We’re just a couple weeks away from a Night of Champions card that’s looking fairly promising with two huge championship matches and some very intriguing storyline possibilities. There’s a LOT of speculation going around about Seth Rollins and his future as a champion in WWE. The “third Reigns/Ambrose tag partner” has “SHIELD REUNION” stamped all over it. Is that where WWE is going? Let’s find out…
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Rollins comes to the ring as Cole continues to remind us that Rollins “only won the title thanks to Jon Stewart”. He says he’s special. Everyone wanted somebody to knock John Cena off the top of the mountain and that’s what he did at SummerSlam. Seth continues bragging and the crowd chants “WE WANT STING”. Rollins agrees with them and says that Sting stole his statue and got his hands on his title. He tells Sting to be careful what he wishes for because at Night of Champions, Sting has the chance to flip his career and solidify his legacy. The problem is that Rollins has the chance to CRUSH his legacy and that’s what he’s going to do. He’s gonna beat Sting and make sure he never gets another chance to even try to get near him. The crowd chants “BORING”. Seth tells them all that he’s champ and he can talk all night. He says he’s Seth-freaking-Rollins and he’ll not only beat Sting, but John Cena, too. He will own Cena, Sting, the ring and the fans. He will own everything else as well. He will also get his statue back.
He rants until Sting appears on the Jumbotron. He says that the statue doesn’t belong in an office or in staging or anywhere. It belongs with him. Sting dusts the statue and says that he’s here and so’s the statue…so come and get it. The Jumbotron goes offline and Sheamus’s music hits. They insult one another as Sheamus says that Rollins worrying about a statue should make him realize how stupid he sounds. Rollins: “Do you know how stupid you look?” This pisses off Sheamus. He tells Seth to look at the briefcase. Seth asks him what his point is. Sheamus says he can “make his point” tonight or next week or at Night of Champions. If Rollins gets by Sting and Cena, he’ll have a possible third match — against Sheamus.
TONIGHT: Summer Rae and Lana catfight. #DIVASREVOLUTION!
Speaking of, Team PCB walk backstage. It’s Paige vs. Sasha Banks — NEXT.
Seth is backstage and asks Steph if Triple H is around. Steph tells him to calm down. She has a plan. Rollins rambles and swears that NOC isn’t getting into his head. He asks again if Triple H is around. She motions over his shoulder. Triple H stands there and asks if Seth thinks Steph can’t handle these things. Seth stammers. Triple H tells Seth he’s “The Man”. So, what does he have to worry about. Triple H says that he shouldn’t worry about Sting or Cena or Sheamus — because Sheamus will fight Randy Orton. The crowd makes a sound that sounds like semi-abject horror, as we’ve seen this match about 80 times. Triple H says that Seth IS the man, so he should prepare for NOC by having two matches tonight. The first will be against Ryback and the second will be Seth Rollins and The New Day against The Prime Time Players and John Cena. Rollins looks at Steph. Steph says she was just gonna tell Seth to find Sting but Triple H’s plan sounds better. The two of them continue to pump him up.
MATCH #1: Paige (w/ Charlotte & Becky Lynch) vs. Sasha Banks (w/ Naomi & Tamina)
Paige chases Banks to the ropes, then whips her around by the hair, then tosses her across the ring twice. There’s a weird botchy-looking spot where Sasha hits the ropes, then flies back for no reason. Paige elbows her in the corner but Sasha escapes, stomps Paige’s chest and gets a two-count. After break, Banks chokes Paige with a boot, then poses. She hits a knee to Paige’s face and gets a two-count. Tamina belts Paige in the face when she slumps over the bottom ropes. Paige tries to come back with a small package but Banks kicks out. Paige hits elbows, but Banks kicks her in the stomach and gets two. Paige kicks at her and a few counters later, it’s a Paige Superkick for two. Banks tries a Cross Body but Paige catches her for a Ram-Paige. Sasha escapes and goes outside. Paige hits a Senton on Tamina and Banks rolls Paige back into the ring. Paige hits a slingshot suplex for two, then goes for the PTO. Naomi leaps into the ring, the ref deals with her and Banks gets the distraction pin to win it at 9:55.
WINNER: Sasha Banks
RATING: **. Just nothing here at ALL. I wish these teams would break up already.
Post-match, Paige looks distraught — but enough of all that! PCB celebrates anyhow!
MATCH #2: The Ascension (Konnor & Viktor) vs. Dean Ambrose & Roman Reigns
Ambrose goes after Konnor with a lariat, then knees him in the gut. Tag to Reigns who clotheslines him. Konnor comes back, beating him up in the corner and tagging Viktor. Reigns counters with a Samoan Drop. Konnor distracts Reigns and Viktor dropkicks him. Reigns goes outside and dives at Konnor. Viktor gets a Sitting Dropkick and Reigns gets back in the ring for some corner clotheslines. Reigns calls for the Superman Punch, hitting it. Tag to Ambrose and the two hit The Doomsday Device. Spear, Dirty Deeds and a win at 2:52.
WINNERS: Ambrose/Reigns
RATING: 1/2 a *. Yay?
Wyatt cut and there’s Braun backstage with his sheep mask. He tells them that it’s ok to be afraid. Wyatt appears and says that the apocalypse awaits them at NOC. Run. Wyatt edit.
Renee Young is backstage with Ryback. Ryback says the Intercontinental Championship has been held by fighters. Ryback says he’s a fighter unlike Rollins, who always escapes. Owens shows up, eating an apple (because he’s fat — HA!) and wishing Ryback “luck”. Ryback says he’s full of crap. Owens shrugs him off and tells him to go get ready for his match.
We get a really lame TMZ-style gossip reel about Summer, Lana and Ziggler.
TONIGHT: Summer is going to address all this bullshit.
MATCH #3: WWE Intercontinental Champion Ryback vs. WWE United States Champion & WWE World Heavyweight Champion Seth Rollins (non-title)
Rollins gets out of the ring and takes some deep breaths. He gets back in the ring and Ryback tosses him across the ring. After taking another breather, Ryback gets put in a headlock. Ryback breaks and tosses Rollins away again. Rollins comes back into the ring and Ryback applies a wristlock and shoulderblocks Rollins to the mat. He applies an armbar but Rollins gets to the ropes, then goes on the attack after the break after Cole and JBL argue over how Sting can “return Rollins’ statue”. Ryback comes back with a Thesz Press. He tries a suplex but Rollins lands on his feet. Ryback clotheslines him again and whips him across the ring, into the corner HARD. Ryback chops at Rollins, then lifts him for a Delayed Vertical Suplex for about 15 seconds before dropping him for a two-count. Rollins gets up and kicks at Ryback, stomping at him after he’s down. He starts taunting Ryback, slapping at his head, so Ryback picks him up and press slams him. Rollins rolls out of the ring. Ryback chases him and tries to ram him into the ringpost, but Rollins counters it and Ryback hits his head. Rollins tosses him into the ring steps as we go to break.
After break, Ryback flies into the corner post inside the ring. Rollins hits a neckbreaker and gets two. Ryback fights back with a punch but Rollins drops his neck on the top rope. He hits a flying knee to Ryback’s head for two, then hits a running forearm in the corner. He runs at Ryback again but Ryback hits a Back Bodydrop. Ryback gets to his feet and hits shoulderblocks, then a tackle. He goes for a powerbomb. Rollins counters into a Pedigree but Ryback counters. A series of counters and Ryback FINALLY hits a powerbomb for two. Ryback goes top rope but Rollins grabs him. Ryback knocks him off and tries a Big Splash. Rollins moves out of the way and gets a two count after Ryback belly flops. Rollins hits a Baseball Slide, sending Ryback out of the ring. Ryback gets up to the ropes at three, so Rollins kicks him down and the count restarts. Once the count restarts, Rollins tackles him outside again. This is repeated again before Ryback finally wises up, gets into the ring and hits a Spinebuster. He hits a Meathook and goes for the Shell Shock but Rollins kicks out. Rollins hits an Enzuguri and Ryback goes down. Suddenly, Sting’s crow caws and Sting says he’s still waiting for Seth to come for the statue. Seth’s pissed and goes to pick up Ryback — who rolls him up and pins him at 17:24.
WINNER: Ryback
RATING: ***1/4 here. Good match that got better as it went along. Ryback is getting better each week I see him. The problem, of course, is that you had a fuck-finish that saw Ryback pinning Seth Rollins who holds two titles. And what’s that going to result in? If you said, “Nothing”, you win a cookie.
Post-match, Rollins is furious. Sting appears on the Tron again. He puts a Sting mask on Rollins’ statue and smiles as Rollins goes apeshit.
TONIGHT: Seth Rollins & The New Day vs. John Cena & The New Day
ALSO: Randy Orton vs. Sheamus
Rollins is pissed backstage. The New Day appear and start doing their positive-thinking bullshit. Rollins tells them to shut the fuck up. Suddenly, Edge and Christian appear. Edge says the last time he saw Rollins, he used Edge to get his way. Edge says that Rollins didn’t finish the job. He wants Rollins to try right now. Rollins says he has too much on his plate and walks away. Xavier Woods wants to “battle” with them for some reason. He blows about six notes into his trumpet. Christian pulls out a Kazoo and starts a “NEW DAY SUCKS” chant. Big E takes it away and eats it, then throws it to the ground. The Dudleyz show up. They tell The New Day that The Primetime Players face The New Day for the Tag Titles — and the Dudleyz get the winner at Night of Champions. Bubba Ray has a new song for them: “GET! THE TABLES!” in the tune of “NEW DAY SUCKS”.
Summer Rae comes to the ring to…say stuff. We get the same dumb TMZ reel.
Summer wants to apologize to Rusev for whatever reason. She calls him to the ring. He gets out there. She sucks up to him. She says that, because of him, she got to be in Ironman magazine and it was all because he trained her. She feels terrible. Her “innocence got the best of her”, she basically tells him that she was seduced by Dolph Ziggler and he kissed her. She apologizes. Rusev: “You betraded me.” Seriously, he said that. He forgives her, then calls her “submissive” and loses about half his accent until he shouts a bunch of stuff about Ziggler. He yells about Lana and how she “gone cheated” or something.
Ziggler shows up and I’m not even sure things are improving here. He says that Rusev and Summer are liars. He says he’s here to give Rusev a message from Lana: a Superkick to Rusev’s jaw. Rusev rolls out of the ring as Ziggler stands tall.
NEXT: Randy Orton vs. Sheamus
Cole welcomes us back to “RAW Episode 1,163” as if it’s his Grandparent’s golden anniversary.
MATCH #4: Randy Orton vs. Sheamus
Aaaaaaand here we go again. The two grapple and then exchange wristlocks before Orton puts on a headlock. Sheamus breaks it and walks outside the ring. After some yelling Sheamus re-enters and it’s another serious of grapples and walking around before Orton puts on a headlock. Sheamus whips Orton into the ropes and is met with a couple of shoulderblocks. Sheamus exits the ring as the fans taunt him for his hair. Back in the ring, Sheamus hits some uppercuts. Orton returns the blows. Sheamus ducks out of the ring AGAIN, then grabs a mic and yells at the fans. Orton interrupts and drops his back on top of the crowd barrier. After rolling him back into the ring, it’s uppercuts and punches in the corner. Sheamus comes back with an inverted Atomic Drop but Orton dropkicks him out of the ring. YES, AGAIN. Orton goes outside and misses a clothesline. Sheamus hits an Irish Curse Backbreaker.
When we come back, Sheamus has Orton in a headlock. Orton breaks free and lands a headbutt on Sheamus but Sheamus hits a Rolling Senton. More yelling at the fans and Sheamus lands an uppercut. Orton comes back with uppercuts of his own and some clotheslines followed by the Powerslam in Stride. T-Bone Suplex by Orton gets two. Sheamus rolls outside the ropes. Orton goes for Vintage Orton but Sheamus breaks it and goes for Ten Beats, hitting three before tiring of the fans counting with the punches. Orton breaks but Sheamus decks him and hits a Battering Ram for two. Sheamus barks at the ref and runs at Orton. Orton hits the Powerslam again and goes for a clothesline but Sheamus hits a Powerslam of his own and then puts on an Indian Crosslock. After some dragging, Orton makes it to the ropes and Sheamus breaks. Sheamus runs at Orton and ends up outside the ropes. Orton grabs him for a Superplex, hitting it with ease. CLOSE two-count. Orton hits Vintage Orton and goes for the RKO but Sheamus counters into White Noise and NEARLY gets Orton. He goes for a Brogue but misses. Sheamus rolls him up after a counter and gets two but Orton hits an RKO for the win at 15:50.
WINNER: Randy Orton via RKO
RATING: ***1/2 here. If this was the blow-off, it was really good. These two put on a great match. At the same time, can we PLEASE say it’s the blow-off?
Post-match, we get the Wyatts appearing and beating the snot out of Orton. Strowman chokes Orton out and hits the sideways Winds of Change which looks less-than-convincing. Follow the Buzzards.
Cole recaps what we just saw and says that the Wyatts did what they did because it was a warning to other wrestlers not to join Reigns and Ambrose. I hope that’s all it was because Orton would be a routine, boring addition to that team.
MATCH #5: The Dudley Boyz (D-Von & Bubba Ray) vs. Los Matadores (Diego & Fernando) (w/ El Torito)
There aren’t enough mops in the world to clean up the bloodbath we’re about to see. Bubba starts with Diego. Wristlock by Diego that morphs into a headlock. Bubba counters with a Side Suplex. He tries another but Diego counters with a dropkick and quick tag to Fernando. Fernando attacks Bubba but ends up hitting Diego. Torito argues with Fernando — and Fernando decks Torito, which actually seems to break the heart of the attending crowd. Fernando eats a 3D and the Dudleyz win it.
WINNERS: Dudley Boyz
RATING: n/a – squash
Post-match, Diego admonishes Torito, then kicks him out of the ring. He goes outside and slaps Torito around. The Dudleyz have seen enough, get a table, set it up in the ring, grab Diego and it’s a Bubba Bomb into the table. I’m thinking the Matadores are going buh-bye.
TONIGHT: The 6-Man Tag
MATCH #6: Cesaro vs. The Miz
Miz removes his sunglasses and Cesaro takes him down, then mocks him. Gut Wrench by Cesaro. Miz comes back with a headlock but Cesaro counters into a Spinning Backbreaker. Two count. Cesaro hits two running uppercuts before Miz bails and relaxes outside the ring. Cesaro follows, takes JBL’s hat and wears it before running Miz over. Back in the ring, Miz knees Cesaro in the gut and gets two. Miz tosses Cesaro into the ropes. Cesaro flips over the top and boots MIz in the face. Miz boots him and kicks him off the mat outside. Miz goes after him and Big Show shows up, chasing Miz around the ring. Oh, hey, it’s a double countout.
WINNER: Double Countout
RATING: DUD. In the words of The Miz: “Really?!“
Post-match, Show TKO’s Cesaro. I’m so sorry you’ve gotten in the middle of this shit, Cesaro. You deserve so much better.
NEXT: Nikki Bella talks about how great she is.
The Bellas and Random Fox Bella come to the ring. Alicia and Brie introduce Nikki. Nikki gives a speech about how we can all “fill” the excitement about her title reign. We are just over 7 days away from Nikki breaking the Divas championship record. Nikki says that the “Bella-bration” will be next week.
Charlotte and PCB interrupt. Charlotte says that she petitioned for a title match next week. She got it. Then PCB beats up Team Bella because why the fuck not? Nobody in the crowd honestly gives a shit. Charlotte hits a spear on Fox and applies the Figure Eight to end this crap.
NEXT: The 6-Man Tag
MATCH #7: John Cena & The Primetime Players (Titus O’Neil & Darren Young) vs. WWE United States Champion & WWE World Heavyweight Champion Seth Rollins & WWE Tag Team Champions The New Day (Big E & Kofi Kingston) (w/ Xavier Woods) in a Six-Man Tag Team Match
Rollins and Cena start out but, lo and behold, Rollins tags in E who claps and grinds his hips. They finally lock up and E puts on a headlock and starts stomping to “NEW! DAY ROCKS!” Shoulderblock and Woods loses his shit cheering for E. Another round of that and Cena looks irritated. Finally, Cena comes back with a shoulderblock of his own. But E gets up, catches him and hits a Powerslam for two. Tag to Rollins and it’s a New Day Mudhole Stomp by all three guys. E tosses Kofi right into Cena’s face as Woods blows on the trumpet. After a break, Kofi continues to lock Cena up, following a Cross Body off the top rope. Cena breaks the hold but Kofi hits an S.O.S. and gets two. Tag to E who Cena dumps out of the ring when E runs at him. E tags Rollins who goes top rope and nails Cena with a knee to his head and it’s even more Cena peril. E tags in and chokes Cena against the corner rope. E tosses Cena into the corner, then hits a Sidewalk Slam while grinding his hips. Then it’s a Delayed Suplex while hip-grinding. E misses a Warrior Splash and it’s a hot tag to Titus who destroys E with shoulderblocks and Big Boot. Rollins gets involved but Young grabs him and drops him on the mat. Titus does a Gator Bark and then clotheslines E in the corner. Woods yells at Titus but Young trips him and hits a Gut Check. Kofi knees Young in the face. Titus knocks Kofi off the mat to the outside of the ring. E hits the Belly to Belly. Tags to Cena and Rollins. Cena goes for an AA. Counter. Rollins with a Pedigree. Counter. STF by Cena. Rollins manages to tag Kofi who leaps to the top rope. He hits a Cross Body on Cena who rolls out of a pin, counters into an AA and then hits it to win at 12:55.
WINNERS: Titus/Young/Cena
RATING: **. This was Cena selling everything Rollins and The New Day had to offer, then grabbing the win at the end because Cena suddenly regained the ability to no-sell every single heel move in the world. We saw a whole 40 seconds of Titus and Young due to this shit booking.
Post-match, Cena and the PTP celebrate and do the “Millions of Dollars” dance. After they leave, Rollins rolls back into the ring and is distraught. Sting reappears on the Jumbotron and says that Rollins looks like he had a rough night. He never came to get the statue. Sting has something to show him: the lights behind him go up and we see a garbage truck. Sting teases pushing it into the compactor while Rollins begs him not to. Finally, Sting does it. The compactor comes down and chops the statue in half. Rollins is PISSED. Sting rides off with the truck. Rollins is beside himself as the crowd does a “Hey, Hey, Goodbye” chant. Rollins grabs both his belts and yells that he’s still champ as we go off the air.
OVERALL: An OK show tonight. Nothing to write home about. It’s obvious that WWE didn’t care because Labor Day meant limited viewership. Next week, we get the Going Home show before NOC, so hopefully, we get something much better to watch.
Er…that’s it.
