Legends of Tomorrow: “Blood Ties”
Season 1, Episode 3
I don’t know why I’m writing about this show. I’m not sure why I’m even watching it at this point, to be honest. I complain about The Flash and Arrow, sure, but Legends of Tomorrow is horrendously bad. The only way to survive its nonsense is to make fun of it so I’m doing so in the form of a live-blog because Bilal doesn’t keep tabs on the things I write. Wheeeeeee. As I watch the show, I’m just going to type out all the ridiculous thoughts that fly through my head.
I’m not sorry for any of this.
Even the opening credits drive me insane. Rip Hunter isn’t the hero. He’s whiny and he can’t grow a proper beard. Mentioning your dead family at the beginning of every episode doesn’t make me care more or somehow feel connected to your character.
In the same regard, killing a character I’ve known for exactly two seconds to “rally” the remaining group to your cause doesn’t make me care either, CARTER.
You know what would be more interesting for Rip as a person? For HIM not to care. He betrayed his oaths for a selfish reason. I imagine he’d be a bit more like Captain Cold than boring do-gooder of the week #4.
Why do Sci-Fi shows always have tiny medical beds? As if in the future patients don’t need to move as much or be even remotely comfortable. No wonder Kendra died or came close to dying or whatever. She was strapped into a torture device.
“No one’s on this ship who doesn’t want to be here.”
Uhm. Except everyone, Sara. All of you were lied to and betrayed. Someone has already kind of died. I think. I’m not sure of the rules anymore. And then there’s poor F.I.R.E.S.T.O.R.M. Jr. who was drugged and carried onto the ship against his will, but sure. You all want to be there. Something something Legends. Yea, yea.
Wait.
Wait.
Atom’s mechanism to shrink down is size is a gigantic button in the middle of his chest? I’m sure that won’t cause a problem at all in the middle of say, I don’t know, a fight.
You see that, Atom? You see that oversight there? That’s how you lose your job as Superman and become a bit player on a bad ensemble show pulling some Magic School Bus nonsense.
Brandon Routh, I’m sorry. I actually really like you; I know you’re better than this. You’re the best part of this show.
Call me.
Wow, Kendra is dying and Atom is stuck in a vein or artery or something and then the show smash cuts to Sara and Rip strutting to disco music. Dude, did no one watch the edits? That was a helluva jarring shift in tone.
Okay, so Sara and Rip are dressed up in their 70’s best to go pay a visit to the bank and Rip just happens to have some doubloons lying around that he got from his friends Jake and the Neverland Pirates. Also, maybe you should have brought your thieves to your bank heist.
Sara just pulled some Sherlock BS which is impressive given she wasn’t even BORN in 1975 but she knows all that stuff about some “bankers.”
Oh, she just killed that chick with a knife. Guess Sara doesn’t have any issues with killing like Arrow or Flash. I wonder if she needs to do that for her bloodlust. HM. QUESTIONS.
Oh my god I’m only 10 minutes in and I already have like 500 angry words typed out.
“It seems you brought a knife to a sword fight.”
Oh my god, I hate you and your stupid dialogue and your stupid hair cut.
Oh, okay, so Sara has the bloodlust, too. Sooooooo Constantine can’t fix that issue. MAYBE THEY SHOULD HAVE MADE THAT CLEAR ON ARROW.
Martin Stein can be kind of a dick.
I know this show is all about a journey through time but can every character not have like 6 different names?
What? How does this “student” of Vandal Savage know ALL this information about their group? Carter Hall hasn’t even been born yet. Are we still in 1975? Did I miss some time jump or something? Also, they call Rip Hunter “El Gharib.” Is that like, the only word they know that isn’t english? Is that supposed to make him more mythical or exotic or some shit? UGH.
I’m sure that dude definitely won’t escape the trunk of your car, Rip.
Captain Cold is going back to face daddy. This is going to end well, I can feel it. Hope he doesn’t run into a Fry from Futurama situation. I actually feel bad for Cold in this situation buuuutttttt I think he just stopped his sister from being born. Whoopsies. It’s sweet he’s trying to protect her, though. He’s the best. Sorry, Palmer. You got demoted. One too many screw-ups this week.
Sara and Rip continue to try to disguise themselves and they suck at it. They can’t even do dress-up right. Wait, is Rip talking about how he got over losing his wife? THEN WHY ARE YOU STILL….UGH.
Oh, hey, that dude escaped the trunk. Definitely didn’t see that coming.
Please don’t make Sara x Rip a thing. PLEASE.
I DON’T UNDERSTAND ANY OF THIS.
Oh my god, Martin Stein, you’re awful. You LIED to him.
Oh, good, the villain is monologuing. Is he the most boring of boring villains? Power for the sake of power. Blah blah. I’m going to kill everyone. Mwahaha–snore.
Doesn’t it feel a bit like a self-fulfilling prophecy, Rip getting revenge for the death of his family? I mean, by proclaiming his reason for wanting to kill Savage, he ENSURES their deaths. You’d think as a timelord or whatever he’d have seen at least one scenario kind of like this, right?
You said their names, Rip. Now you done goofed. He knows what they look like AND memorized their names.
Sara got a bit stab crazy. She’s got some black mage in her. I like it. Stabbity death.
Okay, so if I remember correctly, only Hawkman and Hawkgirl can kill Vandal Savage, right? So uhm…crazy thought here, why not, you know, bring Savage’s body TO Kendra so she can stab him? I KNOW I KNOW. It’s so crazy it just might work.
Or did Vandal Savage actually die and he resurrects like the Hawk duo? If that’s the case, why did Savage say his wound would “heal?” RULES, Legends. You have to have RULES for your nonsensical magic and shit.
Rip Hunter should start carrying flash cards of premade apologies given how many times he’s lied to his crew.
To 1986! *Groan*
Off-topic, but as much as I harp on CW shows, kudos to the network for streaming episodes the day the show airs. No one else does that and I’ll support CW because at least they seem more willing to embrace cord-cutting trends.
Legends of Tomorrow airs Thursdays on The CW at 8pm EST.
