Monday Night Raw – September 14, 2015: Dance Fever And Scorpion Double Shots

September 14, 2015

Date: September 14, 2015
Location FedEx Forum, Memphis, Tennessee
Commentators: Michael Cole, Byron Saxton, John Bradshaw Layfield

Tonight is the season premier, as WWE throws whatever it can at Monday Night Football to try and not get completely decimated in the ratings. The big match tonight is Charlotte challenging Nikki Bella for the Divas Title in Nikki’s first televised title defense in about two and a half months. Let’s get to it.

We open Monday Night RAW with a full recap of the statue story because just having Cole explain it in fifteen seconds would be too complicated.

Here’s the Authority walking down the ramp, which now has a Connor’s Cure logo. HHH and Stephanie talk about all the new talent that have showed up in the last year and a half. That group will lead the WWE into the new generation, which will be lead by Seth Rollins. HHH explains the double title defense on Sunday and that’s about it for Seth right now.

Stephanie explains the Divas Title situation and talks about how the Revolution has rocked everything. HHH has a major announcement for tonight: Sting will be wrestling his first match ever on Raw as he faces the Big Show. Stephanie introduces New Day for their title defense and the Authority dances with them.

So wait. They announced New Day vs. the Prime Time Players and the Divas Title in advance, but STING wrestling on Raw is announced with a few hours notice? These decisions continue to amaze me every single week, but at least they made sure to get Stephanie dancing to New Day’s entrance because she’s fun and cool that way. HHH dances a bit too.

Tag Team Titles: New Day vs. Prime Time Players

New Day is defending with Woods on the floor as usual. Darren rolls Kofi up for a quick two before it’s off to Titus for a slam on Big E. We see the Dudleyz looking on as E. comes back with a belly to belly, meaning it’s time for some trombone playing. Back to the starters with Darren escaping the SOS and loading up the Gut Check, only to have Kofi tag out to Big E. The big guy sends Young into the post and it’s time for the rotating stomps, accompanied by more tromboning as we take a break.

Back with New Day still in control and Woods tormenting him with the trombone. Titus comes after them but gets called back by the referee. Woods: “DO NOT TOUCH MY TROMBONE!” Back in and Kofi snaps Darren’s throat across the top rope but he dives into some raised boots. Titus comes in off the tag to clean house and gives Kofi three straight backbreakers. A powerslam gets two on Big E. but Kofi gives Darren Trouble in Paradise on the floor. Woods offers a distraction and gets his trombone broken up, allowing the Midnight Hour to take Titus out for the pin at 12:15.

Rating: C. This was fine and a good way to set up New Day vs. the Dudleyz on Sunday. The Players have had their moment in the sun and it’s time to move on to a more interesting team. Darren and Titus are fine for a midcard team, but I don’t think anyone really bought them as a long term threat, which means they’re left as a nice role team.

New Day celebrates but the Dudleyz come out for a staredown.

Video of Sting at Starrcade 1988, part of a series of clips of his career. Pay no attention to the fact that that was a pretty worthless match.

Seth Rollins comes in to see the Authority and after praising the dance moves, he’s told to worry about Sunday. They do the New Day clap and that’s about it. This is another good example of a segment that didn’t need to be there.

We recap Charlotte making Nikki tap in a brawl last week.

Charlotte and Ric Flair are ready for the title match tonight and Ric praises the Divas division. They’re doing a great job of making this feel like a big deal.

Paige vs. Sasha Banks

It’s just Becky at ringside while Naomi and Tamina are out with Banks. Sasha snaps Paige’s arm across the middle rope to start and bends it around to put Paige in early trouble. Banks stomps on the arm in the corner instead of dropping the double knees before putting on an armbar.

Paige comes back with a knee in the corner and some kicks to the face for two as the announcers debate women’s tennis in an attempt to tie it into the Divas Revolution. A wicked German suplex sends Sasha down onto the back of her head and out to the floor in a heap. Paige tries to dive off the apron but Tamina pulls Sasha away, sending Paige crashing down as well. Back in and the Bank Statement puts Paige away at 5:15.

Rating: C. The potential for a Paige heel turn would seem to make sense and there’s nothing wrong with a story that might be this obvious. Once this team thing is done they can actually get on to something else instead of just running around in circles like they have been for weeks. The match was fine with that German suplex looking awesome, but I’ve lost interest in seeing them fight four times in two weeks. As usual, the word overkill doesn’t exist in WWE’s world.

We recap the Wyatt Family taking out Jimmy Uso and Randy Orton last week.

Video on Connor’s Cure.

It’s time for MizTV with special guests the Wyatt Family. Miz tells them to sit down but Bray tells Miz to not sit because he’s not safe here. After assuring Bray that he’s not the partner at Hell in a Cell (yes Hell in a Cell), Miz tries to talk to Strowman but Braun doesn’t say a word. Bray gets right in Miz’s face and says they’re coming to Night of Champions to show that no matter who comes at them, they all fall down. Cue Reigns and Ambrose in the crowd with Dean beating up Miz for trying to talk. Bray sits down as the other four stare at each other. Reigns calls Wyatt out for the attacks last week and promises to make him pay.

If Wyatt really was the man, he could have beaten Roman one on one but he just can’t do it. A real man wouldn’t have to surround himself with monsters. Reigns and Ambrose have found a third man for Night of Champions and they’re ready to win. Everyone stares each other down and the camera cuts out. This would be much better if they didn’t go to the announcers, meaning they’re sitting there talking while the guys are still in the ring.

Clip of Sting winning his first World Title at Great American Bash 1990.

John Cena vs. Sheamus

Sheamus’ headlock doesn’t get that far so he elbows Cena in the face instead. John is thrown to the floor and we take an early break. Back with Sheamus dropping a top rope knee for two before slapping on a sleeper. Cena pops up and hits the ProtoBomb followed by the Shuffle. A tornado DDT gets two on Sheamus but he comes back with an Edgeucator.

Cena grabs the ropes so Sheamus busts out the ten forearms instead. We get the same sequence with Cena using the STF and hitting some forearms of his own. The AA is blocked and Sheamus ax handles Cena in the face to take over again. Cena breaks up the Brogue Kick with a hard clothesline but can’t follow up. A powerslam drops Cena again but he sidesteps the top rope shoulder. Sheamus charges but Cena powers him up into a powerbomb position, only to flip him over into an electric chair drop. Back up and Sheamus tries the Regal roll, only to have Cena roll over into the AA for the pin at 14:49.

Rating: B. Good match here and I believe the first time Cena has pinned Sheamus in a singles match on TV. This was harkening back to the days of the US Open Challenge (you know, all those weeks ago) and continues to show that Cena can work a very good match with anyone you throw out there against him. Good stuff here.

Here’s Ryback with something to say. It’s appropriate that we’re in Memphis because Kevin Owens seems to have him all shook up. Ryback does a little Elvis and the silence is so deafening that he has to acknowledge it. As he starts to talk about Kevin Owens not being a real man, Owens cuts him off. Owens comes out with a copy of The Secret, which Ryback has credited with his rise to success.

He calls the book a joke and throws it to the floor while calling it a travesty that Ryback is the Intercontinental Champion. Ryback talks about how positive he is and how he fell on his face after rocketing to the top of the company. Owens says he’d take the title the first chance he got, so Ryback offers him a shot at Night of Champions. Kevin leaves without accepting. I really like the idea of these two fighting, but Ryback crediting his success to a book really doesn’t hold up for me.

The next Sting clip is Starrcade 1997, which is possibly the bullet that they never could recover from.

Stardust vs. Neville

The Lucha Dragons come out with Nevilel to counteract the Ascension. It’s a huge brawl to start with the Dragons diving through the ropes to take Ascension out. Neville hurricanranas Stardust to the floor but Ascension drags him away before Neville can dive. No match.

Nikki Bella video where she takes credit for the Divas Revolution. This was…..bad. Yeah that’s the only way to put it. It was bad.

Divas Title: Charlotte vs. Nikki Bella

Nikki is defending in case that’s not really clear. Charlotte takes her down to the mat and drops some knees. The figure four neck lock lets Charlotte rolls Nikki around the ring and tell her to bring it on. Nikki comes back by snapping Charlotte’s arm across the top rope and wringing it down onto the apron as we take a break.

Back with Nikki staying on the arm but Charlotte lifts her out of an armbar into a powerbomb to break it up. A big boot gets two for Charlotte but a dropkick to the shoulder gets the same for the champ. Charlotte scores with the spear but Alicia gets on the apron for a distraction. It’s Twin Magic time and Charlotte rolls Brie up for the pin at 10:02.

I’m not even going to bother rating it yet because here’s Stephanie to say that doesn’t count and Charlotte wins by DQ. Charlotte gets her rematch on Sunday and the title can change hands by any means.

Rating: C-. Well that happened. The match was nothing special but I’m sure we’ll hear for weeks about how awesome it was as the NXT fans point to Sasha vs. Bayley. You had to know they were going with the record because this is all about making the Bellas into some kind of pop culture icon in WWE’s mind and they just had to get her the record, which is totally better than Trish holding the Women’s Title for over a year because reasons.

Sting was at Survivor Series 2014.

Cesaro vs. Rusev

Rusev grabs a wristlock to start but Cesaro does four or five nipups in a row to escape. A headscissors drops Rusev again and the delayed vertical suplex gets one. Rusev’s spinwheel kick gets two but here’s Dolph Ziggler with a present for Summer. The distraction lets Cesaro small package Rusev for the pin at 4:04.

Rating: C-. The booking here was a lot better as you had Cesaro get a win while Ziggler gets to cost Rusev a match. Everyone comes out looking the way they’re supposed to look and Sunday’s match gets some build. That’s the kind of smart booking that WWE lacks so often and it’s a nice touch.

Ziggler superkicks Rusev and Summer sneaks the present with her as they leave.

WWE was at a children’s hospital earlier today.

Post break Rusev is livid and goes into his dressing room. Summer opens the present and it’s……something we can’t see.

Recap of the Tag Team Title match and we run down the Night of Champions card. Owens vs. Ryback for the Intercontinental Title is confirmed, as is Neville/Lucha Dragons vs. Stardust/Ascension on the preshow.

Big Show promises the Authority that he’ll knock Sting out.

Sting vs. Big Show

These two headlined Slamboree 1996 nearly twenty years ago. The Authority is ringside to watch. Sting hammers away to start and gets in ten right hands in the corner. Show tries a chokeslam out of the corner but gets DDT’d down instead. There’s the Stinger Splash but Rollins runs in for the DQ at 1:45.

Cena comes out for the save and HHH makes it a tag match.

Sting/John Cena vs. Seth Rollins/Big Show

This is joined in progress after a break with Cena’s shoulder block bouncing off Big Show. It’s off to Rollins for some stomping but Cena backdrops him over the top to the floor for a big crash. Back in and Cena tries the AA but can’t flip Show over, meaning the beating continues. Rollins and Big Show take turns beating on Cena while they both break up the tag attempts. The slow motion Vader Bomb gets two.

Cena turns Rollins inside out with a running clothesline but Show breaks up another hot tag attempt. Show misses the second Vader Bomb though and Cena dives over for the hot tag to Sting. It’s showtime as Sting cleans house, only to be run over by Big Show. The giant takes the AA and Sting breaks up the Pedigree with a Scorpion Death Drop. The Scorpion Deathlock makes Rollins tap at 11:58.

Rating: C-. I don’t like the ending but I get the idea. Sting isn’t going to win the title on Sunday but it’s still cool to see him in the ring on Raw, just for the novelty of it if nothing else. This could be another stake in HHH and Rollins’ relationship as Rollins couldn’t beat the man that HHH could, but they’ve been teasing the split for months now so I’ll believe it when I see it.

Overall Rating: C+. This was FAR better than last week as you could feel an energy instead of the same boring show they did last week. It was also a good go home show for Night of Champions, which is looking like a pretty fun card on paper. I’m curious to see where some of the stuff goes and that’s exactly what this show was supposed to accomplish. You had some big moments and a good match here so what else more can you ask for out of a TV show? Well done this week.

Results

New Day b. Prime Time Players – Midnight Hour to O’Neil
Sasha Banks b. Paige – Bank Statement
John Cena b. Sheamus – Attitude Adjustment
Charlotte b. Nikki Bella via DQ when Brie Bella interfered
Cesaro b. Rusev – Small package
Sting b. Big Show via DQ when Seth Rollins interfered
Sting/John Cena b. Big Show/Seth Rollins – Scorpion Deathlock to Rollins

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of NXT Reviews: The Full Sail Years Volume I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B011T13PV4

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

‘Mr. Robot’ season finale: The revolution is here

Matt Perri

September 11, 2015

MR. ROBOT
Season 1, Episode 10
“eps1.9_zer0-day.avi”
GRADE: A+

“So this is what a revolution looks like? People in expensive clothing running around. Not how I pictured it. I wonder what stage they are at. Denial. Muttering to themselves, ‘No, this can be fixed.’ Maybe bargaining. Forcing their techs to work overtime to try and decrypt our data. Or maybe they’ve come to the realization that Darlene encrypted everything with AES256, and it would take an incomprehensible amount of time to crack. That all of their data is gone for good.”

Elliot awakens inside of Tyrell Wellick’s beautiful SUV. Outside, the world is going mad. Angry, frustrated people are lining up at ATM’s to withdraw their money. Estonia has collapsed. Several European countries are starting to fall right behind them. The Obama Administration has called a meeting with the leaders of each Superpower to discuss what’s happening. FSociety is claiming victory for a hack that has all but destroyed Evil Corp and all that they stand for and common citizens don FSociety mask, ready to join in the fight for America’s financial soul. Elliot should be as ecstatic as we saw him in the first episode: arms in the air, in sheer deliriously happy disbelief — except that he’s been asleep for three days, Tyrell Wellick is missing and he can’t remember ever initiating the hack.

Even Mr. Robot, who swore he’d never leave Elliot again, is gone.

A visit to Evil Corp is met with corporate lackeys flailing, running around, yelling at one another, loudly answering phones, gathering paperwork, watching flat-screens starring world leaders putting on brave faces. It’s a dark Kubrickian circus of a scene with a Wendy Carlos-esque version of Shostakovich’s “Waltz #2” scoring the background to bring it all home. Unbeknownst to Elliot, this is no longer Wellick’s stomping grounds, something Wellick’s former assistant reveals but doesn’t think twice about — then we see it: a message from FSociety taking credit for the destruction of Evil Corp. Elliot has seen this movie before — he just wants to know who the man behind the FSociety Mask is.

Meanwhile, the home base at Coney Island shows us a very testy and sullied FSociety wiping hard drives and striking the set after the proverbial final curtain. They really have no choice. As anonymous and well-executed as the hack was, law enforcement (in the form of the FBI and NSA) is still in full force, mobilizing the manhunt of the century. The team, however, still airs their grievances: they had a different idea of how the hack would go down. They wanted elegance, pomp and circumstance. Darlene’s quick to shut them up and declares that all of that is unnecessary because the goal has been achieved: the hack worked and Evil Corp is slowly dying.

All that’s left to do is erase their equipment from existence — which they do with the help of a corrupt friend who mans the desk at a local pet shelter. As dogs whine in their cages, awaiting their inevitable demises at the hands of those who have numbed themselves to their plight, Darlene and her team destroy their equipment. Dubbed the “Dead Puppy Oven” by Mobley, he remarks that this tool of destruction was the last thing he ever thought he’d use to finish the job. There’s a beat — and FSociety springs into action, picking cage locks and freeing the shelter’s entire dog population in a moment that humanizes the movement and shows that under all creepy masked men, shaking their fist, shouting declarations over creepy music, they have a soft spot in their hearts.

Mobley, Trenton and Romero all seem happy with what they’ve done even though there’s an impending sense of ambiguity in terms of their futures. They sip from red Solo cups and bop their heads to throbbing music at the “End of the World Party” they’re throwing at Coney HQ. Darlene, however, couldn’t be more giddy. “Everyone’s awake!” She tells them. “Everyone here is free because of what we did in this room!” Even the party has a purpose other than to be an excuse for getting smashed: they need to invite as many people into the room as it legally allows so that dusting for fingerprints is impossible if they’re ever uncovered. “We’re finally alive…” Darlene quietly says to herself, while watching with joy as her “disciples” dance and shout, elated with the new status quo.

Allsafe isn’t so lucky. Already reeling from the FSociety DAT file scandal, Gideon’s CFO is tallying up the monetary damage, shrugging her way into the most logical conclusion: the company needs to be shut down for good. Gideon shifts in his seat, the actions of a cat trapped in a small cage. He’s unwilling to submit, to die an honorable death. He’s emotionally connected to a world that no longer matters and, perhaps, never really did to begin with. He wants to buy time. His CFO, however, says that it’s bleak.

“When is it not?” Gideon scoffs, his facade slowly crumbling. “When was the last time you and I have not had a depressing conversation?”

“Gideon, I handle the money,” she says. “It’s always gonna be a ‘depressing conversation’.”

It’s in this room where Gideon watches each torpedo hit his beloved ship of dreams: all of Allsafe’s employees will be wiped out and there won’t be any compensation. All their 401K’s were tied up in the markets which will see the company’s stock crash through the floor. Even when his CFO attempts to unshackle his chains by revealing that he and everyone else will be “debt-free” because of FSociety’s attack, Gideon exhibits all the traits of a prisoner going through the stages of Post-Incarceration Syndrome. This should be a time for joy, for celebration. To Gideon, it’s truly the end of the world, the destruction of the only thing he knows and holds dear.

With a sword stuck firmly in its chest, Evil Corp seemingly begins its twisted dance of death and Angela, of all people, is in the middle of the shit-storm. Exec VP of Technology, Jason Plouffe, shoots himself on live TV after admitting that Evil Corp is doomed because the hack can’t be fixed. Before that disturbing occurrence, Angela had been the subject of his wrath. After the bullet ends Plouffe’s life, his blood splatters across the room, decorating her heels. If she was unsure of her place in the world, in her position with Evil Corp, it’s too late to turn back now. Angela’s truly been baptized in the very blood of the company that murdered her mother.

This pseudo-seduction isn’t subtle. Upon meeting Evil Corp’s soulless CEO, Phillip Price, Angela is invited to attend a conference that would train her and further mold her. She resists at first and flat-out tells him “No.”. She’s already stunned by Plouffe’s suicide and still wears his blood on her shoes. She wants to go home and scrub the images from her brain. Any other CEO might take this as an insult — but Angela has some street credit thanks to Terry Colby — and he’s understanding, albeit steadfast about appearances. He simply handles Angela’s clothing as he handles everything else in this world: he tosses money at it.

“You need some new shoes,” Price says, in effect, buying her. “Those won’t do anymore.”

But even buying new shoes proves to be an exercise in humiliation and regret. At first, the salesman helping her doesn’t know what to make of the dried blood — until he remembers that Angela told him that she worked for Evil Corp. “Is this from the guy? The one they’re talking about on the news?” He asks. When Angela confirms his suspicions, the man can’t believe it. “You mean to tell me…you witnessed the whole thing…and you’re here to buy new shoes?!” All Angela can do is nod. The man can’t keep to himself and begins to berate Angela for her warped priorities. At first, Angela is predictably meek, making apologies for Plouffe, for Evil Corp, for herself. “You sound just like them,” the man says, almost gritting his teeth. He continues to lecture her and harass her and mentally destroy her…until, finally, Angela’s had enough. She rises to her feet as if propelled by an unseen force. Her voice changes and she coldly says, “I don’t know who you think you’re talking to…but I’ll try the Prada’s NEXT!” The man goes silent, looking up at Angela subserviently.

The moment where Angela snaps and orders those Prada shoes is as brilliant as it is frightening. Desperate times call for desperate measures. Feeling sufficiently jilted by Elliot, unemployed after the Colby debacle and with her father’s back against the wall, it makes sense that Angela would join the dark side. The question, at this point, is “to what end?” Angela’s been so sweet, so caring. She’s been the opposite of everything she now represents — and now she’s part of it. Has she lost all control of herself and her sense of logic? Or does Angela have a plan? Is all of this is just a carefully-crafted facade? If so, can she survive and escape with her soul and her humanity intact?

Meanwhile, Elliot’s search for Tyrell Wellick is proving fruitless. He goes to Wellick’s house — only to run into his wife, Joanna, who acts less than normal. She’s coldly evasive, yet confident. She even invites Elliot in to “wait for Tyrell” who “just called” and is “stuck in traffic on the way home”. But something’s not right and Elliot can sense it. “Can she hear us right now?” Elliot ponders. “There’s something about her…” Indeed there is. Whether she actually can hear what Elliot is thinking is up for debate, but Joanna’s as clueless as Elliot is — but she’s also unpredictable. Her long list of issues have been well-documented in these reviews. We have no idea what she might do to get the truth out of Elliot. Neither does Elliot — which is why he calls himself “Ollie” and refuses her offer to come inside the house.

When all looks lost, Elliot searches the Wellick Family SUV for any clues that might lead his way. After finding a USB drive containing a video file of Elliot falling off the big wall (in the second episode), Elliot finally manages to trick Mr. Robot into reappearing. By now, we all know that Mr. Robot is a manifestation of Elliot’s fragile mind and that he’s been talking to nobody buy himself this whole time — except that usually happens when Elliot’s alone. Here’s Elliot’s in the middle of an Internet cafe with a dozen people in it, yelling at Mr. Robot, demanding to know where Tyrell is. And there’s Elliot, grabbing Robot by the throat and pinning him up against the wall. If you saw Fight Club, you know how this is possible and where it’s going. Elliot’s “Mr. Robot” personality swings into action, harassing a cafe lurker. A quick move, a flash of violence and Elliot’s down for the count with Mr. Robot hovering over him, smug as ever:

“I’m only supposed to be your prophet,” he says. “You’re supposed to be my god.”

But Elliot can’t come to grips with the fact that he’s the leader of a revolution with so many people looking up to him for guidance. He begs us, the audience, for help — only to have Robot tell him “quit talking to them because they can’t help us.” Elliot’s family appears, which angers Elliot further. He screams at Robot, telling him that he needs to be left alone because, just like him, his family isn’t real. “Neither are the people you’re talking to,” Robot retorts. He grabs Elliot’s face and gives one of the grandest monologues heard on modern television:

“Is any of it real? Look at it. A world built on fantasy. Synthetic emotions in the form of pills. Psychological warfare in the form of advertising. Mind-altering chemicals in the form of food. Mind-washing seminars in the form of media. Control isolated bubbles in the form of social networks. You want to talk about reality? We haven’t lived in anything remotely close to it since the turn of the century. They turned it off, took off the batteries, snacked on a bag of GMOs while we tossed the remnants in the ever-expanding Dumpster of the human condition. Living in branded houses, trademarked by corporations. Built on bipolar numbers, jumping up and down on digital displays. Hypnotizes us into the biggest slumber mankind has ever seen. You have to dig pretty deep, kiddo, before you can find anything real. As far as you are concerned, Elliot, I am very real.”

All of this is shot as if Mr. Robot is giving a sermon to his disciples. Elliot tries to concentrate. He closes his eyes. Everyone’s gone. There are no followers, no disciples, no revelers — and no more Mr. Robot. Elliot believes he’s finally won. Except he hasn’t. Robot, his wife, and little Elliot appear on one of the big boards in Times Square. Robot tells Elliot to accept everything the way it is. The only things that matter now are the movement and his family. “And you’re going to start listening to us,” Mr. Robot confirms. He tells Elliot to go home and watch the revolution from afar — which he does. Only, there’s a knock on his door…

And the show ends before we get to see who’s there.

Or…at least it seemed like it was going to end: there’s a post-credit scene, done in one, single take:

A limo drives up to a beautiful mansion and a man gets out. The man enters the mansion, illuminated by nothing but candlelight. It’s a grandiose party for rich people and foreign dignitaries. They mingle and drink champagne and seem to be having fun — yet it seems so starkly apocalyptic in contrast with FSociety’s makeshift rave. Earlier on, you might recall me saying that Gideon referred to Allsafe as “The Titanic”. Here, we have a woman on harp, playing “Nearer My God To Thee” which, if stories are to be believed, was the song Titanic’s on-deck band played as the ship sank. The man is here to meet Phillip Price about some off-site mining interests. Phillip doesn’t want to discuss business. The man apologizes, saying that he responded “succinctly” to the question of the motive behind his visit. Price apologizes in return and says that he simply wants to relax and “take in the music”.

The man wants to know if the rumors are true about Price and Evil Corp knowing who is behind the FSociety hack. Price confirms the rumor is true, but confidently says that the person behind it will be “dealt with the way they always are.” His confidence now matches his earlier mood when Angela had visited Price at Plouffe’s memorial, telling her that FSociety were “just people like you and me…except I have the weight of the world’s biggest conglomerate behind me…and matters like this tend to crack under that weight.” Here at the party, Price takes a glass of champagne and tells the man that he looks a bit preoccupied himself. The man says that he “doesn’t believe in preoccupation.” A tinge of disgust permeates his tone. In actuality, he says, he was actually just observing something:

“The infamous Emperor Nero played in instrument very similar to the one she’s playing: the lyre. Legend has it that he played it merrily as he watched–.”

The man’s digital watch beeps and he quickly moves his wrist to check the time. The camera rests on the individual…and we see that it’s The White Rose, sans war paint.

Price is intrigued and asks White Rose what Nero was watching while playing the Lyre.

Rose solemnly finishes his sentence:

“…as he watched Rome burn.”

The brilliance of this episode, of the entire first season of Mr. Robot, cannot be overstated. It’s been an absolute honor and privilege watching this show, writing about what I’ve seen and sharing it with my readers. I don’t think I’ve been so excited for a show to come back on the air since LOST. I know that’s probably not the best analogy to make seeing as though that show started on a high note and ended up being disappointing to many but I have much different expectations here.

“eps1.9_zer0-day.avi” didn’t have to be the perfect close to the first season. I think there are those who see this show as I do and they believe that. It’s a good thing, then, that Mr. Robot is all too willing to grant their wishes. The episode has so many great moments to it. After the doom-and-gloom of Shayla’s death and the fear of the unknown surrounding the aftermath of the hack, “zer0-day.avi” shows us a messy, chaotic world — but holds your hand the whole way, almost to reassure you and tell you “The worst is over and everything’s going to be all right now.”

The high-quality, cinema-level production of each and every episode is something I haven’t seen in a long, long time, topping modern “greats” such as Mad Men and Breaking Bad. As it stands, Mr. Robot is the best thing on television next to AMC’s Better Call Saul and I very much look forward to analyzing it and discussing it in the future.

Smackdown – September 10, 2015: The Red Show

Tommy Hall

September 11, 2015

Date: September 10, 2015
Location: Mohegan Sun Arena, Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Rich Brennan, Booker T., Jerry Lawler

We finally got to the point and had Sting destroy the statue on Raw to end the teasing for the last few weeks. Other than that we also have John Cena vs. Seth Rollins II coming up, which should be a better match and might even get us the US Open Challenges back on Raw. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

Here’s the Wyatt Family to get things going. Harper says Bray’s words will show you the way. Bray talks about how smart Roman Reigns really is but he doesn’t care about any single fan or about what any of the fans think about him. If Reigns is ever to fulfill his destiny and become WWE World Heavyweight Champion, the people must get on their hands and knees to bow down to Reigns. Anyone but you Roman.

Dean Ambrose on the other hand is cursed with loyalty to someone he believes to be his brother. Ambrose is missing a few pieces upstairs and deserves a warning. The two groups have become a modern day Hatfields and McCoys and will fight each other forever. It doesn’t matter who is joining Reigns and Ambrose at Night of Champions and everyone will fall to the Wyatts. Run.

Cesaro vs. The Miz

Rematch from Monday when Big Show interfered. Miz takes a few moments to take the glasses off so Cesaro, with his ribs taped again, hiptosses him down. The big dropkick knocks Miz off the top and out to the floor, leading to a chase scene. Back in and Miz starts kicking at the ribs before dropping Cesaro across the top rope. Off to a waistlock with Miz’s legs but Cesaro turns around and muscles Miz up into a suplex. As usual, that’s scary strength. Some more shots to the ribs have Cesaro in trouble but he grabs the leg and rolls over into the Sharpshooter for the submission at 4:38.

Rating: C-. Basic match here but that’s all it needed to be. The rib work was fine and I’m glad they didn’t have Cesaro win with a power move while barely selling the ribs. I can live with lifting Miz up into the suplex as it’s a single spot instead of doing the same thing over and over again. Also, how nice is it to see Cesaro get a clean fall for a change?

Jimmy Uso is very excited to be Reigns and Ambrose’s partner tonight.

Paige vs. Sasha Banks

Again. Both teams get in a brawl before the match and the other four are ejected. Paige grabs a quick rollup and backslide for two each and a sunset flip gets another near fall. With the quick wins not working, Paige knees Sasha in the face to send her outside. Sasha gets in a shot to the ribs to leave Paige laying as we take a break. Back with Sasha choking on the ropes and getting two off the double knees in the corner.

We hit a quickly broken chinlock before a shot to the ribs sets up chinlock’s sequel. Paige fights up with a running knee in the corner and some kicks to the face but Sasha pokes her in the eye. Paige bails into the corner before spearing Sasha down, triggering a brawl for the double DQ at around 9:00.

Rating: D+. I really wasn’t feeling this one and it came off like a bit way to fill in time instead of having a good match. You would think Charlotte would have played a bigger role here as she has a title shot in four days, though you can almost guarantee that she doesn’t, likely due to a Paige heel turn.

Both groups come out to brawl until referees break it up.

We see most of the end of Monday’s six man tag and Sting destroying his statue. This eats up ten minutes.

Rollins calls Monday the low point of his career because Sting destroyed the proof of his talent. He’s requested a lumberjack match with Ryback tonight so all of the lumberjacks can see that he’s still the best in the world. Sheamus comes up and says Rollins might have three matches at Night of Champions. Or maybe two matches tonight.

New Day vs. Jimmy Uso/Dean Ambrose/Roman Reigns

No trombone this week. Woods goes behind Reigns to start but eventually gets his jaw jacked by an uppercut. Off to Ambrose who stalks Woods around the ring until Big E. comes in and takes Dean’s head off with a clothesline. That goes nowhere until Jimmy comes in to clean house as Ambrose takes Woods out with a suicide dive. Uso dives on Woods and Kingston but Big E. pulls Jimmy over the top and out to the floor as we take a break. There’s really no reason for this match to continue, other than this match needs to fill in time on this meaningless show.

Back with Jimmy in trouble and Woods busting out the trombone. Kofi slams Jimmy head first onto the mat but Woods charges into a superkick. Roman gets the hot tag and cleans house with a nice tilt-a-whirl slam to Xavier, followed by a string of clotheslines in the corner. The apron kick knocks Woods even sillier and the Samoan drop puts Big E. down. Dirty Deeds does the same to Woods and there’s a Superman Punch for good measure. Jimmy goes up top for the splash but the lights go out. When they come back, Jimmy is out cold on the stage. Wyatt’s voice says “they all fall down” and the match is a no contest at 13:08.

Rating: C-. So in other words, this was Jimmy Uso substituting for Randy Orton after a long match that didn’t change anything. Not a good match for the most part but it got a lot better once Reigns came in and cleaned house. It’s a good story but I’m scared of who they might bring in as a partner, especially if it winds up being Erick Rowan or Kane.

Lucha Dragons vs. Ascension

Stardust is with the Ascension and we’re just supposed to forget that they got squashed on Monday. Or maybe we’re supposed to forget everything they do here because only Raw counts. I lose track sometimes. Cara hits his springboard cross body to Viktor before it’s off to Kalisto for some kicks to the face. Everything breaks down for a few moments until Viktor takes Kalisto down with the STO. The Fall of Man puts Kalisto away at 1:40.

The Dragons get beaten down until Neville makes the save.

Nikki Bella accuses Charlotte of being jealous of her. Charlotte comes in and says Nikki’s record attempt ends Monday. Nikki can call her whatever she likes tonight because on Monday, she’ll be calling Charlotte champion.

Seth Rollins vs. Ryback

Lumberjack match and non-title in a rematch of Ryback pinning Rollins on Monday. A shoulder puts Rollins down to start but the champ flips out of a suplex. That’s fine with Ryback as he throws Seth to the floor, only to have Rollins run back inside and send Ryback into the post. All of the lumberjacks are about to fight and we take a break. Back with Rollins getting two off a Sling Blade but charging into a fall away slam. Ryback starts cranking it up with clotheslines and a sitout powerslam for two.

Big Show starts beating people up at ringside and knocks Mark Henry out. All the other lumberjacks tell him to get out, leaving about half of them left at ringside. A spinebuster puts Rollins down again and Ryback backdrops him onto the remaining people. The heel lumberjacks come in and beat Ryback down until the good lumberjacks make the save. Neville dropkicks Stardust to the floor and moonsaults onto everyone……this match is continuing. Apparently lumberjack matches are No DQ, meaning Kevin Owens is allowed to trip Ryback, allowing Rollins to hit the Pedigree for the pin at 11:55.

Rating: D+. I’m so glad they threw in the fact that this was No DQ with a minute and a half to go so they could have all of the insanity. It felt like the gimmick was there because it helped them get to the finish, which was their beloved 50/50 booking. I’m so glad that Ryback got to beat Rollins on Monday, only to have Rollins come out on top here to make sure it’s all even. You wouldn’t want Ryback to get away with a meaningless win. People might start caring about him and that would just be a disaster.

Overall Rating: D-. What a waste of my time. You had four matches and three of them were rematches from Raw. The one original match was a way to hammer in the exact same point that we covered on Raw with Orton. In case that’s not enough Raw for you, how about showing the last ten minutes of the show to fill in even more time? This was a huge waste of two hours and basically a commercial for Raw, which is going to be a commercial for Night of Champions. In other words, this was the least important episode of Smackdown in a long time and that covers a lot of ground.

Results

Cesaro b. The Miz – Sharpshooter
Paige vs. Sasha Banks went to a double DQ when both women brawled
Jimmy Uso/Roman Reigns/Dean Ambrose vs. New Day went to a no contest when the Wyatt Family interfered
Ascension b. Lucha Dragons – Fall of Man to Kalisto
Seth Rollins b. Ryback – Pedigree

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of NXT Reviews: The Full Sail Years Volume I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B011T13PV4

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

NXT – September 9, 2015: Not Everyone Can Be A Horsewoman

Tommy Hall

September 10, 2015

Date: September 9, 2015
Location: Full Sail University, Winter Park, Florida
Commentators: Rich Brennan, Corey Graves

The Dusty Classic continues this week as we get to see a few more first round matches tonight. The tournament has taken the promotion by storm and it’s already more interesting than I was hoping for it to be. We’re also just about a month away from the next Takeover, which needs a card built up in a hurry. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

Peyton Royce vs. Carmella

Royce used to be K.C. Cassidy but this is billed as her debut. Feeling out process to start as they trade rollups, followed by Carmella busting out a moonwalk. A suplex gets two more on Carmella and we hit the chinlock. Carmella fights back up an elbows Royce in the jaw before slapping on a chinlock of her own. Back up and Royce fires off some nice kicks in the corner, followed by a middle rope cross body for two. They’re already showing more energy than the Bellas have displayed in a long time. Carmella comes right back with that crossface with her legs for the submission at 5:03.

Rating: D. That’s one of the lower ratings I’ve given an NXT match in a long time but this didn’t work. A five minute match doesn’t need two extended chinlocks. The sudden finish didn’t do it any favors either as this felt like they jumped to the ending instead of building there like a normal match. Royce has some good potential but needs more molding.

Samoa Joe asked Finn Balor if he’s ready. The champ certainly is but Joe tells him not to forget his belt. Joe hands him the title, after staring at it a bit first.

In other first round matches, Enzo Amore/Colin Cassady beat Sawyer Fulton/Angelo Dawkins and Scott Dawson/Dash Wilder beat Elias Sampson/Tucker Knight. It’s really smart to not air the whole thing on TV as we don’t need to every single first round match.

Nia Jax is still coming.

Dusty Classic First Round: Tommaso Ciampa/Johnny Gargano vs. Bull Dempsey/Tyler Breeze

Ciampa and Breeze get things going with Tommaso getting in a great slap to the jaw. It’s off to Bull, who is dubbed as gorgeous by the crowd. Ciampa takes him down to the mat so it’s quickly back to Breeze, who is taken into the corner and rolled up for two by Gargano. Tyler is trying to recover in the corner and tags out to the big man, who gets kicked in the head upon arrival. Ciampa’s running knee to the head gets two and we hit the chinlock.

Back from a break with Ciampa on Bull’s back in a sleeper, so Dempsey just falls backwards for the break. Use the natural assets man. Gargano comes in and knocks Breeze off the apron, meaning there’s no one there for Bull to tag. Bull fights back on his own with a Bionic Elbow but knocks his partner off the apron again. Gargano grabs a sunset flip and Ciampa makes it a jackknife rollup to pin Dempsey at 8:44.

Rating: C-. This was more of a story than a match though it’s always cool to see some indy stars brought in to NXT. Dempsey vs. Breeze could be an interesting match if they have Bull act like his old self, though I’m not sure how far the Bull Fit gimmick can really go. Ciampa and Gargano were fine here but there’s only so much you can get out of a short match like this.

The Lucha Dragons are ready for their match and warn Joe/Balor to not overlook them because these dragons breathe fire.

Dana Brooke is mad (though not because she hasn’t patted Devon on the head recently) for having to see Bayley win that Women’s Title. She turned down a spot in the Arnold Classic in Spain to be here and now she wants her title.

Video on Tye Dillinger.

Dana Brooke vs. Billie Kay

They trade headlocks to start with Billie taking it down to the mat. A headscissors messes Brooke up even more as a weak Total Diva chant breaks out. Brooke slams her into the corner for some shoulders to the ribs as the confidence is back. The handstand choke sets up a chinlock on Kay which quickly switches to a headscissors choke. Brooke stops a comeback with an enziguri and the fireman’s carry driver is good for the pin at 5:23.

Rating: D+. These new girls are a far cry from the Four Horsewomen but Brooke is probably the furthest along of all of them and one of the best options to face Bayley. Billie is another one where we can’t really tell what’s going on in such a short performance, especially when most of it was spent on the mat.

Apollo Crews calls the fans the Apollo Nation. They’re ready to take over NXT. Can we please stop calling everything a nation or a team? You can come up with something more creative than that.

Bayley’s biggest fan Izzy was at the WWE Performance Center to meet Bayley in person. That’s always cool.

Bayley is back next week.

Dusty Classic First Round: Samoa Joe/Finn Balor vs. Lucha Dragons

This is from a Smackdown taping in Providence, Rhode Island with Tom Phillips and Jimmy Uso on commentary. Balor and Cara get things going and a loud NXT chant starts up. The champ tries to slow things down with an armbar but gets caught in a headlock instead. Jimmy is asked advice on how to win the tournament. Jimmy: “Don’t get kicked in the face like that!” Balor sends Cara to the floor and dives on both guys and we take a break.

Back with Joe tagging Balor in and the champion being slammed down in the corner. Kalisto gets two off a flipping splash and puts on a waistlock. Finn fights up and gets in enough shots to make the tag to Joe. The Dragons are thrown all over the ring but Cara comes back with a sloppy tornado DDT for two. Cara tries to charge at Joe in the corner and has to slip out of the Muscle Buster. Kalisto tags himself in and gets two off a quick hurricanrana, only to charge into the release Rock Bottom. The Muscle Buster into the Coup de Grace eliminate the Dragons at 11:16.

Rating: C+. This got a lot better as it went on and the last two minutes or so were really good. The best part here is either team winning would have made sense as the Dragons have been successful in NXT and it’s pretty clear that Balor vs. Joe is coming in the near future. It wasn’t a great match or anything, but it picked up a pretty lame show otherwise.

Overall Rating: C-. Definitely not their best show but the tournament kept it from being dull. They’re rapidly approaching the next Takeover and you can see some of the card, but I wouldn’t be surprised if they had the semi-finals and finals at the show to fill in some time. The wrestling wasn’t great tonight though and the new featured women need some work. Then again, I said the same thing about Sasha and Bayley about a year ago and they’ve turned out very well.

Results

Carmella b. Peyton Royce – Crossface leg lock
Tommaso Ciampa/Johnny Gargano b. Tyler Breeze/Bull Dempsey – Jackknife rollup to Dempsey
Dana Brooke b. Billie Kay – Fireman’s carry driver
Samoa Joe/Finn Balor b. Lucha Dragons – Coup de Grace to Kalisto

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of NXT Reviews: The Full Sail Years Volume I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B011T13PV4

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Night RAW, 9/7/2015: Sting torments Rollins; destroys statue

Matt Perri

September 10, 2015

We’re just a couple weeks away from a Night of Champions card that’s looking fairly promising with two huge championship matches and some very intriguing storyline possibilities. There’s a LOT of speculation going around about Seth Rollins and his future as a champion in WWE. The “third Reigns/Ambrose tag partner” has “SHIELD REUNION” stamped all over it. Is that where WWE is going? Let’s find out…

We are LIVE(!!!) from Baltimore, Maryland for Monday Night RAW!!!

Your talkers are JBL, Cole and Saxton.

Rollins comes to the ring as Cole continues to remind us that Rollins “only won the title thanks to Jon Stewart”. He says he’s special. Everyone wanted somebody to knock John Cena off the top of the mountain and that’s what he did at SummerSlam. Seth continues bragging and the crowd chants “WE WANT STING”. Rollins agrees with them and says that Sting stole his statue and got his hands on his title. He tells Sting to be careful what he wishes for because at Night of Champions, Sting has the chance to flip his career and solidify his legacy. The problem is that Rollins has the chance to CRUSH his legacy and that’s what he’s going to do. He’s gonna beat Sting and make sure he never gets another chance to even try to get near him. The crowd chants “BORING”. Seth tells them all that he’s champ and he can talk all night. He says he’s Seth-freaking-Rollins and he’ll not only beat Sting, but John Cena, too. He will own Cena, Sting, the ring and the fans. He will own everything else as well. He will also get his statue back.

He rants until Sting appears on the Jumbotron. He says that the statue doesn’t belong in an office or in staging or anywhere. It belongs with him. Sting dusts the statue and says that he’s here and so’s the statue…so come and get it. The Jumbotron goes offline and Sheamus’s music hits. They insult one another as Sheamus says that Rollins worrying about a statue should make him realize how stupid he sounds. Rollins: “Do you know how stupid you look?” This pisses off Sheamus. He tells Seth to look at the briefcase. Seth asks him what his point is. Sheamus says he can “make his point” tonight or next week or at Night of Champions. If Rollins gets by Sting and Cena, he’ll have a possible third match — against Sheamus.

TONIGHT: Summer Rae and Lana catfight. #DIVASREVOLUTION!

Speaking of, Team PCB walk backstage. It’s Paige vs. Sasha Banks — NEXT.

Seth is backstage and asks Steph if Triple H is around. Steph tells him to calm down. She has a plan. Rollins rambles and swears that NOC isn’t getting into his head. He asks again if Triple H is around. She motions over his shoulder. Triple H stands there and asks if Seth thinks Steph can’t handle these things. Seth stammers. Triple H tells Seth he’s “The Man”. So, what does he have to worry about. Triple H says that he shouldn’t worry about Sting or Cena or Sheamus — because Sheamus will fight Randy Orton. The crowd makes a sound that sounds like semi-abject horror, as we’ve seen this match about 80 times. Triple H says that Seth IS the man, so he should prepare for NOC by having two matches tonight. The first will be against Ryback and the second will be Seth Rollins and The New Day against The Prime Time Players and John Cena. Rollins looks at Steph. Steph says she was just gonna tell Seth to find Sting but Triple H’s plan sounds better. The two of them continue to pump him up.

MATCH #1: Paige (w/ Charlotte & Becky Lynch) vs. Sasha Banks (w/ Naomi & Tamina)
Paige chases Banks to the ropes, then whips her around by the hair, then tosses her across the ring twice. There’s a weird botchy-looking spot where Sasha hits the ropes, then flies back for no reason. Paige elbows her in the corner but Sasha escapes, stomps Paige’s chest and gets a two-count. After break, Banks chokes Paige with a boot, then poses. She hits a knee to Paige’s face and gets a two-count. Tamina belts Paige in the face when she slumps over the bottom ropes. Paige tries to come back with a small package but Banks kicks out. Paige hits elbows, but Banks kicks her in the stomach and gets two. Paige kicks at her and a few counters later, it’s a Paige Superkick for two. Banks tries a Cross Body but Paige catches her for a Ram-Paige. Sasha escapes and goes outside. Paige hits a Senton on Tamina and Banks rolls Paige back into the ring. Paige hits a slingshot suplex for two, then goes for the PTO. Naomi leaps into the ring, the ref deals with her and Banks gets the distraction pin to win it at 9:55.
WINNER: Sasha Banks
RATING: **. Just nothing here at ALL. I wish these teams would break up already.

Post-match, Paige looks distraught — but enough of all that! PCB celebrates anyhow!

MATCH #2: The Ascension (Konnor & Viktor) vs. Dean Ambrose & Roman Reigns
Ambrose goes after Konnor with a lariat, then knees him in the gut. Tag to Reigns who clotheslines him. Konnor comes back, beating him up in the corner and tagging Viktor. Reigns counters with a Samoan Drop. Konnor distracts Reigns and Viktor dropkicks him. Reigns goes outside and dives at Konnor. Viktor gets a Sitting Dropkick and Reigns gets back in the ring for some corner clotheslines. Reigns calls for the Superman Punch, hitting it. Tag to Ambrose and the two hit The Doomsday Device. Spear, Dirty Deeds and a win at 2:52.
WINNERS: Ambrose/Reigns
RATING: 1/2 a *. Yay?

Wyatt cut and there’s Braun backstage with his sheep mask. He tells them that it’s ok to be afraid. Wyatt appears and says that the apocalypse awaits them at NOC. Run. Wyatt edit.

Renee Young is backstage with Ryback. Ryback says the Intercontinental Championship has been held by fighters. Ryback says he’s a fighter unlike Rollins, who always escapes. Owens shows up, eating an apple (because he’s fat — HA!) and wishing Ryback “luck”. Ryback says he’s full of crap. Owens shrugs him off and tells him to go get ready for his match.

We get a really lame TMZ-style gossip reel about Summer, Lana and Ziggler.

TONIGHT: Summer is going to address all this bullshit.

MATCH #3: WWE Intercontinental Champion Ryback vs. WWE United States Champion & WWE World Heavyweight Champion Seth Rollins (non-title)
Rollins gets out of the ring and takes some deep breaths. He gets back in the ring and Ryback tosses him across the ring. After taking another breather, Ryback gets put in a headlock. Ryback breaks and tosses Rollins away again. Rollins comes back into the ring and Ryback applies a wristlock and shoulderblocks Rollins to the mat. He applies an armbar but Rollins gets to the ropes, then goes on the attack after the break after Cole and JBL argue over how Sting can “return Rollins’ statue”. Ryback comes back with a Thesz Press. He tries a suplex but Rollins lands on his feet. Ryback clotheslines him again and whips him across the ring, into the corner HARD. Ryback chops at Rollins, then lifts him for a Delayed Vertical Suplex for about 15 seconds before dropping him for a two-count. Rollins gets up and kicks at Ryback, stomping at him after he’s down. He starts taunting Ryback, slapping at his head, so Ryback picks him up and press slams him. Rollins rolls out of the ring. Ryback chases him and tries to ram him into the ringpost, but Rollins counters it and Ryback hits his head. Rollins tosses him into the ring steps as we go to break.

After break, Ryback flies into the corner post inside the ring. Rollins hits a neckbreaker and gets two. Ryback fights back with a punch but Rollins drops his neck on the top rope. He hits a flying knee to Ryback’s head for two, then hits a running forearm in the corner. He runs at Ryback again but Ryback hits a Back Bodydrop. Ryback gets to his feet and hits shoulderblocks, then a tackle. He goes for a powerbomb. Rollins counters into a Pedigree but Ryback counters. A series of counters and Ryback FINALLY hits a powerbomb for two. Ryback goes top rope but Rollins grabs him. Ryback knocks him off and tries a Big Splash. Rollins moves out of the way and gets a two count after Ryback belly flops. Rollins hits a Baseball Slide, sending Ryback out of the ring. Ryback gets up to the ropes at three, so Rollins kicks him down and the count restarts. Once the count restarts, Rollins tackles him outside again. This is repeated again before Ryback finally wises up, gets into the ring and hits a Spinebuster. He hits a Meathook and goes for the Shell Shock but Rollins kicks out. Rollins hits an Enzuguri and Ryback goes down. Suddenly, Sting’s crow caws and Sting says he’s still waiting for Seth to come for the statue. Seth’s pissed and goes to pick up Ryback — who rolls him up and pins him at 17:24.
WINNER: Ryback
RATING: ***1/4 here. Good match that got better as it went along. Ryback is getting better each week I see him. The problem, of course, is that you had a fuck-finish that saw Ryback pinning Seth Rollins who holds two titles. And what’s that going to result in? If you said, “Nothing”, you win a cookie.

Post-match, Rollins is furious. Sting appears on the Tron again. He puts a Sting mask on Rollins’ statue and smiles as Rollins goes apeshit.

TONIGHT: Seth Rollins & The New Day vs. John Cena & The New Day

ALSO: Randy Orton vs. Sheamus

Rollins is pissed backstage. The New Day appear and start doing their positive-thinking bullshit. Rollins tells them to shut the fuck up. Suddenly, Edge and Christian appear. Edge says the last time he saw Rollins, he used Edge to get his way. Edge says that Rollins didn’t finish the job. He wants Rollins to try right now. Rollins says he has too much on his plate and walks away. Xavier Woods wants to “battle” with them for some reason. He blows about six notes into his trumpet. Christian pulls out a Kazoo and starts a “NEW DAY SUCKS” chant. Big E takes it away and eats it, then throws it to the ground. The Dudleyz show up. They tell The New Day that The Primetime Players face The New Day for the Tag Titles — and the Dudleyz get the winner at Night of Champions. Bubba Ray has a new song for them: “GET! THE TABLES!” in the tune of “NEW DAY SUCKS”.

Summer Rae comes to the ring to…say stuff. We get the same dumb TMZ reel.

Summer wants to apologize to Rusev for whatever reason. She calls him to the ring. He gets out there. She sucks up to him. She says that, because of him, she got to be in Ironman magazine and it was all because he trained her. She feels terrible. Her “innocence got the best of her”, she basically tells him that she was seduced by Dolph Ziggler and he kissed her. She apologizes. Rusev: “You betraded me.” Seriously, he said that. He forgives her, then calls her “submissive” and loses about half his accent until he shouts a bunch of stuff about Ziggler. He yells about Lana and how she “gone cheated” or something.

Ziggler shows up and I’m not even sure things are improving here. He says that Rusev and Summer are liars. He says he’s here to give Rusev a message from Lana: a Superkick to Rusev’s jaw. Rusev rolls out of the ring as Ziggler stands tall.

NEXT: Randy Orton vs. Sheamus

Cole welcomes us back to “RAW Episode 1,163” as if it’s his Grandparent’s golden anniversary.

MATCH #4: Randy Orton vs. Sheamus
Aaaaaaand here we go again. The two grapple and then exchange wristlocks before Orton puts on a headlock. Sheamus breaks it and walks outside the ring. After some yelling Sheamus re-enters and it’s another serious of grapples and walking around before Orton puts on a headlock. Sheamus whips Orton into the ropes and is met with a couple of shoulderblocks. Sheamus exits the ring as the fans taunt him for his hair. Back in the ring, Sheamus hits some uppercuts. Orton returns the blows. Sheamus ducks out of the ring AGAIN, then grabs a mic and yells at the fans. Orton interrupts and drops his back on top of the crowd barrier. After rolling him back into the ring, it’s uppercuts and punches in the corner. Sheamus comes back with an inverted Atomic Drop but Orton dropkicks him out of the ring. YES, AGAIN. Orton goes outside and misses a clothesline. Sheamus hits an Irish Curse Backbreaker.

When we come back, Sheamus has Orton in a headlock. Orton breaks free and lands a headbutt on Sheamus but Sheamus hits a Rolling Senton. More yelling at the fans and Sheamus lands an uppercut. Orton comes back with uppercuts of his own and some clotheslines followed by the Powerslam in Stride. T-Bone Suplex by Orton gets two. Sheamus rolls outside the ropes. Orton goes for Vintage Orton but Sheamus breaks it and goes for Ten Beats, hitting three before tiring of the fans counting with the punches. Orton breaks but Sheamus decks him and hits a Battering Ram for two. Sheamus barks at the ref and runs at Orton. Orton hits the Powerslam again and goes for a clothesline but Sheamus hits a Powerslam of his own and then puts on an Indian Crosslock. After some dragging, Orton makes it to the ropes and Sheamus breaks. Sheamus runs at Orton and ends up outside the ropes. Orton grabs him for a Superplex, hitting it with ease. CLOSE two-count. Orton hits Vintage Orton and goes for the RKO but Sheamus counters into White Noise and NEARLY gets Orton. He goes for a Brogue but misses. Sheamus rolls him up after a counter and gets two but Orton hits an RKO for the win at 15:50.
WINNER: Randy Orton via RKO
RATING: ***1/2 here. If this was the blow-off, it was really good. These two put on a great match. At the same time, can we PLEASE say it’s the blow-off?

Post-match, we get the Wyatts appearing and beating the snot out of Orton. Strowman chokes Orton out and hits the sideways Winds of Change which looks less-than-convincing. Follow the Buzzards.

Cole recaps what we just saw and says that the Wyatts did what they did because it was a warning to other wrestlers not to join Reigns and Ambrose. I hope that’s all it was because Orton would be a routine, boring addition to that team.

MATCH #5: The Dudley Boyz (D-Von & Bubba Ray) vs. Los Matadores (Diego & Fernando) (w/ El Torito)
There aren’t enough mops in the world to clean up the bloodbath we’re about to see. Bubba starts with Diego. Wristlock by Diego that morphs into a headlock. Bubba counters with a Side Suplex. He tries another but Diego counters with a dropkick and quick tag to Fernando. Fernando attacks Bubba but ends up hitting Diego. Torito argues with Fernando — and Fernando decks Torito, which actually seems to break the heart of the attending crowd. Fernando eats a 3D and the Dudleyz win it.
WINNERS: Dudley Boyz
RATING: n/a – squash

Post-match, Diego admonishes Torito, then kicks him out of the ring. He goes outside and slaps Torito around. The Dudleyz have seen enough, get a table, set it up in the ring, grab Diego and it’s a Bubba Bomb into the table. I’m thinking the Matadores are going buh-bye.

TONIGHT: The 6-Man Tag

MATCH #6: Cesaro vs. The Miz
Miz removes his sunglasses and Cesaro takes him down, then mocks him. Gut Wrench by Cesaro. Miz comes back with a headlock but Cesaro counters into a Spinning Backbreaker. Two count. Cesaro hits two running uppercuts before Miz bails and relaxes outside the ring. Cesaro follows, takes JBL’s hat and wears it before running Miz over. Back in the ring, Miz knees Cesaro in the gut and gets two. Miz tosses Cesaro into the ropes. Cesaro flips over the top and boots MIz in the face. Miz boots him and kicks him off the mat outside. Miz goes after him and Big Show shows up, chasing Miz around the ring. Oh, hey, it’s a double countout.
WINNER: Double Countout
RATING: DUD. In the words of The Miz: “Really?!“

Post-match, Show TKO’s Cesaro. I’m so sorry you’ve gotten in the middle of this shit, Cesaro. You deserve so much better.

NEXT: Nikki Bella talks about how great she is.

The Bellas and Random Fox Bella come to the ring. Alicia and Brie introduce Nikki. Nikki gives a speech about how we can all “fill” the excitement about her title reign. We are just over 7 days away from Nikki breaking the Divas championship record. Nikki says that the “Bella-bration” will be next week.

Charlotte and PCB interrupt. Charlotte says that she petitioned for a title match next week. She got it. Then PCB beats up Team Bella because why the fuck not? Nobody in the crowd honestly gives a shit. Charlotte hits a spear on Fox and applies the Figure Eight to end this crap.

NEXT: The 6-Man Tag

MATCH #7: John Cena & The Primetime Players (Titus O’Neil & Darren Young) vs. WWE United States Champion & WWE World Heavyweight Champion Seth Rollins & WWE Tag Team Champions The New Day (Big E & Kofi Kingston) (w/ Xavier Woods) in a Six-Man Tag Team Match
Rollins and Cena start out but, lo and behold, Rollins tags in E who claps and grinds his hips. They finally lock up and E puts on a headlock and starts stomping to “NEW! DAY ROCKS!” Shoulderblock and Woods loses his shit cheering for E. Another round of that and Cena looks irritated. Finally, Cena comes back with a shoulderblock of his own. But E gets up, catches him and hits a Powerslam for two. Tag to Rollins and it’s a New Day Mudhole Stomp by all three guys. E tosses Kofi right into Cena’s face as Woods blows on the trumpet. After a break, Kofi continues to lock Cena up, following a Cross Body off the top rope. Cena breaks the hold but Kofi hits an S.O.S. and gets two. Tag to E who Cena dumps out of the ring when E runs at him. E tags Rollins who goes top rope and nails Cena with a knee to his head and it’s even more Cena peril. E tags in and chokes Cena against the corner rope. E tosses Cena into the corner, then hits a Sidewalk Slam while grinding his hips. Then it’s a Delayed Suplex while hip-grinding. E misses a Warrior Splash and it’s a hot tag to Titus who destroys E with shoulderblocks and Big Boot. Rollins gets involved but Young grabs him and drops him on the mat. Titus does a Gator Bark and then clotheslines E in the corner. Woods yells at Titus but Young trips him and hits a Gut Check. Kofi knees Young in the face. Titus knocks Kofi off the mat to the outside of the ring. E hits the Belly to Belly. Tags to Cena and Rollins. Cena goes for an AA. Counter. Rollins with a Pedigree. Counter. STF by Cena. Rollins manages to tag Kofi who leaps to the top rope. He hits a Cross Body on Cena who rolls out of a pin, counters into an AA and then hits it to win at 12:55.
WINNERS: Titus/Young/Cena
RATING: **. This was Cena selling everything Rollins and The New Day had to offer, then grabbing the win at the end because Cena suddenly regained the ability to no-sell every single heel move in the world. We saw a whole 40 seconds of Titus and Young due to this shit booking.

Post-match, Cena and the PTP celebrate and do the “Millions of Dollars” dance. After they leave, Rollins rolls back into the ring and is distraught. Sting reappears on the Jumbotron and says that Rollins looks like he had a rough night. He never came to get the statue. Sting has something to show him: the lights behind him go up and we see a garbage truck. Sting teases pushing it into the compactor while Rollins begs him not to. Finally, Sting does it. The compactor comes down and chops the statue in half. Rollins is PISSED. Sting rides off with the truck. Rollins is beside himself as the crowd does a “Hey, Hey, Goodbye” chant. Rollins grabs both his belts and yells that he’s still champ as we go off the air.

OVERALL: An OK show tonight. Nothing to write home about. It’s obvious that WWE didn’t care because Labor Day meant limited viewership. Next week, we get the Going Home show before NOC, so hopefully, we get something much better to watch.

Er…that’s it.

Awkward: “Short Circuit Party” Review

Alyssa Berkowitz

September 10, 2015

Awkward
Season 5, Episode 2: Short Circuit Party
Air Date: September 7, 2015

‘Short Circuit Party’ begins the morning after prank day and the seniors of PHHS are stuck cleaning the mess that their bubbletastic fun wreaked on the school. Sadie looks at her fellow students scrubbing the walls and announces “Stop being overachievers. We’re responsible for a little foam, not 800 years of institutionalized filth.” This may be in my top 5 favorite Sadie lines ever.

Tamara tries to get Sadie involved in the cleanup, but I mean come on. Sadie doing custodial work? Never gonna happen. Jenna tries to lighten the mood in the hallway by starting a little a water fight with the disgusting mop water. But, like most things Jenna does, this ends up a disaster. She throws the water directly onto the school’s electrical system, causing a school wide blackout.

This gets Jenna sent directly to Val’s office. Val is pissed, how dare Jenna knock out the electricity in her place of work/home. Jenna tries to give Val a reality check, basically saying, “You are not Caleb Rivers, you cannot live in the vents of the school” but then Val’s boyfriend Biggie comes barging in begging Val to come back home. Jenna finally flees Val’s office and to find T:

Jenna: I can’t handle her. She’s lost her…
Tamara: Yeah, Jenna. She’s Mariah CrayCray. Good thing you’ve had four years to reach this astute observation.

Jenna wanders into the school courtyard, to discover free ice cream. When Jenna killed all electricity in the school, all the freezers stopped working as well, which means…. eat all the ice cream before it melts!! Life doesn’t get better than that does it? No amount of ice cream can cheer up Matty though, who is still reeling over the fact that his best friend slept with his girlfriend. Meanwhile, Jake seems to have become a local hero among the bros of PHHS for banging McKibbins girl.

Val comes outside with her megaphone to address the student body and blame Jenna Hamilton for all repercussions of frying the schools fuse, which now includes school being cancelled for the rest of the day. This announcement prompts all 50 extras in the background to pump their fists and start chanting “Jenna.” Jenna is now the school’s new hero.

T decides to capitalize on this fervor and use it to climb the high school social ladder. Jenna looks around, a little freaked out at first, and then shrugs her shoulders and decides to go with the flow and accept her new label of popular. Jenna screams out “That’s right. Blackout party at the beach bitches” and she volunteers to bring the booze.

Of course this lead to the saga of J and T’s alcohol procurement adventure. First stop on this journey, The Hamilton liquor cabinet which contains a buttload of booze (the definition of a buttload can be found here). When they get home, they find that a certain crazy guidance counselor beat them to the liquor cabinet and is currently dabbling in the art of mixology/getting wasted.

Jenna’s mom has offered Val a place to stay, so she and her three cats will be staying at the Casa de Hamilton for the next few nights.

Because the liquor stores have been cracking down on fakes lately, the girls head to the friendly neighborhood market “Top Valu” to continue their search for booze. I forget sometimes how different liquor laws are in different states because in New York you cannot buy liquor at a grocery store. When Jenna said she was forgoing the liquor store for a grocery store, I just assumed they would be getting a few thirty racks of shitty beer. I was very surprised that they were actually getting handles of vodka. Jenna tells Tamara “to be cool bitch, be cool” when they purchase the liquor, but as soon as she gets to check out Jenna starts spewing her fake life story to the checkout girl. She talks about her husband’s job at “the bureau” with his 501k plan and that she decided to come stock up on paper products and vodka after dropping her kids off at daycare. So far the girls are batting 0 for 2.

The final stop on the booze hunt is the back alley of a liquor store. Jenna calls a creepy guy over to her car by saying

Jenna: Hey you! Yeah, you. So my friend and I were wondering if you could get us a little something something. We’ll make it worth your while.

While she is saying this, Jenna is pulling a wad of twenties out of her bra, and ends her sentence by biting the stack of bills.

The guy freaks out and runs away from the car. This scene is so amazing. What could possibly be going through this guys head right now? What could he possibly think these two girls were asking him to do? Jenna and T do not get time to ponder this though, because Jenna’s mom pops up right next to the car. Lacey offers to buy the booze for the girls, which is probably the smartest move since her daughter was quite literally about to whore herself for a handle.

While Jenna and Tamara search for vodka, has already begun and has been stocked with alcohol. Jake decides that this beach party is the perfect time to apologize to an incredibly inebriated Matty. Oh man, Jake needs to get better at his timing. I cannot think of a worse time to confront someone than when they are angry and drunk. Matty is so angry and drunk, and starts verbally attacking Jake for always taking Matty’s sloppy seconds (which is sort of true).

By the time Jenna and T finally arrive, the party has already ended, and Matty can barely stand he is so drunk.

In Sadie News
Sadie’s storyline is completely isolated from every other character this week. After refusing to mop the hallways of her high school, she joins her mom for breakfast at the local diner. While Darlene orders cottage cheese and tomatoes from the “spa” menu, Sadie gets pancakes with extra butter and a large side of bacon. Sadie is not so bluntly bringing up one of the many issues that exists in her relationship with her mother, food. After the tense diner date, Darlene brings Sadie to the car dealership to buy her a new Fiat. This is one of the most bizarre overt product placements I have seen in a while. As Sadie walks around the car, the car salesman starts listing off all of the amazing feature of the new Fiat: a spacious interior that is larger than a NYC apartment, the nav console, the bluetooth and Beats soundsystem. Even though Sadie knows that her mom is trying to buy her love, which she point-blank calls her out on salesman, Sadie is not going to pass up a brand new Fiat.

The two sit in Sadie’s new car, and have this amazingly brutal and honest conversation:

Darlene: You were born to drive this car.
Sadie: Really, I thought I was born to eat carbohydrates?
Darlene: Honey, how do you remember all this? The way you hold onto this food stuff.
Sadie: Because it’s all you ever said to me. My entire life was framed around your obsession.

Darlene tells Sadie that she was just trying to help, to which Sadie replies “Why couldn’t you just accept me for who I was, like all the other mother’s?” Darlene says that she is going to try really hard to be the mother that Sadie deserves and Sadie tells her mother that she will try to forgive her. She doesn’t say it with any snark, or bitchiness, she says this with complete sincerity.

There are so many things to say about this interaction. First, I think that it is interesting how much this echoes Jenna’s relationship with her mother in earlier seasons. The series literally began with Jenna receiving an anonymous letter (which came from her mom) telling her to stop being a whiny loser and essentially become someone else. Lacey was a horrible mother, but through four seasons, Lacey has grown and her relationship with her daughter has deepened, and she had redemption. Sure, Lacey is not winning any mother of the year awards anytime soon, but he daughter forgave her, and they built a stronger relationship because of it. It is interesting to see remnants of that in Sadie’s storyline with her mother. Second, this dialogue highlights how much power the words parents say affect their children. Every time that Sadie looks at food, she hears the comments that her mom made to her about her body, and they haunt her.

Darlene takes this conversation to heart, and when Sadie comes home, she finds a note from her mom saying “I love you, and I always have.”

Val Quote of the Week:

Val: Oh, and don’t worry about the cats. They are at a very expensive cat hotel called the Pawliday Inn.

‘Marvel’s Jessica Jones’ Receives Teaser, Release Date

Bilal Mian

September 10, 2015

“It’s time the world knew her name.”

Marvel has released the first teaser for Jessica Jones, their second of five series headed to Netflix. Like Daredevil before it, Jessica Jones will debut all thirteen episodes on Netflix on November 20, 2015.

The story follows a troubled ex-supehero who is now working as a private investigator in New York’s Hell’s Kitchen whose past comes back to haunt her.

The series stars Krysten Ritter as Jessica Jones, Mike Colter as Luke Cage and David Tennant as Kilgrave,

Marvel’s Jessica Jones arrives on Netflix on November 20.

Stephen Colbert’s ‘Late Show’ has a promising debut

Matt Perri

September 9, 2015

Stephen Colbert is the new thing on late night. Who needs him, AM I RIGHT? We’ve got Fallon. We see the things he does on YouTube. They’re just so cute.

It’s hard to follow in the footsteps of late night’s greatest. The names carved into the halogen-lit world of the late night comedy world is full of some of the most famous: Tom Snyder, David Letterman, Johnny Carson, Craig Ferguson…forgive me…I’m struggling to say the name of the Dorito guy who replaced Carson but I still can’t bring myself to do it.

Stephen Colbert debuted last night as Letterman’s “Late Show” successor — though he won’t call himself that.

“Just for the record, I am not replacing David Letterman. His creative legacy is a high pencil mark on a door frame we all have to measure ourselves against,” Colbert tries to explain to his accepting studio audience. “But we will try to honor his achievement by doing the best show we can and, occasionally, making the network very mad at us.”

It was a nice moment on Colbert’s debut effort. One that was slightly maudlin but necessary.

The lucky reader who finds my ranting and raving might wonder why I can’t just say Jay Leno’s name. Fine. Jay Leno. That’s his name. I’ve never considered him a late-night great and, to this day, I will never know why NBC had such a hard-on for Leno nor will I understand why he held such a large audience at his attention. Leno always seemed “safe” to me. He was a milquetoast Carson. In fact, I don’t think I can bring myself to put his last name in the same sentence as Johnny Carson. The two just didn’t have the same edge. Obviously, NBC saw something I didn’t and profited off of Jay’s success (he was almost always #1 in the Late Night Wars) but it was always Letterman I tuned to before I went to bed.

When I graduated Junior High, my Mom’s graduation gift to me was a 19″ Sony Trinitron TV. Back in the day, we didn’t pipe cable into my room, we used the antenna. I didn’t care. I was just happy to have a TV in my room because it meant that my brother and I could play video games without my Mom telling us to turn it off so she could watch something. There it was: bright, big, beautiful, sitting on top of a rickety wooden table that, had it collapsed, would have destroyed the Nintendo Entertainment System we had. As we only had over-the-air antenna broadcasts, we got NBC, FOX and CBS. As NBC’s signal seemed to be the most clear, Letterman became the show we fell asleep to — or didn’t. We’d always turn the brightness down so my Mom wouldn’t detect that we were watching something when we shouldn’t and what fun we had!

While Jay had his headlines and his dumb “giant chin gym guy”, Dave was randomly solving the puzzle on Wheel of Fortune or trying to figure out how many guys in bear suits could fit in a juice bar. When he ran out of guys in bear suits, he sent a guy in a Spider-Man costume. If those ran dry, he sent guys in astronaut costumes. In fact, if one were to trace the true path of late night righteousness, one might find that the path burned to Letterman. Even if his audience wasn’t buying into his goofy humor, Dave had the good ol’ Top Ten list. He was over with the crowd.

His interviews weren’t glad-handling affairs, either. He could dig deep in his quest for interview gold. So much so, Cher told him he was an “asshole” on his own show. Dave was the man who backed Paris Hilton into a corner with his hardball questions regarding her unlikely celebrity status, who survived a needlessly pretentious Madonna, who was flashed by Drew Barrymore, who seemingly played along with the likes of Joaquin Phoenix and his stoned rapper character, who was stunned when Andy Kaufman and Jerry Lawler and their white-hot wrestling feud got physical right in front of him, and who brought us back home with classic Carson comedic mainstays Charles Grodin and Steve Martin. Dave wasn’t above the old-fashioned put-ons and bits to promote a show, a movie, a book, or a character. Even with all his success, Jay Leno’s interviews seem standard and boring in comparison and I struggle to recall a guest or a moment on his show that is or was as memorable.

It’s quite the thing, then, that Stephen Colbert knows his way around the comedy landscape. As a Daily Show cast-off, Colbert played a ruthless, conniving Conservative named “Stephen Colbert”. Just saying that name can chill the spine of many a dedicated viewer. He modeled himself after Bill O’Reilly which was ironic as hell, considering that not even O’Reilly, himself, seemed to catch on to what Colbert was doing. Foolishly inviting him on The O’Reilly Factor, Colbert beat O’Reilly at his own game. Whereas O’Reilly seemed content with attempting to discredit Colbert and his colleague, Jon Stewart, Colbert stood his ground and fielded O’Reilly’s pointed questioning, the heavy shots bouncing off Colbert’s chest so hard, you’d swear you’d hear the sound of ricocheting bullets.

“I don’t want you to be a French guy,” O’Reilly quipped in regard to the pronunciation of Colbert’s name. “Who are you?!”

“Bill,” Colbert replied, trying not to crack, “I’m doing you.“.

Stephen Colbert has big shoes to fill. About 20 minutes in, his show seems to falter. To the uninitiated late night viewer, his unique brand of inside baseball seems a touch off-putting. In true Letterman fashion, however, it’s all in jest and Colbert resorts to self-deprecation: CBS President and CEO Les Moonves sits in the front row of the Late Show Theater. He’s smiling and supportive — but at the same time, coldly calculating and unforgiving. He’s also manning some sort of dial system: if Colbert succeeds, the show stays on the air. If not…well…at one point, Colbert trips and falls, declaring himself unfit to run the show — causing Moonves to flip the switch so that we’re, instead, watching CBS’s The Mentalist, a sure ratings-grabber.

Colbert quickly apologizes and brings on his guests, George Clooney and Republican candidate for President, Jeb Bush. The first interview is your usual bit-fest. Clooney showing up with no movie to plug (we won’t mention the flop that was Tomorrowland), so Colbert and Clooney make one up. For the next few minutes, we get clips of Clooney defusing bombs and hanging on to airplane doors or loudly declaring that he’s in the middle of a love-making scene with the lead actress. There’s something familiar about this formula even if it seems somewhat hurried or impersonal.

It isn’t until Jeb Bush arrives where we finally see Colbert at his most polished: the political pundit/talk show host who’s looking for sanity in an insane world. Before Jeb’s appearance, Colbert’s only political reference was a bit about Donald Trump’s constant verbal follies, using a seemingly never-ending bag of Oreos as a metaphor. The bag was a big media conglomerate Colbert dubbed “Big Cookie” and for each Oreo eaten, Colbert presented his audience with a clip of Trump saying the some of the most idiotic things ever said by any Presidential candidate. “Just one more,” Colbert declares, shoving another Oreo into his mouth. “I just can’t get enough.”

With Bush, Colbert isn’t much different. He’s still respectful and full of tact, calling him “the front-runner for the Republican nomination — barring an exception we will get to later.” But, as kind and down-to-Earth as Bush may be, Colbert doesn’t mince any words and unpretentiously tells Bush, “There’s zero chance I’d ever vote for you.” This is typical of Colbert. Old hat, expected, and welcome — especially with the Presidential Election right around the corner. Except for Jon Stewart, nobody does this like Stephen Colbert. This is his yard and his game. Bush takes this in stride — but Colbert’s not finished yet. He asks Bush why his mother would say that the world doesn’t need another Bush in the White House. All Jeb can muster is, “She was just joking!” We know that’s the not the right answer but it’s fun to see Jeb flail and wince, play along, but ultimately come out in one piece.

This is the sort of late-night entertainment we hoped Colbert would put into his show.

If there’s a weak spot, it’s Colbert’s band, John Batiste and “Staying Human”. As talented as Batiste seems to be (he comes with a great deal of street credit), the group really feels generic and unorganized for a show like this. Standing there and playing a Melodica just doesn’t spell “musical genius” to me and their style of play isn’t memorable. The opening night musical guests? Susan Tedeschi, Mavis Stapes and Ben Folds. Even that segment is minor and feels more like a round of Rockband on your buddy’s Playstation than something CBS planned and executed. Perhaps it was just an off-night and the producers will fine-tune this. We shall see. Colbert’s very likable and can carry the show on his back for quite some time. Obviously, the kinks will be ironed out. Tonight was about having fun, letting loose and seeing what stuck and what didn’t.

What’s clear is that Colbert’s “Late Show” differs greatly from what is presented by Jimmy Fallon. There’s a rare bit of sportsmanship in this episode where Fallon wishes Colbert luck on his very first show. That may be the last bit of camaraderie we may see if tradition holds true. I do like both shows and I look forward to a good battle between Fallon and Colbert. For the short-term, Fallon has the edge as his formula is polished and established. In terms of intelligent viewing and razor-sharp wit, however, Colbert’s got Fallon’s number.

May the best host win.

Smackdown – September 3, 2015: I Approve Of These Developments

Tommy Hall

September 6, 2015

Date: September 3, 2015
Location: American Airlines Arena, Miami, Florida
Commentators: Rich Brennan, Jerry Lawler, Jimmy Uso

This seems like it’s going to be another midcard heavy episode as the main event players, save for the champion, who is arguably the lowest of the three people involved in the story, who is known to slum it here on Smackdown. The only major event announced is Lana and Dolph Ziggler appearing on MizTV. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

Here’s New Day to continue their SAVE THE TABLES campaign. Woods: “A table is a terrible thing to waste.” Kofi calls tables the backbone of human achievement and thinks we wouldn’t be here without hard working tables. The pilgrims and Indians had the first Thanksgiving at a table. The Declaration of Independence was written on a table. Walter Cronkite announced the moon landing while sitting at a table. Above all that though: New Day signed their WWE contracts at a table. Kofi: “I remember that!”

The Dudleyz don’t respect tables but we can all change that. A Save-The-Tables clap starts up but here are the Dudleyz to interrupt. We see a clip of Woods going through a table and Bubba says history is going to repeat itself. This brings out the Prime Time Players who say the Dudleyz have to earn their keep. You mean like by beating the champs a few days ago? Bubba says they’re here to put people through tables and win championships. Titus has two tickets to send them back to Dudleyville and it’s time for a match.

Dudley Boyz vs. Prime Time Players

New Day is on commentary and Woods wants to know why Titus wants to send the Dudleyz back to where they live. That’s not a great gift. D-Von slams Young down and hits that twisting elbow to the jaw of his. A lot of trash is talked and it’s time for a break. Back with Big E. doing his reporter voice as it’s off to Bubba vs. Young. Woods only sees half of Bubba due to all the camouflage and calls the Dudleyz table poachers. Soon New Day will have heavy heads because they’ll be wearing the crown that makes them the greatest of all time.

The reverse 3D gets two on Young but he enziguris Bubba for a breather. New Day starts a SAVE THE TABLES dance as Titus comes in off the hot tag. Titus cleans house as Woods describes him as a German Sheppard that ate too many stale potato chips. Bubba elbows O’Neil in the jaw and it’s 3D for the pin at 9:07.

Rating: C. New Day continues to be one of the most entertaining things WWE has come up with in years. The key thing to their comedy: it’s clearly not scripted. It’s obviously the three of them just riffing on what they’re seeing and having fun with it, which makes the whole thing that much funnier. The match itself was fine too as the story is simple yet effective. That’s often better than something in depth where things get too bogged down by ideas.

Kofi slaps D-Von in the back of the head as New Day leaves.

Post break it’s time for a New Day trombone dance party, but Renee Young tells them they’re facing Roman Reigns and Dean Ambrose tonight. Woods immediately plays a sad note on the trombone.

Stardust vs. Neville

No match as the Ascension of all people jump Neville during his entrance. Stardust says Neville is flying too close to the sun and the Ascension are the new conniving cohorts. The Fall of Man leaves Neville laying. Welcome to the Cosmic Wasteland. I heartily approve of this development.

Cesaro is talking about his match with Sheamus tonight when Sheamus interrupts. Tonight, Cesaro will be good but not good enough, just like always as he disappoints the Cesaro section one more time. Cesaro’s big comeback: Sheamus does look stupid up close.

Sheamus vs. Cesaro

Cesaro has taped up ribs from going into the announcers’ table on Monday. Sheamus bails to the floor to start and tells the fans that he doesn’t look stupid. It’s quickly back inside with Cesaro clotheslining him down and MESSING WITH THE MOHAWK. A suplex drops Sheamus with the ribs having no sign of injury whatsoever. Sheamus sends him hard into the corner though and the ribs are suddenly in agony as we go to a break. Back with Sheamus cranking on a chinlock with a knee in Cesaro’s back.

They slug it out from their knees and Cesaro takes over with European uppercuts. A dropkick knocks Sheamus off the top and out to the floor as Lawler isn’t sure how the ribs are holding up. Cesaro’s big running European uppercut knocks Sheamus into the barricade and Cesaro gets two off a high cross body. So much for the selling. The Irish Curse sets up the Cloverleaf but Cesaro is out before it can go on full. The Crossface is countered by elbows to the ribs and it’s a Brogue Kick to give Sheamus the pin at 10:36.

Rating: C+. This was a hard one to grade as they beat each other up for a long time but the ribs weren’t used for most of the match. The injury played into the ending though and that’s a plus, but Cesaro casually hitting a high cross body for two and then just putting a hand on the ribs isn’t enough for me. That being said, Sheamus is right: Cesaro comes up short again and it’s been old for a long time.

It’s time for MizTV. This past Monday, Raw turned into Days of Our Lives with everything happening between Ziggler, Lana and Summer Rae. Oh and Rusev is in there too somewhere. We get a long recap package, meaning we see almost the entire thing. Miz’s first guest tonight is Summer Rae, complete with her CALL TO ME CALL TO ME song. That’s going to be stuck in my head all day now.

Summer calls Monday unfortunate but admits that there’s more to the story. Monday night, Dolph kissed her. Miz: “HE KISSED YOU???” It quickly turned from passion to guilt because she already has the most amazing man in the world. This brings out Dolph and Lana with Ziggler making fun of Miz despite things being kind of serious.

Summer accuses Dolph of having something going on with her for months now and we see a clip of Summer kissing Dolph in June 2014, though it seemed to be more to tick off Fandango. Yeah remember Fandango? WWE doesn’t either. Summer says they’ve been together at hotels as recently as last week and Lana goes after her. Lana storms off and Summer shouts that she can’t handle the truth.

Bo Dallas vs. R-Truth

Dallas takes him into the corner and slams Truth down before driving knees into the head. Off to some chinlockery but Truth fights up and gets two off a side kick. That goes nowhere as Dallas drapes Truth’s feet over the top rope and twist him down with a suplex spinning neckbreaker for the pin at 2:37.

Bo gives him another one post match and takes a victory lap.

We look back at Monday’s Beat the Clock Challenge with Charlotte getting the Divas Title shot at Night of Champions.

Charlotte praises her teammates when the Bellas come up so Nikki can brag about the record. If there isn’t at least a title defense before that night, this is going to reach an even lower level of stupid. Thankfully Charlotte says she’s petitioned the Authority to have their match before the record is broken. If that is approved, the whole record comes crashing down. Tick tock Nikki.

Tamina vs. Charlotte

Tamina shoves Charlotte down to start but gets WOOed for her efforts. A test of strength goes nowhere so Tamina takes her head off with a clothesline for two. Charlotte comes back by kicking her in the face and a spear, followed by Natural Selection for the pin at 3:18.

Rating: D+. The match was just there to give Charlotte more momentum, but the idea of the title match taking place before the record could be the most interesting thing to happen to this division in a long time. That is, assuming they take the title off Nikki. Of course it would also make the first month of the Divas Revolution a total waste of time because the title was never mentioned, but did I mention how awesome Stephanie’s introduction of it was? That makes up for the whole thing.

Team Bella comes out to pose.

Long recap of the Cena/Rollins/Sting issues from Monday.

Kevin Owens brags about beating Cesaro twice in a row to silence the Cesaro Section. That brings him to the next people he wants to be quiet: the people who are critical of his weight. He isn’t going to change his diet though. Instead, feed him more. That’s about as good of an idea as there is for him right now.

Roman Reigns/Dean Ambrose vs. New Day

Big E. and Kofi here and this is non-title. Ambrose and Kingston get things going with Kofi actually punching him into the New Day corner. Woods wants us to pay attention to the educated fists of one Big E. Reigns comes in for half of a double suplex on Big E. for two but gets sent down into the corner as well. It’s time for some trombone playing, followed by a quickly broken chinlock. E. splashes him in the corner but eats a big clothesline, allowing the tag off to Ambrose.

Dean cleans house and feeds Kofi in to Reigns for a clothesline. New Day is knocked outside and Dean dives onto all three as we take a break. Back with Kofi kicking Dean in the chest and slapping on another chinlock. Woods: “I HAVE A TROMBONE!” The Big E. splash gets two but Dean avoids a charge in the corner. He blocks Big E.’s belly to belly superplex and hits a nice missile dropkick. The nip up doesn’t work so well though in an unintentionally funny moment.

Reigns comes in to clean house and Jimmy is way too excited. Woods’ distraction lets Kofi grab a rollup for two, earning him a big powerbomb for the same. Dean sends E. into the barricade as Kofi springboards into the Superman Punch, drawing in Xavier for the DQ at 12:07.

Rating: C+. This was fine and the ending is a lot better than having the Dudleyz beat them clean on Monday. New Day gets to hold up the titles and swear that Kofi was going to kick out while everyone knows they’re lying. It’s a simple formula, but unfortunately WWE doesn’t know how to keep that formula from getting repetitive. I really like New Day moving up the ladder like this though as they’re definitely more than just another tag team. I mean, can you imagine the Prime Time Players in this role? It only works with the right kind of act, like New Day.

New Day gets their clocks cleaned (you never want a dirty clock) but Dean wants more. He wants another shot at Strowman and the Wyatt Family RIGHT NOW. Bray pops up on screen and says let’s do this at Night of Champions. Can you hear the footsteps of the apocalypse walking among them in the form of a black sheep? Run.

Overall Rating: C. Totally acceptable show here with the wrestling being fine, but above all else we actually got some storyline development for a change. Now granted it would be better if we had some major matches here instead of just the announcement of such matches, but I’ll take what I can get where I can get it. Not a bad show here and that’s more than you can say about Smackdown most of the time.

Results

Dudley Boyz b. Prime Time Players – 3D to O’Neil
Sheamus b. Cesaro – Brogue Kick
Bo Dallas b. R-Truth – Draping suplex neckbreaker
Charlotte b. Tamina – Natural Selection
Roman Reigns/Dean Ambrose b. New Day when Xavier Woods interfered

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of NXT Reviews: The Full Sail Years Volume I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B011T13PV4

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

More Indie Games Than You Can Shake a Stick At: A PAX Prime Love Story

Jen Stayrook

September 5, 2015

As fun as it was getting to demo the AAA games at PAX, the best part for me was finding unexpected indie gems and falling in love. It was like surfing through a Steam list, but in person. I’m not the only one who seemed to think so as these booths were significantly more crowded than I would have ever imagined, but I’m all about that indie spotlight, so here’s a few games I had the chance to play while mingling on the PAX floor:

Chasm – Discord Games

A cute roguelike with more platformer aspects than what I’ve become accustomed to seeing in such a game, Chasm is the epitome of a modern Metroidvania. It also has a bit of an RPG style to it, allowing you to eventually find or create armor and weapons and skills. It’s like Rogue Legacy in a way, only there’s a larger narrative at hand and less fart jokes, which is a bummer, but the game is challenging so if you like your platformer with a dash of masochism, Chasm is right up your alley.

Release date: TBD
Platforms: PC (Win, Mac, & Linux) and Playstation 4

Adventures of Pip – Tic Toc Games

I’ll have a longer review coming for many of these games, Pip included, but Pip embodies so much of what I love about platformers. You take on the role of Pip, a small red pixel as he navigates through different levels to save the world. The charm isn’t in the story so much, but it the gameplay. It has its own brand of challenge with the evolution and de-evolution mechanic, allowing you to “evolve” Pip into a pixelated character and then again into a more 3D boy. (He’s a real boy!) Each version of Pip has its own pros and cons and the platformer is more puzzle than it is timing jumps, which was a big hit with me. Designer Marc Gomez told me that “In games like Mario, the goal is to get the mushroom, to be bigger to win, but in Pip, that’s not always the case. In Pip, sometimes it’s better to be small.” Yes, better, and more adorable.

Release date: Already out
Platforms: Playstation 4, Xbox One

Guild of Dungeoneering: Pirates Cove Expansion – Versus Evil

I’ve already played a disgusting amount of the original game and I’m here to tell you that Guild of Dungeoneering is amazing. The expansion just adds more characters (pirates!), weapons (swords!), and levels (ARGH!) to an already great game. Go play it.

Okay, my editor is going to yell at me to talk about the game so to preempt his nagging (Hi Bilal!), I’ll describe the game. Essentially, you take on the role of guild leader and it’s your duty to send your guild members into dungeons to collect gold for you. As you progress in level you get to expand your guild, building workshops and bringing in specialized members. Exploring the dungeons requires you to build them with randomly generated cards, which could be dungeon rooms, enemies, or even gold. The battle system is turn-based, also involving the cards, and you choose your attacks from a set of three, hoping to best your foe in wits and the luck of the draw. It’s great fun for any RPG nerd like myself.

Release date: Already out, Pirates Cove Expansion is TBD.
Platforms: PC (Win, Mac, & Linux)

Masquerada – Witching Hour Studios | Ysbryd Games

The love child of Dragon Age and Diablo, Masquerada is a classic take on the isometric RPG. The art is what stands out the most in the game, but I went in knowing nothing about the game and came out completely in love. The demo didn’t hold my hand, which was a bit jarring, but wielding my gaming experience like a battered shield, I figured out the fighting mechanics and that I was able to control all three characters in my party. You’re able to pause and plan your attacks, just like in Dragon Age, but I found the game more fun in real-time, casting spells like whoa. I don’t know much about the story or what else is in store, but I’m excited to give this game a whirl for real when it launches in 2016.

Release date: Early 2015
Platforms: PC (Win, Mac, & Linux)

Mekazoo – Good Mood Creators

Mekazoo is a 3D platformer and it was one of the more polished indie games I had the opportunity to play at PAX. Like the name implies, you play as mechanical animals, each with their own pros and cons. For instance, the frog can jump high and swing from platforms but the armadillo can tuck into a ball and zip through levels a la Sonic. Each level has several ways to finish depending on which animal you use and your goal is to collect as many pretty gems as possible, so there seems to be a ton of replayability. However, some of the controls didn’t seem to work as intended as I wasn’t sure which ones controlled certain moves for the animals, especially the speed boost for the armadillo. I think the lack of a tutorial in the demo contributed to my confusion.

There isn’t much in the way of plot but with a platformer, I’m okay with that. As long as there is challenge and fun, I’m good to go. Mekazoo offers plenty of both with changing perspectives, fast-paced level runs, and a plethora of hidden areas. You collect more animals by beating a boss of the same kind, thereby allowing you to play as any of the five animals: frog, armadillo, pelican, wallaby, or panda.

Release date: Late 2015
Platforms: Playstation 4, Xbox One, PC (Win, Mac, & Linux), and Wii U

Stories: The Path of Destinies – Spearhead Games

Like some of the other games on this list, Stories is still early in development. You take on the role of a fox named Reynardo, opening his book and helping him to make decisions that affect a world at war. It can be a bit intimidating at first, and confusing, so let me elaborate: at first during the demo, I was given a choice to rescue Reynardo’s friend, stop a crime, or steal a powerful ancient artifact.

I chose to save Reynardo’s friend and upon completing that mission, I was able to move onward and continue with rescuing those close to the revolution or do the second part of the ancient artifact mission. I chose the later, closing all doors to any of the other options. There is no going back and finishing quests that weren’t chosen in Stories; you can only move forward.

I love the concept of Stories, making hard decisions for your character, and the art makes it play out like a fairy tale, with talking animal characters and fantastic plot lines full of war and intrigue. However, even though the idea was good, the execution in the demo wasn’t up to par. Combat wasn’t fluid and felt incredibly sluggish which is a drawback considering much of the game’s demo was combat. For the most part the game was linear, which I expected from a game with such choices but I would have liked more exploration in the levels themselves. Or at the very least, more puzzles. It played out like a Bastion-copy with a cheeky narrator and the ability to destroy barrels which isn’t a bad thing per se, but I expected more originality in the levels. As I said, the game is still very, very early on in development, so here’s hoping things start to come together.

Release date: TBD
Platforms: Playstation 4

Castle Story – Sauropod Studio

I love building games. Have I ever mentioned that? Because I do. Cities: Skylines, Terraria, Banished, Stonehearth, Gnomoria, (I won’t even get into all the hours I’ve spent playing Minecraft) are all games that I play regularly because of my need to be in control and create. Castle Story is still VERY early in development, and that much was apparent from the demo, but what I’ve had a chance to see I enjoyed. Similar to the other games I’ve name-dropped, Castle Story allows you to control “Bricktrons” to build your, well, castle. It’s voxel-based, so you can build pretty much anywhere you want. The UI was less confusing than some of the game’s counterparts, which was refreshing, but it did lack depth to make it stand out in the genre. Enemies attack, you defend with your Bricktrons, then build again, farm materials, repeat. I enjoyed the physics aspect of the game but I didn’t get a chance to experience real strategy.

Release date: TBD
Platforms: PC (Win, Mac, & Linux)

‘Arrow’ Season 4 Trailer Shows Off Olicity, Costumes, and New Villains

Bilal Mian

September 4, 2015

The first footage from the fourth season of Arrow has finally arrived and it delivers on all fronts!

Debuting at Dragon Con, the footage shows a domesticated Oliver who has moved into a house in the suburbs with Felicity. Like all heroes before him who have tried to leave the superhero life behind, Oliver finds himself dragged back in.

This time around Oliver will have a brand new outfit and a team behind him to clean up Star City – renamed after the “death” of Ray Palmer. We all know Ray isn’t dead thanks to the Legends of Tomorrow trailer. He just became small (think Ant-Man).

Unfortunately, Diggle’s helmet makes an appearance! Poor Diggle. As hard as he tries to be taken seriously, the props department has managed to knock him down to the bottom rung of the ladder.

We also get our first look at Matt Ryan stepping back into the role of John Constantine and a look at the season’s villain, Damien Darkh.

The best surprise? The revival of Sarah Lance via the Lazarus Pool! I’m just curious if Team Arrow decided to toss her skeleton into the magical water and pray it worked.

Arrow returns Wednesday, October 7, 2015 on The CW.

‘Castle Crashers Remastered’ Xbox One Release Date Announced

Jen Stayrook

September 4, 2015

The Behemoth is well-known for a few things: adorable art laced with gore, dark and sarcastic humor, and incredibly fun indie games. Today the studio announced that Castle Crashers Remastered, an updated version of their hit hack and slash adventure game will be released on the Xbox One on September 9th.

Here’s what Castle Crashers Remastered has to offer:

– 5x increase in texture sizes!
– Uncapped framerate — 60fps
– Various performance updates and improvements to gameplay and online multiplayer
– New mini game: Back Off Barbarian

Back Off Barbarian is like an odd mix of Dance Dance Revolution and Snake as you move to the beat of the music using the D-pad while avoiding the ever-growing horde of barbarians looking to maul you to death. It’s fast-paced, fun, and incredibly challenging, just like you would expect from The Behemoth Games.

If you’re curious about the new digs Castle Crashers Remastered will be sporting, check out the video below.

As for price, The Behemoth says:

Castle Crashers Remastered on Xbox One will be $14.99 which is our usual cost of admission for this classic game baby. However…if you’ve previously owned Castle Crashers on Xbox 360, you shall receive our Thank-You-For-Saving-Our-Lives-That-One-Time special price of FREE THROUGH SEPTEMBER 20th with current Xbox Live Gold membership. Be sure to scoop it up early if you want to take advantage of that awesomeness. $0.00 for our game feels like a pretty good deal to me!!!!! (I’m not much of a businessman though!!!!)

The good news is starting September 21, 2015 we’ll still have a loyalty discount for Xbox One owners, which will bring CCR’s cost down to only $5.00 if you’ve owned it before. This special $5 price is available for any Xbox Live Gold members who are previous owners of Castle Crashers on Xbox 360.

‘Gears of War Ultimate Edition’ Review: A Great Active Reload

James Mikolajewski

September 4, 2015

When you think of Xbox, two games normally come to mind: Halo and Gears of War. To be honest, I’ve always enjoyed Gears of War far more than the Halo series, maybe even calling it my favorite Xbox exclusive series. When The Coalition (formerly Black Tusk Studios) announced that they were remastering the original Gears of War, my hopes were high, but nostalgia can reek havoc on what a gamer thinks a remaster should be.

When you first boot up Gears of War Ultimate Edition, and start the main campaign, you may think “well this looks exactly like I remember it. They didn’t change a thing!” At least that was my first reaction. Ah, nostalgia, how you play games with the mind.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rwbYhvlrQbc

The reason for this is that when the original Gears of War launched on the Xbox 360, it was pushing the limits of what we thought could be done graphically; the game was absolutely gorgeous for its time. However, after going back and comparing it with what we have now, the difference is staggering.

The Coalition has gone in and completely rebuilt every asset from the ground up. Some may complain that the game is too bright compared to the original, but I feel that a lot of the darkness in the original was used as a smoke screen for some of the weaker textures. In this remaster the detail on characters faces, gear, and the world around them truly shine, and the best part is that everything is done at 1080p 60FPS.

The 60FPS is definitely felt in the combat. Every run, shot, and roll feels fluid. When Gears first released, it revolutionized the 3rd person shooter, perfecting the cover mechanics we take for granted today. That may be why it holds up and still feels modern nearly 10 years later.

There are a couple minor issues, and most have to do with the way the game was originally designed. In the level design, even after playing through the original multiple times, I sometimes found myself turned around, spending time getting my bearings back with my surroundings. My other complaint is with the AI. Often times the AI would stand in a doorway or exit, without a way to move them out, hindering your progress. While frustrating, I wouldn’t call it game breaking.

One thing I got to experience for the first time in a Gears game was the online multiplayer. When I first played through the Gears series, it was long after release, and the online community had all but dried up. From what I experienced, connections were fast, lag free, and I never had to worry about dropped games. The co-op also worked great through the main campaign. If you’re worried that this may turn out like the Halo Master Chief Collection, you can push that from your mind.

If The Coalition is using Gears of War Ultimate Edition to show off their skills before the release of Gears of War 4, I would say the series is in good hands. This game shows their respect for the series as well as their skills as game creators. I can’t wait to see what they have up their sleeves for the next release!

9/10

‘Marvel’s Luke Cage’ Adds Mahershala Ali as Cottonmouth

Bilal Mian

September 3, 2015

A House of Cards alum will be stepping into a villainous role in Netflix’s third Marvel series, Luke Cage.

Mahershala Ali has been cast as Cornell “Cottonmouth” Stokes. According to Marvel, Stokes is a Harlem nightclub owner, who “will become an unexpected foe in Luke’s life when Stokes’ criminal activities threaten Luke’s world.”

In the comic books, Luke’s life was tied to Cottonmouth when he decided to “work” for the drug dealer in order to find evidence to clear his name.

From Marvel’s Universe Wiki:

When Cornell Cottonmouth ran what he claimed to be the most successful illegal drug trade in the nation, his hired muscle Mike and Ike were sent to procure Luke Cage; who was offered a position in the hierarchy of Cottonmouth’s organization because he felt they were kindred spirits.

Cage pretended to accept the job in order to get proof he was framed years earlier by his supposed friend, Willis Stryker, after Stryker hijacked one of Cottonmouth’s heroin shipments and planted the drugs on Cage.

Yesterday it was also reported that Sons of Anarchy alum Theo Rossi will also be joining Marvel’s Luke Cage as a series regular. The Hollywood Reporter states that Rossi will play “Shades — aka Alvarez — a well-known criminal. He is described as relentless and menacing, smooth and manipulative, street smart and controlling.”

Luke Cage, played by Mike Colter, will make his debut appearance later this year in Marvel’s Jessica Jones. The series will be executive produced by Cheo Hodari Coker, who will also be penning the first two episodes of the series.

Girl Power at PAX Prime 2015: ‘Rise of the Tomb Raider’ and ‘Mirror’s Edge: Catalyst’

Jen Stayrook

September 3, 2015

pax prime girl power tomb raider mirror's edge

I was lucky enough to ~~bribe~~ ~~sneak~~ talk my way into demoing both Rise of the Tomb Raider and Mirror’s Edge: Catalyst at PAX Prime 2015 and I have to say, we should all be incredibly excited for these two games.

If you’re like me and loved Square Enix and Crystal Dynamic’s Tomb Raider reboot, it looks as though Rise of the Tomb Raider will continue to sate that action-packed addiction. Much of the demo consisted of moving forward, listening to Lara narrate her journey through the Syrian desert after being (shockingly) betrayed. There was one linear tomb to explore, but for the most part the demo was chock-full of cinematic events. And that’s okay because it’s those quieter moments that give Lara her depth, especially with the phenomenal voice acting by Camilla Luddington. Besides, the world is absolutely stunning, so I don’t mind taking a few extra moments immersing myself in the landscape while looking for relics or making use of her new skill, learning Greek.

But don’t think the game is all a history lesson. Lara still gets her fair share of abuse with walls crumbling on top of her and even a fall reminiscent of the gruesome metal-spike-through-abdomen fall from the 2013 reboot. As you traverse the tomb and it’s treacherous outsides, Trinity goons are quick on Lara’s heels, eventually ending in a shortened fight where Lara gets to make full use of those iconic dual pistols. I have to say, I found myself missing Lara’s bow, but judging by Game Informer’s post on the subject, I don’t have anything to worry about when it comes to gear; Lara will have plenty of it.

If I had one complaint about the demo it would be the lack of puzzles. Fans criticized the ease with which gamers could finish the original’s tombs and the most challenging part of the demo was realizing I could use my gun to shoot down a wood pallet to then climb on it and move forward. I’m sure this has more to do with giving fans a quick glimpse while not holding up already lengthy demo lines or because they didn’t want to spoil any of the main story, but I hope this isn’t a trend that persists into the main game. All in all, Rise of the Tomb Raider was heavily reminiscent of the original, not changing too much of the gameplay but it’s the story that should hopefully prove to be innovative in the franchise.

EA’s Mirror’s Edge: Catalyst similarly streamlined their demo process, giving fans about seven minutes to taste the new open world gameplay, exploring the large city of Glass with wide eyes. Faith Connors has just been released from prison and in her usual gruff fashion, she tells the guard to shove it, she can handle things on her own. Another runner from her group meets Faith just outside the prison door to remove the tracking device put in her by the police and then to give her a fancier device to contact their Orwellian leader, Noah.

If you’ve played the 2008 version of Mirror’s Edge, then Catalyst should feel similar to you. Game creators have said that Catalyst isn’t a prequel or reboot, but it does have that reboot feel to it when you play, especially given the game’s changes. Now with an open world similar to Assassin’s Creed, you get to choose your mission (the demo offered a race, billboard hacking, and an information drop) while still following along with the main story. Climbing buildings is easy enough, just follow the red markers and building parts to your destination and should turn out to be a fun, fluid first-person POV ride.

I’m a fan of removing the guns from the original Mirror’s Edge and relying more on Faith’s speed and climbing ability to fight. Combat felt more fluid and it was fun to fly across buildings at top speed and then tackle a police officer to the ground without losing acceleration. Mirror’s Edge definitely felt less polished than some of the other AAA games I had the chance to play at PAX, but that doesn’t take away how fun it was.

The best part to both of these games wasn’t just the continuation of excellent gameplay, but the impression both games made on the young girls at PAX. While I waited to try my hand at Catalyst, there was a set of preteen twin girls playing through Catalyst at the same time. Their excitement over being able to climb, fight, and play as a girl just like them was palpable and it made me all the more excited to give Catalyst a go. Girl power, y’all.

Euron Greyjoy Cast and More ‘Game of Thrones’ Season Six News and Spoilers

Jen Stayrook

September 3, 2015

Spoiler alert for those who have not finished season five of Game of Thrones and for those who might not want to know details surrounding its sixth season. You’ve been warned.

The unfortunate thing about filming a show as popular as Game of Thrones is that nothing gets past the media and with months and months of waiting left, it means we have all the time in the world to speculate about what could or could not occur in the next season. You know, like Kit Harington being spotted again and again and again filming in Belfast. WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?

First off, HBO confirmed earlier in the week that Pilou Asbæk (The Borgias) has been cast as the cruel and sadistic Euron Greyjoy. Filming as Ballintoy Harbour has all but reinforced the theory that Thrones will be filming the Kingsmoot, meaning that this season we’re sure to get a ton of Greyjoy action.

News and video from Ballintoy Harbour today suggests that even more will be happening on the Iron Islands as Alfie Allen (Theon) has been seen on set, which means that not only did Reek survive the fall from atop Winterfell, but he also made it all the way back home to Pyke. (And WHERE is Sansa? AHEM.)

Here’s an aerial video from Watchers on the Wall showing off some of the sets and Greyjoy boats:

There isn’t any news about what scene they could be filming in the boats but there is speculation about filming on a bridge with Euron and whether or not Balon Watch has finally come to an end. (It only took four seasons for it to occur.) Aeron’s actor hasn’t been announced but a “Drowned Priest” has been seen on set, so I just assume that it is him. Without Victarion around, I have a theory that Theon, already battered and beaten down, will take his place as Euron’s lackey. (And if that’s the case, then that explains why they couldn’t have done the Greyjoy plot last year.)

In other Thrones news, several characters are making their way back to the Riverlands. There’s news that Jaime and Bronn will finally take up Jaime’s plot from AFFC so we might get that Brienne/Jaime reunion we’ve been aching for. It’ll be interesting though to see how Jaime responds to the situation in the Riverlands after watching his daughter poisoned. Also, there’s speculation that Arya Stark will make her way back to the Riverlands. Whether or not it’s as a Faceless Man, we’ll have to wait and see. Or maybe we won’t see, since she’s…you know.

What are your thoughts on the news so far surrounding Game of Thrones season six? The show won’t return for another bajillion years so we still have plenty of time to beat this dead horse until it turns into a wight.

Awkward: “Prank Amateurs” Review

Alyssa Berkowitz

September 3, 2015

Awkward
Season 5, Episode 1: Prank Amateurs
Air Date: August 31, 2015

This week on Awkward: It’s time for Senior Prank day, which includes a naked Jenna, SNAFUs and bubbles.

‘Prank Amateurs’ starts off just like the pilot of Awkward did five years ago, with Jenna and Matty getting naked in the school supply closet. This time, though, there is no ‘sexy time’ and the two are accompanied by the entire senior class. Spring Break is officially over, school is back in session. and the entire senior class is stripping down in the utility closet prepping for the annual senior streak. Jenna is trying to look on the bright side of life including her new relationship with a hot Marine and her new platonic friendship with Matty but is interrupted when she overhears Gabby and Jake discussing their late night Spring Break rendezvous. For some reason Jake and Gabby decide that this cramped utility closest is the perfect location to discuss their transgression. More importantly though, holy shit, how big is this fucking utility closet. Jenna freaks out so badly when she hears this news that she bolts out of the closet. Into the school hallway. Stark naked. She ends up ruining Matty’s perfect senior prank while simultaneously getting suspended for the day.

Jenna comes home and confides in her mother about her Matty problems. Her mother bestows some quality advice to Jenna: sometimes doing nothing, is the best thing. If Gabby is no longer cheating on Matty, maybe she should keep quiet and not stick her nose in where it doesn’t belong. Jenna takes her mom’s advice to heart by delving into Tamara’s problems. Tamara breaks it down for Jenna. T cannot BTE (break the engagement) with her Marine fiance over the phone. She has to do it F to F (face to face). Therefore she is forcing him to drive all the way to her so she can, unbeknownst to him, break up with him.

That night, Jenna has a hot date with her hot Marine boyfriend Brian. The date is quickly interrupted though when Tamara brings her hot Marine fiance (who she is supposed to BTE with) for a double date. This pretty much kills all the chemistry that Jenna has toward Brian, because everytime they go to kiss, she hears the echo of T giggling in the background. Brian and Jenna take a walk to try and rekindle their Spring Break romance fire, but it is fruitless. This relationship is dead on arrival. The only good thing that emerges from the stroll is a great shoutout to the pilot with Jenna stating “I broke my arm once drawing a bath.” Ha, what an understatement Jenna. Jenna ends up trying to ditch Marine dude by heading back for the senior prank, but Tamara insists the Marines come with.

The four head to the high school to find Matty trying to string various undergarments together and fly the on the flagpole. There is a slight SNAFU, there is a knot causing a snag in the line, or, you might say, the panties were stuck in a bunch. Brian elects himself to solve the problem by stripping off his shirt and climbing up the pole. Unfortunately he can’t help because his manly Marine hands are too big to untangle a small knot. Matt throws down ~~the gauntlet~~ his t-shirt and attempts to climb the pole but is stopped when Jake miraculously fixes the problem.

[Note: Okay, I just want to make a point to people who hate on TV and say you should turn it off and pick up a book. I have learned so many things from TV: I learned that a liver can regenerate (Grey’s Anatomy); the life story of Mary Queen of Scots (Pretty Little Liars); and now that SNAFU is actually a military acronym for Situation Normal, All Fucked Up. These are all things I would never have known if I did not watch TV. I am just saying.]

Since all of Matty’s pranks were super lame, troublemakers Theo and Cole decided to help their Prank Captain out. The duo filled the hallways of the school with BUBBLESS!! Everyone is happy and rejoicing because they now have a successful prank, but mostly because they are surrounded by BUBBLES! During this moment of utter bliss, Jake decides to run up to Gabby and blurt out “Matty wanted to break up with you” and after Gabby says WTF Jake just shrugs “just forget it.” Ugh Jake, could you be any douchier? You can’t drop a huge truth bomb of knowledge and then say “just forget it.” You can’t unhear something you have heard. Just because you feel better about getting it off your chest Jake does not mean that Gaby can pretend she did not just hear what you said. This causes a chain reaction resulting in Gaby yelling at Matty, admitting she lost her virginity to Jake, and Matty realizing that Jenna has been keeping a secret.

In Sadie News
Sadie gets called to Val’s office where her mom is waiting. Her mom, who abandoned her as soon as they were broke and forced her to live with her insane, drunken, horrible aunt, is back from New Mexico and wants to be a part of her daughter’s life again. Sadie just says “too fucking late, darling” and storms out of the room. God, I don’t think there is anything I love more about this show than when Sadie’s armor starts to soften and we get to see her be an actual human. It is so hard to like her, and I mean I still don’t. Sadie is a horrible human being. But to see her express her actual emotions, instead of just being Bitch-o-Bot 2000, feels so rewarding.

SEASON 5 of AWKWARD HERE WE COME….

Val Quote of the Episode:

Val: You know what’s funny. Cats have litters of kittens and then poop in litter boxes. Who made that decision.

Playing House review: Dan, the fifth whe–er, paddle

Matt Perri

September 3, 2015

PLAYING HOUSE
Season 2, Episode 6
“Kimmewah Kup”
RATING: C+

I’ve expressed my displeasure with Kyle Bornheimer’s character, Rabbi Dan. I’ve said that he’s boring as hell and might as well be invisible what with the lack of character development paid to him. In this episode, we finally get to see more of him. And I remain unimpressed.

This is, more or less, the episode I was afraid to see.

In “Kimmewah Kup”, Emma and Maggie are off to the famed “lake house” we’ve been hearing about since the first season. They’re gonna spend the weekend bonding and doing each other’s hair and make-up and take in a little “‘Terms of E’, followed by some ‘Fried Greens to the T’ and finish with some ‘Hope Floats’ with Sandra B.” Emma’s ecstatic about that last part. With guy problems and baby responsibilities temporarily in their rear-view mirror, the ladies are ready for a weekend of fun

If only Emma’s boyfriend, Rabbi Dan, weren’t along for the ride. He’s not actually invited, mind you. He kinda invites himself after he and Emma Facetime and text and call one another like love-starved teens much to the complete dismay of Maggie who just wanted to spend a little time with her friend. But there he is, solving the jigsaw puzzle it’s taken Maggie “three summers to complete” because the portion with the wagon wheel was tricky. This makes Dan’s love of jam bands almost tolerable.

Jam bands?!

“Weirdly enough, at night, [Dan] prefers ‘Two Princes’ by The Spin Doctors,” Emma tells Maggie who winces in such a painful manner that we hurt with her. “Don’t knock it! It’s very athletic!” Maggie revisits that unfortunate vision in her head later on when Emma and Dan retire to the bedroom and blast it like stoned college students. This wedge in their relationships couldn’t have come at a worse time: the long-time friends have a grudge to settle with Conrad and Ronnie Custerman (Jason & Randy Sklar), twin brothers and lemonade magnates. The Kimmewah Lake Cup goes to the fastest crew ever to man a paddleboat.

Will Emma and Maggie make up in time to win the race? Of course they will. But you already knew that.

“Kimmewah Kup” is a throwaway episode and the worst show of the new season. The usual Emma/Maggie banter is here but that really only carries things so far. The rest of this just isn’t very funny or entertaining. That may be because Kyle Bornheimer continues to flail aimlessly with the character of Rabbi Dan. The more we get to know him, the more we see him as an object to create strife. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, but the relationships between Emma and Dan continues to feel forced.

The other attempt to mine humor comes from Emma and Maggie’s interaction with the Sklar twins who are, essentially, the male equivalent of Emma and Maggie. If only they hadn’t been stuck with a horrible running gag: they jokingly refer to their lemonades as “‘Ades”. I’d put the word “jokingly” in italics except that the awkwardness of that running joke is already awkwardly reprehensible on its own. Such a strange choice for this show which, until now, never ventured into the realm of bad taste.

Overall, the episode is strangely unsatisfying, falling somewhere between sugary-cutesy and a sitcom you’d watch on Lifetime. I do hope the series has a strong finish because I’m not sure USA has this pegged for a third year.

NXT – September 2, 2015: One More For Dusty

Tommy Hall

September 3, 2015

Date: September 2, 2015
Location: Full Sail University, Winter Park, Florida
Commentators: Rich Brennan, Corey Graves

The focus goes back on the tag teams tonight as we begin the Dusty Classic. This is a tag team tournament for a prize to be announced and with most of the participants to be announced as well. The idea is to have the past, present and future of NXT involved to honor the spirit of Dusty Rhodes. Let’s get to it.

The opening video hypes up the tournament and talks about paying tribute to the Dream.

Opening sequence.

Dusty Rhodes Tag Team Classic First Round: Ascension vs. Rhyno/Baron Corbin

Rhyno runs Viktor over to start but Viktor rolls into a shoulder to put Rhyno down. Konor and Corbin come in but a quick double shoulder drops Baron. The double teaming doesn’t last long though and Viktor is sent shoulder first into the post, allowing Rhyno to get some shots in. Back to Corbin as it seems the Ascension are the faces here. Konor gets the hot tag and cleans house on Baron before avoiding a Gore. Corbin breaks up the Fall of Man though and Rhyno Gores Konor for the pin at 5:39.

Rating: D. This was an awkward match with both teams looking a bit off. It’s also very telling that the Ascension can’t even get a win over a thrown together team where the members don’t even get along down in NXT. They’ve just died since they got called up to the main roster and WWE has no issues with it.

Neville and Solomon Crowe are in the tournament. They’re both excited but Solomon freaks Neville out a bit.

Nia Jax is still coming.

Alexa Bliss vs. Blue Pants

Bliss takes Blue Pants down for a beating to start and throws her to the mat by the hair. Pants gets rammed into the buckle and a kick to the back sets up an armbar. Back up and Pants fires off some kicks and a northern lights suplex gets two. She misses a charge in the corner though and the Sparkle Splash gives Alexa the pin at 3:34.

Rating: C-. Total squash but that was exactly what it was supposed to be. Bliss is the evil mastermind and Blue Pants is nothing more than a cult favorite who can only win matches through interference. There’s no point in having her win here when she just shows up for goofy appearances so everyone is fine.

Johnny Gargano and Tommaso Ciampa are in Regal’s office when Tyler Breeze storms in. Tyler demands a spot in the tournament so Regal gives him Bull Dempsey to face Gargano and Ciampa next week.

Emma says the Divas Revolution isn’t happening without her.

Apollo Crews vs. Martin Stone

Apollo starts fast with an armdrag but Stone clotheslines him down to take over. Off to a chinlock for a bit before Crews comes back with a standing enziguri. The gorilla press and standing moonsault put Stone away at 2:57. Crews looked good but he needs to do something besides just being all athletic and awesome.

Chad Gable and Jason Jordan say they’ll get to write this tournament’s history after winning the whole thing. Neville is flying too close to the sun and Crowe is going to be forgotten. Jordan finally says the Ready Willing and Gable line. Gable is money.

Finn Balor is ready to defend his title in Texas, but first of all he’s in the Dusty Classic. His partner, Samoa Joe, comes in and says he wants to win it all. Balor shakes his hand and says he’s ready. So I guess Joe is going to be the next major challenger.

Eva Marie vs. Billie Kay

We get an Eva chant to start, which I don’t buy as legit for a second. Eva fires off some shoulders in the corner and grabs a suplex for two. A seated abdominal stretch is countered by a small package but Eva comes back with a backsplash (that’s WAY too common a move these days) for two more. Kay makes a quick comeback with a clothesline and suplex for two of her own, but the interesting part is the fans booing Eva out of the building for kicking out. That was awesome in a way. Back up and Sliced Red #2 beats Kay at 3:45.

Rating: D. Eva is gorgeous and looks great in her gear, has awesome presence, but above all else, she’s just not that good in the ring. If they try to push her as a star in the division, the heat is going to be out of this world. The NXT fans simply do not want her in their company and it’s not surprising in the slightest.

The Hype Bros and Enzo/Cass argued over what part of New York to celebrate in after winning last week.

Dusty Rhodes Tag Team Classic: Solomon Crowe/Neville vs. Chad Gable/Jason Jordan

Gable takes Crowe to the mat to start and easily rolls him around into a backslide for two. Back up and Crowe counters a leapfrog into a flapjack (nice move) before it’s off to Neville for a very nice welcome home reaction. Jordan takes Neville down to the mat with some nice amateur stuff but Neville flips out of a suplex and sends Jason to the floor as we take a break. Back with Jordan throwing Solomon down just like he did to Neville before a wicked overhead belly to belly drops Crowe again.

Gable comes back in and mocks Solomon, even having Jordan fan him off while Crowe is on the floor. Jordan throws on a chinlock for a bit before Solomon adds a bow and arrow of his own. The hold is finally broken and Crowe dives over for the tag, allowing Neville to come in for his usual fast paced stuff.

Gable pulls Jason to the floor to break up the Red Arrow. That’s fine with Neville as he dives on both of them with Crowe following with a dive of his own. Back in and Jordan catches Neville’s next dive and throws him face first onto the mat. Crowe tags himself in and gets suplexed again, setting up the Grand Amplitude (the announcers don’t know the name) for the pin at 12:48.

Rating: C+. Good match here and Crowe tagging himself in might lead to a heel turn for him, which probably won’t save him but it’s better than whatever it was he’s been doing for the last few weeks. Neville really does come off as a star here and you can see what they’re going for with the superhero idea.

Overall Rating: C+. I liked the show for the most part and they’re making the tournament feel like a huge deal. That’s exactly what something this important should be and I love the fact that they’ve made the whole promotion want to get involved with it. Good stuff here and what is hopefully the sign of good stuff to come.

Results

Baron Corbin/Rhyno b. Ascension – Gore to Konor
Alexa Bliss b. Blue Pants – Sparkle Splash
Apollo Crews b. Martin Stone – Standing moonsault
Eva Marie b. Billie Kay – Sliced Red #2
Chad Gable/Jason Jordan b. Neville/Solomon Crowe – Grand Amplitude to Crowe

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of NXT Reviews: The Full Sail Years Volume I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B011T13PV4

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Night Raw – August 31, 2015: Naked Male Cheerleaders And The Periodic Table

Tommy Hall

September 3, 2015

Date: August 31, 2015
Location: Amalie Arena, Tampa, Florida
Commentators: Michael Cole, Byron Saxton, John Bradshaw Layfield

Last week saw the return of Sting and the disappearance of a statue, meaning tonight is likely to continue the time honored tradition of destroying that statue once and for all. Sting vs. Seth Rollins for the WWE World Title is confirmed for Night of Champions, but what about Rollins’ US Title? John Cena is still lurking so let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of last week’s closing segment where Sting appeared in the statue’s place. HHH made the match after the show went off the air.

Opening sequence for Monday Night RAW.

Here’s Sting (with complete face paint this week) to open things up. JBL: “The man who put Starrcade on the map!” Just….no. Under no circumstances can that be considered correct. Sting hasn’t been around much since Wrestlemania where he lost to HHH. Due to that match, he’ll always have respect for HHH, but now his sights are set on Seth Rollins.

Ever since Wrestlemania it has been injustice after injustice and last week he had to hear Seth Rollins comparing himself to names like Bruno Sammartino, Andre the Giant and the Ultimate Warrior. Sting has won titles around the world but there is one that has eluded him throughout his career. At Night of Champions, Sting is going to prove that Rollins isn’t half the man HHH is and that Rollins can’t hang with Sting on his best day.

Rollins is upset but Stephanie talks him down. Seth lists his accomplishments this year and calls everything Sting said wrong. Stephanie brings up Sting’s comparison to HHH and thinks Sting is absolutely right. Seth wants his statue so Stephanie suggests he go ask Sting.

Rusev vs. Dolph Ziggler

An attempt at a single leg doesn’t get Dolph anywhere so he dropkicks Rusev in the face instead. Back in and Rusev slowly stomps Ziggler down, as is his custom. We get a dueling Rusev chant, followed by Dolph missing a splash in the corner. The sleeper slows Rusev down a bit so he backs Ziggler into the corner for a break. Ziggler gets knocked into the barricade and we take a break.

Back with Rusev throwing on a bearhug, which really should have been put on during the break. Rusev misses a charge of his own but easily breaks up a neckbreaker with a suplex. A running flip backsplash gets two more and Ziggler is in trouble. The spinwheel kick gets the same for Rusev but he walks into a superkick out of nowhere.

They head outside with Rusev charging into the steps but both guys dive in to beat the count at nine. Rusev superkicks him down as well because everyone has to use superkicks in this company. Ziggler sneaks out of the Accolade and a quick Zig Zag drops Rusev, only to have Summer come in for the DQ at 14:21.

Rating: D+. This was more long than it was good and again they’re setting up the mixed tag. Why we needed to see another match between the two of them to set up the obvious match is beyond me, but at least they didn’t have a clean finish. Lana is going to be awesome in the ring, mainly because she’s awesome at everything else so why would this be any different?

A catfight ensues until Ziggler pulls them apart.

Post break Ziggler brags about what just happened. He goes into a room as Renee talks a bit and we see Summer sneak in behind him.

It’s time for the Beat the Clock Challenge for the #1 contendership to the Divas Title, but Team Bella has something to say. Nikki is so proud of making it this far, but we’ve got a Bellatron counting us down to the second she breaks the record.

Alicia Fox vs. Becky Lynch

This is the first match in a Beat the Clock Challenge, meaning whoever wins in the shortest time wins, earning a title shot, presumably at Night of Champions. Becky tries for some fast rollups to start but she gets a bit sloppy and Fox takes over. A chinlock slows things down even more and you can see Becky panicking over the time being spent. Back up and some clotheslines get two for Lynch, followed by a springboard kick in the corner. They hit the mat and Becky grabs Disarm-Her for the win at 3:21.

Rating: D. This is the other issue with the Divas Revolution: the newcomers got over having these epic 10-15 minute wars but now they’re stuck with the three minute matches that have plagued the division for years. For once, this isn’t on them because there’s very little they can do in so little time and that’s not going to change.

Ryback talks about defending his title against everyone and tonight the Big Show will be no different. As he’s talking, we hear someone scream and see Summer Rae running out of Ziggler’s locker room. Ziggler is in a towel and looks surprised.

Intercontinental Title: Big Show vs. Ryback

Big Show is challenging, Miz is on commentary and we get big match intros. Show takes him into the corner for the loud chop to start and slowly drops an elbow for a close two. With Ryback down, Show demands a microphone so he can address the PLEASE RETIRE chants. He says find someone to do it so Ryback picks him up for a slam, only to have Show fall on him for two more. Show hits the chinlock for a few moments but Ryback fights up and hits a good looking flying tackle.

The splash is caught by the throat though, only have Ryback slip out and hook a double leg takedown (no that wasn’t a spinebuster) for a near fall of his own. The Meathook is countered into the chokeslam for two but Show goes up. Since we’re in Flair Country, the slam off the top is very appropriate. Another Meathook attempt is countered with a spear but Miz gets up for a distraction, allowing Ryback to grab Shell Shock to retain at 7:14.

Rating: C. They had me worried that they were going to change the title here in what would have been one of the dumbest ideas in a long time. I’m sure we’ll get Miz vs. Ryback now, even though Ryback beat him in two minutes a few weeks back. Ryback is the best Intercontinental Champion in a long time and it’s nice to see the title meaning something.

Charlotte vs. Brie Bella

Charlotte’s time to beat is 3:21 because only PCB can win. Brie starts hiding in the ropes to start because she must “protect the Bella Empire.” A Figure Eight attempt doesn’t work and Charlotte has less than two minutes to go. Instead Natural Selection hits out of nowhere for the pin at 1:40 to set Charlotte’s time.

We look at the Dudleyz returning last week.

The Dudleyz say they’re back for one more title reign because it would make then ten time Tag Team Champions. Tonight: New Day goes through a table.

Cesaro vs. Kevin Owens

Owens talks trash to start (shocking I know) and gets shoved down to the mat. A big boot stops Owens cold and Cesaro casually lifts him up for a suplex, complete with right hands to the gut. Cesaro gets two off a double stomp and it’s time for Owens to bail to the floor. That’s fine with Cesaro, who follows him out with a running European uppercut.

A high cross body gets two for Cesaro but Owens comes back with an elbow to the jaw and a backsplash. Owens: “WHERE’S YOUR SECTION NOW???” A corner clothesline sets up the Cannonball and we hit the chinlock on Cesaro. That goes nowhere so Owens busts out the torture rack neckbreaker for two instead and we take a break.

Back with Cesaro failing to superplex Owens so he dropkicks Kevin in the face and gutwrench superplexes him instead. That reverse Angle Slam gets two for Cesaro but Owens superkicks him for the same. Owens tells Cole to watch but misses another Cannonball.

Instead of doing something smart though, Kevin slaps him in the face. In a scary power display, Cesaro catches a tornado DDT in mid air and slams Owens down into a Crossface. Like, how do you even do that? Cesaro can’t suplex him over the top and Owens knocks him HARD into the announcers’ table. Back in and Cesaro can’t Swing him because of the ribs, allowing the Pop Up Powerbomb to put Cesaro away at 16:10.

Rating: B. I liked this better than the Summerslam match as Owens beat him clear after setting up an injury right before the ending. Cesaro took a great looking bump onto the table and Owens has won his last three singles matches. It’s very nice to see him not jobbing every single week for a change and I’d love to see him go after Ryback and the Intercontinental Title next.

Ziggler tries to explain that he thought Summer was Lana. Nothing happened and he threw on a towel as soon as he knew who it was. Lana doesn’t buy it and leaves.

Dean Ambrose vs. Braun Strowman

The fireflies still look awesome. Bray thanks Abigail for giving him the black sheep as her greatest gift. For thousands of years, mankind has tried to predict the end of the world. Tonight the seventh trumpet sounds and they will walk among you undisguised. Stroman, in a voice that Christian Bale would think is too over the top, says this is the apocalypse. Reigns comes out as backup as you would expect.

Strowman throws Dean around with one hand to start and I think the message has been sent. Dean gets in his fast striking but Stroman just throws him down again. A kick knocks Dean to the floor and the slow beating continues. Reigns finally comes over for the DQ at 3:09.

Rating: D+. Nothing to the match here but it did exactly what it was supposed to. Stroman looks like the best monster that we’ve had in a long time and that’s all he’s supposed to look like. Eventually someone is going to beat him, but until then it’s going to be fun watching him be the modern day Zeus or whatever other monster you pick. It’s an old formula that keeps coming back because it works.

Stroman cleans house and no sells a chair to the back. Reigns’ right hand has a bit more effect but Harper comes in with the superkick to put Roman down. Dean gets choked out and Reigns takes that spinning powerbomb thing. Bray comes in for Sister Abigail to Reigns. Notice that Bray didn’t have to do a thing here, which is exactly why he needs minions.

We look at Rollins beating Cena at Summerslam.

Clip of Sting’s opening promo.

Rollins wants his statue back and tells Sting to stay out of his business. Maybe if Sting had a subscription to the WWE Network, he could know how great Seth has been. Yeah HHH used to be a big deal, but HHH never held the US and WWE World Titles at the same time.

Paige vs. Sasha Banks

Paige has to beat 1:40 so she starts very fast and gets some rollups for two each. The fans are split as Paige fires off some running knees for two. The Rampaige connects but Tamina and Naomi pull Sasha to the floor as the clock runs out at 1:40.

Team Bella comes out to pose.

Summer Rae says that Ziggler called her into his locker room but then he just started stripping. She was mesmerized and speechless and then he asked her to join him in the shower. After he got out, he gave Summer the look but she ran out. Summer will never forget the image though.

Lana is crying and can’t say anything.

New Day vs. Dudley Boyz

Non-title. Woods calls the Dudleyz a menace to culture, society and furniture around the world. Big E. asks if you remember the times sitting around the table with your granny and that weird uncle around the Thanksgiving table. Or all that money you cleaned up at the poker table. Or all those summers around the pool table. And where would we be without the Periodic Table? Remember all the fun you had learning your multiplication table? Big E. and Kofi pull out what Woods calls the last table (covered in bubble wrap) here tonight. A SAVE THE TABLES chant takes us to a break before the match.

The Prime Time Players are on commentary as Big E. and D-Von get things going. But it’s quickly off to Bubba vs. Kofi. Woods suggests clapping but Bubba turns it into NEW DAY SUCKS. A clothesline under the arm stops Kofi cold and New Day is sent out to the floor as we take a break. Back with D-Von clotheslining both champions down but Woods low bridges him to the floor. As Woods brushes his hair, Big E. drives D-Von into the barricade. That sounds like a valid reason to dance to me and Big E. agrees.

The rotating stomps set up Big E.’s splash for two. An abdominal stretch slows things down and Kofi’s chinlock does the same. Woods mocks the TABLES chant but Kofi dives into a clothesline, allowing for the tag off to Bubba. Bubba hiptosses Woods in but D-Von hiptosses him right back out in a funny spot. 3D quickly ends Kofi, which JBL calls the Dudleyz’ first match in WWE in ten years. Even he doesn’t watch Smackdown.

Rating: C. I liked the match but the booking makes my head hurt. You have three members of New Day and two of them are the recognized Tag Team Champions. I think you get what I’m going for here. It’s very interesting that the Dudleyz have been doing the same thing for about ten years now and it’s still more entertaining than 90% of most tag teams.

Here’s Seth Rollins to call out Sting. The things Sting said earlier tonight showed him why WCW went out of business. We can’t possibly be talking about that again…..right? Rollins wants Sting to take back what he said about HHH being that much better than him because Seth is every bit as good as HHH and one day could even be better. However, Rollins wants his status but gets Stephanie instead.

She suggests the Rollins chill out because Sting is getting in his head over a stupid statue. Rollins still wants his statue but this time gets John Cena. John talks about the Authority bending Rollins to their will because that’s what they do. They picked Rollins because he was the only one willing to stab the Shield in the back. Rollins is going to be the flavor of the month because the Authority would never allow him to do what he’s about to do right now.

Rollins has a lot of titles right now and since the Authority said every title is on the line at Night of Champions, Cena is cashing in his rematch for the US Title on the same night Rollins has to defend against Sting. Cena asks Stephanie if he can do that and she reluctantly agrees. Sting comes out to pose with Cena to end the show.

Overall Rating: B. This was one of the best shows they’ve had in a very long time. It kept moving all night and they didn’t have anything out there that took too long. There’s enough stuff going on here to find something interesting and nothing was really bad. Well maybe the opening match but at least it led somewhere. I had a really good time with this show and it flew by, which is a rare thing for Raw.

Results

Dolph Ziggler b. Rusev via DQ when Summer Rae interfered
Becky Lynch b. Alicia Fox – Disarm-Her
Ryback b. Big Show – Shell Shock
Charlotte b. Brie Bella – Natural Selection
Cesaro b. Kevin Owens – Pop Up Powerbomb
Braun Stroman b. Dean Ambrose via DQ when Roman Reigns interfered
Paige vs. Sasha Banks went to a time limit draw
Dudley Boyz b. New Day – 3D to Kingston

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of NXT Reviews: The Full Sail Years Volume I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B011T13PV4

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Chloe Moretz Fights Aliens in ‘The 5th Wave’ Trailer

Nicole C

September 1, 2015

Based on the 2013 YA novel by Rick Yancy, The 5th Wave follows the story of Cassie Sullivan (Chloe Grace Moretz) as she tries to survive in a world attacked by aliens seeking to annihilate humankind.

Watch the trailer:

Official synopsis:

In the new film The 5th Wave, four waves of increasingly deadly attacks have left most of Earth decimated. Against a backdrop of fear and distrust, Cassie (Chloë Grace Moretz) is on the run, desperately trying to save her younger brother. As she prepares for the inevitable and lethal 5th wave, Cassie teams up with a young man who may become her final hope – if she can only trust him.

Moretz is joined by Liev Schrieber, Maria Bello. Nick Robinson, Maika Monroe, and Tony Revolori.

The film will be released January 15, 2016.

Ubisoft at PAX Prime 2015: ‘For Honor’ and ‘Assassin’s Creed: Syndicate’

Jen Stayrook

September 1, 2015

Ubisoft had a big showing at PAX this year with Assassin’s Creed: Syndicate, For Honor, and The Division hogging a large portion of the main expo area. It didn’t matter how much room the booths took up because all of the above games were incredibly popular with fans, some waiting more than two hours to get in some demo time. Because of this, unfortunately, I didn’t get a chance to try out The Division, which is a shame because it looks amazing, but I did get to try the other two and here’s what I think:

I went in with low expectations for Assassin’s Creed: Syndicate because I’m still afraid it’ll be 20% female missions and 80% male missions. I fully realize that’s an irrational response coming out, and I’ve already gone into my feelings on the subject, but if you’re going to advertise a playable female character as a selling point then don’t relegate her to the shadows. Sadly, I still couldn’t get any solid word about what the split would be like between Jacob and Evie Frye, but I did get a chance to play a full mission as the thief, Evie.

It comes as no surprise that AC: Syndicate is a beautiful game and as much as I want to knock the location and time period in favor of something more exotic, I can’t because I love Victorian London. The missions are similar to previous Assassin’s Creed games, some involving more stealth while others encouraging the beat-em-up play style. Some missions, however, have multiple ways to navigate from start to finish. Playing as Evie was just like playing any other assassin character. With time comes more polished controls, naturally, but minus a few exceptions, she feels just the same as any other character in the franchise.

That being said, Ubisoft did add a few more skills to the assassin’s arsenal: the first is the steampunk grappling hook and I have to say that this item felt incredibly over-powered as its reach is insanely long. Ever wanted to play Assassin’s Creed as Spider-Man? Well, now you can. Escaping guards is a total breeze because there’s no way they’ll run the length of the four buildings you just flew over in time to catch your thieving behind. The other addition is specific to Evie and it’s a new stealth mechanic that makes the player invisible to guards if they stand still. It’s good if things start to get out of hand and guards take notice of you, but again, if you really need to get away, just zip on by with your grappling hook.

To sum up, I played for half an hour with my foot in my mouth because dammmmmmit AC: Syndicate was pretty fun.

As an added bonus, Ubisoft released a new trailer today for all our drooling goodness:

For Honor is completely different from the other two Ubisoft titles. It’s a medieval multi-player arena fighting game and if you’ve ever played Chivalry: Medieval Warfare, you’ll understand the concept behind For Honor. Each team consists of four players and the goal is to play capture the flag and gain control of the three “zones” all the while murdering the shit out of your enemies. It’s the kind of game where you HAVE to communicate with your team, otherwise, you’re all dead. Unless you’re fighting the bot enemies, in which case it’s super easy and you’ll kill them all in one sweep of your sword.

There’s a brief tutorial explaining the controls of the game, of which there aren’t many. You can use a basic attack, heavy attack, break, or guard in three stances. Guarding properly requires you to “lock on” to your enemy or else they’ll just hack you to bits. There is a dodge, but it’s very slow and for someone accustomed to fast-paced fighting, it was underwhelming and didn’t do much to save me in the event of a 2v1 fight. Essentially, once you’re outnumbered, you’re dead. Sure, there’s strategy to keeping each of the three zones, the main one being “never go anywhere alone” but there isn’t much fun to the game. On top of that, the controls felt clunky and confusing, even though there were so few of them. Guarding is not a technique easily mastered and if you plan on mashing heavy attack, you’re going to have a bad time.

For me, the game wasn’t as fun as Chivalry, mainly because of a lack of choice. Everyone looks the same, fights the same, uses the same weapons and armor. I did, however, appreciate the option to play as a female character, even if it was the illusion of choice, it made me happy all the same. I wanted something more from the game as we played. I wanted to be able to pick up a halberd or a crossbow or something, anything but a sword. For the actual game, Ubisoft says you’ll be able to play as either a viking, knight, or samurai but, surprise, all three wield swords in promotional art. There is also a single-player campaign for For Honor, but we still don’t know much about it.

Also worth mentioning is that twice while waiting to play, the PS4’s overheated while running For Honor. Not exactly the best vote of confidence, but I’ll concede they were running nearly nonstop for three days by that point.

Assassin’s Creed: Syndicate is set to release on October 23rd, 2015 on PS4, XBOX One, and PC.

For Honor is slated to release sometime in 2016 on PS4, XBOX One, and PC.

‘Penny Dreadful’ Brings Back Patti Lupone as Series Regular, Adds Dr. Jekyll

Bilal Mian

September 1, 2015

Patti Lupone is returning as a series regular for the third season of Penny Dreadful!

Lupone, who guest starred in Penny Dreadful‘s second season as a Cut-Wife who guided Vanessa Ives, will step into the role of Dr. Seward, an American therapist who treats Vanessa with an unconventional new approach.

The nine-episode third season will also add Robert Louis Stevenson’s Dr. Henry Jekyll to the lineup of literary characters featured in the show. Shazad Latif has been cast to play the legendary character.

Joining Latif will be Christian Camargo as Dr. Alexander Sweet, a zoologist who strikes up an unlikely friendship with Vanessa; Sam Barnett as Dr. Seward’s mysterious young secretary; Wes Studi as Kaetenay, an intense, enigmatic Native American with a deep connection to Ethan who also becomes an ally to Sir Malcolm; and Jessica Barden as Justine, a young acolyte to Lily and Dorian Gray.

‘Dark Matter’ Has A Bit Of A Female Problem

Jen Stayrook

September 1, 2015

If you’ve read my posts or listened to Workprint’s podcast, you know that I’m a fan of Dark Matter. Along with Killjoys, Dark Matter has filled that gaping sci-fi hole in my nerdy heart this summer and boy, am I glad about it. I’m also all about girl power in TV, movies, video games, comic books, everything–vagina loyalty, you know–so it comes as no surprise that I latched onto the female characters of Dark Matter with reckless abandon. The Android was lovable and naive, Two was empowered and took no shit, and Five….Five was my boo, favorite among them all.

However, I have issues regarding Dark Matter’s female characters in the final episodes, “Episode 12” and “Episode 13.” Thankfully, Five is safe from my judgment because she’s been pretty consistent throughout the first season. I like her quirky attitude, her face off with Two, her intelligence and loyalty. I do wish her back story had been given more screen time, especially with Four getting nearly two episodes to himself, but I can live with such an oversight. However, after the final two episodes of the season, Android and Two are on notice.

Let’s start with the Android. For much of the season, I thought the Android was a fantastic character, a computer navigating emotions, at an impasse between programming and humanity. Her main plot has been an ongoing struggle to understand her changes, even going so far as to create what is essentially a Quality Assurance version of herself. Even as an anthropomorphic representation of the Raza, it’s this inner turmoil that makes the Android a more complicated, fascinating character. And yet, that struggle came to a screeching halt in the show’s finale, shooed away like a bug. Maybe more will come of the story in the show’s second season, but it felt so anticlimactic for QA Android to disappear so suddenly that I could only be disappointed that the Android was treated as such, especially since the Android has spent more time “off” this season than “on.”

And then there’s Two. When Two first came barreling onto the scene, all power and confidence, I wanted big things for her. She was the Raza’s natural leader, taking charge and kicking ass. I was impressed with her handling of the mining colony situation, but since episode two, she’s been a piece of meat for One and Three to fight over. Decisions were made by one of the two men and Two seemed to go along with whatever plan was made. She kind of made up for that behavior in “Episode Eleven” when she and Five took back the Raza. However, things took a dive with learning that she was organically made by Wil Wheaton’s Alexander Rook for, presumably, nefarious purposes.

I don’t take issue with the fact that both “created” humans on the Raza are female. But it does bother me that without their nanites, both of them are nothing, unable to defend themselves, especially against the likes of Rook. Two isn’t “strong” because of her character. She’s strong because a man-made her that way and when she gets to be too strong, he can snap his fingers and make her not so.

Again, much of this criticism is based on the fact that we don’t know where season two will take things for the Android and Two, but as it stands right now, I’m incredibly disappointed that the Android is a constant victim and Two looks to be following in those footsteps. Add on top of that the fact that One and Three still bicker over her affections, trying to play her against the other, when in reality, the Two I know would have told them to shut the hell up by now. Things aren’t looking so good for these two characters in the future, but I hope I’m wrong, Dark Matter.

Syfy Renews ‘Dark Matter’ and ‘Killjoys’

Bilal Mian

September 1, 2015

Syfy has announced the renewals of freshman dramas Dark Matter and Killjoys.

Killjoys will return in 2016 with a 10-episode order, while Dark Matter will receive 13.

“With exciting space-based action, deep world building, and a standout cast, Killjoys has struck a nerve with viewers and critics alike,” said Bill McGoldrick, Executive Vice President, Original Content, Syfy. “We can’t wait to see what adventures Michelle Lovretta and Temple Street take Dutch, John and D’avin on in season two.”

“We couldn’t be more excited to bring back Killjoys and its stellar cast to audiences across the U.S.,” said David Fortier and Ivan Schneeberg, co-Presidents of Temple Street Productions and Executive Producers of Killjoys. “We look forward to working with the team at Syfy for a thrilling second season.”

“With its mysterious premise and fascinating characters, Dark Matter has built an incredibly loyal, passionate and engaged fan base,” said Chris Regina, Senior Vice President, Program Strategy, Syfy. “We look forward to another out-of-the-world season from this talented creative team.”

WWE Tough Enough: Sara & Josh win the competition

Matt Perri

August 29, 2015

WWE Tough Enough down to the final four competitors as Amanda, Sara Lee, Josh and ZZ battle for a WWE contract! Last week, Tanner went home in a shocker…but anything can happen on this show. Josh had a sudden shift over ZZ and Sara’s seemingly took a hit on Tough Talk when Amanda accused her of being a WWE groupie. Who will be crowned tonight’s Tough Enough champions? Let’s find out…

We start with clips from “four months ago” when the competition started, showing everyone from past shows going home.

FULL SAIL UNIVERSITY

Arena
Jericho and Renee Young plug the big story of tonight’s Tough Enough: two of these competitors will get a WWE contract. Our competitors will each have a “match” tonight. We meet the judges

WWE PERFORMANCE CENTER

Barracks
Amanda says that she won’t let Sara beat her for the contract tonight. Sara’s excited to get into the ring. ZZ just uses swamp language: “I’m gonna be like a bullfrog going after a cricket”. Amanda rolls her eyes. Josh says that he’s picked up steam and now he’s getting votes. Suddenly, Amanda brings up Sara’s “groupie” thing. Sara shrugs her off. Amanda calls her a fraud. Sara says that Amanda doesn’t “play a bitch, she is one.”

Gym
Jericho is with Lita, Dogg and Booker. Jericho will work with each of the competitors so they can have great matches with color, music and design. Josh wants to be “The Yeti”. Jericho says that he should have what John Snow wears. Jericho: “If we’re gonna be the Yeti…let’s be the frickin’ Yeti.” ZZ wants to be “King of the Bayou” and wants a gator head on his head. Jericho laughs and says he told the Creative staff that ZZ’s “probably already got one of those” at home. Amanda wants to be “Mandy Rose” and wear black leather. and Sara wants to be “Hope” because that’s the town she comes from. She wants a flannel crop-top with a denim vest.

Jericho goes over their promos. Josh says that Yetis are crazy and lose their minds. Jericho says that ZZ should tell people that they’re gonna “get bit by the gator grip” and harp on the “haters”. Amanda just wants to shake her ass and look hot. Totally original Diva behavior. Sara wants to “come out to Kid Rock”. So, they play some lame rock ditty that isn’t impressing her. Jericho: “That’s the only thing she stopped smiling about. ZZ’s music is horrible. He wants some rock with some baby gators yelping.

Barracks
Dogg, Booker, and Lita suddenly show up and tell everyone to get into the living room. Cesaro will be the men’s opponent and Alicia Fox will be going against the women. Cesaro tells Josh that “he promised to bring the sauce…and now the sauce is here.” Cesaro also tells ZZ he’s in trouble. Fox says that the Divas have a sisterhood. Sara’s afraid of looking like a joke compared to her.

FULL SAIL UNIVERSITY

Arena
We are LIVE(!!!) from Full Sail University Arena!

Amanda is “Mandy Rose” and has no sex appeal whatsoever except giant boobs. She gets into the ring and says that this is reward as hell. This is the best experience of her life and an honor. That was Amanda — and introduces everyone to “Mandy Rose”. If she wins Tough Enough, everyone’s invited to the party — except for Miz. She says Miz is “The Moneymaker”. She has the “Money-Shaker”.

MATCH #1: Mandy Rose vs. Alicia Fox

Alicia clocks Mandy who comes back with a Press, then chokes Fox against the mat. Alicia trips her on a rush, then hits a Sidewalk Slam for two. Alicia knees Mandy in the face, then tosses her head into the mat. Mandy comes back with a Hurricarana, then a sunset flip for two. Alicia knocks her down with a clothesline but misses an elbow drop. Side headlock and Bulldog by Mandy gets two. Fox kicks her in the gut and botches a Scissor Kick to win at 2:41.
WINNER: Alicia Fox
RATING: Not a bad showing for Mandy Rose but there’s no personality except tight clothing.

Post-match, Jericho says the girls beat the hell out of one another. Miz says that he loved when she called him out. Paige says that she looked like a Diva. Bryan said the match was sloppy but they brought it when they needed to.

Sara comes to the ring as “Hope”. She’s bouncy and goofy. She says she’s bringing everyone “hope”. She came out stronger and more determined each week. After this match, Alicia Fox becomes a footnote in her career.

MATCH #2: Alicia Fox vs. Hope
Hope gets shoved down. Hope comes back with a headlock and shoulderblock. Hope tells her to bring it and kicks her in the stomach. She runs at Fox who trips her and tosses her across the ring by her hair. Fox hits a snap suplex. Hope suddenly rolls her up for two, then botches the Cross Armbar badly, going after the wrong arm. It’s immediately broken. Fox punches her in the face — then botches the Scissor Kick AGAIN for fuck’s sake. Fox wins at 2:25.
WINNER: Alicia Fox
RATING: Sloppy as hell. Sara looks green as turtle shit. No personality whatsoever.

Post-match, Miz says her promo was “really good”. Paige says her entrance was dull but the match was good. Bryan says there wasn’t any energy in the entrance. Good promo though.

FEMALE WINNER…will be revealed at the end of the show.

The women don’t look happy at all.

ZZ comes out with the dumbest fucking gator costume ever. The head is a gator and the body is the skin of the gator with red cape lining inside. ZZ says he’s from the deepest, darkest parts of Louisiana. He beat gators easily. So he’s come here. All his baby gators put him here. He talks up the coaches and says that he’s here, answering every doubter’s question. Is Cesaro ready for the Gator Grip?

MATCH #3: The King of the Bayou vs. Cesaro
Cesaro hits a side headlock, but seems to fuck up the Irish Whip. Cesaro grabs him for a Gut Wrench, then hits an uppercut and a Swing, getting a few reps. ZZ comes back with an uppercut of his own and gets two. He hits a Flap Jack and goes for the Gator Grip, but Cesaro reverses with a Cross Face to win it at 1:51.
WINNER: Cesaro
RATING: Loved this match. Beautifully wrestled with the exception of the Irish Whip.

Bryan liked the match. Paige didn’t like the entrance. Miz says that he doesn’t think that ZZ has the work ethic.

Josh comes out in a fur cape and grey shorts. He says he’s been living a savage lifestyle. It’s all been for this. He’s been down and out a couple times — but the Yeti Nation kept him here. He wants the Yeti Nation to stand up and he’ll pay them back by beating Cesaro.

MATCH #4: Cesaro vs. The Yeti
Long lock-up and Yeti hits a Cesaro uppercut. Cesaro comes back with one of hisown, then hits a chest stomp. Cesaro goes for a Delayed Suplex but can’t get Josh up. Josh can’t get him up either, so it’s time for a Swing. Josh regroups and tosses Cesaro into the corner for a splash. He goes for a Running Powerslam which Cesaro kicks out of. Cesaro comes back with a dropkick and Neutralizer to finish it at 2:32.
WINNER: Cesaro
RATING: Great match.

Jericho calls it “choppy”. Miz hates his ring outfit. He likes Josh’s intensity. Paige thinks he kicked ass and wants Josh to win. Bryan says the promo was weak but ended strong.

Voting is closed. Jericho brings out Triple H to award the winners with their contracts.

Triple H says he has a half-million dollars in his hands…let’s find out who wins…

NEW FEMALE DIVA: Sara Lee

Amanda looks PISSED.

NEW WWE SUPERSTAR: Josh

He’s stoked and ZZ smiles. Everyone congratulates the winners.

OVERALL: This was a fun show to watch. Most likely because it was nice to see the competitors mature.

Well…thanks for reading our recaps for this show. Hope you enjoyed them. We may see you back here next time if Tough Enough returns!

Er…that’s it.

ABC Family’s ‘Shadowhunters’ Coming to New York Comic-Con

Nicole C

August 28, 2015

How wonderfully fitting that ABC Family’s Shadowhunters is coming to New York Comic-Con this October given that in the fictional world, these demon hunting Nephilim are based in NYC!

Here’s the official press release:

The new ABC Family television series “Shadowhunters,” based on the New York Times bestselling young adult fantasy book series The Mortal Instruments by Cassandra Clare, follows 18-year-old Clary Fray, who finds out on her birthday that she is not who she thinks she is but rather comes from a long line of Shadowhunters – human-angel hybrids who hunt down demons. When her mother, Jocelyn, is kidnapped, Clary is thrown into the world of demon hunting with mysterious Shadowhunter Jace and her best friend, Simon. Now living among faeries, warlocks, vampires and werewolves, Clary begins a journey of self-discovery as she learns more about her past and what her future may hold. “Shadowhunters” is set to premiere in early 2016.

The panel will take place on Saturday, October 10, from 11:00am-12:00pm on the Empire Stage.

The panel will include exclusive footage and a Q&A with cast members Katherine McNamara (“Clary”), Dominic Sherwood (“Jace”), Harry Shum Jr. (“Magnus”), Alberto Rosende (“Simon”), Emeraude Toubia (“Isabelle”), Matthew Daddario (“Alec”) and Isaiah Mustafa (“Luke”), as well as showrunner Ed Decter (“Helix”), Executive Producer McG (“Charlie’s Angels,” “Chuck”) and book author Cassandra Clare.

In addition author Cassandra Clare will also by at NYCC to promote her upcoming new book Lady Midnight:

Friday, October 9, from 12:30 pm- 1:30 pm in Room 1A10 : Cassandra Clare Q&A and a sneak peek of Lady Midnight

Cassandra Clare is the #1 bestselling author of The Mortal Instruments series, soon to be adapted into the Shadowhunters TV show on ABC Family, as well as the Infernal Devices trilogy and the Bane Chronicles. A global phenomenon, her books have more than 36 million copies in print worldwide. In conversation with Entertainment Weekly’s Amy Wilkinson, she’ll discuss her career and give a sneak peek at her new book, LADY MIDNIGHT, the first in the Dark Artifices trilogy, which comes out on March 8.

Will fans be treated to some preview footage at the panel? Here’s hoping and crossing both my fingers and toes!!

Here’s a little more behind the scenes treats from the Shadowhunters cast and crew!

Magnus saw that @HarryShumJr @ShadowhuntersTV @TMI_Institute @TMI_Source pic.twitter.com/pkkA8jVP8J

— McG (@McGsWonderland) August 25, 2015

Brother. Sister. @EmeraudeToubia @MatthewDaddario @ShadowhuntersTV @TMI_Institute @TMI_Source @cassieclare pic.twitter.com/JUaq2mqiwD

— McG (@McGsWonderland) August 18, 2015

Parabatai Polaroid ➰ #tbt @domsherwood1 @matthewdaddario @shadowhunterstv @abcfamily pic.twitter.com/n5fW0E7rSu

— Katherine McNamara (@Kat_McNamara) August 27, 2015

Promo shoot yesterday… We have so much in store for you, angels… ➰ @shadowhunterstv @abcfamily pic.twitter.com/4aDkhAyqQn

— Katherine McNamara (@Kat_McNamara) August 24, 2015

Izzy breaks it down @EmeraudeToubia @arosende @ShadowhuntersTV @TMI_Institute @cassieclare @EDecter pic.twitter.com/McTiI8R2lP

— McG (@McGsWonderland) August 10, 2015

Sneak peek behind the scenes of #shadowhunters promo shoot !!! @shadowhunterstv @abcfamily #isabellelightwood ➰ pic.twitter.com/oWmk0fUlnz

— Emeraude Toubia (@EmeraudeToubia) August 27, 2015

#Shadowhunters Shenanigans. @Kat_McNamara @DomSherwood1 @EmeraudeToubia @ABCFamily @ShadowhuntersTV #tmi #onset pic.twitter.com/b7L3RivtbF

— Jade Hassouné (@JadeHassoune) August 26, 2015

Robert, Maryse and their Beautiful, strong Girl! @paulinocmnunes @EmeraudeToubia #Shadowhunters pic.twitter.com/mOafwqpLVR

— Nicola CorreiaDamude (@NicolaNCD) August 13, 2015

Me and two of my Babies! @MatthewDaddario @EmeraudeToubia pic.twitter.com/zzhwah1BU7

— Nicola CorreiaDamude (@NicolaNCD) August 22, 2015

Sneak peek of our promo shoot as the sun arrives. @shadowhunterstv @abcfamily pic.twitter.com/u5f8m5QLxi

— Harry Shum Jr (@HarryShumJr) August 25, 2015

Shovel Knight DLC and Amiibo Announced

James Mikolajewski

August 28, 2015

It has been a great week for fans of Shovel Knight. This is especially true for those that own the game on Wii U or 3DS. Free DLC is just around the corner for every version of the game, and a new Shovel Knight amiibo is on the way!

While the new DLC, Plague of Shadows, doesn’t have an official release date, Yacht Club Games promises that it’s coming “very, very soon”, even going so far as to say that it was in the final stages of approval as of August 5. In Plague of Shadows, you play through the campaign as Plague Knight, using his magical projectiles and spells to fight your way to the top. A new trailer was released this week to show off this exhilarating new campaign (and if you aren’t excited for this, you are CRAZY).

In other news, rumors swirled through the internet this week that a Shovel Knight Amiibo was on the way. This rumor was later given some credit when UK retailer GAME tweeted a picture, along with a description, of the new Amiibo. It was quickly pulled, but not before people on the internet saved it and shared it across the digital landscape. As of today, August 28, Nintendo and Yacht Club Games has solidified that the Amiibo is indeed coming this November.

One of the best parts of Amiibo, aside from the awesome statue you get, is their functionality in games. Yacht Club Games has confirmed that the Shovel Knight Amiibo will work in both the Wii U and 3DS versions of the game, along with future Yacht Club products. In the Wii U version, the Amiibo unlocks a special co-op mode, and the 3DS version unlocks a new challenge mode. Do you think this Amiibo could signify that the lord of Shovelry could make his way to Super Smash Bros? One can only hope!

Are you excited for all of the new content coming to Shovel Knight? Do you have no idea why Shovel Knight is such a big deal? Let us know in the comments down below!

Smackdown – August 27, 2015: The Dog Days Of Smackdown

Tommy Hall

August 28, 2015

Date: August 27, 2015
Location: Dunkin’ Donuts Center, Providence, Rhode Island
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Jimmy Uso, Rich Brennan

It’s hard to say what’s going to happen tonight as the big story coming out of Raw is the return of Sting, who I can’t imagine is going to be here tonight. There’s always a chance of some fresh Wyatt Family stuff, as this show has become the main ground for the Shield vs. Wyatts feud, which isn’t the worst thing in the world. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

We open with a clip of the Dudley Boyz returning on Monday.

Here are the Wyatts with something to say. Shocking I know. Harper talks about our eyes and ears being shut by the lies we’ve been told. We’re all dead and we don’t even know it but Bray Wyatt’s truth will give us new life. Bray says he doesn’t just throw out words like brother because family means everything to him. Sister Abigail has given him so much in this life and just when he thought he had nothing left, she provided him a savior. That’s what being a family is all about. Abigail’s eyes light up when she talks about Braun Strowman and now it is time.

Cue Reigns and Ambrose with the former saying it is what it is. That wasn’t the first time they’ve been whipped so if he and Dean are going down, they’re going down swinging. Ambrose: “I’ll take the ugly one.” There are always points in a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles line, intentional or not. Strowman is ready to go but Bray calls his men off and leaves.

Ascension vs. Dudley Boyz

Bubba takes Konor into the corner to start and asks if he knows who they are. D-Von comes in and runs Konor over but gets kicked down into the corner. It’s quickly back to Bubba for the Flip Flop and Fly, followed by What’s Up. Bubba calls for the tables but Konor breaks it up. The attempt, not the table. Back in and Ascension gets in a little offense, including a jumping knee to Bubba’s face. Not that it matters as a quick clothesline allows the hot tag to D-Von for some house cleaning. Bubba comes back in off a blind tag and 3D ends Konor at 5:10.

Rating: C-. This was fine and just a way for the Dudleys to show that they’re back. There’s nothing wrong with running through your old standards before they come back with the bigger stuff later on, especially considering they’re probably going to get a title shot at Night of Champions.

Post match it’s table time but New Day comes out with signs, including “Save a table, break a Dudley” and “hashtag give tables a chance.” Viktor gets powerbombed through the table and New Day panics.

Neville vs. Kevin Owens

This could be good. The threat of a kick to the head sends Owens into the corner and a headscissors puts him on the floor. Neville misses a baseball slide though and Owens blasts him with a clothesline. Back in and a torture rack neckbreaker (cool move) gets two for Kevin and we take a break.

We come back with Neville fighting out of a chinlock and striking away, followed by a missile dropkick for two. The German suplex sends Owens to the floor but this time Neville is smart enough to duck the clothesline. Instead it’s a superkick to set up the Red Arrow but Owens rolls away before it can launch. The Pop Up Powerbomb ends Neville at 8:19.

Rating: C+. The match was fun while it lasted but there’s only so much they can do with less than five minutes of the match actually airing. It’s nice to see Owens getting back to back wins, but I’m worried about where Neville is going. There’s only so much he can do, but the hero character could take them somewhere.

The Bellas get catty with Team PCB over Paige being the leader but never showing up because of Tough Enough. A tag match is set up for later. High school style drama: empowering women around the world.

Bella Twins vs. Becky Lynch/Charlotte

Team BAD is on commentary because Heaven forbid all of these teams aren’t in the same place at the same time. Jimmy has recused himself from commentary to avoid a personal conflict. Nikki and Charlotte get things going as BAD rips on the Bellas for their singing on Total Divas. As usual, I love that something that happened two and a half months ago on Total Divas (some of it happened backstage at Battleground) is never mentioned until after the show aired.

A double dropkick puts Nikki down so it’s off to Brie, who gets her head slammed onto the mat. Back to Charlotte who misses a knee to give Brie a target and one of her kicks actually connects for a change. A leg lock doesn’t get Brie anywhere so Charlotte kicks her out to the floor. Everything breaks down as Nikki pulls Becky off the apron, leaving Charlotte to roll Brie up in the Charlotte’s Web for the pin at 3:15.

Rating: D+. I’m sure this means the Bellas are mortal and PCB has the momentum now or something, even though there still seems to be no advancement in this story. The Divas Revolution continues to be nothing more than a way to drag new Divas in so the Bellas can have fresh names to go over in the end. I had some hope that things would turn around with Summerslam ending but the first week is the same as all the previous ones: meaningless matches taking place while Nikki gets closer to the record.

Here’s Seth Rollins to address what happened on Raw. This Monday was supposed to take him from legendary to immortal. He mentions cashing in at Wrestlemania and being the first man to hold both titles at once (save for Goldberg, whose titles don’t count I guess because all those titles being unified only counts when they want it to. I like it better this way though as the idea of the World Heavyweight Championship being the NWA/WCW Title was one of the most ridiculous things even WWE had ever tried to pass off). Actors should be fighting to play him in his biopic.

Here’s a clip of Sting’s unveiling and subsequent beating. Rollins brags about being on top of the mountain while Sting has spent years down in the minor leagues. So why does Sting think he can ruin Seth’s moment without provocation? Rollins is going to finish what HHH started at Wrestlemania when the Architect faces the Artifact.

This got better as Rollins kept going but that’s the problem: it felt like he was still going for the sake of going, not because he had anything else to say. That’s a major problem with so many WWE promos: they’re designed as one size fits all, but not everyone speaks the same. Look at this one for example. Rollins could have cut this in half and said the same thing. Orton is the same way. He has to talk forever when it’s clear that he’s covered everything in a fraction of the time, but WWE has decided that this is how you do promos and everyone has to be the same.

Sheamus says he’ll kick Ambrose’s head off tonight.

Ryback/Dolph Ziggler vs. Rusev/Big Show

Big Show throws Ryback around to start but Ryback kicks away in the corner. Something like a spear puts Ryback down up against the ropes. The chokeslam doesn’t work so Ryback shoulders Show down. That wasn’t a bad power sequence. Show runs him over in turn but Rusev tags himself in, much to Show’s annoyance, and we take a break. Back with Rusev dropping elbows on Ryback and ignoring Show’s requests for a tag. Rusev: “I don’t trust you giant!”

Ziggler gets knocked off the apron but the distraction lets Ryback score with a spinebuster. Off to Ziggler vs. Big Show and the giant gets put down with the swinging DDT. A superkick gets two but the Fameasser is countered into the Alley-Oop and the KO Punch knocks Dolph out. Rusev tags himself in though and slaps on the Accolade, only to have Show KO his partner. Show walks past the black hole that Ryback has fallen into as Ziggler covers Rusev for the pin at 10:16.

Rating: C-. So I guess Big Show is a face again. That guy turns more often than I have to change the oil in my car so he must have been overdue. Big Show vs. Rusev does nothing for me, but I think I’d rather see that instead of forcing myself through another Lana/Ziggler love fest.

Clips of the end of Undertaker vs. Lesnar and Brock leaving Bo in a heap on Monday.

Video on Jon Stewart screwing John Cena at Summerslam and Monday’s fallout.

Ambrose and Reigns try to figure out what Sheamus means by respect the hawk. Sheamus better learn to respect Dean’s fist and his boot. Reigns will take care of the Wyatts.

Sheamus vs. Dean Ambrose

Now I know the Wyatts are either going to run in to end the match or just after it’s over, but how refreshing is it to not have Dean fighting one of them for a change? Ambrose vs. Sheamus isn’t the most thrilling match in the world, but I’ll take it over Dean vs. Wyatt or Harper again.

Sheamus takes over to start and dumps Dean to the floor to turn it into a brawl. Dean comes right back by throwing him inside for a clothesline to take it back to the floor, only to be sent into the barricade as we go to a break. Back with Sheamus kneeing him down onto the apron and slamming him out of a suplex. The Brock Lock doesn’t make Dean tap out so he pulls himself up, only to get planted with a sitout powerbomb.

Six forearms to the chest have Dean in even more trouble but he gets in some forearms to Sheamus’ chest to even things out a bit. A big clothesline drops Sheamus and Dean is all fired up. The bulldog out of the corner sets up la majistral of all things to give Ambrose two. Dean’s suicide dive connects and another big clothesline knocks Sheamus silly. Of course we’ve got Wyatts and the distraction sets up the Brogue Kick for the pin at 11:31.

Rating: C+. I liked this more than I was expecting to because they didn’t try to make this a wrestling match. Just let these two beat each other up for about ten minutes and then let the rest take care of itself. The Wyatts were the obvious ending but at least Sheamus isn’t being treated like a loser for a change.

Post match Reigns comes out for the save and is smart enough to Superman Punch Harper as fast as he can. Strowman is waiting for him though and Roman’s right hands have almost no effect. Braun slams him face first into the mat and chokes Reigns out, leaving the Wyatts posing to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. Standard Smackdown fare here with almost nothing interesting or worth seeing. The ending to the show was the same as when Strowman debuted on Monday and Show is still having issues with Rusev. It’s back to normal with two hours of talking, average matches and nothing that won’t be done on a bigger stage in four days.

Results

Dudley Boyz b. Ascension – 3D to Konor
Kevin Owens b. Neville – Pop Up Powerbomb
Charlotte/Becky Lynch b. Bella Twins – Charlotte’s Web to Brie
Dolph Ziggler/Ryback b. Rusev/Big Show – Ziggler pinned Rusev after a KO Punch
Sheamus b. Dean Ambrose – Brogue Kick

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of NXT Reviews: The Full Sail Years Volume I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B011T13PV4

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

‘Playing House’ review: Silver Linings Fakebook

Matt Perri

August 28, 2015

PLAYING HOUSE
Season 2, Episode 5
“Employee of the Month”
RATING: B-

Mark is a wounded man — but not in the way you’d expect.

His foot is bandaged and elevated, resting on top of a pillow provided by Emma and Maggie after he fell off their roof during a botched home improvement project. He was only supposed to be fixing their weak water pressure. That quickly escalated to checking their insulation and discovering a bee hive within their walls. That became roof repair.

Now, Mark’s in pain. And he wants to watch “Murder, She Wrote” on Emma and Maggie’s TV. Emma’s exasperated. This isn’t the first episode of the show he’s watched today — and it won’t be his last.

“You’ve got to stop watching those!” she tells him.

“I’m in pain,” he whines. “I gotta go to Cabot Cove because nothing bad ever happens there…”

“ONLY bad things happen there!” Emma yells. “There’s a murder there like every week!”

“Employee of the Month” is an ironic episode which explores Mark, post-Bird Bones, but does so in its usual goofy fashion because Pinebrook, unlike Cabot Cove, doesn’t have tragedy and sadness — even in short bursts. Mark should be as broken as he was in “Knotty Pine”. Here, he’s unrestrained, doing laps around Emma and Maggie’s house (while wearing a garbage bag vest a’la Bradley Cooper in Silver Linings Playbook) and talking at the same speed Usain Bolt runs. He’s just working through his issues and living in a complex which is comprised of “mostly guys ousted by their wives and a couple strippers”. Even the Digiorno pizza he’s inhaling gets an automatic five-stars.

In the first seaons of this show, we saw Keegan-Michael Key play Mark as level-headed and with paintball shots of manic which only surfaced because of Maggie and Emma’s non-stop, whirlwind shenanigans. In “Employee of the Month”, Mark is acting alone, letting out all that frustration and energy in one sitting. He may be re-aligning the patio door drapes and resurfacing a wall while proudly showing off his work like he’s filming a show about flipping property for profit but the hyperactive handy man act is all hurt. As somebody who’s been down this road, I get it and I identify with it — but Key, as has been status quo with his character since the start of the second season, may be overplaying it just a bit.

The avoidance of digging into Mark’s mental state is this episode’s Achilles’ Heel. While his issues may resurface on a future episode, the decision to present Mark as a man who suddenly drank an entire 4-pack of Rockstar laced with Cocaine and having him act like nothing has happened in order to force Emma and Mark into a “thing” is slightly disconcerting. As much as I like this show, there’s been a noticeable change in the production of this show. Whereas one could join the first season in the middle and not miss anything, the second season is almost a soap opera. This isn’t a bad idea but a lot of the running stories are a bit weak. For instance, I like Kyle Bornheimer as Rabbi Dan but he and Emma simply don’t share much chemistry. Initially, I thought we’d see a compelling love triangle but that doesn’t exactly work when his character only shows up for about four minutes over three episodes. I’m not even sure I should count the picture on Emma’s cell as a “cameo”. He’s so boring and unmemorable, he might as well be invisible. I really don’t understand what Emma saw in him except that she bumped into him on the street.

The other storyline concerns Maggie which is refreshing since she’s been a bit of an afterthought since the season began. She still works at “Rosie’s”, Pinebrook’s little bar and grill, and whether she likes it or not, she’s “Employee of the Month”! This, courtesy of her boss, Phil, (Matt Walsh of HBO’s Veep) who celebrates the occasion with a confetti popper, hugs and happy tears. While Maggie winces and begs off on the spoils (a plaque and a gift card to the restaurant she works at), Phil begs her to become full-time — then asks her for some tears. When a confused Maggie asks for clarification of that request, Phil nudges a shoulder at his office webcam. “I’m trying to get on Undercover Boss,” he shamelessly explains to her. She doesn’t want to live in this world anymore where awards are given to thankless jobs that require her to sing to customers on their birthdays.

Conveniently, she’s given an out: as she’s always been the surrogate mother on the show (as was recently highlighted in this season’s “Cashmere Burka”) after taking the injured Mark to the hospital for a check-up, she bumps into an old school chum named Michaela (Jean Villepique) who also happens to be a nurse. Michaela is stunned that Maggie never followed her dream to become a nurse and dropped out of school. Unfortunately, Maggie explains, life got in the way what with the death of her parents, taking care of her brother, her marital woes and a baby. As Maggie soon learns from everyone around her, there will always be obstacles in life and they can always be overcome.

The revelation about Maggie’s important because it finally gives her character a purpose. The problem, however, is that the exposition is, once-again, hurried along and too sudden to be believable. Obviously, this is a key moment in the series and coincides with Emma’s near make-out session with Mark on the couch, so it’s going to be interesting to see if Emma and Maggie support one another in their endeavors or turn on one another. Overall, “Employee of the Month” isn’t a bad episode at all. It has some funny moments but it feels uneven as the episode starts with Mark’s issues, plays cutesy, tosses a bunch of balls in the air, then catches half of them. Hopefully, this will lead to a meaningful close to the second season and a renewal for the series — but I feel like Playing House might be losing its way just a little bit.

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Castle Story – Sauropod Studio