Do you know the old proverb? Guests and fish begin to be pungent after three days? Well, they never factored in necrotic nabobs. Sometimes, having a helping hand about the domicile would seem more like a chore… and isn’t that what they are tasked with? Sometimes, you need to take a good look in the mirror to see what’s in front of you… unless you’re a vampire. Welcome to the first episode of the second season of What We Do In The Shadows (FX), “Resurrection.”
Now for those of you who aren’t caught up, it’s basically a fishbowl show wherein we see the lives of five people, sorry one person and four undead living out their lives in a nice corner of Staten Island. Though as vampires, they’ve lived out many fucking lives, am I right?
The crew is back from a summer stay-cation and tried to find something to tether them. Nadja (Natasia Demetriou) and Laszlo (Matt Berry) ran through a handful of familiars to no avail. Nandor (Kayvan Novak) tried finding himself in his new power of turning into vapor, which didn’t work quite so well if an air purifier was around. Colin (Mark Proksch) has his driver’s license and a sweet ride to boot. It’s Guillermo (Harvey Guillen), though that had the lion’s share of the work.
He’s been staking vampire assassins who want the blood of the crew left and right since they left their night-trodding cabal. Granted, the guy is a Van Helsing, so staving off that has been a skill in his own right. He only wants to please become one of the crew. Therein (be)lies the rub…
Nadja and Laszlo have finally found a familiar they love. Actually, everybody loves him. His name is Topher (Haley Joel Osment) and not only does he live to please them… well, I got nothing. He lives to please himself and only himself.. Wait that sounded wrong. Let’s recalibrate.
So Topher is this twenty-something hustler that is simply applying to a job with his swagger. He’s a turncoat and in this economy, I can’t say I blame him. He couldn’t care less about becoming a vampire, but he’s basically a golden god to the rest of the house and for this, Guillermo won’t stand for.
After nonchalantly letting a few vampire assassins in, Guillermo’s to his wit’s end. The entirety of the house, save for the walls, even then they might treat him like an ornament. A doormat. So Guillermo, let’s say, knowing Topher’s go-get-em status, let’s the dude fry with a short circuit and a backyard pond.
At the burial, Guillermo almost does the dumbest thing of all. Give his status away. Maybe Topher was better. They want him back and so they shall!
Nadja puts in a call to her friend, a Necromancer and this is where things get interesting (as if they haven’t already.)
In seeking him out, Colin’s besotted with a local performance of Our Town. I thought it was a cute joke. Only one to be revisited again, like a second act! Anyway, so they meet her friend Wallace, like as if he were a drug dealer, in the park. Wallace is fucking choice. He’s got all you need. Spells, potions. Little licence plate keychains with your name (possibly) on them.
Laszlo thinks all necromancers are charlatans but proceeds with the group anyway, as you do.
We are greeted with Wallace (Benedict Wong), who looks a spice melange of Johnny Depp in Pirates of the Caribbean and a Youtube makeup tutorial. He is funny, he talks fast but convincing and Laszlo is still convinced he is going to swindle them of… Oh what is that? Three hundred-fifty big ones to give someone life? Sold. Through a bit of hilarious mishegas, Topher is now alive… Tomorrow.
Some say tomorrow never comes but it did. Tomorrow. The house is now dealing with a fucking demon running on the walls and screaming his name. Is he Hulk or is he a zombie. Only one of those would win that battle. I don’t bet on green right now.
Somehow, Guillermo sees what others can’t see. The truth. It’s staring yourself in the mirror, but shit- I forgot vampires can’t do that. God damn you Interview With A Vampire. If I were Tom Cruise or Brad Pitt, I would look at my brooding self forever!
Anyway, Guillermo, thinking there’s another assassin around the corner basically stabs Topher. Feeling remorseful, he tries to apologize. but is met with a sad high five, which is actually kind of poignant. Topher doesn’t hate him for a mistake, but Topher definitely wants that high five, even after his goddamned arm fell off!
After Topher chases Guillermo, now pissed (didn’t know zombies had emotions, but I guess in this world they could- memories and all), and tries to drown him, Nandor steps in and saves the day.
The crew brings Topher back to Wallace and they aren’t happy. They were sold damaged goods and want a fucking refund. The is though, Wallace don’t do refund. He’s amenable to taking the rabid whatever back, but no refunds.
For their troubles, they at least get a free keychain! Nandor chose “Steve”. Nadja got “Nadia”. Because they didn’t have a Colin, Colin got “Condom”. Guillermo got “GiGi”, which I think was appropriate because this whole mess was a shit show, in the finest of ways.
We end on a positive note, as Guillermo acknowledges that though he’s been the protector of the house, having to be a vampire slayer in secret, his Master had protected him and it means the world… but like that person that you know that you realize are thirsty for you, they are. One way or another.
