SummerSlam has ten matches and is a four-hour spectacle this year. I’m looking forward to a great show which features a title-for-title match, a re-match from WrestleMania XXX and, of course, my sister-in-law’s guy, Stephen Amell. As you can see, this year’s event has something for everyone. Let’s get going…
Lillian Garcia introduces our host of SummerSlam: Jon Stewart. He welcomes everyone to SummerSlam. He does the “NO SLEEP ‘TIL BROOKLYN” chant. He says that it’s nice to be back in reality after talking about politics for 16 years. The difference between politics and WWE is that every performer puts it on the line. He starts naming all the performers and the crowd applies heat or pops depending on who they are. He’s a fan. He’s upset about The Streak. He wanted to interview Brock Lesnar — but he needed help doing it. So he brought a little help: Mick Foley.
Foley says he has a funny story — right here, in Brooklyn, New York. He says they traded phone calls and the line was always fuzzy…but, in any case, Foley thought that Stewart needed help interviewing The Rock, not Brock. He asks if Foley’s afraid of Brock. Foley says he isn’t scared — he’s terrified of Brock. Stewart says that Foley’s the Hardcore Legend. Foley says that was 17 years ago. Things are different. Stewart had DARK hair back then. Foley says that he isn’t going to Suplex City today. He says they should leave. They do.
We get the video intro.
We are LIVE(!!!) from Brooklyn, New York for WWE SummerSlam!!!
Michael Cole, JBL and King are the guys on the mics. Christophe Agius & Philipe Chereau are manning the French desk while Marcelo Rodriguez, Carlos Cabrera and Jerry Soto are at the Spanish Desk.
MATCH #1: Randy Orton vs. Sheamus
Cole notes that Orton has won three WWE Titles at SummerSlam which is convenient since the title isn’t on the line. Orton immediately goes for an RKO. Sheamus pushes out of it and goes outside the ring. He grabs a mic and says he doesn’t “look stupid”. Everyone else does. They will “Respect the ‘hawk”. Orton’s had enough. He trips Sheamus and rolls him into the ring. They begin to brawl until Orton dropkicks him outside. Orton attacks but Sheamus tosses him into the ringpost. Back in the ring, Sheamus hits a flying kneedrop from the top rope and gets two. Sheamus tosses Orton into the corner buckle hard, then throws his arms up in celebration. Sheamus hits two backbreakers, shouts at the crowd and mocks them by straightening his mohawk. Sheamus hits a side headlock but Orton breaks. He runs at Sheamus who hits a knee to Orton’s gut. Orton gets to his feet and the two trade punches and uppercuts. Sheamus hits an elbow off the run. Another headlock but Orton breaks and it’s clotheslines and backbreaker. Orton goes for Vintage Orton but Sheamus evades and counters. Sheamus runs at Orton and ends up getting flipped out of the ring. Back in the ring, Sheamus regains the advantage and hits a powerslam for two. Sheamus tries for the Shamrock but Orton forces the early break. Sheamus misses a Brogue and Orton counters with the In-Stride Powerslam. Two count. Orton’s starting to bleed above his left eye. Sheamus retreats to the corner and tries to go top rope — but Orton grabs him for Vintage Orton. Orton signals for the RKO but Sheamus retreats outside the ropes. Orton tries to grab him and both guys fight near the ropes. Sheamus turns Orton goes for Ten Beats. Orton fights out. Sheamus goes for a Battering Ram and Orton hits an RKO OUT OF NOWHERE. Sheamus, however, rolls outside. Orton retrieves him and rolls him back in, going for The Punt but misses. Sheamus hits White Noise for a CLOSE fall. Sheamus signals for the Brogue. The first one misses. Orton goes for the RKO but HE misses. Sheamus hits TWO Brogues since the first one just kinda clipped Orton. The second one gets the pin at 12:14.
WINNER: Sheamus via Brogue Kick
RATING: **3/4. Not a bad match to start, if not a bit disjointed. These two guys always work together.
“Jake” and “Josh” won Draft Kings or something and they’re at ringside.
The New Day comes out, obnoxious as ever, and they want to teach New York about Hip Hop. So they do a rendition of “Empire State of Mind”
MATCH #2: The New Day (Kofi Kingston & Big E) (w/ Xavier Woods) (challengers) vs. Lucha Dragons (Sin Cara & Kalisto) (challengers) vs. Los Matadores (Diego & Fernando) (w/ El Torito) (challengers) vs. Primetime Players (Darren Young & Titus O’Neil) (champions) in a Fatal 4-Way for the WWE Tag Team Championship
Got all that? New Day tags each other in. E tries to pin Kofi and JBL immediately calls this “confusing”. Tag to Kalisto. Sin Cara slingshots him into Kofi and it’s a two count. E tags in and Kalisto kicks him to death. E tries to send him into the ropes but Kalisto flips back and hits an Enzuguri. Wow! Tag to Darren Young who keeps up with Kalisto’s flipping around and sweep kicks. The crowd loves this. Kofi gets in. Young hits an elbow on a run and then a neckbreaker. Young ends up down on the mat. E splashes him. Mudhole stomp by New Day and E slings Kofi into Young with a dropkick. Two count. E and Kofi work Young over with some nice double-teaming. E puts Young into an Abdominal Stretch but Young chops out of it. E knocks him down for another pin. Kofi tries to fly at Young but Young catches him for an inverted Atomic Drop. Hot tag to Titus. He runs over Kofi and knocks E off the mat. He attacks the Dragons and boots Kofi in the head. Everyone attacks him but Titus knocks them all down like he’s Bruce Lee. Fernando tags himself in as things get crazy. He nearly gets a Cross Body Pin on Titus. Sin Cara comes in and botches a Hurricarana on Fernando. Torito and Woods get involved. Woods beats up Torito. Young absolutely destroys Woods. E spears Young. Cara and Kalisto get to one of the Matadores but then they lose him and the Matador falls OFF the top post in another botch. Another Matador leaps up to take his place for some reason. Titus grabs all three guys and slams them all to the mat. Titus hits Clash of the Titus — but Kofi runs in and kicks Titus in the face. He gets the pin because he’s the legal man. Mark it at 11:21.
WINNERS AND NEW CHAMPIONS: The New Day
RATING: *. What a mess of a match. Look, I know the goal is to make these types of matches insane but when you’re botching moves and missing spots, that defeats all the booking you put in place.
Jon Stewart’s backstage with Neville and Stephen Amell. The Undertaker walks by. Everyone’s nervous. Stewart asks Amell to sign his son’s shirt — but don’t put “TO NATE” on it because he’s gonna sell all the signed merch later.
We get the build-up for Ziggler/Rusev.
MATCH #3: Dolph Ziggler (w/ Lana) vs. Rusev (w/ Summer Rae)
Rusev barks at Ziggler. Ziggler just starts slugging away. Rusev kicks him down and tries a suplex but Ziggler lands on his feet and dropkick Rusev. Ziggler punches Rusev in the corner. Rusev throws him off. Ziggler misses a splash. Rusev stomps at him and hits elbows. He puts Ziggler in a Bear Hug. Ziggler fights out but ends up in a Spinning Spinebuster for two. Then he tries a press slam but Ziggler falls and grabs Rusev on the way down for a DDT. Nice move. Rusev misses a clothesline in the corner and Ziggler hits clotheslines, a splash and neckbreaker. Ziggler hits an elbow drop and gets a one-count. Rusev comes back with a Spinning Heel Kick and it’s a near fall. Rusev goes to rope and Ziggler leaps up, grabs him and drops his face on the mat for a near fall. Ziggler tries a Superkick but Rusev catches him and hits a Side Suplex and a 360 Senton Splash for a VERY close fall. Rusev calls for the Superkick but misses. Ziggler hits a Sunset Flip for two. Ziggler tries the Sleeper. Rusev gets to the ropes but Ziggler pulls him away. Rusev breaks in the corner but Ziggler immediately hits a Fame-Asser for a VERY close fall. Rusev hits a high Superkick and goes for the Accolade. He locks it in. Lana runs over and begs Ziggler not to tap. Summer walks over and tries to slap her but Lana blocks it and slaps Summer. Rusev drops the hold and confronts Lana. Ziggler rolls out of the ring. Summer attacks Lana. Ziggler leaps up and Superkicks Rusev but can’t beat the count and it’s a double countout at 11:51.
WINNERS: Double Countout
RATING: **. Decent until that finish. I guess the feud continues.
A cutesy trailer for the Amell/Neville team-up.
MATCH #4: King Barrett & Stardust vs. Neville & Stephen Amell
Barrett starts with Neville. A series of counters and Neville flips away and hits Barrett with an armdrag. Stardust gets into the ring and says he wants Amell. Tag to Amell who springboards into the ring. Stardust shoves Amell to the ground and yells in his face. Amell flips up and kicks Dust in the chest. Amell mocks Dust with his “Star Hands” thing. Dust comes back and knees Amell in the chest. Star tries a Side Suplex but Amell lands on his feet and hip tosses Dust to the ground. Amell mocks Dust with the “bow and arrow” motion. Tag to Barrett who kicks Amell in the chest after Amell executes a nice leapfrog. Dust kicks Amell in the corner after a tag. Barrett ties Amell in the ropes and knees him in the face, then knocks him to the mat outside. Dust beats on him outside. Tag to Dust inside the ring and it’s a Reverse Suplex for two. Amell suddenly hits an Enzuguri and it’s a hot tag to Neville who kicks Dust off the mat, then kicks at Barrett several times. Neville hits a beautiful 450 Splash from the second rope. Dust makes the save. The heels spill outside. Amell goes top rope and hits a Cross Body to both guys, then rolls Barrett back in the ring where Neville hits a Red Arrow to finish this at 7:35.
WINNERS: The Arrows via Red Arrow
RATING: I won’t rate this. Cute match and Amell is pretty athletic. Jennie gives it ***** stars, I know. 🙂 A bit short for my taste, but Amell worked hard and looked impressive.
We get a look at all the WWE activities that have been going on around New York.
MATCH #5: Big Show (challenger) vs. The Miz (challenger) vs. Ryback (champion) in a Tiple Threat Match for the WWE Intercontinental Championship
Show and Ryback chase Miz off. Show chops Ryback down while Miz just watches. Miz takes a shot at Ryback. Ryback chases him and Miz ends up in the hands of Show. Ryback does too. Both men kick Show and try to suplex him but Show reverses it and suplexes both guys. Miz leaves the ring. Show hits a 360 Senton from the second rope but Miz comes in and tries to pin Ryback, NEARLY getting the fall. Show attacks Miz in the corner, splashing him. Ryback clips Show in the gut, then Powerslams Miz to the mat. He hits a Big Splash on Miz from the top rope but Show grabs Ryback and Chokeslams Ryback right on top of Miz, getting a near fall. Show sets up the KO Punch but misses. Ryback hits a Spinebuster and Warrior Splash. He sets up the Meat Hook but Show catches him for the Chokeslam. Ryback counters into the Shell Shock. Miz runs in and hits the SCF on Ryback and NEARLY gets a fall. He covers Show and Show kicks out. He keeps alternating pins but the guys keep keeping out. Show clocks Ryback with the KO and Show and Miz fight over the pin. Show KO’s him. He tries to do the same to Ryback but Ryback ducks and clotheslines him out of the ring, pinning Miz to retain at 5:31.
WINNER AND STILL CHAMPION: Ryback
RATING: 1/2 a *. Championship matches should not be this dull, especially Triple Threat Championship matches.
Jon Stewart has worked up the courage to go see Brock Lesnar. He bumps into Paul Heyman instead. He wants to know how Heyman feels about how Lesnar crushed the dreams of so many. Heyman sings Glory, Glory Brock Lesnar. Then he says it’s sad that David Letterman isn’t hosting tonight. He goes back inside the dressing room, yelling about how Lesnar won’t believe what just happened. Stewart leaves.
MATCH #6: Bray Wyatt & Luke Harper vs. Dean Ambrose & Roman Reigns
Ambrose and Harper start. Ambrose just flies into Harper and punches him. Roman gets involved and Roman flies into the ring. They toss Bray, toss Harper, then Roman throws Ambrose into Harper outside. The fight spills outside. Ambrose dodges getting powerbombed by Harper, then runs across all three announce table to dive at Bray in the timekeeper’s pit. The two destroy Harper back in the ring, with Ambrose hitting a flying elbow drop for two. It turns into a brawl with the fight spilling outside again. Bray hits a Spinebuster into the mat. Harper superkicks Reigns. Ambrose dives at Bray and Harper but Bray nails Ambrose coming through the ropes and slams him into the mat edge again. Back in the ring, Wyatt throws Ambrose across the ring, then tags Harper. Harper tears Ambrose’s shirt off and chops at him in the corner. Bray tags and hits Vintage Wyatt off the ring ropes. Tag to Harper and Harper kicks Ambrose’s head off. Two count.
Harper hits a Crossface but breaks the hold and it’s a tag to Bray who hits a Senton for two. Reigns STILL isn’t in the face corner. Ambrose has nobody to tag. Bray clotheslines Dean in the corner, then it’s tags in and out until Dean hits a Rebound Clothesline. The crowd starts chanting “ROMAN’S SLEEPING” until Roman FINALLY gets back to the corner. Hot tag to Roman who takes out the Wyatts. He clotheslines Harper in the corner, then hits a two side suplexes. He calls for the Superman Punch but Wyatt hits a kick. Harper grabs Reigns for the Michinoku Driver for two. Tag to Wyatt and they try to double team Reigns. He fights out and it’s Superpunches for everyone. They set up for a Doomsday Device and hit it but Harper makes the save. They take out Harper and hit a Double Powerbomb but Wyatt suddenly leaps up for Sister Abigail. Dean fights out and hits Dirty Deeds. Tag to Roman and a Spear ends it at 10:57.
WINNERS: Dean Ambrose & Roman Reigns
RATING: **1/2. Surprisingly by-the-numbers with no twists and a clean finish? Not a bad match overall, but I just expected more from these four.
We get the build-up for Cena/Rollins.
MATCH #7: WWE United States Champion John Cena vs. WWE World Heavyweight Champion Seth Rollins in a Title-for-Title Championship Match
Rollins is out in an all-white uniform and the blonde in his hair seems to be mostly gone. The crowd is molten hot for this match. Cena hits a side headlock takedown. Rollins breaks and hits a hip toss and dropkick. Cena fights back, hitting a punch. Cena hits a quick belly to belly and another side headlock. Rollins breaks and ends up in the corner. The crowd REALLY gets on Cena’s back and Cena delays his attack because of it. Rollins dodges when he tries a splash, then knees Cena out of the ring, hitting three straight Suicide Dives much to the delight of the crowd. Back in the ring, Cena hits Moves #1 and #2 but misses #3. After several counters, he hits it and goes for the 5KS. Rollins kicks him and goes for a Pedigree. Cena dodges and hits a horrible Springboard Stunner, then the 5KS. He tries the AA but Rollins kicks out of it and hits a Running Moonsault for two. Rollins hits Cena with a corner splash and props him up on the top buckle. Cena fights out but Rollins grabs him again and punches him. Cena tries to pull himself back up but Rollins mocks him and yells, “YOU CAN’T SEE ME”, then stomps on Cena’s chest. CLOSE fall.
Rollins yells at the ref for that. Rollins asks Cena if he thinks he’s better. So, Cena leaps up with an AA for a CLOSE fall. The two trade punches with Cena really covering his face. Seth goes for another Pedigree but Cena escapes. Rollins ends up in an Electric Chair and Cena drops him on his face for two. Cena hits a Flying Legdrop for a CLOSE fall. Cena picks Rollins up on his shoulders and goes to the turnbuckle. Rollins falls off his shoulders and counters with a Buckle Bomb. Rollins goes top rope and hits a HUGE Frog Splash for two. Cena kicks out and tries the AA. Rollins escapes, landing on his feet and hits an Enzuguri. Cena runs at Rollins and HE ends up in an AA — but Cena kicks out at NEAR three. Rollins gets up and goes to the top buckle, missing his move. Cena gets up and hits an STF. Cena tries to re-position but Rollins kicks out. Cena hits a Figure Four! Holy shit…Rollins reverses the move but Cena gets to the ropes. Both men get up. Cena punches Rollins down to the mat, then goes top rope. But Rollins grabs him and hits a Superplex — THEN a Michinoku Driver AND NEARLY GETS THE PIN!!! Rollins misses a splash. Cena goes for the AA and it’s a ref-bump. Cena hits it but the ref is out. Cena gets up and tells somebody to get a referee. Cena picks Rollins up and Rollins nails Cena in the nose. Suddenly, Jon Stewart comes to the ring with a chair…he telegraphs like he’s gonna hit Rollins, but hits Cena instead. Pedigree on the chair and Rollins wins both titles at 19:28.
WINNER AND NEW MULTI-TITLE CHAMPION: Seth Rollins via Pedigree
RATING: ***1/2. This match deserved a better finish than this. Seth was lights-out incredible and Cena was so-so. And the finish, despite what is said, is so incredibly stupid.
It’s padding time as we have 90 minutes and 3 matches left. Let’s stop off at the WWE News Desk where Byron is horrified that the match ended the way it did. The crowd loves it and chants “THANK YOU, STEWART”.
MATCH #8: Team Bella (Alicia Fox, Brie Bella, & WWE Divas Champion Nikki Bella) vs. Team B.A.D. (Naomi, Tamina & Sasha Banks) vs. Team PCB (Paige, Charlotte and Becky Lynch) in a Three-Team Elimination Match
#BATHROOMBREAKREVOLUTION! Lynch and Brie start. They fight into the corner. Brie shoves Lynch who comes back with arm drags and a dropkick. Brie comes back with the Running Knee. Then Tamina tags in with a Superkick. Divas fly in from everywhere but it clears pretty quick. Tags in and out of the B.A.D. corner and it’s Triple-Teaming until Tamina slams Lynch to the mat. Naomi tags in and she hits a Split Legdrop. Tag to Sasha but Lynch rolls her up for a one-count. Sasha tags Tamina who hits a clothesline. Two count. The fight spills outside and Tamina runs Lynch’s back into the edge of the mat. Charlotte spears Tamina. Naomi and Banks dive at everyone outside. The Bellas do the same as the crowd hates them. Paige goes top rope. Fox leaps up to the stop her. Paige shoves her down on top of the others, then Paige just hits a 360 Senton. Back in the ring, Tamina gets beat up by the Bellas and Team B.A.D. is eliminated at 6:16. Nikki hits the Rack Attack on Becky but Charlotte and Paige save the pin. Paige runs in and beats on Nikki, hitting a running kneelift. Paige hits a Fallaway Slam but Nikki ditches the ring. Paige tries a Baseball Slide but Nikki grabs her legs and hits the ALABAMA SLAMMA MIGGAL. Paige runs back in the ring at nine. Brie and Nikki drop Paige on her face and get two. Brie starts hitting YES kicks but everyone chants “NO”. Brie and Paige kinda flail and Paige just trips and falls on nothing. Alicia tags in and it’s a Northern Lights Suplex for two. Surfboard from Fox. Paige escapes but Fox hits a nice dropkick. The Paige peril just continues until Paige forearms every single Bella and knees Fox in the face. Tag to Charlotte who hits a neckbreaker on Fox. Figure Eight but the Bellas make the save. Fox and Charlotte get up and run at one another and they each boot one another in the face. Lynch tags in and her and Brie just slug it out. Lynch tosses Brie across the ring. Brie gets up and knocks Lynch down, then misses the Brie Mode Drop Kick. Lynch pins her to win at 15:14.
WINNERS: Team PCB
RATING: *1/2. Random, with no velocity whatsoever.
Terminator’s in WWE 2K16.
MATCH #9: Cesaro vs. Kevin Owens
It’s a slugfst to start. Owens kicks out of the Swing and the fight moves outside when Owens hits a 360 dive to the outside. Owens: “You watching this, Cole…you might wanna pay attention!” Then Cesaro dives at Owens in a great spot. In the ring, it’s Cesaro hitting a cross body for two. Another Swing attempt but Owens kicks out. Cesaro stomps on his chest. Owens rolls out of the ring. Cesaro chases but Owens tosses him into the barricade, then hits a Cannonball. Back in the ring, Owens pounds on Cesaro, then hits a Reverse Senton for two. Cesaro gets up and the two trade punches. Cesaro misses a running uppercut and Owens hits a Spinning Neckbreaker for two. 360 Legdrop and another two count. Owens puts on a headlock. Cesaro breaks. Owens slaps him after taunting him and Cesaro comes back with several slaps, punches and uppercuts. Owens runs at him but ends up on Cesaro’s shoulders. Cesaro drops him on his neck and gets two. Owens rolls outside the ropes. Cesaro grabs him for a Gut Wrench Suplex for two. Cesaro goes for a Neutralizer but Owens fights out. Cesaro starts hitting forearms and tries again but Owens counters with a back drop. Cesaro runs at Owens who counters with a Tornado DDT. Owens tries a Springboard Moonsault off the top rope, but misses. Cesaro hits a running uppercut but Owens Superkicks him on the second round. Owens goes for the Pop-Up Powerbomb but Cesaro grabs the ropes. Cesaro hits a Springboard Uppercut and NEARLY gets a fall. Owens runs outside and Cesaro hits a running uppercut. Back in the ring, Cesaro hits The Swing and gets ten revs before locking in the Sharpshooter. Owens, however, gets to the bottom rope. Cesaro puts Owens on the top rope. Owens fights out but Cesaro dropkick him. Owens drops down and trips Cesaro. He hits the Fisherman’s Superplex and finishes with the PUPB to win it at 14:17.
WINNER: Kevin Owens via Pop-Up Powerbomb
RATING: ***1/4. Not bad. Better than Cena/Rollins.
Cole plugs Night of Champions in Houston, Texas.
We get the build-up for Brock/Taker.
Brock jumps ‘Taker during his entrance into the ring. ‘Taker dumps him from the ring and whips off his jacket, telling him to get in the ring. Brock does…
MATCH #10: Brock Lesnar (w/ Paul Heyman) vs. The Undertaker
And we’re off and punching. ‘Taker gets tackled but ‘Taker punches him in the face. Brock’s stunned. ‘Taker goes for Old School. Brock tries the F5 but ‘Taker counters into a Chokeslam but Brock counters that and hits Suplex #1, then #2. ‘Taker counters #3 and rams Brock’s head into the buckle. Then he hits Snake Eyes and boots Brock from the ring. Brock is cut above the right eye. ‘Taker rolls out and punches at Brock, ramming his back into the barrier. ‘Taker rolls him back into the ring and hits a the Guillotine Leg Drop. Crowd chants “YOU’VE STILL GOT IT”. ‘Taker and Brock exchange punches, then ‘Taker tries The Chokeslam From Hell only to have Brock hit #3 and #4. He screams “SUPLEX CITY, BITCH” and paces around ‘Taker. He hits #5. Brock goes outside and takes the French table apart. ‘Taker follows and beats Brock, clotheslining him. He tries a Powerbomb but Lesnar counters and F5’s him into the table. ‘Taker BARELY beats the ten count back in the ring. ‘Taker crawls to Brock who says, “I’m gonna kill you.” Taker: “You’re gonna have to.” Taker stands up, grabs Brock and practically Chokeslams him into the mat. WOW. Brock gets back up and Taker Tombstones him but only gets two. Brock gets up and laughs at Taker. Taker sits up. Brock still laughs. Taker mocks him and it’s a straight up brawl with both men all over each other. Taker gets put up on the top buckle. Lesnar puts on the Kimura but Taker counters with the Last Ride, getting two. Brock gets up and hits the F5. TWO COUNT. Taker back up and it’s F5 #4 — and ANOTHER two count. Taker is still down. Lesnar grabs him — but Taker hits Hell’s Gate! Lesnar breaks and counters into the Kimura. Suddenly, the bell rings for no reason whatsoever. The ref asks the suddenly-dumb-as-fuck timekeeper what he’s doing. Heyman and Brock celebrate while all this is happening. Taker gets up and hits a Low Blow, then puts on Hell’s Gate. Brock can’t do a damn thing about it. He knows he’s done — but gives Taker the middle finger before he does. Taker wins at 17:15.
WINNER: Undertaker via Hell’s Gate
RATING: ***1/4. The Dusty Finish at the end really fouled up what was on its way to being the match of the night.
Post-match, Taker goes back to the dressing room. Heyman is furious and grabs the bell hammer, ringing the bell several times, then says that they won the match and declares Brock the winner. Brock looks severely depressed and they walk back to the dressing room. We go off the air with Brock hanging his head.
OVERALL: ***. And that’s a shame. This show had a 10-match card with some promising match-ups but even the big matches were annoyingly sub-par or were booked like shit. The big title match should not have a celeb involved and enough with the Dusty Finishes. Thumbs up, though, for Stephen Amell as I know Jennie will be very pleased. 🙂
Er…that’s it.
