Hey, you. Are you over 18? Then go see the superhero romantic comedy, Deadpool.
End review.
Okay, fine. I’m being told I have to write a review longer than 16 words.
I realize that Deadpool is a more niche film than any of the other superhero films released in recent years, but if you like dirty humor and poop jokes like I do, do yourself a favor and go watch and have a giggle, mate.
Deadpool isn’t a perfect movie by any means. I know there are critics out there chiding the crass jokes, the flashbacks, the rote plot and character development, but you know what? Fuck that noise. Deadpool is good, disgusting fun. I haven’t laughed that hard in a movie theater in years. And I saw Jupiter Ascending opening night.
Not every movie has to be pretentious Oscar bait. We’re not all into watching Leo getting mauled by a bear. Sometimes, and I know I’m stepping out on a limb here, you go see a movie for, oh shit, what’s that word? Oh, right. Entertainment. Deadpool will entertain your pants off and then give you a nice gentle squeeze for good measure. You’re not going to see Deadpool because you want to have some grand revelations about the world or to experience the pain of the human condition. (Though there are moments that really make you feel for Deadpool’s character, so there’s that.) You go to see Deadpool because you want to laugh, you don’t mind a little murder in an imaginary world, you like shoulder pads, and you really like WHAM!
“But Jennnnnnn,” you whine, “what’s it about? I thought you had a review outline you pretend writers were supposed to follow?”
Look whiners, you know what Deadpool is about. We’ve all seen the trailers narrated by the great philosopher and poet, DMX. Deadpoolfollows the main character Wade Wilson (RyRey) as he fucks his way through life and love only to get cancer EVERYWHERE. It’s a mess, so Wade leaves super hot girlfriend Vanessa (Morena Baccarin) and goes to a back alley where a guy’s selling superpowers and he orders one body without cancer, please, and then he becomes Deadpool. It has revenge, romance, a fully leveled Bloody Mess perk, and it’s beautiful.
Bonus: RyRey looks like my fingers after I’ve been in the bathtub for 6 hours because I’m avoiding all adult responsibility. What can I say? That pruny look’s a turn on for me.
Speaking of RyRey and reprising his role from Wolverine: Origins, he’s perfect as Deadpool. Only RDJ’s Tony Stark comes close to embodying his superhero counterpart. It’s apparent in every scene that Reynolds and the rest of the crew had several dollars worth of fun making this movie.
If I had one qualm with the film it would be that I wish I hadn’t seen any of the trailers before going into the movie. Sure, most of the really R-rated jokes were left a secret but going in I felt like I’d already seen a significant portion of the movie out of context. Most of the bridge scene was put into the trailers so by the time that came around, I’d heard all the jokes before. But I can’t blame the film for a marketing issue and my lack of restraint with watching trailers.
I could spend all night trying to convince you this movie is worthwhile, telling you that the leads had great chemistry, the Stan Lee cameo was top notch, that it actually has a better love story and heart than most romantic comedies, and it definitely earned that R-rating. I could try to tell you that the action and choreography was well done and most certainly over-the-top. I could tell you the addition of Colossus and Negasonic Teenage Warhead and all of the X-Men references were surprisingly the best part of the film.
I could tell you–okay, I don’t have all day here. You catch my drift. Deadpool is a fun 2 hours worth your $10. Happy Valentine’s Day!
If you’re just tuning in to The 100 or haven’t caught up, go away. No, seriously. I’m about to throw down some major spoilers up through the most recent episode of season 3, episode 4: “Watch the Thrones.”
Okay, we good?
Good.
Now, The 100 hasn’t exactly been a slow-moving beast and season 3 has been off the rails right from the start. There have already been more deaths and betrayals than in most seasons of Game of Thrones. While the show has never lacked for excitement, one of the things it does phenomenally well in such an action-packed environment is developing characters. In the most recent episode, Bellamy has acted, shall we say, different than we as viewers have come to expect. At first, this might be shocking, but after mulling it over, it makes sense and it makes Bellamy even more of the tragic hero.
Season 1 Bellamy was awful. Not quite Finn levels of awful, and I fully realize he was scared, but on the Grounder Scale of Stabbity, he was at least a 7. And I’m okay with that because in thirteen episodes of season 1 we watched Bellamy realize that 1. He’s kind of a coward and 2. He got in way over his head. In these realizations, Bellamy leaned heavily on Clarke’s leadership and no bullshit attitude. He learned from her and grew into a character so fantastic that I couldn’t help but cheer for him.
But as we’ve seen in season 3, there’s still a significant amount of insecure season 1 Bellamy inside that makeshift guard uniform. Octavia may have been the lucky one of the Blake siblings because she was given a clean slate on the ground. Bellamy, on the other hand, already had a role drilled into him as a child: protector. Without Octavia to protect, he loses his sense of purpose, but then smartly diverts that energy to protecting and rescuing his friends at Mount Weather. Much like his sister, Bellamy is more of a soldier than a leader. When push comes to shove he looks to those in charge (the ones he respects) for guidance before making a decision, because in Bellamy’s world, when he makes a decision without help, people get hurt. Octavia got caught and imprisoned on the Ark. Scouting parties were impaled searching for his sister. Finn ran off and killed innocents at TonDC, then getting himself killed.
Because of all this and his inability to brush aside the feeling of guilt, Bellamy is much more skittish about making decisions than his counterpart, Clarke, and is therefore more at ease with letting others lead. When Kane and Abby arrive on the ground, he appears almost relieved that someone else will be making the difficult choices. Yes, he goes against the rules and rebels for the sake of rescuing the 48 in Mount Weather, and he comes across as in charge, but he makes sure to get approval first from at least one leadership figure. He also does what many of the other characters do when faced with a challenge: he asks, “What would Clarke do?”
At the end of season 2, Clarke and Bellamy make the horrific decision to irradiate Mount Weather, killing everyone–men, women, and children–inside. We aren’t expressly told about how this event gnaws at him, how it’s changed his persona since the show jumped ahead 3 months in the timeline, but we can infer what may have happened.
Clarke, riddled with guilt over their actions, leaves Arkadia, hoping that with her departure, she takes that negativity with her, thereby allowing Skaikru to finally be free. Except she didn’t rid them of guilt; she ran away. And who was left to pick up the pieces, day after day? Who was left to watch Jasper as he fell deeper into madness, or as Raven’s health declined, or as all the in-fighting between Skaikru grew over the Grounders’ betrayal?
Bellamy.
Bellamy stood up and risked his life to infiltrate Mount Weather with the hope that Lexa and the Grounder army would save his friends and do so without killing innocent people. Because for all his anger and bluster, Bellamy is a good person. Maybe one of the kindest on the show. And then Lexa betrayed Skaikru, leaving them to be tortured and maimed and slowly picked off by the mountain men. Lexa and the Grounders abandoned Clarke, Bellamy, and Monty alone in that security room to watch as their loved ones were chained to a bed and drilled through for their bone marrow. They watched the blood drain from their bodies and listened to their gut-wrenching screams. Lexa and the Grounders left them to make a horrific decision to kill hundreds of innocents, children, and allies. Lexa and the Grounders made them monsters.
In season 3, Bellamy is approached by Echo at Mount Weather with a warning that Ice Nation plans to attack the Coalition at the capital, Polis. Bellamy believes her because they spent time imprisoned together at Mount Weather–she saved his life–so he goes to the capital to warn his friends. He goes to be a hero. Instead, the attack happens at Mount Weather, killing everyone inside, including his girlfriend Gina. He isn’t a hero; he’s the one who left them to die. In his eyes, he’s just as bad as Lexa and the Grounders.
Bellamy feels guilty but more importantly, Bellamy feels weak. I don’t think his distress over Gina was because he had life-altering feelings toward her. We don’t get to know her better before her death because she isn’t important. What she represents, is. Her death just solidified Bellamy’s hopelessness. He feels he can’t protect anyone and his rash decision making only leads to more and more lives lost. So, he gives up.
When Finn snapped he went on a rampage that slaughtered families. When Bellamy snapped, he just stopped making decisions. Pike, the devious weasel that he is, sensed this shift in Bellamy and took advantage of a scared young man to mold him to his prejudices. Of course Bellamy knows not all Grounders are murderers, but his experiences and his feelings of ineptitude have left him so shaken that he goes along with the loudest voice.
The voice that might get him killed.
And I think that’s where he is the moment that Pike suggests they kill 300 Grounders with 10 armed men. Of all the characters of the show, Bellamy knows how little guns make a difference in this war. He knows that they’re dead if he agrees to shoot at a fully armed war party of Grounders. In that moment, he’s accepted his fate because at least this way, he won’t be responsible for killing anyone else. In that moment, he won’t be Bellamy the leader, but Bellamy the soldier, taking orders.
And the cherry on top is when Lincoln stops him from leaving; all resolve to be the Bellamy we’ve grown to love goes out the window because here in front of him is this strong beast of a man, a man who has endured torture, mental abuse, and far too many near-death experiences and still he’s come out on top. Lincoln was the one who protected his sister, his responsibility. Not Bellamy. Lincoln helped shape Octavia into a warrior. Not Bellamy. Bellamy couldn’t ever save his sister, he couldn’t rescue Clarke, he couldn’t save his girlfriend. And with Lincoln now guarding Arkadia, taking up the job that was once his, Bellamy is useless to Kane and Abby.
But he is useful to Pike.
I won’t deny that at first I found Bellamy’s actions, siding with Pike, procuring the gun, and agreeing to attack the Grounders, a complete 180 from the Bellamy character I knew. But then I started looking closer. He wasn’t willing to kill Grounders just because his girlfriend died. No, no. His actions have been building for a long time coming and he’s finally hit his limit of all the heartache he can stand. He’s human, not a punching bag.
And I think that if things continue as they are, there’s only one person who can save him: Clarke.
(But that doesn’t mean I want them to be together romantically! Please, let them just stay friends!)
What’s up, guys and gals! Welcome to the Workprint Gamescast!
Listen to Rob, Jen, Bilal, and the gang talk about the latest in video games news, what they’re playing, and all other manner of nerdy habits.
THIS WEEK ON THE GAMESCAST: Turn off the lights, light some candles and set the mood as you listen to our very special Valentine’s Day episode! Joining Rob and Jen is Jen’s husband (*see BAE) Joe! We discuss the joys of gaming with significant others and making gaming while married work.
Want to watch our shenanigans live? Check out the Workprint Twitch channel. Our gamescast goes live every Wednesday at 8:30 PM EST.
The body count continues to pile up in this week’s episode of Shadowhunters as we meet another group of Downworlders, the werewolves. Meanwhile life gets more complicated for Clary as she realizes that Valentine has her mother and she’s able to see Jocelyn through the portal shard (that she’s been wearing as a necklace).
Maryse Lightwood blazes into the Institute to whip her children back into line. She orders Jace and Isabelle to extract information from the Seelies (who have stopped communicating with the Clave) and while Alec is stuck with babysitting duties. Incidentally I wonder why Clary hasn’t asked why people keep calling her Clary Fairchild instead of Fray (minor spoiler: Fairchild is Jocelyn’s maiden name, she created Fray when she went into hiding).
The fiery redhead though is determined to find a way to rescue Jocelyn and remembers a box that her mother used to take out every year and cry over that might be a clue. She sneaks out of the Institute to head back to the loft to try and find it. Alec goes after her but as he catches up with the new Shadowhunter she gets a call from Simon who wants to help. The three of them meet up and head back to Clary’s once home. However soon after their arrival, the two bffs are arrested by Alaric and taken to the Jade Wolf.
The New York werewolf pack wants the Mortal Cup as well and tries to bully Clary into telling them it’s location by threatening Simon. Been there done that and no one wants to believe that she doesn’t know anything. Luke and the Shadowhunters come to their rescue though and a fight ensues between the police officer and the pack alpha. Luke emerges triumphant and becomes the new werewolf leader.
The body count continues to grow in Shadowhunters and this week was no exception. Let’s take a moment to remember those who have passed:
Pandemonimum Demons
Slayed during episode one inside Pandemonium as Alec, Jace, and Isabelle were looking to get information on who was trafficking human blood.
Valentine’s Circle Henchman & Henchwoman
We first met them when they came to the police station as witnesses of the gruesome serial killings and Luke was questioning them. In truth they came to have a nice chat wanting information on Jocelyn, Clary, and the Mortal Cup. Trying to protect mother and daughter, Luke lies and says that they mean nothing to him and just wants the cup for his people.
Luke ends up killing the female Circle member after she tries to abduct an innocent warlock. Henchman meets his demise in the hands of Jace after he followed Simon to the Institute in hopes of finding Clary.
Outspoken Circle Member
This poor Circle member talks crap about Jocelyn to Valentine at their hideout and gets a syringe full of who knows what with deadly consequences.
Dot/Dorothea
Dot was a female warlock who had been working for Jocelyn and helping her keep Clary safe from the shadow world all these years. She had been the one who created the portal that sent Clary to the police station after Circle members found them looking for Jocelyn. She even tried to recruit Magnus into helping her instead of running away. Poor Dot though was captured by Valentine’s goons and taken to his Chernobyl prison/lab. She manages to stab Pangborn with a syringe full of demon blood before she is killed by Valentine.
Two Unnamed Seelie Scouts
When news of Valentine’s return began circulating in the shadow world, the Clave sent Seelie scouts in search of the renegade Shadowhunter. Two managed to find his lair and were invisible for a time under a glamor, but eventually were discovered and then shortly murdered there after. Their deaths caused the fairies to cut off communication with the Clave, causing further tension between the two groups.
Pangborn
A loyal lieutenant to Valentine for many years, at first it seems like the demon blood injection killed poor Pangborn but he is still actually alive. Sadly Valentine commands him to release demon acid breath onto the two Seelie scouts, which kills them and himself at the same time. R.I.P. Pangborn.
Camille’s Vampire Goons
When Alec, Jace, Isabelle, and Clary went to rescue Simon who was being held at the Hotel DuMort, lots of vampire goons were sent to stop them. Everyone was killed either through Izzy’s whip, Alec’s bow, seraph blades, or good old sunlight. Raphael survived since he’s smart as well as Camille, whom he told to leave so that she wouldn’t get caught breaking the Accords (the Accords is a treaty between Downworlders and Shadowhunters on how they should interact with mundanes and each other to keep the peace and protect the shadow world).
The Warlocks at Magnus’ Loft
As the High Warlock of Brooklyn, Magnus was concerned for his people’s safety and used his loft as a refuge while Valentine was out hunting for them to revive Jocelyn from the sleeping spell she was under. Unfortunately, Circle members found his hideout (after Elias sold them out) and killed many warlocks. The squad arrived and helped defeat the intruders, earning Magnus’ favor. He agrees to summon a demon to help retrieve Clary’s memories.
Memory Demon
For safety’s sake, Magnus had fed the memories he extracted from Clary to a memory demon. Since they had helped during the Circle attack on his loft, he decides do them a favor and summon the fearsome creature. Unfortunately during the casting, Alec breaks the circle and Jace is nearly devoured by the demon. He is finally saved when Clary kills it using her stele.
Theo, Former New York Pack Alpha
After his kidnapping of Clary and Simon go awry, Theo and his pack surrounded the squad outside the Jade Wolf ready to pounce. But luckily Luke comes in and attacks the alpha himself and after a brutal fight kills the other wolf. The others change back to their human forms and submit themselves to him as their new leader. Luke sustained some serious damage though and is taken by Clary, Simon and Jace to Magnus who can heal him.
Rest in peace guys and for you demons, relax in Edom.
You can catch Shadowhunters on Freeform Tuesdays 9/8 central.
The long wait is almost over for fans of Outlander.
Starz has announced the second season of the drama based off of Diana Gabaldon’s book series will return on April 9, 2016 at 9 PM. Season two will find Claire Randall Fraser (Caitriona Balfe) and Jamie Fraser (Sam Heughan) in France as they attempt to infiltrate the French aristocracy in an effort to stop the Battle of Culloden.
Season two will also introduce two new characters – Brianne (Sophie Skelton), the daughter of Jamie and Clare, and Roger Wakefield (Richard Rankin) the adopted son of Reverend Wakefield.
THE BACHELOR - "Episode 2005" - The first international stop of the season finds Ben and the 11 remaining bachelorettes traveling to Mexico City, one of the largest metropolitan areas in the world. Amanda has a thrillingly romantic one-on-one date with Ben, soaring over ancient ruins in a hot-air balloon. The women will attempt to learn Spanish with Ben but they immediately need to use their new-found knowledge to go shopping for a cooking competition. Lauren H. has a spring in her step as she and Ben walk the runway with top models during for Mexico City's Fashion Week. One heart-wrenching confrontation between Ben and one unhappy bachelorette changes the course of Ben's journey to find love. The women decide to take matters into their own hands and corner Ben about Olivia's bad behavior. Will the Bachelor decide it is time for her to pack her bags? "The Bachelor" airs MONDAY, FEBRUARY 1 (8:00-10:01 p.m. EST) on the ABC Television Network. (ABC/Eniac Martinez)
BEN HIGGINS, OLIVIA
Oh, someone please make the stupidity stop. Please make The Bachelor stop. It’s never going to happen, is it? Okay. Well then here we go.
Last time, we left off with Ben dramatically pulling Muppet aside before the rose ceremony. All of the other girls wrongly assume this means he is sending her home, but Muppet Face manages to trick Ben yet again into thinking she is some sweet and pitiful little puppy dog.”I’ve had a target on my back since the beginning when I got the first rose. They say I’m aggressive when I pull you aside, so I pull back and they say I’m why aren’t you being social? I can’t win. ”
Boring Ben falls for this poor me routine, and Muppet stays. For now. She returns to the circle of doom ladies wiping fake tears from her super-oily face. Angry, whiny Emily, who comes across like a 12-year-old girl, yells at the camera: “WTF??? Her tears are fake as fuck!!!” Muppet is very happy that she has once again snowed everyone. “They were all thinking I was going home. Nope. I’m still here. So come at me, bro! Everybody else can suck it!” Bro??? Come at me? How old is this chick?
ROSE CEREMONY:
Jennifer goes home. “He doesn’t even know who I am”, she cries as she gets into the sad limo. He tells her in the cheesiest voice possible: “you’re going to make someone very happy one day.” Yuck. That is the LAST thing you want to hear by the idiot who just dumped you on national TV. Ben comes back inside and picks up his champagne to toast with the remaining bimbos that next up, they are all going to the Bahamas!!! Everyone screams with delight. Once they arrive in the Bahamas, which is, by the way, “the perfect place to fall in love”, the girls settle into their latest hotel and the first date card arrives. It is a one-on-one for Caila, and no-lines Leah is pissed. How do I know? Because she said: “I’m pissed!” to cameras. She randomly flips out crying in the bathroom over this, whining “It’s not fair! Why am I even here? No reason I’m here! I don’t wanna go on another group date or 2 on 1. Why put myself through that?” Jesus woman, take a xanax or twelve. You never even SPOKE for all the other episodes, now you’re suddenly front and center having a panic attack over this loaf-of-bread for personality guy. Chill out.
CAILA AND BLAND MAN:
They go deep-sea fishing and then jump in the water together. Then they have dinner, and quite possibly the most confusing conversation I have ever heard in my entire life. It went something like this:
Him: I want for you to be vulnerable. You are happy all the time. You are always smiling. I want someone I can come home to and we can cry together.
Her: Well I feel put on the spot to do that now. To be vulnerable with you.
Him: I don’t mean that you need to tell me all your deep dark secrets right now.
Her: You are doing everything to get me to open up. I will say this. I feel like I love you. (Where did THAT come from???) But I don’t know why I can’t share. My greatest fear is I can’t totally fall in love with someone. Your greatest fear is being unlovable. Mine is breaking your heart. It feels like I’m gonna hurt you.
Him: Hurt me how?
Her: I don’t know. I feel like I want you in my life. This is real. Youre real. I want you to be part of it.
Him: (to camera) It’s attractive that she is confusing.
SERIOUSLY. WHAT. THE . FUCK ……….
GROUP ORGY AND MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING:
So there’s another group date with Lauren B, Becca, Amanda, Lauren H., JoJo, and Leah. Its weird from the start for no reason. Everyone is tense and stand-off-ish. There is a boat ride to a private island that apparently is Ben’s. Not sure if he was kidding about that one, since I can never tell if he is trying to make a joke or not because his personality sucks. Anyway, he might have his own island. He leads the girls off the boat and then they swim with and feed PIGS. Yes, pigs. Why??? Nobody knows. Because it’s the stupidest thing ever and that is what this show is all about.
They hold up hot dogs and feed pigs in the water. The women all scream and the pigs squeal. What is the point of this? Suddenly everyone gets very awkward. Ben and Lauren B. are flirting in the ocean and the other girls are jealous and get quiet. They swim around Ben and act silent near him. He asks if people are okay and they give the cold shoulder. He asks cameras “How do you date this many women that you have feelings for and keep everybody happy? Does anybody know?” Ummm …. maybe …. DON’T date that many women at once on national television, because its stupid and makes no sense??? Just a thought.
Any who, Leah whines to him in the water that he has barely gotten to know her, and he asks her to please be patient and make the most of this day. A pig squeals in the background as they talk. Then Leah whines and sobs for no reason to the others. “I actually feel worse after talking with him. I’m such an idiot.” No argument here. Now it is nightfall. They all sit around and drink. They take turns with Ben. Becca admits to being standoff-ish today, and then they kiss. He says he doesn’t want to hurt her. Him and Amanda also kiss. He says he is trying to be fair to everyone and tell them how he feels. Leah uses her time to randomly and out of the blue, throw Lauren B. under the bus and tell Ben that she is “one way in the house and different around you.”
Lauren interrupts them, not knowing what was just said, and Ben tells Lauren that someone told HIM that she is being fake. Lauren has no clue what to do with this information, and Ben tells her “This stuff gets in my head, and then I don’t know what to do with it.” Lauren goes off on her own and cries, telling the others that she doesn’t get why anyone would say that about her. Leah lies to her face, like the evil Satan-creep she is. “It wasnt me. I didn’t say anything. I would never single someone out that way.” Lauren keeps sobbing, and Amanda gets the group rose.
Lauren makes a vow to do something a little more extreme. She knocks on Ben’s door and he seems happy to see her and spend some time with her. They sit down on the couch and again, she brings up Lauren B. and how she is two different people. She goes on and on and on. Ben says “When Leah talks tonight, there is a disconnect between us. ” He asks her if she feels like something is missing with them. Yeah. Brains? She just nods in a confused way. He tells her it is best if they say goodbye. He then wonders to himself if what she said about Lauren was true or not.
EMILY, MUPPET, BEN, AND A HURRICANE:
So the classic 2-on-1 date where one woman gets a rose and the other is sent home, is with Emily and Muppet. Muppet tells cameras: “Shes young. Shes like a bird.” Meanwhile Emily tells cameras: “I hope Ben sees that she is annoying and fake and not for him.” Muppet says that her and Ben have been writing their love story this whole time. Riiiight. The three go out on a speed boat in a hurricane. No joke, the weather was ridiculous. Endless wind and cold, rain and clouds. Ben says “this is gonna be rough.” They arrive in the sand and sit there yelling because you can’t hear a damn thing with all the wind whipping so hard. The girl’s hair is flying everywhere, and they all awkwardly drink wine in the sand. He steals Muppet first, and they go have a talk. She tells him again about her behavior in the house. “I’m not gonna be friends with people I wouldn’t be friends with. They like to do each others hair and stuff. And that’s fine. I like to read books. I’m very grounded. In tune with my body. Like, news and politics and religion. Deep intellectual things are just my JAM. From the moment I met you, I knew it was right. I’m in love with you.” She kisses him and he half-assed kisses her back with zero feeling.
Now its Emily’s turn. Her hair is whipping around so hard in the wind that its humorous. She is seconds away from sobbing over it, because she cries like an infant over EVERYTHING. Then she runs away and calls her twin who got kicked off, and makes her sit through her stupid drama. Anyway, Emily tells Ben “there’s so much life to experience, and I want you there to experience it. I WANT YOU THERE!!!!” Okay, chill. He tells her that her growth is exciting to see. Eewww. He goes back to the sand and thanks them both for being there, and then he asks to see Muppet. He brings the rose with him, which makes them both think that he is keeping Muppet and dumping Emily.
Oh, what a cruel, cruel world. Instead, he walks like a zillion miles away with Muppet, holding the rose the whole time and walking through the hurricane and blasting winds, and tells her: “Today you spoke from your heart. I don’t think I can reciprocate those feelings. It’s not a place I can get to. I can’t give you this rose.” OH, you mean the one you’re holding in your hand right now and teasing her with? Oh okay. Just checking. He tells her goodbye, and then walks away back toward Emily, AND JUST LEAVES HER STANDING THERE!!!! So now she has to witness them celebrating each other, and him giving Emily the rose, and then she stands there forever in the howling wind and just sobs. They even make her watch as the two of them ride away on the boat together. She sobs and sobs and sobs. Awww. Poor Muppet. Guess its back to the looney bin with you.
Ben says he feels all alone and wonders if this will work at all, and will he find love here. He tells Chris that he doesn’t want to do a party tonight, and wants to go right to the rose ceremony. The girls are TERRIFIED, because everything is TERRIFYING to them. He says this will be the hardest rose ceremony, and then he sends Lauren with an H. initial home. She gets in the sad limo, and this little piggy cried all the way home. (Reference to the pigs earlier. I’m tired. ) The End.
NEXT WEEK: Muppet joins the cast of “The Muppets” and claims that her and Kermit have a secret love language. Emily calls her twin sobbing when Ben has erection issues with her in the Fantasy Suite. Chris Harrison expresses his secret feelings toward Ben.
Rocket League has been the talk of the town since it’s release on Playstation 4 and PC last year. Xbox fans knew they would eventually get in on the action, since the game’s creator Psyonix revealed it would be coming to Xbox at last years Game Awards, but the release window was vague. We now know that it will be coming to Xbox One next week, on February 17!
Those that have been waiting for the Xbox One version will be happy to know that all of the previous DLC will be included in this addition, which featured 6 new cars and 50 additional customization options. It will also introduce Xbox exclusive cars based on the Halo and Gears of War franchises, as well as Sunset Overdrive themed items. This version will not, however, feature cross-play support like the PlayStation 4 and PC iterations of the game. For those worried that the Xbox One version will lag behind in terms of content with the PC and PlayStation 4 counterparts, Psyonix went on to say that they will be “aggressively supporting” the Xbox One version with updates and content.
Are you excited to check out what all of the fuss is about with Rocket League? Have you already been playing it on your PC or PlayStation 4 months ago and now it’s old news? Let us know in the comments down below!
Supergirl: Season 1, Episode 13 “For the Girl Who Has Everything”
After last week’s romance-filled episode, I was worried Supergirl might head down a CW road, inserting love triangles and rectangles and octagons all over the place. Sure, Winn and Jimmy Olsen have been at odds for Kara’s heart for a while now, but with the inclusion of Cat Grant’s son, Adam, romance seemed poised to the front seat. Thankfully, CBS and Supergirl writers backed on out of that driveway and drove off. In fact, this week it took those plots and neatly set them aside. Instead, it focused on what makes the show so great: the familial relationships.
Everyone knows about Superman’s heritage and how he was raised by the Kent family as Clark. While Kara’s story follows a similar path, she has something Clark never did: a sister. Alex and Kara have such a strong relationship that it’s the reason I tune in every week. Where Cat Grant keeps Kara grounded in reality, Alex keeps Kara flying. She believes in her sister like no one else, even when their relationship is tested by a messed up daffodil that mentally sends Kara back to Krypton with her family.
There’s a larger plot going on in the thirteenth episode, “For the Girl Who Has Everything”, what with Non and Astra still going forward with their plan to kill all humans and other Bender B. Rodriguez nonsense. Non’s quest is relatively cliche (and normal) in the comic book world and there isn’t anything too special about him as a character either except now he has a loved one to avenge.
The real story is Supergirl under the influence of the alien parasite Black Mercy, torn between the family she once knew and the family she now has. It’s a dilemma that many face, myself included, choosing between blood and friendship, but that doesn’t make the struggle any easier. What makes a family? Is it blood and genetics? Or is it something that can be chosen, something you can cultivate for yourself with the ones you love?
To both Alex and Kara, they are sisters. They may not share any DNA but their relationship and their bond has never come into question. It was Alex who first brought Supergirl into the world and it was Alex again who pulled her from the depths of her imagined Krypton to bring her home. It’s a bond so strong that it inspires Astra to warn Alex about what is happening to her niece while under the effects of the Black Mercy. Even Maxwell Lord, King of poorly written snark and ego doesn’t question the pair’s love for one another. Hank recognizes that their relationship is what keeps the other afloat, keeps the other inspired to continue on their journey. He takes the fall for Alex in an emotionally charged moment to keep that precious relationship in tact.
Sure, Supergirl isn’t the greatest show on television right now. It’s rife with cliche writing, predictable plots, and bland male characters. That being said, the familial relationships on the show are some of best to watch, the best to savor over multiple episodes. Watching Alex plead with Alura’s hologram, desperately searching for any clue as to how to save Kara, broke my heart. Alex is a professional, trained to handle nearly any situation, but when Kara is in danger, that strength wavers and even culminates in her snapping at both Hank and Jimmy when she believes they pulled her from Kara’s dream state early.
But there was also the issue of Kara’s blood family in the episode. As Kara Danvers she may have come to terms with the loss of her life on Krypton, but as Supergirl, Kara Zor-El, she most certainly hasn’t forgotten her heritage. Near the end of the episode, Kara confronts Non about the hell he put her through: not the pain or the near-death experience, but the fact that he made her lose her parents a second time and such agony is unforgivable. Much like Chyler Leigh’s Alex, Melissa Benoist’s Kara is at her best when she is angry, teetering on the edge of breaking. (She does one heck of a Hank Henshaw impression.) The reality of Kara’s loss is palpable, made worse by the death of her aunt Astra, the last real connection she has to Krypton. (I don’t count Kal-El. He only communicates via text anyway.)
Things end mostly on a happy note for Kara’s family. Winn and Jimmy take care of the domestic side of things, even bringing ice cream and potstickers. (I have to admit, I found Alex’s defense of them being at the DEA headquarters endearing.) Alex is relieved to have her sister back, but their relationship now has a secret between them, ready to tear them apart. But even with the threat of Non and Alex’s secret, as the show came to close, I couldn’t help but smile watching the group be silly and comfortable with one another. It’s quiet moment all-too-often cut from final edits in shows and movies, but it’s an important one: one that reminds why these heroes fight and what we, as fans, cheer for.
People today have short attention spans. Everything in our culture has been squeezed into a tweet or smashed down into a YouTube video to keep up with our fast moving world. Who has more than 10 seconds to enjoy anything before moving on to the next big thing? Shütshimifrom Choice Provisions, the team behind the Bit.Trip Saga and Whoa! Dave, have taken this idea and run with it.
The gameplay in Shütshimi is simple: You control a cigar smoking goldfish (who for some odd reason has extremely ripped, gun-touting arms), as you fire your way through an underwater swarm of jelly fish, laser sharks, cat controlled submarines, and other odd sea anemones. The only button you will need to worry about, outside of your analog stick for movement, is the “a” button to fire (although rare power-ups do give you a secondary fire with “y” as well). As for control options, since this was reviewed on the Wii U, I was able to use the Game Pad, Pro Controller, Classic Controller pro, Wii remote and nunchuck, as well as the Wii remote turned onto its side.
Shütshimi is part Warioware, part arcade shoot-em-up, and never slows down. It’s all about racking up points, collecting power ups, dodging enemies, and moving on to the next thing, all under 10-seconds. If this sounds incredibly short, that’s because it is. Often times, before you really get an opportunity to fall into the groove of a stage, you are ripped out and moved onto the next area. This includes boss battles. If a boss battle is not completed under the 10-second mark, they will flee and return with their remaining health later in the game. This really puts on the pressure to succeed quickly.
The reasoning behind the main hook of the game is that goldfish only have a memory of 10 seconds. So as our “hero” tells us of his daring escapades, he can only remember in 10-second intervals. In other words, he is creating a highlight reel of his biggest victories. While I’ve got to hand it to Choice Provisions for sticking to their guns with this idea (pun intended), I do feel it may have cut them short, making the game feel shallow.
To spice up the gameplay, however, they have included power-ups between each stage. After you complete an area you are taken into “shop time”, where like the rest of the game you are only given 10-seconds to choose between three different power-up options to take with you into the next battle. The descriptions for each power-up are intentionally vague, but do give you some sort of hint at what it may entail, such as “lousy camera person” to imply that the power-up will flip the next stage upside down. While the power-ups can be fun (like turning the stage into a bouncy castle), advantageous (such as giving you triple the fire power), or just plain weird (like turning all of the stage enemies into flying butts), there is not enough variety to make you want to come back for more. After only a few rounds, I knew what each power-up did, and found myself choosing the same 2-3 options every time.
While the gameplay is shallow, they do try and give you some replay-ability. The game includes 32 “awardments”, 46 hats to collect, and is connected to an online leaderboard, so you will always have the ability to try and get the highest score. The game also features 4-player co-op, allowing you and 3 other friends to take on the world. Outside of the main gameplay, it includes a timed boss battle mode and a “heartless” extreme difficulty mode for those wanting a real challenge.
Shütshimi is a fun game in short bursts, but didn’t hold my attention for long. For those interested in collecting everything possible, it will extend the gameplay some. This is a game that I will definitely bring out at parties to play with friends, but I don’t see myself returning to it that frequently. At the normal $10 price point I find it hard to recommend, but if you are able to get it on a discount I suggest picking it up for the novelty alone.
Shütshimi is available on PlayStation 4, PlayStation Vita, Wii U, and PC.
6.5/10
Shütshimi was reviewed with a code supplied by the developers.
What’s up guys and gals! Welcome to the Workprint Gamescast!
Listen to Rob, Jen, Bilal, and the gang talk about the latest in video games news, what they’re playing, and all other manner of nerdy habits.
This week’s topic: With demos being few and far between this generation, the gang discusses whether that’s necessarily a bad thing. Have “betas” replaced them? Joining us for the first time is Terrence from TheWorkprint.com!
Want to watch our shenanigans live? Check out the Workprint Twitch channel. Our gamescast goes live every Wednesday at 8:30 PM EST.
THE MAGICIANS -- "The World in the Walls" Episode 104 -- Pictured: (l-r) Stella Maeve as Julia, Jason Ralph as Quentin -- (Photo by: Carole Segal/Syfy)
The Magicians
Season 1, Episode 4: “The World in the Walls”
Air Date: February 8, 2016
This week’s episode of The Magicians was an insane, intense, and mind bending journey into Quentin’s subconscious as he is put in a dangerous spell that leaves terrifying consequences in it’s wake.
Most of the story happens within Q’s (Jason Ralph) mind as he struggles to determine what is real and what isn’t and we are along for the ride. Our unfortunate hero wakes up inside a cold, drab, and unfamiliar looking room that certainly doesn’t look like it would belong in the Physical Kids’ cabin. He is dressed in a plain grey sweatshirt and has a roommate with an affinity for pink stuffed animals. Quentin then realizes where he is – back at the mental health clinic he had been previously checked into before his Yale interview. What the what?!?
Was Brakebills just a figment of his imagination? Were Alice (Olivia Taylor Dudley) and Eliot (Hale Appleman) just fellow patients? Was Penny (Arjun Gupta) an attendee inside the clinic who forced him to take his pills?
Thankfully the world rights itself for the most part, but boy what an episode this was.
Here are our top five WTF is going on moments from The Magicians this week:
Julia’s momentary evil laugh/smile as Quentin is losing his mind
While inside the mental health clinic, Quentin gets a visit from Julia (Stella Maeve) who supposedly is at Yale with James (Michael Cassidy). He becomes so distraught and desperately tries to get her to see that he can do magic. Q performs a spell that casts fireworks into the air and he begs Julia to look at it. She gives him a sad pitying “you’re crazy” look and then tells him that she wishes she could see the fireworks, except he never told her what the spell actually was. Then for a split second she laughs and Q asks out loud if anyone saw her laughing at him. Julia only responds by saying, “What kind of friend would do that” along with a cold creepy smile before leaving. Oooo that’s the sound of retribution Q.
The music therapy session where Quentin delivers his homage to Taylor Swift and it’s amazing
While still stuck inside the powerful spell, Quentin is forced to attend a music therapy session where attendant Penny begs for them not to sing that one song because it gets in his head and never leaves. Q remembers how his last encounter with the real traveller almost got violent because of a certain Taylor Swift song. Thus ladies and gentlemen, he busts out into the sassiest rendition of Shake It Off ever to grace the small screen accompanied by the equally crazy Alice and Eliot (bravo to both who brought their characters’ uniqueness into their alter-egos). All this in hope that his thoughts are broadcasted so loud that the real Penny can hear it and will be forced to come into his mind to shut him up. This was the best scene ever and Q is the queen of sass and has the hair flip skills to prove it.
It does work and real Penny comes along and he is my HERO.
Quentin finding out the beastly reason why he’s at the mental clinic
This was such a “WTF is going on” moment because Quentin discovers the reason why he’s back at the mental clinic and it’s so messed up. Apparently a few months ago he had dinner with his father and then attacked him with a knife believing that he had been The Beast. The doctor shows Quentin on video in chains and screaming that he needed his power back. This was such an intense performance by Jason Ralph and I got goosebumps watching this scene unfold. You can see the exact moment Q literally looses it and believes that he’s become a deranged lunatic that tried to kill his own father.
The scorpion bug is Q’s only hope
Back in the real world, Dean Fogg (Rick Worthy) must summon an evil bug spirit from the underworld that can short out Q’s cerebral cortex in order to bring him partially out of the Scarlotti Web (the spell that Marina and Julia cast over Quentin). This incantation is like a prison in the middle of the desert where the bug breaks him out of the prison but Quentin must get himself out of the wasteland. However, all of Brakebills’ wards had to be removed in order for the spirit to be summoned, allowing for just anyone to walk in. Penny also comes to help snap Q out of it before he can perform a self lobotomy. The traveller arrives in the nick of time saying that the only real things were the two of them and the scorpion that he just threw up. Just as Q seems to snap out of it though, everything goes black.
Psychopath Marina orchestrating the whole thing so that she can retrieve her lost memories inside Brakebills
We find out that Marina (Kacey Rohl) was actually a former student three months shy of graduation when she was expelled. The school removed all her magic related memories which makes me wonder how she figured out that she had studied there to begin with. Still, the woman has a lot of gumption and tenacity to figure out that she would have to get the protective wards down to retrieve her memories. Marina had no qualms in using Quentin, Julia, and Kady (Jade Tailor) to do it. Operation Break Into Brakebills is a success and she is able to regain all her magical knowledge to the detriment of the world at large. Marina then burns Julia’s stars and vows that she’ll know what it really means to be cut off from magic for snitching. The hedge witch is more powerful and ruthless than ever and probably has some sinister plan to get even stronger. Rohl is so good at being bad and we should all be scared.
This was the best episode of The Magicians yet as we were feeling just as crazy as Q trying to figure out what the hell was happening. While it was intense and nail biting to say the least, there were also moments of absurd hilarity and fun that gave a moment of relief during the trip down the rabbit hole. The whole cast did a beautiful job in both the world within Q’s mind and in reality. I cannot wait to see what kind of delicious magic and madness Sera Gamble, John McNamara and the rest of The Magicians crew have in store for us next.
And we can sleep easy tonight fellow fans as Syfy announced today that they are renewing the show for a season two.
THE X-FILES Season 10, Episode 4
“Home Again”
AIR DATE: February 8, 2016
GRADE: C+
The first thing you’ll notice is that the title of the episode references “Home”, one of the most notorious (and greatest) episodes X-Files fans have ever been privy to watch. That episode was so dark, disturbing and violent, Fox refused to run repeats of the episode. Simply put, it was one of the show’s finest hours. Unfortunately, that little tidbit means a gauntlet has been laid down that the new X-Files cannot possibly beat.
Not that “Home Again” is any less gruesome. While “Home” was shocking for its era (but tame by this era’s late night standards), this episode has the same dark and goopy aims: a supernatural (and highly ironic) antagonist haunts the city streets, driving a garbage truck around and fights for the homeless by forcefully dismembering/decapitating government officials who are dead set on keeping the society’s “trash” away from the elites.
Yeah…”Home” this ain’t.
It might not be fair to compare the two episodes but when all you’re doing is tacking on the word “Again” to the title of one of your best episodes, it’s hard not to come across as insanely pretentious. Besides that, it’s really hard to be thrilled about a villain who, in essence, is a soulless version of Candyman (actually named “Band-Aid Nose Man”, for crying outloud), a supernatural being somehow brought to life after being created by a homeless street artist so that he could “defend the homeless” — by murdering morally-objectionable-but-still-innocent people. That isn’t to say that the sequences he features in aren’t effective or well-executed (the scene where “Trash Man” offs an official in her home set to “Downtown” by Petula Clark is an absolute joy to watch), but the entire gist of the supernatural plot is frustrating because of a weird insistence on forcing us to watch Scully sob over Magical Baby William.
Again.
Of course, I’m getting ahead of myself: Scully’s mom is in the hospital, having suffered a major heart attack that has rendered her all but dead. This provides some needed emotional heft but the irony is that the two storylines eventually sabotage one another: on the one hand, you have Mulder running around the city, stepping in ectoplasm and picking up crusty Band-Aids that doesn’t house any evidence or inorganic matter…whatever the hell that means — it’s got a bunch of something on it so it can’t be totally free of evidence. So what is it? Oh, wait. Scully’s Mom is busy saying cryptic things about William, so now Scully’s a goddamn mess and we have to deal with that thing. Why did Mama Scully mention William for no reason? Does she hate Mulder and Scully for giving him up? Does she think William hates them? What’s going on with WILLIAM?!
Wait a second…never mind. Scully wants to help Mulder look for the thing that’s ripping people apart. Since the Band-Aid that had/didn’t have stuff on it didn’t pay off for Mulder, further investigation finds spray paint that eventually tracks back to “Trashcan Man” (I’m not making this up), the aforementioned homeless guy who created “Band-Aid Nose Man”. The creation, he explains, was to fight for the homeless through art(!), not through limb-ripping, head-tearing violence. Obviously, that didn’t work out. Everyone’s dead and Mulder and Scully can’t even get Trashcan Man to explain how it is Band-Aid Man was able to leap off of building walls, hijack a garbage truck and mow through everyone who hates the homeless community. Something about giving his art “the power”.
Oh. Ok.
So, Band-Aid Man wins. Nobody really cares and it’s back to Scully’s story: Scully’s Mom has passed away and Mulder has joined her to scatter her Mom’s ashes near the sea, a nice reference to “Beyond the Sea” where Scully has her father’s ashes scattered at sea. We finally get closure on William — I hope. Scully’s very worried that they’ve done the wrong thing giving him away but that she can now accurately answer why it is her Mom said what she said about William: she wanted Mulder and Scully to own what they did. Awfully nice of her to mentally torment Scully on her way out but that’s where this goes. How does Scully put this? “I want to believe,” she says. “I need to believe that we didn’t treat him like trash.”
Nothing about this episode actually lands. The monster is cool. The murder sequences are classic X-Files but that’s all it is: stylish music videos of a creature murdering people. There’s no real explanation of who or what he is beyond his creator having some sort of super power that makes him live and go nuts. Furthermore, the creator’s intent goes against what he stands for, rendering his vision moot and there’s no real point to any of it anyhow except to be a lame reason to tie William MulderScully in with the homeless community (being that they’re “treated like trash”) all so Scully can whimper and sob about William being “treated like trash”. Y’know, just like the homeless. Get it? It’s the shaggiest of shaggy dog stories.
Just so we’re clear, we have yet to have a good episode of the new series and, with two episodes left, The X-Files is running the risk of becoming a revival that never should have been revived.
Hey, everyone, did you know that Mexico City, Mexico is “the perfect place to fall in love?” This, and more genius observation, from our trusty and predictably-scripted TV romance show. Ben / Bland Man tells cameras as he stands longingly by the water: “I feel like this is a great place for love.” Do ya? Do ya really feel that, Ben? I’m sure you do. And then next week, you will have those same exact scripted feelings for whatever next city this dumb show is flying you to next. Anyway, we begin this week’s trainwreck with Jubilee Friendlys Dessert feeling very insecure about this process, telling cameras: “11 girls all dating the same guy. I’m trying to deal with it all.” Muppet, on the other hand, is feeling overly confident in her delusional mind with thoughts like: “Ben doesnt validate people the way he validates me. Our love language is reserved for us.” No. The crazy-train going to Crazy-ville is reserved for you, LoonyTunes. Meanwhile, the first one-on-one date goes to Amanda, and Muppet is NOT HAPPY!!! Amanda is filled with “likes” in her excitement: “I’m, like, so excited, that, like, I get to , like, spend time with Ben and like, see what this is for us. Its like, amazing.” Muppet makes a comment about Amanda having kids and Ben not wanting that. How the hell does SHE know what Ben wants?
4:20 am. Ben shows up at Hormone Mansion in middle of the night to wake Amanda for their early date. He does this in the creepiest way possible of course. Not by turning on the lights like a human being, but instead creeping around with a flashlight in the pitch dark and shaking girls awake while laughing maniacally. “This is what I’m here for, to see these girls in their element.” Their element? Snoring? Sleeping? Creeping them out? Lauren with an H. initial looks like ass in the morning, as her face looks confused and she rushes to get her retainer out of her gross mouth. Yuck. Ben says something like “That’s okay. I wear one too.” Then he points at the wig/weave by the bed and says “Who’s weave is that?” Stupidly enough, the girls all sleep together, sharing large beds like they are at camp or something. Really? This show can’t spring for everyone to get their own bed? Ridiculous and silly. Anyway, all the girls look shocked that he is there, and then Amanda wakes up looking perfect for no reason. Her hair is in place, she doesn’t look frazzled, and she is happy to see Ben .03 seconds after her eyes open. She rises out of bed with a chipper “Good morning!” like some sort of Disney character. Ben drives her to the location where they will take a hot-air balloon ride as the sun comes up, hence the early hour. They kiss, then sit in a meadow with a picnic and kiss some more. Amanda says “like” 57 more times. “This is amazing. I can’t believe this is, like, my life right now. Its like, nerve-wracking, like, I don’t know. I’m like, nervous and then, like, as soon as I’m with you, I, like, feel so much better. It’s so, like, unnatural for me to , like, take time for myself.” Yes, this is the dialogue of a grown woman and NOT a 14-year-old girl. At the romantic meal portion of their date later on, Amanda tells Ben that she was married previously, and the marriage was, like, bad. “He, like, wasnt the nicest person to me. I found, like, texts on his phone. He was meeting up with exes and girls. I was, like, so unhappy.” Bland Man is blandly supportive and tells her she is incredible. He gives her the rose and they, like, kiss some more.
GROUP DATE ORGY:
On this particular orgy is Friendlys Dessert, Becca, stupid name JoJo, Caila, little child “twin” Emily, Lauren with a B. initial, Jen, no-lines Leah, and Muppet, who is upset that she is on the group date and not the second one-on-one. “He’s mine. I need him.” Okay creeper. She then opens her mouth wide and stares into camera. Friendlys Dessert says how much she hates group dates. They all go into a classroom and sit at desks. A spanish teacher walks in an begins teaching them spanish lessons. Makes them get up one at a time with Ben and say different loving things in spanish. “I want to kiss you.” “I love you”, and other silly things they are told to repeat in spanish. When it is Friendly Dessert’s turn, she calls bullshit on the whole thing, pointing out to Ben when he says “Te Amo” to her, that he said the same thing to the 4 girls before her just now. Then she pulls away from him when he tries to hold her hand, and she sits back down. Muppet is next, and Ben has to say “Will you marry me?”Muppet is once again convinced this was a secret message and part of their nonexistent love language. She makes up another word pronunciation in true Sarah Palin style, and says “There was ELECTRICI–TAY with Ben and me just now!” After the lessons, they split up into pairs and then have to shop at market for ingredients , and then make a recipe that is written all in Spanish. Muppet and Friendlys Dessert both want to partner with Ben, and Muppet wins out because she desperately clings on to him more and begs him practically to work with her. She says “I claimed you!” Friendlys is upset and ends up working with Lauren with a B.
Jen and creepy child Emily work together, and Jen notes: “Emily tries to be helpful, but I don’t think her palate has expanded past the kids menu.” You got that right. Meanwhile, Muppet makes the most of her time with Bland Ben, feeding him in the market and flirting where all the other girls can see. Emily tells cameras: “Olivia makes me sick and her breath is horrible. It smells like dog shit.” Wow. Ben makes the dumbest joke ever in life with this gem: “Hey girls! I’m no longer The Bachelor. I’m the Spatula!” Really? This is the doofus that all these women are fighting for? Once all the dishes are done, the judges, the owners of the market/restaurant, taste test them and give their opinion on a winner, which ends up being Friendlys Dessert and LaurenB, who receive absolutely fucking nothing for their troubles.
Later at the cocktail party, Muppet AGAIN grabs Ben immediately. Cant this idiot just say NO sometimes? Like, when someone is dominating his time or someone (Muppet) keeps interrupting EVERYONE that talks to him, cant he just say: “You know what? I’m with this person right now. Lets talk later.” So Ben and Muppet go off somewhere and start kissing. Yuck. “My Ben-giddy smile is back”, she says. Friendlys Dessert starts getting more mad as she watches each girl go off with him, and she is waiting and waiting. Lauren with a B. and Ben kiss for a long time in the street of the city. When he finally comes for Friendlys, he asks for her hand and she refuses. “Lets not hold hands right now” she says as they walk out together awkwardly. He tells her that he thought they had something to build on, but that she has pulled away lately. “I go to grab your hand, and you pull away. How is that supposed to make me feel?”, he asks her. She tries to explain that she is uncomfortable doing that in front of the others, and she asks him not to give up on her. “Please don’t”, she says. He says nothing. Then she asks if he sees more for them, and he says “No, I do not”, in a nutshell. “I think its best that maybe we say goodbye tonight.” He walks her out, she cries a lot and leaves on an extremely sad note. I actually feel for her. She is better than what this show is – that is the problem. She isnt into the bullshit phony part of the process, and she has no problem showing that, but because of that, she comes across as snobby. She cries into her hands and says “I’m the most unlovable person in the world right now.” Meanwhile, Ben has to stop and collect himself as well, after saying goodbye to her. He sheds a couple of manly tears after their departure, then its back to the women to let them know that Friendlys is gone. Before he can get out a full sentence about it, JoJo interrupts and steals him away. She tells him that he handles things with grace, and they kiss a lot. Then he goes back to girls again, and gives out the group rose “to someone who I reconnected with tonight.” Muppet!!! He gives it to Muppet Mouth. JoJo is NOT HAPPY!!!!
LAUREN AND BEN:
So Lauren with an H. initial have the second one-on-one date, and all I can really say about her is that she is WEIRD. Weird looking face, weird-looking mouth, (lots of people on this show have weird mouth), talks weird, makes weird expressions, and is just overall weird. They go to a high-end fashion store, during Fashion Week in Mexico City. Meanwhile, at home, the bimbos all gossip about Muppet. Emily “She is so fake. He needs to know I’m sick of her negative energy. It needs to be gone.” Lauren and Ben watch a fashion show, and then enter one themselves, walking the runway after being made up and made over. “The only walking I do is walking my kids out to recess!”, Lauren says. As they go down the runway in opposite directions, Ben gives her a wink. He says he is so proud of her. At dinner, he wants to see if they connect romantically. She tells him about her ex-boyfriend who cheated on her “with 3 girls.” Wait … what??? At the same time? Or separately? Either way, more details are needed. They kiss, and they kiss more in the street. She tells camera she is falling for Ben, and he gives her the rose.
COCK-TAIL PARTY AND OVER-DRAMATIC ENDING :
Muppet is bragging to cameras: “Screw being insecure anymore. I got the group rose, I’m not going anywhere. It smells really fresh. LIVE from Mexico City – I am falling for Ben. That’s me!” What on earth are you talking about? Youre not doing a newscast. You probably lost your job there months ago, if you ever really WERE a news anchor to begin with. Personally, I think you’re just a loon who imagined herself as a news anchor. Anyway, she looked into camera and opened her mouth widely. JoJo takes Ben aside and tells him she never wants to feel blindsided, and he promises her that she never will. Lauren with a B. initial tells him “I could see a life with you. Like, a LIFE. Like, a life-life. Its terrifying.” First of all, what the hell is a “life-life?” Secondly, EVERYTHING is “terrifying” to this chick. The woman are gathered outside drinking as usual, as different girls get private time with Ben. Amanda starts talking about her kids and mentions something about the babysitter picking them up or something, and Muppet says “I feel like it’s an episode of ‘Teen Mom.’ I’m watching.” Amanda: “Whats that?” Muppet: “You know that show … ” Amanda is pissed off . Tells cameras “First of all, I was 22 when I had my first kid, and 24 when I had my second. I’m an adult. I have my shit together. That was not a very nice thing for her to say.” Wow, 3 whole sentences without a LIKE in there. I guess she needs to be pissed to stop saying LIKE every other word. She tells Muppet “you don’t say something like that to someone. That’s like if I said to you that you remind me of Snooki because she was a hot mess.” Muppet responds with nonsense: “I’m learning a lot about myself and yeah. Um … sorry. Im gonna try harder.”
But it’s too late. Twin lady-child Emily is on the warpath and has gone to tattle-tale to Ben. She starts to tell Ben that Muppet is disrespectful, he asks her in what way, and she is sobbing like a 12-year-old who just got her lunch money stolen. Muppet comes out of nowhere and is suddenly walking down the steps toward them, because she is aware that Emily is talking about her to Ben, and she wants to “squash it.” So Emily runs away and goes off to call her twin sister Haley, the one who got booted last week. She is sobbing like a freak for no reason, and she whines on her phone: “Olivia was mean to me!!! Waaaahhh!!!!” Her sister seems like she could not care any less, and then Emily cries some more for good measure. She keeps crying and saying “I’m sad.” Ben tries getting some answers out of Muppet about what the hell happened, but she provides nothing. Ben then asks Amanda about things going on in the house, and she says she felt targeted by Muppet. Now Ben is questioning his feelings for Muppet even though she has the rose already, and he asks her to talk privately. Emily predicts “Shes done for. No more Olivia. Stay tuned.” And then TO BE CONTINUED shows on the screen. Of course, Muppet will spin this in her direction somehow and then stick around for a lot longer.
NEXT WEEK: Emily drops her ice-cream cone and calls Haley sobbing. Ben dumps all of the girls and runs off to be with Friendlys Dessert. Host Chris Harrison disappears, and nobody notices for 2 weeks. He is found crying in a corner and eating rose pedals one by one, while muttering to himself quietly: “Ben. Ben. Ben ……….”
Lily James and Bella Heathcote in Screen Gems' PRIDE AND PREJUDICE AND ZOMBIES.
When mixing two popular things together, you need to make sure that the recipe is just right. Whether it’s peanut butter and jelly, peanut butter and chocolate, or peanut butter and zombies, er… Pride & Prejudice & Zombies, you need to make sure not one flavor is too overbearing. So how does Price & Prejudice & Zombies measure out?
For this review, to give it a more balanced take, it will be written as a co-review between my wife and I. To give you a better idea of where we are coming from, my wife has read the original Pride & Prejudice multiple times and watched nearly every film iteration of the original story, where I on the other hand have just a general knowledge of the main plot points. Between the two of us, you will get a very interesting look into this film.
The movies sticks closely to the original story by Seth Graham-Smith, yet removes major plots points from the original Jane Austen narrative. It follows the lives of the Bennet family, and their desire to have their daughters marry into wealthy families. Even with zombies overtaking London, there is still time for gossip, match-making, and proposals. Will they? Won’t they? Oh, wait! Here comes a zombie!
The movie glides along at a brisk pace, but does take its fair time in switching between Victorian era Pride & Prejudice and the main hook of the bloodthirsty zombie hunting. P&P&Z oftentimes feels like two completely different films that have been sown together on the cutting room floor, rather than its own unique collaboration. The switch between the two styles was jarring at certain points in the film.
Acting-wise, everyone was perfectly cast. Never once when watching the film did I consider anyone else in these roles. If we did want to discuss the star of the show, it would absolutely come down to Matt Smith. While he is far from his Dr. Who days, his charming personally shines through as Parson Collins. My wife, on the other hand, thought that Matt Smith was somewhat miscast. Although she adores Matt Smith, he made Mr. Collins too lovable. In the original book, Mr. Collins was a rude, pious, and selfish person, yet in the film Matt Smith actually made you like the character. Personally, his blunt arrogance comes off as more ignorant than insulting, making me smile every time he entered the frame. We agreed to disagree.
Sam Riley as Mr. Darcy also deserves a nod. He does a great job of portraying the hard exterior of someone who has been through tragic events, yet also appropriately conveys confusion at this new feeling of love he has for Lily James as Elizabeth Bennet. He wasn’t my wife’s favorite Mr. Darcy but the chemistry between the two lead roles was perfect. The film also tries to portray Mr. Darcy as the Van Helsing of the picture, always having him pull out a new idea from his back pocket for dealing with the living dead. When he’s on screen it often means zombies are not too far behind.
After seeing the movie this weekend with my wife, we both had differing opinions coming out of the theatre. I felt that the movie leaned too heavily on the Pride & Prejudice side, while my wife felt that it leaned too heavily on the zombie crutch. This film is hurting itself by trying to serve too many masters. It tries to stick closely with Pride & Prejudice to adhere to the original fans, yet the story drifts too far from the source material to appease the diehard Jane Austin devotees. The film also doesn’t feature enough zombie action to quell the bloodthirsty horror aficionado. After seeing the film, while enjoyable, I am still not sure who this is made for.
6.5/10
(Despite all of my wife’s opinions on the movie, she thought it was incredible and deserves and 8/10)
Doom has been long in development over at id Software, with a beta key even going out with Wolfenstein: The New Order back in May of 2014 (even though we still don’t have a release date on the beta), but there is finally light at the end of the tunnel. Bethesda has announced that Doom will be coming to PlayStation 4, Xbox One, and PC on May 13, 2016. In honor of the announcement they even included a new trailer.
What would a video game be today without releasing a Collector’s Edition? Alongside the trailer, Bethesda also announced the details for the Doom Collector’s Edition. The centerpiece of this set will be the 12″ statue of one of the game’s demon, the Revenant (for those wondering, no, it does not look like Leonardo DiCaprio). The statue will be made by the company TriForce, and will be heavily detailed, as they used the actual game files from id Software for the design. The Revenant will even feature an LED-lit base (See if you can resist this one Rob). Outside of the statue, the Collector’s Edition will feature the game in a special metal case and will run you $120.
While no digital goods come with the Collector’s Edition, anyone that preorders the game will receive the Demon Multiplayer Pack. It will feature three skin variations, six paint colors, and three id Software patterns for your armor and weapons, as well as six Hack Modules which is said to “give you an edge” in the arena. While they can only be used once, I am still not a big fan of anything that may give you an unfair advantage online.
Are you excited to finally see the release of Doom? Are you like Rob and buy every Collector’s Edition with a statue, regardless if you will even like the game? Let us know in the comments down below!
Legends of Tomorrow: “Blood Ties” Season 1, Episode 3
I don’t know why I’m writing about this show. I’m not sure why I’m even watching it at this point, to be honest. I complain about The Flash and Arrow, sure, but Legends of Tomorrow is horrendously bad. The only way to survive its nonsense is to make fun of it so I’m doing so in the form of a live-blog because Bilal doesn’t keep tabs on the things I write. Wheeeeeee. As I watch the show, I’m just going to type out all the ridiculous thoughts that fly through my head.
I’m not sorry for any of this.
Even the opening credits drive me insane. Rip Hunter isn’t the hero. He’s whiny and he can’t grow a proper beard. Mentioning your dead family at the beginning of every episode doesn’t make me care more or somehow feel connected to your character.
In the same regard, killing a character I’ve known for exactly two seconds to “rally” the remaining group to your cause doesn’t make me care either, CARTER.
You know what would be more interesting for Rip as a person? For HIM not to care. He betrayed his oaths for a selfish reason. I imagine he’d be a bit more like Captain Cold than boring do-gooder of the week #4.
Why do Sci-Fi shows always have tiny medical beds? As if in the future patients don’t need to move as much or be even remotely comfortable. No wonder Kendra died or came close to dying or whatever. She was strapped into a torture device.
“No one’s on this ship who doesn’t want to be here.”
Uhm. Except everyone, Sara. All of you were lied to and betrayed. Someone has already kind of died. I think. I’m not sure of the rules anymore. And then there’s poor F.I.R.E.S.T.O.R.M. Jr. who was drugged and carried onto the ship against his will, but sure. You all want to be there. Something something Legends. Yea, yea.
Wait.
Wait.
Atom’s mechanism to shrink down is size is a gigantic button in the middle of his chest? I’m sure that won’t cause a problem at all in the middle of say, I don’t know, a fight.
You see that, Atom? You see that oversight there? That’s how you lose your job as Superman and become a bit player on a bad ensemble show pulling some Magic School Bus nonsense.
Brandon Routh, I’m sorry. I actually really like you; I know you’re better than this. You’re the best part of this show.
Call me.
Wow, Kendra is dying and Atom is stuck in a vein or artery or something and then the show smash cuts to Sara and Rip strutting to disco music. Dude, did no one watch the edits? That was a helluva jarring shift in tone.
Okay, so Sara and Rip are dressed up in their 70’s best to go pay a visit to the bank and Rip just happens to have some doubloons lying around that he got from his friends Jake and the Neverland Pirates. Also, maybe you should have brought your thieves to your bank heist.
Sara just pulled some Sherlock BS which is impressive given she wasn’t even BORN in 1975 but she knows all that stuff about some “bankers.”
Oh, she just killed that chick with a knife. Guess Sara doesn’t have any issues with killing like Arrow or Flash. I wonder if she needs to do that for her bloodlust. HM. QUESTIONS.
Oh my god I’m only 10 minutes in and I already have like 500 angry words typed out.
“It seems you brought a knife to a sword fight.”
Oh my god, I hate you and your stupid dialogue and your stupid hair cut.
Oh, okay, so Sara has the bloodlust, too. Sooooooo Constantine can’t fix that issue. MAYBE THEY SHOULD HAVE MADE THAT CLEAR ON ARROW.
Martin Stein can be kind of a dick.
I know this show is all about a journey through time but can every character not have like 6 different names?
What? How does this “student” of Vandal Savage know ALL this information about their group? Carter Hall hasn’t even been born yet. Are we still in 1975? Did I miss some time jump or something? Also, they call Rip Hunter “El Gharib.” Is that like, the only word they know that isn’t english? Is that supposed to make him more mythical or exotic or some shit? UGH.
I’m sure that dude definitely won’t escape the trunk of your car, Rip.
Captain Cold is going back to face daddy. This is going to end well, I can feel it. Hope he doesn’t run into a Fry from Futurama situation. I actually feel bad for Cold in this situation buuuutttttt I think he just stopped his sister from being born. Whoopsies. It’s sweet he’s trying to protect her, though. He’s the best. Sorry, Palmer. You got demoted. One too many screw-ups this week.
Sara and Rip continue to try to disguise themselves and they suck at it. They can’t even do dress-up right. Wait, is Rip talking about how he got over losing his wife? THEN WHY ARE YOU STILL….UGH.
Oh, hey, that dude escaped the trunk. Definitely didn’t see that coming.
Please don’t make Sara x Rip a thing. PLEASE.
I DON’T UNDERSTAND ANY OF THIS.
Oh my god, Martin Stein, you’re awful. You LIED to him.
Oh, good, the villain is monologuing. Is he the most boring of boring villains? Power for the sake of power. Blah blah. I’m going to kill everyone. Mwahaha–snore.
Doesn’t it feel a bit like a self-fulfilling prophecy, Rip getting revenge for the death of his family? I mean, by proclaiming his reason for wanting to kill Savage, he ENSURES their deaths. You’d think as a timelord or whatever he’d have seen at least one scenario kind of like this, right?
You said their names, Rip. Now you done goofed. He knows what they look like AND memorized their names.
Sara got a bit stab crazy. She’s got some black mage in her. I like it. Stabbity death.
Okay, so if I remember correctly, only Hawkman and Hawkgirl can kill Vandal Savage, right? So uhm…crazy thought here, why not, you know, bring Savage’s body TO Kendra so she can stab him? I KNOW I KNOW. It’s so crazy it just might work.
Or did Vandal Savage actually die and he resurrects like the Hawk duo? If that’s the case, why did Savage say his wound would “heal?” RULES, Legends. You have to have RULES for your nonsensical magic and shit.
Rip Hunter should start carrying flash cards of premade apologies given how many times he’s lied to his crew.
To 1986! *Groan*
Off-topic, but as much as I harp on CW shows, kudos to the network for streaming episodes the day the show airs. No one else does that and I’ll support CW because at least they seem more willing to embrace cord-cutting trends.
Spoilers for Arrow Season 4, Episode 12: “Unchained”
This week’s episode of Arrow wasn’t the worst but it had some really questionable moments and my goodness I love to rail on this show. On the high side of things, Felicity’s story still remains the most interesting and the identity of The Calculator, AKA Evil Mr. Rogers, was a genuine surprise for me, so kudos there, CW. (Even though I’m reading that a lot of people saw that coming, but whatever. Felicity is my bae. Leave her alone.)
Moreover, several people came back from the “dead” this week, including Roy Harper, Nyssa, Tatsu, and Shado (kind of). Personally, all of them were welcome because I love everything Nyssa brings to the table and Roy is great for calling out Oliver on his BS. I know he probably won’t stick around, but I wish he would. He can be the new Black Canary.
But let’s get to the oopsies of the week, shall we?
Why not call Constantine?
Look, I’m all for not overusing a deus ex, especially when it involves bringing more people back from the dead, but the show SPECIFICALLY mentioned Constantine and what he did to cure Sara Lance’s bloodlust. Is a phone call not something Oliver is willing to risk for Thea? Is it only something Constantine can do when a spin-off is on the line? Fine, Roy can start up Teen Titans and Thea is now a member. Get to curing.
(I realize that Sara’s soul wasn’t with her body and she wasn’t JUST affected by bloodlust, but come on, he has the power to do something.)
Everyone’s Amnesia About Season 3
Another story line where Oliver has to choose between killing Malcolm Merlyn or saving someone he loves. Hooray.
All these different items keep coming out of the woodwork–the Lazarus Pit, the Lotus, all of it just to “save” people from the dead. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a fan of Thea, but I’m frustrated at how they are handling her story. She has the opportunity to be something truly special here; she isn’t Oliver. Thea’s morals have always been kind of suspect, so when it comes to life and death, why not allow her more time to question her existence? Why can’t she debate killing a bad guy to do more good in the world? I want to see more of that from Thea’s perspective, not Oliver or Malcolm’s as they try to control what she chooses.
Also, Malcolm, bebe, I love you. You have the singing voice of an angel, but you used Thea to kill Sara and instigate a war between Arrow and the League of Assassins for your own selfish gain. You get no say. So sshhhh.
AND. If Malcolm is Ra’s, wouldn’t he, too, know about The Lotus and the cure for bloodlust? Sure, maybe he didn’t want to go up against the Crescent Order, but that kind of fight doesn’t usually stop him from killing lackeys to get what he wants.
Team Arrow Has PAGERS
Lol wut.
The Flashbacks
WHY. WHY are we still suffering through this nonsense? Sure, it’s only like 2 minutes a week but it makes no sense to me. No one cares about what happened to Oliver on the island anymore. He has more interesting stories going on in the present. I doubt it, but I hope this is the last season we have to endure these flashbacks to nothing. I know, I know that by the end of the season some of it might make sense, like the tattoos will save Oliver’s life or some shit, but I hate it all.
Runnin’ Runnin’ Runnin’ for mayor
I know that real politics take a long time and campaigning is a big deal, but the amount of people who have dropped in and out of this race is ridiculous. Just…get it over with, please.
AND. Oliver. Sweet, stupid Oliver. You are a Mayoral candidate. Your face is, theoretically, all over town–not that people don’t already know your pretty playboy facade–and you’re chasing baddies across rooftops without the hood? This is not your A game, Oliver. Honestly, I swear between Barry and Oliver and the way they “keep their identities a secret”, I just imagine Oliver signing all documents like this:
Evil Mastermind Seeks Darhk Mercenaries
How does that Craigslist ad go, Calculator? You mentioned the “dark web” and I assume you meant “Darhk” Web, but he’s on vacation for a month or whatever because bad guys totally do that, so you just went out and found someone who loaned you a few guys with guns? “Feed and water them daily, try to not to get them killed, but hey if they die it’s the hazard of the job.”
And I’m angry we’re 12 episodes in and STILL don’t know whose grave that is from episode 1. At this point last season, Oliver had already been brought back from the dead at least twice. Quit grave-teasing, Arrow.
This week’s episode of Shadowhunters is the best one yet as Magnus Bane (Harry Shum Jr.) took center stage. As the High Warlock of Brooklyn along with his brethren were still in hiding, Jace (Dominic Sherwood) and the others attempted to lure him out by offering an enchanted necklace that Magnus had once owned (and gifted to then lover vampire Camille Belcourt). In exchange they wanted Clary’s (Katherine McNamara) memories to be retrieved.
Inside the loft, a fellow warlock named Elias tries to talk him out of the meeting, claiming that it would be too dangerous with Valentine Morgenstern (Alan Van Sprang) on the hunt for them and Clary as well. But Magnus has his mind made up and tells Elias to head to the Spiral Labyrinth to tell Tessa that they need more shields.
Who is this mysterious female warlock you may ask yourself? Fans of Cassandra Clare’sThe Infernal Devices series know her as the courageous heroine who believed she was a mundane only to discover her true heritage after being kidnapped by downworlders. A prequel to The Mortal Instruments set in Victorian era London, Tessa’s adventures are joined by Shadowhunters Will Herondale and Jem Carstairs.
***INFERNAL DEVICES SPOILERS AHEAD***
Tessa Gray (Source: Cassandra Jean)
Tessa was born Theresa Gray in New York City and had come to London at 16 to live with her brother Nate after their Aunt Harriet had passed away. Upon arrival, she is kidnapped by the sinister Dark Sisters who torture her to trigger her unique ability to change into any person by touching an object they owned as well as to retain their memories. Mrs. Black and Mrs. Dark continually told Tessa that they held her brother captive and he would only be freed if she obeyed them.
Thankfully she is eventually rescued by Shadowhunter Will Herondale and he takes her to the London Institute for her safety. There she meets his parabatai Jem Carstairs. The three are in an achingly angsty love triangle and it’s awesome.
Tessa’s life is still in danger though as a nefarious figure known as The Magister wants her abilities for his twisted plans. It is revealed that it was this villain’s machinations that Tessa became the first warlock to be born from a Shadowhunter and an Eidolon demon union. Her mother Elizabeth Gray (nee Moore) had actually been Adele Starkweather, but she was switched at birth with a mundane child thanks to The Magister and his seelie accomplices. The demon in the meantime had shapeshifted into Richard Gray and tricked Tessa’s mother into believing that she had lain with her husband.
Jem Carstairs, Tessa Gray, Will Herondale (Source: Cassandra Jean)
Tessa was engaged to Jem for a short period before he became a Silent Brother (in order to be saved from a fatal illness) and eventually she married Will. They had a long and happy marriage and had two children, James and Lucie. After Will dies from old age in 1937, she stays with Magnus in Paris and eventually they both move to New York together. She even meets Jocelyn and a young Clary in time.
For a character that has had such a long history with the nephilim, it’s incredibly exciting to see Magnus mention her on the show. Her story is a beautiful one and connects the Shadowhunter world of the past to the modern age. If we’re real lucky maybe she’ll even have a cameo.
You can catch Shadowhunters Tuesdays on Freeform at 9/8 central.
I play a lot of early access video games on Steam. A lot. Take a look at my profile and the majority of my playtime is with games like DayZ, Ark: Survival Evolved, Starbound, Life is Feudal, 7 Days to Die, and so on. Therefore, when I write an article about the state of these games, you know it’s serious.
Most of the early access games I play have a lot in common: open world, survival games with intricate crafting. They offer what so few AAA games have been able to give me–free exploration of the world at large and the ability to play multi-player with my friends. (That’s right! I have friend(s)!) As much as I love MMO’s, I get bored with the same fetch quests, the same tutorials, the same dungeons. Everything is a grind in games like Skyrim (and it doesn’t allow multi-player!) and sometimes, I just want to pick a spot on a map and explore. Or base build. Or raise baby dinosaurs. These early access games have given me this grand ability to do…whatever the hell I want.
For the most part.
And as loyal and open as I am toward these indie games, I can be equally as critical. I haven’t been playing DayZ for as long as most of my friends, but the wait for substantial bug fixes and optimization feels like waiting for the next Game of Thrones book. Time between 7 Days to Die updates has felt similarly as long and it was crushing to hear the developers only wanted to focus on the single player side of things. As if I want to get eaten by a horde of zombies SOLO. No, thanks.
I’d rather bug out and zip around across the floor like a crazed ninja and THEN die with my friends watching.
I’ve been burned before by early access and crowd-funded games. Doublefine pulling the plug on Spacebase DF-9 broke my heart. It was the sci-fi base building game I wanted and it was killed because of a lack of funding. Towns went to the same way. And there are dozens more that have followed suit. The fear that a game I’ve already paid for can be halted at any moment leads me to worry about investing in any early access game. Sure, I’ve been waiting for The Last Guardian to be released for like half my life now, but I also haven’t sunk any money into the development of the thing.
Games like the ones I’ve mentioned have been in early access for years, and years, and YEARS. At what point does development become too costly? When do they finally throw in the towel and say, “You know what? We can’t fix the ladder bug. It’s there forever. This is now a PvL game. Have fun.”
I know it seems silly to complain considering the hundreds of hours of play time and entertainment I’ve gotten out of these games. Haven’t I already gotten my money’s worth?
To some extent, yes. I’ve had some truly fun times playing these EA games, even with the massive amount of bugs and trial and error nature. However, when I purchase a game, I purchase it with the hope of the final product. I’m notoriously frugal when it comes to spending money on games (unlike Rob) so I usually pick up an EA because I enjoy the journey, because I feel like I’ll really get my money’s worth. I love logging on to a brand new game of Ark, exploring the new dinosaurs they have to offer and fiddling with updated crafting systems. And there’s nothing quite like the excitement of starting over in a game of DayZ (starting over because you chose to do so, not starting over because some hacker ruined your day and stole your shit).
Or because you took the stairs. Stairs kill, people.
And even though I can be stingy, I will admit I’m also a loyal gamer; I’ll pay more for entertainment to support development if I feel like the game is heading in the right direction. League of Legends may be free to play but it certainly hasn’t gone without draining my wallet here and there. Heck, I’ve sunk far too much money into MMO’s just for the sake of being supportive. If it comes down to paying an extra $10-$20 to receive a final product, I’d be happy to support the cause for a game I love. (That doesn’t mean I want to pay for an entirely brand new game, ELITE: DANGEROUS.)
But at what point does this support and patience become detrimental to the gaming community as a whole? If a game sits in early access for years at a time with minimal updates, do we as the consumers get to hold the creators accountable? It isn’t like we can vote with our wallets since we’ve already bought the game. Even more, I worry then about how these actions might affect larger studios. Bungie and Destiny released a broken game at launch and then a year later released a much better game, fixing all the original issues and adding a bit more content, for full price. Is that okay because gamers “got their money’s worth” out of a messy original? Will AAA studios see it as acceptable behavior to launch buggy and poorly optimized games because PC gamers are used to settling for the sake of “testing?”
I don’t have answers to these questions, and I’d love to hear everyone’s input on the subject, but I definitely don’t think it’s a matter to just keep quiet about.
Syfy has announced that it has greenlit Incorporated for a 13-episode first season. The new drama is a futuristic thriller created by David and Alex Pastor and will have Matt Damon, Ben Affleck and Jennifer Todd serving as executive producers. Ted Humphrey (The Good Wife) will serve as the series’ showrunner.
Set in a near future where corporations have unlimited power,Incorporated centers around Ben Larson (Sean Teale, “Reign”), a young executive who conceals his true identity to infiltrate a very dangerous corporate world to save the woman he loves. But he’ll soon learn that he’s not the only one whose secrets may have deadly consequences.
In addition to Teale, the series will star Eddie Ramos (“Teen Wolf”), Golden Globe nominee Dennis Haysbert (“24”), and Emmy Award winner Julia Ormond (“Mad Men”).
“The most powerful science fiction holds up a mirror to our world,” said Dave Howe, President, Syfy & Chiller in a statement. “Incorporated is exactly that type of smart, provocative series, delivering a fresh, edge of your seat thriller that challenges notions of the world we live in today. We look forward to working with the stellar teams at Pearl Street Films, CBS Television Studios and Universal Cable Productions to bring it to life for Syfy viewers this year.”
The voices of fans have been heard. The scarlet speedster will be crossing over from The CW to CBS’ Supergirl this March. That’s right, a Supergirl/The Flash crossover!
The Flash star Grant Gustin will appear on the March 28 episode of Supergirl, CBS announced Wednesday. No details have been given on how or why Barry Allen finds himself visiting Melissa Benoist’s Supergirl.
“We are so incredibly excited to announce something that we have dreamed of happening since we starting making ‘Supergirl’ — The Flash and Supergirl are teaming up!,” “The Flash” and “Supergirl” Executive Producers Greg Berlanti and Andrew Kreisberg said in a statement. “We want to thank Grant Gustin for making the time to come visit (on top of his already immense workload) and all of the folks at CBS, The CW, Warner Bros. and DC for working this out. And finally thanks to the fans and journalists who have kept asking for this to happen. It is our pleasure and hope to create an episode worthy of everyone’s enthusiasm and support.”
It’s a bit of a wait till March, but at least we have this picture to tide us over.
It should come as a surprise to no one that LEGO and Star Wars go hand-in-hand. Since 2005, developer Travelers Tale has released LEGO games for nearly every popular property under the sun, with the biggest emphasis always being on Star Wars. This includes: Lego Star Wars (2005), LEGO Star Wars II: The Original Trilogy (2006), LEGO Star Wars: The Complete Saga (2007), and LEGO Star Wars III: The Clone Wars (2011). With Warner Bros. announcing yesterday that over 33 million copies have been sold to date, who can blame them?
To follow that trend, Warner Bros. has announced the arrival of LEGO Star Wars: The Force Awakens. It will launch June 28 for Playstation 4, Xbox One, Playstation 3, Xbox 360, Wii U, 3DS, and PC. The story is set between Star Wars: Return of the Jedi and Star Wars: The Force Awakens, and according to Warner Bros., will provide “additional insight” about The Force Awakens and its characters. Playable characters will include the obvious, such as: Rey, Finn, Poe Dameron, Han Solo, Chewbacca, C-3PO, BB-8, Kylo Ren, General Hux, Captain Phasma, as well as many surprise characters.
The game will feature brand new mechanics for a LEGO game. According to Warner Bros., “Gamers will be able to engage in intense new Blaster Battles for the first time, utilizing surrounding environments to drive back the First Order. Fans can also experience the thrill of high-speed flight gameplay through arena-based battles and dogfights in space, while utilizing a multitude of vehicles along the way, including the legendary Millennium Falcon.” I think that anything new they can add to a LEGO game will be greatly appreciated, as the games have grown somewhat tiresome and stale over the years.
Those planning on playing on the Playstation 4 or Playstation 3 will receive 2 exclusive DLC packs. The packs will be titled the Droid Character Pack and the Phantom Limb Level Pack. While little is know about the DLC, game director Jamie Eden went on to say, “we can’t go into too much detail right now, but we can’t wait for people to experience the content from the film, as well as new stories in Star Wars: The Force Awakens.”
Are you excited for another LEGO Star Wars? Or do you feel its just another brick in the video game wall? Let us know in the comments down below!
BACHELOR - "Episode 2004" - Ben and his bachelorettes all are willing to gamble on love in "Sin City," as he escorts the remaining 14 women to Las Vegas. JoJo, whose chemistry with Ben is off the charts, joins the Bachelor for a tour of the glittering Las Vegas strip by helicopter. Versatile singer, comedian, ventriloquist and celebrity impersonator Terry Fator invites 12 of the ladies to be his opening act. What special talents will they display? Becca is thrown off guard when her date card is accompanied by a wedding dress. Her arrival at the "Little White Wedding Chapel" is met with an intriguing proposal from Ben. The twins, Haley and Emily, get a special date with the Bachelor. Olivia continues to irritate the other women, but will her annoying habits get her a rose? Eleven women remain, hoping to get a proposal from Ben and everlasting love, on "The Bachelor," MONDAY, JANUARY 25 (8:00-10:01 p.m. EST), on the ABC Television Network. (ABC/Ronda Churchill)
BECCA, BEN HIGGINS
Let me get right to the point. This episode of The Bachelor was SO stupid in its usual stupidity, that it took me almost three days to get through it on my DVR, and then another 4 days to come to terms with writing about it. Yes, this show is ALWAYS stupid, but this episode and this particular cast of women, are literally the KING OF ALL THINGS STUPID. It is mind-boggling just how much stupid goes into one episode. And for whatever reason, last weeks episode, although the usual 2 hours, seemed like it was 17 hours of pure hell. IT JUST WOULDN’T END. Let me put it this way – I usually have about 3 pages of notes to write these reviews. For this one? NINE. Nine pages of notes. Lord help us all ….
So we begin with Pimp Daddy Pointless Harrison entering to tell the girls dramatically that “Ben is no longer in Los Angeles. (pause for dramatic amount of time) YOU’RE MEETING HIM IN VEGAS!!!” So the girls and their giant wine glasses go to Vegas. Muppet Mouth Olivia says: “OMG! I can’t. I can’t … I can’t handle this right now!” Then opens mouth wide into camera. Peter Brady / Ben says: “Vegas is a place where people DO fall in love, they DO get married.” Okay, whats with putting the stress on the word DO all the time with these idiots? They all do it on this show. “I DO feel like I’m falling for Ben! I DO like Ben!” Okay, nobody is arguing that you DON’T, so stop stressing the word DO for no reason. When the girls arrive in Vegas, they lose their minds screaming at a dumb message from Ben on a marquee. They stay at Aria Sky Suites, and Leah finally gets a line with: “I feel like a baller!” Okay then. I think I liked her more when she had no lines. The first date card arrives and Muppet tells cameras: “Ben is my piece. I’m Zen with Ben. MINE!” Okay, cra-cra. Lets calm our Muppet face down some. Settle down. Theres still a whole soccer team of women here besides you. JoJo gets the first one on one, and Muppet is NOT HAPPY!!!!
PETER BRADY AND JOJO:
How can you marry someone named JoJo? Thats just not going to happen. But they go on their silly-ass date anyway. Helicopter lands on the roof of building right next to hotel to pick the couple up, so of course all the girls are watching from the window as Ben and JoJo share kisses while crouched down waiting for helicopter. They flip out. “OMG are we watching them kiss right now?” They can’t handle it and grab some more wine. Meanwhile, Mr. Drab and JoJo touch each others faces weirdly in the helicopter, and make out more. Her voice is like nails on a chalkboard. They have dinner, and Annoying Voice says more words. “Bland Man”, as Saturday Night Live so brilliantly called Ben in their Bachelor parody sketch last week, says:
Ben: Theres so many things about you I find attractive. I’ve had, like, moments.
Her: I ended a relationship like 5 months ago.
Him: How did it end?
Her: There were trust issues.
Him: Did he cheat on you?
Her: It was just, I gave myself fully, and I wasnt the only person involved in their life.
WTF does THAT mean??? Can these idiots ever NOT speak in riddles? Just SAY what you mean. Were you cheated on or not? You werent the only person involved in THEIR life? Who is “their?’ And who else was involved? An ex? A wife? Another man? A turtle? BE SPECIFIC.
After that brilliant conversation, they go up to the rooftop for one more surprise, a huge fireworks display just for them. OF course, all the girls can see THAT too from their hotel, and they flip out even more. Muppet is losing her shit: “I feel like he is my husband, and now I’ve been cheated on. I can’t see that.” Cant see what? This chick makes NO SENSE when she talks. She leaves out entire words that are necessary, and then adds words that aren’t at all necessary. I think she attended the “Sarah Palin School of Speech and America.”
GROUP ORGY TIME:
This is getting insane, how many people are on these dates. It’s laughable. This one includes “the twins” Haley and Emily, Amanda, Friendlys Dessert Jubilee, Caila, Lauren with a B. initial, stripper-name Amber, Lauren with an H initial, Jennifer, Rachel, and Muppet. When their names are read as being included on the date, their reactions range from weird to downright creepy. They are like children. Some give thumbs up (speaking of thumbs, whats up with Emily’s GIANT thumb in a cast thing?? Who gets a thumb injury on The Bachelor?) , some say “Yayy!!!” like little children, and some make faces that are just odd and not normal for humans.
Emily and Haley have started doing all their camera time together, which is annoying and totally obnoxious, and they appear together one behind the other, in some creepy high-school yearbook-looking pose. Emily holds up her giant thumb to give thumbs up, and says “Ben has a cute nose.” Her twin echoes. “Yeah. Really cute nose.” Wow, this is genius stuff, guys. Youre really bringing us into the complex mind of twins here. Anyway, the group date is held at Terry Fator Theatre (of “Americas Got Talent” winner / ventriloquist fame), and the girls are told they will have to perform talents in a Talent Show , as Terry’s opening act. Lauren with an H. initial, who turns EVERY SINGLE THING into a sexual innuendo, says for no reason: “I hope there’s no nipple tassels. That would not be good.” What??? Terry begins by asking the girls who has talent. Dead silence. Then the girls go through racks of clothing and props and are given time to come up with a talent of some kind. Jennifer observes: “Everyone is confused. I don’t think many people have talent here.” Gee, ya think? Everyone wonders what Muppet Face has planned, as she is walking around in a red boa and crazy showgirl hat, saying nothing about what her talent is. Then, as they wait backstage to go on, she starts to slowly have a breakdown of epic proportions, just saying and mumbling nonsense things at nobody: “I’m gonna do some shimmy-shimmy! I did shave this morning. Some of this, a little of that. Then shimmy, throw in some Olivia, like, yeah. Shimmy. Something like that.” Right. Where’s that straight-jacket?
Still backstage, she is quickly coming undone. “When I’m with Ben … Bam! Sha-bam!” The show begins. Bland Ben welcomes the crowd, then sits in audience to watch the trainwreck about to emerge. Haley and Emily do their creepy twin Riverdance thing (Irish dancing). Terry does silly commentary with his puppets from side of stage. Friendly’s Dessert plays the cello. There is juggling, hula-hoop, some sort of belly-dancing, a chicken costume song that is purely awful, and then, finally, Olivia is welcomed to the stage by Terry.
A giant cake is wheeled out to center stage, and after an awkward pause, she leaps out of it and then begins doing whatever the hell it is that she was doing. It wasnt dancing. It wasnt even walking, really. It was just … bizarre. It was like watching a person have an emotional, mental, and physical breakdown, all in the same moment. Music played, and she moved back and forth doing kicks and laughing weirdly. Ben is laughing from the audience, and the girls are all leering at her with their judgy-eyes. Backstage, after the show ends, everyone is celebrating with champagne, and Muppet takes off into a side dressing room with a couple of girls who follow her as she wails and has another breakdown. “I’m having a panic attack”, she says, but she isn’t. I have had panic attacks, and this is not what that is. Hers was more like “I just made a HUGE fool of myself and now I want to cry about it.” She sobs that Ben gave her “a pity hug” when she got offstage. She wails and cries, and nobody comforts her at all. Not for nothing, but these girls are TERRIBLE at comforting someone when they are sitting right in front of them sobbing like a loon. They all have the same reaction – just blank stares.
COCK-TAIL PARTY OF LUNATICS:
Now everyone from the group date goes outside that night and they all hang out together, so that they can find even MORE time to drink more. Caila takes Bland Man aside first. Before he can even sit down fully, she ATTACK-KISSES HIM like some kind of animal on the prowl. “I’m just gonna go for it”, she says, and throws her leg up and over his, and then tosses her tongue into his mouth. Jesus, woman. Very subtle. Bland Man tells cameras: “You get her alone and she is like a sex-panther! a tigress!” Ewww. Meanwhile, the girls gossip about Muppet. Emily: “Like, get over it. I can’t stand Olivia. I think Ben is realizing she isn’t the kind of girl he wants.” Um, not so fast. Ben realizes nothing. Lauren with an H. takes him aside and they sit in the theatre seats. Ben holds one of Terry’s puppets and makes it talk to Lauren, in one of the most awkward exchanges ever. She tells cameras, AGAIN making it all about sex: “Little Ben is much bigger than I ever expected.” Gross. How old are you, 14? So, Puppet Ben and Lauren kiss, and then Ben makes a stupid joke about how he stole her from him, so then Human Ben and Lauren kiss. It is gag-inducing, and someone should throw them all into a river.
Now it is Muppet’s time to take him aside, where she talks in more Sarah Palin-speak about Lord knows what. Here is their exchange:
Muppet: I need to drink heavily.
Ben: Why? Because of what happened onstage?
Muppet: That was awful. Like, what was I thinking? That’s just not me. It’s not. It’s so embarrassing, like that was me trying to be all sexy and failing and like being awkward instead. I’m sorry. I just … I don’t want you to think that was me. I’m sorry.
Ben: Dont be. It wasnt that bad. (he said this very unconvincingly)
They get interrupted. Muppet is furious. To camera: “I feel gut-punched. Like, it felt different with him. I’m scared, like, what happened.” Then she sits looking into the camera, with her fingers IN HER MOUTH, mouth wide open. Seriously. For like a good seven seconds. Then takes them out, then back in. Fingers. In the mouth. WTF.
Lauren with a B. initial gets private time, and they kiss right away. “I missed you so much . Its terrifying!” Everything is TERRIFYING to these morons. His response: “I don’t want it to be scary. Let’s let this be about this.” Wow. What a goddamn genius. Meanwhile, Muppet is still flipping out over nothing. “That’s the first time we talked and didn’t kiss. I 400% need to fix this.” Yes. 400%.
So, she does. Right in the middle of someone else’s time with him, once again she comes creeping out of the bushes to say : “Oops! Sorry! Can I steal you for a minute? Thanks! Tee hee!” This time, when she idles up to him, she is SNAPPING HER FINGERS and doing this weird dance-walk thing that is impossible to describe. As she snaps her fingers like she’s in a number from “West Side Story”, they have yet another brilliant conversation:
Her: Can we start over?
Him: From what?
Her: I just wanna … I wanna ski-dance. (snapping fingers)
Him: What is going on right now?
Her: I feel bad, our first conversation, like, that’s not me. (THEN WHO IS IT, SINCE ITS NEVER YOU!!!) I feel guilty. I just , I just ….
Him: Don’t apologize. Stand firm on that, okay? Small kiss.
Can someone tell me what the hell any of that meant? I don’t speak this language they are speaking.
At the end of the night, he gives the group date rose to Lauren B, who says: “I mean … YES!” Now Muppet is upset AGAIN, because she thinks she is the only person there, apparently. “We had this valuable time and then no rose. It hurts. It hurts my brain.” Yes, Muppet. For once, I know exactly how you feel.
BECCA AND BEN DATE:
A package arrives to the hotel for Becca. It’s a wedding dress, with a note saying “Get dressed. It’s a big day.” The other girls lose their shit as Becca comes out in her gown, and is then picked up in a Cadillac by an Elvis impersonator. He takes her to the famous Little White Chapel in Vegas. When she arrives, Ben is standing at the altar in his tux, wedding music is playing, and he gets down on one knee and asks: “I’ve been saving this date for you, Becca. Will you marry —— other people with me today?” Then he laughs like a doofus. Way to screw with the virgin’s emotions on your first date, buddy! Anyway, he tells her he has been ordained over the internet, and that the two of them will be marrying couples all day long together. She changes into a different, non-wedding white dress, and they conduct several weddings , with Ben reading word for word what to say from a book. How romantic. Later on, they go to “Neon Museum”, where old Vegas signs are refurbished and line a path. It’s actually quite cool. Ben wants to know of Becca: “Can she love? Can she feel?” Unless she’s a robot, I’m pretty sure she is capable of loving and feeling, dummy. He tells her: “It’s good to feel. Just, please feel.” Wow this guy should write for Hallmark. Then they discuss her virginity in another awkward convo brought to you by this lame show.
Him: So, um, has it been hard being a virgin?
Her: Yeah. When you’re in a relationship, and all you wanna do is …
Him: Jump their bones!!!! (Wow. Very classy, Ben. that’ll make her want to sleep with you.)
Her: Um, yeah. Be intimate.
Him: You stuck to that vow, so you’re really good at commitments, something I’m very attracted to.
Her: I really like you.
Then to make things even more childish than “I like you”, Ben reads silly pretend vows that he made up for her, and then she does the same. They make promises for this date. Then they kiss a lot. He gives her the rose.
CREEPY TWINS GET SEPARATED:
Pimp Daddy Harrison comes in and tells the ladies that Ben has requested a two-on-one date with the twins. Haley is upstairs “napping” (because life is so stressful on this show) when he wakes her with this news. Ben wants to spend the day with them in their hometown of Vegas, and bring them to see their mommy, but really its just a convenient way to drop off the one you don’t want to keep around anymore at mommy’s place. When they get to the mom’s house, Haley shows Ben her bedroom, which is seriously one of the most disturbing bedrooms of an ADULT I have ever seen.There are dolls and stuffed animals and little gadget things all over the place, and little posters on the wall like something a 14-year-old girl would have in their room. She has to turn over framed pictures of her with her ex-boyfriend, about three different times.
“Oops. I dont know these are here!” Isnt it YOUR room, dummy? Maybe YOU put them there. Meanwhile, Emily and her freak thumb talk to mom about Ben. Then they switch and Emily has alone time with Ben, where they lay in her creepy childlike bed and talk. “I feel like our connection is stronger than you and Haley. Youre , like, the best guy ever. Sooo cute!” She says this in the way someone might talk to a puppy. Both sisters act like children. They are weird and do not act like normal adults. Ben says he knows what he wants to do, and he sits on the couch with both girls and their mom. He says: “I care for you. And you.” (soooo awkward) “Im gonna have to say goodbye to Haley. Im doing that here so youll have your mom’s support.” Freaky Thumb Emily and Ben leave Haley in the dust with her stuffed animals and toys, and they kiss in the backseat of the limo back to the Vegas hotel.
COCKTAIL PARTY – AGAIN:
Jesus Christ, is this show over yet??? What did I tell you about how LONG this episode was? Why was it SO LONG??? Anyway, Jennifer steals Ben right away so that she beats Muppet to the punch. But it doesn’t work, because 3 minutes into their conversation, Muppet comes around the damn corner AGAIN with her creepy “Heyyy!!! Can we talk?? Sorry to interrupt. Ha!!!” The girls all call her a shark for taking Ben aside so many times. She brings him cake to eat and says “Maybe I can’t jump out of a cake, but my talent is eating cake.” Oh my god, let it go already. She tells him “I’m completely falling for you, and its the coolest feeling in the world. Olivia is here for you. I’m not going anywhere.” STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THIRD PERSON, YA CREEP!!!! It appears that Ben has no response, or at least, the show edits it so that we don’t SEE his response. They don’t show him returning her feelings, he just sits there looking empty and baffled, like usual. To camera: “I know he can’t say anything, but I heard his message loud and clear tonight.” THERES NO MESSAGE!!! There is NEVER a message! This crazy chick is convinced that every time Ben breathes, he is sending her some secret signal of love and commitment. No. Its just not happening. Then, Muppet tells JoJo that she told Ben she is falling for him. JoJo says “I would never tell him I’m falling in love unless I knew it was reciprocated.” Muppet pauses, then lies by saying: “Oh, it WAS reciprocated.” This was followed by a creepy smile and an open mouth. So now she is just making shit up.
Friendly’s Dessert Jubilee and Ben have private time, and they talk about her anxiety at rose ceremonies. “I just never think you’re going to pick me. I’m such a complicated person.” He says “Do you not understand that’s a really good thing to be though? You’re here because I like you and …” She hugs him and says thank you, genuinely.
ROSE CEREMONY:
The drama begins. He chooses Amanda, Lauren H, Friendlys Dessert, Emily, Caila, Jennifer, Leah, and then, at the very end for extra drama, Muppet. In the meantime, we are treated to Muppet commentary as he chooses each girl:
Muppet: All eyes are on me. He is mine. We’re happy. I’m ready to spread that to my man. (ewww) I read romance novels where it all works out. That would be GIGANTORE for me. (made-up Sarah Palin-like word) God, what is this, why am I always last all the time? I wonder. But then I’m like, Oh Benjamin, you’re sending me a message. (NO!!!! THERES NO MESSAGE!!!! STOP IT WITH THE MESSAGE!!!) Best for last, right?
More like, most bat-shit craziest, for last. Because it is dramatic.
Rachel, who is unemployed, gets sent home to continue being unemployed. She seriously had no purpose on the show and I have no comments about her because she made no impression at all. Stripper-name Amber is also sent home, and she really does not take it well. Takes off her shoes in a huff, then walks down the steps just feet away from where the others are still standing, and starts sobbing loudly and saying all the typical: “I feel so stupid. So much for putting your heart out there” stuff. Ben just listens to her cry and does nothing. Jeez, you’d think he would at LEAST pretend to give a shit, maybe walk the girl out or something. “Hey, thanks for playing! Take home a copy of the home game!” Nope. Nothing. What a guy. And that, my friends, is IT. Finally.
THIS WEEK: (Tonight, actually)
Ben burps, and Muppet takes it as a secret message that she is the one. Chris Harrison finds Rachel and Amber, and asks them if they’d like to come over to his Fantasy Suite and “experience my rose, two-on-one style.” Ben legally changes his name to “Bland Man.”
It’s hard to believe that E3 2016 is a mere 5 months away. Bethesda couldn’t hold in their excitement any longer, so they have announced their plans for this years conference. They will be holding their showcase on Sunday, June 12 at 7pm CST / 10pm EST.
Many are unsure of what they will be showing, since most thought that last year’s E3 appearance was a one-and-done deal to announce the much-anticipated Fallout 4. Looking into 2016, the heavy hitters for Bethesda include Doom and Dishonored 2. We may also get our first glimpse of the upcoming DLC for Fallout 4. I know I am excited for that last one, as I had purchased the Fallout 4 Season Pass (hopefully I won’t regret it).
What do you want to see from Bethesda’s E3 2016 conference? Do you think it’s too soon to be talking E3? Let us know in the comments down below!
Players who love Bethesda games have learned to deal with the plethora of bugs that come with them. Over time, however, Bethesda has patched up the holes and fixed the cracks of their game worlds. Today, Bethesda has announced that patch 1.3 for Fallout 4 will be arriving on PC, PlayStation 4, and Xbox One later this week.
What is patch 1.3? Glad you asked! According to the Bethesda blog, It will provide:
New Features
New ambient occlusion setting, HBAO+ (PC)
New weapon debris effects (PC NVIDIA cards)
Added status menu for settlers in your settlements
Added ability to rotate an object you are holding with left/right triggers and pressing down on left thumbstick lets you switch the rotating axis
Improved “ESDF” keys remapping support while in Workshop mode (PC)
Gameplay Fixes
General memory and stability improvements
Improved performance when looking through a scope
Fixed issue where player could warp to a different location when aiming
Companions can no longer get stuck with radiation poisoning
Fixed an issue where Vault 81 residents would not dismember correctly
Big Leagues perk now displays calculated damage correctly
Fixed issue with third person camera not displaying properly after exiting certain crafting stations
Fixed an issue where subtitles would occasionally not update properly
Effects will properly be removed on companions when items are unequipped
MacReady’s Killshot perk now calculates headshot percentages properly
Fixed an issue with NPCs getting stuck in Power Armor
Fixed a rare issue with companions getting stuck in down state
Second rank of Aquaboy now calculates properly
Fixed an issue with resistance not always lowering the damage correctly when added by mods
Enabled number of characters available when renaming an item (XB1)
Fixed issue with player becoming dismembered while still alive
Robotics expert is now usable in combat
Stimpaks can now be used on Curie after the transformation
Playing a holotape found in wilderness while switching point of view no longer causes the screen to blur or controls to be locked
Quest Fixes
Fixed an issue with “Taking Independence” where the minutemen remaining from the battle against the Mirelurk Queen would not gather in the Castle
Fixed an issue where invulnerable characters would get stuck in combat
Fixed an issue where Preston would send player to a settlement instead of a dungeon as part of a Minutemen quest
Fixed an issue where Synths could attack the Castle while the player was friends with the Institute
Fixed an issue where killing a caravan would leave a quest open
Fixed an issue where Dogmeat would stay at Fort Hagen after “Reunions” was completed
Fixed an issue where the player couldn’t talk to Desdemona to complete “Underground Undercover”
Fixed an issue where the player could get stuck exiting the cryopod
Fixed an issue where the player could no longer get Preston as a companion
In “The End of the Line,” fixed an issue that would prevent the player from killing the leaders of the Railroad
Fixed an issue with Minutemen quests repeating improperly
Fixed an issue where the player couldn’t get back into the Railroad headquarters after being kicked out of the Brotherhood of Steel
After finishing “The Big Dig,” fixed an issue where Hancock would no longer offer to be a companion or help with the “Silver Shroud” quest
Fixed an issue with obtaining the Dampening Coils from Saugus Ironworks before going to Yangtze
During “Unlikely Valentine,” fixed an issue where the player could be blocked from entering Vault 114
In “Confidence Man,” Bull and Gouger can now be killed
During “Taking Independence,” fixed an issue that would prevent the radio transmitter from powering up
In “Human Error,” fixed an issue where killing Dan would cause the quest to not complete properly
Fixed an issue with “Tactical Thinking” where leaving dialogue early with Captain Kells to reprogram P.A.M. could cause quest to not completely properly
Workshop Fixes
Fixed a bug that would cause settler counts to appear incorrectly
Fixed an issue that could prevent the player from setting up a supply line in settlements with a high population
Improvements to snapping pieces together while in Workshop mode
Fixed an issue that caused powered items to stop functioning permanently if its power source was ever removed
Player can now build workbenches in their Diamond City house
Building wires no longer uses up copper
Fixed issue with certain settlement attacks not generating properly
Fixed an issue with settlement happiness calculations
Settlers assigned to weapons stand will now stand next to it
Diamond City house now shows provided power
Repairing items will now correctly consume resources
Fixed an issue where companion would ignore commands at workshop locations
Fixed an issue with crops appearing destroyed after saving and reloading
Are you happy to see the changes coming to Fallout 4? Are you like me, and hit a game breaking bug forcing you to start all over again? (No, I am not bitter…) Let us know in the comments down below!
THE X-FILES Season 10, Episode 3
“Mulder and Scully Meet the Were-Monster”
AIR DATE: February 1, 2016
GRADE: C-
Chris, James, Darin…we need to talk.
Look, we go back a long time. I’ve been a fan of your show since I was a kid, giggling at the sight of the name “Lake Titicaca” on my high school Geography homework. I bought episodes of The X-Files on VHS — back when full seasons weren’t available for purchase and you could only buy two episodes per tape or a box set that contained three tapes (for a whopping total of six episodes out of twenty-four!). If I was lucky, I bought a full “season” which culled each year down to just twelve episodes. I collected books, magazine covers and I recommended the show to friends and family.
Which is why I feel a touch sullied when you come back and fork over episodes like “Mulder and Scully Meet the Were-Monster”.
Yeah, I get what this episode is “supposed to be”. I get we’re going for “Jose Chung, Part 2” or more clever renditions of “Humbug” and “War of the Coprophages”.
This episode isn’t any of the aforementioned.
Granted, your premise is pretty neat: by day, Guy Mann (Rhys Darby of HBO’s Flight of the Conchords) works a crappy job as a salesman at a nearby cellphone depot and worries about his paltry income. By night, he’s a were-lizard who may or may not be attacking locals and he’s very sorry he’s doing it. But there’s a twist: Mann’s actually a lizard by nature who became human because a human had attacked him.
His plight mirrors Mulder’s: the fear of being mortal and never truly figuring out one’s place in the world.
This should be enough to give us a good episode. But, you see, there’s witty attempts at ironic self-examination and then there’s camp. This episode is the latter by a huge margin and we should never, ever confuse the two. Besides the clever backdrop, the rest of this is self-serving garbage masquerading as wit.
If only it hadn’t insisted on hammering (the reference to Scully’s dog, Queequeg) us (Mulder sleeps in a red speedo in homage to his swimming pool scene in the second season) over (the graveyard has a Kim Manners headstone in homage to the former show director) the head (another headstone belongs to former A.D. Jack Hardy) with (Mr. Mann’s hat is the same one Kolchak wore in Kolchak: The Night Stalker) reference (Scully jokes about being “immortal” referencing the conversation in “Clyde Bruckman’s Final Repose”) after reference (Pasha works as an animal control expert a’la “Tooms”) after reference (Pasha likes to “torture small animals”, referencing Mulder’s serial killer profile) after reference (the guy running the shoddy motel is a peeping tom, like the midget running the motel in “Humbug”) after reference (the stoners in the episode are the same ones from “War of the Coprophages”).
It overshadows everything — even the yawn-inducing, exposition-filled, exploitative climax between Mulder and Mann which sees Mann revealing the last 72 hours of his life (which includes him having sex with Scully in the stockroom of his cellphone shop — don’t ask, this just adds to the crap factor) before revealing his true self and convincing Mulder that he should never give up his belief in the unknown.
We’ve already had “Jose Chung”. And this show has already tried to re-capture lightning in a bottle with episodes like “Bad Blood”, “The Post-Modern Prometheus” and “Arcadia” — and they were all pale imitations. While I’m already aware of the positive buzz surrounding this episode and the endless praise from the critics, I’m sorry to report that “Were-Monster” can join that honored list of Terrible Things Made Better With Nostalgia Goggles.
THE MAGICIANS -- "Consequences of Advanced Spellcasting" Episode 103 -- Pictured: Stella Maeve as Julia -- (Photo by: Carole Segal/Syfy)
The Magicians
Season 1, Episode 3: “Consequences of Advanced Spellcasting”
Air Date: February 1, 2016
Syfy’s The Magician’s is one of the most interesting shows right now on television and part of the lure is thanks to Julia Wicker’s (Stella Maeve) journey from future Yale student to dangerous hedge witch. She began as the character who had her life together in comparison to struggling and depressed Quentin (Jason Ralph). Quickly though the tables are turned after she flunks out of the Brakebills (a college for magicians) entrance exam and is thrust back into the mundane world while still retaining her memories of magic’s existence.
Unable to let go, Jules becomes obsessed with finding any scrap of magic she can by scouring the Internet. Concerned boyfriend James (Michael Cassidy) calls Quentin pleading with him to come to Julia’s birthday celebration so that he can see for himself how withdrawn, cold, and unlike her usual self she’s become. The show continually presents the darker side of magic and how addictive and dangerous it can be. In Julia’s case it becomes the drug that she cannot get enough off.
When the two friends share a private moment during her birthday party, she shows Quentin a spell that she’d learned (which had taken her months to find online) to prove that she has magic and pleads with him to tell the teachers at Brakebills to give her another chance. Q though says that there’s a reason why she wasn’t chosen and that was perfectly okay. He even gets upset because she had been great at everything else and feels that she just can’t accept failure at anything.
THE MAGICIANS — “Consequences of Advanced Spellcasting” Episode 103 — Pictured: David Call as Pete — (Photo by: Carole Segal/Syfy)
Julia’s life takes a different turn though when Pete (a hedge magician played by David Call) accosts her inside the women’s bathroom at the bar and sparks come out of her hands as a means of self-defense. He then tells her that not all magic comes from Brakebills and soon after he invites her to a safehouse where she meets other hedge magicians and witches. She and another newcomer named Marina (Kasey Rohl) are trapped inside a cold storage locker as a test to see if they can free themselves. Marina essentially doesn’t do much while Julia finds instructions for a temporary heating spell and is forced to cut human fat from a dead body inside (a necessary ingredient). She then also manages to blast open the meat locker door and angrily confronts Pete afterwards. He shrugs and says that the test wasn’t to prove herself to him, it was actually to convince Marina that she was worthy. The other woman turns out to be the head of the entire group and is a top-level hedge witch (she pulls her sleeve up to show tattoos of numerous stars on her arms).
Marina likes Julia after the latter had shown her passion for magic. She was even willing to teach her all that she knew as long as she continued to prove herself. The head hedge witch seems to be quite a cutthroat character with her own hidden agenda. Marina even boasts that she has connections in Brakebills and it’s actually true. Kady (portrayed by Jade Tailor is Penny’s love interest and likely a hedge witch as well since we saw her star tattoos) has been stealing items for her.
As Julia begins to learn more magic at a safehouse, Marina tells her that she’s not fully committed and that’s why she’s not able to do all the spells. She says that Julia probably keeps her boyfriend around as a safety net in case she fails at this. However, that’s not going to cut it because in Marina’s experience, for magic to work you have to mean it. That makes sense, the students at Brakebills are mainly isolated at the school without any non-magical distractions.
THE MAGICIANS — “Consequences of Advanced Spellcasting” Episode 103 — Pictured: (l-r) Kacey Rohl as Marina, Stella Maeve as Julia — (Photo by: Carole Segal/Syfy)
Unexpectedly however, Julia and Quentin are briefly reunited when Eliot (Hale Appleman) and him find the missing book that Kadie had stolen from the Physical Kids’ cabin at Marina’s command. She is pissed off that Q just comes there and barely says anything to her after their years of friendship. Meanwhile he’s angry that she’s decided to be join the hedge magicians because they are considered to be low dregs in the magical community. Julia’s offended by this of course and then tells him how she deluded herself into thinking that he was actually going to tell the Brakebills professors about her so that they would at least send someone to wipe her memory again. But then she realized that no one was ever going to come and so she did what she had to do. Quentin still believes that magic isn’t for everyone and that she flunked for a reason. He goes on to ask her if she’s ever considered how she’s treated him in the past despite knowing that he was in love with her. Quentin wonders out loud if James even knows that she’s here hanging out with a bunch of tweekers turning tricks for spells. Ouch. Undeterred though Julia asks Q if he loves magic and if it’s in his soul. Well of course it is! She claims that’s how she feels before going back inside the safehouse and ending their meeting.
This conversation though leads the hedge witch to ask James to come over to her place. You think she’s going to confess the whole thing to him but at the last minute she transfigures her keychain to show a sobriety chip and instead explains him that she had become addicted to Adderall. Now though she had started going to AA meetings to get her life back on track and said that she still loved him. James is relieved and believes her story but you have to think that this is not going to last very long. Sorry James!
Her journey is only just beginning and it’s going to be so much fun to see her progress into a much stronger and dangerous force to be reckoned with. Showrunners Sera Gamble and John McNamara made the right call in having Julia’s storyline run in parallel to Quentin’s this season because it adds so much more depth to the overall narrative of show. While Q’s plot somewhat runs along the path of the hero/chosen one (although we’ve got some interesting twists and turns as well), Julia’s is unconventional, uncomfortable, and makes for addictive television. It’s the crazy train wreck that you can’t look away from.
Galavant is one of the best shows on TV, so completely different from everything else, making use of humor, music, and Timothy Omundson and Joshua Sasse’s fantastic beards. While some of the songs by Alan Menken are more miss than hit, most of them are solid and that makes ranking incredibly difficult. Thankfully, I have many, many opinions when it comes to musical theatre so I’ve taken it upon myself to write a very biased list of Galavant’s best songs. Don’t try to argue with me. You know I’m right.
Honorable Mention: “Secret Mission” – 1×08
Just because it never fails to make me laugh.
10. “Today We Rise” – 2×06
Sid gets a solo number about disemboweling that pays homage to Les Miserables. Sid deserved more songs, but I appreciate the joke that the other characters never let him finish singing a line.
9. “Maybe You’re Not the Worst Thing Ever” – 1×02
IT WAS SO HARD TO CHOOSE, but ultimately, I went with this song over both of Richard’s ballads because this one just feels more in tune with the show’s theme. And it has Madalena.
8. “Togetherness” – 1×04
Bickering is a big part of Galavant and it’s on full display in “Togetherness.” And they make fun of Isabella’s snoring, which is cute because snoring is super cute in women. Right, guys?
…Right?
7. “A New Season” – 2×01
How could I not have this amazing song on my list? Sure, it’s not as catchy as the original theme, but it’s so meta it hurts. Galavant isn’t afraid to poke fun at itself and this opening number is proof of that.
6. “My Dragon Pal and Me” – 2×05
This is one of the more ridiculous songs of the bunch and I’ll be honest, I’m such a sap that most of the time I drift toward the ballads, but come on, TAD COOPER. I SUPER BELIEVE IN YOU, TAD COOPER.
5. “Love is strange” – 1×06
Ah, the first real love song between Galavant and Isabella. It’s a sweet song, but more importantly, it’s gross and honest. I’m constantly amazed by how funny Galavant’s songs are, even when they’re melting my heart.
4. “Off with his shirt” – 2×01
Is it hot in here? No? Just me? Well, then. I’ll just be off ordering a beefcake happy meal.
3. “World’s Best Kiss” – 2×02
Of all the songs in Galavant, this one is the most Menken-esque and that’s most assuredly not a bad thing. It reeks of The Little Mermaid but I loved that its melody was carried through most of the season. I think it’s a better Galavant/Isabella theme than “Love is Strange” and Isabella’s reprise of “World’s Best Kiss” is heart-breaking.
2. “What is this feeling?” – 2×04
I know most people hate Madalena, but I love her and I was ecstatic she got her own ballad, a real ballad, this year. Mallory Jansen has the best voice on the show and even though it’s a solo song, it’s one that works well with all of the other characters.
1. “Galavant” – 1×01
The song that started it all. The song I heard in my head for 7 months before the first season aired because I couldn’t stop watching that stupid catchy trailer. The song I loved so much I wrote my own, ahem, rendition of for the sake of page views and trying to convince people to watch this damn show. The writers spent the most time polishing this theme and that love is apparent in how good it is.
What do you think? Did I nail this list or what? Let me know in the comments!
GALAVANT - "Battle of the Three Armies" - In their war against Valencia, all hope seems lost for Isabella and the people of Hortensia until Galavant arrives with his zombie army. Meanwhile, Gareth abandons Madalena after he realizes that she betrayed him and is learning (and using) the Dark Dark Evil Way on "Galavant," airing SUNDAY, JANUARY 31 (8:00--8:30 p.m. EST) on the ABC Television Network. (ABC/Nick Ray)
KAREN DAVID, TIMOTHY OMUNDSON, JOSHUA SASSE
Spoilers for the season 2 finale of Galavant. Obviously.
“When you presume, you make a pres out of you and me.”
Look, I’ll just go ahead and say it: I’m incredibly sad Galavant is over for the season. It came and went in the blink of a dragon eye and all I want to do is share my pain with the world by quoting this hilariously meta and ridiculous show for weeks to come.
But we’re all big kids here, so let’s talk about all the things that went down Galavant’s season two finale. Three kingdoms are at war at the start of the final two episodes: Valencia, Hortensia, and… uhm… Galavant’s Undeadencia. At the head of Valencia’s army are Madalena, Gareth, and the Wedding Planning Wizard. Gareth wants to go in with the troops and get his manly hands dirty but Madalena is all, “Well, uhm, you see we built this viewing area…” And she breaks his heart by betraying her promise to not use dark magic.
You have to hand it to the writers, as much as I ADORE Madalena (second only to Richard), I didn’t think I’d ever ship her with anyone. And then Gareth gave her a pair of ears and I was smitten. Their romance was so over-the-top and absurd and yet, somehow so believable that it’s been the best romantic relationship on the show. I never thought I’d be so upset over the bad guys breaking up, but there it is.
On the Hortensia side of things, Jester gives us a recap and it’s beautiful! My goodness I love the Galavant theme and I almost wish they’d use it every episode, but I can understand that most people aren’t as obsessive as I am and don’t listen to a catchy song 54 times in a row. Those people are weird. AHEM. Anyway, Isabella gives a rousing speech and leads her peasants into battle. Her story has probably been the worst of the season, but the last few episodes they’ve finally returned to her strength and holy hobbit leg if she doesn’t look amazing in that armor. And all those Lord of the Rings references!
In the middle of the battle on top of poor Chef’s house, Isabella and Galavant are reunited and they reprise “World’s Best Kiss” a few more times and I’m okay with that, because goodness does Alan Menken know how to write a catchy love song. They profess their love of brown farts and make promises to get married by the sea or something, blah blah blah.
It’s all very sweet watching them get married by Weird Al, but the real star of the finale was Richard.
Let me be perfectly clear: without Timothy Omundson, there is no Galavant. He steals every single scene, has perfect comedic timing, and he SUPER believed in Tad Cooper. If that doesn’t tickle your tail bone, I don’t know what to do with you. Not only does Richard slay the dark, dark evil wizard, he saves the girl from the dreaded Spinster Island, and becomes the One True King. It’s all cliché and silly but I don’t care because Richard is love. And he has a dragon.
As distraught as I am that the show is over, if it ends here with only two seasons, I’ll be happy. Unlike last season, it closed with a satisfying ending for most of the characters. They are all off doing what they love and at the end of the day, I’d much rather have that than trying to pigeonhole this utterly ridiculous show into being something it’s not for the sake of ratings.
Galavant, thank you for the laughs, the ear worms, and most importantly, for Tad Cooper.
If you still haven’t watched Galavant, you’re dead to me until you do. Get on it.
This article contains spoilers from the most recent episode of The 100: “Wanheda: Part Two”.
It was announced yesterday that star of The 100, Ricky Whittle, had been cast as the lead in American Gods, a Starz TV adaption of Neil Gaiman’s book of the same name. Like most of the internet, I’m ecstatic that Whittle will be playing Shadow Moon and think he’s a perfect addition to the show.
However, I’m a bit concerned as to what this means for Lincoln on The 100.
As we saw in the most recent episode of The 100, “Wanheda: Part Two”, tensions are brewing between Sky Crew and the Grounders, especially with the addition of Pike and the newly found members of Farm Station. Pike hasn’t had the best experience with the Grounders and since the events at Mount Weather last season, with Lexa and co. abandoning Sky Crew, there aren’t too many left who trust the natives. The only reason most accept the Coalition is because Sky Crew is vastly outnumbered.
On top of that, there’s a divide between those who believe Mount Weather’s technology should be used and those like Lincoln and Octavia who see its use as act of war against the Grounders. Lincoln only concedes to using Mount Weather’s medical facilities when Nyko, a friend from Tree Crew, arrives at Arkadia gravely injured. After Abby heals Nyko’s wounds she decides to open Mount Weather to everyone, even against Lincoln’s protests.
Now Lincoln is caught in the crossfire between Sky Crew and Grounders, acting as a constant reminder of Lexa’s betrayal to those in Arkadia, but his loyalty and beliefs force him to try make peace between the two groups. He stays even when Octavia begs him to leave because he doesn’t agree with what his people are doing to Sky Crew and just wants everyone to get along.
And now his actor has just penned a deal as a lead on a new, high-profile TV show.
I hope I’m wrong in thinking that Lincoln will soon die as a martyr in the war between nations, but things aren’t looking too good for him with Ice Nation closing in, especially on a show absolutely littered with main characters.
What do you think? Is Lincoln safe as a character or will we all suffer heartache alongside Octavia at the loss of one of the best characters on the show?
