‘Dancing With the Stars’ Review: Judge vs. Judge vs. Judge

Well, kids, here we are just one week before the semi-finals of Dancing with the Stars and with only 6 couples left on the dance floor, Len needs a nap. This week, each pair dances one style in the first round, and then round two is Judge vs. Judge Team Challenge, where each judge works with 2 pairs, choreographing and teaching them, to face off against each other for points on the leaderboard. Also this week, each celebrity must dance a small portion of their couple dance, solo, without their pro partner. And Len must stay awake without the help of his meds. Let us begin:

NYLE / HEAVENS TO MURGATROYD (Peta): They had the Paso Doble, and in order for the audience and judges to get a sense of what it might be like to dance as a deaf person, they brilliantly included a section of choreography that was danced in complete silence. No music. No anything. Just exactly what Nyle hears each and every week. It was very effective and quite moving, actually, having the music just drop out in the middle of the very dramatic routine. Bruno called it: “Mind-blowing! Like 5 men dancing to the beat of a single heart!” Horny Carrie Ann said the dance “touched her profoundly” – yes, I bet she wants to be touched profoundly. Scores were 10/9/10.

ANTONIO /SHARNA: They did the Viennese Waltz. It was sexy and romantic. Bruno called it “dashing”, while Carrie Ann said a bunch of words in random order: “Football!! What?? What?? Oh my god! You’re a dancer! Yeah!” Calm down, lady. Take your meds. Scores were 9/9/9.

JODIE /KEO: Their dance was the Jive, which is probably my favorite style on this show, or one of them. It was really fast and uplifting and fun. Carrie Ann said it was her best dance yet, Bruno started yelling “Hallelujah!” to an imaginary Jesus, and Len squealed: “That dance made me happy!” Now THAT calls for a Hallelujah! Scores were perfect at 10/10/10, and Jodie was so thrilled backstage with her scores, that she exclaimed loudly: “Mom! I DID IT!”

PAIGE /MARK: Every time Mark speaks during the rehearsal footage, I’m always confused by his accent. I never knew he was British, but he clearly sounds British when he talks, but then only sometimes. Is it just me? Or does he just talk weird? Where the hell is he from? Anyway, his concept was quite awesome, in creating the look of a blizzard in the middle of the ballroom. A love story like Romeo and Juliet, a tragedy. They wore white tattered outfits, and it “snowed” onstage – very cool effect. I loved this dance. Len called Paige a “terrific dancer”, and Horny Carrie Ann once again spouted words in random order: “wowza!!! Yay!!!! Owza!!!! Layers of layers and …. yeah!” Okay then. Tom Bergeron, making a comment about the pair’s very white makeup, hilariously said: “For once, I am not the whitest guy in the room.” Scores were 10/9/9.

GINGER / VAL: They did the Argentine Tango, and it was amazing. Very passionate, sharp, and under purple-ish beams of light. Bruno said to Ginger (or Val?): “Tantalizing! Lets get it on right now!” Ummm, okay. Horny Carrie Ann chimed in with this gem: “Mmmmmm, yummy honey! I am hungry!” Ewww. Len fell asleep face-first in his alphabet soup. Scores were perfection at 10/10/10.

WANYA / LINDSEY: They did the Jive, and it was a Western type theme in a Saloon. He tripped on her bandana during the routine, and some of his steps were off. She kept crying afterwards because she was sad that they made mistakes, but it was still a fun dance. Len said: “You came out all guns blazing. Lost your timing, but great number.” Bruno called them “a wild pony at a rodeo.” Or maybe he was describing what’s in his pants. Scores were 8/8/9.

JUDGE VS. JUDGE TEAM CHALLENGE: Each judge worked with a team of 4, or 2 pairs together. The other two judges gave scores, with America voting for the third score on each. Turns out America was the toughest critic with scores.

Team Bruno (Nyle / Peta, Jodie/ Keo): They did an Argentine Tango, and it involved chair choreography, same-sex couple dancing, and sort of mix between ballet and Fosse-style. IT WAS AWESOME. I absolutely loved this routine. So different and modern, and I loved watching the two men dance together, and then the two women. HOT and very sexy. Scores were 10/10/9. The 9 was from America.

Team Len (Ginger / Val, Wanya / Lindsay): They did the Samba, and the theme was they were stranded on an island and then find these cute women to dance with. Len did a cameo toward the end. It was cute, but I found it VERY cheesy , especially for Len. He is always whining about too many props and “pomp and circumstance”, and this was FILLED with “stuff” in the background. They also didn’t seem quite as put together as Bruno’s group. Scores were 10/10/9, again the nine coming from America.

Team Carrie Ann (Paige / Mark, Antonio / Sharna): They did Paso Doble, and it involved lots of fog, powder, and rain coming down. Had a sort of contemporary and dark quality to it, and was danced to a strange version of the song “Everybody Wants to Rule the World.” It was very modern and very good. But Bruno’s was the best. Scores were 10/10/9, and the nine came from America. Damn you America! You are so critical!

GOING HOME: Jodie and Keo. So she left with perfect 10’s, which is a nice way to leave if you have to leave. Next week, Bergeron warns of the double elimination. Also next week, Carrie Ann and Bruno say more stuff that makes no sense, and Len soils his Depends while giving his scores.