There’s the age-old question as to whether we charter a course for ourselves or if Fate is our one true north.
When we last saw the gang, Nandor set rail for lands unknown (with the expectation Guillermo would accompany), Nadja headed for England to take a seat on the Supreme Vampiric Council, and Guillermo “fell” in a shipping crate, compliments of Laszlo (to look after Nadja) with the man himself taking care of Colin Robinson 2.0.
It’s been a busy time. A year, in fact.
Things can change for the better… or the worse.
It is in this Season 4 premiere of What We Do In The Shadows (FX) titled ” Reunited” that we see it honestly doesn’t matter what path you may choose to take, true friendship never dies… especially among the dead.
We open on the Vampire Residence reeking of despair and disrepair. This shambolic mess is now home to spindly vines and the only signs of life outside of the boob tube playing an endless loop of a home repair show are those watching it- Laszlo (Matt Berry) and he who “crawled out of the chest cavity of the deceased Colin Robinson” (Mark Proksch).
Old Boy refuses to acknowledge the source from whence he came, rather opting for calling the lad “boy” but it seems as though the two have been getting on quite nicely.
From playing in the park to patching up the receding hairline of a house, Laszlo is convinced he is working with clay. It seems he wants to make the pupa less “papa.”
The ring of a doorbell sets Laszlo out of his architectural stupor and into a sense of dread. I mean, how many warnings for gas leaks can you take before you start killing the messenger?
Only this killing is about to be a slaying, as Laszlo is greeted by his amor Nadja (Natasia Demetriou) and though Laszlo is eager to commence the carnality, she has much to regale about the Worldwide Vampiric Council.
She also has the surprise of a stowaway guest… Nandor (Kayvan Novak)!
Well, if the wood was good with Laszlo, it’s now about as limp as the floorboards Nandor sinks through to a basement lake.
Ahh, longing for more innocent times…
Nandor’s journey took him as far as Fresno by way of Jersey railways…
A midwestern family along the way endeared themselves to the old galoot. This familial love prompted Nandor to head for Al Qolindar.
Having Nandor regale his sojourn whilst Laszlo and Nadja fuck in the background is simply the cherry on top until they notice the child peddling about on his trike and are simply besotted.
During that year in isolation, Laszlo had been applying a ‘scientific method’ to the spawn, basically treating him like a chimp by conditioning him to be the antithesis of an energy vampire.
This to me is fascinating and I’m sure will, like all good doctors’ experiments, “rear its ugly head” later on down the pike as a slow burn, ultimately ending in something ‘wonderful.’
Though Laszlo and Nadja continue their vigorous fucking, describing the “boys’” regiment, a home’s claim is a home’s claim.
They descend to the basement lake and continue what gravity interrupted.
In the foyer, Nandor hears a thumping. Laszlo believes it’s the pipes, but it’s something far more volatile: Guillermo (Harvey Guillen).
It turns out he’d been pounding from inside the crate since touchdown from England for one week.
On the bright side (hissssss), the pipes aren’t the problem!
Taking a stand and speaking his mind and walking out, Guillermo is claimed by the house.
Welcome home!
On his journey, two weeks in a crate across the pond, thoughts have started to seep in to put himself first.
To be fair though, that’s not important. At least not to Nandor, who needs him for something that is: the role of best man.
Oh, Nandor has elevated his Familiar to number one, having Guillermo leave himself as number two. Now, isn’t that always the way…
The only rub is that Nandor has yet to find a wife, which he will leave to Guillermo.
Misconstruing the role aside much has to be done in the homestead before things could start moving forward.
This is chiefly evident in Laszlo’s treatment of Baby Colin, which is nearly akin to dog training.
Chow time consists of a bowl filled to the brim with Count Chocula (only the best) only after Colin Jr. sits at Laszlo’s behest.
Guillermo’s mortified reaction is one of the funniest things I’d seen yet.
This prompts him to get straight to work babyproofing the house… but really, is anybody out of that realm of idiot-proofing?
As Nadja attempts to understand Laszlo’s fixation with Bran and Toby repairing other people’s lives, marble island by marble island Guillermo makes his stance known that he’s had enough.
To be fair, fucking twelve years of constant haranguing can be a sign things may need to change. It’s an effort to “put himself first.”
The bigger problem is that in order to fix up the joint, they need cash and Colin’s ATM is useless without a PIN.
Nadja proposes opening up their own vampire nightclub a la Blade.
Nandor’s idea of knocking off Fort Knox, seemingly more pie-eyed and more Bondian is shot down. Laszlo refuses to give up Go Flip Yourself.
Nadja, in her time spent in England, did learn a thing or two when it came to pitching…
They placed her on a 10-year Vampire Planning Committee and though she pitched a 5-year plan for a vampiric nightclub that was sure to rake in, it was shot down faster than the value of their Dominion in Staten Island.
The reason to bail on the Worldwide Supreme Vampiric Council was well warranted and though props to the people that crafted that “V” table for the room, Nadja’s dream couldn’t be realized because she didn’t use her ‘special voice’ as a woman in the seat she was given in a prestigious building…
So why not then use it here and now?
On the settee, near all friends, in a crumbling house?
Can you say, audible flashbang?
At the Vampiric Council Headquarters, with a bit of pep in her step, Nadja approaches the year’s dormant Guide (Kristen Schaal) with some good news. They are opening a motherfucking vampire club!… the very same grounds on which they stand!
Honestly, I think after three seasons, these guys could use a ‘home away from home.’
