Recap
With the production camera rolling, Laszlo (Matt Berry) and Nandor (Kayvan Novak) are being set up for their nightly confessional. During this inadvertent interview with two vampires, Laszlo brags about not relying on hypnosis but rather his wits and guile to get out of hairy situations. Nandor calls him out for setting friend Seany’s brain to scramble one too many times. Lasz reproves Nandor for talking openly about being a vampire in the presence of humans, as it only forces his resorting to mind erasure. He’s none too pleased with his ongoing role as damage control.
At the Vampire Residence, Nadja (Natasia Demetriou) is having a moment. With her nightclub burned down like a witch, she can only regret the month she went crazy on liquor blood, resulting in the shattering of her bestie’s legs and the shuttering of her club. Nandor’s about to offer up hypnosis (something alcoholics have been known to resort to) as a solution, but Laszlo has had enough of his parlor tricks. Before the atmosphere could get any tenser, The Guide (Kristen Schaal) makes an unexpected visit. She feared the group’s absence was permanent. They don’t seem to be too interested in the poor Guide, with even Colin Robinson (Mark Proksch) treating her more like the dust in the room than a friend in the wings.
Laszlo and Nandor don’t have time to waste, as they’re on their way out for a night on the town with Sean and his friends. The Guide shan’t be a part of that plan. Nadja’s depressed and her doll is indignant. Colin is just amused by the sound of precipitation on the horizon in the daily bugle. Is this foreshadowing? She believes she cannot be a main fixture in the house due to a “zoning regulation” of no more than four vampires in the residence. Oh, if only she knew.
At the high-falutin’ watering hole, Sean (Anthony Atamanuik) takes a moment to drink in and savors the adult camaraderie between him and the guys before his boy Frank (Gavin Fox) busts his balls about his lack of maturity. Dispersing tense vibes with a scintillating toast, Laszlo steals the show with intoxicating wit and wily elan, leaving a bitter taste in Nandor’s mouth. Fucking showoff. Sean calls out the ancient duo for not partaking in the dry red. Brimming with electricity, Nandor’s about to spill the beans about spilling blood with quick-witted Lasz intercepting the admission. He asserts to the table that Nandor’s preferred libation is vodka Redbull, not “vein-o roso” and that ingesting food would only make the night messier. Messes are the ineluctable calling card of Tweedle Deviant and Tweedle Dumbstruck.
Sadly, the same can be said for Guillermo. He’s freaking the fuck out to Derek (Chris Sandiford) in the stock room. It’s been three weeks and there’s not been any big revelation. Derek can take the form of a Microchiroptera. All Guillermo can do is go Dumbo with his ears.
Laszlo has a theory about the boy’s behavior, but before he can share his knowledge, Sean and Frank throw down, resulting in an exploded window. Do they really ice down wine in France or just is it just Quebec? With John Q. Law on the way, does it really fucking matter at this moment? Laszlo tries to coax Nandor into hypnotizing away the situation, but it’s too late. Officer Terry has noticed a sloshed Mikey (Andy Hull), who goes back through the nonexistent window to fetch the rest of the wine as Laszlo butters up the officer using his velvety charm. Even without the succor of a toothpick, jeans, and a vest, Laszlo shows that a true vampire can smooth over the situation by schmoozing. And it could have worked… if Seany hadn’t handcuffed Terry’s legs together and Frank hadn’t rolled up with a stolen Terry’s Cruiser. But hey, when you’re with the guys, adulting can take five for a felonious drive.
At the Vampire Residence, The Guide is used more as Nadja’s soundboard than dartboard. She believes Nadja’s lack of close female friends is due to a hex. Using dowsing rods, she’s able to pinpoint the source of Nadja’s woe: Antipaxon bad-luck woman Yaia Neikia’s photograph. But the literal damned thing won’t burn. It reminds me of Laszlo’s witches hat and because witches can cast hexes, it’s on brand for the house. All she must do is right some wrongs, but Nadja’s in the clear… or at least her denial screams so.
After pulling a Project Mayhem and trashing the ride, Franky brings the party to them, unloading Terry’s clip in the air. Now all are left at the mercy of Staten Island’s finest. Even Laszlo can’t smooth-talk his way out of this. To think, both he and Nandor tried to be the actual voices of reason before shots were licked.
In the slammer, the truth of Laszlo not being great at hypnosis leaks out. He’s jealous of the erstwhile pillager, hence the negging. The conversation is all being recorded by the NYPD through CCTV. Does the admission of defeat being captured on camera though mean more to the Staten Island precinct, however, or to Guillermo, though who might not be able to trust the house for shit when he discovers what’s been captured on tape? Especially when he held a meeting, explaining in no uncertain terms that
So Nadja’s hexed. The curse is on the frame itself, but in Antipaxon, prompting Colin Robinson (Mark Proksch) to inform her of a modest four-block-by-two-block home away from home, “Little Antipaxos” down the road. Ecstatic to inject herself into the group activity, the Guide bathes in Nadja’s excitement of being totally in her element. Nadja even tastes some street food only to have it rocket back up, loving every second of it. It harks back to Baron Afanas (Doug Jones) christening his night out on the town with a slice of heaven. She finds a crappy diner like her aunt used to have. She has arrived. Speaking of the Baron–
We are in Nutley, NJ. Guillermo and Derek seek advice from the Baron. His roommate The Sire suggests repeating the process with his neighbor-cum-vampire Jonathan (Justin Landry). Will it make him a vampire times two? Derek bites Jonathan, causing him to explode. Hey, to make a blood omelet you gotta crack a few blood eggs.
Nandor’s hypnosis is brought from its slumber and all exit to salutes all around. Nandor’s gift is, contrary to what he claims, more than just “really okay” and lives up to his honorific “the Relentless”, appointing Terry for promotion, having Sean and company’s crimes absolved, and commanding a fleet of police vehicles, including the SWAT tank as “Captain Sully Sullenberger” to the Antipaxon diner.
What’s dangerous isn’t Nandor’s impressive mind-taking muscle on the back of weak impulse control, but rather Laszlo Cravensworth convincing his housemate to finally sink fangs into his familiar. Given that the odds are now set at 50/50, an ultimate moment of truth is ineluctable. Unlike Guillermo, however, I don’t hear a needle scratch; I only excitedly hear the record continuing.
Takeaway
Continuing the through-line of Guillermo’s shitty dilemma, the second episode of What We Do In the Shadows (FX), titled “A Night Out With the Guys,” starts out with the house splitting up. I personally love these itinerant episodes because they break up the already great whole of the Vampire Residence. Kristen Schaal is always a ray of fucking sunshine (hissss) whenever she’s on screen. Anthony Atamanuik and his boys were a delight. Since his first appearance, I honestly anticipate each season for the Sean episodes because the character fuckin’ delivers. Shot at Gare de L’Est Brasserie in Toronto, we’re furthering our feelers into the nightlife of the Frick and Frack-ish Nandor and Laszlo. Additionally, I’ll never tire of hearing Matt Berry shout “Chilaquiles!”
Expanding the already colorful Isle of Staten’s landscape, Little Antipaxos is a gift to the viewers. Each little corner of this constructed world unearthed feels like opening up a new area in a video game: organically rewarding. So what if Nadja’s nightclub went tits up? Think bigger! What’s one goddamn nightclub compared to an entire village?
The mystery behind Guillermo’s fate at the hands of Nandor is nearly as compelling as his “unique” plight. Doing a little mental math, if his eyesight got better on account of Derek having glasses, by the season finale, my guy might actually be a Swiss Army Vamp due to his Van Helsing bloodline. Then again, if the blood packet formerly known as Jonathan the Vampire is any indication of success, it looks like Guillermo’s journey will be equally as captivating as his destination.
5/5 Stars.
Addendum: Bookending Norma Tenga’s “You’re Dead” with Jank Sinatra’s “(Hey!) I’m Dead” was choice.
