Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson vs. Jimmy Fallon
Tale of the Tape (old boxing term previewing fighters before a bout):
Listen, Jimmy Fallon started this whole lip-sync craze. He started the segment on The Tonight Show, and pretty much every time it’s on, the clip goes viral. I think we all reached a critical mass with the thing when Will Ferrell and Kevin Hart did it after the Super Bowl. On the other hand, we have the tower of charisma that is Dwayne Johnson. He somehow catapulted a career in the WWE to real A-list stardom on the back of his humor and self-aware persona. In short, we have the creator against a rookie, but is Fallon just a bit washed up? We’ll see.
Round 1
Dwayne Johnson- Shake It Off
Song Choice: 9/10
If there’s anything that people love in their lip-syncing, it’s a vast gulf between the singer and the lip-syncer. The Rock and Tay-Tay have nearly nothing in common, and the song choice is ridiculously amazing.
Execution: 5/10
Listen, I love Taylor Swift. You’re not going to mess up a word in the second line of the song and not have me dock you serious points on it. Yeah, I saw it.
Staging: 4/10
Boring stage. Yes, seeing The Rock bounce and bop to Taylor Swift is kind of funny, but have you seen the “Shake It Off” music video? Missed opportunities all over the place. Also, you can’t flip the bird during a Taylor Swift Jam.
The Teigen Score: 7 Teigens Out of 10. Sure, everything else was kinda meh, but the song choice in itself was pure brilliance. Also, Chrissy, I see you back there shaking a cocktail mixer. That subliminal messaging to teens, tsk tsk.
Jimmy Fallon – Jump in the Line
Song Choice: 2/10
Yo, Jimmy, pick a song from this century please. I barely know who Harry Belafonte is. I imagine this song is played in retirement homes when the elderly are getting frisky.
Execution: 3/10
I mean, sure? He knew the lyrics? He kinda got into the audience? Fallon was moving from manchild into awkward dad phase here.
Staging: 5/10
He got the crowd into it a little? I guess there was some sort of mini conga line? But like you said Jimmy, THIS IS SALSA. THERE IS NO CONGA LINE IN SALSA.
The Teigen Score: Two Teigens Out of 10. It was originally 1 Teigen, but I gave Jimmy a pity Teigen, because she said “breast-less”. That’s right Jimmy, you got a pity Teigen because she made a terrible boob pun. For shame Mr. Fallon, for shame.
Round 2
Jimmy Fallon – Like a Prayer
Song Choice: 7/10
Madonna is always a solid choice. Something iconic like that, especially with the possibility of other the top theatrics is always a good start.
Execution: 8/10
Nails it. But I’m sure everyone that was alive during that time knows the words to that song backwards and forwards, just like I know the Backstreet Boys, I mean, what?
Staging: 7/10
Bringing on the choir is always a power move, but come on Fallon, come up with something original. Show me more passion, more creativity. This is your last song, you couldn’t bring on the Roots as the choir or something? Weak sauce.
The Teigen Score (sponsored by Smirnoff®): Six Teigens Out of 10. A drastic improvement from his first song, but still, he has to hope the Rock screws up big in order to take home the belt.
Dwayne Johnson- Stayin’ Alive
Song choice: 6/10
I’m sure everyone knows the song, but I’m not sure if everyone is into it. Iconic, but not in the good way, everyone associates it with terrible 70’s disco cheese.
Execution: 8/10
Remember what I said about charisma? The Fleek Lord himself shows up, rocking an all white suit, with lapels the size of his biceps. The swag walk on stage didn’t hurt him either. Let’s be honest, the only line you have to nail with this song (and the only line that anyone knows) is “Stayin’ Alive” which he does, multiple times.
Staging: 5/10
Meh, dancers dressed the same as you. Way too many dick and ass shots, and c’mon Dwayne, the old take off the jacket move? Better moves my friend, better moves.
The Teigen Score (sponsored by Smirnoff®): Eight Teigens Out of 10. This is why the Rock is A-list. He just brings the swagger. No one else can touch that man when he decides to turn it on, awkward dick jokes with LL Cool J aside.
Do We Agree With the Audience: Yes, the Rock won, hands down. Fallon, Harry Belafonte? Get your shit together. Also, can we agree that LL Cool J is now the whitest rapper in America?
