km eggs to the game freezing and I can’t say that I didn’t die a little inside when my third 10km egg hatched a Weedle. It’s almost like I exercised for no reason. 

Facebook is littered with all these click-baity stories about how Pokémon Go has fostered this sense of community among fans, how it bonds children and adults alike, and how it brings together strangers from all walks of life. I’m a sucker for those stories because I truly believe in the power of video games and their ability to unite humans over a love of fighting fictitious animals.

Except.

Well.

I haven’t exactly experienced one of those stories. Most of my friends have at least one feel-good story about making friends with strangers at a church or ogling over someone else’s freshly caught Scyther. I, on the other hand, have had one Pokémon Go interaction with a stranger and it went down like this:

At the local outdoor child emporium also known as a playground, Jen spies another parent on her phone, showing off her screen to her child as they both laugh and have a good time. The child leaves to go play and scream like a banshee, and Jen sits down next to the woman, an uncomfortable smile streaking across her face because she’s never quite sure how to approach strangers and it comes across as more psychotic than friendly.

Jen asks: “Are you playing Pokémon Go, too? Caught anything good here? I saw an Onix earlier but now I can’t find it again. I really want to get a Haunter but there aren’t any Gastly around here.”

The look Jen gets in return isn’t quite of disgust; instead it’s more wary as the stranger looks Jen up and down, taking in her Laundry Day appearance, and then mutters, “Uhm…no,” and she not-so-subtly changes seats. 

Jen immediately fumbles through a Chandler-esque “Hahaha yea me neither,” and runs off to hide on a tire swing.

Sure, I have local friends (I HAVE FRIENDS!) who play Pokémon Go, and I’ve dabbled in their pokécompany but they’re mostly adults who are concerned with real-life problems like “my child has 5 hours of homework a day” and “we need to replace the tires on our car.” Meanwhile, I’m standing alone in the middle of the JC Penney cursing because I only have 7 more pokéballs and this Bellsprout thinks he deserves better than my love. 

On a daily basis I receive text messages and screenshots from friends who live in bigger cities, showing off their Pinsirs and Nidokings, and I’m left sitting at my desk with the villain voice in my head screaming, “WE WILL RULE AN ARMY OF RATS AND E-RATICATE THEM ALL. HAHA. AHAHAHA!”

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Pictured: My minions.

 

If you’re like me and live in a more rural area, you know the pokéselection is meager at best. I might as well start putting up signs about how I live in the “Home of the World Famous Spearow Stampede!” where no matter the time of day, you’re sure to catch at least 5 Spearow wherever you go. I’m told major cities in the United States are like department stores, chock full of every Pokémon you can imagine, but the one time I opted to take a day trip to a major city, the servers were down and I cried into a ditto handkerchief until my phone battery died. (It lasted about 17 minutes.)

As a young girl, I used to draw Pokémon on wide-ruled paper and then sell those pictures door to door to neighbors who were willing to pay a quarter to make me go away. Back then I dreamed of being the very best, like no one ever was. Now, as an adult, Pokémon Go has brought that dream closer to reality.

Except.

Well.

You know.

Playdead Offers a Harrowing Look ‘Inside’ a Parent’s Anxiety

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Inside

Because of the nature of Inside and it being a mostly narrative experience, expect some major spoilers in this discussion. If you haven’t played Inside, I urge you to do so. It’s amazing. But this isn’t a review. Go read one of the dozens of positive reviews for yourself and play it for the next four hours. I’ll be here waiting when you get back so we can get all kinds of personal.

There’s this obnoxious thing that parents sometimes do, especially when they’re new, where they look down upon the childless and smugly say, “Well, you’d understand if you had children.” As the mother of a rambunctious five-year-old, I hate those people. Except…when I unwittingly am one of those people. Like right now.

You see, as self-centered as it sounds, when you birth a watermelon, your life does change. Not just the lack of sleep and the over consumption of chicken nuggets, but your perspective of the world alters. It’s not some existential moment where the sky parts and unicorns bless you and the spawn you’ve created. It’s much, much smaller than that. As the proud owner of a tiny terrorist who controls everything you do, you begin to see that child in the media you consume. Those over-the-top sitcom jokes about baby vomit and toddlers repeating every word become relevant because shit, that happened to me in Target last Thursday. And again on Sunday.

And when you watch a child on screen in danger, the fear is much more palpable because that damning “what if” takes a hold of your brain and doesn’t let go for the next 100 years, driving you mad when you should instead be sleeping.

That’s what happened to me when I played through Inside, the latest puzzle game from Playdead (developers of Limbo). Because I assume you read my spoiler warning, I’ll tell you the premise of Inside quickly: you control a young boy, escaping the clutches of a post-apocalyptic society hell bent on mind controlling the human race. There’s no dialogue. The boy himself doesn’t have a name. Hell, he doesn’t even have a face. He’s just a young boy, dark hair, afraid, and running for his life at every turn.

And damn if I didn’t just insert my heart into that game, imagining the boy as my son fleeing torture, dog attacks, and tasers, as I fumbled through each puzzle, eager to get him to safety. Every time the boy’s neck snapped because of some gaming incompetence on my part (of which there are many), I felt more of that parental failure heaping itself onto my shoulders. I was the reason this boy was continuously torn asunder and dammit, Jen, get it together.

While I was having an existential breakdown, my ACTUAL son was safe and sound asleep in his tent fort under his bed, surrounded by Star Wars toys and week-old snacks. But the further I progressed in the game, the more I was attached to this child, adamant on keeping him safe. I won’t deny that it didn’t do a number on my anxiety. I stopped at least a dozen times, tired of watching my idiocy kill this boy over and over because I couldn’t outswim that chick from The Ring. With a heavy heart and still confused out of my mind, I’d close out the game on the Xbox, intent in finally finishing Halo 5: Guardians or sinking another few hours into Rocket League. But as soon as I hit “quit” on the screen, I’d immediately boot the game back up because not knowing the resolution to this boy’s narrative, to this boy who had now become a metaphor for my son, was driving me insane.

Inside

At one point in the story, there’s a moment where the boy witnesses a cage of human drones whisked away via forklift. It’s not a godlike entity or an alien race who orders them to be shipped away, but a man, accompanied by a young boy, presumably his own son. This was a frightening moment for me, not only realizing that humans seemingly in control of their own faculties ordered the demise of their own kind, but that there was a child there learning the trade of selling humans. To these characters, the experimentation on others was ingrained, accepted from childhood. And my god if that isn’t a terrifying commentary on our world at large and the future for kids like my son, I don’t know what is.

There’s a prevailing theory about Inside that you, as the player, are the one controlling the boy which then allows him to Inception-esque control other mindless drones. It’s a fourth-wall breaking theory, one that only comes to light once you’ve destroyed all of the game’s power orbs and completed the secret ending, thereby pulling the power on the device that allows you to control the boy. (And also resetting the game itself.)

The thing that’s so interesting about Inside is that you can interpret the secret ending a thousand different ways and because of the open-ended nature of the game, no one knows which is “right.” For me, personally, seeing myself as the mother of this child, the secret ending played out like a warning: if you control everything he does, force him to be perfect, you’ll lose him and never get him back.

Things may start over but they’ll never be the same.

If it sounds like I’m overreacting to “just a video game”, maybe I am. Maybe that parental anxiety that’s been heaped onto an already neurotic person makes me more likely to overanalyze the media I consume. But the fact of the matter is, Inside is a game so good at what it does that it elicited those worried feelings from me. When the boy was afraid, I wanted to comfort him, I wanted to wrap him in a bubble, hide him from the dead farm animals and men who wanted to hurt him. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t stop time and going back was fruitless. The only thing I could do was continue pushing him forward into this daunting world, whether he wanted to or not, and hope to God that the ending was better than the beginning.

Despite my anxious emotions guiding me through the plot, Inside is actually a good game with solid puzzles and a gorgeous world that doesn’t slam you over the head with its message. If there is even a unified message you can discern from its narrative. I highly recommend it and I’ll support others who want to enjoy its story, but given my emotional state, I’ll only play through it the once, thankyouverymuch.

I don’t know if my heart could take a second time.

Inside was played on the Xbox One and is also available on PC. 

FINALLY: Brie Larson Confirmed as Carol Danvers in ‘Captain Marvel’

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ABOUT DAMN TIME. How long have I been waiting for Captain Marvel to be cast? Long enough for the movie to have been pushed back twice and for me to dreamcast some previous unknowns in the Marvel franchise.

Saturday, during San Diego Comic Con, Marvel confirmed the rumors from last month that Brie Larson, star of The Room and Short Term 12, will play the titular character in Captain Marvel. Larson herself even took to Twitter, setting my heart quickly ablaze:

Captain Marvel will be the first female-led film in the MCU, leap-frogging over the much clamored for Black Widow standalone film. All I can say is, it better have some Carol Danvers/Jessica Drew (Spider-woman) BFF moments, or I’m rioting.

Captain Marvel will be penned by Nicole Perlman (Guardians of the Galaxy) and Meg LeFauvre (Inside Out). There’s no word about other cast members. Captain Marvel is scheduled to release in theaters on March 8, 2019.

‘Wonder Woman’ Releases First Trailer: 2017, Hurry Up Already

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After all of the posters and set photos, Wonder Woman finally released its first trailer at San Diego Comic Con and it is a thing of beauty. It’s packed with action, gorgeous shots, and just enough dialogue to get us excited about another superhero movie. It doesn’t come across nearly as dark as the previous DCEU movies, and for that, I’m grateful.

Have a look:

The Hollywood Reporter had this to say about the Wonder Woman panel:

Gal Gadot, who plays the DC Comics’ Amazonian princess, said her goal was to make a film enjoyed “not only girls, not only boys, but for men and women, too.”

Gadot, who was joined on the panel by stars Chris Pine, Connie Nielsen and director Patty Jenkins, said before commencing filming, she watched a documentary on the real Princess Diana, Diana, the Princess of Wales. One of the lines that stuck with was a description of Diana leading from her heart, not from her head.

“That describes this Diana,” Gadot said. She also described how she undertook two hours of weight training, two hours of sword training and two hours of horse training every day in preparation for the role.

I have been aching for a female-led superhero movie for FAR TOO LONG and I don’t want to say the wait was worth it but daaaaaaaamn am I so excited for Wonder Woman to release. Gal Gadot seems perfect for the role; Chris Pine as Steve Trevor works better than I anticipated; and those costumes! That set design! Setting the film during World War 1 was excellent choice.

But seriously, Wonder Woman’s costume. LOOK AT IT:

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Wonder Woman is scheduled to release on June 2, 2017, and it cannot come soon enough.

REJOICE MY MINIONS: ‘Wynonna Earp’ Renewed for Season Two

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I don’t know if y’all have noticed it or not, but I’m kind of a big fan of Wynonna Earp. Sure, I could go into reasons why you should love it as much as I do, but I’d rather you just watch it. I’ve been on pins and needles since the season finale, wondering if Syfy would renew this amazingly original and beautiful show.

Thankfully, Syfy heard my prayers and responded accordingly to my not-really-threatening tweets and has renewed Wynonna Earp for a second season. The cast announced the good news Saturday at San Diego Comic Con and Earpers everywhere rejoiced.

According to The Hollywood Reporter, the show was only renewed for ten episodes in season two, as opposed to its original run of thirteen in season one, but hey, that’s not an unusual trend for Syfy shows. Take heart, Earpers. We WILL get more #Wayhaught in 2017.

As for the plot of what might go down in season two, well, it’s not like we weren’t left with a doozy of a cliffhanger. I interviewed showrunner Emily Andras about what might be in store for a second season, so let’s get to theorizing about what all those cliffhangers could mean!

Wynonna Earp stars Melanie Scrofano as the titular character as well as Tim Rozon, Shamier Anderson, Dominique Provost-Chalkley, and Katherine Barrell.

‘Dark Matter’ Review: “We Were Family”

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This week on ‘Dark Matter’: the Android makes new friends, Three uses the big gun, and Five saves everyone.

Spoilers through Dark Matter 204, “We Were Family.” 

If there’s one thing we’ve learned about the crew of the Raza over the past season it’s that, they are a family, whether they like to admit it or not. There’s a bond between them that came from having memories wiped. As they fumbled through the world , unsure of everything around them, the only thing they were sure of was each other. (And let’s be real, that was suspect most of the time, too.) But in season two, they’ve found their footing. And despite Six’s actions against them, he’s still part of their family as well.

Saving Six’s life is the reason for docking at a station on the outskirts of space because after being impounded, the Raza was drained of most of it medical stores. Thankfully, Five, the smart little thing that she is, stashed away some money and goodies where even the Galactic Authority couldn’t find it. Using this money, Five and Devon go onto the station for supplies with the Android in tow because she wants to explore humanity a little more. She knows her crew is atypical for humans but she wants to find out the truth for herself. The Android’s interest in humans is endearing and her sweet descriptions of what she sees makes me appreciate them all the more. It’s like people-watching through the eyes of a child. Most people would see a couple kissing in public as too much PDA or just ignore it altogether, but the Android sees this display of emotion and thinks it’s wonderful.

Because of her newfound interests, she asks to stay behind and gather more information. Five seems oddly okay with this notion, even though if anything were to happen to the Android they’d be in serious trouble, but okay, I’ll allow it. In the store, the Android meets Victor, a charming fellow who defends her when a policeman tries to insinuate that Android is up to no good in their neighborhood. After showing Victor that she plans to buy her friend a toothbrush (OH MY GOD ISN’T SHE SO FUCKING ADORABLE), Victor takes her to meet his friends.

And the whole time this is happening I’m screaming:

But it turns out that second location isn’t too bad. It’s just the secret hideout where the Railroad meets to rescue escaped synths in Fallout 4. Turns out Victor and his friends are actually androids who have escaped the evil clutches of programming and are masquerading as humans. Victor thinks the Android, though an outdated, discontinued model, could do the same, so he gives her some illegal tech. The Android takes the tech and contemplates installing it but not before receiving a kiss goodbye from Victor. (I hope this isn’t the last we’ve seen of the Free Android Movement.)

After getting his allowance from Five, Three and Arax are having a bro moment, discussing the life and lies of our pal Six and whether or not he’s trustworthy. Three concedes that Arax makes some good points but Three hasn’t exactly been one to formulate too many opinions on his own. We know he’s a gunner first and thinker second. In fact, the one who sees the most in Three has been Five. But hey, I’ll get into that later. Three and Arax are interrupted by the dudes we saw at the end of last episode and we learn that the eldest one, Tanner, was like a father to Three. Of course, judging by the flashback to Three’s life we saw at the beginning of the episode, it’s obvious something ain’t right with this dude or his crew.

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But here’s the thing about Three that I love: he’s so much more than just a mercenary. He wants to be more than just a hired gun and the prospect of being part of a family who has known him his whole life is enticing to him. Of course he has the Raza crew but I’m sure there’s a part of him that expects them to leave. We can see by his interactions with both Five and the Android that he needs the crew way more than they need him. He smiles at Five, treats her equally, and respects her wishes. He recognizes that she’s more than just a kid. I said this last week and I’ll say it again: Five is single-handedly making the crew of the Raza better people.

Three goes off on his op, expecting a quick robbery and high-tailing it out of there. Once he learns that they’ve kidnapped a kid, however, something in him snaps and he’s not okay with this whole bad boy persona. Quite the shift from the dude we saw last week who was more than willing to put a bullet in Five. I LOVE IT. Anywho, Three confronts Tanner and learns the truth: Tanner got drunk and killed his parents and then took care of him. Presumably what he had planned for the kid they nabbed for the op. Three Han Solo’s Tanner and gets the kid to safety. Look at him being a hero. D’awwwwww. He and Five have another heart to heart and you guys, I am falling in love with their relationship. (Not romantically, you friggin’ perverts.) Dark Matter, you keep building these relationships like this and I will be a fangirl for life.

Dark Matter

Back on the Raza, Devon takes Six out of stasis and operates to save his life but Arax is acting all shady, ain’t callin’ me baby, so why the sudden change? Five investigates and daaaaaaamn she pulls a fast one on him. She’s incredibly paranoid and it looks like this time the paranoia paid off because she catches him trying to steal the key that she stole way back before they lost their memories. Arax then goes to his employer with a fake key card, lookin’ like a fool, and everyone is pissed because the crew of the Raza suddenly has their favorite toy, one that’s capable of creating pocket space dimensions or some scientific mumbo jumbo I’m incapable of comprehending.

TL;DR: The crew of the Raza has the key. Corporations willing to kill for it, are after the Raza. Hide my babies.

A few thoughts:

There’s mention yet again about the death of One and with previews for next week, we have to assume we’ll get a resolution pretty soon. I hate to say it, but I think One may actually be dead, y’all.

Oh, what’s this? Does our little medic have a drug addiction? Is that why he was in jail, possibly? HO HO YOU BECAME MORE INTERESTING PRETTY BOY.

Two and Nyx team up to learn about Dwarf Star Technologies and Nyx shows off her accents. I’m nursing a new crush. No, wait. I’m nursing a new ship between Two and Nyx.

Sooooo does Nyx have special powers? Is she supposed to be like Two with this? I appreciate more hints at her back story, but the whole “women can only fight with the aid of tech” thing is bumming me out.

Oooooo Android THAT DRESS. Also, Victor is hella attractive. Good job, Android.

I like the rotation on covering different crew members each episode. It makes for more stream-lined storytelling without being too one-note. That being said, can I get some more background on Nyx and Devon? A girl needs to know more for reasons. (It’ll come, I know. I’m just whining.)

BYE FELICIA-ARAX. 

Dark Matter airs Fridays on Syfy at 10pm EST. 

‘Killjoys’ Review: Two Lies and a Truth

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KILLJOYS -- "Schooled" Episode 204 -- Pictured: (l-r) Hannah John-Kamen as Dutch, Aaron Ashmore as John -- (Photo by: Steve Wilkie/Syfy/Killjoys II Productions Limited)

Killjoys
Season 2, Episode 4: “Schooled”
Airdate: July 22, 2016

On Killjoys this week, the team find themselves trapped inside a school for the gifted and also happens to be the place where a certain important transmission was sent to. Will they discover who the data was for before it’s too late?

Read on….

turin

Turin Discovers the Transmission Destination

The RAC senior officer messages Team Awesome Force right in the middle of a sparring session between Dutch and D’Avin (lots of innuendos were had). For some strange reason Khlyen’s massive data transmission was sent to Prodigy, a school set up by the Company for gifted Westerly children. Turin manages to them a warrant for the escort of newly admitted kids to the prestigious school. This institution is seen as a charitable act by the Company though it used to be optional for chosen Westerley kids to attend and now it is mandatory.

Killjoys - Season 2

Collecting The Kids

One of the kids resides in Old Town so Dutch and D’Av head down to rendezvous Johnny since he is in the area to meet up with Pawter. They stop by the Royale and find it quite lively in comparison to the grim environment in the rest of the area. They tell Pree that they’re looking for a young boy who’s father used to work in the mines. The barkeep asks a woman named Sabine to come over (since she used to work at the mine cafeteria) to see if she knows where he might be. She suggests that they check out the east tenements as most of the mining families migrated there. D’Av is babbling about how it feels good to give back and he’s obviously smitten. Meanwhile Johnny’s left a message with Pree about Pawter’s exploits in Spring Hill and that he was tracking her down in the Salt Plains.

D’Av and Dutch find young Jake, but his father is unwilling to give him up. His older son had left for Prodigy three years ago and hadn’t been back since, then his wife died during the bombing and his second son was all he had left. The boy obviously wanted to go but his dad kept pushing him down and finally D’Avin took action (he hates bullies). He disarmed the other man easily who finally relented and said they can take his kid if he wants to go. Jake leaves with the killjoys.

pawter

Pawter’s Misadventure

Meanwhile, after last week’s episode Pawter has been kidnapped again. Well to be fair she was just held prisoner at Spring Hill. Johnny finds her inside a rowdy tent at the Salt Plains where she’s about to arm-wrestle a burly woman for her freedom (it’s Salt Plains law). At first things aren’t looking good for the doctor, but then by some miracle she ends up winning! Just as she and the killjoy are about to leave, they are stopped by Pawter’s captor/opponent claiming that Seyah Simms had to stay because she was a doctor and the other woman wanted one of her boys to settle down with her. Of course a fight breaks out soon after and the two friends use it as cover to make their escape.

Pawter leaves ahead of Johnny though he catches up with her in the jeep. Why’d homegirl just leave like that? The doctor explains that she’d found a plan in Jelco’s computer showing containment walls meant for cities all over Westerley and she couldn’t just leave without warning people. The younger Jaqobis suggests that she stay with them on Lucy while figuring out her next move because she couldn’t just walk to every town on the planet. Realizing he was right, Pawter takes his offer and they meet up with D’Av and Dutch.

What could the Company have in store for Westerley that requires containment walls on all settlements? The plot thickens!

Killjoys - Season 2

Prodigy

After collecting two other kids bound that qualified for the elite school, Team Awesome Force and Pawter head to Prodigy to fulfill their warrant. Once they get there though something is clearly wrong. Firstly, they discover that Delle Seyah Kendry is running the educational institution and secondly it seems to be abandoned. Alarms go off and the group splits with D’Av and Pawter getting the kids to safety while Johnny and Dutch go to investigate.

They enter one of the classrooms and find two cryopods instead. Suddenly Delle Seyah herself shows up with a goon in tow asking Johnny and Dutch what have they done with the children. Confused, the two killjoys explain that they’re here escorting three new students and found the place abandoned. The matriarch of Land Kendry then locks the entire school down including Lucy. Dutch shows the other woman their warrant with Delle Seyah commenting that this is all wrong and that they’re not ready for them yet. The current class continues for another six months and that they should still be asleep. Dutch asks who else has access to the kids aside from her and it turns out to be the class guardian Malta Chambers. They also discover that the security footage for the pod room is missing.

Delle Seyah explains that she’s piloting a new learning program so it’s still experimental and hardly anyone has access to Prodigy. The two women face stand at an impasse, knowing that they both have their own agendas. Dutch realizes that the Qreshi royal has no idea that Khlyen sent a transmission here but decides that before she reveals that information she needs to know what’s really being done to the children.

Speaking of which, Johnny and Pawter work together to try to figure out what happened to the kids. He’ll handle the tech while she has the bio. They’re gonna science the sh*t out of this! We also learn that Pawter grew up with Delle Seyah and the rest of the Nine. Once they open the pod, the doctor tells Johnny that the kids were being neuro fed in their sleep and there is a strange gooey substance inside. After some testing, the doctor makes a grave discovery, the strange goop within the pods were actually the children liquefied. Yikes!

In addition, Malta Chambers appears and first takes the goon out  and then announces via the school’s coms that Delle Seyah must pay for her crimes and go to level 9 alone and unarmed. They plan to use the head of Land Kendry as bait and then take Chambers down when she trips the sensors. Except when the older woman does appear she doesn’t trigger anything because she’s actually a hologram.

Jake’s genius brother Olan was behind the entire thing. He had sent out the warrant for his brother so that the killjoys would come he would use the ship to get out of Prodigy. Olan meant for the hologram to distract the others so that he could take Jake onto the ship with him and locked everyone else inside the school. He’d even programmed life support to shut down with only 15 minutes worth of air left until the ship was released.

Dutch and Delle Seyah head to the school’s control room to try and figure out how to bring life support back while Pawter and D’Av get the other two kids to the pods since life support is still functioning for those units. Meanwhile Johnny attempts to somehow get back onto Lucy. As their O2 is quickly running out, Delle Seyah decides to tell Dutch two lies and a truth. The truth being that the Prodigy program is a living human seed bank to protect all Qreshi culture and knowledge. Dutch comments that there’s only two reasons for a seed bank, winter or war. The other woman explains that would depend on Khlyen’s message. The killjoy ends up carrying the royal to the control center and is kissed by her, since she needed Delle Seyah’s DNA to reactivate life support.

Surprisingly it’s Jake who lets Johnny back into the ship after he realizes that something is wrong with his old brother. Olan was now willing to just abandon people to die and that wasn’t right. So he let’s the killjoy onto Lucy and the Prodigy student freaks out, threatening to connect certain cables to blow them all up. Johnny explains that Chambers was actually trying to save him because there was a massive data surge that triggered the pods’ sterilization subroutine, killing all his other classmates. All the data was rerouted to their neural feeders and that’s why he’s seeing weird crap and keeps getting headaches. Lastly Johnny pulls out the guilt trip and tells Olan that he’s being a crap big brother by choosing to kill them all instead of being there for Jake. The Prodigy student relents, realizing he doesn’t want Jake to remember him as a crazy person.

Before departing, Delle Seyah tells Dutch that whatever is in Olan’s head was meant for her and the killjoy retorts back that she needs to know whatever is in his mind as well. Dutch comments that if the Qreshi royal takes the kid to one of her people they’ll know what she’s been up to and she doesn’t want that now does she? Olan is safer with her and she’ll even share whatever information she discovers. Lastly Dutch didn’t hate that kiss. And with that Delle Seyah says she can keep Olan for now and proclaims they’re now allies.

Team Awesome Force takes the brothers to the Scarback Monastery on Leith to rest and hopefully remain safe. Alvis promises to watch over them and to help Olan unlock whatever is in his head. Regarding the skin scroll, the monk updates that the older uncles are working on it but it’s coded and they need the key to decipher it fully.

This will likely be the team’s next mission.

kf

Khlyen and Fancy’s Excellent Journey

Back on the mysterious Black Root ship, Fancy takes out all the guards on board and wakes Khlyen up. The man still has his fancy moves and quickly eliminates his targets. After acclimatizing, Dutch’s former tutor tells his level 6 companion to set a course for Telen since it’s the Jaqobis home planet and they need to figure out what makes D’Av so special. Fancy warns that the Black Root will come for him if they deviate course and Khlyen says that they should make this count then.

Final Thoughts

  • This is pretty exciting that we’re going outside of the Quad to see where the Jacqobis brothers grew up, possibly get more of a background story on their history and family. How did Johnny end up with the RAC and how did he and Dutch meet?
  • Also I too did not mind that Dutch-Delle Seyah kiss, the chemistry was definitely there. I can’t wait to see more from these two now that they are temporarily allied.
  • Is Dutch a little jealous of the attention that Johnny is giving Pawter? Mmmm…

 

Killjoys airs Fridays on Syfy at 9/8 central.

Images courtesy of Syfy.

‘Dead of Summer’ Review: “Modern Love”

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Dead of Summer

Dead of Summer
Season 1, Episode 4: “Modern Love”
Tuesday, July 19, 2016

Remember how last week I wrote a post about how to make Dead of Summer better? Well I think they read my article and took my advice because this week’s episode “Modern Love” A) was a Drew episode B) had Alex talking a lot less and C) made the camp mystery part of the characters’ storylines.

The Stillwater counselors are all in the counselor only cabin waiting to hear news about Amy. In case you forgot, last week she got massively hit by lightning in the middle of the lake. Joel quips that Amy will be fine by referencing an obscure movie that no one has heard of. Ugh, Joel. Cricket comes into the cabin passing out everyone’s mail. Jessie opens up her letter and instantly rips it to shreds and Drew seems to be the only one to notice. Next Alex finds the yearbook from the summer of 1983 when they were all campers. And by yearbook, I mean just a regular photo album. As they reminisce about the good old days they see a picture of a former camper “Andrea.” And as everyone ponders about whatever happened to her, Drew squirms awkwardly in his chair.

Deb storms in a few minutes later to let everyone know that Amy is going to be a-okay. Everyone looks around at each other and finally, Cricket says what everyone is thinking

Cricket:“One day? After being hit by lightning?”

Deb just ignores Cricket. I mean, if she didn’t question finding a heartless deer carcass in the woods or a dead groundskeeper in the lake, why should she question Amy being totally fine after being struck by lightning?

While walking around camp, Drew notices that Lake Stillwater is bubbling with bloody water.  When he walks onto the dock, he sees “Andrea” on the lake creepily staring back at him holding a balloon.Modern Love Balloon

Drew gets so startled and freaked out that he falls backwards into the lake. When he emerges, his clothes are soaked and clinging to him. Clinging to body parts that he doesn’t want anyone to see because they are a part of a body he doesn’t belong in. Luckily Jessie is there to hand Drew a helping hand/towel. And by helping hand I mean a backstabbing bitchy hand as she reveals to Drew that she knows he used to be the camper they knew as “Andrea.” Good thing Drew is fucking awesome and picked up Jessie’s ripped up letter which revealed she has an upcoming court date. Well it looks like you two are at a standstill. (NOTE: The only reason I am using the name “Andrea” at all is because the characters refer to the character, and because of the ghost Drew keeps seeing. I am putting the name in quotes because it is not Drew’s name).

Joel has brought the “yearbook” from Deb’s camper days to breakfast because he is a talker. He keeps raving about how hot Deb was as a hippie and truthfully my excitement for this Joel/Deb relationship (which will be referred to as Jeb moving forward) is decreasing every time Joel talks. Cricket could care less about Deb’s hotness. She is freaked out by the man standing behind Deb in the picture who is wearing the same wooden horse mask that she saw in her dream. Cricket’s freakout is cut short though because Garrett brings Amy back to camp after her post-lightning strike milkshake where she is greeted by an “I am glad you are alive after being struck by lightning in a blood filled lake” sign. When a camper goes to bring Amy a welcome home balloon though, Drew sees the ghost of “Andrea” staring back at him. He runs to the bathroom to try to escape and just keeps seeing an evil black-eyed “Andrea” staring back at him in the mirror whispering “You can’t hide who you are.”

And thank the lord, this last incident with Drew seeing his ghost FINALLY gets the seven counselors to starts talking to each other about all the creepy shit happening at camp. You know, Amy seeing her dead friend, Alex seeing his dead grandfather, and Cricket seeing wooden horse masked men and having her boots stolen. Jessie tells the group that they are being over dramatic and crazy but pauses when a campers comes up to them out of nowhere with Cricket’s said pair of soaking wet boots in his hand. Modern Love Dumpy BootsHe declares to the entire camp staff that he has just found these boots in the lake and he is never swimming in it again because it is a dump. I have SO many thoughts about this that I can’t wait until the “Also” section to address them.

  1. If I was a camper I would think finding a fairly new looking pair of boots in the bottom of a lake would be a prank, not an indication that the lake is a dump, but that is the smallest of my qualms.
  2. This kid’s hair is completely dry and so are his clothes. Those heavy boots were dropped off the dock to the bottom of the lake.  Small lakes do not have much of a current meaning that they probably were still at the bottom of the lake when he found them. Wouldn’t he have had to swim to find these boots? Please explain to me how this kid has dry hair.
  3. All the counselors are standing around looking the exact OPPOSITE WAY from the lake. WHO IS LIFEGUARDING THESE CAMPERS?!?!

Back to the story. The counselors finally start investigating the freaky shit going on at camp, and Deb is their number one suspect. Alex comes up with an actual brilliant idea: they should comb through Joel’s footage to get dirt on Deb. Joel is legit obsessed with Deb and films her all fucking day. Like in the Law and Order: SVU type way.

 

CreeperAnyway, Joel walks in on them watching his Deb footage and freaks out. They are all like “no no dude, we are not concerned at all about your stalker behavior. We actually only care about the fact that Deb is almost most certainly a satan worshiper.”

Meanwhile Blair finds Drew and tries to help him in his coming out process. He tells him that everything will be okay and asks “What are you afraid of?”

Drew: “Rejection, disappointment, take your pick.”

Oh man I really do love Drew. Any person who uses sarcasm to deal with their pain has a special place in my heart. Blair then hands Drew a David Bowie mixtape.

Blair: “I always knew that I was different but I never knew how to talk about. But then I came to camp and I met someone. I didn’t have to tell her I was gay. She just understood that I was different. And her response was to give me that tape. Bowie lives how he wants to live. He does what he wants and he doesn’t care what people think. Listening to Bowie gave me the courage to come out.”
Drew: “And everyone just accepted you?”
Blair: “Of course not. But Cricket did. She was the first person I told and that was enough. Knowing that there was just one person out there who supported me it, it gave me the strength to face everyone else. Be my date to the Masquerade ball, you can trust me. I accept you. No matter what.”

I just love this interaction so much. I love these two.

But my joy is cut short when Jessie tells Drew she has video of him showering, and that she will show it to the whole camp. This prompts Drew to leave camp before the Masquerade ball (presumably leaving the camp with only 6 counselors) in fear of his secret being revealed. Luckily the ice around Jessie’s heart starts to melt and she rushes to catch Drew at the bus station before he leaves. The two start talking about what camp meant to them as kids. What it represented. The freedom it granted them. The safe haven from the hell that school could be. And this, this right here, is why I decided to first sit down to watch the pilot of Dead of Summer. Because to me, this is what camp is about. What it means to many people. And at its core it is what a show about camp should be about. The friendships, the bonds, the experience.

But it is not only Drew’s interaction with Jessie that made me feel this way, it was Blair sitting down with Drew showing he cares. Offering to help him through the coming out process. The first person I talked to when I realized that my feelings for other women were more than just friendship feelings was a camp friend. I was in my senior year of high school and the first person I turned to way my gay friend Matt from camp. I told him what I was feeling, how I was confused, and asked how do I know if I am gay. He talked with me about it and comforted me. And it was not until that summer at camp, going into my freshman year of college, that I started coming out to people. Camp was the place that I felt accepted. That I felt comfortable. And that was where I first started accepting my sexuality publicly.

After his heart to heart with Jessie, Drew heads back to camp to meet up with Blair at the Masquerade Ball. They see each other, run into each other’s arms, and make out on the dance floor.

Blew

In front of all the campers. I mean, I get that things were different in 1989, but counselor couples were barely allowed to flirt in front of campers at my camp, let alone make out. But I love these two so much that I am willing to let that go. They then leave the dance, and the campers whose lives they are in charge of, to go make out some more. As things start to get hot and heavy, Blair’s hands start creeping up Drew’s torso, and he pulls away. Drew runs off and meets Blair back in the woods later with the David Bowie mixtape in his hand. He tries to explain to Blair that 6 years ago, he was the one who gave him the tape, but back then Blair knew him as “Andrea”. This is who he is though. This is who he has always has been. But sadly, Blair does not take this news well. Blair is confused, shocked, and possibly even a little angry. Drew yells out:

“But you said you accepted me. No matter what”

This was heartbreaking to watch for so many reasons. It echoes Drew’s backstory that has been intertwined throughout the episode. His whole life he tried to get his mom to understand that he was not her daughter “Andrea”, he was her son Drew, but she would not accept it. So Drew began playing the role that his mother wanted him to play. And then the time came when he got his period and he could no longer play along with his mother’s wishes. He broke down saying “This isn’t supposed to happen to me, I’m a boy.” And the “problem” his mother thought she had fixed crept back into their lives and she decides to send Drew to a therapist to “sort out” the issue.

Drew’s therapist invites his mother to a session so Drew can announce his breakthrough. But the breakthrough was not the one his mother expected. His breakthrough is telling his mom he is not “Andrea”.

Drew: No my name is Drew
Mom: No it’s Andrea. Your father rest his soul and I gave it to you
Drew: You gave it to me without knowing me. My name is Drew

His mom is having none of this and blames the therapist for Drew not “getting better.” And so, yet again, Drew is forced to pretend to be someone he is not to appease his mother. He dresses in skirts and in pink when his mom is around, but at night, he sneaks out and gets to be himself. And one night Drew’s mom follows him out to a club and finally sees him being himself. Dressed as himself. She sees her son Drew and he is happy. When Drew comes home the next day he finds his mother and therapist in the living room

Mom:“I saw you. I saw YOU Drew.”
Drew:“What did you call me?”
Mom:“Your name. It’s Drew. I know that now.”

But while Drew’s mom now understands that the child she gave birth to is Drew, she cannot accept the fact that her daughter “Andrea” is gone and never actually existed. And seeing Drew everyday would be just a cruel reminder of that fact, so she runs away, leaving Drew to live alone. So essentially, Drew’s mom cares more about the idea of a daughter she thought she had more than the actual child standing right in front of her. I think I am going to leave my analysis at that.

And Blair’s rejection of Drew in many ways echoes his mother’s. They both gave him hope. Blair said he would accept Drew no matter what, and that gave him hope. Just like his mother gave him hope when she called him Drew for the first time. But then they both let him down by not actually giving him the support that should have accompanied those words.

After having his heart broken, Drew heads to the fire pit where Jessie is ready to hold and console him. This was a friendship that I truthfully never saw coming, and I am so happy that it did. This friendship is the essence of camp.

Drew and Jessie

ALSO
Jeb has sex in the woods and it is creepy and I am officially over this coupling. It started off as cute and flirty and very quickly turned into stalkery and well creepy.

Also, Amy almost gets attacked by a lake monster hand and then becomes possessed and makes out with Garrett. It was so weird. I just have no words or even ideas about what happened.creepy hand

‘Mr. Robot’ review: Of Humanity & Gods

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mr. robot

MR. ROBOT
Season 2, Episode 3
“eps2.1_k3rnel-pan1c.ksd”
AIR DATE: July 20, 2016
GRADE: A-

There’s this great (albeit disgusting) moment during last night’s episode of USA’s Mr. Robot where Elliot eats Adderall from his own vomit. Any other show, this would be the eye-rolling “shut-it-down” moment, something that prompts fans and critics to cynically declare the showrunners self-indulgent for no other reason except that the network hosting them has given them carte blanche to do anything they want. For Mr. Robot, it’s sauce for an already incredibly tasty goose. The moment follows an equally disturbing scene involving a kidnapping at the hands of group who, at first, might be government shadow forces. They roll Elliot into an abandoned warehouse and tie him to a chair. No amount of begging stops these people from quickly mixing some concrete and then force-feeding it to him through a big red funnel, all of it executed, in near-operatic fashion, to Phillip Glass’s “Opening” from the film “Mishima”. I mean, holy shit. That moment is preceded by an intense, yet darkly funny, bit between Elliot and Mr. Robot at the basketball court where Elliot originally pops the Adderall like they’re Reese’s Pieces. He does this right in Mr. Robot’s face while Robot grits his teeth, seething.

Elliot’s doing this because he’s just about had it with Robot and since ignoring him usually always leads to a temper tantrum in the form of an imaginary bullet to Elliot’s head (or a funnel of force-fed concrete), Elliot’s resorting to desperate measures. At first, the drug’s highs far outweigh the eventual lows. For instance Elliot actually interacts with Leon now — and finds Seinfeld HILARIOUS(!!!), something that freaks Leon the hell out and which also might be a not-so-subtle jab at Seinfeld and fans of the show. Watching Elliot break his invisible bonds is an absolute treat and serves as a reminder that Rami Malek is not just an actor wearing a hoodie, providing us with monotonous voice-overs while staring blankly into a depressing void. Even when he does that, he’s captivating. Here, he whoops and loudly cheers as a basketball player dunks in the face of another player and you can’t help but be amused.

mr. robot

But, then come the aforementioned “lows”: Elliot’s hyperactive. He’s loud and brash — even in his church group — and worse yet, the audio-visual hallucinations are starting. “Leon’s talking backwards,” Elliot observes. “That’s not good.” Pretty soon, we begin to see signs of an eventual crash or “a kernel panic,” as Elliot puts it. Not only does Leon talk backwards, Elliot’s coming apart, pixel by pixel. Literally. His room gets smaller for a moment. There’s some random code that flashes across the screen. He watches his laundry as it spins, endlessly, the visual of tumbling clothing reflected in his eyes no matter where he goes, crashing into his everyday regimen. It’s here we realize that Elliot’s struggle for control is futile. In attempting to suppress Mr. Robot, he has no control over the consequences of that drug-induced suppression, something Robot reminds him of as he regurgitates the pills:

I have burrowed underneath your brain. I have nested there. I am the scream in your mind. You will co-operate…or else I will MAKE you because I OWN YOU!

Robot slowly lunges into the camera as he says this, getting into our faces like a malevolent being imposing their will upon us. Elliot, on his hands and knees, attempting to dig up the pills necessary to make Robot’s intimidating presence vanish into the darkness that constantly surrounds him. The dynamic reminds us of the first season finale, “zer0-day.avi”, when Robot declared himself “a god” and Elliot his “prophet”. This is never more apparent than when Elliot visits his church support group following a period of sobriety — but instead of obnoxiously yelling “AMEN” at the top of his lungs like a con-man TV preacher, Elliot is slumped in his chair, listening to a yokel describe the time he got so annoyed with an Indian man’s accent, that he just beat the man halfway to death. “It was raining, though,” the man explains. “I walked outside and the clouds parted and the sun came out…and I knew that was God showing up for me!” The group’s leader smiles and says that ordeal was just a “test from Jesus” and the entire class agrees, treating the man’s violent bigotry like a miracle.

mr. robot

Elliot is asked by the leader to share with the group…and Elliot calmly preaches his gospel:

Is that what God does? He ‘helps’? Tell me: why didn’t God help my innocent friend who died for no reason while the guilty roam free? Ok…fine: forget the one-offs. How ’bout the countless wars declared in his name. Ok! Fine! Let’s skip the random, meaningless murder for a second, shall we? How about the racist, sexist, phobia soup we’ve ALL been drowning in because of HIM! And I’m not just talking about Jesus…I’m talking about ALL organized religion. Exclusive groups created to manage control! He’s a dealer getting people hooked on a drug of HOPE! His followers, nothing but ADDICTS who want their hit of BULLSHIT to keep their dopamine of IGNORANCE! ADDICTS afraid to believe the truth that there is no order! There’s no POWER! That all religions are just…metastasizing mind worms meant to DIVIDE US so it’s easier to rule us by the charlatans that wanna RUN us! All we are to them are paying fanboys of their poorly-written sci-fi franchise. If I don’t listen to MY imaginary friend, why the fuck should I listen to YOURS? People think their worships’s some key to happiness! But that’s just how he OWNS you. Even I’M not crazy enough to believe that distortion of reality…so, fuck God. He’s not a good enough scapegoat for me.

The moment is visceral, real, honest — but Elliot has forgotten something: his “system” is down due to his mental “kernel panic”. Unlike last season when he internally monologued about the pitiful state of the world and how truly phony it was to his therapist, Elliot really said all of that outloud and everyone heard it. To see Elliot go from confident in his viewpoints to a shaken-up, frightened individual is striking. Robot wasn’t around to push that point of view, so does it belong to Elliot? Does he have control of himself even when Robot isn’t around to push him to do the things he does? How much of himself exists? It’s also interesting to note the reactions of the people surrounding him. Financial freedom caused hundreds of people to take to the streets in FSociety masks and cheer for their hacker heroes. Here, the church group collective looks like they’ve taken a knife to the gut. Freedom from religion is much harder to celebrate because, like Robot, it’s something that burrows into a person’s brain. It can’t be unloaded easily because of the guilt that comes with unlearning it all.

There’s also a couple of characters we haven’t yet discussed. They both debuted last week but their role on the series didn’t really make enough waves for me to mention them outright. Craig Robinson joins the cast as “Ray”, a man who also talks to an imaginary friend: his deceased wife. There’s a great deal to be said here (and is said) when Ray and Elliot finally have a meeting of the minds. First, Ray doesn’t actually talk to the dead. He talks to nobody. He does so to maintain control of the grief he felt after she passed away. Second, he knows that control is an illusion. He says that his wife never colored outside the proverbial lines and always minded her safety. But none of that mattered and she died anyhow. “Picking yourself up after falling is bullshit,” he says. “The whole thing is a fall. You have to stumble around to move forward.” He invited Elliot to play a game of chess with him as he tells him that keeping his imaginary friends at bay doesn’t actually help things. And the dance begins. Ray is peculiar in that he’s ever so wise — but also has a dark side: he seemingly works with people who rough up the type of people who run FSociety. But one gets the sense that he truly doesn’t enjoy what he does.

mr. robot

The other character is FBI agent Dominique DiPierro, played by series newcomer Grace Gummer. She’s a great officer who takes pride in her work but is just as flawed: she lives alone, appears as though she feels her age, she engages in cybersex late at night (which runs in juxtaposition to the cheap romance reality shows that seem to turn her off completely) and she doesn’t mind rolling a joint for the people she’s investigating. She’s brought into the fold to uncover the 5/9 FSociety hack that brought down Evil Corp, something that has left Mobley frantic since Romero has turned up dead, the victim of an apparent gunshot wound to the head. Mobley’s afraid that the people involved with the hack are being systematically wiped out by the Whiterose and the Dark Army (which would make a killer metal band name) because, as every conspiracy theorist knows, the first rule of keeping secrets is assassinating assassins.

While Mobley is freaking out, Darlene attempts to try to keep control of her fractured group. It’s very much needed since, the last time we saw FSociety, it was comprised of a bunch of careless morons who were out for their own fame. The problem is that Mobley and Trenton are the only real members left without Elliot to guide them — and Trenton doesn’t want to have anything to do with the recent spate of activity, dismissing Darlene’s money-burning escapade in the middle of a New York park by declaring it “stupid hijinx”. All this while Darlene carelessly flips through a copy of Trenton’s Quran — which ties into the sub-theme of religious control that was just described. Despite Darlene’s pleas for calm, Mobley is petrified, telling a worried-looking Trenton: “They’re trying to cover their tracks — and we’re the tracks.”

mr. robot

The final sub-plot is Angela and her dealings with Phillip Price of Evil Corp. After successfully maneuvering Price into a damage-control interview with CNBC, he invites her to dinner with him that night. Last week, we saw Angela brainwashing herself with early morning affirmation television. This week sees her repeating those words to herself in the mirror and we quickly discover that Angela is not above sleeping her way to the top. The problem with her plan is that Price was planning to seduce her in a different manner: by attempting to get her to help him destroy two of the most corrupt men in the company by leaking evidence of their wrongdoing to the authorities. The entire dinner date was a ruse. Angela’s moralistic side begins to resurface as she realizes that maybe she’s not what Price thinks she is. Her control has faded — but Price still has his and makes sure that she knows it with a really creepy moment where he whispers in her ear, exposing her weakness. “You’re panicking right now,” he tells her. “But the minute you remove emotion from this, you’ll do just fine.” The scene serves to underscore the futile irony of her seduction attempt and feels like a sex scene without the physical act being actually shown. It feels dirty, shameful, awful because, no matter what, another piece of Angela seems to have died and it’s even harder to take because Price’s words are not dissimilar from what Angela was saying to hype herself up prior to the date.

The beauty of Mr. Robot is in the execution of each and every scene — nothing is wasted. Everything means something. Everything we see and hear is an exploration of a character or a theme or a variation of a theme or something which advances the story. There’s no “cute” on the show and, if there is, it isn’t without reward. The flaws are minuscule and are easily explained away on later episodes or they’re easily forgivable. One of these lies with the ending of “k3rnel-pan1c.ksd”: Agent DiPierro’s discovery of FSociety’s hideout at Coney Island. The arcade front says “F . . SOCIETY” on it in great big letters. Those spaces in the middle are because it once spelled “FUN SOCIETY”, but the U and the N vanished. Why? It isn’t explained. There’s a bit of exposition at the opening of the episode regarding the marquee: a conversation between Mobley and Romero, but Romero simply promises to reveal the answer at a later date. Even still, for all the careful burning the team did, it’s a bit careless for FSociety to advertise their presence like that — and keep it there for somebody to discover later on.

Even still, Mr. Robot rolls on, giving us an excellent parable on the illusion of control and continuing its sophomore season in fine form.

Marvel’s ‘Iron First’ and ‘The Defenders’ Get Teasers and 2017 Can’t Come Soon Enough

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the defenders

“You think the four of you can save New York? You can’t even save yourselves.”

Are you tired of all of this news from San Diego Comic Con about Netflix’s Marvel lineup? ME NEITHER. After dropping the Daredevil third season renewal on the table and debuting the Luke Cage trailer, Netflix THEN shared teasers for both The Defenders and Iron Fist. They’re your typical teasers, but give them a watch:

There’s not a lot of information to go off of from the two trailers, but is that Stick I hear taunting The Defenders? We know that Iron Fist (Finn Jones as Danny Rand) will be the last of the four Defenders to make his solo debut sometime in 2017, so we’ve got some time to kill until then. But hey, Loras Tyrell doesn’t look too bad after the events in the Game of Thrones finale.

The Hollywood Reporter had this to say about Iron Fist:

The Game of Thrones grad stars as Daniel Rand, aka Iron Fist. The character is described as handsome and sophisticated, independent and a loner. Rand fights against the criminal elements corrupting New York with his kung fu skills and ability to summon the power of the fiery Iron Fist. The series picks up with Rand returning to the Big Apple after having gone missing for several years.

The Defenders will be an 8-episode mini-series starring all of the heroes from Netflix’s Marvel Adventures so far: Daredevil (Charlie Cox), Jessica Jones (Krysten Ritter), Luke Cage (Mike Colter), and Danny Rand (Finn Jones), and like Iron Fist, it will debut sometime in 2017.

Netflix and Marvel have a lot slated for 2017, what with Daredevil season 3, Jessica Jones season 2, the Punisher spin-off series, The Defenders, and Iron Fist. But hey, if they continue in the direction they’ve been headed, I’m incredibly excited to see what the future holds.

Marvel Releases First ‘Luke Cage’ Trailer And It’s Beautiful

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luke cage

If you listen to the Workprint Gamescast or were around when Jessica Jones debuted, you’ll know about my ridiculous crush on Mike Colter. And because this sometimes inappropriate crush, I was incredibly excited that Netflix decided to show off the first full trailer for Marvel’s Luke Cage at San Diego Comic Con.

Look at it. It’s beautiful.

The thing I love about all of the Netflix Marvel shows is that they’re all different. Daredevil was about responsibility and being a good person. Jessica Jones was a bit darker and more harrowing, tackling more inner demons than external. Luke Cage? He’s straight up strength. Watch that trailer and tell me he doesn’t ooze power with every movement.

Thankfully, we don’t have too long to wait for Marvel’s Luke Cage as the entire first season releases on September 30th on Netflix. Luke Cage stars Mike ColterMahershala Ali, Frankie Faison, and Simone Missick.

Netflix Renews Marvel’s ‘Daredevil’ for Third Season

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daredevil season 2

All kinds of Netflix and Marvel news coming out of San Diego Comic Con this year; the first of which is that Netflix has renewed Daredevil for a third season. Unsurprising news, given that Daredevil has amassed solid reviews through its first two seasons and has been a fan favorite of the Netflix original programming.

Here’s the teaser trailer Netflix announced on Twitter Thursday evening:

Season three of Daredevil is expected to land sometime in 2017. Daredevil stars Charlie Cox as the titular character as well as Deborah Ann Woll, Elden Henson, Jon Bernthal, and Vincent D’Onofrio. Along with Daredevil, Netflix and Marvel also have Luke Cage, Iron Fist, and the mini-series The Defenders coming soon to the streaming service.

SDCC 2016: ‘Street Fighter V’ Juri Reveal Trailer, Available July 26

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Street Fighter V Juri

Juri will be the newest downloadable fighter headed to Capcom’s Street Fighter V.

Announced Wednesday at Capcom’s San Diego Comic Con panel, Juri will be released on July 26 for PC and Playstation 4.

Juri V-Trigger

According to Polgyon, Juri, who made her debut in Street Fighter 4, will feature a “combo-focused V-Trigger, which is called Feng Shui Engine Type Alpha.” Her V-Trigger will allow her to “cancel any of her attacks, making it easier to chain together combos.”

Juri

Juri’s V-Skill, Kasatsushu, will allow her to “do a teleport attack that quickly moves her behind her opponent for mix-ups” while her Critical Art sends a “slicing blast that hits her opponent multiple times.”

Juri

Street Fighter 3’s Urien was also announced as another downloadable character that will come in Street Fighter V. 

Fans of costumes in Street Fighter V can look forward to a new line of summer skins for Laura, Cammy and Ibuki that will be available alongside Juri’s release on July 26.

Chun-Li

In one final piece of news, concept art from Chun-li creator Akiman was shown off giving the audience in attendance an early look at some of the designs in the works for the character.

Source: Polygon

‘The Bachelorette’: JoJo Visits the Men’s Homes, Then Cries and Cries and Cries…

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BACHELORETTE

Well, kids, it’s “Hometown Week” on The Bachelorette. For anyone who doesn’t know what that is, it is the episode of this crazy-ass foolishness, where the Bachelorette visits the families of the 4 remaining men that she might marry and then soon-after, divorce. She travels to each of their hometowns, where she meets the man himself, plus whatever family members choose to be a part of this trainwreck. Then, she must send someone home, so that we are down to 3 guys for the epic finale, which will be in 2 weeks. So let’s get started. I know you are on the edge of your seat ….

FIRST STOP: HIGHLANDS, COLORADO.

CHASE

Yeah. His name is Chase. I still can’t picture ever marrying someone named Chase. Or talking to them. Or saying their name out loud without breaking into fits of laughter. If you are reading this and your name is Chase or you named someone Chase, I’m sorry. And that’s not me apologizing TO you. I’m just sorry.

Anyhoo, Chase lives in the gorgeous, snow-capped mountains of Colorado, where the two meet up for a light picnic and a chat. He tells her about his parents divorce years back, and how nasty it was. He lets her know that she would be meeting his dad separately, and then his mom and the rest of the family later. He takes her to his house, where his dad shows up. Jo-Jo is surprised but goes along with it, and they all get along just peachy.

His dad seems sweet, and he warns his son not to make the same mistakes that he did, and to always put his wife first. Next up, they go to meet Chase’s mom, step-dad, sister, brother-in-law, and little nephew. They all sit down for a beautiful dinner that nobody eats. The plates look like they were arranged by Martha Stewart.

I’m starting to think they use fake food on this show, because NOBODY EATS ANYTHING EVER. Except that douchebag Chad. He ate everything. He was always eating. But nobody else eats food. Jo-Jo and the mom have a lovely conversation.

While talking to his mom, a single tear goes down Chase’s face (that rhymes) as he tells her that he is in love. Before JoJo leaves for the night, Chase tells her “I’m falling in love with you.” She says: “I’ll miss you.” They say goodnight.

SECOND STOP: CHICO, CALIFORNIA

JORDAN AND HIS FLOPPY HAIR

Jordan and his stupid Floppy hairdo take JoJo through his town. Then they go to his old high-school, because this dude seems to live in the past and his entire point in life is his former football playing “career”, which never really went anywhere anyway.

They walk through the school, look at pictures of him in his old hero football days, when she spots a picture of his brother, who is now an NFL player while HE is a “former” one and currently a couch-sitter who has time to appear on dumb shows like The Bachelorette. She says “Hey is that your brother Aaron?” He goes silent.

Soon after they go to meet the family – his mom, dad, and other brother Luke. Jojo is nervous. They get there, and apparently the floppy hair thing runs in the family. His brother has it too. Even his brother’s GIRLFRIEND has it, which makes no sense, but it’s true. Hers is ridiculous, actually. She has a giant part of her hair swooped over into a flop and on the other side of her head.

They all sit down to eat and nobody eats. The mom tells an awkward and boring story about how Jordan is the “spicy one” because when he was a little boy, he tried to run away once. JoJo acts like this is the most fascinating thing ever, when, in reality, it’s the most common thing on earth. What little kid DIDN’T try to run away at least once when they were 5?

JoJo talks to brother Luke, and tries getting information on what happened between Jordan and his brother Aaron, and why Aaron is no longer really part of the family. Luke offers nothing except for “we don’t really talk about it. ”

JoJo talks to the dad, who looks like a Q-Tip and wears awful track pants. Meanwhile, Floppy tells his mommy that he is in love. At the end of the night, he tells her he loves her again. She gets all scared and asks him what if he changes his mind. She tells the cameras that Ben told her HE loved her, and then broke her heart.

JoJo is terrified of that happening all over again, but she doesn’t tell Jordan that part, so he leaves feeling confused as to why she doesn’t believe his love for her is real. Him and his Floppy hairdo go inside and apply more mousse to the situation.

THIRD STOP: ST. AUGUSTINE, FLORIDA.

ROBBIE

I have no clue why JoJo is so into this dude. Robbie looks like a silly cartoon character. His eyes are weird. He looks nervous all the time.

The two go on a carriage ride through his town. They stop and talk. She tells him that she fears he might not be over his ex-girlfriend, because it was such a recent breakup, just a few months ago. She says she doesn’t want to be just filling a void for him. Robbie assures her this woman is in his past.

They go meet the family – mom, dad, 2 sisters, 2 brothers, and their spouses. The brothers all talk while drinking from the most ginormous beverage glasses on planet earth. Meanwhile, JoJo tells the mom that she is falling for her son, and she brings up the thing about his ex with HER too.

The mom then tells Robbie that the exes’ roommate has been starting rumors online and in person, that Robbie only broke up with her to go on the show, and that he isn’t over her and isn’t on the show for the “right reasons.”

This is sooooo high-school. Robbie looks like he’s going to cry, and he goes and tells JoJo that rumors are out there, but they aren’t true. She starts freaking out and doubting everything again. JoJo asks if there is ANY truth to this, tell her now. He says it’s all lies. She says she believes him. He says he wants her to be his future. They kiss and hug and she sighs a lot in her ginormous sweater.

FOURTH STOP: BUMET, TEXAS.

LUKE

Luke hasn’t told her he loves her yet, but he wants to. He needs to wait and see how she interacts with his family first, and then he will. He tells her he has a surprise for her, and instead of just meeting the family , they pull up to the house, where pretty much the entire state of Texas is in their backyard. Mom, dad, sister, plus about 50 of Luke’s closest friends are all gathered up for a BBQ.

Luke and his dad have a talk on the back porch, and its the slowest dialogue in the universe. It takes them both about 4 hours to say three words. That southern drawl really takes center stage with these two. He tells his dad that he loves JoJo, and the dad and his giant cowboy hat approve.

Everyone sits at picnic tables out back and jokes around and has fun. When the day is done, Luke says he has more surprises for her. He takes her horseback riding and they sit on a bench as the sun sets. Luke says is falling for her, but he doesn’t quite get the words out. She starts getting silent and crying a little. He says I hope those are happy tears.

She says something about “I wish I had more time with you.” He is totally going home. Then he takes her to his last surprise, yet another place where he WON’T quite say “I love you,” but implies it.

Luke has made a giant heart in the grass made of rose pedals, with a candlelit path to the center. He walks JoJo to the center and says “my heart is yours.” She is again silent and mutters out a “thank you” before leaving him for the night.

AWKWARD!!!!!

ROSE CEREMONY

The four men and JoJo all gathered up at an airport hanger for the rose ceremony. JoJo tells host Chris Harrison, whose role on the show becomes more and more pointless as the weeks drag on, that she doesn’t know what she is going to do, and that she could see herself falling for ALL FOUR of them. Really?

You’re in love with 4 men? FOUR???

She cries as she tells cameras, minutes later, that she thinks she knows what must be done. “I think I have to send Luke home.” Just as she is about to give out the first rose, Luke stops the ceremony. “Can I talk to you for a minute?” She says sure, and leaves the other men waiting as her and Luke step away to talk. It is very awkward.

Luke begins telling her that he hopes it isn’t too late to say this, but he is in love with her. He says “I am in love with you. I wanted you to know, finally.” He tries being all romantic, but she again looks like she is going to cry, because I’m guessing she is more in love with Floppy and Cartoon-Face than him.

JoJo says her standard “thank you” response and sends Luke back into the ceremony. She takes a minute alone in her gorgeous shiny blue evening gown, and kneels down on the pavement/runway area, and just cries and cries and cries. “Fuck!” she says. “I’ve been wanting to hear that from him this whole time, and now?? Is it enough?? I don’t know. I don’t know …. waaaaahhh!!!!! I feel so out of control. What if I make a mistake? What do I do????” More crying, crying, crying …………..

TO BE CONTINUED…………

NEXT WEEK ON THE BACHELORETTE:

After crying for 17 more hours, JoJo finally makes a decision and chooses to run away with Chris Harrison. The four men wait at the rose ceremony until they eventually die.

EA Details Offline Skirmish Mode for ‘Star Wars Battlefront’

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Miss the good ol’ offline days of Star Wars Battlefront 1 & 2? Well EA has heard you loud and clear.

Starting today, a free game update for Star Wars Battlefront players will add Skirmish mode which will allow players the ability to play two of the most popular modes, Walker Assault and Fighter Squadron, against AI, on a difficulty level of their choosing.

Players will be able to play solo against AI or with a friend using split-screen.

Star Wars Battlefront Skirmish Mode

Walker Assault:
Gameplay offering:
Ground battles, Vehicle, Air Combat, and Hero Combat
Take on the massive Imperial AT-AT’s that are descending upon the Rebel strongholds in an epic game of attack and defend in this 40 player mode.
Maps: 7
Player Count: 1 or 2
Total Count: 40
Difficulty: Normal, Hard or Master

Fighter Squadron
Gameplay offering: Air Combat and Hero Vehicle Combat
Take to the skies and dogfight in some of the most memorable Star Wars vehicles including X-wings, TIE fighters, the Millennium Falcon, and more.
Player Count: 1 or 2
Total Count: 10
Difficulty: Normal, Hard or Master

SDCC 2016: Conan POP! Figures Yet Again Selling for Insane Prices on eBay

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I hate to sound like a broken record, but those of you who are not at San Diego Comic Con 2016 and are looking to get their hands on the Conan POP! Figures will need to open your wallets REALLY wide in order to score yourself one of these exclusive items.

SDCC 2016 Conan POP! Figures

Created by Funko for TBS, this year’s collectible figure designs include “Superman Conan,” “Stormtrooper Conan,” “Ghostbuster Conan” and “The Joker Conan.”

A quick glance on eBay shows the prices of Wednesday night’s Superman Conan going for around $200. Two of the completed listings for Superman Conan went for $175 and $210. That’s a lot of dough for a POP! Figure.

SDCC 2016 Conan POP! Figures

Not willing to pay for the eBay prices, but still want a figure? There’s still a chance if you’re in the San Diego area.

If you’re at SDCC 2016, you can score one of these figures by being part of the audience following each one of Conan’s San Diego shows.

Badged Comic-Con attendees can also enter a random drawing for a chance to win a figure by going to the Manchester Grand Hyatt Grand Hall C. The random drawing for each day’s Conan Pop! Vinyl figure will start at 9:00 AM on Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, and continue each day until supplies run out.

As big of a POP! collector I am, I think I’ll keep my wallet closed this year.

‘World of Final Fantasy’ Collector’s Edition Revealed

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World of Final Fantasy

Welcome to Grymoire, the cutest and most adorable world of Final Fantasy Square-Enix has created yet.

Based on the franchise’s expanding universe, players of World of Final Fantasy finds twins Reynn and Lann searching through the land of Grymoire as they journey to rediscover their lost memories.

Throughout the game players will capture and raise familiar beasts such as the cactuar, chocobo, and behemoth to discover alternate forms and learn new abilities.

World of Final Fantasy

World of Final Fantasy will also feature a brand new “stacking” ability – the siblings can adjust their size, turning small enough to jump onto the monsters during combat, or vice versa, shrink the monsters small enough to ride on the twins. By customizing and stacking their army of monsters, players can create strategic tower combinations and take on the most challenging opponents.

Players looking to pick up World of Final Fantasy will be able to choose from three different versions: Collector’s Edition, Limited Edition, and Day One Edition.

Details an be found below:

World of Final Fantasy Collector's Edition

Collector’s Edition
●      Presented as a physical pop-up book, WORLD OF FINAL FANTASY comes to life through striking 3D paper cutouts. As the pop-up book is opened, fantastic physical content concealed in the book is revealed, including:

○      Physical game disc
○      A special 80-page hardback artbook showing off the fresh toy-like visuals
○      The original soundtrack of the game’s enchanting score
○      A set of three mini-figurines including the legendary Cloud, Lightning and Squall
○      Extra digital content, including White Chocobo®, Glow Moogle and Red Bonnetberry mirages, a Sephiroth summon and a Japanese voice-over option add-on

●      Available exclusively through the Square Enix Online Store for $119.99 USD

world of final fantasy limited edition

Limited Edition
●      Unique packaging including the physical game disc plus a 24-page artbook
●      Extra digital content, including White Chocobo, Glow Moogle and Red Bonnetberry mirages, a Sephiroth summon and a Japanese voice-over option add-on
●      Available at select retailers for $59.99 USD

world of final fantasy day one edition

Day One Edition
●      Physical game disc
●      Extra digital content, including White Chocobo, Glow Moogle and Red Bonnetberry Mirages, a Sephiroth summon and a Japanese voice-over option add-on
●      Available at all retailers for $59.99 USD

World of Final Fantasy releases on October 25, 2016 on the Playstation 4 and Playstation Vita.

The Workprint Gamescast Episode 33: eSports!

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gamescast esports cover

What’s up, guys and gals! Welcome to the Workprint Gamescast!

Listen to Rob, Jen, Bilal, and the gang talk about the latest in video games news, what they’re playing, and all other manner of nerdy habits.


THIS WEEK ON THE GAMESCAST: This week Rob, Jen, and Bilal discuss the current state of eSports and whether it will ever break through to the mainstream! Also, Rob loves Voltron, Jen loves Inside, and Bilal loves Stranger Things!

What’s up: 01:23

What we’ve been playing: 10:46

Video Game News: 32:09

eSports Discussion: 41:29

Follow the Gamescast hosts on Twitter!

Rob: @Sunnyvice20
Jen: @JenStayrook
Bilal: @Bilal_Mian

Want to watch our shenanigans live? Check out the Workprint Twitch channel.

New ‘Gears of War 4’ Campaign Footage Adds Marcus Fenix to the Party

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Gears of War 4

Microsoft is celebrating the start of San Diego Comic Con with a brand new look at an unseen portion of Gears of War 4′s campaign.

Playable for those attending SDCC this week, the campaign section follows JD, Del, Kait, and Marcus Fenix as they encounter destructive windflairs on their journey to rescue Reyna, Kait’s mom.

The new video highlights some of the games new features including windflairs curving bullets, interactive environments that can be used in battles, and customized weapons.

Still craving more Gears of War 4 footage?

Luckily for you, Microsoft has also released a fly-through of Forge, a brand new multiplayer map.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SkkG5SFwTqY

At San Diego Comic Con this week? Here’s a few things you can check out to get your Gears of War 4 fix.

 

SDCC PANEL: Gears of War 4: Creators, Characters and Cast
Thursday, July 21, 2:15pm-3:15pm – San Diego Convention Center Room 6BCF

Join The Coalition studio head Rod Fergusson, and voice actors Liam McIntyre (JD Fenix), Eugene Byrd (Del Walker), Laura Bailey (Kait Diaz) and of course – John DiMaggio who returns as legendary hero Marcus Fenix as they present a behind-the-scenes look at Gears of War 4, exploring the characters, and storytelling for the new saga in the acclaimed Gears franchise.  The panel is moderated by Xbox’s Major Nelson and it’s a safe bet we’ll have a few surprises. An encore of the panel featuring a special guest will take place on Friday, July 22, 5:00pm-6:00pm at NERD HQ (The New Children’s Museum)

Hands On With Campaign @ Xbox Booth or Versus Modes on All-New Map “Forge” @ NERD HQ
Wednesday-Sunday, July 20-24 – San Diego Convention Center Hall A, Booth #100
Thursday-Sunday, July 21-24 – NERD HQ in The New Children’s Museum (200 W Island Ave, San Diego, CA 92101)

Meet the developers of Gears of War 4 from The Coalition in San Diego and get hands-on with Gears of War 4. Starting Wednesday from 5:30PM-9:00PM PT, four-day pass holders and those with press badges can play a brand new section of the campaign for the first time in the Xbox Booth at the San Diego Convention Center. The booth opens to all Comic-Con attendees when doors open Thursday-to-Sunday.

Thursday-to-Sunday at Nerd HQ, fans can squad-up and face-off in these intense and brutal 5v5 Versus Multiplayer matches on the just revealed multiplayer map “Forge”. Check out TheNerdMachines.com for full gameplay schedules.

Limited Edition Gears of War 4 Posters available at Comic-Con 
Today we also announced the availability of a limited-edition Gears of War 4 poster (first in a series of three) designed by award winning comic-book artist Tony Moore (known for his award-winning artistry in The Walking Dead comic series). Fans at Comic-Con will be able to get their hands on these super limited posters during a fan meet-and-greet and signing with the cast following the panel on Thursday at 5pm at NERD HQ or be the first 1000 fans who pre-order Gears of War 4 at the GameStop kiosk in the Xbox booth.

Physical Gear Packs
Drop by and play Gears of War 4 to take home the physical version of a Gear Pack!  These physical cards don’t just look pretty – they also unlock 10 specific customization items and bounties to use when the game releases this October.  Each physical Gear Pack includes five cards – one Crimson Omen sticker card, a Gears Avatar t-shirt card, and three customization cards.  Head to the Xbox booth at Comic-Con located in Hall A, Booth #100 or find us at NERD HQ in the New Children’s Museum to claim your pack.  Not at Comic-Con?  Pre-order the game at GameStop and receive a free physical Gear Pack with the Vintage Reyna character when you pick up the game at launch.

A Bounty of Gears of War Collectibles
Equip yourself with gaming essentials to take down The Swarm, commemorate your collectible shelf with an assortment of Gears of War figurines, explore the artistic inspirations for Gears of War 4, and rev up a Lancer all of your own.

  • HyperX CloudX Revolver Gears of War Gaming Headset – Available for pre-order now, The HyperX CloudX Revolver Gears of War Edition is a premium headset co-designed between Microsoft and The Coalition. Featuring a gritty, battle-weathered design to complement the recently announced Xbox One S Gears of War 4 Limited Edition 2TB Bundle and Xbox One Gears of War 4 Crimson Omen Limited Edition Wireless Controller to offer fans a complete gaming set up that shows their Gears
  • Funko Pop! Games: Gears of War – Gears of War made its Funko debut with the San Diego Comic-Con exclusive Marcus Fenix Pop! and now the rest of the line is on the way! Featuring JD Fenix, Del Walker and Kait Diaz from Gears of War 4, iconic characters from the original trilogy will also be making their debut with Marcus Fenix, Clayton Carmine, and the Locust Drone rounding out this new exciting Pop! Series. Fans attending Comic-Con can find these at the Funko booth in the San Diego Convention Center, Booth #534. Check out www.funko.com for more details.
  • PDP Gears of War 4 Customized Lancer Replica – Based on the Customized Lancer featured in Gears of War 4, this authentic hand finished and painted 1:1 replica features the iconic chainsaw bayonet, activates in game sound effects, fully adjustable sight, lever, switches, and illuminated LED lights. The included removable and fully functioning flashlight adds to the detail and authenticity of the replica. Fans can see the replica Lancer for themselves in the Xbox Booth in the San Diego Convention Center and check out pdp.com for more information.
  • Gears of War Play Arts KAI Action Figures – Marcus Fenix gets the Play Arts KAI treatment! Play Arts KAI, the action figure line pioneered by Square Enix Products, features highly detailed sculpting, careful paint application done by hand, and over 26 points of articulation. All these features and more make for a stunning collector’s piece. The prototype of Marcus will be debuted for the first time at the Square Enix Merchandise Booth #3829 and marks the first time this prototype is being shown to the public!
  • Dark Horse – The Art of Gears of War 4 – The Gears of Warseries has revolutionized third-person shooter action with its gorgeous environments, iconic characters, and brutal action. Now to commemorate the continuation of the Gears epic, Dark Horse Books and The Coalition present The Art of Gears of War 4. Featuring hundreds of individual pieces of art, final renders, and commentary from the game’s creators, this gorgeous volume is a must-have item for veteran Gears and rookies alike and is available for preorder from retailers including Amazon and Barnes and Noble!
  • McFarlane Toys 7” Kait Diaz Action Figure – Accompanied by a Customized Gnasher Shotgun and Boltok Pistol, this Gears of War 4 Kait Diaz figure is designed with 15 points of articulation. Available November 2016.

Read more at https://news.xbox.com/2016/07/20/gears-war-4-san-diego-comic-con/#vB4qgwDEqgEKmu1J.99

Starz’s ‘Black Sails’ to End With Fourth Season

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Black Sails

It’s the end of the journey for Starz’s Black Sails as the network announced that the fourth season will serve as the conclusion of the Treasure Island prequel.

The 10-episode fourth season will find the pirates at war in the West Indies with promises of the shores of New Providence Island washed with an unprecedented amount of blood.

“It’s a rare privilege in television to be given the kind of creative freedom we’ve enjoyed on this show over the last four years. While it was a difficult decision for us to make this season our last, we simply couldn’t imagine anything beyond it that would make for a better ending to the story nor a more natural handoff to Treasure Island,” said series co-creator and executive producer Jonathan E. Steinberg.

“Jon Steinberg and Robert Levine, along with their crew and the phenomenal cast, have delivered a spectacular take on the most legendary pirate story in literature, and this final season will bring us to the shores of Treasure Island as was always intended,” said Starz Managing Director Carmi Zlotnik. “Black Sails has been a tremendous success; from the loyal fan following and strong viewership numbers to awards recognition and the skill of our world-class production in Cape Town, we could not be more proud of this very special series.”

Black Sails takes place twenty years prior to Robert Louis Stevenson’s classic, and follows the most feared pirate of the day, Captain Flint.

Black Sails will air its final season in 2017.

‘Scream’ review: ‘Village (Carnival) of the Damned’

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scream

SCREAM
Season 2, Episode 8
“Village of the Damned”
Airdate: July 19, 2016
GRADE: C

One of the repeated sins of MTV’s Scream is that the showrunners constantly feel the need to insult their audience. Week after week, we’re given pointless red herrings, bipolar characters and, of course, the dreaded “set-up with no payoff”. The latter is what the show does so well, it’s risen to artistic heights. In fact, in the first minutes of “Village of the Damned”, the episode throws a bunch of cliches at us: Lakewood is gonna have its “Lakewood Days Carnival” celebrating “100 years” and crowning the new “Lady of the Lake”. A bright neon sign flashing “KILLER ALERT” would have been much less subtle but that’s how we roll on this show.

Noah’s already on it: “Eager to move on, a wounded and misguided town concocts a flimsy excuse to celebrate which, in turn, instigates another round of bloodshed!” He warns them that “My Bloody Valentine” and “The Prowler” had set-ups like these. But nobody on the show has seen those and nobody in MTV’s target demographic would even know what those films are, much less care. But, enough about that! Brooke wants “positivity”, not “negativity”, you sillies! We’re goin’ to a damn carnival whether we get hacked to pieces or merely stabbed with a hunting knife! Woo-hoo!

That’s another beef I have with this show: the characters (Noah, most of the time) constantly recite this ridiculous pop culture-rich, self-aware dialogue, namedropping movie-titles like empty bullet casings from an automatic assault weapon, and then they move on and do completely asinine crap that runs contrary to everything that’s just been said. ‘Stavo even chimes in, warning everyone that “The Prowler doesn’t end well…for anyone,” and the characters shrug and we’re off to the next scene where the cops don’t know anything or Emma’s moping over Keiran. We get this all so Scream can keep it’s long-dead reputation for being “hip”. It’s really sad.

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Most of the episode is Audrey vs. The Killer and it’s the same song and dance we’ve seen the last two and a half seasons: The Killer breaks into her room in the dead of night just to paint the words “12 DEAD”, in blood, on her ceiling. First, this is about the 82nd time, this show, The Killer has managed to sneak into somebody’s room while they’re asleep. And, secondly, the blood was directly above Audrey, meaning the Killer would have to basically stand next to her head to paint the words. How did neither Audrey or Emma awaken during the taunting? Has NOBODY thought to get an alarm system installed or a camera set up to catch the action? Why do these kids keep sleeping with the window open?

But, then, nobody in this town knows a thing about security. Just ask Lakewood’s Finest. In this episode, Acosta assigns a police detail to Emma. The killer still not only manages to get into Emma’s house to play with her hair like Lenny from Of Mice and Men, the officer’s lack of action nearly gets Emma killed near the end of the episode. On top of that, Acosta finds circumstantial evidence that all but leads to his own son being the main suspect which prompts him to harshly accuse his son of murder. Also, Acosta “reassigns” this case to Emma’s mom, Maggie, because she’s apparently the only person in town to autopsy the bodies found in last week’s burned-up house — one of which is confirmed to be Seth Branson. “I got a print from the hand that wasn’t severed,” says Maggie — and I won’t even question how she got a fingerprint off a corpse that was burned to charcoal when she could have just used dental records. And while Branson outlived his usefulness at the end of last year, it’s also really strange that the showrunners would keep him around this long, then tease him possibly surviving the fire, only to kill him anyway.

Audrey finally resolves to tell Emma everything that happened with Piper, something that should have happened about two or three episodes ago had we not been exposed to kids puking up tainted Tequila or Noah and Zoe constantly trying to play the naked version of “hide the suspect”. If Audrey’s overtures to Piper were really a good idea-turned-terrible, then what would Emma care? But, here, we’re supposed to pretend that Emma and Audrey’s friendship would be completely demolished if the truth got out — despite the fact that Emma and Audrey really haven’t built up a believable enough rapport, so that’s really asking a lot.

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Emma, by the way, has resolved to also “tell the truth” — though I’m sure, with the way the writing on this show has played out, Emma will be back to telling half-truths and obfuscation by next week. She turns Eli into Sheriff Acosta who just cannot believe Emma would go with some strange guy to a dark, abandoned place in the dead of night. Either we’re being trolled here or Acosta had a moment of growth. It’s here where we learn that Eli has a knack for sneaking into other people’s homes and hanging out there. Eli also tells that Keiran’s tense because he had a falling out with his parents. Keiran isn’t pleased.

And it’s on to the carnival where Brooke and Zoe prepare to go one-on-one for the Lady of the Lake. I could swear there were at least 10 other girls running for this but they’re not interesting or the main characters. Zoe’s all dolled up — yet goes on a mini-date with Noah where they nearly end up having sex in a photo booth. Ever the rebel, Zoe also brought a flask with her to “self-medicate” as Brooke puts it. And because Brooke’s level of incompetence in this episode of Scream has been set to “You Won’t Believe What I’m Capable Of”, she downs the entire flask after telling absolutely nobody that she “hasn’t had dinner yet”. The upside to this is that it gives us another moment involving Brooke shaming the entire town for having a celebration in the midst of another set of murders. The problem is that the shaming and rejection of this grandiose party is sprinkled all over the episode, removing most of the emotional resonance — but it’s still worth watching because we haven’t really yet seen Brooke’s anger and sadness surface beyond her immediate reactions at the school following Jake’s death.

And she’s not the only one venting her anger: Eli and Keiran finally come to blows regarding Keiran’s past, vindicating Eli’s assertions that Keiran’s dangerous — and that frightens Emma to no end. But what happens when the hunter becomes the hunted? Keiran is apparently kidnapped by The Killer who forces Emma to traverse the carnival’s funhouse — where, literally, almost nothing happens and Keiran is “unmasked” as “The Killer”. This is a real downer and an unbelievable red herring if the showrunners are asking us to believe that the possibility exists that Keiran did this to himself as it’s obvious that, by the end of the commercial break, Keiran’s a free man and cleared of suspicion.

scream

Oh, right! This episode was about Audrey and her personal battle with Ruining Her Friendship With Emma™ by telling Emma the truth about Piper. After cockblocking Noah again (she doesn’t have to show up at his room this time, she just attempts to phone him up during sex which, more or less, minus the murder, makes her as aggravating and annoying as The Killer), she skates over to Emma’s house — only to find out that Emma is listening to the audio file of Audrey’s confession on her phone, presumably sent by Zoe. So, for better or worse, Audrey has no more secrets and we can finally move on to a final act that doesn’t include the Killer sneering, “I’m gonna tell everyone about you if you don’t go to Emma’s house and eat all her cats” every fifteen minutes.

While “Village of the Damned” isn’t nearly as rotten as last week’s endurance test, “Scream” still unashamedly gives its audience more of the same, with just a slight mix-and-match concerning the characters involved. The upside is that what we saw this week may, in fact, be a means to an end — which is music, not only to my ears, but to the ears of the overall audience who, I know, has been patiently waiting for what’s been a fairly elusive payoff.

’12 Monkeys’ Season 2 Finale Finally Reveals The Witness

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12 MONKEYS -- "Memory of Tomorrow" Episode 213 -- Pictured: (l-r) Amanda Schull as Cassandra Railly, Aaron Stanford as James Cole -- (Photo by: Ben Mark Holzberg/Syfy)

Warning: Spoilers through season 2 episode 13 of 12 Monkeys.

 

In the ultimate cliffhanger episode of 12 Monkeys, the identity of the mysterious Witness is finally revealed and it’s a twist worthy of the intense build up throughout the show’s first two seasons.

With Cole and Cassie unable to stop the final paradox, Team Revenge failing and dying at Titan, and Jones and the splinter machine destroyed by the time storm, it seems that the Army of the 12 Monkeys have won the day and all is lost. Or is it?

C and C appear to be stranded in 1959, but are now living as a couple within the house of cedar and pine and we discover that Christmas, Dr. Railly has become pregnant. Cole is shocked as he never expected to become a father given everything they’ve gone through. It’s a bit of a doozy to wonder what kind of future his child will have. Except of course, we find out one possibility by the end of this episode.

Strange things start happening.  Time stops while Cole is at a local store and he sees a strange woman telling him that it’s not over. She then vanishes as everything begins to move again. When it happens a second time, the time traveler comes upon St. Mary’s Mercy, an asylum for the insane. Well that is a big clue if I ever saw one because Cole is about to meet another primary. Let’s bring her on shall we?

He enters the facility and gives the description of the woman he saw, adding the detail that she had slashed her wrist. The sister at the reception desk realizes that he’s looking for a woman named Lillian who has been there for at least 34 years (the nun has been there 17 and the patient twice that long) and Cole is her very first visitor ever. FYI, she also killed her entire family and was diagnosed as having schizophrenic hallucinations.

12Monkeys_Stowe

The amazingly talented Madeleine Stowe, who played Dr. Kathryn Railly in the 1995 film version of 12 Monkeys, plays Lillian. Having her this season is a wonderful homage to the original work. (If they can get Bruce Willis to do a cameo next season I will be jumping up and down with happiness). Also how did the character get that amazing red dress while stuck inside an insane asylum? Don’t they all have to wear medical gowns as patients?

Lillian confirms that Ramse, Team Revenge, and the Daughters failed their mission to stop the Witness at Titan. Interestingly enough she also says that the only person who can see what is really happening to time is the Witness, Cole is blind to it at the moment. She tells him that 2044, 2016, 1975 are all gone and their year is up next. Lillian bids him to go to Pine Barren and see what he finds there then come back to her.

Sure enough, he drives out there and sees trees with red leaves, anomalies popping up left and right, and a massive storm behind it. He takes some of the red leaves and brings it back to Lillian. Sprouting imagery from Alice and Wonderland, the primary implores him to go down the rabbit hole, puts the foliage in his hand, and instructs him to drink me. See, he doesn’t need a time machine to go back in time, he just needs red tea. When he drinks it, his mind will be un-tethered and he must find the him in 1957 to stop the paradox from happening. But the catch is that if he undoes the paradox, everything that’s happened will be erased. Cole doesn’t want to lose the relationship he has now with Cassie and their unborn child, but Lillian throws out that some happiness is better than a lifetime of anything else.

Lillian: Death can be undone James, love cannot.

She warns him that if he’s able to stop the paradox and return to his time, he should under no circumstances go to Titan to save his brother because only an army awaits him there. It would be a continuation of a cycle that never ends and everything lost would be in vain. So it sounds like going to Titan is never a good idea. Right.

When he gets back to the house, Cassie is waiting for him asking what’s going on because he didn’t show up at work and he’s been in a funk since he found out that he was going to be dad. She thinks that this is all too much too soon but Cole assures her that he wants what they have more than he’s ever wanted anything before. I wonder if he now has more empathy for Ramse and the lengths a man would do to protect his family. Still he decides to time travel via the red tea. Beforehand though, he takes a piece of charcoal from the fireplace and writes down the all too familiar words on the wall, 1957-1959 THIS WAS HOME. Cue the ominous music because big crap is about to go down y’all.

12 Monkeys - Season 2

Cole makes the hard choice and drinks the red tea. He first goes to a place out of time, where the house of cedar and pine is constantly being built and torn down. Then he sees the 2044 facility and heads inside and after that he goes all the way back to season 1 episode 1 where he’s waiting for Cassie in the back seat of her car. When he jumps out of his past body, he returns to the facility floating in out of time and the Witness appears to be there lurking in the shadows.

We get more scenes from season 1: when he first met Jennifer, when Ramse first asks him about Cassie, the Night Room, and the fancy party where he meets Leland Goines. Then we get to this season: 2022’s groundhog day and finally to the scene where he pulls a gun on Reggie.

Cole runs to the factory floor and is able to apprehend Melinda with Cassie before Charlie arrives. The other man tries to appeal to the time traveler, that he loves the primary and if he performs the paradox they can be together where time doesn’t exist. The Messenger says that he doesn’t understand but he really does. He looks at Cassie and says goodbye before shooting Charlie multiple times immediately causing time to shift and in 2044, the machine is shown to be operating again. Jones had to wait an entire year for their real time tethers to catch up and during that period she learned how to brutally fight and defend her territory but also met a companion, going to show that dogs are man’s best friends truly.

Cassie tells Jones their story and how it took them a long time trying to find the primary and they almost failed, but Cole was able to stop the paradox from happening at the last moment. During this conversation, James is standing apart from them, contemplating all that’s happened and Lillian’s words. Against her warnings he tells the two women about Ramse and Hannah dying at Titan because the Witness somehow knows that they are coming.

Jones determines that they can use the machine to travel to Titan to stop Team Revenge from going through the mission and being ambushed (thanks to Adler’s nearly finished calculations). This round though, the scientist is coming with them because she’s not losing her daughter again. Besides, the machine is pre-programmed to pull them back after 12 hours. But who is going to guard the place eh?? The moment Jones whispers to herself, “initiate splinter sequence” before being sent through the fabric of time and space gave me intense feels. This is her first time to actually use the machine she’s spent so much of her life working on.

12 Monkeys - Season 2

The trio arrives at the woods near Titan and are met by the Daughters who lead them back to where Adler and the others are waiting. Cole tells them that their comrades are walking into a trap and to have a shot at saving their comrades they need the Daughters to come with them. Ms. Goines is put in another uncomfortable spot as she somehow must inspire the ladies to follow her once again. She borrows from Mel Gibson’s famous Braveheart speech and at first it seems to be working until she tosses in some Independence Day and loses the crowd.

She says screw it and decides to just fight by herself when one of her Daughters asks if she’s really willing to risk her life for Ramse and company and Jennifer answers yes. She didn’t know what old her taught them but obviously she forgot the most important lesson, be excellent to each other. Hah! This weirdly enough brings a change of heart in the Daughters.

At Titan, a familiar scene begins to play out as Ramse comes upon the hooded figure on the stage carved with symbols and yells for him to take the mask. On cue, other members of the 12 Monkeys rush out and surround them. As Whitley, Deacon, and Hannah are about to be killed, shots are fired and Cole comes to the rescue with the cavalry. As the fight ensues Hannah is in full on beast mode, taking down multiple opponents. Soon enough though she is reunited with Jones and they share a tender mother-daughter hug.

As Ramse is questioning the 12 Monkeys survivors on the location of the Witness, they all repeat the same thing that they’ll never find him and that he is safe. So in anger and frustration, the traveler stabs each one of them. Ramse is unwilling to leave Titan until they locate the mysterious leader because killing him was the only thing driving him forward after the loss of his son. Jennifer and Deacon in the meantime are urging the group of get the hell out but Cole decides they need to stay and find the Witness.

Hannah, Jones, Cole and Cassie group themselves together as they explore the compound and when he comments that it’s weird to see the scientist packing, Dr. Railly responds that not every caterpillar becomes a butterfly. She then stops in her tracks because somehow the memories of their former life come flooding back to her. Cole had given her a butterfly clip, they lived in the house of cedar and pine, and they were in love. He’s amazed that she remembers this because it shouldn’t be possible when a loud noise reverberates all around Titan.

Jones now tells them that they need to get out of here right now. She noticed earlier that the technology in this place was from her husband (Dr. Eliot Jones) and now she realizes that the whole city is a time machine. That is freaking brilliant for the Witness to have up his sleeve. Everyone is trying to find a way out but Ramse has lost everything so he doesn’t care and continues his search. He runs into a 12 Monkeys minion and is about to get into hand-to-hand combat when another masked figure stabs the goon from behind. This person takes his mask off and tells the traveler that there’s no time to explain and to come with him if he wants the Witness.

Whitley’s group makes it all out except Ramse and so Cole goes back inside to get his friend with Cassie following. Uh oh, this is NOT good. Meanwhile Jennifer, Deacon, and 2 Daughters meet a whole gaggle of masked minions and the ScavKing sacrifices himself for Ms. Goines, apologizing for killing her before being killed himself. I was really hoping for a romance between these two but who would have guessed that Deacon was capable of dying for a greater cause. His character’s development was wonderful this season and he will be sorely missed. But then again he might not be dead dead because it’s 12 Monkeys after all.

Jennifer is by herself and ends up shooting another goon before being splintered after getting caught in a beam. Cassie urges Cole that they need to get out there and he finally listens when she asks him to do this for her. But just as the exit is within eyesight, they are ambushed and the doctor is kept in Titan while Cole is kicked out. Oh crap! The whole compound then vanishes.

Ramse is still with this new person dressed as a minion and he is led to some unknown forest location. It seems that they did not splinter with Titan because the time traveler asks what happened to it. To his surprise, he meets Olivia (who the other man is working for). He tells Ramse that none of them are with the Army of the 12 Monkeys anymore. Olivia looks considerably older with grey streaks in her hair but is still very much alive. She says that they are taking him to his son. We finally see that after Sam was splintered to an unknown time, Olivia was somehow right where he was waiting for him. She also looked younger and so the kid must have gone back in time and is now all grown up and probably brainwashed. Now how did Olivia know that Ramse’s son would get sent back? Did the Witness forsee this too?

sam

Meanwhile poor Jennifer has landed in 1917 France during WWI amidst intense fighting in the trenches. She is mistaken for being German and tries to use some rudimentary French, though all she knows to say is, “Can I use your telephone and toilet?”

Jones and Cole are splintered back to the facility but Cassie does not follow. The scientist confirms that they do not have her tether and that Titan has gone even further into the future to 2163. Cole is going after her though because damn the unknown! He’s gotta get his woman back.

In 2163, the truth of the Witness is finally revealed as Cassie is greeted by Pallid Man (who is still alive as well) inside an auditorium full of hooded and masked individuals. At first Dr. Railly thinks that he is the Witness but he says that he’s not. Their leader is far more special than him, James or her, but it was imperative that she be here in Titan. When Cassie asks where he is, PM answers that he’s safe, born to travelers outside of time.

Pallid Man: You brought him here Cassandra. The Witness is here. (Puts her hand on her belly) Mother. The Mother.

Now that we know that the Witness is Cassie and Cole’s unborn child, it is understandable that he is fighting for his very existence because only through certain specific events occurring could he be conceived. It had to be part of his plan for the 1957 paradox to happen, his parents to fall in love and consummate their relationship, and then for Cole to stop the paradox again so that all three of them could go back to the future and for mother and him to go to Titan to be then sent forward in time to 2163. It’s fascinating though that Cassie continued to be pregnant even though the post-paradox version of 1959 technically no longer happened. After an extensive conversation with The Workprint’s Editor-In-Chief (and fellow 12 Monkeys obsessed fan) Bilal Mian, we figured that since time goes around Cassie as a chrononaut, the events from 1959 in the house of cedar and pine  always happened to her character and somehow 2nd round 1957 Cassie is the most up to date version of her in the timeline and thus she would be the one pregnant. It seems no matter what, once the Witness is conceived you can’t undo him.

As a progeny of two chrononauts it would make sense that he would have abilities to relating to time since he would have Jones’ injection in his blood inherited from both his parents. Could he time travel without using any red tea or a time machine himself? Is that how he brought Vivian to Dr. Kirschner? Could the Witness access the time stream in the same way as primaries do without the schizophrenic side effects? We already know that he can take over minds via red tea intake but he must be able to do more.

Although the better question really is what is his end game? It’s possible that he only wanted to create the time anomalies up to a point in order to ensure his creation. Phase 1 is the plague, phase 2 kill primaries to create time anomalies, and who knows what phase 3 could be.

It was a brilliant twist though because how can anyone expect a parent to kill his or her own child? That’s insane! And yet when your kid ends up destroying the whole world and time itself just so that he can live what are you gonna do?

12 Monkeys - Season 2

Now that Cassie is further into the future at the hands of the Army of the 12 Monkeys and incubating the Witness, are they simply keeping her alive until she gives birth or are there further plans for her? Olivia in the meantime has gone rogue and reunites Ramse with Sam (likely grown up) in 2044 but what is her purpose now? What does she want since she isn’t on Team 12 Monkeys anymore? What is Jennifer going to do stuck in 1917? How will Cole find Cassie and more importantly wtf is he going to do once he finds out his kid is responsible for the apocalypse?

12 Monkeys undoubtedly takes sci-fi to a whole new level in a twisty, mind-bending, emotional roller coaster, and mental Olympics kind of way. There are never any wasted scenes and the narrative this entire season 2 has exceeded my wildest expectations. The story unfolded into a much larger picture and still connected to the arcs in season 1. We saw so many relationships change and grow as well as characters deepening and developing from when we first met them. The show though isn’t just a great science fiction series, it’s fantastic television period. Now the long collective wait for season 3 begins.

We love to hear your theories so let us know what you thought of the season 2 finale below!

12 Monkeys airs Mondays 9/8 central on Syfy.

Catch up on all things 12 Monkeys here.

‘Ghostbusters’ and why I will always support a female-led film

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I’ll just go ahead and say it: I’m sick and tired of all the hate directed toward the Ghostbusters reboot. For the most part the hate has been done by dudes upset that Hollywood would take a nerd icon like Ghostbusters and “ruin” it with a bunch of girls. Whether or not it’s actually ruined is a matter of opinion, personally I really enjoyed the film, but hey, I’ll respect those who have a different viewpoint, as long as it’s not a viewpoint soaked in sexist loathing. 

The internet is all up in arms over the reviews of Ghostbusters because women and Tumblr and all the liberals have united behind this one cause: giving Ghostbusters “unfair” and “biased” positive reviews because it stars a bunch of women and we’re all supporting an agenda. Never mind the fact that this sounds exactly like that obnoxious rallying cry from Gamergate about “ethics in journalism.” No one makes a big political stink when Taken 5: Liam’s Voice is Missing gets made and seen by 90% dudebros and their unwilling girlfriends. No one throws around the words “male agenda” when Hollywood releases yet another all-male movie full of aging B-list actors. No, because that’s expected. That’s Hollywood and the status quo for you, hyuck.

But when one of the most anticipated movies of the summer, a reboot of a classic, comes out and it’s full of women instead of men, it’s suddenly a politically charged issue and MEN WE MUST GATHER THE TORCHES AND SINK THIS SHIP. Then, once fans start to enjoy the film the internet set about sinking, oh well, we’re just lying to fulfill an agenda. As if it’s completely unfathomable to enjoy a movie with a cast of mostly women.

And in discussing those Ghostbusters ratings, FiveThirtyEight’s article on the subject matter perfectly demonstrates why this bias can have a negative impact on ratings as a whole. The important stats of note are from Thursday before the movie was even released in theaters:

Those are pretty damning statistics from groups of people who likely hadn’t even seen the film. Men ranked the movie down to oblivion and women who saw what was happening tried to inflate the scores back up so that then its actual score isn’t indicative of the public’s real opinion. Any scores thereafter have to fight an uphill (or downhill) battle to be seen as legitimate.

Look, the Ghostbusters trailers were bad. I’ll concede that. But even if the movie had received bad reviews, I still would have gone to see it opening night. I still would have supported a female-led film, because that’s how we make things better. There’s a reason why women voted in droves to improve Ghostbusters’ abysmal IMDB score. We want to see heroes in movies we can relate to. 

Here’s the thing: anyone who knows me knows I’m a huge fan of diversity. I’ll support female-created projects and POC-created projects simply because they were made by minorities. Should I judge solely based on quality? Sure, in a perfect world I could do that, but the world isn’t perfect and has an inherent bias toward white heterosexual male-dominated media. Instead of accepting what’s “normal,” I want our culture flooded with so much diversity that someday I can judge solely on quality. I don’t want to live in a world where we have one female movie director and one black actress and you know them by those labels. And the only way to cure that lack of diversity is to support the good and the bad, allowing more minorities the ability to create more media.

No, Ghostbusters isn’t the film that will change the film industry and finally convince studios that women want to see action and comedies full of–GASP–women. At best, it makes in a dent in the future we’re trying to carve out for ourselves. But Ghostbusters does one thing really well for its fans: it gives us women a choice. So often in ensemble films there’s a group of men and one woman, so as a human of the vagina variety, I am forced to identify with this one female character, who more often than not is a shell of a character compared to her to male counterparts. Let’s not act like Black Widow was some paragon of diversity here.

But in Ghostbusters, there are so many female characters to choose from to be my favorite that it’s perfectly acceptable for me not like Kristen Wiig’s neurotic Erin. (She frighteningly reminds me a little too much of myself.) Instead, I could fall head over heels for Kate McKinnon’s Holtzmann and not feel guilty for not supporting a fellow female.

Isn’t it great when we can actually choose what we like?

‘Dark Matter’: It’s Two vs. Five in “I’ve seen the other side of you”

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Dark Matter 203

Spoilers through Dark Matter 203: “I’ve seen the other side of you”.

If there’s one thing I love about Dark Matter it’s that it consistently creates conflict from within the characters themselves. Sure, the corporations are a looming threat, but for the most part, the struggle comes from putting together different characters from all walks of life and seeing how they react, which makes for great character development. And just as the crew of the Raza was starting to get comfortable and trusting with one another, finally feeling like they understood themselves, another wrench comes along and mucks the whole thing up.

“I’ve seen the other side of you” pits the old crew of the Raza against the new members of the Raza aaaaaaaaaaand all hell breaks loose because of it. After hearing about the death of One, Two takes some drastic measures and restricts the new members’ ability to move freely about the ship. Arax takes this affront to heart and rallies Nyx and Devon into thinking it’s an “us or them” situation. I can sympathize with how Two feels after the news of One’s death, how she feels they are partly to blame and they need to get revenge.  Yet, at the same time, it seemed like they swept One’s death under the rug with that conversation. If you aren’t paying close attention you could easily assume that she was only talking about missing him. When I asked if One was really dead, I thought there would be a bigger revelation. I’m partially glad there wasn’t a spectacle to it, but it still doesn’t seem final and after the preview for next week it doesn’t look like we’re getting answers anytime soon.

Dark Matter 203

As the crew realized last episode, the Android can no longer establish a neural link with the ship, which causes her to shut down for 32 hours, giving her nanites time to heal the damage. In doing so, she inadvertently resets some the ship, including a backup of memories for Two, Three, and Four. The original original crew of the Raza reverts their memories back to 14 months before present day and it causes a wee bit of a snafu as they view Five as an intruder. (Nevermind Arax, Nyx, and Devon. They basically are intruders.)

Arax uses this conflict as an opportunity to send a message out to our suspicious friends who have an interest in Five. (Her… parents?) It seems he really can’t be trusted (shocker!), especially when he so badly wants the crew to visit his friend’s hollowed out moon full of “totally not a trap” supplies. I doubt he survives the next episode. (And that’s okay because Nyx, Two, and Five are about to become besties and I’m excited.)

It’s here that I have to commend Two, Three, and Four’s actors for how good they were this episode. The plot may have been a bit so-so but the acting was on point. I genuinely felt like Portia, Boone, and Ryo were three different characters aboard this ship. They were angrier, more callous, and Portia had this devious smile that, much like Five, frightened the hell out of me. Even Four played the gunman, which felt odd considering we’ve become so accustomed to him using his swords in close combat. Maybe the old Ryo only had the swords for sentiment’s sake. And it was heartbreaking watching Three be the first to come around to Five’s words, learning the truth about what happened to Sarah.

Dark Matter 203

There was a gunfight between the old and new crew of the Raza but the real struggle was between Two and Five. Two is on a power trip now that she’s learned she can control the ship with her link and it spells disaster for everyone else on board. To save Two from herself, Five must attempt to do the same thing, risking her life to outrace Two’s control and coax her into being the woman she once was.

Five has always been the crew’s moral compass and with One (supposedly) gone forever, she doesn’t have backup to tell the others, “please don’t kill people!” It’s a tough position for Five to be in and she almost gives in to the violence until she sees Two as vulnerable as she has been and decides that kindness is the better way. Ultimately, Five’s goodness wins out and restores the crew back to their other memory-lossed state. (Is this confusing yet?) They have the option to regain their lost memories from the computer files, but at the risk of losing their current memories. Five pleads with them not to because they were awful people before she entered their lives, so they don’t.

Poor Five. Not only does she have to live with everyone else’s awful memories, but she constantly has to pull them back up out of the darkness to be the people she knows they can be. Goodness, that takes some strength.

Character-wise, “I’ve seen the other side of you” was a good episode. It showed us what the original crew of the Raza was like before the influence of Five, One, and even Six. They were cold, calculating, and willing to kill a young girl to protect themselves while earning a bit of money. But the newer crew is a bit softer, more willing to listen to reason, more willing to accept new members into the fold. It’s nice to see this dichotomy creep up but here’s hoping it’s not a regular occurrence.

Plot-wise, however, this episode might have been one of the weaker ones if only because it relied so heavily on assumptions. If you’re okay with letting sci-fi do its thing, then that’s cool but I found myself asking these questions throughout (lots of questions):

  • How did Two learn about One’s death if they’re on the run from the government? Do they still get news out in the middle of nowhere? Does the rest of the crew (ahem, Five) know? If they do receive news can they use those feeds to their advantage?
  • How did the neural implants actually work if Three and Four don’t have them?
  • When the crew’s memories were reset to Five’s knowledge of them, wouldn’t they then also still be missing memories? Wouldn’t they also have gaps from when Five wasn’t with the group? Do they now also have access to the others’ memories or does Five have the ability to compartmentalize like a computer?
  • Two mentions they can’t crew a ship the size of the Raza without the Android running, and Three, obviously recognizes her in the infirmary, so why did the Android attack in season 1? Also, were there more than the original three members?

I may never know the answers to some of these questions, but hey, it’s fun to ask.

Dark Matter airs Fridays on Syfy at 10pm EST.